Fixing a government official's satellite dish and going to Deng Xiao Ping museum

We went out in the morning to play table tennis but it was so hot Xiao Li gave up after three games and we went to play badminton. During badminton he received a phone call and said we were going to Baise where his brother-in-law would fix a government official’s satellite dish.

So one hour later we were in Xiao Li’s brother-in-law’s car for the two hour drive to Baise, where he duly fixed a satellite dish while we went our with some friends to visit the Deng Xiao Ping museum which was quite interesting.

Sitting at Deng Xiao Ping's desk from when he stayed in Baise 80 years ago.

With Xiao Li's sister and another mate in the museum - they wanted me to stand on a lower step!

At the war memorial - we all had a go on the gong which was surprisingly quiet


Later of course we went for a meal in a nice restaurant with the government official and some of his friends/business partners. We drank quite a lot of 3.1% beer in tiny glasses and some of them got quite drunk (can’t imagine how they’d cope in an English pub with pints of 5% Stella!). They thought it was great and very funny that I could say “My wife is from Bangxu” in Bangxu language, which bears hardly any resemblance to Mandarin: Shao ya ngou nduk wen Bang Hee instead of Wo lao po shi Bang xu ren.

One of very many toasts - not surprisingly you always down in one.

Iron ore

In the morning Xiao Li’s business partner took Xiao Li and me to the mountains on the outskirts of town where they have their iron ore place. We drove up a very stony road that had me fearing our small van would tip over or just die, until we reached a large deposit of red earth that contained the said iron ore. A few minutes later a man arrived from higher up the road on a motorbike and Xiao Li and I both climbed aboard. A few yards later we had to stop as the bike just wouldn’t take three men over such an uneven and stony surface. So Xiao Li went and I stayed behind with the business parter.

I learned that he is the boss of an iron ore extraction company (I have no idea what Xiao Li is) and that Xiao Li was going to inspect where they actually dig out the iron ore from. Every day lorries drive up to that place to be loaded with the earth that they have got from the mountainside by using explosives. The lorries then drive down to the place where we were standing and unload the earth, where it is then washed using pressurised water drawn from a nearby lake, leaving just the iron ore. Then this iron ore is taken down the rest of the mountain and sold to local factories.

A load of iron ore waiting to be washed.

The boss told me he makes 100,000 kuai a month from this, which is about £65000. I found it hard to believe and asked him how many men he employed – he said five. He hires the lorries and they get about ten tons of iron ore a day apparently. And of course there’s no factory to maintain – everything’s there on the mountain. He just sits at home and counts the money most of the time.

More night-time ping pong

It's nice to be back in Pingguo where at least they have electricity during the day. I've been playing a bit of table tennis recently at the table in the main square. This square is huge and has a great fountain and lights display some nights. Every night there is lots of dancing going on of various types. People just bring a couple of disco-sized speakers, hook them up to the mains and blast out music and start dancing. Then more and more people join in until you have up to 15 fairly well ordered rows of people following the moves of the people in front. It can start out pretty ungainly but as they learn the moves it can look quite good later on.

It looks to be about 80% women, understandably (even when the dancing is ballroom type), and a great many from the older generation. It’s a great form of exercise and is one of the reasons the Chinese are often so supple (well the women anyway).

Interspersed throughout the square you can see a few Karaoke places too. This gives you the opportunity to show the world how bad you really are at singing. No I didn’t. Understandably, this was almost uniquely populated with men.

But on to the table tennis. The Chinese all know how to play, and they all spin the ball and hold the bat like a pen (well most do). It’s quite disconcerting at first, but you can learn to read the spin and start to beat them at their own game. The problem was that we generally go at night, and the lighting is vastly insufficient for a game that relies on fast reflexes and good hand-eye coordination. One of the sides of the table was so dark it was twice as hard as the other to play on. But strangely I found after a while I could sense where the ball was and play reasonably well even when I could barely see the ball. I know how Luke Skywalker must have felt when he first felt the Force.

I’ve finally realised why I couldn’t keep track of the score before – the Chinese say the number of points against you, so if I’m beating Xiao Li 7-5 they would say it was 5-7 to me. Weird, especially as they couldn’t understand the English way – it seemed to really confuse them even though they score the normal way in badminton. I can’t get my head around how the Chinese can be so clever at the same time as being so illogical (though this is just to my mind...there is likely good reasoning behind it).

