Very early start as driver for wedding

I had to wake up at 7.30am to be a driver for the wedding of A Ni's half brother. Actually I woke up at 5am but that's not the point.

I'd been told I was going to be the main driver, but then Tan said I would drive the 2nd car as it was very important that the car carrying the groom doesn't stop at any time as this would be bad luck. Ok. So Chinese have supernatural control over traffic lights that I just don't have.

Don't stop the car!

Anyway, my car had been left in our complex's car park with the passenger's window down so the right-hand side was soaking. I had to start the car by turning off the alarm and turning on the sidelights before turning the key - apparently that is the norm here. I drove to the florists where A Wu and I waited an hour for our cars to be befitted with flowers and other decorations in the pouring rain. They couldn't do more than one at a time as there was only one gazebo to cover a car. I was starving by this point but I needn't have worried.

We went to A Ni's house, where her half brother and his wife already live, and made some final preparations to the cars before driving to the bride's real house where she was waiting. Apparently the custom is to beg the bride to come with you to your house - and you tell her there will be great food etc. As it turned out there was great food in her house so the entourage (4 car loads plus about 40 people in her house) all sat down to eat first lunch at about 10.30am. I managed a couple of small glasses of rice alcohol which didn't go down brilliantly but I had to join in, and anyway I was at the centre table with the bride.

After the meal we took most of the people back to A Ni's house in the cars, including a pickup truck to take the presents that included a washing machine and a new bed. The men set to work on taking apart the newly-weds' existing bed that looked perfectly new and in tip-top condition, and then constructing the 'new' bed, which was certainly second-hand. Unfortunately, they didn't have instructions and this looked more complicated than its Ikea equivalent. I think it was a question of too many cooks spoiling the broth, and none of them wanting to lose face. After a long time I stepped into the middle of the half-constructed bed and explained, calmly and slowly, using two pieces of wood at right-angles as an example, how the rest needed to be set up. Amazingly they actually stopped and listened to me - most of the people had never seen me before and probably were shocked that I could speak the lingo. Or maybe they couldn't understand a word but were being respectful. Either way, ten minutes later the bed was completed and I congratulated them on a good job (management skills entail more than just getting the job done).

I had spent enough time in the newly-weds' room (basically they live in a room, like A Wu and A Ni, and like we did two years ago). I was a bit tired of the huge 12' high poster of the newly-weds covering one whole wall of their living quarters. It looked like some 80s advert for whisky or something. Tan said we could get one done for 100 kuai (under a tenner), then I reminded her that it would be hard to fit into our suitcases. Can you imagine the shame of walking into your friends house and seeing photos of them twice their real size smiling down at you like some virgin mary gone wrong?

Sorting stuff out in the newly-weds' room with a poster of them in the background

I crept up to the top floor where I found a number of the older generation either cooking (if they were female) or talking/smoking/waiting for food (if they were male). This was a great experience. The women wouldn't let me help (must be their culture - I didn't want to interfere), but the men were happy to talk to me, even if I couldn't understand most of what they said. One old man seemed to be talking in tongues in front of the 'alter' for one of the dead ancestors. It was quite religious, I felt, like singing hymns and saying prayers, and going on too long. I'm going to post a video of some of this.

The magic man with his alter chanting something for a late relative

I had expected to be eating with the younger generation but as I was already here I stayed with the older lot and am glad I did. One of them was a friendly 88 year old who looked like Deng Xiao Ping - he'd probably have taken that as a compliment but I didn't want to take the chance. The food was nice but I wasn't hungry after the first lunch and I knew there would be another soon. At about 4pm I managed to slip out and drive home to sleep for 45 mins before the next leg.

Very drowsy, I drove back to A Ni's house to pick up some more people to go to the hotel where the actual wedding reception was. The newlyweds had actually officially got married some time ago but that is not celebrated. At the hotel we gave our red envelope containing 500 kuai, which was duly checked and noted in some register. Effectively it is payment plus a bit more for the hotel meal. Well the meal was very nice, but I was too tired to really enjoy it, and as Leilei was getting very tired I took us back around six. Tan told me later that because of the rain it was feared that many people wouldn't turn up, so they ordered 70 fewer meals than originally planned. Then, at 6.30pm everyone they feared wouldn't turn up did so, and there was some panic while trying to sort out food for everyone. It shouldn't have been a problem; our table for six easily had enough food for twelve. Back at home Leilei and I had an early night.

The happy couple

Another lovely meal

Looking at a second hand apartment and meal with Sao zi with "medicine alcohol"

Rain again:

The three-wheeler taxi drivers to good business when it rains just taking people across the road

The other day Sao zi said she had a friend who was selling an apartment and it was pretty cheap. Actually 16,000 quid is pretty cheap considering it has three bedrooms and is decorated. Decorated here means plastered and has a floor; when you buy a new house you can count on another 20% of cost price to add these luxuries so you can actually use it, otherwise it is not much more than a shell.

Well we went to see this place and weren't overly impressed. Mainly because it seemed rather far from the town centre. Having said that it would take 3 mins on an electric bike. Also it only had one bathroom. English houses suffer from this problem too much but generally foreigners do better than us on this front. Even a one-bedroom place should have a bathroom with a toilet, plus a separate toilet. Anyone who's ever lived with a woman should know that.

One part of me says we should buy at this ridiculously good price, but another wonders why. If we were to spend appreciable time here in the future it would be better to have a nicer area and maybe not the 5th floor (thinking kids). Anyway here are some photos:


View from entrance of apartment


Living room area


One of the main bedrooms


View from the balcony (5th floor)

We went to Sao zi's house again this evening for tea. This time her husband Biao Ge didn't drink beer, but gave me a small glass with a metal cover over it and told me it was "Medicine alcohol". Hmmm. Looking at the 95ml glass I discovered it was 32% strong. Actually it was rather nice, with a slight Laphroaig hint to it (or was it TCP?). He told me it didn't make you drunk. I thought about arguing with him on this one as his face was getting redder but thought better of it.

