Last day in Pingguo yet again

I got up at around 9am and it was quite relaxing to know that we were mostly packed. I sorted out a little more stuff before Tan stated she had no space to put the rest of her stuff, despite previously saying we should only take two suitcases between the four of us! In the late morning I went to Waip's to pick up some moon cakes and found she had loads of the scrumptious, but heavy, things. Between the two of us we filled what was to be the fourth checked-in item of luggage, only slightly fearing Tan's statement that Australia was now banning the import of such produce due to uncooked eggs or something.

I dropped these off at home before proceeding to A Wu's office where I met A Ni, who said we could leave Pingguo at 7pm for our 9.50pm plane, and in one car too. I respectfully disagreed and said 5pm would be safer for various reasons, and we eventually agreed on 5.30pm, and that she'd drive too if we couldn't fit everything into the X6.

With that sort-of agreed I gave Haiwei a ring to see if he was about for a spot of last-day lunch. He said he was out of town but would be back in two minutes and would call me then. While I deliberated on waiting, one of A Ni's friends stood behind where I sat and reached out and touched my hand, saying she had never touched a foreigner before. It brought me back to 2003 when I was something different here, but I didn't take advantage in any way, just shook her hand in a normal way and said it was nice to meet her. She smiled nervously and I excused myself saying I had to see a friend for lunch.

Of course when I got to Haiwei's office a few minutes later he wasn't there, so I went across the road to the supermarket to check if my gin had been delivered but of course it hadn't, not that it mattered now. When I got back Haiwei arrived and luckily this time we didn't drink tea for an hour before lunch. The said lunch started as Haiwei, a client of his from Guangzhou, and me. We took a table that could have seated no more than six. We were served a huge orange-coloured hotpot after we'd chosen far too much meat for the three of us to humanly eat in one sitting. Then we were served some "Guilin fu ru", a spicy lump of tofu, which A Wu had nearly 10 years previously translated as "waiting for you" in one of his more successful attempts at humour. Then I realised he was absent so took a picture of the Guilin fu ru and sent it to him with a message I was waiting for him.

Guilin fu ru (waiting for you) - sounds like the name of a song

Well instead of A Wu, some rather portly boss turned up in sports gear and sat down to eat with us. He continued to talk in the local Pingguonese to Haiwei, and I was aware that Haiwei's client understood less than me, so I engaged him in conversation. He did appreciate this and we talked a little about the differences between Pingguo and Guangzhou, but I felt it a little forced. I normally don't mind that but this was my last lunch and I wanted to chill out a bit. The client didn't drink, but the portly boss did, as did three other gentlemen who turned up presently. After a little while, the conversation got louder, and more in tune with having fun. I still felt a little for the client, but blimey if I could join in then so could he.

Then A Wu did turn up with another bloke, and all of a sudden from three people there were closer to 10 around the table, and the soup was topped up, and the meat ordered again. A Wu saw me use the ladle to examine what was in the soup, and as I accidentally allowed a couple of drops to fall to the table top he slapped the top of my hand as if to tell me off. Of course I took it in good humour and laughed to show I hadn't taken the slightest offence. Then, a tad later when it had been forgotten, I saw the portly boss do the same and immediately in front of everyone I slapped him on the top of his hand quite smartly in front of all. There were a few microseconds where I realised they were just waiting for his reaction, as he was evidently pretty high up in the pecking order, but before an intake of breath could be taken he laughed out loud, which caused the same across the whole table, including the non-drinking client. I never had a doubt of course.

The portly boss is bottom left...I need to learn how to breathe in more for photos

The best part of the meal were the pumpkin leaves that we put in the hotpot soup for a few seconds before devouring. We must have had 10 portions of them before we were full. By this time Haiwei's wife and sons had turned up to help finish off the meal. Haiwei then declared himself full and tired and said he'd go for a sleep. So just like that, with no great ado I said goodbye to the others, got in Haiwei's car back to the office, and gave him a hug goodbye and that was it till next time.

Succulent pumpkin leaves about to be stewed in stew

A Wu had also gone for a kip as he was to drive us in a couple of hours, but I didn't have that luxury. Actually, I was hankering after something even better, a sneaky last massage where I might get a few minutes shuteye. I called Tan for some reason, and she had a go at me for something that didn't make sense, leaving her stressed even though I think the reason I called her was to ensure she wasn't. Oh well, it's always the same on the last day. She was at home, but I took her to Waipo's to be with the family for the last hour or so and I went to pick up a couple of provisions at the supermarket. I was still hopeful for a curtailed massage at least, but when I got home I found a few things I'd forgotten to pack. There is something about last-minute adrenalin that helps you find those small but important things you otherwise wouldn't have remembered existed, like battery chargers and Wii remotes that you haven't used for two months.

Then A Da called me to say they were waiting for me downstairs already. What? It wasn't even 5.30 and I had still thought I might be able to have half a massage. Well that thought was well and truly quashed. Apparently I was taking too long to come downstairs with the luggage, so two of A Ni's ladies came up to sort me out. Not in that way. They took down three large suitcases and the medium-sized ones between them, with A Wu and me in their wake. I told them to hang on as I needed to grab a couple of extra bits, but hang on they couldn't so I was left alone in the house for the last time for a long time. I took a breath, and walked into each room, naughtily wearing my outside shoes. The sadness beholdened me with each step into each room. Or maybe it beheld me, but it was sad anyway. There was a tad of gin left, so I toasted a solitary G&L to my favourite property and made my way out into the corridor for the last time in 2014.

As the doors closed in the lift I knew I had forgotten something. I jammed my foot to stop the doors meeting and ran back into the house. I rifled through the drawers in my study to find a small bottle of er gou tou from 2011 that I'd been meaning to take back as a souvenir for a few years. Not vitally important I suppose, but I got that American feeling of "closure", as I closed the door again, this time for the last time this year unless something amazing happens.

When I got downstairs A Wu was still working out the logistics of getting all our stuff into his BMW X6, but finally, by removing the spare wheel, we just about managed it. Tan was moaning about having too much luggage of course, but the bulk of it was hers and her blooming moon cakes. So with hand luggage on our laps, and some smaller luggage between our legs, A Wu, A Ni, and Tan drove out of our complex to pick up the kids at Waipo's, while I followed in the dian dong che.

Going to Waipo's from ours for the last time in 2014

There was no time for much drama there. Waipo and I had a hug, which she has now become used to on an annual basis and still hasn't learnt to make it appear natural. But I know she appreciates it. Then a hug for Chuan Chuan and a couple of handshakes and we were away, driving out of Pingguo again. Sad and sweaty.

We drove all of two minutes before stopping to get petrol. While filling up, I went to the shop and picked up a face cloth for a reason I would hope to fathom out later. It was really just a souvenir. I had brought an old (but clean) white Umbro tee-shirt with me that I had left in 2008 and never worn since. To me it meant something but I couldn't make out what. In what is possibly the worst attempt at charity ever, after going to the loo, I hung it up on a hook by some cleaning equipment in the vain hope that some cleaner lady (or gentleman) might see it and claim it for their own. For some reason, the image of it hanging there is imprinted indelibly in my mind. Hopefully I learn something from it.

Umbro tee shirt from 2008 is on the left. I shall learn nothing from this.

