Intuition

I'd planned to surprise visit for Tan at Guangzhou but her woman's intuition told her to give me a ring at about 9am when I'd managed, after some time, to find the bus to get to the hotel she was staying at. I was in no mood to lie, so I said I was in a bus in Guangzhou so she said she'd wait for me for breakfast. So much for a surprise.

We had a great lunch (11.15am is lunch here) together with a few beers with Tan's 2nd sister and her boyfriend, which they insisted on paying for. Then I took the kids to the Yue Xiu park, which despite the small entrance fee is quite large and beautiful The kids had a lot of rides including a boat ride that Leilei truncated by announcing he wanted a weewee when we were minutes from dry land. Later had a lovely meal of roast goose and stewed lamb at Lao Li's pad and came back for an early night at 9pm. Lao Li has a small flat just around the corner from the hotel we're staying at. I think it's paid for by the government, as is our hotel room as he is here on business.

Cancelled trip to Vietnam replaced by overnight coach to Guangzhou

Got up at 5.30am to the sound of Tan's sister packing for their shopping trip to Guangzhou. They left at 6.30 for their 8am flight and I left at 7 for my 8am train. The 3hr20min train journey was fairly uneventful except for the beautiful mountainous Southern Guangxi countryside. Also it took me 2 hours to realise that the soft background music of ethnic stringed instruments was in fact a loose overhead luggage rail. I felt as stupid as when 15 years ago I reached into my pocket to find 20p while going down the escalator at Tottenham Court Rd tube only to find that the budding violinist was nothing more than the unoiled escalator itself.


That twanging in the background, I later discovered, was not a Chinese guitar but a loose Chinese luggage rail.

Pingxiang is a border town with Vietnam, where Tan's eldest sister "Da jie" lives. She was waiting for me at the station and we went to her flat where the old government building was. It was a bit refreshing not to have so many locals shouting "hello!" and "I love you!" at me, as here they are pretty used to seeing foreigners.

Had a nice lunch with Da jie and her husband, then she explained she had arranged for someone to take me to the border and wait for me to come back. She was also under the impression that I would stay a few minutes just to get my passport stamped. I explained that I might want to stay a bit longer but she said it was too dangerous, especially in smaller places. I knew that arguing further would just result in trouble so I made a decision on the spot not to go to Vietnam at all. As Tan and Leilei were in Guangzhou, an hour or so from Hong Kong, I decided I'd go there that night and save Vietnam for a time I didn't have to tell everyone my every move. Actually it was a bit of a relief as I hadn't learnt any Vietnamese and I'd rather go off the beaten track.

My decision to go to Guangzhou was accepted by Da jie and we immediately went out to buy a ticket for the overnight bus that left at 7.30pm. By now I was knackered and after we'd bought some food for the evening meal I fell asleep for an hour. By the time I woke up there was a lovely smelling huo guo awaiting me. After another hearty meal and a shower we took a three-wheeler cab to the bus station where I got my first experience of the overnighter coaches. I immediately wished Pingxiang had an airport. The coach had three columns of rather thin bunk beds (wouldn't get away with that size in UK). Luckily I was near the back on the left on the top so I didn't have anyone clambering over me to get to the loo. Unfortunately that meant I was doing the clambering during the three times I had to go to the loo during the journey - the last time I kicked some poor bloke on the head as even the aisles had filled up with sleepers for the journey. Unsurprisingly after a few hours the coach began to hum - so much so it wasn't even worth holding in my own farts. The journey itself was reasonably eventless apart from an hour's delay when the police stopped us to search all our bags, presumably as many of my companions had come from Vietnam. The bed itself was comfortable despite its lack of girth and I managed 6 hours of broken sleep.

The grim confines of an overnight coach. Worse if you are sleeping in the aisle and receive my stinky sock in your face while I'm trying to go to the toilet without waking people up.

Need to leave China to fulfil visa obligations

A lot of work in the morning, then I took the bus to Nanning in the early evening as I have to go to Vietnam tomorrow. Xixi has gone with Waipo and Tan's brother's wife to Bangxu (their hometown) so wasn't there to see me, unfortunately. Leilei was though and despite having a whale of a time there always runs to me with a big hug. Tan and the others have been telling me I have to get the bus to Ping Xiang, the Chinese town near the Vietnamese border where her eldest sister lives, as the train takes 5 hours and the bus takes 2. I prefer the train so I looked up on the Internet and apparently the train takes under 3 and a half hours and the bus takes over 3. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it. At 9pm I took a taxi to the train station and bought my ticket for tomorrow morning for 1 pound 70p (my US keyboard doesn't have the pound sign, well it does but in American that means the hash sign...). It actually takes 3h20 mins and the bus (subject to traffic jams) is just about the same time and costs six quid. This is why I never take Chinese advice at face value.

