I need more sleep

Bloody hell I woke up at 3.30am again. Stupidly since we took the flight I have forgotten to take my melatonin as really its main use is supposedly to counter jetlag. And I've been taking it most nights for the last few months despite almost no jets.... Well with the help of VPN and Youtube podcasts I managed to doze on and off, too tired to go to ping pong but too awake for a proper sleep. If I was living here properly I'd have just got up and got on with my day, knowing I would find a few spaces (in terms of time) to grab a nap here and there.

In the morning Jiuma had left to go to Baise, saying Erjie would turn up at 3pm. I didn't really pay much attention to that as people say lots of things here. But at 2pm Erjie video-called me to say she was outside Pingguo and was going to pop in to see Leilei. Sure enough a couple of hours later there was a knock on the door and Erjie and a couple of other ladies walked in and shrieked to see Leilei. Of course as all relatives do they remarked on how tall and how thin he is. But he seems pretty cool with that. As an 18 year-old I was so self concious about being thin. But we managed the photo-shoot and then they said they were going to Baise for a meal and that we could go with them. Hmmm...no thank you was our reply but we were told any time we wanted to go there we could get a hotel for free...yeah not dodgy at all.

Leilei with Erjie and another aunty

Leilei had forwarded me a text, which I worked out was saying the account was under-funded. What? Already, after four days? Oh well, I guess Li Kun had just got us the cards but no credit which is fair enough as we haven't paid for them yet. Topping up would be via Weixin of course and Yima's friend helped me out as I topped up my account with 50 and the same for Leilei. I tried to top up Nezha's account but it wouldn't allow me to input his number for some reason. I know when Li Kun got us our cards mine was the "main" one and the others linked to my account. In fact I'm not sure I needed to top up Leilei's at all. Anyway the text I received appeared to show my account was still 112.99 kuai in debt. So I added 100 and then 30 and that appeared to enable all three of us to get back online outside of wifi zones.

Bugger, I still hadn't registered us and we'd been here for five days already. Five days or 5 days? The former seems more correct but in this internet age do we need to bother? I understand in general from one to nine should be written like that but from 10 and above it's the number form. But is it a rule set in stone? Are any rules for the English language set in stone? It doesn't bother me that much as I'm not an English teacher but I just want one single rule to be adhered to: "literally" means exactly as is. Not similar to. If we could adhere to that single rule I'd be happy for the rest of English to swim about in the mud of ambiguity.

Well it has pretty much been raining since we got here but at 4.30pm there was a break and I took this opportunity to go to the police station. It was still overcast but only about 30 degrees so I walked it. It's such a cheap thrill, walking in Pingguo. Even though almost no-one shouts "hello!" any more, I still have an acute awareness of where I am and that to some extent I will be judged as a foreigner and I will never lose that feeling of needing to be a "good" diplomat. I got to the vicinity of the police station and asked a shopkeeper if he knew where it was. He pointed and said "not far" which was all I really needed. Three minutes later I was there and couldn't understand how I'd missed it the other day.

Inside I explained that I needed to register us and the lady wasn't sure what I meant. I wasn't really sure either so just said when we come here we need to show our passports to the local police and she seemed to get it. But then the other police woman - no, just police person - told me that I had to go to another place to "deng ji wai guo ren". I was slightly disappointed but not surprised; there have been at least five places we've registered ourselves in the last 19 years or so. She kindly wrote a couple of sentences to explain where to go and who to see in the building, which was on the other side of town and they wouldn't hear of me walking there (not least because it would take 45 mins and they closed in 30).

So after this most recent unsuccessful attempt to register ourselves I started walking back and picked up a couple of small towels for wiping the seats of the dian dong ches clean. Again, such a trivial thing as that turned into a delight of talking with the shopkeeper's daughter who didn't know how much to charge me so called her mum to find out. Yes it was only a 2 minute conversation with her but it probably gave us both more value than it would have normally...although it most ways it was totally normal. I also needed a shower mat to save us from a near-certain injury in the slippy bathroom. Neither of the shops I tried understood the Google translation of shower mat so I had to explain the action of taking a shower and slipping over in order to get them to understand what I needed. But the second shop had a dirty one hiding away somewhere.

A Wu called as is his wont and I agreed to meet him shortly at his new office. But first I wanted to sort out charging the dian dong ches. These days all the charging places have a number and a QR code, so clearly I'd need to sort something in Weixin. I duly scanned the code then got page after page of instructions in Chinese that I was gutted not to understand. This is the difference between being able to chat to a person in Chinese and actually interacting with applications. I got as far as taking a screenshot then literally writing the characters down on paper then inputting them into Pleco, and found out I needed to fund an account. Fair enough I added 10 kuai but then there was more stuff to do. I sort of gave up and sent Tan a couple of screenshots and she sort of helped. I plugged them both in and saw that the chargers' lights were green so hoped they were charging...green is for "go", right?

The evening consisted in a walk to A Wu's new office for "tea", then going out to a restaurant not far from our place. I pinged the boys and was a bit surprised to hear that they'd come over (on their hired bikes). The meal was with Boss Wei, who seems to be A Wu's main boss-companion so far this time. Plus A Wu's new wife and Boss Wei's wife and a few other people. The boys turned up to the delight of the others but Nezha said he felt sick and went to the loo. Meaning they both left minutes later. I guess it does take time for your belly to adjust here. 

At 9pm I explained I'd been invited out to see another friend so I was allowed to leave. I went to meet Lu zong at his new place in Jiang Bing Lu. Annoyingly I can't order a didi che with my phone without doing photo ID, which I'm not sure is a good idea as I have Li Kun's banking details and his photo ID attached to my phone too. So as I saw no other means of transport I just ended up walking and getting there a little late. We had a couple of beers  and bbq with some friends for a couple of hours before A Wu wanted to meet up again at a KTV bar around midnight. Again I walked the 1k or so and made it there to find them in a strangely non-singing room in the KTV place. I was getting pretty tired and it didn't help that the woman who decided to sit next to me whooped me at cai ma, And I made my excuses and left soon after 1am.

Nice grub

Awoke bang on 3.30am after 3h30 sleep. So much for getting over the jetlag. Dropped off a little between 8-11 though, and again after heating up some leftovers from Uncle Yellow's meal a couple of days ago.

Some mate IM'd me at 5.42pm to drink beer and as I had nothing officially on I said I should be able to. Then I bumped into Waterman, no, Lu Zong as is his name I now know for sure, and he asked me to go out tonight. I said I may already be busy but maybe I could come over later. I had a portion of bao zi at our local place and the woman was very happy to see me after such a long time.

Then Chen pinged me to ask me to go for a bite and I explained about the existing dates. He answered fairly logically that the bloke (who quite frankly I couldn't remember) who'd invited me for a drink hadn't even given a time so we could count him out, and that we wouldn't need to go to Lu Zong's till 9pm. So I pinged the bloke I should be seeing and explained I had two other dates and we could meet up in a couple of days, and he said "ok" and 10 minutes later I was waiting outside our building, watching Chen coming up the road in live location on Weixin. When I saw him lean out and shout my name from the right-hand side of the car I knew he must be in a didi che and that meant he was going to drink, as he's one of the few people I know who are very strict on themselves about not drink-driving.

We drove up to just north of the guangchang into a residential area where we walked in to what looked like an alcohol shop, to a great cheer from mostly red-faced people drinking baijiu. Chen was aware of my dislike of this vile liquid and had brought a load of German beer. And although it may not have been real German beer it was German strength at 5% so I knew I'd need to be careful. But I was brought straight up to the boss to gan bei a large glass of beer with his thimbleful, but after that I insisted on half or third measures when gan bei'ing the rest of the table.

