First ping pong and ultra-late massage

I remember being up till 6am again despite having no interest in the football (although Man U losing to Copenhagen in the manor they did was rather amusing). 

The really weird thing was how after about 10am I was really annoyed and tried in vain to count to 100 in German. And it worked to some extent...I fell into dreams, but not for long. And I knew I was awake even if my watch didn't.

By midday I reasoned I still needed more sleep, so changed tack and started to count in Spanish. Although this should have been easier for me it had the opposite effect and sent me into some strange dreams...not even dreams at first but visualisations of the numbers, or speakulisations (which is definitely not a word). But mostly, before any visual dream would come, the words would form themselves in some way then an English version (not necessarily a translation) would come. When this happened I'd coolly start again until a (short) dream happened.

A bit more refreshed after a couple of hours' sleep I decided to take a walk to find somewhere to clean my trainers that were new when we came here in the summer and to get myself a bedside light. It proved to be very easy as there was a shoe place near the Guanmart and of course a place by the market selling electrical things. I could hear the sound of some stringed instrument being played as I looked among the shelves until the bloke noticed me and asked what I was looking for. I thought "deng" was "light" but when I said I wanted a small one he showed me a lightbulb (which I thought was "dengpao" (well it is)), so I had to explain the structure of what I meant. Well I could have looked up "standard lamp" but not only would it have been cheating it would have been wrong, as I've since looked it up and it appears to be a tall, standing lamp rather than a bedside one. Well I spotted a small box and it appeared to be perfect; rechargeable and three brightness settings, although no USB charging as it said on the box. I experienced my first anti-haggle as the bloke suggested 15 kuai instead of the 18 written on the box. And luckily he checked the charging cable as it didn't fit so he found one that did. And the short experience was worth much more than the cost of the light.

It was fitting that I didn't feel like going out as I hadn't been invited anyway so I had some convenient noodles and just chilled for a while. Then, at getting on for 8pm, despite not feeling 100% I decided it would be the right thing to do to go to the old people's leisure centre for some exercise at the ping pong table. Despite being dressed and ready to go I procrastinated for 20 minutes before simply using logic to get my arse out of the house and onto the bike.

Oh and it was worth it of course. I saw a few old faces (literally and figuratively) and was invited to play by a few of them. I warmed up with one bloke who was leagues above me in quality, but seemed generally impressed with some of my backhand smashes. I only lost 3-2 in games to the second bloke, then got into a smashing rally (in both senses) with an old women who didn't look like she should be as nimble as she was. I made my excuses after 70 minutes at 9.45pm as I wanted to grab a shower and get to the supermarket before it closed at 10.30pm. And promised to come back some time soon.

Newly-provisioned after the supermarket trip, I had a refreshing beer I'd just bought from a six-pack that still cost 9.90. Just over a quid for six beers can't be sniffed at. Then advertising friend Nong asked if I wanted to go for ye xiao. Why not? I'd done some exercise and was feeling the better for it, and when she sent the location I saw it was next to where I went the first evening I arrived.

I turned up around 11pm and there were already a few people there. The muscley boss turned up who I think is Nong's business partner (or maybe other sort of partner as they are always together). Then two ladies turned up, one of whom had the most extreme make-up on and lavish fingernails with diamond-like stones encrusted in them. You could tell she was a lot older than she was trying to look, and she may well have had surgery to make her eyes and nose bigger. She sat next to me and despite her appearance talked fairly normally. Unsurprisingly, she asked if she could take a selfie with me and I said yes, as long as she didn't share with the public (she would no-doubt share with her friend groups). A few photos later, she spent the next 20 minutes touching them up to make herself look even more like a doll.

Another feast by the guangchang with Nong and friends

Then she told me the other lady who turned up was her sister and asked me to guess who was the older one. I told her that that was an unfair question as I could only really be wrong. But she insisted no offence would be taken so I said I thought she was the older one (I didn't tell her it was because she had all the make-up on and her sister had little to none). I was right of course, and then she dived into her photos to show me a picture of her 18 year-old daughter, who looked well on the way to becoming her mum.

Nong suggested I get up on the raised area to play the guitar and sing some songs. Err...no. Some of Li Kun's friends were there and one or two of them were up there singing. But we were in a nice public courtyard and I was just too sober to countenance it. Then, a lady who I think runs the place got up and sang a traditional song that all the others joined in with, and a few minutes later she came around with a kettle of white alcohol to ganbei with us. I apologised, saying I couldn't drink the stuff but she said it was only as strong as beer so I said I'd better try then. It had a sort of mother-of-pearl hue to it (so literally white alcohol rather than transparent) and was quite sweet, not very off-putting at all. So she poured me a glass and as I ganbei'd with her I suddenly remembered Andrew's experience with a white liquid all those years ago where he had a nasty reaction and started hallucinating. I sure hoped that wouldn't happen to me as last time I was there to protect him and bring him home but this time I was alone.

Luckily nothing untoward happened, and I was quite grateful to see Li Kun's friends packing up the guitar and speaker around midnight. Muscle boss then told me we could go for a massage after 1am and would I like to go? From experience I know that these places generally close around midnight so I suggested that places open at that time would offer more than just a massage. Although I applied a jokey tone, he responded in all seriousness that no this was pukka place, all above board, so I said I'd see in a bit. I'd told Nong I'd only be there a short while due to my lack of sleep (4h30) and I'd been there an hour already.

The beer and the food kept coming. The beers were a new Li Quan variety that were 4.1%! And the bloke who ordered them said they were 28 kuai each. Oysters were also ordered and although I'm not really partial to them I had three extracted from their shells (luckily they were "shou" - cooked) and put in my bowl. Bbq came too but I was too stuffed to indulge myself, though the lady next to me put a skewer in my hand so I couldn't really refuse. 

At 1am they brought out the you cha, which seems to be a new tradition (if that is not an oxymoron) to drink after drinking. It's some relation to tea, into which you put nuts and stuff, and in some way it feels a bit like a breakfast drink. Fair enough, the beers had been going down quickly.

Then, around 1.30am, muscle boss said he'd take me for the massage. So he really had been serious. I should have been tired but maybe the tea had had caffeine in it and I really had to experience it, especially as I've not indulged in a massage yet (nor even in the summer that I can remember). He suggested taking his nice white saloon car, but I said I'd arrived on my dian dong che and could follow him. So we all finished for the night (leaving too much good food on the table) and I followed muscle boss to the hotel near A Wu's house that has a KTV at the bottom. So it seemed indeed it would be legitimate.

Shortly later we were greeted outside the lift on the 5th floor and given a pair of slippers each to put on. Then to our room where we changed into massage clothes and two lovely ladies in a purple uniform came in with pots of hot water we dutifully put our feet into. Gosh, it was 2am and we were just starting a great body massage that must have lasted well over an hour. Even the water wasn't boiling so there was nothing to complain about. Well, until towards the end when she started scrubbing my feet. She first put some sort of sucker on my right foot by applying a flame to the inside of some hollow cylinder and using the natural vacuum to stick it to my sole. It pinched quite a bit. Then she scrubbed my left foot for a few minutes before reversing the procedure. At least you can tell them if there is too much pressure.

