Bai long dong last supper

I really should have got at least a few hours' sleep after arriving home at 2am but I got virtually none. Very soon after getting to bed I fell into a dream where I came "home", wherever that might be (although it seemed more like England), only to be greeted by a posse of about six robins outside my house, and it definitely wasn't winter. I wish that had been it but for some reason it really woke me up until about 6am. Then I fell into a dystopian dream where I was in some sort of factory place and...damn...it was so clear so recently...it does come back now and again but it involves strange looking people and an Orwell-esque setting. Actually, the strange looking people were horribly disfigured, and I realised it was beyond that which I was capable of dealing with. Luckily, a couple of the disfigured people were genuinely evil so I was justified in making an escape from this place. It made me feel really human until I realised I'd spent no more than 15 minutes asleep and now it was 6.30am. After umming and arhhing I got up around 7am and dried the clothes as if to justify my being awake. I still find these times to be very life-affirming; I might not want to be awake, but just the simple view outside makes me feel very much alive. It's a weird, contradictory state, as I really feel at home here, yet because of the temporal nature of our stay I'm acutely aware of our impending departure, even after the first couple of weeks. It's unavoidable unless we spend half or most of our time here. And if we did I'd probably start feeling the same about London.

As I'd been thinking too much, I did the logical thing of finding my sweaty shorts that hadn't yet been washed, and a washed Man City top and filled up a couple of bottles of water and went to the old people's leisure centre, as any sane person would with sleep deprivation. I've never regretted such a move and today was no different - I got well and truly beaten yet again but my body was the better for it. I was really gutted to leave as this could be my last time for a long time.

I needed a sleep and made myself stay up till lunchtime just to have a bite to eat to sleep on. But before I could hit the sack Tan called me to say that I'd done something really bad.... Well as usual I'd organised a meal for my mates, and this year I'd done pretty much the same as last year by doing it at the cool cave, which I now know is called "Bai long dong" (white dragon cave). Well yesterday I'd called Uncle Yellow and asked him to arrange everything, including a dog to feed my friends. I wasn't really willing to change this but Tan seemed really adament that no-one wanted to go to the cool cave tonight. So, reluctantly, I called Uncle Yellow again to ask him if we could change the plan. He responded: "the problem is...we've already-" I cut him off mid-sentence and knew exactly what he was going to say - the dog had been ordered and we couldn't just un-kill it. I told him that there was no problem and I was looking forward to this evening (which was genuine) - I just had to hope Tan was wrong about all my mates.

Had I worried about it it might have stopped me sleeping, but I do know my mates here, and wasn't worried as us males don't get upset about things like where we eat, as long as we get the chance for some good nosh and the chance to have a laugh, which isn't really that far from what the ladies are after when they go out (except they prefer posher surroundings). So I slept soundly from around 2pm till 5pm. Like last year, half the people I invited were during the last few minutes, as seems to be the way here, and not one couldn't make it (like last year again). Sadly, Zhong Hongping, my friend for the last couple of years had his phone turned off so I couldn't invite him. It's a real pity as I class him as a friend and this year I've not managed to see him, and only got a text off him asking me to call him when I'm free....

But the meal was very similar to last year - most of my mates turned up, we ate and drank, except this time the main course was dog. Despite eating dog being quite a special occasion normally, there was so much of it there was little space for anything else. So I asked the boss to do some fried mini prawns like last year. And then we got a couple of other non-dog dishes that were quite frankly better than the dog, as much as I hate to admit it. But it was a fun night with A Wu, Boss Hu and his mate, Uncle Yellow, Lu Hai, Li Kun, Yang Haiwei, Lao Su and various others. Unlike last year I stayed till pretty much the end and was able to pay the 900 kuai bill. I imagine it would have been considerably cheaper had we not gone for the dog, but what the hell? It was my meal with my mates.

This was our dog, at least his (her?) skin and vertebrae

The boss of the Cool Cave - a really good cook and I should know!

Some of my Pingguo mates - in many ways like my mates from London

As it wasn't particularly late, I took the dian dong che for a detour before heading home. I passed the place where I'd bought my tea table a couple of years ago and although it was 10.30ish the owner was still there presiding over his arboreal works of art. I have realised for a couple of years now that it is not practical, or even possible to bring back a chiselled tea table back to the UK. Firstly, as it wouldn't fit in any suitcase, and secondly as it would take up three years' baggage allowance for four people. But I saw something I hadn't seen before: tea table tops. They were like the top couple of inches of a tea table, and therefore could be placed upon any other table. Genius! At least until I saw the prices. They weren't that much cheaper than the table "running dog" I'd bought two years ago. But I suddenly saw the possibility of something I could bring to London! I looked around at the six table tops on display and decided on one that I really wanted. I should have gone home and measured my suitcase, then come back, but I told the bloke I hoped to pick it up the next day. 580 kuai was pretty expensive but at least it was a local dealership and, more importantly, it was unique!