I wanted to take a picture of the food and that was fine but Chen made a point of me not taking a picture of the people. I sort of got that and understood that the multiple people taking pictures with us were of their own volition.

Nice array of food at the meal

Well 9pm arrived and it was pretty clear we wouldn't be going to Lu zong's place so we went with the flow. Then I got in contact with Leilei and it appeared they had sussed out how to use the public dian dong ches using Weixin. Now that he has someone's card assigned to his account he can pay for stuff with a simple scan. So he simply scanned a couple of the yellow bikes and they both rode up to where we were. To more cheers of course! I do understand that people still like to have their photos taken with us, but I was happy it was the boys who were more the centre of attention rather than me. Apparently they hadn't eaten since lunch so gorged themselves on the grub, and in this case quite literally were eating grubs, as far as I could understand.... Well they were explained to me as "wood worms" which sounds self-explanatory but I wasn't aware they were so big.

The boys enjoying their grub

Oh dear...

The boys made their excuses after a while and at well gone 11pm I had to admit I was flagging again. But Chen is cool and understands that and won't try to force me to stay. So one gan bei later I was saying my goodbyes and not quite committing to coming back tomorrow as invited. Chen had ordered a didi che and 5 minutes later I was back home not even contemplating a night cap.

Back to ping pong and meal with Haiwei

Somehow I was up bang on 7am as if jetlag never existed. I could easily have gone back to sleep but did my trick of logicking myself into shorts and a light tee-shirt and grabbing a couple of bottles of water and my trusty table tennis bat. After a couple of mouthfuls of yesterday evening's doggy bag made my way to the old people's leisure centre for the first time in getting on for four years.

The tables had changed, as had the floor, and I recognised no-one from before. And maybe for the first time I wasn't the youngest person there. But within 30 seconds of walking into the room I was invited to play. It's one of my greatest pleasures here, at least in the morning time. The bloke I was playing decided we would play a game and for once I didn't have to ask as I knew it would be five games. I was happy with losing the first 11-8 and ecstatic to win the second 12-10! I lost the next three of course but I will still chalk it up as another moral victory. I then did the rounds with a woman of my age and another bloke before someone I recognised walked in and gave me a shout of recognition before shaking my hand and getting on the table with me. He proceeded to put me in my place until even he could see that I was waning and he told the woman to replace me. That was what I needed as it was now 10am and I could go home and get the boys some breakfast.

They hadn't rustled but I knocked to ask them for their passports as I'd need to register us with the police for our stay. But not before going to the dou jiang place we've been to for years to get them some bao zi as the jiaozi were already sold out.

Sadly my dian dong che is broken, and according to jiuma it will be 1000 kuai to repair so not worth it for 7 weeks. I told her I agreed but inside I wasn't sure. It's a major form of freedom here. But she said we could use another one that she'd bring round but she'd already told Leilei about that and he was excited about using it with Nezha. So maybe in the end I'll pay for it to be fixed and then the family-in-law will be able to use it in the future.

So I took her red dian dong che out in the rain to find the police place. This has been a bit of a wild goose chase in the past as it's been in at least three different locations. But I found the place we'd been to for the last two times and of course it was boarded up. I asked the bloke in the neighbouring water place (that was blasting music out as they do) and he said they'd moved down the road and I got him to write the name on my phone so I'd be able to find it later as apparently they were on holiday today and tomorrow as it is dragon boat holiday at the moment.

I did drive down to try to find the new place so I'd know where to go Monday and came across a police-looking place with people wearing police-like uniforms in it. I asked if they were the police and they said no it was 200 metres further down the road. 200 metres further down the road I saw nothing police-like so it's going to be a question of getting Uncle Yellow to help again I guess.

While on the dian dong che I decided to get some jiaozi from our old place near our old house. But I happened upon the water place next door first and found Waterman sitting there. He jumped to his feet and we had a hug. He immediately took a video of me and sent it on Weixin then we shook hands again and drank tea for a few minutes while he invited me to a new place in Jiang Bing Lu when I had time. He understood when I said I needed to get some food and got three portions for 18 kuai - more than the last time but understandable and still delicious. Annoyingly Weixin pay didn't work, or rather it did but said I needed to await an SMS to confirm but it never came. And a couple of doors down I picked up a six pack of Li Quan and a couple of zero-sugar lemonades as I planned to have another siesta.

The lads still hadn't stirred when I brought the jiao zi so now they had both breakfast and lunch on the table. I managed a portion of jiaozi but despite the early start only managed to drop off after 3pm to a Lex Fridman podcast thanks to Pure VPN being the only reliable one so far. A Wu called to wake me up an hour later and I didn't really know what he wanted but I told him we'd been invited to Yang Haiwei's tonight. Then I got three more calls that I thought were from A Wu so I ignored them in an attempt to get more shuteye until I realised at 5.40 that it was Haiwei calling me. So much for being ready at 6pm, he was already on his way to pick us up and wanted to know where we were.

I'd already showered after ping pong so picked up one of the remaining duty free bottles and 5 minutes later we were in his car driving to his friend's place. He spent the next 40 minutes or so cooking and the boys were asking how long to wait. But this is China and you don't ask such questions. At least there were snacks to keep the wolves from the door.

Well we started with lamb soup with lots of meat in it but it was strange that there was only us three plus Haiwei and the woman of the house. Leilei spotted what he thought was a tiny maggot and said it put him off his soup, and that put Nezha off eating the rest of his. I looked at the so-called "maggot" and could barely work out anything other than an excuse. Obviously I couldn't explain a maggot for fear of offending the cook so I just explained the boys didn't really like soup and could they have a bowl of rice instead? Of course they could and they did actually finish it before asking if they could go for a walk.

Spot the maggot

Nice meal at Haiwei's

That was the last I saw of them as the woman's husband walked in with two crates of beer in addition to the cans we'd already started on. Haiwei's younger son came out of his shell a little and spoke a very little English so I'd done my job. We went on till well after 11pm when Haiwei could see I was flagging and drove me home as you do, and I was asleep by midnight.

Music at Li Kun's and evening meal with Uncle Yellow et al

Up and down from 4.30am till getting on for 9am when it was just "up". The lads were up soon after and it seems they had had a better sleep than me but I wasn't complaining. They grabbed the showers they didn't have last night and I was pinged by Li Kun who said he was at the dentist's but would be at his place at 1pm to give us our holy SIM cards. It's always a huge deal to have a working SIM with data but especially this year as the lads will want to go out together without me and without wishing to virtually chaperone them I will need to be in contact. After all 18 years is not the most mature time of your life (I speak from experience).

They took themselves out to get breakfast and had 16 jiao zi between them. I had nothing as is my wont. Then we left soon after midday to attempt to withdraw some money from the bank and get some provisions from the supermarket. The deluge that had defined the morning had stopped but we foolishly went out without umbrellas and of course after 5 minutes it started again. We avoided most of the moisture by walking under the overhangs of the shops until we came upon the Agricultural Bank of China. Bugger - my card was not accepted in the first or second booth. We are down to 300 kuai after I found another 100 kuai in my wallet so I must sort this out soon.

I chose "English" but the error message most certainly wasn't 

We continued down to where I thought Li Kun's place was, helped by a map he sent and my memory. We were hungry so stopped into an eatery but the boys were not impressed by what appeared to be the fare or my lack of translation skills when it comes to food. So we stepped out and went to the supermarket Leilei and I had been to a few times before that sells a decent range of sugar-free drinks. Nezha wanted some dry beef but we couldn't find any so he accepted spicy wet octopus. I got two boiled eggs and Leilei some crisps as he wasn't hungry after the eight baozi late morning. I asked the ladies at the till if there was wifi and of course there was so I connected and we ate our wares as I confirmed we were pretty close to Li Kun's place.