Rain, rain, you can go away now...while trying to rid Xixi of nappies

It rained again for the 7th day in a row. I liked it at first. Now it's just a bit too UK except warmer.
Tan's mum has been looking after Xixi a great deal of the time. She loves doing this but it does take it out on her, especially as we are trying to get her out of nappies which means hanging her over the toilet hole every 20 minutes saying "wheeeesh, wheeeeesh" to get her to go. She has gone. Both number ones and twos, but it's not consistent enought to not have nappies around. So Tan's mum and Tan's brother's wife have taken Xixi to Nanning to Tan's big sister's house where they'll look after her and Tan and I will have some time remembering what it's like to not have kids (great for a couple of days but soon miss the hell out of Xixi).

Xixi enjoying a bath with Waipo

Meal with Americans and Wii-Fit and annoying late night work call

Found out I have a meeting from 11pm to 1am tonight. Great.
Xiao Li and I went to pick up Leilei. He wanted to meet the American mom, but when I got out of the car to meet them he sheepishly elected to stay inside saying he was a bit embarrassed.

The Americans came along a bit later as their youngest daughter attends a dance class after school, so we got the chance to chat for a while while waiting. The woman's husband is a business consultant and they have been in China for about 3 years, moving from Nanning to Pingguo 18 months ago simply because the life is nicer here - more open spaces for the kids to enjoy, less polluted etc.

Although I'd told Tan they were coming for tea, because I hadn't put it in writing or something she thought they weren't coming, and then panicked because I hadn't bought food by 4pm. I suggested we buy a takeaway as we often do (full roasted duck for 2 quid etc) but she said it wasn't Chinese culture (???as if we haven't been doing that). I reminded her that these were American guests, so she said she would go out then.

So I decided we'd eat out instead. We took them all in our little car to the restaurant we went to during our first day in Pingguo. It was a lovely feast of fried bees, beef, duck, chicken, greens etc. The 4 year-old has learnt to use chopsticks and refuses to use anything else, and only eats meat! Leilei got on very well with her though - but she is 6 months older than him so hopefully no romance in the air.

During the meal I had some "I'm the only gay in the village" moments dispelled. Apart from not being the only whitey, we're not even the only family to have a Wii. To compound things they even have a Wii-Fit - something that I compromised bringing quite a few clothes for just to fit in the suitcase. Having said that it has become quite popular at our place and I'm glad I brought the battery charger.

Well they have a two year lease on their flat here, but don't intend to stay for more than a few months longer so maybe one day in the future I'll be the only gay in the village again...

We all came back to our place in the evening and played Wii-Fit until the kids were nearly asleep. I took them home to their nice apartment, and when got home myself treated myself to a glass of beer and thought about going to sleep....until my fucking phone started buzzing and reminding me of my 2 hour meeting at 11pm. It would have been 10pm but UK moved the time back during the weekend.

I know no-one will believe this but I played as Xiao Li's wife A Ni, and got my best score, including a 7-pack. So gutted I didn't use my own Mii...

Meeting the Americans

I had seen the American mum (mom) and dad (pop) while taking Leilei to school on occasion but not had the opportunity to say hello. This morning I found myself walking behind the mom and her two eldest kids and shouted "Lao wei!" ("foreigner!") to them, almost without thinking I was one too. They are a very nice family with three kids, boy 9, girl 7 and girl 4. The husband was away on business, but I invited them for a meal tomorrow anyway.

Deadline made at 2am after 2 hours' sleep and no electricity at home

Woke up at 7am after 2 hours sleep to take Leilei to school. When I got home I found there was no electricity. "Oh yes", said Tan, "there will be no electricity until 7.30pm tonight". Like, ok. But I have told you many times I have a deadline for today - when did you know about this? "There was a sign up all yesterday" Like, my Chinese is good enough to understand that? I managed to organise to go to Lin Hong's house while she was at work so I could prepare my delivery for later today. Tan hadn't thought to ask what their broadband password was, so when I asked she rang them up and the husband told her from the top of his head. This is a strangely Chinese thing. The password is composed of numbers only, and numbers in Chinese sound like other words and have strong emotional attachments to them. If I wanted a mobile phone number that ended 88 I would be paying 100 times more than one that ended 44, because the former is lucky and the latter means death. So, remember, if you ever get a phone call from a Chinese person and his/her number ends with a 4 it is likely that he or she is poor. Or just not superstitious. For the record both Tan's and my phone numbers in China end 637 and 697 respectively. Pretty neutral I reckon. Anyway I made my work delivery at 2am (6pm UK time) and managed a quick beer before sleep's tentacles enveloped me like a straightjacket with one arm free to hold your drink.

Work deadline but managed to watch the footy

I have a work deadline for tomorrow so have had a busy weekend.
But I managed to stream some of the Man City match (was willing to pay if there was any way of doing so). At last we put in a good display and Robinho got all 3 of our goals.
Some bloke brought our car back. We don't really need it to be honest. The electric moped does the job although needs a new battery as it really slows down after 10 mins. Anyway that means I have to take Leilei to school tomorrow after 3 hours sleep...

Environmentally friendly meal

Had a lovely meal out last night courtesy of one of Tan's friend's husbands. Today we cooked in our house and had A Wu and A Ni around as per usual. I read recently that eating with friends is an environmentally-friendly lifestyle; you cook once for lots of people rather than 4/5 families cooking and each using energy. Of course that would probably be cancelled out if each family drove to the host family for food.

Terrapins are carnivores

Another late night and early morning. Unfortunately the flat upstairs appears to be being built as during much of the day there is an extremely load drilling noise that doesn't help siestas. Today was just work work work.

Leilei was given two terrapins recently (he didn't ask for them as far as I know). They live in a tiny glass jar and I'm going to try to find a better home for them. Also I read they eat meat - not rice/grapes that people have been giving them...


Terrapins in their cage

2 hours' sleep after watching the footy

Went to bed 5.30am after watching Man City draw to 10-man Newcastle (still crap being a City fan) and got up 2 hours later to take Leilei to school on elec moped. After some much needed sleep I got a phone call from Tan just before 5pm saying the moped had run out of elec while she was on her way to pick up Leilei so I went in a 3 wheeler to pick him up. We did have a car until the end of last week. I remember I'd just filled it up and taken it for a wash - then Tan's sister needed it in Nanning and I suppose that's where it is now. Hence us using A Ni's electric moped. Reminder to self - replace battery.

