A Wu's office opening and my own tea table

Took bike out for a spin on my own during mid-morning, and spent some time in a shop that sold beautiful wooden tea tables, among other hand-crafted wooden cultural things such as walking sticks and wild animals. I'd seen this place before but was with Tan so had had no chance to spend any time looking properly. I got talking to the owner, and it transpired he had done all the work itself. Some of the larger tables had prices on - 6800 kuai for an average size (for this place) sample - I asked how long it took to make one of the bigger ones that was on sale for nearly 20000 kuai and he said "20 days". Not bad if you can sell regularly enough. He didn't seem busy, other than playing computer games, and was happy to speak to a foreigner. He explained that some time ago a westerner had come to his shop asking the prices, and had to communicate by typing numbers into his mobile phone.

I stayed a good twenty minutes and rather liked a couple of the smaller tables, that I thought would be a good fit in our new house. The smallest was 1000 kuai, and the next one up 1500. The 1500 one was particularly nice as it had a couple of places you could put stuff like packs of tea or an ashtray, not that I will allow smoking in our new place. I left saying I was interested and would come back with a friend some time.

As there was still a little time before lunch I popped down to see Xixi at Jiuma's place. She has recently been spending a lot of time with her friend Lala, who is a couple of years older. It's nice to see her developing friendships without hitting the other party.

Xixi and Lala playing on some very safe looking stairs

I got home around midday and was immediately called by A Wu saying I should come to his office immediately as there was something important. It transpired that that it was his office's official opening, after having been decorated. It was now resplendent with a large, dark desk with accompanying accoutrements such as a phallic black stone about 20" high and an elephant figurine, but most importantly, there was the money-counting machine taking equal pride of place with the laptop. There were already about ten people inside, half of whom I guessed were the wives of other bosses. They were all sitting on a couple of sofas and other chairs, around a table with a tea set on it, drinking pu er cha and eating slices of watermelon. Over the next 20 minutes more people congregated before we finally decided to went to eat. Tan, who had previously said she wouldn't go, had told A Ni that she now would, so I got on the bike to pick her up from Lao Ma's salon where she'd just had her fringe trimmed. As she was wearing a dress, she sat side saddle with me perched on the front of the seat with my knees sticking out at right angles as they wouldn't fit in otherwise. We got to the place where I normally eat when I meet A Wu and his bosses near his work. It is a rather understated restaurant, not expensive at all, but they do a fantastic "ku cai chao ji dan" (sour greens with fried egg) and pork ribs. We ate and drank well over the course of the following two hours, and I even left early as I needed a kip. I told A Wu about the tea table I'd looked at earlier and he said he also wanted to get one, so he'd take me back in the evening.

Totally unposed pic of me doing business with A Wu in his newly-opened office under the watchful gaze of a tall, dark phallus

A Wu's fancy money counting machine in full swing, next to his large black phallustone

I managed a broken three hours' sleep. Broken by just about everyone in the house - Leilei wanting this, Tan wanting that, Chuan Chuan asking why there was no Internet. The Internet thing was a pain. It had been out since yesterday evening so we called China Telecom and got someone to come out and look. He found out that some place outside our house but within our complex had no electricity, hence the wires weren't working, so he simply turned it back on. Sounds too simple to me. But it was good to have it back, although I made the mistake of checking my emails and ended up doing some work for an hour or two.

At 7pm I called Tan, who was in the new house - apparently it had been cleaned and was nearly ready. The beds had arrived and had been put up, as had the bed lights. All that was remaining was for the curtains to be put up which would happen tomorrow. So I went and had a look and it's actually looking more like a home now. There were various women there for some reason, so I made my excuses and left a few minutes later, leaving Xixi there. I got home to do a tad more work, then Waipo arrived with Xixi, fast asleep. She was concerned as she hadn't eaten, but she's been eating ok so I told her to let her sleep for the night. I then got another call from A Wu who said he was outside and would take me to the tea table shop as he'd said before. I'd forgotten about that and thought he had too. So we went to the place at around 9pm. A Wu agreed that a smaller one would be better for our place, but was unable to get any discount from the owner. In the end I thought that 1500 kuai was less than I would have expected to pay for such a nice table, so I took the slightly bigger one. Or rather I told him to keep it till tomorrow as I had no cash or means to take it to the house. He told me it was "Ji chi mu", which translates to "Chickenwing wood", and I don't yet know what that really means. Anyway it's mine now and I'm very happy about it.

View from where I would sit while pouring tea for my friends

Front side of the tea table

Top view of the table - I think I may call it "Running Dog"

We drove to pick up some watermelons. As A Wu was haggling I stepped out of the car and bought a pack of 10 toilet rolls (individually wrapped for good reason - they would get wet when left in the shower room otherwise). I then went next door and bought a nice sun hat for 4 kuai, and a cool rechargeable torch for 8 kuai. After getting his watermelons we drove another 50 yards, where he went to get a spare key cut for the padlock that locks in his car at his office. I took the opportunity to step out again and buy a couple of jin of Long yan fruit. This translates to "Dragon eye". For some reason they haven't yet found their way to the UK (as most other fruits have), as they are particularly delicious. A Wu complained that eating such fruits in such hot weather would make you come out in spots, but after he tried one it didn't stop him gouging himself for the next few minutes... The key was taking longer than expected to cut, and A Wu noticed 2-1 with a couple of friends having some barbeque so I joined them for a quick game of cai ma and some nice chicken lungs.

I went home to look after Leilei but hadn't eaten anything other than chicken lungs so was rather hungry by the time he got to sleep at 11pm. I decided to get some bbq so went to the place opposite the guang chang that Tan's aunty runs. This is one of the only two bbq places she will normally go to. Well it just so happened as I turned up she was with Lin Hong and her husband - they had just finished so I was just in time to take her home. Finally got out of the house and back to the bbq place half an hour later, where I met Bi Laoban and a couple of others who took delight in cai ma'ing with me while I waited for my ten duck tongues, ten beef and five "fei niu" (fat cow - I think it's a mixture of fat and meat but it is delicious if not especially healthy). I also ate with them so wasn't too hungry by the time my bbq was ready. As it was around midnight Bi Laoban and the others had to go. I took 90% of the bbq I'd just bought back home and put it in the fridge. Chuan Chuan was there and said that she thought there would be no electricity tomorrow from 5am till midnight. Just what I needed. At least she told me so I could charge up anything that needed charging.

Anti-Japanese seafood boss

Tan said she was going to Nanning tomorrow as Lin Hong had said that furniture would be cheaper there. So Jiuma had arranged to take the kids to Bangxu for a couple of days. All without my knowledge of course. Well, the kids duly went at 6pm, and then at 10pm came back as they weren't prepared to stay the night there without one or both of their parents.

It took some time to get the kids to sleep as they must have slept on the bus. But when they did I went out to get a little bbq and then see the boss of the seafood place. He was pretty plastered even by his standards, and made me sit at a table with him alone, launching into a tirade of why he hates the Japanese. There is something about alcohol that really brings out the racist in people. I tried to say that this generation of Japanese had nothing to do with the war, and explained the similarities with Germany and how that attitude was so old hat. He nodded as though he understood what I was saying. Then he said, "Xiao Peng, if you walk into my restaurant I welcome you! But if a Japanese man walked in here I'd kill him!". I just gave up. Too tired to argue, I offered him some bbq but he hardly touched it.