A slightly painful suction thing applied to my foot - I have yet to discover the benefits

Afterwards we just walked out after putting back on the clothes and shoes, and shared the lift down with the masseuses who were finishing their shift for the night. I asked muscle boss about payment (I wanted to) and he just said something along the lines of him having an arrangement with the boss, which I found very believable. Although I could have slept during the massage, it would have been rather a waste of that time. But getting back at 3.45am made sleep come easier than previous nights.

A third Huang meal in a row - too much

Having gone to sleep at soon after 6am I would have expected to be awake around lunchtime but gosh no...it wasn't even 9am. I wouldn't have minded quite so much had I had something decent to eat in the house but I only had another boiled egg. Well I suppose that's breakfast. Eventually the VPN on the laptop connected again and I dozed a little to a science podcast. It's days like these I feel I'm not really making the most of being here. But trying to meet up with a mate for lunch would have been a jar feeling so tired.

Tan pinged me to say A Qiu had made a present for her that she hadn't finished when we were here in the summer, so she gave her my number as she wisely thought I wouldn't want her Weixin. In the afternoon A Qiu called to say she was by the main entrance, and luckily I guessed which one. She handed over a box that Tan had said may be too big to bring back but after having disposed of all the medicine Tan had got me to bring over I should have plenty of space. It's actually quite a nice tapestry-like thing but I didn't want to open it all out. A Qiu then invited me to tea at 6pm on Saturday and said an English teacher friend would be there and it would be good to communicate with her. I'm not sure why we said "communicate" instead of talk, similarly to when Haiwei wants me to "communicate" with his son. I guess it's one of those nuances that I'm hoping to pick up on more on this trip. The fact that both examples involved me speaking English to a non-native speaker is probably a clue as to why the emphasis was on communication rather than talking itself.

Tan also chastised me for wearing a football badge that said to "beat them up". Hang on, no I wasn't was I? I checked a new version of the badge I was wearing. The font was particularly hard for me to decipher but after some work with Pleco I managed to establish that it said:

平果哈嘹

无名球迷something

古跌

Which I translated to:

Pingguo Haliao

Nameless football fans

Ancient Times

Apparently the bottom two characters mean "beat them up"

Ah, but of course 古跌 is local dialect for "beat them up". Well, as if it actually meant that. There was also a large flag draped down saying "Welcome to Hell" - did they mean that?

A friend had messaged to go to dinner tonight but I didn't really fancy that. Also, Huang Zhongxing had said yesterday that we'd be eating at one of his friend's, which again I had no desire to attend this time.

Awl called late afternoon and we agreed I should not feel obliged to go to either evening meal so I postponed the one with the friend and told Huang I may not be able to make it. With weights off my shoulder I made a quick dash to Guanmart to get some provisions and knew I'd be safe for a while.

That while lasted till nearly 5.30pm when Huang sent a picture of the food that had been prepared for this evening. I felt bad but told him honestly that my stomach wasn't comfortable and if I could I'd pop over later. To which he replied "ok" and then sent me the location. A couple of hours later he called me again, so this time I called him back and thought I'd at least make an effort and show my face. So I had a couple of small beers and found the place on the other side of town.

Of course it was another sausagefest, and again I wasn't really in the mood. And Huang was in a worse state than I've seen him in before. But the owner of the shop we were eating at the back of was there, and he seemed to be a cool character. He was one of the few on the beer, and he wasn't feeling very well so it was pretty easy to keep the pace down. Huang had challenged another bloke to drink a can of beer to his glass of white alcohol, and in the end was rather red-faced. He even covered his glass when someone tried to top him up, suggesting he knew he was beyond his limits.

He said I could give him a lift back, and got up and walked into the front of the shop, well with the help of the wall he got there anyway. I told the boss I wouldn't take him on the bike as he would just fall off, and he agreed and booked a didi che. Huang staggered back to the back of the shop and the boss just told me it would be fine to leave, so I did, within an hour of having arrived, almost totally sober.

At getting on for midnight Li Kun pinged me to see if I wanted to go for a drink and I answered honestly that I wanted to but was suffering too much from jetlag. However, I still couldn't sleep till well into the early hours.

Another meal with Huang Zhongxing after finally registering, and a very late night watching City

I should have been knackered but was up early again. And I felt pretty crap after last night. At 10.30am I got a phone call but as usual in this room in the house I couldn't connect to the person who called me. I guessed it was from the police station and this was confirmed a couple of minutes later by a Weixin message telling me my passport was ready and I responded gratefully saying I'd be there to pick it up later in the day.

I wasted the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon before forcing myself to grab a shower and some nuts and an egg I found in the fridge that I must have bought three months ago. That kept me going for a while and enabled me to walk down to Jiang Bing Lu where I'd left the dian dong che last night. I might over-indulge now and again but I'm getting a lot better at knowing my limits when it comes to driving powered vehicles. The walk was slightly surreal though. It was not warm but not cold, but I broke into a slight sweat despite my rolled up shirt sleeves.

It was that time of day where you sort of see what normal people do when they are not asleep due to the heat. Still so many young people making earphone sets I can only assume are for aeroplanes even though I've not had a set in the last 10 years or so. But anyway I picked up the bike and somehow found my way to the police station. Well in fact it should have been easier but all my VPN apps on the phone have stopped working so Google Maps didn't want to show me how to get to this place that I'd saved in the summer. However, it did show me relatively where it was so I had a good clue and made it in 15 minutes. So again I was finally official in Pingguo! I felt like celebrating but couldn't really justify it so went home to pick up my shopping bag to go to the supermarket instead.

I'm not sure how official or acceptable it is to sign with my Chinese name - probably neither

Li Kun pinged me to see where I was and invite me to drink tea, so I told him I'd pop round after shopping. Then the bloke from yesterday pinged me to see if I was about but I ignored him until he called me, at which time I said I'd call him back a bit later if that was ok. Tea at Li Kun's really was tea and we had another reasonable chat. I let him have a look at my passport and he rifled through it and seemed genuinely impressed about the number of stamps there, and countries I'd visited, but I had to explain that since Brexit now all European countries stamp me in and out but nonetheless due to work in the last few years I guess mine is a lot more worn than most. Shortly later the bloke I ate with yesterday called me again to go to eat, and I said ok, and Li Kun invited me to go back to drink tea later in the evening. I have since found out he is called Huang Zhongxing (the other bloke, not Li Kun).

Well the place to eat was within Yu Jing Hua Ting so it was pretty easy for me to pop round after picking up a 12 pack of beer first. I was about the 10th person to arrive but by no means the last. Unfortunately the food had quite a lot of skin to deal with, and by now my teeth are starting to suffer from the tough meat that is preferred here. But I soldiered though until cai ma started and a couple of other blokes moved to the beer too. One of the blokes beat me pretty badly. But one of his fingers was more of a one inch stub and it was really hard to tell if it was "out" or not, so I had to go by others' expressions as to whether I won or lost. It seems like a bit of an unfair advantage but I wasn't going to complain (or maim myself to have the same advantage). By about 9pm I'd had enough, and made my semi-genuine excuse of jetlag and they were ok to let me leave.

