Another lucky seating arrangement on final flight back

Well I woke up at 9am as planned but by the time I checked my phone it was 10.30am. Shit, I'd better make a move. I didn't really want to think about it but the hotel in Hong Kong when I came here cost £30 after knocking off £60 due to points I had, and I'd spent £47 on the flight to Shenzhen, £30+ on the hotel in Shenzhen and now £46 for this Beijing hotel. Not to mention around £50 on trains to get to Pingguo. So the £398 flight to Hong Kong was looking like a bit of a false economy. But hey, doing it this way had enabled me to step down day by day. But after this last month it's going to be so tough getting back...however at least this time I'll have family to see at home.

I was out by 11am and it was but a three minute journey to International Departures on the 4th floor. There was nearly no queue again for baggage drop-off and once again I had a 100% Mandarin conversation with the lady at the desk. I explained that if possible I'd like a seat with no people next to me but she showed me the map and said there weren't any but let me choose, so I took 37C as it was an aisle seat and so far it didn't look like the other two were filled. I explained how I was lucky coming over and that having three seats to oneself made all the difference. She smiled throughout the conversation and that made me smile too. This time my luggage didn't set off any alarms so it was to the departure queue, which took about 15 minutes and I was a bit worried as in the foreigners queue it said to have passport, boarding pass, and departure card ready. Departure card? I didn't have one. But maybe they are a thing of the past as I had no problem receiving my third exit stamp in the last few months, and by 11.40am I was back in the same "Pay lounge" I'd been in a month ago. Oh, and no need for a health declaration form either.

Six stamps in as many months...I hope there will be more

I found "Kick bottom" more amusing than I should have after three glasses...

I didn't dare use this though

I had no qualms about eating lunch before midday. Why would they have hot food if it wasn't for consumption? And I applied similar logic to the bottle of red wine too, knowing that I didn't have all the time in the world here. Indeed, soon after 1.15pm it would be time to board. I went for a last glass of rouge and noticed on the bottle that it was 14%! Shit, no wonder I was feeling tipsy again. I did remember to go to duty-free to look for Esse cigarettes for Awl though. Once again, and maybe for the last time, I got a conversation in Mandarin, asking the difference between the various varieties, and finally picking a mint pack and one with three flavours including red and white wine flavours. It's almost like this brand is a hybrid between normal fags and vapes.

Once again I was one of the last to board, and slightly disappointed that there were a mother and child on the seats to my left, and the child was coughing a lot. Oh well, I was resigned to an uncomfortable flight, but I'd brought along some beers from the lounge should I need them. Then a quite lovely thing happened. The two blokes sitting in the row in front moved a couple of rows forward. Why, I'll never know, but one of them gave me a nod when they left and that was all I needed. I pounced onto seat 36A and prayed no-one would join me. Boarding was complete, we were having the safety announcement, the plane started moving. It couldn't be could it? Well no-one joined me and I thought about spreading out now to ensure they didn't get the chance. But I opted for optimism and food first. The cocktail of melatonin and Phenergan did the trick again and I had nearly as much sleep as on the way over here, waking up with 2h30 to go, and finishing off Bladerunner 2049 for the second or third time.

It couldn't be true, could it? I didn't see any other rows with just one person

The flight was as turbulent-free as I can remember, though I may have slept through some, and the landing gentle too. The only real pisser was waiting an age for my luggage, trying to watch the City match and seeing Spurs get a late equaliser. And then finding when it finally arrived, that one of the wheels had sheered off, making it a pain to roll. I guess I'll write to Samsonite and see if they're willing to send a replacement...or maybe Amex insurance will cover it...I live in hope as I love that suitcase.

Probably the worst event of the sojourn happened right at the end...it was a bugger to roll back after that

And that was it...home to see the family so a much nicer ending that it usually is. Tan and Xixi were happy with the clothes, and Leilei accepted a hug!

But this break has been important for me in many ways. I was properly independent, forced to speak Mandarin 95% of the time, and had so many special moments. Despite the banal nature of so much of it, it really feels like watching a film but also being in it. A dream that you can control. But I'm aware it's a combination of being foreign, speaking the language, having the time, and Pingguo being Tan's home town. This last bit lends a significant amount of legitimacy I feel. I don't know if I'll get to do it again by myself, but I really hope I can find a job where I'm able to come back with the family next year - it would be a deal-breaker in an interview if I couldn't.

Ferry to Hong Kong, flight to Beijing, and a "problem"

I'd planned to get up at 8am to review my option of taking the boat and maybe make a plan B. It may have been easier to do the train to Kowloon then the metro to the airport, and certainly cheaper, but given I was on the other side of one of the largest cities in the world I guessed the tube alone would have taken 90 minutes and I was literally in the building where the ferry left from so forced myself out at 8.30am.

I had no idea how long the process would take, but I knew it would involve passports so that could mean queues and health declarations. A woman came up to me to ask in English if she could help and I rudely answered her in Mandarin, then caught myself and quickly said in English I wanted to buy a ticket to Hong Kong airport, and she pointed to a queue 20 metres away. I was about five back in the queue and the people at the front were involved in a conversation with the ticket seller so I didn't know how long it would take. It was already nearly 9am. Then the teller to the left finished selling a ticket but no-one went up to her so I motioned with my hands that I wanted to buy a ticket and she beckoned me over. Well that was reasonably simple and paid for with Weixin again, then it was over to drop off the luggage.

I explained to the woman that I knew China Southern didn't accept check-in luggage here, unlike most of the others, so I'd have to pick it up at the airport, but she looked a bit worried and called the other woman over who had spoken English to me a few minutes ago. This time maybe because she'd heard me speaking with the other woman she didn't utter a word of English and said she feared that in Hong Kong they wouldn't let me go to Beijing. I told her it would be fine as I had a multi-entry visa, but she then said a few quick sentences to me really quickly and I was too embarrassed to ask what exactly she meant other than "他们不给你走", "they will not let you go". One of these days my pride is really going to cause me to have a big fall, but I insisted that it would be fine. Why? Why didn't I try to find out what the problem was?

But anyway, the first woman took my luggage and put a sticker on my ticket so I would be able to identify it. Then I walked around the corner to leave mainland China and get my passport stamped. Then over to the waiting hall. It was only 9.10am and boarding wasn't until 9.50am, but given the previous conversation it was better to be early just in case. The ferry was pretty empty, as was my stomach, and I was slightly annoyed when two westerners came and sat next to me given there were plenty of empty rows. It was only much later on I noticed we have been delegated seats and I'd just chosen badly.

