Bloody leg

For some reason I was convinced we were going back on Thursday and I'd been telling people that. But it just dawned on me that the 30th is Wednesday and I felt like a day had cruelly been taken away from me. More than just a day in fact; 33% of our remaining time. It meant I would somehow have to merge my last night meal with my mates and the music party we'd arranged at the music shop. I guess it will be food first then music.

Ma Laoban has been really busy the last month so we haven't yet had our yearly lunch catch-up, but he called me at 9am to arrange it. Three hours’ preparation time is about as good as it gets here. I was still knackered as had had sketchy sleep last night . I sort of drifted off a little while reading the news later in the morning only to find that the electricity had gone when I roused again.

I could have done with a lot more sleep but there was no way I was going to let down Ma Laoban. We met at his shop and then he drove me to the place to eat. Two blokes came, and we only drank tea, which was a first with him even though he is practically tee-total. I could actually have done with some sleep-inducing beer but decided that it was better to be non-alcoholic, though when I got home at 3pm I still couldn’t sleep despite knowing my body wanted to. So I got up from my non-slumber and went to the local Guan Mart supermarket to see if they could improve on other supermarkets’ poor sugar-free ware. Indeed they could and I found sugar-free Sprite!

Uncle Yellow called to go to Boss Zhou’s again at 6pm, and as I had the time I thought why not? I got there on time but it was clearly too early, as is not normally the case here. I knew I’d have to meet up with Ma Laoban again later as he’d absolutely insisted on it, so I knew I’d have to pace myself. I actually offered to help Boss Zhou and was allowed to serve dishes to the tables rather than actually cook, but at least I was of use more for than just my nationality. Some of the blokes from yesterday turned up and I refused the bai jiu but had a few beers bearing in mind I was pacing myself..Soon after 8pm I made my excuses to go to Ma Laoban's and this was accepted more easily than it might have been, but Uncle Yellow is a bit more understanding than most.

Boss Zhou getting ready to cook up a nice surprise

At Boss Zhou's - they are bulls' ball in the foreground..actually ok

Before going to Ma Laoban’s I went to check if the electricity was back and of course it wasn’t. After checking with a neighbour I confirmed it wasn’t a building issue.which struck me with a little concern. I went downstairs to ask the management and they told me to call someone and I did but didn’t quite understand the problem but apparently someone will come to the house to check it out. Ten minutes later in the pitch dark a bloke came and after a bit of a kerfuffle said it was to do with not having paid the bill, even though I’d asked him that specific question when he arrived. Apparently it was irresolveable until tomorrow as it was already gone 8pm. So Tan and the kids would go to Waipo’s to sleep and I would stay and hope it wasn’t too hot. To be fair I've not used the air-con for sleeping over the last few days, at least until 8am when the sun suggests otherwise.

I got to Ma Laoban's at about 8.30pm but no-one else was there. For someone who doesn't drink he didn’t do a great job of not drinking. He opened a bottle of Australian red wine and put it into an aerator which took a minute to decant it and it was actually really nice. I remembered that in 2008 after three plus months living here the only thing I really missed was a decent glass of rouge but even that is now available here. And he didn't add ice, or lemon, or lemonade.

Aerating red wine at Ma Laoban's

But then I got a call from Tan to provide the electricity book's number so I had to excuse myself from Ma Laoban’s for a few minutes to go home again. I'd been told to look for a red book in the key drawer and had found only a blue one, but from my limited Chinese I understood it was to do with electricity, and guessed the colour I'd been told was wrong. For a change I was right, and took a picture of the appropriate ID page and sent it to Tan on Weixin. Except for an annoying reason despite being connected to the wifi it didn't send. This led to another phone call asking why it hadn't been sent...and I guessed it was the incoming phone call that could have interfered with the sending. This happens a lot in some sort of way; people ring you to hurry up, then ring you again when you're on your way and you have to stop to answer the phone, which is inevitably to tell you to hurry up, which you would have been doing if they hadn't called you to do so....

Anyway eventually it got sent and I went back to Ma Laoban’s, but then 10 minutes later I got another call to go back home and see if the electricity was working. Although before I'd been told explicitly it would not be I decided not to argue and explained I'd be back in a bit. Interestingly we most certainly did have leccy so I told Tan they could all come back here.

Back at Ma Laoban's (again) a couple more people had arrived, plus the female classmates from lunchtime, then a rather drunk bloke who'd also been with us at lunchtime. It was a pleasant evening but I knew I had to see another friend at around 10.30 so I started to make my excuses. Of course no-one was having any of it, unlike Uncle Yellow, and they started gan-bei'ing the wine, which I wasn't too happy about. Finally, Ma Laoban poured what I estimate to be 250ml of the stuff in my glass and said I wasn't to leave until it was gone. So I managed it in a more pronto fashion than I would have liked, but was allowed to leave after several handshakes.

Next stop was a KTV place where I met advertising friend and various other friends thereof. It was busy and boozy and I had to gan bei a few times but at least it wasn’t wine. After a bit, advertising friend suggested it was too noisy there (which I agreed with), so we went to Bar 3000 Degrees at getting on for midnight for a bit of bbq. Then around 1am Li Kun called me to go to Lao Tong Fried Chicken place to eat and drink, so I told him I might pop over in a bit.

The picture in the men's toilet at Bar 3000 Degrees

As it was getting late and advertising friend had to work the next day we bade farewell and I thought “sod it” and told Li Kun I was on my way. He was with some mates and they’d had a fair few already. Stupidly I joined in with them until gone 3am. That’s where it gets a little fuzzy. Li Kun had insisted on someone else driving the bike home while I went with him, which in retrospect was a good idea, although I wholeheartedly disagreed with it at the time. We got home ok though but the bloke had parked the bike by the wrong door. At this moment of my life I should have just accepted that and gone to bed. But being a twit I insisted on moving it to our door. With predictable results. I drove shin-first into the bumper of a car parked in the way not two yards away and came off the worse. Well actually, due to the drink I didn’t feel it as much as I normally would have, but as I walked into our building and into the lift I noticed a trail of blood behind me. I tried to ignore it while I got into the house but Li Kun had seen it too and was following me. Inside, I noticed that the lower nine inches of my right trouser leg were sopping wet with the red stuff, and I don't mean the wine from Ma Laoban’s. Li Kun said we had to go to the hospital but I laughed it off saying it was only a scratch, but knew that really this wasn’t a Monty Python sketch. Li Kun said we definitely had to go and in a moment of sobriety I realised he was right and acquiesced.

