Four men in two boats

I decided Aaron needed a Chinese phone number. But in fact his name is now "Song Ailun". Fair enough, I like my Chinese name.

We went for a sweat-inducing walk from our flat to the phone shop 500 yards away. Unfortunately "Ailun" got stuck on the way. When I say stuck I mean he say a cute girl in a shop trying to sell him a shirt. When he found out he needed to pay nearly 50 US dollars for it he said "f**k that" and left the shop in a hurry. At least that's what I hoped he would do. In the end he spent about half an hour in the place before he realised he was being ripped off and finally left. With a new $50 shirt....

By that time I'd bought a SIM card for him, and posed in several photographs with the various women in the mobile phone shop. A free gift of an umbrella was forced upon me, and I had to choose out of pink, light blue and light yellow. I chose the latter (though any would have done).

Three blokes on a san lun che

I took Andge and Aaron for some nice dumplings as we hadn't been pestered by any phone call from A Wu, so we had a really relaxing morning. While we were eating our dumplings, Ailun noticed a woman with particularly lovely legs enter the place. Interesting how only single men notice that (hmmm).

We'd planned on going to Nanning for the day as A Wu's wife A Ni had said that he was too busy to take us on a drive to do boating and visit the Vietnamese border for a few days. Well we were ok with that, and well happy with our plan to take the train to Nanning.

So of course we got a call at midday, saying A Wu was taking us out to go boating. Now that is a loaded statement. Does that mean we're going to go on a boat for the afternoon? Or does that mean we're going away from our (my) families for a couple of days with no notice. No prizes for guessing it was the latter. We were told to be downstairs in five minutes as is the usual case. I said "bollocks" we need to have a shower and not together. So in a nutshell we met downstairs in an hour or so later completely unprepared for what was to come. Except for Aaron, who keeps a month's worth of preparedness in his bag wherever he goes. At least he keeps spare socks and a flannel he calls a travel-towel....

So it turned out we got into A Wu's new car (the 10 year old Nissan) and we drove through luscious countryside for a couple of hours. This is countryside that makes the holiday worthwhile for most; I mean a thousand shades of green pickled with a small number of paddy field workers and other leather-faced locals working their arses off.

We were going boating. What kind of boating we weren't really sure. We hadn't really been told much about what we were going to do, except that we were going to meet a friend and stay in some town and drink some beer. It did seem funny that after being told to "hurry up!" so much, when we were in the car hurrying up did not seem to be a priority. Before we got out of Pingguo we must have stopped four times to pick up bottles of tea, this and that, during which time I managed to buy a Blackberry charger for my phone for a quid as I guessed we might not be back for a while. During one of these stops, we all individually noticed a girl with a great physique in the doorway of a shop. For some reason we all got out of the car and went to buy a bottle of drink from her shop. Aaron straight away tried to take a photo of her (bad move) which she didn't want. So I got talking to her and found she was from Tan's hometown of Bangxu, then I spoke the only couple of sentences I know in Bangxunese and her and her mum loved that and we were immediately accepted. Accepted for what I will never know as we were called by A Wu to "hurry up!" and get back in the car to our destination.

I had been sitting in the front, but Aaron (actually I will start calling him Ailun), Ailun said he felt a bit sick, so I ended up in the back with Andrew (sod it, his Chinese name is Anzhe) for the rest of the journey. Unfortunately, my seatbelt wouldn't click into its holder, so we arranged that Anzhe's seatbelt would go through mine before he clicked it in. The strangest thing about this was not the way we managed to both buckle-up, but the fact we'd bothered to in the first place. We found out soon enough that A Wu's shock absorbers were shockingly non-existent. And with Chinese roads the way they are this took its toll.

But anyway we arrived a couple of hours later at a river in the midst of some mountains. Suddenly we realised that if we'd been told what to expect we would have packed accordingly. We were to go white-water rafting, which entailed getting rather wet. Well, I had longish shorts on, but nothing for swimming. Sod it, we got rid of our cameras, phones, etc. and then realised we had to pay about 12 quid each (which I paid for - no problem with that, but would have liked to know we'd have to pay as had not brought too much cash).