The rest of the journey to Nanning was fine, possibly helped by the G&L. We arrived around 7pm and leisurely lined up in the queue we were told to go to, until a couple of minutes later I realised we were in the non-China Southern one. We actually asked an airport employee and told him which airline and he still got it wrong. This must be the seventh time in a row I've been sent to the wrong queue. Thankfully the China Southern queue was shorter, and I gave myself a mini fist-pump that the woman talked to me in Chinese. At least I did until she began to look worried and called someone else over. Then she became worried and called someone else over. When the three of them put on a triple-worry it became contagious and I too became worried.

The kids slept in the car at least

Normally we take copious pics here - this year only time for one...sob sob

Fed up of being worried I came to my senses and asked them what the devil was going on, although literally translated it was more like "what is the problem?". It transpired they thought we would have close to no chance of making our connection in Guangzhou, and the various phone calls they were making were to see if they could get us through. Apparently we only had 90 minutes in Guangzhou, but we'd have to do immigration. Suddenly, one of the ladies had the great idea of getting us on the earlier plane that was leaving in 20 minutes. She printed off the boarding cards pronto and ushered us in the way of security.

I nearly insisted in going to the lounge first, but Tan's eyes said otherwise (not to mention her voice). There was barely time for a hug for A Ni and A Wu before we went through, and luckily the gate was the closest but we were still the last on the plane. No time for sad goodbyes - I suppose that is the best way. Tan and the kids were right on the back row and somehow I was a couple of rows ahead. On the positive side that did mean I could enjoy a quick beer en route of a thankfully relatively low-turbulence experience during the 45 minutes in the air.

But bloody hell, at Guangzhou the queues were long enough to completely justify us getting the earlier plane. No way we'd have made our connection with even half the wait on the later plane. Also, it meant we had the luxury of an hour or so in the lounge, which at Guangzhou is one of the nicer experiences, and they have cold beer if you ask them nicely. I ended up chatting to some of the nice lounge hostesses and they plied me with red wine, which I hadn't had in weeks. It was more interesting than chatting to the South African ladies we'd been sitting with before, who didn't have a kind word to say about China, and I think they thought I would tacitly agree. One of the hostesses kindly came to us to let us know our flight was ready for boarding, even though this wasn't an advertised service. Having said that, we were some of the last people to board yet again. The plane left the gate well before time but after taxiing for a few moments stopped and we were told there were technical problems, which kept us that way for an hour. They shouldn't say that. Luckily, I'd taken on a couple of provisions from the lounge, and they didn't stop us going to the toilet.

Finally we set off, up into the night. Maybe it was the wine, and maybe it was the couple of co-codemol I had taken for my back, but I had barely eaten my meal when I left Leilei watching his film and drifted into the arms of Morpheus. Well it had been a long day.

Reflections of yesteryear, literally

Due to my shenanigans last night riding through Pingguo without a care in the world, I woke up at 10.30, feeling rather good. I had a memory of Boss Hu inviting us for a meal at midday and mentioned this to Tan but she said she had a prior engagement. So anyway at 11.45 I rang Boss Hu and he was absolutely on for the meal, but it was in some place I'd never heard of. Nonetheless I got on the bike with the kids and went to the government building by the guang chang and eventually Hu saw us and beckoned us to turn right and a couple of minutes later we found ourselves in the resplendent new restaurant.

A Wu had called me while I was searching for this place, and I'd said I was going to find Boss Hu to eat, but wasn't sure A Wu was invited. Stupidly, apparently, as they were now xiong di of course A Wu was going there, with A Ni and A Da. It was a pity Tan wasn't there as it was a great meal and I'm sure A Ni would have preferred her company. Thankfully we didn't have to gan bei too many beers after the first few rounds, but I really hoped for a siesta. We were absolutely stuffed and didn't leave till gone 2pm.

Well we thought we had left but as soon as we got half way home Leilei gave the distraught shriek that could only mean he'd left the iped behind. Other than my annoyance at the waste of time I had no problem worrying that it might have been stolen and indeed as soon as we returned he found it and we went back home a bit happier.

I stayed at home with the kids for a bit while I learned that Tan had actually been to A Hua's friend's place to have a number of fillings done. For free, apparently - you couldn't pay me to have that sort of stuff done here.

An idea that had been nagging inside of me for some years now was to find some old photos and compare them with today's versions. It's been nearly 11 years so there was the possibility of it being interesting. But although I had just about every photo I took from 2003/4 there were very few outside where I might actually be able to find again and try to replicate. However, I did find a couple and the kids were excited to set off and find these places to do a 2014 version.

Our first stop was a very important place. It was the house we stayed on our first visit together to Pingguo. Lu Hai and Lao Ma lived there together at the time, before they separated a few years later. But we had our own room and it was there that I proposed to Tan back in November 2003 (not that I will ever tell Leilei that). So it was with some significant sadness that I found the salon was being cleaned out by his parents. Apparently he has moved to Yunnan for the foreseeable future, which was why he wasn't around last night. I gave him a call and got through to him and he confirmed this. I expressed my sorrow and he said he would come back to Pingguo but I didn't know if this meant on holiday or permanently. Although the parents were preparing for new people to come and live, I understood that at least they were only renting the place out, not selling, and it gave me hope that we might be able to visit this place once more - if we wanted to. Isn't it supposed to be romantic to visit the place where you proposed and do something?

Lu Hai's place in 2003...

...and in 2014 with trees and steps added

We then went to Lao Ma's place (Lu Hai's ex-wife) and found that it was pretty much the only business on that street that had not changed in the last 11 years. The kids and I were looking at our old photos and saw that every other shop within eyeshot had changed. Having said that it's pretty much the same in Blackheath so maybe I'm reading too much into things, and maybe it's a sign of my age that I like things to stay the same.

Looking up the street from Lao Ma's salon in 2004...

...not a single shop remains the same in 2014...

...except for Lao Ma's salon - here in 2004...

...although she was closed today

We then moved on to what I thought was Waipo's place where we stayed in 2009 when Andge came for the first time. It was both happy and sad to see the old place on the corner, and I immediately had memories of the blasted (in both senses) music that emanated from 8am till late at night from the mobile phone shops below. There are a couple of women with a kid living there now and we scared the living daylights out of them as we peered in their open front door before explaining to them how we used to live there and there seemed to be some connection between them and Tan's family but I didn't get it 100%. Anyway they were very friendly and invited us in for some water and a chat, before we made our way to the roof and took a couple of snaps of the ever-changing Pingguo.

View from Waipo's old place in 2006...

...and eight years later there is a lot more in the background and they've covered the static clock

We finally just went to what to me is the centre of Pingguo, where the bus station used to be, and had trouble locating where a couple of 2005/6 photos were taken but I reckon we managed it. Then Ma Laoban called me to and it was good that he did as I wanted to see him before I left. We first went to the Bai Hua supermarket (and they still don't sell anything fizzy without sugar despite being the fanciest supermarket in Pingguo), where I got the kids drinks of their choices (horrible sweet blackcurrant drinks with bits in).

At Ma Laoban's office we were treated to tea as per usual, but this time to my pleasant surprise the kids joined in too, and quite enjoyed this red version. Then, after having explained a bit more about how to take the cod liver oil and the lecithin, he presented me with a variety of teas as my present. I was sort of expecting it as I wouldn't hear of accepting money for what I gave him, but it was still a really nice gesture, and I so look forward to having a place of my own to have a permanent tea table to enjoy it. Well if I was living in Pingguo I would have such a place.

We left nearly an hour later as I said we needed to go to Waipo's for tea, so a couple of hugs later we were on the dian dong che and after dumping the tea at home we went to Waip's. But strangely, even though this was our last evening, she hadn't prepared any food. Not that that was a problem at all, I had just assumed she'd want a last evening together. So for the last time this year, the kids and I went to our local place for a couple of portions of bao zi. Finally, for the first time this year, and the fourth time in the total time I've known her (at least the last three years), the owner smiled at me, when I told her we'd be leaving tomorrow, and we'd miss her wares. Was she smiling because we were leaving? I do hope not.

As soon as the kids were eating I got a call from my new friend from this year, Chen. He said he and his mates were eating at the Beef place with Uncle Yellow. I had to give an uncommitted answer; I thought I had put on the washing but for some reason I had forgotten to push the button after putting all the powder in, so I knew it would be close to an hour before I could even hang out the clothes. But anyway I dumped the kids at Waipo's as I knew Chuan Chuan would want to take them out on their last night before returning home to do a little packing and sink a couple of beers before the washing cycle finished.

A Wu had called to say we were to go to Tian Yang Po's for a bbq this evening and that was a good idea, but I said I really needed to be back for 10pm as I needed to pack. He said rubbish as I had all day tomorrow and he was right but I didn't want to give the true excuse that I wanted to watch the City-Stoke match that started at 10pm. So I said I'd be there at 8.30pm but not stay too late.

Chen called me again and I thought sod it I'd go to the beef place for a bit at least. I told him to wait 10 mins and finished putting out the clothes to dry and somehow managed to remember where the place was. I knew most of the blokes but there were a few new ones and I had to do a number of gan bei's, which I didn't complain about. I even had some of the lovely fried beef, but explained I had to go in a bit to eat and drink and they seemed to understand. For some reason (alcohol) all the blokes, even the new ones, had to give me a hug goodbye as we did our final gan bei's, and I was genuinely quite sad to be leaving this bunch as I'd had a few great and friendly meals with the ones I knew.

I got to Tian Yang Po's at around 8.45, in order to be able to leave early but no-one else was there. And no-one appeared until well after 9pm when Lu Wen came with a posse of what Tan would call mafia. They were already quite well oiled but I still had to gan bei each of them. Eventually others arrived in dribs and drabs and I realised A Wu had invited quite a few people in my name. All the girls came too, and conveniently they had their own table. We ended up having a great time on our last night here, with smashing food and company to boot. I'd kept up with the City game and found we were losing at home 1-0 and it was half time. I made my excuses and said I was tired and needed to pack, so left at 11.15pm, well into the second half as I thought somehow my watching the game might help.

Tian Yang Po making the best bbq in Pingguo in 2004...

...and still going strong 10 years later

Bloody karma dictated that we would end up losing 1-0 and I wished I'd stayed with my family and friends at Tian Yang Po's bbq. But before I got too consumed with too much regret Tan arrived home and announced that she was drunk. And she actually was semi-staggering so she must have had more than a glass. I got her to sleep without too much trouble except for two visits to the loo, then thought what to do as it was gone half midnight and I was into our last day.

So of course I got on the bike and went to see Huang the Beihai food boss, and he was there and happy to see me as business was starting to tail off for the evening. We sat down for a chat together and I happened to mention a few years ago when I ate raw prawns at his old place with Lu Hai. Of course that was his cue to run off and find a few and bring them back in a bowl of water. But it was great to spend half an hour with Huang; we get along well even if we disagree about the Japanese, and we talk about cars and shit just like mates at in the UK so I thoroughly enjoyed my last minutes of my last evening.

Enjoying raw prawns with Huang at close to 1am

On the way back I miraculously remembered that for the last couple of days I'd been carrying around a number of jumpers and other clothes for winter. In 2008 we'd stayed from early October till the end of December and for some reason I thought we might do the same again, so left all my warm winter clothes at the place we were staying. As it's happened, rather predictably I've not experienced a moment under 30 degrees Celcius since 2008 and my polo-neck green sweater and jacket and jeans have just been washed each year without any purpose. In the absence of any Oxfam in Pingguo, I had kept these clothes in the back of the dian dong che for the last couple of days, looking for an appropriate place to place them. I realised I had no more time for looking, so drove around for a few mins until I spotted a couple of blokes outside a China Mobile shop near Lao Ma's. I didn't have a plan so left my Sainsbury's bag of winter clothes between the two of then and hoped they weren't actually the world's first queuers for the iphone 6.

I hope the clothes will be of some use to someone when it gets colder

When home I used what little energy I had remaining to pack our pictures among my clothes. I would have succumbed to sleep a little earlier but I had anger-energy from an article I had read some time before that had referenced the fact that the Oxford English Dictionary had now allowed one of the meanings of the word "literally" to be used for emphasis while not actually being true. Now I totally accept and like the fact that the English language is constantly evolving, and note it as its main strength, but if one word should be left alone it is "literally". "Literally" is the cornerstone of words, and is not to evolve or be played with. Everything else is relative and malleable. If you can't be able to describe something literally you have no point at which to reflect how non-literal something is, because you don't know how real the "literal" thing is. Maybe I'm being over-sensitive, but it kept me awake and at least I used this time to do some packing.

The last table tennis and the last supper

Somehow I'd stayed up later than I thought last night, but still awoke after four hours' sleep at 7am. I decided it could take too long to get back to sleep, and although I didn't feel like it I logicked myself into getting some sports clothes on and forced myself to go to the old people's leisure centre.

It was one of those decisions that you know you will not regret as nothing, short of being struck by lightning on a 12mph moped, could go wrong. I met some of my old friends, probably for the last time this year, and started to feel better as I sweated out what was within. Mr Happy saw me practising with some people and made it his turn. It was like a cat playing with a mouse at first, but this mouse turned. I started smashing his horribly spinny serves and sometimes they got back and he couldn't return them. It made me feel great, but it made him laugh even more - so much more he really did look like a Mr Man. Had I found his Archille's heal? Apparently not, as he challenged me to first to three games and won 3-0, but he nearly had a fit when I performed my reverse-spin-chop serve that he returned almost to the neighbouring table. Tan says that serve is illegal. She is wrong.

I was getting into my swing as I hadn't played for over a month, but not going all out on the smashes as I didn't want to kill my back a couple of days before a 12 hour plane ride. I lost 3-0 to the next bloke too, but was gaining in points and confidence. When the next bloke challenged me I was really up for it, and used my back hand smashes to great effect to win the first game by a few points. I won the second by even more and I started having dreams of victory. But then reality struck better than my ability regarding the ball and I lost the next game. So I pulled what little resources I had left and focused on the next game and reaped the benefits of a more disciplined approach of playing to my opponent's weaknesses and won. 3-1 yeah, and he wasn't even playing with his weaker hand!

After that a bloke named Zhang came up and started practising with me and I was grateful I could rest on my tiny laurels and not have to play competitively again. He'd given me his phone number last month and I'd said I'd call him to go for a beer. He mentioned it again and I said I'd call him this evening.

I got home and showered and before I knew it it was midday. I should have just bought some jiao zi and had them at home and slept for four hours but instead I walked outside to take in the sun. I called Haiwei to see if he wanted a bite to eat but he was out of town and said he'd call me back in a couple of minutes when he'd be back so I went to A Wu's office to wait. A Ni and A Da were there - A Da gave me a hug as he often does for some reason - I fear it's because he doesn't get that much affection normally. I waited for a good 10 minutes before Haiwei rang to tell me to meet him in his office in a minute. Of course when I got there two minutes later he wasn't there so I went to the supermarket to check if my gin had been delivered but unsurprisingly it hadn't.

