Full last full day in Pingguo with last-minute tea-table purchase

The fact that I was up at 6am was not really that surprising to me now. I think it's my unconscious way of wanting to spend as much time as possible sensing my home from home, my family from family. I wish I could tell my unconscious that I'd appreciate it better with eight hours' sleep but I don't think it would understand. As I was up I spent some time packing, which is a sad, but necessary chore. At least it's not that time-consuming as we can leave whatever we like here now as it's our own place - something that makes a world of difference.

As with most years of late the last few days haven't been a furore of getting things done and cramming what we can into the diminishing hours. I didn't even have any plans for lunch so I called Yang Haiwei again and ended up meeting him in his office. I made an effort to note what his company mined again - apparently it is corundum, which is a very hard material, used to sharpen knives and I imagine various other things. We took his car and drove to around looking for a restaurant. This is normally a very easy thing to do but today was the first day of gui jie. Some people translate this is hallowe'en as it loosely means the time of the dead, but in fact it is more genuinely to do with the deceased in your family, and is therefore a family-oriented thing. For this reason most shops and even restaurants were closed, but we managed to find a Szechuan one not too far from the kids' school, and on the way, literally as I was calling him, we passed A Wu in his car so instead of using the phone I called to him to tell him to come and eat with us.

Having a few cuppas with Haiwei and some friends around the outside

Haiwei ordered some food from the moustachio'd boss, who I gathered was probably from Szechuan. When it arrived it was one of the best lunches I have ever had here. The pork and beef dishes were pretty hot, and the meat sliced finely to increase the surface area to volume ratio, the way I like it. Haiwei and I spent another good half an hour discussing business before A Wu arrived. Apparently he has a place in Guangzhuo, and drives there every six weeks or so to meet with business partners. Despite the amount of time he seems to have for playing table tennis and drinking beer, he does take business very seriously. I was enjoying the conversation, and the glimpse it gave me into real Pingguo business, until A Wu came and the conversation switched to business in Pingguonese and I was grasping to get 20% of the meaning. Anyway, I had a bloody good lunch.

I wanted to have a siesta but we went back to Haiwei's office for some reviving tea, during the drinking of which I got a call from Tan asking me to bring her some money as she was having her hair done at Lao Ma's. Considering Lao Ma used to be one of her best friends, and at whose house we spent the first nights of our Pingguo life back in 2003, and indeed I proposed to Tan there, I was happy that Tan was spending some time and money at her salon again. So I used the excuse to stop imbibing tea and went to say hello and goodbye to Lao Ma.

Tan had asked me to get a tea table. Amazing, as this was what I wanted too and we hardly ever want the same thing. I went to the place I'd been last night and took a couple of photos of what I wanted to buy and made the decision to show Tan these photos. Oh no of course that wasn't what she wanted! She was after some boring oblong thing made from a mould and I wanted a hand-carved unique piece of beauty. I wasn't in a mind to argue, and as by now we were in A Xia's clothes shop I showed the women what I wanted to buy and they were quite supportive, so much so that Tan begrudgingly relented.

The middle one that looks like an evil bottom-biting seahorse was the one that caught my eye

I went back to the tea table shop, where I'd bought "running dog" three years previously, and took my tape measure. I had to make sure it would fit in my suitcase and it was very, very close. I measured so many angles until I was reasonably sure that the only way to really know was to put the bloody thing in. As I knew the boss doesn't give discounts I said I'd pay the 580 kuai for what I wanted. We immediately sat down to drink tea with one of his colleagues, and I took the opportunity to take a couple of photos. When I actually handed over the money he gave me 30 kuai back and I wondered if he'd have done so if I'd actually asked for a discount. I was really happy with my purchase, and he wrapped it up carefully for me as I explained it would have a long ride to the UK. I was even happier when I got home and put it in the suitcase to find it fitted just about - another inch in either direction and it wouldn't have.

I nabbed and tamed my naughty seahorse

Having a post-purchase cuppa with the tea table boss

But it weighed a fair amount, 8kg according to the boss, but probably 10 in reality. That meant I had to move around some things to the suitcase that Tan had packed (hers we'd bought for £100 quid before we left and she'd only packed 14kg into). Well you need to distribute things darling, so I put a few heavier things into her suitcase and padded some lighter clothes around mine to make it up to 20kg. Although the flight from Guangzhou to London allows 23kg per person the internal flight only allows 20kg. I remember a few years ago we were allowed to bring on a bit more in the internal flight as long as we provided evidence that we were leaving the country with a bigger allowance. Maybe that was rubbish but I bet it would still work now.

While sorting out my tea table top I got a call from A Wu inviting me out to a last karaoke evening. How could I refuse? He picked me up at 10ish and we arrived to find a few people there including a rather worse for wear Yang Haiwei. It wasn't quite such fun as usual, as usually I'm not leaving the next day, but a few beers made it better. I called Tan, more out of respect than thinking she'd actually want to come, but said where we were, and that Haiwei was a rather pissed. So I was surprised when she and A Ni turned up half an hour later. We spent till 1am singing and being silly for probably the last time this year, while the kids had their last night at their maternal grandmother's house.

Get your coat woman, you've pulled! (Must be the nice new hair do)

Tan's best friends at the KTV - will be missed again by us both

When we got home we didn't have much more packing to do, though Tan went into a slight last-day mode. I said I had to get a bite to eat, but used this as an excuse to pay a final visit to Uncle Zhang's place near the guangchang. Although it was getting on for 2am he and his sons were there, and as an added bonus, his wife, who I hadn't seen for a couple of years, was there too. We had an enjoyable time around the table having last beers and cai ma until Tan called me to ask why I was out so long. She wouldn't have understood properly and it wasn't worth arguing, and it was getting on for 3am so I said my goodbyes and went home, thinking I'd done a reasonable job of making the most of this year's last evening in Pingguo. No problems getting to sleep tonight.

Uncle Zhang and his wife, who I've known since I used to get breakfast from them in 2008

Bai long dong last supper

I really should have got at least a few hours' sleep after arriving home at 2am but I got virtually none. Very soon after getting to bed I fell into a dream where I came "home", wherever that might be (although it seemed more like England), only to be greeted by a posse of about six robins outside my house, and it definitely wasn't winter. I wish that had been it but for some reason it really woke me up until about 6am. Then I fell into a dystopian dream where I was in some sort of factory place and...damn...it was so clear so recently...it does come back now and again but it involves strange looking people and an Orwell-esque setting. Actually, the strange looking people were horribly disfigured, and I realised it was beyond that which I was capable of dealing with. Luckily, a couple of the disfigured people were genuinely evil so I was justified in making an escape from this place. It made me feel really human until I realised I'd spent no more than 15 minutes asleep and now it was 6.30am. After umming and arhhing I got up around 7am and dried the clothes as if to justify my being awake. I still find these times to be very life-affirming; I might not want to be awake, but just the simple view outside makes me feel very much alive. It's a weird, contradictory state, as I really feel at home here, yet because of the temporal nature of our stay I'm acutely aware of our impending departure, even after the first couple of weeks. It's unavoidable unless we spend half or most of our time here. And if we did I'd probably start feeling the same about London.

As I'd been thinking too much, I did the logical thing of finding my sweaty shorts that hadn't yet been washed, and a washed Man City top and filled up a couple of bottles of water and went to the old people's leisure centre, as any sane person would with sleep deprivation. I've never regretted such a move and today was no different - I got well and truly beaten yet again but my body was the better for it. I was really gutted to leave as this could be my last time for a long time.

I needed a sleep and made myself stay up till lunchtime just to have a bite to eat to sleep on. But before I could hit the sack Tan called me to say that I'd done something really bad.... Well as usual I'd organised a meal for my mates, and this year I'd done pretty much the same as last year by doing it at the cool cave, which I now know is called "Bai long dong" (white dragon cave). Well yesterday I'd called Uncle Yellow and asked him to arrange everything, including a dog to feed my friends. I wasn't really willing to change this but Tan seemed really adament that no-one wanted to go to the cool cave tonight. So, reluctantly, I called Uncle Yellow again to ask him if we could change the plan. He responded: "the problem is...we've already-" I cut him off mid-sentence and knew exactly what he was going to say - the dog had been ordered and we couldn't just un-kill it. I told him that there was no problem and I was looking forward to this evening (which was genuine) - I just had to hope Tan was wrong about all my mates.

