Early jog, late ping pong

Yet another pre-6am wake-up so I Weixin'd Liangwen and we met up for a jog at the guangchang. Unlike last year he wasn't with his female jogging partner, and also unlike last year he insisted in jogging even slower than I wanted to. He also wanted to avoid the road areas due to traffic so we headed towards an area with more trees. This gave me the opportunity to spark up a conversation about electric vehicles and go on about our Renault Zoe. I thought he'd be fascinated but he just took in in his stride (literally), and simply agreed with me when I said that within five years most traffic would be electric. Agreeing and understanding such a prolific change should be a major thing in my book, and should at least have provoked a bigger response! But on reflection I've come to get used to this sort of acceptance of change; change where I'm from comes to a greater extent from the people, whereas here is more "dictated" from the government. Although intuitively it may feel that the former is the better, I'm less and less convinced by it. But the consequence of the latter is that people are more accepting of change from above as it is just the way it is.

It still interests me, the view while waiting for the lift

A really normal view of someone stretching in the guangchang

Later I got the kids a sort of pancake filled with sausage and lettuce and fried in not the most healthy way, then took the kids to A Xia's shop where Tan frequents in order to drop them off as a siesta was beckoning. It was so nice to hear A Xia compliment me on my looks as she said I was more handsome than last year. Pathetic maybe but I'll take it. So many people (a handful) have commented positively on my looks this year it genuinely makes the effort to do the swimming and running worthwhile.

I got back and managed an hour or two's kip without too much trouble and when I awoke set about sorting Leilei's iphone. It was palaver 2.0 as in order to reset the phone I needed to confirm it on another device that had his apple ID, of which there were none. Then in order to reset the password it sent an email to his email, but that required 2FA on one of his devices too. I was going nuts as he'd managed to make monthly paid-for subscriptions on "free" apps that I was massively annoyed about but couldn't cancel until the phone was working. Finally I got it to realise it would need to download the latest update, but after ages it still hadn't done so. Then I realised it may be the VPN that was preventing this, so reluctantly turned it off and finally a couple of hours later it reset the phone. It has taken around 10 hours in total to do this. Not happy.

I needed to pay 2000 kuai to Ling Ming for cleaning and sorting out the flat so got in contact with him and drove around to their new flat around 4.30pm. It's a really nice place at the top of the building and has two floors and views over the river. Their kid is two now but doesn't remember me. Ling Ming wouldn't take more than 1800 and after spending a good half an hour complimenting their new abode I made a move as they were going to his wife's mum's to eat.

Ling Ming and his toddler

In the evening I took the kids to play ping pong in the new place we were supposed to have gone to yesterday. Haiwei had sent a Weixin location and we turned up and arrived on the red dot on the map but there was no ping pong to be seen. We asked about and were told to go to the sports centre but that was far from the red dot on the map where we should have been. Eventually after half an hour of phone calls and misunderstanding someone walked down the road to find us at a hotel and took us to a place down a dark alley not that close to the red dot.

We went out for tea first and it pelted it down not for the first time...very refreshing

What we found inside was a massive ping pong place and a competition that was in full sway. Eventually one table was freed up and a bloke invited me on where we practised for a good half hour. The kids too got their chance to have a practice but had to put up with copious semi-professional phone-photographers snapping them at every opportunity. We'd expected to leave by 10pm but only some time after that did things start to calm down and a big photo opportunity was taken with all of us. Apparently there were two other zhen that had come to compete.

Leilei and Xixi apparently had a good time practising while I was doing the same

It was getting on for 11pm so I took the kids back for a quick bbq as they were peckish. We only got five duck tongues and 10 beef and the total came to 50 kuai without any drinks! That makes Tian Yang Po pretty bloody expensive as it was hardly filling. Back home I kept receiving calls to go out and eat with the ping pong people from earlier. Only at 12.30 did I get the chance to when Tan got back, yet I was met with howls of delight and made to gan bei for a few minutes before I ate anything. It was nearly 2am before I got home.

A very rare pic of Leilei and Xixi actually genuinely apparently enjoying each other's company

The ping pong meal I joined finally at 12:30am that went on for a good hour afterwards

Bad lift

Up at a reasonable 8am to spend two hours getting beaten at ping pong. It's become quite a routine not just this year but from the last 6-7 years really. I'm not sure how I'd cope without the exercise. I picked up the kids at midday from A Xia's shop and we went to have gorgeous sweetcorn soup at a place I've been to a few times. They had a little egg-fried rice too. I thought I'd ordered two fried eggs too but what appeared was a much better option - an omelette with plenty of greens that I had to scoff myself as the kids were having none of it.

Back home I only managed a 15 minute doze before being asked to take Tan's pad to Waipo's, where I also got tea for the kids. We had decided to go to ping pong in the evening but were stuck at Waipo's for quite a while as a massive storm yet again laid drops the size of small goldfish abound outside. Only when the drops were scarce enough to do a Billy the Whizz style escape did Leilei and I rush onto the dian dong che to go home to pick up the ping pong bats, or racquets as I understand the official term is, however unlikely it sounds. Actually it's been proven that running fast in the rain makes you get wetter...you live and learn.

Actually apparently it's Billy Whizz, not Billy the Whizz...

Strangely, on the way up the lift stopped at floor 9 where a bloke was waiting. I told him we were going up but he was welcome to come, but he motioned that he would wait. Or he didn't understand a word I said and preferred his own company. A few seconds later as we were ascending we had the awful experience everyone always thinks about but rarely has. The lift stopped all of a sudden and the lights went out leaving us in pitch darkness. For the first few split seconds Leilei and I thought we were falling such was the change in gravity force. It took me a couple of seconds to logic out that it must just be the electricity as we weren't splattered on the floor. We were sweating bullets though as the lack of air conditioning added to the palpatations we were still having. Although petrified, Leilei had the presence of mind to check his fitness watch to see how augmented his heart rate was, though he kept whimpering how scared he was.

It was up to me to remain calm and collected and let him see that I wasn't afraid. I was acutely aware of the heat and the potential lack of oxygen, and managed to prise apart the internal doors. Then Leilei berated me for not having a flashlight app on my phone, so I took a picture using the flash and found we were almost exactly between two floors, I guessed between 11 and 12. Then it dawned on me that the phone in my hand was the obvious piece of apparatus to get us out of here. I was so grateful to see one measly bar of reception, and it was enough to contact Tan, who said she'd call the manager. But it was getting so hot...try as I might I couldn't pull the outer set of external doors open more than an inch, but it was enough to let in some sweet, relatively cool air, not to mention a stab of light. It also gave me the opportunity to shout for help..."jiu ming! jiu ming!", I called, until Leilei told me I should be shouting "jiu women!". Not that it mattered - no-one heard us...we heard what we thought were footsteps, plodding slowly up the stairs, or maybe plodding down, but never getting quieter. We shouted at the footsteps again "jiu women!!" but they didn't hasten, and it was a good 30 seconds later we realised it was the sound of dripping water.

By the light of the phone I saw a number for the lift company so on Leilei's advice called it lest they be able to do anything. By this time Leilei was sitting on the floor as he'd seen a youtube video on how to survive lifts falling down, but in an effort to prove it was only the electricity that had gone I refused to do so and said this must happen all the time (though I didn't really believe that). We'd been in the lift now a good 10 minutes and I was really disappointed that no-one had come. But the lift company did answer the phone and I was explaining which building and what had happened when I realised it was pretty pointless...they wouldn't be able to do anything remotely and help would surely come before they could sort any. