The plan was to go to the beach, but when I finally got up at midday I checked my work email and found I had some stuff to do including sending an email in Chinese. So as the boys headed out in the midday sun I worked on that for a couple of hours before doing something I haven't done for months and poured myself a bath. As it was a holiday, and undoubtedly they were doing so already, I opened a cold can of Li Quan that I'd put in the minibar fridge, perched the laptop at one end of the bath, rolled up a towel and put it under my head at the other end, then started watching an episode of Big Bang Theory. I got seven and a half minutes into it, and not even a sip into my beer before Andge came in and I had to shout at him not to come into the bathroom as there was no lock.
Unfortunately he was covered in sand and needed a shower so that was my luxurious moment over for the day. I wonder if seven and a half minutes is actually the definition of a moment. I won't look it up but instead pretend it is.
I went to the supermarket that was closed last night by myself to see what I could see. It was quite a normal place at first, with far too many female assistants, who were embarrassed that they had sold out of nail clippers for me. But I got lots of compliments on my Chinese and I knew it wasn't because they were trying to sell me stuff because they weren't, simply "ni de zhong wen hen biao zhun!". I did pick up some peanuts covered with some hard shell that was supposedly a speciality of Beihai, and then walked into another section of the supermarket where I had to leave what I'd already picked up. The way this section of the supermarket was laid out was clearly zig-zagging through literally every single aisle so you could not fail to walk past everything for sale. That may sound like a good idea but it takes you forever and if you were in a hurry you would be well annoyed. Another thing to slow you down was the two to five assistants sitting at every corner. As you got within about 10 feet of them they would rise automatically and start talking to you and be delighted when you replied in Chinese. But it was also very like a computer game where proximity triggered the approach of new baddies you had to kill, except here their weapons were their smiles.
After zig-zagging for 10 minutes or so, having talked to dozens of women en-route, I happened across Andge and Awl coming from the other direction smiling and telling me I'd started from the back and would have to retrace all my steps. Oh well, that wasn't the worst thing in the world and we walked back and I picked up a 23 kuai back massager/vibrator that also plugged in to a USB port, plus a dodgy 80's picture that was either a tiger or a semi-naked woman depending on the angle you looked at it. I have no idea what I will do with it. Back at the "normal" section of the supermarket we bumped into Venky. We ended up getting a couple of cold beers and Coke 0 as well but as we were exiting, open beers in hand, I noticed an oyster stall where there was a sign saying "10 kuai". I had to investigate and apparently you paid 10 kuai and chose an oyster. The young girl would then prise it open with a knife and if there was a pearl there you could keep it. So I pulled out a 10 kuai note immediately and pointed out a rather demure looking oyster sitting near the edge of the aquarium. The girl prised away its life to reveal nothing but flesh inside. I wasn't quite inconsolable but she must have taken pity as she let me have another go for free. This time I closed my eyes before choosing and this time when she killed the poor oyster it revealed a tiny pearl maybe a 1/4 inch in diameter. And I was allowed to keep it? Yes! Andge immediately called foul and suggested (in English) that they had been pre-planted and weren't in fact real pearls. I wanted to argue but didn't have the heart to ask the young girl running the place.
Then Venky had a go and missed with his first and second choices...but the girl let him have a third go and when he finally got his own pearl and I realised either Andge was 100% correct or pearls are as common as muck. To be fair the girl did "prove" the pearl by asking us to scratch the glass of the counter with it. I couldn't tell if it really was a scratch or just bits of the pearl coming off on the glass and I didn't try to wipe it off.
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| In my excitement I may have dropped my oyster... |
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| ...but it was worth it as eventually I got my own pearl |
On the way back to the hotel I picked up a set of nail clippers that usefully doubled as a bottle opener at a local shop, while Venky happened upon the good idea of going to the supposed English bar opposite to see if they had vodka for sale. I wasn't too bothered so left them to it and went back to the hotel room. A few minutes later they were back triumphant with a bottle of Smirnoff they'd bought from the "William Shakespeare" bar for about 180 kuai and invited me for an aperitif. We were peckish and had decided to try the hotel's own all-you-can-eat buffet for 200 kuai a person as it was our last night, so we went down at 6pm to find out it didn't start till 6.30 so Venky and I had a quick game of table tennis before going back for another aperitif. We ended up at the buffet rather later than 6.30 but there was plenty of food and there were plenty of people to eat it. Awl went for the westernmost food he could find just to rile me and after some turtle soup and prawns and sumptious other stuff I did actually manage a small steak but it had been marinated in Chinese style sauce so it was ok, plus I cut it up and ate it with chopsticks. They are now having a go at me for the slightest thing I do that could be considered western.
We were a bit stuffed afterwards so set upstairs for a digestif in the form of a small JD. Then I had the good idea of going for a swim but first I went on the search for a ball to play with in the water. I searched every shop within walking distance for a good half an hour and sadly came back with nothing. So I went down and swam a few lengths and talked to some locals until Andge came down. He asked how big a ball would be fun, which I thought was a weird question, and I said even a tennis ball would be great. Then he wondrously pointed in the direction of his towel which was covering a 4" wide yellow nipple ball he'd bought for Thomas. He made me promise I wouldn't hoof it over into the street, but then realised it's at least twice the fun being in a swimming pool with a ball to play with. We threw it around with some of the Chinese kids there and generally had a ball.
Venky came down a little later but it was getting towards 10pm so we had to leave. Awl and Venky faffed about ordering a further night here and then, uninspiringly, we went to the "William Shakespeare" but at least the English owner wasn't around. We ordered another bottle of vodka but they only had some dodgy Russian brand no-one had heard of. Still, with Coke 0 or lemonade it was ok. Our cultural experience in Beihai extended to playing darts and Venky and I having a pint of German lager in place of more V. I explored one of the private rooms and found it had filthy Europop videos on it, although somehow it attracted the others.
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| I don't understand the charms of Christina Aguilera or whoever when you are in Guangxi.. |
Although I spoke to some Chinese there and did a bit of cai ma I left around 12.30 for a bit of bbq at the same place as yesterday. Again I met some people and cai ma'd and probably didn't pay. The boys came out of the bar a bit later and found me and admonished me for not being with ladies, and after a few minutes we went back to the hotel at a reasonablish hour. Well 2am was reasonable but somehow we found ourselves in Awl's room helping him finish his V and take some photos as men all seem to descend to at such times. Finally got to bed at 3.30am.
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| If the picture had been taken from the other angle the tiger would have been a semi-naked woman - about the only sexotypical thing about this picture... |
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| ....but we did it again just for good measure |
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