Had I worried about it it might have stopped me sleeping, but I do know my mates here, and wasn't worried as us males don't get upset about things like where we eat, as long as we get the chance for some good nosh and the chance to have a laugh, which isn't really that far from what the ladies are after when they go out (except they prefer posher surroundings). So I slept soundly from around 2pm till 5pm. Like last year, half the people I invited were during the last few minutes, as seems to be the way here, and not one couldn't make it (like last year again). Sadly, Zhong Hongping, my friend for the last couple of years had his phone turned off so I couldn't invite him. It's a real pity as I class him as a friend and this year I've not managed to see him, and only got a text off him asking me to call him when I'm free....

But the meal was very similar to last year - most of my mates turned up, we ate and drank, except this time the main course was dog. Despite eating dog being quite a special occasion normally, there was so much of it there was little space for anything else. So I asked the boss to do some fried mini prawns like last year. And then we got a couple of other non-dog dishes that were quite frankly better than the dog, as much as I hate to admit it. But it was a fun night with A Wu, Boss Hu and his mate, Uncle Yellow, Lu Hai, Li Kun, Yang Haiwei, Lao Su and various others. Unlike last year I stayed till pretty much the end and was able to pay the 900 kuai bill. I imagine it would have been considerably cheaper had we not gone for the dog, but what the hell? It was my meal with my mates.

This was our dog, at least his (her?) skin and vertebrae

The boss of the Cool Cave - a really good cook and I should know!

Some of my Pingguo mates - in many ways like my mates from London

As it wasn't particularly late, I took the dian dong che for a detour before heading home. I passed the place where I'd bought my tea table a couple of years ago and although it was 10.30ish the owner was still there presiding over his arboreal works of art. I have realised for a couple of years now that it is not practical, or even possible to bring back a chiselled tea table back to the UK. Firstly, as it wouldn't fit in any suitcase, and secondly as it would take up three years' baggage allowance for four people. But I saw something I hadn't seen before: tea table tops. They were like the top couple of inches of a tea table, and therefore could be placed upon any other table. Genius! At least until I saw the prices. They weren't that much cheaper than the table "running dog" I'd bought two years ago. But I suddenly saw the possibility of something I could bring to London! I looked around at the six table tops on display and decided on one that I really wanted. I should have gone home and measured my suitcase, then come back, but I told the bloke I hoped to pick it up the next day. 580 kuai was pretty expensive but at least it was a local dealership and, more importantly, it was unique!

Having pretty much settled on this, and knowing the kids were sleeping at Waipo's, I had a relatively early night at 12ish and slept like a baobei.

Boss lunch and mini excursion with Leilei

Well it's not going to last much longer - on Thursday we're flying to Guangzhou. So I made the most out of the last Monday here this year by lying in yet again. The kids haven't gone to school for the last week or so and fair enough, but they have been sleeping around in an innocent sense, meaning I had no breakfast to make or errands to run.

But it was lunchtime and I had no intention of going to the usual place to get jiao zi and bao zi. I didn't ring Yang Haiwei, but just turned up at his office to see if he fancied going for a bite. He was there, but of course we had to spend the next half an hour drinking tea with some sort of work partner and his wife. They were speaking Pingguonese, as is usual, but I started to understand a bit more, e.g. "hao chee" means "hao chi" (tastes good) but sounds completely different. Eventually I got into Haiwei's car and we drove to a new place just outside the town on the way to the new Karaoke place. It was run by the people who used to run the restaurant we frequented last year, near to A Wu's office, which I've learnt he no longer uses.

So the five of us who came knew what food to order and I ordered the scrambled eggs with "ku cai", literally bitter greens. It actually tastes very bitter if you only eat the greens, but if you chopstick up half greens and half egg it's an enigmatically nice mouthful. Added to this were various other dishes that made me realise how much I'd miss even the relatively normal meals here. Haiwei ordered some beers, and although after a fair few last night, I joined in with him and one of the other blokes under the lame excuse of the hair of the dog. Well the dog got quite friendly, and within a couple of courses we ended up playing cai ma. It's not that common to be doing this at 2pm in my experience but who was I to argue? We didn't finish till gone 3pm and any thoughts I'd had of an undeserved siesta were wiped out.

We drove back to the office and had a few more cups of tea. Haiwei insisted in giving me some very expensive "fresh" pu er cha, to which I couldn't say no. Then I asked about the large shiny black mushroom-like thing he cut a slice off and put into the boiling water for the tea. I asked if it was a sort of mushroom and was told not. Apparently it was "ling zhi", which I later found out was, er, a sort of mushroom. Haiwei had said it could cure hangovers! Well, it would have to be supernatural to do that. But I found out from wikipedia that it is known as supernatural mushroom. If that was really true the 8" diameter part he gave me should be very valuable indeed, if I ever get the chance to test its hangover-curing qualities.

Back home I remembered I needed to invite out my mates for a last blokes meal. I'd decided on the cool cave again as I like eating outside. But this time I thought I'd be a bit special and order a dog to eat. I rang Uncle Yellow and he was up for it and said he'd call the boss of the cool cave and sort it out.

I was over my lunch, and it was getting on a bit so went for a meal at Waipo's with the kids. I wanted to spend some time with Leilei so the two of us went for a ride around town. We looked in vain for a family I'd met a couple of years ago, and ended up finding the hidden park near the centre of town. To our surprise it was being made over. Luckily, they weren't building houses there, but there was other construction going on, and they seemed to be leaving the trees to be. We spend some time there just noticing things and talking about them, a rather enjoyable father and son moment in a relatively calm part of town.

Leilei in the central park

But others knew of our impending departure and Leilei was invited out into the night with Xixi and other friends and family. So I ended up going to play table tennis and was glad I did. I was happy to be with my friends there, sweating and mostly losing. But I did receive some compliments on how much better I was this year. I really have to keep this up. Yang Haiwei called me a bit later to invite me to eat duck down by the river. So, a shower later, I was picked up to go to Jiang Bing Lu where indeed Haiwei had brought a duck to be cooked, and insisted in doing much of the cooking himself. Various blokes turned up, some of whom I knew from years gone by, and a few gan bei's were performed of course. Haiwei's wife also came with the son from his first marriage and her son with him, and a generally jolly time was had by all.

Enjoying cai ma and duck with Yang Haiwei (right) and family/friends

I was tiring by midnight so made my excuses and last gan bei's and insisted on finding my own way back. I didn't get to the end of the road before being beckoned to a table at Tian Yang Po's bbq place. A couple of blokes and their girlfriends, one at least who knew me from a previous year, invited me to sit down and have a bit of bbq and chat, which I agreed to embassador-like to give the others a good impression of Britain. We had a good laugh about Bangxu women etc and I left at 1ish feeling like I really needed a walk, despite it being one of the closest nights this year.

I texted Andge and he was surprisingly free, so called me, and accompanied me for the next 25 minutes as I walked home slowly chatting about silly things and reminding me of some of the topics of conversation I'd have in a week's time that I don't quite get here. It made the reality of going home soon so much easier to bear.

Long lie-in and possibly last meal

Had a long long lie-in till gone 2pm and then wallowed in bed as Tan was out with the kids. Almost all our holidays since 2003 have been taken up in Pingguo, and so much of that time has been spent in a whirlwind of people and experiences that doing nothing has seemed like an extraordinary and profligate waste. But people probably do need such time where we're neither asleep nor particularly active. I had no guilt in lying about till nearly 5pm.

I couldn't stay horizontal for much longer though as the Police Finance Officer man had invited us for another plush meal at 6pm. That meant I got up and showered (and had a tiny gin and lemonade) and went to the famous "Li Jia He Xian" for probably the final time this year.

This time I dare say we had the largest private room in the house. Not only was there a huge revolving table for around 20 people, there was a separate table for the kids and a few mums with them. We felt a little guilty that we had not taken Leilei and Xixi for this event.