In fact Tan was originally going to come with me to her big sister's town, but then she was invited by her 2nd sister to go to Guangzhou shopping (a one hour flight away which her sister is paying for). So unbeknown to me she arranged for A Wu to accompany me to Ping Xiang. Something I only found out yesterday. I told him it was unnecessary and I didn't want to put him out. He said he had no work for the rest of the week as he hadn't been paid so it wasn't a problem. Also he said it was very dangerous going to Ping Xiang as robbers could get on the bus and steal from you. Of course he assumed I was taking the bus, but he also assumed I would be in Vietnam for 5 minutes and he would wait for me. When I explained I might want to spend a night or two in a country I'd never been to before he then realised it might not be so convenient to wait for me there, or even go there.

I really hate being mollycuddled. Thankfully I have managed to get out of it this time and will travel unaccompanied to Vietnam. Although having read about it I'm not so keen as I was before. I don't speak a word, I don't have a map and I don't know the name of the nearest town. Oh well, we'll see.

Double decadence head wash

Mostly work. Although A Wu took me out for another head wash after lunch (that's double decadence) although I paid.

Awfully painful massage but back to Pingguo alone to eat and watch footy

Woke up with a bigger pain in my back that made it hard to get out of bed (as if morning wasn't reason enough). I decided to walk it off by going to the bank to get some money (a lot of money) for Tan's teeth. On the way back I nearly collapsed when walking down a step, something that made an old man shout at me in a language I didn't understand or care to at that time. I got back in time for a bite to eat then I was taken to the local massage place to fix me.

As is quite normal, the massage place rang the masseur to come and ten minutes later he arrived (presumably he was just about to sit down for his lunch). I'm sure he isn't really a sadist, but the next hour was tortuous as he stretched me and applied an undue amount of pressure to not just the base of my spine where the pain resided, but even places like my bum. As if the fact that it was a man massaging me wasn't bad enough, he finished by pushing the base of my spine so hard tears nearly came from my eyes. I swore to myself he wouldn't break me and I just managed to hold out. It was only later I realised I was supposed to say when it hurt so they know when they've applied enough pressure... For some reason he asked for my name and number. I was now very worried as he had massaged my bum cheeks but this is China and I didn't want to lose face so I gave him my number and hope I will not get a call.

I got to the train station late, with a bruised back, and was unable to get a seat on the way back to Pingguo (leaving Leilei, Xixi and the wife in Nanning).
After a light snooze in the early evening I got a call from Uncle Yellow - saying I had to go out and drink beer with his police friends. Fine, I said, come round to my place - I'll just get ready. He was there a minute later saying they had been waiting for me for a long time. I reminded him that he had only called me two minutes ago and that I needed a shower. Even so, when I got on his motorbike he was almost chastising me telling me they had been waiting for ages. Life's like that sometimes here.

Actually I'd eaten some deep fried chicken that was rather cold on the inside on my way back from the train station in Pingguo. It chose the moment I arrived at Uncle Yellow's friend's house to take effect. After saying hello and managing a couple of beers with some men of varying rank I accepted the obvious that I would have to squat in some dirty shithouse and just hoped I would come out of it unscathed. It was with unfettered joy that when I went I spied a European style proper toilet for only my third time in Pingguo. Despite its dirtiness and loose seat (I reckoned it hadn't been used in years) and although my stomach was churning and painful, the 15 minutes I needed were of considerable relief. I emerged from the toilet a new man, and despite the queue outside I marched through to the dining table and munched my way through duck and pork, and drank a fair few beers with the lads.

I was taken home at about 10.30pm as the lads had been drinking since midday and were feeling tired, and what with working the next day etc... I wanted to watch the Hull v Man City match that started at midnight (sometimes it's great to not have the wife and kids around) so I wondered how to spend the next hour or so. Not for long. I know that in the UK I wouldn't have the sort of options I have here, so I walked over to a local hair dressers and went for a hair wash/face wash/massage. 50 minutes of pure decadence that I have no guilt about (especially for 2 quid). Much more remedial than the excruciating massage in Nanning.

Ok, the game wasn't great with a 2-2 draw, but the previous hour made up for it a bit. Good night's sleep till 9.30 the next morning.

