Back in Hong Kong and oldest bottle of gin

Up at 6, then 8.30, then finally some more sleep till 10, when I knew we’d have to sort things out. Apparently we were able to check in at West Kowloon today, including baggage drop, so we ensured we had enough clothes in our hand luggage, had some crappy breakfast, checked out and decided we’d walk to the station. In a way I wish we’d taken a cab as although we missed the rain it was very muggy. But it was more interesting this way, and only took about 10 mins. I had anticipated going through immigration but there was nothing, so we got through security at 12.20 for a 13.49 train which was slightly annoying but hey.

I’d booked first class for some stupid reason, probably thinking it would give us more space for our luggage, but it didn’t, and probably just meant colder A/C. The annoyance started in West Kowloon where I thought we’d be clever and check in our luggage the day before as I’d read you can. It took a bit of asking but we found out this service was actually at Kowloon, not West Kowloon, but you could walk it over walkways in about 10 mins, which is a bit longer with large suitcases, and quite sweaty. And when we finally found the place to check-in we were told that KLM was one of the airlines that didn’t do day-before baggage drop-off. What a bloody pain - I’m sure I’d looked it up but it was probably more like they allow drop off from Kowloon but only same-day. If only I’d double checked. We agreed to get a taxi to the hotel which was only half a mile away but the queues, although not that long, did not have any taxis at the end, so we agreed to walk it. But I had the “good” idea of taking a free hotel shuttle bus to the hotels but although we were told which one to take it ended up taking us further from the hotel than where we already were. Sod it we walked the 15 mins and got there by which time we fancied a relaxing drink, but I had to pick up the laptop I’d left on 22nd July.

We did come across a car that Leilei thought was very cool though...just opposite our hotel...

...and Leilei even deigned to pose in  front of it

Leilei certainly wasn’t interested in coming so I took the tube four stops up to the place and confirmed they had indeed fixed it (a new motherboard at great expense and barely worth it over a new laptop but I do like this one). They only accepted cash so I had to go out to the now raining streets and find a cash machine. Annoyingly a bloke with a gun was standing outside one of them but I realised it was because they were replenishing it, and actually by the time they left I was able to use it after the bloke in front took out 10000 HKD. I needed a bit less but it was still more than Starling bank were allowing me to take out so I needed to send more money to Revolut via online banking so I would have enough. Jeez...crypto can’t become mainstream soon enough.

Back home with my new laptop I put it online and let the various apps update themselves - it was a joy to use after having used my old laptop for the last few months. Nothing against the old one but it’s getting slow and the screen goes off half the time when it’s not plugged in. Perhaps more importantly this one is louder so I can watch and listen to videos while brushing my teeth. But Leilei was hungry and so was I after my first 5% beer for a very long time. We found a really local place where a couple of old women who were eating there said the duck was great, so we ordered goose and pak choi with rice, and a bowl of soup for me. Leilei actually ate more than he usually would. I’ve realised since we’ve been in China he seems to have become my height, though I’m sure he was two inches shorter when we arrived in Hong Kong. When I ordered a beer the woman said “liang ge?” thinking Leilei would want one too. Well luckily he didn’t but that’s the second time he’s been offered one by someone thinking he’s of age. I thought the bill was a bit steep at 195 but didn’t argue, I just wanted to have enough to buy breakfast on the way back and get the airport express tickets tomorrow - that should be the last of the expenses.

But as I went for a wander I noticed an ancient half bottle of Gordon’s gin in the window of a “Wine shop”, so old it didn’t have the % alcohol on it, just 90° proof . I entered and asked how much for a half bottle of gin. The woman didn’t answer so I asked in English and she said 170 HKD. I looked surprised as even in 7/11 a half bottle is 80, and pointed to the front window. Ah, she said - 55. Well...I probably still had enough and the prospect of a couple of gin and lemonades with the City match in an hour or so was rather mouth-watering so I picked it up. The two shopkeepers were chatting all this time and I realised it wasn’t Cantonese and clearly not Mandarin, so I asked them and they said it was Nepalese. I quite felt like asking them about stuff but I had things to do like buying some zero sugar, fibreful Sprite for myself and some Pocari Sweat for Leilei, which reminded me of Japan 2003.

Pretty nice meal in HK

Oldest half bottle of gin in Hong Kong

Back in the hotel I managed to get Leilei to do some maths homework while my laptop finished updating, and found a decent stream albeit in Russian for the match. A really good display from City against a decent Brighton side who went for it. Leilei stayed up till 12.30 by which time I started watching the Liverpool match but before they scored the first of their three goals I was asleep after a knackering day.

Train to Guangzhou, meal with ex-colleague

So much for 8.30, but I forced myself at 9.30 and told Leilei to get up too, which he managed to for the first time this holiday. I faffed too much but did managed to take the dian dong che to Waipo’s house. Unfortunately A Heng, whom we’d visited yesterday to drop off the spare house key and had told us he’d be in, did not open the door. I was about to drop off the dian dong che keys at security when I had the better idea of just throwing them up to the first floor balcony. The first set was fine, but the second got stuck and were clearly visible in case anyone wanted to nick them, but that doesn’t seem to happen here.

Leaving the keys rather visible on the balcony

Finally filled up my charging card for the bike...just in time

Last pic of Pingguo while waiting for the lift

Recycling a load of Leilei's clothes...at least putting to good use

I walked back as the rain started pouring but I didn’t care. My spirits were already dampened by the thoughts of us leaving Pingguo. We really should have left before 10:50 for the 11:26 train. Most people get there an hour early, but I thought I wouldn’t waste that time and would order a didi che. I then found out the didi che section of WeChat is all in Chinese and if it wasn’t that important I’d have given it a go. But it was important so once outside I asked a neighbouring shop what to do and they suggested a san lun che. Well one was waiting, which was good, but there was no way it was taking us plus baggage like the one that picked us up five weeks ago. Except the people from the shop kept insisting one would be sufficient. It was one of those times I had to break in and tell them they were wrong and we’d get a second one (which had just turned up), and sod losing face. Leilei’s one decided to take a different route and we shouted at the driver to come our way, so he did until the next corner when he went his own way again. By now it was gone 11am and I was getting concerned as I remembered there is about a 100m walk after the drop-off point. Leilei had arrived a couple of minutes before me and had paid so I did the same and we got wetter walking to pick up the tickets. If we had had ID cards we’d have picked them up in a minute but I had to queue for nearly 10. Luckily security was quick except the woman singled out my hand luggage with a bottle of water in it. I asked her what the problem was and she said I had to drink a mouthful, and then it was ok. It’s only a bloody train...what about if it had been vodka - would I have had to have a swig at 11.15am? Almost immediately we were sent out to board, and the 4h17 min journey was relatively without issue except for the initial scare of not finding enough space to fit the luggage. I so tried to sleep and maybe I reached level one for a brief moment as for ages I couldn’t count to more than 5 in German.

