Wet walk and photos for watermelon place

I got up at lunchtime and went to get Tan's sour soup noodles and some baozi for the kids. They didn't have the normal ones so I got a couple of portions of small ones and had a couple when I got back as I realised I too was hungry. The next thing I knew everything was gone. At least nothing went to waste.

I wasn't in the mood enough to go to the gym, so instead compromised by going on a walk. I first spent some time finding old pictures of the kids in the watermelon place and putting them on a micro-SD card in order to print out. And indeed I found my normal print-out place and not only did he print them out but he also embossed them if that's the right term. Maybe laminated. And I got him to do one almost A4 size. So six laminated photos for 20 kuai later I was walking towards the watermelon place and found it 15 minutes later. The girls' mum was there are loved the photos from 2011. Unfortunately her daughter wasn't there as she was working, but she sent a photo of the photos to her anyway and wouldn't let me pay for my watermelon juice.

Trying to work out what had changed from 13 years ago

I headed north and did a round of the basketball and football stadiums before heading on to Deng Xiaoping Hill where I had my juice. Just to be able to have the time and ability to go for a walk in the afternoon in my favourite place in the world I certainly didn't take for granted. I recognise I'm quite privileged and lucky to be here, even if I'm just walking around. Slightly annoyingly I only remembered to record the walk in Strava as I passed the bins 50 yards away from our door, and by the time I got back 1h31 later it had recorded 6.99km. Bugger. And it pissed down for the last 15 minutes of my journey just to rub it in.

Slightly low stairs at the football stadium

Anti-drugs stuff

Finally drank my lovely watermelon juice at Deng Xiaoping hill

I realised that three tiny baozi at midday washed down with a Li Quan wasn't enough sustenance for a grown man who'd just walked 7km, but there wasn't much in to eat so I sadly had a few crisps. That kept me going for another hour or so but I ended up going to see racist Huang and ended up helping him and his wife and a couple of mates finish off their meal.

Unexpected meal with A Hoc and friends

I thought I was up at 10am but suddenly it was 11.30 after I closed my eyes for a bit. So at midday I went out and got two portions of jiaozi and the same baozi for the kids as yesterday. Of course the kids already had crappy snacks so didn't touch the jiaozi, but at 6 kuai I was hardly moaning.

In the afternoon it took me a great effort but I managed to get through a session of dumbbells for the arms until 4pm, when I succumbed to a cold beer, but again it was a very justifiable one. At 6.30pm I noticed there was still a portion of jiaozi so I didn't waste it and had an identical tea to my lunch, except this time I was actually really hungry.

Then, after a shower, I noticed that A Hoc had tried to call me and had left a dingwei where he was eating with some mates. It was only a few doors away so I said I'd come over. If only he'd let me know an hour ago I wouldn't have had the jiaozi.... Anyway he's a good mate so I walked over just as the heavens started to open and just made it before getting soaked. Slightly annoyingly there were only three blokes there, but hey, there was beer. Of course a bit later other people turned up. One I should have remembered was a woman who sang to me outside A Hoc's place in 2018. Well I didn't remember her puffy red face, but I remembered the singing. And this was clearly not her first port of call this evening.

Crunch crabs you eat whole

A Hoc and the boss and the rest of the food...wish I was hungrier

A bit of a traditional drinking song

And so, after pouring some suan guo alcohol for everyone including me, after a peng bei she broke out into song again. It was another of those times where your smile starts to hurt your face a little, but not as embarrassing as the previous time as we were in a private room in the second floor rather than outside. Huang Lei also turned up, pretty pissed, and a couple of other women, so after all it was a pretty fun evening. I left at a decent 12am so as not to get trouble from the trouble, but didn't get to sleep till 3am due to following the Olympics.

Meal with Huang Lei and the kids and unfortunate leakage afterwards at bbq by the river

Yes, I finally managed to get up soon after 8am, after waking up at 4am for the loo. I managed a coffee and forced myself to the gym at 10.30am and did more leg exercises and finally managed what the elliptical said was 10km in 33 minutes. I totally doubt that but I took a picture anyway for Strava. Maybe I should have had some breakfast before as my legs were rather wobbly and I needed to sit down for a while and finish off my water until I felt strong enough to walk down the stairs to the outside to stumble home.

I'd love to trust the 10km but I only really trust the 33 minutes

I went out to eat jiaozi then when back Tan asked me to get some noodles from the place "opposite". "Opposite what?" was a question I wanted to ask but would have somehow ended up in an argument for a reason that is Chinese, and I was just supposed to know. "Opposite" would to me have meant opposite the main gate. But it could also mean on the other side of Chenglong Road, so I tried that first as I could see a couple of places that were open. But I needed to get "酸汤肉末" and the place I went to didn't have that. So I went to the other opposite place and nothing was open. So I crossed to where I saw stuff open and found a place that sold it. All she needed to have said was "diagonally opposite" and it would have been fine. Then she texted me to get "肉末玉米包、肉末粉丝包" for the kids at the bun place by our house. But that place was sold out of everything as they were a breakfast place, but then Tan told me to go to "爱上包" which is just two doors away from where I got her noodles. It would have been so much easier to be clear in the first place, but hey, at least I got the right stuff in the end.

After lunch was boring clothes drying time, made less boring by listening to "I, Partridge" on Youtube and partaking in a single guiltless beer, justified by wanting something fizzy and not sweet. And it didn't result in another one, at least not for a couple of hours. I realised I hadn't seen Huang Lei for nearly three weeks so pinged him to see what he was up to. He had time this evening so we arranged to meet up. He said he'd go out and buy some food first, but I responded that it was me who had been in contact with him so I should pay. Of course he refused, saying I could do it "next time".

So I popped to Guanmart to get more dragon fruit for Tan and shampoo for Xixi (which cost 69 kuai) and more tissues as you can never have too many tissues. Tan said her body was still aching from yesterday so wouldn't go, but the kids agreed to go for a bit at least. So at gone 6pm we left on the bikes to Huang Lei's friend's place about 8 minutes away, to find them still cooking, but within 15 minutes the food was being served. Xiao Chong and younger son were there too, followed later but elder son and a mate. Leilei ate a bowl of rice and some chicken and beef, whereas Xixi ate only a bowl of rice and made little effort to converse, so I let them go soon after 7pm. At least they'd turned up.

I thought this was an alcohol shop too before realising we were on the first floor and this wasn't an ideal place to be showing your wares. It turned out that the owner just liked collecting bottles of booze and he certainly had an impressive display. He had gone to open a large box of wine bottles but Huang Lei was drinking baijiu and knew I'd be on beer so he told him not to open any wine. But the owner said he only had about 12 cans of beer in the fridge. I said that would be more than enough and I would go downstairs and find more, but of course they wouldn't let me.