Snake and wild bird soup with red wine mixed with lemonade

Woke up at 11.30am and immediately had to go for lunch downstairs. I was quite hungover and didn’t really feel like it but made the effort. Xiao Li got me to have a glass of beer…looks like they also have the hair of the dog…well it did the job and a bottle later I’d survived the meal, then went straight back to bed and didn’t surface until 5.30pm

After we had finished our meal Xiao Li and I went out to play table tennis in the dark again. On the way we stopped off at some friends who own a computer shop. We went upstairs where they were having a meal that included a very nice snake and wild bird soup. Naturally we joined in and before I knew it I was being handed a cup of bai jiu – white alcohol; it’s not literally alcohol but it is pretty strong. I managed one glass and respectfully refused any more, at which they poured me some red wine…oh dear…except this time they added lemonade which made for a very drinkable red shandy. About an hour later we left with the boss and his wife and really did play table tennis.

Horse Boss's wife and Horse Boss himself about to engage in night-time ping pong

On the way back from table tennis we stopped off at the bbq to get some food for the ladies. Before we knew it we bumped into some friends and not long later we were eating again and playing drinking games. There was a girl there who worked in a hotel where we’d been eating a week or so back and she said she’d be able to get me some beer advert posters to take back to the UK. She was wearing a top that said “wear juicy” which I found quite amusing.

Wear juicy

She might also be able to get one of the Li Quan tops the beers servers wear. They are very pretty slightly figure-hugging white and green tops adorned with the Li Quan logo. I would love Tan to wear one and serve me beer at home but I might as well wish for Tony Blair to be voted the next president of China. Or indeed anyone to be voted the next president of China.

As we left the bbq a couple of Xiao Li’s mates turned up in their cars. Apparently we were to go somewhere with them and that girl. I stamped my authority and told them that we were taking food home to our women, so we did. Without the girl. Back home the two blokes came in – one of them was the son of the leader of Pingguo – to drink tea. Well, we did drink tea, plus nine bottles of beer, till 3am.

Xiao Li, me, two government officials, Lu Wen

A funny thing happened around 2am though. I don't recall the context but I innocently brought up the subject of politics. That was it. I merely mentioned the word. What had hithertothen been a relatively raucous group of individuals immediately turned into the most sober beings on the planet and calmly said, nearly in unison, that we don't talk about politics here (here in China?). No explanation, nothing. And then just like that the smiles and laughter returned and we were back to where we were seconds before. That will stay with me forever. It's just part of life that doesn't exist here, like a lack of a limb. It barely bothers me at all...it's not a million miles away from families that don't talk about politics, or religion, or whatever other subject, except that here the "family" seems to be about every citizen who is not a government official.

Lots of watching footy but at least City won!

Just remember I watched three games of Premier League football back to back and drank a few beers. Most importantly Man City won (2-0 against West Ham) for the first time in ages.

Beautiful Bangxu but not that much to do

Spent only three days in Bangxu as there wasn’t that much to do really. I went out Wednesday afternoon for a walk in the sun (which wasn’t a good idea when wearing jeans). There was some really beautiful scenery just outside the village that no-one thinks to tell you about because it’s just there.

Leilei spent a lot of time playing outside and didn't need mama and baba around him all the time. The neighbours are sort of used to us now but you still can't take Leilei out without causing all the women to break out into huge smiles displaying awkwardly fitting teeth of various colours.

A few photos from Bangxu below:

Leilei with some ladies.


Pretty babies!


Where I went on my walk.


I met some men fishing on my walk and joined them. Unfortunately I didn't catch any but they did, and invited me back for an evening meal. I had to turn them down as I'd already been invited elsewhere. That bull looked like he didn't want to let me pass, but I grabbed the bull by the horns (figuratively, I admit), and strode past and he didn't bat an eyelid.

Bangxu is where Tan’s mum lives, and where Tan spent most of her youth. It is a small market town about 2 hours drive north of Pingguo (although it is in Pingguo county), and situated, as most towns are, in the midst of some beautiful mountains. Leilei enjoyed it very much as he was free to roam around outside the house, much to the delight of the passing school children. Four times a day there were a bunch of 5 - 10 year-olds hovering about outside the house to get glimpse of Leilei…sometimes he would come out and play with them which really made their day!

Kids loitering outside Tan's mum's house to get a glimpse of Leilei.

"Safe" drive back to Bangxu

Took a taxi to Tan’s mum’s village, Bangxu (a small market town) in the afternoon.

Thankfully the taxi driver was a friend and drove with relative care. Of course this only halves the chances of having a crash as you regularly see horrendous overtaking manoeuvres, often by coaches and lorries around blind corners. I’m sure it’s like this in other countries too, but it makes French and Spanish drivers look courteous. This is one of the facets I don’t like about countries that believe in ‘fate’. What a load of bollocks. They don’t have religion so I suppose they have to explain things they don’t expect or understand in some way. It was ‘fate’ that I met Tan, ‘fate’ that we had a son blah blah blah….