We were told our valuables would be safe in the back of our car, and lead to a place to put on a life jacket and helmet, and grab a wooden oar. We got into a couple of inflatable dinghies - Anzhe and I, and Ailun and A Wu. What followed, unbeknown to us, was a 5.8 km trek through some beautiful aqua terrain, including fabulous white water where you'd drop 5 metres in just a few seconds - extremely fun and totally soaking! We spent a good part of the time using our helmets to get water out of the boat. Being in China, we were never sure how safe the whole thing was, which added to the excitement around each corner.

Being business-minded, the company thought to put photographers at a couple of key places, so we had the chance to buy some photos at the end for a ridiculously high price. I negotiated that we would buy 15 or so, but on condition that they let us download all the files onto one of our memory cards. It was around that time that I noticed to my horror that the one thing I'd left in my pocket was my 16GB memory card in its reader. My clothes were completely soaked, and it was with little expectation that I put the damp card in my camera and fired it up. "Memory card read error" was all I got. Double bollocks. At least we copied the photos to Ailun's memory card.

Anzhe and I white water rafting

Seaman stains

A Wu and Ailun enjoying the water

We drove for an hour or so. I think it would have taken half the time but we kept meeting problems like unfinished roads. We had to wait a few mins for a digger to offload itself from a lorry, which was quite fun to watch. Then we had to build our own ramp to get the car one foot up to a new road that was being build in a tunnel. That's one of the things I like about being here.

Building a ramp so we could get back onto the road

In the evening we arrived at a place called Da xin (Big New), that had a town square that seemed the impossible size of that of Pingguo's. But there was a major difference. We barely saw a single smile - something that is a penny a dozen in Pingguo. We all noticed this individually, and it was actually quite profound.

We went for a bbq but Aaron was quite ill so I offered to go and buy some antibiotics. But A Wu asked how I could possibly buy such things in a place I hadn't been before. I said I'd asked someone and the chemist was over there, but he insisted on driving a long-winded way to get to the same place. Anyway, I got two packs for 50p each, and only regret not having bought loads to bring back to the UK.

Back at the bbq Aaron had perked up a little, and actually managed a couple of glasses of beer before we left. I experienced the wonderful feeling of bringing something back from the dead when I retried my 16GB memory card in the camera and suddenly it decided to be readable! It was one of those money-can't-buy experiences, though I'd have sold it for about forty quid. So happy to have my memory card back...as long as it lasts till we get back home and I can copy it to my external hard drive.

What finding out that your 16GB memory card works again may look like (ok that was taken earlier in the day but it conveys my sentiment, and the shakiness of the car)

A bit later I said I fancied a head wash, which A Wu said we could do. However, by the time we checked-in to our hotel it was too late. I had my first argument this year when I came down to the reception with Andrew after the others were in bed and asked for a couple of beers. I was told that the service was unavailable, which I accepted. Then I asked for a bottle of water, and was told that there was no water either. I flipped my lid and shouted at the woman that this was a fucking hotel and I wanted a bottle of fucking water. Within 30 seconds I had two bottles. I hate to say it but sometimes you have to put down your hand like that. And had thoughtfully brought a bit of whisky and we made use of the water to make it a bit more palatable and had a very enjoyable 30 mins getting pissed by the hotel maids until A Wu rang me and told me we had to get up at 7am and to hurry up back to the hotel room....

Void

This day has slipped into the void of lost memories. We probably drank fruit juice during the day, and something else by night. We would have had a great deal of fun, including the kids.

Three men on a moped and a Thai massage

I forgot Aaron didn't have a Chinese phone number and rang his American number from my Chinese mobile late morning and nearly ran out of credit as soon as he answered. We arranged to pick him up and go for some fruit juice as we knew he'd be hungover.

