Could have been a lot worse...finally on way back

Finally finally. We packed up, paid our bills and walked to the nearest tube station. Hong Kong had been more than ok, considering the circumstances - I mean there are far more places I'd rather not be stuck with a chickenpoxy daughter. It took a bit longer than we hoped at the airport. But if they had complained about not coming back to the airport doctor to get a "fit to fly" certificate I'd have done my nut. Anyway, after some altercations with the paperwork we were checked in, and they waved a blind eye at my overweight luggage when I explained we'd had to stay a week longer than planned.

For the first time since 2003 I was actually happy to be on the plane back to the UK. It was fairly uneventful, and luckily we got a seat at the bulkhead with a mother and her kid. So Xixi didn't sleep for ages and I was so looking forward to a relaxing glass of red. This did eventually happen but I was so exhausted it didn't really count.

And that was it for another year. A great time again at our home-from-home. A house sale agreed. My brother having his first Pingguo experience. My American colleague also getting the Pingguo taste. There was rarely a dull moment, and that's why I love being there - chickenpox cannot affect that.

Finally fit to fly!

I decided that Xixi's spots were sufficiently dry that I'd arrange to take her to the doctor. After an online search I managed to find one that was able to see us that day that was a bit of a walk away. Well we had time on our hands and didn't want to cheat by using a taxi, so we set off through one of the many parks around here. At the doctor's the receptionist spoke English to us. We waited a handful of minutes before being seen. When we were I mentioned that the airport doctor said we needed to come back to see him, but this doctor agreed with me and said that was stuff and nonsense. He also derided the decision not to let Xixi fly. However, after writing a "fit to fly" certificate (phew) he did also sell us some lotion for her spots for another tenner. I didn't argue. We were now in the clear to go home.


Xixi happy with the doctor's verdict

After the doctor we stopped off at a local outside eatery and had some dumplings. It was a cheap, but enjoyable time with other normal Hong Kongers. We then played in the local park for a bit before Xixi was shattered and fell asleep while being pushed back to the hotel. I'd have loved to do so myself but I rang Virgin and arranged to get the next flight tomorrow. Later we gave the good news to the family back home, and had a relatively quiet last night in Hong Kong.

Bonding is the bright side while we're stuck here

Well if nothing else this unexpected sojourn in Hong Kong has proven to be a nice bonding exercise with Xixi. She's quite naughty but very lovable and seemingly enjoying every minute. We went out to look around Kowloon a bit more tonight. We got a bit lost and encountered some more rain, though not as heavy as yesterday. If yesterday was the clouds giving birth, today was more of a placenta. We shared another rather difficult meal outside before realising we didn't know which bus to get back. We asked a couple of policemen and although they tried in English it ended up being quicker to sort it out in Mandarin. However we ended up getting a 4 quid cab back to the hotel as it's a hassle getting the buggy onto a busy bus.

Third day and hotel in Hong Kong

After breakfast on the 14th floor Xixi and I checked out and got a taxi to the hotel I booked yesterday. This was much nicer, if not so central, and around 30 quid a night. I imagine it had seen better business when the airport was in use, but it was clean, and much quieter than our previous one.

One thing I've noticed here is that pretty much everyone selling something speaks Mandarin. I daresay that wasn't the case just a few years ago. This makes life a lot easier. After getting dressed I realised I had no clean clothes left. No problem, there were plenty of local shops near our hotel and we went to these and did a little bargaining. One shop gave a free pair of pants when they heard our story of the chickenpox!

We met my friend Mr Kam from last year. Unfortunately his wife couldn't make it as she had an exam or something. He took us to a vibrant restaurant in a shopping centre not 10 minutes walk from our hotel. The food was excellent but Xixi's behaviour wasn't. She was extremely excitable and kept running off among the other tables. While this was acceptable, even amusing behaviour in China, it wasn't appreciated quite so much here, so I was on an endless quest to find her and bring her back, in between taking her to the loo. I think that may have given Mr Kam an idea of what it's like to have young kids and I hope he doesn't rush into it too soon. Anyway, what food I ate I enjoyed, and of course he insisted on paying.