At least a couple of the other blokes joined me in beer instead of baijiu and after a can or so each the owner brought a bottle of 11° Li Quan (or 4% in English), and I said thanks, we'd finish this bottle then go back to the 8° (2.5%) stuff. He agreed but then went on to open another 11° Li Quan. What's worse was that the caima had already started. Then he brought over a couple of German imported wheat (or maybe white) beer at 5.5%. I believed it was imported not because it said so on the can but because there was no mention of ° on the can, but he said it was 15° and I was in no mind to disagree. But I let him open it as I understood he wanted to show off a little and it's not like I wouldn't have done the same. But after sharing two cans of the stuff and not doing brilliantly at caima I was quite happy to move back to the 8° stuff.

Then, as is so normal here, a bloke turned up and delivered five cases of beer. They don't do things by halves here I know, but they don't do things by ones either; they do things but 2.5s to 3s by my reckoning. I told the owner I hoped he didn't expect us to drink all that tonight and he gave the rather obvious answer that it would last "a number" of days. That's a fair, non-committal answer I appreciated.

I'd brought an unwanted bottle of 公文包 with me, but of course they had their own and I asked how strong it was. Of course it was 22°. After over 20 years I've still not got to the bottom of this. Why is it ok to call beer 8° when it's 2.5-2.8% instead of using %, when you say 22° for 22% baijiu (or 53° for 53% baijiu)? What about wine? Ah...that'll get them. Most of the wine is imported and unlikely to have ° so they'll probably say 13° to mean 13%...in that case I'll pull out a strong beer that they say is 15° and ask them which is the stronger one. That ought to make them see the error of their ways. Or they won't care, as they instinctively know which version of ° they're using and maybe I'm just being a bit anal about it. I'll ask Li Kun as he'll give me the closest thing to a logical answer here.

As we were in a private house it was ok for Huang Lei to indulge in caima too, and of course I had to do this with everyone. A Hoc turned up with a "girlfriend of a friend"...hmmm...whereas I might ask detailed questions about ° I wasn't going to ask too much about why you'd turn up with someone else's girlfriend without the someone else on tow. Maybe it was totally innocent, and she seemed in good spirits. Well both did as they'd been drinking, and the woman then engaged in caima with me for a longer time than was necessary, but I gave as good as I got.

A Hoc, a friend's girlfriend, some bloke and a great meal

Huang Lei's youngest got really fractious and wouldn't eat, preferring to scream, so eventually Xiao Chong took him back, and then around 10pm we called it a night as Huang Lei had to get his eldest back in a didi che. So I pinged a friend whose name I've either forgotten or never knew and they sent me a dingwei for a bbq place down by the river where I'd been before.

So 10 minutes later I was at a table with them chatting and drinking and then playing mopai. I somehow managed to win most of the time which meant I didn't get much more tipsy, and had a good time until I realised my tummy was complaining about something. I calculated that it would be too risky to attempt the 8 minute drive home for a proper toilet and made a beeline to the disgusting effort they had here. The bag of tissues only had three of them left in it but I calculated I didn't even have time to go outside to find some more, so would have to be very efficient in the rear-wiping department. Well although that department worked out ok (I barely needed the third), the front department was the victim of a bit of a mis-shoot, as I'd been focusing on the rear and hadn't had the time to remove my trousers completely as I normally do.

Well this could be embarrassing. At least my trousers were light beige linen, but they wouldn't dry while I was in the toilet. There was nothing for it. I ensured my pink shirt was covering as much as possible and skulked back to the table outside hoping nobody had noticed. I'm not sure whether they would have said anything had they noticed. I mean they're quite frank here, and will let you know if you've got fatter or thinner or are not as good-looking as last time (I've had the first two but thankfully not the latter). In fact this year most people I've seen have said I haven't changed in years, and I'm not talking about clothes (although to be honest some clothes here in China I have had for years so in theory they could mean that to some extent).

I didn't want to go to the loo again and risk people seeing my significant patch, so not that much later at midnight I said I'd better leave, and no-one tried too hard to make me stay, other than a couple of ganbeis. Gosh, I so hope no-one noticed as I quickly turned around and headed downstairs to get the dian dong che back.

Annoyingly there was nowhere to charge up, but in terms of priorities I needed to remove my clothes first, and thankfully I was back before Tan so she was none the wiser when she got back an hour later (yes I think post 1am) and woke me up to offer me bbq. I said thank you but later, and promptly went back to sleep.

Time with Xixi and cats

Nearly got up at 8.30 but ended up being 10am. Lunch of quail eggs and yoghurt again but at least in the afternoon Xixi agreed to go out with me and we found our favourite watermelon place and drank it over a chat where the ant tree used to be, spending a lovely hour or two together chatting about which would be the best countries to live in etc. She still wants to study in Sweden at least but we'll see how long that lasts.

Xixi looking lovely

On the way back we were talking about pets so I stopped off at the cat shop I'd seen before but not entered. Oh there were some of the cutest cats we've ever seen and made us miss Ami a lot. There is nothing cuter than one-month-old kittens. The owners gave us toys to play with them and some snacks and we ended up spending about 45 minutes there.

Cutest kittens

Back home a bit later I took advantage of the relatively cool weather (it definitely wasn't the 29 degrees it said it was) and filled up one of the 15 litre water bottles again, before Leilei took Xixi out to "central" as they now call the centre of Pingguo. So I heated up the last of their horrible takeaway chicken for tea and ended up just watching the cricket and grand prix like last weekend. I was invited out to sing song at nearly 11pm but for once decided against it as really must get into a routine now for the last three weeks. So I watched some of the Serbia v USA basketball game while Haiwei's son was explaining some of the rules to me and how they differ from the NBA (e.g. the 3 point line is closer to the net).

Hitchless trip back from Baise and meal with Haiwei and friends and 公文包

Neither Leilei nor I got up before 11am, but I needed to as unlike him I haven't adopted the Chinese habit of showering before bed rather than in the morning. In addition to the morning, fair enough, but once a day I've generally turned into a "just before you go out for evening stuff" shower guy. Thinking about it though, if you are going to shower just once in a day, just before bed seems more logical (especially if you're sharing a bed with someone - we weren't). I mean much of the sweat and grime you can pick up during the day will just get moved to pyjamas and bed clothes if you don't. Having said that, if you've had a rather heavy night out, and are not sharing a bed, then a shower in the morning makes a lot of sense. Other than using up a lot of water though, the best policy should be both last thing at night and morning and/or early evening. Or of course just after the gym, which could an issue to your shower rhythm if you don't have a fixed time of going to the gym. And the last Zoe podcast I listened to (while in the gym), said you should really exercise at the same time of day. Something to do with circadian rhythms.

So I was ready and packed by 11.30am, and still had the drinks and crisps I bought from yesterday in a separate bag. I didn't want Tan to see the leftover beer though, so at 11.41am I thoughtfully chugged it (330ml of 3.3% isn't going to get you tiddly, whatever time of the day).

We checked out soon after midday and walked to find a noodle place. I managed maybe half of mine, as did Leilei with his chao fen. The ladies did a little better. Still, a whole lunch for four of us for under £4 can't be sniffed at. We then planned to walk around the corner to Er jie's house. Tan couldn't contact her as she's blocked her on Weixin and has done for months if not years. They seem to get on much better in person than digitally, and were sitting next to each other last night. But it meant as I had Er jie as a contact I needed to call her to find out her address. She answered and I asked her address and of course the words she used were not in my vocabulary so I handed the phone to Tan who got the relevant details and indeed it was only a three minute walk away.

