Back to Nanning for Xixi's first birthday!

I decided to take the train again to Nanning in the hope that this time I would get a seat. Either way I prefer to be on tracks than a road here - less chance of human error. Although I must say the new road from Pingguo to Nanning is of high quality, though rather expensively there is a 40 kuai toll each way for the one hour journey. That's about 3 pounds something and I reckon would be expensive in UK too. Even taking the coach is 35 kuai, compared to the 19 kuai for the train that takes the same time and isn't subject to traffic jams. Anyway, this time at the station I waited near the front of the train. I needn't have worried as there were plenty of spaces and I was able to get the laptop out and do some work.

I got the taxi to Tan's 2nd sister's house and as I was walking towards her block of flats I heard a "baba!, baba!". Well this little boy who was supposed to be in bed in hospital with a drip hanging out of his arm was at a neighbour's house and thoroughly enjoying himself. Either that was a remarkable recovery or he wasn't as bad as was made out. In my experience most Chinese are hypochondriacs. Despite the great amount of traditional Chinese medicine, every house I've been to is stacked with various pills for various conditions - veritable mini-pharmacies. As soon as someone coughs, or complains about a headache it's off to the cabinet to down a couple of pills, or worse, go straight to the doctors to have a drip injected into your head (if you are a child) - that happened last time with Leilei so I'm not just making it up. Whatever happened to letting your body get better itself? Maybe I should import some bovril or marmite here - this could be the only country outside the UK where they'd actually like it. Have you ever seen a French person eat marmite without swearing about the British? I rest my case.

I had brought the biggest birthday cake I could order in Pingguo. It cost 148 kuai so getting on for 15 quid. Chinese birthday cakes are the best in the world. Fact. It doesn't matter how much you eat before, you can always manage a slice or two after (unless you have asucrasia).

Baba and Xixi

Xixi enjoying her birthday at the restaurant

In the evening we went for a walk to a lovely restaurant not far away. Of course we had our own private room. I don't normally like that but at least you avoid others' smoke. Leilei and Xixi were both a bit fractious and it was quite annoying. After a while they were taken home and we were able to eat our meal in peace. I expected them to be asleep when we got back but at least Leilei was still up waiting for me as I'd promised him a present if he was good (which he wasn't but I wasn't ready for another tantrum). At least he really appreciated his fake lego cement mixer.

Leilei's cement mixer on top of the red flag he received for being "hen guai" (very good) at school (those characters are his own work).

We woke up Xixi to sing Happy Birthday (Sheng ri kuai le) and she didn't really seem to appreciate it as much as she might have done three hours previously. I hadn't intended to spend the night in Nanning but it was already nearly 10 so I did. Tan got a phone call from her friend A Ni asking why we were celebrating Xixi's birthday on the 11th instead of the 12th. Ah. Please don't tell Xixi in the future - I thought Tuesday was the 12th and had been planning so for a couple of weeks. Well at least I would be in Nanning for it, with plenty of birthday cake left. I didn't tell the rest of the family though :)

Xixi's early birthday cake

Refreshed but Leilei has bronchitus

Even though I woke up at 5am I felt pretty refreshed. Two days with over 8 hours sleep each is something I never thought I'd experience for another 15 years. I love being in China!

Tan was going to come back with me but she wanted to celebrate Xixi's 1st birthday on Tuesday in Nanning with family. So I left her there with Leilei, saying I'd come back Tuesday just for the day for the celebration. Unfortunately I got a call from Tan at 11pm saying Leilei was in the hospital. He'd gone to Baise with a friend to do the MOT on Tan's sister's car and on the way back become feverish. Got another call at 1am saying it was bronchitus. Sounds innocuous enough (not the horrible bronchialitus Xixi had when she was six weeks old). Tan is staying with him in the hospital tonight.