The lovely ladies at our meal

There were about four blokes and three women I didn't know, which meant it was quite easy to get to know them by walking up to them with a glass of beer and gan bei'ing with them. Tan had asked me to bring her jogging trousers and top with me as she was planning to go dancing with A Ni after the meal. It took not 10 minutes before I realised that the fact I'd forgotten to bring them (though, annoyingly I'd found and packed them), would have no bearing on her dance motives for tonight as after a couple of beers she was obviously not going to any classes. It was my mistake to make her aware of the fact that I'd not brought her clothes with me - if only I'd kept my mouth shut she'd have been none the wiser.

Round and round a lovely meal

The Police Finance Officer did not drink more than a couple of glasses, then, an hour later, had to leave, so I said goodbye, but with the full intention of meeting up with him next year at least. We stayed on a lot, lot, longer to enjoy the abundance of smashing food.

Leilei fever and possible last meal

A Wu woke us with a phone call at 9am to ask what our number was. He meant what floor and house number combination he needed to dial in order for our entryphone to ring. It's still quite hard describing the number on the dial pad that comes after 3 and before 5 - it's "510" but you can't say five hundred and ten for some reason. Sometimes I think that unlucky numbers, such as 4 and 14 are self-fulfilling prophecies of doom - if we just had a simple "4" on the dial pad, and if our house number was "14-01" instead of "15A-01" it would be a lot more straightforward to get people and things to our house.

Unfortunately, Leilei, who had been brought back by A Wu, was not looking good and indeed had a fever. We had had some Calpol but given it to a friend of A Xia whose baby also had a fever and the parents didn't want to use Chinese medicine (interesting - I'd like to know whether they meant traditional medicine or Chinese "Western" medicine). But it seemed like we had reacquired the bottle as well as a few sachets of, well, Chinese medicine. I always feel a little awkward giving Chinese medicine to my kids, not because I don't understand the ingredients so much as asking what the ingredients are - it always sounds like you are challenging the person who has given you the medicine. And I suppose it really is. Well, I'm sure enough Chinese kids have had the same kiddy medicine and not got worse so I ended up giving some to Leilei too. He then slept for almost the remainder of the daylight hours, waking only when I needed to give him another dose.

Tan had been out most of the day, but had called to say Lao Pan had invited us to go to eat and I was rather looking forward to it as we hadn't been for a big friendly meal for some time. So at around 5pm I grabbed a shower, then got a slightly better and cooler Leilei ready, then got on the dian dong che to pick up Xixi from Waipo's as Tan was already at the restaurant drinking tea. I think the battery is on its last legs as I'd fully charged it the previous day and it was already showing half full, but it got us there. Within half an hour the usual crowd turned up and we tucked into a feast - all the more so for me as it was my first meal of the day.

Lao Pan's husband, Lao Lin was the first to order the beer, within 10 minutes of starting to eat. This was about five minutes earlier than usual. They don't stand on ceremony here regarding beer - two crates, 48 cans, were ordered. It helps that you aren't charged for what you don't consume. The one person who wasn't happy was A Dong, who was on medicine so couldn't partake - he cut a particularly sullen figure around the table and left significantly earlier than everyone else.

The meal Lao Pan invited us to

Even all the girls joined in the gan bei'ing, and although no mention was made, it was possible that we were aware that this could be the last time the group of us would be together for a long time. Still, no time to be wistful, we ate, drank, and were very happy and the kids were pretty good as well until Chuan Chuan came a bit later to pick up Leilei and Xixi to go to Yi Xiao. The Police finance bloke and his wife were there too, the ones whose house we'd visited a few weeks ago where he brews his own booze. He invited us to eat the next day at Li Jia He Xian. I hope it will be as good food - this meal had it all, with laohu cai (tiger salad) and liang dan pi dan among other gorgeousness - so much so that only one person (Xili's husband, who arrived halfway through the meal) ate any rice.

Me beating A Wu at cai ma

A third crate had been ordered due to the cai mai'ing that Lao Lin, A Wu and I were engaged in. For once I was having a good roll and winning more than I was losing - probably because I was soberer. 60 cans in total, consumed by around 15 adults, doesn't seem excessive. But when you take into account 50% were ladies, two were teetotal and one on medicine it makes it nearer nine of us. When we finally finished I decided to go for a head wash, although it actually felt like the head wash was calling me. I told A Wu and he too came along. We did have to wait 10 minutes or so but it was worth it. As it could be my last head wash this year (at least in the massage sense) I went for the 35 kuai shampoo, and also went for a face wash. A Wu only had his head done and left after around 45 minutes, but I think I had a good half an hour face washing before the actual massage so was lying down for 90 minutes - do-decadent-hedron!

Back at home I was alone so was able to catch up on the footy as Tan was out getting a foot wash (apparently because she has a cold), and both the kids were at Waipo's again. Tan was back at getting on to midnight complaining of a poorly tummy due to the laohu cai.

Meal with Lu Wen and friends

After little sleep we were all rudely awakened by the sound of bangers. This isn't unusual, but today's were bloody loud and sounded like they were coming from somewhere closer than 14 stories away, which shouldn't be possible unless someone in a flat below us was letting them off. Every time they'd stop for a few seconds, and then there would be a fresh set. I guessed it was a new business on the ground floor of our building (thankfully they are all pretty much open for business now). There was no respite for a good five minutes, and Leilei hated it. I wonder if they still do this in the bigger cities - I can't imagine Beijing allowing a new shop to blast this fact across the whole neighbourhood as here. As for me I don't mind it that much as it's a cultural thing, but when it happens at 4am (and it does from time to time) it really riles me.

Tan took the kids to Waipo's to eat, which allowed me to catch up on some sleep in our room, which has double curtains that allow for day-sleeping. I've had a bit of a tummy for the last few days so wasn't sure about going to Waipo's to eat at 5.30pm, but decided I had better do as there was nothing to eat in the house, and then a bit later made the effort to exercise by playing table tennis. I still wasn't feeling 100% so when Lu Wen called me to go out I thought I'd call it a day at the ping pong place and went home for a shower. Feeling refreshed, I went out and called Lu Wen. I couldn't understand where he said he was so he said he'd pick me up. While waiting I popped into a local tea place and started chatting to the owners but just as they got some tea out and started boiling water I got the inevitable call to go and a car turned up outside to pick me up. I hope I get the chance to go back for a cuppa as I think the owners were a tad disappointed I couldn't stay.

We went to Lu Wen's work, rather than the normal bbq place as apparently it was too busy there and there weren't any seats. I wasn't 100% sure about this as if he really is semi-mafia (I think the term is used loosely) then surely sorting out a few seats for good paying customers would be simple. Anyway, there were only three blokes at Lu Wen's place, and I noticed Lu Wen was rather red in the face, suggesting he had been on the sauce. He proceeded to try to make tea on his tea table but kept messing it up, one of the consequences being scorched fingers. During this time various blokes came in and went out, in various states of inebriation, sometimes collapsing on the sofa for a 10 minute nap, other times just sitting down and looking at me for a bit, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. A bit later one of the sober blokes picked up a few cans of beer and started pouring that instead - it was easier than tea.

Then about six of us moved over to a small glass table when the bbq arrived. I was passed a fried duck leg and it was really delicious. The inevitable followed, with gan bei'ing and cai ma'ing until I remembered to call Tan to ask if she wanted my to bring her some - yes - 10 duck tongues, three chicken claws and two duck claws. She knows what she wants. I used the arrival of the bbq half an hour later to make my excuses and leave, but they knew who it was for and made me promise I'd come straight back after delivering it. So I "endured" another hour of eating and drinking - it's a tough life sometimes.

Leilei stayed at A Da's but we got the typical phone call around midnight to ask us to pick him up, but convinced him it was too late.

2nd Valentine's day

Today was "Qin Ren Jie", or Valentine's day. This is a lucky day for Chinese women married to English men, as for some reason they get to have two Valentine's days. According to my (married) ex-boss Tom it's actually lucky for the English men as they get to have sex four times a year instead of three (what are the other two??). It would have been a more romantic affair had Tan not had la du and had I not acquired it during the meal we shared in the Mingdien hotel, meaning I spent the latter 20 minutes in the disabled toilet feeling unromantically my most comfortable of the afternoon.