Back to Nanning and badminton coaching

Once again got the 12:49 train to Nanning. I made sure I got a seat even though the one on my ticket was taken. Once more got into conversations with others around. One woman, I think, was trying to marry me off to her younger brother's daughter. And this was after I'd shown photos of my family.

Once I got to Nanning I took out Leilei, Xixi and Qiqi big brother to the People's Park. Actually it is a bit of a handful with a 1, 3 and 7 year old plus a pushchair but I think I managed ok. Leilei has got into Qiqi's spoilt habit of wanting to have a go on lots of rides and buy more toys, so I was fairly strict and allowed them to go on just a couple of rides. They moaned a bit but once we were out of the fun park area they were fine. I think Qiqi needs a bit more of that treatment. Both the half-bloods (that is the literal translation I believe - sounds like something out of Harry Potter) were cooed over - especially Xixi. I can't imagine how many young girls' mobile phones contain pictures of her, her big brother and to a lesser extent me. Probably around 110 (I can imagine really).

Speaking of mobiles, it's interesting that most people, especially men, have rather large PDA-type Chinese branded mobiles. I suppose it's fashionable but on a hot day, wearing light clothes, they must weigh you down loads. It doesn't appear that the mobile Internet has caught on here though. We do have "Edge" mobile networks but data costs are pretty high so as far as I know no-one uses it. I'm sure there's a market here; at home most computers are never turned off, and there's constant chatting through QQ (like Chinese yahoo messenger). Maybe they see home as a place to do that sort of thing, and outside of home a place to be with friends and not constantly tapping away at a phone. I hope that's the reason.

In the evening I went to play badminton with the bloke who lives on the first floor (the one who takes Xixi out most days) and his son. We got to the courts at 7.30 and it was nearly empty. Really empty considering there were 28 courts. Leilei and Qiqi came along as well as we couldn't prevent them. The bloke's son warmed up with me and then I foolishly challenged him to a game 10 minutes later. I think it was 21-6 in the end but he probably gave me most of my 6. I felt wretched afterwards and guzzled a bottle of water. That was the only competitive game I played. The rest of the time was sorely needed practice and looking after Leilei as he wandered onto other courts picking up stray shuttlecocks. Funnily enough the Chinese call the shuttlecock a ball. Even funnier is when they try to say "shuttlecock".

Finally I played the bloke himself and I think his son had worn him down as I was able to hit him around a bit. His son had given me a great piece of advice that literally transformed my game: "you are hitting the ball too low, hit it higher in the air". It takes advantage of my height and uses less energy so you get more power. I looked forward to using my new found skill the next day but aleady I had a sharp pain in my back. When we left at 8.30pm every court was being used.

Still ill but went for a ride

Still feeling shit but had to do some work anyway. I picked up Leilei from school at 12 just as the kids were getting ready for their afternoon nap (if you can call three hours a nap). Finally the batteries were starting to run low on the the electric bike they had breathed new life into. One of my favourite ways to spend 20 minutes is to ride around town during the day after a beer or two (not more) under the sun with the wind in my hair. It sounds dangerous but I haven't managed to get above 40 kph which is probably about 25 mph. Even at that speed I overtake just about everything else on the road. Most outsiders watching road behaviour would baulk at the prospect of taking charge of a vehicle here but in fact the trick is just to go slowly and honk all the time. I would call it disorganised non-chaos, and in fact it is a pretty efficient way of getting around. No stopping at junctions wasting petrol - just move into the road if no-one is beeping. I wasn't showing off... Tan took Leilei to Nanning on the bus (the train is seen as a rather low-class means of travel - I suppose you are not guaranteed a seat). So I had the afternoon to myself. I did try to sleep but I'm so bunged up it was too difficult. She is going to get her teeth redone. Later in the evening I got a phone call from her saying that she had had four teeth removed and to have them replaced would either be cheap, expensive or more expensive and which one did I want. Did I have a choice?

Sick but improved terrapins' lives

Feeling worse than yesterday. Head and throat bad. Although the night has now become cold, the daytime is around 25 degrees c and feels very healthy. I went out for a ride on our electric moped and found myself at Ma Lao Ban's computer shop. They didn't have the usb lead I wanted but I bumped into Li Kun, and told him I was looking for some terrapin food. He took me in his half van/half pickup to a pet shop nearby that sold such things. While I was there I also discovered reasonably cheap fish tanks so I bought one to replace the horribly tiny vase our two terrapins have been living in up till now. By the way they don't have names yet. I will give them names unless someone else cares to comment and do so. I also bought some pretty stones to put in the water. All in cost just under a fiver for the tank, food and stones.