Rain, rain, and drizzle - like being back home!

Hurrah! It rained today. For a few hours in the morning at least. Later I took Xixi down to the shop where Tan and her friends chat and I'd never felt more at home due to the drizzle.

Later, when I went to pick up Leilei from school I realised I was a little early so I decided to walk as the drizzle was quite light. Well it was until I was 3/4 there, after which it decided to pour down and I arrived sopping wet but at least not sweaty. We got a three wheeler cab back home.

Forced Adidas and getting mashed at table tennis

Today Tan's mother's younger sister's daughter Sao Zi (I think) came. I mentioned that I was thinking of getting some speakers to plug into the laptop and of course straightaway we were putting on our shoes to go to a friend's shop to buy some. Unfortunately that place only had huge speakers so we ended up getting a smaller pair elsewhere, but I noticed next door to her friend's shop there was a little electrical place - and I wanted a phone extension cord so I could make calls from outside the bedroom when Leilei was asleep. It turned out this shop was run by a member of the family and so they wouldn't take any money for the extension cord or the rechargeable batteries I wanted to buy.

Afterwards she asked me if I like Adidas clothes. Well I didn't want to be rude so I said "yes", and she told me she would give me something from the Adidas shop, which is also run by a member of the family. I told her she couldn't give me stuff but she said they only get the chance to see us once every couple of years so of course she'd give something to me. Although the shop was big (and genuine Adidas), the choice was limited by my size, and while all the assistants were giving up hope of finding something, Sao Zi found a red T-shirt (XXL) that fitted fine. I was happy with that but she wouldn't leave it at a T-shirt; I had to try on a nice pair of trainers, and because they fitted well she gave them to me too (price tag was 50 quid - god knows how many weeks wages for the average local).

This evening I finally got to go out and play table tennis. I reckon myself as a half decent player, and I was able to just about get the better of Xiao Li despite the fact that my bat only had a half-length handle (to fit the way most Chinese hold the bat). Then some fat woman in her 50s played me and wiped the floor with me during a practice session. I had never seen so much agility from someone who would soon be having a free bus pass if she lived in UK. I squeaked past her 2 games to 1 by virtue of some unforced errors on her part and some sneaky serves with reverse spin I was forced to do. But I was sweating.

Then some bloke who was old enough to be her dad came along and made me look like a schoolkid. The spins were so hard to return and I only got points on my sneaky serves; he beat me 11-5 11-4.

Normally winner stays on, but it seemed I was a bit of an attraction so I went to the other table and had a knock-about with one of the locals who got too much pleasure out of the fact my returns either kept hitting the net or nearly hit the ceiling. But I was learning and eventually some returns were made, only to be smashed back. I was glad when some wiry bloke who looked a bit like a tramp took the place of my opponent. Not for long. I thought I'd already met the best in Pingguo but this bloke took the piss. Serving with a massive amount of spin is one thing, but he took the art further by managing to disguise whether it was top spin or back spin. It took me a full 30 minutes to learn which was which and it took acute vision of his wrist movements to work out (guffaw guffaw). However we played for an hour and the most amount of points I won in a row was four. I was drenched and feeling sick by now so I went to get some water. When I got back the same bloke wanted more. So we played for 10 mins with similar results until some tall, podgy bloke turned up in army uniform, sat down and took off his trousers to reveal he was wearing shorts underneath. He put on a T-shirt and gestured for my opponent to leave the table, then took a ball and served with the most vicious amount of backspin I've ever witnessed. No need to disguise that. It was simply unreturnable (well, almost as I learnt later).

I had been taken apart by normal people in a normal town playing like they were in the Olympics. The army bloke was very nice though - he taught me how to smash backhanded, and lent me his spare bat which had a proper handle. I am really indebted to the patience all these people showed me today. I love table tennis, and I realise I was leagues below most of the people I played today. But with their help I have already learnt a lot and look forward to losing 11-4 instead of 11-1 next time I play one of them. They did say I was very persistent and have a very good shot, which is why they were happy to help me improve - that boosted me somewhat.

The other bloke was the first one to take me apart

Sopping wet but managing to return a smash

At 9.30pm Xiao Li said we were going to "sing song" which is a euphemism for drinking lots of beer at a karaoke club in a private room with the boss of some company together with his employees and probably some teenage girls. I objected due to the fact that I was sopping wet but that didn't rub; I had a spare top in the car (my new Adidas one) so that was that. We pulled up at the new KTV place (Karaoke Television) to be welcomed by four of Pingguo's finest young ladies on the steps and escorted to one of the many private rooms. Inside were around ten people in varying states of sobriety, except the ladies who were relatively sober. Immediately I had to start drinking toasts with everyone, but by now I'm not worried about downing thimble-sized glasses of weak beer.

There was the typical awful singing at a volume that would have made the neighbours create court injunctions if the place wasn't soundproofed and if you could sue for noise pollution here (a long way off). After a few beers I didn't help the situation as I was coerced into singing some English songs such as "No Matter What", "Yellow Submarine" (a weird Chinese version), "Everything I do, I do it for you" (accompanied by Xiao Li - even worse than me). Then I had to do my party piece by singing Ni shi wo de mei gui hua - the Chinese song I learnt two years ago.

Raise a thimble and drink to your health!

We stayed till we all left at around 1am. Most of the group (at least the blokes) were heading off to go drinking at some nightclub but I was pretty sober and determined to get home, where we found Tan and Xiao Wei up chatting - so it wasn't only us having a late night.

Sleeping indulgences

Woke up a bit late then went back to sleep again as Leilei and Xixi were both taken out by friends/relatives. It was very nice to get around eight hours' sleep - something that I can't remember having in England since being a father.

Tan ordered a take-away lunch to be delivered to our flat for me for lunch, which woke me up. It was a nice chicken and mushroom and greens dish with rice that I managed to eat half of before going back to bed. It has been quite busy recently so I can justify such indulgences. Yesterday evening I had a very nice "xi tou" - wash hair, face, ears etc plus massage for about 1 pound 30p. It is such a nice experience I can't believe I don't go there every day. Actually that was my fourth time.