At the airport I realised I was once again in no-man's land, as I was neither in mainland China or Hong Kong. But China Mobile sent me a text to say I could use up to RMB30 worth per day so I quickly turned off data; I could wait for wifi. My bag was duly waiting for me, so that wasn't the problem the lady mentioned, and I went to drop it off in a small hall where each of the desks catered for multiple airlines. With no queue it was quick, but I did check about whether I needed to pick up the suitcase in Beijing and indeed I did, plus sort out getting a boarding pass. But at least this time it was all in Mandarin and this time I understood what she was saying. But where was this problem? This could have been the sticky point, but now I had to do security. But security was quick and fine, and I went to check the flight details. Oh, it wasn't there...There was another flight at 2.15pm but it wasn't mine, at least it wasn't going to Beijing. Could this be the problem? I double-checked and then checked the boarding pass. 1.45pm! They only gone and changed the time sometime in the last four weeks, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't told about it. And there it was on the board, at gate 49, only 11 away from the lounges.

From memory, Hong Kong lounges only served beer before, but this time I went to the Centurion lounge (avoiding the queues outside the Plaza Premium). It was 11.15am and I was told breakfast was being served, but lunch would be at 11.30am. I decided to wait it out till lunch then looked at the bar. This was definitely a good level or two above typical lounges, and I was asked politely what I would like to drink. "Good morning, may I have a gin and tonic please?", were the words that came out of my mouth, probably for the first time in my life. Divine (for that was her name) asked if Botanist gin would be ok. Err...yeah, though I kept my poise and nodded that that would be fine, and she continued to pour the largest measure I've seen by a bar person. I normally can't tell the difference between gins but this definitely had some kick, though I've since checked and at 46% it bloody would!

Morning Botanist and tonic...

The food was cracking too, putting Nanning's China Southern lounge to shame. Two more G&Ts later it was getting time to go, so I had one for the air and said goodbye to Divine. I didn't need duty-free but I still had HKD47 in coins from years ago plus some cash plus the 120 they give you when you get past security. I didn't really follow the logic of it but I wasn't going to argue. So, feeling slightly tipsy, I went to the duty free and appropriately picked up a bottle of Bombay Sapphire export strength. The lady at the counter was more than happy to speak Mandarin with me as I asked her to help out with the coinage, so I had another little dopamine hit again.

I didn't get a row to myself this time, but at least it was a 2-4-2 formation on the A330-300, which meant I only had to disturb one person when I went to the loo. Once again I was one of the last ones on the flight but there was no problem with cabin space again. Three hours later, after a fairly nondescript flight and landing, I was filling in my landing card again, though it took a fraction of the time as I didn't have to write the address in Chinese (but I did put my Chinese name in the optional box). And a few minutes later I had my third entry stamp for this visa in my passport. I really really hope it's not the last. And the problem I was told about when getting the boat tickets? Nothing at all...unless there is some surprise tomorrow.

I had thought about getting a hotel outside the airport but realised I pretty much only had summer clothes and Beijing isn't known for its warm weather in December so I'd jibbed out a bit and taken the easy route of a hotel within the airport, not even a shuttle bus away. And at £46 I was glad that I did. The bloke at reception didn't breathe a word of English after I greeted him with "wanshang hao!", and it felt like I was on a roll from a Mandarin perspective. Again, a convenience store within the airport was to be my tea, and after that and a couple of Budweiser Magnum 5.5%ers I fell asleep for an hour or so, waking up at midnight. Hmm...what to do? I would aim to leave 9.30am tomorrow so would need more sleep. Maybe a couple more Buds? But that store had closed now. But this is China and that should not be a problem and someone told me there was another one by the carpark and indeed it was but two minutes away. So a couple more beers, my last hit of Mandarin, and indeed I was asleep again by 3am.

No chance...even though Andge and Awl would have

Leaving time again...why do I fly?

It wasn't too hard to get up at 8.30am despite waking up during the night. For once I'd pretty much sorted out stuff, so for the first time this trip went out to get breakfast. Where else than the jiaozi place? This time for definitely my last portion. I had a couple of cups of tea at Lu zong's water shop next door then said my goodbyes. I did a last spin of the place on the dian dong che, but knew my time was nearly up. It was much cooler than the last couple of weeks have been, and was drizzling, so I guess this is another step closer to being in the UK.

Starting to build up a collection again

I pinged Li Kun at 11am to ask if he could help me book a didi che, and whether 11.15am would be too early for a 12.09pm train. No it wouldn't be too early at all, and he would order one to pick me up outside the bank by the second main gate. 11.20am came but the car didn't. I called Li Kun and he just said to wait a bit longer. Hmm...I shouldn't have worried but after another 5 minutes it still wasn't there. Then Li Kun pinged me the details of the car and just like that it turned up. The driver helped me with my luggage then asked me a question I didn't understand. I apologised but then Li Kun rang to see my situation. The driver was pointing to a number pad on his phone and I worked out he wanted the last 4 digits of my phone number. But I had the presence of mind to check with Li Kun which phone number to use and indeed it was his, so 5-5-5-1 was typed into the software and only then was the map and route displayed. The driver explained it was different software from didi che. Ah, so this was an alternative one then, but I was rather disappointed I hadn't understood him. One of the main reasons for this sojourn was to improve my spoken Chinese, and although it hasn't got worse I'm not sure how I can quantify any improvement.

Goodbye Yu Jing Hua Ting

Annoyingly, the taxi had to stop at the bottom of the access road to the station due to ongoing repairs (of the station, not the taxi), so I had to walk up 100 yards or so. This could have been a real sweat-fest another time but as my backpack was attached to the hand luggage it really made a difference (not to mention it wasn't 30+ degrees. Security was pretty straightforward with the expected examination of my powerbank. Both the train to Nanning and the train to Wuxu airport were busy, but I found space for the large suitcase. It's great now the train stops at the airport but it was still a good 10 minutes' walk to baggage drop-off. And the lady at the counter didn't even attempt to speak to me in English, which I really appreciated, and when she told me my large suitcase hadn't passed security I was almost glad to have the social intercourse with the security people. They looked at the plastic drink bottles, one of which had the remains of some gin in it, and shook it to check it wasn't...well I don't know, but I was glad they didn't ask me to take a sip, then they put the bottles back and this time it passed ok.

So it was off to the landside lounge we've been to so many times before. It's got the crappiest selection of snacks and sugary drinks, but it does have a fast stream security, so after finishing my sugar-free lemonade that might have been spiked with something I did security and went to find the China Southern lounge. My app had said that there were two of them, of the six lounges at Nanning airport, and these were the only ones with wine and beer. Ha! I wish, not a drop of the stuff and I had two hours to wait. However, the hostesses were very nice and didn't speak English to me. I made do with a bowl of pao mian, which was the only hot food I could find. When the time finally came I was about to leave but was told my flight was "yan wu le", and this time I did appreciate it when she added "delayed" in English. Ah, I should have known this term. So I left my stuff in the lounge and went for a walk anyway. Surely I should be able to find a beer in this international airport.

