Meeting the Americans

I had seen the American mum (mom) and dad (pop) while taking Leilei to school on occasion but not had the opportunity to say hello. This morning I found myself walking behind the mom and her two eldest kids and shouted "Lao wei!" ("foreigner!") to them, almost without thinking I was one too. They are a very nice family with three kids, boy 9, girl 7 and girl 4. The husband was away on business, but I invited them for a meal tomorrow anyway.

Deadline made at 2am after 2 hours' sleep and no electricity at home

Woke up at 7am after 2 hours sleep to take Leilei to school. When I got home I found there was no electricity. "Oh yes", said Tan, "there will be no electricity until 7.30pm tonight". Like, ok. But I have told you many times I have a deadline for today - when did you know about this? "There was a sign up all yesterday" Like, my Chinese is good enough to understand that? I managed to organise to go to Lin Hong's house while she was at work so I could prepare my delivery for later today. Tan hadn't thought to ask what their broadband password was, so when I asked she rang them up and the husband told her from the top of his head. This is a strangely Chinese thing. The password is composed of numbers only, and numbers in Chinese sound like other words and have strong emotional attachments to them. If I wanted a mobile phone number that ended 88 I would be paying 100 times more than one that ended 44, because the former is lucky and the latter means death. So, remember, if you ever get a phone call from a Chinese person and his/her number ends with a 4 it is likely that he or she is poor. Or just not superstitious. For the record both Tan's and my phone numbers in China end 637 and 697 respectively. Pretty neutral I reckon. Anyway I made my work delivery at 2am (6pm UK time) and managed a quick beer before sleep's tentacles enveloped me like a straightjacket with one arm free to hold your drink.

Work deadline but managed to watch the footy

I have a work deadline for tomorrow so have had a busy weekend.
But I managed to stream some of the Man City match (was willing to pay if there was any way of doing so). At last we put in a good display and Robinho got all 3 of our goals.
Some bloke brought our car back. We don't really need it to be honest. The electric moped does the job although needs a new battery as it really slows down after 10 mins. Anyway that means I have to take Leilei to school tomorrow after 3 hours sleep...

Environmentally friendly meal

Had a lovely meal out last night courtesy of one of Tan's friend's husbands. Today we cooked in our house and had A Wu and A Ni around as per usual. I read recently that eating with friends is an environmentally-friendly lifestyle; you cook once for lots of people rather than 4/5 families cooking and each using energy. Of course that would probably be cancelled out if each family drove to the host family for food.

Terrapins are carnivores

Another late night and early morning. Unfortunately the flat upstairs appears to be being built as during much of the day there is an extremely load drilling noise that doesn't help siestas. Today was just work work work.

Leilei was given two terrapins recently (he didn't ask for them as far as I know). They live in a tiny glass jar and I'm going to try to find a better home for them. Also I read they eat meat - not rice/grapes that people have been giving them...


Terrapins in their cage

2 hours' sleep after watching the footy

Went to bed 5.30am after watching Man City draw to 10-man Newcastle (still crap being a City fan) and got up 2 hours later to take Leilei to school on elec moped. After some much needed sleep I got a phone call from Tan just before 5pm saying the moped had run out of elec while she was on her way to pick up Leilei so I went in a 3 wheeler to pick him up. We did have a car until the end of last week. I remember I'd just filled it up and taken it for a wash - then Tan's sister needed it in Nanning and I suppose that's where it is now. Hence us using A Ni's electric moped. Reminder to self - replace battery.

Rain, rain, and drizzle - like being back home!

Hurrah! It rained today. For a few hours in the morning at least. Later I took Xixi down to the shop where Tan and her friends chat and I'd never felt more at home due to the drizzle.

Later, when I went to pick up Leilei from school I realised I was a little early so I decided to walk as the drizzle was quite light. Well it was until I was 3/4 there, after which it decided to pour down and I arrived sopping wet but at least not sweaty. We got a three wheeler cab back home.

Forced Adidas and getting mashed at table tennis

Today Tan's mother's younger sister's daughter Sao Zi (I think) came. I mentioned that I was thinking of getting some speakers to plug into the laptop and of course straightaway we were putting on our shoes to go to a friend's shop to buy some. Unfortunately that place only had huge speakers so we ended up getting a smaller pair elsewhere, but I noticed next door to her friend's shop there was a little electrical place - and I wanted a phone extension cord so I could make calls from outside the bedroom when Leilei was asleep. It turned out this shop was run by a member of the family and so they wouldn't take any money for the extension cord or the rechargeable batteries I wanted to buy.