Back to Pingguo for another meal but early night

Felt quite refreshed and took Xixi out for a walk in the morning. It can get rather cool in the early morning/late evening now, and the Chinese over-compensate by wrapping up the kids in layers upon layers of clothing. Fair enough I suppose, but as the sun came out in the park I removed Xixi's pink coat and pink jumper and we did some walking training. She had already done a poo poo in the bin with Waipo holding her, so she wasn't wearing nappies. She stayed dry till we got back 30 mins later to my relief.

The 21 year old son of one of the neighbours who has become a sort of babysitter for Xixi came later in the morning to take Leilei and Qiqi to the zoo. I didn't go but here are a couple of photos (some of these probably wouldn't be allowed in the UK).

A goat balancing on a stool on a tightrope, with a monkey on its back.

Monkeys and a bear riding bikes

Bears being clever

Fun at the zoo with Qiqi

More fun at the zoo with Qiqi

I had to get back so said I'd get the train again but they wouldn't let me; someone was borrowing the car to go back to Pingguo so I would go with them. During the journey I did something I've never done before in a car - I dozed off for 20 minutes. Back in Pingguo a friend we'd picked up invited us for a meal that evening and that was that.

I managed to get something done I'd been planning for over a week now - change the knackered batteries in A Ni's electric bike we've borrowed, and fix the puncture - all for a shade under 40 quid including service. Had great fun riding around Pingguo on the bike and having to return a "hello" every few seconds to strangers on the road. I really intend to make a map of this place if I can't find one. I bumped into Xiao Lu, the now divorced husband of Lao Ma who we met for the first time 5 years ago. He invited me for a meal but as he did so I got a call from A Wu telling me we were going for our meal.

We got in the car and drove to this bloke's place. Quite frankly I can't remember if he is a relative or not - most people seem to be. The meal was excellent, and it was nice that there were loads of kids running around, though not so that there was a lot of second-hand smoke around. The owner of the house got out a bowl of "Medicine Alcohol" that he had brewed himself. It was rather drinkable, though at 50% quite potent. I was told that this stuff was excellent at promoting sleep, so I'm not sure why we started the meal with it. He is going to make a bottle for me to take back to UK. We moved on to weak beer soon after and then playing Cai Ma, where we played in teams and I did at least as well as the rest. But after a while I was shattered. I don't know if it was the food or the booze or just the last six weeks but I had to leave the table and sit on a bench and rest my eyes. I then said I was very sorry but had to go home. Of course they wouldn't let me go by myself, so A Wu drove me. I just managed to derobe before falling into a deep sleep at 9pm.

Back to Nanning to see the kids and met Brandy on the way

Smiling ladies
On Wednesday Tan took Leilei to Nanning, with a view to bringing him back for the weekend. Today I took the train to Nanning to see Xixi and Leilei. Unfortunately there was no place to sit, and I had a pushchair with me. A bloke helped me put the pushchair away and introduced himself as "Brandy". He is the manager of one of the biggest hotels in Pingguo and speaks some English. We chatted during the 1hr15 mins journey and I have been invited to go for a meal at his hotel, and to take Tan to see a film with him and his girlfriend in Nanning. He was going to Nanning just overnight to get his end away as he had work the next day (a bit like me really). He said his girlfriend was a French teacher, and it was quite surreal to meet her at Nanning and have a quick conversation in French (her accent was excellent).

Xixi has been very happy there and can say "Yula" (Lola) and "Yeiyei" (Leilei) and she can blow kisses and wave goodbye. She was very glad to see me and would hardly let anyone else hold me (except for Waipo). We went to the people's park, which was very nice indeed, except for that fact that to do anything except for walk around you had to pay for it. Tan's 2nd sister's son Pang Qi is too used to getting everything he wants so it was a bit of a chore following him around letting him go on what he wanted (and of course Leilei as well). At the entrance of the park we caused a security alert; Tan was buying some fruit so I had the kids...a few girls started cooing and taking photos, which led to a very minor stampede by others to see what the fuss was. I suspect some were disappointed to find I wasn't a pop star. A security guard came and told us to move along and made the crowd disperse, but you get an idea of what it can be like.