We plan to spend a week in Bangxu and see relatives.

Badminton and sumptuous meals

Played badminton on court in morning with Xiao Li. 12 kuai per hour isn’t bad, although the courts weren’t air-conditioned. Xiao Li is pretty good but I think I was better. He didn’t even know the rules and just thought you served whenever you had the shuttlecock in your hand. Xiao Li has been trying to learn English since I’ve been here. Unfortunately he spends an incomprehensible amount of time trying to learn words that won’t help him much instead of useful ones like “the”. “Shuttlecock” is an example of one of those words. I won’t try to write the stuff that he came out with while trying that one.

When Xiao Li was too tired, I played a pretty girl in short shorts who worked there. She called me a hui ren (bad person) because I made her run around the court so much. Well she should have been better as she worked there.

Pretty girl with nice shorts playing badminton with Xiao Li.

Met up with Lin Hong, her husband and daughter and best friend, plus Xiao Wei and son for another meal in the MingDu hotel. We had our own private room with sofa and tv and loo, as well as a luxurious spinning table and our own young ladies to serve us. The entrance to the hotel says “Smart Dress Only” (in English as well as Chinese), but they didn’t seem to have any problem with Xiao Li and me coming in in our sweaty England tops and shorts after the badminton.

The meal was paid for by Lin Hong’s husband, whose job is to drive the top cheese in Pingguo around. This means that when he’s not doing this he drives the best car in the county – a huge shiny black Toyota Prado Landcruiser, fully loaded. It’s nicer than any car I’ve been in in the UK. When I say the meal was paid for by this bloke, I mean he signed the leader’s name on the bill – apparently this is ok as long as you are entertaining important guests (even if they are sweaty and dressed in sports gear).

Another nice meal. Lin Hong's husband is about the only one looking at the camera.

In the evening we had a similar meal to lunch, except that it was hosted by Tan’s ex-manager from when she worked in the bank about 7 years ago. He also had a magic signature that meant the local government paid for the meal. The food, like every meal was delicious and varied. I don’t think I’ve ever had the same dish twice since I’ve been here, although I can’t say the same about the beer.

"Breakfast" at Mingdu hotel

Went for “breakfast” in the posh Pingguo MingDu hotel with Lin Hong and her daughter. The deal is this: you pay 10 kuai (about 70p) and you can eat as much as you like from a buffet that has a very good range of food – but the catch is that you can’t take any home with you, and you have to pay 10 kuai for every 50 grams you don’t eat. Needless to say they piled the table high with loads of food (as it was 10.30am and the breakfast stuff was being cleared away.

We all got stuffed of course, and had a couple of beers (wouldn’t have done so if it had been Stella though). Then Lin Hong took out the tissues from the envelope they came in and started putting some of the food in it to take back! Very inspired. Luckily we weren’t charged for the leftovers, which would have been considerably more expensive than what we did pay. Thinking about it, it seems pretty unenforceable to charge for the weight of the food you didn’t eat…you could just sneakily drop it under the table – I could see a funny Mr Bean episode coming out of this.

Lin Hong appropriating some cakes and looking very guilty.

Our house

Woke up in the morning for the first time in a while. Leilei was noticeably better despite the nasty cough and quiet voice.

Lounged around the house most of the day. The houses here mostly follow a pretty simple design: a large room at the front and a smaller one at the back with a large staircase in the middle. The number of floors is a sort of indication of wealth. Xiao Li is quite rich so here we have 6 and a half floors (each about 13’ high), with a worryingly low banister on the spiral (well, square spiral) staircase that comes up to the bottom of my buttocks (I carry Leilei in my left arm when ascending and right arm when descending just in case).

There is a kitchen and a dining room, plus a sort of large bathroom where my toilet is. The rest of the rooms are bedrooms and spare rooms except for the ground floor, which is a sort of garage. Every room in the building without exception has a toilet/shower, and most have air conditioning. The roof is flat and is used for meals on special occasions and drying clothes.

The living room has a tv that is nearly always on, a computer and large, comfortable sofas that you regularly see people sleeping on. We eat in the kitchen when not eating out. Some photos below…

Leilei a bit better and "drink tea"

After a few more doses, Leilei was looking a bit better. He wanted to watch Peppa Pig (we’d brought some DVDs of his favourite program with us) although he still couldn’t talk.

About 9.30pm Xiao Li said we would go to drink tea. This is a bit of a loaded expression. It meant we went to a karaoke place where you and some friends have your own private room to drink beer, sing badly, eat snacks, and if you like drink tea served by some young beauty in traditional figure hugging dress.