I took Leilei to the town square with Tian Tian big sister and our landlady's son. We all had a great time in the warm evening air and Leilei even managed to walk up to the new Mao Tse Deng statue. Afterwards we all went for a boat ride until Leilei decided he needed a weewee - we took the opportunity to leave the other two on the boat and go to see the famous Pingguo fountains...and they were certainly spectacular.


Leilei with the landlady's son and Tian Tian big sis


Leilei enjoying the fountains

Another great meal and just chilling outside with friends

This evening we were invited to a meal by one of Tan's friends' husbands. It turned out to be even more luxurious than I am accustomed to, and the food was great: duck soup, fried prawns, boiled prawns, duck, chicken, fried bees (my favourite), tiger salad (another of my favourites - really it's coriander, onion and pig's stomach), duck casserole (I think they specialise in duck), and sweet bread. Plus lots of really weak beer.

The really nice private room in the really nice restaurant


Charming ladies at the nice restaurant

For the first two days of this week it seemed as though the weather might have been starting to cool, with an almost perceivable breeze in the evenings that was as welcome as a shot of vodka after an evening of 3.1% beer. However, since Tuesday we have had probably the warmest days (as in 24 hours) since we've arrived. From what I hear about UK I am not complaining in the least. I love the warm weather. What I don't understand is why the locals moan about it so much. Anyway, it has affected my appetite, and Leilei's it seems. I often don't eat till 3-5pm. Today I did have a midnight snack at around 3am, which lasted me until tonight's feast.


The clothes shop (Tan's friend's) where all the girls congregrate most of the time


The one with the glasses is our landlady


I'm there somewhere with a handbag and baby bottle....

Staying up till 4.30am to watch England

I stayed up till 1.30am and found a stream on the internet that purported to be showing the England game later. I wasn't too hopeful as although the quality was pretty good, it was showing a Poland game from a previous round. Worse, at 2.15am, it started showing repeats of women's weightlifting from the olympics...although I was quite impressed with the Chinese woman who won - I think it was 270kg clean and jerk.

Just as I was getting into it, the programme suddenly changed to one with two austere men with laptops and I thought it was the news...luckily the camera changed to the centre circle in Belarus where England were about to kick-off. With the help of a couple of beers I stayed up till 4.30am to see England win 3-1 and take a maximum 12 points from their first four games. Hurrah! This time two years ago I was watching us lose to Macedonia in the Euro qualifiers. Come on England!

Tan took Leilei to school today on the electric bike we're borrowing from her friend Xiao Wei. She's not used it for nearly two years as she doesn't want to get a tan. It reminds me a bit of the joke I didn't say at my wedding but maybe should have done: "That's the only holiday I've been on where I've come back with a Tan!". How we would have moaned on the boat four and a half years ago tomorrow...

Smoke cigarette a harmful health

Today is the 5th anniversary of my first meeting Tan!

Leilei didn't cry when I dropped him off at school today. For the first time. He looked very sad and moaned but he's getting used to it now. He always has a good time and the teachers all say he behaves very well.
He has a siesta with the rest of the kids after lunch (very good idea in such a climate), so I had to bring a cover and a pillow. That meant we had to get him another one for home. Tan returned with one that she could have bought for Andge and Awl...

No smoking

Leilei has also taken to photography. I wouldn't say that David Bailey should be quaking in his boots but he did take a rather moving one of Xixi (ie his hands were moving) that came out quite nicely.


Xixi by Leilei

He also took one of his good friend Tian Tian Jie Jie (with ma ma and ba ba) who takes him out to the town square most nights. This one is not so good but it shows Tan's new hair do.

Tian Tian, ba ba and ma ma

Tonight is England's final World Cup 2010 qualifier of 2008. Unfortunately it starts at 2.30am here. Even worse, for some reason we don't have the terrestial channel CCTV5 (the national sports channel) I even bought a coaxial lead to plug into the wall in the vain hope that we had a normal aerial set up as well as the 100+ channel satellite with no sport.

Meal at Tan's mum's 5th brother's son's house and getting myself a guitar

After the late England victory I got up reasonably early to help Leilei do a poopoo. Being a dad is like that.

This evening we had a lovely meal at Tan's mum's 5th brother's son's house. I swear I need to create a family tree. It will take a long time but I'm sure if I could furnish it with photos it would be a perfect present before I go back. Leilei was tired but he was taken out to buy some toys, which enabled us to enjoy some lovely ribs, duck and chicken, not to mention the greens (sweet potato leaves) and, yes, a couple of bottles of beer too.


Tan's mum's brother's 5th son's house - with some family

Earlier this week I mentioned to Xiao Li that I wanted to play a guitar, but he said "tai gui le" (too expensive). Luckily I asked someone else and they directed me to a music shop near the town square. With a background of 4 year old girls playing sublime Bach melodies on the pianos there I tried a few guitars and eventually decided upon a deep red one that had a decent tone. They wanted 420 kuai and I managed to get them down to 320 plus a set of new string plus a capo plus a carry-bag. That is a bit less than 30 quid. Of course I won't be able to take it back with me but I'll give it to Xiao Li and have it for when we come back. I can't explain how much more a house is a home with a guitar (or piano I'm sure).


My guitar

Promotion meal and drunk-driving gadget

I found out I was promoted a couple of days after arriving in China. Which was nice. So I decided to celebrate by inviting some of our friends out for a meal tonight to an expensive restaurant I remembered from two years ago.

Of course now there is a "better" one - or at least it had a better atmosphere as Tan said. Unfortunately it didn't have my favourite fried bees, or Japanese tofu, or crispy fried duck, but everyone seemed happy which was the main thing. The most expensive dish, and the one no-one let me leave without finishing off, was cock's balls with vegetables. Well, I generally go for anything, but wasn't feeling too in the mood for this but anyway I bit hard and it burst open with a liquid I don't really want to think about too much. Then, the people at the table decided it was underdone and sent the dish back to be cooked more. I could have told them that! Anyway when it came back I did try again and it was much nicer. Apparently a bit of a delicacy that can be used to enhance your manliness. I didn't need any of that as Tan had been away for over a week...

