Snake!

This was to be our last day in Bangxu. Leilei didn't seem to mind and had a go posing on a motorbike.

We drove back to Pingguo in time for a special meal at A Wu's place. Special because A Wu's older brother was preparing snake for us blokes. This was a new experience for me and I got to see him cut the head off and syphon off the blood to be taken by us blokes later. But what surprised me was the bile duct. It was pierced by a toothpick until it eventually burst out a terribly dark green liquid that was mixed into a glass of alcohol. Apparently it, and the blood, are good for manly stuff, though Tan says I don't need to take anything ;)

Our friend the snake

A Wu and older brother with the snake

Bile on the left and blood on the right, as you do

Mmmm....snake blood...

For some reason after the meal we drank a few beers and I challenged A Wu to a game of arm wrestling. Given my longer, and slimmer, arms, this was a bit of a foolhardy challenge. But I gave a good account of myself, more so when moving to left-handed. I think he was a little surprised at how much I packed into it...maybe because of the snake's blood!

I'd love to say I beat him...

Lazy Day

Today was a lazy day...

But Leilei made some new friends...

And I saw some teeth for sale:

Scary cave

It was great to be with Leilei again. He certainly remembered us. And that was it. We were back in Bangxu, one of the most understated and subsequently most beautiful places you could hope to be in with your eight-month old son.

I was whipped away to join some blokes to go to visit a cave. Normally, this wouldn't sound so interesting and indeed it didn't to me. I was knackered and didn't really feel like going but I got on the bike and we drove no more than 20 minutes away. We arrived at a house and there were a few blokes. I thought I saw a few syringes just outside the house but ignored them; I wasn't here for medicinal reasons, nor medicinal drug reasons and I didn't want to find out what they were for.

After a few minutes of the blokes talking in the local tongue I sat down on a hard wooden chair and started to drop off. I didn't drop off though as I recall clearly listening to the blokes talking, and also I wouldn't admit it if I had.

Then, just as I was getting comfortable, we had to move. There were only six of us or so, and we beat an already somewhat beaten path to an entrance into the mountain. It wasn't the hardest trek in the world, but when you have no idea what is before you you do fear for the worst and wish you had several litres of water on you. Instead all they had were literally hundreds of joss sticks, so I gathered we were going to some dead person's place, as they are all over the mountains here (at least the bones are).

But oh no it was far more scary than that. We entered the mouth of a mountain and descended 30' or so before the leader turned on a torch and and pointed to a crack in the wall and said we'd go through that. Although my Mandarin is not that good I realised straight away that I was right as some slim bloke didn't flinch and somehow pushed himself through the base of the crack and disappeared. Then another one did the same thing. Then it was my turn.

I was overcome with a fear I've not known since being four years old and clinging to the dining table when told to go to school for the first time. It was even worse than being taken to my first (and only) piano lesson. But I realised I was an adult and had to face up to my claustrophobic fears (a tautology if ever there was one) so I moved up to the tiny opening and froze.

I had to go back a couple of feet and let the next bloke through and he did it as if it was climbing into the bed of a beautiful woman. And I thought about it. If Tan was watching (or Leilei), how much worse would I feel afterwards if I didn't go through? It was that thought alone that got me to close my eyes and push myself into the six foot long, 18" wide crack, only to be pulled through a couple of seconds later by the others. I'd made it...yahoooo!!! But as soon as I had I realised I'd probably have to do the same journey again to get back. Oh for a dirty G&T...

Getting through the tiny gap (that wasn't me)

But the effort was so worth it. In a few seconds we were transported to what was effectively another world. The floor was full of marble-sized brown balls, and there were stalagmites and stalactites every few feet. I realised that the most amazing thing about what I was seeing was that so few people had seen this before. Other than the normal gravity, and the temperature, and the pressure, and the lack of a space suit, I felt I was on Mars.

Me with Lao Lin...holding up the cave

The joss sticks were put into good use; one was placed every 10' or so so as not to lose the path back to the entrance. Of course my Mandarin became good enough to ask how long they stayed alight, to which the answer was "don't worry...".

This is what made it for me...the extra-terrestrial terra firma...would love to bring a westerner back here some time... 

A praying stalagmite? Well tites come down...