I walked the length and breadth of the place, checking each shop and even restaurant, but it seems it is a dry as Jeddah. Not even local white alcohol in the tourist shops (not that I would have). So I'd have to be content with my little carry-on in the flight. Apparently the delay was due to air traffic control, which doesn't explain much, and that we'd leave in one to two hours. Well I guess a dry lounge is better than no lounge. Finally around 6pm we were called to board. The first half an hour was bumpier than I would have liked, but it smoothed out after that and even the landing was manageable. I think it was the longest flight (1h20) I've managed without going to the loo.

I admit to using one of the cans of sweet shuibi to make myself a drink before making my way to the tube entrance. I didn't quite understand the ticket machines - it looked like you needed to use a special card (ID card?) to buy tickets so I had to ask the woman at the desk who told me it was 6 kuai to go to Shekou. In the end it took an hour and when I finally made it upstairs into the Shekou night I was pretty sweaty. I'd worked out it should be about 800 metre walk but I saw a sign saying "B601 shuttle bus" that ran till 11pm. By now it was 10pm but the place was deserted and I wasn't sure about waiting. But I'm glad I did as 5 minutes later the said bus did turn up. I'd searched it up online and found it was 1 kuai, so got on and asked the driver if I could pay with Weixin. Well yes and no; I couldn't scan a QR code and he couldn't scan me, but he was motioning to do something else. He started driving anyway and when we got there 5 minutes later we spent a couple of minutes searching for the mini-app but it wouldn't download and in the end he just let me go. It's hardly worth arguing over 1 kuai.

Slightly amusing warnings at the Shekou Cruise Center

The hotel was fine and yet again the bloke at reception didn't attempt a word of English, so that was another tiny buzz (although I guess it's more like dopamine). I didn't fancy dining there and anyway it was 11pm, so I went for a walk outside and found a 7-11-like shop where I bought four hot sausages and a packet of cucumber flavoured crisps. And three beers. I expected the sausages to cover this evening and breakfast tomorrow but I ended up wolfing everything down as it was my first bite to eat since the lounge. I was awake enough to grab a shower but not for much longer than that.

Zhang hua meal and Lu zong ye xiao

Bloody last full day again in Pingguo and I felt shit for so many reasons. The clothes shop woman pinged me at 11am to say the footy top was there and I said I'd collect it in the afternoon. I managed to pull myself out of bed late morning and go for a last jiaozi at 12.30, then popped to the clothes shop. The woman said she thought I'd be coming in the afternoon, so I checked my phone and asked her if nearly 10 to one wasn't the afternoon? She seemed genuinely surprised that it indeed was so late so I told her I guessed she hadn't eaten yet. It's almost like "afternoon" means "after lunch" here, especially given that they generally eat so early. She only wanted 50 kuai for the top as the season was over and there would be a new top next season, but for some reason Weixin wasn't letting me pay. She told me the reception wasn't good here and I could send a red envelope when home.

Indeed when I got home I found that mobile data was turned off on my phone. Yesterday I'd needed to put in my UK SIM to receive an authorisation SMS, but recalled how in 2019 I'd left it in as we crossed to mainland China and within a minute had my data allowance used up. So this time I'd remembered to turn off mobile data while switching SIMs but I'd not remembered to turn it back on. For getting on for 24 hours I'd not noticed as I've connected to so many wifi hotspots here I was probably covered most of the time.

I still felt shit but had to force myself to pack what I could at least. Tan had asked me to give the boxes of covid tests to A Xia so I decided to walk to and from her shop in case it made me feel better. I took the scenic route back and met Lu zong for a couple of glasses of tea at his water shop. Then, just past Guanmart, Lin Hong saw me and almost forced a huge cup of tea with stuff in upon me. She was with a Bangxu friend and a dance teacher who most definitely wasn't a local. Most of the chat was in Mandarin but sometimes when the Bangxu friend and Lin Hong chatted together they fell back to Bangxuhua. I asked the dance teacher if she understood and she most definitely didn't as she was from Yunnan. I know how she felt.

Back home I realised my shirt for tomorrow was dreadfully crinkled so asked A Xia if there was an iron in her shop I could use. Of course there was, so for the second time today I was there, and the lady took my shirt and hung it up on the vertical iron. I'm not really sure it's called an iron as she mainly steamed it for 10 minutes or so. I don't think it's the most efficient way to remove creases but it did the job.

"Ironing" my shirt for tomorrow

One person I hadn't seen this month was Zhang Hua, but we'd been in contact and he'd invited me for a bite tonight. I went to the place he'd had his birthday meal back in August and it was more of a family affair with his wife and two kids and a couple of blokes, one of whom was drinking 52% white alcohol. Of course a couple more people turned up during the meal and I sadly realised this would be my last time. Well, second-to-last as Lu zong had pinged me to say he was going to his bar in Jiang Bing Lu and I was invited. Earlier today I'd told him I didn't think I'd be out in the evening and he'd said he wasn't either, unless I told him I was up for it.

Simple meal with Zhang Hua

So at 9pm I made my excuses with Zhuang Hua and we had a little hug goodbye. But I couldn't go to Jiang Bing Lu just yet; it was the last day of the month and there was not enough money in the bank to pay the mortgage. I spent a frustrating half an hour or so at home shifting some stables, and having to receive another SMS to my UK SIM. Of course this time I forgot to switch off mobile data and received an SMS telling me my data was used up before the authorisation SMS was received. But come on? I was at home attached to wifi wasn't I? Why would I be using up mobile data? But finally thanks to Metamask and Moonpay I'd sent some fiat to a UK bank account, so told Lu zong I was on my way.

For once he wasn't sitting the private room, but with a few blokes I didn't know. He had to order beer as all were on white alcohol but eventually many ganbeis were made. He ordered a load of bbq and food was thrust into my hands. Ok, this time was definitely the last meal in China this year. It was quite fun, but I had to make my excuses around 11.30pm as I had stuff to pack and clothes to wash. So much for being in bed by midnight.

Final meal at Lu zong's bar in Jiang Bing Lu

I put the clothes on at 1am then faffed about trying to work out whether I should cancel the hotel in Shekou and find one nearer the train station. Or stay at the airport and get a ferry from there but it would be a really early one. Trying to book a ticket from Shekou didn't work either as you had to put in your airline but they didn't have China Southern. I know it's convenient to be able to check in your luggage if your airline has an agreement, but if it doesn't you can still manually take your luggage and check it in at the airport. So why is airline mandatory on the form? I guess I could have chosen a different airline but feared that could go horribly wrong. Hopefully I'll be able to do it from the port.

Had a chat with Mat after putting out the clothes to dry at 1.45am. Not that I'll be able to take them back with me. Tan's clothes and the mushrooms mean I've been able to fit some football tops and a couple of pairs of socks along with the noodle bowl I got because it came free with a pack of four pao mian. Other than that I could just about fit my supplements and the two packs of tea Ma Laoban gave me. The other clothes I have are for the trip and are in the hand luggage. So I was pretty much ready by 3am and put on the alarm for 8am. That should be well enough time to do any last minute stuff.