Fruit juice here is pretty much that. For 4 kuai the lady will chuck in a load of melon, some ice and sugar, blend it all and a minute later you'll have a lovely cool healthy drink that even alcohol couldn't make better or more refreshing.

I have got back my wonderful electric moped. The one that A Ni bought 3 years ago for 140 quid. I changed the batteries 8 months ago and it is still going strong (probably because she still doesn't use it for fear of tanning under the sun). But I am very happy indeed to have my own means of transport. Until, that is, I transport Andge and Aaron around. Even the Chinese, who regularly transport 5 or more people plus luggage and lunch around on these vehicles were worried about the prospect of 3 westerners using this means of transport. Well, despite the suspension being scraped, it managed to get us around town and to the place Aaron was to have his first lunch in Pingguo.


Our first lunch with Aaron

It was a nice restaurant, and some friends came to eat with us and see the new whitey in town. But I had a distinct feeling in my gut that the next 20 minutes or so was not going to be comfortable, so I excused myself saying that I needed to go home to get a camera battery and on getting home spent the next 20 minutes squatting and shitting out the bbq excesses of yesterday. There's no way I could have done that in the restaurant.

When I got back I found the first course had already been and gone. And Aaron was looking very pale. He does anyway, but this was like 6 shades paler than white - only 4 shades darker than completely transparent. Apparently they had had sheep's blood for the first course. The rest of the meal was great but obviously Aaron didn't feel so - he went through 6 bottles of water though, so I expect it was just due to last night.


Lamb's blood - good for devil worshipping (or is that goat's blood?)


A Hua, Chen mei and Aaron

Aaron managed to feel better a bit later. So much so that we were all invited by A Hua to go for a massage. Aaron went in the car with A Hua and I think I turned up later in the electric moped. Anyway, when I got there, Aaron was already into his Thai massage - you could hear him groaning (I think in pleasure). As I got undressed I asked the woman if I had to take ALL my clothes off before putting on the pyjamas and she said "yes". I then told Aaron but he had left his boxers on and was in too much ecstasy already and I feared if he removed his underwear he would come.

The massage lasted 90 minutes and at times was rather weird. She would move her fingers up your leg to millimetres from your helmet and leave you worried about what would have happened if she'd gone a little further. Luckily, had such a situation arisen I certainly wouldn't have as I'd only need to open my eyes and see the less than oil painting on top of me. Then she would turn her attention to the other leg, which was a relief as I was "dressed to the left" until she lifted both my legs and shook me until my poor todger fell onto the other side and I had to endure a near cock massage again. I finished my massage to find Aaron and Andge fast asleep on their beds in the neighbouring cubicles....ahhh


Aaron enjoying a woman's company rather more than he should have been

In the evening we had a lovely hotpot meal that included pig's brains, before heading out to the guang chang for a nice walk. Aaron came back to our place in the evening before going to A Hua's place to stay as she had offered him a spare room as he preferred to be with a Chinese family rather than living in a hotel.


Aaron thinking he was already home in bed


A night pic of Pingguo with exposure left open a little to get the idea of movement (was around 1am)

Climb, climb up Horse Head mountain, and Aaron arrives

As usual I woke up early. But today I thought I'd wake up And and do something we'd been thinking about doing since we arrived; climb up Horse Head mountain. It's not like you need climbing equipment or anything - there are steps all the way. But in the heat and humidity you'd be insane to do it between 9am and 9pm.

So I woke up and at about 8am and he managed to get up. We walked to the entrance and bought a couple of bottles of water each. The walk up was rather sweltery but the fact there were a number of elderly locals making the same trek spurred us on! It took us about 45 mins to get to the top, with stops, but we saw some nice wildlife on the way in the form of beetles and spiders. Some of the latter were huge, and we were glad we weren't the first to walk that path that day as we would have had our heads wrapped in spiderwebs.


