Reminiscing market stalls and mountain views

I needed more sleep than the kids appreciated as they kept running into my study where I'd chosen to retire from 9am onwards. After two hours of this I gave up trying to fight it and got up and showered at 11am. Chuan Chuan had bought some breakfast for the kids and as always got too much. But this was to my advantage as I had a couple of fried dumplings and some fried sweetish long stuff that you're supposed to dip into hot soya bean milk.

Andge got up a tad later and we both took the kids out to eat some jiao zi and bao zi at the local place. Everyone I take here really likes the simple fare the woman here produces, even the kids. Lunch done, Andge kindly took the kids out for a walk to the market and beyond, allowing me to get back into my proper bed and extend my sleeping time by a couple of hours. Really annoyingly we had no water this morning. Apparently a pipe had burst below and it would take a couple of hours to fix. I was counting on that as I needed a shower but Andge had cleverly taken one at 3am. Instead, Andge and I took down a couple of empty buckets and filled them up at a tap on the ground floor so that at least Tan would be able to wash somewhat.

Feeling refreshed by the sleep and the fact it was bucketing down outside and therefore cooler, we dumped the kids and went off to walk to Horse Head Mountain. I remembered that I'd made a 10"x8" print of a photo I took in 2003 of a couple of market stall holders. I'd made this because they still remember me and keep asking for a photo. I'd promised for a long time but it was time to deliver, and I even managed to frame it. So I brought it out with us wrapped in a plastic bag to save it from the rain. We barely got to the jiao zi place before we realised the single umbrella we had was not going to be enough for our broad western shoulders (not to mention tummies), so I bought a new blue umbrella for 17 kuai at the place next door in the most manly colour I could find of dark blue tartan. The woman asked where we were going and she looked at us as though we were bonkers when I mentioned the mountain. She couldn't help but blurt the obvious fact that it was pouring with rain but I countered by showing her the wispy clouds yonder on the mountain and said we would walk above the clouds to where it wasn't raining. She looked at me and said "how will that stop it raining?". I didn't answer as I didn't know if she was taking me seriously or not.

Andge modelling a particularly fetching dark blue tartan brolly - very Pingguo 2013

The shopkeeper at one of my local stores who likes me but thinks I am a little insane

We did stop at the market on the way and I presented the framed photo from ten years ago to the market stall woman and her colleague. They were as pleased as punch to have this little memento and forced a few pounds of dragon eye fruit and three fire dragon fruits upon us. We were grateful and asked if they wouldn't mind looking after them for us while we went to the mountain. This time I didn't say we were going to walk higher than the clouds.

The original Nov 2003 pic I blew up to 10"x8" and framed for the women directly to my left and right 

The "reunion" nearly 10 years later with stripy being the one on my left before and light green being the one on my right before - the taller woman from 10 years ago now lives in Liuzhou and the woman in the white here is new I think. Andge has just been stabbed by a light saber unfortunately

I haven't done Horse Head Mountain since the last time Andge was here in 2009 and embarrassingly couldn't find where you start the trek. We bought four cold bottles of water and I asked the shopkeeper how to get to the mountain and she told her young son to take us. I expected him to take us to the end of the road but it was a good five minute walk away during which we had a bit of a chat. When he showed us the entrance we were grateful and offered him a few kuai but he would hear nothing of it and waved away our gesture with a smile. It's a majorly relaxing thing about being here that you never have to fear about being ripped off or giving the right tip. There just does not seem to be that culture here. But it seems to extend even further the other way; I've lost count of the times I've bought something in a shop and the shopkeeper has reduced the price for me even though I had no intention of bargaining.

We did actually come across two people descending the mountain steps in the first few minutes but that was the total of our human encounters. The rain continued plopping down and we produced our own moisture as we mounted the mountain and our clothes became sodden from the inside rather than out. But the effort was worth it and we achieved not only calorific reduction but quite nice views of Pingguo, which I look forward to comparing with photos of nearly 10 years ago. I did have an old photo in my phone but it was unrecognisable from what we were looking at now, except for some mountains in the distance.

View from mountain in Jan 2004 - no guangchang then

View from mountain in Aug 2013 - I struggle to recognise much more than the mountains

We had to make a bit of a move as Tan had told us we needed to be at Waipo's house for 5pm for a family meal as it was gui jie, the time of year when you remember the dead by offering up food and alcohol and burning fake money. So we moved on to the pagoda and took a few more snaps before descending in the incessent rain. Andge managed to take a few more snaps of birds and we got home very soon after 5pm to find there was still no water, or at least there was but with very little pressure. At least it meant we could wash and brush teeth. Tan and the kids had showered at Waipo's and I was considering that but realised Awl and Venky had perfectly suitable showers in their rooms so after the family meal we traipsed off there with a perfectly good excuse for not lingering around longer.

Before the family meal for gui jie

We regrouped when clean and discussed arranging a trip for the four of us to the seaside town of Beihai. We could bus and train it but in order to save time we thought it would be more practical, and not that much more pricey, to take a taxi for around 1300 kuai. But before anything could be arranged we got a call from A Wu to go to a KTV place. Except this time it wasn't really KTV but we had a few social drinks before heading back to the hotel for some more arranging over western drinks. We arranged for the receptionist to call Venky at midday (as 11am was too early on the assumption he'd be up late due to waking up mid-afternoon), and the plan was to leave at 1pm.

At least we weren't leaving at the crack of dawn, so Andge and I went back some time after midnight and before I knew it it was gone 3am and City's first match of the season was under way. I found a pretty good stream and also found we were 1-0 up by that time. We watched the first half together but went our separate ways at half time. I never expected to stay up to watch the whole of the game but we were playing so fluently in a manner similar to the best we played under Mancini, that I watched the second half with a weak beer and enjoyed the 4-0 drubbing of Newcastle immensely.

Boats, birds, beer, shirts, and soda

So little sleep. Got a missed call and a text from V to say he'd arrived at Nanning at 5.30am, but although I awoke to it I fell asleep before responding. Then I received another text at 8.30am to say he was at Pingguo, but I missed this. Up around 10am, a bit before Andge. We took the kids out at 11.45 to get dumplings and bao zi which are a perfect brunch. I was still shattered and left Andge with kids to go for a walk and went back to sleep at 12.15. At 1.49 Venky came in smelling of alcohol and tickled me rather annoyingly wearing sunglasses and a grin only he is capable of composing. Awl looked a wreck as he hadn't slept again so he went back and I took Venky around looking for vege food. After refusing a few places I ended up leaving him in his hotel's local supermarket to get his own noodles, hoping he would find his own way back for a much needed kip and shower.

In the afternoon, as had been planned before, we went to the Lotus Flower place I'd been to a month ago, called He Hua. Unsurprisingly, Awl and Venky were not even contactable to see if they would come, not that we had any expectations anyway. I was in A Wu's X6 with Andge and Leilei and we picked up Li Kun too. We stopped at the guangchang for some reason and I said I'd drive. I remembered it as a 25 minute drive but it was more like 45. A Wu kept having a go at me for driving too slowly but Andge appreciated stuff like not overtaking on a blind corner over a solid line, especially when traffic ended up coming from the other direction. We made it safely to He Hua and immediately Xixi set her eyes on the boats on the lake next to where we parked.

So within a couple of minutes Andge and I were in the boat with Xixi, Leilei wanting nothing to do with it since the nightmare capsizing of last year. It was a pedalo boat, and when we'd convinced Xixi that she didn't actually want to pedal we found ourselves in about the most peaceful surroundings you can expect to find yourself as a white man in Pingguo. Andge spotted some birds and professionally trained his Panasonic TZ20 on some lesser-spotted pippets and a rather dapper kingfisher. We were enjoying our birdwatching so much it was a bit of a disappointment to receive a call to say it was time to eat but at least it took us 20 minutes to get back due to the fact that the boat would turn left ok but hardly turn right, meaning we spent half of our time reversing back to the place to get off.