I made up for it after a nice siesta though. I went out on the dian dong che and after a few minutes looking found a place selling fresh roses. 100 kuai for a bunch of eight was a bit steep in my book but as Tan won't read this she won't know I said that. I brought the bunch to her at Waipo's house so at least Waipo and the kids got to see my present too, and Tan appreciated it I could tell, by taking photos of us and uploading them to her QQ space.

Happy Valentine`s day darling

I'd been romantic enough for one day, so at the romantic excuse of needing to shape up my body, I took Leilei and A Da on the dian dong che back home to change into some sporting clothes, and went on to the old people's leisure centre where I caught up on some old friends (literally) and on some table tennis. I still lost poorly but I'm getting better and now get minor rounds of applause when I win a good rally. Leilei wasn't too bothered, so after Yang Haiwei came around to invite me to go and eat some bbq I took him to go and play with Chuan Chuan before getting a shower and meeting up with my mate.

I finally got a photo with Mr Table Tennis but he decided not to smile and had even shaved!

I only stayed till gone midnight, and met up with A Xia for a couple of beers with her husband's friends, but the beer went to my head so I left a little earlier than normal and found Leilei in bed with Tan, relegating me to the kids' room to stay with Xixi - not a bad second choice really.

Todo

A list of things I need to do before we go to UK:
 - sort out a school to liaise with Leilei's school via skype
 - get some characters printed on the back of at least two of my sports shirts
 - get a tea thing for the dregs as my one in London has a nasty crack (get a smaller one)
 - get a new tea table for the living room
 - sort out a night out with mates at the cool cave

Work though technically on holiday

Something brewing over Pingguo

Slept in till the mid-afternoon before preparing for work. I'd agreed to work today as there was still some important stuff to do, but I managed to finish a little early at 11.45pm. I went to get some bbq for myself and Tan at midnight but boringly no-one called me over to their table to gan bei - I could have made an effort but instead sat by myself for a bit contemplating having finished work and what still needed to be done for the last week and a half we have here.

Well, one of those things is to have some fun as I'm officially on holiday now. So after bringing Tan's bbq to her I popped out again to Zhang's "Small eat big love" place and found some mates there to eat and drink with for the next hour or so till 2am.

I meant the drinking water...

Our drinking water from the dispenser ran out the other day. Normally it's not a problem as you just call up the number on the bottle to get a new one delivered a few minutes later. But this bottle didn't have a number on it, so I called Ling Ming but he didn't answer so I tried Tan, who didn't know who to ring. Then she called me back to tell me to go down and ask the security guard, and that she wouldn't come back if there wasn't any water. I wondered why she couldn't just pick up a couple of bottles on the way back - and why did I have to tell security if I couldn't get a drink of water? Then it dawned on me and I called her back to tell her it was the drinking water that had run out, not the utility variety as she had thought.

It was fair enough though, the water had gone a couple of weeks ago and Tan and the kids had gone to sleep at Waipo's rather than live without a shower. I had manly stayed smelly, working and guarding the house. Actually, we've been pretty lucky with the utilities so far - we've only had one power cut, and that was only for an hour or so - and outside of my work hours. On the other hand, Waipo's house has been subjected to two or three power cuts, and as they're on the first floor it gets a lot hotter there.

Tan called me at eightish to ask I wanted to have some free food and drink at the Ming Dian hotel. I hadn't had a break from work so I decided to go to see her and the ladies an hour later for some pickled cucumbers and moon cake. The free drink was "wine". It did look like red wine, but it was pre-mixed with lemonade and was luke warm - about the worst thing you can do to good red wine, meaning it wasn't.

Looking a bit too serious!

On the way back I stopped off at Ma Laoban's computer shop as I hadn't seen him for a while and wanted to pick up a pair of speakers. His shutters were half down as it was gone 10pm, but I knew he'd be in. And indeed he was, with a number of friends, drinking tea as usual. I spent the next 30 minutes in conversation with them and the charming two year old daughter of one of them before remembering to buy the speakers and get back for a meeting.

A lovely break for a couple of cuppas with Ma Laoban and friends

Maybe it was the tea, but I just couldn't get to sleep, even after 100 in German. I didn't want to disturb Tan by turning on my phone (even in night mode) to learn to count in another language and finally ended up sleeping some time after 7.49am.

Trifecta of massages ain't that great

I got a wake up call from A Wu around 10am asking if I wanted to eat dog with the bloke that called me last week. Against what I felt like saying, I said yes. At 11.30 I got picked up but instead of going to eat straightaway, we went to an estate agent where A Wu went on to apparently buy a garage. I know he bought a house last year that he is yet to decorate, so I suppose it makes sense. However, given the state of the tiny, messy place he calls home at the moment, I'm surprised his priority wasn't to decorate and move into his new place. I was asking the ladies about the price of the flats, and was told 2300 kuai per square metre, which isn't that much more than the 2000 we paid three years ago, and certainly less than the 3000 I'd been told about last year. Given the glut of new blocks of flats being built I'm still having problems working out how prices are still rising. Assuming it's true, it must be that Pingguo is sufficiently big that it is drawing in more people from the countryside, and that people here are getting richer. I've seen nothing to contradict this so I should be right at a simplistic level. But it seems strange when you read about the various Chinese ghost towns, which have many familiar looking blocks of flats, but no dwellers, like Chenggong http://blogs.worldbank.org/transport/rise-of-the-chinese-ghost-town.

At midday we went to drink tea for a few minutes in the place where I have my own teacup. But this time as we literally only had a couple of minutes A Wu told the lady not to bother with tea so we just drank hot water instead. I nearly asked why we went to drink tea in the first place but thought better of it. We then drove to a place near the goose restaurant and I found out it was Boss Tao's place, he of the iron ore business who had worked with A Wu six years ago. He told me I'd put on weight (why, thank you) as he shook my hand. Then a few more blokes turned up but there wasn't yet any food, so I decided to go on a little wander around.

Other than boss Tao's house just about every other building in the road was either a cheap hotel or a massage parlour, with a ratio of about 2:1. The hotels charged from around 60 kuai a night, and had "o'clock" rates (the hotel translation, not mine) from 28 kuai, which I guessed were per hour, given the nature of the other establishments. However, they all had families sitting about inside them and didn't actually look seedy.

I then got a call from one of the blokes to eat. Back at Tao's place the food was on the table. Centre stage was a big bowl of duck. I had been expecting dog, but someone said that the dog had run away. I gathered that this was a joke, and it didn't matter one jot as the more important thing about these meals is the company. But there was something different about the beer-drinking - rather than just pour out people's glasses and gan bei, everyone was given their own bottle, which was kept under the table by feet (very kickable and yes at least once was one toppled). Whenever you gan bei'd you filled up yourself from your own bottle, which I gathered was a means of keeping tabs on how much you'd drunk. Once, Boss Tao filled up my glass with his bottle and I caught him in the act, exposing him to the table and forcing him to drink his before filling his glass with the contents of mine and forcing him to drink again. I'm not sure this was actually a drinking game but for the rest of the meal there were various attempts by some to fill others' glasses, which I found pretty amusing.

Gan bei'ing at Boss Tao's

But coming up to three bottles downed, I was feeling the bubbles and explained I needed to go for a walk to settle my tummy. When I mention things like this honestly there is never a problem as they know I'm coming back. Even the other streets around here were littered with more cheap hotels and I almost got lost. I had a slightly weird experience when I came across a number of dumped dummies in an alleyway behind some restaurants (and presumably clothes shops), and thought I might be on the set of some science fiction film. 15 minutes later I rejoined my friends to continue. I managed a few more bites and another bottle before going for a wander again. I looked inside the massage place with the pink curtains and it looked totally innocent. Then Boss Tao came to me and insisted I went for a foot wash. I was absolutely fine with that as it meant I wouldn't have to have any more beer, and indeed it was a totally innocent foot wash and massage, which I really appreciated by nodding off for a couple of minutes in-between the blokes coming round to see how I was.