The view from the lift again - it's not much but I'll miss it sorely

I got back to the office as Haiwei arrived and of course instead of going to eat we sat down and drank tea for a bit. Eventually at 1pm we drove to a place I hadn't been to before, a couple of doors away from A Wu's massage place. There were four of us and we had a pretty decent lunch with just a few beers for Haiwei and me. When we finished I said I'd pay as I had called Haiwei and after hearing nothing of it he eventually gave way. 270 kuai was not the cheapest for four people but we were well stuffed. I was slightly saddened by the food hygiene notice that was displayed, as all such establishments apparently have to show. They had only achieved "Fair", which was the lowest of the three possible categories.

I really tried to get to sleep when I got back, and may have managed 15 minutes but for some reason it wasn't happening. I think it was my body or brain telling me I should stay awake to take in everything I could until we leave the day after tomorrow.

I was now peeling like a shedding snake after my time on the beach a couple of days ago and when I got up from my tiny nap I left a disgusting human-shaped mass of dead skin on the bed. Tan had had the good idea of me going for an oily massage to help get rid of it. She also said I'd be able to sleep there, which was appealing (haha). So I took the dian dong che at around 3.30pm and just before I arrived decided to pick up a quick can of Li Quan from the restaurant where I'd eaten just a couple of hours before. I sort of regretted it straight away as I didn't want to drink it outside looking like a wally, and didn't want to enter the massage place with it in my hand. So I stuck it in my pocket and hoped they wouldn't think I was too excited.

There were many smiles as I walked in, and I don't think it was because of my pocket, but more out of recognition that I was here again, and by myself. I explained about my exposure to the sun and that I'd like to have an oily massage in a way that had I done in the UK I'd have expected something different. I was led upstairs to a lovely room and told to wait for a bit and put on the massage pyjamas and take a shower if I wanted. That was it, my opportunity to get rid of the beer. But in fact I did manage to finish it in a few glugs in the shower and it went down better than I thought. Being typically British I crushed the can and put it back in my trouser pocket so they wouldn't know.

The masseuse sounded mortified when she saw my naked back and kept asking if it hurt when she rubbed me, but in fact it was lovely with the oil. She went rather too low on my buttocks for my comfort, not that it was not comfortable, rather it was too comfortable. Then, when she told me to move onto my back I was rather embarrassed. I had to put a few folds in the towel above my loin area so as to disguise any potential excitement that might have occurred. Whether or not she noticed anything, she went ahead professionally and did the stomach massaging and all. When the hour was up I was so comfortable and she said I could stay and sleep. I nearly did but I noticed then the globules of fatty substance beside me on the couch and realised they were rolled up bits of my skin and that this must have been coming off in her hands for the last hour. Luckily, due to the downed beer in the shower I didn't care as much as I might have, and managed half an hour of on-and-off dozing before getting my clothes on as I knew I had things to do on my penultimate Pingguo pm.

Back home I nearly fell asleep again but I knew I had to call Zhang, and then go our for my annual lads' night out at the Beihai seafood place. So at 6.15 I called Mr Zhang and he told me to meet him outside his block by the guang chang. This I did five minutes later and he got on my dian dong che and we drove to one of the evening eat places opposite Waipo's place. He wasn't exactly sure where to go as he was meeting a friend himself who wasn't answering his phone, so we sat down at a table and ordered two bottles of beer. By the time we'd finished one his mate answered the phone and explained where he was, so we quickly finished off the second bottle and paid 14 kuai for the two which I thought was quite pricey, then drove off.

As luck would have it Zhang's mate was waiting at the Beihai seafood place where I was planning on being this evening anyway. His mate was there with his son, and I found out both Zhang and his mate were northerners who had come to Pingguo in the early 90s. Interestingly, they had spent time in Saudi Arabia, Kazakhstan, and Pakistan among other places, and I understood they were in the railway business as engineers.

We had a nice couple of beers, but as I said I was expecting to stay on to see friends later on this evening, they didn't ask me to drink too much. In fact they both drank a glass of medicine alcohol, and it made me think of our conversation this morning when I was saying it's ok to have a couple of drinks now and again as long as you are active. He vehemently agreed but said that smoking is definitely a no-no, even though most people play table tennis better than him and smoke like chimneys. Well after speaking a few sentences of English for the mate's son, they both said they needed to go at around 8ish, so I gan bei'd and wished them so long.

A Wu had said he'd be back from Nanning before 8pm and wanted to eat with me so I rang him up and he arrived just as he answered. That was good as there was still some nice seafood on my table so he agreed with me that we should not waste it and polished the plates off. I'd called my mates and all with the exception of Lu Hai, whose phone was off, agreed to come. The night transpired to be great, just as such evenings in the past. I was happy that Jiefu could come as I hadn't seen him this year, and he also brought some cool aeriel photos of Pingguo from some drone remote-controlled aircraft.

Looking directly over the guang chang

A 30 second exposure a bit outside of the centre of Pingguo

Our block is on the left, the guang chang on the right

Another bloke I hadn't seen this year was Boss Hu. He's now a big buddy of A Wu (thanks to my matchmaking skills from four years ago), and arrived a little the worse for wear. He kept apologising for having already had a couple but it was unnecessary. He was certainly in the spirit of things though and gan bei'd every time he was offered. I was greatly relieved when his wife arrived in a large white saloon car - not because he was going home, but because she was driving. He promised to invite us to a meal tomorrow at midday but I wasn't sure if he'd remember.

Uncle Yellow, A Wu, Li Kun, Peng, Chen, and Jiefu - the last men standing at well gone midnight

Err...there must have been a strong magnet under the table...

I ordered more food and the beer ordered itself and a great time was had by all. The only slight blip of the evening was at about half past midnight when I was getting a lift back home with A Wu.... My friend Huang, the seafood boss, started shouting at me about my bike and I suddenly realised I had arrived on it and had forgotten to take it back. With my tail between my legs I got out of A Wu's BMW and thanked Huang as I mounted my electric steed and drove in the direction of home.

Of course I didn't go straight home; I drove around for a good 10-15 minutes drinking in what I won't be able to do soon. I had the 30kph wind in my hair and was free of concerns just for a little bit and it felt great.

More photos, food, and rain

We all got up at a leisurely hour and let the kids play for a bit. It's not like we'll have many more such days. At lunchtime Tan declared she'd only eat grapes during the daylight hours, so I took the kids to the nice place opposite I'd taken them just before going to Fang Cheng Gang a few days ago. I had to choose between buying two portions and wasting most, or buying one and risk insulting the owners who would have expected a tad more income. This time I only got one portion between the three of us as the pain of wasting food was more than that of not paying as much, and all I ate was the egg and some greens.

So without a full stomach we went to my favourite Nan Cheng Bai Hua supermarket but as expected the gin had still not been delivered. We got a bit of stuff, but the main reason I went was to sort out my VIP cards. I had three, and asked how many points each had. One had about 3500, another 2500, and the other 1000. But I was told I could merge them all, so I said ok, and received yet another new card, the fourth in as many years. What I should have done is ask what the 7000+ points actually represented.

