What did you use to wash the kids?

It was very agreeable to have woken up at a normal hour, and it gave us time to sort out the rest of the clothes and wash some of the ones from last year that have become a little musty. A Da called and Leilei went out to play with him while Tan took Xixi to Waipo's. I hung up some clothes to dry and it dawned on me it's not been so exciting in a way. But in a good way, as here does feel like home now. We do similar stuff except eat out more and hang clothes in a different way, and probably a good deal of other non-similar stuff but the point is it doesn't feel like a holiday.

One of the first things Tan did when she got up was to go to our en suite bathroom and ask me what I used to wash the kids last night. This is difficult to answer if you know the tone of the question is accusing and you weren't able to read the label on the orange bottle the night before. It was too late to lie, not that I would anyway, and I admitted that whatever was in the orange bottle was used to clean our kids' hair and bodies last night. I got the look of scorn when she told me it was washing up liquid but even though she didn't show it I like to think she saw the funny side. At least that explains why it didn't lather up.

A Hua called me mid-morning to ask if I wanted to go grape picking tomorrow with her son and Leilei and other friends. My initial reaction was to say no as I wanted to be free to sleep, but it's wrong to turn down a new experience so after she said we'd go at 12 midday I was fine. 30 minutes later I got a call from Tan saying that A Hua had decided to leave at 9am instead of 12pm. Had I known I would not have agreed to go; I am jetlagged and changing such a time is a big deal. Anyway I still agreed to go.

A Wu rang in the late morning to tell me we were going for lunch. I went to his office and proceeded to drink tea with him and a couple of bosses for half an hour or so as you do. Then we went for a meal at a restaurant that belongs to one of the bosses, Boss Shao. The five of us only got through six cans of beer during the whole meal but I still began to feel woozy. So much so that back home I barely managed 15 minutes before I was in the arms of Morpheus once again for a three hour siesta.

View from our house 2013

I got a phone call at 5pm from A Ni telling me to come to A Wu's office, from where we'd go to eat. I said I'd be there by six and I got there at five past but it was all closed up. Then Tan rang to say they couldn't wait so had gone, but they would pick me up. I found it a little hard to believe but A Ni turned up in A Wu's black Toyota from last year and I was about to get in the passenger's seat when I noticed it was taken. I got in the back and the woman in the passenger seat turned around and it took me a second to realise it was Tan with her new hairdo from Lao Ma. It actually looks ok.

We were on our way to the restaurant when A Ni changed her mind and decided to go to buy some fruit. A couple of minutes later we were at the market trying long yan and grapes. One of the market stall ladies reminded me that some time ago I'd promised to print out a picture from 2003 with her in it. Er, well I showed it to her on my phone and she pointed herself out and I bought myself some time by saying that she hadn't changed a bit. But I will need to make a few prints in the coming days.

We went to the sumptuous meal where there were a couple of other people too that we didn't know. But that soon changed as we tucked in. Xixi was at Waipo's house and at 8pm Tan got a call saying she was missing baba and wanted me to take her home. I was happy to do this and made a last gan bei to all in the room, but just as I was about to leave Tan got another phone call saying Xixi had fallen asleep. So I stayed a little longer, but then took Leilei home for a shower and bedtime. It seems that "shi cha" (jetlag) has been almost a non-factor here so far, however Leilei didn't sleep till gone 11pm, at which time Tan finally came back from having a massage or similar with A Ni. Then she did some sort of honey facemask and I helped hold her ipad up while she watched Korean films as it dried. But it was worth it.

Back to China for the 10th time

It wasn't that much of a problem getting to Gatwick, even if I did have to pick up my undelivered package of a bluetooth headset from Eltham Post Office on the way there. We lost half an hour to traffic jams we should have known about but arrived at 11.15 for our 13.15 flight. Unlike last year at Heathrow there was no queue for check-in. The bloke just said they were quicker than the rest. I didn't quite believe that and secretly hoped for a half-empty flight.

The lounge made a big difference. The kids had some fizzy drinks and stuck around me as I caught up on an hour's work with maybe a swift G&T, looking nonchalantly at the chavs around the table close to me filled with beer bottles. The riffraff they allow in these days....

Tan had spent all this time shopping and as she got to the lounge for a bite to eat I left to get some duty free myself. But it was already time to go to the gate so I very quickly grabbed four bottles of whatever and 400 Marlboro for £141 and paid and caught up with the others.

The flight was gratefully uneventful if lacking in sleep, including the kids. And the film selection was atrocious; I couldn't get through the latest Die Hard film and ended up watching an American documentary on the building of St. Paul's. It was quite interesting but I couldn't help wondering how much was made up. I would like to visit more now though.

Once on the ground at Beijing the ladies went to the toilet. This was annoying as it meant we joined the immigration queue at the end. In fact it was so long that we joined at one end of a horseshoe shape. There was a sudden panic and a rush towards us and I realised quickly that one more immigration desk had opened. Aware that I was in China I went with the flow and we found ourselves not far back in the queue for the second desk. Although this queue-disrespecting was something I considered typically Chinese I had to remember we were in the foreigners' queue, so they must have been mostly French. Then another desk opened and I did a French-style nip to this queue and we were out 15 minutes later.

Aahh...how nice it was to grab a shower in the lounge at the airport. As it was before 8am I was in no mood for a beer but I did notice cans of tonic water in the fridge. Over the course of the next three hours or so I made a few trips to this fridge and ended up with five cans in my hand luggage!

The first ever tonic export to Pingguo

I found out to my dismay that my phone number for the last two years wasn't working, so I called Ling Ming via Skype and asked him to top me up. Half an hour later I got a call back from him on my phone so was relieved that it was just a question of putting in some cash. On the other hand, Tan's number, for a reason I don't yet understand, has well and truly gone and she'll need to get a new one in Pingguo.

I still hadn't got any sleep and was really feeling weird. In the toilet I got headspins and could hardly stand up straight. I think it was to do with the background noise, which sounded rather like being in an aeroplane. As much as I wanted to sleep I had to finish off a couple of things for work and then it was time to go to our gate to board.

As soon as we were above the clouds we got the typical turbulence that seems to accompany most internal Chinese flights. Although I seemed to be the only foreigner on the flight the announcements were all duplicated in English. The woman's voice said "We are experiencing turbulence in this ascent. Seatbelts...". I was ok with this as it seemed that it was normal while we were gaining altitude. This notice came again and again, but I was so tired I barely had the effort to be afraid. Looking around, all but one person were asleep even though it was only just gone midday. I just relaxed my body as much as I could and went with the bumps. I remembered my trick of last year and closed my eyes and counted each breath in German. I got up to 60, and then got stuck in a rut not managing to reach 70, and then forgetting where I was and starting back at 60 again.

Then came the voice again telling us that we were experiencing turbulence during the ascent, and as I knew we must be well into the flight I worked out that we could not be still ascending and it dawned on me she was saying "We are experiencing turbulence, please fasten seat belts". In fact we were by now 40 minutes away from Nanning on this 3h20m flight, so my sojourn from 60 to 70 in German must have taken me to the land of nod for an hour or so. Unfortunately the rest of the trip to 100 did not bring further shuteye, though Leilei slept the whole journey. It's nice touching down at Nanning as it has a longer-than-average runway, and you know you're on a Chinese domestic flight when your hear the seat belt buckles being undone before the front wheels are down and the chimes of booting up phones seconds later.

Lin Hong was waiting for us at the airport and I bade Tan and the weary kids go to them while I waited for the luggage. A Wu, A Ni, and A Da arrived 15 minutes later and we greeted them with big hugs. A Wu now has a grand BMW X6, which looks like a sports car stretched on the y axis, though it was able to fit two of our suitcases, the rest going in Lin Hong's black Honda. A Wu has a new driver this year (he still doesn't have a licence) who is also known as Tan.

