Yet another last day in Pingguo...sad

Somehow I got up at 8am and by 8.30am realised it was probably a good idea to get out of bed despite only four hours' sleep, or maybe because of it. I'd put some clothes to dry in the dryer and completely forgotten to turn it off last night so hoped Jiuma hadn't witnessed this as she'd had a go last time I used it. The clothes were bone dry so at least I could use them for today. As per last time I was leaving more clothes than I came with as I had to bring back 10 zongzi that weighed 7kg, not to mention two pairs of leggings for Tan and an electric hairbrush that I won't even ask about.

But I was pretty much ready, so went for a last drive around Pingguo for a bit and to my chagrin found that my two favourite eateries were still closed for the New Year. So I got home at 11am and pinged Li Kun to see if he could make it for lunch. Indeed he could, when he finished work at 11.30am, so soon after that we went to the Ping lu International hotel where on the ground floor was a fantastic restaurant that served you food in a metal tray in 30 seconds flat. Two portions of meat, a portion of rice, a portion of greens, and some soup. For 21 kuai each.

Cracking last meal with Li Kun that lasted all of 10 minutes

We spent no more than 10 minutes eating as I knew I needed to get a didi che to the station by 12.45pm, which Li Kun would arrange. So I got home to take a last dump and took my luggage downstairs, not having enough time to be as sad as I normally would be. It was baking outside. Now nudging 31 degrees. Strange to think only three weeks ago it plunged to 3 degrees. As usual, the didi che turned up and Li Kun and I shook hands and had a bit of a hug. I told him it meant a lot to spend time with his family again, and I think he understood.

This time when I went through security at the station they said I had liquid in my carry-on. Yes of course I did. It was for pre-airport. But for the first time in years they made me drink from it to prove it wasn't explosive I suppose. Well it was nearly 1pm so I didn't care too much that it had a bit of V in it. That seemed to satisfy them, at least after tasting two of the three bottles. It was a mere 5 minute wait before it was time to queue and when at the platform I had the wherewithal to ask the attendant where would be the best place to wait as I didn't have a seat or coach number. They said to go near the front at coach 15, and to be fair it was probably the best choice. I managed to have enough space for my luggage, though there were other people pretty close by, and it was one of those areas where the smokers come as they're not allowed to smoke in the seated area.

But most importantly, I got to Nanning at 2.40pm and after a slight scare waiting for the lift (the bloody women on the stairs wouldn't let me take them due to my luggage...why?), I got to the waiting place with a few minutes to go before my next train to the airport. 16 minutes was just enough time to log on to expertflyer.com to check the seat allocation and find that there were no longer any empty seats next to me, but row 73 still had some. This can be invaluable information. At the airport I appreciated that these days you don't always have a specific area for a specific airline, but wanted to check that with the bloke in front of me. He confirmed, then broke into conversation with me which was challenging but rewarding at the same time.

Once again, the queue lasted all of 5 minutes, and I engaged with the check-in guy in 100% Mandarin again. He overlooked the fact my suitcase was 1kg overweight and didn't ask to look at my hand luggage, which was clearly many kg over the 5kg they stated. So I went to my landside lounge to indulge in the drinks I brought with me before doing security. But it seemed things had changed. The bloke gave me a receipt and told me to turn left after security to go to the lounge. So I told him I still had some liquids to finish and could I do that in what used to be the landside lounge, which still appeared to exist, albeit without much in the way to eat of drink. Of course I could. So I spent the next 40 minutes there.

Security would have been a breeze, had I not made the schoolboy error of forgetting to take my laptop out (despite taking everything else out including my e-reader). But maybe because it was lounge security they were really cool about it and and just took it out and rescanned Had it been Gatwick I'd have had to wait in a queue to be checked before doing that. That's about the only advantage of this lounge though. Once through security I went to the crappy official lounge for just long enough to take two cans of soda water and one of sweet lemonade, and poured myself a couple of carry-ons for the flight to Shanghai.

The flight was nicely uneventful and on time for a change. At Shanghai immigration was also fine and quick. But I had four hours to go till the London flight. I went to a lounge but they said I needed to take a shuttle to my flight's part of the terminal. I said fine, but I didn't need to go any time soon so I'd chill here if that was ok with them. Well it was, and I enjoyed a first G&T for five weeks. Well, more than one. A couple of hours later I said goodbye to the team and took the shuttle to close to my gate, but I still had at least an hour till boarding, so found the other lounge and and a decent bite to eat. Hmmm...it was getting late and mine was the last flight of the day at 1.50am, so I found myself to be the only one in the lounge. It was a bit sneaky but I poured some gin into my carry-on bottles as who knows when it could come in handy?