I’d had a few beers before but this place sobered me up with its 3.1% beer and glasses you’d be embarrassed to serve spirits in. I couldn’t believe how drunk some of Xiao Li’s friends were (it can’t just have been this beer). They sung really badly and out of tune and time. Of course they wanted me to sing – Sound of Silence plus some Chinese song I’d been taught – “You are my rose, you are my flower, you are my lover, the thing I miss” (doesn’t sound much more romantic in Chinese). Got home 1.30am and went to bed.

Leilei tonsillitis

Leilei seemed a little better when standing up but had completely lost his voice and sicked up some nasty looking mucous. By the evening though I thought he was worse; he was really hot and whimpering all the time. I decided to take him to hospital again (this time a different one).

This time he was diagnosed with flu and tonsillitis, which sounded more likely. We were given some different medicine and told once again it wasn’t really serious and we should relax. That was one thing I found quite hard to do at the time. Back home again, Leilei managed to drink some cold water which made him look a lot more refreshed – he even managed a smile. However he wouldn’t have any of the brown concoction that was his medicine until we forced it down him. Unfortunately he then forced it and the rest of the contents of his stomach over his daddy…but I held onto him tightly and we managed to get a second lot of medicine to stay down a bit later.

Feeling a bit relieved I sat down and watched the football and had a couple of cool beers. Bed at 5am for the third day in a row. Must be the jetlag.

Leilei throat infection

Hmm. Woke up at 1pm again.

Was slightly cooler today than the usual mid-thirties.

In the evening Xiao Li and I went to the barbeque place, which is a car park during the day. This is a really special place – about the size of a car park that would fit 50 or so cars, where a number of people set up their tables and barbeques amidst many more eating tables surrounded by little plastic chairs and stools. The place is dimly lit by the stallholders’ own lights and electronic beer adverts.

And the food…well we normally go for duck tongues, duck intestines, chicken claws and pig penises, all served on wooden skewers. This time, however, we bumped into some friends (Xiao Li seems to know everyone) who invited us to sit with them and drink some beer which we did until Tan sent me a text saying Leilei was ill.

So we bought some bbq for the girls and went home. Leilei had a temperature and a very wheezy cough; when he lay down it sounded like he could barely breath. I decided we should take him to hospital, so we ordered a taxi and Tan, Xiao Wei and the baby and I went to one of the many hospitals in Pingguo.

They still take temperature by putting a thermometer under your arm, which isn’t very easy when you’re a screaming child. Leilei was diagnosed as having a throat infection and we were given some antibiotics (so much for Chinese medicine). They said it was just the change in the weather and that it was very common. Interestingly this is what just about everyone said.

Couldn’t really sleep so watched the Liverpool Champions League match.

Staying up till 5am to see us lose to Reading

Woke up at 1pm and had some food in the house.

I think we went for a meal at Xiao Wei’s parents’ house. There was a fantastic tropical storm that only I seemed to be interested in.

I stayed up till 3am to watch the Man City match at Reading. There was another bloke watching the footy with me. He lives here too with his girlfriend at the moment; his parents don’t like her so won’t agree on them getting married. What’s more is that she’s pregnant. Apparently if the child is a boy the bloke’s parents will probably be ok about it – she is going for a scan to check this soon, something that is actually illegal in China though is obviously commonplace. And if the child’s a girl? Who knows? But I feel sorry for the glut of young Chinese men of marriageable age who can’t find mates (not that I have helped the situation at all).

Unfortunately it was a crap match that we lost and really wasn’t worth staying up till 5am for.

Rough morning

Felt a bit rough in the morning. In the evening we went to a cousin’s house, where Tan’s mum had arrived earlier in the day. We had a nice evening meal there (with a couple of beers for the men of course). Felt sorry for some of the young girls who had to go back to school that evening (it was a Sunday after all).

I also caught wind that one of the blokes at the meal last night had to go to the hospital to get his stomach pumped as a result of drinking too much. Oh no now I feel even more guilty as I wasn't aware that they were drinking whole glasses for every sip I took. I hope I've learnt a lesson...or he has...

First game of cai ma this year

Had some of Xiao Li’s friends around for dinner; us blokes cooked and ate in the kitchen while the ladies and kids ate in the living room. We had chicken and duck plus various other delights, including the famous Li Quan beer – it’s only 3.6% so you can drink a bit with your meal and not feel drunk. However when you start playing drinking games you can start to feel the effects. Basically two people show any number of fingers on one hand in a manner similar to scissors, paper, stone, except that instead of trying to beat the other you shout out what you think the total number of fingers shown will be (not allowing 5). This game is called "cai ma" (guess number) and traditionally played in Cantonese so I had to learn a few words first and needless to say I mostly lost (although with such weak beer that can be quite refreshing).