View of Pingguo


One of many spiders that were at least 8 inches long (maybe 3)


A rather splendid beetle with an iridescent exoskeleton (or something like that)

Went to the local cake place for breakfast. I find it quite amusing that grown men come here and buy a couple of slices of cake with pretty decorations on and eat them as if that's normal.

A slice of manly cake

Today my American colleague Aaron came to China. I've met him only a couple of times in Austin, Texas, when on business trips. He's a real American as in he would have been German five generations ago. His truck gets 17 miles a gallon and he thinks that's good.

At midday Andge and I took the train from Pingguo to Nanning to see Xixi who'd unofficially moved there a few days ago to live in Tan's 2nd sister's house along with Tan's mum and her sister-in-law and various other relatives. It was very refreshing be on our own without a chaperone for once. We went out for a walk near Tan's sister's house and found a place to have a couple of relaxed beers without anyone telling us to "kuai dian" (hurry up). And we just watched the people and traffic go by. The highlight was seeing an old woman walk past with a duckling following her. Half an hour later she walked back in the other direction with the duckling still in pursuit. I think we were the only people to notice that and think of it as something other than normal.

Although A Wu said he'd drive into central Nanning to pick us up to take us to the airport to meet Aaron, he rang us to say he wouldn't and that we'd meet at the airport. I thought he said we needed to leave in half an hour but he actually meant we had to be there in half an hour. Bollocks as the taxi ride takes 40 minutes. Anyway, we got there and Aaron, who'd had a gruelling 48 hour trip from the states seemed in fine fettle as he gave us all hugs like we were long lost family members.


Meeting Aaron at the airport

He'd been practising his English though as he said he would like a fag. At least I hope he meant that in English. It appeared he did as from the first minute in Guangxi he was oggling the local female talent.

We drove straight to Pingguo and didn't even give him time to drop off his baggage before going straight to the street bbq place and ordering pig's eyes, duck's intestines, duck's tongues etc. Just writing it makes my mouth water. We ate with A Wu and some young blokes that seemed to be in the local mafia; they had too much money and confidence. Anyway they were a nice bunch and we had a great time before taking Aaron to his hotel at 3am...at which time he was asking everyone to stay and drink more beer!


Street bbq at 2am


View from Aaron's hotel room - I guess this was the next morning

Back to 2 caves

Back in 2005 I went with a few friends to a cave 20 minutes motorbike ride from Bangxu where Tan's from originally. This was an amazing place, pretty inaccessible to most. After the motorbike ride to a friend's house a group of five of us hiked up the nearest mountain a 100 feet or so, then entered a split in the mountain and staggered down inside until it was pitch black. After we all donned torches I was told I would have to shimmy through an eight feet long gap in the rock that was 1 foot high and under 2 feet wide. One bloke went first, then another a minute later. It was then my turn and I suddenly got pre-claustrophobia of the highest degree. I told them I couldn't do it and they laughed the way people who have never experienced claustrophobia do. I sat by myself a while and reasoned that the pain of not going through this tiny gap and potentially seeing something only seen by a handful of people before should be greater than the discomfort of the fear of being stuck inside a rock for the rest of my life. I managed to reason that I couldn't live the rest of my life without knowing what was eight feet away so I went in arms first and used my elbows to leverage me through the cold stone. Panic was not a thousand miles away when my body was encased in stone but thankfully the blokes who had already gone through were shining their torches through so I could see light at the end of the tunnel. After probably only a few seconds I thrust my hands in the direction of the torches and one of the blokes grabbed them and pulled me the rest of the way. I can honestly say there's not been a scarier path traversed in my life.

Getting into the cave

Once in the cave it was difficult to get a real appreciation of the magnificence, due to the fact the torches pierced perhaps 100 feet at furthest throught the dank air. But I estimate the height at around 50 feet and the expanse roughly the size of a football field after we'd walked around. One of the other blokes had wisely bought a fistfull of joss sticks and after spending a few minutes lighting them all, left one every 10 feet we walked, an acknowledgement of the risks of getting lost in a pitch black cave the size of wembley with only one exit the size of a human.