Chasing Leilei on the way to the station

Guangzhou South station was its usual bustly self and I remembered to go to pick up our tickets to Kowloon for tomorrow. I would have done this in Pingguo if I’d allowed more time. This time we found a different place without a queue at all, so tickets in hand I had hoped to walk to the hotel but I had no idea if that was possible, so decided we’d get a taxi. There were a few touts who as soon as I said “seven hundred metres” turned away. Then I heard shouting and two blokes came running out of some entrance and jumped on another bloke and took him to the floor. Straight after that about a dozen blokes started running in another direction looking very angry. All this time I noticed there was a police building with a couple of officers, outside doing nothing. Rather disconcerting.

The sanitary bags are becoming more sanitary

We queued 10 mins or so for a taxi and when we got to the front of the queue and told the driver where we wanted to go he said no we needed to be on the other side and get a taxi there. Literally no-one was on the other side, so it appears everyone else was going further outside Guangzhou. As we went to the other side a bloke got there before us and put his large suitcase in the boot and got in the back. A moment later he got out and took his suitcase out. Didn’t the driver want to go such a short distance? No, apparently where the bloke wanted to go was covered by the queue we’d just been in. So it wasn’t just a foreigner making such a mistake.

Our taxi drive was fine about it being 700 metres away but didn’t know where to go despite me showing the address, but that was addressed by me giving them a call and letting him shout at them. We had a conversation over the next five minutes, four of which were spent at red lights, and I felt sorry for the 12 kuai fair and gave him 20. Only taxi drivers won’t refuse such a tip here.

We checked in to the serviced apartment and I contacted my ex-colleague to arrange to meet up in a bit for dinner to discuss business. I got some refreshments for us from a shop downstairs and this time when I tried to pay with WeChat I had some warning message I didn’t quite understand so I had to pay in cash.

We were pretty close to the train station...should have braved the walk

Leilei doing what all 14 year-olds would do in a hotel

Then I was contacted by a driver to come out. We descended to where we’d been dropped off a bit earlier but no-one was there. It was another game of trying to find someone without knowing what they look like but at least we should be obvious, and after another phone call and walking to another road we got a shout from a bloke wearing a tie and standing next to a nice looking black Nissan Teana. It seemed to be some sort of upmarket taxi service and during the 20 minute ride we had a nice chat about stuff, and as soon as we arrived and got out he drove away without asking for payment or anything.

It was good to catch up with my ex-colleague and his wife and kid, and the meal was very nice but so civilised compared to Pingguo. They even had two sets of chopsticks for each person; a white pair for taking food from the plates on the table, and a black pair for actually eating. I continually messed up and ate from the white and took food with the black, but it wasn’t an issue - even if I’d done it correctly it is very inconvenient.

I took the opportunity to ask why WeChat pay wasn’t working and he said that it had been decided to add more KYC security and you’d have to send a quick video of yourself saying who you are, as happens with banks here to be fair. But still, I had 206 kuai in my account and I effectively couldn’t use them now until Li Kun used my phone to confirm his identity. If this had happened just 24 hours ago it would have been ok. Yet another argument for cryptocurrencies.

Another bloke popped around too and thankfully his English wasn’t too good so I was able to have a last evening speaking some Mandarin, and we concluded with just a little beer and a discussion of a possible project in the near future. We had a similar service back to the hotel and I saw it would have cost 31 kuai, but it would probably be expensed, as the meal was.

Good to catch up with ex-colleague

Tired, I cracked open a beer and the two of us watched one of the Fast and Furious films...it was so crap but in my state I found it very watchable, but still didn’t get to sleep till threeish.

Boss Zhou meal and Li Kun metal ice cubes

Last proper day in Pingguo this summer. I didn’t want to be sad so got Leilei to come out with me to find something to eat. I had hoped to meet up with someone for a meal but I knew inside I needed the time to pack, so we ended up getting a portion of jiao zi, at least he did - there was only one left so I made do with two boiled eggs.

Boss Zhou had pinged people on a WeChat group to pop around for some food and drink after 7pm, so that gave me a deadline to sort out last minute packing stuff. I decided to leave a load more clothes this time as there is a possibility I will be back in a month or two and they’re summer clothes that I’ve had for multiple years in the UK anyway so are due to be replaced.

Of course the girls had forgotten a few things so I packed them in the space I had saved, then picked up Tan’s jacket from A Xia’s that she’d forgotten and picked up some food for the train journey tomorrow to Guangzhou.

As Leilei wasn’t that hungry I didn’t force any food on him but took him to Boss Zhou’s at 7.30. He was busy cooking for guests though so I said I’d take Leilei to eat elsewhere. This didn’t go down well so people eating at another table invited us for a bite and a drink, which we did, though Leilei ate virtually nothing, probably because he’d just had a cup of zhen zhu nai cha. Then he complained of a stomach upset which sounded like an excuse for going home, but I forced him to stay a few more minutes until Boss Zhou produced a number of dishes, mainly of lamb, but he still wouldn’t touch them. So I begrudgingly took him home knowing he’d be starving a little later.

