Duck feet by the river then meal with Lu zong's Nanning friends before nearly finishing at Li Kun's

Blimey I got up after three hours' sleep at 7.30am and couldn't get back, so at 9am I went to the old people's leisure centre and spent 90 minutes there sweating out what I'd put in last night. Once again there were shrieks and howls and it was jolly good fun! I've already played ping pong more times in the five days I've been here than the whole seven weeks of the summer.

Back home I grabbed a shower and was suddenly hit by a sort of melancholy. Not that there was anything to be sad about but the last five days have been so full-on and fun and friendly that suddenly to realise I was home alone just felt relatively negative. But luckily I saw that Lu zong had left a message to go to eat tonight at his place in Jiang Bing Lu with a friend who was coming "down" from Nanning. I rather thought he'd be coming "up" from Nanning as it's south of here but thought better than to question this.

With my spirits lifted a little I went for a walk to get some provisions from Guanmart and feeling peckish I then went to the jiaozi place. The area was heaving with teenage kids with suitcases and as I first stopped at Lu zong's water shop I found out the local secondary school was going on holiday for the New Year. So anyway I stayed for a friendly few cups of tea before getting my jiaozi at midday then walking back to where a siesta surely had to be waiting for me.

But it took bloody ages and then a friend pinged me at 3pm to go to drink with some other friends. I really didn't want to be pissed before going to Lu zong's later so explained I needed to sleep, and finally managed 30 minutes before being pinged again and I left at 4.30pm to go to some grassy place by the river on the east side of town. They had cooked some duck feet and snails and made a warming drink out of bai jiu and ginger and sugar. It wasn't totally horrible so I managed to join in for a couple of hours. Rain came and went but it was thankfully warm.

Duck feet and ginger alcohol by the river as you do

At 6.30pm they knew I had to leave so I didn't meet with too much pressure to stay. I got to Lu zong's place by the river by 7pm to meet his Nanning friends. It was another fine evening despite my lack of sleep. There was a lot more new vocab for me as there were many people I didn't really know, which made it all the more tiring. I finally exchanged WeiXin details with a couple of people and headed home at getting on for 11pm.

Meal at Lu zong's place again

Except Li Kun had pinged me to say they were starting to eat at his place so I went there first. He let me pay for the beers and ordered them on my phone; three boxes for 114 kuai wasn't bad, and they were delivered minutes later. I stayed for no longer than an hour as was really flagging now, and was in bed soon after midnight.

Continuing at Li Kun's...

...at least he let me pay for the beer (114 kuai for all that)

For whatever reason I woke up after just over an hour at 1.40am and almost predictably Sisi called me shortly after. Well, sod it, I went over to have a couple of drinks and predictably again she got quite drunk so I had to take her home at nearly 5am. Maybe I should be more sensible. Maybe she should.

Registered again

I suppose I can blame jetlag but I was properly up by 9am so pinged Xiao Mong at the police station to ask if it would be convenient to go to pick up my registration document. Indeed it was, but for some stupid reason I decided to finish the beer I'd barely started about 4 hours previously. Needless to say it wasn't cold or refreshing but hey-ho I'm on holiday right?

So around 10am I drove down to pick it up and I was once again officially here. So getting back I decided to have an early lunch at the jiaozi place where the boss was smiling much more than usual as she bade me wait a few minutes while she cooked some up. Which was fine as I bumped in to Lu zong next door at his water place and we had a nice hug and he said we must meet up in a couple of days.

I spent much of the afternoon trying to get some sleep until at 6.30pm I realised I was starting to get pretty hungry and quail eggs, as nice as they are, are not enough for a grown man. I actually felt I needed some carbs so by 9pm I made a portion of pao mian that I'd bought a couple of months ago that really hit the spot.

For once I was glad not to be invited out. I hadn't really had much of a siesta so I was very tired by 11pm, but sleep was not forthcoming even after a couple of beers, so ended up chatting with the lads on and off till nearly 4.30am.

Nearly successful attempt at registering myself again...and good TT

Somehow awoke at 8am again but this time it seems I was alone in the house. So I managed to go for a drive at 9ish with my dirty Converse but I couldn't find the shoe cleaning shop. Well so what? I had another plan to go to the Police place to register myself and indeed soon after 10am I found it and Xiao Mong on the 2nd floor as I'm now used to. I gave her my last deng ji from barely two months ago and she took photos of it as well as my passport and visa. But it seemed the system was playing up and wouldn't let her complete the registration. I didn't mind, and said she could keep the passport if she wanted but she said she had enough info so she checked that she still had my Weixin and indeed she did and said she'd ping me when it was ready.

