Drinks with the water man and a visit to the guitar bar

Somehow I awoke at 12.40, meaning I must have had 10 hours sleep and therefore that it was jetlag and nothing else that caused it. Man it rained stair rods all day, unlike it used to back in the day. I mean it used to piss down for 15 minutes and that was it. But maybe I’m remembering when we used to be here after summer.

Sadly, and it was really sad, I had to do my expenses. Nearly £6k of them that I absolutely needed to after the last trip to Toronto and the recent booking for a few days’ time. It bloody took me all day as there is a new system. It’s supposed to be “intelligent” as you take a picture of the receipt with your phone and it works out what it was you were paying for. Somehow it took 2018 for 2008 and underestimated one receipt by shedloads, and I realised what a load of bollocks having separate currencies per country is. Luckily I noticed this one and updated it by 10 years and saw how much more the Canadian dollar was now worth against the UK pound. And that’s another thing...for an “intelligent” application, how come after scanning umpteen CAD receipts it still “intelligently” thinks you're scanning USD? The whole palaver took until evening meal time….

The kids didn’t fancy going with me to get food and I didn’t blame them as it was still peeing down, so I took the umbrella and walked to the jiaozi place. Tan could have ordered some takeaway to be delivered for 70 kuai but there is always far too much and it gets chucked away and costs four times what we want. So I got the usual three portions of jiao zi for 15 kuai and the kids happily ate them up for what was around £1.70 all in.

While I was getting the jiao zi I met the water man next door, who said we should meet up at 9pm as you do. By 7.30pm I’d done what expenses I could be bothered to do and texted him to say I’d be up for it (partly as due to the rain I couldn’t really go much further). He said cool, we could meet up when I was ready at 9pm. So for a rare occasion I did a personal “7”, which consisted of 20 pressups, 1 min plank, 10 pressups, 20 squats, 10 pressups, 30 second plank, 10 pressups, then finally 20 squats. It actually takes it out of you in this climate and I was glad I finished it. That was the only reason I was 20 mins late. That and maybe pouring a quick drink before the last set of squats.

I was really glad to see the water man as some of his mates were there too who I recognised from last year. I felt a bit bad not bringing something but it wasn’t noticed. They were more interested in catching up with me. We don’t even speak that much about the difference between our cultures...it’s more men’s bollocksy chat that sometimes after a day’s work you just need.

The water man on the left, and four other mates I should really know the names of (as I should the water man)

I tried to get them all to say "Hello Andrew" so I could send him the video but it turned into Chinese Whispers....well Chinese Shouting anyway

As I was ready to go, Li Kun contacted me to go to a bar to play guitar. Well, what could I do? Well I could certainly say I wasn’t going to play the guitar, but after making my excuses with the water man and friends I rode over there anyway. Most of the people there were a little the worse for wear, but it was great fun to catch up with Li Kun and play some cai ma. The woman who seemed to run the place was in good spirits and despite the “No Smoking” signs in her establishment flagrantly ignored them, as did almost literally everyone else who was male at least. She also played cai ma with me, which I was a little uncomfortable with, as the sexist inside me doesn’t like beating women. Unbeknownst to me my sexist had to hide behind a gallstone as despite her apparent inebriatedness, she metaphorically swept the floor with me, and had I spent a few more rounds it might not have been metaphorically.

Being the sensible soul I sometimes can be, I realised when enough was enough, and performed another round of gan beis, which was effectively my leaving do for tonight. Lord knows I’m still jetlagged but when I got home after 3am it didn’t take much for me to realise that my promises of coming tomorrow to play the guitar were not going to get much practise before sleep set in. Shit. Did I really promise I’d come back tomorrow to perform??

Back with Beihai Boss Huang and gan bei's

Thanks to my relatively early night I woke at 6.30am, then 7.40am, and then properly at 11.30am. Nice. I ate a portion of local jiao zi for lunch, and hoped the boss of the place might be a little bit more excited to see me. But thinking more about it why would she? I represent maybe 10% of a year of her clientele, even including the kids. I suppose I’m sort of hoping my skin colour means something but of course it doesn’t; I get charged the same as any other person.

Anyway, as it was a Monday I had to go and do the yearly ritual of registering myself and the kids. You would have thought after years of doing this it would be down to a fine thing. But of course it wasn’t. I even brought last year’s papers with me to expedite the process to no avail. The “big mama” policewoman of the last couple of years wasn’t here this year, so it was left to a couple of younger ladies. Like previous years I was invited behind the desks where the common people don’t generally go, and was offered grapes as per before. But this time they pointed to a camera in the corner of the room trained on some of the desks and suggested I moved closer to the wall to be out of its view. I happily agreed but wondered what video they’d already taken of me. It took an hour, but eventually they registered us, and the girl confirmed she had my Wechat account from last year so she would get in contact with me in case of any problem (very official I’m sure, but she showed my out messages from last year).