Having pretty much settled on this, and knowing the kids were sleeping at Waipo's, I had a relatively early night at 12ish and slept like a baobei.

Boss lunch and mini excursion with Leilei

Well it's not going to last much longer - on Thursday we're flying to Guangzhou. So I made the most out of the last Monday here this year by lying in yet again. The kids haven't gone to school for the last week or so and fair enough, but they have been sleeping around in an innocent sense, meaning I had no breakfast to make or errands to run.

But it was lunchtime and I had no intention of going to the usual place to get jiao zi and bao zi. I didn't ring Yang Haiwei, but just turned up at his office to see if he fancied going for a bite. He was there, but of course we had to spend the next half an hour drinking tea with some sort of work partner and his wife. They were speaking Pingguonese, as is usual, but I started to understand a bit more, e.g. "hao chee" means "hao chi" (tastes good) but sounds completely different. Eventually I got into Haiwei's car and we drove to a new place just outside the town on the way to the new Karaoke place. It was run by the people who used to run the restaurant we frequented last year, near to A Wu's office, which I've learnt he no longer uses.

So the five of us who came knew what food to order and I ordered the scrambled eggs with "ku cai", literally bitter greens. It actually tastes very bitter if you only eat the greens, but if you chopstick up half greens and half egg it's an enigmatically nice mouthful. Added to this were various other dishes that made me realise how much I'd miss even the relatively normal meals here. Haiwei ordered some beers, and although after a fair few last night, I joined in with him and one of the other blokes under the lame excuse of the hair of the dog. Well the dog got quite friendly, and within a couple of courses we ended up playing cai ma. It's not that common to be doing this at 2pm in my experience but who was I to argue? We didn't finish till gone 3pm and any thoughts I'd had of an undeserved siesta were wiped out.

We drove back to the office and had a few more cups of tea. Haiwei insisted in giving me some very expensive "fresh" pu er cha, to which I couldn't say no. Then I asked about the large shiny black mushroom-like thing he cut a slice off and put into the boiling water for the tea. I asked if it was a sort of mushroom and was told not. Apparently it was "ling zhi", which I later found out was, er, a sort of mushroom. Haiwei had said it could cure hangovers! Well, it would have to be supernatural to do that. But I found out from wikipedia that it is known as supernatural mushroom. If that was really true the 8" diameter part he gave me should be very valuable indeed, if I ever get the chance to test its hangover-curing qualities.

Back home I remembered I needed to invite out my mates for a last blokes meal. I'd decided on the cool cave again as I like eating outside. But this time I thought I'd be a bit special and order a dog to eat. I rang Uncle Yellow and he was up for it and said he'd call the boss of the cool cave and sort it out.

I was over my lunch, and it was getting on a bit so went for a meal at Waipo's with the kids. I wanted to spend some time with Leilei so the two of us went for a ride around town. We looked in vain for a family I'd met a couple of years ago, and ended up finding the hidden park near the centre of town. To our surprise it was being made over. Luckily, they weren't building houses there, but there was other construction going on, and they seemed to be leaving the trees to be. We spend some time there just noticing things and talking about them, a rather enjoyable father and son moment in a relatively calm part of town.

Leilei in the central park

But others knew of our impending departure and Leilei was invited out into the night with Xixi and other friends and family. So I ended up going to play table tennis and was glad I did. I was happy to be with my friends there, sweating and mostly losing. But I did receive some compliments on how much better I was this year. I really have to keep this up. Yang Haiwei called me a bit later to invite me to eat duck down by the river. So, a shower later, I was picked up to go to Jiang Bing Lu where indeed Haiwei had brought a duck to be cooked, and insisted in doing much of the cooking himself. Various blokes turned up, some of whom I knew from years gone by, and a few gan bei's were performed of course. Haiwei's wife also came with the son from his first marriage and her son with him, and a generally jolly time was had by all.

Enjoying cai ma and duck with Yang Haiwei (right) and family/friends

I was tiring by midnight so made my excuses and last gan bei's and insisted on finding my own way back. I didn't get to the end of the road before being beckoned to a table at Tian Yang Po's bbq place. A couple of blokes and their girlfriends, one at least who knew me from a previous year, invited me to sit down and have a bit of bbq and chat, which I agreed to embassador-like to give the others a good impression of Britain. We had a good laugh about Bangxu women etc and I left at 1ish feeling like I really needed a walk, despite it being one of the closest nights this year.