All aboard A Wu's new X6

The drive back was pretty comfortable, though with a bit less of the sound of the grooves of the road emanating within the cabin in a melodic fashion as is normally the case. Normally we'd have gone straight home for a shower before eating but this time we ordered some food on the phone and at 5pm we arrived at Li Jia He Xian for a feast, including my favourite black boiled eggs and roast goose. Tan's new SIM card arrived during the meal but it was rather useless as someone had forgotten to mention she needed a micro-SIM.

After the meal we went home for the first time in over 10 months to find it pretty clean as Ling Ming had sorted things before he left (this year he won't be sharing the place with us and will move back when we're gone until his house is finished). After dumping the luggage we went to A Wu's new office, now situated opposite the guangchang and under a minute's walk from our place.

Leilei went to play with A Da (I was afraid A Da wouldn't be interested as he's now broken his voice, but the two still seem good mates) and Tan went with her mates. A Wu had already unwrapped all the booze and fags and assumed it upon one of his shelves. In my rush at the airport I picked up a litre of Bombay Sapphire, not remembering that I had bought him one in the recent years, so now he has two. But I had to take 200 Marlboro back as Tan needed them as a present and he didn't seem to mind.

Xixi and I went back to the house and sorted out most of the luggage that wasn't mine and I grabbed a shower and change of clothes before we popped out to see if we could cut Tan's SIM. The official China Telecom shop couldn't do it for us but a few yards further we popped in to their rivals China Unicom (not the People's Telecom of China) and I recognised the bloke from last year. I explained it was a bit rude to ask him to cut a SIM from another provider but he was totally fine about it as he was an ex-colleague of Tan's.

Then as we were on our way to A Xia's shop to drop off Tan's phone with her new number working I realised I was no longer holding the fags and neither was Xixi. They weren't in the China Unicom shop but as soon as we walked back into the China Telecom shop the young lady reached under her desk in expectation of our reappearance and produced the pack. I thanked her very much but was not in the least surprised as that sort of honesty seems the total norm here.

Five minutes later Xixi and I went to the jewellery shop and I got the neckband thing for my jade pig changed as I do on an annual basis here. 5 kuai this year, 1 kuai cheaper than last, though probably the only thing that will be.

I'd had forty winks on the car journey from Nanning but was getting really shattered now. I told myself I would stay up and have a normal bedtime, so rang Yang Haiwei, my friend and table tennis partner of the last few years, and agreed to meet him for a little barbeque around 10pm. Xixi and I took a san lun che to the guangchang (now 4 kuai - one more than before) and had a nice walk and fed the carp before heading to the bbq where I met Haiwei's tall wife and son with a hug and the inevitable comment on how big he was (the son). A sweaty Leilei joined us from A Wu's office, and Haiwei eventually came too. I was nearly dropping off so kept it to just a couple of beers and duck tongues and lamb before leaving at 11.30 to shower the kids.

I would have gone straight to bed myself but needed to take out some of my clothes. Damn, Tan was right, I had brought far too many, but worse than than, something had leaked from my bag of toiletries and had left sticky purple stains all over the bottom of my new light grey suit. I rinsed what I could from the suit and hung it up to dry while I cleaned the rest of the toiletries until I found the culprit: a bottle of "Excite" Lynx shower gel I wish I'd never packed, not least because we normally have plenty of that stuff anyway.

At least I thought we did. When I showered the kids all I found in the bathroom was a bottle of orangy clear liquid. Still, as Andge says, "it's all soap", so I used it to wash their hair and bodies but it didn't make much of a lather.

Of course once in bed I found it difficult to sleep but not something my first ever gin and tonic in Pingguo could not cure, together with ein, swei, drei....

...until Leilei walked in to our room at 1.30 and I took him back to his room and fell asleep with him till 4.30. I worried I might not get back to sleep as I got back into our bed but I needn't have and woke up again at 8am.

Dream on hold for a while

But all was prepared; we got the bus to the airport, no delays, got on, made last minute phone calls to loved ones, then had one of the nicest flights back ever. The taxi experience from Heathrow was shit, despite ordering in advance - late and not answering phone calls. But we were home with sleepy kids by 7pm, and thankfully they were ok at getting to bed again after a bite to eat. I had a first G&T for two months and got my sleep at 10pm. The dream was over, for another year. Well, not over, just on hold.

But I know now it is a real dream...it has all the hallmarks of a good, and sometimes, bad dream. The knowledge that it is real and has real repercussions is nice though, because I know how easy it could be for us to have this as our "waking" state, and for London to be our dream. What is impossible to make ok is that wherever we are, at least one of us will be away from home. I feel I deal with it better than Tan, but I'd like to think the kids would do too. Time may tell....

Leaving Pingguo 2012

It was as inevitable as the 8th of February. Or the 10th of December. It was as an insignificant date as could be imagined unless this date was to be your departure from Pingguo.

But this time I wasn’t really sad. Here is no longer just a holiday. It is now just a home from home. When I get back it will seem like a recurring dream with substance. It won’t happen to be a long term reality in the short-term future. That American family had a good go but decided their kids needed a more international education, and I agree with them on that, even if I probably wouldn’t agree with them on most other things.

Because we have come back so regularly it has become easier to say goodbye. But I don’t know if I’ll be afforded the flexibility I’ve had for the last few years. If not I will have to consider where the future lies. It’s not really fair to force Tan to be in the UK; we moved there because I had a job there, but it’s her family’s loss, and her mum’s sadness at missing out on Leilei and Xixi’s growing up. If she lived in a big city it would be easier but as it is we couldn’t live in Pingguo at the moment. But if I were in a position to get a decent job in a bigger city maybe she would want to live with us....

For our last day in Pingguo we had lunch at Waipo's at 11am as it was still gui jie. Lunch was nice, if rather early and subdued; the kids wouldn't eat much, but I couldn't blame them so early. Then I drove around as I had a couple of last minute tasks to do. I succeeded in buying some ping pong balls, though that shouldn't be hard in China. However, I failed in finding a shop to emboss my Chinese name on some of my footy tops due to most places being closed. I really wish I’d sorted that out earlier on as it would be a pretty unique thing to have.

Then I got the annual call from Tan to say that everything was wrong. In this case it was simply the fact that I’d moved around some of what she had packed in order to get the tea table in but it might as well have been me losing her toiletries for all the fuss. Well I stood my ground and explained why things were moved - it’s not as though we’re going to worry about them once they’re checked in.

After sadly soaking in my last rays of Pingguo sunshine I parked the bike and went back to our flat. I had promised to sort out our neighbour with wireless Internet but there wasn’t much time and I had to tell her I’d try to do it via the phone from the UK. Something that is a bit unlikely. Then that was it and we brought the suitcases down the lift (which thankfully was working this year).

Last family pic of 2012: Leilei, Tan, Xixi, Xiao Nong, Ling Ming, Chuan Chuan, Waipo, Jiuma

Packing the kids away...(no we didn't really)

The drive to Nanning was just like every other for the last nine years, past signs of “Don’t drive tired” and the dulcet tones of the ridges of the road on the tyres that make a tune I will always associate with this either happy or sad journey.

Not quite as many people this year to see us off

Driver and A Wu wanted to come back and say a last goodbye...

Mama and Leilei in the VIP lounge of Nanning airport

The airport goodbyes were the same as those from years gone by, but afterwards for the first time we got to go the VIP lounge thanks to A Wu’s special bank card. It made a nice difference, even though there was no beer, the best bit being that a nice lady came to escort us through a non-queue at security when our plane was ready to board. Thankfully (to whom?) there was not too much turbulation on the flight, and the only annoyance was the half an hour wait, and numerous phone calls to sort out the minibus to the fairly expensive (60 quid) hotel I’d booked in Guangzhou.