Ma Laoban and too much caffeine

Blimey I felt rough when I got up; a combination of a lack of sleep, too much booze, and being ill generally. After lunch I forced a couple of Gs as hair of the dog but it didn't seem to work. But I wanted to see Ma Laoban if possible so drove over to his new office.

He hadn't responded to my message but was there at least and we spent a great two hours chatting as you do. I gave him his present of some old British coins plus Lego for his two sons. I felt a bit weird and asked if the tea we were drinking contained caffeine. Apparently not, so I continued as it was rather lovely. He made me scan the barcode of the tea box with Weixin and it turned up it cost 480 kuai for the box. And of course he took out a couple to give to me.

Ma Laoban at his desk

Later at getting on for 5pm I said I should go, and he did a search and found out that indeed this tea did contain caffeine...I could have told him that! Back home I didn't fancy having a drink so made myself a coffee as I knew I'd only had about four hours' sleep. Then I got chatting to Mat, who was also knackered in la Reunion, and also made himself a coffee so I joined him for a second one. Jeez I wish I hadn't, I started to feel really really rough.

I remembered I'd promised Joe a Pingguo football top so went to find one but they didn't seem to be as ubiquitous as in the summer. A Xia said she didn't know where to get one either. So I ended up at the place we got our ones in the summer and although the owner said she didn't have any she would try to sort something out. Cool, she had my details and later she said she should have one by tomorrow.

At around 10pm I decided to go for a walk as if that would help me get out of my caffeine "low". Any other day I'd have been tempted by the various people at tables drinking, but beer was at the bottom of my list now. I did end up walking past Lu zong's water shop and was invited in by a group of old men...to drink tea...so I ended up spending a good 20 minutes there but had remembered to bring the last box of shortcakes biscuits for Lu zong. I felt shit, but realised this was a step down. Moving from Pingguo to the UK in one step would have been too much.

Tea with some old blokes at Lu zong's water shop

Soon after I got home Li Kun pinged me to go for a drink at Xiao Bai de Tian at 12:10am. I really wasn't in the mood but made an effort and first went to get a new large bottle of water for the house. Again, a trivial thing but rendered important by me, not to mention although I was nearly about to leave I'd still need the stuff. 

Well I met Li Kun and it was kind of fun, despite one bloke being too drunk. We cai ma'd for a while then I went for a walk but found myself with the owners of the place and had a glass of weak and sweet white alcohol plus a glass of tea. I went back to where the blokes were but by 2am the beer was tasting rank so I just said I'd be on my way, and that was ok.

Back home I realised I needed to book a hotel in Shenzhen. I'm not really sure getting a flight was the best thing to do. There are ferries from near the airport but not at the correct time, so I'm hoping doing Shekou is the right thing to do. At least I've now booked a hotel there. Due to the caffeine I was still up at gone 4am yet again...

Nice afternoon with Yang and more guitar with Nong

Strangely woke up at 9.30am and despite a boring YouTube video about metaphysics and counting in Spanish I couldn't sleep. And anyway my friend Yang had pinged me to say he was back from Tiandong and was I awake? I decided to reply in the affirmative as it would force me not to try to sleep more and I was yet to see him this year. So he said to call him a bit later and we would go to the lake in the afternoon.

So I grabbed a coffee but couldn't really face eating anything. Then, at gone 11.30am I did something silly and had a decaff coffee and added the last of the whisky. I needed to perk myself up and this was a poor excuse. But a bit later I grabbed a shower and called Yang and he said to go to the supermarket by the guangchang and call him when there. This I duly did and after 15 minutes he turned up in a new car. I had no idea what to expect so brought with me my powerbank, a long-sleeved top, and my trunks and goggles just in case.

We drove just for a minute then picked up his wife and a small kid who I think is their grandchild but was too embarrassed to ask as I should know. The car was one of the many BYD (Build Your Dreams) and of course electric. We drove the few minutes to the lake I'd taken Leilei and Nezha to back in early August, and I was told that Pingguo is particularly good due to things like this and I didn't disagree.

Yang parked up and retrieved some stuff from the boot, and we walked down to a place I recognised from August; it was the "pier" that I'd swum to from the other side of the lake three months ago. Yang set up a large picnic floor and a tent, then sorted out chairs and a table and some food of course. Actually I was famished and not feeling great so really appreciated the zongzi plus the pig blood sausages. And I didn't miss the lack of beer.

Sorted for the afternoon

Yang and I left his wife and grandchild to go for a walk, as is our wont. I understand him more than most people here (probably because he's from the north) so it was weird to hear him say "kong que". This was one of those times where I was grateful for Google translate's voice recognition system and when I spoke into it (3rd tone then 4th tone) it turned out it was "peacock". Then wouldn't you know it we were next to an enclosure with about 100 of the said fowls. He said he didn't think you could eat them and I only agreed because I'd never been offered before. But why not?

The walk was great though, due mainly to the conversation and the fact it wasn't boiling hot. We got back 45 minutes later to see four young ladies had also set up in that place, and cooking some meat over a gaslit stove as you do. All in all it was a very comfortable afternoon, but I was quite happy to get back home around 4pm.

It's a bit 1984 but not much more than London

Yes, I like Pingguo too

Singing on the way back as you do

Advertising friend Nong then invited me to eat tonight. Well that was great but a mate had invited me yesterday to eat tonight. But that mate had also done so in the summer then couldn't make it but didn't tell me about it so I told Nong I hoped to be able to make it but would confirm later. Indeed the other bloke didn't get back to me so I asked Nong what time. 6.30pm, so I had plenty of time. Though of course after a shower it was getting on for 7pm so I pinged to say I'd be late but she said she was out buying food anyway.

So I turned up fashionably late at 7.15pm as Nong was asking if I was coming. It was the same place as last time when I had to play guitar and sing but this time there were no musical instruments in view thankfully. Muscle boss was there, as were a number of other people, most of whom I don't think I knew. And of course it was another fantastic meal. There was far too much for all of us but then we got a delivery of sashimi salmon and slices of something else I couldn't work out. Ah, but that was "e gan", well I understand that and said it was goose liver. But it was more than that...it was actual foie gras, and it was the most tasty thing I've eaten in years. What a lovely texture, so good it should be illegal, and is in some countries and US states. On another note it was great to hear some people say "ni hao jiu mei you bian le", or "you haven't changed in many years". I think they meant physically, at least I hope so as I certainly haven't become more mature mentally. I like to think that keeping fit in the UK has helped with that, which of course includes table tennis.