On the way home, which lasted all of one minute, Beihai Huang video-called me to go over and have a drink. As I was full I wasn't massively in the mood but said I'd go over later. And about 40 mins later I walked out of Yi Jing Hua Ting and immediately two of the blokes I'd recently been eating and drinking with drunkenly called over to me "Yingguo lao!". I felt rather guilty about using my jetlag excuse to leave them earlier as I was clearly going out again, but they were drunk enough not to remember and I left them with a smile.

Huang had had some of the brown alcohol I can sometimes stomach but had no intention of tonight, so a couple of beers were cracked open and we had a relatively (for Huang) sober chat, without him giving me those annoying hand shakes with the middle knuckle pressed in. And it was cool to see his younger daughter and wife again. But I really was flagging now, so for a second time tonight made my excuses and went home.

I was in bed by midnight, and normally would have been asleep very soon after, based on my good schedule since arriving in a time zone eight hours ahead of what my body was used to. But jetlag decided this would be the time to introduce itself this visit. However, this time I had a little bit of a plan to take advantage of it. The Man City v Young Boys Champions League game was to be on at 4am, and if I couldn't sleep I had that to look forward to. Knowing my luck I'd probably fall asleep bang on 4am, but in fact I was still awake and the VPN was holding up, so I found a pretty good stream to watch it with. It seemed that the jetlag was coming for me from the other direction, i.e. barely letting me sleep. I've done this in the past when having to wake up an hour after the match to take one or both the kids to school but felt so tired I couldn't see it happening. Then it was 2am, and I wondered if it was too early or too late to have a beer.

Andrew said "neither" (as in too early or too late) so I thought my usual Chinese thought of "sod it" and cracked one open as the match started. And tamely made the one can last most of the first half. Most of 45 minutes is 30 minutes and one second though, so I was on my second well before half time. But I appreciated Foden's beautifully and deftly crafted goal just before half time with a whelp I wouldn't have been able to give at 4.45am back in the UK.

Somehow I managed till 6.07 till I crashed out.

Only beer drinker at meal with mate

Oh dear...I have some memory of playing the guitar last night. In a way I wish I had no memory, or at least something clearer. Lots of beer was consumed. But this morning I continued my claim to defeating jetlag as I got up at a reasonable 8am again, though tried in vain to sleep a bit more as the festivities of last night should have made me do. But hey ho it didn't happen and at 11am A Wu pinged me to go and eat. Well why not? It was the same duck place as the summer and despite being 10 degrees cooler it was still a hot prospect. I turned up. We ate. Then he said he was going to Nanning this afternoon again for a few days for business matters. And that was it. I wanted to pay but the woman with the cash register just said something like she'd seen me at the football and to prove it showed me a douyin video of myself. I think literally everyone who knows me - and many who don't - know more of what I got up to last night than I do.

Later, at 4.30pm I remembered to go to the police place to do passport but Xiao Mong, the lady who does the registering, wasn't there but they took my passport anyway and said they'd call me tomorrow, so at least I'd done my bit.

Then soon after 6pm I went to see a bloke I'd not met in the summer but said I would. I have little to no recollection how I'd met him but had apologised and said I'd meet him this time. He sent a picture of a hotel not far from our place and when I got to the hotel the woman there said it was somewhere nearby. So more phone calls ensued and in typical Pingguo style we met up across the road and went to buy some beers as everyone else was drinking white alcohol.

The bloke on the left invited me - I need to find out his name

It was quite a typical evening and quite enjoyable although I could barely keep up with their drinking. At least there was a woman and a child there so it could have been worse.

And then another friend IM'd to say to meet in Jiang Bing Lu, so I used that as an excuse to leave the meal around 9.30pm and got to some salon where they were drinking some kind of berry alcohol. It was actually quite nice. Too nice in fact as when they had to shut up shop at 10.50pm I realised it would be safer to leave the dian dong che parked up and get back under my own steam.

Final footy match of the season

At 8am I was awake. At 9am I was still awake. At 10am I was awake but thinking I wouldn't make it for the footy, but Lu Feng had pinged me to say to meet up at 1.30pm for the match due to start at 2.30pm. At 11am finally I connected to the VPN and "watched" a podcast of Sean Carroll talking to David Deutsch about quantum such and such and really didn't understand much but I thought it would make me sleep. It didn't, so eventually at 12.39pm I gave up and poured myself a gin and 0% sugar drink I bought last night. I wasn't really in the mood but I was going to watch a football match and knew it might require some Dutch (rather than Deutsch) courage.

I left at 1.30pm and stopped off to get some jiaozi at my local place. Of course the boss lady was not in any way nonplussed to see me (does that mean she was plussed?), and served me as though I'd been there every day for the last 20 years. But in a way that is what I love about this place. Ok, it's only been about 10 years but I like to feel I'm a bit of a local at this place. And it was a blinding portion as usual - which I shared with Leilei and Nezha by means of a photo.

Then it was off to the stadium to meet Lu Feng (I think he's generally known as Feng ge - big brother Feng - but in my case I should probably call him Feng di). Thanks to Weixin and phones in general we met up and he handed me a loudspeaker and I had to shout out something...well I did my best to copy the others and it was something like "la la la la la la la la Guangxi dui!" Guangxi team! This went on for a few minutes after which he handed me a strip of 6 tablets saying they were medicine for the throat for shouting/cheering so much. This was thinking-in-advance the likes of which I'm not used to here. Also, Feng di gave me a bottle of water and said to put it in my pocket in order to get past security, and it worked.

Having to help with the cheerleading pre-match

It was a decent match, coming back to win with two second half goals, unfortunately at the other end of the stadium from where we were. Other than the "ultras" areas, the stadium was not full to the rafters, unlike in the summer, but it was quite a hot afternoon and not much more to play for other than pride and 4th place. But still, a pretty good achievement after we were pretty close to going down last year. Only two places off promotion to the top tier!

If Scott Joplin only knew his ghost would still live on in Southern China...

Feng di had said something about drinking and eating after the match, but first the team did a tour of the stadium to give respect to the crowd. We appeared to be the last ones and for some reason we all threw down a load of broad-rimmed farming hats as if it was some tradition here. It was also very decent of the home supporters to cheer the opposition and this was reciprocated too.

Around 5pm we moved from our seats around to the north side of the stadium where the No Name bar is situated. I think that one of the "ultras" is named the 无名球迷 (No Name Football Fans) after the bar situated there, and that this time we were actually sitting in the opposite side with a different group of "ultras". So it seems that there is no fierce rivalry between them, or I have completely misunderstood. Tables were being wheeled onto the running track behind the goal and I offered to help but Feng di took me to the stands, where a few fans were gathered around 安永佳 (who is the main star of the team) for a drone-led photoshoot. He is technically from Hong Kong but one of his parents is from New Zealand. It was a short, refreshing, change to be out of the focal point for a while, and I declined Feng di's suggestion to ask him for his autograph as security ushered him away. A while later I told Chuan Chuan I'd been next to 安永佳 and she said she wished she'd asked me for his autograph...ah well maybe next time....

