Back to "school"

Despite not having as early a night as I had hoped, I still woke up around 7am. The "school" wouldn't open until 8.30 and A Da wouldn't be there till 11 as he was going swimming before. It's more of a drop-in school I suppose. So I took advantage of the time and went to get breakfast at the place I went frequently for the last couple of years - a little noodle place by the market run by one of Tan's aunties. I was a bit sad to see that it was now run by someone else and sadder to hear that they didn't have my favourite sheet noodles. Apparently the previous folks had retired and the girl serving me didn't know where they had gone. Still, I got a bag of noodles to take back, and some more stuff from elsewhere including the ever-present dou jiang.

While the kids were eating I had the chance to look at our flat a bit more. The cross stitching of the stalks is very nice. Apparently there are 100 of them in the frame but I've not yet had the time or patience to count them. Xixi's room decorations are also quite cute, though I had to do a double take when I saw the little detail above the light switch in our bedroom - it looked like the little boy on the right was particularly excited to see the girl on the left! Well...I suppose it is the master bedroom...

A cross stitch of 100 herons I think - makes a beautiful touch to the living room

Detail of the cross stitched herons

Xixi's room decoration

Excited to see you...

Two days ago I bumped into an "English teacher" who asked me to go to his middle school just outside our flat to take some pictures with his kids. Yesterday he called me to ask if I could meet him at 10 am today and I said ok. As it was 10.30 I gave him a quick call and said I needed to take my kids to school so should do the photos now. So he said to meet him at the school gate in 10 minutes, which we did. Although instead of coming from within the school he turned up on his motorbike from outside the school, and lead us (on our bikes) to a completely different building 5 minutes away. There I spent a rather hectic time introducing myself to each of the kids in his class and having copious pictures taken. Leilei and Xixi weren't particularly impressed but the whole episode lasted only around 10 minutes with a finale on the pavement outside doing a group photo.

We then took the bike to the teacher's house and I thought I remembered where it was. Even Leilei said he recognised the place as A Da's school when we got there. However there was no-one around so we drove further up the road until we were lost. I called A Ni and she said she'd come to fetch us. Meanwhile we popped into an interesting looking place by the side of the road to shelter a little from the sun. Inside were around 10 kids with soldering irons working on making cheap, non-branded earphones. There were hundreds of the earpiece bits and the accompanying plastic parts, and I realised I was watching child labour. With the heat you could call it a sweatshop but everyone seemed happy there chatting away and possibly grateful for the impromptu interruption judging by their beaming smiles. I noticed that the boss was not exactly urging them on and when I took a closer look at the work I noticed the kids were working at a slow pace, something that encompasses the whole town. On closer inspection when looking at a photo, I noticed that they were undoubtedly making these earphones for airlines. The non-branding was a clue but the obvious giveaway is the double-pointed ends that plug into the armrest. Maybe I should have been a detective...

Where the aeroplane earphones are made

A Ni and A Hua arrived and lead us to the teacher's house, which was indeed exactly the same place we thought. Then they pointed to a button hidden on the side of the door and said we should have pushed the bell... Ah, so obvious... We did so and the teacher's assistant (around 10 years old) came down to see us and let us in. Leilei and Xixi were particularly cautious and reluctant to be left in a new place with around 12 other very excited and noisy kids. The teacher asked me to accompany them for a while but she didn't need to. She pointed to various wall friezes of a Confuscious theme and bade the kids read out some of his pearls of wisdom, which they did - not from heart apparently but from actually reading the Chinese. The kids ranged from 3-9 years old as far as I could make out. On the ground floor were a few, mostly broken, toys that seemed to provide sufficient entertainment. I got Xixi engaged in a bit of jigsaw making but Leilei wasn't interested. Then we went upstairs and I had more joy getting the kids doing some drawing.

I sensed I still couldn't leave the kids there. It's very hard as a parent when the kids are so shy. I don't believe in just accepting they are, so I would have been ok to leave them if they hadn't been so clingy and I couldn't just tear them off like leeches (actually I think you burn leeches so definitely not the way). I had to wait till they were being amused by themselves. Lunchtime came and Leilei managed some rice and fried potato while Xixi did two bowls of "yu mi zhou" (sweetcorn porridge). Then, afterwards, A Da (A Wu's son) put four tables together to create a makeshift table tennis table with a wooden net. After I played for a few minutes Leilei wanted a go so I let him. He's shown interest before at home on a full-size table but this was more his level. For the first time I saw him engrossed in something other than his daddy at the school. I waited for a few minutes then decided I would leave. But I knew Xixi would notice so I took her back with me and told the kids to tell the teacher.



Back home, Xixi had a nap that I tried to emulate but couldn't, despite being more than tired enough to do. So I geeked about checking emails until 3pm when it took longer than it should have done to get her up. We went to pick up Leilei at around 4pm even though he wasn't supposed to finish till 5. He was in good spirits, which justified my decision to sneek out leaving him there. While the kids were playing I went downstairs to the ground floor and sat, and then lay on the hard wooden bench. I was incredibly tired and almost felt myself slipping into sleep despite the slats digging into the back of my head. I kept my eyes closed for over 20 minutes until roused by the sound of "wai guo ren" (foreigner) emanating from the gates of the building. Evidentally a few mums and dads had come to pick up their kids and seen this westerner seemingly asleep instead, as if I'd eaten them all up. I got up from the bench, gave them a smile and hurried upstairs to tell the teacher that some kids needed to go home.

I saw that Leilei was having fun with A Da and didn't want to go back. I was happy enough to leave him till whoever came to pick up A Da brought them both back so I left them and took Xixi back. Within five minutes we encountered Ling Ming and Chuan chuan on another electric bike so we stopped to say hello. Chuan chuan wanted to take Xixi to go wherever they were going and Xixi was happy to go so I let her, thinking I would be able to get some shuteye at our home... As if. Too many phone calls and I couldn't turn off the phone as it may have been to do with the kids.

At 8pm I went to the old people's youth centre or whatever it's called, where they play table tennis and volleyball among other things. As soon as I walked in the door I was greeted like an old friend ("old" in the the sense "good" friend that hasn't been seen for a while I hope) and was invited to play immediately. I said I'd wait a while first but after three minutes someone came into the room and touched the light switch and the room with three table tennis tables was plunged into darkness. Evidentally this wasn't on purpose as further attempts to illuminate the room failed. As if by magic my phone started ringing and it was A Wu inviting me to meet a boss and play ping pong. Fair enough. Two minutes later he was outside the old folk's youth centre and I was in his car on the way to see a rather rich boss who ran a house-building company.

At least that happened eventually. When we got there the place was closed and we had to wait while A Wu rang some people to come around and let us in. Well there was a ping pong table (less awkward than writing "table tennis table") and although the room was rather too small to really play seriously we had a nice knock about with Nong Kaicheng (A Hua's son) who had come along too. Until, that was, A Wu decided to play for points. One strange thing here is that many (not all) people count the points lost rather than the points won. This proves to be quite confusing to me, especially as there is no consistency when saying the score (i.e. the server's score first), so I could not really follow, not that I really cared too much. But I think A Wu did. He won the first game, as I was finding my feet, then after beating Nong Kaicheng (who is about 9 years old) 11-1 I played him again. I was leading 4-0, then won the next three points and he said the score was something like 5-2. Fair enough, but I won the next six points in a row, by which time he wasn't saying the score. I continued and won at least seven of the next 10 points until at one stage he said "one point left", so I lost the point and he was happier than he should have been as he celebrated his "victory". I calculated I won the first-to-eleven game 17-5 and couldn't help laughing at what I guess is a rather pathetic competitiveness that drives one to not even see one's cheating... I guess he knew he was not up to the challenge and didn't want to lose face by losing to an Englishman, even though the audience consisted of a nine year old boy...

While playing, some bosses arrived and we drank some tea over a nice chiselled tea table. Then A Da arrived and I gave him a quick game of ping pong until an old man in his late sixties arrived and took the bat off him. He then proceeded to beat me and smash me around (in a table tennis sense) over the next half an hour giving me great practice and rendering me sopping wet, as even his shirt was. This is not the first time I've been bettered by someone who would have a free buss pass in London, but I'm learning from it and getting better I hope. After this exercise we retired to the tea room and he took off his wet shirt and sat right in front of the air conditioning unit on full blast. I don't think you're supposed to do that. He then, predictably, got out a packet of fags and lit up after offering one to me. I don't think you're supposed to do that either but who am I to talk?

I Picked up the kids around 10pm and took them home for a shower and bed until Tan came back around 11.30. At midnight, despite my fatigue, I was hungry so ventured out the two minute walk to Tan's aunty's bbq stall by the guang chang. I asked Tan if she wanted anything and she replied in the negative. I ordered five skewers of duck tongues and five of "fei rou" pork with some fat on it. It would take 10 minutes or so so I decided to order a beer and sit down. I never even made it to the table when I heard a shout of "hello!" from a neighbouring one. Four blokes and a girl were sat there and we ended up drinking and eating for well over an hour until Tan called asking me to order some chicken claws to take back. My new-found friends comprised three policemen, an ex-teacher now doing something I don't quite understand (the girl), and an aeronautical engineer. I hope the latter did not have to go to work the next day as my fear of flying would not have been helped at all. Anyway, they were a fun bunch, and took delight in the fact that my wife comes from Bangxu, and that I was able to state that fact in the Bangxu language.

