Definitely back in Pingguo

Happy Birthday Thomas!

Despite being knackered I couldn't sleep more than 10 mins at a time till around 7am before managing a couple of hours until Tan and the kids got up. I managed to stay in bed while Tan took them to Waipo's for breakfast and dump them off there, leaving me the luxury of a little more sleep till 11am.

I hadn't really trusted that our SIM cards would still be working this year, despite the assurances of the young ladies at China Telecom and A Wu, but I was glad to be proved wrong as it's really useful not to have to tell dozens of people your new number again. Last night I made the wise choice of putting my phone on mute while I slept, but surprisingly I only had one text by the time I got up.

I am very familiar with this view of Pingguo as every time I take the lift downstairs I have 45 seconds to imbibe it. Neither remarkable or serene, I still remark on it and it makes me feel serene

I popped around to see Waipo and the kids when I got up, and she seemed genuinely glad to see me again. Xixi was eating some sweets and I found Leilei with A Da, Nong Kaicheng and Qiqi (Tan's 2nd sister's son) and another friend in one of the bedrooms. Qiqi seemed nearly in tears and wouldn't say a word. I walked out and played with Xixi for a few minutes before I heard the bedroom door slam. Qiqi was standing there in the corridor with a plastic machine gun in his hands looking very angry indeed. He proceeded to smash the gun against the door which made it break into many pieces, then punched and kicked the door before letting out one of the most disturbingly piercing and deafening shrieks I've ever had the misfortune to be in the vicinity of. I tried to get him to calm down by talking to him but he just let out another harpie screech and banged the door again. I didn't know what exactly had happened but he's now 10 years old and as heavy as some people twice his age, and I didn't want Xixi or anyone else being the subject of any violence, even if not intended. I called Tan, who said he'd been great with the kids earlier, and then Waipo went to calm him down and Chuan chuan took Xixi out. I don't think the fact that his mum lives in another town helps things. I'm not even sure where he lives - maybe he's just here for the holiday, but it's either growing pains or a rather extreme tantrum.

By the time I got home A Wu was calling me to go and eat lunch. Breakfast-less, I agreed, and went downstairs where A Wu, his driver and two bosses were already waiting for me in A Wu's black Toyota he bought while we were here last year.

The driver was the same bloke who drove us from the airport yesterday allowing A Wu to have a couple of beers. I don't know his name but I guess having your own driver is a step up the social ranking ladder. I was introduced to Boss Luo and Boss Yang, from a bank in Nanning. I didn't ask as to the nature of their visit but they seemed pleasant enough. Instead of going to get something to eat we went to A Wu's work place a few minutes outside Pingguo. A Wu was explaining to the bosses how it all worked, and of course we all sat down and drank tea there. This time it was "gno mi" cha. I'm not exactly sure what this is but it is brown and slightly sweet, and rather nice. After about 45 minutes we moved on to another work site, which I didn't quite understand, but it meant I was getting hungrier. Finally we got back in the car to go to eat. Or so I hoped. We went back to A Wu's work place and spent another 20 minutes surveying the rocks before finally I got in another car with one of A Wu's colleagues and we all drove to Li Jia He Xian, the restaurant we have most frequently frequented for the last few years.

A Wu's stone producing work is still going strong

Apart from the fish dishes, which I avoid as they tend to give me la du, the food was as good as always. After 15 minutes a couple of beers were cracked open and I had to do a couple of gan beis due to meeting people for the first time. Boss Luo didn't drink. He said it was because last year he drank four bottles of Er Gou Tou (nasty 56% rice alcohol that Venky was sick on). I'm not sure if he's off the sauce for good and didn't enquire either. Other than that only the driver did not imbibe. And then during the meal two more blokes came in thus more gan bei'ing. It was a good-natured meal and Boss Yang was quite red-faced by the time we left. We bade our farewells and I was told to call them when next in Nanning. This happened last year with my name-mate Mr Peng, but I never ended up spending any time there. I'm hoping that this year I'll make amends for that and give him a bell one year later. Like last year, the clothes we'd left here now smelt a little musty and needed to be washed. Also, Tan had asked me to wash the pillows and duvets. It sounded wrong to wash pillows so I presumed she meant pillow cases, which I dutifully did, along with the bedsheets. Later, it transpired she actually did mean to wash the pillows. I tried putting two pillows in the washing machine but they had to be stuffed in and surely wouldn't have washed. So I put in one plus a few clothes and it ended up that neither the pillow nor the clothes were properly clean, and certainly had not dried a bit during the spin cycle. However, at least the pillow no longer smelt. I've noticed that my suit is also a bit stained due to age and I don't reckon there'll be a dry cleaners here. I also don't reckon I'll need to wear a suit but at least I'm prepared just in case.

I managed a couple of hours siesta on my own back home as Tan was out with friends and the kids were at Waipo's, also with friends. It wasn't easy getting up at 6.30pm but the consequences of sleeping later would have been severe: a missed meal and no sleep for ages. Actually we didn't have a normal evening meal; rather Tan wanted to go for bbq later in the evening when it was dark. So I took the opportunity to go to the supermarket to catch up on provisions - washing powder and fabric conditioner and a few other bits and bobs. I was happy that my membership card for the supermarket still worked, but I still have no idea what swiping it every time I make a purchase means - one day I'll hopefully get a super-discount.

I gave Tan a call while in the supermarket to ask if she wanted anything, but I'd covered her needs with the washing stuff, except she also wanted to get a hoover. WTF? A hoover in a small apartment with wooden floors? Apparently wiping the floor doesn't get rid of the dust. Well that is bollocks and I refuse to get a vacuum cleaner for the few weeks we are here - honestly.... Anyway she said she was with A Ni chatting outside A Xia's shop as per usual and I was to pick up Xixi and take her there. Then A Hua called me and I told her the women were at A Xia's and she should go there as she hasn't yet seen Tan this year.

While leaving supermarket I noticed that they still sell Gordons Gin in a separate section so I got a wee bottle in the hope of finding something to mix it with. Awl had come up with a genius idea a few weeks ago: buy some concentrate tonic water and mix it with fizzy water in Pingguo. So indeed I ordered a couple of bottles of Sodastream concentrated tonic from Argos before I left. It was an almost flawless idea, based on the fact that tonic water does not exist in Guangxi. Unfortunately, the only flaw was that fizzy water also appears not to exist in Pingguo. Try as I might I couldn't find fizzy water for love nor money - I'm going to have to arrange a trip to Nanning to sort that out.

As I was walking back home, past the guangchang, I met Tan and A Ni getting off a san lun che. There was no look of unexpectedness as you might expect from someone you thought was in a completely different place - what about if I had gone to A Xia's shop as arranged? Apparently Xixi had gone out with Lin Hong so I didn't need to take her, and Tan and A Ni were going to go for some bbq in a bit. I asked Tan if my trusty steed, the dian dong che (electric bike) was available and she said it was broken. A Ni overheard me and told me to wait a sec while she made a call. A minute later she told me to go and pick it up from a bloke at A Hua's house. So in two minutes I'd had as many total contradictions - it does feel like I'm back in Pingguo.

I dumped off the shopping at home and walked to A Hua's place. On the way A Wu called and asked me to go and drink tea. As it happened he was just around the corner from A Hua's place, which was convenient. Instead of "some bloke", A Hua herself was waiting by my dian dong che. It was older, dustier, and a bit more dilapidated than before but it was still like seeing an old friend, except she'd put on the pole at the front that you can stick an umbrella into. I also bumped into A Hua's mum and Lao Pan, who seemed happy to see me again. Then I drove all of 20 seconds to meet A Wu. This time he actually was in a tea shop drinking tea. There were a couple of women and a couple of blokes, and A Wu bought me my own tea cup for 30 kuai. This cup will stay in the tea shop and will have my name on it and every time I come in I will use it to drink from. Sort of like having your own tankard at the local pub, except does that actually happen?.

We drank for about half an hour till half nine, by which time it was time to eat, so we drove to the bbq place run by Tan's aunt and found the ladies with the kids and a couple of blokes. Although I stayed for an hour or so I didn't really have that much to eat, and then Xixi was obviously getting very tired so I took her home to shower and sleep at 11pm. With Xixi sleeping in our bed, Tan arrived an hour later laden with bags of clothes A Xia had given for her and the kids. She insisted on giving a fashion show and I had to comment on how everything looked. Instead of just saying "looks lovely, dear" about every item I actually do look and tell her if her arse looks big or the colours don't go together. Although she says to others I don't know anything about fashion she actually nearly always asks me if her clothes are ok before she goes out (something she would vehemently deny if asked!).

Xixi chose the chilli bbq'd duck tongues herself and munched through them! Should I show this pic to her English classmates?

Although pretty tired I stayed up late just so I could have some time to myself and sort out my study with the geeky stuff I'd bought. Unfortunately we don't now have a telly, rather a large computer monitor that is fine because I've set up Awl's old laptop on it but sometimes you just want to watch tv without setting up a laptop first. After my geeky chores I eventually got to bed at 4.15am

Journey back to Pingguo for the umpteenth time

Happy Birthday mum!