Arriving at He Hua in the X6 with the papperazi waiting

A lesser-spotted pippet

Xixi manning our left-turn only boat on the way to the meal

Really good meal with good friends

The meal was great, with the speciality we first thought was pigs in sheeps' blankets, but later turned out to be some sort of bacon wrapped around lotus flower seeds which were very yummy. Andge and I were offered a 3% beer and looked at each other and thought "why not?" and after a couple more glasses enjoyed the rest of the meal even more. I asked if we could still do a little boating and was replied to in the affirmative. So Xixi and I got into the boat but Andge wasn't to be seen so we set sail for a bit. Then we got in touch with him and he came down and joined us. Apparently he'd been offered a sample of the local rice alcohol. A Wu chucked us a can of beer each and then some dragon eye fruit but Andge wasn't entering into the spirit of things. Then it became apparent he wasn't feeling too well, so we got to one side of the lake and A Wu helped him out over the fence. It took Xixi and I a good 10 minutes to get the boat back to the mooring place due to the lack of turning right but we managed it eventually and went to see how he was.

Apparently that dodgy rice alcohol, which was only around 8%, but unfermented or something, had had a bit of an effect and not an alcoholic one but something much more drug-like. We spent the next hour walking around and drinking water. A Ni offered some special tea to make Andge feel better but he quite rightly refused to imbibe any further new substance. The rest of the men had continued drinking so when 7pm came around and we decided it was time to go I volunteered to drive A Wu's car back in the dark as I'd only had a couple a long time ago. Driving in Chinese country roads is bad enough when you can see where you're going but in the dark and half the motorbikes don't have lights I didn't care that I went slowly. And again we got back safely.

Just as we were arriving I got a call from the badminton shop I'd left some old sport tee-shirts in a few days back to get my Chinese name printed on. They were ready. So I picked them up and paid 30 kuai for four "彭多明" and one "27" on some old Man City shirts that immediately made them look a little fake but made them unique to me. I'm so glad I did this as on my last day last year I tried to get this done but missed out as it was gui jie and all the shops were closed.

It may not look genuine any more but I was genuinely happy to have this unique shirt

Venky and Awl called me around 9pm as Andge and I were taking the kids to the guangchang. We'd all been invited out to some bbq place, but I was also trying to meet Lin Hong's husband to pick up Xixi's rollerblades while Andge was looking after Leilei in the jumping castle. Apparently Awl had gone out first, then bumped into Venky, then gone back to the hotel to make some DVDC although he had been intending not to drink tonight. Apparently. Somehow we did all meet up among copious calls from A Wu and others, and eventually made it on foot to where I thought everyone was. But they weren't and it took more calls before Li Kun came to show us where we should have been. So finally we sat down at a half-finished meal and ordered loads of lovely vegetarian dishes and vegetarian beer and generally had a good time till nearly midnight when I thought it best to take the kids home for a shower. I got a little admonished from Tan for taking them back so late but blimey this was Venky's first night out and it's not like she took them with her.

First night out with the lads in Pingguo! Gan bei!! Venky you don't need the shades mate...

While the kids went to sleep with Chuan Chuan, Andge and I stayed up as he was still feeling the effects from the weird white concoction. We ended up watching "Four Lions" which was pretty good but petered out towards the end. I only had a couple of G&Ts as Andge was clearing his system with some slightly sparkling glucose and soda drink I'd bought in Nanning. I had been saving this for my gin but I was pleased to see that the old-fashioned (and expensive at 250 kuai) soda syphon had arrived together with 12 bullets of CO2 so finally I should be able to make my own soda water (and I have some sodastream tonic concentrate). I didn't make use of the syphon though as it was a rather late 4am and time for bed.

Home-made soda water in Pingguo - my life is complete

Chicken and Venky non-arrival

I got up before midday after a reasonable amount of sleep and found Andge also up. We needed to go to Nanning again for Venky this time, and A Wu once again offered to help out. This time, as is usual, he also had some business in Nanning. A Wu sounded a bit disappointed when he heard Awl wasn't going to come with us and instead sleep/read and generally do the relaxing things you're supposed to do on holiday and not work. But it made so much sense as his X6 is small inside and an English-sized adult cannot sit in the middle back seat without bending over. Not to mention it would have been four in the back seat.

A Wu's X6 is very nice but that's a Pingguo roller in the background

Filling up for the journey to Nanning

The furniture shop was in an industrial estate that catered for furniture shops exclusively. After going in and looking at the expensive tables and desks that weren't even hand carved we made some pleasantries with the boss who was quite pretty and had a nice smile and asked us to help her find an English man before Andge and I set off in search of adventure. By adventure I mean something other than furniture and also we were both rather peckish. It took a few minutes, and a passing of a couple of people on a rather practical-looking mini-Segways called something like "robocop", but eventually we got out of the furniture estate and happened upon a little hut that sold food. We got a couple of mini packs of dried squid that was delicious but rather spicy so we used that as an excuse to buy a couple of cans of beer. The fish and beer was going down very well when the inevitable call from si ji came and they picked us up outside the estate after having ordered a couple of book cases and a desk.

We drove to some building that looked like a modern office block and were greeted by some bloke in a fraying tee-shirt and shorts, and a few grey hairs. He happened to be another of A Wu's reasons for being in Nanning and A Wu seemed to be his inferior judging by their body language. But Andge's and my body language suggested we needed to go to the loo so we were pointed at an exit at the end of the building which also doubled as an entrance to one of those very modern shopping centres. We could have been in The Glades in Bromley except it was cleaner and there were fewer people. Andge wanted to know how much the prices were at Gant but by the time I got back from the loo he'd been accosted by four female shop assistants and had forgotten what he went in there for.

We got the expected phone call to hurry up and go and within minutes we had driven to a place to eat that for once did not appear to be very posh. A Wu seemed to know the manager, who was rather pretty with a mole on the bottom right of her chin that somehow stopped you admiring the rest of her face. We ordered four buckets of the speciality chicken but only three arrived with the fourth 25 minutes away which we cancelled when it became apparent that two would have been enough. The chicken was ok, but pretty much a whole one per bucket and not amazingly tasty though would be good for the Atkins diet. However the greens were very good and the only thing that spoilt the meal was seeing a Westerner upstairs while going for a wee.

We left and I checked Venky's flight on my phone and no delay was reported so as we were in good time we stopped off to take a wee and to get some cold beers as Venky had requested by text message earlier. The cheap eatery we got the beers from charged us 40 kuai for the case of nine beers which is a little more than I am used to, but £4 for over nine pints is not to be sniffed at. I noticed a group of schoolboys drinking and eating at a table outside and said "hello" and immediately was brought a stool and before I knew it was gan bei'ing and cai ma'ing. Andge joined in too but si ji didn't know what to make of it and bade us go back into the car to continue to the airport. Ok we did but after a couple more gan bei's.

Only when we were arriving at the airport did I get a call from Venky saying he'd been taken to a hotel in Shenzhen as his plane had been delayed something like three hours. Various text messages after that both confirmed and then denied that information and it was only at the airport we found that he wouldn't be here before 2am. So we went to an aiport hotel and were just about to book him a cheap room for £24 when we found it was likely he wouldn't arrive till 5am. We checked taxis and they wanted to charge 600 kuai for the journey to Pingguo so in the end we just left if for Venky to do as he saw fit. The only thing we knew was that his plane was currently still in Nanning, and it was gone midnight and we were all tired. So I left him a text and we left Nanning for home and another late night as we met Awl at 1.30am and didn't get to bed till 3am.