One of the bloke's wives - I had to translate what her tee-shirt said...I'm not sure her kids understood

The stuff with the purple edge is the foie gras - absolutely gorgeous

I should have predicted that guitars would turn up, and they duly did with a bloke around 9pm. They were all pushing for me to sing but I said the guy who'd just turned up with the guitar was the professional. No! I was the professional according to them! Oh well, I had a couple more ganbeis of the 2.5% beer and did a rendition of Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard because why not? Once again I'd sung for my supper.

Then some bloke turned up who apparently was into stones. I sort of appreciate this now as I know Ma Laoban has some, but don't really get it. He said he'd get one for me (he'd had a couple of beers), and left and came back a few minutes later with a palm-sized stone which apparently depicted a mother and child. He said it was from the river, and that when I got back I was to give it to Tan as she is from Pingguo. And apparently it's worth 2000 kuai. I didn't really know what to say. It didn't look particularly special to me but I appreciated the sentiment in a way I'm guessing Tan won't.

Mother and daughter stone to give to Tan

We finished soon after midnight and although I should have slept I ended up being awake and watched the City v Leipzig match but I think I was falling in and out of sleep, but was awake to witness the comeback 3-2 win.

Bugger I have to pack this...I won't have any space for my own stuff!

Two dogs in two days

I got a call at 9am, after not much more than 90 minutes sleep and for some reason answered it. It was to say that there would be a package delivered today so I knew it was confirmation of Er jie's dried mushrooms. I was as polite as I could be and pretended I understood everything and they seemed to be ok with that. Hopefully that won't come back to haunt me. 

Managed to sleep till gone 1pm and although I would have liked to do so for longer I reckoned it wouldn't be a good idea. So at 1.45pm I went to the jiaozi place but annoyingly they were closed...oh well...does it really matter? I'm in my last few days here and just walking about makes me happy. I picked up my nicely cleaned Converse trainers that had got caught up in my suitcase wheels on the day I arrived here. Well the laces had been black, but now were pristine again.

Lunch ended up being a tiny pao bian with a couple of quail eggs and I was still feeling rough with my cold and cough. A Xia then asked me when I had time to pick up more clothes for Tan...oh yes I'd told her I'd be around today. I told her in about half an hour, which would give me time for a quick shower. But it also gave me time for a tiny medicinal nip as I still hadn't gone to buy some cough medicine. Well that turned into two nips and by the time I had my shower A Xia was asking how much longer as she'd be leaving the shop soon. So I told her I'd be right over and of course that was fine.

I wasn't expecting quite such a large bag of clothes, but couldn't really complain...it looks like I'll have to leave a load of stuff here again though. It was good to have a brief chat though and I met her husband A Dong again for the first time in over four years. I picked up a haircut at Lao Ma's a few minutes later. Almost nothing has changed in her shop - even the original CRT tv is still there. But again it was a nice chat as we talked about normal things like not having a car anymore and such. Again, the most banal things take on a new meaning here.

Picking up a haircut in the almost unchanged Lao Ma's salon

My next task was to pick up the dried mushrooms that had been sent by Er jie. This should be a simple every-day task but I had no idea where to go. I asked at the main security place but didn't understand what the bloke said and was too proud to admit it. So I went to the other security place but he told me to go where I'd just come from. Eventually, from the international language of pointing I saw what looked like a normal shop but inside were loads of packages. I told the young lady I needed to pick up a package and she asked me a question that might as well have been in another language such was the vocabulary she used. I genuinely didn't understand and telling her it contained mushrooms wouldn't help. So I called Er jie and handed over the phone. No, still no further, but she sent me a barcode at least, but it wouldn't scan. Then she told me to try "Wu ye" which meant nothing to me, so I asked at security again and they pointed in the opposite direction this time. So I asked a woman holding a child and got pointed to some external stairs, so tried them and ended up in another shop-like place with loads of parcels on the shelves. Once again, the conversation was crooked so it was another call to Er jie and apparently the parcel was addressed to my Chinese name so had I thought of that I could have just let her know. So finally I had the parcel in my hands, and the amount of space I'd have for my stuff just diminished again. A trivial task that should have taken a couple of minutes had taken 15 but I had learnt something. At least I did later: Wu ye (物业) means "property" I think. Oh, and I'm probably not even allowed to bring in the mushrooms anyway.

My next thing to tick off was helping Li Kun sort out ChatGPT4 with the Merlin plugin for Chrome browser. All of this would likely need the help of VPN. So I pinged him at 6pm and his response was to ask me if I had anywhere to eat. I hadn't meant to invite myself to eat so told him I'd had a late lunch which was sort of true. But I was told to eat with him anyway.

At his office he was working on FL Studio. It appeared he was trying to synch various tracks of young people singing a song. We had some conversation about the cost of the software and that he had got it cheap as it was for education, and in fact the young people in question were students so I guess it makes sense. I left him to mix as I got a zero sugar cola to help perk me up. 20 minutes later he got on my dian dong che and we drove to near the deng ji police place where his friend lives. We took the lift to the 23rd and top floor before walking up a flight of stairs to a nice rooftop where there were already a few blokes sitting around a table. Oh, and in the middle was a pan of dog meat. So much for not consuming that again. I'd managed five years without it and now it was twice in two days.

Two dogs in two days...

The blokes were just about to start drinking white alcohol and there was no beer. But there was no problem as a quick phone call meant the delivery of cold Snowflake beer would be just a few minutes later. It was quite an enjoyable meal and I had more of the dog than I would normally, but it was delicious. Li Kun was ganbeing the likes of which I'd barely seen before. I kept it easy as I'd be driving and also to be in a position to look after him if he overdid it. Well the young Boss Liu to my left overdid it a bit and moved on to the beer, and there were some very red faces a couple of hours later. Li Kun was pissed but not dreadful and I was a bit relieved when it was over. At least Boss Liu, being from Jiang Xi, didn't speak the local lingo so it was a better test of my Mandarin. A lot of the time here I feel like a spectator as I barely understand a word of the local languages and they seamlessly slip between them which makes it even harder. They did tell me not to worry, and that if I spent a month here I'd pick it up. I've spent two and a half months this year already and I definitely haven't.

A Wu had videoed to show that he was having a boss meal, and I was to go there. I wasn't massively in the mood but dropped off Li Kun then remembered about my promise of ChatGPT. It took half an hour as he didn't have a VPN on his desktop so once he installed Chrome he couldn't install the Merlin plugin. But luckily I'd already downloaded the Windows clients of my three VPNs so I copied PureVPN onto a handy micro-SD and he installed it on his. It wanted to upgrade to the latest version and I was surprised it worked as the VPN hadn't connected itself yet. Then came the fuss of logging in with my credentials, tweaking the protocol, then attempting to connect to the Hong Kong server, and it worked! We then installed the Merlin plugin with his Google account settings and I showed him how to use that too after I set it to version 4.0 - 50 goes a day is not too shabby for free. He checked he could do it himself by closing everything down and restarting the process. I told him not to disconnect the VPN too often as it doesn't always reconnect, but since I've moved to the Wireguard protocol it's been pretty solid on both phone and PC. The last thing he did was to check access to YouTube...I've never seen him smile as much as when it loaded successfully!