As the food was being prepared I had to play a few rounds of cai ma with some of the locals, which was duly filmed I found out later as multiple people sent me what they'd seen on douyin. There were about 15 round tables in a row, and of course the meal was as good as the company. I didn't know more than one person on my table but half way through the meal I knew them all, plus the two surrounding tables.

Getting ready to eat with a young friend who was asking me all about the UK

This time unfortunately losing a round of cai ma

Another fine meal already

As is becoming more and more normal now, a guitar and speakers were brought out a bit later so we had live music for the latter part of the meal. But I guess by this stage the jetlag was setting in as memories after 10pm are rather hazy.

Lunch and tea with Li Kun, dinner with Haiwei - just a normal day

Seemingly every time I get to Pingguo I have this false dawn of waking up in the morning and thinking I've conquered jetlag. And indeed I thought the same this morning. So as normal I forewent breakfast as Li Kun had invited me for lunch at the stadium, and I took the fully charged dian dong che there at 1.30pm and was very happy to meet him and his wife and younger two children. Gosh it reminded me of how hard it could be with young'uns screaming and running around but here it's accepted a bit more than other places...his 2.75 year old son went a bit ballistic but few brows were furrowed. We simply ate and had a nice chat and then Li Kun went back to his office to drink tea.

I was to meet him there too, but thought I'd better try to register myself first although Li Kun doubted the police place would be open on Saturday. Well he was right and wrong as the police place itself was open, but the office I needed wasn't, and the bloke at reception told me to come back anytime on Monday, so fair enough, I was to go to Li Kun's office to tell him he was sort of right.

I did the usual and drove past his office till I hit the small supermarket that sells cold non-sugar drinks, and bought a single bottle of 0 sugar cola as I feared I would be flagging soon. I took a large gulp before I heard a young girl shout at me and I recognised her as Li Kun's second daughter I'd just had lunch with. Somehow she had recognised me and took it upon herself to lead me to his office (getting a lift on the dian dong che) which was indeed only 30 yards away.

And indeed at 3.00pm it was just tea we drank (not that beer wouldn't have been an option had anyone wanted it). The daughter and son noticed my cola so I poured them a glass. The daughter let the son have a small sip and it must have been his first time as his eyes lit up and he slowly beamed a massive smile that was infectious to all in the room. I asked if it was ok for a not-yet three year-old to have cola and Li Kun said it was fine, so within the next few minutes the bottle was emptied, but I suspect the tea we drank had enough caffeine to fill in what I missed from the cola. I mentioned to Li Kun about the possibility of watching the last match of the season tomorrow and one of his mates Lu Feng said he could sort that no problem - we exchanged numbers and Weixin and he said we'd meet tomorrow lunchtime before the kick-off. Well that was efficient.

I've just had my first sip of cola!

Yang Haiwei had got in contact to tell me to meet up with him at 5pm to talk to his younger son in English, and then to eat, and I was more than happy with that. So around that time I drove over there to whichever place he was living in at the time and spent a good hour chatting with his son and some of his mates before food was served. They'd pretty much cooked half a pig, and that meant all the bits inside plus the skin. Haiwei used his chopsticks to put a full pig's foot in my bowl of rice and unlike former years I wasn't annoyed and actually quite enjoyed it. I think we ate with the owner of the house and his wife and son, and another woman I don't know who was annoyingly good at cai ma.

Dinner with Haiwei and friends

Eventually it got to 10pm and although the beer was flowing I made the jetlag excuse of needing to get home and all were ok with it. Of course it took 10 minutes of exchanging glasses of beer to finish off but I was back before 11pm as I wanted to watch the City match. But bloody hell my VPN wasn't working. Not one of the three I'd paid for, and I tried for ages. I had to settle for a dodgy stream that was very stop-and-start. So although I didn't get to see it in all its glory I sort of witnessed a lovely 6-1 win for us over Bournemouth (Doku looking a great buy) before being dragged to sleep.

Second first night in Pingguo 2023

I think 12.06pm was a reasonable time to book the train from Kowloon West to Guangzhou South. I had planned on getting a bus then a short walk but after last night I decided to cave in and get another cab, which would give me a precious few more minutes in the hotel re-packing stuff that really wasn't well packed in the first place. At least both bottles of wine were still intact. That will cover a couple of presents. Unfortunately most of the Lego boxes were quite bruised, and my tub of Coffee-Mate had somehow leaked powder over my clothes, which meant more rearranging. And of course the pair of jeans I'd worn for 24 hours was to go in the main luggage and I put on my lightest pair of long trousers for the day ahead's travel.

I barely thought to look out of the window at the view...not that I had time

But both pieces of luggage zipped up and I found for the first time that my laptop bag had a strap at the bag whose function I now realised was to attach to the extended arms of carry-on luggage (and the one Tan had bought a few weeks ago had good wheels). So actually moving about was nothing like as sweat-inducing as it could have been. I didn't even think about using my free drinks vouchers as 1) it was 10.30am and 2) shit it was 90 minutes till my train and I'd have to do immigration and security etc. Luckily a taxi was just dropping some people off so I got the bloke to understand where I was going despite his lack of Mandarin. We managed a semi-conversation which contained too much Cantonese for me but we got to the station about 15 minutes later.

It was busier than 2019 but that was mostly for domestic trains I guess so as when I got to security it was merely a matter of putting all three bags through the conveyor and none of the members of staff batted an eyelid despite having four bottles of alcohol and at least one aerosol can. Then came duty free and I needed to pick up some cigarettes for a friend who wanted "as long as it's fine, anything mild will do". I've shown the original Chinese to two other Chinese people, neither of whom understood what was meant. And neither again did the lady who worked in the shop, who suggested sending pictures of the brands, which I did but of course got no response so I ended up getting a 10 pack of Esse. Ah, and a litre of export strength gin as I had more paper HKD due to last night and wanted to get rid of it.

No 1st class this year, out of choice...I was optimistic there would be space as I think Kowloon West was the starting station. Indeed there was and once safely seated I tried to change my SIM card to the one I used in the summer. At least that was the plan but although China Mobile was asking me to top up, it wouldn't let me online in order to do so. All three payment options entailed going via a link which timed out presumably down to my lack of credit. I tried Weixin with similar results; it would allow me to navigate to the bit where you choose your credit but not actually apply the credit and I know I had enough on the phone. Then back to the China Mobile landing page again I noticed it had a different phone number, and that it was Leilei's from this summer. Somehow I'd saved his SIM in my wallet instead of mine which was the "main" card. But luckily I found it by rummaging in the tiny top pocket of my laptop bag where I keep little accoutrements such as ancient SIMs that will never work again.

By now we were well and truly in the mainland, past Shenzhen, so I had no chance of using my English SIM for data without using it all up in seconds. I really needed my old SIM from the summer to work, but although the China Mobile landing screen recognised the number I had similar results trying to top up. At least I'd messaged Li Kun from HK to say I was on my way.