Raw prawns

Although didn't get to sleep till after 5am I decided to wake up before 10am. I got Leilei dressed then took him out to Nong Kaicheng's house to play, as Xixi was already out and I wanted some time at home too. It was very nice to not have to work, and I nearly did nothing for a while before realising that this is criminal in this country when I have such a short amount of time left. So I popped out on the bike and rather predictably met up with A Wu and a couple of bosses for a meal, before getting in A Wu's pickup and driving to the west of the town to pick up a couple of containers of oxygen and one of something else for his work. As A Wu was paying I went for a wander and found a couple of the locals playing chess outside as you do. I marvel at how much time people seem to have here. It transpired that one of the blokes owned the shop next to where they were playing, which looked like it had barely seen a customer for weeks. I found a packet of what looked like cucumber flavoured crisps and bought a couple before I could hear A Wu calling me. Despite the monosodium glutomate, they were ok, having the texture of those prawn shell crisps and actually tasting rather cucumbery.

We then drove to A Wu's work to drop off the gas canisters and pick up some money. Then there was the normal boss work of talking to some of the employees, while a couple of them were manually removing a drill bit from the caterpillar digger in order to put on a scoop bit. The whole operation must have taken 20 minutes and I wondered if it couldn't have been a lot quicker.

Loading the oxygen canisters onto the pickup

Back in town I was anxious to see how the house was getting on as I heard the floor was mostly done. Indeed, it was a bit of an epoch in the whole decoration process as it has made the biggest difference since the walls were painted white!

The wooden floor in the living room

Somehow I didn't have time for tea, but it was ok as we had been invited to take Leilei and Xixi to Boss Yang's son's ninth birthday party in the KTV place by the guang chang. I didn't get there till 9pm as I had to pick up some stuff from the supermarket, and I was starving. Unfortunately though, there were only nibbles as the ladies had already finished the noodles. Some more were ordered but by this time Xixi was getting fractious as she'd not slept today. So, back on the bike to take her home, where Waipo took care of here while I went back. I was slightly disappointed to see that the noodles were of the instant type, but I was more hungry and managed a bowl before being dragged off to play cai ma with other dads. I do really like this game, but it is difficult in a blooming karaoke bar with all the kids singing. At the time of the birthday cake they put on the "Happy Birthday" song with a video of a hideous overly smiling girl singing Happy Birthday first in Mandarin and then in English ("Happy Birssday to you...").

Party People

I got a call from Lu Hai around 10pm asking me to come to eat "Xia sheng", or raw prawns, so I said I should be able to make it, but it would be later. Leilei got flakey around half ten so that was a good excuse for Tan to take him home, and I made my way an hour later, explaining that I'd had little sleep, and pointing out that the birthday boy had fallen asleep on the couch and wasn't it time for him to go home too?

I wasn't really prepared for what I would eat a few minutes later at the seafood place. Lu Hai was still there, with the boss, and when they said raw prawns they meant raw prawns. The boss fished out a few into a bowl and set it on our table. I looked incredulously as he plucked one out with one hand, then twisted off its head, ripped off its still running legs and its shell, dipped it for a second or two in the ginger vinegar and ate it. No more than five seconds from water to stomach. He liked the effect it had on my shocked face, and then, as if to show off, did it again only quicker and without even dipping the grey glistening flesh in the vinegar.

Well, from my first time in Pingguo in November 2003 I have seen some strange things eaten here. I may have been a little shocked but I've had pig's penis, duck tongue, pig's eyeballs and raw fish, but this was a first. I didn't think I would do it but buoyed on by the beers from the KTV, and knowing that such an opportunity would likely not arise again for some time, I gritted my teeth, pulled out a prawn from the bowl and managed to hold on to it for all of a second before it skipped into the air, bounced on the table and flailed to the floor. It got a laugh at least. On my second attempt I kept hold of it but it took a couple of seconds to yank the head off. Not only the body, but the head was still moving. Lu Hai's son Chen Chen took the head to play with I think, while I wrestled with the body. I just know it's easier to remove the legs when they're boiled. Finally, when still, I was able to remove the shell and tail before leaving it a good ten seconds in the vinegar to "seal" it. It was, though, particularly delicious, and I ended up having a few more before the night was out.

My attempts to eat a raw prawn

A rather angry looking prawn

Buying furniture

In the morning I went out with Tan and Lin Hong to look at furniture. Next door to the furniture place was a shop that sold tea tables carved out of a single piece of wood. I really wanted to go in and have a look but the ladies had sofas and wardrobes on their minds. We couldn't find a suitable sofa (it is arguable that we need to get one now as we're leaving in two weeks), so we looked at wardrobes as we'll need at least one to leave some clothes in this year. As the ladies found one they liked (I wasn't going to enter in the debate for this - a wardrobe is a wardrobe in my book), my only input was to ask the width of our bedroom. Lin Hong said it was 360cm. As we already had a bed and two side tables bought from this shop, I was able to measure them and calculate what space would be available for the wardrobe. It transpired that it would fit, just, but that you wouldn't be able to open the left hand side door. So I told Tan that it was a nice wardrobe but that it wouldn't fit unless we put it opposite our bed rather than on the side.

Happly couple in the house before shopping for furniture

What happened next is one of the reasons I'll never understand some people. I thought I was trying to help by working out beforehand any potential problems with the purchase, but it was seen as though it was my fault. So I was told that because the bedroom was so small that we'd have to put up with the compromise of one door not being openable and we'd have to reach around. This is wrong on so many accounts. Just get a smaller wardrobe, or put it in another place, or move the bedside table. But no, it's like you cannot change your idea of where something will go even if it doesn't fit. I didn't have the heart to argue, but equally I didn't want to have a crippled wardrobe, so we left it and went to look at a shoe cabinet. Well this should be simple. In Chinese homes, like many East Asian homes, it is normal to take off your shoes on entry and put on a pair of rubber slippers. Normally you leave your shoes on the floor, but if you live there you probably have more than one pair, so you keep these in the "xie gui". This is normally about 3x3' near the door entrance. But with our house as you step in on the left is immediately the door to my study and on the right is the living room, and about two feet of wall before the kitchen doorway. We decided that it would be nice to put the xie gui on the right sticking out so that there was some sort of corridor leading to the bedrooms area, but the problem was that the back of the xie gui would be visible to all sitting in the living area, and I wasn't happy about that as it was rather unsightly. We then found something perfect for the job; a cabinetty like thing with space for shoes, that had drawer openings on both sides, and display cabinets for stuff like bottles of wine and flowers. It looked made for the job, and it was nice that two women and a man could agree on something.

The other piece of furniture that is obligatory in new apartments here (at least in Pingguo), is a long tv stand (even if most modern, flat tvs now are wall mounted). These are normally 8-10' in length, by about 20" in width, and accommodate more than just a tv. They normally have shallow shelves and drawers to keep things like phone chargers and whatnot. I wasn't too fussed in this regard; we had enough space on either long wall, and the decision would mainly be which wall to put the sofa against and which wall to have the tv on. The other accompanying pieces of furniture would be a coffee table, and a sofabed and table/chair for my study.

So we went to the other furniture shop in the blazing late morning heat to look at sofas. The one Tan likes is a fake black and white leather that is much more tasteful than it might seem. As is the case with almost all sofas here, it is an "L" shaped affair, with and extra armless cushion like part that can be put anywhere. Unfortunately, though this had been on discount the last time Tan had seen it, it was not now. The last time, she had rung me to ask if we could borrow the money from Lin Hong to buy it as it was on special offer, and I had said yes. I don't know why we didn't get it at that time, and I should know better than to ask, but the long and short of it was that it was now nearly 10000 kuai, and not the 5000 it had been last week. Well, after some negotiation, which included the shop assistant ringing the sofa factory, it appeared we could get it for 5800. During these negotiations I kept a stern face; it is not good to appear too eager when trying for a discount, but Tan read it as apathy on my part, and even though I said we could get it it ended up in an argument for some reason. I'd had enough, and I needed to get on with my work so I drove off, picked up a bite to eat and went home.