I texted Andge and he was surprisingly free, so called me, and accompanied me for the next 25 minutes as I walked home slowly chatting about silly things and reminding me of some of the topics of conversation I'd have in a week's time that I don't quite get here. It made the reality of going home soon so much easier to bear.

Long lie-in and possibly last meal

Had a long long lie-in till gone 2pm and then wallowed in bed as Tan was out with the kids. Almost all our holidays since 2003 have been taken up in Pingguo, and so much of that time has been spent in a whirlwind of people and experiences that doing nothing has seemed like an extraordinary and profligate waste. But people probably do need such time where we're neither asleep nor particularly active. I had no guilt in lying about till nearly 5pm.

I couldn't stay horizontal for much longer though as the Police Finance Officer man had invited us for another plush meal at 6pm. That meant I got up and showered (and had a tiny gin and lemonade) and went to the famous "Li Jia He Xian" for probably the final time this year.

This time I dare say we had the largest private room in the house. Not only was there a huge revolving table for around 20 people, there was a separate table for the kids and a few mums with them. We felt a little guilty that we had not taken Leilei and Xixi for this event.

The lovely ladies at our meal

There were about four blokes and three women I didn't know, which meant it was quite easy to get to know them by walking up to them with a glass of beer and gan bei'ing with them. Tan had asked me to bring her jogging trousers and top with me as she was planning to go dancing with A Ni after the meal. It took not 10 minutes before I realised that the fact I'd forgotten to bring them (though, annoyingly I'd found and packed them), would have no bearing on her dance motives for tonight as after a couple of beers she was obviously not going to any classes. It was my mistake to make her aware of the fact that I'd not brought her clothes with me - if only I'd kept my mouth shut she'd have been none the wiser.

Round and round a lovely meal

The Police Finance Officer did not drink more than a couple of glasses, then, an hour later, had to leave, so I said goodbye, but with the full intention of meeting up with him next year at least. We stayed on a lot, lot, longer to enjoy the abundance of smashing food.

Leilei fever and possible last meal

A Wu woke us with a phone call at 9am to ask what our number was. He meant what floor and house number combination he needed to dial in order for our entryphone to ring. It's still quite hard describing the number on the dial pad that comes after 3 and before 5 - it's "510" but you can't say five hundred and ten for some reason. Sometimes I think that unlucky numbers, such as 4 and 14 are self-fulfilling prophecies of doom - if we just had a simple "4" on the dial pad, and if our house number was "14-01" instead of "15A-01" it would be a lot more straightforward to get people and things to our house.

Unfortunately, Leilei, who had been brought back by A Wu, was not looking good and indeed had a fever. We had had some Calpol but given it to a friend of A Xia whose baby also had a fever and the parents didn't want to use Chinese medicine (interesting - I'd like to know whether they meant traditional medicine or Chinese "Western" medicine). But it seemed like we had reacquired the bottle as well as a few sachets of, well, Chinese medicine. I always feel a little awkward giving Chinese medicine to my kids, not because I don't understand the ingredients so much as asking what the ingredients are - it always sounds like you are challenging the person who has given you the medicine. And I suppose it really is. Well, I'm sure enough Chinese kids have had the same kiddy medicine and not got worse so I ended up giving some to Leilei too. He then slept for almost the remainder of the daylight hours, waking only when I needed to give him another dose.

Tan had been out most of the day, but had called to say Lao Pan had invited us to go to eat and I was rather looking forward to it as we hadn't been for a big friendly meal for some time. So at around 5pm I grabbed a shower, then got a slightly better and cooler Leilei ready, then got on the dian dong che to pick up Xixi from Waipo's as Tan was already at the restaurant drinking tea. I think the battery is on its last legs as I'd fully charged it the previous day and it was already showing half full, but it got us there. Within half an hour the usual crowd turned up and we tucked into a feast - all the more so for me as it was my first meal of the day.

Lao Pan's husband, Lao Lin was the first to order the beer, within 10 minutes of starting to eat. This was about five minutes earlier than usual. They don't stand on ceremony here regarding beer - two crates, 48 cans, were ordered. It helps that you aren't charged for what you don't consume. The one person who wasn't happy was A Dong, who was on medicine so couldn't partake - he cut a particularly sullen figure around the table and left significantly earlier than everyone else.