Our terrapins in their new home, looking happy at last. I will call them "honk" and "beep" unless I hear otherwise

We invited "Brandy" hotel manager to a meal at a nice place that does a mean chicken. The meal was good but I had to leave early to fix an emergency at work. By this stage I could barely speak but I managed to do the necessary. Up till 3am though.

Flu...and Leilei's X-ray

I've come down with flu. Everyone blames the changing of the weather for all illnesses occuring during this time of the year. I've already been given amoxycillin and some rather nice fruit tea. I'll be better in one or two days. Just a pity others don't understand it will be with or without medicine.

Xixi is very happy as you can see:


We wished Xixi a Happy Birthday again and Tan, Leilei and I took the train back to Pingguo. Unfortunately it was delayed an hour, which feels like more when you're looking after a kid. I caved in and bought a can of beer to alleviate the wait. During the journey we were given a talk on fake money by one of the train's employees, with example notes that were impossible to tell from the real thing without an ultra-violet light. Of course he ended up selling these lights, and of course I bought a couple (2 for 10 kuai is quite good really) - Leilei really likes his. Now every time I go to a shop I'm able to show that my money is real.

A talk on how to spot fake notes. Actually more of a selling pitch. It worked.

I was saddened to see an x-ray of Leilei's chest in the bin at Tan's sister's house in Nanning, so I rescued it and cleaned it up; such things are great educational tools and all the more so if you know this is a picture of your own inside.


Leilei's chest x-ray

In the evening I received a phone call from "Brandy", the hotel manager I met in the train last week. He invited me out to "sing song" i.e. karaoke. I mustered up all my energy to go as I wasn't feeling great. Managed to cope ok, coming back at 1am.

Back to Nanning for Xixi's first birthday!

I decided to take the train again to Nanning in the hope that this time I would get a seat. Either way I prefer to be on tracks than a road here - less chance of human error. Although I must say the new road from Pingguo to Nanning is of high quality, though rather expensively there is a 40 kuai toll each way for the one hour journey. That's about 3 pounds something and I reckon would be expensive in UK too. Even taking the coach is 35 kuai, compared to the 19 kuai for the train that takes the same time and isn't subject to traffic jams. Anyway, this time at the station I waited near the front of the train. I needn't have worried as there were plenty of spaces and I was able to get the laptop out and do some work.

I got the taxi to Tan's 2nd sister's house and as I was walking towards her block of flats I heard a "baba!, baba!". Well this little boy who was supposed to be in bed in hospital with a drip hanging out of his arm was at a neighbour's house and thoroughly enjoying himself. Either that was a remarkable recovery or he wasn't as bad as was made out. In my experience most Chinese are hypochondriacs. Despite the great amount of traditional Chinese medicine, every house I've been to is stacked with various pills for various conditions - veritable mini-pharmacies. As soon as someone coughs, or complains about a headache it's off to the cabinet to down a couple of pills, or worse, go straight to the doctors to have a drip injected into your head (if you are a child) - that happened last time with Leilei so I'm not just making it up. Whatever happened to letting your body get better itself? Maybe I should import some bovril or marmite here - this could be the only country outside the UK where they'd actually like it. Have you ever seen a French person eat marmite without swearing about the British? I rest my case.

I had brought the biggest birthday cake I could order in Pingguo. It cost 148 kuai so getting on for 15 quid. Chinese birthday cakes are the best in the world. Fact. It doesn't matter how much you eat before, you can always manage a slice or two after (unless you have asucrasia).

Baba and Xixi

Xixi enjoying her birthday at the restaurant

In the evening we went for a walk to a lovely restaurant not far away. Of course we had our own private room. I don't normally like that but at least you avoid others' smoke. Leilei and Xixi were both a bit fractious and it was quite annoying. After a while they were taken home and we were able to eat our meal in peace. I expected them to be asleep when we got back but at least Leilei was still up waiting for me as I'd promised him a present if he was good (which he wasn't but I wasn't ready for another tantrum). At least he really appreciated his fake lego cement mixer.

Leilei's cement mixer on top of the red flag he received for being "hen guai" (very good) at school (those characters are his own work).

We woke up Xixi to sing Happy Birthday (Sheng ri kuai le) and she didn't really seem to appreciate it as much as she might have done three hours previously. I hadn't intended to spend the night in Nanning but it was already nearly 10 so I did. Tan got a phone call from her friend A Ni asking why we were celebrating Xixi's birthday on the 11th instead of the 12th. Ah. Please don't tell Xixi in the future - I thought Tuesday was the 12th and had been planning so for a couple of weeks. Well at least I would be in Nanning for it, with plenty of birthday cake left. I didn't tell the rest of the family though :)

Xixi's early birthday cake

Refreshed but Leilei has bronchitus

Even though I woke up at 5am I felt pretty refreshed. Two days with over 8 hours sleep each is something I never thought I'd experience for another 15 years. I love being in China!