Temptation in the lounge at Shanghai

Well of course I was one of the last people on the A330 to London, and was slightly peeved that there was not a single empty seat. At least I was in the aisle of a row of three seats rather than four which was most of the rest of them. Thanks to the booze and the Phen and the mel, and the fact it was gone 2am by the time we took off, I barely remember eating (if I did) and woke up with little more than three hours to go of an 11h40 flight. We arrived shortly after 6am, 20 minutes early, and I remember not being scared of the landing this time. Maybe I've learnt something. Probably not.

But I've been so lucky and privileged to have had yet another few weeks in Pingguo. The only negative thing is that I know I'm going to have withdrawal symptoms, and if it's like December last year for a few days they will be severe. I suppose with all the dopamine hits I've been getting, not to mention the relief after having played the guitar in front of so many people, being back in my UK home is going to hit hard. It will be lovely to see the family of course, but there will be a China hangover for sure. It would be wrong if there wasn't. But regardless I will still be looking for my next excuse to go back...preferably with one or both of the kids.

Last night in Pingguo for the 20th time at least...

It's become a bit of a pattern here that as my last days arrive I seem to get invited out less and less, although this time has been a bit of an exception. But yesterday I resolved to be the inviter, and had checked with racist Huang that he'd be back today and I could invite my mates. So I'd sent them all the invitations, but late morning I received a message from Huang that he wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be opening today. Oh. I wished him a speedy recovery, and went for a drive to decide what to do. This was Pingguo after all, so I would be able to find somewhere else for sure.

At 1.30pm I decided to see if Ma Laoban was in as I haven't seen him this year. He's been busy with family over New Year which is fair enough. As I arrived at his office he was just getting out of his car and recognised me and of course the first thing he said was 吃饭了没有？Well I hadn't, so we immediately went to the fen place next to his office and ordered two portions of flaccid penis. It's really nice but I just couldn't finish mine, but it didn't matter, it was back to his office for tea. I'm so glad I managed to meet up with him this time, and we chatted together with a couple of mates for a good hour before I realised I needed to sort out an alternative venue for tonight.

18 years of friendship

So a hug later, I was driving down the side of the guangchang past Xiao Bai de Tian, and decided to look at the youcha place I've been to a couple of times. Yes, this would do. I came across a table with three women, one of whom knew Tan (at least her husband and younger sister did). We chatted for a while and I had some youcha with them, then they called over the boss to discuss tonight. I explained I'd have 8-10 mates and he said that would be no problem, but they didn't specialise in doing lots of food. I knew that wouldn't be an issue as we could get stuff delivered. So that was tonight sorted. I pinged each of my mates about the change in plan and every one got back to say that would be fine. Except A Wu, who was in Nanning today.

Ladies at the youcha place - the one on the right knows Tan (at least her husband and younger sister do)

Once again, Lin Hong had called me to eat with them at the milk shop. Well this was perfect, as I wasn't sure I could wait till 9pm to eat, so had a very enjoyable meal with mostly the same people, except this time there were a couple of blokes to drink beer with me.

A Zhong was asking how I'd get to Nanning airport tomorrow. This was a fair question. A couple of days ago Li Kun's wife had said there were no coaches and I already knew there were no trains. I'd discussed it with Ma Laoban and he agreed. He said he'd recently got a taxi back home from the airport for 320 kuai, which made sense as I'd paid 300 back in 2019. I didn't really want to do that, and learnt that for 60-80 kuai I should be able to share a didi che to Nanning train station, from where I could get the airport bus for 20 kuai. So I decided I'd do that. But I thought I'd take another check on the Trip app just to see if there were any other train options. Strangely, I found a slow train leaving at 1.22 tomorrow with one standing space only. I booked it straightaway even if the booking fee was more expensive than the ticket itself. There's not much worse than driving into Nanning, not knowing how bad the traffic will be, and I've done it more times than is healthy.