Boat ride in a storm

Up at 8.30am. Tan left before 9 to meet up with A Ni and go out to Nanning for the day so I took the kids out to get breakfast and eat at Er Jie's. Then I took them to Lao Ma's hair salon to get Leilei trimmed for this heat. He didn't make such a fuss this year so Xixi and I went out to get a juice drink up the road. The only fruit they appeared to have available was something called "mu xi gua" which I loosely translated as "wood melon". The girl didn't know how to prepare the drinks and had to get someone from next door. He didn't know much better but eventually we ended up with the bitterest fruit drink I've every had here, or maybe that should be most bitter. Needless to say Xixi didn't want it so I managed the two cups myself, reasoning that it must at least be healthy.

While back at Lao Ma's Ling Ming came in. I don't know if he was planning to get a haircut or had seen us there but Leilei was happy to play with his phone, and happy to stay with him while I took Xixi to Jiu ma's place and found La la jie jie, the girl that Xixi played with a lot last year, but this time Xixi was having none of it and refused to even acknowledge her...she can be a stubborn little brute sometimes. So I took her to the the electric hardware shop run by one of Tan's aunties to pay for the fans Tan had bought yesterday. Being on the 14th floor (15th if you are superstitious), we are graced with a slight breeze much of the time which really takes the edge off the heat, and justifies getting fans rather than expensive air conditioning. Of course Xixi got fawned upon when we entered the shop, something that happens very frequently wherever she goes, much to her disdain! Tan's aunt insisted that one of the fans was a gift and I could only get her to accept 500 kuai for the other two. It was getting towards lunchtime so we went to grab some noodles at a small place near our flat. Xixi actually ate some of mine and the kindly woman gave her a little bowl of her own. We only spent 4 kuai and were both satisfied.

We went next door to buy some fruit-laced "nai cha" (milk tea) that the kids love. While we were waiting for it some boy came running in from the noodle place with Xixi's hat and teddy that she had forgotten. We then made it one more door down to another shop where she managed to leave her hat and teddy again... We went back to the house and I got Xixi to have a short sleep that I unfortunately was not able to manage. Unsurprisingly I got a call from A Wu asking for his presents as he was going to meet a boss and wanted to give him a bottle of alcohol. So I grabbed the bag we'd prepared, containing a bottle of Johnny Walker whisky, Bacardi rum, a mix of perfumes, some chocolate, cereal bars and a lynx deodorant and shower gel. I suggested A Wu give the Rum to the boss as the JW was Red Label (the cheapest) and I didn't want him to lose face. This boss was stationed just south of the town and his business was selling houses - a lucrative business to be in based on the continuing number of places being built in and around Pingguo. He had a lovely "cha zi" (chiseled tea table, a bit like mine but much bigger) and we had a few glasses of tie guan yin tea while chatting. It transpired that I had met him last year during the Germany - England game in the World Cup in Number 5 Cafe. He was well pissed-off as he had put money on England to win! Anyway we didn't stay too long and afterwards went to pick up Leilei to go "swimming".


Xixi being unphotogenic with a boss at his tea table

When you haven't got any swimming costume on you it's a bit rich to say "swimming" when what you mean is going to the local lake to meet some friends. Haiwei was there along with about 10 other people and judging by the amount of empty beer cans under the picnic table they had enjoyed an elongated lunch as it was already 3pm. Apparently they were just ready to go for a swim. I thought about warning them of the dangers of swimming straight after eating and drinking but knew the ears my words would have fallen on would decide not to understand anything I say. A Wu said we could buy swimming trunks at the shop in the car park but the thought of looking after the two kids in the water without arm bands was too much.

Leilei and Xixi had seen some boats and told A Wu they wanted to go on them. Good alternative, I thought. So A Wu paid 200 kuai (a deposit, I wrongly thought at the time), and we got into one of the yellow boats with space for two in the front and two behind. Naturally the kids sat with A Wu behind leaving me to drive, which I wasn't complaining about. The boat was powered by a petrol engine and terribly slow, but it didn't stop Leilei from saying we were going to crash when I took my hands off the steering wheel and turned around to talk to him. It took about 20 minutes to get to the other side of the lake, and was very enjoyable and relaxing. I took a few photos and then realised that there were some spots on the water. It had started to rain, and when it rains here it generally pours. Today was no exception and within two minutes there was a storm-whipped deluge hitting us. The boat did have a sort of cover for protection but the rain was coming down in diagonal stair rods and no-one could keep dry. I concentrated all my efforts on keeping my phone away from the moisture as I headed home in what seemed an interminable voyage.


Cap'n Xixi surveying the seas


Leilei enjoying a stint at the wheel

We were all drenched when we finally made shore and grateful that A Wu had a couple of small towels in his car when we got there. My phone had survived, but the kids were sobbing a little in the back due to the loud thunder and being sopping wet. That didn't last long, though I did have to turn off the A/C in A Wu's car for the first time in my life. Back home we all changed clothes and watched as the storm we'd just escaped from came and enveloped our town and gave the local farmers some much needed relief. The kids were fine at home and Leilei used his imagination by making my tea table a lego man base which I thought was quite cool.


Leilei with his lego men on my tea table

In the evening we were invited to go to the same restaurant as the other day, this time with a number of family and friends I hadn't seen for a year. While in the restaurant foyer I bumped into Zhang Hongping, who I knew well from last year and was in another room with his friends tonight. I also saw Da jie and the aunty from the electic shop, who also were dining in a private room with some of their friends. I did manage a few gan beis with the lads but my heart wasn't really in it as I was rather exhausted. Plus Xixi was coughing quite a bit and needed some medicine. So when Tan got back at 7.15 I made my excuses and left for home with Xixi. Not so fast. A Hua said she had some medicine for her so first we had to go to A Hua's ma ma's house to pick that up. My Chinese reading is getting better but I didn't want to risk getting medicine instructions wrong, so I called A Hua to ask how much to put in the little cap. Tan answered and said she was coming home anyway and would do it. Obviously the meal was no fun for her without me. The kids got to bed by 11pm which is early for them here, but necessary as tomorrow they are going to A Da's teacher's house for some summer schooling.

Meal in a cool cave

Up at 7am again. It must be the heat although our room is air-conditioned. Maybe it's the excitement of being here and knowing it's not for a long time, so wanting to make the most of it. I bought breakfast at the same place as yesterday but this time took it to Er jie's house to eat with the kids.

I left them playing there with Chuan chuan and went back to our house to do a little more unpacking. In the late morning I rang my friends Li Kun and Uncle Yellow. Li Kun was working so said he'd meet me later in the week. Uncle Yellow was just around the corner from our house with his wife and three month old son, and said he'd come to pick me up as I'd not seen his son before. In the lift a family from a few floors below us got in and a girl said "hello" to me. It transpired she was an English teacher in Nanning, but Pingguo was her hometown. We exchanged some conversation in English but quite frankly it was easier in Chinese. I thought of Awl possibly coming over here to work in Pingguo or Nanning and asked her if she knew any schools. She said she would find out and let me know, so we exchanged phone numbers outside the building. Then I noticed Uncle Yellow was waiting for me on his bike so I gave him a big slap on the back and climbed on behind him, bidding goodbye to the English teacher and her family while they laughed as I shouted to Uncle Yellow to "wai di wai di!" which means "hurry up!" in the local language.

Uncle Yellow's son was indeed having his photos taken by a professional. Here it is normal to spend a lot of money on making a professional album of your child when they are around three months old, and here was no exception. Xiao Chong (his wife) and her parents were all there and seemingly very pleased to see me. We stayed for half an hour, during which I also took some pics of the cute baby. I had been wondering how the photographer's camera had made all the lights in the room flash when she took a photo. I guess it was some clever wireless thing triggered by the capture button. But I soon found when I was taking photos of the proceedings that when I took a picture and my camera flashed, it caused the other lights to flash too. During this time I'd managed to ruin many of the professional photographer's pictures by causing flashes at the wrong time. Embarrassing.


I couldn't get a "normal" picture of Uncle Yellow's wife and son as my camera flash kept invoking all the flashes in the photographer's place...

Uncle Yellow said we would drink some beer and called his uncle to come. He arrived later in a tiny yellow car to take us to a new place in Pingguo. I wasn't expecting much but this place was amazing. It was in the opening of a cave; you had to climb up stairs for about 50 feet then you could actually see the cool air emanating from within the cave, like you can sometimes see the air conditioning in an aeroplane. We sat at a round table and in time-honoured tradition over the next few minutes a few other blokes arrived to eat and drink with us. Uncle Yellow ordered some lovely chao fen (fried flat noodles), then as the afternoon grew older we had more dishes and drank some beer. It was basically five blokes having a laugh in a way not much different to how it would be in England. Most of them I'd met in previous years anyway so it was not just a case of having fun with a foreigner. I learnt another new expression: "you mo" (friendly banter), basically meaning you know you are mates when you can take the piss out of each other. Uncle Yellow then called me a "hui dan" (bad egg) as he had seen me exchanging phone numbers with a pretty girl when he picked me up. Ha, it was perfectly innocent with that teacher but I'd have said the same thing to him too. Uncle Yellow appreciated the 5 packs of Marlboro fags I bought for him and gave one pack to each of his friends. I would have brought more but Tan took half the packs I bought as presents for her own friends.