A flowery bear to greet you as you enter the park


Fun in the park

I was absolutely knackered by the early evening and got to sleep at 8pm. I didn't wake up till 7am - that is definitely the longest I've slept in over four years.

Priorities for family meals...

As I was home alone Tan rang to say Sao zi (name for wife's mother's younger brother's son's wife - I think) had invited me for a meal. I had already been invited to a meal with another uncle and aunt of Tan's, and had not been able to attend on Wednesday so promised today I would make it. But Tan said I mustn't go to that place (this couple have a breakfast/lunch place nearby where we frequently get our brunch from), because the husband drinks too much. So what? As if I can't control myself. Later Sao zi herself rang and told me to come to hers to eat as if they went to the other place I would have to drink. Not wishing to offend family I went to Sao zi's at 5pm. She told me off for bringing orange juice as a gift (she is quite motherly to me and a bit over-protective). Then before we ate she explained that Tan's other aunty was a more distant relative than herself so that was why I should be here and not there...

As we sat down Biao ge, her husband (means uncle of some sort), got us both a bottle of 35% "medicine alcohol". This is about the only stuff over 4% that I have been able to drink in China, and the (supposed) fact that it is healthy makes it even more palatable - that and the other supposed fact that it doesn't get you drunk... Well we had a lovely meal with much roast duck, and a Biao ge and I had a second bottle of medicine alcohol.

Then I told Biao ge I didn't want to be rude to the other uncle/aunt, and really should go to see them as they were expecting me. He was fine with that, and we immediately got up, grabbed the untouched orange juice I brought, said goodbye to Sao zi and got on his motorbike to the place I originally had intended to go. I didn't realise that Biao ge knew this couple pretty well. He went and bought some tiny sweet oranges as a gift (the sort of thing I get told off for), and we got there for 7pm - the time that had been arranged. The uncle (I'll call him "chef") had prepared a sumptious roast duck, and despite the fact I had just had a roast duck meal I managed more that I should have. Also he isn't such a big boozer. Biao ge went and bought a 9-pack and we got through it, but with the help of chef's three grown up kids (very decent adults in their early to late 20s) and their friends. In fact the whole evening was very pleasant and hospitable, and to think I would have missed this family meal if I'd listed to Tan and Sao zi....

Chef on left, one of his sons on right, and a friend in middle


Chef's wife (she cooks our breakfast) and their daughter

Very early start as driver for wedding

I had to wake up at 7.30am to be a driver for the wedding of A Ni's half brother. Actually I woke up at 5am but that's not the point.

I'd been told I was going to be the main driver, but then Tan said I would drive the 2nd car as it was very important that the car carrying the groom doesn't stop at any time as this would be bad luck. Ok. So Chinese have supernatural control over traffic lights that I just don't have.

Don't stop the car!

Anyway, my car had been left in our complex's car park with the passenger's window down so the right-hand side was soaking. I had to start the car by turning off the alarm and turning on the sidelights before turning the key - apparently that is the norm here. I drove to the florists where A Wu and I waited an hour for our cars to be befitted with flowers and other decorations in the pouring rain. They couldn't do more than one at a time as there was only one gazebo to cover a car. I was starving by this point but I needn't have worried.

We went to A Ni's house, where her half brother and his wife already live, and made some final preparations to the cars before driving to the bride's real house where she was waiting. Apparently the custom is to beg the bride to come with you to your house - and you tell her there will be great food etc. As it turned out there was great food in her house so the entourage (4 car loads plus about 40 people in her house) all sat down to eat first lunch at about 10.30am. I managed a couple of small glasses of rice alcohol which didn't go down brilliantly but I had to join in, and anyway I was at the centre table with the bride.