Li Kun had called A Wu, who for some reason was up, and we all drove to the hospital. By this time it was getting light, and it all felt a bit weird. I removed my trousers to reveal what turned out to be about a four inch gash after the nurses had washed away most of the blood with a yellow liquid I think was iodine. Then came the bit that sobered me up the most - someone with a white overall came with a needle. I lay back and closed my eyes, knowing that I would not be able to avoid being pierced. I suppose it wasn’t as bad as it might have been, but I should have known why they were injecting me...worse was to come. A couple of minutes later they came with literally a needle and thread, and I realised I was about to be stitched up. For the fourth time tonight, despite the booze, I made the correct decision of not jumping off the bed and refusing this as I might have done another day, but I certainly didn’t watch what happened next, even if I did feel it a bit.

Doing something horrible to my leg

Ghastly stitching

Before...

...and after...I suppose I should be grateful

I was tired and ready to go home after that ordeal, and felt bad for Li Kun and A Wu, who were both still with me taking photos and joking all the time (sometimes that’s just what you need with mates). But no. The next thing was the standard Chinese panacea of giving you a drip, presumably of saline solution. But this was going to require another injection. I refused flatly, but then as Li Kun said “no!” for the fifth time I let them do what they thought was best. Being tired is the second best thing for dealing with irrational fears, and I’d had too much of the best thing previously anyway so a mix of the two made it less fearful and painful than it otherwise would have been. Of course without the beer I wouldn’t have been here in the first place.

So I spent the next hour being drip fed while reclining on a wooden chair that wasn’t quite comfortable enough to fall asleep on, much as I would have liked to. Finally we left around 8.30am and I was wearing my blue sports shorts that Li Kun had thoughtfully advised me to bring. On the way home we stopped off at Luwen’s for breakfast of beef soup which I felt did me better than the drip, but like most things today, I was probably wrong.

What a drip

The hospital receipt - I'll use it for a more advanced Chinese lesson

Finally got home at 9am to go to bed. I had hoped Tan would be asleep but she was up and aware of where I’d been this morning so tail firmly between my legs I grabbed a bottle of water, apologised, and got some kip.

School and Ghana and another insect meal

Up lateish but not too late to meet up with Haiwei at 11am as arranged last night. But by 10.45 I still hadn’t received a call from him which is strange, so I called him and clearly woke him up. It transpires that we’ll go to his son’s school at 3pm instead…. Well I’d missed breakfast and didn’t fancy doing much for lunch so I snacked on some dried fish, which I usually have in stock for these times. And anyway Uncle Yellow had invited me to a meal this evening which wouldn’t be later than 6pm so there wouldn't be long to wait.

Some boss, I don’t recall his name, invited me to drink tea after lunchtime, which I did until Haiwei called to say he was picking me up. So I left the dian dong che by the tea boss and five minutes later we arrived at the school. It was a bit of a sweaty walk up the five storeys but I duly did my inspection and said it looked very tidy. The term hadn’t started but there were a couple of teachers there drinking tea so I restarted that. Sometimes I think that the ritual of drinking tea is just something to make it look like you’re doing something instead of nothing while waiting for the next meal. At least it always involves conversation, so if nothing else I’m improving my Chinese a fraction.

I’d got in contact with Steve but at 3.15 he still hadn’t turned up. I’d sent him the location on a map so he shouldn’t have a problem, but for some reason he wasn’t there. I told him to look for a black car before realising he could almost be anywhere in Pingguo and see a black car. But WeChat has the option of letting people know where you are, and once Haiwei explained how to use it I told Steve and we found out he was by the guangchang, literally nearly a mile away so it took him a good 20 minutes to get here as this is not a place for quick walking.

Inside we talked a bit about schooling but didn’t go as specific as offering him a job. Luckily he speaks a little Mandarin so I didn’t have to translate everything. Then we were kindly invited to a meal with Haiwei’s family, but I already had my evening plans so Steve would go without me. But I still needed my dian dong che so Haiwei took us there as it was on the way to his house. On the way Haiwei was asking about Ghana. It was a little tricky to converse and semi-translate at the same time especially with words I wasn’t sure about, but it came down to Ghana being colder than here, and with lower storey houses. I could well have missed something. Also, apparently Ghana is relatively rich due to its natural resources such as bauxite and gold. Ah gold, the natural basis for an abstraction of value due to its scarcity, durability, portability (to some extent), fungibility (to some extent), divisibility (to some extent). But imagine what would happen if they found massive reserves of the stuff under the sea in some Ghanaian port (actually it wouldn’t necessarily have to be in Ghana, it just got me thinking). If they found as much gold in one place as has already been mined the value would plummet. It’s not like its value as jewellry or in electronics justifies its value alone. No wonder people have been trying to emulate this in a digital fashion for years...but it took the solving of the double-spend problem before we finally got a workable digital currency that people can trust due to its trustlessness of a central authority. People will look back and wonder how we managed previously.

The meal was a typically matey-one with the usual suspects from Uncle Yellow’s band of brothers. They were explaining how they each got through two bottles of red wine and three glasses of rice wine (56%) last night, then straight away ordered beer. We stayed there till 11.30pm and that was all I could manage.

Gorgeous grubs on the left, and gorgeous grub in general 

Excellent protein source!

Meeting a Ghanian

For the first time this year we had a meal at Li Jia He Xin as we’d been invited by Lao Lin and Lao Pan. This was a place we’d gone to something like twice a week in previous years but I think the economy here may have peaked and it’s not so common to spend so much any more.