Tired and hungry, when we finally got to the China Southern hotel we didn’t need it to take 20 minutes for them to finally find our online booking, but the room was ok and had we had more time I’d have liked to take advantage of the gym/table tennis. But we needed to eat so went for a meal in the hotel restaurant. It was a bit later than most Chinese eat, so wasn’t very full. The kids were a bit annoyingly awake and loud so while we were waiting for the food I invented the “Quiet Game”. It simply consists of a referee and two players. You hold both hands down and when the player on your right makes a noise you raise your right hand in proportion to the volume and length of the noise, with the same for the left. When one of the players causes your hand to full stretch they lose. It worked ok for the first two games (one all) but by the third they realised that it was actually more fun to make noises and see my hand go up and then lose. Well if nothing else it got five minutes of relative quiet out of them.

Playing the "quiet" game in our last night in China this year (Xixi was the "Quiet Master" for this round and I won)

The food was actually good, and I had a nice Qing Dao beer or two with it. Tan went to wash the kids in the room so I went for a quick wander and picked up another couple of cans then came back and sorted out the taxi for the journey back from Heathrow. At about 12.30am I finally managed some sleep till 2am but that was it. Tan also couldn’t sleep so by 6am we were a pair of unhappy monsters, just waiting to have a go at the slightest thing.

Full last full day in Pingguo with last-minute tea-table purchase

The fact that I was up at 6am was not really that surprising to me now. I think it's my unconscious way of wanting to spend as much time as possible sensing my home from home, my family from family. I wish I could tell my unconscious that I'd appreciate it better with eight hours' sleep but I don't think it would understand. As I was up I spent some time packing, which is a sad, but necessary chore. At least it's not that time-consuming as we can leave whatever we like here now as it's our own place - something that makes a world of difference.

As with most years of late the last few days haven't been a furore of getting things done and cramming what we can into the diminishing hours. I didn't even have any plans for lunch so I called Yang Haiwei again and ended up meeting him in his office. I made an effort to note what his company mined again - apparently it is corundum, which is a very hard material, used to sharpen knives and I imagine various other things. We took his car and drove to around looking for a restaurant. This is normally a very easy thing to do but today was the first day of gui jie. Some people translate this is hallowe'en as it loosely means the time of the dead, but in fact it is more genuinely to do with the deceased in your family, and is therefore a family-oriented thing. For this reason most shops and even restaurants were closed, but we managed to find a Szechuan one not too far from the kids' school, and on the way, literally as I was calling him, we passed A Wu in his car so instead of using the phone I called to him to tell him to come and eat with us.

Having a few cuppas with Haiwei and some friends around the outside

Haiwei ordered some food from the moustachio'd boss, who I gathered was probably from Szechuan. When it arrived it was one of the best lunches I have ever had here. The pork and beef dishes were pretty hot, and the meat sliced finely to increase the surface area to volume ratio, the way I like it. Haiwei and I spent another good half an hour discussing business before A Wu arrived. Apparently he has a place in Guangzhuo, and drives there every six weeks or so to meet with business partners. Despite the amount of time he seems to have for playing table tennis and drinking beer, he does take business very seriously. I was enjoying the conversation, and the glimpse it gave me into real Pingguo business, until A Wu came and the conversation switched to business in Pingguonese and I was grasping to get 20% of the meaning. Anyway, I had a bloody good lunch.

I wanted to have a siesta but we went back to Haiwei's office for some reviving tea, during the drinking of which I got a call from Tan asking me to bring her some money as she was having her hair done at Lao Ma's. Considering Lao Ma used to be one of her best friends, and at whose house we spent the first nights of our Pingguo life back in 2003, and indeed I proposed to Tan there, I was happy that Tan was spending some time and money at her salon again. So I used the excuse to stop imbibing tea and went to say hello and goodbye to Lao Ma.

Tan had asked me to get a tea table. Amazing, as this was what I wanted too and we hardly ever want the same thing. I went to the place I'd been last night and took a couple of photos of what I wanted to buy and made the decision to show Tan these photos. Oh no of course that wasn't what she wanted! She was after some boring oblong thing made from a mould and I wanted a hand-carved unique piece of beauty. I wasn't in a mind to argue, and as by now we were in A Xia's clothes shop I showed the women what I wanted to buy and they were quite supportive, so much so that Tan begrudgingly relented.

The middle one that looks like an evil bottom-biting seahorse was the one that caught my eye

I went back to the tea table shop, where I'd bought "running dog" three years previously, and took my tape measure. I had to make sure it would fit in my suitcase and it was very, very close. I measured so many angles until I was reasonably sure that the only way to really know was to put the bloody thing in. As I knew the boss doesn't give discounts I said I'd pay the 580 kuai for what I wanted. We immediately sat down to drink tea with one of his colleagues, and I took the opportunity to take a couple of photos. When I actually handed over the money he gave me 30 kuai back and I wondered if he'd have done so if I'd actually asked for a discount. I was really happy with my purchase, and he wrapped it up carefully for me as I explained it would have a long ride to the UK. I was even happier when I got home and put it in the suitcase to find it fitted just about - another inch in either direction and it wouldn't have.

I nabbed and tamed my naughty seahorse

Having a post-purchase cuppa with the tea table boss

But it weighed a fair amount, 8kg according to the boss, but probably 10 in reality. That meant I had to move around some things to the suitcase that Tan had packed (hers we'd bought for £100 quid before we left and she'd only packed 14kg into). Well you need to distribute things darling, so I put a few heavier things into her suitcase and padded some lighter clothes around mine to make it up to 20kg. Although the flight from Guangzhou to London allows 23kg per person the internal flight only allows 20kg. I remember a few years ago we were allowed to bring on a bit more in the internal flight as long as we provided evidence that we were leaving the country with a bigger allowance. Maybe that was rubbish but I bet it would still work now.

While sorting out my tea table top I got a call from A Wu inviting me out to a last karaoke evening. How could I refuse? He picked me up at 10ish and we arrived to find a few people there including a rather worse for wear Yang Haiwei. It wasn't quite such fun as usual, as usually I'm not leaving the next day, but a few beers made it better. I called Tan, more out of respect than thinking she'd actually want to come, but said where we were, and that Haiwei was a rather pissed. So I was surprised when she and A Ni turned up half an hour later. We spent till 1am singing and being silly for probably the last time this year, while the kids had their last night at their maternal grandmother's house.

Get your coat woman, you've pulled! (Must be the nice new hair do)

Tan's best friends at the KTV - will be missed again by us both

When we got home we didn't have much more packing to do, though Tan went into a slight last-day mode. I said I had to get a bite to eat, but used this as an excuse to pay a final visit to Uncle Zhang's place near the guangchang. Although it was getting on for 2am he and his sons were there, and as an added bonus, his wife, who I hadn't seen for a couple of years, was there too. We had an enjoyable time around the table having last beers and cai ma until Tan called me to ask why I was out so long. She wouldn't have understood properly and it wasn't worth arguing, and it was getting on for 3am so I said my goodbyes and went home, thinking I'd done a reasonable job of making the most of this year's last evening in Pingguo. No problems getting to sleep tonight.