Back at Boss Zhou’s I contacted Uncle Yellow, who said he was busy with his kid which was fine by me, but texted back later saying he would find some time. Then as per usual more people came and the beer flowed. Someone from another table invited me to go over and cai ma, so I couldn’t possibly refuse. But embarrassingly I beat him five times in a row after he insisted that each time the loser should drink a whole glass. Finally after trying hard I managed to lose, which gave me the right to leave the table and get back to mine. But I had to start the process again with Boss Zhou. He told me he’d wiped the floor with me two days ago which may well have been true, but I won the first four much to everyone’s delight, except me a little as I was getting thirsty.

Pretty decent nosh at Boss Zhou's

Then Li Kun called to tell me my ice cubes had arrived. Normally I can spin a conversation to make it mean I understand to some extent but this time I was flummoxed. He mentioned about the other day and I suddenly had a vague recollection of him having a medium dice-sized metal object in his glass of wine, and of course I wanted a set. Well he’d gone and ordered one for me of course. So I said to come over to Boss Zhou’s but he said no because he’d had too much to drink. I’m not sure that was the reason so agreed to go to his and he invited me to bbq. Now this was a bit awkward as there were still people waiting for me, so I got him to agree to compromise by saying I’d take him to bar 3000 degrees but would pop back first for 10 mins to say my goodbyes.

I was worried that there would not be enough dian in the dian dong che so we took it easy, and we made an order of bbq and beer, and I made an apology to the pretty boss for the other day in case I was in any way lewd after the wedding evening with Chen but she suggested I had not made any faux pas and I decided to agree. Then I got back to Boss Zhou’s only to find he was the only one at the table. Had the others thought I wasn’t coming back? Did they care at all? Well at least I could leave, so after a glass and many hugs with Boss Zhou I left him soon after midnight and got back to Li Kun at 3000 degrees for some nice nosh.

But I was aware Leilei would be hungry now so went up to see him and despite saying he wasn’t he asked for some beef bbq. So I went back down to order and have a couple of drinks with the manager, then back up to Leilei with his bbq at 1am, which he quaffed down, if you can quaff food, then back down for a final half an hour or so. Another goodbye to a good friend with a hug ensued before I forgot I still had to take him home, to his non-tea-drinking place around the corner before I went for a ride to use up the rest of the dian. After taking another friend back home it was gone 3am but I had the wherewithal to go to charge up the bike for a last time. But the bloke I woke up to do it smiled and said it was too late. I was annoyed but didn’t argue, and when I went down to park the bike found that indeed every charging space was taken. I guess he meant I’d arrived too late to find a space rather than too late in terms of time.

I really shouldn’t have had a beer when I got back but I put on a last wash and realised I should wait it out and put the clothes out to dry asap. In fact, I had two as I spoke with Awl for a while until I was just too tired to any more. But I remembered the clothes and made a massive effort to put them out to dry at around 4.30am, knowing I’d have to be up four hours’ later. Twit.

Girls leave and 2019 last supper

Tan and Xixi went back today (Leilei and I are due to go back separately in a couple of days). Predictably Tan had accrued more than she arrived with so she needed to buy a new suitcase to go back. Annoyingly this didn’t fit in A Heng’s car so he had to remove a box from it and I had to look after it until he came back. Annoying as I was planning on being out when he came back. But in the end he got back before I went out, but just as I was hoping for a siesta.

Leilei's hair needs some attention...yuck horrible food for the last time this summer

A Heng's low car, with Luwen's yellow-fronted shop in the background on the right

Well we’d said goodbye to the girls but were due to be back with them in a few days anyway. So, being free, I got Leilei some jiao zi for tea, although I only had eggs yet again. I left Leilei in the guangchang skating alone (even without Xixi) so I was very happy about that. Then it dawned on me I’d need to make tonight my last supper so IM’d all my mates to come to Huang’s Beihai place after 9pm and all replied in the positive. Don’t people have other plans here? Why am I asking that for the umpteenth time here?

Better late than never but now Leilei has his own key that cost about 3 kuai

Well, all except A Wu, who didn’t get back to me but I wasn’t going to lose sleep about him. I got there first of course, and made an order of some seafood stuff as one does. But while I was sitting with racist Huang and opening a first beer a pick-up truck drove past slowly with a tannoy attached to it blaring out something I couldn’t make out. But Huang could and within seconds his workers had brought in all the tables from the pavement outside. Clearly there was some police-like thing saying you couldn’t sell your wares for consumption on the pavement but when I asked Huang he just said “bu li tamen”, meaning take no notice of them. But that’s not what Huang’s servers had just done.  I really wanted to know what had just happened as it wasn’t the police who’d told them, but gave up on the risk of sounding rude, or finding out something that I shouldn’t.

The front of 北海海鲜

Anyway, we seemed to be allowed to put two tables together just outside the opening of Huang’s restaurant, as these weren’t on the pavement. Waterman was the first to turn up at 9.30, then the others turned up in dribs and drabs and it turned into a great night with my friends of from two years to 15, and I didn’t leave till nearly 2am (I did check on Leilei at home). The total bill was 1100 kuai, which considering it was for over four hours and included a lot of beer was ok (the last two years were both 900 though). On the way home I somehow happened upon Boss Zhou's place but didn't stay too long

The initial platters

Luwen, Uncle Yellow, Li Kun

Err...

I heard that the girls had arrived in HK from Nanning ok despite a delay, and were boarding the long flight, so everything was cool and when I got home I allowed myself a wee beer to drink slowly for a change, safe in the knowledge that I’d had another successful last supper and hope for another next time.

Ma Laoban red wine meal and more guitar

We took advantage of the jiao zi woman being back as we’ll not have her tasty pleasures much longer, and then had a bit of a lazy afternoon as sometimes that is what you need. But I’d promised the kids a ride to the shops to get some last-minute tat, before dropping them off at A Hua’s place as Tan was there with her friends to eat. I would love to have stayed in the place we lived in for three months back in 2008 but Ma Laoban had finally got some spare time from his new baby and insisted that we eat together. So I explained to the ladies and they all said that was perfectly fine.