Meal with Lao Pan at Li Jia He Xin

After the meal I took my laptop to the handwriting place I’d taken the kids before as I really wanted to watch the second half of the City match vs Bournemouth outside the house so I just turned up with my laptop and asked if it would be ok and of course it was. We managed a couple of drinks but I was firmly focused on the game...it was 1-1 and into injury time and the bloody stream went...no amount of coaxing it would bring it back so checked on Flashscores...90+5 and still 1-1...shit. But Sterling performed a miracle at 90+7 and I shouted out much to their bemusement. Gosh we really needed those three points...but please don’t leave it so late again.

The other day in the supermarket my ongoing nightmare literally came true; I met a foreigner - Steve, from Ghana and his mate. They stuck out even more so than me due to their hue, and I felt I needed to introduce myself as I’d actually heard about their existence. It turns out Steve is based in Pingguo and his mate Max is in Baise. We had swapped WeChat IDs and agreed to meet and tonight was to be the time. I called up Haiwei and he was in his office so I told Steve where it was. Apparently Max was back in Baise but his girlfriend is a local lass so there wouldn’t be a problem finding the place. They turned up and we had an enjoyable few beers and bits to eat. Haiwei was interested in his salary and when he found out what it was he was disgusted. He said foreigners should be paid more as it’s expensive to come here and they make better English teachers. I considered questioning that but thought the better of it.

It transpired that the next day we would take Steve to where Haiwei’s younger son goes to school to see if we could get him a better deal. But tonight was to drink beer and Steve and his girlfriend had obviously had some practice.

Ling Ming meal and music

Tan was out all morning so I took the kids. We went to the sweetcorn soup place for lunch where I’m at least guaranteed they’ll have a decent amount of egg fried rice and gorgeous soup. A Wu had called to play ping pong so after lunch so we went to Boss Zhou’s place for a sweaty practice session before making the predictable ride to A Xia’s for a bit. Later it was time to go to Ling Ming’s new place for a family meal which he cooked himself. Even Waipo made it, which made it a bit more special. Luckily, despite buying two cases of beer we barely got through five cans (well...ish). They have a lovely flat at the top floor of a new complex that overlooks the river but I bet it cost a bomb. The last time I saw him working it was in a clothes shop. I guess the money comes from somewhere else.

Enjoying the sweetcorn soup while waiting for dan chao fan

We went for a walk after lunch and happened upon this dilapidated, yet prettyish, house that looks abandoned - but please No Nearing

Panoramic view from Ling Ming's new flat

Waipo at Ling Ming's lovely meal

Eating again at Boss Zhou's place

Next it was on to A Wu’s office where more than five beers were consumed. But at least I managed to fit in a head wash later on….very comfy. Then Uncle Yellow contacted me again and I went to the music shop for more musical goodness to finish off the day. Man those kids could play the guitar really well and I felt quite lowly doing a couple of S&G numbers compared to their Hotel California. Then the girlfriend of the bloke who did the solo to Hotel California came around and they did a duet of some English song I really should have known but didn't.

  Nice rendition of Hotel California

Rain and silk

Yeah finally a day without work. We were all up reasonably late so had a brunch of dian xin, or dim sum in English. I got the kids to A Xia’s shop just before a typhoon arrived to knock out the electricity in this area of town. So the kids went in A Xia’s car to Waipo’s and I had the opportunity to wear the cover-all blue top that goes over the front of the bike too to get on the dian dong che to go home. Despite the covering I was nearly soaked by the time I got there - perhaps I had it on wrong. But it didn’t matter as we had electricity there still.

Li Kun called me to go to his business and I had no excuse or reason not to so said I’d be downstairs in a few minutes where he was duly waiting for me in his nice 4x4. We drove for 10-15 minutes outside of Pingguo during which time I was trying to understand what his business was. I know he works for the local council - something about housing - but this appeared to be something on the side.

I was none the wiser when we arrived. There was a large shed/factory building, a few people wandering around in blue overalls, and a nasty stench. I felt like I could be in a scene from the Chinese version of Breaking Bad. We got out and walked inside the building and I saw it was mostly empty except for a pile of wheat-sized bags (the size of bags filled with wheat rather than the size of wheat). With the help of Pleco on my phone I came to learn that this was a silk producing factory, or rather, a place that produced the raw material from which silk is made. The idea is that the silkworm cocoons are picked from wherever they originate from, then they are gently cooked so as to kill the silkworms but preserve the silk. The resulting white balls are then distributed to a distribution centre in Nanning which sends them to the world (notably Italy).

Where you kill the silkworms

Pre-burning cocoons

I think this is a "good" one

Silk cocoons to be distributed

It was a satisfying afternoon, seeing something new and learning something new. Then Li Kun somehow got onto the subject of soil-less growing, a subject close to my heart, and we exchanged opinions on how it was the future of food production, though in his case the interests was more spurred on by “money, money!” than mine as a potential way of helping developing countries and those not blessed with an abundance of water grow the stuff they need. In fact I’m fascinated by the potential for anywhere to grow anything, just given the appropriate amounts of heat, water, pH, light, etc. Potentially we wouldn’t have to import exotic fruit vast distances or keep them frozen for months at a time. It’s got to happen….

We met Li Kun's beautiful little daughter too

Back in Pingguo I met the kids at Waip’s for a meal before being invited to another meal with A Wu and bosses, before finally picking up the kids again and getting home. 

Happy bosses

Funfair

More work than should have done. Boss meal with kids and ping pong. Knackered as not really eaten. Bumped into Uncle Yellow again? Music! then Huang late night for chat.

I’d done more work than I need have so guiltlessly went for a meal at Boss Zhou’s where I also played some ping pong as you do. As I’d not spent too much time with the kids recently we went on a Magical Mystery Tour that was none of the first two words as we went straight to the funfair where we tested out the wheel things that you pedal inside. I’ve still got a few kuai on our card so hope to be back soon...