I then double-checked that there were no trains from Nanning to Wuxu. Indeed there weren't, but hang on, it seemed that Wuxu Airport was also an option. Blimey yes there were loads, and I thought that this route didn't exist anymore. I could probably have got this when I arrived had I known the difference between Wuxu and Wuxu Airport. So I booked one of the few remaining seats on the 3.17pm train to the airport which would get there 16 minutes later for a 5.50pm flight. My Pingguo train should arrive after 1h18s at 2.40pm giving me 37 minutes for my connection. Surely enough?

I made my excuses soon after 7pm, explaining I'd invited people for soon after 8pm, and got home to prepare. Prepare what? There was nothing to do. I'd had my shower, so got to the place around 8.10pm knowing that I probably wouldn't see anyone for half an hour.

Indeed, 30 minutes later Huang Lei turned up with his son and A Ning. This was good as I hadn't seen A Ning yet this year yet I guess I've known him for coming up to 15 years now. Gradually more people turned up and by 9pm we had some food on the table, not to mention beers, that they'd only thought to put in the freezer when I asked for cold ones at 8.30pm. Advertising friend Nong turned up and ordered a load of bbq, which really helped. Li Kun, A Hok, and Zhuang Hua also turned up so it was quite a nice gathering. Unfortunately Haiwei, although saying he'd be there at 10pm, couldn't make it due to work.

We ended up staying there till 2am despite me telling people I'd have to leave around midnight as I was leaving tomorrow. I was embarrassed that I wasn't able to pay thanks to Wise not having moved my money to Li Kun's account despite saying it would be done hours ago. It's been a pretty decent service of late but not tonight. Li Kun told me not to worry at all and took the bill...I don't know how much for but for five hours of 8-10 people I guess it won't be cheap.

Last supper in Pingguo, this time at the youcha place

I got hit by a really severe tinge of sadness, realising I really did have to be home soon, and this was my last night in Pingguo for who knows how long? I gave Li Kun a lift home then when back myself my sadness wouldn't allow me to sleep so I did as much packing as I could but I remember it being 3.45am and still just feeling grim.

Another meal with Lin Hong then with Haiwei's mates

Up at 11am but managed another hour's sleep-in, well it had been another getting-on-for 5am sleep last night. I managed to force some rice and sausage into myself. A bit later in the afternoon Lin Hong kindly invited me to eat with them again at the shop that sells milk. It's becoming a semi-regular thing and I do enjoy the company, even if I'm on the younger side. So I grabbed my typical late shower and walked over again as I still hadn't picked up my dian dong che from Xiao Nong's. At least they don't wait for me to arrive before starting. Lin Hong asked if I wanted a beer and I answered in my usual "I'm not drinking alone", which is a total lie as I'd had two before leaving the house. But she said she'd accompany me, and anyway then the bloke who had cooked got out a bottle of baijiu so that was that.

I thought I'd get another couple of keys cut for Tan before she goes back later in the year...only 6 kuai

Comfortable meal with Lin Hong, A Zhong, and friends, even though I couldn't understand a word of what they were saying

It was a comfortable meal, but I was really conscious that other than when they were talking with me they only spoke the local lingo. I take absolutely no offence whatsoever, but it made we wonder had Tan come from a "normal" place, i.e. they only spoke Mandarin, would my Mandarin be better? It probably would, but I wouldn't trade that for the experiences I've had in Guangxi. Not for a minute. I just wish I could pick up this local tu hua, like I have Mandarin. They all say I can speak it as I have a vocabulary of I'm guessing 27 words. But that is only enough for a party trick really. And Tan says she won't teach me until I've finished learning Mandarin, like that's going to happen.

Haiwei was pinging me to go over to where he was eating and drinking but I had to pick up my dian dong che from Xiao Nong's first. I pinged to see if she was in but she was at a friend's kid's birthday party and invited me over. I said I wouldn't be able to make it for an hour or so though rather would have preferred to go there than wherever Haiwei was where he sounded already quite pissed. But I drove the 15 minutes and found him with a couple of families and I joined in for a while caimaiing with one of the ladies who'd had a bit too much. It was too late to go to where Xiao Nong was (fair enough it was a kiddy's party) so I stayed for an hour or so until the meal came to an end. There was a 16 year-old boy there who spoke pretty good English so I had to spend much of the evening conversing with him.