Preparing the table in the mouth of the entrance of the cool cool cave

What makes me know that Uncle Yellow is a genuine friend is that he saw that I was getting very tired at around 2.30pm. He didn't hesitate to tell me so and offered to drive me to our flat as it would be "safer" than me taking a san lun che. "Safer" was probably the wrong word to use. "Much much more dangerous" would have been more appropriate but I was in no mood to argue and they only drive at 15mph here anyway so if the worst happened I would have spilled my drink if we had crashed (not that I was drinking anything).


Having a laugh at the mouth of the cave (hope Tan doesn't watch)

I did appreciate the lift and actually got some sleep when I got home. All the more so because after seven years of coming here I finally learnt my lesson and put my phone on silent. I woke up at 6pm to see eight missed calls and my refreshedness negated any guilt I might have felt, especially as four of them were from Tan. I had agreed yesterday to go out with Yang Heiwei and his wife and other assorted friends to a swimming pool a few kms out of Pingguo. But Tan had other plans now and told me that Lin Hong had invited us for a meal at her new house. Well, sorry but I have been in this situation many times before in Pingguo and the prior invitation gets precedence. You can't call someone an hour before a meal and expect them to drop all other plans.

I was picked up from our house at 6ish by Yang Haiwei and received another call from the trouble and strife. This time I let Yang talk to her to explain we were going swimming and that this was planned yesterday. Before going swimming we stopped off at a newish outdoor restaurant where we walked through a veranda-like passage under hanging vegetables of various interesting shapes. Our purpose was to order the food for an hour's time apparently. The swimming pool was unsurprisingly an outdoor effort. It was a figure of "8" shape with a metal fence separating the two halves into a a kids' and adults' section. The water was a very comfortable temperature but as I was getting in the lifeguard looked doubtful and asked if I could swim. To prove I could I set off and did a length in front crawl as well as I could. Then Haiwei challenged me to a race and I won by half a length, although I trapped my toe in the metal fence at the beginning and think I may have broken it. Finally I've found a sport that I'm probably better than most Chinese at. We got out half an hour later and the lifeguard looked at me and called me a frog...I've never been so insulted in all my time here!


Hanging vegetables of interesting shapes

Stupidly I'd forgotten to bring a change of clothes so I got back in the car in sopping wet shorts, but it didn't seem to matter to anyone. The meal was naturally delicious and the company good. There were many greens that had probably been picked while we were in the pool - you can't get fresher than that. As is the way, the meal went on for some time until I realised I needed to get my hair cut at Lu Hai's and he closes at 10pm. It was getting on for 9.30pm and the meal was winding down anyway so we got in the cars and drove home, where I changed into something dry and took the bike to Lu Hai's. After I paid him the 20 kuai for the cut and wash he gave me a high quality shampoo as a present, but didn't refuse too much when I shoved another 20 or 30 kuai in his hands. I then invited him to go to a bbq place run by one of Tan's aunts by the guang chang...Haiwei and his friends had moved on there to extend their eating and drinking from the swimming pool place. There we did the usual cai ma for a while until I was called to pick up the kids from Er Jie's house. Da Jie (Tan's eldest sister) was there too; she has also recently bought and furnished a house here in Pingguo. I don't think either of the kids had had a siesta but neither looked particularly tired. However, they didn't take too long to get to sleep after their shower. I did go back to the bbq place for a bit but was rather tired too so didn't make it a late one.


Haiwei's little emperor

Registering with police and getting SIMs then back to normal life

Leilei woke me up at 4.30am. I went to his room to get him back to sleep but was accompanied by a cock cockadooledooing and a dog barking its head off in response. Despite the din Leilei got back to sleep but then Xixi was awake. So I swapped to her room and fell back asleep with her, exhausted, till around 7am when she woke up properly. There was no going back to sleep this time so I got her dressed and took her out to get breakfast. We went to the same place we frequented last year as it is still close to our new house. It was as though we had never been away. The same fare at the same prices; we bought three cups of dou jiang (soya milk), some fried long things that are supposed to go with the dou jiang, some fried dumplings and some steamed buns. We took them home and Xixi got through the dou jiang in no time (as it had a pink straw), and managed half a bun.


A very common view - that which you see when waiting for the lift

At 9am the others still had not emerged so I grabbed our passports and Xixi and set off to the police station for our annual process of reporting our whereabouts to the local authority. All aliens have to do this if they are not staying in a hotel. We had to wait for the correct policeman to get to his desk so Xixi and I played hide-and-seek in the station for 20 minutes or so. We duly filled in the forms that do have English as well but it is not well translated so we had to ask for help. This was the same policeman we'd had for the last 2-3 years and he knew us quite well by now, and helped us fill in the form and this year didn't even charge us for photocopying our passports. And I learnt a new word: "fu yin" - photocopy.


Xixi playing hide-and-seek at the police station

The next most important job was to sort ourselves out with SIM cards. I had sent last year's SIM cards back to Lin Hong asking her to keep them charged every few months so we wouldn't need new numbers but as she was in the process of decorating her house she had forgotten. No worries, Xixi and I set out to find a China Telecom shop. But not before we stopped off at my favourite place to pick up fresh watermelon and honeymelon juice. We also popped in to one of my favourite tea places for a couple of cups of tie guan yin cha, my favourite summer tea - naturally slightly sweet and very refreshing as although it was not even 10am it was probably in the high 30s outside. Xixi and I walked for further than I expected before coming to the China Telecom shop by our market. I looked at the list of non-expensive phone numbers (i.e. those not ending in "8") and picked a couple that were nearly identical except that mine ended in the year of my birth and Tan's in the year of her birth - very cute. Within minutes I had a new number and Internet on the phone, and felt a sigh of relief. The next job would be to call all my friends to let them know my 2011 number (and hopefully the one for the future if I can sort that out).

Home again and this time Tan had woken up. I gave her her SIM and within minutes she was engaged in Pingguonese chatting with A Ni. I've heard it so much now I'm understanding more than half. Not that it should be that hard as it's mostly Mandarin but with a very, very strong/wrong accent. Also at home were Lin Hong and her daughter Tian tian, as well as Chuan chuan, Tan's 2nd sister's daughter. Tian tian and Chuan chuan took the kids out, apparently to go swimming, while we were invited to go to lunch with A Wu and A Ni, meaning A Wu, A Ni and three bosses. Because a meal without bosses is like tonic without gin (quite refreshing actually). Then Tan announced that she and A Ni would not go to the meal but go for a massage instead. Fair enough. So I walked the five minutes to Li Jia He Xian (Li's Freshwater Fish), the best restaurant in town, to meet A Wu. Funnily enough I met A Ni at the door of the restaurant, who told me which room to go to. And of course her and Tan joined us for the meal and I knew very well I was back in China! The bosses arrived and were very good-natured. They worked in the bank and I suppose A Wu was doing his usual thing of showing off his English friend. As they were not from Pingguo I told them a bit about the place, and managed a few gan beis with them. Then A Hua arrived and gave me a bunch of keys saying "ni de che!". Yes! She had brought over my trusty electric bike I've been using for the last five years or so.

The meal was excellent as usual, and I learnt why there were no fried bee cocoons (as there weren't last year); the season for them is September/October, which makes sense as we used to eat them all the time before Leilei started school and we could fly at that time. The last three times we've had to come in the summer and missed that particular delicacy. The girls left, this time to really go for a massage, and I made my excuses as I was knackered after a busy morning on three hours' sleep, a full meal and a few light beers. So I said my goodbyes to my new boss friends and got on the dian dong che (electric bike) only to find that it had been mutilated to the extent of having a pole inserted in the base near the front, coming up to waist height. I knew straightaway that this was for inserting one of those huge umbrellas to protect you from the sun. Very much a ladies thing and I'm glad A Hua hadn't left the umbrella in or I might stand out. So I rode back to the house in my long trousers and fairish hair, taller than anyone in town, glad I wasn't standing out at all.

Sleep was easy to come by and as only three people had my number, and I was undisturbed from 3-6pm until Tan called to say we were eating at Er jie's (her 2nd sister's) house. I said I'd be 20 minutes but was nearer an hour as I hadn't put the hot water on and had to negotiate a cold shower but still no shave since London. Er jie's house is where we lived for the two months last year so I know it well. However, only Wai po and Tan were there. The kids had just gone out swimming as the pool only opened at 6pm (goodness knows where they were before). I had a few mouthfuls of ribs before making my excuses once again and leaving. I needed to go to the supermarket to pick up a couple of things for the house. Actually all I bought were three glasses, some bog roll and some shampoo, but I also happened to notice that they still have Gordon's Gin and Smirnoff Vodka on the shelves (in case Awl comes over later). A Wu rang me while I was shopping and came to meet me. As I was paying he threw in a couple of towels as you do. As we left I made sure I got myself the equivalent of a Nectar Card so I can build up points and get...err I don't really know but it is one of the small things that makes me feel I live here rather than am just visiting.