So I got back home and made a second attempt to get my dirty Converse cleaned and this time the lady had opened up her shop. But she said due to "holidays" it would take four or five days to get them cleaned. Not that I gave a monkey's but I didn't really know which holiday it was and I should have.

I hadn't really registered it but it was getting up to 20 degrees...very nice!

Back home I was hungry so ended up heating up some of the bbq from last night at about 11.30am. Damn I should have lasted till midday but at 11.50 I had a little V & lemonade as I knew I'd need a siesta. Well it should have come at 2pm but for some reason I went out again just because I could. Finally at gone 4pm despite Mat saying he was about for a chat I slept till getting on for 6pm.

I had nothing to do, and thought about doing some study but eventually 8pm poked its nose at me and I hit on the great idea of going to play ping pong. I pinged Haiwei and he said he was already at the place by the football stadium so I ended up getting there shortly after 8pm. Oh wow it was brilliant of course. I played a few people who were better than me but I started to smash back their smashes and I think I got some approval.

Finally at gone 10pm I left after a good two hours of exercise. Lord knows I need this both physically and mentally. I got home and wolfed down the last of the bbq from last night and realised I had no plans for tonight. No plans that was for about 4 minutes when Li Kun sent a 3 second video of food being prepared at his place. I didn't need a second invitation and told him I'd grab a quick shower first, and ended up getting there at about 11.30pm. It was the usual blokes and although I'd prefer a little female company I couldn't complain as it was free conversation and food and drink.

I got a pretty nice water bottle at Guanmart

Some mates at Li Kun's place as you do...

Of course Sisi pinged me at 12.30am to say she was drinking red wine. I was tempted but stayed with Li Kun and his handsome singer friend also turned up shortly after. Presently most of his friends took their leave so around 1.30am I saw a missed call from Sisi and decided I'd go to see how she was as we finished the last of the beers. She was unfortunately really drunk when I met her and two of her friends. I managed to convince her friends that I'd known her for years (which is true) and that I'd take her back home (much to their gratitude). But it wasn't that easy. I had to hold her steady for getting on for half an hour and was worried that someone would see us and think something untoward. Finally at about 2am she was ok enough to get on the back of my dian dong che to go back to her place. At least I knew it was next to the guangchang. It took another half an hour to get her from the dian dong che to walk home but I knew I'd done the right thing by looking after her. And I remembered to text her worried friend to say that she was home ok.

So back at home at nearly 3am it was almost a normal night. I thought "sod it" and poured a V and lemonade, and got to sleep not too long after. Until bloody 5am when I woke up and am still up now! Somehow I don't think it will be too much of a problem though....

Jiaozi and milk bottles until 10.30pm...and fantastic bbq later

Well yes it was 8am when I got up but I could hear what I thought were people in the front room. I opened the door ajar and saw Erjie and the other women and thought better than to enter in just my boxer shorts. I wasn't feeling particularly sociable so ended up eating a few milk bottle sweets that I'd meant as presents until I heard the ladies leave about an hour later. But Jiuma pinged me out of the blue to ask me to fill up on water. Had she just been in the house too? So anyway I took the nearly empty bottle to fill up and realised this was actually quite good fun. A combination of jetlag and feeling like being on a different planet can make the most mundane of tasks like that.

After doing my water task I decided to go for a walk in relative warmth of around 18 degrees, and happened upon my favourite jiaozi place. Of course the woman wasn't surprised to see me but smiled and her husband got me a proper breakfast portion of them. Fully sated, I knew I'd need a siesta later so got home but the ladies were back milling about. Totally fair enough as I think this is Erjie's house, and it's kind of her to let me use it as if it is mine.

I ended up somehow chatting with Mat and Awl till gone 1pm before crashing out as I'd managed a beer or two. I woke up at 6.30pm and realised I'd totally forgotten to register myself as I am technically obliged to do as soon as I arrive (at least when the police place is open). Oh well it will have to wait till tomorrow. So I ended up chatting with the lads again. So much for immersing myself here. I finished the milk bottle sweets and realised other than the jiaozi at 10.30am that was all I had eaten today. So at gone 10.20pm I popped out to meet racist Huang, who indeed was there sitting at a table alone.

A slightly drunk, but always very friendly, Huang

He was pleased, but not surprised, to see me and immediately grabbed a beer and a portion of some lovely dried mini-fish, which I quaffed down quickly. I only stayed 40 minutes though as he was quite pissed. Still peckish, I parked up at the eating street just outside our place and walked up hoping to meet Tan's "uncle" who runs one of the bbq places but I didn't see him. I was tempted to walk up to a table who were "hellowing" me but decided to go to Tian Yang Po's place as I hadn't gone last year at all and she is, according to Tan, the best bbqer in the province.