Shopping with the kids..."Your text here"

The ladies about to have a meal at A Hua's place

And when we lived there in 2008...such good memories - note the Wii and balance board below the tv

As I pulled up at Ma Laoban’s Lenovo shop instead of greeting me with a “ni hao” he shouted at me to lock up the dian dong che. Ha! You haven’t seen someone for a year and that is how they greet you…. But I’ve been here long enough not to take any offence...he cared about me and that was his way of showing it. We took his Toyota 4x4 to some new place on the east side of town. He then took a box of “Left Hand” red wine bottles from the boot of his car, together with three other bottles that I couldn’t see the name of.

We went upstairs to a private room (of course) and he ordered what he thought fit to order, and over the next 20 minutes or so some more people turned up, including at least one woman I remembered from the last couple of years. The meal was great and the wine not drunken too quickly unlike previous years, so all in all a really comfortable evening. It took me an hour before I realised Ma Laoban was drinking alcohol-free red wine, which was cool not least because he was driving, but also because he admits to being virtually a non-drinker - though why he is so interested in red wine is still a mystery to me.

"Left Hand" red wine

Lovely Ma Laoban meal with red wine and red non-wine

I got back early enough to take the kids to the guangchang, and afterwards we popped in to advertising friend’s shop to hand back her macintosh and give a little present of some skin cream and facemask, before taking the kids home to shower. Then as I’d promised I met up with waterman for a few bevvies till nearly midnight when I heard from Awl that poor Woody had passed away yesterday. To be fair he’d been looking a little ill before we left. So when I got hope at midnight and saw that Xixi was clearly awake I told her the sad news and she had a cry for 10 minutes, after which we had a chat and I managed to get a laugh out of her.

Then I received a picture message from Li Kun from his tea-house where it appeared people were playing music. The kids were now lights-out, and I was in my last few days in China this summer so thought sod it I’d go, and ended up staying there till 2am singing and playing the guitar as you do.

On the way back home I passed by the bar that Zhang Hongping often drinks at but noticed he wasn’t there for a change. But the owner was and recognised me and hailed me to come. Oh dear, what could I do? We spent the next 45 minutes or so chatting and drinking until some new guests arrived at 3am, and I used this as an excuse to 1) have a drink with them and 2) to leave. Sleep came easily.

Family meal, Zhang hua, late bite

I hadn’t seen Zhang Hua much this year, so pinged him to see if he’d eaten, but as soon as I had Leilei called me to say I’d been invited to eat with family friends. This was pretty much the first time this year with the usual gang of Tan’s friends’ families; A Xia, Xi Li, A Pang and the like, with a couple of husbands and many kids. I said I wasn’t drinking but there was a woman there who was new to me who said she fancied a beer. So it was out of politeness that I said I’d join her as drinking by oneself in such a meal would not look good, so we ordered a very reasonable four bottles of 1998 Li Quan between us.

Then Zhang Hua got in contact to tell me to go to his mate’s new restaurant that I went to a couple of weeks ago. The kids decided to come as they’d had enough at the family meal, but weren’t too interested at this new place, and after a bit of watching football on the tv I took them home. Back at Zhang Hua’s it was pretty civilised until we were invited to move to a private room where there were many empty beer bottles on the floor, and four blokes and a token woman at the table. I had to make my excuses before midnight as I was simply too bloated, but advertising friend had left a couple of messages to go and eat and I thought “what the hell?” so drove over to south of the town. I had a bit of a headache already and I pulled up outside a pulsating disco place and my heart sank. I felt I physically couldn’t enter but then I heard her voice from a place a few doors away. Phew, a normal eating place

A group of us played mo pai, which I’m still not 100% on the rules, but it’s a much slower drinking game than cai ma, and we ate mini red lobsters that took ages to get the meat out of, but were worth it. Finally, I said I needed to leave at 2am, and they all agreed it was time, and one of them footed the bill of 1054 kuai. I didn’t even bother to try to pay any.

On the way back it started to piss down so I borrowed advertising friend’s dian dong che raincoat before I got completely soaked, and for once didn’t get waylaid on the way home, probably as with this weather there was no-one to waylay me.

Fat masseuse and too much going out

Well it was a bit of a wedding hangover, and breakfast was leftovers of the kids’ delivered noodles. At least it wasn’t DFC. I went to have tea at the same place as yesterday until it was time for the kids’ tea. At one stage a man came in for a massage, but a minute later left saying something I didn’t quite catch. Apparently he took one look at the masseuse and decided she was too fat. I could understand if it was that type of massage place but this was above board. Well...maybe he had a point but it was pretty incredulous to my British ears that he would have acted on it….

Actually I was "forced" to have some berry alcohol too, and tried not to focus on the lighter in the background

I can even use WeChat pay in the supermarket, though this time they scan me instead of the other way round

I picked up the kids to go the the guangchang as there is not that much time left, but bumped into Tan on the corner and she took them for the first time. I got home well in time for the Bournemouth game, and found a reasonable stream. But I didn’t have a stream of beer to popped down to the nearest shop to pick up a six pack of 1998 Li Quan. The shopkeeper’s husband was sitting having a meal with a mate and made me sit down with him but I kept it to one bottle, and told them I’d be back in 45 minutes.

The blooming stream broke for most of the second half but it looked like we deserved the 3-1 win but we also should have had a VAR penalty - how can something that purports to be so fair be so wrong? It was the clearest penalty you’ll ever see.

After the match I totally forgot to go to the shopkeeper downstairs for a drink as Li Kun had pinged me to have a glass of rouge so I popped over to him for a while where there was much merriment and I spent more time than I ought to have. I should have gone straight home afterwards but I’d noticed Boss Zhou saying he was eating earlier in a group chat so at 1amish I popped my head around just to see if anyone was there. “Go upstairs” I was told and I was immediately thrust into a room with him and three mates and was suddenly gan bei’ing and cai ma’ing again. But I was relatively good and kept it to just an hour.

Li Kun's daughters were still up post-midnight with the screens

With some random people I apparently know upstairs in Boss Zhou's place

The problem was I’d passed Zhang Hongping on the way to Boss Zhou’s and now he was pinging me for a glass. I wouldn’t be able to go back without going past him so accepted and spent the next 45 mins or so catching up with him. Catching up on what I’m not sure as I saw him just the other day but he seemed in good spirits anyway. The last two hours would simply not have happened if the beer here was more than 2.8%.