Andge arrival

Inexplicably woke up at 2am!! And couldn't get back to sleep till 7am!! Horrible. I slept on and off till midday but it wasn't refreshing. I had received an email from Awl at 6am saying he hadn't slept either and did I fancy breakfast? but had not seen it otherwise I would have.

I heard from Awl around 4pm. Apparently he'd gone for a wander and walked up Horse Head Mountain in his awakeness in the morning and only got to sleep at midday to be woken by the cleaning ladies four hours later. We needed to go to Nanning to pick Andge up and left around 5pm with Si Ji. Leilei called me and said he wanted to go and I was happy to take him as I haven't spent much time with him in the last two weeks, but I left Xixi to avoid arguments and she was happy to stay on the dian dong che with Chuan Chuan. We had plenty of time when we arrived so ate at some department store. Afterwards Awl added insult to fizzy water injury by finding Perrier in case soda water was not enough. Then, at Walmart he found the holy grail - Watson's tonic water, which definitely wasn't there last year - that meant I now owed him five bottles....

Andge had arrived at Guangzhou and sorted out the Pingguo SIM I'd given him in London. Tan had warned of typhoons that would prevent him landing at Guangzhou but nothing had materialised. However as we drove to Nanning airport the heavens opened and delivered a magical electric storm which meant Andge's flight was delayed. Luckily Awl and I had a plan for that: we sat in the restaurant with an expensive round of lemonade, water and coffee, but made it count with our self-brought DVDC and some whisky I'd brought for Andrew until he arrived - in fact the first plane to arrive that evening - only an hour late.

On the way back to Pingguo I got a call from Li Kun. He'd called earlier to ask us out for a bbq but since we were delayed I didn't think he'd still be able. But when we arrived around midnight he came to the bbq place and we ate and drank till 3am. Awl came back to our house with us but immediately went back to his hotel for a reason I wasn't able to ascertain. Andge and I had a couple of tiny JDs and threw two paper aeroplanes out just because we could. I slept in my study and missed Andge's text to charge his phone at 5am, and Venky's a few minutes later to say he was one his way to Hong Kong. I was glad I chose the study.

Soda water and how to lose a bet

Got up 10am feeling very refreshed. Had a bit of the kids' breakfast at home, bought from the dou jiang place. Around lunch time Xixi and I met Awl and we were going to go to the noodle place near ours for a simple lunch when I pointed out the tea shop a couple of doors away. As it was, my friend Li Kun was there so we stayed for a few teas and he invited us to eat noodles with him. It was refreshing and cheap to have a simple meal and Awl enjoyed it too.

Then Li Kun took us to his place by the market on foot and we had more tea and met his wife and daughter Eva (whose English name I gave her three years ago soon after she was born). Awl normally smokes roll ups but he accepted a cigarette from Li Kun that was more half-fag, half-filter, and apparently much nicer than most normal cigarettes due to this.

Li Kun's wife, daughter Eva and Xixi

Half-fag half-filter

Li Kun went with us to the supermarket there as we'd said we would look for fizzy water. Li Kun said they'd have it, but this was more based on some absurd belief people have here that does not require evidence. It seemed incredulous to him that there wasn't any (despite the fact I'd told him I'd looked for years) and he asked one of the assistants too. Then he said no, there wasn't any, and probably wasn't in Nanning either. It looked like my bet with Awl about not finding any was going to pay me my three bottles of gin.

Awl had said he fancied reading by a pool one day so we took a san lun che to the one in the south to look around with Xixi. But it was very hot, not to mention closed, so we went back and dropped off Awl at hotel before going to Waipo's. Now that they had the internet back I was able to reconfigure the old BT hub I'd left here years ago to give them all wifi again and felt I justified my existence a bit more.

Chuan Chuan, Tan, A Heng and Xixi all happy to have wifi back in Waipo's house (I think)

Tan's second sister Er Jie was there as was first sister Da Jie, plus Waipo and Chuan Chuan. Maybe it was the combination of so much oestrogen in the same room but an almighty racket arose, a bit like some of the storms we've been having recently. I took it in my stride as I know they have a tendency to get over the top and talking in Bangxunese always sounds like arguing anyway. But this time it was particularly loud so A Heng called Tan to intervene as Chuan Chuan was crying. Tan came and calmed down the situation by smiling at them all telling them how trivial the situation was (my interpretation). I can't even remember the reason she told me but it was silly.

I left Xixi there as I was "kun le", which is a useful expression that means you've suddenly become tired and could you be excused for a short while for a nap? But I really was kun le and after going to BBC news on Tan's laptop I found my head on my pillow and when I opened my eyes it was just in time to see the screen saver kick in. I felt rather refreshed and checked the display options on the laptop, which revealed that it was set to turn on after 15 minutes of inactivity, so I'd had under 15 minutes kip but it really worked as a power nap.

I got in touch with Awl and we met at A Wu's office for a little wander. I heard a "baba!" emanating from a shop and identified it as Tan. She was in Da Jie's shop which is manned by Ling Ming much of the time. And his fiancée A Nong was there too. It's a women's clothes shop and Awl joked that everything was too small for him, which caused more mirth than I expected. I told everyone about our bet about not finding fizzy water and how the loser would buy three bottles for the winner and they looked somewhat bemused by this.

A couple of minutes later we stopped at the next supermarket, which I hadn't been to for three years or so, to see if there was refrigerated Coke Zero (as the local supermarket one is warm). We walked past the water aisle and I nonchalantly waved my arm and told Awl he could even look for fizzy water here if he wanted. The bastard immediately set his eyes on a dark can with the "Watson's" logo and identified it as soda water. Now I've seen flat soda water here before but this was the real McCoy. After years of searching it could have been under my nose all this time. So I'd lost the bet on day two and to make matters worse it was 4.7 kuai. We bought one (luke warm as not refrigerated) and confirmed it was fizzy and Awl gloated like a gloaty glutton of Gloatsville for the next hour.

We had been en route to the biggest supermarket to look for fizzy water, but that seemed pointless now. Nevertheless we walked down there and confirmed they not only had no fizzy, but no vodka either. So we went to the supermarket by the market to buy some Chinese "Fjord" vodka instead. We weren't allowed to bring our bags in and had to leave them in a locker. I liked the locker system whereby you push a button and a random (empty) locker opens and a ticket with a barcode is produced. When finished shopping you simply scan the ticket and the locker opens magically again!

Being overly excited about the locker system in the supermarket

Hungry, we went to the dumpling place, which annoyingly was finished for the day. So we went to the bbq place at the guangchang for lovely fried noodles instead. Then Chuan Chuan called and came to drop off the kids as they wanted to be with me.

Awl and I took the kids to the guangchang and as Awl stayed with Leilei in the jumping castle Xixi and I took her new skates and went rollerblading. Inevitably I got a call, this time from Lin Hong, to go out. It was a friend's birthday and they had a KTV room at the opera house. As there were kids there we all got in to Lin Hong's car and drove up (Awl had the wisdom to pre-mix some DVDC). But it was pretty dull and the only interesting thing was the ladies on the stage below practising for some gala night (I assume practising as there was no-one in the seats watching them).

Awl finished his DVDC and I used this as an excuse to leave and we left the kids to go back to his hotel for a little bit. But it was 11pm so I walked back to the Opera house to pick up the kids, who by now were having a whale of a time. So another late shower but after the kids were with Chuan Chuan I managed to sleep at 12.30 which is relatively early.

Return to China with Awl

After two and a bit weeks working in Belgium, with a couple of weekends at home, I got to my "airport hotel" which was in fact a few km away at around 10pm after a meal with colleagues. My last day at my clients saw me dressed in light, tight, white cotton trousers with a summer short-sleeved t-shirt and bright red canvas shoes. As I entered the office, before I could apologise for my less-than-formal attire I was greeted with smiles and compliments on my more relaxed appearance. I thought they were joking at first but it was genuine and in the future I will happily dress more casually there.