The meal Lao Pan invited us to

Even all the girls joined in the gan bei'ing, and although no mention was made, it was possible that we were aware that this could be the last time the group of us would be together for a long time. Still, no time to be wistful, we ate, drank, and were very happy and the kids were pretty good as well until Chuan Chuan came a bit later to pick up Leilei and Xixi to go to Yi Xiao. The Police finance bloke and his wife were there too, the ones whose house we'd visited a few weeks ago where he brews his own booze. He invited us to eat the next day at Li Jia He Xian. I hope it will be as good food - this meal had it all, with laohu cai (tiger salad) and liang dan pi dan among other gorgeousness - so much so that only one person (Xili's husband, who arrived halfway through the meal) ate any rice.

Me beating A Wu at cai ma

A third crate had been ordered due to the cai mai'ing that Lao Lin, A Wu and I were engaged in. For once I was having a good roll and winning more than I was losing - probably because I was soberer. 60 cans in total, consumed by around 15 adults, doesn't seem excessive. But when you take into account 50% were ladies, two were teetotal and one on medicine it makes it nearer nine of us. When we finally finished I decided to go for a head wash, although it actually felt like the head wash was calling me. I told A Wu and he too came along. We did have to wait 10 minutes or so but it was worth it. As it could be my last head wash this year (at least in the massage sense) I went for the 35 kuai shampoo, and also went for a face wash. A Wu only had his head done and left after around 45 minutes, but I think I had a good half an hour face washing before the actual massage so was lying down for 90 minutes - do-decadent-hedron!

Back at home I was alone so was able to catch up on the footy as Tan was out getting a foot wash (apparently because she has a cold), and both the kids were at Waipo's again. Tan was back at getting on to midnight complaining of a poorly tummy due to the laohu cai.

Meal with Lu Wen and friends

After little sleep we were all rudely awakened by the sound of bangers. This isn't unusual, but today's were bloody loud and sounded like they were coming from somewhere closer than 14 stories away, which shouldn't be possible unless someone in a flat below us was letting them off. Every time they'd stop for a few seconds, and then there would be a fresh set. I guessed it was a new business on the ground floor of our building (thankfully they are all pretty much open for business now). There was no respite for a good five minutes, and Leilei hated it. I wonder if they still do this in the bigger cities - I can't imagine Beijing allowing a new shop to blast this fact across the whole neighbourhood as here. As for me I don't mind it that much as it's a cultural thing, but when it happens at 4am (and it does from time to time) it really riles me.

Tan took the kids to Waipo's to eat, which allowed me to catch up on some sleep in our room, which has double curtains that allow for day-sleeping. I've had a bit of a tummy for the last few days so wasn't sure about going to Waipo's to eat at 5.30pm, but decided I had better do as there was nothing to eat in the house, and then a bit later made the effort to exercise by playing table tennis. I still wasn't feeling 100% so when Lu Wen called me to go out I thought I'd call it a day at the ping pong place and went home for a shower. Feeling refreshed, I went out and called Lu Wen. I couldn't understand where he said he was so he said he'd pick me up. While waiting I popped into a local tea place and started chatting to the owners but just as they got some tea out and started boiling water I got the inevitable call to go and a car turned up outside to pick me up. I hope I get the chance to go back for a cuppa as I think the owners were a tad disappointed I couldn't stay.

We went to Lu Wen's work, rather than the normal bbq place as apparently it was too busy there and there weren't any seats. I wasn't 100% sure about this as if he really is semi-mafia (I think the term is used loosely) then surely sorting out a few seats for good paying customers would be simple. Anyway, there were only three blokes at Lu Wen's place, and I noticed Lu Wen was rather red in the face, suggesting he had been on the sauce. He proceeded to try to make tea on his tea table but kept messing it up, one of the consequences being scorched fingers. During this time various blokes came in and went out, in various states of inebriation, sometimes collapsing on the sofa for a 10 minute nap, other times just sitting down and looking at me for a bit, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. A bit later one of the sober blokes picked up a few cans of beer and started pouring that instead - it was easier than tea.

Then about six of us moved over to a small glass table when the bbq arrived. I was passed a fried duck leg and it was really delicious. The inevitable followed, with gan bei'ing and cai ma'ing until I remembered to call Tan to ask if she wanted my to bring her some - yes - 10 duck tongues, three chicken claws and two duck claws. She knows what she wants. I used the arrival of the bbq half an hour later to make my excuses and leave, but they knew who it was for and made me promise I'd come straight back after delivering it. So I "endured" another hour of eating and drinking - it's a tough life sometimes.

Leilei stayed at A Da's but we got the typical phone call around midnight to ask us to pick him up, but convinced him it was too late.