Uncle Zhang and his wife, who I've known since I used to get breakfast from them in 2008

Bai long dong last supper

I really should have got at least a few hours' sleep after arriving home at 2am but I got virtually none. Very soon after getting to bed I fell into a dream where I came "home", wherever that might be (although it seemed more like England), only to be greeted by a posse of about six robins outside my house, and it definitely wasn't winter. I wish that had been it but for some reason it really woke me up until about 6am. Then I fell into a dystopian dream where I was in some sort of factory place and...damn...it was so clear so recently...it does come back now and again but it involves strange looking people and an Orwell-esque setting. Actually, the strange looking people were horribly disfigured, and I realised it was beyond that which I was capable of dealing with. Luckily, a couple of the disfigured people were genuinely evil so I was justified in making an escape from this place. It made me feel really human until I realised I'd spent no more than 15 minutes asleep and now it was 6.30am. After umming and arhhing I got up around 7am and dried the clothes as if to justify my being awake. I still find these times to be very life-affirming; I might not want to be awake, but just the simple view outside makes me feel very much alive. It's a weird, contradictory state, as I really feel at home here, yet because of the temporal nature of our stay I'm acutely aware of our impending departure, even after the first couple of weeks. It's unavoidable unless we spend half or most of our time here. And if we did I'd probably start feeling the same about London.

As I'd been thinking too much, I did the logical thing of finding my sweaty shorts that hadn't yet been washed, and a washed Man City top and filled up a couple of bottles of water and went to the old people's leisure centre, as any sane person would with sleep deprivation. I've never regretted such a move and today was no different - I got well and truly beaten yet again but my body was the better for it. I was really gutted to leave as this could be my last time for a long time.

I needed a sleep and made myself stay up till lunchtime just to have a bite to eat to sleep on. But before I could hit the sack Tan called me to say that I'd done something really bad.... Well as usual I'd organised a meal for my mates, and this year I'd done pretty much the same as last year by doing it at the cool cave, which I now know is called "Bai long dong" (white dragon cave). Well yesterday I'd called Uncle Yellow and asked him to arrange everything, including a dog to feed my friends. I wasn't really willing to change this but Tan seemed really adament that no-one wanted to go to the cool cave tonight. So, reluctantly, I called Uncle Yellow again to ask him if we could change the plan. He responded: "the problem is...we've already-" I cut him off mid-sentence and knew exactly what he was going to say - the dog had been ordered and we couldn't just un-kill it. I told him that there was no problem and I was looking forward to this evening (which was genuine) - I just had to hope Tan was wrong about all my mates.

Had I worried about it it might have stopped me sleeping, but I do know my mates here, and wasn't worried as us males don't get upset about things like where we eat, as long as we get the chance for some good nosh and the chance to have a laugh, which isn't really that far from what the ladies are after when they go out (except they prefer posher surroundings). So I slept soundly from around 2pm till 5pm. Like last year, half the people I invited were during the last few minutes, as seems to be the way here, and not one couldn't make it (like last year again). Sadly, Zhong Hongping, my friend for the last couple of years had his phone turned off so I couldn't invite him. It's a real pity as I class him as a friend and this year I've not managed to see him, and only got a text off him asking me to call him when I'm free....

But the meal was very similar to last year - most of my mates turned up, we ate and drank, except this time the main course was dog. Despite eating dog being quite a special occasion normally, there was so much of it there was little space for anything else. So I asked the boss to do some fried mini prawns like last year. And then we got a couple of other non-dog dishes that were quite frankly better than the dog, as much as I hate to admit it. But it was a fun night with A Wu, Boss Hu and his mate, Uncle Yellow, Lu Hai, Li Kun, Yang Haiwei, Lao Su and various others. Unlike last year I stayed till pretty much the end and was able to pay the 900 kuai bill. I imagine it would have been considerably cheaper had we not gone for the dog, but what the hell? It was my meal with my mates.

This was our dog, at least his (her?) skin and vertebrae

The boss of the Cool Cave - a really good cook and I should know!

Some of my Pingguo mates - in many ways like my mates from London

As it wasn't particularly late, I took the dian dong che for a detour before heading home. I passed the place where I'd bought my tea table a couple of years ago and although it was 10.30ish the owner was still there presiding over his arboreal works of art. I have realised for a couple of years now that it is not practical, or even possible to bring back a chiselled tea table back to the UK. Firstly, as it wouldn't fit in any suitcase, and secondly as it would take up three years' baggage allowance for four people. But I saw something I hadn't seen before: tea table tops. They were like the top couple of inches of a tea table, and therefore could be placed upon any other table. Genius! At least until I saw the prices. They weren't that much cheaper than the table "running dog" I'd bought two years ago. But I suddenly saw the possibility of something I could bring to London! I looked around at the six table tops on display and decided on one that I really wanted. I should have gone home and measured my suitcase, then come back, but I told the bloke I hoped to pick it up the next day. 580 kuai was pretty expensive but at least it was a local dealership and, more importantly, it was unique!

Having pretty much settled on this, and knowing the kids were sleeping at Waipo's, I had a relatively early night at 12ish and slept like a baobei.

Boss lunch and mini excursion with Leilei

Well it's not going to last much longer - on Thursday we're flying to Guangzhou. So I made the most out of the last Monday here this year by lying in yet again. The kids haven't gone to school for the last week or so and fair enough, but they have been sleeping around in an innocent sense, meaning I had no breakfast to make or errands to run.

But it was lunchtime and I had no intention of going to the usual place to get jiao zi and bao zi. I didn't ring Yang Haiwei, but just turned up at his office to see if he fancied going for a bite. He was there, but of course we had to spend the next half an hour drinking tea with some sort of work partner and his wife. They were speaking Pingguonese, as is usual, but I started to understand a bit more, e.g. "hao chee" means "hao chi" (tastes good) but sounds completely different. Eventually I got into Haiwei's car and we drove to a new place just outside the town on the way to the new Karaoke place. It was run by the people who used to run the restaurant we frequented last year, near to A Wu's office, which I've learnt he no longer uses.

So the five of us who came knew what food to order and I ordered the scrambled eggs with "ku cai", literally bitter greens. It actually tastes very bitter if you only eat the greens, but if you chopstick up half greens and half egg it's an enigmatically nice mouthful. Added to this were various other dishes that made me realise how much I'd miss even the relatively normal meals here. Haiwei ordered some beers, and although after a fair few last night, I joined in with him and one of the other blokes under the lame excuse of the hair of the dog. Well the dog got quite friendly, and within a couple of courses we ended up playing cai ma. It's not that common to be doing this at 2pm in my experience but who was I to argue? We didn't finish till gone 3pm and any thoughts I'd had of an undeserved siesta were wiped out.

We drove back to the office and had a few more cups of tea. Haiwei insisted in giving me some very expensive "fresh" pu er cha, to which I couldn't say no. Then I asked about the large shiny black mushroom-like thing he cut a slice off and put into the boiling water for the tea. I asked if it was a sort of mushroom and was told not. Apparently it was "ling zhi", which I later found out was, er, a sort of mushroom. Haiwei had said it could cure hangovers! Well, it would have to be supernatural to do that. But I found out from wikipedia that it is known as supernatural mushroom. If that was really true the 8" diameter part he gave me should be very valuable indeed, if I ever get the chance to test its hangover-curing qualities.

Back home I remembered I needed to invite out my mates for a last blokes meal. I'd decided on the cool cave again as I like eating outside. But this time I thought I'd be a bit special and order a dog to eat. I rang Uncle Yellow and he was up for it and said he'd call the boss of the cool cave and sort it out.

I was over my lunch, and it was getting on a bit so went for a meal at Waipo's with the kids. I wanted to spend some time with Leilei so the two of us went for a ride around town. We looked in vain for a family I'd met a couple of years ago, and ended up finding the hidden park near the centre of town. To our surprise it was being made over. Luckily, they weren't building houses there, but there was other construction going on, and they seemed to be leaving the trees to be. We spend some time there just noticing things and talking about them, a rather enjoyable father and son moment in a relatively calm part of town.