The male contingent of the evening's meal

Although this is my third time in Guangxi I hadn't realised something quite important about the drinking culture here: it is customary (for men at least) to drink together - and this doesn't mean sitting around the table together but literally synchronised drinking of each sup (usually a glassful). But tonight unbeknownst to me I was sipping away as I would (not downing a glass each time), and apparently every time I raised my glass, every other bloke did too. They must have thought I was some sort of drinking Titan but each time was literally only a sip unless one of the other blokes had shouted "gan bei!". Only well into the meal did it dawn on me that people were synchronising their drinking with me and I felt rather embarrassed. I hope I will never make this mistake again. Well I suppose it explained how pissed some of the men looked.

By about midnight the guests had gone but I fancied another beer so I told Xiao Li I’d go and get some but he said no, he had something upstairs. Unfortunately that thing was Chinese red wine. You can tell it’s going to be bad when they put it in the fridge before they open it. Well we managed to finish the bottle while watching the Saturday evening Premiership game between Spurs and Man Utd, though I had to check the next day for the final score (1 – 0 Utd).

Brilliant storm (for me)

Ate some pigs intestines for lunch at some place in Pingguo.

In the evening we went to Xiao Wei’s parent’s house for a meal. It was very humid and we ate on the roof of their five floor building as dark clouds gathered o’er the mountains. Sure enough half an hour later we were in the middle of a brilliant storm that turned dusk to darkness and deluged the area giving off a special lightning performance to great effect. At least that is how I saw it. No one else was in the slight bit interested and must have thought it weird behaviour jumping up to the window to watch the display.

Xiao Wei’s father was in the army and their house is adorned with posters of ex-leaders of China; as you walk in you see a cheerful Mao Zedeng (Tsedung?) watching over you with various cronies on either side. Imagine having a large poster of Tony Blair in your hallway and Margaret Thatcher in your living room and you sort of get the idea.

Xiao Wei's dad with Chairman Mao on the wall

Prawns and fish with Zhang Yong before flight to Nanning

Met Zhang Yong for an early lunch with fantastic prawns and fish. He drove us to the airport just in time to check in luggage and we were the last people on board the plane to Nanning. Unfortunately it seems that China Eastern do not offer beer or wine on their domestic flights (nor do they allow you to take any on). Anyway, the flight was ok despite my dislike of flying.

Arrived at Nanning ahead of schedule, although Lin Hong (cousin, woman), Xiao Wei (Tan’s best friend), Xiao Li (her husband) and Li Mingda (their son) were already there to meet us. Xiao Li had commandeered a nice 4x4 to take us to Pingguo, the town that we’ll be staying at for most of our visit.

Went for a meal on the outskirts of Pingguo where we met Lin Hong’s daughter Tian Tian (about 6) and Leilei had a great time with his two new found cousins running about and pointing at dogs and shouting “wow wow!” which isn’t Chinese for anything – it’s what he calls dogs.

Got to Xiao Li’s house (where we’ll be staying) and went to bed a bit later.

iQue

Took Leilei out for a walk in what was our local park when we lived in Shanghai. Felt really happy to be there playing with my son, yet sad we were soon be leaving and that we weren’t going back to our old house later. Met a Spanish mother and her son in the park and played with them for a bit. Apparently her son (who is 2 years) wakes up at least three times a night, which made me feel grateful.

After the park we walked up to our old road, and paid a quick visit to our old house – nothing has really changed and I could have easily walked through the front door, sat on the sofa and watched some football on the telly, but I had to meet Tan up the road a bit for a bite to eat.

Outside our old house with a handsome chappie

Met the wife and went for a bit to eat near the market we used to frequent. Everyone loves Leilei, women and men alike, makes me very proud – it is very genuine, there’s no animosity towards me as a “lao wei” (foreigner) having married a Chinese (despite the fact that these days so many Chinese men are having problems finding mates dues to the one-child policy and the suspicious statistics that there have been many more men born since that policy than women).

Found that the market that was famous for selling “Lorex” watches and dodgy dvds has been razed to the ground, the only noticeable change I noticed in Shanghai.

Took a couple of photos at our old house with Tan and the baby. Then we arranged to meet Chin (our ex-live-in-English student in London who is now working in Shanghai) for an evening meal.

Met Chin and her colleague in Xu Jia Hui. I really wanted to buy a Nintendo DS lite so her mate helped me get a good deal in the electrics department – I got the Chinese version (iQue) which means I can play Chinese games too!