I tried to sleep as my packing didn't take very long and managed it around 2am. But at 3am I was awake again and feared not waking up at 5.30am as I'd booked the 6am shuttle bus to the airport for my 8.15 flight to Amsterdam. I called the reception to cancel my wake-up call and had a longer shower than I had anticipated. Then as I was about to leave the room I got a wake-up call but thought better than complaining about it.

While waiting at the hotel reception a taxi turned up and the driver walked in. I was wishing Tan a Happy Birthday on Skype and thought nothing of it but it appeared he was my "shuttle". Ok. I got in and he set his fare as "airport" and it appeared to be a set 12 Euro fee. I was a bit annoyed as I expected a shuttle service to be free. But as I got out my 12 Euro 10 minutes later he told me that the hotel paid for it. Phew.

For the first time, I got all my boarding passes on a single piece of paper, which made sense. The silly flight to Amsterdam was ok as I was so tired. I was commenting to myself that the pilot was weaving in between all the clouds to avoid turbulence when the pilot gave a message to say he was doing exactly that. I thanked him profusely in my head and we arrived more-or-less on time at Amsterdam only to have to wait half an hour in some immigration queue that made little sense to me.

But the lounge was nice and Awl, who thought he would be delayed, turned up a couple of hours later as my guest with a smile on his face that said he'd been on the vodka since 6am. As it was gone 11am, and 5pm in China, I joined him for a couple of G&Ts before spending an extortionate amount of money on women's night cream shit. Awl wanted a last DVDC near the gate but I refused and got to the gate to find we were the last people there and called him to hurry up. I had to ask around but we managed to find someone who would move from his seat so we could sit together and play Tell Me for the early portion of the flight when it was a bit turbulent. But after a meal and a couple of wines (nothing stronger on China Southern to our dismay) we managed to drop off which was good as there were no screens in the headrests in front of any seats. That seems criminal for a 10 hour flight these days.

Three to four hours kip on a 10 hour flight is more than average in my book so I wasn't complaining when I saw there were still over four hours to go when I woke up, but the rest of the flight took forever. Then, in Beijing, China Southern made us wait 45 minutes for our luggage, pick it all up and go to check it in again (Air China didn't do this in Beijing a few weeks ago, and they had tvs in the seats). What was worse was that when we re-checked in our luggage mine got stopped and I had to open it. The security guard asked me if I had any guns in there and I said yes, I had five, but they were children's guns that fired foam bullets. But I had to get them out and show them etc. and it took more time when I was already tired and groggy. At least they didn't confiscate them.

To make matters worse, at Terminal 2 I couldn't use my Priority Pass so we couldn't even get a lounge. But after all that hassle we didn't have that much time and boarded our plane to Nanning soon after I'd sorted out Awl with his Pingguo SIM card. I was pleasantly surprised to see the aeroplane was exactly the same model as that which had taken us from Amsterdam to Beijing (an A330-200 I think). I was pleasantly surprised as I think larger planes are less prone to turbulence and this was significantly larger than any other domestic flight plane I have taken before.

There was some turbulence, and we were at the back of the plane so got more of it but we were bloody knackered and I was dozing on and off the whole time. It makes me care a lot less. I was constantly aware of the chattering around me though so I tried a bit of German counting which must have worked a little as I could never get beyond forty. Awl fared a little better although he was feeling sick, and snored most of the journey.

Si ji was there waiting for us at the airport and we got a lift in A Ni's Toyota as A Wu was busy at that time. The drive to Pingguo was as normal as any and we checked Awl in to the International Hotel around 1.30pm as none of us felt like eating. There I met Tan and A Wu and A Ni. I told Tan I stank and she agreed so after Awl was booked in I went home for a shower and a little siesta to bring me back to life. I needed to see the kids first so I called Chuan Chuan and she happened to be taking them to our house so met them outside for first time in 16 days. Of course they wanted presents so I gave them their nerf guns and water balloon slingers.

Seeing the kids for the first time in 16 days - on Chuan Chuan's UK-style modped

It was so nice to sleep horizontally for a change even if it was a brief siesta. Awl had had a minimal amount of kip in his hotel room so we made a bee line to the local supermarket and bought some room-temperature Coke Zero and some snacks, plus some V and G for good measures.

We were peckish by now but had already been invited to the Mao Zedong restaurant, so got picked up and were there by 6pm. Unfortunately they didn't have ice cubes, so I asked them to put Awl's Coke in the freezer. Then, after Boss Liang arrived, when the beer was poured, we got one of the still warmish Cokes and A Wu proceeded to pour about a quarter of the 40%, 750ml bottle of vodka into a large jug. He then poured half of the 500ml bottle of Coke in and asked Awl if it was enough, and said "no!" and told him to pour it all in. Awl did do some gan bei's but I told him to sip a bit as it was significantly stronger than our 3.1%ers.

Me with the lady of the night at the KTV

Although it was Tan's birthday yesterday, tonight was her night out so we went karaoke with friends and the kids around 9pm at the place on the corner just down the road from ours. I was very tired now but had to sing one English song. To my dismay there were hardly any in English and very few I'd even heard of. I picked something like "You don't know you're beautiful" as I'd heard the kids singing it for the last few months, but that meant I only knew the chorus. I had the good excuse of taking the kids back so Awl and them and I walked home and I left him to go to the hotel. Chuan Chuan had ridden back from KTV and was there before us but I did the showering before letting them sleep with her. Tan was back around midnight complaining of being a little tiddly, but I cared as much as I could keep my eyes open and fell asleep shortly after.

Flights

I'd planned it all so that I wouldn't disturb Tan at 4am. I even woke before the alarm and turned it off. Everything was sorted so I only had to get out of the room to the non-ensuite shower, then wash and be on my way.

But for some reason I left my phone in our room. I normally use my phone as a light but as it was there I couldn't so I ventured back like a cat to pick it up. Unlike a cat I forgot that it was still attached to the charger so as I held it lightly it jumped out of my hand a second later like a kitten, except it didn't make the sound that kittens make when they land on a wooden floor and immediately I was treated to a loud "TUT" as only woken women can make. Oh I tried so hard.

So cats, kittens, and women out of the way I was sorting out some last minute things post-shower when I noticed I had two missed calls, and that A Wu and A Ni were downstairs bang on 5am. I called them to say I'd be down there within two shakes of a rat's tail, but not literally and got down there five minutes later.

We exchanged pleasantries but by the time we were out of Pingguo both A Wu and A Ni were asleep in the back of the car. I didn't sleep one notch as I feared it would affect si ji (the driver). The goodbye at the airport was not what I am used to because I'm coming back (planes allowing in two weeks) so it was a quick hug and that was it.

I didn't need the hassle that ensued at the airport, with after having queued for a bit being told to go to another queue, from which I was told to go back to the first queue. I argued with a representative that I did not want to be queue swapping again and he soon realised that it was better to speak to me in Mandarin (I find it easier to argue in Mandarin but maybe that is just a marriage thing). I was bloody livid when I was told to swap queue again so I went to the previous bloke and told him this was just unacceptable. So I was advised to go to the business class queue and there I explained that I would not budge until I had a boarding pass. It seemed to work; apparently the problem was that I was flying to Xiamen, and that there I would have to get my luggage and re-check-in. Not the biggest problem in the world and if I had been told that in the first place it would have been a lot smoother.

