Funfair

More work than should have done. Boss meal with kids and ping pong. Knackered as not really eaten. Bumped into Uncle Yellow again? Music! then Huang late night for chat.

I’d done more work than I need have so guiltlessly went for a meal at Boss Zhou’s where I also played some ping pong as you do. As I’d not spent too much time with the kids recently we went on a Magical Mystery Tour that was none of the first two words as we went straight to the funfair where we tested out the wheel things that you pedal inside. I’ve still got a few kuai on our card so hope to be back soon...

The gaudy big wheel that I've not yet summoned up enough courage to go on

Piano and guitar at a friend's shop

After a full day of work I took the kids out to the guangchang where we did some shooting and kept them amused for 12 minutes. We then went for a drive for a bit until we almost literally bumped into Uncle Yellow, who invited us to eat bbq in the music shop. But the kids wanted to ride some more so we compromised somewhat and came back a bit later to after doing some shopping.

We came across some memorial with interesting writing that I'm hoping to understand soon

The government building in all its gaudy glory at night at the guangchang

At the music shop the kids ate a little but were still as shy as coconuts, so I wasn’t too displeased when Tan said she was going home so I dumped them off home and came back to some beer and cai ma. But of course they wanted me to play too. I spied an electric piano and asked if I could try that and knew it was a stupid question straightaway. Very unfortunately it didn’t have a sustain pedal so my renditions of Gladiolus Rag and Maple Leaf Rag didn’t sound as full as I would have liked, but it was really appreciated. Uncle Yellow told me he’d know me for 12 years and never knew I could play a bit of piano. I guess why would he?

But I spent more time with the guitar as I suppose it’s more of a social instrument. I was accompanied by bongo drums and some thing with hanging metal pipes that occasionally someone would brush to make a pleasant sound though I’m not sure how much it embellished The Boxer. Then Uncle Yellow was asking me about some Chinese songs and showing me the music and lyrics on his phone as though I’d just be able to leap into it...sorry mate!

Anyway it was a very fun evening and I said I’d come back. As I was in the mood I decided to go to Huang’s Beihai place for a last beer and chat. He was in fine fettle, greeting me like a long lost friend and constantly referring to me as “nalouzhan”, which is a local term for xiong di.

Staying up for City

It was a day of boring work until 10.30pm. Actually given that most of the time I’m working from home here I don’t finish till around 1am I shouldn’t moan, but I had been working well over 12 hours...anyway...First World problems in this context. I got the kids showered after their foray to the Guangchang where they got well and truly soaked with sweat, yet this didn’t help them sleep. But anyway I managed to go out to have a bite to eat with a couple of friends, and managed a late beer with A Wu later.

Then for what I really was aiming for...I wanted to watch the City match but it didn’t start till 3am. What to do? It was 1am and I had no intention of drinking till then, so I hit on the idea of having a Cola. It was quite disgusting, so I ended up putting a tad of vodka in it which didn’t really help in terms of taste or not drinking, but I managed to get through it with the help of a crypto-based conversation with Andge in the early hours. Yes, managed to stay up till 3am then found a stream of our match, only to be faced with a rather ordinary performance at home, coming back from a Rooney goal to draw 1-1 - I hope this is not a sign of things to come. It was well gone 5am at the end and I don’t think anyone minded me sleeping the study.

Reunion meal and guitar

I didn't get a call from Haiwei at 10.30 so I called him at 11 and he said to come over to his office in 40 minutes. 23 minutes later he called to come over again. Then on the way he called to tell me to hurry up. At the office we just chatted, waiting for people to turn up. His son hadn't eaten breakfast and neither had I, but that didn’t seem to be the spur for anything. Eventually an hour later enough people had turned up and I found out they were all ex-schoolmates. That was the precursor of a long meal that I hadn’t really expected.

It was a nice meal and good to have a reunion even if it was not one for me; it was at least a change from bosses’ meals. Haiwei had brought a guitar and bongo drums but it took some time before I accepted the former. I’m still rather out of practice but played out a few Simon and Garfunkel tunes to the delight (I hope) of the others. Eventually at about 3pm I used the kids as an excuse to leave to take them out. I really really tried to get a siesta but got no more than 20 minutes.

At the reunion meal prior to getting the guitar out

Haiwei rang me a bit later to say they were going for a couple of drinks but I chose to tell him “not now, but a bit later”. Earlier than a bit later he called again to insist that he pick me up in his car and we went to one of his friend’s place, where they were all eating (well by this time it was gone 6pm). I did manage a bit of beer and some cai ma but then had the (genuine) excuse of having to pick up the kids again. Not having the dian dong che it took me a good 15 minutes to walk back home but it was quite refreshing and I realised that here I actually make well under half as many paces per day compared to London except when I jog or do ping pong. Well worth noting that the exercise is that much more important here.

Once home we picked up the dian dong che and I allowed the kids to go to Yi Xiao to pick up some cheap toys. Ok it wasn’t the same shop we’ve been going to since Leilei was two but it’s the same area. They got two packs of fake Lego for 5 kuai each so that at least kept them entertained while we went to Haiwei’s friend’s house to continue the reunion festivities. By this time there were still people eating and drinking, but Haiwei was doing his clever job of being totally asleep on a hard, high-backed chair, oblivious to the rest of us.