So up to the 24th floor it was. Apparently the kids had stayed here before in the past when in Baise, but I don't think I had. But it looked like any other modern apartment, and the huge tv was showing highlights of last night's opening ceremony of the Olympics, so we drank tea and watched that till 2.30pm when Er jie's bloke took us downstairs to his car and we all piled in to go to the station and got there 15 minutes later.

I was sweating not just because of the weather but I knew any mistake in my online ordering of tickets would have resulted in a commotion like yesterday's, if not worse, but we were all beeped through successfully and I mini-fist-pumped.

It was an uneventful journey with the kids on their phones and me on my laptop, and Pingguo was the first stop 40 minutes later. Interestingly (for me) there were a couple of policemen after the exit (where we had to scan our passports to exit), who needed to check our passports. Not for ID as such but for visas. This is the first time it's ever happened to us outside of an international airport. But I guess as now there are free three-day visas for some of the big cities here they need to check that people are not leaving those cities for other places. Anyway, a casual glance at the visas was more than enough proof we were legit.

As we were in person at the station, Tan decided to go to the ticket office to sort out once and for all what the problem was with her booking tickets for Xixi. I followed the conversation as much as I could, and it transpired Tan needed to download a separate app for the railways, that wasn't in Weixin. I wasn't going to wait in this heat for that so stood by the open doors of the station where the A/C wafted out keeping me cool. It took another 20 minutes before she'd downloaded the 1.7GB app that has 1.6 stars out of five on average, and is apparently really crap to use. Whether she'll be able to use it in the future to book tickets for Xixi we don't know. But I can so it will probably be my job in the future.

I didn't worry about meeting Haiwei for 5pm, that is early even for China, and got there after 5.30pm as his son was arriving, to find him cooking and no table set. It gave me the opportunity to go out and get 24 cans of Li Quan beer though. Around 6pm we finally sat down to eat the lovely roast duck they'd ordered and the rest of the stuff they'd cooked. After 15 minutes the drinks were poured and I was the only one on the beer I'd brought. Haiwei, on the other hand got through a nearly full bottle of rouge before opening another one and getting through that too, with the help of some caima.

I'd had some forced conversations with his sons, so had done my job, and the younger one told me he was bored and I completely understood, so he booked a didi che himself to go and find his friends, and elder son left a bit later on his dian dong che to play games. Haiwei started on the beer but his girlfriend made him drink some water first. 

A mate I hadn't seen for some time, Haiwei's girlfriend Li Baoli, Haiwei and his rouge

Some woman had come to deliver 公文包 as you do, and seemed to have delivered a whole box of the plastic bottles, then sat down with us to eat as you do again. I was looking at the box of bottles and a bloke thrust two of them into my hands. I genuinely didn't want them and it must have looked fake as I couldn't get away with not taking them, so hopefully they'll come in useful as a gift to someone.

I am now the proud owner of two 1.25l bottles of 22% 公文包

By 11pm Haiwei was pissed enough that we decided to call it a night. I don't know why his girlfriend didn't give him a lift back so it was left to me to bring him to the same place he's been staying for the last year or so.

As it was only 11.20pm I pinged Li Kun who said to come round to his office where there were a few people drinking. I managed an hour and played with his kids for a while until his son tried to jump on my back and fell off and collapsed into tears so he had to be taken back home with middle sister. I realise I'd probably had enough too so called it a night soon after midnight and managed to get another reasonably early night falling asleep to the Olympics.

Up to Baise with a hitch for Chuan Chuan and Xiao He's wedding

Although I woke up at a godly 8am I lingered in bed till 10am before getting up and washing etc. It shouldn't take more than 5 minutes to pack but I still wasn't sure how long we were going for. Er jie had created a family group on Weixin and I'd asked on there as I needed to know how much to bring. She'd said pack for two days but Tan said we'd be back the next day. I ask Tan again in the morning and she shouted that we'd be back tomorrow, not that any ticket had been purchased. So I packed two pairs of boxer shorts and socks and an extra thin tee-shirt just in case.

I had just poured a bit of V into lemonade when I was called by the kids to say they were outside and the cab was coming in 2 minutes! So I grabbed what toiletries I could and went out keyless as I couldn't afford any more time or anger. The didi che indeed turned up when I did and we got to the station 35 minutes before the train was due. Leilei and Xixi duly showed their passports and got through, but Tan's ID card was refused. She went to the manual place where we have to go and the lady said she didn't have a ticket. Well she did as I'd bought it, and I showed her the trip.com app with the details. But as I did my heart sank as I realised the problem as I showed her; I'd used Tan's passport number as that was what I had saved in the app for booking flights. But of course she only had her ID on her and not her passport.

I guess it was my fault, but can't China marry-up IDs and passports? So an angry woman was even angrier, and we walked to the manual ticket office. I tried to tell her that they should just change the ID info on the existing ticket, or at the very least cancel the ticket and reissue it via the ID. But Tan wasn't listening and Xixi was asking where I was, so I came back with Tan saying she'd get the next train if this one was full. I even tried cancelling it on the app but it said it was too close to the time of departure and I should go to the ticket office to do it. It probably would have been worth it but there was no value standing with an angry Tan, and anyhow at least it meant I could be in the same carriage as Xixi.

So Xixi and I did security and this time they didn't make me taste my carry-ons, and not two minutes later Tan came through security after having bought a business class ticket as that's all that were left. So much for all the fuss.

The journey was the typical 55 minutes and the young lady next to me offered me some grapes, as well as to the people opposite, and for once I accepted, and a bit of starfruit, which she taught me was called 杨桃 here. Everyone's so friendly here, and not just to me as a foreign-looking person.

杨桃in the foreground and葡萄in the background, kindly shared by my temporary neighbour on the train to Baise

Baise was even hotter than Pingguo at 39° and Chuan Chuan had come to pick us up luckily but even the walk from the train to outside was so sultry. As soon as we got in the car Tan said something to Chuan Chuan and then said who wanted to stay a few days? Jeez, I got told off earlier for asking if we were staying more than one night. Obviously no-one was prepared for a few days so it was declared we would come back later in the week.

We got to the hotel and just chilled. Well Tan and I did but the kids wanted to see the cat café Leilei and Nezha had gone to last year. Tan then asked me to book tickets for 3pm tomorrow and there were only 10 seats left. Ok so it was to be a single night after all. But I was to book it via the Weixin app, which I'd not used before. Luckily it was mostly in English, but a good 10% hadn't been translated. I needed to input all of our details manually, and couldn't even paste in Tan's long ID number. It took nearly an hour of inputting and double-checking as a single wrong digit would cause more disproportionate anger. But eventually I'd managed it and three of us were actually sitting next to each other (and there there 14 seats left on the 15:13 train, not 10). 210 kuai was more-or-less what I'd paid with trip.com anyway. I've now added Tan's ID to my trip.com contacts but I have no idea which ID they'll use if I use it to book train tickets again.