In case I've given the impression that we drink a lot of beer here, we only had two bottles between four men (ok, two didn't drink) over two hours during the meal so that is certainly not the case. On the way back from the meal Xiao Li and I stopped at what I suppose is a gadget shop where he bought a hammer/penknife and a travel pillow, and I bought a machine to stop you falling asleep at the wheel. Not that I needed it but I just wanted to show the photo:


Especially suitable for long distance driving, drunk driving and night driving. Can you imagine explaining that to the police officer? And why does the driver look like Mat?

We don't have any sports channels in our house, lamentably. Two years ago I was able to watch Premier League matches almost any time there was one being played but they have now sold the rights to a backward Chinese TV company called WinTV for 50 million quid for three years. What used to be a great brand of football regularly watched by 10 million people per game is now a pay-per-view affair that has only 20,000 subscribers - not least because it's only available in 5 provinces and you can only pay at certain branches of certain banks.

What a short-sighted move by the premier league - now almost no-one watches in China whereas the other European leagues are gaining more popularity...

Anyway, I wanted to watch England's World Cup qualifier against Kazakhstan at Wembley (where Lisa had brilliantly bought tickets for her future-husband Andge - hint hint Tan). As it looked unlikely to get it at home while we were out having a late night barbecue one of Tan's cousins invited me to come to his house to watch the match. Cool. We got there before midnight (kickoff was 00:15 local time) and I spent a good 20 mins looking for the match (or any football) in the 100+ channels he had.

Then two things dawned on me at once. 1 - there was no football. 2 - my phone's clock was 42 minutes slow and I'd already missed the first half. Damn - Tan's cousin and his elder brother were already cooking duck for me but I explained I had to go home to try to watch it on the Internet. Thankfully they understood, and didn't even accept my invitation to come and watch it with me.

Looks like I did the right thing, as when I managed to get a decent stream of the match the whistle went for half time. I was able to mix a glass of local red wine with lemonade (the only thing to make it palatable) and wait for the second half. The quality on the laptop was pretty good and I had it running through the tv so it was an enjoyable (if lonely) 45 minutes watching us win 5-1. Hate to imagine what the 1st half was like though....

Old-style ring-pulls

Almost falling into a routine of waking up at 7.15am, getting Leilei washed and brushed, and driving him to school in time for 8am where he'll start crying when I leave. The kids all sleep from around 12-2pm so he's not tired afterwards. Normally we'll try to have a bite to eat when he gets back, then Tian Tian jie jie (big sister - Lin Hong's daughter who's 9 years old) will ring us up asking to take him out to the town square. He loves that - lots of space to run around under the myriad lights, with lots to keep him occupied. I'm really impressed with this square. Two years ago it was impressive, but now they've added huge water features with carp and lots more stuff for the kids. It's about 15-20 times the size of Trafalgar Square to give it some perspective. I'll try to take some photos when I'm there during the daytime.

Tan and Xixi came back from Nanning on Friday afternoon so I'm no longer a single dad! Xixi remembered me after over a week which was the most important thing. We all went to Leilei's school to pick him up and he'd been given a Red Flag (Chinese equivalent of a gold star). The teachers really like him there.

In between working and waiting for the rest of the family to come back I had fun flicking can ring-pulls around the house such as I hadn't done since about 1977. It was more fun than I should admit.


Remember the old-style ring-pulls? Brought me right back....

Shop opening and driving in Pingguo

Took Leilei to school on my own this time. I forgot to mention Tan's sister has lent us her car while we're in Pingguo. I did ask whether she would miss it in Nanning but apparently she hasn't learnt to drive yet - she wants to learn with Tan next month.... She does have a driver, however, but as she has so many friends she won't miss the car.

Well that's ok by me, although we rarely justify using the car as we could always walk or take a 15p taxi. I suppose it makes a 4 minute 3-wheel taxi ride into a 2 minute car drive. I'm not sure how legal it all is though. Tax, insurance, seat belts, obeying red lights etc all seem to be the stuff of the distant future here.

As I was driving Leilei to school I got a phone call from Xiao Li telling me to hurry up and come to his friend's shop that was opening at that moment. So I left a crying son again to meet him at the site of the new shoe shop where we had to look around as if we were interested in buying some of the leather shoes of dubious 80's styling while being filmed by what I hoped was a mate and not someone from the local media.

Septwolves shop (yes is it a brand with seven wolves)

I ended up buying two pairs of boxer shorts (large size) that were too small and made Primark look like a top quality brand. Afterwards I had to go to a meal where beer was being served. I really didn't want to, as I was working later, but didn't have much choice and sneaked away a few before realising the benefits of a cheeky siesta.

I took Leilei to Xiao Li's house for supper tonight with the intention of leaving the car there and getting a cab home as I knew I'd be offered beers. I mentioned I was thinking of buying an electric bike to take back to the UK but apparently they will be too expensive to send and may not pass quality control. Pity that, but anyway I'll be able to use his wife's.

After a good meal where Leilei actually ate some yu mi zhou (sweetcorn soup), we went back - Xiao Li saying it was fine to drive after a few drinks. Well I'd only had a couple of weak beers and actually it was a lot easier to drive that way; no-one waits to turn left - you just move that way and people move out of your way. It takes some getting used to but now I'm quite happy driving here sober.

First day at school and haircut

Woke up at 7am to get Leilei ready for school. Lin Hong came around 7.45 and we drove behind her to the new you er yuan (sort of nursery/school) just next to the town square. It's a pretty nice building and there are hundreds of kids all apparently around the same age who go there.

To my surprise Lin Hong pointed out another Lao Wei (foreigner) who was leaving as we were entering. Apparently there is an American family with three kids living in Pingguo. I didn't speak to the bloke but sort of casually nodded my head to say "you're not alone now". I've seen two or three foreigners here before (teachers or involved with the big Aluminium company) but this is the first I've heard about some living here...

Well Leilei wasn't too keen on me leaving him and started to cry, probably because he didn't know anyone there. I sat with him in the middle of the class for a bit but he still wasn't having me leave so I just had to go and let him struggle with the teacher. I felt bad but when I came to pick him up she said he'd been good although weed himself (sometimes he won't tell you he needs to go).