Had a nice meal with Chin and colleague, although Leilei was irritable, which meant I spent most of the time taking him outside the restaurant. One of the things about having a kid is that you either have a babysitter or you rarely have a civilised meal.

Crabs with Zhang Yong

One interesting thing about the motel room is that one part of the bathroom is visible to the bedroom, and that part is one wall of the shower, which is fine if you’re a couple, but I wouldn’t want that if I was sharing with a mate (coming to think of it I wouldn’t be sharing a bed either so perhaps they assume a certain intimacy) – Leilei thought it was funny anyway!

Met Zhang Yong again for lunch. He has a Buick. It’s a big American car with leather seats and air-conditioning, although made in Shanghai. I couldn’t see much through the blacked-out windows but I knew we were travelling in style. We went to a restaurant that specialised in crabs, and Leilei enjoyed watching them in their aquarium although didn’t eat any. In fact he hasn’t eaten much since we arrived – Tan is a bit worried; I told her not to worry unless he doesn’t eat for five days – anyway, he has been drinking his milk and that’s got a good deal of his vitamin needs inside.

Yesterday Zhang Yong invited us to more meals but we wanted some time together so although we met him this afternoon for lunch we went our own way to the Xu Jia Hui shopping centre to get Leilei some milk powder and nappies and I went to the book shop to get a couple of parallel text books. On the basement floor of this centre is a great eating-place. It’s actually not different from most English eating places in shopping centres where you choose where to buy your food from and eat in a central eating area, except that the food is fantastic and the choice overwhelming. I had pork with mushrooms on a bed of rice with soup and something else and Tan had something equally appetising, although Leilei didn’t eat his portion. I also had what is probably the most expensive beer I’ll drink this year in China - £1 for a 600ml of Tiger beer.

Leilei's 2nd visit to second home

Arrived in Shanghai Pudong airport at about 3.45pm local time after an uneventful flight thankfully although I was annoyed that China Eastern Airlines didn’t provide Gin and Tonic, nor anything more than beer and wine (and small measures at that). Leilei behaved well on the flight and we pretended he weighed 11kg so he could be put in the baby bed they stick onto the wall in front of you (he’s actually about 14kg) – that really helped – 11 hours with a baby on your lap is not going to give you a comfortable flight.

I had to queue with Leilei for an hour to get our passports stamped – we were in the ‘foreigners’ queue, whereas Tan was in the quicker Chinese queue. By then he was getting adventurous which is not what you want when you have most of the hand luggage (including 6 bottles of alcohol), but we got through eventually without any hassle. Except we couldn’t find mummy at the baggage reclaim place – she arrived later after having had to re-queue due to not having filled in the right papers….ha! I had.

Anyway, we got the no.3 bus, as we had three years’ previously when we first met, and made our way to Xu Jia Hui, which is where we used to live in Shanghai, and where our motel was situated. When we got there we found the rudest taxi driver in Shanghai to take us to the motel – you’d think that giving an address would be good enough, but when he found out it was on a one-way street he wanted to know from which street to enter and complained when we didn’t know, really rudely according to Tan. So anyway I took a mental note of his number (215261) and intend to report him; Shanghai taxi drivers should adhere to a strict behaviour code and get disciplined strongly if they veer from that path.

Finally got to the motel which was clean and simple and all the Xiao Jie (maids) loved Leilei. Tan’s ex-boss Zhang Yong arrived a bit later to take us for a meal in some hotel, which was very nice although we were very tired and I can’t even remember what we ate.

Back to UK via missed connection in Paris

We pretended Leilei hadn't grown in the last few weeks and that he was still 11kg. How it worked I don't know but we managed to get bulkhead seats for him for definitely the last time. The flight was not as easy as coming over here but could have been a lot worse.

But a couple of hours sleep does not put you in good stead to be told you have 40 minutes to get your connection from Paris to London. Why the heck do they sell such tickets when your only chance of making the connection is if you arrive an hour early? As much as we were rushed we clearly missed our connection and had to wait a couple of hours till the next. Boo. But anyway this is a first world problem. We got back to London ok and got home. And had enjoyed a wonderful, albeit far too short, trip back home to get married there and show the fruit of our UK marriage to all the family over there. I can't wait to get back and spend a bit more time there....

Last day in Guangxi

I don't think I woke up early and I had no time to moan if I did as it was our last day and Tan was stressed about stuff. I think Venky went off to Vietnam or somewhere so we had loads of time to go for our flight but somehow it always seems that I am to blame for something.

But our entourage got us to Nanning in good time for our flight to Guangzhou, and we had the happy/sad matter of saying goodbye among photographs that will be treasured.

