Homeward bound 2023

Managed to get up by 8am and grab a shower before breakfast which I'm ashamed to say was egg and bacon. Not that I'd planned a western one but I fancied the bacon, and then the fried eggs which were pretty much attached to the fried bread. But it went down well despite the knife and fork. I've eaten fried eggs with chopsticks before but we didn't have a great deal of time. Leilei and I left Nezha to finish his food and went to bring down the luggage, and although it was 5 minutes before the bus (this time an actual Spacecruiser-sized mianbao che) was due to leave it was already out there with the engine running.

Pathetic last breakfast in China

So we fetched Nezha's stuff and just about managed to get the luggage fitted around the other people's stuff, and understood that luckily T2 would be the first stop, so 10 minutes later we were there. I could probably have chosen the 10am shuttle bus but was really worried there would be issues ahead. But as it was, even though there were nearly four hours till the flight we were ushered to a queue-free China Southern check-in area and I gave the lady the three passports and said I'd had no problem reserving the seats for the boys but thought there may be an issue with mine. But I was massively relieved to find that I was fine and we were all on the same row. Once the hold luggage had gone through we were told to wait one or two minutes before we could go as there were evidently people checking the x-rays. This is why I told the boys not to take the bibi guns. We were given the international "ok" sign of a thumb and first finger ring by the lady and Nezha gave a bigger sigh of relief than most people would have needed to. I just hope he didn't have anything dodgy in there....

I was relieved, Nezha was relieved, but Leilei wasn't as he had a decidedly dodgy tummy and wanted to go the toilet before security. Fine, go, we had plenty of time, so he went but a minute later he was back saying they only had squatters. Jeez, even I've managed to negotiate squatters...a few times this trip nonetheless, but as "desperate" as he was he said he could hold it through security. The airport wasn't particularly busy so security was 10 minutes and none of us were held up this time although neither of the boys had liquids bags annoyingly and I had to take their perfume and deodorant into mine. They so need to start learning to think ahead....

Of course normally after security that's it...you go to duty free or the lounge. But next was the health declaration we hadn't planned on. I thought that was just for entering China. But no, we needed to scan a QR card with Weixin, then fill in a picky questionnaire with a very unintuitive interface. But after a good 15 minutes we eventually got our new QR codes, which we scanned to get through this next fence. But then was passport control...yes fair enough, we hadn't had our passports stamped out of the country yet, so yet another queue of about 20 minutes, but Leilei appeared to prefer that than squat.

Finally we were into the duty free area and I remembered to pick up some Esse menthols for Awl, who for some reason was awake at 3am UK time. The boys decided to go for a wander as is their wont, but I told them I wanted to find a lounge as the Amex app said there was only one but I doubted that. A couple of minutes later I found the China Southern lounge and it accepted Priority Pass, so I said the boys would be around shortly, but it turned out it would be better to wait for them so I called Leilei and they said they'd be there soon. So I scanned the code and boarding pass and added two guests (Nezha better appreciate he's cost me £20 for both times).

Eventually the boys turned up and scanned in and we availed ourselves of some decent food as is normal in my experience in lounges in the three or four biggest Chinese cities. I waited till 11am before having a 5% wheat beer as I was too embarrassed to ask for a G&T at the bar (at least until someone else had). I chatted with Awl again who still hadn't got to sleep at 4am but only for 20 minutes or so. The 1.20pm flight was to board at 12.40pm, which gave us only another hour, so I managed a 2nd beer and after went to the bar to ask for a G&T. Well I said it in Mandarin and I said it in English but she didn't understand - so I ended up pointing at the Beefeater bottle and she said that was just for show and wasn't actually available, before pointing at a selection of red wines and a whisky to say I could have that. I asked what about cold white wine and she pointed to the fridge on the bar...hmmm...champagne...well that might be a nice way to say goodbye to China so I poured myself a decent sized one before a Chinese bloke came up to me and said something I knew was an attempt at English but couldn't understand so asked him in Mandarin what he wanted. In fact he just wanted the same as me so I handed him the bottle. I would have liked to respond in English but I was in my last hour in the country so really appreciated possibly my last mini-conversation.

I offered the boys a small glass too but Leilei wasn't interested. Nezha accepted one though and I had another small one to join him. Then the notice came that the London flight was boarding. We never leave at this point. We knew we had a short 10 minute walk to the gate, so I followed what the boys had been eating - two mini hamburgers and some more beef, and maybe poured myself a first and last whisky as I knew I'd require sleep on the 12 hour flight.

Gorgeous mini-hamburgers

Maybe a last nip before vacating the lounge

So appetites sated, we left at 12.50pm and got there as some of the last people to get on. No problem, there was plenty of hand luggage space at row 60 near the back. No problem with the flight either as it left on time and despite eating in the lounge we all pretty much finished lunch, after which thanks to the lounge and some Phenergan and maybe we each had a melatonin, we each managed to sleep relatively quickly afterwards, despite the usual turbulence.

Maybe I got four to five hours' sleep but it was more than many times, and I managed a couple of late James Bond films that I'd not seen before, before another meal and some more shuteye. With a couple of hours to go we all found ourselves hungry again so went the few feet back to the back to get ourselves a sandwich each. By now it was 5pm UK time, so a bit later I sneaked out a beer I might have appropriated from the lounge and sneaked a bit into my cup while the attendants weren't around, and another and another till it was gone and I hoped the cleaning people wouldn't report me as I left it under my seat. I started watching Star Trek: into the darkness, which was pretty crap in many ways but being tired and tiddly helps one with such films. The turbulence came again, but ultimately we landed pretty firmly, but safely.

This time passport control and getting luggage was a breeze, and we were on the Piccadilly line soon after. We would have taken the Lizzie line but it would have been £17+ each rather than the £6 tube which only took a few minutes longer. And that was it. The boys had had the China experience of a lifetime. They would no doubt experience the homecoming blues, but I've done that for 20 years now and you just have to adjust. We have no idea when we might come back. Well, I have an idea that I'll do it soon if I can sort out Leilei with uni stuff...it's been literally like a long dream and I just want to go back to sleep....

Leilei reunited with Ami back home