We found ourselves in a huge cave, which, according to what the torches afforded us, looked like the size of a football pitch, and tall enough to cater for a typical Man City free kick too. It was a quite dumbfounding half an hour that in some ways I wish never to repeat but I think will always hanker after. I seemed to have lost my fear about the tight tunnel coming back, and got dragged back in a similar fashion to getting in there. I actually would like to go back there again. It's the closest thing to being on another planet.

Turtle soup and Bangxu

Although we were due to go back to Bangxu to pick up our son, Lao Ma had invited us to lunch, on the roundabout quite near A Wu's house. Uncle Yellow and Xiao Chong came too. I can't remember exactly how it happened but somehow as the bowl containing the turtle was being served the whole porcelain bowl itself just split in the waitress's hands and fell to the floor just a foot from the table, causing a hot splash and some rather wet shoes, not to mention shame as we'd been waiting a long time.

I was concerned there would be anger but in fact everyone just burst out laughing - it clearly wasn't the waitress's fault, however we'd just lost our meal. Well not completely. Although it was the only turtle in the house, it was scooped up and I suppose washed, and served back to us a few minutes later. Of course there was some arguing and negotiating of the final price but it was in the local language so I didn't get any of it.

Re-serving the turtle soup - no-one risking sitting at the table this time

Yes, it's a turtle all right

Well the floored turtle was still rather delicious, and didn't last long, and finally we got a driver to take us to Bangxu to see Leilei.

The scenery on the way to Bangxu

Leaving Guilin

Well it was rather nice but I wasn't devastated to leave Guilin for Nanning. The road was clear and as we left early we got there in time for a late lunch. We went to a place called the "Haixian Shichang", which is simply "Seafood Market". But it was a bit more than just a market.

There were dozens of stalls with various tanks of living water creatures and the idea was not that you'd go there and buy your stuff to take home, but rather you'd take your stuff to one of the eight or so restaurants surrounding the area, which included the parking area. So we set about the choosing what we wanted and of course it took a little time as there was arguing with the stall holders about the quality and freshness of course.

When we finally made our purchases we had to find a restaurant and make a second purchase - this time the weight of the food to be cooked. I didn't notice them differentiating between crabs, fish and other stuff - it just seemed to be the combined weight so I guess they are all relatively the same in time and effort to cook.

Nicolas and Uncle Lu checking out what we may eat for lunch

Crabs are nice (to eat - that wasn't my hand)

The food was fantastic of course, as was the company

Bellies full, we got back in the van for the 90 minute journey back home to Pingguo.

But although we were home, Leilei wasn't as he was still with Waipo another hour or so away in Bangxu. So a third evening without him ensued, but Uncle Yellow's girlfriend, Xiao Chong, came around for an evening meal.

Xiao Chong and Uncle Yellow - a nice-looking couple (at least one half!)

2nd Night Without Leilei

Oh but it was a nice night's sleep - undisturbed for the second night in a row.

Today we toured around and within minutes I was fed up of being a tourist. It's great to be able to see an interesting cliff and to make a comment about what it looks like, a bit like a cloud, but to be told that around the corner is "elephant head cliff" or "sheep tail hole" somewhat dampens it for me. If we'd heard something like "peasant woman's breast beach" then maybe it would have been interesting but the most annoying thing was that people charged you 20 kuai just to get close enough to take a boring photo of the said cliff/hole/beach.

In some "Elephant cliff" place we did take a boat ride which was quite nice. I also quite enjoyed the walk over the hills even though you had to keep to the path. Nicolas also seemed to enjoy this place.

Lao Ma, A Ni, Nicolas, Tan, me and A Wu on a shaded boat somewhere near Elephant Cliff

At some stage we happened upon a secondary school with some interesting advice, possibly sponsored by Nike.

Just do it, but try five times - you will have pain but take it easy...

Yangshuo is not Guilin apparently, but we rode "Tan"dem

Yes it was nice, our first childless sleep for nearly nine months, and we did call Waipo early in the morning to speak to her and Leilei and she said there was no problem. She probably would have said the same if there had been, but she really wanted to be with him.

I thought we were in Guilin, and maybe we were, but this was not central Guilin anyway. There were quite a few foreigners around so I wasn't so special...at least I admit it. But we had something nice planned - we were going to go for a bike ride. This is something so typically Chinese but in fact outside of Shanghai I've never ridden a bike in China before, and even in Shanghai it was because the taxi driver refused to take Tan's bike sticking out of the back of the cab so I had to ride back in the middle of the night and get lost...