As I was giving up hope on the train to Pingguo Li Kun called me! Then I saw messages. I had connectivity! Li Kun must have helped me top up. What a difference that made to the 4h45 journey. I set up the laptop and got PureVPN working and was in my element. Li Kun said to meet up at 8.30pm, which was fine by me as I was due to arrive in Pingguo at 6.40pm. And of course it was bang on schedule and I emerged from the train feeling as close as it is possible for a human to make the transition from a caterpillar to a butterfly in a little over four and a half hours (my cocoon being the D3858 from Guangzhou South).

I was walking down the platform feeling strangely proud and happy when suddenly my right foot stopped. It transpired that my shoelace had got trapped in one of the wheels of my large suitcase, which was now a lot heavier than the 23kg it was when I took my flights, due to duty-free and more clothes. And it literally stopped me in my stride, not to mention a load of other people who had got off the same train. Had I had my wits about me I would have taken off my shoe and moved to the side to fix matters, but my wits had been left in Hong Kong, so I lay down the suitcase on its side and casually worked out the wrapped-around shoelace from its wheel, while others made their way around me nonplussed. Had it been in the UK I'd have been very embarrassed but I thought sod it and half a minute later I was back on my way.

And like earlier this year I shunned the didi che drivers for a smaller san lun che. Although it was more of an agricultural vehicle and I could barely fit my suitcases in. But we did of course and I held on as we drove through the streets of Pingguo to Chenglong road again. So much for getting a shower in the 90 minutes I had to myself. I had barely sorted out my clothes when Li Kun called again to say someone would pick me up from the bank by the entry to Yu Jing Hua Ting. This was a better way of describing the entrance as last time I regularly made mistakes as to which entrance to meet at but I knew only one of them had a bank. And when I got there a few minutes later some bloke on a dian dong che shouted on the phone that he had seen me and whisked me off to a new bar by the KTV place next to the guangchang.

There were a couple of nice cold ones waiting for me when I got home

It was a cosy place named Xiao Bai de Tian, named after the owner's wife (it literally means Bai's sky) and apparently he dotes after her. We were the only people for a short while until a couple of ladies turned up and then the owner turned off the music and started playing a couple of songs on the guitar. Li Kun suggested I should get up and do so too as has happened before but I was awake and sober enough to decline, and just enjoyed being there for a while. The owner sat with us but didn't take a beer as he was on a diet, as was his wife Xiao Bai. Then Li Kun called A Wu who turned up a bit later and in many ways it was like old times again...old times old friends....

A cosy Xiao Bai de Tian

We didn't stay particularly late, and A Wu dropped me off home soon after midnight. And I remembered a very important thing - to charge up the dian dong che. Tan hadn't done it and I knew if you didn't use the batteries they would die so they'd probably already lost a significant percentage over the last three months but I didn't want them to lose any more. And tomorrow I'd need to register myself and that is a few km away from home.

Arrival in Beijing and Hong Kong

Although Hong Kong is considered to be part of China, in a very real way it isn't as I don't need a visa to go there, and as I was in the international section of the Beijing's second airport I didn't need to do security. At least that's what I thought. But then I saw it and feared the worst for my two bottles of duty-free. At least I would have, had I remembered that I'd put them in my larger carry-on luggage that I'd just appropriated from Tan yesterday. And indeed it got put aside but luckily when I explained it was duty-free (mian shui) they had no problem with it - maybe because the bag was sealed. But as it was over a four hour wait it wasn't a problem. Neither was finding the "Pay Lounge", which thankfully was covered by Priority Pass. I'm not sure why, but it was nearly empty, and the booze selection wasn't great, comprising cans of 3.9% beer and a bottle of white and a bottle of rouge. Well, I'd recently had nearly three weeks off the sauce, and it was 4.30pm, and even just one of those excuses justified pouring a decent-sized glass of the rouge...probably the last chance I'll have of the stuff for a month (apart from the next four glasses).

Crappy selection of instant noodles but I spied a decent bottle of red on the right

They actually served hot food after 5pm...not bad

Bored Apes in HK?

Well I took away a can of soda and three beers

I was very relieved to find that Pure VPN was still working after a few attempts. So I was geographically in China, technically in a sort of no-man's land, and culturally somewhere in-between. The three or so hours I was there passed by quicker than that, and I managed a brief chat with Mat before I went to board. I think I may have dropped off a bit in the 2h45 flight, though I do recall having a last red wine on the flight (not always available on "domestic" flights and Tan's China Eastern international flights didn't serve booze at all).

The flight arrived 8 minutes early at 11.12pm and I was fairly optimistic of getting the last metro at 12.48am, even though we still hadn't deplaned at 11.35pm. Although I'd spent quite a few minutes writing my landing card for China, upon arrival in Hong Kong I realised (quite obviously) that I needed a landing card for there rather than China. But this time it took all of a whole minute as I didn't have to write down a full address in Chinese. And then I found my Weixin health declaration had expired a few hours ago so had to redo it but luckily I'd scanned and saved the QR code I needed, and once re-scanned it remembered all the details from my previous declaration except for the flight number. So although I had some unexpected tasks to do in the airport they didn't slow me down half as much as they could have done, and after no more than 10 minutes queueing for immigration I was technically, physically, and culturally in Hong Kong. And it was only just gone half past midnight.

I really wanted to make use of the Octopus cards Leilei and I had bought over four years ago, but the machine was having none of it, not allowing me to top-up or even check how much there was in it. So I used my English bank card to pay the $115 HKD to Hong Kong, and got there 20 minutes later or so. I had planned my 16 minute walk from the station but Hong Kong at night is a maze, not helped by being very muggy and having the effects of recent red wine. And when I checked Google Maps again it said I was 45 minutes away by foot! So sod it I got a bloody taxi, and withdrew $1000 thinking it was about a tenner's worth, and being surprised when the driver handed me back about 900 of them.

Although I had no need or desire for a nightcap, I was quite pleasantly surprised to get two free drinks vouchers, and would probably have used them but the bloke at reception said only soft drinks as the bar was closed. I didn't believe a hotel bar in HK would be closed at 1am so went to check for myself, but the bloke followed me too saying "zhi you soft drinks" (I'm not sure how that would really translate into Mandarin). And looking back, it probably was a good thing...I was tired and needed whatever rest the hotel room could afford me, and I didn't even consider breaking in to any duty-free.

Solitary journey back November 2023

Well this may be silly, but I know I have to find work soon, and Tan had spent most of October back in China for the moving of her parents' bones to another place to be together. Apparently this involved scraping what was left of the flesh off the bones as Waipo's had only been there for four years or so.

But I also had a massive inkling to go back. This summer had been so good. I had found a really cheap £398 return to Hong Kong from London and bought it mid-October. Carpe diem?