Uncle Yellow had also contacted me to invite us to Jiang Bing Lu to eat with Boss Zhou and A Ning - friends for many years now. After last night with Li Kun I was a lot happier that the boys would come along and not be bored (at least for a while). The last time we were here it was like taking blood from a stone to get Leilei and Xixi to go out for a meal with my friends. I just hope they don't get too much of a taste for the beer.

We found Li Kun pretty easily and the next couple of hours were a wonderful mix of tea and music. It sounds a bit Leonard Cohenesque but both the lads got into playing instruments with Li Kun and myself and I saw a side of my son I'd never really seen before. Being painfully shy for most of his life he engaged with Li Kun in Chinese and music (two important languages) and Nezha was doing so too at least in music. We ended up sharing each other's music and doing some live jamming and Nezha was really enjoying it. We'd found a medium that surpassed spoken language to some extent or rather augmented it. A bit like maths in a way...totally international. We left only to get some rest at our place as we knew we'd be going at at 6pm to see Uncle Yellow.

I managed a snooze from 3-5pm despite the Vanilla full-sugar Coke I bought thinking it was both sugar and caffeine free, while the boys went out to see the town again. Yes, Pingguo is officially a city now...for the last 3 years or so but it will always be a town in my heart. 

Soon after 6pm we left for Jiang Bing Lu by the river. It would be about a 20-odd minute walk if we couldn't find another means. But on a corner I saw three or four white cars about the size of a Ford Focus - too small to be boss cars but too similar to be a coincidence. So I asked the driver of one of them if it was a taxi, but he didn't seem to understand, so I thought I was mistaken (租车 isn't it?). But then I double-checked using the international term "taxi" and he nodded and even said "yes" in English. So we jumped in and I said Jiang Bing Lu but he seemed unsure...normally such taxis are hailed by the Didi Che app in WeiXin but I didn't think it would work for me as I need to set it to my new number. But I showed him on the map on his phone and we were there four minutes later. I was getting my money out when he asked if I couldn't pay by WeiXin. I thought I'd try it anyway and he said 6 kuai, and to scan a certain QR code. As if by magic it actually worked as I still had some money in my account.

Uncle Yellow, his family, Boss Zhou, A Ning, and a couple of other people were there at a table not in a private area, and for the next three hours or so what followed was a typically lovely meal. Nezha was asked what he'd like to eat and he answered "chicken" when I translated the next thing we knew that a fresh one was being tracked down. Nezha wanted to see it being slaughtered but we were told it was not possible. I doubt that but they probably preferred our company at the meal. And indeed 45 minutes later the dish was served. But the boys, as has been their wont so far at every meal (both of them) wanted to go for a walk for a while and I explained it was Nezha's first time in Pingguo and he wanted to see the place so it was ok. Also, unlike last night they were on Coke and water instead of beer, which I was relieved to see (worried that they'll get a taste for it).

I pinged A Wu during the meal as I thought I ought to let him know I was there rather than him find out by seeing me cai ma on Douyin. Of course he was about and told me to come to the KTV place after I'd eaten. Uncle Yellow was fine with this so we dropped the boys off and I walked the rest of the way to the KTV place. At the counter I showed the address that A Wu had sent, thinking it would be one of the posh rooms but actually it was another Boss Zhou's place behind the KTV building that I'd been to copious times before. A Wu was in fine fettle and grabbed me and picked me up with his bearhug. There were over a dozen drunk men and a couple of sober women around the table and I had to ganbei with most of them, multiple times over the hour or so that I spent there. I was flagging and said I had to go at about 11.30 so A Wu came with me. For once we didn't drive or take a taxi, but walked the 10 minutes to Jiuma's place where I wasn't even tempted with a nightcap.

Back to Pingguo

 Got up reasonably early and my breakfast comprised last night's dish but the lads didn't want that so went out to find something. I asked them to bring back some food for the train journey. When they got back I asked what they had bought for the journey and the answer was "I forgot". Bloody 18 year-olds....

At 11am I went to reception and asked about the shuttle to the train station. I thought I'd understood what she told me and she said the next one was in half an hour so we got our stuff together and went down again. I asked if the room had been paid for but the answer was neither "yes" nor "no". I didn't really have time to ask exactly what that meant so just asked if I needed to pay anything - "no" was the answer I was hoping for and what I got, which is fortunate as we only have about 300 kuai left between the three of us and Pingguo.

The near midday heat was very close, but manageable. That was until the clouds parted and I realised why everyone else was standing in the shade of the fronts of the shops; I could feel myself burning within seconds, not to mention globules of sweat running down my face. I saw two minibuses, or bread cars as they're known here, and I saw that our ticket had 20000D printed on it which was the numberplate of one of them so we looked to be safe. But as the driver opened the side door people appeared from nowhere and pushed to get in with their huge suitcases and I realised that without doubt we really were back in the mainland. But I was worried as we also had huge suitcases and there was almost no space left, and then another lady rudely pushed in plonking her own white box of a suitcase on the step. I nearly said something but bit my lip. A man already in the van calmly redistributed the baggage that was already there and we all managed to fit it all in, though it was a very tight fit. Then the driver announced that this wasn't the van to go to the tube station, and the rude woman with the white suitcase had to disembark in shame (well I hoped it was shame). Still, there were two oldish women standing in the aisle, so I offered one my seat but the driver was telling two other women sitting down with their toddlers to put them on their laps to allow the elder women to sit down. You shouldn't need to be told to do that. The last 5 minutes were incredibly sweat-inducing, not helped by the bit of stress about possibly not getting in and the lack of A/C.

But we got there with two hours before our train, and the cool air emanating from the station was more inviting than anything we could have seen or heard or tasted at that moment. I'd been reading up about train luggage security and there are some very specific rules, such as no aerosols greater than 120ml. Effectively all your luggage is hand luggage on a train, so I'd been careful. But there is generally an air of randomness, and I was hoping we wouldn't get a strict official as we had five litre bottles of duty free (the rules say max size is 500ml) and our suitcases were over-sized and mine was overweight. As we put them in the scanner I noticed a man in front of me was taking various bottles out of his luggage and taking a sip of each one in front of the security woman, presumably to prove it was not dangerous. This was not really a surprise to me as I'd been asked to do that before, but I didn't want to open the duty free and take a lug of neat orange gin. As it was, all three of us went straight through and were not asked to open a single bag. I'll tell Tan that but if they are asked to open their bags it will be my fault!

Despite the air con the midday sun was coming through the transparent roof and causing us to sweat in our seats, so I tracked the source of the air con and found seats as close to it as possible and it was so much more comfortable there. The lads went on a walk around the station, and I realised there was no wifi here, and we would probably be without a connection until we got to Pingguo unless things have changed and the trains now have it. So I just sat back and people-watched for the best part of an hour, enjoying a lot more than I would have done at any train station back in the UK. I went for my own gander when they came back with a bit of food and thought I'd just double-check that we didn't need a paper ticket. There was a small queue for the information desk but people just kept pushing in in front of me before I could get to talk to the bloke. I hate this, and hate to do it myself but eventually I just had to force my voice to be heard and my body to lean on the counter and eventually got the e-ticket information confirmed, and the quay (A28) we were to go for. There was "only" half an hour to go so I thought it best to get over there. Indeed there were already queues and once again it was sweaty time. Luckily they opened a new queue for manual ID checking and of course there was a mad rush for it. But we were patient and eventually very relieved to find there was plenty of space for our suitcases as that is not always the case on crowded trains. A justification for the extra 15 quid each for first class. Pity they couldn't put on any wifi though....