The faux leather sofa we both quite like

Around 4.30pm I got a call from Lin Hong, who said we'd been invited out to eat and she would pick me up at 5.30pm. Just as well I didn't have a meeting then. By gone 6pm I hadn't heard anything but as I started to dial the phone rang telling me to come on foot to the seafood place near our house. Fair enough - I'd been there many a time, but it was not that place I found out, and I spent the next 5 minutes on the phone with Lin Hong giving me directions about which way to turn, until I came into her line of vision. I must say she has excellent eyesight - either that or I am a particularly conspicuous tall, pale-skinned, fair-haired foreigner, ah right.

I'm not sure who it was that invited us but he seemed keen on drinking a few beers, something I couldn't share much as I had work to finish later. Tan and A Ni were there but not kids. There was no talk about the furniture fiasco and we had a nice meal before I politely left to finish off my last working day before holiday!

Door and bathroom...getting there

This week has mainly comprised working till gone midnight, then popping out for a bite of seafood. The kids are out all day with Jiuma or friends, and I've not seen much of them unfortunately. I have been popping in to the house to keep an eye on progress on some days, finally we have some doors.


3rd August - our first interior door


3rd August - Health and Safety not really


Wrong so


5th August - Bathroom looking ok

KTV with kids and cai ma then No 5 Cafe boss's birthday

Not a late start, more like 10am. My head wasn't perfect due to last night so to sort it out I got on the electric bike and stopped 30 seconds later to have a bit of rice at the local eatery. Then I set off on a very rewarding tour of Pingguo that took me to some places I'd not seen before. I realised before long that I was about the only one outside on a bike without an umbrella, and that I was probably getting burnt. So I stopped outside a shop that sold ice-creams and had a 5 mao honeymelon lolly that was very nice if a little sweet. I also found a place that sells paraphenalia for mopeds and enquired about fixing the handlebar I'd somewhat broken while getting home after the World Cup final. Well apparently that couldn't be mended, but I also found that the back numberplate was broken. It's not really a numberplate as you don't need one for an electric bike but it was still broken. So I said I'd like this nice new shiny one to put on the back of the bike so A Ni would be pleased. Problem was the holes were not the right size. Problem? Silly me, get the drill out and make some new ones and fit it. Job done, 10 kuai. And it ends in "5" so A Wu should be happy.

I happened to drive past his office at around 1pm and he happened to be outside and waved me down. As it was lunchtime that meant we would have lunch together. Fair enough. As I parked the bike I showed him the fancy new numberplate. He noticed that a couple of the characters were Japanese and stated "I hate Japanese!!", to which I retorted by pointing at his car and asking why he had bought a Nissan. We all saw the funny side and got in his Zefiro to go to a local place and have a nice meal for only 75 kuai for five of us. I had lent A Wu 100 kuai yesterday to pay a worker, and he remembered so wouldn't let me pay the bill, and gave me the 25 kuai change. I thought about offering it as a tip but remembered even if I tried it wouldn't be accepted. I suppose repeat custom is more important to them (and they certainly get that from us).


Bike's new Japanese numberplate with Leilei about to sneeze

I managed a siesta for a couple of hours so was feeling ok come 5pm. I drove down to Jiuma's place where Xixi spends most of her time and met them there. Lin Hong also came and after a while said she'd take Xixi to the guang chang. That was about the only thing she could do to prise her away from me. Then, after a while, Lin Hong rang me to say that they were going to the KTV place to sing song. As A Wu had already mentioned something about KTV I assumed they would be in the same place. A Wu was aware that I had not been available much the last week so I think wanted to make amends for that.

So Leilei and I turned up at the KTV bar we always go to at around 9pm after copious phone calls with Lin Hong asking where we were and what time we'd be coming. When we arrived we couldn't find the room number she had mentioned, "386", so looked in a couple of ones that sounded close. Then I got a phone call from Chen Hong, or "Brandy" as he likes to be known to English speaking friends - I hadn't seen him for a good year so was looking forward to it. He, apparently, was in another room but it was so noisy I couldn't hear him so I left a text saying I'd ring him later. It took a couple more phone calls with Lin Hong before we realised we were in the wrong KTV place. Fancy that, we've been to the same place every time for the last two or three years and suddenly they go somewhere else. Well, we were to go to the place next to the guang chang, so Leilei and I dutifully got on our bike and drove the two minutes there, where we found Lin Hong outside waiting for us. It was some kind of kids' party with lots of silly songs, but there were a fair few adults (parents I hope), of which some blokes a little the worse for wear intent on making my play cai ma. Well I didn't really mind, and played with them for a bit before my tummy felt too gassy. Then I also saw that Xixi was pretty tired so I made my excuses and said I'd be back a little later after taking her home.

She is such a lovely little lady, and despite the amount of time she spends with Waipo and Jiuma, always loves being with her daddy. We drove home, but no-one was in, so I rang Jiuma and she told us to come to her place in the centre. We did so and although Xixi loves to be on the bike, she was nearly asleep by the time we got there and barely holding on. I had no problem putting her in Jiuma's bed, and after giving her a goodnight kiss, got on the bike back to the KTV place. There were roars when I re-entered, not for any other reason than the roarers being plastered. I used my (true) excuse of being hungry to avoid playing too much cai ma, but that didn't stop the blokes all lining up to play me. They still love it when I win, which somewhat surprises me as as long as you can count in Cantonese with a Bangxu accent there's not much more to it.

By 10.30pm it was Leilei's time to be tired. I made my excuses to wails of disappointment but said I "should" be back a bit later after getting him to sleep. I called Tan and found she was on her way back too, so met her a couple of hundred yards from our place and let Leilei walk home with her and A Xia. I realised I hadn't got back to Brandy, so I gave him a call and he said he was in "Number 5" cafe. As luck would have it, this was not 50 yards from where I was. But Tan, A Xia and Leilei were walking in that direction so I had to sneakily snake behind them without them seeing me lest they suspect I might be going to have some fun.

I pulled up outside "Number 5" as Tan et al had just passed it, and sneaked inside before they could look behind them. Suddenly I heard a huge cheer and shouts of "Peng Duoming!!". The place was steaming and I found out it was the boss's birthday. Boss Yang and most other friends were there, but so was Brandy, and I gave him a big friendly hug as I hadn't seen him for so long. I sat next to him, although had been proffered other chairs by other friends, and explained that "hao jiu bu jian" (long time no see), to which Brandy replied: "miss you much", which suggests some of his English comes from crappy pop songs. Well, they did karaoke and there was plenty of food and drink. It was a good laugh and I got home well after 1am and went straight to bed.


Brandy, me and Number 5 Boss (Coffee?)

Driving A Wu's Sailor

Finally a day of rest. Up lateish and didn't really fancy much lunch so popped out at 1pm to get a couple of small portions of rice wrapped in vine leaves again. Then I remembered I needed a haircut so I drove to Lu Hai's place and got it done. He told me that he was going to the seafood place tonight at 10pm and to meet him there for some succulent raw fish, so I said I would.

I didn't want to waste more of the day than I already had so I leapt on the bike and rode around for a few minutes before thinking "I need a head wash". I thought I'd invite A Wu to go for one too so rang him and he said to go to his new office on the other side of town. Of course things didn't transpire in the order I had planned, but it was Saturday and so ok.

I found his office with no problem, and parked the now dirty bike around the back at the car wash business that is the ground floor of his work. A Ni was there and noticed that the bike (her bike) was quite filthy and said we should get it washed. Fair enough, so I did. We then went to one of the head wash places I really like, but as we settled down for our decadency A Wu noticed that there was no air conditioning. Despite the fact that it wasn't oppressively hot, he steadfastly refused to stay, and so we moved on. I felt a bit bad, but not as bad as the employees there, but it wasn't as if it was their fault. Anyway we drove up 100 yards to a place on the other side of the road where they had electricity and had a sumptious hour making me wonder why we ever go back home. 20 kuai for the expensive shampoo and an hour's delight.

We then went back to A Wu's new office and I was introduced to the pick-up truck that A Wu had bought not three months ago. It was a Chinese dark green affair, branded "Sailor", which seemed slightly inappropriate. However, it was not a bad machine; two rows of seats and decent space at the back for moving stuff around, such as the futon that he'd just bought to go in his office. Additionally, in a move similar to many English and probably American car owners with a little too much extra cash, he had the numberplate "AWU655" - nice touch. ("Wu" also sounds like the number 5, hence the last four digits of his mobile are 5).

We were to go to his work, and he said I could drive his pick-up, maybe because I'd complimented it. Well it was nice to drive a manual vehicle in China for the first time. It was a noisy diesel, but had a bit of power and the gears were well spaced (not too tractor-like). I drove the ten minutes to his work place and only when I tried to drive up the loose-stoned road to his mountain did I discover that it was only rear-wheeled drive and not 4x4. It took a couple of reversing manoeuvres but I managed to get my Sailor up the hill and into A Wu's work. We stayed there for over an hour as he talked to his workers and took the day's takings from his older brother who I think now works there. It's hard to work out exactly how much is made per day/month as I don't hear about tax. But it looks like he can get from 10k to 50k kuai a day depending on what company is buying what type of stone from him. Typically I think it's 10k, and then he has to pay the workers. Again, it's hard to know exactly but drivers seem to get 2000 kuai per month and the digger drivers 2500. There are indubitably more people on the payroll but I get the impression the wages are good compared to other labourers, but a smaller fraction of the profits than perhaps elsewhere. You do have to counter that with the fact that if it rains for a day there is no work - people still get paid but you can't crush the stones for some reason. I did ask about the logistics of putting a cover over the whole plant but it would cost a bomb and probably blow away as soon as a big wind came. Speaking of which the wind had started blowing and precipitation looked not far away.


A Wu and his Sailor - note the numberplate

After more conversations, and a dry game of cai ma I played with one of the workers (another of whom drank the white alcohol when I lost), we finally got back in the pick-up and headed back to Pingguo. I'd told A Wu about the "Shui Shang Ren Jia" restaurant I'd visited last weekend with Xixi and we decided to have a look there. As I parked the car he rang some government official and found that he happened to be there just at that time. For some reason he was embarrassed and we walked around the outside of the place for five minutes before actually entering, why I will probably never know. But when we did enter we found a group of ten or so men sitting around the table that Xixi and I had taken pictures at last week. Most of the food had gone, as had a couple of dozen beer bottles. But as soon as they saw us (me?) they ordered fresh bowls and glasses and we ate and drank more than good men should in the two hours we spent there. One of the blokes was particularly half-cut. I found out he was the main government official of a town just outside Bangxu, but was here with his son. What irked me was that despite his level of inebriation he beat me at cai ma. In fact others did too so I had to call timeout as the fizz was getting to me. We managed to leave at around 9pm.

A Wu had had some beers too, so let me drive his pick-up to our house, which I did impeccably at a slow pace. At 10.15pm I got a call from Lu Hai asking where I was and I said I'd be at the seafood place in 5 mins. When I arrived 10 minutes later he was just arriving himself. Oh, the food was very good...lots of raw fish that you dip in a vinegarry, oily sauce, and add peanuts too. Glad I didn't eat too much at the other place. A Wu made his excuses and left after half an hour, but there were plenty of friends, and the owner and boss, to keep us company till the early hours. I went home knackered, but happy to have had a day of leisure.

Rude awakenings from the guang chang

At 4am I still couldn't sleep, so I decided as I'd paid for it, and it was comfortable, that I'd go back to the hotel in case the electricity went again in a couple of hours. So much for that idea. When I got there shortly after 4am I was peckish and asked for a bite to eat but was told there was nothing. I'd just driven past some outdoor bbq places where there were still a few tables filled with late night eaters/drinkers but I couldn't be bothered being asked to drink at that time, so I accepted a bottle of water and thought about the good it would do my expanding belly. Actually it was not so bad that I came back as I'd left all my toiletries there. Although I got to sleep soon after 4am, I hadn't counted on the noise emanating from the guang chang area come 8am. Thumping bass leapt through the single glazing and punched my ears to let me know that four hours' sleep was all I was to be allotted yet again. I groggily looked out of the window to find that it appeared to be a new shop opening rather than the guang chang making this offensive racket. That is not the sort of thing that makes me want to shop there.

So I though "bollocks", packed my stuff (properly this time, including toiletries) and checked out. I remembered that there might be police around and put my helmet on in the humid heat and picked up a few breakfast buns and a couple of cups of soya drink for the kids before getting home. I found that the kids and Tan had just woken up and were ready to eat so it was a good time to get home. But I still had work to do so I settled down to that for around three hours as Tan took the kids out. Come 1pm I was really tired. Even though I wasn't particulary hungry I went to one of my local eateries, where I normally get the chang fen, but this time asked for a couple of vine leaves wrapped around rice containing some animal fat. They were actually quite nice, and I ate them as I hoped they would help me sleep. Also I bought a can of beer for that purpose. Later at home I had another beer and was ready for a siesta not long later that took me from 2.30 to 5pm - much needed.

Lots of work until 10pm when the electricity went again while I was talking to Boss Yang who was trying to invite me somewhere. I don't know why the electricity going would cut our call but it seemed to. I sorted out torches and candles with Tan, and made sure she was ok with the kids before Yang gave me a ring again and said he was coming to pick me up. Well I was happy with that - family asleep and work nearly finished after another very long week. Although he picked me up in his car, we only drove 100 yards to No. 5 cafe that was also sans electricite to pick up Boss Bi, who is also a regular fixture at our gatherings. Then we drove back to our house where we got out and went to the seafood place I have been frequenting frequently recently.

Thanks to having set up internet on my phone I was able to chat with colleagues at work to explain the lack of electricity and give them an update on how things were going. So once that was sorted I settled down to some seafood delights and a couple of well-deserved beers with Boss Yang and his wife, son, and various others. Normally going to the toilet takes one minute for a bloke. But this time it took half an hour as I was requested by some Bangxu bloke who knew me to sit at his table for a few minutes and have a drink with his friends. Then, once I'd made my excuses and parted from them the owner of the seafood place made me sit down with him and a couple of other mates for some more gan bei'ing. I got home at 2.30am quite full.

Staying at the hotel for electricity

I had been warned that there would be no electricity today from 5am till late at night. However it was only in our area of Pingguo and the hotel would have some, so I would go there to work. I did not actually manage to sleep at all overnight, but I was just dropping off at 6am when my body noticed it was hotter than it should have been. I looked up and realised that the air conditioning unit was no longer working. And as it was dawn it dawned on me that the electricity had gone. It wasn't so hot I couldn't sleep, but I thought I'd take advantage of being awake to go to check that Pingguo International Hotel did have leccy. Well it did, and I asked the nice ladies at reception what was the earliest time I could check in. I gathered it was midday, so I thanked them and drove back to the house and slept a couple of hours till 11am.

A Ni used to work at the Pingguo Internation Hotel, and had some friends there, so I rang her to ask if I could get a "special price". Of course I could, I just had to ask Xiao Huang. So I turned up at 12pm, dirty and smelly and ragged haired as I hadn't had a shower (the boiler at our place is electrically heated). Xiao Huang was there and had a particularly pretty and genuine smile. A Ni had already called her to arrange the room for me and I just had to present my passport and hand over the 150 kuai. 15 quid is very good as the room was very tasteful, lending a magnificent view of the guang chang, and having an interesting feature I've only ever seen in Chinese hotels: there is a clear glass separating the main room from the shower so you can ensure your loved one is washing him/herself correctly. However, in this place your loved one had the option of closing a blind to avoid your lechorous eyes.

I needed a bite to eat, so I thought I'd step out and find a local place. As the hotel is very close to Boss Yang's office, I popped inside to see if he wanted to join me. Unwise move if you only fancy a quick bite. I found him and other bosses in another boss's room drinking tea. They bade me sit down and share a couple of glasses of "pu er cha" and I didn't resist, except to say that I would only have a couple as I needed to have a bite to eat, get back and shower and have a siesta. Well it transpired it was 12.30pm so they all decided it was time to eat. We got in a couple of cars; four bosses, and a lady, and drove a roundabout route to go to a restaurant that has just opened next to the kids' school by the guang chang.

We arrived and it looked dark. Immediately we asked if there was no electricity, and the waitress turned on the lights as if to say "yes there is", although it would have been quicker to actually say "you dian ah". We asked for the biggest private room, and while sitting down, three other blokes came in who were apparently other bosses from a tree-felling company outside of Pingguo, who were involved in business with Boss Yellow. A Wu also turned up, so there were around ten of us all told. Of course, as there were new people around we had to gan bei with them a few times, and with my lack of sleep it made me a little tipsy eventually. But I was amazed to hear that apparently all the bottles of 600ml Qingdao beers were 1 kuai each - a special offer that was to last a week in celebration of the new opening of the restaurant. I wasn't quite sure whether to believe it or not, and I thought better than to question A Wu's statement in front of his boss-friends.

The meal was actually very good in the end, though it started somewhat badly when all the bosses complained about the oily table surface - which triggered a few waitresses with tissues to start rubbing it down (that sounds like a sentence ripe for miscontruction). It was nice to speak to some Pingguo outsiders, as I could explain to them a bit about our culture and language. Weird to think I can actually do something like that now.

I left before most of the others did, citing work, and walked across the guang chang in the lovely 2pm heat. The only people I saw at this time were young couples in the early stages of romance, holding hands or sitting on a bench together. It's not very seemly to do this in public apparently, but in such heat most sane people are at home in the shade, and love doesn't make you sane. But fatigue does, and I managed a quick shower finally before getting into the firm if comfortable bed in my room and grabbing three hours' sleep. I awoke at 5.30pm and started to catch up on work again, only to be called by Tan at 6pm that we had been invited to eat by Lao Pan and to be at the restaurant in 20 mins. I didn't mind, so got there at 6.30pm and stayed for no more than an hour with just six of us, before making my excuses and going home to work for a bit. But then Tan turned up needing her mobile charged and stayed for a good half an hour.

The electricity came back in the evening, earlier than expected, so I went home at about midnight. Due to a late start I worked till 3am. There was a lot to get through.

Locals at my local

Busy busy day, but I stopped at half midnight and went out for a bite to eat at the seafood place again that is definitely my local now. I ordered some fried sweetcorn and an octopus (again), and as I waited I was called over by a bloke from a table of eight men looking rather the worse for wear. As he called my by my name ("A Ming" is one of my monikers here), I went over to say hello and have a glass of beer with them. Well it ended up being more than just a glass, but they were good company and very jovial as we joked about Bangxu. One of the things that brings many of us together is the fact that we're married to Bangxu women. There is always a belly laugh when I recite a phrase that is quite common among Bangxu men: "Tian xia bu pa, di shang bu pa, jiu pa Bangxu lao po!" ("I fear nothing under the sky, I fear nothing on the ground, I only fear Bangxu wife!").

The boss of the seafood place didn't want to serve my food at the table I was sitting at as he whispered to me that the blokes had drunk a lot. Without being rude, I excused myself to say I'd eat with some other friends I'd planned to earlier, and they were all fine, after gan bei'ing a final time.

Of course the sweetcorn and octopus was delicious, but the boss had also brought a portion of raw fish. At least that was the name of the dish. It looked raw, and had the consistency of raw fish, but it was rather hot. Anyway, it was very salty but very tasty too, and at 2.30am we said our farewells, and the boss's wife would only take 30 kuai from me for all the food and drink.

Being stopped by the friendly police

Missing breakfast for the 40th time out of the 48 or so days I've spent here I fancied a bite to eat at midday. Tan had had something so I went by myself to a nice place that does sliced sausage with rice and greens. I had one of those crap experiences here. When you think you're fine at the language and then something unexpected turns up that makes you realise you're a lifetime away from mastering it. The woman plonked a huge bowl of soup on my table, filled mostly with greens. I asked "isn't this meant to be sausage?", and she replied that there was meat inside. I gathered that I'd ordered incorrectly and poured myself a bowl of the soup that looked tasty, but not filling, promising to myself that I'd learn how to order food properly next time.

Then to my relief the waitress came and said she was sorry but she'd made a mistake. Phew. I poured the soup back into the bowl and a couple of minutes' later I was served with what I was expecting. Big relief. However, after the meal my gut was not feeling too good. I got on the electric bike and intended to pick up my trainers from the shoe cleaning shop but I noticed a group of 8-10 policemen 20 yards down the road in that direction - they seemed to be pulling people over for no discernable reason. Rather than risk geting a criminal record for something like non-insurance or whatever, I pointed the bike home and went there instead.

Tan got a call from A Hua when I arrived, asking her to go to her place to have lunch, as is normal now. So she took a quick shower and an hour later was ready to go out. I offered to take here as it is now quite hot again and I didn't want her burning in the sun waiting for a san lun che. We got on the bike (luckily she was wearing nice short shorts so she was able to sit astride properly rather than side-saddle), and made our way to A Hua's place.

When we were nearly there one of a dozen policemen jumped out into the middle of the road and bade us stop. How silly of me, I'd completely forgotten about them. Even Tan admitted she should have told me they were around today. Anyway we were pulled over by a smiling gendarmerie who pointed to my head and said "hat". We played ignorant (which wasn't hard as we were) and were told that by law we needed to wear a helmet on such a vehicle. So we had to leave the bike there and get a helmet. Well for Tan it was ok as she was 2 minutes from A Hua's place, but I needed to get back so I asked the simple question "Where can I buy a helmet?". The policeman answered in English "I don't know". This struck me as quite surprising as they must have stopped dozens of non-helmet-donning locals today.

Tan and I left the bike to walk towards A Hua's place, and came across a friend of hers who'd just pulled up on her motorbike. She was quite butch, but offered me her helmet so that I could ride to the shops that sold bikes and get a helmet for myself. I said thank you very much but I didn't fancy wearing another person's sweat for any period of time (I didn't actually say that to her). So Tan said I'd need to walk 5 minutes to get a helmet. This I disagreed with but didn't tell her and left her walking to A Hua's place. I then doubled back and went to the hardware store near the market that I tend to go to for my electric goods needs. I asked the bloke if he had a "tou kui" and he said "dui", leapt upstairs and produced a fine-looking red helmet for 15 kuai. Very cheap in my opinion though who knows about the quality? I told the bloke that there were a dozen policemen stopping people without helmets, and that I would tell these policemen to tell prospective customers to come to his shop, so he had better put some on display - he could make a mint! He looked at me as though I'd just said something in German, so I explained that he could make money by selling his helmets to people stopped by the police for not having one, but he still seemed to not think this was important to his business. Maybe it just was not, but I can't imagine such a thing back home...I would have set up a stall by the police selling helmets for 30 kuai each.

Anyway the helmet fitted fine, was adjustable, and had a chin strap. I took it back to the police and we all had a laugh about it. I still think they could be more effective by having, say, two groups of five, rather than one group of ten. But it was refreshing to be able to talk to a policeman on a human level.

A bit later I ventured out to pick up my cleaned trainers. On the way back I passed the policemen again, safe in the knowledge I had my new helmet on. As I pulled up to the traffic lights I noticed a young lady on an electric bike next to me. She reached down to her feet to pick up a yellow helmet that she wore for all of six seconds as she drove past the policemen, then immediately removed it and placed it back on the floor between her legs. Ingenious?

Smoking doctors

Another busy day. Tan was feeling ill and hadn't slept so I got the kids to bed at a late hour while she slept. Well Xixi was too excited as she'd had a siesta so I left her with Waipo, but I finally got Leilei to sleep at midnight.


I tried in vain to get them to sleep in the living room at 10pm...

I was peckish so popped out for a bite to eat ten minutes later. How predictable - I got a call from Tan saying Leilei had woken up and where was I? Well fair e-bloody-nough, I'd stopped working to look after the kids and I deserved a break. I had just bumped into some people I'd met last year when Leilei and I went to Tian Dong to taste the most delicious mangos in the world. I had to say goodbye after a few minutes to attend to my son. Then when I got home a minute later I found him asleep with Tan anyway, so I thought "fair enough" and I popped back out to talk to the guys. Four of them were doctors (three of whom had the same surname "Huang", or "Yellow"). They were all drinking and smoking and I made some jokes about "doctor's orders" which they seemed to find funny.

We chatted till gone 1am, and they loved that fact that I could speak a few words of the local language. Apparently I will be invited to drink beer with them this weekend - as I told them I was too busy during the week.

Not going to Angola

My trainers stink (not the new pair). I noticed after table tennis the other day but now they're noxious. So I took a ride to A Wu's shoe cleaning place, where I used his number (G186) to book in my smelly footwear and was told they would be ready the day after tomorrow.

Tan asked me if her sister had asked me to go with her to Angola for a business deal. I'm not one to lie so I said she had but that I'd not said I would go. I didn't fancy it quite frankly and neither did Tan so at least we agree about something.

Actually worked for much of the day getting an important deployment out... However at half past midnight I went to the seafood place and was invited by the manager and his wife to join a table where we had some gorgeous grub, and they were fine about me buying some bbq pork from the place next door to share with them. I ended up staying over an hour as I'd had a stressful day and was happy for some friendly company.

Spontaneous trip around town with Xixi

Got up at 1pm and lazily helped myself to the leftovers of yesterday's octopus and fried sweetcorn. Work was not on the agenda so I took the electric bike down to where the kids often spend most of there time during the day - Jiuma's house. I found Xixi there, who was apparently ready to have a snooze, but on hearing my voice snapped right out of that. We drove around for a bit and found Waipo playing Ma Jiang (Mah Jong?) with some friends. I get the impression she really missed this sort of stuff while she was living in the UK.

I took Xixi down to the river to have a look at what chances we may have of being flooded like so many other places not so far away this year in China. It seems that the river has a long way to rise before it would come close to threatening our town. We drove down to a boat restaurant that I'd never seen before, and I made a mental note to visit it one evening for a meal. We then drove by the mountain to the railway station. This must be a new road as the last time I went to the station it was a good ten minute ride on a san lun che, but going south of the mountain it took us three minutes. I took details of the trains to and from Nanning, while Xixi had fun with some kids there. Then we drove to a new bridge that we'd seen, the promises to be yet another way to get into Pingguo in the next few months.

The view from the restaurant "Shui Shang Ren Jia" (水上人家), which literally means "Water on people family", but translates to "Boat Dwellers"

The next place I took her was a nice park frequented by elders, where we witnessed some of the harmonious singing the elders like here. All in all it was one of the nicest days I've had this year here; no pressure from others to do stuff, and spending quality time with my daughter exploring new terrains and having a great deal of fun.


A snippet of some of the lovely sounds to be heard in this local central park, with most of the traffic sounds filtered out by the trees

We then drove a bit further south following a river through by tall dwellings in empty boiling streets until we came across a few men sitting inside one such house. The men were actually finishing off their meal but they grabbed a small wooden chair and told me to sit down, explaining what the various dishes were. One of the ladies got me a bowl of rice and a glass of beer, and suddenly it was just like any meal with friends here. We joked about lots of things, and when I explained about the family situation and that Tan was from Bangxu it transpired one of them was too. How they laughed as I spoke out the names of the various dishes in Bangxunese, and then moved on to a couple of games of cai ma. It was one of those spontaneous magic moments, an hour very enjoyably spent, and I made a mental note to come back for a bite to eat before I leave. The owner's name is Lo Jing Ping, and he has a daughter of ten, and a son of four, reminding me that in the country it is permissable to have two kids if the first is a girl.


I will try to remember to go back and maybe bring a little packet of English tea as a present

I went home and found Tan there. She wanted to buy some trainers to go jogging, so I dropped off Xixi and took her to the shop I'd got mine from, and A Wu and A Ni went too as A Wu has the discount card. Tan decided on a pair identical to mine except for being a more ladylike shade of light blue. Then she said that there was a special offer and that it was two pairs for one, so I could choose any pair I wanted for free. I smelt a rat so I went and chose an expensive pair. Then she said that I had to pay 38 kuai to get the second pair for free. I started the sentence that would have been "But if I have to pay 38 kuai it's not free", but thought better of it and just said "38 kuai is not bad for a second pair of trainers". And then it transpired that the "free" second pair only counted if you a) paid 38 kuai, and b) chose a cheaper second pair. As Tan's trainers had already been discounted to 139 kuai, A Wu and I decided to get a pair each for a total of 280 kuai and split the cost. He got a nice pair of grey/blue trainers like my previous ones, and I got a black pair with red details, as my other pairs are white and get dirty very quickly. I've now bought three pairs of trainers in the last month.

In the sports shop I got a phone call from Jiuma to pick up Xixi, so I came a few minutes later and found she had had a "little" sleep for an hour or so. That meant it wouldn't be easy to get her to sleep later in the evening, and as Tan went out with her friends, so it transpired. I finally got them both to sleep at 11.30pm.

Er jie came today for a few minutes (fair enough, it is her house). She spent a few minutes with Xixi before moving on to her husband's boss's place. That reminded me that a few days ago on the 12th July she rang me to ask if I knew about grapes. It took me a couple of minutes before I realised she was asking me if I could speak Portuguese. So I said I could speak it but it had been ten years since I lived there (for one year). Then she said something about a business deal in Angola, and she wanted me to go there to help her. I didn't want to say no so I just asked her to send a text with the details, although I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to be a part of her business deal. I didn't tell Tan, as I knew what her response would be.

More work and sea food boss

Yet another long day at work but at 8pm I decided to go and play table tennis for an hour or so. It was a nice expenditure of energy but I ended up working till 4am again.

By 12.30am I'd pretty much done enough so I stepped out to what is slowly becoming my regular haunt for a bite to eat at the witching hour. This is the seafood place not a minute away from our place. I happened to meet Lu Hai, who was already half cut, and the owner and manager of the place. I ordered an octopus and some fried sweetcorn as I had had enough of pure meat for a few days. We spent an enjoyable hour or so chatting, and the owner(?), well he was the main cook and his wife seemed to take the money and they have a beautiful six-year-old daughter - told me he wanted to work in England. I explained that most of my Chinese friends in England weren't too happy there but it seems like some sort of dream. I told him he'd be working in a little room 16 hours a day but he still seemed non-plussed. Maybe one day if he comes he'll really understand....