After bidding 88, Xixi and I went for a walk again. We saw a really cool orange Lotus before the heavens opened as I'd predicted. Luckily, most buildings overhang the pavements so you can get some cover as you walk back. Xixi had her nap and I checked her spots...not really crusty yet so I booked another night. In the evening we decided to take a bus to downtown Kowloon where we paid another visit to the geek street and I bought a couple of tripods (one for Andge), 5 electric adapters from anywhere to UK, and a pair of tracksuit bottoms. Err, and a bottle of wine that was on offer.


A pretty girl with a pretty car


The not-too-inspiring view from our East Kowloon hotel (the old airport)


The view from the hotel looks a bit better at night (with a long exposure)

When we got back we went online and had a nice webcam chat with Leilei, mama and Waipo. It's these aspects of modern technology that make setbacks such as our experience a lot easier to manage.

Xixi reaching out to Leilei 5000 miles away


Xixi happy, if still chickenpoxy

Xixi was particularly excited and wouldn't sleep till 11pm so I didn't get much chance to appreciate my bottle of wine though.

Second day in Hong Kong

I'm not used to waking up in a strange place with my daughter, but I may have to get used to it for a bit. I'm resigned to the fact that we'll be here 4-5 days at least, so we'll need to find somewhere else to stay, preferably a little less expensive too.

So I found a slightly cheaper hotel in Kowloon and we checked out and got the train to downtown Hong Kong. Unfortunately the hotel was covered in bamboo scaffolding (we have that in Guangxi, but I didn't think I'd see it in HK), but I couldn't be bothered to find another place. We went out for lunch then Xixi had a nap while I looked for a new place for tomorrow. I got in contact with a bloke I'd met last year in HK when I came here for one evening as I wasn't allowed to spend more than 60 days in China in one go. We arranged to meet up for a meal the next day. I booked a hotel on the East side of Kowloon, right next to where the old airport used to be.

After Xixi woke up from her nap, the afternoon started to comprise loud banging and drilling to accompany the scaffolding. So we went out to Kowloon to explore. It was quite stifling outside, though with pregnant clouds looking days overdue to give birth to a deluge overhead. After walking around for a bit evening arrived and we found a street selling lots of things that baba liked, such as mini-tripods, and a movement sensor that shouted a welcome in Mandarin when triggered. Although intended for a shop (Ma Laoban has one in his computer shop), I thought it would make a good burglar alarm back home! We tried to enjoy a nice meal outside (with zhou for Xixi), but she was in a naughty mood and kept running away from our table. It took some getting used to, but here she isn't such a little treasure as she is in mainland China, and I'm certainly nothing special at all!

The other thing I did was to buy a SIM card and let Tan know the number. They had got back ok, which was a big relief. A bonus was that it was cheap to call China too so I could speak to friends there...

Really not a good day

Today was not great.

Waking up at 5am was not great. Having our cab arrive late was not great. Having Tan sprain her ankle in the ensuing rush to get to the boat to take us to Hong Kong was not great. But these were the high points of the day.

Despite Tan's hobbling, and Waipo's stubborn attempts to help me with all the luggage, we were in good time for the plane and breathed a huge sigh of relief when we had finally settled into our seats. Tan started to undress Xixi to get her pyjamas on for the flight. That was when our bad day got a lot, lot worse. One of the air hostesses noticed Xixi's spots from her Chickenpox and said she'd need to get a doctor to check her. To cut a long story, and argument, short, the doctor said Xixi couldn't fly, so we were all taken off the plane and introduced to a confusion-laced pandemonium, with some ignorance thrown in for good measure.

Nobody seemed able to give us proper advice. One thing was clear: Xixi would not be allowed to fly until a doctor had cleared her as being non-contagious, which would be days. So I made the calm announcement that Waipo, Tan and Leilei must take the next flight back to London (that night), and I would stay with Xixi as long as it took. There were tears, but there was not really any practical option; Tan staying with Xixi might have been had she not sprained her ankle.