So it was off to A Wu's office, and when I got there he used his remote control to open the shutter to let me in. There was a bloke on his phone on the sofa when I got in and I seemed to stir him. He got up and looked slightly dazed and I guessed he was drunk. He walked in the direction of the shutter and promptly hit his head on it, then bent down and got out as it was lowering. I got into the lift to the 4th floor and indeed it was just a few blokes left drinking and playing cai ma. On another night it might have been interesting but I basically did my bit and stayed no more than an hour. Even A Wu was pretty pissed and talking about how we were great brothers etc. It was good to be home and I put the dian dong che on charge and had a bit of a chat with Mat and Awl and what I thought was an early night but was at least 2.45am.

Last ever dog meal with Uncle Yellow

Woke up with a nasty cough and used what energy I had to put out the clothes to dry that I'd washed last night. Awl called at 1.30pm which was 5.30am his time and we had a chat and I made a mini pack of pao mian, which is what the locals call convenient noodles.

Uncle Yellow pinged me to eat dog this evening but I told him I really didn't think I'd be able to make it as I was feeling shit. So he told me to get some kip and let him know but not too late. I did try to get back to sleep but even the Spanish counting didn't quite do the trick, coughing kept interrupting. Some time before 3pm I gave up trying to sleep. I'd already finished the bit of local cough medicine that was left on the shelf, then Tan told me she'd left some Ibuprofen in Nezha's room from the summer so I did a couple of them. I was still feeling rough so tried a little nip of whisky and actually after the second one it seemed that the cough was diminishing.

It dawned on me that I had precious little time left so got back to Uncle Yellow to say I would do my best to make it. But he had a go at me getting back so late and he'd have to check if others could make it. Ah, they were only going to eat dog if I was going. Well I thought I wouldn't eat dog again, and told myself this would be the last time, if he could find others to eat with. But of course he did and within half an hour he told me to come down to Jiang Bing Lu for the said dog.

Well I turned up slightly late, and Uncle Yellow was waiting outside for me and shouted at me as you do. His name is Huang Lei but since 2003 I've known him as Uncle Yellow and I guess that won't change now. Having said that, I call many of my friends by different names from when I first knew them, e.g. A Wu used to be Xiao Li. I mean he still is but I guess as you get to know someone better your relationship changes and therefore the way you address them does. But it doesn't apply to everyone; Li Kun has always been Li Kun for example. I'll probably never understand.

Uncle Yellow remembered from 2019 that I rather liked Wolf Blass red wine and bought a box of 6 bottles of their 2017 "Gold Label", which looking online seemed to be £21 a bottle! Having said that, many people here have said that imported brands are often fake. Anyway, with my cough and cold I could barely appreciate it but had more taste than beer would have had. But, like beer, we still chinked glasses and drank fairly regularly, albeit smaller lugs, and I made my beer glass-sized glass last four sips each time.

Great dog meal with Uncle Yellow on the right and Boss Zhou high-fiving his wife

A Ning turned up a couple of minutes after me, with his wife and second daughter. Then a couple of more blokes did, plus one who only drank tea as he maybe needed to work later. Uncle Yellow asked me if I liked the monarchy. Hmm...this was not directly political but very close. I told him I had mixed feelings - on the one hand I do rather like having a non-political figurehead, but on the other hand it seems a bit unfair that you can just get born into such an easy life that we the taxpayers pay for. He very much agreed about the second point, and said they were very expensive. Yes, but I said they also bring in a lot of tourism so it's not black and white. He also agreed with the point about it being an easy life if you have blue blood. But again I countered my own argument saying it's effectively true for anyone born into a rich family. But here he disagreed, at least in the context of China. He said before anyone who had a lot of money could buy anything, but recently that wasn't the case. He made it very clear that these days just because you were rich didn't mean you had the means to do anything. I'm not quite sure how true that is, but I'm very willing to believe it's more like that here than some more capitalist places (and I'm aware that China is also capitalist). It's a conversation I would very much like to have engaged in for longer but we had to drink again and I realised I was running the risk of moving to something too political so we moved on to other subjects.

The meal was great of course, and didn't really need the dog. At 8.55pm the tea drinker got a message that he wouldn't need to work and immediately poured himself a glass of bai jiu and ganbei'd us. This went on for another hour but I needed to meet A Wu so before 10pm we all finished and one of the blokes insisted on driving me to where A Wu was near the football stadium. The driver got a didi che back I think, and when I walked in I was told we'd go back to A Wu's office so I ended up driving him there. So much for having a driver. At his office it was just a few bosses, and after having a small bite to eat I was flaking so made my excuses and went home.

I was home at midnight and although I'd planned to chat with the lads I fell asleep a few minutes later. I then woke up at 3.45am and saw a missed call from Sisi at 3.22am. I told her I'd been asleep so she sent me a picture of a bottle of wine and said she fancied some cigarettes, which was confirmed when she called me again. Well it was 4am but this is Pingguo and I thought "why not?". I put on my clothes and took the dian dong che to the football stadium but I couldn't find anywhere selling fags. So I asked at a local bbq place and they said they could get me a pack for 10 kuai. Err, ok, I scanned the Weixin code and paid, and a couple of minutes later the bloke handed me a box of them. I shouldn't really ask questions. Then to the other side of the stadium to the same bar as the other day to resume drinking red wine, although this time much more slowly. Sisi was a bit drunk and talking wistfully about her late father and I knew she really missed him. I ended up taking her back at 6.45am and was home myself very shortly after...another 7+am finish.

Long meal by the river

Bloody coughing got me up at 9am after five hours' sleep. I somehow found a 3 hour in-depth video of Christopher Hitchens that kept me awake-dreaming till the afternoon when Li Kun told me to be at his at 12:30. A Wu also called me to say we'd start at after 1pm so I didn't rush too much, and only grabbed a shower at 12:20pm. I was feeling pretty shitty with Nong's cold, so allowed myself a couple of sips of the duty free whisky that had not found someone to be given to. Due to the lack of sleep I also had some cola with a bit more of the W. Intending to be fashionably late, I told Li Kun I would leave around 12:45 but he responded to say to wait 15 minutes as he wasn't there yet...so much for being told to be there at 12:30. So at gone 1pm I left the dian dong che to charge and walked the 10 minutes to Li Kun's, remembering to bring a long-sleeved top and phone charger just in case. Oh, and the bottle of cola.