My Nan Cheng Bai Hua VIP card with 7000+ points

Then we went to pick up the photos we'd ordered. It was an extra 560 kuai but at least we can bring them back with us. After dropping off the photos and getting approval from Tan I lay down for a while as my back was killing me for some reason.

Photos that will actually fit in the suitcase

After a bit of medicine I took the kids out again, this time for Leilei to have his hair cut. We went to Lao Ma's, as we had done several years ago. But now it's a lot easier than say in 2008 when he would only let her cut his hair when he was busy with the electric razor shaving my forearm. The kids were happy to stay at Lao Ma's and play with her dog Aili while I went to the supermarket.

I was on the road for 30 seconds before the heavens opened and it was all I could do to find shelter under the overhanging of a shop with a fellow electric biker. The five minutes we spent together made for a nice chat about the weather and things in general, where he was from, just outside Pingguo, and I didn't even feel like a foreigner.

The rain cleared up as quickly as it arrived and was starting to dry off some of the more exposed areas of the ground as I arrived at the supermarket a minute later. I picked up the stuff I wanted (cups and bowls for T and E), picked up the kids and dropped them off with Chuan Chuan as Uncle Yellow had called me and reminded me we were going to Li Kun's place to drink tea this afternoon.

I got a lift with Uncle Yellow in his sister's car and we got to Li Kun's and indeed did drink lots of tea for an hour or so. Tan had called a bit earlier to say we had been invited to a meal at 6pm at Li Jia He Xian by her ex-colleague, so I had to leave a tad later. But Li Kun made me promise I'd come back afterwards as some friends would be there. I said of course I would, and not to pick me up as I'd take the dian dong che.

An Italian VW?

Uncle Yellow dropped me off at home to pick up the bike, but I popped inside at first for a bit of medicine. Tan called and I feared the typical "where are you??!!" even though it was a couple of minutes to six, but in fact it was to ask me to pick up something from the house, exactly where I was. Despite my justification for arriving after 6pm I did receive the "where are you?" call moments later while on the bike for the two minute journey to the restaurant. I told her I was just arriving. This was pretty much true, but it was also true for up to 200 guests turning up for a wedding meal. I was just about to sneak in before they all started but I was just five seconds too late. They started really slowly filing in, each handing in their red envelopes and receiving some monkey nuts and cigarettes in return. After five minutes of this, feeling like ten, and realising it could take many more, I worked out I wouldn't be jumping the queue if I jumped in, as it wasn't my queue. So I put on my best smile and politely as possible squeezed into the queue and felt embarrassed to not be giving a red envelope as I got slowly swept upstairs.

The phone was ringing again and I didn't have to look to see it was Tan. But instead of answering I could see about 100' down the corridor Leilei and Xixi, so waved to them. They could at least tell mama that I would be there soon, but I could only move as slowly as the wave of wedding goers would permit. At least I had a reasonable excuse for being a tad late.

There were only Tan's ex-colleague, her husband, their son, and us four at the meal. Despite the fact that both the parents are English teachers, and introduced themselves with their English names, they were the only English words that were uttered during the evening. This was to my considerable relief, as I know it must be difficult to maintain any standard of English living here. I did make an effort to speak a little English to their son though.

It was a pleasant enough meal, and the husband and I shared six Li Quans while we spoke about what it was like 30+ years ago when the girls were in infant school together. Afterwards, we said our good byes and Tan went to see her friends and after dropping off the kids, I went back to see Li Kun. I hadn't realised he was having a pretty big meal at his house, and as soon as I arrived I was given a seat and a bowl and chopsticks and told to eat. Well, it's like that, so I picked a little and joined in with a few gan beis and had a lot more fun than than at the previous meal.

At one stage I had to pop out for a couple of minutes due to the gas of the beer, and just avoid it for a bit. There were four or five ladies outside looking like they were making red earphones for aircraft. I ended up chatting with them and having a laugh for a bit until Uncle Yellow came to find me and bring me back. Got back home stuffed.

My earphone ladies

Mini magical mystery tours, piano, and meal

Woke up at 10 as Uncle Yellow was calling me to see if I could go out to eat this evening. I said ok, hopefully, before falling back to sleep for another 30 mins. I mean, it's got to be done as we'll be gone soon.

I took the kids out at midday to get some diaozi and baozi then drove to get a pai qiu, a simple volleyball, to play with. We then went on a mini mystery tour to the basketball stadium to find a place to eat in the shade. They actually ate pretty well, helped by the fact they hadn't had breakfast. We spent more time than most people would deem healthy watching some rather large ants gallivanting on a tree. Two of them seemed intent on bringing back a bit of dried bird poo and I told Leilei they were drunk, which he thought was amusing.

Nice lunch of bao zi and jiao zi

Showing off the decals that we recently adorned the dian dong che with

We then went for a walk around the locked basketball stadium and saw that a football stadium was being built nearby too. Will there be a Pingguo Utd soon? Due to the growing heat we went back home at 1.30 and chilled for a bit under the A/C. I tried to get a nap but Uncle Yellow called again just to confirm tonight.

I headed this ball into the stadium that is being built

At 4pm I called Tan to tell her I'd be out for a meal soon. She was once again at the doctor's. If he's any good why are all her friends always there? I mean I can understand going for massages regularly but when it's someone who's supposed to cure things it doesn't seem right that you see him more than your husband.

I managed to drop off the kids a tad early and went to practise piano until Uncle Yellow's friend Chen called 20 minutes later. Yesterday's piano room fan was not working so I went to another room to play. But the piano there was so out of tune I ended up practising Pine Apple Rag and ended up having a go at Maple Leaf Rag as it was the only thing that could cure such an instrument. I was over the 10 minutes I told Chen I'd be so went home after forcing 10 kuai on the piano place boss, even though I'd only been there 30 mins and she didn't want anything. Chen called soon after I got home so I met him and we drove the 5 minute walk to the house to eat.

Having a go at Maple Leaf Rag

This was another family affair in a normal house, and there were women and kids. I noticed a guitar on display but when I went to reach it I sadly noted it only had four strings. I didn't have long to be sad though as I was called to eat with the other blokes. I was a bit disheartened to be served German beer. Not just because it was foreign but because it was twice as strong as our normal beer. I needn't have worried though as we were soon on the 2.5% Snowflake beer.

With some of my mates at the meal

I'd left Skype on so of course got a colleague asking me to do something. Actually, this came as a relief as I could genuinely say I needed to go home for a bit. I got a lift there, and half an hour later took the dian dong che back to the house to continue the meal until 10ish, except on the way I remembered to stop off at the seamstress with whom I'd left my trousers to have the pockets fixed. I was so happy to see the job she'd done, and she only wanted 6 kuai. I had 7 loose and managed to get her to accept them.

It's like having a new pair of trousers

I wasn't back at the meal for more than 45 minutes when Tan called me to pick the kids as she was going somewhere. I was quite grateful for this second excuse too as I was stuffed, so said my goodbyes to my friends.

We'd moved on to bull testicle before I left

I picked up the kids and took them on another magical mystery tour but this time it was "only" to the Beihai seafood place, where we had a little to eat and drink before Tan called angrily at 11 to ask where we were, even though we were about to leave. Grrr. At least the kids enjoyed it before I took them home and got them showered.