We were finally advised that I would need to go back to mainland China as there was no official route from this part of the airport to Hong Kong itself; while in the airport we were officially still in mainland China. So while some officials were arranging a boat back to Shenzhen I thought to tell them my double-entry Chinese visa had already used up its entry quota, and that I didn't think I'd be allowed back. "No, no, it is fine", was the response. I wasn't convinced. A few minutes later I was called over to pay for the boat tickets back. "Are you sure I'll be allowed back?" I asked again? "Yes, of course". So I paid for the tickets and went back to console the wife. But I still had a nagging doubt in my mind as I've experience officialdom in these parts before and I don't have complete confidence. I insisted the boat ticket sellers ring the Shenzhen customs and explain my visa situation. They did, and after getting some other people involved in the conversation sheepishly told me I wouldn't be allowed back in with my visa and offered me a refund.

But now there was a different problem; I was not officially allowed to get to Hong Kong from where we were. Well I wasn't prepared to spend a week in an airport with poorly Xixi so again I insisted that some sort of protocol needed to be broken or I would ensure that they would regret it. Eventually some higher-ranking airport official came to sort out the problem. After some sad goodbyes, Xixi and I left the rest of the family for a strange walk through the airport with our luggage, past bemused officials, and after going through passport control again were now officially in Hong Kong. The next step was to go to the airport doctor to get an official "Not fit to fly" certificate. Not only did the certificate cost 40 quid, we were also "advised" to buy some ointment for another tenner. Then we were told that once Xixi's spots had become crusty we could take her back to the doctor to inspect again and give her a "Fit to fly" certificate if all was ok. "Can I go to any doctor to do this?", "No, you must come back here". I had a nagging doubt again.

Our last port of call in the airport was to book a hotel. I just wanted something close for the time-being, and we found that there was a good discount on one of the hotels a few minutes from the airport, as business had not been so good recently - 60 quid for a night was not too bad. After a taxi to the (rather nice) hotel and a shower and poopoo (for Xixi), we went for a walk. It was funny seeing Indians standing at a table in a 7-11 drinking beer from a can. And we saw some white people too. But red was the colour I was interested in. I probably go on about it too much, but I'm still shocked about the quality/style of red wine produced in China when they have such great weather for grape growing. One day I expect them to be exporting some grands crus. One day. But Hong Kong had imports at a similar price to the UK. I got a couple of mini bottles for me, plus some nibbles for us to eat.

Xixi seemed very non-plussed about the whole experience. She took everything in her stride and was a delightful companion. Unfortunately Tan was uncontactable as her Chinese SIM card didn't work in Hong Kong, and she hadn't put her UK one in. That night, over a glass of wine after Xixi had gone to sleep, I hoped they had got on their 11pm flight ok, and wondered what the next few days had in store for us.

Goodbye Pingguo, hello chickenpox

The day of leaving had unwelcomingly arrived like the last orders bell during a particularly good night out.

I was somewhat prepared this time. Yesterday I'd taken a photo of all the clothes I would leave behind so I could travel lighter next time. One thought did cross my mind though: if I keep doing this my clothes will last 5-10 times longer than normal, which could mean for as many years photos of me in China will see me in the same, increasingly unfashionable attire. So I probably will keep bring new clothes anyway.


Some of the clothes I left - so I remember what I have


Xixi looking good in pigtails

Waipo was coming back with us to be with Xixi for a few more months, so we all piled in a couple of cars with various other friends and relatives wishing to send us off. Tan was concerned that Xixi wouldn't be allowed to fly due to having picked up chickenpox from Leilei a few days back. I said of course there would be no problem....

On the road I noticed that for the first time in what seemed months (probably because it was) we wore seatbelts - at least the two people in the front, of which I was thankfully one. It didn't seem to matter for the 7 people piled into the back. The Chinese have come up with something that there is no market for in just about any other Western country: the seatbelt socket protector and prettifier. That's all I can fathom about this contraption that appears to have no other purpose than to sit in the seatbelt socket in place of an actual seatbelt. I think they also need to market a seatbelt socket prettifier holder for those times you do actually need to use your seatbelt....


3 phones and a...seat belt socket protector?


Xixi with Tiantian at the airport


Saying goodbye...

After saying our "zai jian"s after another great stay we took a fairly uneventful evening flight except for the lightning storms that the pilot thankfully navigated inbetween. Upon check-in at the Vienna hotel in Shenzhen we decided to go for a bite to eat despite the late hour, and I sadly realised this would be our last proper Chinese meal this year.