I just managed to get Haiwei home on the dian dong che, which was really struggling. He invited me in for a couple of beers but I said that honestly I needed to sort out finances at home, and he seemed to understand. It was actually quite serious; Leilei had asked me to send him £75 he had in cash to his Revolut account, and while I'd been going for a walk earlier I'd tried but it had failed. Even with the VPN it didn't work, and when I tried again the bloody app logged me out and needed a passcode to get back in. I've used my fingerprint for years...how was I supposed to remember a passcode? So when I got back that evening I faffed for over an hour requesting a reset of passcode, only to receive an email (after connecting to VPN for gmail), only for the link not to work, or to work but the app then asked me for the passcode again. I was quite livid and wanted to talk to support but apparently you can only do that via the app. I tried to log in to the web app but as I didn't know the passcode it directed me to use the app again. Eventually I managed to get to a screen to take a selfie but after an age while the app decided my face was in the oval, it refused to upload, VPN or not. All in all a bloody frustrating experience.

So I ended up borrowing a grand from Andge in order to pay Xixi's tutor for the 2 weeks I'd missed. And now I face the prospect of having to convert some crypto to fiat again but I'll try to sort that tomorrow.... Needless to say I had a couple of beers during the experience.

Family meal with Li Kun's elder brother plus two more

Up at not long before lunchtime and although I didn't feel like eating anything I forced down a couple of biscuits and didn't feel like forcing down any beer. By 5pm I decided to invite Li Kun to eat but he said to come over with him as he was going to his elder brother's place, so fair enough, rather than taking up his invitation to pick me up I said I'd go to his place, which meant I could pick up some longyan fruit on the way as I was walking as my dian dong che was still at Xiao Nong's.

We all got in his 4x4 and drove to well beyond the train station to his brother's house. I'm so glad that over the years the percentage of boss meals has gone from 80 to about 20 and the family meals from 20 to 80. This was another fun one with at least three generations. I was reasonably slow on the beer too, without any caima. At 6.30pm Lu zong pinged me to ask me out to his bar at 9pm so as I had nothing else on I agreed. We finished the very pleasant meal and Li Kun wisely let his wife drive us back. Well, back being going to Jiang Bin Lu as I'd asked Lu zong if I could bring a mate and of course I could.

Li Kun's second daughter at the family meal but I don't know where the others have gone

But when we got out of the car instead of heading straight to the bar we went to a music shop where a bloke was sitting outside playing guitar and singing. Now I've had quite enough of that over the last month or so but for once I wasn't asked to perform. He finished his piece then we all went inside. It was a new place for teaching music and seemed pretty well equipped, except for pianos that is. We ended up chatting for a few minutes as one does, before finally going to Lu zong's place.

As per usual there were a few blokes there and maybe one woman. Lu zong had ordered plenty of bbq which even after the last meal was delicious. It's not like I'll have much more chance to eat this. The chopped pig penis was particularly nice and had a good texture. Li Kun was well-received by all and was laughing a lot so that must have been a good thing. A couple of the blokes who turned up later were software developers apparently, also working with Java, so we had something technical to talk about which is a rare occurrence here, but appreciated. I wonder if there really could be an opportunity to work in an environment with a Chinese technical team.

Ye xiao at Lu zong's bar in Jiang Bin Lu

Some tofu and chopped pig penis as you do

At 11pm Fen called me to go for a drink with her and some friends at a mate's house. As it was nearly my last night I was tempted but it would have been rude to leave Lu zong's at this time so I told her I tried to make it later. But she said she was nearly drunk (a Chinese term for "nearly very drunk") and left some shouty voice messages to hurry up! Finally, after copious ganbeis nearly an hour later I left the place with Li Kun after giving a mighty hug to Lu zong. I asked Li Kun to sort out a didi che to where Fen was and realised it was literally miles away. I was tempted to invite him but at around midnight thought he'd better get back to family.

Indeed it took a good 10 minutes to get there, and it was a typical residence place with multiple tower blocks. I knew I was looking for number 9 but I couldn't find it so Fen came to look for me on her dian dong che. It took much longer than it should have done, possibly because we'd both had a couple. But eventually she turned up and we were both just outside the correct block. So up to the 12th floor or whatever to find 6 other people around a table drinking sweet red alcohol. Not exactly what I needed, but as there were 3 women I didn't have to caima at all. I recognised one of her friends, and they were all a friendly bunch.

Third meal of the night...

I stayed over an hour till well after 1.15am, after which it was determined the evening would end, and I realised I was still miles from home. But luckily Fen had her dian dong che with her. I said I would drive but she said I wouldn't and I didn't have much of an argument. It did take a good 15 minutes but it was warm...no coats any more. I breathed in the late Pingguo air for what will be nearly the last time this sojourn. She dropped me off but as much as I should have got some sleep that didn't have till well after 4am yet again.