The three and a half hours took a little less than that as we were now pretty relaxed. The next thing that could go wrong was changing trains in Nanning East as annoyingly when we booked the tickets the direct trains to Pingguo were already sold out (two weeks in advance). At Nanning we arrived 10 minutes late but still had 31 minutes to make our connection. It turned out we nearly needed all that time as when we went to change platforms a worker apparently needed to see our passports again. Then when she told us where to go we needed to show our passports again to get there. Again we had first class just to give a better chance of getting luggage space and indeed there wasn't as much as the previous train. But the lads were able to put their suitcases behind the end seats and we went to sit down for the last 59 minutes of our train journey. And it passed by relatively smoothly despite not being able to keep an eye on our luggage. We got off at 18:40 and I breathed a deep Pingguo sigh of relief and remarked to the lads "welcome home!".

It was genuine relief...it felt like there could be no going back now. Literally living the dream (or nightmare had it been full of westerners ). I'd not asked anyone to pick us up as perhaps I should have done but wanted to do something under our own steam. Three years ago Leilei and I had shared a san lun che from the station to home and I fancied doing the same thing, despite half joking they probably didn't exist any more. But that looked less like a joke as we passed the taxi drivers but I was determined and finally we came upon a group of ladies and their three-wheelers and negotiated two of them to take us to Waipo's place. The lads loved this welcome to Pingguo - so much more interesting than a boring taxi.

Taking san lun ches back home

Jiuma was there to greet us and within a few minutes we all had our rooms and started the A/C. Leilei and Nedas decided they wanted to go out for a walk and I didn't argue, preferring to sort out my bags and grab a shower.

But first I asked if they had wifi and breathed a massive sigh of relief when she said she did, and 3 minutes later we were online again after 7h40m without connectivity. The VPNs were still playing up but I could get connected to people on WeiXin, so let the appropriate people know we were safely back in Pingguo, and I agreed to contact Li Kun when the boys were back.

So at 8.30pm Li Kun sent his location, which was on the south side of the football stadium and told us to get a didi che taxi there. I told him I couldn't use WeiXin to order one so would take a san lun che. He then told me there weren't any so I told him how we got back from the train station and anyhow worst case we'd just walk it in 15 mins.

Well it seems he was mostly right about the san lun ches, as we saw none and walked up through the guang chang in full swing. Yes, we were well and truly back. As we got to the foot of the stadium we couldn't see the place named 两室一厅 (Two bedrooms and one living room) so asked one of the outdoor food stall people. But she didn't know and told us to ask someone at the traffic lights. We had no idea of the significance of the traffic lights but headed in that direction before asking a bloke running a clothes stall. He didn't know either but when I showed him on the map he looked at the actual address of the place and part of it was 北们 (north door). Given we were on the south side of the stadium we said our thanks and headed to the north side. Interestingly, the floodlights were on and we could see people walking about as though it was a new feature of Pingguo.

In fact Guangxi Pingguo Haliao are top of the Chinese League 1 (2nd division) at the moment and I was keen to go and see them. Until I heard people have been queueing up from 5am to get their hands on them as the online ones sold out immediately. However, Ling Ming told me that if you buy a top for 120 kuai you can get in for free as a "cheerleader". So a week or so back I asked him to get 3 for us and indeed his wife Xiao Nong obliged and we hope to pick them up soon, but whether we'll actually get in or not is another matter. Wouldn't loads of people just buy a top to get into a match rather than queue up that early?

Anyway at the north side we quickly found 两室一厅 with Li Kun and two friends the only occupants. It was like nothing had changed. His male fried was already half cut and the female friend drank and served tea. The boys, having only had some crisps and sweet snacks since breakfast (due to having forgotten to get lunch) were famished and as soon as the soft chilli peanuts were served set upon them. But with chopsticks this can be frustratingly slow one at a time, so someone brought a spoon for Nedas. Well actually he is now known as Nezha, who is a famous character from around the time of the Monkey stories (he is a naughty boy in them). When the bbq started to be served 15 minutes later the two of them wolfed it down. I've never seen Leilei eat so much in one sitting.

The bbq went quickly

When they were full they went for a walk for 20 minutes or so and said they were tired when they got back, so Li Kun ordered a didi che and used the address Tan had given me. I hadn't used this address with the san lun che drivers, preferring just to give them the name of the street and then pointing until we got to the house. I told Leilei to message me when he was home (we had wifi in the bar) but after 15 minutes was concerned when I'd heard nothing. There wasn't much I could do; they had no means of communication and only a key to the house. Finally, after about half an hour I received a message saying the taxi had gone to the wrong place. I have a suspicion there is more likely to be something wrong with the address as Li Kun had pasted it in the app when ordering.

After another 40 minutes or so I was flagging myself so Li Kun ordered me a didi che, but this time I showed him on the map where to go. As per usual the car turned up in under 2 minutes (I remember the days when Uber used to be quite good), we said our farewells and we'd meet up tomorrow when he'd sorted our SIM cards.

A couple of minutes later I was standing outside our complex 御景华庭 but before going in I thought I'd get three bottles of water for us. Well that turned into a walk to Huang's Beihai seafood place. I suppose it was lucky he was away in Beihai on business for a couple of days as I shouldn't be out too long, but some chaps at a nearby table recognised me and invited me for a beer. Well...I told them I couldn't be long as the boys were at home but still a bowl and a glass were shoved in front of me. I stayed for maybe 15 minutes and of course when I took three bottles of water and a can of lemonade they wouldn't let me pay for it.

Back home I saw a missed call from Li Kun and a message asking if I'd got home ok so I replied giving my reason for being a bit late...I guess he was a bit concerned, as I was about the boys earlier on. They didn't come out for their water so I assumed they were asleep. Something that I unwillingly avoided until nearly 3am according to my watch/app.

At long last...

Leilei's last A level was Monday 19th June so I'd booked a ticket to go back to China on 20th. This time with his mate Nedas in tow. Luckily, I had sorted out Leilei's and my visas in good time and we both now have 10 year Q2 ones thanks to being family! The visa centre said if Tan wrote the invitation letter (as opposed to her brother who actually is in China) we could have 10 year ones instead of 5 or 2, and in fact didn't really give us a choice. But I'm not complaining if it means we don't have the kerfuffle of the application process for a long time. For some reason Xixi was only given a 2 year one even though they charged us for a 10 year before giving us a refund. Anyway she and Tan won't be coming till next month due to school. 

We arrived at Heathrow Terminal 4 at 5.30pm, 4h40m early in an attempt to avoid the rush hour, but we spent all the time on the Lizzie line standing up. There was no zone specified yet for this flight but I asked around to find it would be F, and when got there saw that check-in would start at 6.10pm which is a whole hour earlier than I'm used to, and we were near the front of the queue. At least I was. The lads had gone for a walk, but I saw the baggage people getting in their seats and I sensed they might open early. So I called Leilei to "hurry up!" and realised I sounded a bit Chinese but in this case I really meant it as they opened up while I was talking to him. So before 6pm the bags were dropped and we went to security where inevitably my liquids were searched for some reason I wasn't told and Leilei's bag was too. But five minutes later we were in the lounge without having to queue, and the boys went to eat while I watched the last half hour of the first Ashes game at the bar. Wow, what a test as Australia won by 2 wickets towards the end of the last day! Were England vindicated for declaring on day 1? I think so; it was brave and showed willingness to go for a result rather than a draw.

Lounge Lizards

After three hours of relative decadence (for an airport) we all removed a couple of cans of lemonade (no sugar-free unfortunately) and went to board what would be my first flight for 4.5 months and Leilei's first for getting on for four years if you don't include my 30 mins pilot instruction course where the kids came along too. 