Afterwards she asked me if I like Adidas clothes. Well I didn't want to be rude so I said "yes", and she told me she would give me something from the Adidas shop, which is also run by a member of the family. I told her she couldn't give me stuff but she said they only get the chance to see us once every couple of years so of course she'd give something to me. Although the shop was big (and genuine Adidas), the choice was limited by my size, and while all the assistants were giving up hope of finding something, Sao Zi found a red T-shirt (XXL) that fitted fine. I was happy with that but she wouldn't leave it at a T-shirt; I had to try on a nice pair of trainers, and because they fitted well she gave them to me too (price tag was 50 quid - god knows how many weeks wages for the average local).

This evening I finally got to go out and play table tennis. I reckon myself as a half decent player, and I was able to just about get the better of Xiao Li despite the fact that my bat only had a half-length handle (to fit the way most Chinese hold the bat). Then some fat woman in her 50s played me and wiped the floor with me during a practice session. I had never seen so much agility from someone who would soon be having a free bus pass if she lived in UK. I squeaked past her 2 games to 1 by virtue of some unforced errors on her part and some sneaky serves with reverse spin I was forced to do. But I was sweating.

Then some bloke who was old enough to be her dad came along and made me look like a schoolkid. The spins were so hard to return and I only got points on my sneaky serves; he beat me 11-5 11-4.

Normally winner stays on, but it seemed I was a bit of an attraction so I went to the other table and had a knock-about with one of the locals who got too much pleasure out of the fact my returns either kept hitting the net or nearly hit the ceiling. But I was learning and eventually some returns were made, only to be smashed back. I was glad when some wiry bloke who looked a bit like a tramp took the place of my opponent. Not for long. I thought I'd already met the best in Pingguo but this bloke took the piss. Serving with a massive amount of spin is one thing, but he took the art further by managing to disguise whether it was top spin or back spin. It took me a full 30 minutes to learn which was which and it took acute vision of his wrist movements to work out (guffaw guffaw). However we played for an hour and the most amount of points I won in a row was four. I was drenched and feeling sick by now so I went to get some water. When I got back the same bloke wanted more. So we played for 10 mins with similar results until some tall, podgy bloke turned up in army uniform, sat down and took off his trousers to reveal he was wearing shorts underneath. He put on a T-shirt and gestured for my opponent to leave the table, then took a ball and served with the most vicious amount of backspin I've ever witnessed. No need to disguise that. It was simply unreturnable (well, almost as I learnt later).

I had been taken apart by normal people in a normal town playing like they were in the Olympics. The army bloke was very nice though - he taught me how to smash backhanded, and lent me his spare bat which had a proper handle. I am really indebted to the patience all these people showed me today. I love table tennis, and I realise I was leagues below most of the people I played today. But with their help I have already learnt a lot and look forward to losing 11-4 instead of 11-1 next time I play one of them. They did say I was very persistent and have a very good shot, which is why they were happy to help me improve - that boosted me somewhat.

The other bloke was the first one to take me apart

Sopping wet but managing to return a smash

At 9.30pm Xiao Li said we were going to "sing song" which is a euphemism for drinking lots of beer at a karaoke club in a private room with the boss of some company together with his employees and probably some teenage girls. I objected due to the fact that I was sopping wet but that didn't rub; I had a spare top in the car (my new Adidas one) so that was that. We pulled up at the new KTV place (Karaoke Television) to be welcomed by four of Pingguo's finest young ladies on the steps and escorted to one of the many private rooms. Inside were around ten people in varying states of sobriety, except the ladies who were relatively sober. Immediately I had to start drinking toasts with everyone, but by now I'm not worried about downing thimble-sized glasses of weak beer.

There was the typical awful singing at a volume that would have made the neighbours create court injunctions if the place wasn't soundproofed and if you could sue for noise pollution here (a long way off). After a few beers I didn't help the situation as I was coerced into singing some English songs such as "No Matter What", "Yellow Submarine" (a weird Chinese version), "Everything I do, I do it for you" (accompanied by Xiao Li - even worse than me). Then I had to do my party piece by singing Ni shi wo de mei gui hua - the Chinese song I learnt two years ago.

Raise a thimble and drink to your health!

We stayed till we all left at around 1am. Most of the group (at least the blokes) were heading off to go drinking at some nightclub but I was pretty sober and determined to get home, where we found Tan and Xiao Wei up chatting - so it wasn't only us having a late night.