Meal with Lin Hong and then with Pingguo's number 2 apparently

Somehow woke up at 11.30am to find I'd done my trick of pouring a glass of beer when I got home earlier this morning and not drinking it. It wasn't too hard to fall back to sleep till 1.30pm. I did feel a bit crap so forced down a couple of glasses of the hair of the dog and it sort of did the trick.

A Zhong called to say to go and eat with them a bit later which meant my evening meal was sorted, and nearer the time both him and Lin Hong sent me the location of where I'd eaten with them in November, so I grabbed a shower and walked on over as I'd left my dian dong che at Xiao Nong's last night. It was a lovely friendly meal as usual and I managed a few beers with some of the blokes before A Wu asked if I'd eaten and I answered in the positive but it still meant I was invited. At 7.15pm I said I'd go over but it was opposite the new Li Jia He Xian hotel well north of the guangchang and it was gone 8pm by the time I'd walked there. I'd have taken a san lun che if I'd seen one but it was good to have a break from the beer.

Someone came to fetch me and we went to the second floor of a new alcohol shop. I really couldn't eat much more but chicken breast was put into my bowl of course. It seemed to be some sort of business-related meal and I played my part as A Wu's foreign friend which was fine. Boss Zhou was there for a while but then disappeared. Then a lady in her 50s turned up in rather more formal attire than I am used to here. We all stood up to gan bei her and A Wu whispered to me that she was Pingguo's number 2 person. I take that with a pinch of salt, and a glass of beer as everyone else was drinking red wine and baijiu. Interestingly, she smoked those thin cigarettes.

A Wu offering a light to Pingguo's no. 2

The evening descended into some cai ma where I did rather well until Fen pinged me to meet up which I used as an excuse to go. But with that everyone decided it was time to go too.... So met up with Fen for a while until I realised I'd not had much sleep in the last few days and made sure I got some.

Second day of Bangxu festival

Jeez, at 6.30am Lin Hong called me and it was all I could do to pick up. Apparently I had to go over to hers shortly to be picked up for Bangxu. I somehow managed a shower and then A Zhong called me to ask where I was and I said I was on my way, and to be fair I got there just as he turned up with Lin Hong and the other friend who was one of the main comperes.

Well if yesterday was a full day this was in some ways fuller. But when we got to Bangxu it was the same old game of waiting around. I've done this so much in France but never in the UK. We're probably too efficient. Maybe we got there early so we could park the car. Fair enough. I did another tour of the village and there was even more cooking going on. It was getting on for 9am so A Zhong took me to the same place as yesterday for breakfast and this time I had a soupy fen rather than the flaccid penis-like one.

Dajie top left and Erjie 3rd on bottom having a photo opportunity...and yes I was grabbed to be in the next few...

A procession of hundreds of Bangxu ladies in traditional garb. I think there were literally more people in the procession than watching

I knew that today I wouldn't be one of the hosts; they wanted to let the young people do most of that. But I did have to sing The Boxer as one of the later events. So I was willing to have a couple of beers with lunch but today nothing turned up. We ate around one of the many outdoor tables that would be used for the main "evening" meal at 4pm in 3h30. Then I went to have tea at the same place as yesterday but some bloke said we'd go to a "proper" place to drink. This ended up being at the back of a general store, where the boss had a proper tea table and we enjoyed some pu er cha as you do. It was a slightly difficult conversation as I didn't know the bloke but pleasant all the same. I asked him if the tea had caffeine in it and unlike other people, he said nearly all tea had caffeine in it. I was quite grateful as was starting to flake, and went to excuse myself but he insisted on giving me a box of tea and a disk of sheng pu er cha.

I walked over to Waipo's old house and sat in the most comfortable chair I could find. I wanted to grab 40 winks but Erjie and friends were chatting, and the woman sitting on the bench behind me had her phone on quite high volume watching douyin videos. Despite this I tried my Spanish counting method and got up to 85 but just got stuck there. I knew I wasn't asleep but a moment later heard myself let out a loud snore. Is it possible to snore if you're conscious? Maybe I had dropped off for just a few seconds...I wish it had been minutes. But any chance of any more snoring vanished when A Zhong called me to eat tea. What? It wasn't yet 3.30pm but I knew better than to argue.