After the meal we took most of the people back to A Ni's house in the cars, including a pickup truck to take the presents that included a washing machine and a new bed. The men set to work on taking apart the newly-weds' existing bed that looked perfectly new and in tip-top condition, and then constructing the 'new' bed, which was certainly second-hand. Unfortunately, they didn't have instructions and this looked more complicated than its Ikea equivalent. I think it was a question of too many cooks spoiling the broth, and none of them wanting to lose face. After a long time I stepped into the middle of the half-constructed bed and explained, calmly and slowly, using two pieces of wood at right-angles as an example, how the rest needed to be set up. Amazingly they actually stopped and listened to me - most of the people had never seen me before and probably were shocked that I could speak the lingo. Or maybe they couldn't understand a word but were being respectful. Either way, ten minutes later the bed was completed and I congratulated them on a good job (management skills entail more than just getting the job done).

I had spent enough time in the newly-weds' room (basically they live in a room, like A Wu and A Ni, and like we did two years ago). I was a bit tired of the huge 12' high poster of the newly-weds covering one whole wall of their living quarters. It looked like some 80s advert for whisky or something. Tan said we could get one done for 100 kuai (under a tenner), then I reminded her that it would be hard to fit into our suitcases. Can you imagine the shame of walking into your friends house and seeing photos of them twice their real size smiling down at you like some virgin mary gone wrong?

Sorting stuff out in the newly-weds' room with a poster of them in the background

I crept up to the top floor where I found a number of the older generation either cooking (if they were female) or talking/smoking/waiting for food (if they were male). This was a great experience. The women wouldn't let me help (must be their culture - I didn't want to interfere), but the men were happy to talk to me, even if I couldn't understand most of what they said. One old man seemed to be talking in tongues in front of the 'alter' for one of the dead ancestors. It was quite religious, I felt, like singing hymns and saying prayers, and going on too long. I'm going to post a video of some of this.

The magic man with his alter chanting something for a late relative

I had expected to be eating with the younger generation but as I was already here I stayed with the older lot and am glad I did. One of them was a friendly 88 year old who looked like Deng Xiao Ping - he'd probably have taken that as a compliment but I didn't want to take the chance. The food was nice but I wasn't hungry after the first lunch and I knew there would be another soon. At about 4pm I managed to slip out and drive home to sleep for 45 mins before the next leg.

Very drowsy, I drove back to A Ni's house to pick up some more people to go to the hotel where the actual wedding reception was. The newlyweds had actually officially got married some time ago but that is not celebrated. At the hotel we gave our red envelope containing 500 kuai, which was duly checked and noted in some register. Effectively it is payment plus a bit more for the hotel meal. Well the meal was very nice, but I was too tired to really enjoy it, and as Leilei was getting very tired I took us back around six. Tan told me later that because of the rain it was feared that many people wouldn't turn up, so they ordered 70 fewer meals than originally planned. Then, at 6.30pm everyone they feared wouldn't turn up did so, and there was some panic while trying to sort out food for everyone. It shouldn't have been a problem; our table for six easily had enough food for twelve. Back at home Leilei and I had an early night.

The happy couple

Another lovely meal

Looking at a second hand apartment and meal with Sao zi with "medicine alcohol"

Rain again:

The three-wheeler taxi drivers to good business when it rains just taking people across the road

The other day Sao zi said she had a friend who was selling an apartment and it was pretty cheap. Actually 16,000 quid is pretty cheap considering it has three bedrooms and is decorated. Decorated here means plastered and has a floor; when you buy a new house you can count on another 20% of cost price to add these luxuries so you can actually use it, otherwise it is not much more than a shell.

Well we went to see this place and weren't overly impressed. Mainly because it seemed rather far from the town centre. Having said that it would take 3 mins on an electric bike. Also it only had one bathroom. English houses suffer from this problem too much but generally foreigners do better than us on this front. Even a one-bedroom place should have a bathroom with a toilet, plus a separate toilet. Anyone who's ever lived with a woman should know that.