Westerner-less week to catch up with family

Well it's been a quieter week since the Westerners left, and in some ways it's been nice to be just living here rather than showing the sights. As we'll be going in a couple of days I invited a few frends out for a nice bbq at our normal place - Li Kun and his fiancee came, as did Lu Hai and a few others later.


Love my daughter...


Xixi looking rather crazy


Chuanchuan with Leilei


Chuanchuan with Xixi


With Likun

Mango Country

Ailun managed to pack and leave on a morning bus with Tan's cousin Tan Mien, so it was goodbye to another Westerner who'd tasted the delights of Pingguo.

In the late morning I was called to go to "Mangguo Country". Luckily "mangguo" is one of the few words that is pretty much the same in English: mango. And the country was still China. At around 11am A Hua and her alcoholic husband came to pick Leilei and me up in their 4x4. He is known as "Lo lan", which in the local language means "alcohol addict" (I think). Well luckily he wasn't drinking at that time as when we got in the car, which had their son and two other young girls of around 8, we proceded to drive for an hour and a half to Tiandong.

It was a severely hot day. Temperatures were topping 40c by the time we got there but it was worth it. There were acres of mango trees, many of which had paper bags tied around the actual mangoes for a reason I didn't get an answer to (at least that I understood). There were around 25 people there in total including kids, and we were offered "baby" mangoes when we got there. I didn't expect the amazing sensation that hit my mouth - I can just imagine a famous tv chef trying one of these and being lost for words trying to describe it.


Sumptuous baby mango


Mangoes in bags, and a rather mad lady trying to shade herself with the help of two cucumbers

Needless to say there were plenty of crates of beer. In fact someone had brought a crate of cans of US-style beer, but managed to drop them all, causing minor tears in the cans and a beer shower for everyone else. But when the food actually started it was amazing as always. Leilei went off to eat with the other kids so I was able to enjoy a meal with a number of blokes I hadn't met before. Interestingly there were a couple of women at the table - I soon found out why. They were "cai ma" masters (or mistresses), and took delight in beating the blokes - and could hold their own in beer when they lost. I didn't fare too well and mostly lost against them but was glad of the liquid refreshment under the scant shade of the mango tree.


A US-styple beer can spraying its wares after having been dropped 4 feet


Ladies

Leilei started to get fractious under the heat so I took him and the girls into "Lo lan's" 4x4 where we started the engine and turned on the A/C. It took 40 minutes to go from 40 down to 30c, but was worth it as it was around 3pm and people's skin was starting to melt off their bodies outside.

We drove home, shattered, around 5pm. I didn't really want Lo lan to drive after a few bevvies but didn't have much of a choice. Anyway he drove no more than 40 mph for the journey.

Ailun's last night

Tonight was Ailun's last night in Pingguo, and we were to "Eat Dog!!". He'd survived with wallet intact from his sojourn to Nanning with some girl but she hadn't accompanied him back so I didn't ask questions (until later).

Eating dog is quite a big deal, as the dog in question had been Chen Mei's family pet for a couple of years (more like guard dog really, but still). Well we had a sumptuous meal at Chen Mei's 5 storey house, where her in-laws also lived. In typical style the men ate in one room while the women (and most of the kids) ate in another. Despite how sexist some people may see this it makes perfect sense. We can talk about machines and business, and they can talk about hairstyles and manicures, without any of us wasting time on meaningless drivel. Makes sense to me. But it does also pander to sexist stereotypes.

Me standing over a river where cars normally drive after a wash. About to eat dog

Ailun showing why the extra bit was built so that cars can drive through after their wash

Well-cooked dog meat

Some presents for cars to be brought back to UK

Well, we had a few beers over drinking games and after the meal we were invited to go to "Sing Song" at one of our favourite Karaoke bars. But as it was Ailun's last day we first went to buy some tea for him to bring back to the old US of A.