2nd Valentine's day

Today was "Qin Ren Jie", or Valentine's day. This is a lucky day for Chinese women married to English men, as for some reason they get to have two Valentine's days. According to my (married) ex-boss Tom it's actually lucky for the English men as they get to have sex four times a year instead of three (what are the other two??). It would have been a more romantic affair had Tan not had la du and had I not acquired it during the meal we shared in the Mingdien hotel, meaning I spent the latter 20 minutes in the disabled toilet feeling unromantically my most comfortable of the afternoon.

I made up for it after a nice siesta though. I went out on the dian dong che and after a few minutes looking found a place selling fresh roses. 100 kuai for a bunch of eight was a bit steep in my book but as Tan won't read this she won't know I said that. I brought the bunch to her at Waipo's house so at least Waipo and the kids got to see my present too, and Tan appreciated it I could tell, by taking photos of us and uploading them to her QQ space.

Happy Valentine`s day darling

I'd been romantic enough for one day, so at the romantic excuse of needing to shape up my body, I took Leilei and A Da on the dian dong che back home to change into some sporting clothes, and went on to the old people's leisure centre where I caught up on some old friends (literally) and on some table tennis. I still lost poorly but I'm getting better and now get minor rounds of applause when I win a good rally. Leilei wasn't too bothered, so after Yang Haiwei came around to invite me to go and eat some bbq I took him to go and play with Chuan Chuan before getting a shower and meeting up with my mate.

I finally got a photo with Mr Table Tennis but he decided not to smile and had even shaved!

I only stayed till gone midnight, and met up with A Xia for a couple of beers with her husband's friends, but the beer went to my head so I left a little earlier than normal and found Leilei in bed with Tan, relegating me to the kids' room to stay with Xixi - not a bad second choice really.

Todo

A list of things I need to do before we go to UK:
 - sort out a school to liaise with Leilei's school via skype
 - get some characters printed on the back of at least two of my sports shirts
 - get a tea thing for the dregs as my one in London has a nasty crack (get a smaller one)
 - get a new tea table for the living room
 - sort out a night out with mates at the cool cave

Work though technically on holiday

Something brewing over Pingguo

Slept in till the mid-afternoon before preparing for work. I'd agreed to work today as there was still some important stuff to do, but I managed to finish a little early at 11.45pm. I went to get some bbq for myself and Tan at midnight but boringly no-one called me over to their table to gan bei - I could have made an effort but instead sat by myself for a bit contemplating having finished work and what still needed to be done for the last week and a half we have here.

Well, one of those things is to have some fun as I'm officially on holiday now. So after bringing Tan's bbq to her I popped out again to Zhang's "Small eat big love" place and found some mates there to eat and drink with for the next hour or so till 2am.

I meant the drinking water...

Our drinking water from the dispenser ran out the other day. Normally it's not a problem as you just call up the number on the bottle to get a new one delivered a few minutes later. But this bottle didn't have a number on it, so I called Ling Ming but he didn't answer so I tried Tan, who didn't know who to ring. Then she called me back to tell me to go down and ask the security guard, and that she wouldn't come back if there wasn't any water. I wondered why she couldn't just pick up a couple of bottles on the way back - and why did I have to tell security if I couldn't get a drink of water? Then it dawned on me and I called her back to tell her it was the drinking water that had run out, not the utility variety as she had thought.

It was fair enough though, the water had gone a couple of weeks ago and Tan and the kids had gone to sleep at Waipo's rather than live without a shower. I had manly stayed smelly, working and guarding the house. Actually, we've been pretty lucky with the utilities so far - we've only had one power cut, and that was only for an hour or so - and outside of my work hours. On the other hand, Waipo's house has been subjected to two or three power cuts, and as they're on the first floor it gets a lot hotter there.

Tan called me at eightish to ask I wanted to have some free food and drink at the Ming Dian hotel. I hadn't had a break from work so I decided to go to see her and the ladies an hour later for some pickled cucumbers and moon cake. The free drink was "wine". It did look like red wine, but it was pre-mixed with lemonade and was luke warm - about the worst thing you can do to good red wine, meaning it wasn't.

Looking a bit too serious!

On the way back I stopped off at Ma Laoban's computer shop as I hadn't seen him for a while and wanted to pick up a pair of speakers. His shutters were half down as it was gone 10pm, but I knew he'd be in. And indeed he was, with a number of friends, drinking tea as usual. I spent the next 30 minutes in conversation with them and the charming two year old daughter of one of them before remembering to buy the speakers and get back for a meeting.

A lovely break for a couple of cuppas with Ma Laoban and friends

Maybe it was the tea, but I just couldn't get to sleep, even after 100 in German. I didn't want to disturb Tan by turning on my phone (even in night mode) to learn to count in another language and finally ended up sleeping some time after 7.49am.