One part of me says we should buy at this ridiculously good price, but another wonders why. If we were to spend appreciable time here in the future it would be better to have a nicer area and maybe not the 5th floor (thinking kids). Anyway here are some photos:


View from entrance of apartment


Living room area


One of the main bedrooms


View from the balcony (5th floor)

We went to Sao zi's house again this evening for tea. This time her husband Biao Ge didn't drink beer, but gave me a small glass with a metal cover over it and told me it was "Medicine alcohol". Hmmm. Looking at the 95ml glass I discovered it was 32% strong. Actually it was rather nice, with a slight Laphroaig hint to it (or was it TCP?). He told me it didn't make you drunk. I thought about arguing with him on this one as his face was getting redder but thought better of it.

Rain, rain, you can go away now...while trying to rid Xixi of nappies

It rained again for the 7th day in a row. I liked it at first. Now it's just a bit too UK except warmer.
Tan's mum has been looking after Xixi a great deal of the time. She loves doing this but it does take it out on her, especially as we are trying to get her out of nappies which means hanging her over the toilet hole every 20 minutes saying "wheeeesh, wheeeeesh" to get her to go. She has gone. Both number ones and twos, but it's not consistent enought to not have nappies around. So Tan's mum and Tan's brother's wife have taken Xixi to Nanning to Tan's big sister's house where they'll look after her and Tan and I will have some time remembering what it's like to not have kids (great for a couple of days but soon miss the hell out of Xixi).

Xixi enjoying a bath with Waipo

Meal with Americans and Wii-Fit and annoying late night work call

Found out I have a meeting from 11pm to 1am tonight. Great.
Xiao Li and I went to pick up Leilei. He wanted to meet the American mom, but when I got out of the car to meet them he sheepishly elected to stay inside saying he was a bit embarrassed.

The Americans came along a bit later as their youngest daughter attends a dance class after school, so we got the chance to chat for a while while waiting. The woman's husband is a business consultant and they have been in China for about 3 years, moving from Nanning to Pingguo 18 months ago simply because the life is nicer here - more open spaces for the kids to enjoy, less polluted etc.

Although I'd told Tan they were coming for tea, because I hadn't put it in writing or something she thought they weren't coming, and then panicked because I hadn't bought food by 4pm. I suggested we buy a takeaway as we often do (full roasted duck for 2 quid etc) but she said it wasn't Chinese culture (???as if we haven't been doing that). I reminded her that these were American guests, so she said she would go out then.

So I decided we'd eat out instead. We took them all in our little car to the restaurant we went to during our first day in Pingguo. It was a lovely feast of fried bees, beef, duck, chicken, greens etc. The 4 year-old has learnt to use chopsticks and refuses to use anything else, and only eats meat! Leilei got on very well with her though - but she is 6 months older than him so hopefully no romance in the air.

During the meal I had some "I'm the only gay in the village" moments dispelled. Apart from not being the only whitey, we're not even the only family to have a Wii. To compound things they even have a Wii-Fit - something that I compromised bringing quite a few clothes for just to fit in the suitcase. Having said that it has become quite popular at our place and I'm glad I brought the battery charger.

Well they have a two year lease on their flat here, but don't intend to stay for more than a few months longer so maybe one day in the future I'll be the only gay in the village again...

We all came back to our place in the evening and played Wii-Fit until the kids were nearly asleep. I took them home to their nice apartment, and when got home myself treated myself to a glass of beer and thought about going to sleep....until my fucking phone started buzzing and reminding me of my 2 hour meeting at 11pm. It would have been 10pm but UK moved the time back during the weekend.

I know no-one will believe this but I played as Xiao Li's wife A Ni, and got my best score, including a 7-pack. So gutted I didn't use my own Mii...

Meeting the Americans

I had seen the American mum (mom) and dad (pop) while taking Leilei to school on occasion but not had the opportunity to say hello. This morning I found myself walking behind the mom and her two eldest kids and shouted "Lao wei!" ("foreigner!") to them, almost without thinking I was one too. They are a very nice family with three kids, boy 9, girl 7 and girl 4. The husband was away on business, but I invited them for a meal tomorrow anyway.