Sleeping indulgences

Woke up a bit late then went back to sleep again as Leilei and Xixi were both taken out by friends/relatives. It was very nice to get around eight hours' sleep - something that I can't remember having in England since being a father.

Tan ordered a take-away lunch to be delivered to our flat for me for lunch, which woke me up. It was a nice chicken and mushroom and greens dish with rice that I managed to eat half of before going back to bed. It has been quite busy recently so I can justify such indulgences. Yesterday evening I had a very nice "xi tou" - wash hair, face, ears etc plus massage for about 1 pound 30p. It is such a nice experience I can't believe I don't go there every day. Actually that was my fourth time.

I took Leilei to the town square with Tian Tian big sister and our landlady's son. We all had a great time in the warm evening air and Leilei even managed to walk up to the new Mao Tse Deng statue. Afterwards we all went for a boat ride until Leilei decided he needed a weewee - we took the opportunity to leave the other two on the boat and go to see the famous Pingguo fountains...and they were certainly spectacular.


Leilei with the landlady's son and Tian Tian big sis


Leilei enjoying the fountains

Another great meal and just chilling outside with friends

This evening we were invited to a meal by one of Tan's friends' husbands. It turned out to be even more luxurious than I am accustomed to, and the food was great: duck soup, fried prawns, boiled prawns, duck, chicken, fried bees (my favourite), tiger salad (another of my favourites - really it's coriander, onion and pig's stomach), duck casserole (I think they specialise in duck), and sweet bread. Plus lots of really weak beer.

The really nice private room in the really nice restaurant


Charming ladies at the nice restaurant

For the first two days of this week it seemed as though the weather might have been starting to cool, with an almost perceivable breeze in the evenings that was as welcome as a shot of vodka after an evening of 3.1% beer. However, since Tuesday we have had probably the warmest days (as in 24 hours) since we've arrived. From what I hear about UK I am not complaining in the least. I love the warm weather. What I don't understand is why the locals moan about it so much. Anyway, it has affected my appetite, and Leilei's it seems. I often don't eat till 3-5pm. Today I did have a midnight snack at around 3am, which lasted me until tonight's feast.


The clothes shop (Tan's friend's) where all the girls congregrate most of the time


The one with the glasses is our landlady


I'm there somewhere with a handbag and baby bottle....

Staying up till 4.30am to watch England

I stayed up till 1.30am and found a stream on the internet that purported to be showing the England game later. I wasn't too hopeful as although the quality was pretty good, it was showing a Poland game from a previous round. Worse, at 2.15am, it started showing repeats of women's weightlifting from the olympics...although I was quite impressed with the Chinese woman who won - I think it was 270kg clean and jerk.

Just as I was getting into it, the programme suddenly changed to one with two austere men with laptops and I thought it was the news...luckily the camera changed to the centre circle in Belarus where England were about to kick-off. With the help of a couple of beers I stayed up till 4.30am to see England win 3-1 and take a maximum 12 points from their first four games. Hurrah! This time two years ago I was watching us lose to Macedonia in the Euro qualifiers. Come on England!

Tan took Leilei to school today on the electric bike we're borrowing from her friend Xiao Wei. She's not used it for nearly two years as she doesn't want to get a tan. It reminds me a bit of the joke I didn't say at my wedding but maybe should have done: "That's the only holiday I've been on where I've come back with a Tan!". How we would have moaned on the boat four and a half years ago tomorrow...

Smoke cigarette a harmful health

Today is the 5th anniversary of my first meeting Tan!

Leilei didn't cry when I dropped him off at school today. For the first time. He looked very sad and moaned but he's getting used to it now. He always has a good time and the teachers all say he behaves very well.
He has a siesta with the rest of the kids after lunch (very good idea in such a climate), so I had to bring a cover and a pillow. That meant we had to get him another one for home. Tan returned with one that she could have bought for Andge and Awl...

No smoking

Leilei has also taken to photography. I wouldn't say that David Bailey should be quaking in his boots but he did take a rather moving one of Xixi (ie his hands were moving) that came out quite nicely.


Xixi by Leilei

He also took one of his good friend Tian Tian Jie Jie (with ma ma and ba ba) who takes him out to the town square most nights. This one is not so good but it shows Tan's new hair do.

Tian Tian, ba ba and ma ma

Tonight is England's final World Cup 2010 qualifier of 2008. Unfortunately it starts at 2.30am here. Even worse, for some reason we don't have the terrestial channel CCTV5 (the national sports channel) I even bought a coaxial lead to plug into the wall in the vain hope that we had a normal aerial set up as well as the 100+ channel satellite with no sport.

