A semi-civilised journey to Pingguo - definitely back in the mainland

9.30am wake up wasn’t easy but I had no choice as I went downstairs to take and steal breakfast as per yesterday as Leilei showed no signs of stirring. But stir he had to soon after 10, as although the train to Guangzhou wasn’t until 12:51, we had been advised to get there at least an hour early for immigration. He wolfed down all the croissanty crap while I grabbed a shower. A few minutes later we were checked-out and in the 5 minute taxi ride to Kowloon West. Indeed the hour would have been necessary had there been more than a handful of people in the station. As it was it still took well over half an hour with the various immigration and security points, plus having to write our address in Chinese twice on the arrival cards for China as this immigration would only be done in Kowloon, a bit like the Eurostar.

One of the reasons for choosing the train was the convenience, and the ability to take liquid. I hadn’t counted on seven aerosol cans being found as indeed they were on the list of things you couldn’t bring. But they were pretty small presents for mates’ wives mainly, and I explained this and the lady kindly did not confiscate them. I did pick up a G at duty-free as it will probably be the last chance for five weeks unless this Vietnam project kicks off in the meantime.

Kowloon West station is very modern and clean

I was well peeved that the wifi on the train required that you download a train app that wanted permission to look at your photos and make phone calls. And then I found it would only work with a Chinese phone number to rub salt into the wounds. At least the journey was only one hour to Guangzhou. Leilei was less miffed than I was, perhaps because he’s always known being online and takes it for granted so not having it gives him the opportunity to do other stuff like look out of the window. I’m of the generation where we remember having a whiff of free wifi and making as much use of it as we could, such as reading the news. Anyway, it felt like the first step in China this year. The second was when we stopped at Shenzhen and the train went from 10% to 100% full and it was so loud, full of people shouting, and we immediately were reminded of one of the main differences between here and HK. Not to mention another was the SMS I received to tell me I’d used GBP5.99 of my data allowance. Oh shit I’d forgotten that Three works as per home in Hong Kong but there’s no such agreement with the mainland. I immediately switched off roaming but a few minutes later I got another text saying I’d spent another five quid - it’s bloody six quid a megabyte here….

I was a little confused as to which was the actual child size but needn't have worried as Leilei is about 1.8m

The third step was finding that we had to queue for half an hour in Guangzhou to pick up the tickets I’d booked and paid for over a month ago. It took all of thirty seconds to get my tickets after giving passport numbers - why couldn’t I do that at a machine? Maybe next year. During the queuing I’d looked in vain for wifi hotspots until I saw one with a couple of bars. It got me to a landing page that had a QR code on it and some instructions that I somewhat sheepishly had to paste into a translator in order to ascertain that the code needed to be scanned. But how to scan something that was on the screen you wanted to scan from? I thought of calling Leilei over to take a photo of my screen so I could scan that, but I reckoned there may be an easier way. I made a screenshot of the page with the QR code then opened WeChat and chose to scan QR code. That opened the camera, but I looked at the options and at the top right there were three little dots. Tapping on them revealed some other options including one to scan from album. This I did, and it worked. At least I got a step further as another page turned up, this time with another QR code. After a little translating it seemed I needed to scan this too, which got me to a new step where I had to “follow” some WeChat user and apparently respond to their greeting with the answer “256”. Then there were more taps to play a game and get shown adverts, but after about 15 minutes I was at least online on WeChat. But the reception was getting worse as I made my way down the queue, and I couldn’t lose my place there or I’d start worrying about being late for the train. I tried in vain to get the VPN to connect, with or without obfuscated servers, and I’m now in fear that this year they’ll somehow have managed to stop them, as it appears they have in HK 4G. At least I managed to get a message to Beihai Huang, to tell him when I was arriving, as he had voiced interest in picking us up, but I let him know we’d be offline for the rest of the journey.

By the time we’d got a bit of fodder for the journey we only had 45 mins till the train departed, and as we’d seen massive queues we went to gate A27 to find the train before us boarding, but not 20 minutes later it was our turn, and it was a good thing we were early on as we there was just enough space for our two large suitcases at the back of the train. I’m not sure what we got for our 120 kuai upgrades to First Class - probably just bigger seats. This time the noises came from mobile phones; many people watch programmes and play games without headphones, or the thought that that might bother others. We didn’t hear that once in HK. But it’s something we’ll adjust too - this is the first time we’ve spent time in HK before going to the mainland and I realise that other than visually, it’s a lot closer to the UK than I’d really appreciated.

I really needed a sleep but something wouldn’t let me - oh yes it was the bloke sitting across the aisle playing a stupid game on full volume on his phone - he spent half the journey asleep so I guess other noises don’t annoy him, as in fact they don’t with most mainlanders - noise is something they grow up with and therefore must learn to ignore when in need of shuteye. I need to evolve this ability soon.

The journey was otherwise stressless, and far more preferable than flying, not least because when we arrived in Pingguo 4h17m after setting off we were effectively home. There was no Huang to pick us up which was quite surprising, and I dismissed the taxi drivers trying to get us to spend money with them until we got down some steps and I realised we clearly needed help to get us home. So I said ok to a woman and she took us to her san lun che, probably the least practical vehicle with all our cases, but she insisted and helped shove them all in so we rested our legs on them and saw the funny side - we were certainly back in mainland China. It did take 10 minutes to get home after holding on to the suitcases going round corners, and although she said it would be 10 kuai I gave her 20 as it was still cheaper than a taxi and far more interesting.

Recently Tan had said the rules for driving a dian dong che had changed, and indeed we now needed to have a genuine number plate. But now you couldn’t have passengers above (yes, above) 10 years old on tow, and helmets were compulsory. But based on what we saw from the san lun che literally no-one was abiding by these new laws, other than the number plate and a couple of helmets, so Leilei and I smiled at each other, knowing we would probably be ok and not look out of place driving around as we normally do.