Legloss in Pingguo

By the time I'd finished it must have been 4pm. A Wu then said we'd go for a massage. Having just had one as part of my foot wash I wasn't in need, but neither was I in need of arguing with the idea. We rolled up to a place 30 seconds away, which was more of a "professional" massage place and walked to the third floor with Driver, who I since know is called A Shan. Once in our room we each laid on our massage bed and A Wu promptly fell asleep while A Shan and I were massaged for the next hour.

Maybe because he hadn't had a massage, or he really needed to pay attention to his hair, when we finished, and A Wu woke up, he decided to go for a head wash. Well I'd just had a double decadent two hours, was I going to turn down a trifecta massage mayhem? This time A Shan didn't come in, and the head wash half of the 50 minutes was lovely. The wet massage on the back and neck wasn't quite so amazing as usual, and the rest of the massage part was, quite frankly, unnecessary and bordering on painful. I'd managed to reach the threshold of pleasure and started to turn the circle back. It is possible to have too much of a good thing.

Though it was getting on, neither of us were hungry. My only important goal for the evening was to watch City v Southampton to start their Premier League campaign, and opined that we should go to a bar to watch that. A Wu had agreed, but by the time we were ready to go to the bbq place it was already 10pm, having faffed about as one does. We picked up Lu Wen and his daughter, and I got an order for some bbq from Tan too. By 10.50pm the bbq was still being cooked so I went home to see if I could find the match on telly or t'Internet. I was still searching when they came back with the bbq. Then a few minutes later A Ni and A Da turned up too so we had a fairly impromptu gathering in our living room, which is what it is for, really.

As we noshed on the duck tongues and fatty beef I searched in vain for a decent picture, while A Wu insisted on trying his bottle of Spanish "Porto". Those words don't go well together, and the "wine" did not go with anything other than lemonade, unfortunately. So the three of us blokes chugged it quickly so we could wash it down with beer. If it had been the UK we'd have poured it down the sink. We finally got a reasonable stream of the match so I stopped cai mai'ing (as I was losing badly) and focused on the football. Shockingly, we let a 1-0 lead turn into 2-1 just as we had against QPR. I had a similar gutted feeling as I had on the last game of last season, only not so deep. Similarly, when we managed another comeback to win 3-2 the relief paled in comparison to winning the Premier League! It was a deserved three points but our defence is certainly suspect, after performing so well for the first half of last year.

Nice siesta before another meal with Bak sec Zhai

At 6.49am I gave up trying to sleep and went to my study and taught myself how to pluck some of "A Most Peculiar Man", by Simon and Garfunkel, on my four year old guitar with two year old strings. No particular reason, but it had been going through my head for an hour or so so I thought I'd exorcise it.

Much later in the morning Tan got up. The kids had both stayed at Waipo's so there wasn't too much to do so soon, luckily. But the clouds disagreed, and pelted down one of the reasons why we have such good fruit here. That was all very well, but we don't really have any food to cook in the house, despite having a cooker and everything else we need. So at not long after midday I volunteered to get some fodder and both Tan and Ling Ming seemed grateful and put in their orders for rice and meat dishes, together with soup. I took the umbrella and not the dian dong che and went to a nearby place to get the food. As preparation for a much needed sleep I had a tiny gin just before leaving. By the time I was waiting for the food I'd ordered I was feeling decidedly light-headed, but made it back ok to eat.

I called A Wu to ask about eating tonight with Bak sec Zhai, and we managed to organise that we would do so at around 6pm. This gave me five hours to catch up on shuteye in the kids' room as Tan was chatting on her phone in ours. It didn't take much fark browsing on UC Browser before I was zonked. I did wake up at 3pm to go to the loo, and because the kids have a white curtain that keeps out the light less effectively than a magnifying glass, and I found that I was alone in the house, I moved back to our darker, cooler room and straight back to sleep until my alarm woke me dead on six. I did feel dead, and could have slept far longer, but I would have regretted it.

I had three missed calls. I knew as soon as I called one of them I'd be told to hurry up. So I lay down for two minutes, enjoying the last calm two minutes of the day, before calling Bak sec Zhai, and then A Wu, who sent his driver around straightaway despite me saying I'd be 15 minutes due to needing a shower. This shower did its trick and I pulled on some long trousers and went down to be picked up. We got to Bak sec Zhai's Pingguo house by 6.30pm where he had arrived a little earlier from Nanning. There were a couple of blokes and his family there, and I noticed that the front of his house had a great view of the guangchang. But Bak sec Zhai was more concerned about getting us down to drink and eat, in that order.

A couple of blokes had cooked up a nice feast of local dishes, including a particularly tasty Bangxu dish of raw fish and peanuts. But Bak sec Zhai was still more interested in drinking beer and I was reasonably happy to go along with this as I'd had a long week of work. The kids had eaten already and were suitable amused by the fish tank and a pet bird, so we ate and drank for half an hour or so until Tan and A Ni arrived and did the same. I had to have a break another 30 minutes later so went to the living room to check on the kids who had been suspiciously well-behaved. I spied a piano and decided to torture it by playing The Entertainer and Maple Leaf Rag, plus what I could remember of Bridge Over Troubled Water. I was rather rusty, and the piano was mostly in tune, which accentuated the imperfections, but when I returned to the room to continue the meal I received an unexpected round of applause (from the adults).

Gan bei'ing with Bak sec Zhai

I hinted that we'd better go at about 9pm, after having lost cai ma and being plied with more 3% Li Quan beer. This time it was agreed that the meal was just about over so we said our fond goodbyes, and A Wu took me to the head wash place we tend to frequent. He left me there, and I had a most wonderful 50 minutes or whatever it was...nothing beats a head wash and wet massage after a good meal with friends. Well...almost nothing.

Somehow I got back home a bit later and A Wu and A Ni were there. For the first time this year we actually put my "running dog" tea table into use and brewed up some particularly nice flower tea that the men and women enjoyed together. A Wu got me a nice tea cup and we also brought up a bottle of "Porto", though after having read the label it appeared to come from Spain. From my previous experiences of drinking Spanish red wine in China I advised against opening it up tonight, and said we should save it for another day. So we opened a couple of beers to, ahem, complement the tea, but more to complement the new English football season - hurray! It was more enjoyable knowing that City aren't playing till tomorrow, and when all had gone I did stay up on my own to watch Newcastle beat Spurs 2-1, although a draw would have been the fairer result. I don't know if getting to sleep at 3am was early or late.

End of work for this summer and Tan back

Hopefully last day at work. Yet again had not enough sleep so after waking up Leilei and picking up Xixi I came back from the school run and lapsed into dreamland again.

Later in the evening A Wu called to invite me out to sing song. He knew I was working and he knew that Tan would be back late but still asked me when I could go. I said probably not at all but if so 12.30am at the earliest. I think he got the message I wasn't going.

Tan came back at 1am, A Ni having driven back from Nanning airport after minor delays. The silly girls hadn't checked the temperature in Qingdao and hadn't brought enough clothes so had picked up a bit of a cold. It didn't help that all three walked to the car in the pouring rain in Nanning, rather than one of them doing so and picking up the other two (and presumably putting the air-con on inside). I think us blokes would have been more practical.

It has been the hottest week though here in Pingguo. Although it has rained a fair bit, when it hasn't it's been particularly hot and humid, so much so that for the last couple of days I've been working from our bedroom as it has air-con.

Well Tan was tired and complaining of flu-like symptoms, which didn't please me either so I let her sleep. Unfortunately, this did not extend to me. I have had a dodgy tummy for the last couple of days and spent too much time travelling to and from the toilet.

3 hours' sleep and morning siesta

Leilei had got to sleep at around midnight, and Xixi was at Waipo's. I nearly fell asleep about 2am but for some reason didn't, and it was 6am before I finally managed it, after remembering to set my alarm. Even getting up to 100 in German hadn't knocked me out by 3.30am. I'd gone back to reading fark.com comments on my old Nokia E71 using UC Browser. It's a bit like Opera Mini in that it reduces page sizes by around 90%, but even better, it has a "Night Mode", which is really just turning the background dark blue, with the text a slightly lighter shade of blue, but it generally works for not disturbing Tan (or Leilei tonight) and also for tiring the eyes before beddybyes. Not last night though.