Wow, I just got some kip, maybe the better part of five hours. I must say I am impressed by this aeroplane. It is obviously nearly brand new (not that unexpected on a new route as they are trying to impress customers), but the leg room is so much they must have removed a few rows of seats to incorporate it. I actually thought we might be in Economy Premier or something - even the trays in front of us were almost too far away from us to eat comfortably. It was delightful to get some sleep on a 12 hour journey with kids - it really does get easier (though a couple of whiskies may have helped). Recently I have been finding it possible to grab micro sleeps due to multiple forays to Belgium on the first Eurostar out. It means getting up before 6am and driving to Ebbsfleet, but I have recently managed to get a bit of shut-eye on the train - something that I didn't even manage when up at 4.30am to get the train from St Pancras after City won the Premier League...maybe I was more excited then.

The ability to grab a few minutes of impromptu sleep is more important than many people appreciate, but not me as I've been the victim of the inability for almost all my life. It can literally turn a forgettable evening into a great one, and possibly could help ensure a business deal.

We had no worries at arriving 20 minutes late at Guangzhou as we'd have a good three hours to make our connection, which was handy as soon after we arrived we had our first Oriental experience. We were waiting for our luggage as we'd been told in London (as per every year we've been coming) that we'd need to retrieve it and check it in again in Guangzhou. Fair enough, I mean this happens in the USA too (though quite annoying). But this time after a while our luggage had not appeared. In fact there was very little luggage, presumably as many people were en route to New Zealand. Presently, a bloke explained to us that our luggage may have been put on its way to Nanning. Well if so that's very nice but it would have been nice to know as I had four bottles of booze in my hand luggage and we'd still have to do security again. We were told that we could bring our duty free though security (we'd just about managed this last year in Frankfurt) but we'd need our receipts. Typically, although I had mine, Tan had left her perfume receipts in the plane. After more discussion it was apparent that the most convenient course of action would be to check in my hand luggage with the booze and add Tan's perfume. It took the addition of my coat and a jumper in order to cushion the bottles, but I deemed it worthwhile due to the warm airport and we wrapped our presents in the hope of seeing them intact a bit later. I would actually have done this even if the airport was freezing. Tan then made some more expensive perfume purchases she apparently hadn't had time to do in Heathrow.

I had a fairly manic hour when I was stuck in emergency meetings with work on Skype in the airport. It was not great but I got most of my points across. Despite how easy it should be to use Skype these days it's amazing how so many conversations begin with "can you hear me ok?"...just like the early days.

The kids were ok and our flight was only delayed 15 mins and I suppose the turbulence wasn't bad because no-one else on the plane noticed it. We arrived shortly before 11pm and it was genuinely nice to see our family again, together with a couple of blokes who also picked us up last year.

After fussing about in the 38 degree heat for a quarter of an hour we finally got in a couple of cars and drove out of the airport for...about three minutes. Then we stopped. Apparently Tan had asked A Ni to get some bbq so we'd stopped on the side of the road to eat it. Why not? It was rather delicious and A Wu brought out a couple of packs of cans of beer and we all had a minor feast. Although A Wu and I had had a big hug in the airport, the others merely raised hands to each other in a way I am perfectly used to now. We were nearly home.

Pei Pei, Lin Hong, and A Wu bringing out the beers for a roadside bbq

Leilei and Xixi had been a little shy after getting off the plane but within half an hour in A Wu's car they were calling him names like "A Wu Uncle bottom" and "A Wu Uncle no-nose" which amused most of us for the 90 minute journey home. I nearly dropped off a couple of times before finally making it after the car with Tan and the other ladies. By the time we'd got to our house all the suitcases were there but no unpacking done. It was 1.15am but we spent till 2 o'clock chatting before our family/friends left and we started to unpack. It was mostly done by 3.30am but the kids were still awake. Eventually Leilei came into our room at 5am and we had no energy to turf him out.

A Da, Leilei, and Xixi acting like zombies - they would not give me any other pose

Back to China 2012

Despite the fact that I had planned this date three months ago it ended up being one of the most stressful days I have ever known, despite the fact that I refuse to acknowledge the concept of stress. Normally (it never seemed normal until this year), it was just a case of booking flights, recoiling at the cost of them, and then dealing with it. This year we'd bought the flights including the internal flights at great expense, but actually they were slightly cheaper than last year because the cost of the internal flights was a cool grand for us four from Beijing to Nanning. This year we're flying from London to Guangzhou direct (thanks, China Southern) and have already included our flights from Guangzhou to Nanning (to be seen how goes as currently en route to Guangzhou).

The queue in Heathrow looked bad when I got there at 7.40pm, nearly three hours in advance. Tan and the kids had taken the taxi and unfortunately been delayed nearly an hour so we only got into the queue at nearly half eight for our half ten flight. It took well over an hour, during which I should have been working as we had had a very bad day at work with a needy client. I had been lumbered with a 96 page document full of comments that I was told I needed to sort out. Well I did the best I could, assuming I'd be able to work for a couple of hours in the airport. As it transpired I didn't have the time for a bite to eat, let alone work. All in all a very regrettable situation.

Well, that was out of my hands. The kids were ok, and understandably excitable. Xixi had slept in the taxi, but not Leilei. They dealt with the long queue better than us adults and finally we made our way through security and even managed to get some duty free before boarding.

So far the flight has been ok. I must have missed the life-jacket warnings as I was checking something on my phone as we took off. The first time I have been so un-nerved for such an event (and the first time I have missed the warnings to turn electronic devices off unless China Southern have become the first airline to realise that such things do not warrant a danger). So far we are four hours into the flight and the wife and kids are asleep but I just can't do so (it is about 3am UK time). Please let me get some kip!!

Leilei and Xixi looking less than impressed at the legroom on the nice flight to Guangzhou

A380 for the main flight back...and a grateful pickup from LHR

After under four hours' sleep we got up at around 6am and brought our stuff to the reception. I paid the bill (not realising that the tonic was not included in the 26 kuai for my gins of the previous night and being slightly miffed at that). But not that miffed as after I paid up the bloke at the reception he gave me a big western style hug as though we were old friends, before the taxi turned up. Not only was it on time, and a friend of the hotel, it was only 300 kuai all in, which made it 100 kuai cheaper than the one that was arranged for us from the airport four days ago.

We were well in time for the flight, and spent a bit of time getting duty free before we needed to board. As I took a photo of Leilei in front of the plane I learnt that it was an Airbus 380, in other words the new, biggest passenger plane in the world as I understand it. Not that it made any obvious difference to me as we boarded as per a normal plane. We'd managed the middle four seats and thankfully the flight to Germany was fairly smooth and I did manage a little sleep. Using the kids I managed to bypass queues in Frankfurt or wherever we were and the kids slept on the flight to London as I wish I could have.

A handsome lad in front of our A380 to take us to Europe

Good old Awl had driven to Heathrow and met us there to drive us back, during which the kids slept all the time. I dreaded the night that was to come but in fact they did go to bed reasonably ok, allowing Awl and I to have a late nightcap. I hate getting back so much, but it is made easier by the prospect of seeing family and friends. One thing I have promised myself to not do though is moan about the temperature. I hate it when other people do that so must not do so myself. So what? You lived in a warmer country, it's not like you don't know what it's like in the UK. It's cold and wet - deal with it.

Once again we've had a lovely time in our home in China. It is good to be back in the UK again. Both are good, but I feel a bit out of it here now. Here's hoping that in ten months we'll get the chance to go back again. Gan bei!

Ah, so it wasn't G&T yesterday...anyway last night in Beijing and nice meal

Today was slightly more relaxed than Beijing has been so far. Slightly. Actually, that reminds me of part of "The Greatest Show on Earth", or maybe it was "The God Delusion". Well, it was one of Dawkins's recent works where he digresses when he mentions "Beijing", and asks why we don't call it "Peking" as other countries do. It's quite an interesting point. We don't call Paris "Paree", or Rome, "Roma". But it doesn't actually matter that much so Beijing it is.

Not sure if that was Xixi's writing but I love this way of practising just using water - safe!

After an enjoyable morning in the courtyard of the hotel after breakfast bought locally the previous night we went out to see Cao Lei again. This time we went to a beautiful park just north of the Forbidden City, affording great views of it. I really should remember this park's name. It was a hot day and we enjoyed some long walks to various pagodi before taking a nice boat ride to more serene places.

Tan can still get her arms around me but I need to remove some excess I put on in Pingguo

In front of the Forbidden City

They got a bit spoilt with a fan-cap for Xixi and a blue machine gun for Leilei...

We got back to our place in the late afternoon but I had arranged to meet the sister of an ex-colleague of mine from university ten years back, as I'd met them in London a few months back and said if I was ever in Beijing I'd call her and I was true to my word. Then we experienced a particularly frustrating part of Chinese life in big cities as I understand it. It was 6pm, and therefore all the cabbies were changing shifts, i.e. they were all going home and not taking new fares. I just can't believe that this would happen now. 6pm has to be the time when cabs are most in demand so surely those savvy drivers would ensure they were working at this time, no? It took more than fifteen minutes but I eventually flagged one down and had to wrestle away others to get my family into it. But we did it and got to a rather posh area of Beijing, on the waterfront, at not long before 7pm.

We met up with my ex-colleague's sister after Xixi had unintentionally given me a bloody nose by headbutting me while trying to kiss me. The poor girl was distraught when she saw she'd drawn blood and it was all I could do to tell her it was ok. Well, the meal was delicious, despite more than a dozen toilet breaks for the kids. It wasn't too pricy at around 300+ kuai so I didn't feel too bad about not paying for it. Afterwards at around 9.30pm getting a cab was nearly as bad as earlier, but miraculously two turned up at once and we nigh on jumped into them with barely a second to say our thank yous and goodbyes.

We had done most of the packing this morning for tomorrow's journey, so had a relatively relaxed last couple of hours. I'd promised the kids some little presents so we stopped in a small knick-knack shop on our hotel's road and I got them some cheap crap that they liked. I also got a rather cool mini plunger - about 1.5" in length, which was designed to stick on the back of your smartphone to lean it up as you watched videos on it. Ingenious!

Sometimes it's just great with your kids

When the kids were finally asleep I took the laptop to the bar again for a G&T again and to print out the boarding passes, and to book a cab for tomorrow. I made a realisation that I really ought to have done this last night. The "0 Calorie" tonic water I'd chosen last night was not in fact tonic water but soda water. I still don't really know what that is but it's not much different from fizzy water. No wonder my G&T tasted so shit, as it was in fact G&SW, which doesn't even sound nice. So I sank two real G&Ts (fully calorific) for the first time in two months and properly enjoyed them this time. I even helped out some French tourists in French, as for some reason the Lufthansa website didn't seem to want to work with our Chinese connection. I ended up using logmein to connect to my UK laptop and downloaded the boarding passes from there and then emailing them to myself so I could get them in China and print them out. And people call that geeky...say that the next time you miss your plane in the Far East, suckers.

I did stay up rather late as I hoped that that would enable me to sleep on the next day's flight.

Great Wall (again for me with City top on)

Despite the smaller beds it was undeniable that this place was much nicer than the Forest Land Hotel. However, I did have to help out with the local Internet. The only wifi reception I could get was from the reception (no pun intended) even though there was an access point in the courtyard so I asked the receptionist if I could have a look at their setup. I noticed that their access point was unplugged in the central area. So I plugged it in and set it up in the comms room. To put it in a nutshell I solved their Internet issues in a few minutes and although they were grateful it wasn't half as much as I was. It enabled me to do a bit of geeking while the family slept and I finally got to sleep at oneish after a couple of beers.

We met Cao Lei again this morning. We were to go to the Great Wall, and she was to drive us. I had been there back in 2003 and it had changed. Not the wall itself, not even the shops selling touristy shite. But something less Chinese was there. Around 40% of people there were not Chinese and again it felt so different from 2003 with Venky. Plus this time we had blooming kids to deal with, neither of whom really wanted to go to the top (same as the ladies). So after ten minutes' climbing we went back down and had a meal of dumplings in a reasonably priced restaurant at the bottom. I've had difficulties paying Cao Lei for all she's done for us but finally managed to put a few hundred kuai in her hand today. On the way back I slightly geeked with my phone and played some Chinese songs over the FM radio much to the ladies' delight!

At the base of one of the entrances of the wall

About as far up as we got on the Great Wall

Leilei at the Great Wall

Xixi at the Great Wall

Leilei didn't really want to join in the cannon sitting

I wish the shirt was the only thing older in March 2003...

...than the wearer in 2011

Cao Lei had to go to pick up her kids in the afternoon so dropped us of on the north side of the Forbidden City at around 4pm. Unfortunately we found out that the north end was just the exit as we had planned on visiting this beautiful place that I'd been to eight years ago. Instead we got onto a crowded bus and went to Tiananmen Square and spent the rest of the daylight hours wearing out the kids before getting the tube back to our road. We had a relatively simple meal on the way back and this restaurant only had one other table of foreigners.

Xixi looking quite the traveller at Tiananmen

Totem polling by Tiananmen

Although tired I fancied a walk as the kids were falling asleep in the hotel and did so at around 8pm. I noticed that there was a table outside the hotel and some people doing some bbq. After a relatively boring twenty minutes' walk I came back and by now there seemed to be a bit of a party outside the hotel. The receptionist was there and bade me sit down and have a beer and a bbq'd prawn. How could I refuse? The majority of people were foreign guests at the hotel and the staff were very keen to communicate in English with them, hence I was pleased when they conversed with me in Mandarin.

The cook was already particularly drunk and kept telling me to call him the next day and he'd make me a special meal. But the main conversation of the evening was with a fifty-something German with his Chinese girlfriend not too much his junior. I dare say he'd had a few beers already but was in stitches when I talked to his girlfriend in Mandarin - almost in disbelief. Strange, as he was talking to me in English, which I presume is foreign to him....

It was nice to have a chat over a couple of beers, but as the "party" petered out and because the family were asleep I fancied a bit of a geek so got my laptop and for the first time went to the bar. Aahh, it was actually nice to be in a smoky bar even not smoking. They had gin, and even cans of tonic. I hadn't had tonic water for two months so was quite excited at the prospect. It was "Watsons" brand, but I didn't care. And then I noticed a "0 Calorie" version so I opted for that. Gosh, it was really poor tonic - no flavour but still it made a change from the sweet Pingguo shui bi lemonade. Well, I had a second one just to make sure, before bed soon after midnight.

Multicultural Beijing

We woke up with the knowledge that we would certainly be changing hotels within a couple of hours. What transpired was sort of typically Chinese. We checked out as Tan had found a place nearby that was cleaner, if a little "cosier" and more expensive. Not as much as I had originally planned on paying though. We'd got all our suitcases outside in the warm morning and paid for our solitary evening in the Forest Land Hotel. Then awaited two taxis to arrive to take us to our new place. They did arrive within half an hour but then refused to take us to our new hotel because...oh well I tried to get the answer but it was something to do with it being a special day and they couldn't drive there. Poppycock, it was just that it was the wrong way down a one-way street and they could have easily gone the long way round. As it was I did not understand this so we had to pay each driver the minimum 11 kuai or whatever.

After a long time on the phone a couple of blokes from the new place came to help us. It transpired that the new hotel was but a couple of hundred yards away so we set in that direction through the hu taos, passing blokes drinking beer in the late morning and many others eating, until we arrived at the Beijing Xiao Zhan Hotel/Hostel and it was immediately more welcoming than yesterday's attempt. The reception was clean, as was our room - if somewhat smaller than last night. But I could cope with a couple of one-and-a-half beds as I'd be with Xixi and Tan with Leilei. There was also a lovely courtyard that most of the rooms opened out to.

Once we'd paid our deposit and dumped our stuff Tan got in contact with her friend Cao Lei, who was a good friend for a few years while she and her family lived in the UK, until moving back to China a few years ago for better work prospects. Cao Lei and her husband and two daughters (born in the UK) came around later in the morning to pick us up and take us for lunch. As this was Beijing they left their car parked by the hotel and we got a couple of taxis to take us. We went to a charming place, and because it was around 1pm by now it was not too busy. We had some of the local specialities and a couple of glasses of beer, and it was nice for the ladies to chat in the same room rather than by QQ 5000 miles apart. Cao Lei's husband also mainly spoke to me in Chinese, which I took as a compliment.

Cao Lei's daughters are obviously a lot older than I remember them, but they were great company for Leilei and Xixi, and even me. After lunch we went to visit some ancient places that I now find interesting. I was struck by how many foreigners there were. Not just whiteys but people in Muslim garb and some Blacks too. I felt like I had just arrived from a foreign country and in some respects I had. Beijing has obviously become very multicultural in the eight and a half years since I was here last.

Meeting up with Cao Lei and family in Beijing

Tan and I at a Confucius place in Beijing

Tan and I in front of a lovers' tree apparently

All in all the day was enjoyable as we caught up with old friends and saw some lovely sights. But at the end I couldn't help really missing Pingguo. Here was if anything closer to London than to back home. I was tired, but forced myself to go for a little walk along the hu tao but still couldn't really feel as if I was here.

Last day in Pingguo 2011 and another temporary blackout

Normally this day is a panic-stricken few hours of getting our stuff sorted and leaving an almighty mess before getting a lift to Nanning airport. This year was a bit of an exception. The kids had slept at Waipo's place so Tan and I were able to get up a little later than normal, justified by the fact that we'd been up late last night after the karaoke packing bags. But it makes it so much nicer when you know that if you're leaving stuff behind it's in your own house rather than a relative's. I left a few more clothes and some toiletries that would have taken up some weight and will be of more value waiting for the next time we come. The same went for some of the kids' toys and even Tan's stuff. I did take a picture of some of my toiletries though, so I know what not to bring next time. Unfortunately, when it comes to clothes I've left the same ones there for a few years now and although they only get worn for a few weeks a year my photographs would lead people to believe I haven't refreshed my wardrobe much since coming to Pingguo.

A reminder of my toiletries

I actually had to pop into the local supermarket and took a pic of the booze section in case Awl or another friend might be interested

Well something typical had to happen on our last day, and it duly did. Although we have now been moved to "City Electricity" as opposed to "Country Electricity", the effect of a tropical storm this morning had some unwelcome effects on our plans. My first task was to take back the flat screen telly to Waipo's house, where we borrowed it from seven weeks ago. This would have been easy had it not been pissing down by the time I got onto the electric bike. I decided to wrap the tv in a couple of supermarket bags and it seemed to managed the journey to Waipo's even though I got soaked to the bone in lovely warm rain. I didn't stay long enough to actually test the tv, but this was my last time with Waipo so I gave her a genuinely loving hug. Although she is mostly skin and bones, she is now a bit used to this Westernism; she actually put her arms out to hug me before I did so to her. That is actually quite a profound change. I do think she likes me now.

So much for the tv. I had to drop some stuff off at A Hua's then get back via the market. But as soon as I arrived at the market the heavens truly opened and it was all I could do to find refuge by one of the market sellers and manage to keep a tiny amount of dryness on my tee-shirt. I knew it wasn't even midday, and we didn't have to leave till 3pm, so I just sat there chatting with the market seller, and realised that this was another of the things I love about being here. I was no longer just a white bloke, we were just talking about the seasonal variations of fruit, and how it affected business etc. It took nearly half an hour for the rain to die down but when it did I drove to A Hua's again since the rain had aborted my previous attempt. There I left my trusty electric steed, and said my goodbyes to A Hua and a couple of other lovely ladies.

Stuck in the rain but happy to be in the market place!

For the last time in 2011 I took a san lun che to get back home. I knew that we'd pretty much packed up all we needed.
I pressed the button on the lift to get me up to our 14th floor (13th in English) and promptly found out that the recent storm had screwed the electricity. Bugger. There was nothing for it; in the 30+ degree heat I walked up to our place and grabbed the heaviest bag (as Tan was taking a shower). It might have taken half an hour but I got the bugger down after losing two pints of sweat. By this time Lin Hong and her husband had arrived to help us. I explained about the lack of electricity so her husband A Zheng walked up with me to get the rest. Somehow, while I was upstairs the electricity came back on. That should have been great news except for the fact that I had started taking the second heaviest bag downstairs. I finally noticed that the electricity was back when I was on the eigtht floor, and gladly took the lift for the remainder of the trip...but I could have been told earlier I'm sure...

Finally the dreaded hour of departure arrived, and Lin Hong and her husband took us to Waipo's house where the kids were ready to go. I don't want to dwell on the journey but it was as it has been since 2003, with the "Don't drive tired" road signs on the way to the airport. And the airport was the same, with our best friends staying until we got past the security point. Really sad, as they are not just friends but actual relatives.

The flight to Beijing was on time and thankfully not too turbulent. I'd already ordered a taxi (at 40 quid I thought it was extortionate but a sign of the times), and we got to our shitty Beijing hotel (Forest Land hotel) around midnight. Unfortunately it was quite a dirty place, but after a long day we just slept (I would have preferred the advertised wifi). Not a great welcome to the capital city.

Last, lovely, family meal

I think this is just about the first weekday that the kids haven't gone to school. But of course they had other places to go to. So I was allowed some time to mull. I have been reading some rather worrying articles about world population recently, and how although it is possible to manage to feed everyone (through non-organic farming means), it isn't going to be tenable going forward. At least that's my understanding. It's one of the reasons I don't generally buy organic food, as it seems to be encouraging a market that, if it was the only way of producing food, would only be able to feed about half of the world's current population. If that is anything near the truth then I am justified in my avoidance of organic. Having said that, it may be that most of what I eat here is organic. If so that's great as it feeds the local population and we don't ship it half way across the world. Plus, here we have a policy that limits population.

What a sore point. Almost as a reaction I was against this. But being aware of, and living in two very different cultures, I have to at least analyse things I would otherwise dismiss out of hand. The one child policy is rather severe, but was probably born (no pun) out of a perceived necessity. I am now of the opinion that regulating population is a necessity. It is a hard thing to say, but now that we are aware of the impacts of what we do we have a responsibility to not totally screw things up for our future generations. If people really agree (as it seems they do) that fossil fuel pollution and other such man-made planet-endangering things are bad then it makes sense to not have as many people who are doing this to the planet. Although I recognise this as being a completely different reason from the Chinese policy, I have been thinking about what might be the best way. I don't want to have a blanket "one-child-unless-you-live-in-the-countryside-and-your-first-child-is-a-girl-or-disfigured" approach, but I'm thinking something more like "two-children-unless-both-are-the-same-sex-in-which-case-you-can-have-more-until-you-have-both-genders". I love having two kids and I know so very very well I'm lucky to have one of each. Just about every Chinese parent I know has said such nice things about us having had a boy and a girl, with no remorse about only having had one kid. I feel almost embarrassed. But I think my horrible algorithmic way of population control would be a good thing. I just can't stand the way that certain cultures (more like religions) emphasise the importance of breeding just so they can have more than the others.

For the evening meal we kept it a family affair. Waipo and Jiuma, having spent so much time with the kids outside of school (and allowing Tan and I to have our own lives with our own friends, and our own marital time together) were to make a rare venture out, along with Lin Hong and her daughter Tian Tian. A Heng and Ling Ming also came and us blokes shared a couple of beers and some nice food, and we had a genuinely nice family meal. Our last such for a long time.

Last family meal
Rather than be sad for the rest of the waking day, A Hua invited us to karaoke for a final time. Though it was a mainly girls' night out there were a couple of blokes so I managed a few last ganbei's of the year. But knowing that you're leaving the next day somewhat sobers you up and I got Tan home around 1amish. "Home" - I don't take that for granted here as it is more our own place than our abode in London.

KTV on last night in Pingguo 2011

Water scrolls as presents

We're leaving on Saturday so I needed to do some stuff. As I was coming back from taking the kids to school I remembered the local shop I like that sells sporting goods, toys and knick-knacks. I was particularly keen on getting some interesting scrolls that were designed to allow you to practise writing your characters. I had been surprised to see the shop owner writing with black ink on such a scroll with apparent disregard for where spillages might occur. Until, that was, I realised he was dipping his brush in water and it was the scroll itself that was displaying the characters in black. Not rocket science, but a great design anyway; the characters would fade away after a minute or two as the water dried up. I thought it would be an interesting and rather unique present to bring back (quite rare to find such a thing here) so I ended up buying ten of them at 15 kuai each. Until the shop owner bargained me down to 12 kuai a piece. Only in Pingguo have I ever encountered anti-bartering. Well, maybe it wasn't as I also bought ten calligraphy brushes at 4 to 6 kuai a piece.

Though I felt I should be in a rush to do things during my last 48 hours I didn't rush. I rather boringly chilled out and just lived. I picked up the kids at the usual time but it had changed - there were only a handful of kids there as most were now back in normal school. In fact I'd been told not to take them tomorrow as they'd be practically the only kids there. So I brought some cash and paid the teacher the princely sum of 1250 kuai or thereabouts for all the time Leilei and Xixi had been there. About 120 quid for the best part of two months - bargain!

I did make the effort to go to Ma Laoban's computer shop for a last time to say goodbye for another year. I was glad I did as I met a couple of other mates there, one of whom, Li Yi, brought me a thoughtful present of home made moon cakes. Unfortunately, moon cakes are rather heavy, so not good for travelling with - but they do make great presents for other Chinese.

Later on I went to the bbq by the guang chang to meet up with Yang Haiwei and his wife and friends. But it wasn't as fun as normal. He was rather the worse for wear again, and there was just this overhanging awareness that we were leaving soon. I bade my goodbyes around midnight, hoping earnestly that I would see them within ten or so months.

Last supper at the cool cave

The end is nigh. My other life has but a few days before it is extinguished for at least another year. I am gutted. But I'm blooming well going to invite my mates out for an evening with the lads. In true Pingguo style I waited until midday before ringing up A Wu, Uncle Yellow, Li Kun, Zhang Hongping and some others and inviting them to an evening out. I had decided on the Cool Cave - the place that Uncle Yellow had taken me to seven weeks ago. Interestingly, everyone I called answered and said they'd be there. Being Chinese, I knew I had to get there before the 6.30pm time I'd set. Luckily, I'd managed a quick siesta and picked up the kids from school and dumped them off so I was in good time. I had to stop off at the bank to get some cash out - something I've done for years without major problems. But today the bank ATM only seemed to want to give me 800 kuai. I tried to withdraw more and it decided to churn and churn before spitting out a message in Chinese to the effect that it was screwed. Luckily it gave me back my card. But I was concerned as I needed to pay for tonight, not to mention paying Lin Hong back for house stuff...

Waiting to eat at the Cool Cave

I didn't have time to worry though as as soon as (three "as"'s in four words - result) I got to the eating place by the cave I saw there was already A Wu and Boss Hu (Hu'me I hadn't actually invited), plus A Dong and a couple of others. Apparently I was late. Anyway, we walked up to the cave entrance. A Wu couldn't stop himself complaining about the place - how smelly it was, how dirty it was etc, but I knew he was just playing a game. In the ensuing quarter of an hour all the rest of my invitees arrived in good spirits and we sat down to be served with beers and promises that the food was on its way.

Enjoying the wait with a manly beer

And wasn't it worth the wait? We had a couple of platters of fried tiny prawns that you eat with the shells on, as many as you can get on a pair of chopsticks. That was followed by some sublime meaty thing that was gone within seconds. I ordered more of the same and everything was gulped down, as was the beer and the 10-12 of us had a better time than I could have hoped for. It was a truly blokeish evening. When the cook's wife came up with some friends to eat at the tables beside us we went over to pay our regards and raise a couple of glasses to them. Definitely one of my favourite Pingguo evenings!

One of my favourite evenings - good memories

I went to pay at around 9.30 and it was only 300 kuai. I had been expecting, but not hoping for, double that. I'd even borrowed 400 kuai from A Wu just in case. I decided to give an extra couple of hundred kuai to the chef as others would be staying after I left and I wanted to cover their beers.

At 10 o'clock ish we left and I had a call from Tan. She was eating zhou at the usual place near our house and I came to say hello but I was feeling the effects from the night so I took the kids home and bathed them and got them to bed before doing much the same to myself.

Driving like a boss

Just like yesterday until I picked the kids up. I could do this for donkeys’ years but only if I forced in at least an hour’s exercise every morning to cancel out a lazy late morning. But I know it won’t happen so it’s guilt free as it won’t last long.

After picking up Xixi I went to A Da's Waipo's house as Leilei had gone there with A Da apparently. I really like A Ni's parents - they may have a shrine to previous leaders downstairs in their garage but they are as loving grandparents as you will meet. Always a smile, and even bigger when Leilei comes around. He's accepted as a normal friend of A Da's and treated as such. When I came to check they were ok I fortunately had the opportunity to see A Ni's younger sister's one-year-old baby, who by all accounts is rather beautiful. I left their house a few minutes later regretting the fact that I had not spent a bit more time there like a few years ago when we went there for more than a few family-laden meals of 15-plus people. I get the impression that that is very important for them.

A Ni's sister, daughter, dad and mum - a genuinely lovely family

I went to the place where they changed the batteries for our dian dong che a few weeks back. They had said to come back one day before 6pm for a bite to eat and a glass of beer but today it seemed they were different people. I didn’t want to force myself so I went for a ride with Xixi instead. As happens, Waipo rang to ask where the kids were, so I took Xixi back to her then met up with A Wu at his office. He asked me in to have a couple of beers but I didn’t really fancy it so I had one anyway while he drank one and finished his work.

As the dian dong che didn’t have much dian, A Wu took me to some place where A Ni was having her face done. It ponged a bit inside, so we didn’t stay too long, but it transpired that I was to take his (now her) car, while he took his new one to a meeting.

So suddenly I was on my own in Pingguo in a blacked-out black saloon (sedan sounds better) coasting the streets by myself. I felt like a boss. I put the window down and put my left hand out (as it is an automatic). Then realised what a plonker I looked like so raised the window again. Despite being boss-like in my long black car, I didn’t really know what to do so I rang Tan to find she was having some bbq with Huang Chen. So I rolled up unexpected and parked the car next to them. If I had had shades I’d have been wearing them just to take them off as I got out of the car. As it was I just had to disembark coolly. Which was cool until I got to their table and realised I’d left the headlights on. It doesn’t look so cool going back and turning them off.

Anyway I had a bit of bbq with the girls. A Wu had said he would call me within 20 minutes but I didn’t expect that. But I did get a call from Uncle Yellow, my friend of five years. So I agreed to meet him, and did so outside Pingguo Middle School. I drove in the general direction of A Wu’s office and predictably got a call from him as we arrived – he was driving and going in the opposite direction. There was a bit of confusion but it ended up that I followed him as he was going to “drink tea” with A Da’s teacher.

So I’d taken Uncle Yellow on a bit of a wild goose chase, but I insisted that he come with me to drink tea as my guest. And it proved to be a very nice encounter. There was indeed a big tea table, around which were seated eight or so people, including three women - wives, judging by the ages. But I like it when women are around, it feels like it won’t just fall into a boozing session. How wrong was I? Yes, it was tea for the first 20 minutes. Then beer was ordered. Then A Wu got a few bottles of red wine delivered from the same place he previously got them from. I happily insisted that I wouldn’t touch the wine. A move justified by the fact that the ladies and gentlemen that did imbibe, also added ice cubes and slices of lemon, as though it were a cheap Spanish drink! “As though it were” or “as though it was”? Tan was asking me a similar question earlier today. Being a grammar nazi (lower case on purpose), as Lisa will tell me, this is a concerning point. I love our English language and I appreciate that it is an evolving beast, with generations far shorter than our human ones, thanks mainly to the Internet. But can you start a sentence with “But”? Yes, that’s become ok now. But can you say “as though it was”? That I just don’t know. I feel we’ve written and spoken it enough for it to be ok but it just leaves a slightly sour taste on my tongue. I think I should learn enough and become a Chinese grammar nazi – that would learn me.

Well A Da’s new teacher became rather drunk, as did a most of the nice people around the table. He went from saying he didn’t know how to cai ma, to challenging me at every opportunity, and almost liking losing. I can’t really see how this is advertising oneself as a teacher but bugger it I had a good time and everyone was very friendly and also took in Uncle Yellow as a good friend too which was very important to me. The ladies completed the unholy trinity by drinking cold red wine with ice cubes and slices of lemon and finally gan bei’ing their glasses with me. Sacre bleu!

Tea and beer and wine with A Da's new teacher and associates

Uncle Yellow left at 11pm and half an hour later I was flagging too, but A Wu said we needed to finish the alcohol before we left. I disagreed so did something I don’t normally do and stood up with my glass and proposed a toast as it was time to go. Thankfully, everyone seemed very happy to agree, and we all left within a minute. As we’d taken two cars I needed to drive back to a Wu’s office, which I wasn’t too thrilled with but the slowness of it made it a lot safer.

Fried bees for the first time in years...

Into the last week here but trying not to think about that. Did a normal school run as I was feeling a lot better – must have been another 24 hour bug. Got Tan some of her preferred “fen” for breakfast and she had it for lunch after we had a nice morning to ourselves.

As it won’t happen again for a long time, for lunch at home I enjoyed a couple of cold beers with some jiao zi from across the way, which led to a refreshing siesta before it was time to get the kids. This evening Xi Li had invited us to a meal. For a (refreshing) change this was not at Li Jia He Xian, but another restaurant, nearly as plush, near to A Wu’s office. Actually A Wu was in Nanning so couldn’t make it, but I was happy as for the first and probably only time this year they had my equal favourite: fried bees! Oh, I’ve been asking for this at every place we’ve been to, as we used to have it all the time before we were constrained to only coming here in the summer due to school holidays. They are a seasonal treat for September and October I understand.

On a similar note, the long yan (dragon eye) fruits are also drying up. Literally and figuratively. I waited until August until they were finally in the markets, and since then we’ve bought them on a regular basis. It almost goes without saying that if you go to someone’s house you bring a bag of fruit, and it is always welcomed – proven by the fact that it doesn’t last long. Now, but a score of days later it is pretty much the end of the season, but not the end of the long yans – you can now see them spread out on pavements and roads outside houses, in our car parks outside the building and in just about any cranny than is big enough and gets the sun, which is not difficult as most of the day it is directly above you. What they are doing is drying the inside of the fruit so that they will keep longer. They either sell them with the hard skin still on – looking like, but weighing much less than their fresher, fleshier counterparts, or shelled and ready to eat as an expensive treat.

This seasonal nature of eating, be it bees or dragon eyes, is a flashback to what it must have been like in Europe and the rest of the modernised world before we had cheap shipping and refrigeration. Although it means I can’t get my bees, or fresh mangoes, or fresh long yans when I want them, it does mean that when I do get them they are as fresh as the day they were picked, because they quite literally probably were. Ditto for so much of the food here. A lack of choice is something I am very willing to pay for the freshness of the food. Who knows? Maybe it is organic too….

Back at Xi Li’s meal, the restaurant actually had bees and I was enjoying them and the pi dan, but I already had rumblings from below. As Xixi was there I’d already visited the toilet a couple of times as she drinks the local orange juice like it might not be fashionable the next day. So I knew there was no tissue and the floor was very wet. And I was somewhat prepared when the signs came for an impending evacuation and although I made it in time I had forgotten how long it takes to remove a pair of long trousers and boxer shorts when you’re sweating. I suppose I could, like most Chinese, bring them down to knee level pre-squat and do my business, but I fear too much that something will spill over and spoil and soil my clothes. So off came everything below naval, and I had to balance my trousers and boxers on my flip flops to avoid wetness. I managed this just in time before an explosion I have no desire to recreate physically or mentally. Strangely, that’s all there was, and I only managed to wet the bottom of the left leg of my white trousers when putting them on again. I didn’t dare use my phone while squatting, unlike Andge, who two years ago managed the enviable feat of attaining three stars on Angry Birds on every level while squatting over a Chinese loo.

I felt like a new man upon my return, and was able to cai ma with A Dong and Lao Lin. And then another couple of blokes came in as the meal was ending and the womenfolk were leaving, and we had another couple of beers. Lu Hai rang me as we were leaving the meal to invite me to go out to eat “xiao ye”, meaning “night snack”. I told him I wasn’t sure as my stomach was dodgy and full. I had thought about going for a nice head wash instead as time was running out. But he is a good mate I have known since we stayed at his place in 2003, and I proposed to Tan there (not the most romantic of places in retrospect, but it was a fitting time for other reasons). So rather than riding home I stopped off at his salon where he was in the process of preparing some greens by the looks of things. That took about 20 minutes, during which he also managed to cut a customer’s hair, then he led me to the bbq place near the river where I actually haven’t been for a couple of years.

It’s a great thing that you can come down to a place that makes its money on the food it sells (rather than the drinks) and bring your own food. Lu Hai had brought a specialty I hadn’t had this year in raw fish, that you dip in vinegar flavoured with garlic, peanuts and other lovely stuff. I wasn’t at all hungry, and after the toiletry experience of an hour or so previously I didn’t want to tempt fate by basically daring my gut to project out its contents again, but I couldn’t resist the raw fish. Not only does it have a great taste, the texture is something to behold, and for me texture comes before taste in food.

What started out as five of us soon doubled as we brought a second table as you might do in a pub. Lots of Qi du was imbibed, but we also bought a lot of food from the bbq place we were sitting at, thus making the proprietor happy I suppose. I have asked the question before (on Awl’s behalf) about coming to a bbq place and bringing your own booze as I know Awl probably can’t do 3.1% beer, and apparently there is no problem at all – no corkage. But corkage does exist if you go to a bar and bring your own drink – I’ve never done that but I’d be interested in how much they charge.

One bloke I was chatting to (and apparently had drunk with before – a common, but embarrassing thing when you forget them), had a Nokia N8 and an iphone4. Such riches, he must realise that the former was for photos, and the latter for letting the wife play with. But no! He said that the iphone4 had the better camera. After weeks of research I could not let this lie! I explained that the 12Mp camera with professional lens and proper flash made pictures far superior that his iphone. He actually listened to my explanations of why, and would you Adam and Eve it he actually agreed! His opinion had been based on what he’d been told; he’d never printed a picture in his life. I was so happy to have met someone with an N8 and also to have told them about the wonders of its camera, I felt like the first Christian to have converted somebody in South America.

Eating raw fish with good friends

Later, after I forced myself to leave blaming a dodgy tummy and fatigue, I got home and realised that my explaining about the Nokia is an integral part of the human condition; we need to tell people how their lives can be better. If you are religious this is obvious. But if not, you still do the same in every breath you take. I think it’s impossible to avoid – you are always trying to advertise your way of life unless you are suicidal. Well maybe it’s not so black and white but I have a feeling it’s close.

More dodgy stomach but a cracking City win

I woke up feeling shit like last week. Dreadful “la du” and aches and pains all over. Tan had got up at 7am to go to her driving lesson, and Leilei had come into our bed during the night and was sleeping like a baby. I managed to find some paracetamol and aspirin capsules and downed a couple, but couldn’t get back to sleep, mainly as I felt chained to the toilet. When Tan returned she tried to get back to sleep as Leilei started to stir. This went on for a bit. Tan tapping away on QQ on her phone and Leilei eventually getting up. It took some effort, but once he was dressed I took him to Waipo to play and to put some shorts on as he had run out here.

I made it back without too much trouble but still found trouble sleeping, although reading some of the more scientific parts of “The Greatest Show on Earth” eventually helped me to a few moments of shuteye. But it wouldn’t be for long as I’d promised Leilei I’d call Su Xiaoli’s dad to ask if he could come over to play, which I did soon after lunch. It was nice to be able to leave him to play with her and grab a little more time to just do nothing and nurse my aching body, while falling in and out of dreamlike states where I felt able to see myself from the outside….

Of course I know it is because I is white. The attention that the kids and I are afforded is augmented by this fact. But I have made an effort in many other ways to blend in with the language and culture. And it’s nice to see and hear the kids do so too. From shy’uns during the first week they have blossomed in confidence and are happy to go off with other friends, chatting away sometimes using words I don’t understand. It makes the huge expense of the trip over here that much more bearable, and makes me appreciate how fortunate I am to have a boss who has allowed me to work from home in China for four weeks sandwiched between my holidays.

I was thinking of what I like about being here. Not just how I am treated, or the kids’ well-being, but just as a fly on the wall. I think it’s to do with being organic. Not in the sense of growing fruit for the middle class, but in the lack of human-written “rules” that govern life here. For example, for years before we had specific bins for recycling in the UK we had such bins in China. But it wasn’t because it was mandated, it was because stuff was really needed to be recycled as the core materials, like plastic, were too expensive to be thrown away. I suppose this is a little bit like the deposits we used to get back on Corona bottles in the 70s and 80s, presumably before glass became so cheap to manufacture it wasn’t worth returning it.

Oh...the memories...had these on my desk as a kid

Another “organic” thing I’m just becoming used to, and related to the former example, is littering. Say you just downed a delicious 4 kuai large watermelon juice but you can’t see a bin – what do you do? Well even if you see a bin you drop your plastic cup and straw on the ground because for sure there will be someone around soon to sweep it up and probably take it to be recycled. And if everyone were to put their stuff in the bin would that person still have a job?

An important thing for me is the driving behaviour. It is purely the logic of the pavement translated onto tarmac. Only because of the slow speeds can this happen, but driving is just like walking. Yes we generally drive on the right, and generally stop at red lights (at least more than used to happen). But fundamentally everyone drives at such slow speeds there is time to react to unexpected situations such as people walking straight in front of you without looking (one of whom could be your own child). I have never felt so unsafe crossing a road as the day after having arrived in the UK after having spent time in Pingguo. Having cars pass you at 30+ mph is very scary when you’re not used to it. A Wu explained that in Pingguo there aren’t as many cars as bigger places; therefore you don’t need to drive quickly to get to places. It sort of made sense, but it still seems that driving quicker would get you there quicker. But I’m glad to say it’s frowned upon here.

I’d arranged with Awl to watch the Spurs-City game together with a couple of beers as it was 8.30pm for me, but as the time wore around I still had no desire to imbibe anything other than water and sweet green tea. But the kids were out and so was Tan, and I did have one small sealed glass of “medicine alcohol”. To be honest I’d actually bought it earlier in the day after I’d left Leilei with Su Xiaoli. Despite feeling quite sick I’d gone to a normal shop and asked about this drink, demanding if it really did have medicinal qualities. “Of course”, came the answer from the shop keeper. I decided to refrain from asking about evidence and scientific studies – the medicinal value was probably the same as the medicinal content of a homoeopathic tablet, but at least it could be medicinal in another way.

So I managed to find a shaky stream of the match and managed to drink some of my medicine during it. What a corker! I’ve rarely seen us play so confidently and the 5-1 result was deserved! United needed to win by 5 goals to push us into 2nd so finally I would see City on top of the league…. Well, until a couple of hours later when United caned Arsenal 8-2 to claim top spot. I can’t really complain though….

Day trip to Nanning to waterworld

We (the ladies and their husbands) had agreed to go to Nanning on Sunday to a couple of places of interest. We’d been talking about it for weeks but finally got around to arranging it. But the plans changed last minute and it was now to be Saturday. I had told Tan I needed to watch the Spurs – City match on Sunday evening at 8.30pm, and it was something to do with that, plus the fact that A Hua had made up with her son after a couple of fractious weeks, when Tan had thoughtfully talked to him and got him to say sorry. Rather than wait till the next day, A Hua had changed her shift so we could all go together as families. Except A Wu, I haven’t heard from him since his binge drinking session – I think he is out of town.

So I had Leilei ready by 9am in preparation for Tan’s return from her driving lesson and we ended up getting Xixi and having breakfast together as she was late back. Somehow this transpired to be my fault and there were more calls to “hurry up!” while we were eating in the breakfast place. So I just said to pick us up from there, which they did, in A Xia’s car, a few minutes later. A touch of calm is all you need.