Some of the preparation for the feeding of the 2000

There were streets of huge frying pans like these...like they've done this before?

Indeed, many people were already at table, some eating. But I decided to go for a walk first and bumped into a few people I now knew. I got invited to sit with Erjie but I knew A Zhong wanted me at his table and anyway it would be possible, no encouraged, to table-hop later. So I found A Zhong's table and ate with some more people I didn't know which was sort of the point. Of course they knew Tan or Erjie though. I was offered beer but I said I wouldn't drink alone. It's one of my few rules here (except for the occasions at home maybe before going out or pre-siesta). So a couple of minutes later a bloke arrived with a six pack of beer and I had no excuse not to partake any more.

Lin Hong said there were at least 2000 people...I didn't attempt to count but if there were 200 tables then it could be true

Presently, another bloke turned up with more beer and I realised I needed to be a little careful. It was soon after 4pm and I reckoned I'd be on stage around 9pm. But then the table-hopping started in earnest for an hour or so during which I couldn't really avoid drinking. Then some of the Bangxu ladies across the road on a long table started singing and I noticed that Lin Hong was one of them. She caught my eye and beckoned me over, and I thought that would be a good idea as I wouldn't have to drink. How wrong I was. She beckoned to me to bring not just my glass but a can too. The ladies sang another Bangxu song and ended with a "woo!" as you do, followed by us all ganbeiing.

Scissors paper stone Bangxu style!

Then I was told to go to the side of the table that Lin Hong was on, which meant walking up around 30 metres to the end of where the tables had been set up and then back again. This time a bloke came with a pack of cans of Li Quan beer and one was thrust in my hand. There was more singing and drinking, and then they some sort of singing version of caima. Except after two rounds (of losing) I realised it was actually scissors, paper, stone. Regardless, I still lost, although with so many people playing I guess around two thirds of the people lose each round. Well it was great fun, and I realised people were filming so Tan would no doubt chastise me later. At least Lin Hong being there legitimised it somewhat.

A particularly drunk bloke then took me to tables to caima but I knew better than to get too involved. I may have had a couple of rounds, and nearly sat down at the table A Qiu was at, but was pulled away. Finally, it was getting towards the time of the second evening of entertainment at the wu tai. Not being a host, I didn't need to be backstage all the time, but I felt obliged to be there nonetheless. Indeed the order of acts had changed from what I had, and I was the second-to-last. So I sent some pictures of the day's happenings to Tan and she described them as "boring". What? This is the first ever such celebration in Bangxu and it was anything but!

I do admit to having a mild jing jiu and cola when it was getting closer to my time to perform, as my last beer had been over two hours ago. So with that it was back to the stage for The Boxer, for the umpteenth time this year. Although I'd had the foresight to detune the guitar by a semitone last night to make it a bit safer for the higher notes. I felt a bit bad at getting more applause than the excellent groups of dancers who had obviously been practising for months, but was also relieved to have finished.

A few minutes later and that was it for the inaugural Bangxu New Year festival. In my opinion a great success, though I was told there were currently no plans for another one. If there are, I'll do my best to be there unless Tan wants to be there instead. And with that a few minutes later we were back in the car heading home to Pingguo.

We got back around 10.30pm, I'd pinged Xiao Nong and she said to go to hers for a bite which I did until everyone had left around 1am. Then she said friends were at the loud disco place and against my better judgement I ended up going there with her and somehow didn't end up home till 5am. I am just too old for this!

First day of Bangxu festival

Bollocks, I woke up at 6.30am and couldn't get back to sleep again. I knew I'd have to go to Lin Hong's soon so I forced a shower but she didn't call me till gone 8.30am. I was proper nervous and still couldn't remember my new lines. I drove over to hers soon after 9am and we went and picked up an ex-colleague of Tan who was also involved in the festival. She was quite small but full of personality and insisted on doing a video message for Tan as apparently they were good friends.

We arrived at Bangxu soon after 10am and it was chock-a-block with cars. I got out for a walk and after a bit recognised I was at the road I'd arrived at in late 2003 where I got out and hugged an old woman who I thought was my future mother-in-law but actually wasn't. I walked down the streets and had really bittersweet memories. The first time I was here she was just my girlfriend and I couldn't speak any Chinese. 20+ years later a lot had changed but Bangxu didn't seem to have. Rather like our Bangxu wedding in 2005 there were quite a few people cooking stuff in massive pans outside, except that instead of 100+ people there were 1500+ people expected to eat.