Apparently we weren't to eat till 6.30pm and I'd had a little of the carry-on so I went out and found a supermarket to get some beer and crisps for afterwards should the need arise, then pinged the kids to come back as I knew we'd not be given 5 minutes' notice before we'd have to leave the hotel for the restaurant next door. Indeed when we got back and I was brushing my teeth Tan announced we were going and chastised me for not being ready.

But it was a fantastic meal, the best this year. Crispy bits of pre-cut meat that you poured a bit of watermelon juice over (although Tan said it was sour red berry juice she was wrong, but I didn't go on about it). The duck was out of this world, and I couldn't stop munching the eggy fried things and the lotus root and mangetout. And although at another table I knew that the kids would be stuffed too.

Most splendid meal of the year

My favourite - I think crispy duck on the left and crispy pork on the right, with mini jars of watermelon juice to add if you like

Due to the nature of the occasion, I decided to join most of the drinkers in red wine. Yes, it tasted a bit crap, but I've done worse. The grooms parents were great fun, and both seemed rather happy to toast everyone. I did my bit and toasted almost all of the adult drinkers one-by-one and could tell it was appreciated. Then I went to toast the younger people with their full-fat Coke at the two other tables. In fact I think all the women bar the broom's mother were on the Coke.

Relatively unposed pic of some of the ladies

After about an hour and four glasses of wine I said I'd move to the beer, and interestingly just about everyone else did too. It wasn't long before caima started and I think I impressed the Baise folk as much as I did the Pingguoans. People came and went, a cake was cut, lots of photos were taken, and it was a very jolly evening all told till around 9.30pm when people started to leave.

Not my first toast with Xiao He, the groom, as by now we were on the beer

The happy couple slicing the cake

Clockwise from top left: A Heng, Qiqi gege, Leilei, Xixi, Chuan Chuan, Tan

Back at the hotel I was glad to have put those beers from the supermarket in the mini-fridge as it was too early to go to bed, and a bit later went for a walk. Blimey, it was busier than Pingguo with all the people eating outside. Of course I was called over to one after a while and sat down with them for a few brews and a chat till midnight when I reckoned I'd better call it a night.

For some reason (beer) I found I didn't know where the hotel was and rather than check the name of the hotel on the keycard and search online, I just asked Leilei to send a dingwei, which he did and I was back 15 minutes later, and didn't last too much later before getting another early night.

Gym, last of V, evening with Haiwei and son

Managed a little bit of yesterday's bbq and a yoghurt just to have some energy to go to the gym with Tan before 1pm. I hoped it would be empty due to people eating but it was busy with mostly young men. I wonder to what extent they are trying to improve their looks in order to attract the reduced supply of women here. I saw only two women in the hour or so I spent doing my leg exercises and 25 minutes of elliptical that apparently was worth 7.5km, though I doubt it.

I don't trust 7.5km in 25 minutes but I had raised the difficulty so maybe that affected the distance

I didn't want to waste yesterday's duck, so although the breast had gone I heated up and ate what I could of the rest for tea， before Haiwei pinged me to ask if I had time later. As nothing is planned here I answered in the affirmative, and he said to meet at 9.30pm in 100 minutes, and he'd ping me a dingwei at the time. 

So I paid a visit to the supermarket by the guangchang to pick up the last of the V in case it would be of use for tomorrow's journey to Baise. As it was 1.15pm it probably wouldn't be but you never know. Of course at 8.45pm, just as I was leaving the supermarket, I got a dingwei followed by a phone call from Haiwei to say he'd already arrived and to come over now. Well I couldn't pretend I was busy so I got home, poured a quick one, and popped over.

Possibly the last unflavoured vodka in Pingguo

I had miss-read the dingwei and thought it was by the Calorie KTV bar, and as I pulled up Nong also pulled up next to me. Consequentially she was there to pick up her son from drum lessons, and I rechecked my dingwei to find I was still a few hundred yards away. So I told her to go on and to meet up later if we had time.

Haiwei was at some friend's shop of some sort, and a handful of people were sat around a table eating and drinking and talking as to be expected. Like most of the others I was on the beer, and a bloke I recognised's girlfriend kept making me ganbei, but she was big enough to manage it. Then followed some forced conversation with Haiwei's second son for a while, but I did manage to talk about Leilei's music and got him to send over a portion that wasn't rap. I sent it to second son and when I asked what he thought he typed something into his phone and came back with "elegant", not a word I would have used.

Caima then ensued and I did annoyingly well, till around midnight when I said I needed to go. It was true though as I need to be up in the morning tomorrow and there may be a queue for the shower. But Leilei needed me to sort out his university accommodation so there was that to do first before another relatively early night.

Half a duck for returning family and "Land sheep" at Li Kun's with Feng ge

After continuing my habit of a tiny pao mian for lunch I pinged Xixi around 2pm to check they were on the train back from Guangzhou, which they duly were and had been for 20 minutes, so I knew they'd be back some time after 6.30pm, which gave me a little over four and a half hours of freedom. But it was daytime freedom which isn't so fun, so I ended up doing household chores, clothes washing etc. and getting some shopping in, before deciding to go for piano practice at the usual place. I'd like to go to the woman's place I went to last week but without A/C it's just too hot to do physical activity, which certain pieces certainly are.

So I got to the music centre and put on the A/C before going to the place a couple of doors down to order a watermelon juice with reduced sugar. That done, I went next door to Guanmart for more provisions and dumped them home before going to find something to eat as Tan said she was too tired to go out to eat. The duck leg woman wasn't there, so I found a shop that sold roast duck and got a half one that weighed nearly 2 jin so a bit under a kilo for 61 kuai, and got him to cut it up. He tried to sell me the head and neck to make it up to 2 jin but I told him no-one at home would eat it. But we all had some of the succulent breast and there was plenty left over despite Tan saying it wasn't enough and there should be rice to make it a meal.

At 8.18pm Feng ge sent me a message to go to Li Kun's studio for a drink. Well I had no plans so was about to answer in the affirmative when he called me to say that Li Kun wouldn't be back till 9pm so to meet then. Well that was time enough for a beer and I also popped to Guanmart again as Tan said we needed more washing liquid and conditioner. I didn't mention the discussion I had with Li Kun and Ma Yong the other day when they said Chinese people don't buy fabric conditioner separately as it's included in the washing liquid.

So I was running a little late when I stopped off en-route to pick up 12 1998 cans even though just two days ago Li Kun had said not to bring beer when seeing friends. I got a missed call from Feng ge of course and arrived a couple of minutes later after having to change the beer the bloke in the shop got for me as it wasn't the Li Quan I'd asked for. And it was a good thing I did bring some beer as there wasn't any there, at least it wasn't visible.

Feng ge had brought a load of lamb, and other than Li Kun and little man (got to find out his name too) there was another bloke who apparently I'd met before but if he knew me he'd forgotten that I don't smoke. I was quite peckish as I'd only had four slices of duck breast three hours earlier and tried that very foreign thing of looking for a piece of meat that was just that...meat...and not a massive hunk of skin or fat or bone, of which there was plenty. At least I had a bowl of sauce with coriander and lajiao to dip it into. But yeah it was a bit like one of those grabber games where instead of coming back empty-handed my chopsticks generally brought back some rubbery skin, which would have been a result had I been a local.