Tan was going to come back with me but she wanted to celebrate Xixi's 1st birthday on Tuesday in Nanning with family. So I left her there with Leilei, saying I'd come back Tuesday just for the day for the celebration. Unfortunately I got a call from Tan at 11pm saying Leilei was in the hospital. He'd gone to Baise with a friend to do the MOT on Tan's sister's car and on the way back become feverish. Got another call at 1am saying it was bronchitus. Sounds innocuous enough (not the horrible bronchialitus Xixi had when she was six weeks old). Tan is staying with him in the hospital tonight.

Back to Pingguo for another meal but early night

Felt quite refreshed and took Xixi out for a walk in the morning. It can get rather cool in the early morning/late evening now, and the Chinese over-compensate by wrapping up the kids in layers upon layers of clothing. Fair enough I suppose, but as the sun came out in the park I removed Xixi's pink coat and pink jumper and we did some walking training. She had already done a poo poo in the bin with Waipo holding her, so she wasn't wearing nappies. She stayed dry till we got back 30 mins later to my relief.

The 21 year old son of one of the neighbours who has become a sort of babysitter for Xixi came later in the morning to take Leilei and Qiqi to the zoo. I didn't go but here are a couple of photos (some of these probably wouldn't be allowed in the UK).

A goat balancing on a stool on a tightrope, with a monkey on its back.

Monkeys and a bear riding bikes

Bears being clever

Fun at the zoo with Qiqi

More fun at the zoo with Qiqi

I had to get back so said I'd get the train again but they wouldn't let me; someone was borrowing the car to go back to Pingguo so I would go with them. During the journey I did something I've never done before in a car - I dozed off for 20 minutes. Back in Pingguo a friend we'd picked up invited us for a meal that evening and that was that.

I managed to get something done I'd been planning for over a week now - change the knackered batteries in A Ni's electric bike we've borrowed, and fix the puncture - all for a shade under 40 quid including service. Had great fun riding around Pingguo on the bike and having to return a "hello" every few seconds to strangers on the road. I really intend to make a map of this place if I can't find one. I bumped into Xiao Lu, the now divorced husband of Lao Ma who we met for the first time 5 years ago. He invited me for a meal but as he did so I got a call from A Wu telling me we were going for our meal.

We got in the car and drove to this bloke's place. Quite frankly I can't remember if he is a relative or not - most people seem to be. The meal was excellent, and it was nice that there were loads of kids running around, though not so that there was a lot of second-hand smoke around. The owner of the house got out a bowl of "Medicine Alcohol" that he had brewed himself. It was rather drinkable, though at 50% quite potent. I was told that this stuff was excellent at promoting sleep, so I'm not sure why we started the meal with it. He is going to make a bottle for me to take back to UK. We moved on to weak beer soon after and then playing Cai Ma, where we played in teams and I did at least as well as the rest. But after a while I was shattered. I don't know if it was the food or the booze or just the last six weeks but I had to leave the table and sit on a bench and rest my eyes. I then said I was very sorry but had to go home. Of course they wouldn't let me go by myself, so A Wu drove me. I just managed to derobe before falling into a deep sleep at 9pm.

Back to Nanning to see the kids and met Brandy on the way

Smiling ladies
On Wednesday Tan took Leilei to Nanning, with a view to bringing him back for the weekend. Today I took the train to Nanning to see Xixi and Leilei. Unfortunately there was no place to sit, and I had a pushchair with me. A bloke helped me put the pushchair away and introduced himself as "Brandy". He is the manager of one of the biggest hotels in Pingguo and speaks some English. We chatted during the 1hr15 mins journey and I have been invited to go for a meal at his hotel, and to take Tan to see a film with him and his girlfriend in Nanning. He was going to Nanning just overnight to get his end away as he had work the next day (a bit like me really). He said his girlfriend was a French teacher, and it was quite surreal to meet her at Nanning and have a quick conversation in French (her accent was excellent).