A Wu hadn't eaten so after dropping off the shopping I met him outside Er jie's house at one of the many eating places where there was one other mate. He was eating fried noodles, but then came some lamb, then some sweetcorn, then another friend came along. Then A Wu had to go to pick up his son A Da while another couple of people came. Then more dishes and more people including my friend Yang Heiwei the table tennis guru. By 11pm I'd switched tables and was gan bei'ing with another group of friends, such is the way evenings can evolve over here. But I didn't over-indulge, and picked up Leilei from Er jie's house as Xixi had already fallen asleep there. I took him back and got him to sleep, then did the same to Tan and found some sense of normality by falling asleep before 1am.

Turbulence and delays but we made it back to our 2nd home

So much for preparation. The last hour before Awl came round to drive us to Heathrow was a frantic time of changing bags as one's zip had gone missing. Also the spare router I was bringing had lost its adapter so we had to stop at ma's on the way to pick up a spare one she had. But it wasn't really that bad - my main regret was not finding the dozen or so energy saving lightbulbs I'd bought to take with us at 10p each (with the screw fitting instead of bayonet).

Despite a slowish drive we arrived at Heathrow in good time for a swift couple of Guinnesses after we checked in. The plane journey was via Munich and the bad news we heard was that there were thunderstorms so we had the prospect of missing our plane and the dreaded turbulence. The former didn't happen as there was a knock-on effect and most flights were delayed by half an hour or so. But the turbulence did and I still haven't learnt to deal with it properly. Thankfully I wasn't sitting next to Steve so I survived the flight without most of a double vodka and orange poured over me. And the kids were ok too, which is a bonus. Munich provided a fright as we had to go through security again but this time we had four bottles of booze plus numerous perfumes as presents. I was greatly relieved that they let us put them through the machine, but afterwards one lady security guard asked me about the perfumes. I said where we'd got them but she said unlike the alcohol they weren't in a sealed bag so they couldn't be taken. I looked aghast (though probably not as aghast as I would have, had it been the other bottles) and said we had no idea and the shop should have sealed the bags for us. Bless her German cotton socks that she relented and let us through, saving us about 100 quid.

The flight from Munich was very turbulent. We had four seats together in the middle of the plane and I was on the outside with the two kids in the middle. My left hand was grasping the bottom of the seat except when I was drying the sweat off. I turned to my right to check if Leilei was ok and he looked right at me with a beaming smile. I would never lie to my kids but the smile I gave back was as genuine as the "Addiddds" tee-shirts you often see worn on the streets of Pingguo. I looked around and saw people (mostly Chinese) reading papers, sleeping, chatting - no-one noticing the rollercoaster I was experiencing. I asked myself how many planes crash per day, or week, and the answer was probably around 0.01. I know flying is safer than driving - I'd probably just prefer it if I could drive. We even managed to get a little sleep, as the kids were content to watch some kiddy films during the flight in-between going to the loo.

Although we were nearly an hour late arriving in Beijing we had two and a half hours to make our connection. Passport control was made a lot quicker by a kindly policeman on a Segway who motioned for me to follow him. Previously I would have been concerned but I'm used to this country now and I knew he was there to help - he brought us to a diplomat's queue where we were processed in moments. The next job was to arrange all the duty-free in our luggage, which we managed with a little fuss. The internal flight allows 20kg per person but Lufthansa allowed 30kg. This meant we really only had around 17kg each before duty-free. Well we managed to be just about within our limit despite our hand luggage being well over the 5kg. So far so good. We got another diplomat service for the security for the internal flight and had an hour on our hands during which the kids played with the moving walkways and Tan tried in vain to get a few minutes' kip. As soon as it was time to board Xixi announced she wanted to do a poo poo (for the third or fourth time this journey). I duly took her and we got on the plane with plenty of time to spare. After the doors had been closed for for 20 minutes or so people were getting irritable. Then the dreaded announcement came that there was a lot of traffic at the airport and we were waiting for our slot. The pilot updated us a couple of times over the next hour with no new information. He had a European accent and I guessed he was Portuguese as this China Eastern flight was using an Air Macao plane. The stewardesses insisted in repeating every announcement in English even though I was probably the only person who could speak it. Everyone was ignoring the keep phones turned off warning and blatantly calling friends in Nanning to update them of the increasing lateness. Finally, three hours later we were allowed to make a move. After an age of taxiing I noticed we were just two planes back in the queue for taking off. Hooray! Then, as we got onto the runway we just seemed to dawdle and in fact we just taxied the length of the runway before turning off and a few minutes later ending up in a queue for another runway. When we finally got some info from the pilot it transpired that due to stormy weather and winds we had been advised to change runways. I quickly turned on my phone and texted A Wu we were soon to leave - I had been about the only one whose phone had been off during the taxiing.

It didn't make it easier that the air hostesses kept telling us to buckle up as we were approaching "strong" and "very strong" turbulence. I'm sure they wouldn't say that on a European flight. Well the plane wobbled its way through the skies on its southern journey, barely lending us five minutes at a time of smooth flight during which we were quickly served beverages. No beer or wine to calm my nerves so I logicked my way through things by imagining how many other planes were going through such weather and surviving. Actually it was not as bad as the Munich-Beijing flight but I don't like being told I am to experience "very strong turbulence" at any time. No-one else on the plane batted an eyelid though of course.

At last at 9.45pm the plane touched down and every mobile phone was switched on instantly while still on the runway. No-one was being told off - probably because everyone knows they don't interfere with the planes at all. Otherwise you wouldn't be allowed to take them on in the first place. By 10pm Leilei and I were waiting for the luggage and the girls were with A Wu, A Ni, Lin Hong, A Zheng and a few Nanning friends who had come to greet us. All the luggage was intact, so after luggage inspection (they actually check your luggage receipts with the bag - a really good, if slightly time-consuming, idea) I gave a big hug to my didi (little brother) A Wu, plus a smaller hug to A Ni and Lin Hong as they are ladies and it's not really in their culture to hug blokes that aren't their husbands.

With little ado we stuffed the two large saloons with our suitcases and made haste to Pingguo. Tan had said one of them would be an Audi Q7 but judging by a quick Internet search neither was. However they were both very nice new luxury saloons, a style that has become more and more prevalent over the last 6-7 years. And to think before 2003 there were no cars in China...it makes the mind boggle.

A Wu was his usual self and we had a laugh on the journey back with A Ni, Leilei and Xixi (who wouldn't travel with Tan in the other car because she is a daddy's girl). I did insist that the kids put their seatbelts on at least for the motorway, as A Wu drove at up to 160kph until we passed the site of a very recent accident involving a number of lorries, one of which had its cabin completely buckled in and I tried to avert the kids' eyes lest they see the remains of a driver who probably just had the last and shortest sleep in his life. It puts my dislike (as opposed to fear) of flying in proportion; it certainly IS far more dangerous on the roads, except for when I'm driving.


A Ni and the kids while they were starting to get less shy

Due to our greater speed we arrived at our block of flats well in advance of the other cars. It really did feel like coming home. This place really is a second home and there was no excitement in the way you have about coming to a new area - it was replaced by anticipation of living in your own place for the first time. I'd even had the foresight to remember to bring our front door key I took back last year. Without great aplomb I attempted to put the key in the lock but it wouldn't budge. No matter what I tried it wouldn't open the door so we were stuck until the slowcoaches arrived at midnight. When they met us up at the 14th floor Lin Hong announced that she had changed the locks while we were away. Grrr.

Anyway the house was better than when we had left it. Ling Ming (Tan's eldest sister's son) had been living there while decorating his own house until early July, and had kitted it out with some nice cross-stitching pictures on the walls and some quite effective wall-decals of leaves and birds which I do rather like even though it sounds kitsch. We also now have a washing machine, an extractor fan, a combi-microwave and some kitchen utensils. I also found a couple of things I left last year that I'd forgotten about, namely a bottle of red wine and a tub of Marmite. If only we'd brought a bread-maker...


Our living room with a nice "room tattoo"


So much for the house. Within 15 minutes I'd showered and left Tan to bed the kids while I went out to get some BBQ. We went to our favourite place "Tian Yang Po" and I had 8 pig eyeballs plus an array of other delights though somehow missed out on duck tongues. Beer was poured but I didn't indulge too much as I needed to sleep and bring back some food for Tan. I brought her 10 skewers of duck intestines and 5 duck tongues plus a bit of pig ligament which she promptly attacked when I got back at 2.30am. We stayed up till 3.30am putting clothes away and spent our first night ever together in our new abode.


A lovely bunch of pig eyes!