Lounge access was nice after that. I saw black and white people for the first time in nearly two weeks (black people and white people I mean, not "black and white" people). Though it was only 7.30am I was worried about a flight to a city I'd never heard of before so forced myself to have a couple of gin-impregnated lemonades before the flight. I asked when we were going to be called about 20 minutes before my flight and the woman said we'd be called presently. She obviously assumed I was on the same flight as the Westerners as after 2 minutes she seemed alarmed and told me to hurry along to board now.

Putting practisers in the Nanning lounge - just what I wanted at 7.30am

Not the busiest time of the day

As is the wont at Nanning you get a VIP security channel and within a minute I was "plane side" and got on the flight. I didn't sleep, and I didn't enjoy it much, but those two Gs did help make it manageable. And I got to speak with some bloke from near Xiamen whose wife lived in Nanning, which was quite pleasant. Though I didn't have the heart to ask how you can live so far apart for so much of the year. I'm about to do that for just over two weeks and it hurts already.

At Xiamen I tried to get some Golden Virginia for Tel but they only had proper fags. Sorry Tel. So I spent the rest of the time in the lounge after getting my suitcase and re-checking it in. Chinese red wine is not great. But if you have to fly it is manageable and I managed three very small glasses.

The flight to Amsterdam was relatively OK. It was KLM so I had a G&T with my meal but needn't have bothered as I seemed to be dropping on and off for some of the flight. Similarly for the next Amsterdam to Brussels flight. Almost pointless as only 25 mins in the air but that still required a take-off and landing so made it just as dangerous as the previous one. But I was too tired to care. Worst thing was probably waiting 50 minutes for luggage in Brussels before could get taxi to hotel. I don't think I crashed until 1am, or 7am Chinese time. Travelling may seem romantic to some but it's bloody shit if you don't like flying and have a family.

Last Day of First Half

No table tennis again due to my back. What a pain it really is - I should use it as an excuse to get a massage but I don't think I'll have the time.

At midday I called Ma Laoban as so far I haven't actually seen this good mate. I was at his computer shop but he was at his new office so I walked there and met his wife outside, who showed me in. We exchanged hugs before sitting down to some horribly strong red tea with the bloke who used to run the bed shop next door to Ma Laoban years ago. Ma Laoban's wife produced a bag of the said red tea and I didn't know what to say other than it was rather strong and I didn't want to drink any more. Wrong answer (if it had been an answer to a question) - she had presented it to me as a present and I'd just slammed it, albeit honestly.

Ma Laoban is about to buy a new car. It will arrive in about three weeks so I should see it. It is a Toyota Highlander. I looked at the brochure and couldn't help admiring the three rows of seats and ample head and leg room. For 300000 kuai I can't help thinking he's made a better decision than A Wu's six times more expensive BMW X6. But that's from a purely practical perspective. If I had to buy a car for impressing other people solely it may not be the same case.

Bed boss, me and Ma Laoban posing with the L chin

A bit more natural

We took a couple of photos and then I suggested that we eat together. This was taken as a good idea but I somehow knew that despite it being my idea it would not be my invitation. A few phone calls were made and a few minutes later we were driving to a new restaurant in town. At least new to me as it only opened up last summer apparently. We were shown a place by the window where we could see Pingguo pass by and I immediately felt comfortable by the fact that we would be eating in an open area rather than a private room. I broke open my bowl, spoon, plate and various other accoutrements from their tight clingfilm cover and poured out some sweet tea.

Then Ma Laoban asked about the air conditioning. Apparently it would not be turned on in the common area as there was only us. This did not go down well so within a minute we'd ordered a private room and I was escorted to a more "privileged" place. I knew better than to argue.

Ma Laoban called A Wu and he turned up with A Ni. There were a couple of young girls too who must have been the offspring of one or two of the other blokes who turned up. Tan came but only to drop off Xixi so within 30 minutes of the meal starting there were at least 10 of us and it really felt nice. We had huo guo, but with many spicy side dishes, and I managed a healthy number of beers (as in healthy for the body) in readiness for another siesta in my last afternoon in China for a couple of weeks.

I mentioned my 8am flight to A Wu and he said he'd drive with me there as he had stuff to do in Nanning too. I thought he was joking but he was up for it so I said fair enough and I'd see him at 5am at the bottom of our block.

I managed to go to Waipo's and spend some time with the kids. Xixi had done a plastercast painting of the gangnam style singer which was pretty cool.

Wop wop gangnam style

As I had to pack and do lots of shit I ended up not having a siesta and was knackered by 6pm. But I'd been invited to a reunion meal with A Wu and his ex-colleagues from junior school. I couldn't not go so turned up via a san lun che as A Wu had to get there early. I had not one but two embarrassing experiences by introducing myself to guests I apparently knew from years gone past. So it was a little bit of an unknown reunion for me too. I excused myself by saying I was tired and actually the memories of them were now coming back to me but felt a bit of a liar. The snake was good though.

The snake was good

I did a few gan bei's but kept it reasonable and before 9pm made my genuine excuses that I had to finish packing and get to bed before 10pm. Even A Wu didn't try to stop me, though I had to make another round of gan bei's before the rest would let me leave.

Somehow I sorted out the kids and managed to get to bed around midnight almost shaking with tiredness.

Fears

At least I tried acupuncture. I appreciate what others go through when they dislike doing things but I at least go through with it to find out. Same with flying. I don't like it when people have illogical fears therefore I either don't accept that I have any irrational fears or I have to make them rational. It is the latter:
 - Flying: aeroplanes are designed and built by humans, and aeroplane companies buy aeroplanes based on price among other things. Humans will cut corners to make something cheaper so that it will be bought. That's what I think about when flying but I'm grown up enough to know that by flying to China with my family we are less likely to die than when driving to Caz and Steve's house. If that is true I should truly not even get sweaty hands while flying.
 - Needles: Ok, in the West, when having dental treatment or getting a blood sample I should not react the way I do. I'm embarrassed and I don't have a reason for it. Maybe everyone is allowed one actual irrational fear. But despite it I still will get injections done (except for China vaccinations as they're only "advised" and not as important as certain kids' ones).
 - House and drain spiders: not actually irrational - only the general fear of spiders is irrational. House and drain spiders are the closest thing to supernatural beasts and should not be witnessed by anything other than flies and caterpillars about to meet their doom.

But at least I fly, have injections, and live within 30 yards of spiders. It's the group of people who avoid their fears I don't want to belong to.

I have to fly to Belgium on Monday so wanted to spend a lot of this weekend with the kids. As Leilei had had A Da over I went out with them in the late morning after they'd finally awoken to get a bite to eat. Leilei has taken to being here better than any other year he has been since school age. His mates have been part and parcel of that despite my fears that impending adulthood would prise a fork between their friendship with its broken voices and B.O. But it's been, if anything, better than before and the kids have taken to their relatively greater independence here very well in their other home language.

Two handsome young men in the lift

I think I had a little siesta, or "wu shui", something invaluable here but if you had to put money on it it would be around GBP22-27. I had a bite to eat with the kids at Waipo's place and promised to fix their wifi but the problem was they haven't yet paid for Internet so there's not a lot I can do until then. I did notice that they still have my old BT Home Hub 1.0 but it should still work with the hacked firmware I installed a few years ago.

In the evening I went to drink tea at the tea place opposite where I'd met Li Kun the other day. I said I wanted to buy a teapot as I felt a bit bad just going there and drinking tea all the time, and said I'd be back later. Then I went next door where there was a sports shop with a bargain rail. I asked if the tops on the bargain rail were for table tennis but I was told they were for badminton. I didn't really understand the difference but said I wanted one and also wanted my name printed on it. They said it would be possible, which was music to my ears, and I told them, like the tea place next door, that I'd be back that evening.