Feng ge referred to the lamb as 地羊, so "land sheep", as opposed to 山羊 which is "mountain sheep", or goat. I'd not heard this term before so asked why. To which he laughed and said 地羊 is the term they use when they don't want to say 狗! Oh, I'd just been eating dog. Every time I've had dog for the last five years I've said it would be the last time, and maybe last time it would have been had I known "land sheep". Luckily I'm not sensitive about it but imagine Awl or some dog lover coming over and I tell them it's sheep and they go and stuff themselves only to find out later....

"Land sheep", otherwise known as "dog"

Oh well, whatever. Feng ge then ordered some of the local speciality raw fish and although it was nice they'd cut it much thicker than I'm used to and it was rather tough compared to the thin slices we normally get. Then I remembered I'd promised Xixi to get her some bbq. Sweetcorn and beef as per usual, so I asked if they'd still be there in 20+ minutes. I didn't need to ask that but it was my excuse to pop out to get some.

I realised when there that I ought to bring some back to Li Kun's, so ordered 20 beef, 20 pork, and 20 sweetcorn. I asked if they had them all in stock and the lady told me they did. I started to wait outside, considering popping to a table to be invited to a beer, when she said something about the sweetcorn. I asked again if they had some, and she paused before saying they did. I didn't know if this was one of those fear-of-losing-face moments so I said it would be no problem to get it next door, and she affirmed. So I popped next door to Tan's "uncle's" place and felt a bit embarrassed that I'd not ordered there in the first place.

But I didn't want to sit about waiting for 20 minutes, so I thought I'd go back to Li Kun's to wait. I got all of 50 yards before I heard someone shout at me. I stopped and looked back and realised I should recognise this person. But he beckoned me over so over I went and he ordered a couple of bottles of beer as they were drinking baijiu. The new term I've heard for the Guangxi version of this is 公文包, or "briefcase". It's generally "only" about 22% but I don't yet understand the briefcase nature of the name. I also still won't drink it. But it was a pleasant enough 15 minutes or so where I only had the one bottle of beer. The bloke said he'd stopped drinking beer at the age of 32 as it made his tummy "zhang le", yet another word I need to learn. I'd have understood if he'd said "pang le", which simply means "fat". Apparently he'd known Feng ge for years so I took a photo and said I'd show him. And of course that I'd come back another day for longer.

Having a beer with Feng ge's mate while waiting for bbq

The 40 chuan of meat was only 140 kuai, and another 20 kuai for the 20 chuan of sweetcorn, so I brought them home only for Tan to chastise me for keeping on coming in and out of the house so she couldn't sleep. Blimey I'd left over two hours ago and that was all. Apparently it was Xixi who'd been moving about. But the bbq shut her up and I left them noshing while I took the 20 pork back with me to Li Kun's. 

It was very well received, as the raw fish had gone, and it seemed I wasn't the only one not really into dog as there was so much left. Handsome singer had turned up, as had some other bloke who was playing the guitar and singing something. Handsome singer said the bbq was definitely beef and not the pork I thought it was, so I'd left the wrong thing at home. But I pinged Xixi without telling her my mistake and she said the bbq was fine so good.

I wasn't even tempted to play the guitar. I'd not drunk that much and now we were on a different kind of beer that I guess they keep round the back anyway. It was yet another night of most of the others chatting in the local lingo so I didn't get too much of it...something about Putin, something about Ukraine. And by 12.45am I knew better than to try my luck and said I'd better go back. It was just a couple of beers back home as I used the sleeping tablets again and was asleep around 3am for the second time this visit.

Big meal at Li Kun's colleague's house followed by bbq at Zhang Hua's and a very late night

Up stupidly early then back to sleep till gone midday, as I'd slept in the kids' room and it was a lot quieter and more comfortable with a proper working A/C. Lunch was a tiny pao mian yet again for the fourth time in five days. Li Kun then pinged me to eat at his colleague's place this evening, except I miss-read it as at his house, so that was the evening sorted, at least the first half of it.

Rather than the gym, I managed a session of dumbbells before Li Kun called me to see if I was ready. I said I'd grab a shower and he said he'd send me a dingwei. I was in no rush as I thought it would be at market but when I received the dingwei (or weizhi...I guess they mean the same thing) I could see it was well north of guangchang so I only got there just before 7, but managed to get 12 cold beers in a shop downstairs. Luckily the dian dong che was full of dian. 

Tan called me just before I got there to say she couldn't buy train tickets to Baise for Friday, even though there had been no issue getting them to and from Guangzhou. This didn't make sense to me, but she said I should go to the station now with my ID and book tickets. What? She had the kids' passports so there was no way I'd be able to book theirs in person, and no point booking mine alone, so I said I'd try to sort out booking online tonight, though if it failed for her it should do for me. She told me there were only 10 seats left to Baise on the 1.15pm train though so I'd better hurry up.

The meal was a typically bustily affair and I wasn't late at all; the kids were eating at the table by the tv, and some of the food was still being cooked. I placed my measly 12 beers on top of three other boxes of beers and was met with great merriment from the blokes and most of the women, a couple of whom at least I recognised. Li Kun was rightly proud of the squid he cooked and it was probably my favourite dish on the table. I refused rice politely and Li Kun then took one half of his portion and put it into little man's bowl, as if to recognise he should lower his carb intake a little too.

It was one of those not-quite-expected-but-a-little-expected evenings with the blokes sitting round the big table and the women and children running around. But I remembered I'd said I'd look at getting train tickets so spent five minutes on the trip.com app and after adding Tan's Chinese name to the travellers, and confirming passport details were correct, made the booking for £26, £8 more than it should have been due to booking fees with trip.com, but a small price to pay for peace of mind. A few minutes later I got the confirmation email and we had our tickets, and I smugly sent a screenshot of them to Tan.

In the meantime Tan had IM'd me to say the reason we couldn't get tickets online was that Xixi is a minor and minors can only get four tickets online before needing to go and show their ID in person at a station. Apparently she'd called the station to find that out. Well I'd pretty much proved her wrong. But did I get any praise? Oh No...the seats were in different carriages and we weren't sitting together! You just told me less than an hour ago there were only 10 seats left, and I confirmed that when ordering hence I didn't waste time. So of course it was extremely unlikely that any of the seats would be next to each other! At least two of them are in the same carriage. Sometimes it seems like any excuse to have a go! But it's water off a duck's back now....

Li Kun then opened up the caimaiing with me, and then sent me on a round-the-table run, during which I won a good two thirds of the rounds to even more merriment and mirth. But it wouldn't have been fair had it only been me doing a round, so Li Kun followed with a bit less success. We ate till around 9.30pm or so before some people had to go and the rest of us went to sit round the tea table and drank pu er cha. I normally would have avoided that but sod it I didn't have to be in early or have an early night. So we spent the next 40 minutes or so drinking only tea and sobering up a little while playing with a toy with Li Kun's son, which was more amusing than it should have been.