A tad later A Wu called me to drink beer. I wasn’t really in the mood but as I’d left and got the kids to bed I went to this new German beer place for half an hour or so. The beer there was quite strong so I didn’t really fancy cai ma-ing, and managed a relatively civilised departure before 1am, and was asleep at home not long after.

Foreigners and Waterworld

Tan was taking the kids to some “Waterworld” in Baise. I was asked if I wanted to go and decided I would as it would be an experience out of the house after having worked all week, plus wanted to be with the kids. Surprisingly this visit wasn’t cancelled as most are here. I had to rush to get some food from the local supermarket and happened upon two Ghanains there. Apparently one is working in Pingguo, so he is one of my nemisi, and the other works in Baise but comes down most weekends. I bet they just love looking bloody different from the rest. But anyway we exchanged WeChat IDs and said we’d meet up soon, as if being non-ethnically Chinese was a reason to do so.

After grabbing money from the bank, and receiving multiple phone calls to hurry up, I got home and we took Chuan Chuan’s car for the journey and Tan took another friend’s. I was a little bit mortified to see the BCH was doing very well against BTC, and I’d bloody dumped my one when it was worth $500. Now it had crept up to $900. Because I was angry I decided to exchange some BTC for a few hundred MIOTA. Not a great decision as it was going for 90c but reason doesn’t work like that. In fact over the course of the 90 min journey I think I made three purchases of MIOTA as actually I’m quite interested in a non-blockchain distributed ledger technology and if it actually works it could render the former technology less interesting.

We got to Baise at 4.30pm, the most fiercely hot time of a ferociously hot day anyway. Just the walk from the car park to the entrance saw us leaping from shady place to shady place like crabs darting from pool to pool on a tided-out beach. Then we saw two black women walking past us. Gosh, two Ghanains in Pingguo and then this? Then another two white people walked past and I thought of going home. Then I saw that all the adverts for Waterworld had foreigners on them and I gathered that they worked here. Indeed when we got in the grounds and dumped our clothes and phones into the lockers we saw a trail of around 15 foreigners dressed up and doing what I suppose were foreign things in front of the locals who were happy to take snaps of them. The girls’ smiles looked particularly false here without too much effort to make it look real.

Tan and most of the ladies left at 6.30pm - so under two hours for 125 kuai and not even any swimming...it seems hardly worth coming especially factoring in the three hour drive. But I’m probably over-thinking it as usual and putting efficiency over...something. Then I bumped into Haiwei and his wife sunbathing as it turned out they’d decided to pop up here too. We agreed to meet up later for a bite to eat as they’re eating snails in Tian Dong soon.

So we left in the other car at 8.30pm and got back at 9.30pm. We found an expensive and crap bbq (well, 61 kuai and the fei niu didn’t turn up - won’t be going back there). I took the kids for a quick ride and some exercise outside before getting them to bed, before going out at midnight to see Beihai Huang who was drinking and happy to see me, so I stayed for a late tipple. Then some other mates turned up at a neighbouring table so I joined them for a bit, then what do you know? Haiwei turns up at 1am. He said something about meeting up at 10.30 tomorrow morning as it’s his son’s something-or-other, and we’d be eating at midday. Ok.

Mates at Huang's Beihai place

Work, Beer, Insects

A bit of a typical Chinese day here. A Wu told me to go to Lu Wen’s beef noodle place so I did as I didn’t really have anything else to do other than work and food was a good option. He arrived quite a lot later which is unusual as normally I’m the one told to “hurry up!”. By the time he turned up it was time to get the kids to feed them, so I did and when I got back 10 minutes later he’d finished his food. So much for manners! But maybe I was being a bit presumptory. He then said he wanted to invite me for an evening meal but I had to turn this down due to work.

Later on we apparently had planned to go to a local hotel buffet for tea (so much for turning down A Wu), and I explained that due to work I could go at 6pm, but I would need to dial into a 10 min meeting at 6.30. That wouldn’t have been a problem (well I didn’t get confirmation I’d get a quiet room in the hotel) but I was told that that 6pm was now too early and I suggested 6.45 which would be perfect. Of course I got a call at 6.40 to say that the place was too crowded and too noisy so we weren’t to go.

I got another call from A Wu during my meeting to say they were eating at the usual bosses’ place, so as I needed to feed the kids I got them some jiao zi and pancake thing I knew they’d definitely eat. I did more gan beis than I should have done in the hour we were there but sailed through the next meeting I had that evening for some reason.

The kids seemed happy enough

Pouring some bitter berry alcohol out of the largest hip flask ever created (I only tried a little)

Later, at the Nan Cheng Bai Hua supermarket I had significant progress in my ongoing quest to find 0 calorie fizzy drinks: sugar free 7-up! I was so happy I didn’t mind the fact that my old Nectar card wasn’t working and I had to transfer the piddly balance to a new loyalty card. So far I think the only value is to remove a few mao from the total to make it a rounder number to pay.