Back in Pingguo - first san lun che for years

Unlike literally every other year when we set foot in the house we were neither that tired or sweaty when we arrived (well ok I was tired but not 15 hours in aeroplanes tired). We took the first 2019 step into our flat, went to turn on the light and nothing. Oh no, hadn’t Lingming said he’d sorted the leccy? Phone torches were turned on and at least we could see that the place had been cleaned. I couldn’t even call Lingming, and the prospect of an AC-less dark night loomed. Then I remembered the mains board on the wall literally three feet away from my head, and saw that it was off - I flicked up the switch, took a breath, flicked up the light switched and beheld that there was light. Leilei and I high-fived, then held our breath again as we waited for the router to turn on - a double high-five met the fact we now had internet, and a minute later I performed an internal high-five as I got my VPN working. Result. We could now relax.

I'm so glad the soda siphon cap I bought fits - looking forward to fizzy drinks of my own choice again for the first time in a few years in Pingguo

I thought it said Squid Sick, but Leilei pointed out it was Squid Silk

I saw that Huang had left a message apologising but he was ill and couldn’t come to pick us up, so I let him know we were fine and told him to get better. Then I pinged Li Kun and he came over immediately to bring us to a guitar workshop where his friend was practising with another mate and a female singer. I had left Leilei at home where he wanted to be, online and chatting with Momo, so after staying there for half an hour, where I was told I would be able to buy a guitar very soon, we went to a pub/cafe that had a guitarist who was a tad too loud, but where we sat down to some beers and food. First just the two of us but over the next hour and a half it became closer to 10. But I realised I had to make it nine as I was flagging. The time had really caught up on me and I didn’t want to leave Leilei too long by himself, and Li Kun took no offence as he took me back home. And I took little time to sleep as it was already midnight.

Ladies Market and not-so-abandoned Ma Wan Village

Apparently Leilei was up till 5am, while I got some fractured sleep till 10am when I knew I had to go down for breakfast. I roused Leilei but he was having none of it and I didn’t argue. As I arrived at the eating place I was told breakfast finished at 10.30, and then again by the same person as I sat down to eat after making sure I had a second plate full of pains au chocolat. The people on the table next to me had the same plan of appropriating such pains, and I felt it was a little cheeky as my need was genuine and these people had already stuffed themselves and didn’t look like they’d starve in a long while. Something about the lure of free food I suppose. But my plan was slightly better as I actually had a small plastic bag to put my stolen wares into, plus a genuine excuse if I got caught.

Back upstairs I saw some startling news about whiteshirts beating blackshirts, and had no idea how true it was. But it made me realise that wearing pink yesterday was probably a good idea. Never have I had to worry about what colour to wear on holiday before but for the moment it has to be a consideration.

By the time we left the hotel it was 1pm but we weren’t planning on lunch. Instead Leilei wanted to go to Ladies Market, which didn’t sound his style, until he mentioned it sold electronic goods and had five floors. I had a dubious memory about having taken Xixi to such a place ten years previous, so was happy to hop up two stops on the MTR to Monkok, after first dropping off my broken laptop at a repair shop and spending 350 HKD to get it looked at. We went to where Google said it would be but all we found was a market like Temple Street but about twice the size. Leilei was in the mood to buy a cap and a “purple bape top” whatever that was. I explained about the art of haggling and how to be able to walk away always.

Leilei at Ladies Market

I needed a couple of universal-to-UK/HK adapters, and found some and asked the stallholder how much in Mandarin (I told Leilei that using Mandarin would definitely get you an extra 20% off as they’d know you knew something). She said 25 kuai each and I looked surprised. I told her that last time I was here three years ago they were 5 kuai (actually it was 10 years since I’d been to the market), and she laughed and said it was inflation, but I could have one for 20. I walked away, and disappointingly she didn’t chase after me.

But at the next place the stallholder wanted 10 for one, so I said I’d give her 20 for three and she said ok and that was that. A more reasonable inflation as I really did get them for 5 each 10 years ago. We were still looking for this five storey building and when I checked again on Google Maps there was a picture of exactly where we were and it dawned on us Ladies Market was just a bigger version of Temple Street and we had no idea where Leilei had got his five storey idea from.

In the hotel I looked up unusual things to do in Hong Kong as we had no appetite to go to Disney, and the thing that grabbed my interest was an abandoned village named Ma Wan village. Looking on the map I saw it was in the south east, and not that far on the tube from Wanchai where we were to meet up with my mate tonight. So we took the tube to the nearest stop and walked in the general direction, into an interesting old area that had the air of a fishing village but with many restaurants. The village seemed to go on for a while, and as we walked we saw a few abandoned houses but certainly the place wasn’t abandoned; there was even a clean public toilet and I managed to get a cold beer and something for Leilei. Well I wanted to wander further and he didn’t so this time I let him have his way as we didn’t want to be late in Wanchai.

Joey Bees - some cool number plates around here

Leilei in the not-so-abandoned Ma Wan Village

Not too far off from touching the hoop

What else would you do while waiting for the tube?

At Wanchai you’d never have guessed the place was the centre of mass protests yesterday. Literally no sign of unrest, just a fairly bustily place with many westerners. We met up with my mate’s wife, and two kids who I hadn’t seen for eight years, then met him a few mins later as he’d been to the doctor. We walked to his wife’s friend’s place and had some glorious goose and pork and Leilei also had his fill. They had brought their own beers and I asked if that was ok here but apparently it was only ok as they knew the owner. The owner spoke perfect Mandarin so it was easy to communicate and tell her how good the food was. We talked about the protests, Brexit, education in general, and hoped the kids were taking in what we were saying, not to give them specific opinions, but just in general to make them aware. I like how being good at maths is normal here, and literally any cashier here will ask you for the extra bit of cash to make giving change easier. Leilei for the first time refused zhen zhu nai cha (or sometimes they call it bubble tea) as he’d had one last night and we realised the caffeine in that was probably partly responsible for staying up till 5am. We left them at Causeway and didn’t have any cause to go out as it was already 10.30pm and I didn’t want to do any last-minute packing as I was doing three days ago.