Deadline made at 2am after 2 hours' sleep and no electricity at home

Woke up at 7am after 2 hours sleep to take Leilei to school. When I got home I found there was no electricity. "Oh yes", said Tan, "there will be no electricity until 7.30pm tonight". Like, ok. But I have told you many times I have a deadline for today - when did you know about this? "There was a sign up all yesterday" Like, my Chinese is good enough to understand that? I managed to organise to go to Lin Hong's house while she was at work so I could prepare my delivery for later today. Tan hadn't thought to ask what their broadband password was, so when I asked she rang them up and the husband told her from the top of his head. This is a strangely Chinese thing. The password is composed of numbers only, and numbers in Chinese sound like other words and have strong emotional attachments to them. If I wanted a mobile phone number that ended 88 I would be paying 100 times more than one that ended 44, because the former is lucky and the latter means death. So, remember, if you ever get a phone call from a Chinese person and his/her number ends with a 4 it is likely that he or she is poor. Or just not superstitious. For the record both Tan's and my phone numbers in China end 637 and 697 respectively. Pretty neutral I reckon. Anyway I made my work delivery at 2am (6pm UK time) and managed a quick beer before sleep's tentacles enveloped me like a straightjacket with one arm free to hold your drink.

Work deadline but managed to watch the footy

I have a work deadline for tomorrow so have had a busy weekend.
But I managed to stream some of the Man City match (was willing to pay if there was any way of doing so). At last we put in a good display and Robinho got all 3 of our goals.
Some bloke brought our car back. We don't really need it to be honest. The electric moped does the job although needs a new battery as it really slows down after 10 mins. Anyway that means I have to take Leilei to school tomorrow after 3 hours sleep...

Environmentally friendly meal

Had a lovely meal out last night courtesy of one of Tan's friend's husbands. Today we cooked in our house and had A Wu and A Ni around as per usual. I read recently that eating with friends is an environmentally-friendly lifestyle; you cook once for lots of people rather than 4/5 families cooking and each using energy. Of course that would probably be cancelled out if each family drove to the host family for food.

Terrapins are carnivores

Another late night and early morning. Unfortunately the flat upstairs appears to be being built as during much of the day there is an extremely load drilling noise that doesn't help siestas. Today was just work work work.

Leilei was given two terrapins recently (he didn't ask for them as far as I know). They live in a tiny glass jar and I'm going to try to find a better home for them. Also I read they eat meat - not rice/grapes that people have been giving them...


Terrapins in their cage

2 hours' sleep after watching the footy

Went to bed 5.30am after watching Man City draw to 10-man Newcastle (still crap being a City fan) and got up 2 hours later to take Leilei to school on elec moped. After some much needed sleep I got a phone call from Tan just before 5pm saying the moped had run out of elec while she was on her way to pick up Leilei so I went in a 3 wheeler to pick him up. We did have a car until the end of last week. I remember I'd just filled it up and taken it for a wash - then Tan's sister needed it in Nanning and I suppose that's where it is now. Hence us using A Ni's electric moped. Reminder to self - replace battery.

Rain, rain, and drizzle - like being back home!

Hurrah! It rained today. For a few hours in the morning at least. Later I took Xixi down to the shop where Tan and her friends chat and I'd never felt more at home due to the drizzle.

Later, when I went to pick up Leilei from school I realised I was a little early so I decided to walk as the drizzle was quite light. Well it was until I was 3/4 there, after which it decided to pour down and I arrived sopping wet but at least not sweaty. We got a three wheeler cab back home.

Forced Adidas and getting mashed at table tennis

Today Tan's mother's younger sister's daughter Sao Zi (I think) came. I mentioned that I was thinking of getting some speakers to plug into the laptop and of course straightaway we were putting on our shoes to go to a friend's shop to buy some. Unfortunately that place only had huge speakers so we ended up getting a smaller pair elsewhere, but I noticed next door to her friend's shop there was a little electrical place - and I wanted a phone extension cord so I could make calls from outside the bedroom when Leilei was asleep. It turned out this shop was run by a member of the family and so they wouldn't take any money for the extension cord or the rechargeable batteries I wanted to buy.