A very unexpected wedding reception

Finally the jiaozi woman was back and I was so happy to see her. My first portion in about three weeks! Apparently she had been at her lao jia for this time...she could have least have told me before leaving.

The friend of waterman that I’d met while Tan was bbq’ing with friends the other day had told me we would meet up this weekend but not when. Rather than fart around waiting for him I texted Chen to say I should be able to meet him at 6pm after all and he replied that he would contact me later..

As I was “free” for the afternoon I popped out to have tea with a couple of friends of Boss Zhou, one of whom works in a massage parlour. I was tempted to ask for one but I think they wanted my company.

I got back at 5.30 and thought I’d enjoy a cold one and remembered that now I was officially back on holiday - technically no more work till we get back. But as soon as I opened it I got a message from Chen saying he was on his way to 3000 degree bar and would be there in 15 mins. So I had to rather rush my beer and 13 mins later I received a message to say he’d arrived, and while I was in the lift another to ask why I was taking so long. Ah this is the Pingguo I know and love!

Before I got to the bar I heard a shout of “Peng!” from across the road and saw him in a san lun che. Ok, so we weren’t going to 3000 degrees - that was just a landmark he knew I knew. It transpired we were going to the new hotel that was being built last year just north east of the guangchang. I asked why he wasn’t driving and he said “drinking alcohol” but I didn’t pursue whether this was because he had already drunk or was planning to, or both.

Meeting Chen in the san lun che outside our place

The hotel was quite the pomp it had been billed to be, and we said hello to a couple of people while entering. A pretty maid led us into the lift to go up a single floor and when we got out I noticed to my left a line of wedding people all dressed up. Chen went to the first in the line and shook his hand, so I did the same, wondering when we were to go for our meal. But Chen just moved down the line and eventually handed two red envelopes in, and showed me that one had 彭多明 written on it. Oh no! We were only going to a wedding reception and I was wearing my Chinese football top and shorts! Advertising Japanese Suntory beer to boot!

The room was massive, but so far only 70% full, and we found a table with a couple of blokes Chen knew. Some people had started eating but we waited until our table was full, then the beers were cracked open. Over the next couple of hours more beers were cracked open than you could shake a stick at. Even in China I’ve never seen people drink so much so quickly...it was carnage. I did my best to keep at a regular pace but people were coming to me and doing three gan beis at a time. Then the actual newlyweds and their entourage reached our table and we had to drink more. To be fair, Chen and the groom and a couple of mates chugged a whole can while I sipped my little glass - I was just too bloated by then, and made my excuses to go to the toilet more times than I really needed. At least the beer was the very same Japanese beer my Man City-blue top was advertising, so I made a joke that that was my job here, and it got more laughs than it warranted.

I was not expecting this

and the food was amazing...

Wedding madness

Eventually, after visiting other tables and playing cai ma with people I apparently knew, we left the place as one of the last people. But that meant we just moved on to a KTV place where I had to sing No Matter What in a huge room, but by then I’d stopped caring. A bit later we left the room but went straight next door to what to me was a carbon copy of where we’d just been. No more singing for me but more gan bei’s but thankfully only for half an hour or so before we left. I could happily have gone to sleep but for some reason we ended up at bar 3000 degrees for bbq. I seem to remember more cai ma and drinking with the boss, who smokes more than she should. Back before 4am I found myself mechanically reaching for a beer from the fridge. But as I sat down I experienced a touch of sobriety that told me opening that beer would not be a good idea. And I thankfully left it and quickly prepared the sofabed and within a minute I was asleep.

Sweaty basketball and finally finished work for the trip

Not up too late considering, but by the time I’d taking in the washing, hung the next lot out to dry, and put the third lot in to wash, then grabbed a shower, it was gone lunchtime and the kids had already had their dumplings delivered. Plus two drinks delivered by a second deliveroo person who arrived at exactly the same time. How inefficient.

I'm so embarrassed - for the last week I've been using this as fabric conditioner - I was absolutely convinced that's what it was...but Tan corrected me that it was "clearly" washing liquid...oh well...at least our clothes have been clean

All I had was an egg again, propped up with three packs of those almost weightless salty biscuits. Haiwai rang to tell me to come over and eat at his at 6pm, and I mentioned he had told me I was supposed to be going to his son’s school this afternoon (which I’d forgotten about until he rang). But he said “bu yong le” and that was that. At least I could focus on work a bit more, which I did until hunger really set in at 4pm. I thought I could hold out but it wasn’t going away so I opened another can of that expensive meat our ex-neighbour gave us the other day and guiltily had half of it.

Tan texted in Chinese to take the kids to A Xia’s where they would be waiting to take the kids at 5.30. At that time when I got them ready they decided for some reason they would rather go with me to Haiwei’s house so I called Tan and got the angry response that they had been waiting for the kids. Not much you can do.

We arrived pretty early at 6.08pm, and for the first time Haiwei hadn’t called me to ask where I was, and indeed was still cooking. I’d had the shits all afternoon and wasn’t feeling great, so took the opportunity of having a near-nap on his comfortable sofa counting in German up to 60 but not getting much further until accidentally switching to Mandarin. It was almost a dreamlike state and did refresh me a little.

The meal was typically excellent and Leilei ate up everything, unlike Xixi who has the smallest stomach in Pingguo. And instead of drinking more than a couple of cans afterwards we took our kids to Haiwei’s son’s school to play basketball, which Leilei was keen to do. It was dark and very sweaty - I didn’t particularly want to play but the lads wanted a father and son vs father and son so of course I joined in. Leilei is better than me but the two of them combined were a bit too much for us but who was counting? Xixi was a little bored so I suggested we play free throws, which she could join in with and was a little less energetic. We could have stayed longer but I really had to go back and finish work for the week.

Chen then invited me to go and eat at 6pm tomorrow, but I couldn’t confirm as I knew I’d be meeting waterman soon and he may invite me for the same time. No problem...he just said to confirm tomorrow afternoon.