Back at the hotel, family in the UK, after having seen some photos of the “abandoned” Ma Wan, thought it appropriate to let me know that I had mistaken my Ma Wan for the actual abandoned Ma Wan which is actually nearby Disneyland. Well bloody Google didn’t tell me that it was that one and as much as I would have liked to visit it was much further away and quite honestly I rather like our own Ma Wan, and have resolved to come back and have a meal there one time, even if I never get to see the abandoned one. In the end I was up till 1am packing, including ironing all five shirts as it may be the last chance I get before I may have to use them for work. Leilei also fell asleep at that time but this time I couldn’t until 6am for a reason I’ll never know.

Long walks and avoiding the protests

And yet I woke up at 5.30am on the nose. I mean bang on 5.30am not on my nose. It was that wide awake feeling you know will not be quashed any time soon with German counting so I browsed for a while.

I managed to get Leilei up just before 10 as breakfast finishes at 10:30, and I just managed to get a last-minute omelette and he managed loads of pains au chocolat after a sweet cereal - well we are on holiday I suppose. Blimey there were a lot of fatties eating breakfast...this is certainly not mainland China.

After breakfast we went for a longish walk towards the harbour in the heat and the rain that Hong Kong sometimes affords. While he was taking a few photos a couple of mainland girls came up to him to ask to take a photo with him - I was jealous! It wasn’t that long ago that would happen to me but he has stolen my thunder (well that is part of his Chinese name).

Looking over the harbour before he got accosted by women

We found a tube station and got an Octopus card though I keep calling it an Oyster card, and took the tube back one stop to the hotel. Lunch was simple noodles for Leilei and a sandwich for me from 7-11 as we were planning to see a Hong Kong-based mate tonight. I also managed a wee Skol and a tad of sleep before 4pm when I got up to check the news. I’d heard about the recent protests and it was Sunday, and then I saw what was happening. Apparently people were already setting up and it was around where we were due to meet up at Wanchai. In fact, according to some reports Wanchai was to be where the march would end. I IM’d my mate who seemed to think all the action was in Victoria Park so we should be ok.

Well I checked again and saw a tweet that didn’t fill me with such confidence, and he checked and found the MTR tube was filling up. Then I got a phone call and realised he’d realised the extent of the situation, and that even if we managed to meet up we’d be taken by the throngs of the crowd and wouldn’t have any say as to where we’d want to go. Not to mention I’d be responsible for a minor, and even if I wasn’t there were reports of bomb-making equipment having been found. We agreed to postpone till tomorrow. Relieved, I looked at some more news and it dawned on me this was taking place not much more than a mile away, but with a harbour between us.

With a little time on our hands Leilei and I took the MTR a few stops to Lok Fu to see the sight of Kowloon Walled City. It would have been great to explore before it was knocked down in the early 90s, but there are still a couple of places here with thin alleyways that feel seedy but safe. Leilei was in his element looking at the cars; the skirted vans, each one apparently unique, and a supercar every few minutes.

We walked through strange walkways in the general direction of the park, noting the different pathways for joggers, cylists, and walkers. Kowloon Walled City Park reminded me of something, and I wondered if it was where I went in 2008 to restart my visa. We had hoped to go to the old landing strip of Kai Tak airport, but they were busy building a new MTR station.

Strange walkways

We were in the area I had to stay with Xixi in 2008 and it brought back mixed emotions. We then took the MTR to Tsim Sha Tsui to see the lights from HK Island. It was far more packed than this morning, and loads of people were walking against our direction. As it was 8.15pm I guessed we’d just missed a fireworks display. Literally more than half the people were taking pictures of the anonymous lights on the other side of the river. At least put some people in them. I wonder if WeChat has a clever algorithm that finds these pictures and replaces them with a stock picture (that is actually better) and displays a copy of this instead of the hundreds of thousands of virtually identical ones. Like they may do for sunsets over the sea. Wouldn’t it be funny if they did? Like Google (reasonably) does to people’s uploaded MP3s.

Almost everyone was taking pictures of the lights with no human in them

One more stop up north to Jordan and we went to see the Temple Street Night Market, but it dawned on us that it was in fact the same place we went to last night. We’d planned to get a bite to eat there but Ll was tired and to be fair we’d walked over 20,000 steps today according to my phone, so as I still had a pack of noodles we went back and he had that, and had a shower while I went out to get a bite. 65 HKD for a bit of beef on rice was pretty pricey even for here, given the size of the place, but I didn’t complain, and ate it as quickly as possible as I was being asked why I was taking so long….

First night in Hong Kong with Leilei

Managed four hours’ sleep thanks to pillow so looking like a good investment so far though wonder if a cheaper one wouldn’t have been so good. It was interesting to see the plane landing from a camera underneath, and since we’d both managed over four hours’ sleep we weren’t complaining. We certainly didn’t complain when the luggage arrived on time (for the first time with Air France). Then the airport Express to Kowloon was only 15 quid for us both (take note Heathrow Express at 37 return when a single tube was 5.60). The free shuttle to Jordan was rather slow in the traffic that could have taken 5 minutes. Then the 10 minute walk in the rain with luggage that the girls wouldn’t have appreciated was ok. And that was that - we had arrived in our Hong Kong destination with no hassle whatsover.

I nearly forced Leilei to have a shower when he reasoned that if we were going out we might as well get one later. He was right, and I was acting as if Tan was there. So we walked out into the busy streets and probably found Temple Street night market, but I was keen to find somewhere to eat. I spoke Mandarin to the woman and she pretended not to understand...maybe it was my accent, or maybe she genuinely didn’t understand when I asked for goose. I relented and went back to English but she still didn’t understand what “goose” was. I said not to worry and ordered beef on rice, and Leilei ordered the dumplings and noodles in soup. He also seemed to recognise the characters for milk tea (奶茶) and ordered that, while I ordered a Qingdao.