So at 5.30pm I was back in T4 in Heathrow with almost no queue for check-in. The kind lady got me seat 47G when I asked for an empty row. She couldn't promise of course, but it at least gave me a chance. The lack of queue meant that even after duty-free it was still more than four hours before the flight when I got to the lounge. Not that I've ever been turned away for being early before. I took full advantage of some decent curry and vin rouge, and may have managed a whisky or two before boarding started. My excuse was simply trying to get some sleep on the flight.

Last curry for a while

I ended up being in nearly the only empty row of 3 in my field of vision. And still it was the same when boarding was complete and when we took off!  So after (yet) another meal and a last glass of rouge I took my melatonin and Phenergan, and lay down over the three seats under my blanket (but with my seatbelt showing). I woke up with only 1h22 minutes of the flight to go! This well justified what planning I could re seating and probably getting to the airport early. And then bang we'd landed and I'd not even been checking. Just about the smoothest journey ever from London to China.

Three seats together for the first time going out

Homeward bound 2023

Managed to get up by 8am and grab a shower before breakfast which I'm ashamed to say was egg and bacon. Not that I'd planned a western one but I fancied the bacon, and then the fried eggs which were pretty much attached to the fried bread. But it went down well despite the knife and fork. I've eaten fried eggs with chopsticks before but we didn't have a great deal of time. Leilei and I left Nezha to finish his food and went to bring down the luggage, and although it was 5 minutes before the bus (this time an actual Spacecruiser-sized mianbao che) was due to leave it was already out there with the engine running.

Pathetic last breakfast in China

So we fetched Nezha's stuff and just about managed to get the luggage fitted around the other people's stuff, and understood that luckily T2 would be the first stop, so 10 minutes later we were there. I could probably have chosen the 10am shuttle bus but was really worried there would be issues ahead. But as it was, even though there were nearly four hours till the flight we were ushered to a queue-free China Southern check-in area and I gave the lady the three passports and said I'd had no problem reserving the seats for the boys but thought there may be an issue with mine. But I was massively relieved to find that I was fine and we were all on the same row. Once the hold luggage had gone through we were told to wait one or two minutes before we could go as there were evidently people checking the x-rays. This is why I told the boys not to take the bibi guns. We were given the international "ok" sign of a thumb and first finger ring by the lady and Nezha gave a bigger sigh of relief than most people would have needed to. I just hope he didn't have anything dodgy in there....

I was relieved, Nezha was relieved, but Leilei wasn't as he had a decidedly dodgy tummy and wanted to go the toilet before security. Fine, go, we had plenty of time, so he went but a minute later he was back saying they only had squatters. Jeez, even I've managed to negotiate squatters...a few times this trip nonetheless, but as "desperate" as he was he said he could hold it through security. The airport wasn't particularly busy so security was 10 minutes and none of us were held up this time although neither of the boys had liquids bags annoyingly and I had to take their perfume and deodorant into mine. They so need to start learning to think ahead....

Of course normally after security that's it...you go to duty free or the lounge. But next was the health declaration we hadn't planned on. I thought that was just for entering China. But no, we needed to scan a QR card with Weixin, then fill in a picky questionnaire with a very unintuitive interface. But after a good 15 minutes we eventually got our new QR codes, which we scanned to get through this next fence. But then was passport control...yes fair enough, we hadn't had our passports stamped out of the country yet, so yet another queue of about 20 minutes, but Leilei appeared to prefer that than squat.

Finally we were into the duty free area and I remembered to pick up some Esse menthols for Awl, who for some reason was awake at 3am UK time. The boys decided to go for a wander as is their wont, but I told them I wanted to find a lounge as the Amex app said there was only one but I doubted that. A couple of minutes later I found the China Southern lounge and it accepted Priority Pass, so I said the boys would be around shortly, but it turned out it would be better to wait for them so I called Leilei and they said they'd be there soon. So I scanned the code and boarding pass and added two guests (Nezha better appreciate he's cost me £20 for both times).

Eventually the boys turned up and scanned in and we availed ourselves of some decent food as is normal in my experience in lounges in the three or four biggest Chinese cities. I waited till 11am before having a 5% wheat beer as I was too embarrassed to ask for a G&T at the bar (at least until someone else had). I chatted with Awl again who still hadn't got to sleep at 4am but only for 20 minutes or so. The 1.20pm flight was to board at 12.40pm, which gave us only another hour, so I managed a 2nd beer and after went to the bar to ask for a G&T. Well I said it in Mandarin and I said it in English but she didn't understand - so I ended up pointing at the Beefeater bottle and she said that was just for show and wasn't actually available, before pointing at a selection of red wines and a whisky to say I could have that. I asked what about cold white wine and she pointed to the fridge on the bar...hmmm...champagne...well that might be a nice way to say goodbye to China so I poured myself a decent sized one before a Chinese bloke came up to me and said something I knew was an attempt at English but couldn't understand so asked him in Mandarin what he wanted. In fact he just wanted the same as me so I handed him the bottle. I would have liked to respond in English but I was in my last hour in the country so really appreciated possibly my last mini-conversation.

I offered the boys a small glass too but Leilei wasn't interested. Nezha accepted one though and I had another small one to join him. Then the notice came that the London flight was boarding. We never leave at this point. We knew we had a short 10 minute walk to the gate, so I followed what the boys had been eating - two mini hamburgers and some more beef, and maybe poured myself a first and last whisky as I knew I'd require sleep on the 12 hour flight.

Gorgeous mini-hamburgers

Maybe a last nip before vacating the lounge

So appetites sated, we left at 12.50pm and got there as some of the last people to get on. No problem, there was plenty of hand luggage space at row 60 near the back. No problem with the flight either as it left on time and despite eating in the lounge we all pretty much finished lunch, after which thanks to the lounge and some Phenergan and maybe we each had a melatonin, we each managed to sleep relatively quickly afterwards, despite the usual turbulence.

Maybe I got four to five hours' sleep but it was more than many times, and I managed a couple of late James Bond films that I'd not seen before, before another meal and some more shuteye. With a couple of hours to go we all found ourselves hungry again so went the few feet back to the back to get ourselves a sandwich each. By now it was 5pm UK time, so a bit later I sneaked out a beer I might have appropriated from the lounge and sneaked a bit into my cup while the attendants weren't around, and another and another till it was gone and I hoped the cleaning people wouldn't report me as I left it under my seat. I started watching Star Trek: into the darkness, which was pretty crap in many ways but being tired and tiddly helps one with such films. The turbulence came again, but ultimately we landed pretty firmly, but safely.

This time passport control and getting luggage was a breeze, and we were on the Piccadilly line soon after. We would have taken the Lizzie line but it would have been £17+ each rather than the £6 tube which only took a few minutes longer. And that was it. The boys had had the China experience of a lifetime. They would no doubt experience the homecoming blues, but I've done that for 20 years now and you just have to adjust. We have no idea when we might come back. Well, I have an idea that I'll do it soon if I can sort out Leilei with uni stuff...it's been literally like a long dream and I just want to go back to sleep....