We made sure we met one of our best mates in Pingguo before Ailun left. Me, Ma Lao ban and Ailun. Ma Lao ban (Horse boss) was one of our favourite people to visit and drink tea with in Pingguo

At the Karaoke bar we had a good time playing dice games with Chen Mei, who is pretty damn good, although I'm sure I beat her a few times and she seems to be able to take her beer. Tan's cousin turned up around 10pm and Ailun duly fell in love with her as he has with any girl with more than one nipple.

Leilei had chickenpox but still made it to the Karaoke and became a fan of popcorn

Tan, Me and Tan's younger cousin after a night's karaoke

Well Ailun got very drunk and I ended up taking him home from our place at around 3am. I found a three-wheeler after I'd copied all his photos to my laptop at my place, and got him home. After an eternity of hugging (such a yank thing) I finally got him to get to his front door and went home. Only to be called 10 mins later to be told "Hey Dom I lost my goddamn keys!". I can't remember exactly what happened but I managed to convince him he hadn't lost his keys and funnily enough he found them in his pocket a bit later. 4am finally got to sleep!

More World of Warcraft

Ailun had arranged to meet up with some girl in Nanning via a website called something like "sleeponmycouch.com". Sounded more like "givemeyourwallet.com" but who was I to argue. He took the train to Nanning and then realised he had no credit left in his phone. So I had to sort that out for him. But not before he found another shop in Pingguo that had World of Wankcraft in it...

Ailun finding the important things in life in an electic shop

And in his absence I caught up some time with my wife and kids....

Boys need yoga too (and a new shirt)

While out on the electric bike with Ailun I thought I noticed a young lady with an interesting teeshirt (no! not wet! dirty minds!). I knew Ailun was into yoga so I turned the bike around and stopped in front of her and her mates and introduced Ailun to her. She was slightly nonplussed, then I explained that Ailun really liked her top and could he have his photo taken with her? Well she duly obliged, and I am glad to say that Ailun did not ask her for the top as a souvenir...

Boys need yoga too! And anti-perspirant

I had to go back for a siesta as it was bloody hot and I'd been up since 8am due to the noise opposite our house. But Ailun was starting to get used to our town and went out on his own...to buy a shirt!

Well I must say he did a good job of making a shirt purchase last three hours and nearly got his money worth considering it cost 30 quid! He got some Chinese lessons in an air-conditioned shop, and even woke me up to tell me that they wouldn't give him a discount. I did argue with the shop assistant for a while but it was true - 30 quid was the price and that was it, astonishing! Even the locals backed me up later that these shops don't do discounts so it wasn't me just being lame. Well, such a nice shirt must not go unphotographed...

Ailun buying a cool shirt in a cool shop (air-conditioned) from some cool ladies

Ailun realising his American credit card is no good in China having already sweated into the new shirt. (It's ok he had cash)

By the way I found Leilei watching "Postman Pat" in Chinese - some things travel very well.

Postman Pat at Waipo's house

Later that day I took Ailun to the guang chang (huge town square) where he'd arranged a date with the daughter of the snake man and doctor-wife. We got there early with Leilei so he could play on the apparatus (Leilei, not Ailun). At 6pm the snake man's daughter arrived...with her mum! So for this date I took Leilei, and Ailun took snake-daughter on a rather nice boat ride by the guang chang for half an hour under the gaze of her mum. Afterwards there wasn't a great deal one could do with a watchful mother, so as it was Saturday we went to see the great spectacle that is the colourful fountains of Pingguo.

Leilei at the guang chang playground

Ailun waiting for his hot date!

Pingguo guang chang fountains - the highest one in the middle goes 90 metres

After saying zai jian to Ailun's date, we scaled the 200 or so steps up to the fairly new statue of Deng Xiaoping on one side of the guang chang, where we had a chat with some of the locals and Ailun "sweated bullets".

Ailun shaking hands with Deng Xiaoping

Bad shave but unlikely 12-in-a-row "Year" win at cai ma

Found out from Anzhe that his room in Shenzhen was the equivalent of the Presidential Suite, and he could have got one for well under half the forty quid he paid. That will teach me to speak to the hotel receptionist in English... He took the ferry to Hong Kong, got on the plane and then waited three hours on the tarmac with free beer while they sorted out a problem he soon forgot existed...