When the woman returned with the drinks she asked me in Mandarin if I was trying to order er gou tou before, that sickening paint-stripper of a drink, and I said no I couldn’t abide such stuff, and why was she asking that anyway? Before it dawned on me that the “e” of goose and “rou” of meat must have sounded a little like the first and last words of the aforementioned drink. So I laughed and showed her the word for goose on my phone and then it clicked for her too. Oh yes we’re certainly back in the East now, and this is just the first step. Then, to Leilei’s his disgust he found the dumplings were not only vegetarian but also mostly filled with his most hated food - mushrooms. So after trying to get him to be more outgoing we basically swapped dishes and he did a good job despite the fact I’d already put hot chilli sauce on the rice. He enjoyed what he had and ate most of it, but I didn’t fancy the carby noodles, though for some reason the carby beer went down fine.

Back to China via CDG and Hong Kong 2019

I’m such a wally I should have taken two days off before we planned to leave. Leilei and I really wanted to take the train from Guangzhou to Pingguo and I suggested this to Tan and she came back with the realistic repost that if the plane arrived late what would you do? The trains get booked up weeks in advance. But Leilei really wanted to spend some time in Hong Kong and actually after the relatively smooth journey last year (well, stressless) I was happy to travel at a different time from the girls. So I’d booked them to fly out on the 23rd July and us boys on 19th as we saved over 300 quid on the air tickets although I knew the train tickets wouldn’t be free.

But what it did mean was that us boys could stay in Hong Kong for a couple of days and not worry about missing the train to Pingguo very much. Ok it did mean Leilei missing 1.5 days of school but I did email to explain and they were fine about it, plus I’d booked our Guangzhou to Pingguo tickets a few weeks before. I hadn’t expected such high hotel prices but due to work I had some points that paid 320 of the 340 quid it would have cost to stay in the Novotel on Nathan Road, near to the street markets that Leilei was keen to go to.

But that was the bookings. Now we had to actually get to the airport and annoyingly I had a meeting at 1pm when I’d hoped to be leaving at 2. So it was genuinely last minute. As we left the house to go to the train station I went for a last minute pee and found I’d forgotten my razor plus the interdental brushes I’d just got delivered from Amazon. I shudder to think what else I may have forgotten.

Anyway we rushed off to the station but Awl called to say he’d pick up our spare keys. He met us at Pitfold and we managed to get all our luggage into his little Yaris hybrid and that saved us three minutes and some stress getting to the station. Cheers Awl.

The trip to Heathrow T4 was not that bad but there were a few steps that would have made it awkward had we been with Tan and Xixi. But after a bit of sweating and choosing to take steps rather than wait for the lifts we got to the Piccadilly line and the 50 minutes flew by, and was definitely quicker than going to Paddington to take the Express, and 30 quid cheaper each.

We may have been 25 minutes early for the drop-off of luggage, and I was sorely tempted to go to the arrivals lounge for a bite to eat and drink, but we did the self-service baggage tags and when I asked the bloke how long we’d have to wait he said we could go along now and drop off at the VIP place. I’m glad I asked as we dropped them off good’n’quick and the gaggle of Chinese students only cottoned on after we'd done that.

Both of us enjoying some decent grub - makes the journey part of the adventure

Is that how much they really charge? Now I know it's worth it...

Security was fine except for me being an idiot and leaving the fourth laptop in a bag. That wasted 10 minutes but we were in very good time and we found the lounge after I bought some duty free presents for friends in Pingguo. I’m slightly sad that the kids have grown up for the last six years pretty much expecting lounge access. For me it’s still a luxury and I get a buzz every time we get accepted even though I’ve bloody paid for it…. I also know it pays for itself in so many ways, but this year was annoyed to get a fancy cardboard thing in the post telling me of the amazing new features (none of which apply to me) and in the small-print telling me the price has gone up by 125 quid. Why not save on the postage and up it by less, or at least give the option?

Anyway the short hop to Paris Charles de Gaulle was pretty much that and the short delay was made up for in the air. We probably had the time to have a quick drink in the lounge but thought better of it as the risk of missing the long flight was not worth thinking about. Annoyingly, after passport control we did have 50 minutes, and I wondered about going back to enjoy the lounge but thought better of it again. To my shame I hadn’t bought a neck pillow, and based on my recent experiences going to and from Egypt I wish I had. Now I was prisoner in an airport with the prospect of a 12 hour flight and all I could see were 30, 40, 60 Euro such neck pillows. I made a decision I may well regret. I paid a whole 40 Euro for one that could be squashed down to a fraction of its size....lord I hope I live to justify this decision...if only I’d done it on Amazon last week.

Leilei on the way to Paris

Gosh the mix of my noise-cancelling headphones and the neck thing did seem to help - I didn’t get through the first film and then after dinner I started playing “Who wants to be a Millionaire?” and after losing the first few rounds (well, making 32,000) I hit the jackpot!

I hit the jackpot, and probably no-one cares! Well I'll be in Hong Kong soon so there....

Thankfully Leilei and I were both so tired we didn’t need to make a fuss of things, and we both got to sleep for a little bit after about three hours. Hope it lasts.

Beijing delay is kids' ok

As I had stayed at this hotel before I hadn’t ordered breakfast as 1) it was crap, and 2) it would have delayed us. So much to their chagrin I got the kids up at 6am (at least they’d had six hours’ sleep as opposed to my three and a half), and got us checked out by 6.15 to get the 6.30 bus to the airport in preparation for the 9.20 flight to Beijing. As luck would have it for the first time in years the check-in went without a hitch and we got to the landside lounge in good time. Having said that there was nothing much to entice us in this lounge, though from experience I knew there was nothing much more in the airside lounge. So we took advantage of the lounge’s own security path and got through half an hour before the flight after the kids had had their fill of shitty sugary drinks and wasabi peas. I was hours away from wanting a drink so braved it onto the flight, which could have been worse.