So at some time in the late morning we found ourselves at some bike place, and I was rather happily surprised to be confronted with a tandem bike, or should that be TanDom? (no!). That sounds romantic...Daisy Daisy give me your answer do...etc. but I'm sure Daisy at least helped pedal. It's not that easy to be aware that your partner is not pedalling as you have to look behind you while still steering and she nearly caused me to crash into a ditch but I found out Tan was not putting much effort into our ride along the river. Lao Ma had her own bike and I considered swapping Tan for her but baulked at the thought of a larger person not pulling her weight so carried on manfully, safe in the knowledge that my muscles would be the benefactors.

Tan...Tan...give me your answer do...oh no too late!

We reached somewhere in time for a meal - that is generally the case. And Tan and I had a photo opportunity to be the king and queen of...well something or somewhere.

King and Queen of Guilin

Later we did go to some touristy area and Tan bought a quite nice shawl/scarf thing. I saw a small hotel in the centre of town called "Fawlty Towers", which brought a small grin to my face.

Flowery Twats in Yangshuo

In the evening we went to a street with some bars in it where we saw more foreigners. We chose a bar with some music coming out of it but it sounded more like they were tuning up. In fact it was a single bloke with an acoustic guitar in full swing, singing western songs. Although his voice was pretty good the guitar was dreadfully out of tune. Really like some strings were a semitone flat and even the beer didn't make it better. It was all I could do to stop myself going up to him and helping him out and I am slightly regretful that I didn't.

We didn't stay too late as we wanted a relatively early start tomorrow, so home well before midnight and a call to Leilei and Waipo later and we were asleep.

Day after wedding and trip to Guilin

As per our English wedding, I'd managed to remain relatively sober during the day and I think Tan appreciated that. I also appreciated the fact that Waipo had taken charge of Leilei yesterday, allowing us to have a more relaxed meal and celebration.

In the morning I managed to sneak out, not really sneakily, but just on my own to have a look around the lovely market town of Bangxu, that I'd first visited nearly two years ago. The only thing that seemed to have changed was that there weren't so many kids following me now.

Ducklings at Bangxu market

Later, when I got back, it appeared to be a good time to take a couple of family pictures as we don't know when the next opportunity will arrive. It's difficult to know how they feel about it here - obviously the wedding meal was a big deal for them, but how much will they miss Tan and Leilei over the next few months/years?

Leilei and Waipo (actually taken on the day of the wedding but so what?)

Ling Ming (Tan's eldest sister's son), A Heng (Tan's second sister's son), me, Chuan Chuan (Tan's second sister's daughter) and Tan

And then we went to Guilin. I suppose it had been planned and I had been told but it must have escaped me. At about 3.15pm Uncle Lu's mian bao che (bread car, as per the shape but effectively a smallish Spacecruiser) turned up. I said goodbye to my eight month old son and explained that we'd be back soon. I think he understood. He's taken quite well to being with family here but I'm not totally happy with leaving him for what will be 4-5 days, but I'm thinking he couldn't be in better hands.

This was our mian bao che, modelled by Nicolas

Nicolas, Lao Ma, Tan, A Ni and A Wu got in with us and we proceeded to drive in the opposite direction from Guilin - to Nanning - in order to get the motorway back north there. Despite lack of sleep and huge fatigue, both Nicolas and I shared that feeling that by somehow keeping awake and keeping your eyes on the road you would give greater visibility to the driver. It was scary at some times and I offered to drive and even Nicolas backed me for that..."pleez let 'im drive!!".

On the way we stopped off to see A Wu's son, A Da at his boarding school. It seems a little early, at 4 years old, to be there but who am I to judge? Actually I'm a very good judge, as all humans are, and I kept my opinions to myself as I knew we were inflicting Leilei to a sort of short-term boarding school with Waipo. We said goodbye to A Da, and on the way back to the car park I noticed some kids in their early teens playing basketball. Of course as a 6'1" white bloke I am considered NBA quality here so they bade me play with them. I think there might have been disappointed had I not had a bit of a laugh with them and got on with the bloke with a Man City top. Pleasant times....

All aboard the pleasure cruise to Nanning

To cut a long drive short the five hour journey seemed much more except for the non-English who managed to sleep most of the way. When we arrived at Guilin the hotel hadn't been booked appropriately and it looked like Tan and I might have to share with A Wu and A Ni but maybe because I was tired I put my foot down and said that even if it cost more I was not going to share the room with my wife (not least because it would be the first without a baby for eight months.