I needed a haircut. Actually I needed a shave more. Although the Chinese blokes think it's cool to have a week's worth of Caucasian beard the wife doesn't, and I don't want to sleep with my mates so the growth had to go.

I went to see Xiao Lu, the bloke who used to be married to Lao Ma, who used to be one of Tan's best friends. Well he is still my mate and he has his own salon, so I went to kill two birds with one stone and get a cut and shave at his place. I took the electric bike down to the salon in the most sweltering day it's been so far. Now he does a good haircut (even the wife approves) but today he decided to use a cut-throat razor to take off my week's facial hair. To cut a long story short (awful, but unintended pun), he did cut my throat. In several places. Eventually when the pain was too much to handle and I'd lost a couple of pints of blood we admitted defeat and I went home to the relative safety of my Wilkinson Sword where I got the job finished in a couple of minutes. He still charged me 25 kuai though.

Me and my friend Xiao Lu

Me with a look of fear after seeing the cut-throat razor

That night we went to another new restaurant to celebrate A Hua's birthday. There are so many "new" establishments here it's scary...have a feeling there's a bubble about to burst such is the building that's going on.

Such a typical scene in/around Pingguo at the moment - something big is happening

A Hua's wonderful birthday meal

The food was excellent and the company complemented it perfectly, except that this was the first evening without Anzhe. The reason I most missed Andge was the mathematical unliklihood of what transpired during the meal when I was challenged to play "One Year" of cai ma by Chen Mei's husband (a cai ma master by all accounts). "One Year" means you play 12 rounds of cai ma, with the loser of the first round drinking one finger of beer (January), then the loser of the second round drinking two fingers etc until you get to the loser of the last round who has to drink twelve fingers of beer to celebrate December. Really simple.

I won the first four rounds to my surprise, though that only meant my opponent had to drink 10 fingers of beer in total. Then the fireworks started. Literally. Outside there were many apartments being built, and as one stage had been finished it was decided to have a huge fireworks display close to the restaurant that scared even the local kids at the meal. Leilei had to go out to the corridor for half an hour for some respite from the noise.

Fireworks outside the restaurant - went on for far too long

When we got back to playing "One Year" I was understandably quite thirsty. But I won the next round, and the next, and before I knew it it was October and my opponent was actually quite pissed - the first time I'd ever seen him in such a state as he is normally a very cool character. Of course he didn't want to lose face, so after another delay for some more duck and raw fish we got to the penultimate round, or "November" as it is obviously called. I had a slight feeling of pity, but the thought of winning a whole year on my first go gripped me. "Lai....hclee!!" I won on my first go with a "four". It took flipping ages for him to down his eleven fingers and by now I was parched so I poured myself a beer in a separate glass and downed it. I wished I could help him with his. By now I wondered if I could lose if I tried, but when we got back to the game he seemed focused and settled...twelve fingers would be 3 glasses of beer (they are pretty small over there...)..."Lai...chek....yi du!...chek...hoi!...chek...lok lok!...chek...gum!...check...yi du!!!!". Shit a brick I'd done it! Twelve rounds in a row I'd beaten this bloke. January to December....four seasons.... If this was random I would have had a 1 in 4096 chance of a perfect game (I think). At least I have him as a witness if he remembers it. The whole thing lasted well over an hour all told, but will live in my memory forever.

Chen Mei's husband and Tan's husband around June in our marathon "One Year" cai ma battle

Ailun and A Hua at her lovely birthday meal

Ailun and someone. Two things wrong here: 1 - it should be a woman. 2- it should be champagne. At least get the first one right!

Male bonding - Chinese style

Anzhe's last day in Guangxi

It was sad to see Anzhe (Andrew) leave today; he's the first person from blighty to have experienced Pingguo full-on. And it struck me that he would have liked to be able to spend another couple of weeks here if Lis was here. The previous day or so I'd rung up a hotel in Shenzhen to book a room. 40 quid sounded a bit steep but we weren't sure what it was like near the airport.

Anzhe, Ailun and I went to Nanning and went to see Xixi at 2nd sister's house. A Wu said he would come down to take us to the airport but later on it appeared he was too busy or something. And and I found a little place that sold ice cream and asked if they had any beers. Indeed they had and we spent an enjoyable hour watching the Nanning folk walk by.