The Water Man IM’d me to ask me to go for a drink and I answered non-committedly, as first I had to drop of the kids then go and get some shampoo. But I did go there for a couple of beers before meeting Haiwei and his family in bar 3000 Degrees for a small bite. And finally A Wu called me to go and eat insects in a place a good 2-3 km away. But it was easy to follow the location sent via WeChat as this year the map works ok. This seemed to be a friend’s house and you could tell they’d been drinking for some time. I did quite like the various insects though...I can’t wait till they become a cheap enough form of protein that they’re not considered to be a speciality.

The insects were very good

Finally got back at 1am but the Water Man was still out so paid him a quick visit for a last beer before turning in for the night.

Barcelona...

Up too late for breakfast so took the kids to the Muslim place for lunch. Although we only got two portions we still didn’t get through more than half of it. Then it was same old work.

Teatime was to Waip's to eat although I’d already eaten Tan's leftover bbq from yesterday so wasn’t hungry. It seems a sin to bin it as it’s quite expensive, but we don’t have a microwave, let alone a frying pan. Seems a bit of a waste to have a gas supply fitted as we did eight years ago...well, you never know. Although I still had work to do I took the kids back with me as they wanted to be at home with me despite the lack of attention they’d get.

Then at 8pm I went to play some ping pong before taking the kids back to Waip’s to sleep and I took advantage of a lack of responsibilities by going out and having some bbq with the friends from ping pong in a local bar, a bit later than I would normally have done. Back home it was shocking to see the Barcelona attacks on the news and I stayed up later than I should have to follow it.

I will reach a new level of Chinese when I work out what this receipt was for...

10 iphones

In the morning I went out with A Wu for some reason I’ll probably never understand. I noticed he had a bag of about 10 large iphones in the front of the car and asked him why, but got an equally unsatisfactory explanation. Life’s just like that sometimes and I turned off my more inquisitive side. We stopped at a residential area and he told me to wait as went to do something. That was fine by me. There was a local shop by the entrance so I walked inside, bought a bottle of water, and started chatting with the boss-woman. In the end it took a good 20 minutes for A Wu to get back, and then we were to go to ping pong. But I was incredibly tired so we agreed to sort it out later and I went home instead to work.

Spot Leilei

Leilei

Getting older

Later we did indeed manage some ping pong before going to another meal at his boss-office place where they poured red wine from a ladle filled from a large bowl. Again, I didn’t ask, I just politely declined it. But Bak Sec Zhai was there, the fourth or fifth most important person in Pingguo, so I did have some beer instead. Then, for good measure we ended up in a KTV and I realised my work day was over slightly earlier than anticipated.

Meal with Bak Sec Zhai

I politely declined...

Watching the buildings grow

Literally worked all day. The most interesting thing was watching the buildings grow below as I waited for the lift...

Watching the buildings grow...

Nice boring

Well on paper it was very boring; jiao zi and pancakes for lunch for the kids and me, then working the rest of the day. I did go for an evening meal with A Wu and some friends but went easy on the beer and excused myself early as had to go to a meeting. It’s really pretty cool that you can be half a world away from “normal” work and yet work as normal.

I did regret the fact that the kids spent most of the day inside playing games, but that was not really my fault, and it is pretty hot, and most kids were probably having a siesta during some of that time. In the evening I went for a bite with Tan, then met some friends at a local bar at 11.15 for an hour or so which signified the end of my working day early for a change.

Writing school twice

Happy Birthday Mama! Up at 9am and did some more 7 exercises before a writing teacher I’d met a couple of days ago outside the supermarket texted me to ask when to meet up. So I said we would do after lunch, but she then proceeded to invite us to lunch anyway. I picked up the kids at midday from making cake for Tan, to take them there. As is quite normal, when we arrived all the adults wanted to take pictures of them, and they were not really happy about this, but I tried to explain that they should see it from their eyes but I don’t think seeing anything from others’ eyes counts for much for 12 and nine year olds.

Making mama's birthday cake

Well it was lunchtime and I wondered what they had, but they asked us what we wanted. I was a bit taken aback by this and asked the kids. They just said “jiao zi” so that’s what we asked for. The teacher looked almost a little bit disappointed as if we could have asked for something a bit more challenging, but made a phone call and said it would be on its way. Well maybe it was but it may have started its journey in a different town because about half an hour later one of the newly ubiquitous black and yellow mopeds turned up.

Xixi practising at the handwriting place

So another of my dreams of getting some afternoon sleep evaporated with each passing minute of the afternoon and although of course I wasn’t really angry I was slightly annoyed. But we got home around 3pm and actually I did manage between 20-30 minutes of less-than-awakeness as I recall not getting further than 13 in German counting.

The kids had no intention of sleeping so I took them out a tad later to the Golden Horse table tennis place but strangely there was no-one there. But I needn’t have worried; the writing teacher place had already invited me to go to theirs for a drink this evening so I thought I should take them up on this offer, though the kids weren’t too excited. When we got there they were in full swing and there was more than beer going around. I stuck to the former though, while one of the blokes was drunkenly going on about how his beef jerky was the best in the region. To be fair it was bloody good, especially on a nearly empty stomach. But pissed people often just get a bit more boring and that was the way the evening went, so we didn’t stay that long….

Getting a bit of fresh air from the boozy inside of the writing place

Too much red wine for me....