And she was open too, so I ordered 5 fei niu and 5 pork whatevers. I'd had two beers with Huang so had enough Dutch courage to ask the table of people next to me if I could join them while I waited for my bbq. Of course that was fine and I ended up chatting with them for the next hour or so. A couple of the blokes were not locals, so we had something in common as we couldn't understand the local lingo. Well I did speak a little to show off of course.... I found the bloke opposite was also a Pingguo Guye (married to a local) so we laughed about that and how Guangxi women were so lihai! Well duly more bbq arrived...far more than we could get through, and then of course mine arrived too. We played a few hands of mo pai which I did rather well at, and consumed quite a few cold Li Quans. It ended up being a very enjoyable evening and of course at getting on to 1am when we decided to leave the bloke opposite me insisted on paying for everything and I got a bagful of bbq goodness to take back home.

Tian Yang Po bbq...

Indeed back home I had another chat with the lads for a while. I feared after waking up at 6.30pm I'd not be able to sleep but beer meant that by 1.30am I hit slumberland like a fairy.

A full-on Sunday with A Wu, Haiwei, Li Kun, and Nong...

Well awak(en?)ing at 5am should have allowed me to get back to sleep pronto but it didn't happen so at 8.30am I made the good decision to go and play ping pong at the old people's leisure centre. But when I got there I found that although there is now another table, there were only two people there playing. But that didn't last long and before three minutes I was being challenged to a game with an elder. I recognised her but I couldn't remember her name, but she remembered me and remembered Tan was from Bangxu so within two minutes everyone else who'd arrived in the room also knew. I did my few words in Bangxu hua to their delight then continued to give a reasonable account of myself at the table. At least until some other bloke turned up. And then more people turned up and I found myself playing doubles and it was fantastical fun. Everyone, including me, was full of smiles as we tried to smash each other to smithereens. Well I know we won the second game at least, but probably lost 10-2 in total but no-one really cared.

I looked at the clock and it was 11.30! I'd been here nearly three hours! I pinged A Wu to say to meet for lunch and he agreed, so I had an excuse to leave. I thought that this place closed at 10am but apparently now it's 12pm. I can't wait to get back. As I've said before I'd love to retire here and be so active as this morning.

I took the dian dong che to A Wu's office and he nonchalantly greeted me by showing his various demijohns of alcohol, the latest of which was black-ant alcohol, and I could see them sinking down then floating back up. I didn't need to ask but he said that this booze was good for keeping your pecker up! As is most booze here apparently...they don't seem to have the concept of brewer's droop!

I left the dian dong che and took his BMW to the usual duck place but there was a long queue so we drove elsewhere to a less queuey place and had a lovely lunch around 12.15 as I'd not bothered getting a shower after ping pong. Afterwards he said we'd go to some boss's place where they'd just killed a cow. I wasn't too up for this but he said we'd first visit a place with a snooker table. This was ok with with me and I said I'd manage for a few minutes.

Duck breast noodles with A Wu for lunch

Well it was a nice modern pool table and I made sure A Wu knew the difference between pool and snooker, and we had a couple of games. I quite like the rules. He potted one of his balls but also the white at the same time, so his potted ball came back out and went on the centre spot. I didn't get two shots but did when he made another foul shot. I ended up winning 2-1 despite the owner turning up and advising me to take shots that I didn't do. I ended up covering the pockets as one does and in the end he had to hand it to me that I knew what I was doing.

Using a gimpish glove to play pool and beat A Wu

I got back to A Wu's office at nearly 2pm and drove home. I was pissed off that I couldn't charge the dian dong che so instead of sleeping I went to the place that replaced my batteries in the summer to find they'd only bloody moved. I asked next door and the two pretty girls confirmed that they'd had to move. I stayed longer than I should have getting an explanation why and although was slightly peeved I gave them a smile which was reciprocated.

So I moved on down a few shops to the place that had fixed the dian dong che a few years ago. The bloke tested my charger and said it was fine, and that I should just choose another place to charge up. Err...ok...I hoped it was that simple, and indeed after a few attempts I finally found one that started charging up. Cool! I poured a celebratory V and zero-sugar lemonade and went straight to bed.