Anyway I did get up three hours later at 9am and managed to get Leilei up a few minutes later. I called Waipo to get Xixi prepared but when we turned up 15 minutes later she was just stirring, in the makeshift bed on the floor with Chuan Chuan. We'd brought some breakfast but it took some time before the kids had eaten and washed and brushed and it wasn't much earlier than 10.30 before they were at school. This meant it was nearly 11am before I was home and ready for a much needed siesta (if you can do so in the morning).

But it was worth it and I slept like a baby till 3pm! Then the rest of the day was work work work....

Minor accident on the dian dong che

I did wake up at 10ish, and called Nong Kaicheng to see how Leilei was. Of course he was fine, and wanted to play more and not go to school. Well, it is his summer holidays, and I was tired, so I said ok and then phoned Waipo to say that Xixi wasn't going to school either before going back to sleep for a couple more hours.

As per normal I went to Waipo's for tea at 6pm, and both the kids were there so I got some baba time with them. One of the weird things about this country for me is that suddenly I hear my name being called by loads of kids "baba!". It really took a lot of getting used to as in the UK when I hear that it's inevitably one of mine.

After the meal I took Leilei to Nong Kaicheng's again, before doing a little bit of shopping for some fabric conditioner. It was now gone 8pm and dark, but I didn't expect what happened next. Right in front of me a van pulled out from being parked and started a u-turn manoeuvre. This is quite normal but normally they see you and let you go. But this bloke despite the driver's side being close to me just carried on. Unfortunately I don't have this reflex of bibbing all the time. In fact Leilei has counted every time I've bibbed this year and has only got up to three. Also unfortunately the brakes on my steed are random/non-existant on the front and pathetic on the rear, so although I slowed a little, I could not avoid hitting his front left bumper at which point he finally noticed me. It wasn't a big bump and I hadn't fallen over or anything, but I told the driver to use his eyes. He didn't seem offended, or in anyway surprised, and just said that there was no damage. I drove off, remembering that I no longer had a front headlight on the bike and quite possibly he wouldn't have seen me even if he had looked.

Later in the evening I got a call from Leilei, who wanted to stay with me tonight. Fair enough, as long as he did some homework - he's supposed to be writing a diary but he's very behind, and very reluctant to do it. But we made a deal and he wrote a few sentences with my guiding.

Tan to Qingdao but "normal" working day for me

Tan left to go to Qingdao this morning with A Ni and A Xia. Apparently they'd arranged this on the fly a couple of days ago. So I took the kids to school and arranged with Ling Ming that he'd pick them up and take them to Waipo's after school so as I could do my work. This worked ok but it wasn't great not seeing them all day. Still, it's only till the end of this week that I'll be working and Tan will be away.

During the evening I got a call from A Hua, Nong Kaicheng's mum, saying Leilei was with them and was going to stay the night. Apparently theirs is one of the many houses in Pingguo that have a Leilei toothbrush and a change of clothes. No problem for me.

After work at 12.30am I went out for a bite to eat at Chang's place "Small eat big love". There was a table full of blokes I'd met before and we spent the next hour and a half chatting and gan bei'ing as you do. Although I'd ordered some bbq, and eaten some of their lovely baby fried shrimps that you don't have to peel, they wouldn't let me pay for anything. I said I needed to go at 2am, as I had to take the kids to school, which is a reasonable excuse so a couple of gan bei's later I walked back to the bike. No sooner had I got on that I was called over to a table with a few blokes and girls. I thought, "sod it, why not?" and went for just half an hour for a tad more gan bei'ing and chatting. It's sort of justifiable as it's genuinely good for my Chinese (I kept telling myself). Then, at 3am I got a call from Nong Kaicheng's number. Unsurprisingly it was Leilei, a bit upset. He'd woken up and wanted me to take him home. I told him it was too late, and to get back to sleep. Quite frankly it would have been a bit irresponsible of me to have done so on the dian dong che after a few beers, and maybe worse to have walked him for the 10 minutes it would have taken. He seemed ok in the end, and I said I'd see him in the morning.

BBQ paid for again...

Back to work...boo! I got a call at 10.30pm from a "friend" I'd met at some previous time one evening probably at the bbq place. He asked me to come out to eat and drink. I explained that I was busy at work and wouldn't be able to make it till 12.30am at the earliest. That was fine, apparently, and I should call him then to meet him. I finally finished at 12.45 so called him but got no reply, so I texted to say I was ready, only to receive a text back saying he'd gone to bed! Life's like that sometimes. At least it's easy to find somewhere else to eat, so at 1am I popped out to the guangchang bbq place and before I could make my order I heard my name called from two tables. I recognised Lu Wen and made a quick order of five duck tongues and five fatty beefs before sitting down with him and about eight mates. Needless to say there was much gan bei'ing and cai ma but sometimes that is nice after a hard day's work. Needless to say too was that I found my bbq paid for by Lu Wen before I had the chance to do so myself, not that I was able to eat much of it as they already had enough food on their table.

Expensive shirt before train back to Pingguo and meal with Boss Hu

There was no particular plan for today, so we got up lateish and moped around the room getting our things ready. The kids had left sweets and biscuits everywhere and it was quite messy. Also the towels hadn't dried from last night so I had to dry myself with not much more than a facecloth after my shower. Only around midday did we finally arrange to check out. A Wu had left at 8.30am apparently - he'd been called to do some business at a local hotel. So I called him and he got Driver to pick me and the boys up, the girls begrudgingly accepting to take Xixi with them.

We went to a posh hotel with a huge foyer, and found A Wu, with Er Jie and rich uncle, the same three who had delayed our departure for Nanning yesterday. They had had a bit to eat, and now Er Jie and rich uncle were leaving. As it was lunchtime I ordered some stuff for us and we had a reasonably civilised meal in rather splendid surroundings. We were just about to leave when my tummy sent a signal that it would require the accompaniment of a "ma tong" (sit down toilet) within four minutes. I thought it much safer to seek refuge in such a hotel than risk a squatter elsewhere. I was relieved to see a disabled cubicle in the men's bogs and sure enough it was the only shitter with a sitter. And I had no phone reception either so I enjoyed ten minutes all to myself - almost worth the price of admission on its own.

A Wu had told me he was going to buy me an item of clothing. Whether this was just a friendly thing to do or a comment on my existing wardrobe I didn't ask. We got in the car and as we were leaving the hotel a security guard knocked on the window and we had to pay 15 kuai to get out. Scandalous that a paying customer has to pay to park in the hotel he's spent so much money in!

We drove to a shopping centre close to where we were yesterday and visited a few clothes shops, A Wu asking me to try on various shirts. Typically they were too small, and we had a bit of a laugh at that. In each shop, the ladies (always ladies) poured us cups of tea and offered us and the kids sweets. I nearly went for a top in one place but they said they only had a size 52, which was a bit tight on the shoulders, and it would take 20 minutes to get a size 54 delivered. A Wu was having none of that so we spent half an hour looking around and ended up at a previous place that did have a blue flowery shirt that fitted me ok. A Wu voiced his approval, and that we would take it. Then I saw the price tag and was aghast. 2580 kuai, or 250 quid. A Wu took out some dark blue envelope that must have been some sort of voucher. He "paid" for the shirt and seemed quite happy that there was still 5000+ kuai on it. Now it is a nice shirt, but there is no way it is worth 10% of its price tag, and I'd love to know exactly what was going on. I know that when you do buy things you get vouchers for future purchase but this seemed excessive - I even wondered if there was some sort of money-laundering happening.

Tightly parked dian dong ches lining the streets outside the shopping centre

Well, the lady took my Man City shirt and put it in a bag as I was to wear the most expensive item of clothing I have ever owned for the rest of the day. A Wu then said he wanted to buy a new phone. Despite its old-fashioned looks, I've been impressed by his phone of the last couple of years; it takes two SIM cards (as so many do over here) and the battery lasts ages. But of course he went straight to the iphone stand. Well, not quite straight - I told him about the Galaxy 3S, and that it was newer than the iphone, and may have certain advantages, but then stopped in my tracks. I'd have to get geeky to show how it might be better and when people have this iphone look in their eyes it's worse than any rose-tinted spectacles. They just want one and that's it. It's a great phone, no doubt. It's just the way it zombifies people that puts me off a little.