We called Waipo and had a semi-conversation with Leilei, who, despite moaning a bit, seemed glad to hear from us. The first of many. Despite slight pangs of guilt we slept very well.

Wedding Day

It had sort of crept up unnoticed, but today was to be our big day. All the relatives and some friends were invited and when I went for a walk in the village I realised that Bangxu was really geared for our wedding. I think we'd paid about £120 for everything but that included all the cooking of all the meat and veg, and all the drinks for around 100 people. In terms of people it was three times our English equivalent. It was interesting to see the four huge pots cooking the ducks outside where we were to eat them in the non-air-conditioned room in the mid-thirties heat. But it was perfect. I may have been a little hot in my suit (and Tan certainly looked hot in hers, in a different way) but I didn't sweat and I think we made a decent-looking couple.

Cooking the ducks and other stuff for our wedding meal

It's not the done thing to appear to be touchy-feely so no kissing, but we held hands until we got to the bottom of the stone stairs that led aloft to the place we would be eating. There was not too much ceremony except for the traditional leaving of gifts. We'd already said we didn't want red envelopes with money and I think actually most people appreciated that and gave clothes for Leilei. In return, cigarettes were given out to the blokes and sweets to the kids. I don't know what unhealthiness was doled out to the ladies, or perhaps they're too intelligent to take such stuff.

Nicolas, Uncle Lu, Lao Ma, Peng (me), Tan, A Wu, A Da, A Ni, Uncle Yellow before the wedding meal

Tan and I welcoming our family and friends to our wedding meal

Me with one of Tan's uncles who was a very important doctor before his retirement

Once we'd met all the guests on their way upstairs it was time for us to join them. This was time for some nice photoshoots with Tan's family - some of which I may not meet again. By the time we finally got to sit down and eat most people had already finished their meal. But no-one had left. Oh no, now I had to do the walk, the gauntlet. I had to toast every man at every table. I enjoyed the first table, I quite liked the second. By the third I was thinking this was a little bit sexist and the fourth washed by before Tan told me I didn't need to drink the strong alcohol and could drink water or sweetcorn juice instead. Nice timing darling - couldn't you have let me know on the first table? Actually I was secretly ok with this as I'd been holding back on the beers, and I made it through all 12 tables or so without too much inebriation and nearly gave myself a high-five.

Chatting and drinking with the guests as it is customary to do

Our wedding meal in full swing - love this pic

One table before they arrived...

...and after

I think the meal only lasted an hour or less in total and I was actually quite happy to see people taking back what they couldn't eat in plastic bags, rather than wasting it. And suddenly, in the relatively early evening, that was it. Or so I thought.

A Wu, Uncle Yellow and Uncle Lu brought us all back to Waipo's house and proceeded to start a new meal. This, time, though, the only drink was beer, so I knew I wouldn't get drunk. We actually had a very pleasant evening despite the fact that my double-wife gave me some evil-eyes that evening, suggesting that I'd better not get back into our room comatose. As if, darling, as if....

Things started to get a little silly at the second wedding meal...

...but I had someone sensible to keep me on the straight and narrow...(she reckons)

Day out while Waipo looked after Leilei

Having the luxury of a grandparent who was not only willing, but insistent on taking charge of her grandson, Tan and I suddenly found ourselves with a bit of time on our hands. With such a luxury we enjoyed ourselves in the beautiful scenery of Guangxi.

Some well-natured kids around Pingguo

Totem poling as you do, with A Da

Nicolas

Although loving it in Bangxu we went back to Pingguo today as Nicolas, my French friend, had made it from Beijing to Nanning by the railway. He was picked up in Nanning and I met him in Pingguo in the evening and we would head out to Bangxu tomorrow for my Chinese wedding celebration.

Nicolas pouring the tea...

We had a nice evening and Nicolas gave me a lovely wedding present of a Yin and Yang painting he had bought in Beijing at great expense.

Uncle Yellow pouring the tea with Xiao Li and A Da

We all enjoyed the weeing boy...fill him with cold water then pour boiling water on him and he sprays a good few feet away!