Thankfully, Yang Haiwei called me later in the evening to go for a drink with some of his mates. I dumped off the kids and went to what normally would be a pleasant evening. But for some reason it wasn’t. Maybe it was people getting drunk on red wine, and the fact there were blotchy-faced women that didn’t do it for me (nothing against women, just those drunk on red wine with similar coloured faces, as for blokes). So after a bit I went downstairs to the tiny tobacconist where my mate Huang works and I spent a few minutes with him having a chat and a weak beer, which was much more preferable.

Long day and some ping pong and first game of season

Got up at 9am which was too late for TT or even jogging unless you particularly had some sort of heat-wish, which isn’t very different from a deathwish at least in terms of spelling. Somehow met up with A Wu as he had an injured hand. I didn’t quite get what was wrong and it didn’t hinder his driving (but no man would admit to that anyway). We passed by some bloke selling a bubble-gun thing and A Wu stopped and bought a couple for his one-year-old son for 10 kuai each. I was tempted but knew they’d be broken within minutes.

A man selling bubble machines

Then somehow we went for a magical headwash. I know I generally prefer these in the evening or any time after a full meal but it was damn good at this time anyway.

While we were in this vicinity I noticed a place I thought I recognised from years ago; a small Septwolves shop I attended the opening of in something like 2008. I wasn't sure if it was the same place so took a pic of it so I could compare. I did go inside and ask the lady at the cash register but she was probably five at the time so wouldn't have known.

The Septwolves shop in 2017

...and yes I found the pic of the same place from 2008

By this time it was midday so we went to a place that did goose - not the place we would normally have gone to a year or so ago but it was still pretty good if not air conditioned. And then on to some other place where he was to drop off some takeaway from the same place. You’d think dropping off a bag of goose meat and rice would be a 5 min job but when he left the car I had a suspicion it would take longer. I walked into the local corner shop of the apartment complex and started talking to the owner (or the owner’s wife). Normally I quite like this situation as I’m able to have a decent chat but I was hot and bothered and tired, and didn’t fancy a beer that may have made the situation more amenable. Also, I’d arranged to meet Liangwen for some pingpong at 3pm and now that wasn’t so far away. Actually that was why I was annoyed; I’d hoped to grab an hour’s siesta and I’d realised that clearly wasn’t going to happen.

After about 45 minutes A Wu came back and I asked to go home to pick up my ping pong racquet (apparently not bat as you would think).

A Wu fiddling with some bank dongle that fits into the 3.5mm headphone socket in an iphone

Liangwen had  told me to get to the Golden Horse Ping Pong Centre by 3pm for some competition (although of course I wouldn’t be competing). So A Wu dropped me off in time actually but there was almost no-one there. Liangwen arrived half an hour later and then I realised he was not in the competition either. In fact it was some guys from Tianling, and at about 4pm they started playing. Yang Haiwei was there of course and Pingguo won, as I think they usually do.

While this was going on some woman was sorting out food for afterwards. I made myself useful and offered to help cleaning greens and to my surprise was accepted. It wasn’t much but at least I did something more than just watching table tennis. But tiredness was calling me so I made my excuses and left before 5pm promising to be back for the meal at 6pm. At home I felt so pre-emptively guilty of not waking up in time for the meal that I ended up not falling asleep at all, and leaving less than an hour later at 6pm to go back for the meal where I would be expected. Bloody hell they didn’t even eat till 7pm mainly due to just waiting around, a talent most non-UK countries seem to have mastered. At least during this time I managed to practise a little ping pong which kept me awake.

The woman I helped clean greens with on the roof of the ping pong place

We didn't use these but I wondered how long they'd been out there for and who would use them next

I had time to ponder the view from the top of the ping pong place

The meal with the Tianling folks was very friendly despite the room temperature beers (35 deg C) and the smoking doctor bloke made a nice speech I didn’t really understand. Then to my surprise they got back to playing table tennis but A Wu had called me to go and play ping pong at his bosss’ office and eat more food there. I ended up predictably downing a few (cold) beers and cai ma’ing for a meal before actually playing table tennis against a machine which is bloody knackering. But it stood me in good stead for playing A Wu later, who although is much improved, still lacks enough for him to be able to beat me.

The meal with the Tianling folks was not quite as blurry as this

In the evening the kids went to sleep at Waipo’s so I brought over their stuff and clothes then went home to wait for the footy. I don’t normally have caffeinated coffee this late but wanted to watch the City-Brighton first game of the season and we won it quite convincingly 2-0. Walker looks to be a good acquisition. Also managed a chat with Awl in the early hours before sleep defeated any more chance of communication.

A day in the life...

Once again I disdained early morning exercise but mainly down to laziness justified by wanting to use the abdominal wheel thing I got the other day. Blimey it really hurt and I’m not going to go down too far for fear of never coming back.

I still feel the urge to capture the view while waiting for the lift

Tan had planned to take the kids to Nanning at 11am on the “dong che”, meaning the fast rail service we now have. But of course this didn't work as planned due to the fact that there was a) no space on the train, and b) A Yi’s ID card had expired (and you can’t get tickets without one). This was typical lack of planning that happens literally all the time. It’s not a big deal - they went by car in the end, but blimey it still strikes me as strange they tell me one thing and do something else. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest only I get scared of the thought of my family being on the road outside of Pingguo.