Last minute shopping on last day

Well it had to happen - our last day. I was gutted, but didn't have time to be as I still had things to do. I went to the local tea shop and bought a beautiful tea tray thing with a moulded cow on top. It sort of made sense as Tan is a cow. The woman who told me it was 260 kuai wasn't there today, but the boss was, who told me he hadn't slept that night for a reason I didn't understand. And the tea tray I wanted was apparently 350 kuai. Well I didn't want to argue so I bought it along with a couple of other bits and pieces. In its cardboard box it wouldn't fit in my canvas bag so we had to remove it to get it inside. I should really have re-adjusted my hard suitcase to fit the tray inside but I didn't have much time and still had to go to the supermarket for some last-minute purchases.

At my last trip to my supermarket (mine because I have a "VIP" card that I have been using to collect - points? - who knows? - I bought a few packs of sunflower seeds and dried jackfruit to take back. I knew we had enough space as I'd popped into Ma Laoban's computer shop and although he wasn't there at the time his wife was, and lent us their scales so I could measure our luggage. We had a couple of spare kg hence I bought bits and pieces including a chamois cloth from the supermarket. Unnecessary but why not?

Tan had gone out during the morning as unfortunately someone from her home village, Bangxu, had been hit by a vehicle, and she was 6 months pregnant. Luckily, it wasn't too bad, but a bit scary nonetheless. Our flight was at 3pm, so we had arranged to leave at 11am. Before that though I went for a last visit to my juice bar where I had a large watermelon juice for just 3 kuai. I told the woman that most other places in Pingguo sold an inferior product for 4 or 5 kuai but she didn't seem to register that I was trying to tell her to up her prices. I told her she should charge more but didn't labour the point. I also gave her and her daughter a little present of some French biscuits and a box of tea bags similar to what I gave to the tea boss yesterday. She seemed really appreciative of that, but perhaps not as much as I have been over the last month or so of her wares.

Well, I got a call from Tan as I was saying my goodbyes to the juice bar woman and her daughter, so I bid a final farewell, and drove home for the last time, where I met some friends waiting to take us to Nanning. A Zheng had a decent sized van that held 8 people plus lots of luggage, and A Wu also brought his aging Zefiro. It was yet another quick goodbye, something very, very un-Western. There are no long goodbyes here, but I did hug the ladies, including Waipo and Erjie. They didn't recoil as they may have done a few years ago, but they didn't seem as sad as I felt. It is a really different thing saying goodbye here.

I went in the van with A Zheng and Lin Hong, while the kids went with A Wu. We got to Nanning airport around 12.30pm and checked in our luggage (with a "Fragile" sticker on the bag with my tea tray). I suggested we all go for a final meal outside the airport as inside was expensive and not really authentic. Tan disagreed but the others didn't, and as we had a couple of hours we got in the vehicles to drive 5 mins to a place I think we went to a couple of years ago. There were a couple of police vehicles there, and we saw them finishing their meal. We ordered some chicken, fish and tofu. I realised this was my last proper Chinese meal for a long time, so went out to watch them cook it. There were chickens all around the place, and I imagined they'd just grabbed one around the neck with their hands to make our soup. So nice and fresh. I really enjoyed the meal and had my last Li Quan beer for some time too. I was very glad we made the decision to have this meal outside the airport.

And then we'd finished and it was time to go back to the airport. This scenario we'd been through many times before but it doesn't get easier for me. As we went through security we waved our friends and family a last goodbye. I don't think Xixi really understood what she was leaving. Well, it was a standard flight to Shenzhen, and for the first time this year we did not have to stay a night before the flight back to London. While we were waiting for the shuttle bus to the ferry terminal to take us to Hong Kong airport, Tan noticed that there was a bunch of triads around us, who were apparently waiting for someone to turn up at the airport and beat him up. She gathered this from their phone calls apparently. If they were triads they were pretty obvious as they all wore black and looked quite mean. I was quite looking forward to what might happen, but Tan wasn't, and to her relief our bus turned up and we took our last little trip in real China this year.

It is quite convenient taking the boat from Shenzhen to HK airport. You can whip through customs in two minutes flat, and when you get to the airport there's no more customs stuff except for picking up your luggage and checking it in with the airline. Which we did when we arrived there at 7.30pm. Then we had nearly four hours to wait till our plane. We had an unsatisfactory "Japanese" meal at the airport for 25 quid and realised with a bump we were no longer in China. When we finally got on the plane it was the one coming from Sydney to London so mostly filled with fat, pasty ex-pats, the likes of whom I hadn't seen for so long it made me feel quite uncomfortable. I can't complain about the kids. They slept for a decent amount of time. But despite my tiredness I only managed a couple of hours before the end of the flight. We arrived ahead of schedule, to the chagrin of those who live close to the runway, at 5am. But our Chinese friend was waiting for us with his car when we got out. And that was it. A wonderful wonderful two months back at home in Pingguo had most definitely come to an end, and I was due to work in three hours. No regrets though, no regrets whatsoever. Wo ai Pingguo!

Anticlimatic last full day and leaving clothes

Our last full day in Pingguo was rather anticlimatic. That's not a bad thing in a way; it means we won't be here after tomorrow but we'll be back some time later and things will follow on as they always have. It was just a normal day - Xixi going out with Waipo and Jiuma, and Leilei seeing his friends and going to buy some toys. I spent no more than 20 minutes putting some stuff in suitcases but there wasn't much to pack. It was more a case of deciding what to leave here. In the end I left at least half of the clothes I brought here. Together with clothes I have left over the last few years I probably have as big a wardrobe here as I do in England. It just means the photos will often look the same - I'm sure I have shirts here I wore five years ago here.

I did make a point of going to the tea boss with whom I spent some time yesterday, and gave him a pack of French biscuits and a pack of lemon and ginger tea bags. I was glad to see that he opened both and his friends enjoyed both.

Dian dong che breakdown and last supper 2010

With our impending return in my mind I decided not to be annoyed at waking up after four hours' sleep. I did the breakfast run and then went to get a melon juice from my local woman's shop just across the road. I've been coming to her for the last month or so, nearly on a daily basis. I have a bit of a banter with her two-year-old daughter, then normally pop next door to the tea shop for a chat with whoever is there at the time while waiting for my juice. Today I was quite interested in the tea service things that sit on tables. There were a couple of really nice ones and the girl today said they were around 260 kuai each. I said I would probably come back and get one. Then I popped back to pick up my honeymelon juice, which was just beautiful.

At midday I took Leilei to A Hua's shop where Tan and the ladies were mulching the hours away chatting as you do. It so happened there was some food so I left him there while I went 50 yards down the road to the tea shop I have known well for two or three years. I really like this place and I feel comfortable here, although have not spent enough time here this year. But the boss knows me pretty well so we enjoyed a few glasses of Tie Guan Yin tea until Leilei had finished his lunch and came to join us. There were a couple of woman around the tea table, and they appreciated Leilei's company, despite him hardly talking to them, and they asked me to bring Xixi too. So I said I'd have a look for her, and dropped off Leilei to play with Qiqi at home. The two of them then went off to "Yi Xiao", which is Leilei's favourite place, being a cheap toyshop not far from Jiuma's place.

I took the electric bike down to where Xixi normally is, but there were just a couple of aunties there telling me she'd gone out with Jiuma but was around "somewhere". Well, I wasn't worried; here is the safest place I've ever been to with the kids. So, in the baking sun I took the bike out once more to have a look around. As it was near the end of our stay this year I took a little film of the journey, where I did in fact bump into Xixi (not literally).


A Short Ride in Pingguo Where I met Xixi Quite by Chance

I prised her from Jiuma and some other woman. Actually, as soon as she saw me she jumped onto the bike, so I told them we'd be out for 20 minutes or so, and we went on our way towards the tea place again. Well, we got most of the way but after five minutes I simply lost power on the bike. There was nothing obviously wrong, except the speedometer went up to the max 60kph for the only time in its life, but we limped to a stop at the crossroads. So we walked it to the pavement and parked it with some other bikes and walked to the tea shop, by which time there were no women left, only a couple of blokes, so we had a couple of cups of tea before leaving back to Jiuma's place.

Once there I felt rather naked without the electric bike. I realised I'd been counting on it like I would my boxer shorts. So I thought I'd better give A Wu a ring to tell him. It took a bit of time but we eventually sorted out that the bike was broken, and roughly where it was, and I met him there a few minutes later. We then drove to the place that sold electric bikes, where we found in a backstreet behind, surprise surprise, a place that fixed them. I described the problem, and they followed A Wu and me in the car on their bike, with a tow rope. It transpired that they did indeed need this to take it back to the garage. We exchanged phone numbers and I walked back to our place under the afternoon sun, simply as I knew I wouldn't have this chance for some time.


Enjoying a cup of tea at my favourite place in Pingguo

And, not an hour later I received a call from the garage place to say the bike had been fixed. Great! I got on a san lun che and even paid the driver 3 kuai instead of 2 when we arrived five minutes later. I asked what was wrong with the electric bike and they explained that it was something "electrical" (no shit, Sherlock), but did show me the piece that had blown and been replaced. I'd brought 500 kuai with me as I had no idea how much it might have been for the diagnostics, the tow back to the garage, and the fix. The bloke only wanted 5 kuai. 50p! I even tried to tip him by giving him 10 kuai and not wanting change but they forced the 5 kuai change upon me. Something that is so typical here.