The strange balls making much of the floor of the cave

But it was perfectly different from any terrain I'd experienced before. Strange muddy-coloured balls under our feet mingling with mini-volcano like rotundities that were probably related to stalagmites (tights come down). We spent around half an hour in the cave I guess, certainly one of the most fascinating 30 mins I have ever spent.

Nice cave terrain

So of course I wanted to take And to see this cave. And after talking about it to the manager of a nice tea shop I used to drink with last year we agreed to go there today. Until Tan heard about our plan that was. She didn't trust the tea-shop manager's driving ability and said anyway we couldn't go today or the next day due to rain making the roads slippery.

Bollocks.

But anyway she'd now arranged for A Zhong's younger brother to take us in A Zhong's car as he is a good driver apparently. To cut a long story short we eventually got there (apparently) to be told the cave had been blown up to make way for an electricity generation station. This would normally have pissed me off a lot but I saw what they had done; they had channeled about 25% of a mountain river and built a duct to take the water a mile or so to a generation station that powers a whole village/town in this rural area. So at least this is renewable energy, at the cost of a fantastic cave. Having said that I'm still not sure this is the same cave I visited back in 2005.

This may or may not be the cave I visited in 2005. If so it has been smashed open to provide hydro-electricity to the neighbouring towns, in which case I don't mind

View from this area

After visiting this non-cave, we went to Tan's hometown of Bangxu and had a meal of frogs and pork ribs. I do like the frogs but they are rather bony and it's everything rather than just the legs.

Then A Zhong's brother drove us to the cave I'd visited in 2003 during my first time in Guangxi. Then we had to hack our way through coarse grass to get to the cave opening, and don head-torches to see where we were going. We scrambled down some rocks before a friend put us in a small boat to take us to an area where you can walk.

Tan and me in the cave in 2003

Well it's all changed now. For 50 kuai per person (about a fiver) you can enter the cave. There are walkways and the cave is all lit up with green, red, blue and yellow lights to make it look unrealistic. There is a guide who tells you at every turn that this rock looks like an elephant and that one is called "mother rock" because it looks like a mother bending over a child. The guide pointed out one rock and said it was called something or other, and I disagreed and told her it was an octopus. She didn't look very happy about it but I persisted and eventually she accepted.

There were 3 other girls on the tour. And thought they were all 14 years old, as he does with every woman that has not yet given birth here. We got chatting to them, and it turns out that one is from Bangxu (and went to school with Tan's nephew) and she was taking two friends from Hunan on a trip. That made me realise that they must be 18 years old so I asked and they said yes so that's one in the eye for And. One was quite pretty but had a moustache.

The cave spoilt by multi-coloured lights

They were 18 and we only said "hello" and gave them a lift back to Bangxu

Early morning walk and afternoon swim in boxer shorts

I stupidly woke up at 4am. By 6.30 I'd had enough of being awake so I went for a walk to see Pingguo in early morning after a nice rainfall. It was a genuine pleasure to walk around without the manacles of a chaperone. I felt truly free although I only walked around the town for an hour or so.


The guang chang in early morning after a refreshing rainfall

In the afternoon A Wu asked Andge and me to go out swimming. We asked what we would need to swim but were told to just come as we were as that would be fine. As it turned out, when we got to the lake just outside Pingguo, the only people swimming had their own swimming suits. A Wu wanted to show off to the girls, and he had a pair of shorts, so he stripped off and got into the water. As there were women around I duly did the same although my trousers came halfway down my calves and I had boxer shorts underneath. Well f**k it I dived into the warm water and swam around for half an hour. A Wu was knackered after 1 minute and complained about sore arms. Ha ha 1up for the English!