Me with Li Kun after a few rounds of caima

Whenever it was we left, I headed south and as I was going to pass by Zhang Hua's anyway I thought I'd take a look to see if he was there. Of course he was, he runs the place, but luckily he wasn't alone so I turned up to shake hands and be pointed to a table with a few blokes. So it was back to the ganbeiing, and then bbq was brought around of course. One of the wives turned up and drank the local equivalent of red wine rather quickly, considering she had a two year-old on tow. I did the usual table-hopping, although it was rather limited considering there were only two tables downstairs, and I don't think I went upstairs this time. But there was certainly a lot of mopaiing going on and I managed to do ok for once.

I'm not sure giving your dad a light at the age of 2 is very responsible...he should have told him to light it himself

At mopai I got a really good hand and made the dealer drink more than usual (though I still don't 100% understand the rules)

I finally left around 2.30am, and it was so nice not to have to worry about a 1am curfew. I then went for a ride at 3am just because I could. It was only a Tuesday night but other than a minority of people it seems every day is the weekend here. I even found what I presume was a massage place that was open and was so tempted. Though at this time of night it may be something more than just a massage...having said that last year with muscle boss we did go for a genuine massage at gone 2am....

Meal at the place that helped me charge the dian dong che a couple of weeks ago

Woke up at 8am, then 10.30, but didn't get up till 11am so was so refreshed for a change. Say what you will about sleeping pills but if they work (and you don't get addicted to them) then bloody hell they are worth it. I was quite annoyed that I couldn't get my Phenergan at the airport and should have planned better but these are more effective but I must use them sparingly.

After lunch I pinged Ma Yong to confirm what time we were going to Tiandong. Oh, he replied that he temporarily had a work matter and we'd not be going. Bleeding hell that's fine but please let me know rather than make me find out. This is the second day in a row that a planned meet-up has been cancelled and just makes it more clear that this is the reason nothing is planned here. But I was actually quite looking forward to an evening out in Tiandong with no pressure from the family. Whatever.

Well I forced myself to have some jiaozi outside, which wasn't really that hard, then forced myself to go to the gym, which was a lot harder. But even after a month I can feel my belly protruding so it's a must-do.

I had no plans for the evening so thought I'd go to see the family I'd charged up my dian dong che with the other week when I'd left it 7km away. I'd left them saying I'd come back so wanted to be as good as my word. Why not this evening? The dian dong che was charged up so at around 6pm I took the 20 minute ride over there. I remembered that I should bring some beer so found a tiny place nearby and the owner had to come over to meet me when she saw I was there as I guess they don't get too many patrons. "Have you got any cold beer?" I asked, and she answered in the affirmative. Well she was technically correct as she had a grand total of five cans of snowflake beer in the fridge. Well, that would do, along with six warm ones.

I arrived to find the husband fixing some pallets and moving some sawdust from old broken sacks to new ones. As you do. I ended up playing with one of his sons and then he went to one of the places where they yang chickens and started talking to one of them. I guess he is a chicken whisperer.

Chicken whisperer

Then the dad pulled out a chicken and slit its throat and after washing it in boiling water started plucking it. Oh no, I really hoped he wasn't doing this for me. I really didn't as I wanted to get back, but luckily some bloke turned up to pick it up and I realised this bloke's business was raising chickens and ducks for food. Fair enough.

Then his portly wife said we were about to eat. Well, I'd had the wherewithall to put the warm beers in the freezer and the cold ones in the fridge, and after a few minutes of eating we cracked them open. Even his wife joined in after half an hour and it was a really enjoyable hour or so. They were somewhat apologetic about their "simple" fair, but I was having none of it. The tiny eggs and sour greens were worth the admission alone, but I didn't tell them that. I would love to have heard that they really appreciated the chocolate that I left them a couple of weeks ago but they didn't mention it, and I didn't push it. I guess it's possible that the grandpa I left it with ate it all and didn't tell the kids but I very much doubt it!

Really lovely meal with this family on the outskirts of  Pingguo

I managed to leave around 8.30pm, when the husband was trying to get friends to come round to meet me as he was starting to get pissed. It was good timing on my behalf as I'd given the family a more interesting meal and said I'd likely come back, and I hope I will. I drove to Li Kun's after that and of course there were people there, and I sat down as a local and we ended up chatting till 1.30am, and it would have been longer had Li Kun not been working tomorrow. And indeed Li Kun said I'd done the right thing to bring beers to the family for the meal (even though I'd effectively invited myself, or more likely because), but he said as we knew each other I shouldn't bring beers when coming to drink with him. Though this seems rather unfair as it's not as though people ever come to ours.

His place has become a bit of a refuge. Just a comfortable place to be and chat and not much more. Tan doesn't really get it although her mates fill a similar hole I suspect. At least I wasn't being told to come home before 1am for once.

Sleepless in Pingguo but reasonable sport

Well my Zepp app told me I'd slept between 4-9am but I definitely remember being awake after 4am. I heard Tan and the kids leaving for the train station and tried to get up but couldn't. But I couldn't sleep either and was feeling not great after last night.

So when lunchtime came around I forced another tiny pao mian down, thinking it may help sleep arrive. I even added two quail eggs but to no effect. I had some V left over from yesterday and even considered having some of that with the leftover lemonade. Well I considered it for an hour before actually pouring it and it tasted crap but I really needed some sleep before meeting Haiwei later. I thought if I didn't have it by 2pm it would probably be too late, but it was 1.55pm so somehow justifiable. I only had a couple, and it still didn't make me feel sleepy.

So I grabbed a shower then remembered to ping Haiwei to say I could make it over, but he responded to say that a work matter had turned up and we wouldn't be meeting up. Ok, so much for organising stuff more than a day in advance...this is probably why they don't. Stuff, "matters", just turn up and change things. Well I was awake after the shower so did some exercise inside which tired me enough to grab about an hour of dozing from about 4pm, not that I needed to get up, but my body wouldn't let me sleep more.

But I still felt pretty crap. I managed to go to Guanmart to get some provisions after watching some of the test match v West Indies, but I had no plans to go out and fancied watching the Hungarian GP. Slightly annoyingly as I was riding back the heavens opened and although I was only under it for a minute I was pretty soaked when I got back. It also meant the towels I had just washed would take an age to dry. Ha, first world problems. I forced a beer down but it wasn't really working, and I maybe managed two or three during the whole race, which was actually very absorbing again, if not quite so exciting as the British GP.

First world problems

I somehow dozed off as the cricket became exciting and it looked like we had a small chance of winning tonight, then annoyingly woke up some time after 1am to see we had won but I'd missed it. Of course now I had the prospect of a sleepless night so I took a couple of Tan's Chinese sleeping pills and before half an hour was out like a light.

Last Haliao football game of the year for us (probably)

Another lack of appetite meant I forced down a tiny pao mian. These are becoming more and more of my diet and do nothing more than give me a few calories rather than beer as I've been pretty good about not drinking before the evening.