Leilei reunited with Ami back home

Back to Guangzhou

Up at 8am for a very short time before 11.30am came around and I managed to get up at midday as I knew I'd not packed properly. I'd decided to leave about half the clothes I'd turned up with as Tan had plonked 12kg of clothes for her and Xixi in my suitcase yesterday and said that was fine as I still had 11kg. Blimey my suitcase was full and above 20kg when I came here and that was without presents.

So I went to get four portions of jiaozi from our local place but she only had one. But this time I was willing to wait seven minutes, so popped next door and had a nice chat with the bloke looking after Lu zong's water shop, whom I'd known for some time but not really had a proper conversation with before. Yes it was a simple conversation but he didn't know it would be one of my last for a while and I really appreciated it and drank it up. Even after saying goodbye to the jiaozi woman I took the long way back just to stop at the second hand dian dong che place to say thank you again to the bloke who fixed our bike four weeks ago.

I also spent time playing with a poor kitty in a bird cage but I guess had she not been there she'd have been run over by now...and how dare I define it as a she?

Back home it was gone 1pm and I knew I should sort out seats for the flight tomorrow, but I first had my portion of jiaozi and allowed myself a Li Quan pijiu as I wouldn't have the chance for a long while. Frustratingly, China Southern wouldn't accept my flight details. I'm sure this is all to do with asking for a quote for changing the date to go back 10 days ago when BA insisted that I get another booking reference. But this booking reference wouldn't work, and neither would the original ticket number. I tried with Leilei's and it went through fine and he was seat 60J. Then with Nezha his was fine and already 60H so at least they'd been put together. But for the sin of requesting a quote for a later flight I was not able to find my flight and for all I know I may not even get on the flight tomorrow. It's these sort of times that I have hope for my Amex travel insurance should something bad happen tomorrow.

At least the boys managed to rumble of out bed and grab a shower by 2pm. We did our last minute stuff and I realised I'd be leaving two pairs of shoes, three or four pairs of trousers, and at least six tops. But I'd be coming back with two Pingguo Haliao football tops to put that in perspective. I grabbed my shower last minute at 2.30pm as didn't want to be sweating before the train, and Tan said she and Xixi would come to the train station with us to book their tickets to Nanning tomorrow. At 2.59pm, 58 minutes before our train was due, she booked a didi che, but for some reason couldn't book two. As it was we managed to get all our luggage in the boot and front seat of the car and then Tan said they weren't going as Xixi wasn't ready or something. So in typical Pingguo style we left in a single car to minimal goodbyes.

And under 10 minutes later we were at Pingguo Huoche Zhan, and it cost a whole 5.4 kuai! My bags went through fine despite having a portable charger but Leilei's got found. Nezha had four lighters, which they found and said he was only allowed to take two - and that was fine apparently as two didn't work anyway...but still why take them? Luckily I'd told them not to take the bibi guns or the knives they'd bought, so five minutes later we were in the waiting room with only 10 minutes to go before queuing up for our train. I imagined what it would have been like had we had to take a 4pm flight from Nanning...we'd have probably had to leave Pingguo soon after 10am with no time for last minute packing or lunch. Not to mention the only flight to Guangzhou was at 7.20am which would have meant hotels and 4am waking up - no thank you!

Apparently this is a "happy" look, though sad to be leaving Pingguo

Now I know what is different about Pingguo this time. It's quiet, at least relatively. There's very little bibbing, far fewer fireworks, and just in general there's been less noise where we live. I quite appreciate that. And indeed the journey to the station was as calm as any journey I've taken in this city. Even in our 1st class carriage (as all the other tickets had sold out a day after going on sale) there were not so many people with loud mobile games playing, or shouting on their phones. It's all just a little bit perceptibly calmer.

The 4h29m journey was spent mostly asleep by the boys, who have rarely got up before 4pm, but that wouldn't happen for me so I ended up having the cold beer I'd brought with me with the silly idea of bringing it to the UK. At the tube station I bought three 9 kuai tickets as I'd done back in June, except this time using Weixin. You'd have thought they'd tell you how much it would be but I was just given the option of various prices so worked on memory. Of course an hour and a bit later the tokens we were given would not let us out and I had to find the service person who told us that we needed to pay 1 kuai more each. Inflation? Some other reason? I certainly wasn't going to find out there and then and ended up paying 1 kuai with Weixin but for some reason I needed to pay the other two with cash.

I called the hotel, who gave me the number of the driver, then called him to find out he'd be outside door 46. As luck would have it we were at number 44 so 50 yards later we went to wait and didn't see anything. Fair enough he did say he'd be a few minutes but after 10 minutes I called him again and he said he was already there. In my mind I'd imagined a Spacecruiser-sized mianbao che but after a few shouts I heard his voice emanating from a much larger vehicle and we got in with only just enough space for our luggage, and 10 minutes later we were in what actually looked to be a decent hotel. As soon as I had checked in and we'd dumped the luggage we went downstairs to get our free noodles. There were only two sets left in the warmer so I let the boys have them and they went out straight away to find drinks because the noodles would be "too dry" without that. Whatever. The lady gave me a new set of noodles and I couldn't be bothered to wait for them to get warm and they were actually rather nice for free.

The boys came back saying there were no shops but I took that as a bit of a challenge as I rather fancied a cold beer. So I left them and walked for around 45 minutes and indeed there was nothing. Plenty of living areas and work areas but this place 3.7km from the airport did not want to sell me anything. So back at the hotel I asked if they happened to have any cold beers and of course they did, and I chose four local brews at a costly 16 kuai each but I didn't care...they went down very well and I even got two more when the boys decided they wanted an ice lolly each. The hotel room was ok but lacked the sofa the trip.com app said it would have. But Leilei set about putting a few cushions on the floor inside some sort of kid's wigwam (the hotel room was family-oriented) as fair enough at his age he didn't want to share even a king-size bed with me and my snoring. Well it was to be my last night in China for a while, and after a brief chat with Awl fell asleep by 2am.

"Fishing" and Xixi learns to drive on last evening

Another lazy morning stopped when A Wu pinged me at 11.45am to ask if I wanted to to catch fish in a net, as opposed to "normal" fishing. As it was my last full day I thought "why not?" for the umpteenth time. So I managed to get up at midday and A Wu said he was on his way to pick me up but I said 5-10 minutes. As it was I thought it would be a sweaty affair so I just washed my face and told him I was ready. Then he said to take the dian dong che to his house as people were waiting for me there, and of course to hurry up! Ha, so one minute he's on his way then the next I'm to go to meet him...I almost don't think about it anymore. But the annoying thing was that someone was now in the bathroom where the sun cream was, meaning I couldn't take that and I didn't have a hat either. Damn, but there was no way I was going to get sunburnt the day before we were going back.

So I rode over to his house and as I parked up I heard a bloke call me from a shitty car. Oh, that's what we were supposed to be going in to catch fish. A Wu turned up and we bibbed at him and he looked bemused at the car so we drove up to him and he finally understood we'd be taking this tiny four seater so got in the back with me. We drove five minutes to south of the river and turned up at a dead end. After a few minutes it was clear we were in the wrong place so moved on another minute or so, till the road was so steep us three passengers had to get out to let the driver drive the car up. But we were nearly there and indeed after a bit of a downhill climb during which one bloke slipped and skidded down on his arse for a bit we found a small orange boat by the side of the river.