Afterwards she asked me if I like Adidas clothes. Well I didn't want to be rude so I said "yes", and she told me she would give me something from the Adidas shop, which is also run by a member of the family. I told her she couldn't give me stuff but she said they only get the chance to see us once every couple of years so of course she'd give something to me. Although the shop was big (and genuine Adidas), the choice was limited by my size, and while all the assistants were giving up hope of finding something, Sao Zi found a red T-shirt (XXL) that fitted fine. I was happy with that but she wouldn't leave it at a T-shirt; I had to try on a nice pair of trainers, and because they fitted well she gave them to me too (price tag was 50 quid - god knows how many weeks wages for the average local).

This evening I finally got to go out and play table tennis. I reckon myself as a half decent player, and I was able to just about get the better of Xiao Li despite the fact that my bat only had a half-length handle (to fit the way most Chinese hold the bat). Then some fat woman in her 50s played me and wiped the floor with me during a practice session. I had never seen so much agility from someone who would soon be having a free bus pass if she lived in UK. I squeaked past her 2 games to 1 by virtue of some unforced errors on her part and some sneaky serves with reverse spin I was forced to do. But I was sweating.

Then some bloke who was old enough to be her dad came along and made me look like a schoolkid. The spins were so hard to return and I only got points on my sneaky serves; he beat me 11-5 11-4.

Normally winner stays on, but it seemed I was a bit of an attraction so I went to the other table and had a knock-about with one of the locals who got too much pleasure out of the fact my returns either kept hitting the net or nearly hit the ceiling. But I was learning and eventually some returns were made, only to be smashed back. I was glad when some wiry bloke who looked a bit like a tramp took the place of my opponent. Not for long. I thought I'd already met the best in Pingguo but this bloke took the piss. Serving with a massive amount of spin is one thing, but he took the art further by managing to disguise whether it was top spin or back spin. It took me a full 30 minutes to learn which was which and it took acute vision of his wrist movements to work out (guffaw guffaw). However we played for an hour and the most amount of points I won in a row was four. I was drenched and feeling sick by now so I went to get some water. When I got back the same bloke wanted more. So we played for 10 mins with similar results until some tall, podgy bloke turned up in army uniform, sat down and took off his trousers to reveal he was wearing shorts underneath. He put on a T-shirt and gestured for my opponent to leave the table, then took a ball and served with the most vicious amount of backspin I've ever witnessed. No need to disguise that. It was simply unreturnable (well, almost as I learnt later).

I had been taken apart by normal people in a normal town playing like they were in the Olympics. The army bloke was very nice though - he taught me how to smash backhanded, and lent me his spare bat which had a proper handle. I am really indebted to the patience all these people showed me today. I love table tennis, and I realise I was leagues below most of the people I played today. But with their help I have already learnt a lot and look forward to losing 11-4 instead of 11-1 next time I play one of them. They did say I was very persistent and have a very good shot, which is why they were happy to help me improve - that boosted me somewhat.

The other bloke was the first one to take me apart

Sopping wet but managing to return a smash

At 9.30pm Xiao Li said we were going to "sing song" which is a euphemism for drinking lots of beer at a karaoke club in a private room with the boss of some company together with his employees and probably some teenage girls. I objected due to the fact that I was sopping wet but that didn't rub; I had a spare top in the car (my new Adidas one) so that was that. We pulled up at the new KTV place (Karaoke Television) to be welcomed by four of Pingguo's finest young ladies on the steps and escorted to one of the many private rooms. Inside were around ten people in varying states of sobriety, except the ladies who were relatively sober. Immediately I had to start drinking toasts with everyone, but by now I'm not worried about downing thimble-sized glasses of weak beer.