After work I decided to go and see racist Huang but he was pretty pissed and boring, so much so that I didn’t feel bad relieving myself of his company pretty swiftly to sidle over to Boss Zhou’s place. He wasn’t there, but there were others who bade me over for half an hour or so for a couple of drinks. Then Zhang Hongping called me to say he’s seen me at Boss Zhou’s just now and he was just 50 yards away so I went there for the next 90 minutes until I could barely stay awake at 3am.

Brown boiled egg at Boss Zhou's

I managed to avoid the DFC order by forcing myself to take the kids out to the yumi tang place. We don’t even have to give our order now. Work and weather dictated spending the afternoon at home until I took the kids to A Hua’s place for tea where she was with Tan nattering, then got back to my own tea of a single egg. It rained on the way back and was a welcome coolness on the dian dong che, which I was to experience again soon after as the kids called me to pick them up again.

They took themselves to the guangchang for skating and I picked them up at 9.30 to go home and left them there as I’d been asked to go to Boss Zhou’s for an evening meal, and there was no way they’d want to accompany me there. I was the only one with him for a while and we shared a beer. But after a couple of messages to a WeChat group I’d recently been added to more people started arriving in dribs and drabs as photos of the food being served were shared. I made a joke that I had brought a brown boiled egg and for some reason one woman didn’t get the joke and when she arrived promptly ate it. The last person arrived after 1am, but we were relatively sensible with the Snowflake beer and finished by 2.30am, although for some reason didn’t sleep till well gone 4am.

My brown boiled egg

Boss Zhou's cat keeping a watchful eye over me

Evening entertainment with Bank President

I forced myself to a reasonably early start to work as judging by the last few days oftentimes (gosh, that is an Americanism) people call me a couple of hours before to go out even though I’ve told them I’m working. Indeed, in the late morning Li Kun asked me to go out at 8pm with a “bank president”. The kids’ lunch was another crappy delivered DFC but I had three 1000 year old eggs instead. I also managed to get Leilei to do some maths hw and Xixi to do some violin practice for the second day in a row so at least I’m hoping they’re keeping on track. I’ve realised why I’m not totally disparaged by the term “oftentimes”. It’s because it encourages the silent “t” in the word. I’m well aware that there are two ways of pronouncing “often” and many people interchange between the two (though if there is a rule for this I’ve not found it yet). Even Christopher Hitchens, in his audiobook “God is not Great”, used both pronunciations. My interpretation of this is that the silent “t” is the educated way to pronounce it (not that that makes it right), and that the pronounced “t” version arose from less-educated people thinking that those silent-”t”ers were wrong. But I also notice it’s more prevalent in British people than Americans, not that that makes it right. The bottom line is that when people use “often” in a sentence I am more likely to pay attention to their pronunciation of it than the rest of the sentence...more fool me. But nobody pronounces “soften” with a sounded “t” do they?

At 9pm I caved in and IM’d “hi” to Li Kun, who got back to me saying he was about to go out. So I needn’t have worried about 8pm. I went to the new music bar he’d invited me to around 9.30ish leaving the kids at home. Typically I was the first of his guests to turn up, so we sat at a big reserved table eating sunflower seeds until even Li Kun couldn’t wait and we cracked open a couple of beers. Slowly but surely people turned up, including the bank president at 10.30.

I had to bite my tongue not to talk about Bitcoin and how it could replace banking as we know it. Actually his English was fairly good and he surely wanted to practise it, so who was I to language-bully him? I managed what I was internally showing off to myself as my first English conversation in weeks, when Xixi rang to remind me I was clearly speaking English every single day, and that she was hungry although Tan was home. So I temporarily excused myself in order to get three sausages for her and returned back 20 minutes later.

It was only 20 minutes but in that time the blokes at the table appeared to have become a lot more drunk than when I left...maybe it had just kicked in. Bank president was explaining that he had attended a wedding between one of his relatives and a western man. Within seconds the conversation turned to penis sizes and I engaged in the conversation as little as I was politely able to. The upshot of it was, according to bank president, that although Chinese penises were smaller, they were hard. I thought it best to raise my glass to him and gan bei at that point, and we all roared with laughter (well them more than me).

Mr Bank President near right, token female middle left

Then he showed me his alarm on his phone that was set to 5.45am, and said no matter what time he went to bed he’d always be up at this time in order to be in the bank. I admired his resolve, and understood when a few beers later he went on his way. Advertising friend IM’d me at 11.30 to go for a drink but I couldn’t really leave LI Kun. Obviously inviting bank president was a really big deal for him and he was so happy I had been there to talk to him. He was now saying “thank you, thank you” in English to me and I realised he was really drunk. But so did Guitar Teacher, so managed to take him home without too much fuss...I’m not sure how he paid the bill or who took care of it.

It was 1am so I pinged Advertising friend just in case and of course within seconds I was sent a wei zhi pinpointing the location of where they were. There were also six pissed blokes there, each of whom I should probably know, but it didn’t really matter as we had a great time chatting and a bit more gan bei’ing till hum o’clock.

Finally get to invite some mates out and pay

I woke up at 9.30am but decided against it and dosed till 11ish till guilt got me up to work till lunchtime which admittedly wasn’t long after. I had lunch at Luwen’s and couldn’t finish but I was starving at 6.30 so walked to the supermarket to get some eggs and found a new shortcut back. I hadn’t walked for ages and it was good to stretch my legs, so in a way finding a shortcut was the opposite of what I should have done but it’s good to explore.

Finding a shortcut behind Jun Lin Tian Xia

Tonight Tan took the kids to the guangchang to skate and I decided I’d stop work at 10.30, then contacted Boss Zhou at 9.30 to ask if he’d be about and indeed he would so I’d finally arranged my turn to invite people out. And it was great that quite a few mates came out. I’m starting to remember their names now, like A Guang, the portly man with glasses and a great sense of humour, who eventually fell asleep in his chair. Even Uncle Yellow I know is called Huang Lei came despite baby duties for a two month old. We stayed out till 2ish and I guess because I’d arranged it I was allowed to pay - result.

A Guang had had a busy day...