I managed to wake up to the third call from Haiwei, who said to be at his office for 5.30pm in half an hour. I told him in no uncertain terms I required another 40 minutes' sleep then I'd grab a shower and be over about 6pm. As it was, 6pm turned up as I woke up and I pinged him to say I'd be a little later. I got the typical 快点 message but didn't care and grabbed my shower and a wake-up drink, and got on the mostly-charged dian dong che and was there fashionably late before 7pm.

It was a typical boss meal with a token lady who was really pretty but downed a large glass of rouge with one of the bosses and I could see she was a bit the worse for wear. But there wasn't much I could do other than insist on beer rather than wine. I was a bit hungry but there wasn't that much left on the table so I did a few ganbeis to justify myself being there then went to the loo to find the woman there looking a bit sick. I told her to sit down and went to get her a cup of tea as she asked for one. By the time I'd finished my massive wee she was no longer sitting outside but at the tea table with the others ogling her. I guess that is her job to some extent...a semi-geisha to pissed bosses. It feels like objectifying women but I don't have the right to step in and stop it. I feel the best I can do is speak to them like an adult and give them that sort of respect.

One of Tan's ex-colleagues/classmates at the boss meal with Haiwei (in the background)

Nong had pinged me last night at 2.37am to eat with her tonight but I thought nothing of that as she was probably pissed. So when Li Kun asked me to go around I said I would a bit later. But as luck would have it I somehow got in contact with her (i.e. I pinged her) and she apologised that she'd been invited out and had forgotten about my invitation which was exactly what I thought. But after a tad of fuss she said would it be ok to come around to my friend Li Kun? And I said of course no problem.

Well, no problem in theory, but I thought I'd understood I'd pick her up from her house which was really close to Li Kun's, so I got there only to be told she was at the KTV near Boss Zhou's place. So once there I sat down in the waiting area and she came out and said to come into the KTV room. How could I refuse? So I spent about 20 minutes there and then we moved on to another KTV room for more ganbeis before finally leaving after midnight!

Moving on to Li Kun's at gone midnight as you do...

At 12.20 I pinged Li Kun to see if he was still there and indeed he was so we drove on over for a late drink and bite to eat. Nong is pretty social so had no problem joining in with us and that handsome singer-bloke from last time was there too.... So we had another super evening after the false start that was the drunken bosses at Haiwei's office. Afterwards I took Nong to a crappy McDonald's-like place but quite frankly we hadn't had that much to eat and we shared a chicken wrap and some lovely chicken nuggets at 3.30am that you just can't do very easily in the UK (at least not in a small town).

Fast food at 3.30am as you do...

I got home shortly before 4am to see a message from Sisi asking if I was drunk. I replied in the negative (which was positively true) and promptly fell asleep, only to awake at 8am to see a missed call from her at 5.21am! I'm well and truly back in Pingguo and I love it!

Back to Haiwei and Uncle Yellow

The landing was as smooth as a peach's bottom and by 7.30am we were out of the plane and waiting for the door to open to domestic departures. This happened eventually after 8am and during some inexplicable waiting a woman came to give landing cards to those who needed them. I'd blooming well asked in the flight for such a landing card but they didn't have any, so now I was given one minutes before I was due to do immigration. I managed to fill most of it in before it was my turn and the bloke predictably told me I needed to fill in my address and signature, and gave me a pen and told me to come back when it was ready. Well it appears I was by no means the only person who had to do this. But as it was 90% done I filled in my (optional) Chinese name, but this time due to not wanting to wait too much longer I filled in my address in pinyin to my shame, and only gave Chuan Chuan's phone number rather than address. But it worked. And I was technically back in China for the first time in...well just under six weeks.

Of course my phone with its Chinese SIM wasn't working properly so I couldn't receive an SMS to receive the wifi code, despite asking the help of a local bloke. But I hit on the idea of first turning off mobile data, then putting in my English SIM, receiving an SMS code which finally gave me working wifi before SIM-swapping again. Of course I'd run out of credit, but thanks to the wifi I was able to add 50 kuai and turn on mobile data and not be tethered to airport wifi. I'm sure there should be a way of adding credit when it's run out, but even the local bloke wasn't able to help me so possibly not.

At least customs was a doddle with only my carry-ons, and I hydrated myself with the water bottle I'd thoughtfully asked the FA to fill before we landed. I was pretty chill as I'd taken a tram two hours before landing, and it lasted till I got to the Shanghai lounge #35. So, a decent breakfast accompanied with two decent coffees as I know it's the last time I'll avail myself of such western culinary delights for five weeks or so. And at 10am, for the second time in as many days, I availed myself of an alcoholic drink. Well I managed maybe four glasses of the rouge and tried to justify it but in Gatwick it was at least 6pm in China. Here it was 10am in China and 2am in the UK. Not a great justification except the flight was at 11.50am.