Work work work

After about four hours' sleep I woke up at half nine and got some more work done. Luckily the kids were taken out to Jiuma's house, where Waipo and an allotment of other more senior female members of the family spend much of their days. I was peckish by midday so went for a little walk outside our block. I decided to call A Wu and see if he fancied having a bite to eat too. He answered and said that a friend would come around immediately and pick me up. So I decided to wait in a local shop that sold drinks and some food and other little bits. I ended up buying a tube of superglue for 2 kuai to try to fix the toys that almost always break, plus a towel to wipe my sweat when I play table tennis. Ten minutes later I got a phone call from someone saying he'd arrived to pick me up. I said I'd be there in 30 seconds and to wait for me. So when I arrived I gave him a ring and asked what colour his car was - he said "it's blue" but I couldn't see any such car...then I heard him shouting "I see you, I see you!" and found he was leaning out of a dark green pick-up truck. That is such a normal thing to happen.

We drove to what turned out to be A Wu's new office. It was rather bare but looked like a nice place, conveniently situated on the floor above a car cleaning garage. Then a few minutes later we drove to a simple restaurant where we for once did not sit in a private room, but enjoyed the ambient temperature in the mid twenties due to the fact that it was raining and had been all day. We had a simple meal of beef, lotus root and pork ribs. So nice to have a simple meal once in a while. That was enough to make me tired enough for a siesta but I fancied checking up on the house so I rang Lin Hong who said she'd meet me there in ten minutes.

So after the meal A Wu dropped off A Ni somewhere and then me at the house. I took the lift to the 14th floor and met Lin Hong there waiting for a worker to come with the key. He came five minutes later and we went in to see - not much difference from a couple of days ago. The kitchen is pretty much done now, and Lin Hong said that the floor would be put in in two days and that within a week the house would be finished. I have a very strong feeling of doubt about that.

Finally got home at 2.30pm and managed to get an hour and a half of kip before another marathon work session till 5am...boo.

School stops again

Only a month till we go back..boo hoo! I woke up at 7.30am, having slept a whole hour, to take the kids to school. I got some takeaway buns and pancakes from the breakfast place and just went home to have a bite to eat. After catching up on some work I had an early siesta at 10am that lasted till 2pm. Worked all day, then Tan picked up the kids and came back soon after 5pm with all their bedding saying that the school needed emergency repairs and that there would be no more classes until 23rd of August by which time we'd be back in the UK. Well, we got our money back but it seems very badly organised; surely they would have know that the school needed this work before they started accepting kids back. A major irritant for a great many people who relied on this service so they could continue to work.

Tan ordered a takeaway meal and she and Xixi and I tucked into some nice grub at home. In fact Xixi ate a sausage, a bowl of zhou, various mouthfuls of pork and rice and potatoes, and still came back for more - that doesn't happen much. I wish Leilei would do the same from time to time. Then a couple of hours later she (Tan) said she was hungry again and could I go out and get her some duck claws, so I said I would do so a little later. I popped out at 10pm to Qing Xin Tang, one of the bbq places opposite the guang chang, where one of Tan's aunties works, and ordered ten chicken claws and ten duck tongues for good measure. I then popped inside their shop and saw they also sold fruit juice. As there's nothing I love more than a fresh watermelon juice I ordered one - ensuring the girl only put in a half measure of sugar as I'm not into the sweetness of most of the drinks here.

I followed the process with great detail. She keeps the watermelons in the freezer. This makes then harder to cut open but negates the use of icecubes, which I guess are not great for the blender. She cut out about a quarter of a melon into the blender, and didn't make any effort to take out the pips. She then added a small spoonful of some sort of sugar syrup (as opposed to a large one they normally do), and a scoop of nearly frozen water. She blended it for nearly a minute, then sieved the contents into a cup before stabbing a straw into the juice that a perfect consistency. Very refreshing and I daresay healthy. While I received my melon juice I noticed Saozi walking in to put some water into her jar of whatever it was she was drinking. Saozi is a relative with whom I spent some time a couple of years ago in her house. Her husband likes a drink and I remember sharing a bottle of wine with him that I didn't really appreciate, but he also introduced me to "medicine alcohol" which I also don't particularly like but at least it's palatable (and good for you apparently). Anyway, as soon as I noticed her I said "ni hao" and I was directed to the table she was sharing with two of her good friends. Tan's claws were going to take a good few minutes so this was fine by me.

We had an interesting cultural conversation about how England was better in their eyes and Pingguo was better in mine, and they made me eat some chicken claws, chicken liver and duck intestines that they no longer had room for. Then Saozi got up for a minute. When she came back she announced that she'd paid for all my stuff and that there was nothing I could do about it. I said that was not fair and I would tell Tan but she said "no" - we were friends/family and that was what we did. I'm used to this enough now to know not to argue, so I thanked them, and then they went on their way. The next 10 minutes were spent talking to "Ai yi", my aunty in law who was cooking the bbq. I finally got home 10 minutes before my 11pm meeting. 50 minutes to get a little bbq. And of course Tan told me I'd got chicken claws instead of duck claws. Grrrr.

Sofa so...good

After I dropped off the kids I gave Ma Laoban a ring to see if he'd eaten. He hadn't so I invited him to go for a bite to eat at the local breakfastery. I had a couple of meat-filled buns and a savoury pancake and he had some zhou and soya bean juice and wouldn't let me pay. He then asked me about how our house was going so I told him to wait a minute while I popped back and got the key, then we drove the whole 30 seconds to get there. The lift took longer to get to the 14th floor than we had taken on our bikes. When we got there the door was open and there were already a couple of men at work, and also Lin Hong was there, keeping her beady eye on them.

The only discernable difference from a couple of days ago was that the kitchen now had most of the cupboards and the sink in place, so at least that was something. While we were there inspecting the house, one of the workers built a sort of A-frame thing for cutting wood on. Why bother buying one when you can make your own for free in 15 minutes? After half an hour we left Lin Hong watching the work and Ma Laoban went to his computer shop and I went home. Tan was there and asked me to take her to the supermarket to get a notebook and a plastic tea container. We then drove up the road to look at sofas for the house. The one Tan wanted to buy the other day was no longer at a discount, and was 7000 kuai, so we decided against it, but I was interested in a sofabed for the spare bedroom (my office). I found one and asked the bloke to make it into a bed, which he did. Then I did the important test of sitting on the side of the bed and it slid around before depositing me on the ground. A good test. I didn't buy it. I left Tan to go to A Hua's shop while I went home and did some work before having a small siesta at 2pm. Small because Tan called me at 3pm to say she'd seen a leather sofa in a new place at 5000 kuai - a bargain at half the price. I didn't have the energy to ask the relevant questions so relented and said yes put it on Lin Hong's credit card and we'll pay her back in a couple of weeks.

Tan picked up the kids as I was busy with a meeting. In fact I'd been very busy most of the day so I decided at 8pm, when I found everyone had gone out, to go for a swift game of table tennis. No volleyball today as we'd had a couple of showers and were probably in for some more. Finally I got my first win against a half decent player. Having said that he was younger than me and wearing jeans and shoes and a teeshirt, as opposed to me in just shorts. I won 7-11, 11-9, 11-4 and even had some witnesses. So I hope I'm starting to become someone people want to play for the game rather than for the fun of playing a foreigner. I left by 10pm and spent the next eight hours working, broken only by a brief skype chat with And and Awl. Got to sleep at 6.30am.