I worked till 7pm before meeting up with Liangwen for a walk. I’m getting slightly peeved he only wants to do enough exercise to work up a sweat (i.e. walking) when I need something more vigorous, but hey, it’s conversation with a friend.

Later I found myself with the Waterman for a beer. I really shouldn’t call him that as it makes him sound like the character out of Monkey but he is the boss of the place that delivers our water and he is a man. More embarrassingly I don’t actually know his name. It was very nice though to have a chinwag with this local mate but before long I was asked to go to a new German beer bar with an advertising friend. So I did and had to choose an appropriate beer from the fridge. This was only difficult because I wanted something low in alcohol and what was there was mostly 5%+ - unheard of in Pingguo normally. So I settled on some Corona at around 4.5% and hoped its lack of Teutonicness wouldn’t be disapproved of too much.

As much as I would have been happy to end the night there, I got a call from A Wu, as one does, and found myself in a KTV place a bit later, but not as late as has been known and was back home, absolutely shattered, at 1am.

XSLT but would have preferred Java

Up at 6.30 after nearly five hours sleep. By the time I'd decided I wouldn't sleep any more it was already 7.40 and I already hadn't. It was too late for a jog and I was ping ponged out after the last few days so I decided on a walk up Chairman Mao Hill. It was rather cool for a Pingguo morning but by the time I got to the top I wasn't. I got talking to a 50 year old woman from Szechuan, who apparently was retiring. It was quite an awkward conversation as for some reason I barely understood a word. I hate these times; you've spent a fair few years getting used to the lingo and then in a few minutes you realise you're a bit crap.

Despite this I carried on briskly walking around the mountain, and used up fewer calories than I would have done had I gone to ping pong. Then boringly work beckoned but at least it was free from emails at this time. Lunch was breakfast but I probably didn't have enough as by 5pm I was starving and glad to go to Waip's for a lovely evening meal. As I wasn't rushed for work I went to the local supermarket and got some tissues and shower gel. So trivial but for some reason rather enjoyable. I also found one of those rollers for strengthening your abdominal muscles and thought "sod it" and got it. It's bloody hard so I suppose it must be good for you.

Back home it was work again. I was trying to use XSLT to split a flat structure into multiple objects but not only is it not the right language for it, the application I was using did not allow for easy use anyway. Had I been able to use Java it would have been about an hour's job. This will take days.

Finally I finished work at 9.30pm and took the kids out on the dian dong che. It was fun as usual but we somehow met up with Tan for a late bbq. However just as we got there I got accosted by some blokes with their families, and ended up having a couple of drinks with them...damn I'd nearly escaped beer today. Still took the kids back at 11.30 to sort out showers.

Horrid foot massage but nice storm

Managed a reasonable 7.45am wake up but didn't fancy running or ping pong and opted for a couple of 7s instead, which made me sweat nearly as much. I've got the Wii here but not really managed the time to set it up. I'd love to but at the same time it makes me nostalgic in an unhappy way. If I lived here I'd probably use it every day but now it's just memories of really great times but not the same people being with me. Except Leilei maybe, who probably won't lift his eyes from his phone now....

We had a severe lack of imagination re lunch and rode around for half an hour before coming back to get jiao zi and pancake thing with some lovely passion fruit drink as we've done a couple of times before. The kids have managed to sort out VPNs on their phones by themselves so I left them to it for a bit but I have become more aware of the left side of my left foot which is rather numb. I first noticed in the swimming pool on the third day but assumed it would go away. So I thought it would be a good excuse to get a foot wash, which means a massage as well....

In fact the idea of a massage washed me over and I had the good excuse of a half-numb foot, so I dumped the kids at A Ni's, where Tan was, and went to the place I'd been before to save myself from drinking too much beer last year below the bosss' place. I suppose it might be boss's or bosses' but I wanted to make sure it was plural (surely that's the correct plural possessive of bosses, bugger if not as I'm getting red squigglies even now under the word "squigglies").

The woman was glad to see me again and commented on how long it had been, and I dutifully told her I'd been away for a year, and had a bit of a numb foot. I may as well have said I had no feeling in either foot as I was of course subjected to a ferociously hot foot-bath as per last year. But I manfully dealt with it, until five minutes later when she started manipulating my foot in a way that made me understand there is no translation for "manipulating". God she was doing things that hurt to high heaven and I was literally shouting out in pain! Did she stop? Did she hell? At least while having a massage at the hairwash place they ask if it's ok, but here I was literally jerking my legs away and she was still pulling them back to administer more pain.

Half an hour later I thought it was all over, and was willing to pay 100 kuai just to get out, but I realised the woman was just going to lunch with another woman who apparently worked there. Oh no, her husband came over with a grin like the square root of minus 1. Whatever pain I had experienced over the last half an hour was exacerbated many-fold. I shouted, I screamed, I literally swore in English and Chinese, but all it amounted to was smiles on his behalf as though I'd justified his work. If I'd actually had a couple of drinks I'd have probably run out of the shop but I was still a little embarrassed. When he said "keyi le" I was the most relieved man on the planet.  I resolved never to go there again.