Peel, teeth, beer

A Da woke me up at 10.47 after four hours and 42 mins sleep. He couldn't find his mum so I let Tan know and sent him her number before going back to sleep till 1.30. I loped about mostly after that. I played Tan at her own game of not eating during the day except I sneaked a cereal bar at 2ish. Then I had a few monkey nuts I hadn't finished during the game last night. I was horrified to feel rock hard stuff with the nuts, and see white stones coming from one of them, and then again in the next one. I spat out my mouthful into a bin bag before feeling my right back molar and realising it was part of that or a crown that had collapsed. I felt physically sick as I hate teeth, and I hate injections, and dentists are a combination of the two.

I mentioned the tooth thing eventually to Tan and she said it was fine I could go to the dentists by A Hua's place to sort it out. Not bloody likely! By hook or by crook I'll chomp on my left for the next week or however long it takes. It reminded me that the most difficult thing for me about living in mainland China would be dentists. Nothing else comes close. Imagine being paraded in the shop window without anaesthetics...it's like some sort of obscene porn!

Went to Waipo's for tea at 6ish and got the kids to eat too. I excused myself after gingerly eating some lovely aubergine and soft greens with rice on the left side of my mouth as I realised the monkey nuts were just about the only thing I'd had to eat all day. I went out as I realised I needed a tinkle on the old ivories so drove around to the last place I'd been to last month and found it open. I walked in and asked what time they closed: "We don't close in the evening, about 9pm we close". I should be used to these oxymoron sentences by now but they still cause me to wonder about the mentality of people here, and how anything gets done. But I had the information I needed, the place would be open for a couple of hours, so I popped home to pick up my music. I also remembered my Farah slacks that Tan bought me many months ago and that I would wear more were the pockets not as shallow as the beach at Fang Cheng Gang. I had talked to a seamstress in the market the other day and asked if she could lengthen the pockets and she said she'd have a look, so now would be my chance.

I discovered a new type of Li Quan beer - the gold one on the right is only 2.8%

I went to the market first but after some discussion it became clear that she wouldn't be able to do it. However, the woman next to her took on the challenge. It was a bit tricky to explain exactly what I wanted done as they were still asking questions after I had used hand signals to clearly confer what needed doing. I explained that when I sat down wearing these trousers my phone and money would fall out of my pocket. They kept saying the word "bu" that I couldn't understand other than it was a noun. Anyway, I left them there and will see what becomes of them tomorrow.

I was starting to get into my practice in the piano room when I got a knock on the door from the teacher. I was worried she was going to criticise me, or worse, offer me tuition. But she was just telling me the heavens had opened outside and did I want to bring the dian dong che in? I still have the plastic bag seat cover with the elastic so I ran out and used that to cover the seat after wiping it dry with her cloth. I wouldn't dream of dirtying her place with wet tyre tracks. I got a good hour in before Tan called to say I needed to pick up the kids as Chuan Chuan was going out.

So I did and they went with me to the supermarket to get a couple of things like a fruit knife and a straw cup for Emily. There I noticed I had skin virtually dropping off my forehead and the kids said it was disgusting. I realised the skin peeling was from the exposure to the sun and decided I needed to go for a head wash. Thankfully the kids agreed to come along so first we went home to drop off the stuff. As the lift opened another of my nemisi came out - I don't quite recall his name but he's been asking me for two years now to go for a beer, and I have said I would every time. This time I promised that as soon as I'd had a head wash I'd go to meet him at "er xiao".

At the local supermarket looking for things for Thomas and Emily

As I still wasn't feeling 100% I had a couple of slugs of medicine alcohol. I still don't know if this is genuinely medicinal or not but the shopkeepers say it is so who am I to argue? I haven't actually broached the question with Tan yet as I know what she will say, but she does believe in Chinese medicine somewhat so I'd be interested in asking her in the presence of a Chinese doctor, though that sounds like it would somehow end in an argument later at home that I could better do without.

The head wash place was ok as there was wifi so Leilei could get online on the iped and Xixi could do the same on my work phone. But the actual wash was not as comfortable as it normally would have been. The shampoo stung my raw forehead, and certain parts of my equally raw shoulders pained at the touch of the hands of the woman who just a week ago had me like putty. When asked if I wanted a massage, for the first time in 11 years I said, "no", and just went to pay the bill. Partly because of the pain and partly because I realised the sooner I went to see my friend the sooner I'd be back.

We drove down to Jiang Bing Lu and called him. By now it was 10.40 but he told me to meet him by the school gate. As luck would have it A Xia was driving past us as we turned around, with Tan in the car too. Also, Huang Xiaoyun shouted at us from the girls' favourite bbq place Tian Yang Po. The kids preferred to be with mama so I let them off as I drove next door to er xiao. My friend appeared and ushered me into the house of his big brother I think.

It was quite a humble abode, with various family members who introduced themselves as "second sister", "third sister" etc. Even the ladies gan bei'd with me, and I could see the men wanted me to catch up on the beer front. It was one of those random nights that makes me love to be here and able to communicate with the locals. One was an ex-schoolmate of Tan's, another an ex-colleague of Er Jie, and apparently related but that term is used loosely here.

Some of the family at the really nice meal I had at er xiao, close to Tian Yang Po's bbq

I ate some rather nice dried raw fish and some other stuff which for them was probably a delicacy, and really enjoyed it. Then, after I'd been there for an hour, an old man with silver hair and a broad grin ambled into the room and he was immediately poured a glass of white alcohol. He was evidently the big baba, and I had to do a couple of gan bei's with him. I found out he'd been on the white alcohol earlier and this was why he'd gone for a nap, but had just woken up and intended to continue. Well, I would have liked to too, but I was getting a bit full up from the food and fizz, so made my excuses to leave.

The old father awoke after a bai jiu-induced nap and continued on it

My friend said it wasn't a good idea to take the dian dong che after a few beers, and almost insisted on taking me in his car, bidding me to leave the bike there. I wanted to tell him that he'd been there much longer than me, and had imbibed the white stuff, which made him a much less safer bet on the road, but I held my breath and made some excuse that I needed the bike early tomorrow. So instead he said he'd drive and I could follow, which was pretty much the worst of both worlds, but sod it, he didn't accept my offer of taking the back of the dian dong che.

Back at our block, after out of eyeshot from my friend I stopped off at the place I'd been to yesterday to eat some greens. I remembered I'd promised I'd go there for a couple of beers when feeling better so thought I would fulfill this. I bought a six-pack of Li Quan and insisted on sharing it with a few blokes who came to sit around my table. Almost immediately I saw the somewhat familiar scene of one bloke leading a rather sozzled friend across the road after a night of too much. Strangely, they sat down at a neighbouring table where people were doing the Bangxu drinking ritual of putting a spoon in a bowl of white alcohol and feeding it to someone opposite. Then of course the drunk bloke joined in even though he should have been on the water. Well I never....

Tan was well home by the time I got back at 1ish, and not too happy about me having had a couple downstairs with those friends. I could have argued that it would have been impolite not to, as I'd promised yesterday, but I have been married too long to start engaging in such words. Xixi's room beckoned once again.

More fever, but good footy

Awoke at gone 10.30 and realised I still had a fever. I just chilled for a bit before lunchtime, and then took out kids for lunch in Ming Dien hotel, which is what we sometimes do when it's boiling outside. But they didn't eat that much and had expensive drinks, though the bill was only 125, which could have been worse for such a nice place. Leilei and Xixi both took the curvy swirlers from their expensive drinks with them but the waitress rushed out to say they couldn't. I was annoyed at this and thought to argue about worthless bits of plastic but didn't do it, and got the kids to hand them back. A moment later she rushed back saying we could keep the swirlers and also gave us the iped that Leilei had left in the restaurant. I felt justified in holding back my anger. Yet another learning experience. What a privilege to be aware of learning at an age where most people seem above that.