Leilei's new school in Pingguo

Leilei's class (can you spot him?)

In the evening we ate at Xiao Li's house and I took the opportunity to wash some clothes. We need to get a washing machine this week. Later I took Leilei to get his hair cut at Tan's friend Lao Ma's salon. He'd promised that after I got my hair cut he'd do his, but as soon as it was his turn he said "no". It proved impossible to get him into the chair, even on my knee, until I gave him the electric razor to play with. Unfortunately he started using it to shave the hairs on my forearms. In fact that was the only time he'd allow Lao Ma to cut his hair. So by the time she was done I had patches of shaved forearm to show for my efforts.

My partially shaved arm - the cost of Leilei's haircut

Preparing for school

After going to bed at 2.30am I managed to sleep in till 9.30. Felt quite refreshed. Went to buy a school bag, toothbrush and a cup for Leilei as he is going to school tomorrow. How exciting!

During the meanwhile here are a couple of photos of our house.


Leilei washing the kitchen floor


The living room with focus on the television


The master bedroom with Master Leilei claiming ownership


The "third bedroom" that is pretty much just an extension of the master bedroom, where I do my work


Ah - a proper toilet in one of two bathrooms both with showers

Tea with Ma Laoban and friends over again for dinner

Woke up at 5am again.
I got a call from Tan in Nanning saying Leilei wasn't eating or showering so needed to come back to Pingguo to be with me. A Zheng, the driver for the Pingguo leader came to our place to drive me. We had to wait for Tan's brother's wife who was going to Nanning too, plus some other woman I'd not seen before. Xixi seemed very content. We stayed for a meal then went back to Pingguo. As soon as we arrived back, Leilei was whisked off by Tian Tian Jie Jie (A Zheng's daughter) to play at the town square.

In the evening I went to see my friend Ma Lao Ban (literally Horse Boss) - Xiao Li laughs too much every time he says that - sounds more like "Hoss Boss". He owns a computer shop and spends most of his time upstairs drinking tea. I used to pop in there quite frequently for a cuppa as it is conveniently situated next to the beer shop where they know me as a regular.


Ma Lao Ban's house, with Xiao Li in Man City kit and a couple of friends

Later we got a load of duck feet and prawns and invited some friends around to our house where we got through a few bottles of beer while watching some English footy.


Friends around for a late meal

Friends round for dinner

Why oh why do I keep waking up between 4.30 and 5.30? At least I get some time to myself then. The good news is that Man City are into the group stages of the UEFA cup. I had intended to stay up till 2.45am to watch it but exhaustion set in at 1.

Xiao Li and I met uncle Yellow in the late morning and went out to have breakfast. Uncle Yellow is a mate I met the first time we took Leilei to China in 2005. We then went shopping for house things. We returned with:
an electric desk fan, 2 bags of disposable chopsticks (apparently when friends are around to eat they shouldn't use the family's ones), a set of toothpicks and a toothpick holder, 4 metal plates, 2 large metal bowls, 1 tray, 2 washing up-like bowls, 1 bowl with holes in it, more stuff i can't remember.

This evening we cooked food at home instead of going out and had a few friends come round.

Internet

I had a phone call late last night that I didn’t answer. Turns out it was from work but the issue was fixed anyway. But I used that as a pretext for going back to Pingguo to do some work. Before I left I went to the local large European-style supermarket to look for some tonic water to go with a couple of bottles of gin I’d bought as presents. Of course there was none there but at least it was a trip I could do on my own. It’s a ten minute walk and it caused concern that I wasn’t taking a taxi. Last time I went there with Tan and A Heng we waited 10 minutes for a taxi anyway. And each trip is 8 kuai anyway which is about 50p. I bought some pyjamas and pants for Leilei, and some coffee and coffeemate for me.

Tan's brother drove A Heng and me back to Pingguo in the afternoon.

I'd told our landlady that I needed internet access and that had been arranged. However the modem that you get is only good for one computer. I had brought my wireless modem/router but was told by the people who work for China Telecom that I couldn't use that.

After I'd set up the internet with my wireless router we went out to eat bbq and meet up with more friends some of whom i knew from last time. We played drinking games and managed to get a few of them pretty drunk not that they needed much help. Got back around midnight and as Xiao Li's wife had gone to Nanning to be with Tan he stayed in Leilei's room. First night without kids!

Fireworks at 4.45am for National Day

Awoke to the sound of huge explosions at 4.45am. Then realised it was China’s national day and this was the first of a series of loud noises we would be subject to this week. This makes Valencia’s fallas seem tame.

It is traditional for families to get together at this time, so Tan’s brother came to pick us up in Tan’s sister’s car to go back to Nanning. It was rather squashed as his son A Heng also came. I was quite uncomfortable with Xixi on my lap in the front seat but we got there safely enough. Tan’s sister’s first child Chuan Chuan was there, and so was her elder sister and her son Ling Ming. I hadn’t seen these for two years so it was good to get together again.


Don't drive tiredly

It ended up being a gathering of some 15 people and Tan’s sister2’s boyfriend Lao Li did the cooking – there was a lot of meat and seafood. And beer for the boys. Actually when the food was nearly ready I noticed a distinct lack of beer so I made the 5 minute walk to the nearest place to buy a pack of nine Li Quan bottles as you do. Or don’t as it turns out. The security man at the entrance to the apartment complex started telling me off. I thought maybe you weren’t allowed to bring alcohol into the complex but he was just telling me I should have ordered someone to deliver it like everyone else does. I preferred doing it myself though as I do get rather cosseted over here and it gets quite suffocating at times.


Lovely grub

When I got to the house it transpired that two more nine-packs had been delivered during the ten minutes I was away, so we had 27 bottles of beer between the four men that drink. The meal was excellent and we only got through around 14 bottles which isn’t that much when you think about it.

Up at 4.30am - badminton and sing song and bbq

Somehow woke up at 4.30am and couldn’t get back to sleep.
I looked after the kids until Lin Hong came to take them out, which I appreciated but wasn't able to take advantage of by falling back to sleep.