Oh the lounge in Beijing is one of the best we’ve been to in the world. Great food, comfortable seats in our own area, and a decent choice of drinks. Well, by now it was well after 1pm and our flight wasn’t for another four hours or so. The kids were in their element, with wifi and electricity, but we still found time for actual communication. Tan was coming back a couple of days later so we made sure to video chat with her.

While we were going through our second course of food we got the “terrible” news that our flight had been delayed one hour, and the kids cheered! I’ve justified it a thousand times before but when you’re obliged to travel as much as me (and hate it) then these little luxuries (although paid for) become incredibly worthwhile - it’s like an insurance for delayed flights and indeed it somewhat literally is. And then when our flight was delayed another half an hour I joined in with the celebrations and got myself a G&T because why not?

Lounge lizards

The flight was stress-less, maybe because it was just the three of us, and we arrived at Heathrow more-or-less on time anyway so who cares? I was really tempted to go to the arrivals lounge but the kids were tired so after unsuccessfully trying to get a local cab we tried Uber, which I feared would be much more expensive, and got a price much better that we’d been quoted for the cab that didn’t turn up.

Well Pingguo was over for a year...we all accept and mourn it a little. My main concern is that the kids won’t want to come back next year. But it’s been another lovely summer and we should concentrate on that, and the fact that within a few days the kids will be back in school and it will be all go again…. But I really hope we’ll be back next year.

Last day in Pingguo 2018

It was a good idea to do the Last Supper last night as tonight we had to head to Nanning to stay at a cheap hotel in order not to have any stress tomorrow getting the flight. Not to mention it was just the kids and me. But first there were some things to do, like feed the blighters. So, sadly for the last time this year I took them to get some jiao zi and bao zi from our local shop, and thanked the woman and said we’d look forward to coming back next year, not sure how much the kids might be looking forward to it.

An important picture that I should remember in order not to bring back too many toiletries next time

Visiting Waipo for the last time I was a bit shocked to see Er Jie had bought a new tv and simply stuck it in front of the old one - I could do with that!

Note to self - see if I can get the smaller tv next time...

Sooner than we thought evening came around so I decided to take the kids to Boss Zhou’s for something decent. He was happy to see us and I ordered some “normal” pork with rice and some jiu gui yumi. While we were waiting we spotted a delightful grey kitten/cat that responded to the kids’ lasers as you might expect, which made waiting for the meal that much quicker. Afterwards the woman only asked for 20 kuai, which I felt was too low, so I remonstrated with her and after a while she came back to me saying 50 would be ok - it was like something out of Monty Python.

Lovely last meal at Boss Zhou's

Cute kitten that couldn't resist lasers

Trying to make sense out of this but I think it's how much we owe for water, despite there being a character for electricity (Tan says)

As per every last day for the last few years I entertained the thought of going for a massage but there was a supermarket trip to make and other boring stuff like packing that got in the way. I had tried to insist that the three of us get a train to Nanning, where the hotel was a five minute walk away from the train station, but Tan and her cousin told us that was a rubbish idea and we’d never get the luggage on board, and insisted that A Heng drive us. Oh bloody hell I really wanted to argue but knew it would be futile, so rather than a 7.30pm train we were picked up at 6.30pm by A Heng and a mate in the old people carrier we’d been used to for the last few years.

Just outside of Pingguo was a urinal for "special children" - well that was something we wouldn't have got on the train I suppose

What ensued was the most annoying journey ever. Well at least we weren’t due to arrive at the airport any time soon. The drive to Nanning was ok but as soon as we arrived A Heng got lost. Worse than that, I had the map on my phone and tried to show him where to go but out of pride (?) he would not look. Which meant he got lost again and again, and with Nanning being the metropolis it is now it meant being stuck in traffic jams that wouldn’t apply to trains. Jeez, by the time we finally arrived at the hotel it was nearly 10pm, and the train would have got there by 8. I shouldn’t be angry - they were trying to help I suppose - but it was the most frustrating moment of the whole summer - next time I will just take the train and not tell anyone.

What was nice was that the hotel was the same as one I’d taken a few weeks earlier to go to Canada, and the receptionist spoke Mandarin to me, and as I’d been before I pretended I understood every word as I knew where the lifts were and there wasn’t much more new information he could give me. So as soon as we were up and dumped the bags we set off in search of our last bbq for 2018. It took no more than 10 minutes to find a suitable place on the road, and I got the kids to eat a bit at least while I managed a quick beer. We got back at close to midnight and I was still bloody annoyed about the lift we had as otherwise we would have got the chance to go to Zhong Shan Lu and experienced proper Nanning bbq.

Finally enjoying a bit of bbq on the last night in Nanning

There were two single beds so I got the kids together and apologised, but luckily they were too tired to argue. I had to do an hour’s work while they fell asleep, then organise baggage as we would be up in four and a half hours’ time. Not complaining any more though.

And finally sleep while I spent some time working...

Last Supper 2018

As it’s sadly nearing the end I took the kids out for a bike ride and Leilei had another go by himself in the hotel car park again. We went to the west side of town and found A Wu’s old house that we’d lived in for three months 13 years ago, at least Leilei had. He may not have remembered, but it brought back memories to me as it was our first real living experience in Pingguo, meaning doing the trivial chores like washing and drying clothes, cleaning the floor etc., the things that make you feel more a part of somewhere you are staying. Well the kids didn’t particularly care for my reminiscing and we made off again back to town where I had the idea to get a print out of the stitch-picture I took the other day. We found, after a couple of wrong attempts, the advertising friend’s new shop which is 2-3 times larger than her last place.

I have a sad fascination for how many km our dian dong che does

Printing out my stitched picture of the view while waiting for our lift - at least she didn't question why

Of course it was fine to make a print-out, and of course she wouldn’t take anything so we had a couple of cups of tea until the kids got bored and said thank you again. The previous time we’d got such a print-out was about 10 years ago. Back at home I found I still had a pack of face mask cream from The Body Shop so was able to reciprocate the favour.