Yang Haiwei rang me again to invite me out to eat with his family. He is really keen to get his 17 year old son talking better and to be fair over the last couple of years he’s really come on, hopefully thanks in some small part to me. So we had a great meal in an unceremonious place, which I always prefer. Haiwei and I ended up cai ma’ing, and then I did so with some others from another table, which is not unheard of.

I had to complain at one stage that my glass was much bigger than others' - only when I did this did they accept it

Tan had a dance class from 8-9.30pm, so I had to pick up the kids at 7.30, but they didn’t really want to come with me so I started to take them home, but on the way stopped off at Boss Huang’s Seafood place, as I’d not yet seen him. He was incredibly happy to see me, and at once laid out plates etc. For once the kids actually ate something, which made me happy, while they also wolfed down canned tea. By now Haiwei was calling me asking where I was, so I took the kids home as Tan had finished her dance class. I got back to Haiwei and he and others were in high spirits and I gan bei’d more than I might have done on a normal school night. Eventually I left but for some reason at 1amish whatever it was I went home via Boss Huang’s again and stopped off for a couple more gan bei’s. Bloody hell, I want to make the most of my short time away from work and this was doing it. I got home 2ish shattered and didn’t wait long for sleep to engulf me.

Cai ma'ing with Haiwei's mates

First proper day in Pingguo in 2018

Jeez I just couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was the hard bed, but I didn’t even manage a couple of hours. At least I’m not working and I’m somewhere where there is plenty of stuff to do. I got out of bed at 7am to get some breakfast, so went across the road to Luwen’s place for beef soup. It was a filling and fitting breakfast, after which I decided to sit outside and he came to join me to chat. I told him about the lack of sleep and he seriously suggested a beer. I laughed it off but he went inside and came back with two cans of Snowflake beer. I know he gets up at 4am generally but it must have been the morning even for him. I thought “when in Rome…” knowing that probably no-one in Rome or Pingguo was having a beer at 7.30am, but joined him for a surprisingly refreshing glass or two. In fact he wouldn’t let me leave till we’d finished both cans, but at 2.5% I wasn’t worried.

This view literally grows on me (while waiting for the lift) 

Luwen and I literally having a beer at 7.30am

I then popped in to the old people’s leisure centre to get a bit of practice, where I caught up with my friend Yangwen, and ended up staying till 10am by which time I was well and truly knackered. But after a shower I went and got the kids some breakfast. I wasn’t hungry for lunch and managed a patchy siesta from 1-5.30pm before going to see Waipo. For someone in her condition she seemed quite sprightly, even if she couldn’t get up by herself.

Waipo weak but with it and so happy to see grandkids

Afterwards Leilei went to get a haircut - I wonder where he gets his looks from

Yang Haiwei then invited me to go to bbq for a late evening meal and I couldn’t say no, as by now I was starving, so I left the kids with Tan and went for a slap up meal. Then A Wu called and I thought I should see him so Haiwei gave me a lift there around midnight. He was at some wine shop in the reception of a large new hotel with three other people all drinking brandy, except for A Wu who was on red wine. I fancied neither but they said there was nothing else. Then one of them grabbed some weak beer from the fridge and we chatted for a while. But only half an hour or so as I was flagging by now and they could see it, so A Wu gave me a lift back where I grabbed a relatively early night.

The new version of Li Quan beer this year - I'm happy to say it's really nice, and 2.8%

Going via Chengdu for a change

The new route to Chengdu was fine, despite, or because, I was behind the kids for the journey. Things went suspiciously well despite having to pick up luggage and re-check-in. I mentioned to the bloke we had two bottles of duty-free in our hand luggage and he said that was fine. Until we went to security. I mentioned to the lady that one of our bags had duty-free booze in it and she said not to take it out. Then after it was scanned they told me there were bottles in it (duh) but also that we’d have to check it in. I told them that it was sealed and that we never have to do this but they said the rules have changed. Well at least it felt like we were back in China. As everything else had already gone past security I decided to leave the kids on their phones with the rest of the carry-ons beyond security. Very annoyingly the free airport wifi didn’t work as you needed to receive an SMS with a code but none of us got a code. So I said I may be some time and went back downstairs to check in the carry-on bag that contained the bottles wondering what I’d have checked in had I not had a bag capable of carrying them. In fact that could have been a likely scenario as our only other bag was my laptop one. I can’t imagine them putting a baggage label around a plastic duty-free bag. Note for next time: always bring a sturdy carry-on bag with enough space for bottles.

Although we’d arrived nearly an hour late there was still time to go to the lounge at Chengdu. At least we thought so. Gate 170 ended up being travelator upon travelator along the sprawling mass that is Chengdu airport. It was quite modern and nice but I couldn’t help wondering if there was not a better way than simply walking in a straight line for what must have been over a mile. In fact I checked on Google Maps and it does appear to have been around 1300m, which after diversions for toilet breaks etc. was pretty much bang on a mile.