But Xixi came first. I took her out to the guangchang despite the numerous calls from friends for her to go with them. Although it had been raining, and the guangchang was not its usual filled-up-to-the-rafters self, there were still plenty of places to amuse kids and spend money. Xixi really wanted to do some painting so we found a place that had something a bit like stained glass windows to paint. They had outlines of cartoons drawn with some sort of raised plastic so that you could paint in-between and the paint would not dribble over the outlines if you were careful enough. I helped Xixi but she was actually more careful than me. It did take a good half an hour, which, when your back is bad and you're sitting on a 6" high stool does make you draw rather quickly so that is my excuse. Anyway she did rather well too as the heavens promoted moisture in a way that was rather refreshing.

Xixi's handiwork

With the finished product and A Wu

I finally gave in to the phone calls and called Tian Tian - her mother Lin Hong answered and told us they were having bbq by the guangchang so we sidled over there and within five minutes were sitting with a couple of other young ladies. We had an enjoyable hour or so during which I showed Lin Hong some old photos of her and Tian Tian. She insisted on having these so I logged on to QQ somehow and sent a couple to her. Now she wants me to print some off too.

By the time I said I had to get Xixi back, Lin Hong flamboyantly did not let me pay for anything, even the two beers I had from the other place. I didn't argue too much as I didn't have the energy. I'll invite them out one evening and pay then. I took Xixi home for a well-needed shower and then realised at midnight that I'd totally forgotten about buying my teapot and badminton shirt. But I knew there would be no hard feelings and I'd go tomorrow for these necessities.

Severe acupuncture woo

I actually had a half decent sleep until 7.30am for the second day in a row. I was up every couple of hours for a few minutes but used Chinese counting to put me back to sleep as I still fear German after 4am.

Aware of the table tennis tournament, I went to the Old People's Leisure Centre at 8.30, in time for the arrival of the visiting team. In fact they were from only 10 minutes away at the aluminium company. Many of the better players were deep in practice and I didn't get much chance to play until the competition began upstairs at some time past 9am. I hadn't been practising for more than 15 minutes when I felt a ping in my lower back and couldn't go on. I apologised to my opponent and limped upstairs to watch a bit of the competition. It was played in great spirits and the match I watched ebbed and flowed between our home man and the aluminium man. There were match points on both sides and lots of shouting and clapping until finally our man came back from match point down to win the fifth and final game 15-13. It was so exciting and I had a minor fantasy about representing Pingguo Old People's Leisure Centre in some future competition in a decade or so's time.

When I got home at soon after 10am and told Tan about my back she said I needed acupuncture. Such expressions of opinions provoke testing times in a relationship. I am very sceptical of the value of acupuncture, and especially the relationship between certain points of the body and how they relate to organs etc. But, I understand there may be some correlation between acupuncture and pain relief. I agreed to go but only because I had never done it before and no-one's died from acupuncture have they?

But first lunch. We went for noodles at a local place for only 5 kuai each and I realised that actually you can still eat really well for really cheap (and in an air conditioned place) here in Pingguo. During the meal I got a call from Li Kun, my friend since 2004, whom I'd been meaning to call for a couple of days. He'd seen me walk past a tea shop fromwherewithin he'd been drinking tea and we agreed to meet up for a few mins before acupuncture.

It was great to meet up with him again for a few minutes but I knew Tan was waiting for me so I told him we'd go for a couple of beers soon. Actually Tan had already gone to the acupuncture place and said she was waiting for me, so the other bloke who'd been drinking tea with me gave me a lift there. It should have been that simple but Tan's instructions were not quite as clear as I thought and although I was only 50 yards away A Xia came and picked me up and took me there.

I don't want to go into detail. I explained to the "doctor" that my lower back had been a bit bad for three months since I played badminton without stretching first, then today it took a turn for the worse after having played ping pong for 10 minutes (plus every morning all week). He nodded and said "ah" as doctors do, and bade me lie face down on a bed. According to Tan (as my medical knowledge extends only as far as diarrhoea) he reckoned my fifth vertebrae disc had moved or slipped or something.

For someone who vehemently dislikes needles I had no fear about acupuncture as 1) they don't inject you with anything, and 2) they only go like 1mm into your skin. But when this bloke took the first needle to me it bloody hurt! Like it was going in more than skin deep. My hands were as clammy as in a violently turbulent flight but I kept my noises to deep breathing...until the next one went in and my leg kicked backwards in reaction. I felt pain but tried so hard not to show it. "Only one more", he said, as if he could smell my fear. Ooh, my head pulled back as the third and final one went in. Now I just had to wait 15 minutes.

Looks fairly innocuous...

...until you see how deep they go!

Well it felt more like a day and Tan and A Xia were plain laughing at me and my trouble all the time - it was genuinely amusing to them and they actually refused to believe I was in any pain. The only relief I got was when the "doctor" put some sort of wooden box over my lower back with some burning "medicine" whose heat actually made the pain subside somewhat. As that went on I felt him massage my lower legs and somehow determine a bit that correlated with my lower back. Hocus fucking pocus abracadabra bollocks, he dug deep with his finger till it hurt and asked me if it hurt and I said yes, and Tan said I'd need a needle there, so I retracted my statement and said it felt fine. Then he dug deeper until it bloody hurt and I still said it didn't but he had felt my bodily reaction and knew it did and stuck a bloody needle there. Then he moved to the left leg and I was adamant that nowhere would hurt, but not as adamant as he was that it needed a needle. In fact he said that a certain area on my left leg needed to have blood let out of it. It was at this stage when I told Tan, in English, that there was no fucking way I was going to go to Victorian England to have my blood let by this man, and in no uncertain terms. So he was left with only being able to stick another needle in.

Some sort of heating box that was comfortable

Why the legs?

I was not in a good mood but tried my best to understand where he was coming from. I did not try to put him down with questions about how acupuncture has worked in double-blind experiments. Such "doctors" will have to deal with these kind of questions in due course, but as he was wielding the needles I felt no need to antagonise him.

I'd asked Tan to take a couple of photos for the record. When I finally got the leg needles removed I had a look and was absolutely shocked to see how deep the first needles had gone into me. Into my spine. The "doctor" said I didn't need to come back tomorrow but the day after. I have no intention of ever walking in that place again. I paid 40 kuai for the experience and 40 for Tan who was just about to have something similar done. I wonder whether she will see this for what it is one day. I found it quite difficult to get on my feet and as I gingerly walked away I could still hear the ladies' laughter.

Cured

It took me some time to get back home but I managed it on my own two feet via the supermarket and poured myself a strong G&T when got there. As much as I wanted and needed a siesta I had to book flights back to Europe for work on Monday. It's cost me £986 but I have the small "bonus" that I should be on the same flight as Awl coming back to China on the 13th August.

Boss Hu had invited us and A Wu's family out for an evening meal, which was nice of him. I count him as a good friend and in fact I introduced him to A Wu in 2010. We went to a restaurant I hadn't been to before and as soon as you entered you were thrown into Mao Ze Dung territory. It was quite fantastic with statues and great pictures of a former age that still manages to manifest itself in 2013. It was like a themed restaurant with all the staff dressed in army garb and the food was from a certain era and place I believe. For some reason Boss Hu ordered himself a bottle of red wine, while A Wu and I stuck to the beer. Hu also had his si ji with him who shared a couple of glasses.

Entrance to restaurant with A Wu

Boss Hu, his driver, me, and A Wu

I took a calculated risk by trying some of the fish that came part way through the meal. The other day at lunch with Haiwei I'd had some fish for the first time in a long time (apart from bbq fish), and had survived without a scorched anus. So I had some sort of confidence that my stomach was now ok with freshwater fish in Pingguo. 10 minutes after my first mouthful something below told me I was wrong. I excused myself and didn't even entertain the thought of a sit down toilet...I just needed a hole. There were two cubicles and although I could have run into the open one straight away I had the presence of mind to notice a toilet paper distributor outside, rather than inside the cubicles. Despite my sphincter's protestations, I spent a whole five seconds pulling more and more toilet paper in preparation. Once in the cubicle I noticed that the bolt did not marry up with the slot that was necessary to lock me in. Now I was in desperation but I wasn't going to drop my trousers without being locked in so I mustered up superhuman strength to raise the door until the bolt would lock, then undid my belt and everything else and crouched for the first time in 2013 and let the fish do its ugly work.