The gaudy big wheel that I've not yet summoned up enough courage to go on

Piano and guitar at a friend's shop

After a full day of work I took the kids out to the guangchang where we did some shooting and kept them amused for 12 minutes. We then went for a drive for a bit until we almost literally bumped into Uncle Yellow, who invited us to eat bbq in the music shop. But the kids wanted to ride some more so we compromised somewhat and came back a bit later to after doing some shopping.

We came across some memorial with interesting writing that I'm hoping to understand soon

The government building in all its gaudy glory at night at the guangchang

At the music shop the kids ate a little but were still as shy as coconuts, so I wasn’t too displeased when Tan said she was going home so I dumped them off home and came back to some beer and cai ma. But of course they wanted me to play too. I spied an electric piano and asked if I could try that and knew it was a stupid question straightaway. Very unfortunately it didn’t have a sustain pedal so my renditions of Gladiolus Rag and Maple Leaf Rag didn’t sound as full as I would have liked, but it was really appreciated. Uncle Yellow told me he’d know me for 12 years and never knew I could play a bit of piano. I guess why would he?

But I spent more time with the guitar as I suppose it’s more of a social instrument. I was accompanied by bongo drums and some thing with hanging metal pipes that occasionally someone would brush to make a pleasant sound though I’m not sure how much it embellished The Boxer. Then Uncle Yellow was asking me about some Chinese songs and showing me the music and lyrics on his phone as though I’d just be able to leap into it...sorry mate!

Anyway it was a very fun evening and I said I’d come back. As I was in the mood I decided to go to Huang’s Beihai place for a last beer and chat. He was in fine fettle, greeting me like a long lost friend and constantly referring to me as “nalouzhan”, which is a local term for xiong di.

Staying up for City

It was a day of boring work until 10.30pm. Actually given that most of the time I’m working from home here I don’t finish till around 1am I shouldn’t moan, but I had been working well over 12 hours...anyway...First World problems in this context. I got the kids showered after their foray to the Guangchang where they got well and truly soaked with sweat, yet this didn’t help them sleep. But anyway I managed to go out to have a bite to eat with a couple of friends, and managed a late beer with A Wu later.

Then for what I really was aiming for...I wanted to watch the City match but it didn’t start till 3am. What to do? It was 1am and I had no intention of drinking till then, so I hit on the idea of having a Cola. It was quite disgusting, so I ended up putting a tad of vodka in it which didn’t really help in terms of taste or not drinking, but I managed to get through it with the help of a crypto-based conversation with Andge in the early hours. Yes, managed to stay up till 3am then found a stream of our match, only to be faced with a rather ordinary performance at home, coming back from a Rooney goal to draw 1-1 - I hope this is not a sign of things to come. It was well gone 5am at the end and I don’t think anyone minded me sleeping the study.

Reunion meal and guitar

I didn't get a call from Haiwei at 10.30 so I called him at 11 and he said to come over to his office in 40 minutes. 23 minutes later he called to come over again. Then on the way he called to tell me to hurry up. At the office we just chatted, waiting for people to turn up. His son hadn't eaten breakfast and neither had I, but that didn’t seem to be the spur for anything. Eventually an hour later enough people had turned up and I found out they were all ex-schoolmates. That was the precursor of a long meal that I hadn’t really expected.

It was a nice meal and good to have a reunion even if it was not one for me; it was at least a change from bosses’ meals. Haiwei had brought a guitar and bongo drums but it took some time before I accepted the former. I’m still rather out of practice but played out a few Simon and Garfunkel tunes to the delight (I hope) of the others. Eventually at about 3pm I used the kids as an excuse to leave to take them out. I really really tried to get a siesta but got no more than 20 minutes.

At the reunion meal prior to getting the guitar out

Haiwei rang me a bit later to say they were going for a couple of drinks but I chose to tell him “not now, but a bit later”. Earlier than a bit later he called again to insist that he pick me up in his car and we went to one of his friend’s place, where they were all eating (well by this time it was gone 6pm). I did manage a bit of beer and some cai ma but then had the (genuine) excuse of having to pick up the kids again. Not having the dian dong che it took me a good 15 minutes to walk back home but it was quite refreshing and I realised that here I actually make well under half as many paces per day compared to London except when I jog or do ping pong. Well worth noting that the exercise is that much more important here.

Once home we picked up the dian dong che and I allowed the kids to go to Yi Xiao to pick up some cheap toys. Ok it wasn’t the same shop we’ve been going to since Leilei was two but it’s the same area. They got two packs of fake Lego for 5 kuai each so that at least kept them entertained while we went to Haiwei’s friend’s house to continue the reunion festivities. By this time there were still people eating and drinking, but Haiwei was doing his clever job of being totally asleep on a hard, high-backed chair, oblivious to the rest of us.

A tad later A Wu called me to drink beer. I wasn’t really in the mood but as I’d left and got the kids to bed I went to this new German beer place for half an hour or so. The beer there was quite strong so I didn’t really fancy cai ma-ing, and managed a relatively civilised departure before 1am, and was asleep at home not long after.

Foreigners and Waterworld

Tan was taking the kids to some “Waterworld” in Baise. I was asked if I wanted to go and decided I would as it would be an experience out of the house after having worked all week, plus wanted to be with the kids. Surprisingly this visit wasn’t cancelled as most are here. I had to rush to get some food from the local supermarket and happened upon two Ghanains there. Apparently one is working in Pingguo, so he is one of my nemisi, and the other works in Baise but comes down most weekends. I bet they just love looking bloody different from the rest. But anyway we exchanged WeChat IDs and said we’d meet up soon, as if being non-ethnically Chinese was a reason to do so.

After grabbing money from the bank, and receiving multiple phone calls to hurry up, I got home and we took Chuan Chuan’s car for the journey and Tan took another friend’s. I was a little bit mortified to see the BCH was doing very well against BTC, and I’d bloody dumped my one when it was worth $500. Now it had crept up to $900. Because I was angry I decided to exchange some BTC for a few hundred MIOTA. Not a great decision as it was going for 90c but reason doesn’t work like that. In fact over the course of the 90 min journey I think I made three purchases of MIOTA as actually I’m quite interested in a non-blockchain distributed ledger technology and if it actually works it could render the former technology less interesting.