Roll on the evening, and I popped into A Wu's office to tell him the good news about the electric bike. He had just taken delivery of two jade stones set in plynths a bit like statues. Apparently one was worth 30,000 kuai. Well, he was pretty proud, and wanted to take a couple of photos. I then told him that I wanted to invite my mates out, as is my custom, before I was to leave Pingguo again, and said we planned to go to the seafood place, but first go to our new place for some tea.


Looking serious at A Wu's office with the new jade on the left hand side

A Wu said he'd come for the meal as he'd already seen the house, so I went to prepare stuff there with Leilei at around 6.30. I'd invited our American friend and his youngest daughter, as his wife was out of town with their eldest two, plus Ma Laoban, who is a bit of a tea connoisseur as he doesn't drink. They arrived at the same time, and we enjoyed an hour or so chatting about computers, as Ma Laoban's shop sells them and our American friend uses them, and other stuff. We wrapped up the tea drinking by 7.30pm and I took the American daughter with Leilei on the electric bike, and Ma Laoban took the dad on his motorbike to the seafood place.

A Wu turned up, followed by Li Kun and some other mates, and soon there were ten or so of us around the table. For weeks the seafood boss and his wife had been asking me to take the kids there, and although Leilei was there having fun with the American, Xixi was at home. So I popped back and took her back to the meal, much to the delight of all at the table (and indeed all tables around). She and Leilei and the American daughter got on really well. So much so that the dad and I, and everyone else left them to get on by themselves as we gourged on prawns and langoustines and other stuff I don't even know how to say in English.

It was only half an hour later when we realised we hadn't heard much from our kids, so we set out on separate paths to find them. It took a few minutes but we needn't have worried, as I eventually found them running around near the guangchang. As it was nearly 9pm I took Xixi back and easily to sleep, and then Leilei half an hour later when the Americans left for the night. Despite my fatigue, we lasted till getting on till midnight before I rang Hongping to see if he was around. Indeed he was at a table just a few feet away, so Lu Hai and I moved on to have a couple of beers with him, till we finally left some time not long after 1am.


A very enjoyable night with friends at the seafood place

Cars and a lovely chat with friends over tea at the fang zi

Since cars were introduced to China in 2003 I have witnessed a large growth in this phenomenum. When I first lived in Shanghai in October 2003 till February 2004 I noticed that most cars seemed to be Volkswagon Passat saloons (or at least looked like them), and were cabs. There were other cars, but mostly not recognisable to the Western eye. More so, in Guangxi I hardly recognised a single four-wheeler, except for a tiny minority of Japanese 4X4 (not least because A Zheng drove such a car for the leader of Pingguo).

Every year the variation of cars in Pingguo has become richer and richer. Brand is the main thing, and there are now a few BMWs and Mercs around. But I am more interested in the less "boss" type cars, and more non-showy-but-pricey cars. I first saw a Beetle (new shape) here two years ago, and it is still going strong. But this year for the first time I have seen a Mini Cooper and a Mini Clubman. Not to mention a few very recent Peugeot 207s and 307s. Even a couple of new Renaults. What I would love to know is where the owners get them serviced. To my knowledge there are no branded garages in Pingguo, so how do they get the parts, and the knowledge to fix the engines that rely on electronic diagnostics? Knowing the Chinese, they probably have it all sorted and in fact you do not need to go to an "authorised" dealer to have an expensive service. But it still makes me wonder... And today I saw a beautiful late-model Jag roll by our house...complete with the leaping cat coming out of the bonnet - not like the European variants that have the "health and safety" badge instead of the cat.

Anyway, for days I'd been telling the sensible boss (Hancheng) of the seafood place about our new abode, and how I'd invite him for tea one day. He told me the only good time would be around midday as he slept from 3am till 8am, then went and bought veggies for work in the morning, then had another sleep till the late afternoon before the long work hours. I hadn't realised he was married, or had a son, until I invited him to pop around for some tea that morning. It transpired he couldn't make it till 1pm, but at that time he arrived with his 9 year old son and his lovely wife. His wife had brought a number of presents that she really oughtn't have done, like a pack of expensive dried mushrooms, some dried gingery things that looked delicious, along with some beautiful Vietnamese biscuits and a couple of packs of mostly-dried fruit.

We spent the next hour drinking tea and chatting. It was very nice to be with my own friends, whom I'd not known for long, but just getting along very swimmingly. Good for the confidence in the language. Not perfect as at times I had to ask Hancheng what his wife was saying, but generally the conversation flowed without Tan to help me out. It is this sort of situation that I really like as I can't fall back on anyone and just have be like any normal friend. I learnt that the Tie Guan Yin tea I was serving was if anything likely to stop you sleeping - something that others had said was not true. I was well and truly shattered by the time we left our place at 2pm and maybe because I now knew that the tea could keep you awake got a very very small siesta before 6pm.

But after a quick bite to eat I drove down to the most hustly-bustly part of Pingguo to buy two wicker stools I'd had my sites on from a couple of days ago. They wanted 50 kuai each so I offered them 80 kuai for both (they weren't brand new) and was accepted without a bat of the eye. Damn, I probably could have got them both for 50 but sod it. Surprisingly, they were both larger than the two identically styled stools we already had. But in fact this was a good thing as for anyone with a slighty-larger-than-normal-arse the smaller ones would be quite uncomfortable. Ok, even I preferred the bigger ones, so it was nice to have a couple to give to the kids.

I really wanted to stay up to watch Man City start their European trek in style. I actually managed to watch the first half till 4am but then flaked it and only just managed to turn the laptop off before I did myself.

Birthday meal and lack of body clock but first night in new fang zi

Despite falling asleep at 11pm I was up at 3am. My body clock is seriously fucked up. So after trying unsuccessfully to get back to sleep I turned on the laptop and watched the last two minutes of the first half of Young Boys vs. Spurs. It was 3-0 and was the only gratifying thing at that time as I wanted Spurs to fall out of the Champions League and into the Europa League so they could meet City and we could get revenge. No such chance as they scored two in the second half to lose 3-2 and have two away goals to take to White Hart Lane. Favourites in my book.

I blundered through the morning and then couldn't even get to sleep in the afternoon. Tan's birthday was back on the 13th but we didn't do anything as she was in Nanning. So, today she called me up about 3ish and said that she'd invite our friends out for a meal tonight to celebrate. I sorely wanted to get some sleep but also had to sort out some more housy things like getting the accoutrements for the tea table as I was expecting visitors to want to drink tea with me later on.

The birthday meal was at 6.30pm, and we took up three tables in our private room - even Waipo and Jiuma came, something quite rare to see them eating out in such decadent surroundings. However I was just too tired to enjoy the evening properly. I drank about five glasses of sugar Coke in an attempt to stay more awake and add something to the night, but was quite frankly glad when it came to an end around 8pm. But part of the celebration was for our new fang zi, so most of the women and some of the men traipsed back to our new abode for fruit and tea. I quite happily made my first appearance as tea host, and made some "tie guan yin" tea for the blokes at my "running dog" tea table.


Pouring tea for Lao Pan's husband Lao Lan and their son on Running Dog

Later, when everyone had gone, I thought I'd at least sleep one night in our new place. That wouldn't have been a bad idea had I told Tan. As it was I'd just dropped off when I got a call from her at 1.45am (why did I forget to put phone on "silent"?) asking where I was. She understood ok, so I was just dropping off again when Awl IM'd me (I should have closed Skype on my phone) in a vodka stupor at 2am and I had to tell him I couldn't chat at that time. Finally must have got to sleep some time after 2am. But at least in our own place.

Guitar, piano, and finally an early night

Sleep at 5am, up at 8am. Aargh. I just wanted to stay awake till lunch again so I could have a siesta and some sanity for the afternoon, so I popped out on the bike to spend a little time in our new apartment before we have to leave it for who knows how long? I don't like calling it an apartment - it sounds rather American, not that I have anything against them. I remembered back in June when we went for a bbq with our American friends and I enquired about international schools in Nanning for the kids, and they said there was one at least. I had asked about the kids that went there, explaining that I was concerned that if my kids were ever to go to such a school they would end up talking with an American accent. Thankfully the Americans took no offence at my faux pas, and then explained that most of the kids there were South Korean anyway. Interesting. But anyway, I dislike "flat" even more than apartment as it makes it sounds dark and even chavvy (the England flag has long been removed). But "house" seems a little wrong as it does not stand on its own. It's a bit of a quandary, but a very nice one to have, all things considered.

Now it had just started raining before I left. So I made the intelligent decision to take a brolly with me. Unfortunately it didn't attach to the bike as so many do here, so I had to hold it. This worked ok for about 10 seconds until I was out of the apartment complex and within the blink of an eyelid it decided to deluge. So much so that the streets were nearly deserted. Ha! Funny how water can make something deserted (desert - geddit? - ok I don't write wedding speeches). Anyway, being British, or maybe simply stupid, I decided against turning back and only being half soaked, and headed on towards our place. Predicatably, despite the umbrella, I arrived soaked to the bone as I had been attacked by raindrops the size of pigs eyeballs from every angle.