Well I did have two coffees first

It's not often that I take a morning flight but the fact that it was 10 minutes till the afternoon and the Dutch courage helped. And it was fine. I had my last carry-on that I mixed with a can of sugary 7-up in one of my empty plastic bottles, and made it last most of the flight as of course they didn't have even beer on this domestic one.

The landing was pretty professionally done and a relatively sober me was happy to find my luggage intact 20 minutes later in Nanning. But I'd just missed the 4pm bus to the centre and I knew that for some reason there were no trains from the airport to Nanning today. I had booked the 17:57 from Nanning to Pingguo though so really needed to get the 4.30pm bus to the centre as it takes up to an hour. Of course bloody Weixin wouldn't work to buy the tickets so I had to go back into the airport with all my luggage and luckily I had a 100 kuai note to pay the 20 kuai ticket fee, and managed to get back and put my luggage in the underneath compartment and get one of the last seats just before we left. And it was bloody lucky I did as we arrived at 5.28pm and although I had nearly half an hour before my train I had to cross the massive road then do a queue for security. As soon as I got to the station it was time to go to the platform. Maybe I could have been five minutes later but much more and I'd have been looking at a taxi or coach to get to Pingguo.

Yep, I love Guangxi!

But I was on coach 5, seat 3D, slightly sweaty, but happy that I had everything and would be "home" soon. I'd toyed with the idea of asking Haiwei to pick me up but opted to go for a san lun che again. I'd stuffed away my coat as it was not far off 20 degrees and my hoodie would suffice, and indeed it was worth the five minute walk to find a san lun che. The driver kept calling me "boss" and asked what I was doing there. I told her I didn't really know. I have a bit more time and just wanted to spend it here. She asked for 10 kuai and I gave her 15 for the conversation alone.

Happily, the key opened the door nicely unlike last time, and I started unpacking, knowing I had to meet Haiwei shortly. But not before a shower. Then Er jie and about five other women turned up. Oh, it appears they are to go dancing tomorrow. That's absolutely fine and I'm glad to share a house but it would have been nice to know as I could have been walking naked through the place when they turned up. What was weird was that they didn't think it was weird that I was there. I just was. So after a few hellos, and Erjie taking the two coats Tan had asked me to bring back, I just grabbed my shower and prayed the dian dong che would have enough dian, which indeed it did, and I got to where Haiwei is staying by about 8pm.

There was no-one other that him and his younger son, which was slightly disappointing as I could have done with a bigger meal just to have the vibe of more people to wake me up a bit. His older son turned up a bit later and we spoke some English which was fine and fair enough. Part of why I'm back here is to see if it will be feasibly to open an English school at least for the summer.

Meal with Haiwei's boys

But a friend of Uncle Yellow pinged me and sent a location so I made my excuses and left around 10.30pm. The place was a guitar shop just north of the football stadium and although he said he was going home, Uncle Yellow was there and greeted me with a big grin. There was no beer...except I'd stopped off at Guanmart on the way over and had a 6-pack that we used. I only stayed 45 minutes or so as I was knackered, as was Uncle Yellow, so we left before midnight.

Second evening meal with Uncle Yellow and mates at a mate's music shop

I had a plan to watch the Newcastle v City match at 1.30am, and had my beer and duty free ready. But somehow Tan's Erjie was at home with the five other Bangxu women. This was fine of course, but slightly unexpected. They took some delight in talking to me and I was more than happy to engage in conversation till gone 12.30am. But after that I have no memory. The next thing I knew it was 5am and I was wide awake with jetlag. At least I found we had a last-minute win at Newcastle thanks to some brilliance from KDB and our young star Oscar Bobb! The highlights were great to watch!

Excuses excuses...but back en route to Pingguo

Well I've been a bit cheeky. Around Xmas week I found that SOL had regained some value against the USD and although I felt guilty I exchanged enough not only to pay for the mortgage but to pay for a potential ticket back to China as I reasoned I had enough for another month off work. I was angling for an excuse for some time but none were forthcoming (at least none that Tan would agree with). Then it hit me that last year A Wu and his wife had been deadly serious (if a bit drunk) about opening an English school in Pingguo. So on the 1st of January at 4pm I pinged Haiwei to ask if Pingguo had an English school. A couple of minutes later he rang me to say there certainly was not and that I should bloody well start one. Well I know it's not as easy as that, but it got me thinking that at least I could start investigations. Then I asked what he was doing at midnight his time, and of course the answer was "drinking" so I took it with a pinch of salt. But later that night, his 9am, I asked him again and he still said it was a good idea, so it wasn't just the drink talking.