Tan, me, Lao Ma, A Ni, A Wu, Leilei, and A Ni's little sister

I guess the flight was fairly ok as we got to Guangzhou in one piece and took the shuttle bus to the hotel. Leilei had his last Chinese bath in the sink and looked happy enough doing so.

Probably the last ever sink-bath Leilei will have

Nanning Food and Drink

I woke up at the crack of midday. Apparently we had plans to eat lunch at some restaurant so I had to get ready and call Venky. As he hadn't got a Chinese SIM card we just went to his hotel and knocked on his door until he got up and opened it. A little while later and we were all ready to go to eat.

A Wu with Leilei and A Da in the morning at the hotel

We went to some nice-looking eatery that was rather central and ordered some nice stuff including plenty of vege options, which is not hard here. We didn't think we'd want beer but it being so weak and all it seemed like the default drink. And within half an hour we were a tad tipsy. I discovered that the camera I had bought in Japan a couple of years ago took nice sepia pictures, and Venky found out that the two AA batteries that ran his ran out after about 10 snaps.

Sepia photo of A Ni and A Wu

Venky and I got the chance to check out Nanning after that without the "protection" of our Chinese friends. It was quite welcoming and we happened upon some markets where they bade us smoke some tobacco. As a non-smoker I was nonplussed but in the interests of science I tried a bit.

Venky trying smoking from bamboo in Nanning - it's still smoking mate...

I think the rest of the afternoon was spent trying to get to the Vietnam embassy to get a visa for Venky. I remember jumping over parts of the road you shouldn't be jumping over in order to get a taxi to the embassy. It must have worked as we got there, then afterwards we found the closest place to grab a naughty beer and a bit of grub, and had our one and only drink/eat without our friendly Chinese chaperones. It was rather blissful.

The evening began with meeting some friends, one of whom had a cool, long, Audi that took some of us to Zhong Shan Lu (Middle Mountain Road), which is a famous street for street food and bbq. After a few minutes we found a place and sat down with the ladies and started ordering food. Except for Venky, who went on a mission to find...something.... Anyway Venky got back a bit later proudly showing the fruits of his labour as two tiny bottles of er gou tuo, i.e. the least drinkable substance known to western man.

He tried his best to get me to drink some over the next half an hour or so, reminding me of how we'd bought a bottle each in March 2003 when we first set foot upon China. We'd both brought a bottle of the undrinkable alcohol back to our rooms that night, together with a can of fizzy apple juice, as you do. And somehow we had both managed to finish the undrinkable stuff with the help of the said apple juice independently, as we found out the next morning. But, we promised each other, never again.

Me, A Wu, Venky, and friend in Zhong Shan Lu

Yeah well I wasn't married then so it was a bit different. I manfully took one small swig from one of the bottles and immediately regretted it and remembered our Beijing promise. Yuck. Even the locals wouldn't indulge with us except for the Audi driver who seemed to think he ought to do so.

Somehow, Venky managed more than a sip. And then another, and another. I took him to the loo a couple of times as he was downing the beer too. But on the third occasion he went by himself. A few minutes later he wasn't back, and as I knew no western (he pretty much is) man would be able to poo in such a public toilet I went looking for him with Audi man. Well we found him after 15 seconds, sitting outside the loo with a spray of corn-coloured vomit the radius of a small car around him. We sat with him for a few minutes but he was ok. Something told me this was not the first time (ok, it was experience). After a bit of cajoling we got him back, paid for the meal (at least someone did), and slowly got him back to the hotel as he would not get into any car.

Luckily the hotel was fairly central, and the walk seemed to have sobered him up. We made sure he got into his room ok and he gave A Wu a man-hug before leaving to sleep what I imagine will be his best ever sleep in Guangxi.

Venky giving A Wu a man-hug

I probably got told off when I got home late again....

Friends and Family and Venky in Nanning

We went down to Nanning to see Tan's eldest sister and a couple of relatives today. It was really nice to see Tan's eldest sister and she really got a lot out of seeing Leilei. The other two sisters were not really sisters at all, more like cousins, but I didn't have the heart to ask how far apart.

Tan's eldest sister, an aunt, Leilei, an uncle, Tan

Two of Tan's cousins, me, Tan, A Da, A Ni, Lao Ma

One of Tan's cousins in a slightly scary pose

We stayed for a nice evening meal. I noticed that, as in some other Chinese apartments, there was an expensive-looking bottle of XXXXX0 Cognac. I guess the more Xs the more expensive. The father may have glimpsed me looking at it as he brought the round bottle down and poured me himself a rather large glass. For some reason the colour was more dark red than dark yellow. That reason was wine. Chinese wine at that. He'd basically decanted a bottle of hongjiu into this bottle for some reason that I expect meant to impress. I only took the one glass.