Leilei in the central park

But others knew of our impending departure and Leilei was invited out into the night with Xixi and other friends and family. So I ended up going to play table tennis and was glad I did. I was happy to be with my friends there, sweating and mostly losing. But I did receive some compliments on how much better I was this year. I really have to keep this up. Yang Haiwei called me a bit later to invite me to eat duck down by the river. So, a shower later, I was picked up to go to Jiang Bing Lu where indeed Haiwei had brought a duck to be cooked, and insisted in doing much of the cooking himself. Various blokes turned up, some of whom I knew from years gone by, and a few gan bei's were performed of course. Haiwei's wife also came with the son from his first marriage and her son with him, and a generally jolly time was had by all.

Enjoying cai ma and duck with Yang Haiwei (right) and family/friends

I was tiring by midnight so made my excuses and last gan bei's and insisted on finding my own way back. I didn't get to the end of the road before being beckoned to a table at Tian Yang Po's bbq place. A couple of blokes and their girlfriends, one at least who knew me from a previous year, invited me to sit down and have a bit of bbq and chat, which I agreed to embassador-like to give the others a good impression of Britain. We had a good laugh about Bangxu women etc and I left at 1ish feeling like I really needed a walk, despite it being one of the closest nights this year.

I texted Andge and he was surprisingly free, so called me, and accompanied me for the next 25 minutes as I walked home slowly chatting about silly things and reminding me of some of the topics of conversation I'd have in a week's time that I don't quite get here. It made the reality of going home soon so much easier to bear.

Long lie-in and possibly last meal

Had a long long lie-in till gone 2pm and then wallowed in bed as Tan was out with the kids. Almost all our holidays since 2003 have been taken up in Pingguo, and so much of that time has been spent in a whirlwind of people and experiences that doing nothing has seemed like an extraordinary and profligate waste. But people probably do need such time where we're neither asleep nor particularly active. I had no guilt in lying about till nearly 5pm.

I couldn't stay horizontal for much longer though as the Police Finance Officer man had invited us for another plush meal at 6pm. That meant I got up and showered (and had a tiny gin and lemonade) and went to the famous "Li Jia He Xian" for probably the final time this year.

This time I dare say we had the largest private room in the house. Not only was there a huge revolving table for around 20 people, there was a separate table for the kids and a few mums with them. We felt a little guilty that we had not taken Leilei and Xixi for this event.

The lovely ladies at our meal

There were about four blokes and three women I didn't know, which meant it was quite easy to get to know them by walking up to them with a glass of beer and gan bei'ing with them. Tan had asked me to bring her jogging trousers and top with me as she was planning to go dancing with A Ni after the meal. It took not 10 minutes before I realised that the fact I'd forgotten to bring them (though, annoyingly I'd found and packed them), would have no bearing on her dance motives for tonight as after a couple of beers she was obviously not going to any classes. It was my mistake to make her aware of the fact that I'd not brought her clothes with me - if only I'd kept my mouth shut she'd have been none the wiser.

Round and round a lovely meal

The Police Finance Officer did not drink more than a couple of glasses, then, an hour later, had to leave, so I said goodbye, but with the full intention of meeting up with him next year at least. We stayed on a lot, lot, longer to enjoy the abundance of smashing food.

Leilei fever and possible last meal

A Wu woke us with a phone call at 9am to ask what our number was. He meant what floor and house number combination he needed to dial in order for our entryphone to ring. It's still quite hard describing the number on the dial pad that comes after 3 and before 5 - it's "510" but you can't say five hundred and ten for some reason. Sometimes I think that unlucky numbers, such as 4 and 14 are self-fulfilling prophecies of doom - if we just had a simple "4" on the dial pad, and if our house number was "14-01" instead of "15A-01" it would be a lot more straightforward to get people and things to our house.

Unfortunately, Leilei, who had been brought back by A Wu, was not looking good and indeed had a fever. We had had some Calpol but given it to a friend of A Xia whose baby also had a fever and the parents didn't want to use Chinese medicine (interesting - I'd like to know whether they meant traditional medicine or Chinese "Western" medicine). But it seemed like we had reacquired the bottle as well as a few sachets of, well, Chinese medicine. I always feel a little awkward giving Chinese medicine to my kids, not because I don't understand the ingredients so much as asking what the ingredients are - it always sounds like you are challenging the person who has given you the medicine. And I suppose it really is. Well, I'm sure enough Chinese kids have had the same kiddy medicine and not got worse so I ended up giving some to Leilei too. He then slept for almost the remainder of the daylight hours, waking only when I needed to give him another dose.

Tan had been out most of the day, but had called to say Lao Pan had invited us to go to eat and I was rather looking forward to it as we hadn't been for a big friendly meal for some time. So at around 5pm I grabbed a shower, then got a slightly better and cooler Leilei ready, then got on the dian dong che to pick up Xixi from Waipo's as Tan was already at the restaurant drinking tea. I think the battery is on its last legs as I'd fully charged it the previous day and it was already showing half full, but it got us there. Within half an hour the usual crowd turned up and we tucked into a feast - all the more so for me as it was my first meal of the day.

Lao Pan's husband, Lao Lin was the first to order the beer, within 10 minutes of starting to eat. This was about five minutes earlier than usual. They don't stand on ceremony here regarding beer - two crates, 48 cans, were ordered. It helps that you aren't charged for what you don't consume. The one person who wasn't happy was A Dong, who was on medicine so couldn't partake - he cut a particularly sullen figure around the table and left significantly earlier than everyone else.

The meal Lao Pan invited us to

Even all the girls joined in the gan bei'ing, and although no mention was made, it was possible that we were aware that this could be the last time the group of us would be together for a long time. Still, no time to be wistful, we ate, drank, and were very happy and the kids were pretty good as well until Chuan Chuan came a bit later to pick up Leilei and Xixi to go to Yi Xiao. The Police finance bloke and his wife were there too, the ones whose house we'd visited a few weeks ago where he brews his own booze. He invited us to eat the next day at Li Jia He Xian. I hope it will be as good food - this meal had it all, with laohu cai (tiger salad) and liang dan pi dan among other gorgeousness - so much so that only one person (Xili's husband, who arrived halfway through the meal) ate any rice.

Me beating A Wu at cai ma

A third crate had been ordered due to the cai mai'ing that Lao Lin, A Wu and I were engaged in. For once I was having a good roll and winning more than I was losing - probably because I was soberer. 60 cans in total, consumed by around 15 adults, doesn't seem excessive. But when you take into account 50% were ladies, two were teetotal and one on medicine it makes it nearer nine of us. When we finally finished I decided to go for a head wash, although it actually felt like the head wash was calling me. I told A Wu and he too came along. We did have to wait 10 minutes or so but it was worth it. As it could be my last head wash this year (at least in the massage sense) I went for the 35 kuai shampoo, and also went for a face wash. A Wu only had his head done and left after around 45 minutes, but I think I had a good half an hour face washing before the actual massage so was lying down for 90 minutes - do-decadent-hedron!

Back at home I was alone so was able to catch up on the footy as Tan was out getting a foot wash (apparently because she has a cold), and both the kids were at Waipo's again. Tan was back at getting on to midnight complaining of a poorly tummy due to the laohu cai.

Meal with Lu Wen and friends

After little sleep we were all rudely awakened by the sound of bangers. This isn't unusual, but today's were bloody loud and sounded like they were coming from somewhere closer than 14 stories away, which shouldn't be possible unless someone in a flat below us was letting them off. Every time they'd stop for a few seconds, and then there would be a fresh set. I guessed it was a new business on the ground floor of our building (thankfully they are all pretty much open for business now). There was no respite for a good five minutes, and Leilei hated it. I wonder if they still do this in the bigger cities - I can't imagine Beijing allowing a new shop to blast this fact across the whole neighbourhood as here. As for me I don't mind it that much as it's a cultural thing, but when it happens at 4am (and it does from time to time) it really riles me.