I sort of forgot about it for a bit but then late on the night of the 2nd I was in touch with him again but this time it was me who had imbibed. Haiwei said he knew the relevant people in the government plus the teachers. But I'd already mentioned it to Tan who said it was impossible and not to dare to go into business with him as he was in debt. That was a fair reality check. But then she said it would be better to do a summer school instead. In fact this was a far better idea; minimised risk if it went tits up and less liability. So at some time after 1am I had a look at flights. Blimey only just over £500 with China Eastern, and despite Tan's criticism of them from October (tiny seats, no alcohol with meal etc.) I thought sod it and nearly bought tickets for Saturday 13th January. I was just about to click "buy" when I had the foresight to check the City schedule and found we were playing Newcastle at 5.30pm on that Saturday. So I checked the Friday 12th flight and it was only a tenner more so had a "sod it" moment and just bought the tickets via the Trip app to get a tenner discount and there I was, £535 poorer but the excitement I felt was almost already worth that alone. Nine days of anticipation to go! Normally I like to buy with some time in advance as you sort of appreciate the time looking forward to going. But I had to go early as Tan had said she wanted to go in April till the summer, meaning around 4.5 months, and I'd have to be home to support Xixi for GCSEs.

Of course Tan went ape when I told her the next day. I suppose I should have checked with her first. But in fact I'd told her I'd made some money and had offered her the chance to go to China for the lunar New Year and she'd said she didn't want to go there alone then. I don't quite get why then she announced she'd be going (alone) in April and I wouldn't take the kids till late June but thought better than to bring up logic. It was done, and she made sure to give me two massive coats that were too big for her to bring back to A Xia.

So roll on a few days and after a couple of goodbye pints with Andge and Awl on Thursday night I did my packing, knowing I'd have forgotten loads of stuff but I had my passport and phone and charger. And one adapter.

It was easy to get up at 6am for a 12:10 flight from Gatwick. I realise we're quite privileged as I got there door-to-door in just under an hour. There was no queue and I had a little hope of getting a row to myself again as the kind lady moved me back from row 71 to 72. I felt little guilt asking for a G&T at 10am (the second time asking for such a drink in the morning in two months), but less guilt for the other three, as I was planning to sleep. Blimey, they said the gate was closing at 11:50 and it was 11:42 by the time I got there but a woman was screaming to hurry up as I was one of the last two people. Gosh, ok then. It was only about 2/3 full so no problem finding a space for my main carry-on bag and annoyingly there was a woman on the other side of my row but at least it meant we had two seats each, and I stuffed my backpack under one of the seats. Well well over the 8kg limit but in the rush no-one was weighing.

My last western breakfast for a while I hope

The flight was thankfully nondescript save for some turb about 3/4 of the way through. I did manage to watch one film: Mr Bean's holiday, which was less funny than I remembered. And I got some minor adrenalin buzzes as the flight attendants spoke to me in Mandarin. Ok, so they didn't have wine or spirits (at least not in economy), but contrary to what Tan had said, they did have Qingdao beer which was better than nothing. Plus I had some carry-on, which after the meal with a cocktail of Mel and Phen helped me to get 4-5 hours of fractured sleep.

I Phen asleep about here...

Another lucky seating arrangement on final flight back

Well I woke up at 9am as planned but by the time I checked my phone it was 10.30am. Shit, I'd better make a move. I didn't really want to think about it but the hotel in Hong Kong when I came here cost £30 after knocking off £60 due to points I had, and I'd spent £47 on the flight to Shenzhen, £30+ on the hotel in Shenzhen and now £46 for this Beijing hotel. Not to mention around £50 on trains to get to Pingguo. So the £398 flight to Hong Kong was looking like a bit of a false economy. But hey, doing it this way had enabled me to step down day by day. But after this last month it's going to be so tough getting back...however at least this time I'll have family to see at home.

I was out by 11am and it was but a three minute journey to International Departures on the 4th floor. There was nearly no queue again for baggage drop-off and once again I had a 100% Mandarin conversation with the lady at the desk. I explained that if possible I'd like a seat with no people next to me but she showed me the map and said there weren't any but let me choose, so I took 37C as it was an aisle seat and so far it didn't look like the other two were filled. I explained how I was lucky coming over and that having three seats to oneself made all the difference. She smiled throughout the conversation and that made me smile too. This time my luggage didn't set off any alarms so it was to the departure queue, which took about 15 minutes and I was a bit worried as in the foreigners queue it said to have passport, boarding pass, and departure card ready. Departure card? I didn't have one. But maybe they are a thing of the past as I had no problem receiving my third exit stamp in the last few months, and by 11.40am I was back in the same "Pay lounge" I'd been in a month ago. Oh, and no need for a health declaration form either.