But today was to be the third and final Pingguo Haliao football match I'd be going to see this season. I didn't really fancy two hours of pre-match shouting and singing so turned up after 6pm to Wuming bar where we had some pre-match noodles and beef as you do, and went to check some loudspeakers. A few minutes later we were walking to the south gate and I had four of the bloody things about my person, but luckily there was not a big away contingent so nothing like the Chongqing match the other week. Rather we just stood about and Feng ge got me an iced coffee whether I wanted it or not. Well I had a carry-on of V and diet cola but it tasted horrible as that's what V does to cola. But I manfully finished it by the time Leilei turned up and we entered the ground well after 7pm for a change.

Feng ge standing in front of the stadium under the national flag

Me and Leilei just after kickoff...still a sizable crowd if not from the away contingent

For once we didn't stand right in the middle of the Wuming supporters' group, but to one side, and even Feng ge got a bit tired of shouting as he sometimes sat down. It was not a great match; Dalian took their chances and probably deserved the win as we seemed incapable of putting any shots on target despite a new Luxembourgish forward who may have Brazilian roots, and is on loan from Dynamo Kyiv till the end of the year.

My last bit of cheerleading for the season

This time we didn't even wait for the team to come round after the match to cheer them; Feng ge had booked two tables at...yeah...Xiao Bai de Tian, so for the fourth night in a row I was to go there for ye xiao. I dropped off Leilei at home as he'd walked over, and changed to last year's kit as I did the other week with Haiwei. It was more fun than the football; his wife was there, and a number of young nurses from her hospital were at the table drinking mostly cocktails. Feng ge ordered a dispenser of beer, which made sense but I couldn't check how strong it was. However, after a nearly dry two hours of football I didn't really care. Ma Yong was there too, and reminded me that we were to go to a meal in Tiandong at 4pm on Monday afternoon. Wow, another day+ notice before being invited out. Is something changing?

The ladies played a game where they stuck playing cards on their foreheads and had to bet each other who was higher or lower. I think there was one main person, and she was bet by the others, so by the time there were a couple of guesses she must have had an idea if she had a low or high card. I would have liked to join in but it seemed to be just a ladies' thing, and anyway I was chatting with Feng ge then ganbeiing with other people until 12.30 when Leilei pinged to go back home as they were leaving early tomorrow to go to Guangzhou. So it should have been an early night but for whatever reason I just couldn't sleep even after a couple more beers and I'm sure I remember it turning 6am.

A pitcher of beer and ladies with playing cards on their foreheads

Xiao Bai de Tian's birthday party

Oh dear at 4am it was more diarrhoea and then every few minutes for the next few hours, getting micro-sleeps between micro-leaks. I did the correct thing of drinking lots and lots of water, but couldn't manage any solids. I wonder which solids it was/were that caused it in the first place. I suppose it could have been something at Xiao Bai de Tian's but their bbq is known to be very fresh. It more likely was Xixi's chicken on a stick that she didn't want. Her loss was my greater loss in that case.

I had a break from the toilet for about four hours in the early afternoon and managed to take advantage from half of it by dozing， during which time I received a message I couldn't be bothered to check. But it was followed up by a call from Haiwei asking me to meet up Sunday evening for a meal with his kids. Wow, a plan more than 48 hours before it was due to take place. Makes a change from 48 minutes! I said that assuming I had nothing planned (I hadn't) that I'd confirm later.

I then realised soon after 5pm that I had not practised for Xiao Bai's party tonight, when she pinged to say they were starting at 9.30pm. I was in no mood to practise, and had had to go back to the loo a few times too, but I couldn't not go. So I forced myself and realised the music wasn't the problem, just getting out the words so quickly. It really is a tongue twister to say "Zao xihuan chuansuo chongmang youhuo de heiye" (the third line of the second verse). In fact that's one of about nine tongue twisting lines (I can manage three of the four chorus lines no problem). Then I found out that the lines I could sing better were those that I actually understood; it wasn't that they were necessarily more difficult to pronounce physically. The problem is that the translation of the particularly difficult one is "I've long been accustomed to traveling through the night full of temptations", and I still don't really understand it. I guess I'll need to break it down but I won't have much time this evening.

Oh but I needed some food, and found Xixi had a bag of "toast", which really means very sweet bread. I'd normally not touch this but reckoned I needed the calories so had half a slice followed by a yoghurt. Followed by another half slice.

At 8.30pm Li Kun pinged me to say he was en route back home from Baise and that he'd let me know when at his studio so I could pick him up. Fair enough, It would be no earlier than 9.30pm then. Indeed it was gone 10pm and we got to Xiao Bai de Tian's at 10.30pm and it was heaving, but we found a couple of seats at a table with mostly young women and I recognised one or two of them from the other night. The beer was room temperature and I wasn't really in the mood but managed the usual ganbeis. I called Nong to tell her to turn up, then received a call from Zhang Hongping to ask where I was. As it was noisy and sweaty I went outside to talk and explained it was really busy and we could meet "gaitian", a really useful term for "another day". But someone had spied me in the youcha place and called me over, and I found Haiwei at a table with his girlfriend and some other mates, who bade me sit down, which I duly did. For three minutes until it started pissing down so we moved to a covered place.

I was actually a little peckish and the raw salmon was appreciated, and I stayed longer than was polite as I got a message from Li Kun asking where I was, so I made my excuses and went back next door to find Nong outside so we went in and found the same table for a bit before table-hopping as you do. Handsome singer bloke turned up with his wife, who for some reason didn't look like a popstar's wife, rather a nice, normal person, and when I needed some more fresh air I had a nice conversation with her outside. I was aware I'd said I'd sing but wasn't in the mood even after a couple more beers, and it was gone midnight now, plus there were better singers on the stage. I considered asking handsome singer bloke to accompany me but a bit later had Tan on the blower telling me to come back and for once I thought that would be a good excuse and told her I was on my way and didn't even tell the others as I wouldn't have had time for the ganbeis.

Xiao Bai de Tian's birthday in full swing

I pinged Xiao Bai to apologise and said i could do it "gaitian" and really meant it, and she was fine with it of course. And it was probably for the better.

Xiao Bai de Tian take 2

Up late at 2pm and cooked an chun dan for lunch. I really didn't have much of an appetite again but Tan had made some chicken salad that I'm normally quite partial so managed a bit of that for tea, but it wasn't really enough. Also, when Leilei got back from Li Kun's with some food for Xixi she didn't want her fried chicken on a stick so I took it as I think I need more non-beer calorie intake.

So a bit later I pinged Li Kun to apologise about coming home early last night, but he just said to continue this evening so I thought fair enough and said I'd see him there in a bit. So at 9.30pm I got there to see only the boss and Xiao Bai threading bbq for later. So we had a nice sober chat for half an hour until Li Kun turned up, followed by Nong, then Ma Yong. Zhang Hongping then called and I told him where I was so he turned up too. At first he didn't come inside so I went out to see what he was doing and he pointed to his cigarette. As if you weren't allowed to smoke here...I brought him in and Ma Yong pointed him to the ashtray clearly on the table. Apparently they knew each other pretty well and I'd already introduced him to Li Kun last year.