Tan took the kids to Waipo's to eat, which allowed me to catch up on some sleep in our room, which has double curtains that allow for day-sleeping. I've had a bit of a tummy for the last few days so wasn't sure about going to Waipo's to eat at 5.30pm, but decided I had better do as there was nothing to eat in the house, and then a bit later made the effort to exercise by playing table tennis. I still wasn't feeling 100% so when Lu Wen called me to go out I thought I'd call it a day at the ping pong place and went home for a shower. Feeling refreshed, I went out and called Lu Wen. I couldn't understand where he said he was so he said he'd pick me up. While waiting I popped into a local tea place and started chatting to the owners but just as they got some tea out and started boiling water I got the inevitable call to go and a car turned up outside to pick me up. I hope I get the chance to go back for a cuppa as I think the owners were a tad disappointed I couldn't stay.

We went to Lu Wen's work, rather than the normal bbq place as apparently it was too busy there and there weren't any seats. I wasn't 100% sure about this as if he really is semi-mafia (I think the term is used loosely) then surely sorting out a few seats for good paying customers would be simple. Anyway, there were only three blokes at Lu Wen's place, and I noticed Lu Wen was rather red in the face, suggesting he had been on the sauce. He proceeded to try to make tea on his tea table but kept messing it up, one of the consequences being scorched fingers. During this time various blokes came in and went out, in various states of inebriation, sometimes collapsing on the sofa for a 10 minute nap, other times just sitting down and looking at me for a bit, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. A bit later one of the sober blokes picked up a few cans of beer and started pouring that instead - it was easier than tea.

Then about six of us moved over to a small glass table when the bbq arrived. I was passed a fried duck leg and it was really delicious. The inevitable followed, with gan bei'ing and cai ma'ing until I remembered to call Tan to ask if she wanted my to bring her some - yes - 10 duck tongues, three chicken claws and two duck claws. She knows what she wants. I used the arrival of the bbq half an hour later to make my excuses and leave, but they knew who it was for and made me promise I'd come straight back after delivering it. So I "endured" another hour of eating and drinking - it's a tough life sometimes.

Leilei stayed at A Da's but we got the typical phone call around midnight to ask us to pick him up, but convinced him it was too late.

2nd Valentine's day

Today was "Qin Ren Jie", or Valentine's day. This is a lucky day for Chinese women married to English men, as for some reason they get to have two Valentine's days. According to my (married) ex-boss Tom it's actually lucky for the English men as they get to have sex four times a year instead of three (what are the other two??). It would have been a more romantic affair had Tan not had la du and had I not acquired it during the meal we shared in the Mingdien hotel, meaning I spent the latter 20 minutes in the disabled toilet feeling unromantically my most comfortable of the afternoon.

I made up for it after a nice siesta though. I went out on the dian dong che and after a few minutes looking found a place selling fresh roses. 100 kuai for a bunch of eight was a bit steep in my book but as Tan won't read this she won't know I said that. I brought the bunch to her at Waipo's house so at least Waipo and the kids got to see my present too, and Tan appreciated it I could tell, by taking photos of us and uploading them to her QQ space.

Happy Valentine`s day darling

I'd been romantic enough for one day, so at the romantic excuse of needing to shape up my body, I took Leilei and A Da on the dian dong che back home to change into some sporting clothes, and went on to the old people's leisure centre where I caught up on some old friends (literally) and on some table tennis. I still lost poorly but I'm getting better and now get minor rounds of applause when I win a good rally. Leilei wasn't too bothered, so after Yang Haiwei came around to invite me to go and eat some bbq I took him to go and play with Chuan Chuan before getting a shower and meeting up with my mate.

I finally got a photo with Mr Table Tennis but he decided not to smile and had even shaved!

I only stayed till gone midnight, and met up with A Xia for a couple of beers with her husband's friends, but the beer went to my head so I left a little earlier than normal and found Leilei in bed with Tan, relegating me to the kids' room to stay with Xixi - not a bad second choice really.

Todo

A list of things I need to do before we go to UK:
 - sort out a school to liaise with Leilei's school via skype
 - get some characters printed on the back of at least two of my sports shirts
 - get a tea thing for the dregs as my one in London has a nasty crack (get a smaller one)
 - get a new tea table for the living room
 - sort out a night out with mates at the cool cave

Work though technically on holiday

Something brewing over Pingguo

Slept in till the mid-afternoon before preparing for work. I'd agreed to work today as there was still some important stuff to do, but I managed to finish a little early at 11.45pm. I went to get some bbq for myself and Tan at midnight but boringly no-one called me over to their table to gan bei - I could have made an effort but instead sat by myself for a bit contemplating having finished work and what still needed to be done for the last week and a half we have here.

Well, one of those things is to have some fun as I'm officially on holiday now. So after bringing Tan's bbq to her I popped out again to Zhang's "Small eat big love" place and found some mates there to eat and drink with for the next hour or so till 2am.

I meant the drinking water...

Our drinking water from the dispenser ran out the other day. Normally it's not a problem as you just call up the number on the bottle to get a new one delivered a few minutes later. But this bottle didn't have a number on it, so I called Ling Ming but he didn't answer so I tried Tan, who didn't know who to ring. Then she called me back to tell me to go down and ask the security guard, and that she wouldn't come back if there wasn't any water. I wondered why she couldn't just pick up a couple of bottles on the way back - and why did I have to tell security if I couldn't get a drink of water? Then it dawned on me and I called her back to tell her it was the drinking water that had run out, not the utility variety as she had thought.

It was fair enough though, the water had gone a couple of weeks ago and Tan and the kids had gone to sleep at Waipo's rather than live without a shower. I had manly stayed smelly, working and guarding the house. Actually, we've been pretty lucky with the utilities so far - we've only had one power cut, and that was only for an hour or so - and outside of my work hours. On the other hand, Waipo's house has been subjected to two or three power cuts, and as they're on the first floor it gets a lot hotter there.

Tan called me at eightish to ask I wanted to have some free food and drink at the Ming Dian hotel. I hadn't had a break from work so I decided to go to see her and the ladies an hour later for some pickled cucumbers and moon cake. The free drink was "wine". It did look like red wine, but it was pre-mixed with lemonade and was luke warm - about the worst thing you can do to good red wine, meaning it wasn't.

Looking a bit too serious!

On the way back I stopped off at Ma Laoban's computer shop as I hadn't seen him for a while and wanted to pick up a pair of speakers. His shutters were half down as it was gone 10pm, but I knew he'd be in. And indeed he was, with a number of friends, drinking tea as usual. I spent the next 30 minutes in conversation with them and the charming two year old daughter of one of them before remembering to buy the speakers and get back for a meeting.

A lovely break for a couple of cuppas with Ma Laoban and friends

Maybe it was the tea, but I just couldn't get to sleep, even after 100 in German. I didn't want to disturb Tan by turning on my phone (even in night mode) to learn to count in another language and finally ended up sleeping some time after 7.49am.

Trifecta of massages ain't that great

I got a wake up call from A Wu around 10am asking if I wanted to eat dog with the bloke that called me last week. Against what I felt like saying, I said yes. At 11.30 I got picked up but instead of going to eat straightaway, we went to an estate agent where A Wu went on to apparently buy a garage. I know he bought a house last year that he is yet to decorate, so I suppose it makes sense. However, given the state of the tiny, messy place he calls home at the moment, I'm surprised his priority wasn't to decorate and move into his new place. I was asking the ladies about the price of the flats, and was told 2300 kuai per square metre, which isn't that much more than the 2000 we paid three years ago, and certainly less than the 3000 I'd been told about last year. Given the glut of new blocks of flats being built I'm still having problems working out how prices are still rising. Assuming it's true, it must be that Pingguo is sufficiently big that it is drawing in more people from the countryside, and that people here are getting richer. I've seen nothing to contradict this so I should be right at a simplistic level. But it seems strange when you read about the various Chinese ghost towns, which have many familiar looking blocks of flats, but no dwellers, like Chenggong http://blogs.worldbank.org/transport/rise-of-the-chinese-ghost-town.