Six stamps in as many months...I hope there will be more

I found "Kick bottom" more amusing than I should have after three glasses...

I didn't dare use this though

I had no qualms about eating lunch before midday. Why would they have hot food if it wasn't for consumption? And I applied similar logic to the bottle of red wine too, knowing that I didn't have all the time in the world here. Indeed, soon after 1.15pm it would be time to board. I went for a last glass of rouge and noticed on the bottle that it was 14%! Shit, no wonder I was feeling tipsy again. I did remember to go to duty-free to look for Esse cigarettes for Awl though. Once again, and maybe for the last time, I got a conversation in Mandarin, asking the difference between the various varieties, and finally picking a mint pack and one with three flavours including red and white wine flavours. It's almost like this brand is a hybrid between normal fags and vapes.

Once again I was one of the last to board, and slightly disappointed that there were a mother and child on the seats to my left, and the child was coughing a lot. Oh well, I was resigned to an uncomfortable flight, but I'd brought along some beers from the lounge should I need them. Then a quite lovely thing happened. The two blokes sitting in the row in front moved a couple of rows forward. Why, I'll never know, but one of them gave me a nod when they left and that was all I needed. I pounced onto seat 36A and prayed no-one would join me. Boarding was complete, we were having the safety announcement, the plane started moving. It couldn't be could it? Well no-one joined me and I thought about spreading out now to ensure they didn't get the chance. But I opted for optimism and food first. The cocktail of melatonin and Phenergan did the trick again and I had nearly as much sleep as on the way over here, waking up with 2h30 to go, and finishing off Bladerunner 2049 for the second or third time.

It couldn't be true, could it? I didn't see any other rows with just one person

The flight was as turbulent-free as I can remember, though I may have slept through some, and the landing gentle too. The only real pisser was waiting an age for my luggage, trying to watch the City match and seeing Spurs get a late equaliser. And then finding when it finally arrived, that one of the wheels had sheered off, making it a pain to roll. I guess I'll write to Samsonite and see if they're willing to send a replacement...or maybe Amex insurance will cover it...I live in hope as I love that suitcase.

Probably the worst event of the sojourn happened right at the end...it was a bugger to roll back after that

And that was it...home to see the family so a much nicer ending that it usually is. Tan and Xixi were happy with the clothes, and Leilei accepted a hug!

But this break has been important for me in many ways. I was properly independent, forced to speak Mandarin 95% of the time, and had so many special moments. Despite the banal nature of so much of it, it really feels like watching a film but also being in it. A dream that you can control. But I'm aware it's a combination of being foreign, speaking the language, having the time, and Pingguo being Tan's home town. This last bit lends a significant amount of legitimacy I feel. I don't know if I'll get to do it again by myself, but I really hope I can find a job where I'm able to come back with the family next year - it would be a deal-breaker in an interview if I couldn't.

Ferry to Hong Kong, flight to Beijing, and a "problem"

I'd planned to get up at 8am to review my option of taking the boat and maybe make a plan B. It may have been easier to do the train to Kowloon then the metro to the airport, and certainly cheaper, but given I was on the other side of one of the largest cities in the world I guessed the tube alone would have taken 90 minutes and I was literally in the building where the ferry left from so forced myself out at 8.30am.

I had no idea how long the process would take, but I knew it would involve passports so that could mean queues and health declarations. A woman came up to me to ask in English if she could help and I rudely answered her in Mandarin, then caught myself and quickly said in English I wanted to buy a ticket to Hong Kong airport, and she pointed to a queue 20 metres away. I was about five back in the queue and the people at the front were involved in a conversation with the ticket seller so I didn't know how long it would take. It was already nearly 9am. Then the teller to the left finished selling a ticket but no-one went up to her so I motioned with my hands that I wanted to buy a ticket and she beckoned me over. Well that was reasonably simple and paid for with Weixin again, then it was over to drop off the luggage.

I explained to the woman that I knew China Southern didn't accept check-in luggage here, unlike most of the others, so I'd have to pick it up at the airport, but she looked a bit worried and called the other woman over who had spoken English to me a few minutes ago. This time maybe because she'd heard me speaking with the other woman she didn't utter a word of English and said she feared that in Hong Kong they wouldn't let me go to Beijing. I told her it would be fine as I had a multi-entry visa, but she then said a few quick sentences to me really quickly and I was too embarrassed to ask what exactly she meant other than "他们不给你走", "they will not let you go". One of these days my pride is really going to cause me to have a big fall, but I insisted that it would be fine. Why? Why didn't I try to find out what the problem was?