Bloody painful foot massage - I'm sure he's a nice bloke though

It was around 4pm and the weather was getting really dark, but I picked up the kids from A Ni's as I promised I would.... As the clouds were really low we (I) decided to go for a little ride on the dian dong che. We pulled over by the smaller pagoda and watched some workmen for a bit until huge raindrops greeted us. The kids were well aware of the impending possibility of getting wet and not having electricity, but I kept them there for a few minutes while we appreciated the incredibly dark clouds gathering. But yes, by the time we got home five minutes later we were pretty much soaked from the near water bombs that started to pelt us.

And yes, the electricity went soon after we got home. But I had a meeting to attend and it appeared that at Waipo's they still had power, so it was down the 14 flights of stairs and back onto the dian dong che to go there so I could do my meeting. The meeting actually went pretty well as I lay in the bed we stayed in a few years ago. And by the time it was over I had an invitation to see the kid that speaks a bit of English whom I met the other night. I said I'd contact him a bit later.

The kids and I surveying Pingguo under a tempest

As the rain had died down I decided to go to the 6th floor ping pong place to get a bit of practice in. The decision was a good one but my attempt to pull out the dian dong che wasn't, and I managed to knock it into another, which had the domino effect of knocking all the others over. I was really embarrassed and hoped no-one had seen, but that hope was dashed when someone came out of his or her car to help me right them all up. He (or she) said something to the effect of "hey, shit happens". Ping pong was ok, but you never feel as good afterwards as you do when having started at 7am.

I went to meet my new "friend" at Bar 3000, where I'd been last night, just at the bottom of Jun Lin Tian Xia. I suppose I was being a mini-ambassador but I couldn't really be bothered there. I took Leilei with me but took him home after a while as he was clearly bored. At around that time (11pm) Yang Haiwei appeared as I'd belled him earlier to come around, so at least I had a proper mate with me.

I insisted on paying close to midnight, as we were all clearly tired. Li Kun had been texting me about meeting up to eat chicken, so after I'd dropped off Haiwei I found him thanks to a WeiXin link just a couple of hundred yards from our place. He'd had a couple of beers but was his usual chirpy self, and I managed to stay up another hour with him and a couple of mates. Even now I'm aware we've only got three more weeks so I quite like these experiences.

Haiwei meal

Up at 8am so logicked myself to ping pong even though I wasn't massively feeling like doing it. The Chinese (at least here) are well into sweating, like it's a really good thing to do, and I don't disagree with them in general. A good place to do this is around a table tennis table. I was hoping for a siesta but was pleasantly surprised when Yang Haiwei called me to go for lunch. Despite going for a few cups of tea first we did go before 1pm and were very reasonable with only four 500ml cans of 3.1% Li Quan beer between four blokes. I took the opportunity of asking if people were buying bitcoin here. Haiwei was not interested but the other bloke made it look like I'd tickled his funny bone. I said I was no expert by any means but was interested a bit, and he told me that A Wu recently had 5.5 BTC but had sold them. Based on the recent value I bet he wished he hadn't. But that's what it's all about - betting. Even if you don't buy any you're betting that it's too risky to. In fact, annoyingly, every decision you make in your life is a bet in some sense. In every sense actually. It's just a bit hard explaining that to your kids.

But I was really glad to have this bitcoin conversation. It brought a really international flavour to the conversation and we talked about volatility and inflation and I certainly learnt a few new words. I just felt a bit embarrassed that Haiwei was nothing to do with this conversation. I wanted to talk about the concept of money and how I'd explained scarcity, fungibility, portability, divisibility, etc to my kids during the course of a drive to school, which was much more than I'd learnt until a few months ago. But we could save that for another day.

After this nice meal I picked up the kids but they wanted to stay at A Xia's with mama for a bit. This fitted in with me and I managed just a small siesta between 5-6pm at home. At 7pm I went to Waipo's to pick up the kids to go to ping pong. Annoyingly they weren't that interested as I was playing some other friends and they wanted to play me. There is a group of kids that practise every evening at 7.30 but my kids refuse to join in. I'd really love that they do but unless we're here long-term won't force it.

Yuck! Pic from the back of our dian dong che

I left them to shower at 10.30 as Tan was home, and I had a friend calling me to go out to have some bbq. Although I thought it was at the place we'd met last year it was actually just at the bottom of our place, and eventually I got there at nearly 11.30pm. But it was great bbq and I managed to force myself in to pay too; 200 kuai for five of us including cai mai'ing with the boss for quite a time. Bargain!

Coffee and sing song

A reasonable 8am wakeup meant I was not too tired yet not in the mood for ping pong. Instead I decided I'd practise the guitar. Tan has bought a full-size and three quarter-size violin for her and Xixi to practise with, and I felt the need to do the same with my Pingguo guitar I've had since 2008 when I bought it for 300 kuai. It's not a classic work of art but at least it gives me the chance to keep my fingers in motion. But I've been neglecting the guitar in recent months in favour of the piano and after a couple of hours had blisters on my left hand. I had bought new strings three years ago but hadn't put them on so spent half an hour changing them and appreciated the new tangy sound, but it didn't disguise the fact that it's not a great instrument. I was sorely tempted to go out and buy one for 1000 kuai (which would still have been half the price I bought my one for in England in the 90s) but couldn't really justify it. I spent almost all the two hours practising picking the strings for Flowers Never Bend with the Rainfall by Paul Simon and respect him more now as a guitar guru than I ever have. It's so much harder, yet so much more rewarding, than simply strumming the chords.