Late night with advertising friend

Twas a day of work till teatime when I took the kids to the new jiao zi place I’d discovered with Xixi yesterday and we ate in despite the lack of AC, before dumping them off at the guangchang as I really don’t need to be there any more and could be more fruitful at home. Then at 9.30 I took the sweaty things to Tian Yang Po’s where Tan was eating bbq with her school friends from 40 years ago, but they didn’t want to stay. Tan said she’d bring back food for the kids in a bit. At 11pm advertising friend IM’d me to go for a drink but I said maybe in an hour as I needed to sort the kids. Tan was still not back and not answering her phone and the kids were starving so I went there by myself. They were deep in chat when I came to tell them I needed to feed the kids, and I was told there was no pork or beef as the pork had gone up in price thanks to the African swine flu - but what about the beef? So I asked Tian Yang Po and she said she had beef so I ordered 10 for the kids (which could have been done an hour ago) plus sausages which if they weren’t pork certainly looked like it.

Our new jiao zi place

At least it gave me the chance to talk to some of her friends and have a couple of beers.
Then a bloke walked past me and told me he knew me from years ago, and I had another one of those moments where I lied blatantly and said yes I recalled the face but not the name. Anyway he was a mate of the waterman and showed me a pic of him, and of us cai ma’ing a few years back. I told him I couldn’t go for a beer during the week, then straight away broke that rule as we sat down for two bottles until the bbq was ready, by which time he’d arranged for us to meet up this weekend.

Tan was back by midnight and advertising friend said they were going to another place to drink, which conveniently was close to us. We had great fun in this place on the corner opposite Waipo’s. There was some weird drunk girl in a red dress who joined us from another table when her friends had left her who was harmless if loud. Back at nearly 4am!

Finally I can pay via WeChat

I got up only in time to see the kids eating Tan-ordered KFC crap so afterwards I took just Xixi out to help me find something to eat. I didn’t want to go to the yumi tang place yet again so we found a place slightly further down the same road that sold dumplings, and I bought five of them. We drove to the exercise place by the ant tree and I managed to eat them all...pork mince and shredded greens in equal measure and sumptuous. But it was crazy hot and that beat us back to the house for respite shortly after as exercise on the equipment around us would have been torture.

Well someone decided to exercise at 40 degrees

Li Kun had IM’d me to drink tea at his place so went by myself at 4.30. We had a really good chat about the economy and I explained my interest in cryptocurrency which is always a slightly dodgy topic here as although there is a huge crypto community in China, the very fact you see something in it sort of puts you against the government-controlled ren min bi. I treaded carefully and mainly pointed out its advantages and not fiat’s disadvantages. He seemed to get it.

But the reality of fiat here had dawned on me, and I explained how I couldn’t use WeChat pay without a Chinese back account, something that would prove hard to get on a family/tourist visa. This made Li Kun call a mate who works in the bank to see if he could sort it but apparently it wasn’t that easy. I had to make my excuse to take the kids to the guangchang so took advantage of this to invite Li Kun and his family to eat where we often have since the guangchang has become a regular thing.

I picked up the kids at 6.30 and left them to do their thing in the guangchang while getting to the food place and waiting for Li Kun and family, who duly arrived and ordered food on my part. After 20 mins the kids had had their fare and went straight back to skate, and took Ava, Li Kun’s first daughter, with them, while we engaged in a couple of beers while his wife looked after the one-year old.

As we had a bit of  time Li Kun told me he had a dormant bank account and I could use that to sort out WeChat pay. Well it was a long, convoluted path that took nearly an hour but afterwards I had a “valid” account, albeit it with his name as the securitor. We tested it by sending each other a bit of money and it worked! This was a significant step in me feeling I belong here as now I’ll be able to pay for stuff like Xixi’s rollerskate hire by phone and more importantly not be weighed down by small change. At the cost, quite a big cost, of some conglomerate knowing exactly what I am purchasing and building up a profile of me. I vowed to use it for simple purchases such as the skating and food. But it also showed me how crypto could really work in the real world; if...and it’s not just a huge if but the biggest if, if people accepted it then there would be no such hoops to go through as I just did, and I’m not even sure which side of the law I’m on using Li Kun’s details. I think it was in this context that Li Kun sort of “gets it”, but at the moment the legal hoops I experienced are equivalent to the technical hoops, not to mention fiat onboarding, that you get with crypto. So fascinating how this will pan out.

"My" Chinese bank account

This had stirred my passion but I still had the kids to think about...they were supposed to be looking after Ava but I had my doubts so went to find them and indeed they’d sort of left her to her own devices after sorting her out with skates and probably becoming bored of looking after her. We all stayed with the kids for another half an hour until they were positively soaked, and we said our goodbyes and I got them home and showered.

And we seem to have local Tescos...not so sure about that

But that was not the end of the evening of course...Boss Zhou IM’d me to go and sing song for the second time in a week. Fair enough, I thought, and as the kids were getting ready for bed I popped out at 11pm to do my duties...back 2am with a sore throat and happy to stay in the spare room.

Dustbin snake plus I am not a fan of VAR

Yay it was Saturday...no concerns about finishing for the day at 10pm being too early. Tan was planning to order crappy fried chicken for lunch, which was incentive enough for me to get out of the house with the kids to the yumi tang place for our standard order of sweetcorn soup, fried egg, and fried rice. In retrospect maybe not that much healthier than the other option.

Surely the healthier option...

After that I dropped off the kids at A Xia’s. While we walked down into the underground shopping centre we all noticed a large snake rising out of a bin at the bottom of the stairs. Almost as quick we realised of course that it wasn’t a boa constrictor but rather a balloon, but it is like there is something ingrained in our genes to be aware of snake-like objects, and those that didn’t have it in the past just died from snakebites or being crushed. It reminded me of those videos of cats eating and the owners leave a cucumber next to them and most of them jump to high heaven when they finally see it. We’re basically cats.