But anyway, the first woman took my luggage and put a sticker on my ticket so I would be able to identify it. Then I walked around the corner to leave mainland China and get my passport stamped. Then over to the waiting hall. It was only 9.10am and boarding wasn't until 9.50am, but given the previous conversation it was better to be early just in case. The ferry was pretty empty, as was my stomach, and I was slightly annoyed when two westerners came and sat next to me given there were plenty of empty rows. It was only much later on I noticed we have been delegated seats and I'd just been delegated unluckily.

At the airport I realised I was once again in no-man's land, as I was neither in mainland China nor Hong Kong. But China Mobile sent me a text to say I could use up to RMB30 worth per day so I quickly turned off data; I could wait for wifi. My bag was duly waiting for me, so that wasn't the problem the lady mentioned, and I went to drop it off in a small hall where each of the desks catered for multiple airlines. With no queue it was quick, but I did check about whether I needed to pick up the suitcase in Beijing and indeed I did, plus sort out getting a boarding pass. But at least this time it was all in Mandarin and this time I understood what she was saying. But where was this problem? This could have been the sticky point, but now I had to do security. But security was quick and fine, and I went to check the flight details. Oh, it wasn't there...There was another flight at 2.15pm but it wasn't mine, at least it wasn't going to Beijing. Could this be the problem? I double-checked and then checked the boarding pass. 1.45pm! They'd only gone and changed the time sometime in the last four weeks, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't told about it. And there it was on the board, at gate 49, only 11 away from the lounges.

From memory, Hong Kong lounges only served beer before, but this time I went to the Centurion lounge (avoiding the queues outside the Plaza Premium). It was 11.15am and I was told breakfast was being served, but lunch would be at 11.30am. I decided to wait it out till lunch then looked at the bar. This was definitely a good level or two above typical lounges, and I was asked politely what I would like to drink. "Good morning, may I have a gin and tonic please?", were the words that came out of my mouth, probably for the first time in my life. Divine (for that was her name) asked if Botanist gin would be ok. Err...yeah, though I kept my poise and nodded that that would be fine, and she continued to pour the largest measure I've seen by a bar person. I normally can't tell the difference between gins but this definitely had some kick, though I've since checked and at 46% it bloody would!

Morning Botanist and tonic...

The food was cracking too, putting Nanning's China Southern lounge to shame. Two more G&Ts later it was getting time to go, so I had one for the air and said goodbye to Divine. I didn't need duty-free but I still had HKD47 in coins from years ago plus some cash plus the 120 they give you when you get past security. I didn't really follow the logic of it but I wasn't going to argue. So, feeling slightly tipsy, I went to the duty free and appropriately picked up a bottle of Bombay Sapphire export strength. The lady at the counter was more than happy to speak Mandarin with me as I asked her to help out with the coinage, so I had another little dopamine hit again.

I didn't get a row to myself this time, but at least it was a 2-4-2 formation on the A330-300, which meant I only had to disturb one person when I went to the loo. Once again I was one of the last ones on the flight but there was no problem with cabin space again. Three hours later, after a fairly nondescript flight and landing, I was filling in my landing card again, though it took a fraction of the time as I didn't have to write the address in Chinese (but I did put my Chinese name in the optional box). And a few minutes later I had my third entry stamp for this visa in my passport. I really really hope it's not the last. And the problem I was told about when getting the boat tickets? Nothing at all...unless there is some surprise tomorrow.

I had thought about getting a hotel outside the airport but realised I pretty much only had summer clothes and Beijing isn't known for its warm weather in December so I'd jibbed out a bit and taken the easy route of a hotel within the airport, not even a shuttle bus away. And at £46 I was glad that I did. The bloke at reception didn't breathe a word of English after I greeted him with "wanshang hao!", and it felt like I was on a roll from a Mandarin perspective. Again, a convenience store within the airport was to be my tea, and after that and a couple of Budweiser Magnum 5.5%ers I fell asleep for an hour or so, waking up at midnight. Hmm...what to do? I would aim to leave 9.30am tomorrow so would need more sleep. Maybe a couple more Buds? But that store had closed now. But this is China and that should not be a problem and someone told me there was another one by the carpark and indeed it was but two minutes away. So a couple more beers, my last hit of Mandarin, and indeed I was asleep again by 3am.

No chance...even though Andge and Awl would have