Leilei and Xixi with their swirlers and the iped - karma?

I left the kids with Chuan Chuan and went home, where I managed to doze for 15 minutes or so around 2pm so I must have needed it. Tan was around and went out 5ish leaving me to relax more. I called Chuan Chuan around 9 and she said the kids didn't want to come back despite one of them having left me a message on WeChat to do so earlier. I was happy with that.

Maybe because I was still feverish I kept mulling about choices. There are two types of people in this world, those who appreciate choices and those who don't....

Tan had said she'd call but didn't and I didn't care. But at 10.30 I gave her a ring and she said she'd be back in a bit. I hadn't eaten all afternoon so went for a ride. I really wanted to avoid alcohol so couldn't go to the places I normally would have, and ended up outside our block. I ordered mostly greens and the blokes there wanted me to share some beer with him so I obliged, but only one can. I left explaining that when feeling better I'd come back and drink with them for longer. The food left me feeling stronger and Tan noticed I was more sprightly when she came back around midnight.

Although I really tried to have another kip in the evening I couldn't do it. I was too excited about the City game at 3am. I managed to get out of the bedroom before 1am explaining the truth to Tan. She didn't really mind as it meant no chance of snoring. I had a couple of beers around 1am and chatted with Awl to help keep me awake and indeed did so. Luckily the game was quite good despite being the poorer team for most of the first half. But we scored and that kept me going for the second half where we scored again and then Aguero was magnificent to make it 3-0 before letting in a silly goal. Last five minutes were typical City but the result wasn't. Well-earned three points! Finally to sleep at 6am...in Xixi's room.

Fever

I woke with a start bang on 6am and knew all was not well. I felt very sick despite having drunk plenty of water and not having imbibed indecently last night. Had we needed to drive at this time I wouldn't have gone, it was that bad. I logicked taking medicine. I had no desire to risk waking anyone up, nor get dirty from the floor, so I forced myself to crawl to my bag and search out some medicine for my back in pitch black. The zip made some noise as it opened, but thankfully Tan didn't murmur, and I opened the foil under the covers and took it with the water I'd remembered to take with me.

I thought about choices quite a lot, and how it's not always a good thing to have a choice because it also brings with it responsibility, and the possibility of being wrong. I used to call Tan from the supermarket to ask her what she wanted, but that call, however well intentioned, gives a bit of stress, as now to some extent what we eat, or how we wash our clothes, is up to her rather than me. But having choices is desirable too. I want to be able to choose lots of things like number of minutes/GB/text per month on Giffgaff etc., and would actually prefer to be called by Tan if she was shopping.

The trick is to know your audience and offer the right kind of choice, generally limited to avoid stress. I think Apple are good at this; in general your choice is black or white, more memory or less memory, but not 4", 5", different processors etc. For some people the choice will always be the wrong one. Not in a falsifiable way, but in a self-perceived way. These are the pessimists, who will always wish they'd chosen the other way, thus self-fulfilling this. I've been guilty of this on numerous occasions but have taught myself to think how I would be thinking had I made the other choice, and how it could still be perceived as the wrong choice. As it's unlikely both would have been wrong choices you can at least be happy that there is a chance you made the right choice. A bit like buying the dian dong che within a week of being in Pingguo. Had I not bought it I would have regretted it no doubt, though been 250+ quid better off (and less mobile) and had I waited another week or so it would have made the time to use ratio less enjoyable.

I chose to go to the seaside while feeling ill on Friday, and chose not to show it. And now I was really ill but that didn't make it the wrong choice. I mused for an hour or two before getting a call from A Xia in the room opposite. Tan was already up and in the shower so I said we'd be half an hour or so. But I started feeling feverish again so found one of the kids' face towels and soaked it in cold water and lay down with it on my forehead. When Tan got out, instead of being pitiful she got all "travel" moody insisting that everyone hurry up as A Dong needed to be at work soon in Pingguo. Fair enough I suppose but going out for a weekend I thought that at least part of Sunday would be part of the holiday.

When we were ready, and the kids had eaten some seriously sweet and light cakes for breakfast, we knocked for A Xia and found that her and A Dong and Su Liyi were still not packed. And when they were what did we do? Tan had said she'd go ahead with them and Huang Xiaoyun in their car due to A Dong's work commitments, and I'd leave later with the kids in A Wu's car. But in fact we all descended on the place we ate before the bbq last night. It was well gone 10am so I guessed this would be breakfast, but we ordered a private room and before I knew it A Wu was barking off an order that made me realise this was no egg and toast.

While he was doing this I was falling back into a feverish state, not helped by the four hours' sleep. There was a hard wooden bench in the private room and I lay down sideways and started dropping off despite the lack of comfort. I just rested my head on my arm and the noises in the room merged into a soft cacophony that somehow helped me drift away. Before I actually fell asleep I felt Tan prodding me and pushing a tiny bottle in my direction. It had an even tinier straw sticking out of it and I knew straight away this meant Chinese medicine. This can be good or bad, but normally the latter. In fact this was the worst medicine I had ever tasted, Chinese or not. Just the shock of the taste woke me from my slumbers enough to get to the table and make me realise I was hungry. I did avoid most of the seafood though, and replaced it with loads of greens and lotus root. I was starting to feel myself again and had a go at translating the medicine box. Apparently it was designed to make you sweat out your fever. Well it may or may not have have use, but due to the air con I was not sweating at all.

It was not much earlier than midday before we finally set off for Pingguo, but as it was raining it didn't feel like we'd wasted a good day's beaching. A Wu said he was driving slower but it didn't seem like it. 30 mins into the journey I once again chastened A Wu's driving and asked him seriously if he was tired. Of course he said he wasn't (no man, or woman, would), but just a few minutes later we pulled over into a petrol station where he slept for half an hour, while A Ni took Xixi out to get some sweets, and I just lay in the car monged out.

Back on the road it was still really uncomfortable. I counted at least six crashes in the 140km stretch between Fang Cheng Gang and Nanning, and many of these were in the road work areas of 60kph limit, or maybe due to the slowing down for them. The driving habits here are totally crap. The overtaking lane is the normal lane for all except lorries, so when you want to overtake you have to go to the first lane and dodge the lorries before slipping back. It's horrible and will have to change. It has happened in Europe and must happen here. My faith in trains remains.

After Nanning I thought I heard A Wu asking A Ni to talk to him, tell him a story or something. In fact I was right, and I feared it was because he was tired again. Apparently he had been cai-mai'ing till 2am last night. Indeed five minutes later we stopped at another petrol station for half an hour to let him have a "five minute nap". The reason it took so long was because he kept receiving phone calls, and of course answering them. Can't you just turn it off?

Leilei and Xixi relieving the stress of the journey home by playing cai ma

We finally arrived in Pingguo at 4pm. Tan went out to see A Ni and took the kids as she would be be going to KTV later. A Wu told me we were to go to a meal at 5.30/6 and I said I needed a rest first. At 5.30 he called me again but I was just about to sleep, and told him I'd call him later. I slept till 7pm, when Tan got back. I finally felt a bit more myself, which was nice. As I was relaxing A Wu called me again so I said I'd call him back in a bit. I just wanted to watch the beginning of the GP and did. Unlucky for Hamilton getting a puncture from his team mate. After that I did call A Wu who tried to tell me where he was but I didn't understand. I gave the phone to Tan who told me.