Anyway, I didn't have time to stay with him. After the journey down I didn't want a repeat of the lack of safety and discomfort on the way back so Leilei and I were to take the train. It transpired that he wanted to stay with A Da, but by that time the women had joined us in the mobile phone emporium, and Xixi was more than willing to go back with me. It was 3pm and I had already checked the timetable and the next train was at 4.20pm so we were told to hurry and get a taxi to the train station.

It took longer than expected to find a taxi, and we crawled all the way to the station, arriving at 4pm. I realised we needed to rush a little so we found the shorted queue and waited patiently. I lost my patience soon after as the bloke at the front of the queue seemed incapable of understanding the ticket seller, despite the fact I could. I felt like translating to him as he couldn't decide whether to buy a single or return ticket. I guessed it might be quicker to move to another queue, so did, and was promptly followed by a couple of other people. This queue moved faster, but I was slightly concerned that people were waving their id cards while purchasing tickets. Finally at gone 4.10pm we were at the front of the queue. I asked if there were seats on the next train to Pingguo, and was answered in the negative. I thought about it for three seconds before realising I didn't have much of a choice so I ordered two singles to Pingguo, but the woman looked at Xixi and asked if she needed a ticket. I said I didn't know, and that she was four years old. But I was asked if she was over 1m20cm tall. I took a glance at her, with literally no clue, and said she was surely under 1m20cm. That meant she was free, but the teller needed my id card. Ah damn, I said I didn't have one but she said a passport would do. I said I didn't have that but I did have the number (I keep a text file of such important info in my phone). She said she needed the document but I had no time to argue and showed her the number on my screen and said "this is the number you need!" in my best Derren Brown Mandarin. She calmly complied, took down the number and printed off my ticket.

We had to run to security and put Xixi's new strawberry bag that A Wu had bought her yesterday through the screening machine. I asked if I needed to take out my mobile from my pocket and was told no, only to fail the person-screening machine and have a metal detector search and find my mobile. Why didn't they just let me take it out in the first place? The train was boarding so we ran to the first gate where my ticket was checked and we were allowed into the waiting room. Then we needed to exit the waiting room and this time the ticket inspector told me the ticket was wrong. I said it wasn't as I'd checked when I bought it but true enough I'd been sold a ticket for the later 8.55pm train.

Thinking on my feet I said surely I could get on the train and then pay for a new ticket there. Surprisingly the guard said I could and let us through, where we ran to the first carriage that wasn't a sleeper (as this was an overnight train going to Kunming). There was yet another guard at the door of the carriage and I explained that we would pay once on board. He looked fairly friendly and said "ok" so we got on. I feared the worse when I saw many people sitting down in the aisles between the carriages, and others standing in the same area. I didn't fancy doing that for the journey with Xixi so we got ourselves into a carriage and actually found a seat, understanding that someone would come and claim it soon. But no-one did. We didn't chat that much to the others as I was very tired and I tried to get some shuteye because we'd be going for a meal 90 minutes later with Boss Hu.

There were actually a couple of spare seats, but none of the non-seated people seemed interested. Then another guard came and started asking everyone where we were going, and then writing it down on a pad for some reason. I asked the bloke next to me if Pingguo was the next stop and he said it was. An hour later we arrived at Long An, but I thought better than to say anything. Xixi was more-or-less ok for the journey, though got a bit heavy and sweaty on my lap as the air-con was fairly feeble. No other guards came to us to ask us to pay anything so I was glad that a bit of common sense and politeness helped us out.

When we got out at Pingguo we opted to take the bus into town, rather than a san lun che, which, to my regret would have been quicker and only a few kuai more expensive, as the bus went the long way around to the centre. The driver didn't have change for a 10 kuai note so told us to wait until more people got on. He thought I had a fiver and when I gave him the tenner after three more people had got on he said "oh!", whatever that meant. When we got off I tried to force him to take the 10 kuai but with a smile he wouldn't accept it. Then we ended up getting a san lun che home anyway as it would have been a hot few minutes' walk otherwise. I'd called Boss Hu and knew where to go so after a quick freshening up Xixi and I got on the dian dong che to the university area. We didn't have to wait that long for A Wu and the other entourage to turn up from Nanning.

The meal was in another new hotel and there was just us lot who had gone to Nanning and Boss Hu. The food was excellent, and Hu was pretty quick on the beers, gan bei'ing at a frequency hitherto unseen outside of a karaoke room. Despite her tiredness, Tan managed a couple of gan beis too and got into the spirit of things. We originally had tiny strong alcohol glasses literally the size of a thimble and huge wine glasses. I told Hu that I didn't drink white alcohol because it tasted dreadful and stank, preferring beer, at which point he told the young ladies to bring beer glasses in. A while later, during the meal, he presented me with a gift of an expensive boxed bottle of white alcohol. I was rather embarrassed, but as we'd had a few bevvies I was actually also quite happy to have been given such a present. However, white alcohol is a bit of a white elephant here as if I bring it back it will impact what I can buy from duty-free - I'm thinking I could have it as an exhibit in our house here as at 56% it's not likely to go off in a hurry.

Boss Hu, a present of bai jiu, and me in a very expensive new shirt

I'd noticed, after eating enough, that Hu couldn't seem to stop eating, even using his hands to take food from the serving plates, which I imagined was not really done. I hadn't kept up with his drinking either. Driver then took the kids to Waipo's to play, and the ladies left a little later to "wash feet". One of A Wu's colleagues turned up to help eat and drink the rest of what was there before the four of us blokes also got driven to the Ming Dian hotel to have our feet done.

"Washing feet" is actually a rather accurate description of what is done here, at least for the first 20 minutes. We had a room with four bed-like couches, each with its own lady and wooden bucket of hot water with herbs, which we dipped our feet into. It was a relaxing experience and I managed to withstand the heat of the water unlike last time. Within the time it took me to get my feet and legs aclimatised to the temperature I heard a deep snoring coming from Boss Hu to my left. To his left A Wu was also fast asleep. Now I was tired, but not quite enough to sleep, especially as I didn't want to miss this, but all in all it was 90 minutes of luxury - half an hour or so of the feet before a massage for the rest of the time. I found myself dropping off from time to time during the massage, but got roused by Tan popping her head in and asking if I could go and pick up the kids. What was she on about? She had finished and I had half an hour to go, as if I'd just walk away now! No, darling you pick them up and I'll see to them a little later....

We left some time gone 11pm, after A Wu had argued enough at the reception and managed not to pay (was he owed something? I'll never know), and I got a lift to pick up the kids, shower them and get them into bed, having a relatively early night myself.

Not very successful trip to Nanning

I really needed this weekend after the last week of work, and was rather glad that A Wu had suggested 11am instead of 9am for going to Nanning, allowing for a bit of a lie-in as the kids had slept at Waipo's yet again. I tried calling, then texting at 10.30 but only at nearly 11am did he get back to me saying he was on his way, and how long would I need? I'd only need 10 mins to grab a shower but A Wu was on his way back from Tian Dong and would be a good half an hour, after which he'd need a shower etc. So he suggested A Ni and A Da go too, and I take Tan and the kids. Fair enough I suppose, though I would have liked some time to look around on my own.

Eventually we were picked up by Driver at 12.30pm and we went straight to eat just outside our house, not quite the lunch in Nanning with friends I'd been expecting. After lunch we went to pick up A Wu from a hotel, where he was "doing business" with Er Jie and another bloke, who Tan said was a very rich relative who owned some mines. That took a few more minutes and then it seemed we were ready to go, albeit with eight people in the five-seater Toyota - Xixi and A Wu in the front passenger's seat Tan, A Ni, me and the boys in the back. Needless to say it wasn't very comfortable but before we got out of town we stopped again to fix one of the tyres, which took another 15 minutes. Tan said she was too pissed off by all this time-wasting to go, and would go home. I was in half a mind to agree - had I been left to my own devices I'd have been on the midday train and be arriving in Nanning by now.