We got to Baise at 4.30pm, the most fiercely hot time of a ferociously hot day anyway. Just the walk from the car park to the entrance saw us leaping from shady place to shady place like crabs darting from pool to pool on a tided-out beach. Then we saw two black women walking past us. Gosh, two Ghanains in Pingguo and then this? Then another two white people walked past and I thought of going home. Then I saw that all the adverts for Waterworld had foreigners on them and I gathered that they worked here. Indeed when we got in the grounds and dumped our clothes and phones into the lockers we saw a trail of around 15 foreigners dressed up and doing what I suppose were foreign things in front of the locals who were happy to take snaps of them. The girls’ smiles looked particularly false here without too much effort to make it look real.

Tan and most of the ladies left at 6.30pm - so under two hours for 125 kuai and not even any swimming...it seems hardly worth coming especially factoring in the three hour drive. But I’m probably over-thinking it as usual and putting efficiency over...something. Then I bumped into Haiwei and his wife sunbathing as it turned out they’d decided to pop up here too. We agreed to meet up later for a bite to eat as they’re eating snails in Tian Dong soon.

So we left in the other car at 8.30pm and got back at 9.30pm. We found an expensive and crap bbq (well, 61 kuai and the fei niu didn’t turn up - won’t be going back there). I took the kids for a quick ride and some exercise outside before getting them to bed, before going out at midnight to see Beihai Huang who was drinking and happy to see me, so I stayed for a late tipple. Then some other mates turned up at a neighbouring table so I joined them for a bit, then what do you know? Haiwei turns up at 1am. He said something about meeting up at 10.30 tomorrow morning as it’s his son’s something-or-other, and we’d be eating at midday. Ok.

Mates at Huang's Beihai place

Work, Beer, Insects

A bit of a typical Chinese day here. A Wu told me to go to Lu Wen’s beef noodle place so I did as I didn’t really have anything else to do other than work and food was a good option. He arrived quite a lot later which is unusual as normally I’m the one told to “hurry up!”. By the time he turned up it was time to get the kids to feed them, so I did and when I got back 10 minutes later he’d finished his food. So much for manners! But maybe I was being a bit presumptory. He then said he wanted to invite me for an evening meal but I had to turn this down due to work.

Later on we apparently had planned to go to a local hotel buffet for tea (so much for turning down A Wu), and I explained that due to work I could go at 6pm, but I would need to dial into a 10 min meeting at 6.30. That wouldn’t have been a problem (well I didn’t get confirmation I’d get a quiet room in the hotel) but I was told that that 6pm was now too early and I suggested 6.45 which would be perfect. Of course I got a call at 6.40 to say that the place was too crowded and too noisy so we weren’t to go.

I got another call from A Wu during my meeting to say they were eating at the usual bosses’ place, so as I needed to feed the kids I got them some jiao zi and pancake thing I knew they’d definitely eat. I did more gan beis than I should have done in the hour we were there but sailed through the next meeting I had that evening for some reason.

The kids seemed happy enough

Pouring some bitter berry alcohol out of the largest hip flask ever created (I only tried a little)

Later, at the Nan Cheng Bai Hua supermarket I had significant progress in my ongoing quest to find 0 calorie fizzy drinks: sugar free 7-up! I was so happy I didn’t mind the fact that my old Nectar card wasn’t working and I had to transfer the piddly balance to a new loyalty card. So far I think the only value is to remove a few mao from the total to make it a rounder number to pay.

The Water Man IM’d me to ask me to go for a drink and I answered non-committedly, as first I had to drop of the kids then go and get some shampoo. But I did go there for a couple of beers before meeting Haiwei and his family in bar 3000 Degrees for a small bite. And finally A Wu called me to go and eat insects in a place a good 2-3 km away. But it was easy to follow the location sent via WeChat as this year the map works ok. This seemed to be a friend’s house and you could tell they’d been drinking for some time. I did quite like the various insects though...I can’t wait till they become a cheap enough form of protein that they’re not considered to be a speciality.

The insects were very good

Finally got back at 1am but the Water Man was still out so paid him a quick visit for a last beer before turning in for the night.

Barcelona...

Up too late for breakfast so took the kids to the Muslim place for lunch. Although we only got two portions we still didn’t get through more than half of it. Then it was same old work.

Teatime was to Waip's to eat although I’d already eaten Tan's leftover bbq from yesterday so wasn’t hungry. It seems a sin to bin it as it’s quite expensive, but we don’t have a microwave, let alone a frying pan. Seems a bit of a waste to have a gas supply fitted as we did eight years ago...well, you never know. Although I still had work to do I took the kids back with me as they wanted to be at home with me despite the lack of attention they’d get.

Then at 8pm I went to play some ping pong before taking the kids back to Waip’s to sleep and I took advantage of a lack of responsibilities by going out and having some bbq with the friends from ping pong in a local bar, a bit later than I would normally have done. Back home it was shocking to see the Barcelona attacks on the news and I stayed up later than I should have to follow it.

I will reach a new level of Chinese when I work out what this receipt was for...

10 iphones

In the morning I went out with A Wu for some reason I’ll probably never understand. I noticed he had a bag of about 10 large iphones in the front of the car and asked him why, but got an equally unsatisfactory explanation. Life’s just like that sometimes and I turned off my more inquisitive side. We stopped at a residential area and he told me to wait as went to do something. That was fine by me. There was a local shop by the entrance so I walked inside, bought a bottle of water, and started chatting with the boss-woman. In the end it took a good 20 minutes for A Wu to get back, and then we were to go to ping pong. But I was incredibly tired so we agreed to sort it out later and I went home instead to work.