Our flat is on the 2nd floor (3rd if you are foreign)

At some stage I went out to play badminton with Xiao Li, followed by a meal with a couple of his friends. I was dog-tired but he wanted to go out and “sing song” (karaoke). I said I needed a rest so we compromised by going to “wash hair”, which is an excellent way to spend one hour, being pampered by a young lady who not only washes hair, and face, and ears, but also massages all over too.

Xixi with Xiao Li (A Wu) and his wife Xiao Wei (A Ni)

I could have slept after that but we got up and went to see a number of friends in what looks like a new karaoke place. Our room already had about 10 drunk men and 5 sober women in it. I had to drink about 20 glasses of beer but the glasses were more like shot glasses so it was a relatively sober affair. Luckily Tan called soon after I’d arrived and said there were some people at the barbeque place who wanted to see me so I had an excuse to leave.

Bbq was very nice. Around 11.30pm Lin Hong came back with the kids from the town square. They’d had a great time apparently, playing fishing (plastic fishes) as you do. It’s strange that there is so much more to do here for the kids than in London. Not because London doesn’t have places to go, but I think it’s just down to the hot weather and the fact that everywhere is a short, cheap ride away. Xixi fell asleep in another aunt’s arms – and we went home around midnight - sleep followed shortly afterwards which was a good thing as we needed to go to Nanning the next day to be with the family for China's National Day.

Back to Pingguo for meals and new apartment

Waipo was in her element looking after Xixi as much as she could and genuinely loving every minute of it. It seemed we wouldn't be able to drag her out of her arms despite her 70+ years and apparent frailty. But it was a very nice feeling to see the family bonding between them and it seemed to be reciprocated by Xixi.

Xixi with Waipo - where she stayed much of the time

Tan wanted to stay in Nanning for a week but we were in a smallish place with all our bags so I said we’d first move our stuff to Pingguo where we could at least try to settle for a few days. So Lin Hong (a cousin) and her husband A Zheng and daughter Tian Tian came to pick us up in the afternoon. A Zheng's job is to drive the head of Pingguo county around. One of the perks of this job is that he can use the car for personal use when not working. Additionally he can pay for meals by signing for them but of course we won’t be taking advantage of that…hmm. This time the car was a brand new Isuzu 4x4 with huge wheels that really looked like it was designed for off-road use and not taking kids to school.

A Zheng's work car

Fortunately, since the last time we were here two years ago they have finished building the motorway that links Pingguo to Nanning. Now it only takes around 50 minutes, but getting to the motorway from central Nanning can take over half an hour, so in fact the door-to-door journey is around 1h40. But you ask someone from Pingguo how long the journey is and they’ll tell you 50 minutes (they are proud of the new road).

We arrived around 2pm and immediately found our good friends Xiao Li and Xiao Wei and their son Li Ming Da. I gave them both a big hug as we hadn’t seen each other for two years. For the Chinese, though, big greetings don’t really exist – Tan merely raised her hand at Xiao Wei. That used to be strange to me but it’s just culture. We went out straightaway to a nice restaurant for a good meal, but I was told not to eat too much as we were going for another one at 5pm.

After the meal we went to see the apartment we’d be staying in for the next three months. It’s a nice, rather simple two-bedroomed place (not three as Tan had told me) with a sort-of adjoining study room to the main bedroom as well as an en-suite bathroom with a western toilet! Yes! There aren’t many of those in Pingguo.

Luckily we didn’t go for our evening meal until 6.30pm, and it was a very nice social occasion with our landlord and lady (friends of the family), Xiao Li’s big sister’s husband (we call him Jie Fu) and various other friends in our own private eating room. Food was great, with my personal favourite – fried bees. I ended up playing Cai Ma – the famous drinking game where two people show a number of fingers at the same time, like scissors paper stone, except you have to guess what the total will be. They were quite impressed by my prowess in this game, especially as we normally play in Cantonese.

Our first evening meal in Pingguo this year

Leilei and some friends

I pretended I was drunk (on 3.6% beer you have to sometimes) and managed to leave at around 10pm I guess (actually I was a bit pissed – but more tired). At home Xiao Li wanted to open the bottle of wine I’d bought when we arrived in Pingguo for a little over a quid but as we had no opener we decided not to (normally I’d have used a coat hanger but I just wanted to sleep). So I got to bed soon after midnight hoping for a good night’s sleep.

Up at 5am and sweet cool tea

Stupidly woke up at 5am and it was too hot to get back to sleep (yet air con was a bit too cool with baby in room). Breakfast (about 4 hours later) was noodles with meat and coriander – even Leilei had some - he called them “Thomas the Tank Engine Noodles” as they looked like a train going into a tunnel as he sucked them in his mouth.


Leilei having a cup of herbal Liang Cha (cool tea)

We did get out into Nanning and although Leilei wasn't eating much he was happy to drink some sweet cool tea. I don't remember much more and presume I wanted to, but didn't get, an early night.

Back to Nanning after big breakfast and 11am lunch of crabs

Had a big breakfast with the family at 9am and packed my bags afterwards. I took out the kids to XiJiaHui park while Tan did her stuff (you do not want to be with a woman while she is packing – the stress is pushed over to you and you are blamed for everything).

Tai Chi in the morning

It seemed like this bloke didn't want us to cross his path. Actually he was very friendly

Xixi enjoying the park and the weather

Zhang Yong came to pick us up for lunch at 10.30, just as I was starting to digest a boiled egg, a fried egg, three sausages, bacon, greens and a bowl of fruit (to balance the meal). He took us to a rather good restaurant he took us to two years ago that specialises in crabs. We managed to get through the crab and prawn dishes fairly easily for an 11am lunch. I was a bit disappointed they only served Budweiser beer, and more so that it was only 3.1%, as I was hoping to be a bit tiddly before catching the plane to Nanning. Still, after three bottles I was feeling the effect that was quickly to wash away.