So I got to the apartment/flat/house - actually I think I'll just call it "fang zi" as they do in Mandarin - and found my guitar. My lovely, if rather small and not fantastic quality, guitar. Maybe it was to do with having been on the 14th floor but it was dreadfully out of tune, something slightly weird as it had held its tune since last year when I found it back in June. I used the only way I know of tuning up a guitar by ear alone and hummed the first note of "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin, and got the 'A' string more-or-less correct, if an octave lower. Then I did the low 'E', then the 'D', the 'G', the 'B' and finally the "ping!". Damn, the little 'E' string had snapped and I couldn't even sing the blues.

I looked around, and saw that as well as no guitar I had no television, no computer, nothing to power with the electricity that actually worked. I should have been happy in my element but I really hankered after playing the guitar. I noticed that the rain had eased off, and even my shirt, hanging out on the balcony, had somewhat dried. So I went back down the lift to the music shop where I'd purchased the guitar two years ago to get some strings. I recognised the girl there and I guessed she recognised me. For some reason she thinks I'm slightly loopy. At least that's the look in her eyes she gives me when she talks to me. But I managed to request the strings, and the fact that it was an acoustic and not an electric guitar. She went to get what I needed and I found one of the tiny piano rooms in the place. It had been months since I'd tickled the ivories so I sat down and bashed out a rather rusty "The Entertainer". The piano was somewhat out of tune, but I'm sure my fingers tortured Joplin's ghost* more than that, and then possibly laid it down to rest with a rendition of "Maple Leaf Rag". I don't know if the shop assistant appreciated it or not, but she came in and turned on the light to the room during "Maple Leaf Rag" - maybe she thought I couldn't see the keys - how embarrassing!

* I ripped that from John Fowles's "The French Lieutenant's Woman", which I had to study for English Lit. A level.

Before going back to the fang zi, I went to have a look for a couple more stools to complement the two we already have there. Ma Laoban said I should order them from Nanning, but I didn't have time, and eventually found a couple of second hand ones in a second hand furniture shop. They also had tables and desks there and I made some measurements as I'll need one for my study. I said I'd pop back in the afternoon and rang Boss Yang to see if he and his pregnant wife and his son could meet me for lunch. He said they'd be there in 15 minutes, so Leilei and I went to the place that just opened up last month where they do a very good chilli frog hotpot. It was a nice meal, although Leilei only ate zhou, and Boss Yang's son gave Leilei a model kit of something that looked like a transformer but had about 200 pieces - slightly too much for his years at the moment. Although Leilei was painfully shy at first, by the end of the meal he was inviting Yang's son back to our house to play. Before that, though, we all went to see our new fang zi, and they were all impressed.


Leilei and Boss Yang's son

Anyway I did manage a bit of a siesta. I don't know why these last few days have been so hard - it's as bad as I can remember since having babies waking you up at all hours - someone here said it was my body getting back into UK time. Well, whether that was true or not, Li Kun woke me up at 4ish to invite me to have a drink that evening. Of course I said yes. But first I went for a meal with Er Jie and a few other people I didn't know. I actually drank Cocacola with sugar for the first time in years in an effort to wake up and enjoy the beef rib hotpot. Then Li Kun came to pick me up. He is pretty sensible in that although he has use of a van, he came in a san lun che as we were going for a few beers, and wouldn't drink and drive. Good man.

We decided on a bar called "1951". It was one of the very few actual bars I've been to in Pingguo, and was resplendent in US-style decor, complete with a central bar containing a number of bottles of Western spirits, the likes of most I hadn't seen in Pingguo before. Although I fancied sitting at the bar, Li Kun was insistent that we have our own table, and went on to explain that when you invite a friend out it is customary to have your own space and not share with strangers. I explained that that was part of the fun in UK pubs (at least if you're single), and we both shared a laugh about our different "wen hua" (culture). We had a bucket of small bottles of Li Quan Qi du, meaning the 3% beer, and a portion of fries with ketchup and slices of cucumber and carrot with a soy sauce and wasabi dip, plus a portion of crab legs too! It seems you never go out just for a drink here! Another of his friends turned up an hour of so later, and I recognised him from a couple of years ago. We chatted till gone 10pm but Li Kun could see that I was flagging, so he kindly said he could see that and he'd take me home no problem. We got a san lun che back to Er Jie's place, where I got out and he went back to finish the beers with his mate. A nice, if exhausting day came to an end five minutes later when I crashed out on the bed at 11pm

A/C in the house and the value of time

Up at 5am after two and a half hours' sleep - yet again couldn't get back to sleep so I got up. The routine of getting breakfast for all came and went, and Xixi went to Jiuma's place as per usual. I was just waiting till midday so I could have some lunch and get a siesta, so at around 10.30am I gave Lin Hong a ring as I had decided to buy the standalone air-conditioning unit for our bedroom in the new flat, even if the only one available was the display model we saw on Saturday. Tan was due to come home in the afternoon and I wanted her to be comfortable in at least one room if she fancied a snooze. However, Lin Hong was busy in a meeting, and said she'd call back at 11.30am. I had hoped not to hear that as I was looking forward to a nap soon after, but it was kind of her to say she would help. She actually called soon after midday, and came to pick me up a minute later. We drove to ai yi's electric shop again and this time the actual ai yi in question was there. She told me in no uncertain terms that the air coolers would not be sufficient for our bedrooms. I explained that the rooms were small but she wasn't having any of it. Finally we agreed that she would come to see our place. So much for a midday nap.

Lin Hong drove ai yi and me to the new flat, and ai yi was suitably impressed by it. Only after seeing the rooms did she agree that we didn't need fully-fledged A/C for every one. But I did agree that a wall-mounted unit would be handy for the main bedroom, and we were told we could have one fitted for 1600 kuai. I thought "why not?", and was told to wait in the house for half an hour for some workers to come and sort it out. I wanted to first get some something to read while waiting so popped back to Er Jie's house, as I'd been told the workers would first ring me so they would know I was there to let them in. When I got back 20 minutes later I found I'd forgotten the key, I had a load of stuff I'd brought from Er Jie's house, and I didn't fancy lugging it back, not that there was anyone home anyway to let me in. So I rang Lin Hong to ask if she could come round and she said she'd be there in a couple of minutes. Two minutes later two workmen arrived with an A/C unit. I asked which floor they were going to and they said the 14th - so much for calling me first. I explained that I was waiting for someone with the key to open the door and they said not to worry and went upstairs. I called Lin Hong again who said she was about to arrive, something that didn't happen for another 15 minutes. Not that the workmen seemed to mind though.

Time does not seem to equate to money here. It really is cheap labour. This is something that permeates the culture and has taken me some time to get used to. People just expect that you have time on your hands. I think it may even have something to do with the frequent miscommunication I see (among Chinese as well, not just with me); it appears that even if what you are told is wrong, then it's just wrong and you find out what is correct a bit later. A simple example of this would be if you asked where a certain shop was and were told it was "down that road for one minute on the left", but you found out later it was the opposite direction for five minutes. You would have lost a few minutes of your time, which here may not be as much perceived value as it would be in the West.

Anyway, while I was waiting in the car park for Lin Hong I got a phone call from her saying she was in the flat. Somehow our paths must have crossed and I missed her. So I got to the flat to find the two workmen unwrapping the A/C unit and its accompanying fan housing. It took no more than an hour from start to finish, during which time one of the blokes climbed out from our 14th floor balcony and hopped onto some supporting structure to start drilling holes for the fan structure. He was not insane, though, and had a rope around his waist that was firmly secured to the balcony bars. Still, he did not obey the "don't look down" law, though it didn't seem to affect him. By around 3pm the job was done and all I had to do was sign my name "Peng Duoming" and serve them some glasses of water before saying thank you and goodbye.


I said "don't look down!"

I was about to have some shut-eye under the cool of the A/C, but got a call from Tan, who had got back from Nanning and was outside the front door with Leilei; apparently I had not heard them knocking. I was shattered by this stage so went back to Er Jie's house to get a well-earned siesta. I had planned to go out in the evening with Tan to get a fridge but by the time I got up it was a little late. We will no doubt have arguments as to where it is best placed. I still say in between the xie gui and the water dispenser, she will probably say in the kitchen even though there isn't much room. As I'd had a late siesta I popped out to the seafood place for a bite to eat after midnight, and when still couldn't get to sleep later I watched some of the Man U - Newcastle game that kicked off at 3am.

Broken sleep and broken English with teacher

Up at 4.30am again after three hours' sleep. I tried to get back to sleep but to no avail. So I browsed around on fark.com to read some interesting online articles and comments on them before getting some breakfast at 8am. I started to feel really sick after eating one of yesterday's "you tiao", the long fried dough things you dip in soya bean milk. So I tried to get some sleep but today was a particularly noisy one in the house with upstairs doing lots of drilling a few feet from my head. I gave up at 11.30 and drove to our new house. The problem was it was nearly as noisy there too as most other places there are still doing the "zhuang xiu" (decorating), whereas we have pretty much finished. Our new curtains shut out most of the light, but by closing the door too it shut out most of the moving air through the room. The cheap fan I bought the other day made it a bit more bearable but it wasn't air conditioning. Despite the noise and humidity I managed a small amount of sleep in between going to the toilet, but gave up at 4.30pm and came back to Er Jie's place with the A/C. It was still noisy but I managed to sleep most of the time between 5-8pm until A Wu called to ask me to go out and eat.