I asked Zhang Hongping if he preferred to be called by his name or Wu ge. It transpired it was the latter, as it was a nickname. Of course the word they used for nickname was different (外号) from what I had translated (昵称). But anyway they all had nicknames and I'll be buggered if I can remember them all but Li Kun's is Da Li (Big Li). I have no idea why Zhang Hongping's is Wu ge (five big brother) but I'm happy to call him that if he prefers. I just wonder if I should have one, but that could get quite complicated as I'm called by enough different names already.

Xiao Bai threading fresh bbq

I wanted to order stuff as I had effectively invited people, and I was shown the QR code on the table. With just a little help I was able to order a couple of portions of bbq, some fried chicken, and some yu cao xing, which is some kind of pickled root as far as I can tell. The handsome singer chap also turned up. I pinged Leilei to come and he said he was having a drink by the stadium which is the place he normally hangs out. I'm not sure if he normally hangs out with other people, but he knows the owner of the place he normally goes to. He said his tummy hurt a bit which could have been a bit of an excuse but I said just to turn up for 10 minutes and surprisingly he did, to the delight of the others, as a few photos were taken. I'd already ordered more bbq and fried chicken, plus some peanuts to go with the copious beers so he had a bite to eat and a bit of a chat with them, and managed a small glass of beer, the last half of which he managed to ganbei with us after his allotted 10 minutes were up, though he did explain to them 肚子不舒服.

The boss sang a few songs and then they asked me to but I said I would tomorrow for Xiao Bai's birthday, but the handsome singer could, and I suggested 有没有人告诉你？ So the boss found the background music and the singer found the words online and indeed belted out a better rendition than I could have done. I wouldn't have minded accompanying him on the guitar though as I know that bit. Handsome singer (I must learn his name) then took the guitar and proceeded to sing a couple of more songs, one of his own penning, with Li Kun accompanying on the drums, and I was a little jealous. But it was 1am, which has become the witching hour here so I offered to order more food and beer but was turned down (somehow there was already more beer than I had ordered), and a couple of ganbei's later I was on my way home.

The boss singing and being accompanied by Li Kun

A relatively simple evening tonight with Nong, Da Li, Handsome singer, a girl, Ma Yong, Wu ge

Actually it wasn't that bad of a thing; my tissues had dropped out of my pocket and I'd had a sudden attack of diarrhoea in the bar and I'd calculated I wouldn't be able to get home in time to avoid a disaster. So I'd grabbed a handful of tissues from the bar and managed a squat in the dirty toilet. Not wishing to disturb the kids, who were in the main bedroom now with the western en-suite toilet, I repeated the squat in the main toilet at home, and hoped it wouldn't go on all night.

Trip to Nanning for A Wu's new huoguo place

What a typical day. To be fair A Wu had given me Boss Zhou's phone number (not Weixin) yesterday and asked me to call him about going to Nanning today. He'd answered and confirmed that we'd be going in the afternoon but no more info. But sure enough soon after midday I got a message from one of his mates to come over to the "Chamber of Commerce" "in a bit". Last year when I heard this I actually thought it was a government department, which is pretty reasonable I think, but found out it was just Boss Zhou's place behind the KTV where we often go for food and drinks. Anyway, I'm used to this now and said I'd grab a bite to eat first, and suggested about an hour, to which he replied "差不多" which is a useful phrase that means "pretty much".

40 minutes later I got a voice message asking why I hadn't arrived. I was in the shower so didn't answer for another 20 minutes, saying I was on my way, which wasn't strictly or unstrictly true, as I needed to put on my moisturising lotion and needed to wait till I stopped sweating first which always takes a few minutes after a shower. Of course I got another call while on my way, which slowed me down after stopping to answer, as no-one else does here, but I was there soon after 1.30pm.

The bloke was the only one there and we got in his car and headed south to Nanning. Except after 5 minutes we turned left and went to his apartment complex to park his car and go outside and wait for someone else. All the time he was on his phone to others, yet it was always the local language and I understood barely anything. But it transpired we were going to take a mate's car to go there. Fair enough. Save petrol and all that. So we waited under a tree in the slightly less scorching shade for 5 minutes until a car turned up and I got in the front as usual and there was already someone else in the back. We drove around for 10 minutes but not in the direction of Nanning, then presently stopped again. Yet another 5 minutes passed until some bloke turned up in shorts and flipflops and got into the back. Ok, so we were a full complement of five people. Let's go.

Well we went, but we headed north beyond the guangchang and I knew this wasn't the way to Nanning. Then we stopped and flipflop man got out and I asked what was happening and apparently he was hungry and was going to eat some zhou. Then we drove another couple of hundred yards and stopped again for no apparent reason. So this time I got out for a wander to wonder when we'd actually be going to Nanning. But hey it was only 2.40pm it wasn't like we were in a rush. Finally, after about 1h15 of driving around and stopping and picking people up we appeared to be on our way. Of course there was no need to have told me to hurry up, and they could well have picked me up at 2.45pm instead of me going to the Chamber of Commerce at 1.30pm but I'm too used to it to be bothered anymore. The only annoying thing was that I didn't really benefit from the time in terms of Chinese as they only speak the local lingo between themselves.

At least during the journey I had a conversation with the Red Bull-toking driver, and it transpired he ran a garage to fix cars. We talked about how there were fewer and fewer jobs as automation set in and I asked about self-driving cars here. Apparently this is a thing in certain cities, which is interesting if true. I told him that at least whether with or without a driver, cars would need maintenance so his job should be safe for a while. Then he started asking me the price of a Rolls Royce Cullinan. I'd not even heard of such a model but after a bit of a search told him it would cost around £300k, and he told me it would be closer to £800k here. Tax.

Once in Nanning the real issue of having a car here arose again. Sure, we might have had a private place for an hour and a half although most of the blokes were sleeping. In fact flipflop bloke snored while he was awake, so it wasn't the quietest of journeys. But now not only were we stuck in traffic, we had to spend a significant amount of time looking for a parking place. But eventually after a few phone calls we were directed to a cheapish place and some bloke came to meet us. We got out of the car and ended up walking 10 minutes through winding little passages till we got to A Wu's new huoguo place and were ushered upstairs to where a meal was well in progress.

It was definitely some sort of occasion but I wasn't sure exactly what. Probably an excuse to celebrate A Wu's new business, but I didn't ask. I was hungry and thirsty and it didn't take long to quench both. Especially the latter as I was requested to do a round of the table, to which I duly obliged. It was a great meal and I met some nice people including a charming young lady who showed me her homework and taught me some Chinese, and pretty much confirmed my reading level is about on par with a six and a half year-old.

A Wu's huoguo meal in full swing

Cock balls are actually quite nice

Young lady who helped me with Chinese

Finally around 10.30pm it was announced we were to go back, at least the two car loads of us who had come from Pingguo, and that was it. Of course we had designated drivers and they won't touch a drop. Had I known we'd be leaving then I might have touched a bit more as I'd been trying to pace myself. But hey, we got back around midnight and Li Kun pinged me to go to Xiao Bai de Tian again so I popped over but Tan called to tell me to come back 15 minutes after I arrived so I had to make my apologies and left after just one or two ganbeis.