Now there was one more thing on my list of things to do before we went back - seeds. I’d looked in a few shops but none sold them, but was told that the market in the centre should have them, and indeed they did. What would have been an even more boring trip for the kids (what kid wants to buy seeds?) was made a little more interesting by watching market vendors plucking out soon-to-hatch baby bees from their hexagonal sleeping quarters to be sold on to restaurants and fried up deliciously.

The bees that made the trip to the market more interesting

Rather than leaving The Last Supper to the last evening I decided to message my mates for tonight to meet at Huang’s Beihai seafood place, as has become customary in the last few years. I IM’d each one to come from 9pm and without fail they got back to me to say they could (though those with kids may be along later). It seems that the Chinese penchant for turning up early to eating events is more a female trait than male, or maybe if the food is being prepared for you then there’s not so much point turning up early. Certainly no-one did as I got there late myself which would have been frowned upon.

I’ve grown more in confidence about ordering food myself recently and did so before any xiong di turned up, and I think I did a good job. One by one they all turned up a great meal ensued. It had that typical Chinese flavour of people coming and people going and always maintaining around 75% of the total number of invitees. At some time before midnight it was decided that we would move on so I paid the reasonable bill of 900 kuai, said goodbye to Huang, and we moved on to another place to continue. I have no idea why - were they concerned I’d have too big a bill? Anyway, for the first time in a couple of years at least I had bbq pig’s penis washed down with more Li Quan pijiu. For some reason Li Kun wouldn’t let me drive home later so I took his car and a mate accompanied us on our dian dong che.

Last Supper 2018

Post-Last Supper 2018 with pig's penis

Ah it should have felt sadder than it did, going home, but I rationalise that each year is a smaller percentage of my life and that therefore it will feel like less time before the next such excursion.

没洗头

Well it was bloody work all afternoon, but I got to take the kids out to eat at the Yumi Tang place in the evening, although for some reason it was really busy. We did some shopping at the shenme dou you shops and I got a cap with 没洗头 (not washed hair) written on it as it was the only one I could find in Chinese. Back home at work I worked out that my fingernails were too long on the right and had calluses on the left. This made it rather difficult to type, resulting in 30% slower words per minute including fixing mistakes, by my calculations. Would I cut my nails and dip my left hand in baby oil? No way...guitar is more important when no piano around.

没洗头

I went to the market supermarket to get some drinks and noticed it was the supermarket’s 11st anniversary. I thought that might mean something but apparently not. Lunch was jiao zi and bao zi with the kids. They wanted to buy stuff so we went around on the bike but didn’t find much until Xixi spotted a huge spider behind some advertising over a shop. She seems to have an eye for detail. But so do I as I noticed a flask in a shop adorned with “Your title here” ok it’s not really that interesting but it did remind me of the Polish road sign in Wales where it was the content of an out-of-office email which was much funnier.

Horrid arachnid shape just above the "o"

Your Title Here

.
Finally finished work at 10.45 to go to the waterman’s friend’s shop opening, where they’d been badgering me to come for ages. They were already pissed and welcomed me like a long lost friend. Apparently the girls were all friends of Chuan Chuan so I should be ok. Almost stereotypically, the girls doing the bbq were rather chubby, but less so the girls eating it were smoking and cai mai’ing, and I had to join in the latter.

Smoking

Cat head in the toilet

Teaspoons and lovely meal with Chen

I thought I was clever waking up at 9.30am but when I opened my eyes again it was an hour later. I really should be taking advantage of a bit of time without the kids but instead I just slooped about at home, before meeting up with a friend for some watermelon juice. I then started the rather sad task of going to the supermarket for one of the last times to get such things as washing powder and tissues to last us till we go back.

Teaspoons are expensive here - note to self: bring lots of teaspoons next time

I just noticed that they "spelled" 平果 wrong on the card for the fairground - they wrote "Apple" (苹果）tut tut.

I took a stitched view while waiting for the lift

On a positive note Chen IM’d me to invite me for another meal which was nice. Of course it was for this evening and of course I said I’d make it. It was the first time I’d gone over the river bridge to actually go somewhere - usually it’s to look out from the bridge as there is no road on the south side of it. But there is a stony path and it is that that Chen took as he picked me up from our place. This time his son was here. He’s a great kid of about 12 but seems almost too happy to see me and I wonder if he’s “on the spectrum” which is a horrible expression in a way because we all are. He’s one of those people whose Mandarin I just can’t understand so maybe it’s my problem 100%.

Chen had invited quite a few people and there was a huge rotating table. I got the impression that not everyone had turned (haha) up by the time we were due to start, judging by half of the seats being empty and more food had been ordered than could possibly be accepted by the eight or so stomachs around the table. But during the meal some more bosses turned up in various levels of inebriation. One, who was there from the start, had brought a box of six bottles of red wine, and although I said I didn’t drink the stuff I did indulge in a couple of glasses to keep him and Chen happy.

On the south side of the bridge

Sumptious

Not heard of this one...

...but it was ok

I went to the loo and on the way back got semi-accosted by a bloke from another room in the same restaurant and needed to do a few gan bei’s for a bit in their room. Then got back to Chen’s room and A Wu was there, so more gan bei’ing was necessary.

Then I got a message from Huang at the seafood place asking to meet up. Ah well let’s see. First I went home at 11pm to find the kids were back and it was lovely to see them but they were knackered and were going straight to bed. Well as there aren’t many days left I popped out to meet Huang for a couple of beers and had a decent, if difficult, chat with him till I had to go back at 1am knackered.

Football - oh dear

Yay, no work. I brunched with Haiwei and some friends at 10am which was earlier than I’ve been getting up recently. Then brunch turned into lunch and a few beers were imbibed but nothing unreasonable. Despite this I was unable to grab more than a two minute siesta much to my chagrin as I’d accepted an invitation from Zhang Hua to play football at 5pm in the kit he’d sorted me out with last year.