Just outside Pingguo we stopped off as A Dong had his car and a few others inside. We ended up with A Xia’s husband driving (seems the women don’t generally drive out of town), Leilei and I in the front passenger seat, Tan, Xixi, A Xia and their son Su in the back, with A Dong, A Hua, Nong Kaicheng, A Da and A Ni in the other car. As we moved onto the motorway I remembered I had to take out the seatbelt quieteners in order to put the actual seatbelts in. All modern cars have this annoying feature of beeping quicker and quicker if they are driven without front seatbelts attached, so this is the way around that while driving in town.

Qian mei met us in Nanning in her car with her daughter. First stop was Qingxiu Mountain. It is a mountain, but from what we saw it was more of a picturesque slopey walk through some rather nice wooden walkways whose shade made the heat bearable. There were plenty of things for the kids to climb on, and what would have been an even better assault course had it not been for the temperature. I thought it was pretty good value for 15 kuai per adult and 10 kuai for over 5s, and we could have spent a bit longer, but lunchtime was beckoning. We went to a restaurant and for a refreshing change ate in a big area with other members of the public. The speciality was slightly chilli fried duck, and very good it was too – with everyone fishing out the breast bits for me. Qian mei’s husband came for the meal but soon disappeared when we went to the highlight of the day – the Caribbean Water World. It was a tad pricy at 100 kuai for an adult and half that for kids but for that you get up to seven hours in the place and all the water rides are free. Well, they would have been if I had queued up for any. But two kids in such a place are a handful, especially when crowded, so we spent most of the time in the kiddy pools going on the small slides to the delight of Xixi, and, eventually Leilei.

Kids having a laugh on one of the many rocks in the Nanning mountain park

Xixi said she was milking the elephant

Xixi decided she wanted to attempt the assault course at 1pm in 40 degree heat. I love you too darling.

Baba and mama enjoying a rare moment together

They enjoyed the false beach with its imported sand, and the wave machine. I appreciated the way that the bracelet I wore, with my locker number, not only opened the locker like a hotel room so I could go and get the camera, but also you could use it to pay for food and drinks. Not that I needed to as we’d actually brought quite a lot of stuff ourselves. We had started at around 3.30pm, and finished just before 8pm, just after a round of tsunami on the false beach. The kids had had very little sleep, so I knew they would conk out in the car and this evening would be difficult.

Tan and Xixi having fun in the pool

Tan and Xixi looking adorable

Baba and Xixi looking...well not quite adorable...I need to remove the impending spare tyre soon...

As a parent of young children who are mostly out of their midday naps, you are very conscious of car journeys, indeed any time where they may sleep during the day as it can seriously affect the quality of your evening. Here, it’s ok as all the kids have a nap, and then stay up with family and friends late into the night, similar to Spain, but back home can be a nightmare. It’s something some people sometimes don’t think about when babysitting kids, and let them sleep at 4pm in the car, knowing they won’t have to be with them till midnight that night. I would understand people who avoid taking their kids in the car for journeys over a few minutes after lunch for this reason.

I managed to wake up Leilei after 45 minutes kip. He was ok, as Xiao Pan had booked a meal at Li Jian He Xian again (very late, at 9.30pm) and the boys would be there. But Xixi was grumpy and didn’t want to get up at all, so I ended up taking her to Jiuma and Waipo where she seemed happier. We ate a lot as we’d been swimming and hadn’t eaten for seven hours, then I took Leilei home where he eventually got to sleep at gone 12.30.

Last haircut with a fighting bird

True to Tan’s word the electricity went mid morning and I was grateful that I wasn’t working. I had showered last night in preparation for such a non-event, but was glad that Tan was going for an early driving lesson and therefore would take the kids to school afterwards. Don’t tell Tan but I actually half slept and half lazed in bed till gone midday. Well, it is a holiday and the kids are being taken care of, and the wife is out, so why not? I even started reading again. The book I’ve had on the go for a few months now (in fact it was one of the three books I bought for last year’s sojourn here) is “The Greatest Show on Earth”, by Richard Dawkins. It’s a lovely explanation of how natural selection works and you’d have to be quite moronic to not see this. On the plane over here Xixi wanted to see some pictures and this was the only book I had. She was absolutely transfixed by the pictures of the various stages of the foetus in the womb, from the fertilised egg to the four, then eight cells, eventually taking some sort of shape. I haven’t said anything other than that is what she and Leilei were once, in mummy’s tummy, but over the last few weeks she has begged me to get out these pictures to show her again and again. She still thinks it’s hysterical that she used to wee and eat through that umbilical cord attached to the placenta. Sometimes teaching your kids things is utterly rewarding!

As I had no need of a siesta I took the opportunity of going to Lu Hai’s for a haircut. Tan had expressed a preference for very short so who was I to argue? It would have been quicker to use a number 1 but Lu Hai always insists on cutting by hand as well as electric razor. By the time he’d finished I hardly had anything left on the back and sides as I hadn’t been keeping an eye on him. Rather, we’d been talking about his bird. I mean a real bird, in a cage. I forget the Chinese name and I certainly don’t know the English name but it is both the most beautiful singer and a great fighter, according to Lu Hai. He recently took it to a competition and it came third out of a hundred birds, and he won a few hundred kuai. Interestingly he had the song of the female version of the bird on his mobile, which he continued to play as we drank tea in his salon. I guess this was some way of getting the male excited, in order to make him sing more, or fight better. And then he proceeded to bring in another cage, this time covered, and said this was his wife. So he had been teasing the male with a female song, then brought in the actual female, but kept them on opposite sides of the room. I’d be livid! Anyway, despite the loud singing it was quite a plain looking brown bird that I ought to find the name of – he reckons good ones go for a few grand in Hong Kong where they bet a lot of money on the fighting.

Afterwards I did something I had been promising myself for weeks, climb up to a new pagoda I hadn’t seen before, situated on a mountain behind that with the statue of Mao Ze Deng. There was no obvious path and I had to negotiate piles of broken glass near an area that was being developed for new housing until I finally found the steps to the pagoda. It was rather tough in the humidity, but I’d brought some water, and the end result was worth it, affording a nice, new view of Pingguo from the East. And I’d burned up a fair few calories to boot.

View from the "other" pagoda - our block is the 2nd main one from left, guang chang in foreground

Tan spent most of the day out, but I was ok with the temperature in the house until I felt peckish at 5ish. I went to pick the kids up and this time took them and A Da to the Ming Dian hotel where the ladies were keeping cool. I munched on some dried beef and a couple of chicken’s feet (or was it chickens’ feet?), which kept the wolf from the door, and afterwards took all the kids to Waipo. I had some time to myself again, and went home.

Taking the kids back from school - room for a couple more!

One respectful thing they do when there is a planned electricity shortage is to enable the electricity (or generator) just for the lifts between 8-9am, 12-2.30pm, and around 6-7pm. This is solely for the workers who are lifting large amounts of cement and stones to the undecorated houses, of which there are still many in our building. I was aware of this and got the lift upstairs before 7pm.

As I was aware of my non-shrinking stomach I used the light of my phone to find the torch I’d recently bought to find my table tennis bat and a couple of bottles of water. Then started walking down the 14 flights of stairs before realising I’d forgotten to take off my flip flops and wear my trainers. I’ve played in flip flops before, and quickly changed to bare foot. Even then I felt I didn’t play to my normal ability. If I had reached the 7th floor I wouldn’t have bothered, but as it was I went back to the house to find some white socks and my trainers I bought here last year. It was much quicker and more comfortable to walk down to the bottom thus attired.

Although I could have walked it in three minutes I took the electric bike so as to use up a bit more battery before I charged it later. At the old folks’ youth centre it didn’t take more than five minutes before I was invited to play. I had a good warm-up session that suddenly turned into a game – first to three – with some old woman. I lost 3-1 but for some reason had to stay on as one of the masters had arrived and I suppose needed to warm up.

This bloke I have watched many times before and never sought to play. He is lean and nimble and holds his bat in a manner that makes you think if he were to hit anything slightly heavier than a ping pong ball it would drop to the ground. Anyway, I was pleased as punch that he deigned to spend any time at all with me. So we started a game. Normally this is my biggest problem as although I can smash a bit, and return smashes, I can’t serve or return serves for toffee. But he had not yet warmed up and I successfully lost the first game 11-7. I could have danced a victory jig not to have lost by more…..

The second game was more down to form…I was 5-1 down in a minute, but not really caring….feasting on my 7 previous points. Now I admit I wasn’t keeping score, but the woman who had just beaten me was – every point – I had just become deaf to her announcements, and was waiting for her to tell me when to swap sides after my defeat. Ok, something went awry. It took longer for me to be beaten than I expected, thanks to my new-found skills of being able to backhand smash and not fearing anyone. But suddenly, after a particularly nice scoop-smash of mine that I don’t mind admitting was very tasty, there were “whoops” abound as I shockingly realised that the reason we were changing ends was that I had won the final point. Yes, he must have been giving me some points….but it was such a great feeling please - let me have it.