Well it was a pretty uneventful flight direct to Guangzhou, with mild turbulence as predicted by turbli.com (I can't believe I wasn't aware of this site till recently).

I was prepared for just about anything, and managed a bit of sleep with the help of some Phenergan, and didn't watch anything on the screen for the first time. No drama with suitcases after the firm landing either, and immigration went without a hitch and left me with a 27th entry stamp. 

It took a little time to sort it but we manage to scan our passports in order to receive a code for the airport wifi, where I was able to tell Tan and Nedas's mum that we'd arrived safely via Weixin. I wasn't able to tell the rest of the family though as Express VPN wouldn't connect, meaning no WhatsApp etc. I'd expressly bought Express VPN after not insignificant research about which VPNs would work here as I know there's been more of a crackdown since we were last here.

Finally back!

Another annoyance is that I can't pay by Weixin at the moment so to get a tube ticket to Guangzhou South train station I had to find somewhere to change my 50 kuai note into five tens as the machine only accepted 5s and 10s. Having said that it was only 9 kuai each for the 90 minute journey to Shi Bi stop, close to the hotel that Chuan Chuan had kindly booked for us. We had our first negative China moment when we had to change lines after five stops. I told the lads that probably loads of people would be getting off as they were concerned about getting their suitcases to the doors as we were in the middle of the carriage. I was right about people getting off, but even more people were getting on. This was even more aggressive than I've seen before, people getting on literally pushing people getting off back into the carriage. We were not going to miss our change so I shouted "there are still people getting off!" as I'd done a few years back when trying to get off a train. But these people were relentless so I lied and shouted "there are young children trying to get off!". It was a bloody nightmare but a combination of that plus physical force from us and others just about managed to get us out of that carriage and for once I didn't mutter under my breathe but said out loud "such lack of manners!", but I don't think anyone cared. 

As we got out I saw that Line 2 was on the other side of the same platform we were standing on, but Nedas just followed the majority of the people going on the up escalator. No problem, he'd realise what he'd done and come straight back down the down escalator wouldn't he? No, of course not. He wasn't back after three minutes, and without any means of communication I sent Leilei to find him while I looked after the luggage. At least four trains we could have taken came and went and the 10 minutes they were away felt like three times that. But they finally came back from a different part of the platform, meaning it wasn't a simple case of doing a 180 turn and coming back down. 18 year-olds....

Outside the tube station we were hit by a wall of humid air and we got our unmistakeable first hit of southern China. We could have chickened out and got a cab or two but I'd asked a worker in the tube station where the hotel was and he showed me on his phone. It looked close so I took a snap of his screen and we successfully navigated the 750m or so to the 维多利亚hotel for a simple check-in before heading outside for a lovely al fresco evening meal. I also ordered a couple of Li Quan bottles for the first time in years, and for the first time in my life I ganbei'd with Leilei (and Nedas). I left the lads to go on a walk and went back with two boxes of doggy bag food (doggy boxes?), which I was pretty sure wouldn't be accompanying us to Pingguo. 

The hotel had two separate bedrooms and another bed in the main area. More importantly it also had wifi. Of course the first thing we did was try to get the VPN working but it was a bit hit-and-miss. Nedas managed to connect to Japan and I managed Singapore but with mixed results - at least WhatsApp worked though, even if many sites wouldn't load. Moving on to the laptop, Express VPN wouldn't work but for some reason my Pure VPN browser plug-ins appeared to work fine, and I'd not seen any mention of Pure in my VPN research. So I was fairly satisfied with that and optimistic we'd have some connectivity in Pingguo.

Really the last time going back in 2019

It was strangely easier than I expected getting up at 5 and grabbing a quick shower, though annoyingly I couldn’t find my razor for a shave. Outside at the coach stop I bought some jiao zi to have as breakfast for 6 kuai which were nearly as good as the Pingguo ones, and caught the 5.45 bus and it arrived 30 minutes later at the airport, justifying my decision to go a bit later than the suggested 5.30am.

For once my check-in experience in Nanning went without a hitch, and I took the VIP security quickly, but for some reason I only had about 10 minutes in the lounge before the flight was apparently boarding. So appropriating a lemonade I went to gate 21 and indeed I was one of the last on, even though it was just gone 7.30. I managed the first half of the 1h20 minute flight like a man but then, just as the notice came on to say we were starting our final descent (were there more than one?) my innards started talking to me in a way I didn’t like. I’d managed a poo at the airport but I knew at the time it was no way enough, but I wasn’t ready for how short I would be caught.

Every minute that went past felt like an eternity. I even tested this by playing Boggle on my phone (also to get my thoughts away); I did much better than usual due to the slow seconds giving me more time to think. The only problem was some of the words that I was coming up with like “dash”, “smear”, “failed”, “faints”, “fat”, “tensed”, “tender”, “tense”, “rocks”, and “loser” (not “looser”) all seemed to take on a meaning appropriate to my situation and didn’t take my mind off it at all. I contemplated running to the loo even though they’d been closed but didn’t want to break aviation rules. I remembered how Gerard Depardieu had been arrested for weeing into a water bottle when his flight had been delayed while they were on the tarmac, and remember thinking at the time what could he have done? He wasn’t allowed to go to the loo yet the flight was still on the ground. My situation was many times worse, and not getting better.

The last 20 minutes went from agony to excruciation, and I barely noticed the turbulence. I had planned to go in the front of the plane. At least when we were allowed to stand up there was a tiny but noticeable reduction in the pressure that lasted for a couple of minutes, but it took an age before we actually started to move down the aisle, and I found that there was no toilet there. Damn, for some reason when you think there is one it’s like you’re mentally ready to go, but now I had to stop that thought. What a long walk it was in the airport scuttling past as many people as possible until I finally saw a toilet sign.

What I hoped would be relief turned to disgust when I saw the only cubicle that was open had a squatter, and not only that it was filled with brown water. I calculated that I didn’t have much time, and went in anyway. I closed the door and thought I was in the Chinese version of Trainspotting - the most disgusting loo in China. I pushed the flush thing thinking it might help the situation and instead the water level rose and came up to the floor. Oh shit! Literally. I contemplated going anyway but then thought of the consequences of splashbacks and the fact I had a 12 hour flight to negotiate. I couldn’t. I opened the door and walked out saying in a very audible voice that it was disgusting. I then had a five minute walk to baggage reclaim where eventually there was another toilet sign. The place was packed and I had to wait. Well I should have queued properly but to my shame when a door opened next to me I darted in (I didn’t feel shame at the time). Yes it was a squatter, but it wasn’t flooded and I just managed to pull down my trousers to let out the most relieving poo I think I ever will have. I even squatted there for a couple of minutes after just to enjoy the relaxation, and reminded myself that Andge finished a round of Angry Birds squatting on a loo at Waipo’s in 2009.

Revolting but I just couldn't go

I knew I hadn’t got it all out but it was enough that I could walk like a new man, almost smiling in my relief in a sort of Mr Bean manner, before picking up my checked bag, as I’d checked in the zong zi. I was in good time for the next check-in to London, and saw that it would start at 10.35. So I paid another visit to the loo and this time waited for a proper sitting one, but nothing more would come, and I hoped I hadn’t somehow constipated the rest of it up inside me somewhere. Outside, check-in numbers still hadn’t come up so I decided to ask and the woman said 65-67. Cool - I got there and waited until someone else started queuing before asking her if she was queuing for London, to which she answered in the affirmative.