She was not close either, and a couple of phone calls with A Da later, I finally got him to come and find me in the centre and we drove the 200 yards to Boss Tao's place. Boss Tao and friends had been drinking for two hours. I couldn't and didn't want to catch up, but was somewhat forced to. I stayed for an hour, but avoided the red wine A Wu and A Ni were drinking, preferring to cai ma some Li Quan. Although I told Tan I'd pick up the kids at 10pm I used this excuse to go there considerably earlier. I did have to stay for a good half an hour and have a couple of thimblefuls of gan beis, before Tan spotted me and suggested I had some tea instead. For once I didn't disagree, and took the kids back with me.

The kids taking the KTV very seriously

As it was not quite 10.30pm we passed by the supermarket to see if the gin they'd ordered had been delivered. Of course not. Well, no worries, I didn't really want any but was just interested if what they said would be easy to get would be so easy. They've had it here for the last five years or so but I suspect I have been the only person to buy it in that time.

Well we did make a small detour on the way home to do some exercise

We got home a couple of minutes later and got the kids showered and to bed by 11.45. Tan got back a bit later and I watched some of the Sunderland-Man U game, just making it till the end and a 1-1 draw before zonking out at 1am.

Overdone with the sun

I was rudely awoken dead on 8am by the phone to our room. It was A Ni telling Tan to get up as we were to go to the seaside early before it got too hot. Fair enough I suppose but I hadn't slept well and neither had Tan (who told A Ni a slight fib that she hadn't slept till 4am due to the noise). We got the kids up and washed and I thought we were ready once I'd packed some towels and sun cream. Then suddenly Tan asked why I hadn't put all my clothes away. But we're not going back till Sunday I told her. But whatever the truth in that, apparently we were checking out today too. I wasn't told that. And in fact she had to call A Xia to check this too, but apparently we were to check out, which somewhat complicated things, but 15 minutes later we were all ready, and left the hotel at 8.45am.

The beach was nice at 9.15. Not as warm as last night but manageable. We had a nice close place to park, and staked our place literally with a large hired umbrella and a table to shade us. I sprayed a load of factor 50 sun cream on both the kids and myself, and made up for last night's lack of sea water by spending a lot of time with them and A Xia's son, Su Liyi, in the sea. The water was actually almost warm and I would have gone belly-deep but it was so shallow we had to go out 100 yards just to get up to Xixi's midriff. We spent a good hour or so mucking about in the water before I realised I was hungry and hadn't had breakfast. So we went back to our table and ate the noodles that had been bought for everyone.

Although Tan also came out, looking very Halle Berry-like in her bikini and short hair, I spent the majority of time with the kids, mainly because I had to keep my eyes on Su Liyi, who I thought was four, but later found out is six. We grabbed a little lunch at 11.30 as I thought it was 1pm, and I was sort of surprised when we didn't leave. So we just went back after some more factor 50 and spent a load more time in the sea. Xixi was loving it and Leilei came out to the deeper water a bit too. At one stage a refreshing cloud came and deposited some heavy rain, together with some very cool wind leading us to put most of our bodies under water to keep warm.

Tan mid-jump o'er the wave

I caught a nice one - Xixi is swimming above Tan's feet

In the end we stayed at the beach till gone 3pm and I managed a couple of well-deserved bevs before we left. To add to the annoyance of having checked out this morning, I was told we had planned to get a hotel on this beach front for tonight so we could enjoy the sea tonight and tomorrow. "Planned" was the wrong word; there were no rooms available as it was the weekend and if only someone had told me of this "plan" a couple of days ago I would have happily arranged a booking. Like last year at Beihai we didn't just turn up, but BOOKED in advance. And that was four middle-aged silly blokes that should have known worse. So after refusing to take a shower at 10 kuai each even for the kids, we got into the cars and drove back to the same hotel we'd checked out of a few hours previously and checked back in. Grrr.

A well-deserved couple of cold ones after a day in the sea with kids

When there are no cucumbers melon will do

Everyone was tired, so retired to rooms, but Xixi and I couldn't sleep. Her because of excitement I suppose, and me as I was starting to feel the effect of my exposure to six hours almost non-stop of South China sun. When I realised Xixi wasn't sleeping too I told her to get up and we got some clothes on and went for a little walk. I didn't have a kuai on me so took my bank card and we set off in search of a bank. My shoulders and back were stinging though, so under the 5pm sun we had about 6' of shadow from some buildings while heading east. I asked Xixi which direction we should head in order to find a bank and she pointed left, which happened to be east, and I told her she was a good girl. Keeping east and north, we eventually happened upon a bank on the other side of a rather wide road. There was nothing for it, we held hands and braved the scorching sun and made it there a minute or so later. Then, a minute later again, we were 3000 kuai better off at least in terms of money in our pocket, and re-braved the journey back to shade.

Xixi really wanted to have a go at the exercise machines it a tiny park, so we stopped for a while during which I fell into conversation with an extended family after commenting on the handsome baby boy one grandmother was holding. After being told it was a girl (why don't they do the stereotypical pink?) I found out they were from Guangxi and had also come down for the weekend. After a few goodbyes we met a bloke bbqing a leg of lamb on the street and got talking to him too, as well as a few other people from his restaurant. After Xixi had been given a small bottle of Cola, we found our way back to the hotel via a small shop that sold me a cold beer and a carton of tea for 5 kuai and didn't mind us paying with a 100 kuai note.

Xixi couldn't quite reach this properly so I helped her do it campanologist-style

I called A Wu to ask what was happening about eating. I woke him up, but he said he'd be down in five minutes. 15 minutes after waiting in the foyer he still wasn't there so I called Tan to let her know we should be eating soon. She came down a couple of minutes later with Leilei but A Wu still wasn't there. A phone call later and he came down but with no plan to eat. This made Tan angry so she went upstairs saying they weren't eating till much later, and having bbq to boot. But apparently I was right. A Wu took us to a local place where we ordered some food. Then, half way through, he said he was going to pick up A Ni. He came back with A Ni and Huang Xiaoyun and we continued to eat. I was forcing myself with the beers though as was really not feeling well.

Then Tan called me to release her anger that A Wu had not picked her and A Xia's family up. As if it was my fault! I just didn't know what to say and as I was feeling crap I didn't argue. Why not ask A Wu why he didn't pick you up? Tan said sod it her and A Xia's lot were going out themselves to eat. When we finished a bit later we went back to the hotel. Strangely enough Tan and A Xia's lot had not even left the hotel as they said they would half an hour ago, and we all went in two cars to a bbq place that took an excruciatingly long time to find. By now I really needed to get home and rest. I did my best to show I was ill, which meant drinking my beer really slowly, and a couple of minutes after the food arrived took Leilei and Xixi to find a san lun che to take us back to the hotel as they were also already fed.

We'd just negotiated how to get to the hotel with a san lun che driver when A Dong caught us up to say he'd take us in his car. I apologised to the driver, and he seemed to understand, and we got back to the hotel five minutes later and I got the kids washed and brushed with the last of my energy. Tan returned before I fell asleep, and I realised after a few minutes I'd have to move to Leilei's bed again as there just wasn't enough room for two adults, even if one has children's size feet.