Spot Leilei

Leilei

Getting older

Later we did indeed manage some ping pong before going to another meal at his boss-office place where they poured red wine from a ladle filled from a large bowl. Again, I didn’t ask, I just politely declined it. But Bak Sec Zhai was there, the fourth or fifth most important person in Pingguo, so I did have some beer instead. Then, for good measure we ended up in a KTV and I realised my work day was over slightly earlier than anticipated.

Meal with Bak Sec Zhai

I politely declined...

Watching the buildings grow

Literally worked all day. The most interesting thing was watching the buildings grow below as I waited for the lift...

Watching the buildings grow...

Nice boring

Well on paper it was very boring; jiao zi and pancakes for lunch for the kids and me, then working the rest of the day. I did go for an evening meal with A Wu and some friends but went easy on the beer and excused myself early as had to go to a meeting. It’s really pretty cool that you can be half a world away from “normal” work and yet work as normal.

I did regret the fact that the kids spent most of the day inside playing games, but that was not really my fault, and it is pretty hot, and most kids were probably having a siesta during some of that time. In the evening I went for a bite with Tan, then met some friends at a local bar at 11.15 for an hour or so which signified the end of my working day early for a change.

Writing school twice

Happy Birthday Mama! Up at 9am and did some more 7 exercises before a writing teacher I’d met a couple of days ago outside the supermarket texted me to ask when to meet up. So I said we would do after lunch, but she then proceeded to invite us to lunch anyway. I picked up the kids at midday from making cake for Tan, to take them there. As is quite normal, when we arrived all the adults wanted to take pictures of them, and they were not really happy about this, but I tried to explain that they should see it from their eyes but I don’t think seeing anything from others’ eyes counts for much for 12 and nine year olds.

Making mama's birthday cake

Well it was lunchtime and I wondered what they had, but they asked us what we wanted. I was a bit taken aback by this and asked the kids. They just said “jiao zi” so that’s what we asked for. The teacher looked almost a little bit disappointed as if we could have asked for something a bit more challenging, but made a phone call and said it would be on its way. Well maybe it was but it may have started its journey in a different town because about half an hour later one of the newly ubiquitous black and yellow mopeds turned up.

Xixi practising at the handwriting place

So another of my dreams of getting some afternoon sleep evaporated with each passing minute of the afternoon and although of course I wasn’t really angry I was slightly annoyed. But we got home around 3pm and actually I did manage between 20-30 minutes of less-than-awakeness as I recall not getting further than 13 in German counting.

The kids had no intention of sleeping so I took them out a tad later to the Golden Horse table tennis place but strangely there was no-one there. But I needn’t have worried; the writing teacher place had already invited me to go to theirs for a drink this evening so I thought I should take them up on this offer, though the kids weren’t too excited. When we got there they were in full swing and there was more than beer going around. I stuck to the former though, while one of the blokes was drunkenly going on about how his beef jerky was the best in the region. To be fair it was bloody good, especially on a nearly empty stomach. But pissed people often just get a bit more boring and that was the way the evening went, so we didn’t stay that long….

Getting a bit of fresh air from the boozy inside of the writing place

Too much red wine for me....

Thankfully, Yang Haiwei called me later in the evening to go for a drink with some of his mates. I dumped off the kids and went to what normally would be a pleasant evening. But for some reason it wasn’t. Maybe it was people getting drunk on red wine, and the fact there were blotchy-faced women that didn’t do it for me (nothing against women, just those drunk on red wine with similar coloured faces, as for blokes). So after a bit I went downstairs to the tiny tobacconist where my mate Huang works and I spent a few minutes with him having a chat and a weak beer, which was much more preferable.

Long day and some ping pong and first game of season

Got up at 9am which was too late for TT or even jogging unless you particularly had some sort of heat-wish, which isn’t very different from a deathwish at least in terms of spelling. Somehow met up with A Wu as he had an injured hand. I didn’t quite get what was wrong and it didn’t hinder his driving (but no man would admit to that anyway). We passed by some bloke selling a bubble-gun thing and A Wu stopped and bought a couple for his one-year-old son for 10 kuai each. I was tempted but knew they’d be broken within minutes.

A man selling bubble machines

Then somehow we went for a magical headwash. I know I generally prefer these in the evening or any time after a full meal but it was damn good at this time anyway.

While we were in this vicinity I noticed a place I thought I recognised from years ago; a small Septwolves shop I attended the opening of in something like 2008. I wasn't sure if it was the same place so took a pic of it so I could compare. I did go inside and ask the lady at the cash register but she was probably five at the time so wouldn't have known.

The Septwolves shop in 2017

...and yes I found the pic of the same place from 2008

By this time it was midday so we went to a place that did goose - not the place we would normally have gone to a year or so ago but it was still pretty good if not air conditioned. And then on to some other place where he was to drop off some takeaway from the same place. You’d think dropping off a bag of goose meat and rice would be a 5 min job but when he left the car I had a suspicion it would take longer. I walked into the local corner shop of the apartment complex and started talking to the owner (or the owner’s wife). Normally I quite like this situation as I’m able to have a decent chat but I was hot and bothered and tired, and didn’t fancy a beer that may have made the situation more amenable. Also, I’d arranged to meet Liangwen for some pingpong at 3pm and now that wasn’t so far away. Actually that was why I was annoyed; I’d hoped to grab an hour’s siesta and I’d realised that clearly wasn’t going to happen.

After about 45 minutes A Wu came back and I asked to go home to pick up my ping pong racquet (apparently not bat as you would think).

A Wu fiddling with some bank dongle that fits into the 3.5mm headphone socket in an iphone

Liangwen had  told me to get to the Golden Horse Ping Pong Centre by 3pm for some competition (although of course I wouldn’t be competing). So A Wu dropped me off in time actually but there was almost no-one there. Liangwen arrived half an hour later and then I realised he was not in the competition either. In fact it was some guys from Tianling, and at about 4pm they started playing. Yang Haiwei was there of course and Pingguo won, as I think they usually do.