I was a new man when I got back to the private eating room and had a Mr Bean smugness that I'd taken enough toilet paper with me into the cubicle, so much so that I almost felt the need to show them I still had some left over. I gan bei'd with gusto and enjoyed the rest of the meal hugely.

Me, Tan, and a fu wu yuan in army garb

Afterwards A Da and I picked up Leilei, who's needed a haircut since before we got here, and went to a place A Da knows. I ordered a hair wash and haircut for Leilei, then noticed they were doing "head washes" too, so got one for myself. It wasn't quite as professional as others in Pingguo but it was bloody good, and when we both finished the total came to only 31 kuai!

I took A Da and Leilei back home and they showered and A Da had a sleepover at ours. They were pretty well behaved and I'm really glad Leilei doesn't seem to have any problem with communication with his mates. Tan came back a few minutes later complaining of stinking of cigarettes - yes that's something that still happens here but you take the rough with the smooth. She seemed to take a bit of pity on my still bad back at least.

More table tennis and haircut

If Xixi hadn't come into our room at 7.30am I might have slept even longer but even as it was I wasn't complaining because it was a normal time to wake up. She was still a bit sleepy and just wanted a cuddle which she got from both sides - I think it is only the second time she's slept at home since we arrived a week ago.

I left the ladies to themselves and went to the Old People's Leisure Centre to brush up my table tennis skills. I went upstairs and one of the better women asked me to play her. We played best-of-five and amazingly I won the first game though lost the match 3-1 which is a bit more than a moral victory to me. Then, when the others came upstairs it was like she switched gear to become a proper demon player and I realised I had been used as not much more than a fluffer. Still, that seems in some way like a promotion - an awareness of my improvement in my game. It was explained to me that there was a competition tomorrow so they were all practising hard so I went downstairs to where the mortals play and didn't have a break until I said I had to leave at 11am.

 A non-spectacular roam around the Old People's Leisure Centre

Tan and Xixi were out so I grabbed a shower and decided I should meet my friend Lu Hai whose house we stayed in when we first came to Pingguo in 2003. He spotted me a few dozen yards from his barber's place and gave me a big wave. We met and had a little Western hug and then got down to the business of washing and cutting my hair. In previous years he had cut my hair always using scissors as he'd said it was better than an electric razor, but this year he used the electric razor with a comb. I had noticed he had a small but noticeable shake in his arms last year and this year was no different. If it had been a one-off it could have been put down to the DTs but I really suspect something like the beginning of MS. Normally in China this is the sort of thing you would ask quite bluntly but my English heart didn't have the will. If it was true it would spell the end to his career as a barber within months if not years which was a sad thought. Still, he said he was going to Nanning next week to do a hairdressing course by Toni & Guy for 5000 kuai, so he must be fairly confident. I really hope he's ok though. I left saying I'd call him one evening for beers and certainly will, and he accepted 40 kuai for a 30 kuai haircut.

For the first time this year for lunch a bought a portion of bao zi from our local place as I had so many times last year while working. It was nice to see the woman again, who doesn't normally talk much but this time was asking about why I'd been away so long. Tan was in when I got back but left to eat a few minutes later so I had a sneaky G&L and a nice siesta again, or "wu shui" as they're called here.

In the evening, again for the first time this year, I had my evening meal at Waipo's house with the family. It was nice to not be in a restaurant though within a few minutes I felt some movements below my tummy and knew all was not 100%. Tan's phone would not pick up the Internet so I used that as an excuse for us both to go home where I had a comfortable evacuation without any of the stresses of previous years.

I couldn't sort out Tan's phone much to my geeky dismay and resolved to do so tomorrow. I did write an email in Chinese for a potential Chinese client and Tan corrected it so I felt I'd done something useful and by that time it was already getting on. Tan was tired and I was a little but decided to take advantage of the kids not being around by popping out. I gave Lu Wen a ring and he told me someone would pick me up to take me to the same boss's office as a couple of days ago but I said I'd make my own way. And somehow I found it within a few minutes.

I don't know what they do there other than drink beer, eat bbq, and play chess and cards, but they seem to have plenty of money. One of the blokes from the shop under our house was there, and a little the worse for wear. You can generally tell that when they start trying to talk English. It wasn't the vocabulary that was so dreadful so much as the pronunciation that mostly made no sense until they spelled out what they were trying to say. Anyway, a load of bbq was delivered just after I arrived, and shortly afterwards another crate of beer, followed not that long after by more bbq. I enjoyed it mostly as it was mainly an exercise in Chinese so I definitely benefitted. But I strongly opposed the offer of a lift home at 11.30 when I said I had to go, and walked off some of the excess so much that after a shower I was not demoted to a separate bedroom (although Tan was asleep at the time).

Why must I wake up so early?

Ok this is getting a bit ridiculous. I couldn't get back to sleep after waking up at 4.30am. I considered counting in German but that can be a bit strong and I wanted to be up in time for table tennis at 8am so I tried counting in Chinese but it didn't quite work. So I succumbed to the usual coffee and rice crispy cake and did a little work as dawn's grey-orange fingers lifted the night sky.

Table tennis was another good workout with a lot of smashing, including backhanded which does impress them (though not as much as the pen-hold backhand smash impresses me). After my shower, at around 11.30 I decided to go to Haiwei's office to see if he wanted to have an early lunch. When I walked into his office I found him feet up on the desk reclined in his luxury chair watching pop videos on the Internet and found myself wondering what he really did for a living. When he heard my voice he jumped to his feet and ushered me into another office where Boss Huang and a new boss came to drink tea with me. This went on till well gone 12 and I felt a bit embarrassed to say I wanted to hurry up and eat as I needed a sleep. Then he started calling some friends and then we went to another office to drink yet more tea and wait for them. Then four of us got in the car to drive to a new place we hadn't been to before. And I thought we would just walk to the nearby place as we used to do most of the previous years.

Some of the elders practising doubles

But it was good food and again we were in a private room. A lady I remembered from a couple of years ago joined us and we had a few beers too. Haiwei explained that he was cooking dog that night and invited me to come over to share it. How could I refuse? I didn't get back till getting on for 3pm and I was shattered so turned off the sound on my phone but put the alarm to 5pm as that's when Haiwei said he'd ring. And two hours later bang on cue he did. I was so grateful when he said there was some sort of change of plan and we'd eat at his and he'd call me at 6. Straight back to sleep for 60 minutes luxury before being called to come over to his place.

A quick shower and I walked to the vicinity of his office. From his instructions I knew there was a one in a thousand chance of me actually finding his house without 3rd party help, and this came in the shape of some bloke waving at me from the corner of the road opposite the Pingguo International Hotel after some 5 minutes waiting in the stuffy sun-baked early evening. Haiwei has bought a new house that is massive and covers two floors and is 248 metres squared. But it is in the process of being decorated so I had to walk up the six flights of stairs to his existing house. Once there thought it was extremely pleasant to sit down in the company of his family including two sons and eat not just dog but roast goose and lots of lovely greens too.

Haiwei's eldest son of 12, from another marriage, is learning English, and Haiwei was keen that I help him. So for an hour or so I received questions from him that he was reading from his phone. I made sure I asked him questions as well and for a Pingguonese he actually did pretty well. I think Haiwei was quite chuffed and I felt glad that in some way I had paid back for some of Haiwei's hospitality recently.