5pm came around and although I knew where we would be playing I hadn’t had a message from Zhang Hua. But I couldn’t really feign ignorance as I could see the guys practising in the astroturf field near our place. I turned up 20 minutes later in high 30s heat and really wasn’t in the mood. It was people in our kits versus people in not-our-kits, but I understood everyone was pretty much from the same team. I asked what the score was and someone said it was something like 6-2, but I didn’t know to whom. I got called to come on but I was still trying to work out if it was already half time, as by now I’d been here nearly 45 minutes.

The view from our house - I had no excuse

So eventually I made the effort. I’m sure I was the eldest, and probably the least fit on the field but it was more a gesture to Zhang Hua who’d got me the kit in the first place. I played left back (I wish it was left back in the changing room ha ha) and immediately realised my trainers were not meant for Astroturf as they had little grip. I was pretty bad too...my teammates were calling out “bu yao jin” - don’t worry/take it easy, and I did. The job I’d given myself was to pass to teammates as soon as I got the ball. That sounds quite easy but in the sweat of the game it’s not so simple to follow the game-plan. I did at least make one good defensive header to get the ball out that received some polite applause so I’ll dwell on that.

My main fear was knowing that we were up by about four goals when I started and I just wanted to remain on top. I think we did in the end, but it was lower than a four goal margin.

They obviously needed some help before I came on...

I had been told that we’d go for a meal at one of the player’s hometown 20 km away, so I said I’d quickly pop home to get my laptop as I wanted to watch City’s game at Wolves in a bit. I was told we’d now be eating at a local restaurant which I was more than happy with as the match was starting soon. I nipped home to grab the laptop then popped to pick up Zhang Hua, but very annoyingly I’d not zipped up my bag properly and the laptop dropped out onto the cold hard floor and I feared the worst, but had no time to check as we needed to go to the restaurant.

Once there the worst was confirmed; the laptop didn’t turn on. Well, there was no time to moan - it was my fault and that was that. I made my apologies and hurried back home to get my old laptop and bade them start the meal. Ten minutes later I was back and turned on the laptop I hadn’t used for weeks. The restaurant wifi wasn’t working well so someone offered to tether to their 3/4G phone. Thank goodness for cheap 3/4G. Bugger. Windows needs to update in 15 minutes - please save any work...not even the option to delay. At least it was getting on for half time by now. We’d managed to watch a whole five minutes of the first half. To make things worse I found I’d forgotten to bring the AC adapter so once again had to make excuses and leave them for a further 10 minutes while I got that, as my now four year old Lenovo Yoga 2, as much as I love it, does not last much more than an hour on a single charge now.

Finally we had a stable stream and good food and most of the chaps were interested in the match, having just played a game. Disappointingly we played out a 1-1 draw but to be fair Wolves pretty much deserved it. It’s only the second game but losing points to a team that’s just been promoted isn’t the sign of champions. Liverpool on the other hand are looking great so far.

We moved on to Zhang Hua’s place after the meal for more beer. Most people left after a while but then the rest of us moved on to some other place - I took Zhuang Hua on the bike. I started gan bei’ing with another table too but even I knew when enough is enough so left at 2.30am and took Zhuang Hua back to his shop to sleep, and did the same soon after.

At Zhang Hua's

The rain

Wii cleaning and Mario Kart

Up at a reasonable 10.30am to have a breakfast of a custard tart the kids had left in the fridge. Worked till the early afternoon but needed a break so played a game of Worms Armageddon on Steam that I remembered doing while living in Portugal 19 years ago or so but why not?

As I was in a sort of gaming mode I decided to sort out the Wii. For some reason before turning it on and making sure it worked I decided to clean it of its 10+ years of yellowing. I took a good 10 minutes doing this including the flexes and each passing minute I became more convinced that it wouldn’t work, yet I adamantly stuck at the task as though I had a speck of ADHD or whatever. But the nice clean Wii did turn on and I did manage a couple of games of Mario Kart which was half fun and half sad. I’d rather be playing with someone else. I’ll have to sort it to work online like I’ve done with the Wiis at our UK home.

I do like a bit of Koopa Cape - almost retro now the console is 12 years old

Then Haiwei reminded me I was going to his place in an hour so I did 20 press ups and a minute’s plank before showering after a quick beer. It was pissing down so I put on the blue overall for the dian dong che and managed to stay relatively dry this time.

When I arrived Haiwei was still cooking so I spent some time with his son speaking English which is really one of the reasons I was here. He spent most of his time playing an excellent looking game called PUBG and pronounced "Pub". It looked more like Fortnite for adults, as there was a bit more killing. I expressed an interest and started downloading the Chinese version only for the download to stop after a few minutes on the local wifi. Eventually Haiwei's son had the good idea of making me tether on his phone and within half an hour the gigabyte or so of data was downloaded. Great. Except I needed to register with a Chinese social media account that had KYC and basically my WeChat didn't have that so I was buggered. Still, it was interesting to watch him play with the thumb-thingies that made his phone more tactile. He said he would sort me out a pair for Leilei.

PUBG - Looks pretty good actually

The meal was a sumptuous family one though Haiwei and I were the only men, but that changed an hour later when some more people turned up. One of them was 2-1, who I remembered from many years ago, and we enjoyed reminiscing a while.

Another sumptuous meal

The fashionable Li Quan beer this year: "1998" Bill Clinton....

Despite the good meal I ended up having to go home to work as my clients were getting to the office on the other side of the planet. Not complaining though - just needed to send a couple of emails and IMs to show I was looking after them. I did prefer when I was on English/European projects working from home in China though….

Tan and kids to to Kunming/Dali

Got up to say good morning and goodbye to Tan and the kids as they were about to head off to Kunming (actually Dali a bit beyond) and I was about to head back to bed for a bit, before work raised its predictable head again, but as I was about to get on with it Haiwei rang to drink tea. That sounded a nicer prospect even if it would mean having a later night so I went there to talk shop and eventually a bloke went out and came back with four portions of bao zi, nearly as good as the ones from downstairs at our place, and I gobbled my portion as breakfast had made way for sleep earlier.