I'm sure I recognise these stairs from somewhere

Nice changfen for lunch

A Zhong had found a place to park and called me and after a nice walk around the market I managed to find my way back to what was apparently Lin Hong's house. The next hour or so was simply waiting around and chatting, and I took advantage by going for more walks around the market as it was really bustling. Then I heard a shout from someone and it was Lao Pan across the road, and she was calling me to drink tea...fair enough I'd not seen her or her husband Lao Ling for about 6 years but it was like we'd never been apart. Tea was poured and we chatted about stuff as one does.

Then I got a call to eat as it was midday. Fair enough, I went to what I was told was Waipo's old house, where I'd spent a few weeks a long time ago. If it was the same house it had changed massively, but the bloke said they'd made some structural changes. Lao Lin joined me with a few other blokes and we had a simple meal but when Lao Lin opened the beers I explained that I had to be a compere so I wouldn't indulge. That ended up meaning I would only have 3 glasses which is fair enough I suppose.

Preparing food for 1000+ people

Next, the woman we gave a lift to told us to go to the wu tai, which is the place we were to perform in the evening. We went there to practise. There was an oldish bloke but all the rest of the comperes were young people in their 20s. I was the only one who'd printed out the lines, and after 20 minutes or so practising, that woman (I really should know her name) decided that the rest of them should have printouts too, so set about sorting that. Of course things had changed again since I made my printout yesterday but it was more the order than the actual text. I started to get a bit nervous and sent my words to Tan and she said she didn't even understand all of it.

Starting to get stage fright

To be fair there were quite a few people

But it was getting on for 3.30pm and the evening meal was nearly ready...there were something like 100 tables, each with 10 people, and as much as I would have liked some Dutch courage I knew I needed to be sensible. Tan had recorded herself saying my words and maybe it would have helped a little if I'd had the time to listen and practise but nay, soon after the meal us comperes had to meet up to practise again. It was great that they were all talking to me in Mandarin (as if there was another option) and I made sure I understood what they were talking about...apparently the old bloke would pick three kids from the audience and do the following:

1 - ask one to guess where I was from and if they got it right they'd get a red envelope

2 - ask why I was in Bangxu (and yes I had to answer in the local language - góu dāo lán yǎ dāi)

3 - ask if I could caima, and then of course caima with me

Part to the video of Bangxu people who couldn't make it...Xixi not really making an effort at all

Well, what could go wrong? Eventually at 7.25pm the event started and the six of us got on stage. I managed to follow the words but when we all had to join in saying Happy New Year I totally forgot to use my microphone. But I realised my mistake and a minute later when I had to do my first solo statements it seemed to go ok, if slower than the native speakers. I think the fact that the floodlights were blaring into my eyes so I couldn't see the crowd helped.

When it got to my time to do the local lingo thing I was already somewhat in my stride. I knew I wasn't speaking fluently but I'd lost the initial stage fright. The main bloke invited a young kid to come up to the stage and ask me where I was from. She was fairly young and embarrassed so when he said "Meiguo, Yingguo, Deguo" she simply answered with the first one - "American" I felt so bad telling her she was wrong and that I was English simply because she would have got a hong bao had she got it right. The bloke even showed her the red envelope she would have won!

Next, he wanted to know why I was in Bangxu, as per above, and this time he got another kid on stage to ask me this question. As per my practice, I answered "góu dāo lán yǎ dāi" as Tan had helped me with earlier. I'd hoped this would garner a response but it appeared no-one understood. The other bloke repeated my words but got the same response. It was as if most of the crowd were too young to understand the local tu hua. At least when he translated to Mandarin we got a few laughs!

Finally he got another kid to come on stage to ask me to caima. This was another embarrassing moment for a kid as he was about 13 and clearly didn't know how to play. I was about to offer scissors paper stone but the other host said he'd caima with me instead. Well why not? I've caima'd in front of 20+ people before...what more would another 2000 make? I beat him in two hands and that was it. I only had one more speech to make before my song.

The next hour went past pretty quickly until it was my time to perform. Normally I'd have had a couple of drinks by now but being a compere meant I didn't want to. I hope I got away with my rendition of Sound of Silence, as the penultimate act. At least I got a decent round of applause. And with that the first day was over, and before long we were in A Zhong's car heading back to Pingguo and I was home at midnight after being told we would leave earlier tomorrow.