There was the typical awful singing at a volume that would have made the neighbours create court injunctions if the place wasn't soundproofed and if you could sue for noise pollution here (a long way off). After a few beers I didn't help the situation as I was coerced into singing some English songs such as "No Matter What", "Yellow Submarine" (a weird Chinese version), "Everything I do, I do it for you" (accompanied by Xiao Li - even worse than me). Then I had to do my party piece by singing Ni shi wo de mei gui hua - the Chinese song I learnt two years ago.

Raise a thimble and drink to your health!

We stayed till we all left at around 1am. Most of the group (at least the blokes) were heading off to go drinking at some nightclub but I was pretty sober and determined to get home, where we found Tan and Xiao Wei up chatting - so it wasn't only us having a late night.

Sleeping indulgences

Woke up a bit late then went back to sleep again as Leilei and Xixi were both taken out by friends/relatives. It was very nice to get around eight hours' sleep - something that I can't remember having in England since being a father.

Tan ordered a take-away lunch to be delivered to our flat for me for lunch, which woke me up. It was a nice chicken and mushroom and greens dish with rice that I managed to eat half of before going back to bed. It has been quite busy recently so I can justify such indulgences. Yesterday evening I had a very nice "xi tou" - wash hair, face, ears etc plus massage for about 1 pound 30p. It is such a nice experience I can't believe I don't go there every day. Actually that was my fourth time.

I took Leilei to the town square with Tian Tian big sister and our landlady's son. We all had a great time in the warm evening air and Leilei even managed to walk up to the new Mao Tse Deng statue. Afterwards we all went for a boat ride until Leilei decided he needed a weewee - we took the opportunity to leave the other two on the boat and go to see the famous Pingguo fountains...and they were certainly spectacular.


Leilei with the landlady's son and Tian Tian big sis


Leilei enjoying the fountains

Another great meal and just chilling outside with friends

This evening we were invited to a meal by one of Tan's friends' husbands. It turned out to be even more luxurious than I am accustomed to, and the food was great: duck soup, fried prawns, boiled prawns, duck, chicken, fried bees (my favourite), tiger salad (another of my favourites - really it's coriander, onion and pig's stomach), duck casserole (I think they specialise in duck), and sweet bread. Plus lots of really weak beer.

The really nice private room in the really nice restaurant


Charming ladies at the nice restaurant

For the first two days of this week it seemed as though the weather might have been starting to cool, with an almost perceivable breeze in the evenings that was as welcome as a shot of vodka after an evening of 3.1% beer. However, since Tuesday we have had probably the warmest days (as in 24 hours) since we've arrived. From what I hear about UK I am not complaining in the least. I love the warm weather. What I don't understand is why the locals moan about it so much. Anyway, it has affected my appetite, and Leilei's it seems. I often don't eat till 3-5pm. Today I did have a midnight snack at around 3am, which lasted me until tonight's feast.


The clothes shop (Tan's friend's) where all the girls congregrate most of the time


The one with the glasses is our landlady


I'm there somewhere with a handbag and baby bottle....

Staying up till 4.30am to watch England

I stayed up till 1.30am and found a stream on the internet that purported to be showing the England game later. I wasn't too hopeful as although the quality was pretty good, it was showing a Poland game from a previous round. Worse, at 2.15am, it started showing repeats of women's weightlifting from the olympics...although I was quite impressed with the Chinese woman who won - I think it was 270kg clean and jerk.

Just as I was getting into it, the programme suddenly changed to one with two austere men with laptops and I thought it was the news...luckily the camera changed to the centre circle in Belarus where England were about to kick-off. With the help of a couple of beers I stayed up till 4.30am to see England win 3-1 and take a maximum 12 points from their first four games. Hurrah! This time two years ago I was watching us lose to Macedonia in the Euro qualifiers. Come on England!

Tan took Leilei to school today on the electric bike we're borrowing from her friend Xiao Wei. She's not used it for nearly two years as she doesn't want to get a tan. It reminds me a bit of the joke I didn't say at my wedding but maybe should have done: "That's the only holiday I've been on where I've come back with a Tan!". How we would have moaned on the boat four and a half years ago tomorrow...