But 10.35 came and went, but nothing happened until well gone 11am. This was frustrating because I knew there would be various immigration and customs to go through, and I wouldn’t have much time in the lounge despite being one of the first to check in. And indeed there were at least three queues to go through before security where they scanned my laptop bag three times, each time taking more and more stuff out until finally they found a tiny screwdriver. I explained what it was and how I needed it to tighten up the screws in my laptop, but it was one of those situations where the security person had decided she would definitely win, “win” meaning removing something from my possession, and it was to be the screwdriver, which had been through dozens of security checks (many of which in China) before. I was more annoyed at the waste of time, but at least the lounge was opposite, and the gate only 30 seconds away from that.

Yeah I expected only beer, but it was better than nothing and I helped myself to two or three as it was the afternoon now anyway. Actually maybe it was three or four as suddenly we were boarding. This didn’t take long, which gave me hope. I’d been given an aisle seat as requested and there was a space between me and the window seat occupant. Rather annoyingly the Italian male air host spoke fluent Mandarin, but I decided not to indulge him in it. When boarding was complete I asked if I may move to one of the rows with three empty seats and he said it would have to wait until we were in the air and the seatbelt signs were off. I said I guessed it was because they flight had been balanced like this and he said yes. I didn’t start the questioning as to why it would be ok to unbalance it once in the sky. I highly doubt the balancing is just for takeoff.

It was a modern 787 Dreamliner like the one I’d taken back a few weeks ago from Wuhan, but not quite as empty as that flight, so I had my concerns others might get to one of the empty rows before me. So I had my bag and headphones at the ready and the second the seatbelt sign went out I went to the middle row after the bulkhead and threw down my hoodie over two of the seats, and my bag on the other, before going for a well-needed wee. On my return I was happy to see they were still there, and I plonked myself down in the middle seat, hoping this would be a sign for anyone looking to lie down that this would not be the appropriate row.

The film selection was a bit crap, and yet again I watched 90% of a film without remembering it. Probably due to the phenergan and a couple of glasses of white wine with the meal. With that I blanketed myself up, ensuring the seatbelt was visible, and lay down until there were 1791 miles to go. I’d managed about six hours of non-stop sleep. Say what you will about having a couple of drinks, but the health of getting that much sleep surely counteracts the negative effects of the booze.

I think I even dozed off a bit more after having a tad more to eat, and the rest of the flight was relatively turb-free. It felt weird that it didn’t feel weird leaving China this time. I’ve managed it three times this year and there is a possibility of going again and more and more it feels like home from home. I was slightly naughty at T3 when arriving and picking up luggage - I walked the 10 minutes to T2 and used my card to grab a shower in the lounge, and a congratulatory couple of G&Ts, as I’d completed my 300th flight, covering 516569 miles, the longest of which was 7756 miles and, the shortest of which was 98 miles, at an average of 1728. And a carbon footprint that would make me one of the worst in the world if 90% of those weren’t for work, and therefore the footprint falls on the shoulders of my employers. I was tempted with the Christmas lunch in the lounge, but wanted to see the kids before bed. It’s been a tough year in terms of travel, with I’m guessing around a quarter of it away from home. So it’s going to be very much a family Christmas and hopefully no more travelling for at least a fortnight.

It just felt right after such a long journey...and may not be available much longer...

Bloody deserved...got to be up tomorrow early...晚安

Last night in Pingguo for the third time this year

Well it had been a treat popping back to Pingguo for a couple of days. I would like to have taken back a winter coat for Tan but apparently I’d only been allowed to take tiny stowed luggage with this trip, though that’s probably bullshit as for all my flights I’d been allowed to take all luggage as hand luggage. But I wasn’t going to moan as I’d try to take advantage of it and take two hand luggages plus a hold luggage that was not allowed technically...whoa...dangerous!

But the sad point was I was leaving today, yet again. The flight was not till tomorrow but it was horribly early. So I went to lunch at Luwen’s - he wasn’t there at first though his wife was and she was happy to see me but annoyingly not that surprised. Not that I wanted to surprise her but I thought she might be so as she wasn’t expecting me for at least another seven months.

But I called him and he turned up and we had just a couple of beers which was an added bonus...just to be with him and family. Then I had the stupid idea of going for a massage before getting the train. I thought there might be time, as I’ve thought on many a last day occasion in the past. I got in contact with our neighbour and she suggested where I might look for one, but it soon dawned on me that I would need to get to Nanning pronto.

While I was waiting around I went for a walk by our place and happened upon a new food place in a dead-end road, but really close. It was Zhang Hua Hua’s mother’s new place, and literally new. If I hadn’t been waiting to go to the train station I’d have stopped for a meal even though I’d just eaten. I really hope they do well. I have my doubts as it’s not a through-road but who knows? I said I’d definitely pay them a visit when I come back.

Zhang Huahua's mum's new place

I was WeChatting my neighbour at the time and she said she could get me a ticket in the future, and while I appreciated that it didn’t help me while I was in the queue. But I didn’t need to stress, and I logicked myself into that way of thinking. It was cool...I was still in Pingguo for a short while at least...I might as well enjoy it, and my flight wasn’t till tomorrow….

I just about got ticket for 4.05 and while going through the turnstile saw a black bloke which made me jealous; I'd managed all the summer without seeing a foreigner in Pingguo (except Steve once), and then in a fraction of a weekend I’d seen one. We caught a glimpse of each other as we were going through the lane for people who didn't have Chinese ID cards, and it was enough to say "ok, we're foreigners, but that's as much as we communicate" at least that was my idea. And it seemed to work as he got on another train.

At Nanning I first went to the bus place to ask about times tomorrow morning. They asked what time my flight was and this time I was honest and said 8am, and they told me I should take the 5.30am bus to the airport. I was thinking more like 6 so I suggested 5.45 instead. It was like a really silly form of haggling as the only loser could be me. She said ok I could take that but I could only buy the tickets on the day. So I asked her how long it would take - 50 minutes - but that’s how long it normally takes during the day. So I asked her specifically how long it would take that early in the morning - 40 minutes. Jeez, didn’t she get the context of the time from the conversation we just had?

I checked in the hotel then went for a bite and had a lovely huoguo that I could barely finish, washed down with a couple of beers. My left shoulder had really started aching this afternoon so I found a massage place and got an hour’s worth for 50 kuai...should have done this more often in Pingguo.

The hotel was one I’d had before - the Vienna Hotel...comfortable room and stuff but for various reasons I didn’t sleep till well after 1am for a 5am start.

Haiwei and Thunderf00t

Up at a respectable 7.30, that turned into gone 9 despite the cold. I showered and at nearly 10am decided that actually I would have breakfast, and walked to the jiao zi place and guzzled a lovely portion while explaining to the owner why I was back. She was happy to see me as she smiled for the fourth time since I’ve known her.

I found my lovely tee-shirt that Mon got for me nearly 10 years ago

Sadly I still take pictures of the view from the lift...

I hadn’t told many people I’d be in Pingguo this weekend but I had told Haiwei and I should have gone to see him last night, so I called him to see if he’d like to eat lunch and of course he did. We went to a relatively simple place and had a lovely huoguo and only two beers each which was refreshing in more ways than one. We arranged to meet for tea but as it transpired he was too tired. As I had only another 36 hours or so in this town I ought to have painted it red, but sadly I was also tired so went home to rest for a while in bed.

Bloody good huoguo with Haiwei

I spent the next few hours nearly getting to sleep watching “busted” videos from Thunderf00t on Youtube. I think I may have seen one of his years ago but quite like his science-oriented diatribes at people trying to make money from well-wishing but ignorant folk.