As I was nearing his office his second daughter spied me and ran at me to give me a huge hug which was absolutely delightful. It's little unexpected things like this happening that can really make your day. We got in his car with his wife and two youngest and drove a good 15 minutes south before coming to a stop at the side of the road to call A Wu as apparently we didn't want to arrive before him as it wouldn't be right. So we basically sat in the car for another 15 minutes or so with his little son on my knee and Li Kun himself trying to learn the words of Hey Jude. It was actually quite tricky to explain what it meant to take a sad song and make it better, but I did my best anyway. Finally A Wu's car turned up and we then continued on our way past a fishing lake and finally to a few houses on the riverbank.

Li Kun's younger daughter and son in the car while waiting for A Wu

It looked like we were among the first to turn up and as it was getting on for 2pm I realised that we were coming for tea rather than lunch. I saw a couple of oldish people manually ripping the corn off the sweetcorn cob and of course joined in to help. It was a lot harder than it looks and I started to tire after just doing one, so I thanked them and went to look around instead. There were a couple of blokes cooking and A Wu's and Li Kun's kids running about with some of the local kids. I ended up taking them down to a small pier where they spent a good half an hour fetching stones to throw in the water under the glorious Guangxi sunshine. Both A Wu's and Li Kun's kids are really comfortable with me now and often take me by the hand to lead me to places. It was just simple fun, but maybe like Li Kun's daughter's hug earlier it just seems to feel more special here, like being here tunes up your sensory perception. I suppose it's generally like that when you are abroad, but when in Europe I don't normally stick out so much and the sensory uptick is more of an aural thing. Here it's pretty much every sense. But for the kids they don't seem to see me as being much different; they've got past the "your eyes are blue, your hair is blond, your nose is tall" stage and I'm just Uncle Peng to them now. And I guess now that my kids are mostly grown up I do miss some sort of interaction with the younger ones and their innocence.

Li Kun and A Wu chatting by the river

A veranda built around a tree

The pier from which the kids and I threw stones, Yi an in the foreground

More people turned up during the afternoon, many of whom knew me and I pretended to remember them. The men smoked and talked and the women just talked, and I mainly stayed with the other kids outside, though aware about the risks of getting sunburnt (though getting sunburnt in November is such a luxury). Then, finally, at 3.44pm it was announced that we were to eat. I was bloody hungry by this point and accepted half a bowl of rice that I wouldn't normally do. We had the lovely spicy bamboo root stuff although they keep telling me it isn't bamboo but something else I've not yet managed to learn or write down. Presently the beer was poured for most of the blokes and white alcohol for a few others. It didn't take as long as usual for cai ma to start, and A Wu suggested I go round the whole table (well both). Well sod it, why not? The only real rule seemed to be that you one of you had to win twice but both had to lose at least once. I was trying to do the maths for the best possible situation - there were about 12 blokes, so at half a glass per loss the best case would be six glasses of Snowflake beer. The worst case would be significantly worse. The actual case was pretty bad; I did pretty well against the majority, but there were two or three blokes that just kept winning and it took a good 7 or 8 losses before I beat them. Then finally to A Wu, but for some reason I caned him, to everyone's delight. I totally lost count of how many glasses I'd imbibed but after ensuring I'd eaten enough I made me genuine excuses and said I needed to rest for a while. I found one of those lazy chairs and pretended to sleep for about 30 minutes. Maybe I did drop off. But Yi an, A Wu's son, wanted me to go and play with him. So I said "15 minutes", and indeed exactly 15 minutes later he came back so I went out to play for a while.

Getting ready to eat

Excusing myself for a shoot with A Wu's and Li Kun's younger daughters respectively

Predictably, as the meal wore on some of the blokes got pretty drunk. I'm generally ok with this although never allow myself to become so imbibed as I like to feel a good degree of control. So after another session at the table I made more excuses to lie down, and once again Yi an wanted me to play. So another 10 minutes later I spent some time with him before it was nearly time for the City Liverpool match. I noticed Li Kun and family had already gone home, which I was slightly annoyed about as I had been due to go back with him but he had probably seen me "sleeping" in the chair and let me lie. So I went for a walk past the pond and sat at the side of a house and managed to find a half-decent stream of the match on my phone. It had been worth taking the portable charger.

Then at half time, around 9.30pm A Wu and family were ready to go back so I got a lift with them. Very annoyingly, a pissed bloke was acting just like the pissed bloke in the broken lift the other night, and may well have been the same person. He grabbed my arm and kissed it and had I had a few more beers I might have done or said something that wasn't appropriate. He had a horrible high-pitched laugh too. Once we arrived at A Wu's I sensed he wanted to walk with me and I made it clear to A Wu that I would walk home alone and walked in the road rather than the pavement to avoid him tracking me. I didn't look back, and just marched on, hoping that A Wu was restraining the other bloke. I would have liked to watch the second half of the footy but by the time I got home it was already in injury time. An unsatisfactory 1-1 draw after a good performance but trying to keep positive at least it's good for the title race.

I was really starting to feel shit now though and was coughing badly. I don't know if the whisky was the cause or the cure but I tried a bit more to help get to sleep after a chat with Awl.

Democracy and 4 evening meals

Although I woke up at 11am I felt shit and had a cold I blame on catching from Xiao Nong. I stayed in bed until she pinged me at 1pm to go for lunch. Fair enough we'd talked about lunch for a few days but either her or I had got up too late. I really wasn't in the mood but forced myself to wash my face and shave, and put on the nicely dry clothes from the drier Tan had only let me know about yesterday. Xiao Nong was waiting for me at her building's gate, but she had forgotten I'd left my dian dong che there last night. So it was slightly fun to have a go at her as normally she has a go at me for forgetting things.

I drove her to the centre of town where we went down to the underground mall and she got won tun and I had jiaozi. For some reason it was just a really nice experience despite me feeling hungover. We then went for a drink of cola and green tea. We were talking about irrational fears; she doesn't like insects and I don't like flying. She's never flown before, and only been as far away as Guangzhou. She didn't even understand "turbulence" in Mandarin and I had to explain it sometimes got bumpy. After that she said she'd never set foot in a plane. I explained that I use logic (and G&T) to get over it, and opened up the Flightradar24 app to show her how many planes were currently flying over China and how none of them would crash. Then she told me that seeing those aeroplane icons gave her trypophobia. What? I had to look it up - an aversion to the sight of irregular patterns. Well I suppose we had just both learnt a new word in our mother tongues.

She then invited me to eat with them again tonight and asked me what I liked to eat. Well, I'm quite partial to the raw fish so she called the people who were at the market to get some. Then we went there ourselves and I had another hit of the sensory overload that is a market here. We met a mate at the market who was buying the food and I made my excuses to leave for a while before tea.

The first time I've seen "democracy" in Pingguo

So I had a little time to go home and take a shit on a proper toilet, and take a shower. I went to Nong's neighbour a bit before 6pm but really wasn't feeling well. They'd bought the raw fish for me so I forced myself to have some of it. And had to force the beer down too. Nong didn't drink for a while but then we started playing mo pai, which I'm getting used to but still don't know how to play properly. I managed till 8pm but A Wu had invited me out so I made my excuses and left.