We got back to the hotel where our mian bao taxi was waiting – basically a van (mian bao means bread – as the van looks like a loaf of bread). We said goodbye and thanks for all the crabs to Zhang Yong, then made the half hour journey to Shanghai’s 2nd airport, Hong Qiao, which serves internal destinations. While checking in the security woman asked me to open one of our bags which I duly did. She rummaged around and found a bottle of vodka and one of whisky, which I explained were presents. She shook the vodka and seemed happy, then began going through everything asking what it was (Tan had taken Xixi to be changed so it wasn’t easy to translate everything). Eventually she laid her hands on some hand cleaning gel that purports to get rid of 99.9% of germs. I explained this was important for the children’s health as it reduced the chances of them them catching diseases but this woman was out to get something from this bag so she decided to prove how “dangerous” the gel was by dipping some cotton wool into it and lighting it. Guess what? It stayed alight. Wow. It’s not like it exploded or anything. Stupid bitch, by that logic she should have confiscated the vodka and whisky, I mean this wasn’t even hand luggage. I reckon it was just to do with not losing face after asking someone to open their bag for inspection. Well at least no-one noticed the bottle of hand gel in Tan’s hand luggage…

Anyway, the plane was delayed due to “mechanical trouble” according to the sign in the departure lounge, to “aeroplane maintenance” according to the announcements over the tannoy, and to “late arrival of aeroplane” according to the announcement in the plane itself. I suppose all three could be true though it doesn’t do one’s confidence any good. At least after the first hour’s delay you can show your boarding passes and get a free bottle of tea, and after the second hour you get a free meal and a can of tea. Fortunately (not for the airport cleaning staff) the delay was only a few minutes over two hours, so just as everyone was tucking into their food there was a rush to queue to get on the plane, which meant the bins quickly filled with half-eaten trays of rice, pork etc. During this time three ladies introduced themselves to us – they were friends of Tan’s big sister, returning to Ping Xiang near the Vietnam border where they all live. They’d seen us and wondered if we might be Tan’s family so they rang big sister to find out. So there was a lot of cooing over Xixi – not for the first time this trip I expect…

We arrived at the airport and Tan’s 2nd sister arrived half an hour later to pick us up with about four friends. We just about managed to get all our stuff into the two small cars, and made the 45 minute drive to her house with no back seatbelts and kids squirming all over the place. Tan’s 2nd sister (we call her Er Jie – sister 2) has a modest two-bedroomed apartment about a 10 minute drive from central Nanning. There were some other people – friends, neighbours and relatives – in the house to greet us so I went out with A Heng (Tan’s brother’s son) to buy some barbeque then got to bed at around 2am.

Floating shoe boxes and big wheel graffiti

Awoke at 5am after two hours sleep with a very painful tummy and was nearly sick… I was feeling feverish and started seeing floating shoe boxes above me. It took some effort but I managed to logic them away by focusing on the fact that they were not real. Also, by doing this in Chinese it made it easier to concentrate on the job of removing the shoe boxes from my mind. Then I had the idea for a big wheel on the side of a flat cliff, with wonderful views one side, and the choice of shooting paint balls on the other to colour/graffiti the cliff. It felt like a good idea at the time as it would be easier to erect than the London Eye, but somehow I don’t think it will catch on.

After finally getting some money out I went back to sleep at 11am for 4 hours, when Diana came again and went out shopping with Tan and the kids, then slept again till 6.30pm when they came back. Even then I found it hard to get up to go for a meal. This time we went to a “Vegetarian New Age” restaurant in a fashionable road in Shanghai that Diana had been to earlier in the day. Although the food was a fairly good alternative to meat, there was no disguising the fact there was no alternative to beer, so I still haven’t had more than a pint at any meal yet….

Outside, the girls (Diana and Tan) realised there was still half an hour of shopping time to go, which they made due use of. At least we were constrained by baggage allowance, something that didn’t appear to apply to Diana and her 12 new pairs of shoes. By 10pm just about everyone on Huai Hai Central Road was waiting for a taxi, so the girls started trying to flag one down too. They didn’t appear to understand me when I suggested walking up one of the adjoining roads as there were fewer people there, and looked at me like I was doing something to spite them when I turned up one of these roads. Of course within a minute I’d found a cab. Did I get any thanks for using my logic to enable these ladies and kids to get home safely and quickly?

Despite the amount of sleep today I still managed to fall asleep by 1am.

Lack of sleep and typical City

Awoke after four hours sleep at 4am to the sound of a text message from Andge saying it looked like Man City would be in the next round of the Carling Cup to play Derby, as they were winning at Brighton. Spent the next two hours following the game on the internet as Brighton pulled back, brought the game into extra time, then won 5-3 on penalties. Even being the richest club in the world it is still grim being a City fan.

Went down for breakfast at 6.30am with Xixi, to the delight of the young ladies who work there. Then took her out at 7am to XiJiaHui park, which is a very serene place in the middle of a bustling metropolis. Most of the park’s visitors were 50+, and doing their routines of Tai Chi, or other slightly more rigorous exercises such as dancing. You would see them on their own in the middle of the path standing on one leg like slightly animate statues.

Our Malaysian friend Diana, who had arranged to be in Shanghai at the same time as us, came to our hotel around 11am but by this time I was ready to get some sleep. So instead of going out for lunch we decided to eat in the hotel, which was in fact very nice except they didn’t have much veggie food for Diana. I went off for a snooze and let the ladies take the kids out to do some shopping. When I awoke a couple of hours later I went to get some money out and found I couldn’t. It turned out (after a long and expensive phone call) that the cards had been blocked for use abroad. It would have been nice to be told about that before.

Tan’s ex-boss Zhang Yong and his chubby 11 year old daughter came to pick us up from the hotel in the evening and took us to an expensive hotel in Pu Dong district, where we ate lots of seafood (not a good idea on your second day in China).

Although shattered, I couldn’t sleep due to a dodgy tummy so I had a beer and eventually got to sleep at nearly 3am

Back to China after two years with a new addition!

Kids were nearly perfect on the eleven and a half hour flight. Xixi slept all but 2 hours and the rest of the time delighted the crew members (all female and pretty – very 80s).
We didn’t have to queue to get through customs either so all in all a good trip. Having said that the taxi to the hotel took two hours in sweltering traffic jams that left Leilei and Xixi’s heads sopping wet. It was only after we arrived that we found the taxi had a/c – the bastard driver was probably just trying to save a few pence by not using it. He would have done better driving more sensibly in stop-start traffic...petrol isn't cheap enough here to use top revs just to move up 10 yards...