At 6pm I had to go to a friend’s for tea, but by then Li Kun had called me to meet up, and I genuinely wanted to, so made my excuses at 8.30pm to go to his house for a bite and a drink, but I’d also said to Haiwei I’d also meet him for a drink at 10.30pm…. He’d obviously had more of a nap than I had and was back in the groove of beers. I did my best and acted appropriately even if there was a rather drunken woman who didn’t. But I was very British about it and made my excuses by 11:30pm to go back to Li Kun’s. I managed to stay for some excellent raw fish dropped into boiling oil with quite a few friends, and it was nice not to have the pressure of playing the guitar for once.

First evening meal

Excellent fried fish with Li Kun

Watching the City match...we won't win this season but when we play well it's so nice to watch

I got home after 1am but in time for the City - Leicester match and watched us perform well for once completely taking our chances and getting a well-deserved three points. Excellent.

Sneaky return for a couple of days after Hanoi

I’d hoped to wangle a few days in Pingguo after a three-day kickoff meeting in Hanoi, but had been requested to stay in Vietnam till Friday, which in the scope of things was hardly torture. I’d booked an afternoon flight meaning I had to leave for the airport straight after lunch. Lunch being with one of my clients. I am by no means at all a foodie, but the food experiences I’ve had in Hanoi have at least allowed me to understand people who are. The stuff you wrap in leaves and dip in a dip were gorgeous, and so different from what I’d ever tasted before. Especially considering I was as far away from Pingguo as Paris is from London. But then the food between these places is probably pretty much as different.

When I arrived in Hanoi a week ago I could only notice the similarities with Guangxi, and given that they neighbour each other it’s not surprising the vegetation is similar. But the differences were the signs in Vietnamese and the amount of people (men) I saw urinating by the sides of the roads. I’m sure it happens in China and in the UK just as much and I probably just had a perchance gawp from my cab but it was my first impression on arrival.

Anyway I had a lovely time in my one night in the Mercure hotel, which I’d chosen as I only needed one night to become a Gold Member...that sounds a little rude. The lovely people on reception congratulated me on this and told me that as a Gold Member I would be able to check out later. I asked if this would apply to my stay and they somewhat sheepishly said they couldn’t put it on the system as I wasn’t yet a Gold Member, but they were human and said of course I could. Take that, “computer says no!”. I immediately felt guilty that I was only staying one night and the rest of the week would be at an Airbnb, and explained and apologised as probably only British people would do. It was 11am and three hours before check-in time but I hoped due to my soon-to-be Gold status they would sort me a room and they did so pronto. Now I’d not slept that much and was tired so what to do? It was almost like writing an equation on the back of an envelope (with the first syllable pronounced “en” rather than “um”). But it was pretty much midday and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay up till that night, so I justified breaking into the duty free V and having a couple of snifters...and time justified it as by 2pm I was in the arms of Morpheus for a bit. The problem was when I got up at 5pm I was awake till stupid o’clock and ended up forcing a drink at 5am till 6am which didn’t work so I went down for breakfast at 7am, after which I did manage to sleep till 12.30pm. Now the bonus of the late checkout came into effect.

But that was my first day in Vietnam...not much to do with China other than the proximity. Back to the Friday my client, a lovely bloke named Chien, booked me an Uber-like taxi to the airport and told me it would be around 300 Dong. So I said my goodbyes and gave him a hearty handshake and a semi-hug as the tiny car rolled up. It was thankfully not a scary ride and I noticed that wherever you are in Hanoi there seem to be so many white people close by.

Really loved the street food in Hanoi...my last meal...hopefully not my very last...

Of course I was still technically working, and had to attend a meeting in the afternoon. Unfortunately I had quite a few queues to manage until I got past security. But the lounge in Hanoi was lovely. I self-served myself a rather large G&T before dialling in to my meeting and possibly got myself one or two more in the next half an hour. But finally I was free of work. I knew it wouldn’t be easy to get to Pingguo; the last train left before 9pm so I’d have to find a car. So I pinged my neighbour who works in the beauty shop and she gave me the address of a place to go in Nanning where there should be cars going to Pingguo.

Fun watching the planes landing while in a meeting

The 40 minute flight was actually pretty fine...I like to think I’m getting used to flying after virtually 300 flights, but as soon as turbulence sets in I get white knuckles….well not if after a couple of gins. But I arrived at 7.30pm and would have been out of the airport 10 minutes later had it not been for an interview by customs. Ok it wasn’t much of an interview but it was one of those experiences that made me a little proud. The customs bloke asked me if I spoke Mandarin. I was in two minds how to reply; saying “no” would have been easy but maybe wouldn’t have explained why I was only going to be there for three days, so I said “yes, but not perfectly”, which was true, but also could describe a whole range of ability. He asked me where I’d been and what I was planning to do and I explained I’d been working in Vietnam and was planning to spend three days in China as we had a place there and I wanted to see some friends before going back to the UK. It was boringly honest and it was boringly accepted, but I self fist-pumped as it could have been a tripping point...I’ve sort of taken it for granted that I can just visit China but it should never be taken for granted.

By 8pm I was on the airport bus to central Nanning but my bloody phone wasn’t online. I tried in vain to connect to the one-bar (as in bars out of four on the phone, not number of places selling alcohol) airport wifi but from experience resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn’t get online with that. Then I hit on the idea of putting in my English SIM and sending a quick SMS to Li Kun to put in some credit to my Chinese SIM in case that was the problem, which I bloody hoped it was.

I sent the message and swapped back SIMs, then was a bit annoyed at myself for not having hacked my phone with new firmware to allow dual SIMs. Apparently the Mate 10 Pro allows for dual SIM outside of Europe but they stop it by firm/software inside - even the SIM holder clearly has space for two micro SIMs but one is filled in. For a few pence and a lot of time I could easily do this. It’s the latter I don’t have. No sooner had my Chinese SIM connected than I got a call from Li Kun to tell me he’d had to put in 200 kuai to re-enable my line. What a con!

But I was online and my neighbour told me where to tell the taxi driver to go once I’d got off the bus. I flagged one down and 15 minutes later I was in the old north station area and indeed there was a car about to leave for Pingguo. It was one of the few times that a plan seemed to work. Of course it wasn’t that easy. I was told it would be 80 kuai, which I’d expected, and was a lot better than the 300 I’d paid in October for just me. But it meant we were picking up other people, and the next 40 minutes we spent doing that, going to places in Nanning then stopping and waiting and making phone calls until they turned up. Finally, on the outskirts of the city at a tube stop we found the last traveller and we were en route to Pingguo. At least I was in no hurry, and had the chance to speak a bit more Mandarin with the locals.

Although we were going to Pingguo, about 20km before we got off at Long’an, I got concerned and asked what was going on but the driver said something that I didn’t understand and I was too embarrassed to admit I didn’t understand. What happened was that we went through the toll gates, he paid 24.75 kuai, then did a u-turn and carried on to Pingguo, where when we got off it was another 4.75 kuai. Ah, clever - the journey from Nanning to Pingguo direct is 40 kuai so he’d saved over 10 kuai!

We eventually got to Pingguo soon after 11pm. I noticed that where the first bloke got off was rather close to Li Kun’s so I said I would like to do the same and paid the driver his 80 kuai, so he got about 35 quid for 90 minutes driving though he was about 20 mins from home.

Li Kun greeted me without any ceremony as is people’s wont here, and then called a mate to drive to my place to drop off my bags. I first insisted that I pay him back and he accepted the 200 kuai but asked what other currency I had. I nearly offered bitcoin but didn’t think that would go down too well so I showed him a 20 Euro note and he said he’d prefer that even though I told him it wasn’t worth as much. Maybe it was in his friends’ circles. Back home I took a sneaky swig of duty free V then went back down and we drove on to a new place that has not actually opened yet - it looks like a small bar with a stage for musicians and I was worried that I’d be asked to perform.