I picked up the kids in the afternoon from A Xia's but I'd remembered to take a pair of linen trousers with me as after being washed they were more creased than the foreskin of a particularly unlucky buddha. A Xia wasn't there, but the woman who was tried in vain to remove the creases by using a vertical steam iron. It was obvious to me after a minute that it wasn't going to work, and I suggested this to her, but it seemed she had nothing better to do so spent the next 15 minutes attempting to pull out the obstinate creases that were not having any of it. Eventually I cracked and just said thank you that's so much better than I expected, and she let me leave a couple of minutes later. Sometimes you just need a normal iron.

The Li Kun called me on Weixin to invite me to drink coffee with a camping friend. At least that's how I understood what he said. As it transpired I was right. I was with the kids and told them we'd probably be going to a posh coffee place with air-con but we ended up in a small shop with a fan. To be fair it was ok. The owner made some pretty good coffee and after a cup I was buzzing and told him I literally couldn't drink any more. Then he told me about some German bloke who'd come around some time before whose wife was also from Pingguo...I wasn't happy but tried not to let it show. So not only are there a couple of African teachers here, but now and again there is a German...so much for being the only gay in the village...the only comfort I got was that he said the German didn't speak Chinese.

There was a swegway at the shop but that only lent a few minutes of fun for the kids before they got bored, so I told Li Kun that I'd have to go. I would dearly have loved to go for a siesta but the coffee put paid to that. So although I got home at 3ish I had no chance of a sleep.

I dropped the kids of at Waipo's then got a message to go to Yang Haiwei's family at 4.15. I was expecting to go there at 5pm and at the time was still hoping for half an hour's kip but that went out of the window. I decided to go and deal with the tiredness. At least this year, whether it's the VPN or WeiXin is now using another map provider, I got a clear view of how to get to the house. However that didn't stop a good 10 minutes on the phone describing exactly where they were...we only really found each other when we were within literally shouting distance and I saw Haiwei on a balcony above....

I was feeling a bit queesy at Haiwei's family's house, and genuinely thought about excusing myself and going home, but then I though about how many people I'd potentially upset, so made a manly effort to join in in all things. It took a long time before the meal during which I was prising out English words to speak with Haiwei's son and a couple of his friends. This continued into the meal but I was still quite good and managed not to drink that much. Haiwei had said he'd bring a guitar as last night we'd been talking about Sounds of Silence and The Boxer, but luckily that didn't turn up. Despite my dicky stomach I did manage to eat some of the food although it was nearly all fish, until some beef jerky came around which I found easier to digest.

I made my excuses to leave but Haiwei said we'd meet up in a bit at a KTV place to sing song. I could hardly disagree as I'd barely drunk or eaten. He was taking his kids and I said I'd take mine and after a refreshing 45 minutes at our home took them out on the dian dong che to the new KTV place in the centre. KTV really isn't the same with kids, especially when they are singing kiddy songs. But I did cai ma with a couple of the dads...I lost the first eight in a row to one, then continued to beat him eight in a row in a mathematically unlikely scenario. I did have to sing The Boxer, though without guitar, plus Pengyou after I found the lyrics online. Tan's call before 11pm was a grateful excuse to leave to bring the kids home as they'd been stuck in their phones almost the entire time anyway.

A kiddy friendly sing song...

...though maybe not for these kids...

Passion

I managed to wake up at 3am, a whole 59 minutes after I fell asleep. Well that was ok, I'd just fall asleep again...at least that was the plan but it didn't quite work out and by 5am I'd decided I'd see it out and catch up after lunch. So I went for a jog at 6.30 and managed a slow hour around the guangchang a few times. More and more people are starting to do this and I had the idea of starting a Park Run here. Except by 9am it would be too hot so it would have to be a 7.30am start at the latest. I wonder how many people would really turn up.

Back at home it would be hours before anyone else was up so I didn't bother getting breakfast from the doujiang place, and instead had some of yesterday's unfinished bbq that was in the fridge. Normally this gets thrown away, so I was happy for the chance not to waste it, even if getting through several spicy duck tongues at 8am felt slightly weird. Later the rest of them got up and Tan said she was taking the kids swimming, and this time it actually happened and they were to meet friends and eat there (I've learnt that "swimming" is the optional part, and generally the excuse for a meet-up). So at midday, after my own bite to eat, I allowed myself a little drink to ease to flight into a morpheus grip and didn't arise till the kids got back at 5pm. They were quite sunburnt and I shuddered to think of the trouble I'd have been in had it been me who'd taken them out. Then suddenly it was 5.30pm and I realised I'd dropped off again, so this time I forced myself to grab a coffee to make my awakeness stick.