We finally arrived around 3.30pm and got dropped off by the main shopping centre. My main goal was to find some tonic water, which I'd been told by a barman in a coffee shop earlier in the week you could find in Nanning. Failing that, surely simple fizzy water would be easy to find according to him. So we split up from the ladies and went to Walmart. I had as much luck with tonic water and fizzy water as in Pingguo. For some reason nobody seems to understand what fizzy water is. I'm sure it's not me just being thick. "Qi" means "fizzy" and "shui" means "water". You can't get much clearer than that but whenever you ask for it the women workers always point to the Coke and lemonade bottles. Then I explain that yes, this is fizzy, but I want water that is fizzy. Then they look nonplussed, so I go to the water section and say "this is water, right?" and they agree that the clear stuff in bottles is indeed water. Then I point at the lemonade and say this is not water. Then I always end up having to act out opening a bottle and making a "fzzzzz" sound as it opens. I can only imagine it's so hard to comprehend simply because it doesn't exist - even A Wu wasn't able to explain to the shop workers in a couple of words. To make matters worse, they do have various brands of soda water, which would have done, only it's never fizzy.

Eventually I found some fizzy drink that was not 50% sugar, although it was some sort of glucose and salt supplement with lemon flavour. I bought six bottles, considering this not a complete loss, though if I'd been alone I'd have found a few more places and I bet would have been able to be more successful.

After the boys put too many sweets in the trolley, and A Wu put in a few bottles of Er Gou Tou for Venky as a memory from years gone by, we went to pay. For the first time I saw A Wu pay by card for our shopping and then we went outside. We endured a rather long wait until A Wu reappeared with Xixi - evidently the girls had gone off to shop on their own, dumping the last kid with us. Another few minutes went by before Driver turned up and we got in the car to go to our hotel. It was nearing 6pm and we were due to eat so A Wu stayed in the restaurant on the 2nd floor and I dumped off some stuff in our room. I'd already opened one bottle of my fizz to check it was ok and I was reasonably pleased. I wasn't happy, however, to see that Leilei and A Da had also opened a bottle each, only to tell me they didn't like it that much - it wasn't for you bloody kids! Now half of my bottles were semi-flat and wouldn't make it back to Pingguo....

We went down to the table in the restaurant where A Wu was ordering various goodies. It was very difficult with the kids, who had not had their usual nap, and wouldn't eat anything when it arrived. Then A Wu said the wives weren't coming as they were still out shopping, but some friends were. This was just badly organised. He'd only rung the Nanning friends while we were shopping, to invite them to come and eat, and neither had answered their phones. Then I called a bloke I met last year with the same surname as me, who worked for the water company of Guangxi. He didn't answer but later got back to me and remembered me well. He apologised that he was out of town but told me to come back soon and call him. A Wu still insisted that two other friends were coming but it took so long we all started to eat. We'd pretty much finished when two youngish blokes arrived to help finish off what was left, but all in all it was one of the dullest meals I've ever had in Guangxi.

Worse was to happen later, when I realised that Tan and I had both neglected to take the kids' clothes I'd packed earlier. This is one of those things that wouldn't have happened had Tan not gone; I'd carried my and her bags downstairs as hers was heavy, due to being a woman and spending one night away. I did call her but she didn't want to buy new clothes for the kids as apparently they'd have to be washed before they wore them anyway. So I ended up having to get three kids showered and brushed and into bed naked against their will, and allowing them to stay up late watching kids tv till 11pm. They still weren't asleep when the women finally got back at 11.30pm. The blokes at the meal had invited us to go out that night, and A Wu, who had disappeared after the meal, had called me a couple of times to say we'd be going out to watch them singing, which sounded a bit weird. However, when he got back with the women he stated he was tired and we wouldn't go out. This pissed me off a bit as I'd had virtually no time to do anything in Nanning other than babysitting. So I gave up trying to dry Leilei's pants with the hairdryer and walked out of our room to go for a walk and a bite to eat.

I found I wasn't far from the famous bbq road of Zhong Shan Lu. As per four years ago, I walked up and down sort of looking to see if I could join in with people, but I ended up in the same place as the last time I was here, and just ordered a bit for myself. There was a girl by herself on the neighbouring table and I politely engaged in conversation with her, taking care to mention the wife early on lest she entertain hopes of a dashing stranger sweeping her off her feet. Having pictures of the kids didn't hurt either. She was just in Nanning on business from Liuzhou in central Guangxi, and we had a pleasant meal together in the end, with me realising my Mandarin was not that good with people outside of Pingguo or Nanning, or maybe she just had a better vocabulary.

Tan had texted to say it was dangerous in this road but nothing could be further from the truth; there were plenty of females eating alone, and even the woman I ate with thought it was funny to say so. Anyway, I'd had my fill so I made my excuse (the toilet) paid (for her as well), and left to get back at 1am to the sounds of both the kids snoring happily away despite their lack of pjs.

Let sleeping shopkeepers lie

Back to work after a full weekend. Annoyingly for at least two mornings this week we've had drilling again in one of the neighbouring houses. I'm starting to wonder just how many apartments have actually been sold, and how many were sold but with no intention of "decorating" them any time soon. I mean, they've had two years now. I'm trying to think of a rule/penalty for house-owners that do not decorate within a certain amount of time as it's a very noisy business. Maybe for every day beyond one year that you haven't completed your house you need to pay 100 kuai to a central coffer that goes to the other inhabitants who already have finished, and have to put up with that bloody noise.

Having said that, it's only been for an hour or so for two or three days so it could be a lot worse but it doesn't half make your siesta a bit slower to arrive. I still wonder when the four undecorated apartments I can see from our balcony will ever be done.

Since Ling Ming has had his new set of wheels he's not needed his dian dong che. This means Tan has appropriated it. It's newer, and accelerates better than my old steed, but I am not jealous. Now, the daily routine, as per recent years, of getting the kids to school in the morning has been shared by Tan (although I still do it most of the time). On getting back I'll typically make her a cup of coffee and give her a sticky rice krispy type cake for breakfast before checking emails and getting on with some work. Come midday I'll go and get some jiao zi and bao zi from the local place around the corner and Tan will typically go out. I once went out at 2.30pm to get my lunch and found that the jiao zi woman was alseep in a wooden chaise longue. I thought I'd give her a couple of minutes after I couldn't rouse her by talking to her, so went to get some milk tea for Leilei and some friends, who at that day were at home. But the bloke on the counter there was asleep too. I spent the next five minutes going from place to place feeling too awkward to wake either of them up. Eventually I sort of shouted at the young bloke in the milk tea place until he stirred - I reasoned he'd feel worse if he lost business due to sleeping on the job but I could well be wrong. With the tea in my hands I did the same thing to the woman at the jiao zi place and got that too. I did take a video of myself trying to get this stuff but it feels too rude to upload sleeping people.

The late nights had not allowed me much freedom to go out, though I did occasionally do some bbq after midnight. But on Thursday I finished early at 11.45pm and A Wu had invited me to go to "sing song". I wasn't massively in the mood but needed to get out of the house. It was the same place I've been to a few times now, just outside of the town. There were about 10 blokes there and one woman. I was as sober as a judge and they were as sober as judge Pickles. I can really appreciate how off-putting it must be for women to have alcohol-smoky-sweaty stink forced in your direction when a pissed bloke is shouting in your ear as the music is so loud. It was almost as if my right ear had an olfactory lobe.

I did do a few gan bei's just to be sociable, but A Wu too was not too impressed by the people. Within half an hour we'd left, and A Wu was saying we shouldn't have mixed with those poor blokes (poor as in not rich). I didn't push the point that he had invited me and just left it and we ended up going to have some bbq outside the guangchang until A Ni came and a had a reasonably early night at 2am.

On Friday I called A Wu around midnight, after work to confirm that we were going to Nanning tomorrow. There was music in the background, and it transpired he was at a KTV place in Tian Dong. He said he'd pick me up at 11am Saturday but I had a smidgeon of a doubt.