I then made my genuine excuses and went back to work on through to the evening. At 6pm Haiwei called for me to go out to eat but I had to be good and stuck to my tasks at hand. During my 9-10.15pm meeting he called me three times to ask where I was, even though at the end of the first call I told him I’d call him when finished. Anyway I dutifully did and I found him with his sons at some eatery by the market supermarket. For a change it was not loads of meat, but white carrot in a soup with spicy bean sprouts, a refreshing change. Then came the tofu skin and fried tofu, followed later by a load of oysters done with garlic and a bit of chopped vermicelli spaghetti which were delicious.

Some more people turned up and one had a son of 12 years with whom I managed to make speak a tiny bit of English. Then he built up some confidence and lifted up his glass and said “cheers!” to everyone’s delight. But by close to midnight I could see there was still stuff to do for work so again made my excuses and went back. Ended up working till 3am then chatting to Awl till 4 as there was no-one in the house to disturb, before falling asleep without the air con on for the first time this year.

Leilei's First Drive

It was a bit of a late awakening for one and all but I did get the kids out to eat some jiao zi and bao zi at the usual place and they ate pretty well. Afterwards I thought I’d let Leilei have a go on the dian dong che in the car park of the unused hotel we checked out (not of) the other day. He absolutely loved his first experience of driving by himself and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that vehicles would mostly be self-driving by the time he would be legally able to drive, and I’m quite glad I didn’t because I will likely be wrong. But when it happens it will happen quickly and the number of lives saved on the roads will be numerous - it’s an absolute no-brainer that it will happen...a bit like lab-grown meat (or at least not growing animals to kill and eat) but on a shorter timescale.

Leilei driving the dian dong che for the first time...

Work took up most of my time after lunch until the kids went out to the supermarket to get stuff for their upcoming trip to Kunming that I unfortunately will not be able to participate in thanks to the aforementioned work. But at least it will give me more time to focus on it. I nibbled some spicy dou fu for tea on my own.

The view while waiting for the lift...changes each year a bit

Then Yangwen IM’d me to ask if I was able to go for a walk. I’ve been saying no for too long now so I decided I would go get some fresh air. Not that it was very fresh - it was one of the muggiest evenings I’ve known and I was wearing fairly heavy shorts and a cotton shirt unlike literally everyone else out, who was wearing very light sporting clothes (well I wanted somewhere to put phone and keys and money). We walked up a new road north east of the guangchang, wider than the M25, for a whole 2k and met up with some other bloke along the way who accompanied us. He also was from outside Pingguo so the conversation was slightly easier as it was more “normal” Mandarin.

Eventually get out of work at 10.30pm and went for a bite to eat with a neighbour and her “sister”. When I arrived at the Beihai seafood place Boss Huang was rather drunk and greeted me like an old friend (which I suppose I am) and then gabbled for a few minutes while I pretended I understood and afterwards said it was because we were nalouzhan (old mates) and he shook my hand so I felt a bit better.

We left around 1am as the little sister was being called to go home and look after her three month old daughter. As we’d only had three bottles in an hour and a half I was still a little thirsty, so I went for a quick ride and found Zhang Hua outside his little cigarette shop with some mates eating and drinking. Of course I was called over and joined them for a while. One of the blokes hadn’t seen me for years and kept saying that. I wish I remembered him and pretended I did.

After that I stupidly went for a ride to use up the rest of the dian so that I would get more for my buck when I charged it up later. Loads of people were still out, and I arrived at Lao Tong Kao Ji where I had performed the other week, and got called over to some people I apparently knew. I had a couple of beers but had to call it a day at 3.30am. Got back and remembered to charge the bike and went straight to bed.

Yumi Tang and Massage

I took the kids to the Yumi Tang place as we hadn’t been for a few days. Sadly I had to work after that so dumped them at A Xia’s until a couple of hours later I got a phone call from Xixi saying mama was going for an hour-long massage so I needed to pick them up.

I had a message from Uncle Yellow later in the morning about meeting up for a bite to eat at 6pm. As it rolled around I realised I’d have the kids still so took them along. We ate cow’s head and tongue, along with some more edible chicken, but not a quarter as good as last time I was here.

I took the kids shopping at 8pm, then back 40 mins later as mama wasn't answering her phone. Leilei got some wireless headphones I begrudgingly allowed him to as we did a check and found they were the same price on Amazon (about 30 quid). Got back to Uncle Yellow to find mama was out eating bbq so took the kids there and could finally enjoy a few beers in the company of adults.

It was only a few though, as a friend called and we went for a late foot wash at nearly midnight. Very nice, and where else could you be so indulgent at midnight? Sleep was easy after that.

Guess Age

I awoke to Tan asking if we could get tickets to go to Kunming. I wasn’t awake so said “yes” of course. Why wouldn’t I? I was then thrust into work as is my wont this year it appears. But I did make a point of taking the kids out for a Magical Mystery Tour as is another wont here, though not necessarily as exciting as it sounds.

I met Ma Laoban for dinner for the first time this year, with some colleagues and red wine. Luckily only two bottles between six adults (and one kid - Lao Pang’s son). But Ma Laoban only had a sip as he was driving (about the only person I know who would do that, but he technically doesn’t drink anyway so hardly a big deal), and one of the ladies had just had an injection so didn’t partake. As Lao Pang was Tan’s friend, I knew I wouldn’t get into trouble as I would have a witness to me not drinking too much, and anyway I had a meeting scheduled for 9pm, so I had to leave at 8.30. Then I found the meeting had been moved to 11.30pm - damn.

Then as that time rolled around it got cancelled, or at least I no longer had to attend, so went for a ride and met Zhang Hua, then went out to another place with some of his mates and played “guess age”, which .makes a change I suppose.

Zhang Hua's little shop

Outside Zhang Hua's shop with his wife and son

Zhang Hua and me enjoying a latish beer