Later I went with the girls to sing song. At least they sang song...I took a couple of mini-films, wishing my camera took longer and brighter ones....

She can actually sing quite nicely...and this is a nice song

It was worth going to karaoke as it woke me up a bit and I needed it as Venky was coming soon. At least that was the plan. We got to the airport but I received a text from him (to my English number annoyingly) that he was a tad delayed. It was annoying as I responded and probably used up a quid of my credit doing so. It wasn't such a big deal; we went to get a bite to eat somewhere and came back later. But we noticed his flight was delayed again and we didn't have a definite time. Eventually he texted me again to say he'd got halfway to Nanning before the pilot decided to turn back again for some technical reason.

Finally, gone midnight, he texted to say he was off again, and it was not long before 1am that we actually met up. But no speak of immediate sleep. The first thing was to find some food, which we managed easily at something like 1.30am. Here we had some delicious bbq fish and other vegetarian delights that A Wu and I also tucked into, together with the ubiquitous Li Quan. It was good to see Venky in Guangxi, just two and a bit years after the last time time in Beijing and Shanghai!

Uncle Lu took this picture of A Wu, Venky, and me tucking into bbq fish, squid, and sweetcorn...just what the doctor ordered for a 1.30am snack

Welcome to Guangxi Venky!

We dropped Venky off at his hotel at gone 3am and I got back to Tan's cousin's house even later much to her chagrin, but I explained we couldn't do much about aeroplane delays (though I'm not sure I mentioned the bbq and beer).

Bank, Fat Briefs, and Karaoke

Today we visited the bank where Tan used to work. Her cousin Lin Hong still works there and is quite high up I think. Anyway, Leilei stole the show and we were given huge grapefruit-like fruits to eat while he was taken by the workers.

Outside the bank

I got the chance to visit a local supermarket and guffawed at the "Fat Briefs" on sale. I suppose there must be a market for them.

Fat Briefs

And then I wandered around the town a bit until I happened upon some blokes playing what I suppose is draughts, but with a bit of a crowd watching them...

Draughts?

In the evening we were invited to a local karaoke place by Tan's friends. Although it was mostly women I managed to have a good time and do a bit of a singalong with Tan. I think I could get used to living here....

Huang Chun, Lao Ma, A Ni, Tan, me

Hydro-Electricity and Bumper Cars

Today A Wu, Jiefu, and some friends took me on a trip a few minutes outside Pingguo to see one of the main power stations, powered by water coming in from a dam. Apparently it powers a considerable percentage of Pingguo but I'm not sure what exactly that percentage is. On the way we had what I consider now to be a fairly typical experience of being stopped by people fixing the road. By people I mean women with shovels shovelling dirt around in an attempt to smooth out potholes or something similar I guess. We sat in the van for a couple of minutes before I realised no-one had any intention of doing anything other than waiting, so I decided to get out and help them. This spurred a couple of the blokes to get out and help to, not to mention a couple of photo-opportunities...

Mucking in to fix the road

Anyway, it was an interesting excursion, and I met the bloke looking after the station after we had woken him up. It does seem like the easiest job in the world, sitting in a reclining chair, watching over machines that are doing their stuff.

Me, A Wu, Uncle Lu, two mates, and Jiefu at the hydro-electric centre in Pingguo

The bloke who was looking after the machines (sorry to wake you)

Maybe it wasn't in keeping with the nature of the visit but I noticed some rather pretty flowers on the side of the road...

A rather pretty flower

Later, back in Pingguo itself we went to the guangchang to look at the fountains before they would be used. Jiefu, who I gather knows some government officials, took me underground to the control area of the fountains. I would have loved to play about with the jets of water and soak my friends above but it looked rather military and I dared not touch a thing.

At the fountain control centre with Jiefu

Totamly un-posed pick with a tiny A Wu

Back upstairs the men were getting restless and there was only one thing for it: bumper cars! We talked the owner into letting us have the complete area for a few minutes and enjoyed proper bumping (the likes of which are no longer allowed in the UK) for a good 10 minutes while darkness dropped around us like a shroud from Naples.

Uncle Yellow...it was pretty good fun

As it was dark now we went to the fountains to wait for the display. A number of school kids saw me and asked to take my photo with them. Weirdly, they also insisted that I take pics of them with me with my own camera. Oh well who knows maybe some day in the future one of them will recognise themselves here...

Some nice schoolkids at the guangchang

Me with Uncle Yellow and his woman Xiao Chong

Later in the evening we went to drink tea. This time it actually meant "drink tea" and I was very happy with the infusion!

The infusion pleased me