It was pretty much a mile

As Tan wasn’t with us and I could only get one “guest” in for free, I considered not visiting the lounge as we’d only be just over an hour. But the kids really wanted to even though there was little inside this, one of the numerous “First Class” lounges that were the size of a large living room and the only hot food they had was packs of instant noodles you had to put water on yourself. Still, Xixi had a whole pack, and they both munched their way through mini Oreos. Without much hope I asked the lady at the desk if there was any way around the wifi problem. She made a phone call, scribbled something down on a piece of paper, and handed it to me. I guessed it was the code that would have been sent to my phone, so asked if it would work for more than one device, and she answered in the affirmative. I thanked her profusely and went to our seats to try it out. The code was a simple “594” and of course it didn’t work. We all tried to no avail so I decided to put in Tan’s number and get the SMS sent to her and then turn on roaming data for her to send to me. As soon as I turned on data I got loads of messages asking where we were and if we were delayed. I could have asked why she didn’t look that up online but I didn’t, and messaged back to say we were fine and on time which is what she needed to hear. Then, within two minutes, I received a text telling me I’d reached 80% of my data for the month. Yikes. I turned off roaming data and went back to the woman at the desk who looked at me, then the paper, then proceeded to turn it upside-down to reveal the code “hb6”. I didn’t know whether to feel sheepish or annoyed it wasn’t clear, but laughed instead and was glad I hadn’t been in any way angry or accusative that the code wasn’t working before. We all got happily online afterwards and I’ll make a note of the code and the fact that we should not be too judgemental lest we be the ones at fault.

Surely it was 594??

At least it was Coca Cola Zero...

It was a pity there was nothing in the way of beer in the lounge, but I was too tired to worry after dealing with worrying about turbulence. Luckily this year the Chinese regulations appear to be less strict with the use of electronic devices in their skies so Leilei could 3DS while Xixi slept. Last year we couldn’t even charge such a device with a portable battery charger, let alone turn it on. This year airplane mode was actually acceptable. It makes total sense for international flights - what business person would choose a Chinese carrier for £100 cheaper if they couldn’t open their laptop for 12 hours? Hey, when I go to Canada in Air Canada I can even get wifi for the whole trip.

I did appreciate the western style toilet but only realised about the cover after I'd used it...

I managed a modicum of wakeful nodding off but never completely got there and was glad the flight was under two hours until we arrived in Nanning. Thankfully, after an eventless getting of luggage (including the duty-free) we were in two cars a few minutes later; Tan and the kids with Chuan Chuan in one, and A Heng, me, and the luggage in a Buick SUV. We stopped off for a “toilet break”, which was really a fag break, and as we’d been given bbq to eat in the vehicles I found a large can of Snowflake 2.5% in the shop and tried to pay for it but A Heng insisted. It was the perfect accompaniment to the bbq without any tipsiness. Despite the stop, A Heng said we’d be 20 minutes ahead of the ladies as we were going at a decent speed. Although we were 78km from home he said we’d be there in 30 mins whereas Google was saying 50, but I knew better than to comment on this. As soon as we’d paid the toll (40 kuai, the same as when it opened 12 years ago) we pulled over to wait for the girls. As I went for a wander I was told to get back in the car; apparently they’d already arrived at home and A Heng thought it was incredulous.

There was no going out for bbq at this late hour this year, so showers and straight to bed were on the cards. But I found a couple of cans of Snowflake beer I’d won last year and thoughtfully put in the fridge. Thankfully Tan hadn’t removed them so I had a couple of almost alcohol-free beers before setting up the phones and laptops with connectivity and hitting the sack at 3am.

15 years later for me at least...

We’d made the right decision to get a taxi all the way to Gatwick, despite Awl’s good idea of getting one to Croydon East then getting a train. That will be my plan next time I need to go alone though. Annoyingly we just got to the baggage drop-off queue in the middle of a group of secondary school kids, which meant we were delayed nearly an hour as even though we got to the end of the queue before half of them they were allowed to check in together. I couldn’t be too annoyed though, although I was when the gate in front of us, supposedly for first class only but had allowed loads of kids through, suddenly didn’t want us despite a dearth of first class passengers. I remonstrated with the woman a little and she didn’t seem impressed, but after her superior came over she reluctantly allowed us to check in there. Blimey it wasn’t a big deal. They could have saved time by allowing us to check in online but this is a new route to Chengdu so I gave them the benefit of the doubt.

Nearing the end of a slightly annoying queue

At least we had a couple of hours to spare, and Tan was already in China so we didn’t have the stress of a travelling woman. The kids had queued ok as they were promised the lounge and it didn’t disappoint as there were plenty of cake-like delicacies there. I satisfied myself with some soup and a bar service G&T. This has changed since the last time I was here; I suppose too many people had been pouring themselves quadruples in a sort of “last orders” mentality when their flights were at “Go to gate” status. But at least the kids got fed, Xixi stating that “airplane food is horrid”. I said “what?” and she just said she didn’t like it, but she knew what I meant...so she slyly said “aeroplane food is horrid”. I honestly don’t know if the kids’ Americanisations are from the media they consume or simply to rile me

Yay! We're in the lounge...