Typical scene at Pingguo market

A Wu had just come back from Nanning and was with his family having a bite to eat so I joined him for a bit. Yet more food, including oysters, but he took family back then some other bloke came and when A Wu came back I took him to Pingguo International Hotel and we met a couple of other bosses for some boring beer. Then advertising friend Nong pinged me to meet up at the same place as last time so that was a fine excuse to make my excuses and leave. But A Wu reminded me that his Boss Zhou (as opposed to Uncle Yellow's Boss Zhou) had cooked and we were to go there later to eat. Oh.

So it was off to my third eating place of the evening and I spent a pleasant 45 minutes with Nong and muscle boss where I had two cups of you cha and very few strong Li Quan beers. I couldn't really get much more into my stomach though. Nong said if I needed an excuse to remove myself from company I didn't want to be with I didn't have to wait for her to ping me, which is nice to know, if a bit late. We tried to arrange a meet-up before I left and agreed Tuesday would probably be the best day. Whether that happens or not is probably 50/50.

At getting on for midnight I left for Boss Zhou's having remembered to bring the bottle of red wine I'd got from Sainsbury's a month back. Even Xixi recognised him as a decent bloke during the summer when we went for a meal there, so I wanted to give him a small token of appreciation for his company and food. Of course the table was full of drunk men and a couple of women, and of course I had to ganbei with most of them over the course of the next hour or so.

I noticed the beer tops are changing

Cute cats and meals with Xiao Nong and A Qiu

After last night's shenanigans I was up before the afternoon but didn't feel like eating and only managed a yoghurt. Very annoyingly the washing machine then refused to work; it would turn on then turn itself off again a few seconds later. I thought about calling Lin Hong to ask if I could wash my clothes at hers but wanted to check with Tan first if that was culturally acceptable. I recall being given towels as a wedding gift and Tan saying that could never be an acceptable gift in China, so I just thought washing clothes in someone else's house might be similar. But apparently it wasn't so I called her and she said to come round right away no problem. But then Tan called to ask what was wrong with the washing machine. I didn't know, but had intended to sort it out myself, or at least find someone to sort it by myself. Oh no, Tan would call Jiuma, who would find someone to come around. I thought about arguing but really with something as important as a washing machine I guess it's safer to be in someone else's hands. A couple of days ago Tan had also asked me to give Lin Hong's dad a red envelope with 200 kuai as he has dementia. I was about to sort it out but in the same phone call she told me in very definite terms I could not hand such an envelope to Lin Hong...it had to be hand delivered to her father. But Tan didn't know if they lived together or where he was so it could be an issue. 

A cute red-eyed cat I met while on a walk...

...and possibly a relative a few doors down

Then Tan told me I could use the second washing machine. The second washing machine? Why didn't I know about that? And then she said I could dry my clothes in the portable dryer in the back porch. Why didn't I know about that either? With the colder nights clothes are taking much longer to dry and I was starting to plan what I could wear and wash for the last few days. As I was looking for the second washing machine Jiuma called me to tell me if I wanted to use it I'd need to ensure the waste water pipe was plugged in and I'd need to turn on the water. That sounded a bit obvious but she was quite adamant and used the typical "Wo gen ni shuo!" - I am telling you! Then she told me someone would come round to fix the other one, so I needed to stay in. So anyway I plugged in the waste water pipe and turned on the water inlet and plugged in the electricity and said a little prayer. It turned on and started to move, which was a good sign, but when I checked the clothes a few minutes later they were perfectly dry. Oh, the water inlet had been on and I'd turned it off...finally it sprung into wet action.

Portable clothes drier? Why didn't I know about it? It works really well!

A Qiu rang me to remind me I was invited to eat with Tan's ex-colleagues at 6pm, and I pretended I'd remembered. So that was tea sorted. Then Xiao Nong pinged me to eat at her neighbour's at 5pm so I said I might be able to make it for a bit. I saw that the washing was a 64 minute cycle so hopefully the person would come to fix the washing machine before 5pm. But the clothes were just about finished when Jiuma rang to said the person would be around in 5 minutes and I should wait on the balcony for him.

In one of those really annoying moments, the bloke turned up and after stuffing a stone under the washing machine to make it stable turned it on and it bloody worked. He said we'd need to put in a load of clothes to make it work but I only had the clothes I'd just washed and spun dry. So quite annoyingly I had to risk them becoming soaked again just to test the washing machine but of course it worked fine. Bloody bollocks, but at least I had the video to show him why it wasn't working before. I thought it might be because it wasn't stable before but he said that wasn't it. Well what could I do? We waited 20 minutes and had a decent chat during that time but clearly it was working fine so he said he had to charge a 50 kuai calling out fee which was more than fair enough and would have been 10x that in the UK.

Xiao Nong was pinging me to come over before my second meal so I told her I'd leave in a few minutes, so put out what clothes I hadn't just washed for a second time to dry. I ended up getting there at 5.43pm, fashionably late, and had some rather nice huo guo mushrooms and "snail and lamb hoof" dish. Apparently "ti" is the bottom half of the leg rather than "jiao" which is just the foot. I'm glad to be learning this level of detail.

Yang ti at Xiao Nong's neighbour's

At 6.15pm A Qiu rang to see where I was and to let me know how to get to the place we were to eat. So I made my excuses with Xiao Nong and her neighbours and went to buy 4 jin of oranges that aren't called oranges because the skin is a bit green. But in my opinion they are better than oranges as they aren't so sweet. And a few minutes later as I turned into the road a lady shouted at me to follow her. I guess even though she didn't know what I looked like there weren't too many white men turning left into her road. I followed her on her dian dong che for 150 metres as A Qiu had said in her message. I really could have done it on my own...

About to start a meal with A Qiu and other ex-colleagues of Tan

The meal was really good...I like the raw fish you dip in oil and vinegar, and A Qiu, as much as she likes to drink, is genuinely good-natured at heart. Uncle Yellow and Boss Zhou turned up a bit later, clearly the worse for wear, and I managed to drink much more slowly than usual, till 9pm when Xiao Nong and her friends were asking me to come back.

Blimey, it's just like this I guess. I got back to Xiao Nong's neighbour's and we had a couple of drinks before it was decided we would go to sing song. Sod it, I went along with it and did my usual "Pengyou" a couple of times. Then a bit later Xiao Nong said we would go to a disco place. Damn, I really don't like these places...I'm just too old, but for the sake of it I took a san lun che with her to the place I'd been to once in the summer. I bet Leilei and Nezha would have loved it (maybe they went there in the summer) but I don't like the objectification of women, however much they were being paid. I stayed maybe an hour then said I needed to get back, and thankfully someone sorted me out a didi che. So I got back before 3am and had a chat with Mat for a bit before sleep.