At midday we went to drink tea for a few minutes in the place where I have my own teacup. But this time as we literally only had a couple of minutes A Wu told the lady not to bother with tea so we just drank hot water instead. I nearly asked why we went to drink tea in the first place but thought better of it. We then drove to a place near the goose restaurant and I found out it was Boss Tao's place, he of the iron ore business who had worked with A Wu six years ago. He told me I'd put on weight (why, thank you) as he shook my hand. Then a few more blokes turned up but there wasn't yet any food, so I decided to go on a little wander around.

Other than boss Tao's house just about every other building in the road was either a cheap hotel or a massage parlour, with a ratio of about 2:1. The hotels charged from around 60 kuai a night, and had "o'clock" rates (the hotel translation, not mine) from 28 kuai, which I guessed were per hour, given the nature of the other establishments. However, they all had families sitting about inside them and didn't actually look seedy.

I then got a call from one of the blokes to eat. Back at Tao's place the food was on the table. Centre stage was a big bowl of duck. I had been expecting dog, but someone said that the dog had run away. I gathered that this was a joke, and it didn't matter one jot as the more important thing about these meals is the company. But there was something different about the beer-drinking - rather than just pour out people's glasses and gan bei, everyone was given their own bottle, which was kept under the table by feet (very kickable and yes at least once was one toppled). Whenever you gan bei'd you filled up yourself from your own bottle, which I gathered was a means of keeping tabs on how much you'd drunk. Once, Boss Tao filled up my glass with his bottle and I caught him in the act, exposing him to the table and forcing him to drink his before filling his glass with the contents of mine and forcing him to drink again. I'm not sure this was actually a drinking game but for the rest of the meal there were various attempts by some to fill others' glasses, which I found pretty amusing.

Gan bei'ing at Boss Tao's

But coming up to three bottles downed, I was feeling the bubbles and explained I needed to go for a walk to settle my tummy. When I mention things like this honestly there is never a problem as they know I'm coming back. Even the other streets around here were littered with more cheap hotels and I almost got lost. I had a slightly weird experience when I came across a number of dumped dummies in an alleyway behind some restaurants (and presumably clothes shops), and thought I might be on the set of some science fiction film. 15 minutes later I rejoined my friends to continue. I managed a few more bites and another bottle before going for a wander again. I looked inside the massage place with the pink curtains and it looked totally innocent. Then Boss Tao came to me and insisted I went for a foot wash. I was absolutely fine with that as it meant I wouldn't have to have any more beer, and indeed it was a totally innocent foot wash and massage, which I really appreciated by nodding off for a couple of minutes in-between the blokes coming round to see how I was.

Legloss in Pingguo

By the time I'd finished it must have been 4pm. A Wu then said we'd go for a massage. Having just had one as part of my foot wash I wasn't in need, but neither was I in need of arguing with the idea. We rolled up to a place 30 seconds away, which was more of a "professional" massage place and walked to the third floor with Driver, who I since know is called A Shan. Once in our room we each laid on our massage bed and A Wu promptly fell asleep while A Shan and I were massaged for the next hour.

Maybe because he hadn't had a massage, or he really needed to pay attention to his hair, when we finished, and A Wu woke up, he decided to go for a head wash. Well I'd just had a double decadent two hours, was I going to turn down a trifecta massage mayhem? This time A Shan didn't come in, and the head wash half of the 50 minutes was lovely. The wet massage on the back and neck wasn't quite so amazing as usual, and the rest of the massage part was, quite frankly, unnecessary and bordering on painful. I'd managed to reach the threshold of pleasure and started to turn the circle back. It is possible to have too much of a good thing.

Though it was getting on, neither of us were hungry. My only important goal for the evening was to watch City v Southampton to start their Premier League campaign, and opined that we should go to a bar to watch that. A Wu had agreed, but by the time we were ready to go to the bbq place it was already 10pm, having faffed about as one does. We picked up Lu Wen and his daughter, and I got an order for some bbq from Tan too. By 10.50pm the bbq was still being cooked so I went home to see if I could find the match on telly or t'Internet. I was still searching when they came back with the bbq. Then a few minutes later A Ni and A Da turned up too so we had a fairly impromptu gathering in our living room, which is what it is for, really.

As we noshed on the duck tongues and fatty beef I searched in vain for a decent picture, while A Wu insisted on trying his bottle of Spanish "Porto". Those words don't go well together, and the "wine" did not go with anything other than lemonade, unfortunately. So the three of us blokes chugged it quickly so we could wash it down with beer. If it had been the UK we'd have poured it down the sink. We finally got a reasonable stream of the match so I stopped cai mai'ing (as I was losing badly) and focused on the football. Shockingly, we let a 1-0 lead turn into 2-1 just as we had against QPR. I had a similar gutted feeling as I had on the last game of last season, only not so deep. Similarly, when we managed another comeback to win 3-2 the relief paled in comparison to winning the Premier League! It was a deserved three points but our defence is certainly suspect, after performing so well for the first half of last year.

Nice siesta before another meal with Bak sec Zhai

At 6.49am I gave up trying to sleep and went to my study and taught myself how to pluck some of "A Most Peculiar Man", by Simon and Garfunkel, on my four year old guitar with two year old strings. No particular reason, but it had been going through my head for an hour or so so I thought I'd exorcise it.

Much later in the morning Tan got up. The kids had both stayed at Waipo's so there wasn't too much to do so soon, luckily. But the clouds disagreed, and pelted down one of the reasons why we have such good fruit here. That was all very well, but we don't really have any food to cook in the house, despite having a cooker and everything else we need. So at not long after midday I volunteered to get some fodder and both Tan and Ling Ming seemed grateful and put in their orders for rice and meat dishes, together with soup. I took the umbrella and not the dian dong che and went to a nearby place to get the food. As preparation for a much needed sleep I had a tiny gin just before leaving. By the time I was waiting for the food I'd ordered I was feeling decidedly light-headed, but made it back ok to eat.

I called A Wu to ask about eating tonight with Bak sec Zhai, and we managed to organise that we would do so at around 6pm. This gave me five hours to catch up on shuteye in the kids' room as Tan was chatting on her phone in ours. It didn't take much fark browsing on UC Browser before I was zonked. I did wake up at 3pm to go to the loo, and because the kids have a white curtain that keeps out the light less effectively than a magnifying glass, and I found that I was alone in the house, I moved back to our darker, cooler room and straight back to sleep until my alarm woke me dead on six. I did feel dead, and could have slept far longer, but I would have regretted it.

I had three missed calls. I knew as soon as I called one of them I'd be told to hurry up. So I lay down for two minutes, enjoying the last calm two minutes of the day, before calling Bak sec Zhai, and then A Wu, who sent his driver around straightaway despite me saying I'd be 15 minutes due to needing a shower. This shower did its trick and I pulled on some long trousers and went down to be picked up. We got to Bak sec Zhai's Pingguo house by 6.30pm where he had arrived a little earlier from Nanning. There were a couple of blokes and his family there, and I noticed that the front of his house had a great view of the guangchang. But Bak sec Zhai was more concerned about getting us down to drink and eat, in that order.