Haiwei was talking about his new house and I took the opportunity to ask if there were any other foreigners around in Pingguo. Everyone answered "yes" and I sort of wish I hadn't asked. I've had a recurring nightmare for the last few years, well more of an eveningfilly really, where I'm in Pingguo but there are mostly white people there and even the Chinese all speak English - a bit like a Costa del Sol street full of bars with people sitting outside with beers enjoying the sun. As I haven't seen any Westerners since being here I was hoping I was the only gay in the village again but I daresay those days have gone.

The beer was flowing very freely among the blokes left at the table and when Tan rang at 10pm I sort of used it as excuse to leave, so gave then a last gan bei and went on my way. I called Chuan Chuan as I hadn't seen the kids for a while and she said they were all on our road drinking whatever it is kids drink in the evening. I met up with them and was going to take them home when Tan turned up as A Xia had been driving past at that point and noticed us. For once, even seeing us, Leilei wanted to stay at Waipo's with Qiqi gege (Tan's second sister's son) and only Xixi wanted to come home with us. Fair enough, we took her home and showered off the sweat from the evening and she went peacefully to bed, as I nearly did while lying with her. It didn't take long before I was well and truly knocked out though.

Two lunches and two evening meals

The nice thing about waking up too early here is that there are things to do and places to go. Today was 6.30am so not as bad as yesterday. Tan and Leilei would not be up for hours so I had a quick bite to eat and a decaff again and set off for three hours of table tennis. I met some more people for the first time and had a great time catching up and showing how I'd improved. I think I actually beat a sexagenarian woman three games to one! I stopped off at A Wu's office at 11am on the way back and Tan and A Ni were there too so we had a few cups of tea together. Tan told me off for drinking tea without having had breakfast even though I'd had a small cube of sticky rice crispy cake at 7am. Tan and A Ni were going for brunch, even though they don't have a word for that in Chinese, so I showered and met up with A Wu a tad later for lunch.

Except before lunch he, A Ni, and I went to a shop underneath our block "Jun Lin Tian Xia" where three generations of a family were at the same time eating, babysitting and running the shop. The owner was feeding his father who is elderly and recently had a fall, while the mother was preparing some food for her few-month old daughter who was being looked after by the grandmother. A Wu brought a couple of melons and some more fruit as a present. I think it was a belated present for the "new" arrival. Normally there is a special feast to celebrate the baby's 100th day but apparently it wasn't that. The family took delight in the fact that I could speak a few words of Bangxunese and taught me how to say "smile" ("lou di") and suddenly, after no expression at all, the old man broke out into a smile himself! And this had the infectious effect of making everybody else smile and all was good for a while and I was told I could come back to learn some more Bangxunese. But by now I was hungry....

The cute baby daughter and her mum at the shop under our house where I learnt a little Bangxunese

To my minor delight we went to a cheap noodle place with no air-con where you sit on a dirty table and choose a couple of chopsticks from a cup (they are not even in individually wrapped pairs). The noodles with roast duck were delicious but I ate the meat first as A Wu had passed on some of his in order to attack the noodles. As I was about to make a start on the noodles, and as A Wu had just finished wolfing down his, he got a phone call and immediately told me to stop eating. It transpired that two Nanning people were in town now (that we should have met the other day) and we were to go to Li Jia He Xian for a formal meal with them. Ha! That will teach him to eat too quickly (I doubt).

So yet again we were in the premier restaurant. The two blokes were bank managers from Nanning and I didn't ask the specific purpose of their visit, though I did glean it was their first time in Pingguo and they were leaving after the meal. I also introduced myself to their driver, who was also sitting at the meal and he told me we'd already met twice before as I shook his hand. That's really embarrassing. I couldn't even rip out an excuse like his hair was different as I didn't know if I'd met him this year, last year or a decade ago so I just apologised and said "of course" as if that made it better.

The meal was excellent but unfinished after an hour. I sensed A Wu's conversation wasn't as flowing as usual and was punctuated with silences that I brought myself to fill with non work-related topics such as: how come they can't tell where I'm from by my accent? I mean I can tell the difference between a French and German speaking English but the amount of times I've been asked if I'm French or German it seems there is either a Chinese accent (of which there are many) or a foreign accent. Or more likely it's just that exposure to foreigners speaking Mandarin in this part of the world is so infrequent that people are unlikely to build up enough experience to be able to tell. Food for thought, but enough idle chatter. I was very tired now and as we left the restaurant to go to A Wu's office I said my farewells before a quick nip of G&T and a nice siesta. I'm down to one can of tonic water now and have scoured the supermarkets for any sign of fizzy water with no success still.

Tan called at 3pm just as I was opening the doors of the land of nod to tell me to close the windows in Xixi's room at there was a mighty storm. I'd totally missed the sound of that, partly, I expect, as a result of living in a place with constant noise 75% of the time. But Tan was right, I've never witnessed such a wind and the rain coming down in near horizontal stair rods. If I hadn't been half asleep I would have poured another G&T and enjoyed the display but Tan had also said that Lin Hong had invited us for a meal at Li Jia He Xian again so I really needed my beauty sleep.

Refreshed after a couple of hours of uninterrupted snoozing, I showered and walked over to Waipo's to see the kids for the first time in many hours. We all walked the three minutes to Li Jia He Xian at about 6pm for what must be our fourth or fifth meal there this week. There were about five people there when we arrived, and another eight or so came soon after and we had a really enjoyable time talking with many of Tan's ex-colleagues which made up somewhat for the other night when Tan was in Nanning. I did the rounds of gan bei'ing, firstly with Lin Hong as a thank you for inviting us for the meal. The kids ate ok too, before being whisked away after an hour or so.

Xixi showing a flowery carrot...

...and how it was made (a bit cheating if you ask me)

Nice meal with Tan's bank colleagues and a scary ghost that popped up

Earlier in the day I'd called Uncle Yellow and we agreed that I would call him around 9pm in the evening to meet up for the first time this year. But A Wu had also called me to go and eat with him and some friends on the river. So at 8.30 I left Lin Hong's meal and took a san lun che to Jiang Bing Lu, the road by the river that has lots of bbq places. I got off at the wrong end but it was a nice digestif to walk down the road until one of A Wu's friends came to meet me in the street. We walked down to a restaurant I really like on a boat on the river. The remnants of the meal were still there and I was warmly greeted by a dozen or so people including some women I gathered must be wives by their ages.

The perfunctory gan bei'ing began but I realised I'd already been through one lot at the previous meal a few minutes ago so I challenged them to cai ma, which was readily accepted. When I realised it was already 9pm I asked if it was ok to invite my mate down too, which of course it was. Uncle Yellow turned up 10 minutes later and we spent the next half an hour there chatting gaily. As I had invited Uncle Yellow to meet me rather than a load of other people, A Wu and I left for the guangchang with Uncle Yellow in hot pursuit in his micro yellow car. When we arrived A Wu said he had some matters to attend to at his office so I went to look for a table for some bbq but straight-away I was motioned towards another table where I saw Tan, A Ni and another friend who appears to have joined their group, presumably to replace Chen Mei who is now living in Nanning.

Uncle Yellow was arriving so I thought we might as well sit with the ladies as he knows Tan and A Ni anyway. It transpired he also knew the other girl too so we all shared some bbq while the boys shared some beer and had a pleasant night without going to excess. The owner of this bbq place had just opened up recently, and I think is the wife of the Police Treasurer, whose house we visited last year for a great home-made meal. She wouldn't let us pay at the end (would have been around 300 kuai I reckon), so I said farewell to Uncle Yellow and walked back home with Tan, remarkably hand-in-hand, which isn't something shown that much in public at least among our generation.