But I needn’t be worried...there were many of Li Kun’s friends there, some of whom I knew, some of whom apparently I’d met before, and some of whom I didn’t know at all I hope. But a few gan beis meant that we were all friends after a while. It was nice to feel that I wasn’t a stranger, just a non-Pingguo’er but I’ll accept that for the moment. I will look forward to coming back to this place when it’s opened fully...not sure when...but it will happen.

I was flagging by 1.30am and made my excuses. Li Kun was cool and gave me a lift back, I think happy that I’d made the effort to make it over despite the travel. Getting home it was a little weird getting used to the cold. Last month it was still in the high 20s so although no need for the air con it was comfortable. Now, for the first time since 2014 I was experiencing coldness in Pingguo. But fatigue and slight tipsiness meant I found some long pyjamas and put an extra cover on and I found it rather easy to sleep.

Nice empty flight for a change

The hotel gave me a lift to the airport at 11.30 for the 2.35pm flight. It is a nice new airport, and was quite empty. This gave me some hope for the flight. No queues for checking in my bag, nor for security, and the lounge was pretty empty too save for a foreigner. They only had 2.8% beer on offer so I availed myself of a few of those and they actually did the trick. Boarding was right outside the lounge and I was worried I’d missed the flight as there were so few people there.

Grabbing breakfast at 11ish it was interesting to see people boozing at that time...had it been me it would only have been acceptable if a flight was incoming

When I heard the “boarding complete” announcement I nearly leapt for joy as I had the three middle seats all to myself and I saw that we were at most 1/6th full. After take-off I even moved to in front of the first bulkhead on the side of the plane so would get less disturbance and after the meal and a couple of white wines managed the most sleep I ever have in a non-business class long haul. Apparently this route was a lot busier in the summer...I doubt they’ll have it this late next year though..

Literally wonderful, though maybe not from a carbon footprint perspective....but I slept so well

I’d had a bonus two weeks in Pingguo that I hadn’t taken for granted. I caught up with friends and finished off with a double-bonus empty flight with extra-bonus little turbulence. Arriving in Heathrow I celebrated with a quick bite in the T4 landside lounge and maybe a G&T before getting home to see the family. I wonder if I’ll get such a chance again.

A bonus way to end a bonus trip that I hadn't expected this year

Leaving Pingguo for the last time in 2019?

I woke up relaxed as pretty much everything was ready, so I decided to pay Ma Laoban a visit as I haven’t seen him for a while. As luck would have it he was in and bade me sit down for a chat. I explained that I was leaving in an hour or so and he decided now would be a good time to give me a present of four bottles of concentrated wild pear juice. But not only were there four bottles, they were boxed, and for some reason he needed to unbox them. I had arrived at his shop knowing I was in good time but it dawned on me that the longer I spent here the less time I’d have to get to the station.

Ma Laoban is such a good friend but I didn't need the pear juice episode

I graciously accepted my gift and before I worried about how to get them into my luggage (I couldn’t) he started to worry about whether I could get them into the train. I told him it would be fine but he insisted in trying to call a mate who worked in the railway business, but couldn’t get through at first. He tried again and while he did I checked online and clearly you could take fruit juice on the train, but he had to get it checked before he agreed. Then he was concerned about bringing it on the plane but I told him I’d check it in. Again, this wasn’t good enough and he made another call, during which I started to get really concerned about the time. I’d hoped to see him and give him a hug goodbye but I was getting bogged down by pear juice miscellany.

Eventually I took my leave of him (and got the hug), and got home just in time to remove two bottles from the polystyrene box and leave the rest on the dinner table, before ringing Li Kun to see if he wanted to share lunch of jiao zi as that was all I had time for, and I wanted to say goodbye to him too. He came straight away, but was not able to park outside the jiao zi place for some reason - apparently they now have parking attendants and it would not look good for him, a member of the police/government, to be breaking the rules. So he found a place to park and came back five minutes later not knowing that I was getting a little anxious about catching the train in under an hour. The jiao zi were a great way to say “goodbye” to Pingguo till the next time but  Li Kun insisted on bringing me back to his house to drink tea. I couldn’t really argue as I have a go at people arriving at the train station nearly an hour before their train, so complied and enjoyed a few mini glasses of red tea at his place until 20 mins before the train, when he drove me to the station and it would have been cutting it very fine had there been a queue at security (or had they wanted to search my bags). I barely had time to go to the loo before we were called to board. And so much for goodbyes here...it was more of a “seeya” and maybe it’s better that way.

This place has become so important in the last few years...I can have a full meal with the kids for 18 kuai - and today Li Kun also appreciated her dumplings

A little bit sad at seeing Li Kun shutting up shop for what was probably only an hour or so

I got to the Nanning coach stop to the airport not too long after 2.30pm, and the driver asked me what time my flight was. I instantly thought about it and decided it was better to lie and tell him it was 4pm instead of 5pm. I don’t know if I thought that would give him more urgency or something but he then said “no”,  I couldn’t get on the coach. What? I remonstrated with him that I certainly needed to get on this coach but again he said “no”. As we were outside of the coach I walked around the front of it and thought sod it, I’d put my suitcase inside and get on anyway, and paid my 20 kuai for the ticket. I was hoping he meant that if I took the coach I’d miss my four o’clock flight, and he didn’t want to be in any way responsible. Bloody hell if only I’d told the truth. As it transpired we arrived soon after 3.30 so probably would have made a 4pm flight due to VIP access to the lounge security, but he wasn’t to have known that.

The sanitary bags have become a bit more readable

So, bag checked in, I went to my friendly landside lounge and had a quick decant before thinking sod it I could manage an internal flight without Dutch courage, though I may have partaken in the train and coach. And indeed the flight to Wuhan was fine. I grabbed my luggage and looked for the shuttle to my hotel. It wasn’t really clear but some security guards pointed me to where it should be. When the bus arrived I got on and asked the driver if he was going to my hotel. He didn’t know, but I thought I’d take a chance, but before that he closed the doors while my luggage was outside. I was more than annoyed and told him that was my bloody luggage outside and without changing his expression he opened the door to enable me to fetch them. As I walked inside the bus I saw a western girl and sort of up-nodded my head in a way to “tut tut”, and immediately felt a bit racist.

Then, a little later into the journey when I was trying to see where we were relative to my hotel when we were at a stop, the western girl spoke to the driver in perfect Mandarin asking if he could leave the doors open a little longer as more people needed to alight. Damn I was jealous, and it took all my resolve not to try to talk to the driver so that I could let people know I could also speak the lingo. But for once in my life I didn’t take the opportunity to show off or steal her thunder; she had spoken for a good reason, and I wouldn’t have. And then a voice (a Chinese voice, thankfully) told me I should get off here for my hotel too. I thought we were some way away but took the advice and indeed it was 100 yards away, and in fact the western lady (she was a lady more than a girl now in my book) was going to the same place.

I was still jealous listening to her in front of me at the reception explaining that she had a flight early tomorrow morning. Not jealous that her Mandarin was better than mine (it almost certainly was), but that there was another Mandarin-speaking westerner in my midst.

Well it was a shitty hotel but I didn’t really care. I had a bite to eat (and thankfully the western woman wasn’t there) and got the chance to speak to the waitresses. And I managed to stay awake till midnight to that fateful match I knew we’d lose to Liverpool. Damn, it couldn’t have come at a worse time for us really, and in a way I’m not too pissed off the stream was crap. We’ve had two massive years, winning the PL twice...Liverpool probably deserve it and they’re being bloody efficient about it.

The cheap hotel room had clearly not been cleaned