High five at Tan's second sister's house

We got a lift to Nanning airport with Leilei and Ailun...I was really really tempted to accompany Anzhe to Shenzhen to "help" him but Tan saw through my Good Samaritan act as she knew it would be an expensive excuse for a last night's drink without her watchful eyes...

Passers by in Pingguo on a summer's afternoon

A lorry spill we were not meant to have seen on the way back from Nanning airport

Snake bile and singing "Cottenfields"

Went for a boozy lunch with some of A Wu's work partners/mafia friends. Afterwards, Ailun went to see A Wu's work, while Anzhe and I went for a wander round for a bit. We went on the electric bike down to the river and drove as far out of Pingguo as you would dare with not much battery left and two English blokes causing the back wheel to sink into the road - about 500 yards. But it got us a nice glimpse of what there really is to see when you don't have someone shepherding you all the time. It was ferociously hot, though, and even the locals looked at us with a stronger than usual stare as if to say "does the sun make you whiter?".

Once again fatigue should have made for a nice siesta, but was beaten into submission by the deafening decibels of the music emanating from the mobile phone shops opposite our flat. I think they introduced a new song so we now have five to drive us mad. It is getting really torturous now

However, we were looking forward to the evening meal as we were to have snake! It was a men's affair of course. We bought some fruit with A Wu to take to our host's place. We got there at 5pm and it was the cleanest house I'd ever walked into in Pingguo. The host's job was a tutor to chefs, and his wife was a doctor (hence the cleanliness). The meal was a sight to behold - but we were mostly taken by the ritual of the bile. As I've experienced before, they extract the bile duct from the snake and use a couple of toothpicks to stab it into submission when it finally bursts out the darkest green substance known to man. This inky liquid is then mixed with a very strong alcohol that has been used to pickle various other snakes for the previous few years. Apparently such a meal in a restaurant would have set us back 300 quid each.

In fact the snake meat wasn't that amazing but the ceremony made it memorable - also apparently the snake bile is very good for a man's "manliness".

The hosts' daughter came back during the meal - a slightly demure, pretty creature in her early 20s, having recently finished university. Of course, Ailun fell in love with her and spent the next 2 hours with her on the computer showing her pics from his camera. It ended up with him creating his own QQ account (a Chinese Instant Messaging application that everyone has here) so he would be able to contact her and others when back in the USA.

What a snake's bile duct looks like

What drinking a snake's bile duct mixed with alcohol looks like

Somehow we ended up at a karaoke bar in the evening. Well it was Anzhe's last night in Pingguo so we wanted to do something for him. So we ended up singing "Cottenfields" by the Beach Boys among other assortments from the 60s and 70s that had randomly found their way into the Chinese jukebox.

Vietnamese border and more boating

True to his word, A Wu woke me up at 7am. I did the same to Ailun and Anzhe in their room while A Wu took his shower. I wondered why, as we got in A Wu's car, Anzhe looked nearly as white as the sheets we'd slept in. With trembling hands he passed me his camera, and tried to show me the eight-legged monster that had spent the night in his towel and didn't take kindly to being woken up by an Englishman wanting to dry himself. Ok it was just a blooming spider.

Anzhe's friend

Because we'd not been told what we'd be doing for these couple of days none of us had sufficient clothing. I did try to wash some clothes in the hotel, but by the morning they were somewhat predictably wet due to the 99% humidity I dare say. So I had the ignominy of wearing the previous day's shorts and a totally unironed shirt. Anyway, we drove through beautiful mountains, alongside rivers following the valleys through the paddy fields until we reached Vietnam.

Well, Vietnam was more of a "beauty spot" for which we had to pay about a tenner each to enter. Not only that we had to buy flip flops as it would be a bit wet. Of course if we'd been told this we'd have brought our own flip flops that we'd bought just days earlier in Pingguo but that wasn't the point. We drove back down to the ticket office (why you can't buy tickets at the place you present them is known only to the Chinese - I guess it's to keep more people employed in meaningless jobs). Then we came back and entered the border place where they ensure you stay on a well marked path and point out to you the "beautiful views" where you should take photos from.