We had no invitations or plans for tea so we went downstairs to the jiao zi place, but Xixi didn't want any and chose a pancake-wrapped sausage thing with some lettuce instead from next door. It was not the most nutritious of meals but it fed them. The kids got some soft drinks from the other next door but I decided I would have some fruit, and asked the woman what she had. Of course she pointed to the menu and of course I was too proud to say I couldn't understand it, so looked at it in a way that I hoped made me look like I was deciding which of the various options I should choose. I wanted something new for a change, which meant something that I didn't understand (i.e. not watermelon, mango, or, well basically anything with "melon" on the end). So I started mouthing what I could read from 百香果 - bǎi something guǒ...white something fruit...I had a clue...now I realised the second character is one of the characters in Hong Kong (Xiānggǎng) but I couldn't remember which one...but it would be bǎi xiāng guǒ or bǎi gǎng guǒ, white fragrant fruit, or white harbour fruit. I guessed the former but couldn't work out which actual fruit it would be even if I could pronounce it. As I was mouthing it out the woman must have seen the troubles I was going through, or just grown impatient (which is unlikely here) and just shouted out "bǎixiāngguǒ!" and I looked at her without thinking and said yes I'd like one please! I had to watch as she opened the fridge and brought out a couple of brownish small-apple-sized things that she broke apart, revealing yellowy fleshy seeds inside and finally it dawned on me it was passionfruit. It took a few more seconds before it finally clicked that this was a Chinesisation of the English and had little to no bearing on white fragrance. Sometimes you can over-analyse things. It was delicious though.


Tan was off to Tian Dong and not back till tomorrow so I had the kids to myself for the next 24 hours or so, so we went for a drive down to the river just to have a walk. They didn't seem to get that going for a walk can be something in itself...you don't need to buy something or jump on a castle...or maybe that's one of the differences between being a kid and being "grown up". So I tried to explain that just by looking around and seeing and hearing things they don't get in the UK is an experience in itself. Like going to the bridge that has no road on the other side, and hasn't had for years...wondering why it's like that, and what you'd do if you could...I think that got them thinking a little.... And I still wonder why there is no road after the bridge..fat chance I'll get a good answer....

On the bridge with only one road, with Xixi who recently bought a mask in order to look like a "savage"...

I took them to the guangchang later to bounce off the energy of sweet drinks, and afterwards they both decided they'd like to sleep at Waipo's so I got them showered and ready and took them over around 10pm. At least that freed me up to see Yang Haiwei and his family a bit later as they would have been a bit bored with us chatting, and me having to speak English to his elder son. Despite having kept my diary clear for tomorrow (as he'd invited us to visit to his family's home in Po Zao) he declared that we would not now be going as his son was too busy. Just like that. Nothing gets planned more than a few hours ahead here, but it still surprises me. Instead we were to have a family meal at his place as we have done for the last few years.

I had promised to see my mate Hua the other night so around 1am I popped round to his shopped as he'd been messaging me for the last hour and I'd promised to make it over. I told Haiwei and he said he'd come too, which he did. There were about four blokes sitting at a table outside the shop and all greeted me heartily when I turned up on my trusty steed. It was more of the same in terms of gan beis though Haiwei's wife took them home after half an hour and we continued on for a bit longer but I was getting really tired despite my recent siesta so called it a day at 2am.

A Wu meal

We've been here long enough that jetlag shouldn't be an issue but that was my excuse for another 6am wake-up. Today I couldn't be bothered with a run, so I languished in bed until the guilt tripped me into going to play ping pong. I was duly beaten but I sweated more than enough to justify my time and got back in time to get the kids' breakfast. It's becoming as predictable as it has been in previous years, except they no longer want dou jiang. So I end up buying four eggs, one you tiao, and a couple of yumi bing and a portion of jiao zi if they have them and it costs about 80p and there's always enough left for me to have some lunch later. Despite prices rocketing for many things, and the horrible exchange rate from a post-Brexit point of view, this is one of the things that remains nicely affordable.

Tan took the kids out at lunchtime and I knew I'd need a kip but I called A Wu and Ma Laoban to see if they were available for lunch but neither was. This is a bit of a strange experience here but I think of it as a good thing; people are actually busy as opposed to some previous years' experiences.

Tea was at Waipo's, which she really appreciates, even though she eats earlier than us and doesn't eat at the table any more. I don't know why this is but I'm not going to question it. While we were at Waip's, Tan showed a video of a recent kerfuffle in Pingguo where a bloke was covered in blood after a fight with someone. It filled the kids with the heebie-jeebies and meant I had to get them home reasonable early tonight. I'm quite annoyed at that...we get these sort of stories now and again in the local news in London but we don't change our livelihood.

A Wu then called me to go to eat with him and some bosses at the office behind the KTV. I've hardly seen him since I've been here so drove over and it was just like old times with food and beer and cai ma. I excused myself at 9.30 as needed to pick up the kids from Tian Yang Po's bbq where Tan was eating with Huang Chun and A Xia, and took them to the supermarket before heading home for a shower and bed. Tan got back at 2am.

Some people were drinking suan mei jiu but I don't understand why the hip flask was so big or hip-shaped

A really enjoyable meal but I had to hop to a meeting soon after...