It only doesn't look like a snake when you focus on it

At A Xia's shop in the underground shopping centre...they have the AC turned rather low

An hour later I got a call from Xixi to take her back as she was bored. Then evening dawned (or at least the pm equivalent) and we went to the guangchang for skating again, which is a rather healthy habit. I left them to see racist Huang and have a bite to eat, then went to pick them up again at 9pm to take them back to Huang. This time at least Leilei talked a bit to the people on our table, which made me more relieved than proud. I know he has it in him but he doesn’t show it much. But after a few mouthfuls the kids clearly weren’t in the mood to stay so I took them back home and came back by myself to Huang’s where we ate and chatted till midnight.

Silly girl got her hair caught up in fan

I got back in time to watch the City - Spurs match. We were fantastic but as VAR and luck would have it it ended 2-2. I wasn’t as disappointed as I would have been in previous years...the performance was what counted. But VAR has started to kill the game for me. You really can’t cheer any goal any more. It’s only been around a bit but every bloody goal is checked so you’re constantly worried. Football used to be about fun and included human error on the part of referees. Now that they’re trying to take out the errors (and I believe they are) they are sucking out the soul of the game. This is why I find winning the Premier League so much more important than the Champions League. The former can only be done with skill and some luck, the latter makes the luck proportion go up too much for my liking. Hopefully if we play the way we did today we’ll have a decent chance, though Liverpool are looking ominous.

I guess I had a bit of adrenaline after the match so stayed awake to chat with Mat and Awl for a while...Sunday tomorrow so doesn’t really matter what time sleep.

Flat finally paid for

Lunch of beef and salty biscuits again but I didn’t want to waste working time as I’d been invited to drink tea with some friends later. Luckily this time tea really did mean only tea. While I was there Tan called to ask if I had removed Lin Hong from my friends list in WeChat? Well no I hadn’t and is there a context for this question? Apparently she needed to call me for some mortgage business but couldn’t find me. Maybe it was because I had changed my picture that she couldn’t find me but I hadn’t changed my name. I mean fair enough I often go by people’s avatars as I can’t always read the characters but she can and 彭多明 has not changed. I was a bit concerned as no news is good news regarding the mortgage, and this was news. Last time it was to tell me we still had a month outstanding to pay. So I found Lin Hong in my contacts (by name, no less, though it took a while), and rang but she didn’t answer. It can’t have been that important. I let Tan know and then she told me the kids and her were about to get on a train back to Pingguo from Baise. So I finished my tea and went back to tidy up the house in sweltering conditions. Just doing the dusting got me sweaty enough to wash the floor, and as soon as I’d grabbed a shower Tan called to open the door downstairs for the kids as she was sorting out the mortgage with Lin Hong, and then arrived half an hour later with the deeds in her hand - officially the flat is paid for!

At 6.30 I took the kids to eat chao fen again at the guangchang. Instead of just the 10 kuai portion the kids shared last time (and actually nearly finished - meaning the cheapest meal for a long time) I also added a portion of ribs and some kong xin cai, but immediately regretted it as the kids only had most of the chao fen leaving me with two complete other portions, which I manly managed in the next 20 mins while the kids took themselves off to skate.

A rare sight - Leilei actually helping Xixi to skate

When I said "hold my beer" I didn't mean drink it! The two portions I had to finish in front of me...

I allowed Xixi the decadence of candyfloss and she taught me a new word: mian hua tang "cotton sugar"...pretty much translated from the American

After that I took them on a short MMT to find some places we’d never been before but that was difficult. We looked for the big wheel place but didn’t find it so surmised it must have been taken down, which wouldn’t be surprising due to the few people who ever used it (we certainly didn’t). So we left popped in to Li Kun’s which was rammed with people practising music. We drank tea for 15 mins then went as the kids were bored and it really was too busy to have a conversation. At home after shower a mate from a couple of evenings ago video called me to come over to the music pub I went to with Li Kun on the night we arrived. I really was not massively in the mood - it was getting on for midnight - but I somehow told myself I’d regret it if I didn’t so I did.. The singers were bloody good though, if loud, and I recognised one of them as someone I’d jammed with a year or so back. Then the mate tried to force me to get on the stage to sing and I was having none of it. The place was at least three times as big as the place I sang at last year and we’d just had great renditions of songs by semi-professional artists. It was for the second reason mainly that I politely refused, and no amount of beer would change my mind.

He's actually an arts teacher by day. There was no way I was going to attempt Sounds of Silence after this...

Another charge, another photo

No 2-1 but Chen and advertising friend for German beer and insects

Another day of work and instead of going out to eat where I might be tempted to stay longer I stayed inside and had some of that beef our soon-to-be ex-neighbour left us the other day together with some light-as-air salty biscuits which have about as much packing as biscuit.

I was being good and focusing on work as I was expecting 2-1 to contact me to eat as he’d said yesterday. But by 5pm nothing had happened so I guessed he’d forgotten or never really intended in the first place. It’s like that a lot of the time. Someone invites you out and nothing comes of it, or more likely no-one invites you out in advance but they call you an hour before to tell you to come. Well that was it for some other friend, who decided I needed to join them for dinner, and as my lunch had been tiny, and no beer was planned, I accepted. And it made a refreshing change that there was only one beer and a decent excuse of going back to work less than an hour after.

But the evening was a bit different. Chen IM’d me to meet up for a beer at 3000 degrees at 8ish so I said I could make it by 9 if that was ok, and of course it was. Chen doesn’t do things by halves so we had some great bbq and of course Li Quan beer, even though he’s not a local. An hour or so in, advertising friend pinged me to say they were going to drink German beer and I should join as I couldn’t make it last night. The logic was infallible and I explained as such to Chen, who accepted (knowing perhaps I’ve probably had to leave other friends to meet him in the past). Sometimes the non-locals understand me better than the locals.

So it was to a beer place where there was a choice that would have been unheard of 10 years ago, though I didn’t really have an inkling to drink Corona or any of the 5%+ beers they had. But sod it, I was given a pint glass and a 500ml can of some German-named weiss beer and I took it like a man. Cai ma is a bit different with such a glass and you need to be a bit more careful. Everyone was in high spirits at least and we ate insects from another table that left, which was slightly weird but tasty...mmm...millipedes...

Advertising friend and other friends

They looked like millipedes at least