A couple of blokes had cooked up a nice feast of local dishes, including a particularly tasty Bangxu dish of raw fish and peanuts. But Bak sec Zhai was still more interested in drinking beer and I was reasonably happy to go along with this as I'd had a long week of work. The kids had eaten already and were suitable amused by the fish tank and a pet bird, so we ate and drank for half an hour or so until Tan and A Ni arrived and did the same. I had to have a break another 30 minutes later so went to the living room to check on the kids who had been suspiciously well-behaved. I spied a piano and decided to torture it by playing The Entertainer and Maple Leaf Rag, plus what I could remember of Bridge Over Troubled Water. I was rather rusty, and the piano was mostly in tune, which accentuated the imperfections, but when I returned to the room to continue the meal I received an unexpected round of applause (from the adults).

Gan bei'ing with Bak sec Zhai

I hinted that we'd better go at about 9pm, after having lost cai ma and being plied with more 3% Li Quan beer. This time it was agreed that the meal was just about over so we said our fond goodbyes, and A Wu took me to the head wash place we tend to frequent. He left me there, and I had a most wonderful 50 minutes or whatever it was...nothing beats a head wash and wet massage after a good meal with friends. Well...almost nothing.

Somehow I got back home a bit later and A Wu and A Ni were there. For the first time this year we actually put my "running dog" tea table into use and brewed up some particularly nice flower tea that the men and women enjoyed together. A Wu got me a nice tea cup and we also brought up a bottle of "Porto", though after having read the label it appeared to come from Spain. From my previous experiences of drinking Spanish red wine in China I advised against opening it up tonight, and said we should save it for another day. So we opened a couple of beers to, ahem, complement the tea, but more to complement the new English football season - hurray! It was more enjoyable knowing that City aren't playing till tomorrow, and when all had gone I did stay up on my own to watch Newcastle beat Spurs 2-1, although a draw would have been the fairer result. I don't know if getting to sleep at 3am was early or late.

End of work for this summer and Tan back

Hopefully last day at work. Yet again had not enough sleep so after waking up Leilei and picking up Xixi I came back from the school run and lapsed into dreamland again.

Later in the evening A Wu called to invite me out to sing song. He knew I was working and he knew that Tan would be back late but still asked me when I could go. I said probably not at all but if so 12.30am at the earliest. I think he got the message I wasn't going.

Tan came back at 1am, A Ni having driven back from Nanning airport after minor delays. The silly girls hadn't checked the temperature in Qingdao and hadn't brought enough clothes so had picked up a bit of a cold. It didn't help that all three walked to the car in the pouring rain in Nanning, rather than one of them doing so and picking up the other two (and presumably putting the air-con on inside). I think us blokes would have been more practical.

It has been the hottest week though here in Pingguo. Although it has rained a fair bit, when it hasn't it's been particularly hot and humid, so much so that for the last couple of days I've been working from our bedroom as it has air-con.

Well Tan was tired and complaining of flu-like symptoms, which didn't please me either so I let her sleep. Unfortunately, this did not extend to me. I have had a dodgy tummy for the last couple of days and spent too much time travelling to and from the toilet.

3 hours' sleep and morning siesta

Leilei had got to sleep at around midnight, and Xixi was at Waipo's. I nearly fell asleep about 2am but for some reason didn't, and it was 6am before I finally managed it, after remembering to set my alarm. Even getting up to 100 in German hadn't knocked me out by 3.30am. I'd gone back to reading fark.com comments on my old Nokia E71 using UC Browser. It's a bit like Opera Mini in that it reduces page sizes by around 90%, but even better, it has a "Night Mode", which is really just turning the background dark blue, with the text a slightly lighter shade of blue, but it generally works for not disturbing Tan (or Leilei tonight) and also for tiring the eyes before beddybyes. Not last night though.

Anyway I did get up three hours later at 9am and managed to get Leilei up a few minutes later. I called Waipo to get Xixi prepared but when we turned up 15 minutes later she was just stirring, in the makeshift bed on the floor with Chuan Chuan. We'd brought some breakfast but it took some time before the kids had eaten and washed and brushed and it wasn't much earlier than 10.30 before they were at school. This meant it was nearly 11am before I was home and ready for a much needed siesta (if you can do so in the morning).

But it was worth it and I slept like a baby till 3pm! Then the rest of the day was work work work....

Minor accident on the dian dong che

I did wake up at 10ish, and called Nong Kaicheng to see how Leilei was. Of course he was fine, and wanted to play more and not go to school. Well, it is his summer holidays, and I was tired, so I said ok and then phoned Waipo to say that Xixi wasn't going to school either before going back to sleep for a couple more hours.

As per normal I went to Waipo's for tea at 6pm, and both the kids were there so I got some baba time with them. One of the weird things about this country for me is that suddenly I hear my name being called by loads of kids "baba!". It really took a lot of getting used to as in the UK when I hear that it's inevitably one of mine.

After the meal I took Leilei to Nong Kaicheng's again, before doing a little bit of shopping for some fabric conditioner. It was now gone 8pm and dark, but I didn't expect what happened next. Right in front of me a van pulled out from being parked and started a u-turn manoeuvre. This is quite normal but normally they see you and let you go. But this bloke despite the driver's side being close to me just carried on. Unfortunately I don't have this reflex of bibbing all the time. In fact Leilei has counted every time I've bibbed this year and has only got up to three. Also unfortunately the brakes on my steed are random/non-existant on the front and pathetic on the rear, so although I slowed a little, I could not avoid hitting his front left bumper at which point he finally noticed me. It wasn't a big bump and I hadn't fallen over or anything, but I told the driver to use his eyes. He didn't seem offended, or in anyway surprised, and just said that there was no damage. I drove off, remembering that I no longer had a front headlight on the bike and quite possibly he wouldn't have seen me even if he had looked.

Later in the evening I got a call from Leilei, who wanted to stay with me tonight. Fair enough, as long as he did some homework - he's supposed to be writing a diary but he's very behind, and very reluctant to do it. But we made a deal and he wrote a few sentences with my guiding.

Tan to Qingdao but "normal" working day for me

Tan left to go to Qingdao this morning with A Ni and A Xia. Apparently they'd arranged this on the fly a couple of days ago. So I took the kids to school and arranged with Ling Ming that he'd pick them up and take them to Waipo's after school so as I could do my work. This worked ok but it wasn't great not seeing them all day. Still, it's only till the end of this week that I'll be working and Tan will be away.

During the evening I got a call from A Hua, Nong Kaicheng's mum, saying Leilei was with them and was going to stay the night. Apparently theirs is one of the many houses in Pingguo that have a Leilei toothbrush and a change of clothes. No problem for me.

After work at 12.30am I went out for a bite to eat at Chang's place "Small eat big love". There was a table full of blokes I'd met before and we spent the next hour and a half chatting and gan bei'ing as you do. Although I'd ordered some bbq, and eaten some of their lovely baby fried shrimps that you don't have to peel, they wouldn't let me pay for anything. I said I needed to go at 2am, as I had to take the kids to school, which is a reasonable excuse so a couple of gan bei's later I walked back to the bike. No sooner had I got on that I was called over to a table with a few blokes and girls. I thought, "sod it, why not?" and went for just half an hour for a tad more gan bei'ing and chatting. It's sort of justifiable as it's genuinely good for my Chinese (I kept telling myself). Then, at 3am I got a call from Nong Kaicheng's number. Unsurprisingly it was Leilei, a bit upset. He'd woken up and wanted me to take him home. I told him it was too late, and to get back to sleep. Quite frankly it would have been a bit irresponsible of me to have done so on the dian dong che after a few beers, and maybe worse to have walked him for the 10 minutes it would have taken. He seemed ok in the end, and I said I'd see him in the morning.