Some sort of milestone by Vietnam

This sort of stuff really pisses me off. Yes, it's beautiful, or at least it would be if there weren't signs telling you so. We'd love to have got off the beaten track to see some things first hand but that was transgressing the rules. Anyhow, Ailun took plenty of photos. He got talking to a couple of women but unfortunately nothing came out of it. We ended up (unsurprisingly) at a number of stalls selling Vietnamese produce from coffee to sexually enhancing pills (I thought they were just dirty playing cards until I asked, then felt extremely embarrassed).

Ailun apparently discovering his sphincter for the first time

We did have a good meal outside the border place, and Anzhe and Ailun are now both converts to fried bees. And mysterious eggs that apparently you have to leave underground for months first...

I've already posted pics of fried bees but we also loved the brown eggs with snowflake patterns

I found that I had no shadow in the midday sun. Then I noticed the sun was directly above us

After the Vietnam border we drove for some time to the place we were supposed to meet A Wu's friend. During this time we learnt of Anzhe's fantasy: somewhere, in a paddy field in Guangxi, there is an 18-25 year-old paddy field worker woman who is actually quite pretty. But she has a problem. Her washing machine has broken down. Anzhe happens to be the only washing-machine-repair-man in the area, and goes to her help. As strange as it sounds, when Anzhe arrives the wind picks up and blows the light cotton robes off the nubile paddy field worker, revealing her young body, pert breasts pointing to the midday sun. Man this is so much a fantasy; the only paddy field workers were in their 50's with skin you could make jackets out of. 5/5 for imagination though....

Andrew's fantasy setting

We got to another boating place a bit later where we met two rather pretty women, saying they could get us in for a discount. It is in these situations where I feel rather uncomfortable. I asked A Wu why they could get us in for cheaper when it looked obvious they were working for the boating company. I didn't get an answer. We drank tea with the girls, then parted with a lot of cash (about 60 quid for the four of us). And then they came back with the tickets. Apparently we'd just saved 20 quid or so. We had a very in-depth conversation about what we could bring with us on the boats. I asked if it was safe to bring cameras and they said "yes" of course - we can put them in plastic bags if necessary. I asked why that would be necessary and they said because they might get wet. Which was sort of the point of asking in the first place. Anyway, just as we were all leaving to go to the boats we were told it was probably better to leave the cameras in the car to avoid them getting wet. Man if only we got a straight answer in the first place...

We all bought a broad brimmed hat for a quid each, as the sun was beating down and I felt my feet already burning. Luckily, as we'd found near the Vietnam border, the sun is directly above you so a hat will shade all your body unless you're a fat American. We followed some blokes down down down a mountain path, where the sun got lost and it started raining in a nice refreshing if humid way. It took all of half an hour to get to the place where the boats were, by which time we (I) fancied a beer. Unfortunately that was the only drink they didn't have there. However a couple of minutes later we were being hurried onto our dinghies for our next trip.

This time each dinghy had a bloke paddling for us and we were able to take in the beautiful surroundings. We stopped for a few minutes under what I think was a fig tree and sampled the delights of the luscious fruits. Very sumptious and I'd love to take some home. But no time and I basically acted like a wasp and gourged myself for 15 minutes before getting back on the dinghy to enjoy the next 3 hours. And it was very enjoyable. It wasn't quite as much white water as yesterday's boat ride, but that didn't stop Ailun diving out of his boat at one stage while we were waiting for the others to catch up. I bet he wish he didn't; he was in the water for all of a minute but when he got back in the dinghy with A Wu he had four leeches on his legs. He spent the next half an hour trying to check his balls without the other boats seeing!

After the boating A Wu decided we wouldn't meet his mate after all as it was too late. Luckily I had downloaded all the world's maps on my Nokia E71 and with GPS I was able to tell where we were. I deduced it would take a long time to get home so we stopped at a food place and had some lovely pork and beef. I'd forgotten that A Wu doesn't eat beef for some quasi-religious reason so all the more for us. We got back before 11pm and managed to grab a headwash - the thing we'd all been looking forward to all evening.

There were plenty of pretty girls for Ailun, but he spotted one of them playing some war game on the computer and was unheard of for the rest of the evening