Back to school and cracking sport with the elders

Awoke at nearly 8am after four hours' kip as the kids were due to go back to school. Bleary-eyed, I got up pronto and sorted out the kids' spare clothes, got them on the bike and five minutes later we were finding out which classrooms to go to. Although the school is officially on summer holiday they open up for preparation classes for kids who will be starting school in September. Also they have classes for kids with working parents. I think that there are four weeks of this, and it cost 300 kuai per child for this time. Surprisingly they let both kids be in the same class "Xiao Wu Ban". There were a few other kids there but not as many as a normal school day. Both Leilei and Xixi ate most of their breakfast zhou, and as they were sitting on the table, neither cried when I left them to get their bedding.

Before that I had breakfast at the local breakfast place as you do. I had a savoury pancake that they cut into pieces with a pair of scissors, and a rather nice dumpling, with a glass of water. It filled me up and only cost 2 kuai. Magic. I then found some pillows and covers and beakers for the kids and took them back and put them in the dormitory they will be sleeping in. Again, when they saw me they were happy and rushed to me in the middle of class, but neither cried when I left again.

A Hua came around with Tan and A Ni and A Wu at 4.30pm. A Hua had been to Nanning and had brought back 7kg of duck cooked with lemon and chilli. But before we were to eat I had to pick up the kids and also was asked to get some "qing cai" (greens). The highlight of the journey to school was thinking I wasn't a million miles away from having a goosepimple or two on my arm as I drove at top speed of 42kph (that's what it said - could have been a lot slower for all I know). The low clouds were protecting Pingguo from the sun, and the temperature, though I have not seen a thermometer since I got here (not that I would trust it) must have dived to the mid-twenties.

Both the kids were ecstatic to see me and tremendously proud of the "hong qi" they had received for being good - pushing them into my face so I could see clearly what a red flag printed on white paper looked like. Red flag, gold star - same meaning, different culture. It's really funny to see the two of them interacting now; they do so nearly exclusively in Mandarin though they never do with me. I have made a resolution to go to classes for the first time when I get back as it won't be long before they start saying stuff I don't understand.... We drove to the local market and picked up one jin (pound) of some leafy qing cai, and one jin of flowery qing cai. Then just as we were about to leave the heavens cracked open dumped what they had been saving up for the past two weeks on a parched Pingguo. Rather than drench my kids, I decided to take a san lun che home, which they think is fun, but not as fun as the bike. Back home it was nearly time to eat and even though I'd been asked to buy the qing cai no-one cooked it. Also there was no rice, just zhou, which I can't eat, so I had to be satisfied with the duck - and that was not hard because it was blooming delicious, just the right amount of lemon and chilli. Plus everyone passed the breast to me as they know I like it and they don't!

It had been a long day working, broken by a little siesta enforced by the early start, and then the duck. As I have been semi-regularly going to play sport some evenings, if I haven't gone for a few days I start to really miss it. So at 8pm I decided to have a break and get on the bike with my bat and three bottles of water. A Hua's son, Nong Kaicheng, was the only other person in the house and he was playing some shoot'em up game on the computer so I decided he'd had enough and took him to his mum's shop before going to the old people's place. I had a quick practice with the experts in the upstairs room, but soon realised that it must be getting a little tiresome for them to play with someone of my quality. The elder of the group, who is definitely one of the best ping pang players in the establishment started doing his stretching exercises - not just touching his toes but putting palms on the floor with straight legs. He asked how old I was and I told him. He then said proudly that he was 57, and also does Kong Fu. I didn't doubt him but he preceded to show me how he would disarm me if I threatened him with a knife. He grabbed my arm and held it up and then kneed me in the balls. Except he didn't go as far as actually making contact, very thankfully. Then he laughed and said he was joking. I think he meant he was joking about how you disarm someone in Kong Fu, rather than him being a Kong Fu expert. He is a really good laugh, has the reactions of a house fly, is as strong as an ox and as fit as a fiddle. He really is an inspiration to me and I'd love to be so fit in 18 years' time. Except that as soon as he's finished demolishing someone at ping pang he sparks up a fag, and when he's not on the table nearly chain smokes. In the table tennis room as well, as most of them do. I guess the secret must be to take up smoking.

I left the creme de la creme to have a competition that it would not be worth me entering, and went downstairs to find some mortals to practise with. Unfortunately the mortals hadn't turned up and there were mostly demi-gods and goddesses in their 50s and 60s and 70s. I stood in awe for a few minutes before being ushered to play with a bloke I hadn't played before. Previously, upstairs, I had been given two more pieces of advice: relax more, and use the biceps when hitting forehands - apparently I'd been keeping my arm straight which was preventing my topspin from being as effective as it should be. I'd been concentrating on the latter at least and found I was getting better at smashing the ball...starting off a bit slower then with growing confidence dominating the ball and whacking it even from a few feet from the table. It is a great feeling when you have such a rally. When we started to play for points I only lost 11-5 11-9 and I was proud of the last game as I didn't get the impression that the bloke (who was only in his 50s) was giving me points. Then I got mashed by a woman in her 60s who has a very mean forehand, before playing the funny man that had beaten her before. This bloke is not much taller than five foot and very slender. But he hits the ball like a wildcat pouncing on a marsupial, never missing a returned ball. He's fascinating to watch and impossible to play. But I tried, and although he certainly gave me some easy shots at first, as I gained confidence he started hitting the ball harder and harder. A small audience of five or so people had started to watch this foreigner get pulverised but there was one rally where he nearly set the ball alight such was the speed and spin, yet for a split second I felt the Force and instinctively smashed back his smash right into his body in a way he could not fashion his bat to return. There were shrieks of delight and hand-clapping from the onlookers, and my opponent had a wide grin of appreciation, as I'd just hit the best shot of my life...and had witnesses!! I'd played for a good ten minutes so I thought I'd better let some others play and sit on my laurels for a bit, so I went to have a quick game of volleyball with mostly women to warm down. If this is what being old is in Pingguo I want to retire here.

Disciplining fractious son

Although got to sleep at 4am after stupidly watching more golf on TV, I woke up at 9am with the kids. Waipo rang me at that time to ask if the kids were at home. I answered in the affirmitive thinking she would be arriving any time now to take them out. Apparently not. There was no-one else around and they wouldn't eat breakfast so at 11.30 Tan and I took them to the new eatery around the corner for lunch. Leilei was very ill-behaved and broke the straw to his drink but wouldn't go and ask for a new one - preferring me to do this. I'd had enough of his shyness and told him to ask the waitress for one but he refused, then refused to eat his food. So after five minutes I grabbed his arm and frog-marched him back home where we spent twenty minutes sitting down and assessing the situation. I hate to do this but otherwise he gets what he wants by moaning and crying. I reasoned with him, and after the tears assuaged he agreed to go back to the restaurant to finish his meal.

He had a few mouthfuls, and then Tan and Xixi went to buy curtains for the new house. I took Leilei home for a bit, then found that Tan and Xixi had already returned home (so much for the curtains). I tried in vain to get both of them to sleep, but just as it seemed I might be winning Tan came back in the room and said she'd take them out to the supermarket. As I'd had little sleep I declined, preferring to catch up a few Z's, but managed only five minutes as as soon as I fell asleep I got another phone call. Why didn't I remember my advice to myself to turn on silent mode?

We all went to check on the house at about 6pm. Nothing more to report. Then went for an evening meal after 7. The kids were a bit fractious but at least ate something. We had Japanese tofu and I had some nice "la chang" (sausage). I then had the nightmare of taking Leilei to have his hair cut. Anyone would think he was having his tonsils out as Lu Hai gave him a trim. I just hope he's learnt that it's not that bad. As the kids had not slept during the day I managed to get them both to sleep by 9.30pm. Then Tan got back at 11.30pm after saying she would be back at 10pm. As it was Sunday I popped out at 12.30am for a bit of octopus at the local seafood place, where I bumped into the manager and shared a couple of beers with him plus the octopus.