While this was going on some woman was sorting out food for afterwards. I made myself useful and offered to help cleaning greens and to my surprise was accepted. It wasn’t much but at least I did something more than just watching table tennis. But tiredness was calling me so I made my excuses and left before 5pm promising to be back for the meal at 6pm. At home I felt so pre-emptively guilty of not waking up in time for the meal that I ended up not falling asleep at all, and leaving less than an hour later at 6pm to go back for the meal where I would be expected. Bloody hell they didn’t even eat till 7pm mainly due to just waiting around, a talent most non-UK countries seem to have mastered. At least during this time I managed to practise a little ping pong which kept me awake.

The woman I helped clean greens with on the roof of the ping pong place

We didn't use these but I wondered how long they'd been out there for and who would use them next

I had time to ponder the view from the top of the ping pong place

The meal with the Tianling folks was very friendly despite the room temperature beers (35 deg C) and the smoking doctor bloke made a nice speech I didn’t really understand. Then to my surprise they got back to playing table tennis but A Wu had called me to go and play ping pong at his bosss’ office and eat more food there. I ended up predictably downing a few (cold) beers and cai ma’ing for a meal before actually playing table tennis against a machine which is bloody knackering. But it stood me in good stead for playing A Wu later, who although is much improved, still lacks enough for him to be able to beat me.

The meal with the Tianling folks was not quite as blurry as this

In the evening the kids went to sleep at Waipo’s so I brought over their stuff and clothes then went home to wait for the footy. I don’t normally have caffeinated coffee this late but wanted to watch the City-Brighton first game of the season and we won it quite convincingly 2-0. Walker looks to be a good acquisition. Also managed a chat with Awl in the early hours before sleep defeated any more chance of communication.

A day in the life...

Once again I disdained early morning exercise but mainly down to laziness justified by wanting to use the abdominal wheel thing I got the other day. Blimey it really hurt and I’m not going to go down too far for fear of never coming back.

I still feel the urge to capture the view while waiting for the lift

Tan had planned to take the kids to Nanning at 11am on the “dong che”, meaning the fast rail service we now have. But of course this didn't work as planned due to the fact that there was a) no space on the train, and b) A Yi’s ID card had expired (and you can’t get tickets without one). This was typical lack of planning that happens literally all the time. It’s not a big deal - they went by car in the end, but blimey it still strikes me as strange they tell me one thing and do something else. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest only I get scared of the thought of my family being on the road outside of Pingguo.

I worked till 7pm before meeting up with Liangwen for a walk. I’m getting slightly peeved he only wants to do enough exercise to work up a sweat (i.e. walking) when I need something more vigorous, but hey, it’s conversation with a friend.

Later I found myself with the Waterman for a beer. I really shouldn’t call him that as it makes him sound like the character out of Monkey but he is the boss of the place that delivers our water and he is a man. More embarrassingly I don’t actually know his name. It was very nice though to have a chinwag with this local mate but before long I was asked to go to a new German beer bar with an advertising friend. So I did and had to choose an appropriate beer from the fridge. This was only difficult because I wanted something low in alcohol and what was there was mostly 5%+ - unheard of in Pingguo normally. So I settled on some Corona at around 4.5% and hoped its lack of Teutonicness wouldn’t be disapproved of too much.

As much as I would have been happy to end the night there, I got a call from A Wu, as one does, and found myself in a KTV place a bit later, but not as late as has been known and was back home, absolutely shattered, at 1am.

XSLT but would have preferred Java

Up at 6.30 after nearly five hours sleep. By the time I'd decided I wouldn't sleep any more it was already 7.40 and I already hadn't. It was too late for a jog and I was ping ponged out after the last few days so I decided on a walk up Chairman Mao Hill. It was rather cool for a Pingguo morning but by the time I got to the top I wasn't. I got talking to a 50 year old woman from Szechuan, who apparently was retiring. It was quite an awkward conversation as for some reason I barely understood a word. I hate these times; you've spent a fair few years getting used to the lingo and then in a few minutes you realise you're a bit crap.

Despite this I carried on briskly walking around the mountain, and used up fewer calories than I would have done had I gone to ping pong. Then boringly work beckoned but at least it was free from emails at this time. Lunch was breakfast but I probably didn't have enough as by 5pm I was starving and glad to go to Waip's for a lovely evening meal. As I wasn't rushed for work I went to the local supermarket and got some tissues and shower gel. So trivial but for some reason rather enjoyable. I also found one of those rollers for strengthening your abdominal muscles and thought "sod it" and got it. It's bloody hard so I suppose it must be good for you.

Back home it was work again. I was trying to use XSLT to split a flat structure into multiple objects but not only is it not the right language for it, the application I was using did not allow for easy use anyway. Had I been able to use Java it would have been about an hour's job. This will take days.

Finally I finished work at 9.30pm and took the kids out on the dian dong che. It was fun as usual but we somehow met up with Tan for a late bbq. However just as we got there I got accosted by some blokes with their families, and ended up having a couple of drinks with them...damn I'd nearly escaped beer today. Still took the kids back at 11.30 to sort out showers.

Horrid foot massage but nice storm

Managed a reasonable 7.45am wake up but didn't fancy running or ping pong and opted for a couple of 7s instead, which made me sweat nearly as much. I've got the Wii here but not really managed the time to set it up. I'd love to but at the same time it makes me nostalgic in an unhappy way. If I lived here I'd probably use it every day but now it's just memories of really great times but not the same people being with me. Except Leilei maybe, who probably won't lift his eyes from his phone now....

We had a severe lack of imagination re lunch and rode around for half an hour before coming back to get jiao zi and pancake thing with some lovely passion fruit drink as we've done a couple of times before. The kids have managed to sort out VPNs on their phones by themselves so I left them to it for a bit but I have become more aware of the left side of my left foot which is rather numb. I first noticed in the swimming pool on the third day but assumed it would go away. So I thought it would be a good excuse to get a foot wash, which means a massage as well....