Xixi has been very happy there and can say "Yula" (Lola) and "Yeiyei" (Leilei) and she can blow kisses and wave goodbye. She was very glad to see me and would hardly let anyone else hold me (except for Waipo). We went to the people's park, which was very nice indeed, except for that fact that to do anything except for walk around you had to pay for it. Tan's 2nd sister's son Pang Qi is too used to getting everything he wants so it was a bit of a chore following him around letting him go on what he wanted (and of course Leilei as well). At the entrance of the park we caused a security alert; Tan was buying some fruit so I had the kids...a few girls started cooing and taking photos, which led to a very minor stampede by others to see what the fuss was. I suspect some were disappointed to find I wasn't a pop star. A security guard came and told us to move along and made the crowd disperse, but you get an idea of what it can be like.


A flowery bear to greet you as you enter the park


Fun in the park

I was absolutely knackered by the early evening and got to sleep at 8pm. I didn't wake up till 7am - that is definitely the longest I've slept in over four years.

Priorities for family meals...

As I was home alone Tan rang to say Sao zi (name for wife's mother's younger brother's son's wife - I think) had invited me for a meal. I had already been invited to a meal with another uncle and aunt of Tan's, and had not been able to attend on Wednesday so promised today I would make it. But Tan said I mustn't go to that place (this couple have a breakfast/lunch place nearby where we frequently get our brunch from), because the husband drinks too much. So what? As if I can't control myself. Later Sao zi herself rang and told me to come to hers to eat as if they went to the other place I would have to drink. Not wishing to offend family I went to Sao zi's at 5pm. She told me off for bringing orange juice as a gift (she is quite motherly to me and a bit over-protective). Then before we ate she explained that Tan's other aunty was a more distant relative than herself so that was why I should be here and not there...

As we sat down Biao ge, her husband (means uncle of some sort), got us both a bottle of 35% "medicine alcohol". This is about the only stuff over 4% that I have been able to drink in China, and the (supposed) fact that it is healthy makes it even more palatable - that and the other supposed fact that it doesn't get you drunk... Well we had a lovely meal with much roast duck, and a Biao ge and I had a second bottle of medicine alcohol.

Then I told Biao ge I didn't want to be rude to the other uncle/aunt, and really should go to see them as they were expecting me. He was fine with that, and we immediately got up, grabbed the untouched orange juice I brought, said goodbye to Sao zi and got on his motorbike to the place I originally had intended to go. I didn't realise that Biao ge knew this couple pretty well. He went and bought some tiny sweet oranges as a gift (the sort of thing I get told off for), and we got there for 7pm - the time that had been arranged. The uncle (I'll call him "chef") had prepared a sumptious roast duck, and despite the fact I had just had a roast duck meal I managed more that I should have. Also he isn't such a big boozer. Biao ge went and bought a 9-pack and we got through it, but with the help of chef's three grown up kids (very decent adults in their early to late 20s) and their friends. In fact the whole evening was very pleasant and hospitable, and to think I would have missed this family meal if I'd listed to Tan and Sao zi....

Chef on left, one of his sons on right, and a friend in middle


Chef's wife (she cooks our breakfast) and their daughter

Very early start as driver for wedding

I had to wake up at 7.30am to be a driver for the wedding of A Ni's half brother. Actually I woke up at 5am but that's not the point.

I'd been told I was going to be the main driver, but then Tan said I would drive the 2nd car as it was very important that the car carrying the groom doesn't stop at any time as this would be bad luck. Ok. So Chinese have supernatural control over traffic lights that I just don't have.

Don't stop the car!

Anyway, my car had been left in our complex's car park with the passenger's window down so the right-hand side was soaking. I had to start the car by turning off the alarm and turning on the sidelights before turning the key - apparently that is the norm here. I drove to the florists where A Wu and I waited an hour for our cars to be befitted with flowers and other decorations in the pouring rain. They couldn't do more than one at a time as there was only one gazebo to cover a car. I was starving by this point but I needn't have worried.

We went to A Ni's house, where her half brother and his wife already live, and made some final preparations to the cars before driving to the bride's real house where she was waiting. Apparently the custom is to beg the bride to come with you to your house - and you tell her there will be great food etc. As it turned out there was great food in her house so the entourage (4 car loads plus about 40 people in her house) all sat down to eat first lunch at about 10.30am. I managed a couple of small glasses of rice alcohol which didn't go down brilliantly but I had to join in, and anyway I was at the centre table with the bride.