Whoops - wrong place

No way I was getting into that for two hours

The next half an hour was one of the blokes re-sorting out the large net, while the rest of us were able to drink some water and generally sweat. It was pretty much the hottest day here so far and A Wu then said we should have come in the morning. Well yes if you'd told me before 11.45am maybe we could have. I then told A Wu I would not be getting in the boat and he agreed that the sun was just too vicious. I knew I'd be fried to a crisp, and when finally the other three blokes moved off, using a stick as an oar, I knew I'd made the correct decision. After half an hour of them going to the other side of the river and starting to lay the nets I told A Wu I reckoned they'd be at least another two hours and he agreed. He was happily watching douyin so I said I'd go for a walk.

And indeed I walked into the hamlet past kids playing in the street and hunted the shadows as I felt myself burning within seconds of being in the sun. I made my way to the dual carriageway then moved back as felt I wanted something more cultural. So I found myself in what looked like a shop. A couple of old women who were making aeroplane headsets were looking at me rather intently, but I ignored them and shouted "laoban!" calling for the boss. But no-one was there, even though I could see a couple of Li Quan in the fridge calling to me. I asked at another house next door and they pointed to a house two doors down and I walked in to find another shop with an ancient pool table in the middle that would never see any more cue balls. But at least there was someone there. There was no fridge but a freezer and I asked the bloke if he had a cold beer. Indeed he did so for 5 kuai he dug inside the freezer and picked one out.

Oh it was heaven to have a cold, fizzy, non-sugary drink, and as it was well gone 2pm quite justifiable. He bade me sit by the pool table under the fan and as I opened the can three little girls and a boy came in. They were young enough not to be afraid and delighted in seeing this wai guo ren. So many comments about being tall, having blue eyes and fair hair I've heard before but this was literally the first time they'd seen a foreigner and I indulged them by making them speak a little English and shaking their hands. It was the closest I'd felt to being in Bangxu in 2003 since...well 2003.

Cute kids in the shop with Chairman Mao looking on in the background

The name of the commune I spent a couple of hours in

A Wu called to say he was also leaving that place, and somehow we met up just outside where I had had my beer, and we continued to walk for a few minutes until it was too hot even for him and we found refuge under the shade of some trees. Awl happened to call me and we spoke for a few minutes while avoiding getting burnt. But after 5 minutes we got cut off from Telegram as is often the case. So A Wu and I walked another 10 minutes or so before arriving at the place that is being built south of the bridge where I'd been to the other week to have you cha. By now it was really boiling so we found an estate agent's with a big model of all the houses that were being built, and it looked actually really nice, but at an appropriate price.

We got a didi che to his house where we spent a few minutes until his wife turned up and we went down for me to take my dian dong che and him to take this car. He called Tan to arrange to "sing song" later but I could hear her say she had a cold and a headache, so he called Boss Zhou and arranged to meet up later for a drink. Whatever, Tan had said the family would all be over so I had to go back there to eat. She said to come back by 4pm which I did but of course nothing was ready then. But it was a good chance to get the kids out for a last photoshoot (at least with Leilei) and we did eat at 5pm. Er Jie's husband was there and I genuinely didn't recognise him; he was pretty slim now, and is Qiqi's father so I'm sure I've eaten with him before. Eventually he suggested having a drink with the meal but we only had two Li Quan cans left. No problem that sorted us out till the end of the meal.

Lovely last family meal

Try as I might I'll probably never understand such conversations in Bangxuhua

Haiwei pinged me to go for a bite but I told him I was due to go with A Wu and he should contact him. But at gone 7pm I hadn't heard from A Wu so pinged Haiwei to ask where he was. Well he was just around the corner according to the weizhi, so I turned up at the place and showed the weizhi to an employee and she told me it was opposite, so I went opposite and the person there said it was opposite. So I went opposite again then thought to call Haiwei and indeed he was in the place opposite to where I was now and next door to the place that had just told me opposite. Every time I think I'm used to living here something happens to prove that wrong. But Haiwei came out to see me which was the only way I could be sure where to go, and indeed it was the same place I'd been to a couple of weeks ago to eat beef.

There were only four blokes there so not majorly exciting, but two of them also had Bangxu wives and one was the son of a Bangxu woman, which meant gan bei'ing before descending into cai ma, which I did rather well at. Then a bit later a bloke turned up that I recognised. He was the ex-pilot I'd met four years ago in Bangxu, and had clearly had a couple already. But he was in good spirits and shortly after challenged me to cai ma, which I won to his joking disgust. This followed for another hour before I made my excuses and said I needed to meet up with Xixi. As I was leaving the place I noted the various cow parts in the fridge and told the boss I was impressed that they didn't waste anything. He seemed grateful for my compliment and reached into another fridge to get a bottle of cold water to give to me. I knew better than to return it and gratefully accepted it and said I hoped I'd be back soon.

Beef meal with Haiwei and ex-pilot second from right

They really don't waste anything

Well Xixi had been out with Leilei buying presents but wanted a lesson on the dian dong che. So we took it to Pingguo International hotel carpark, and after a few nerves she mostly got the hang of it but would refuse to move when people were around, but it was a good start. We then had a nice ride around town for the second time this year, and stopped off at the ant tree for old time's sake. On the way back I stopped off at Boss Zhou's where A Wu had been apparently but was no longer. I stayed for 15 minutes that must have seemed longer for Xixi who was bored but in her phone, and I enjoyed the heated up duck and bamboo, before wishing him a heartfelt goodbye, and told him if I could I'd be back later in the month. Even Xixi for some reason said he was one of the people she liked.

Xixi's first time on the dian dong che

So we got back and that was pretty much that. No silly invitations to go out at gone midnight, no silly drinking till 3am. I did take a last walk at 1am just to drink in a last evening of Pingguo, and came back drenched due to the humidity after the rain we'd had all day, and realised that the clothes I'd put out to hang probably wouldn't be dry by the time we had to leave tomorrow. And finally I managed to get a hotel in Guangzhou not too far from the airport. They're all "airport hotels" but at 3.7km away this was one of the closest that would sleep three adults. Well there were two big beds and a sofa so I hope it will be ok. Chuan Chuan could probably have found something cheaper but I wanted to ensure we were not far away as needed to be at the airport for soon after 10am.

As I was doing my packing the boys said they were going for a last ride in town at 2.30am. My reaction would have been to say no, as would Tan's no doubt have been, but I've been in this situation before and clearly would have done the same, so I let them go. I allowed myself one last session on Mario Kart Wii, making sure I invited my other Wiis in England for a reason that will never really make sense, other than ticking off another box in my mind. Then I played a quick race online and managed to come 3rd out of 10 meaning +53 points and above 6000 points again! No-one other than me will ever appreciate that. With not a little sadness I packed up the Wii and hoped it wouldn't be so long before I'd fire it up again. And that was it. A little nightcap or two but sleep happened around 4am.