In fact the idea of a massage washed me over and I had the good excuse of a half-numb foot, so I dumped the kids at A Ni's, where Tan was, and went to the place I'd been before to save myself from drinking too much beer last year below the bosss' place. I suppose it might be boss's or bosses' but I wanted to make sure it was plural (surely that's the correct plural possessive of bosses, bugger if not as I'm getting red squigglies even now under the word "squigglies").

The woman was glad to see me again and commented on how long it had been, and I dutifully told her I'd been away for a year, and had a bit of a numb foot. I may as well have said I had no feeling in either foot as I was of course subjected to a ferociously hot foot-bath as per last year. But I manfully dealt with it, until five minutes later when she started manipulating my foot in a way that made me understand there is no translation for "manipulating". God she was doing things that hurt to high heaven and I was literally shouting out in pain! Did she stop? Did she hell? At least while having a massage at the hairwash place they ask if it's ok, but here I was literally jerking my legs away and she was still pulling them back to administer more pain.

Half an hour later I thought it was all over, and was willing to pay 100 kuai just to get out, but I realised the woman was just going to lunch with another woman who apparently worked there. Oh no, her husband came over with a grin like the square root of minus 1. Whatever pain I had experienced over the last half an hour was exacerbated many-fold. I shouted, I screamed, I literally swore in English and Chinese, but all it amounted to was smiles on his behalf as though I'd justified his work. If I'd actually had a couple of drinks I'd have probably run out of the shop but I was still a little embarrassed. When he said "keyi le" I was the most relieved man on the planet.  I resolved never to go there again.

Bloody painful foot massage - I'm sure he's a nice bloke though

It was around 4pm and the weather was getting really dark, but I picked up the kids from A Ni's as I promised I would.... As the clouds were really low we (I) decided to go for a little ride on the dian dong che. We pulled over by the smaller pagoda and watched some workmen for a bit until huge raindrops greeted us. The kids were well aware of the impending possibility of getting wet and not having electricity, but I kept them there for a few minutes while we appreciated the incredibly dark clouds gathering. But yes, by the time we got home five minutes later we were pretty much soaked from the near water bombs that started to pelt us.

And yes, the electricity went soon after we got home. But I had a meeting to attend and it appeared that at Waipo's they still had power, so it was down the 14 flights of stairs and back onto the dian dong che to go there so I could do my meeting. The meeting actually went pretty well as I lay in the bed we stayed in a few years ago. And by the time it was over I had an invitation to see the kid that speaks a bit of English whom I met the other night. I said I'd contact him a bit later.

The kids and I surveying Pingguo under a tempest

As the rain had died down I decided to go to the 6th floor ping pong place to get a bit of practice in. The decision was a good one but my attempt to pull out the dian dong che wasn't, and I managed to knock it into another, which had the domino effect of knocking all the others over. I was really embarrassed and hoped no-one had seen, but that hope was dashed when someone came out of his or her car to help me right them all up. He (or she) said something to the effect of "hey, shit happens". Ping pong was ok, but you never feel as good afterwards as you do when having started at 7am.

I went to meet my new "friend" at Bar 3000, where I'd been last night, just at the bottom of Jun Lin Tian Xia. I suppose I was being a mini-ambassador but I couldn't really be bothered there. I took Leilei with me but took him home after a while as he was clearly bored. At around that time (11pm) Yang Haiwei appeared as I'd belled him earlier to come around, so at least I had a proper mate with me.

I insisted on paying close to midnight, as we were all clearly tired. Li Kun had been texting me about meeting up to eat chicken, so after I'd dropped off Haiwei I found him thanks to a WeiXin link just a couple of hundred yards from our place. He'd had a couple of beers but was his usual chirpy self, and I managed to stay up another hour with him and a couple of mates. Even now I'm aware we've only got three more weeks so I quite like these experiences.

Haiwei meal

Up at 8am so logicked myself to ping pong even though I wasn't massively feeling like doing it. The Chinese (at least here) are well into sweating, like it's a really good thing to do, and I don't disagree with them in general. A good place to do this is around a table tennis table. I was hoping for a siesta but was pleasantly surprised when Yang Haiwei called me to go for lunch. Despite going for a few cups of tea first we did go before 1pm and were very reasonable with only four 500ml cans of 3.1% Li Quan beer between four blokes. I took the opportunity of asking if people were buying bitcoin here. Haiwei was not interested but the other bloke made it look like I'd tickled his funny bone. I said I was no expert by any means but was interested a bit, and he told me that A Wu recently had 5.5 BTC but had sold them. Based on the recent value I bet he wished he hadn't. But that's what it's all about - betting. Even if you don't buy any you're betting that it's too risky to. In fact, annoyingly, every decision you make in your life is a bet in some sense. In every sense actually. It's just a bit hard explaining that to your kids.

But I was really glad to have this bitcoin conversation. It brought a really international flavour to the conversation and we talked about volatility and inflation and I certainly learnt a few new words. I just felt a bit embarrassed that Haiwei was nothing to do with this conversation. I wanted to talk about the concept of money and how I'd explained scarcity, fungibility, portability, divisibility, etc to my kids during the course of a drive to school, which was much more than I'd learnt until a few months ago. But we could save that for another day.

After this nice meal I picked up the kids but they wanted to stay at A Xia's with mama for a bit. This fitted in with me and I managed just a small siesta between 5-6pm at home. At 7pm I went to Waipo's to pick up the kids to go to ping pong. Annoyingly they weren't that interested as I was playing some other friends and they wanted to play me. There is a group of kids that practise every evening at 7.30 but my kids refuse to join in. I'd really love that they do but unless we're here long-term won't force it.

Yuck! Pic from the back of our dian dong che

I left them to shower at 10.30 as Tan was home, and I had a friend calling me to go out to have some bbq. Although I thought it was at the place we'd met last year it was actually just at the bottom of our place, and eventually I got there at nearly 11.30pm. But it was great bbq and I managed to force myself in to pay too; 200 kuai for five of us including cai mai'ing with the boss for quite a time. Bargain!