After the meal we took most of the people back to A Ni's house in the cars, including a pickup truck to take the presents that included a washing machine and a new bed. The men set to work on taking apart the newly-weds' existing bed that looked perfectly new and in tip-top condition, and then constructing the 'new' bed, which was certainly second-hand. Unfortunately, they didn't have instructions and this looked more complicated than its Ikea equivalent. I think it was a question of too many cooks spoiling the broth, and none of them wanting to lose face. After a long time I stepped into the middle of the half-constructed bed and explained, calmly and slowly, using two pieces of wood at right-angles as an example, how the rest needed to be set up. Amazingly they actually stopped and listened to me - most of the people had never seen me before and probably were shocked that I could speak the lingo. Or maybe they couldn't understand a word but were being respectful. Either way, ten minutes later the bed was completed and I congratulated them on a good job (management skills entail more than just getting the job done).

I had spent enough time in the newly-weds' room (basically they live in a room, like A Wu and A Ni, and like we did two years ago). I was a bit tired of the huge 12' high poster of the newly-weds covering one whole wall of their living quarters. It looked like some 80s advert for whisky or something. Tan said we could get one done for 100 kuai (under a tenner), then I reminded her that it would be hard to fit into our suitcases. Can you imagine the shame of walking into your friends house and seeing photos of them twice their real size smiling down at you like some virgin mary gone wrong?

Sorting stuff out in the newly-weds' room with a poster of them in the background

I crept up to the top floor where I found a number of the older generation either cooking (if they were female) or talking/smoking/waiting for food (if they were male). This was a great experience. The women wouldn't let me help (must be their culture - I didn't want to interfere), but the men were happy to talk to me, even if I couldn't understand most of what they said. One old man seemed to be talking in tongues in front of the 'alter' for one of the dead ancestors. It was quite religious, I felt, like singing hymns and saying prayers, and going on too long. I'm going to post a video of some of this.

The magic man with his alter chanting something for a late relative

I had expected to be eating with the younger generation but as I was already here I stayed with the older lot and am glad I did. One of them was a friendly 88 year old who looked like Deng Xiao Ping - he'd probably have taken that as a compliment but I didn't want to take the chance. The food was nice but I wasn't hungry after the first lunch and I knew there would be another soon. At about 4pm I managed to slip out and drive home to sleep for 45 mins before the next leg.

Very drowsy, I drove back to A Ni's house to pick up some more people to go to the hotel where the actual wedding reception was. The newlyweds had actually officially got married some time ago but that is not celebrated. At the hotel we gave our red envelope containing 500 kuai, which was duly checked and noted in some register. Effectively it is payment plus a bit more for the hotel meal. Well the meal was very nice, but I was too tired to really enjoy it, and as Leilei was getting very tired I took us back around six. Tan told me later that because of the rain it was feared that many people wouldn't turn up, so they ordered 70 fewer meals than originally planned. Then, at 6.30pm everyone they feared wouldn't turn up did so, and there was some panic while trying to sort out food for everyone. It shouldn't have been a problem; our table for six easily had enough food for twelve. Back at home Leilei and I had an early night.

The happy couple

Another lovely meal

Looking at a second hand apartment and meal with Sao zi with "medicine alcohol"

Rain again:

The three-wheeler taxi drivers to good business when it rains just taking people across the road

The other day Sao zi said she had a friend who was selling an apartment and it was pretty cheap. Actually 16,000 quid is pretty cheap considering it has three bedrooms and is decorated. Decorated here means plastered and has a floor; when you buy a new house you can count on another 20% of cost price to add these luxuries so you can actually use it, otherwise it is not much more than a shell.

Well we went to see this place and weren't overly impressed. Mainly because it seemed rather far from the town centre. Having said that it would take 3 mins on an electric bike. Also it only had one bathroom. English houses suffer from this problem too much but generally foreigners do better than us on this front. Even a one-bedroom place should have a bathroom with a toilet, plus a separate toilet. Anyone who's ever lived with a woman should know that.

One part of me says we should buy at this ridiculously good price, but another wonders why. If we were to spend appreciable time here in the future it would be better to have a nicer area and maybe not the 5th floor (thinking kids). Anyway here are some photos:


View from entrance of apartment


Living room area


One of the main bedrooms


View from the balcony (5th floor)

We went to Sao zi's house again this evening for tea. This time her husband Biao Ge didn't drink beer, but gave me a small glass with a metal cover over it and told me it was "Medicine alcohol". Hmmm. Looking at the 95ml glass I discovered it was 32% strong. Actually it was rather nice, with a slight Laphroaig hint to it (or was it TCP?). He told me it didn't make you drunk. I thought about arguing with him on this one as his face was getting redder but thought better of it.