I lost the next games 11-0 and 11-4 as if to prove the previous sentence but I think I earned some respect – and maybe the better players (i.e. those out of wheelchairs) will play me more in the future.


This wasn't the bloke I played but he's great to watch; he immediately adopts a defensive style, that more times that not ends up with him winning the point - not on this occasion though as the pillar comes to his opponent's aid

As if to justify my sweat of the previous two hours the electricity was back when I returned home, as I didn’t think I was capable of sweating anymore up 14 flights of stairs.

I hadn’t eaten, and despite my fatigue, took the bike out on its dead battery to meet Tan and her friends and Leilei for a bit of bbq before taking the son back and getting him showered and teethed and bedded. And that was it. One nice, full, fulfilling day.

Big bosses' meal

Up at a reasonably decadent 10am though it was a late last night. The kids seem to have moved to Er Jie’s house for the remainder of our time here. Er Jie was actually here for a couple of days earlier on in the week, and left her son Qiqi here. I bought some flatish white noodles for Tan on the way back from the school run but as I was hungry I had some while she was asleep. The electricity had come back while I was out but she didn’t arise until nearer midday and said she was going to eat with A Xia, so I ended up finishing the noodles for lunch…yum yum.

I was nearly tempted to eat another lunch with A Wu when he called at 12.15, but held off as I wanted to catch up on other things in the house, plus he had invited me to eat an evening meal at 5.30 and said it was very important! Then for no obvious reason (as the weather was fine but overcast) the electricity went again. It’s not so bad during the day as it’s not so hot we need air conditioning, but the main problem is that the water pressure goes so you can’t take a shower. Tan had taken the precaution of filling up two large buckets with water, and if necessary using that to wash, but try as I might I don’t cope too well with cold water.

So I was unwashed when I went to pick up the kids, and endured A Wu calling me a multitude of times telling me to hurry up. I dropped off the kids and proceeded to follow him as he sped through the streets at 25mph only to turn up at the wrong restaurant. I wonder if there’s an equivalent of “more haste less speed” here. One to look up.

When we got to the correct restaurant there were about a hundred people waiting outside, and lots of spent bangers smouldering. We entered an adjacent tea shop where we spent the next half an hour or so drinking pu er cha, and chatting with various bosses, who entered and left every few minutes. Apparently it was a wedding outside, but that was not where we were going. In fact our bosses' meal was in a large room next to the wedding hall. I estimate there were four score ten people there, a dozen of whom were the fairer sex.

Most people were already sitting down (I was guessing we were arriving fashionably late) and the tables were resplendent with food and alcohol, with red wine and “bai jiu” (spirits) among the ubiquitous Li Quan. As most meals do, it started with a lot of eating until the wolves were chased from their doors, then they got into the drinking. I still don’t know what exactly the occasion was, but the best I could find was that it was Yang Haiwei’s new factory opening celebration. I suppose that was cause to get drunk, as women and children apart, just about every bloke proceeded to gan bei everyone else, whether it be with bai jia, red wine or beer. The thoughtful young lady sat by me, (who I knew from having a meal with two years ago at the mango field in Tian Yang) went and got me a shot glass for her and my beers, meaning we didn’t have to down so much. This was a very good plan indeed, as we had to go around all the tables and gan bei till my tummy could take no more. I made the excuse of going to the toilet, and instead went for a little walk on the roof. It is very pleasant here as it is tiled a bit like a non-grassy garden, with plants and benches. It was funny to see two or three drunk men sat down together on one of the swing benches, arms around each other like lovers. I ended up talking to a mother and her three month old son, and remembered what it was like to have such a light individual in my arms again (but not tempted!).

At the big bosses' meal, A Wu on the right already looking a little tipsy

Back in the room I sat down with a couple of the old folks from the table tennis place. I ended up playing cai ma in the hope of slowing down the drinking but I didn’t have a good day at the office and ended up downing even quicker than before. I had to call it a day so after my second toilet visit I explained that I needed to look after the kids. I get away with this excuse. If I’d said the wife needed me they’d have grabbed my arms and made sure I stayed another few rounds….

At the big boss meal - the bloke next to me is a star table tennis player

Outside I saw A Wu in a state I hadn’t seen him before. He was like an archetypical drunk, swaying and laughing like a child. He was by his car, so I didn’t think twice before telling him I’d take him home. Thankfully, he was in full agreement and as I drove him back he was saying how much he loved me, his big brother, then putting down the window and screaming at the ladies. It dawned on me I didn’t know exactly where he lived, and I guessed he had probably forgotten too. So I rang A Ni and she said to come round to the bbq place by the guang chang, which I did, and found her waiting for me. She drove him home while I sat with Tan and we enjoyed some duck tongues together as I realised I hadn’t actually managed much to eat during the previous meal.

Tan explained that from early tomorrow morning till midnight we would once again be without electricity. I suppose on the bright side our bill will be smaller. Actually, the reason gave me some hope; the “mains” supply to our building was to be changed so that we would get “cheng shi dian wa” (city electricity) rather than “nong cun dian wa” (countryside electricity). Although I still don’t really understand exactly what this means, the difference should be that we don’t get cut off so much.

A Hua and A Xia arrived later to share some more bbq, so I was outnumbered and decided to go back to do some geeking while I could, and for a change again, did not wander out later for more bbq.

Police warning about suspicious IP traffic...

Up lateish due to late night, and this time Tan took the kids to school, while I wallowed into my study to pick up my work – it should be my last day today for two weeks but I’m sure stuff will happen… At least the electricity came back on around 10am.

While I was working in the morning Tan called to say the police had rung Ling Ming yesterday. Ling Ming had set up the Internet in the house while living here before we arrived. Apparently they had spotted a lot of IP phone traffic, and had asked him to stop! I must say I was pretty shocked as they must have been thinking I was a spy or something. Tan said I could go to the police station to explain, but I rather think it would be better to refrain from using the Sipgate software for dialing in to meetings – not such a big issue as it’s my last work day today.


For the fourth day or so in a row I was told we were invited to tea with friends. This time it was at a house rather than a restaurant and after a rather long wait (I’d got there by 6pm as demanded) we eventually sat down to eat at 7pm. During the meal a few blokes arrived and we had quite a few gan bei’s until I insisted that I go home due to meetings coming up. I could quite have happily stayed but I actually had quite a lot of work, in fact tonight was until 2am after which I didn’t even thing about going out, though I’m sure had I wanted to I could have found a few places….

Meal at a friends house, making more friends

Geeking with my Nokia N8

Another long day of work, interrupted with yet another evening meal at Li Jia He Xian! This time it was a “Big Sister” from Bang xu who invited us. Once again I needed to shower and pick up the kids first, and was called a few times to hurry up! I still don’t think they get it, that if you are on an electric bike coming back with your kids it takes more time to stop the bike and get your phone out to answer the “hurry up” call than to just keep driving and get there in the first place….

I forced myself to go out and get a bit of bbq in the evening as apart from the meal I had not really been outside today. But it felt forced, and I didn’t sit with others to eat or have a drink, and didn’t really want the bbq so I went home and put it in the fridge for tomorrow.

During a break from work in the evening I managed to update my phone – the Nokia N8 I got with financial assistance as part of my birthday present in April. I’d read a lot about this phone and the alternatives. Most important for me was having a decent camera/video camera, and although the N8 wins in this category, there are so many others in which it fails in comparison to an iphone 4 or Android. To me, what it boils down to is that if you want to benefit from a recent Nokia phone you need to be prepared to be geeky compared to an iphone, but that you will indeed reap benefits impossible with Apple’s offering. Nokia’s biggest asset, these days, seems to be its hardware, and indeed having a genuine flash on the phone was probably the tipping point for me. Not to mention the 12MP camera gives better results than my previous actual camera (and any other phone, I’m LED to believe). And in a few years time, when N8s and iphone 4s are discarded into the dustbin of history I’ll have better quality photos that will last a lot longer.

But the main reason I wanted to update was the the 30fps video recording that had been promised. I was disappointed to find that the video was still 25fps but after some searching found a beta update I could apply to the phone to get the 30fps. You really do have to be a geek to get stuff out of a Nokia phone these days. Another bugbear with me is that if you want to read or write in a language that Nokia doesn’t deign to give you in the firmware of the phone you bought, you have to break the warrantee and force a firmware from another country onto the phone. I’ve had to do that twice now just to read and write Chinese. Pathetic.

At night I wasn’t as sleepy as I should have been, and then a big storm blew around that kept me awake for a good hour or so. It was enjoyable just to watch the flashing sky and hear the deluge of rain that was coming down, so I did so for a good half an hour. And then, of course, the electricity went. So off with the computers, and as it was about 3am now I got to bed after opening one of our bedroom outside doors to let the sound of the rain, and, more importantly, some air infiltrate our room.