Enjoying a swim in the lake


Three men in a boat

Chickenpox

Oh dear. Leilei has picked up chickenpox from some other kids. Oh well, it has to happen some time...might as well be here...
A bit hungover from the KTV. Here are some pics or where we are living this month that Andrew took:


The quarter-segment shaped living area of our dwelling in Pingguo


One of the bathrooms in our Pingguo house (the other was the same)


Andrew's bedroom. It is normally a teenage girl's but looks like Andrew's student room at uni...

Later in the day we went for a meal with some friends in a bar/restaurant I suggested as it is close to where we used to live last year and has stronger beer on tap. Unfortunately we were called out to another meal at 5pm so we had some there and then And, Leilei, and I got on the tiny electric moped to go to meet our friends later than planned at our place. We had a nice meal and the beer was ok but we all (not Leilei) rather missed the weaker bottled brew.

Here is how we got to the restaurant around 7pm:

A Wu's "birthday" and And's first KTV experience

We went for a walk at around midday. There had been some rain so it wasn't as hot as it had been, however it was still extremely humid. The kind of humidity that dictates that you walk at 1.5 miles per hour. We happened upon a public garden that I'd not been to before. Inside it was full of old people in grey clothes. We had previously been talking about where the old people went and we think we have found an answer. The strange thing was that they were all chanting to each other in some strange harmonies and it seemed like we had trespassed upon some life-size bees nest. I will try to go back and get some video before we leave.

A couple of young blokes from China Telecom came round to sort out some wires for the Internet. I hooked up my modem/router but there was nothing on the line. They told me to wait 30 mins and try again and I did. This time there was definitely a DSL line but no connection. I went to the China Telecom shop and they told me it would still be another day till the service was up. Hmm.

Today was A Wu's birthday. Actually it was last week but he postponed it till we'd arrived as he wanted us to be there to celebrate. We duly went for a meal and duly had more beer and And learnt some more alcohol-related words.

Gan bei'ing at A Wu's birthday meal

A Wu had booked a KTV (Karaoke TV) room for the evening and we went there about 9pm. Andrew had previously been rather worried about the prospect of singing in front of people but for some reason seemed to be rather looking forward to the prospect by the time the meal ended.

As it happened Andge leapt at the opportunity to "sing song" (maybe had something to do with the couple of whiskies he'd managed before going out). We sang "Dreadlock Holiday" and I dare say a few other songs. Later I went home to put Leilei to bed. 45 mins later Tan came home to stay with him so I went back to the KTV bar to find Andge in rather a worse state for wear. In my absence he'd imbibed a few glasses of red wine - luckily here they're pretty weak, but still we'd had a skinful of beer. I got the young ladies to pour him some tea and within half an hour he was back on the beer. I'm sure there's a moral to this story but I'm buggered if I can make sense of it.

And and I at A Wu's birthday karaoke party. Those smiles are genuine (I mean the girls' - ours obviously are)

At least A Wu had the idea to bring some lovely ladies to the KTV bar, who for some reason were happy to have their photographs taken with handsome foreigners (ok, so we would do).


I will probably delete this video

It is rather hot here - mid to high 30s. Outside most of the ladies hold umbrellas to avoid being tanned by the sun. Our house, to add to the problems of the noise and 100+ step climb, is also very stuffy inside except for the two bedrooms with air-conditioning. That doesn't seem to worry the kids though. Qiqi gege (big brother Qiqi - Tan's 2nd sister's 2nd kid) came over today together with his mum and Tan's brother's wife and Waipo. They all slept in the non-air-conditioned room. I would have offered them our room but I got back late that night and didn't realise they were in the house.

Leilei's hair looked ridiculous due to his self-inflicted effort the day before we left the UK. I took him to Lao Ma's salon (the woman who used to be one of Tan's best friends but now isn't). It was a great struggle but we managed eventually to get him shorn and I got most of his old hair over my clothes. He actually looks a lot better now and it must let a lot more heat out. It's also aged him by a good year. And for the first time no-one is asking whether he's a girl or boy.


Qiqi, Leilei and Xixi hiding in the cupboard. Leilei looks like a boy for the first time in China