Another loverly meal...from left to right: Xiao Li's big brother, Tan, an aunt, A Da, A Ni, Xiao Chong, Uncle Yellow, Xiao Li, Uncle Lu, me, Nicolas...phew

Upper body massage

Today Tan went for a "lady's" massage, which consisted of, among other areas, quite a lot of contact with the top part of her chest. I mean she was "decent" in terms of the towel that covered what should be covered, but the masseuses hands went to places that I would certainly have been very uncomfortable with if she had been a he. It would not be appropriate to put a photo or video here though.

Waipo's first time with Leilei

Today we went to Bangxu to see Waipo. This was a huge deal as it was her first time to see and hold Leilei, and I can’t imagine what it must be like for a grandparent so far apart from their youngest grandchild.

I didn't particularly like the journey; I’d made the 90 minute trip before, in a minibus, and I remembered meeting Tan’s mum for the first time (at least the neighbour, thinking it was her). But this time with a child and no seatbelt on the dangerous windy roads was was even less comfortable.

When we arrived, Waipo grabbed Leilei before we’d even had the chance to say “Ni hao”, and didn't want to let go. Had she miraculously managed to lactate after 35 years or so I dare say Leilei wouldn't have left her side for the foreseeable future, not that much is foreseeable here. As Waipo is into her 70's she may not have been lactating but the mental equivalent was certainly there. Leilei was whipped away in a manner I sort of liked and sort of didn't. But I stuck with the culture and let Waipo take him around and felt very proud. Every baby boy should have a Waipo.

Er Jie with Leilei at Waipo's house in Bangxu. Being treated no differently as if he and I were 100% Chinese

For the first time in ages, well in the nearly eight months of his life, we let Leilei be taken off by Waipo, and we didn't see him for about 45 minutes. I actually had to go looking for him but it wasn't too hard - I just had to find a gang of old women cooing together at the handsome chappie. Throughout the rest of the day we had the rest of the village come round to see this little half-blood. Tan’s second sister, Er Jie, also made a visit. After a long day Tan, Leilei, and I retired to the room we’d stayed in 20 months previously.

Waipo was so proud to hold her grandson. It made me feel so proud too as he means so much to us both.

Well the last couple of days have seen me usurped as the most talked about person in Pingguo by Leilei. He seems to be the talk of the town and I should be jealous and I am really. But in a way it's nice to be a more "normal" resident of this lovely town.

Nice meal with Li Quan pi jiu

One more day in Pingguo and we visited some ladies from Tan’s old bank where Leilei was required for some more photographs. Then we went for one of what will be many sumputuous meals, with Lao Ma, A Ni, A Da, A Wu and uncle Lu, washed down with the marvellous Li Quan weak beer!

Lao Ma, A Ni, Uncle Lu, A Da, A Wu and Tan at another nice meal

"Fancy a beer my dear?" (I wish she said that)

 

Meeting friends and family

Starting to get used to the time zone difference, though it's actually not so hard with an eight-month old with you. Up at an unreasonable hour but after eating some breakfast we went out and Tan met up with one of her best childhood friends Huang Chun. In fact much of the day was understandably spent catching up with friends and family - all interested in our new addition. A couple of photos will suffice....  

Huang Chun and Tan

A Ni, Leilei, Tan, Ling Hong, Lao Ma and an ex-banking colleague of Tan's

Just turning up to buy flights at the airport

We arrived at Guangzhou on time. This alone justified the change in Paris as Guangzhou is only an hour’s flight from Nanning. We hadn’t even bought the Guangzhou-Nanning tickets, opting to buy them from the airport, which we did at a marginally higher cost than it would have been to buy them in advance. So not too long afterwards we landed in Nanning to start our new Guangxi sojourn. I can’t quite remember how we got to Pingguo but I’m pretty sure Xiao Li came to pick us up and take us to his place...

Leilei's first time in China

The last time I got on an aeroplane to go to China for three weeks was nearly exactly two years ago but this time there were two major differences; the last trip got unintentionally elongated to four months, and my fellow passengers Tan and Leilei were the cause and result of that respectively. Unfortunately, this time the trip will not be lengthened due to work constraints. We’d managed to get flights in the morning from City Airport via Paris to Guangzhou. Leilei was small enough to warrant us getting seats at the bulkhead so that we could plug in a mini-cot to the wall in front of us and allow him to sleep while we attempted to do the same. This was a godsend, and it was an added bonus that I had proper leg room at no extra cost. It wasn’t the easiest flight but it could have been a lot worse.

 

Leilei enjoying the flight