Afterwards she asked me if I like Adidas clothes. Well I didn't want to be rude so I said "yes", and she told me she would give me something from the Adidas shop, which is also run by a member of the family. I told her she couldn't give me stuff but she said they only get the chance to see us once every couple of years so of course she'd give something to me. Although the shop was big (and genuine Adidas), the choice was limited by my size, and while all the assistants were giving up hope of finding something, Sao Zi found a red T-shirt (XXL) that fitted fine. I was happy with that but she wouldn't leave it at a T-shirt; I had to try on a nice pair of trainers, and because they fitted well she gave them to me too (price tag was 50 quid - god knows how many weeks wages for the average local).
This evening I finally got to go out and play table tennis. I reckon myself as a half decent player, and I was able to just about get the better of Xiao Li despite the fact that my bat only had a half-length handle (to fit the way most Chinese hold the bat). Then some fat woman in her 50s played me and wiped the floor with me during a practice session. I had never seen so much agility from someone who would soon be having a free bus pass if she lived in UK. I squeaked past her 2 games to 1 by virtue of some unforced errors on her part and some sneaky serves with reverse spin I was forced to do. But I was sweating.
Then some bloke who was old enough to be her dad came along and made me look like a schoolkid. The spins were so hard to return and I only got points on my sneaky serves; he beat me 11-5 11-4.
Normally winner stays on, but it seemed I was a bit of an attraction so I went to the other table and had a knock-about with one of the locals who got too much pleasure out of the fact my returns either kept hitting the net or nearly hit the ceiling. But I was learning and eventually some returns were made, only to be smashed back. I was glad when some wiry bloke who looked a bit like a tramp took the place of my opponent. Not for long. I thought I'd already met the best in Pingguo but this bloke took the piss. Serving with a massive amount of spin is one thing, but he took the art further by managing to disguise whether it was top spin or back spin. It took me a full 30 minutes to learn which was which and it took acute vision of his wrist movements to work out (guffaw guffaw). However we played for an hour and the most amount of points I won in a row was four. I was drenched and feeling sick by now so I went to get some water. When I got back the same bloke wanted more. So we played for 10 mins with similar results until some tall, podgy bloke turned up in army uniform, sat down and took off his trousers to reveal he was wearing shorts underneath. He put on a T-shirt and gestured for my opponent to leave the table, then took a ball and served with the most vicious amount of backspin I've ever witnessed. No need to disguise that. It was simply unreturnable (well, almost as I learnt later).
I had been taken apart by normal people in a normal town playing like they were in the Olympics. The army bloke was very nice though - he taught me how to smash backhanded, and lent me his spare bat which had a proper handle. I am really indebted to the patience all these people showed me today. I love table tennis, and I realise I was leagues below most of the people I played today. But with their help I have already learnt a lot and look forward to losing 11-4 instead of 11-1 next time I play one of them. They did say I was very persistent and have a very good shot, which is why they were happy to help me improve - that boosted me somewhat.
The other bloke was the first one to take me apart
Sopping wet but managing to return a smash
At 9.30pm Xiao Li said we were going to "sing song" which is a euphemism for drinking lots of beer at a karaoke club in a private room with the boss of some company together with his employees and probably some teenage girls. I objected due to the fact that I was sopping wet but that didn't rub; I had a spare top in the car (my new Adidas one) so that was that. We pulled up at the new KTV place (Karaoke Television) to be welcomed by four of Pingguo's finest young ladies on the steps and escorted to one of the many private rooms. Inside were around ten people in varying states of sobriety, except the ladies who were relatively sober. Immediately I had to start drinking toasts with everyone, but by now I'm not worried about downing thimble-sized glasses of weak beer.
There was the typical awful singing at a volume that would have made the neighbours create court injunctions if the place wasn't soundproofed and if you could sue for noise pollution here (a long way off). After a few beers I didn't help the situation as I was coerced into singing some English songs such as "No Matter What", "Yellow Submarine" (a weird Chinese version), "Everything I do, I do it for you" (accompanied by Xiao Li - even worse than me). Then I had to do my party piece by singing Ni shi wo de mei gui hua - the Chinese song I learnt two years ago.
Raise a thimble and drink to your health!
We stayed till we all left at around 1am. Most of the group (at least the blokes) were heading off to go drinking at some nightclub but I was pretty sober and determined to get home, where we found Tan and Xiao Wei up chatting - so it wasn't only us having a late night.
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