Rain, rain, you can go away now...while trying to rid Xixi of nappies

It rained again for the 7th day in a row. I liked it at first. Now it's just a bit too UK except warmer.
Tan's mum has been looking after Xixi a great deal of the time. She loves doing this but it does take it out on her, especially as we are trying to get her out of nappies which means hanging her over the toilet hole every 20 minutes saying "wheeeesh, wheeeeesh" to get her to go. She has gone. Both number ones and twos, but it's not consistent enought to not have nappies around. So Tan's mum and Tan's brother's wife have taken Xixi to Nanning to Tan's big sister's house where they'll look after her and Tan and I will have some time remembering what it's like to not have kids (great for a couple of days but soon miss the hell out of Xixi).

Xixi enjoying a bath with Waipo

Meal with Americans and Wii-Fit and annoying late night work call

Found out I have a meeting from 11pm to 1am tonight. Great.
Xiao Li and I went to pick up Leilei. He wanted to meet the American mom, but when I got out of the car to meet them he sheepishly elected to stay inside saying he was a bit embarrassed.

The Americans came along a bit later as their youngest daughter attends a dance class after school, so we got the chance to chat for a while while waiting. The woman's husband is a business consultant and they have been in China for about 3 years, moving from Nanning to Pingguo 18 months ago simply because the life is nicer here - more open spaces for the kids to enjoy, less polluted etc.

Although I'd told Tan they were coming for tea, because I hadn't put it in writing or something she thought they weren't coming, and then panicked because I hadn't bought food by 4pm. I suggested we buy a takeaway as we often do (full roasted duck for 2 quid etc) but she said it wasn't Chinese culture (???as if we haven't been doing that). I reminded her that these were American guests, so she said she would go out then.

So I decided we'd eat out instead. We took them all in our little car to the restaurant we went to during our first day in Pingguo. It was a lovely feast of fried bees, beef, duck, chicken, greens etc. The 4 year-old has learnt to use chopsticks and refuses to use anything else, and only eats meat! Leilei got on very well with her though - but she is 6 months older than him so hopefully no romance in the air.

During the meal I had some "I'm the only gay in the village" moments dispelled. Apart from not being the only whitey, we're not even the only family to have a Wii. To compound things they even have a Wii-Fit - something that I compromised bringing quite a few clothes for just to fit in the suitcase. Having said that it has become quite popular at our place and I'm glad I brought the battery charger.

Well they have a two year lease on their flat here, but don't intend to stay for more than a few months longer so maybe one day in the future I'll be the only gay in the village again...

We all came back to our place in the evening and played Wii-Fit until the kids were nearly asleep. I took them home to their nice apartment, and when got home myself treated myself to a glass of beer and thought about going to sleep....until my fucking phone started buzzing and reminding me of my 2 hour meeting at 11pm. It would have been 10pm but UK moved the time back during the weekend.

I know no-one will believe this but I played as Xiao Li's wife A Ni, and got my best score, including a 7-pack. So gutted I didn't use my own Mii...

Meeting the Americans

I had seen the American mum (mom) and dad (pop) while taking Leilei to school on occasion but not had the opportunity to say hello. This morning I found myself walking behind the mom and her two eldest kids and shouted "Lao wei!" ("foreigner!") to them, almost without thinking I was one too. They are a very nice family with three kids, boy 9, girl 7 and girl 4. The husband was away on business, but I invited them for a meal tomorrow anyway.

Deadline made at 2am after 2 hours' sleep and no electricity at home

Woke up at 7am after 2 hours sleep to take Leilei to school. When I got home I found there was no electricity. "Oh yes", said Tan, "there will be no electricity until 7.30pm tonight". Like, ok. But I have told you many times I have a deadline for today - when did you know about this? "There was a sign up all yesterday" Like, my Chinese is good enough to understand that? I managed to organise to go to Lin Hong's house while she was at work so I could prepare my delivery for later today. Tan hadn't thought to ask what their broadband password was, so when I asked she rang them up and the husband told her from the top of his head. This is a strangely Chinese thing. The password is composed of numbers only, and numbers in Chinese sound like other words and have strong emotional attachments to them. If I wanted a mobile phone number that ended 88 I would be paying 100 times more than one that ended 44, because the former is lucky and the latter means death. So, remember, if you ever get a phone call from a Chinese person and his/her number ends with a 4 it is likely that he or she is poor. Or just not superstitious. For the record both Tan's and my phone numbers in China end 637 and 697 respectively. Pretty neutral I reckon. Anyway I made my work delivery at 2am (6pm UK time) and managed a quick beer before sleep's tentacles enveloped me like a straightjacket with one arm free to hold your drink.