As I hadn't spent much time with them today, I took the kids out too, who were then immediately taken out to see A Da by A Ni. I really didn't fancy a beer but managed a couple of sips with some friends and had a slightly English chat with one of their wives, who is an English teacher at the local middle school. Funnily enough she didn't want her 6 year old to learn English yet as she wanted him to concentrate on Chinese. I think she may have changed her mind when she saw my two rattling on in Chinese with each other.

Xixi wants to stay and first match of the season

I really hoped it would say 7am on my phone, but it read 4.23am instead. I couldn't get back to sleep after that, so just did some surfing on the internet till 8am when I went and got some breakfast. I woke up Xixi and we played about for a while before she was taken off by Waipo to play. Then Leilei and I went out to do some more house shopping. We went to the marketplace and bought some bits and pieces at a hardware shop before depositing them in the house. I noticed that the curtains had been put in in our bedroom and they're not bad at all, and don't let in much light, which is rare for here. I then took the son down to Jiuma's place where we found Xixi playing with all her friends. Apparently Jiuma had asked Xixi if she liked China and she said "dui!", and whether she wanted to go back to England and she said "bu yao!". Oh dear...

As Lin Hong was there I asked her where was a good place to buy a fridge and within a minute I was whisked off in her car to an aunty's shop near the guang chang, leaving the kids there. It dawned on me when we were there that we didn't really have a good place for a fridge. The kitchen is pretty tiny, and there's not even enough working space to put one on the side, so it looks like it will have to be in the main living area. I decided I'd need to do some measuring so we didn't get a fridge, but we did get a cheap water dispenser for 180 kuai and a set of knives in a wooden block. I really wanted to get a water filter, rather than the style that you have to keep ringing someone up to get a new bottle delivered every couple of days. I pointed to such a filter and explained that I wanted this style so that we could fill it up with tap water when we needed. Lin Hong nodded, but when we got to the house of course it was one where you just plonk an upside down large water bottle on top. Oh well, no big deal, and I suppose if we'd started to use a filter in our last week here it would probably need to be changed come next year. And at least we already had such a water bottle in the house so now we have drinking water. As the water dispenser needs to be plugged in if you want hot water, we've had to put it next to the xie gui where there is an electric point. Judging by the size of the kitchen, I'm thinking that this will probably be the best place for a small fridge too.

We got back to Jiuma's place at 1ish, where there were about eight adults all cutting up pig fat into small cubes for something or other - maybe that is the business they do here. I had some noodles thrust upon me as others were eating and thought why not? So I had my lunch there before heading back for a much needed siesta. I slept most of the time from 3.30-6pm and then still couldn't wake up, so grabbed another hour as the kids went out to the swimming pool.

Of course today was the first day of the footy season, and the first game was Spurs-City. Apparently the game was on Guangdong TV, but I couldn't find it, and as Waipo was in the house and wanted to watch tv too, I settled for finding a decent stream. Wow, what a hero Joe Hart was for the first half! We fully deserved to be 3 down, but we somehow salvaged a 0-0 draw. People are going to expect a lot more than that this season, but it least it looks like England's future goalkeeper may have been decided.

Lu Hai called me to go for some seafood at 10pm, but I wasn't really in the mood. However, I went as we don't have much longer here and I don't want to waste time. I spent no more than an hour before deciding it was bedtime for Leilei, something that even he didn't struggle with after a long day with no sleep.

Dog paws

Tan and the girls went to Nanning in the afternoon, after having visited A Ni's mum, who's in hospital with a lung infection unfortunately.

Er Jie and her husband and Qiqi have been back for a couple of days, and she told me we were going to eat at the place around the corner. Great, I was quite hungry, so we went to the restaurant that opened two months ago and she ordered a huge hotpot for us (including the kids, a neighbour and Jiuma and Waipo). Before it was even served I got a call from A Wu asking me to come over to his friend's house for a meal. I told him I was just about to start a meal, so he said I could come over in an hour. I said I'd ring him. The cow ribs were very tasty and I was quite stuffed.

We got home an hour later and I remembered I needed to buy plane tickets for next week boohoo, so went to the Ctrip website. Conveniently they have a skype button, which means you can make a free call. Even more conveniently, I didn't have to wait any time in a queue. I ordered plane tickets from Nanning to Shenzhen at 3.10pm. That should give us enough time to make it to Hong Kong for the 11.30pm flight back to UK. I did enquire about direct flights to HK, but there were only two seats left and they were three times the price anyway. During this time I got calls from A Wu asking where I was, and I explained I had to finish buying the tickets first, so eventually got to his friend's place around 7.30pm.

In fact there were two "tong xue" (colleagues - from primary school), and they were having a sumptious meal that I just couldn't take part in. However it was nice company, and it was all I could do to do a couple of gan beis. The main speciality they had was dog paws. A Wu made the ingenious statement that they were special because you only get four per dog. I couldn't let them down so I took the smallest one, and started knawing at it. It's not that much different from a really large duck foot, except for the shape and you get more padding. They took delight in seeing me eat it so put another one in my bowl straight away, this time taking photos of me. I made my excuses to get up and play with the host's 6 month old baby girl. She was delightful, and managed a smile or two. So light as well, and no nappy of course. Finally left, bloated, at around 9pm.


Another delicacy - dog paws

Leilei had been up all day and I made the mistake of calling Tan so he could have a word with her at 11pm. As she put the phone down he started wailing for mama, and wouldn't stop for half an hour by which time he'd cried himself to sleep.

Zhang Hongping meal

I got up early for some reason, so not wishing to waste the day I went out and got some breakfast for the family. Nearly everything was eaten up so I must have got the right stuff. By 10am Leilei was ready to be taken to Nong Kaicheng's house to play. Xixi naturally came too, but when we got there we were accosted by the woman whose daughter runs the medicine shop near A Hua's shop, who is mad about foreigners. She was asking why we never came to visit (she sometimes calls me in the morning to ask us to come around) but I said we'd been busy, and now had to go to the house to sort stuff out. Actually that was true, sort of, so Xixi and I made our excuses and drove to pick up some Longyan fruit. On the way out of the market I heard the wistful strains of "You mei you ren cen gao su ni", the sad pop song that has been quite popular for a year or two. I noticed that it was being sung by a one legged man with a wireless microphone, who was hopping along with a piece of string around his waste attached to a speaker on wheels that he was dragging with him. We drove on by but a few seconds later I was hit by a poignant stab of sorrow and remorse, realising how lucky we were, and how hard his life probably was. We made a U-turn and drove back into the market area and I deposited 10 kuai in the basket on his speaker. He looked genuinely thankful and said "Xie xie" many times on the microphone. Maybe because of me or maybe not at all, as I thanked him for his singing (he did have a lovely voice), I noticed a couple of other people coming out of the marketplace to put in a kuai or two. It lifted my heart a little bit.

I was finding it difficult to get a siesta, despite being shattered, as the kids didn't need one. I finally nodded off at around 3pm and got a call from Zhang Hongping half an hour later. This is one of the Bangxu blokes I know from going to eat at the seafood place regularly. He was inviting me and the family to go out for a meal that evening. I said I wasn't sure but that I'd get back to him at 5pm to confirm. He rang up an hour later to tell me the room number.

As Tan was around at 5.30pm I asked if she wanted to come. To my surprise she said she did; she knew of Zhang Hongping but had not met him in person - apparently he was working in the Bank of China while she was working in the Agricultural Bank of China. The kids were out having fun, so we let them be and got a san lun che to the restaurant by the new residential place just outside town on the road to Nanning. It is a very good restaurant, and we sat at a huge table, with the middle revolvable section seemingly so frictionless that it never stopped turning! I was a bit worried that the beer was poured into huge bowls, and then poured into glasses from a large ladle - normally this is what the men do when playing drinking games, but I wasn't really in the mood not having had much sleep. Some more people turned up, one bloke with a posh bottle of white alcohol. I never normally touch the stuff but I didn't want him to feel bad so I allowed half an inch to be poured into my glass. Just opening the bottle I could taste the stench of the stuff. The blokes laughed as I held my nose as I drank it, and was more than happy to move on to beer.


Fancy meal with Zhang Hongping, he is on my left

Tan left a little early with a couple of the wives and a son, while I stayed till around 9pm. I explained that I was tired and needed to sleep, and I didn't have too much pressure to finish all the beer, though I did have to play a few rounds of cai ma. I said I'd go for a doze, and Zhang Hongping told me to call him when I woke up to go for another bite to eat. Actually I didn't sleep that early, but had no intention of going out further that evening. However, as Leilei was busy playing and Xixi was already asleep I sneaked out for a swift head wash at a local place. The boss was waiting outside the front door and invited me in, so what could I do? And they only charged 10 kuai for it!

Well now I really was ready for bed but Tan received a phone call from her friend A Xia, who had a nasty temperature and a skin reaction to something; I popped out at midnight to bring her some paracetamol we'd brought from the UK.