Meal at Tan's mum's 5th brother's son's house and getting myself a guitar

After the late England victory I got up reasonably early to help Leilei do a poopoo. Being a dad is like that.

This evening we had a lovely meal at Tan's mum's 5th brother's son's house. I swear I need to create a family tree. It will take a long time but I'm sure if I could furnish it with photos it would be a perfect present before I go back. Leilei was tired but he was taken out to buy some toys, which enabled us to enjoy some lovely ribs, duck and chicken, not to mention the greens (sweet potato leaves) and, yes, a couple of bottles of beer too.


Tan's mum's brother's 5th son's house - with some family

Earlier this week I mentioned to Xiao Li that I wanted to play a guitar, but he said "tai gui le" (too expensive). Luckily I asked someone else and they directed me to a music shop near the town square. With a background of 4 year old girls playing sublime Bach melodies on the pianos there I tried a few guitars and eventually decided upon a deep red one that had a decent tone. They wanted 420 kuai and I managed to get them down to 320 plus a set of new string plus a capo plus a carry-bag. That is a bit less than 30 quid. Of course I won't be able to take it back with me but I'll give it to Xiao Li and have it for when we come back. I can't explain how much more a house is a home with a guitar (or piano I'm sure).


My guitar

Promotion meal and drunk-driving gadget

I found out I was promoted a couple of days after arriving in China. Which was nice. So I decided to celebrate by inviting some of our friends out for a meal tonight to an expensive restaurant I remembered from two years ago.

Of course now there is a "better" one - or at least it had a better atmosphere as Tan said. Unfortunately it didn't have my favourite fried bees, or Japanese tofu, or crispy fried duck, but everyone seemed happy which was the main thing. The most expensive dish, and the one no-one let me leave without finishing off, was cock's balls with vegetables. Well, I generally go for anything, but wasn't feeling too in the mood for this but anyway I bit hard and it burst open with a liquid I don't really want to think about too much. Then, the people at the table decided it was underdone and sent the dish back to be cooked more. I could have told them that! Anyway when it came back I did try again and it was much nicer. Apparently a bit of a delicacy that can be used to enhance your manliness. I didn't need any of that as Tan had been away for over a week...

In case I've given the impression that we drink a lot of beer here, we only had two bottles between four men (ok, two didn't drink) over two hours during the meal so that is certainly not the case. On the way back from the meal Xiao Li and I stopped at what I suppose is a gadget shop where he bought a hammer/penknife and a travel pillow, and I bought a machine to stop you falling asleep at the wheel. Not that I needed it but I just wanted to show the photo:


Especially suitable for long distance driving, drunk driving and night driving. Can you imagine explaining that to the police officer? And why does the driver look like Mat?

We don't have any sports channels in our house, lamentably. Two years ago I was able to watch Premier League matches almost any time there was one being played but they have now sold the rights to a backward Chinese TV company called WinTV for 50 million quid for three years. What used to be a great brand of football regularly watched by 10 million people per game is now a pay-per-view affair that has only 20,000 subscribers - not least because it's only available in 5 provinces and you can only pay at certain branches of certain banks.

What a short-sighted move by the premier league - now almost no-one watches in China whereas the other European leagues are gaining more popularity...

Anyway, I wanted to watch England's World Cup qualifier against Kazakhstan at Wembley (where Lisa had brilliantly bought tickets for her future-husband Andge - hint hint Tan). As it looked unlikely to get it at home while we were out having a late night barbecue one of Tan's cousins invited me to come to his house to watch the match. Cool. We got there before midnight (kickoff was 00:15 local time) and I spent a good 20 mins looking for the match (or any football) in the 100+ channels he had.

Then two things dawned on me at once. 1 - there was no football. 2 - my phone's clock was 42 minutes slow and I'd already missed the first half. Damn - Tan's cousin and his elder brother were already cooking duck for me but I explained I had to go home to try to watch it on the Internet. Thankfully they understood, and didn't even accept my invitation to come and watch it with me.

Looks like I did the right thing, as when I managed to get a decent stream of the match the whistle went for half time. I was able to mix a glass of local red wine with lemonade (the only thing to make it palatable) and wait for the second half. The quality on the laptop was pretty good and I had it running through the tv so it was an enjoyable (if lonely) 45 minutes watching us win 5-1. Hate to imagine what the 1st half was like though....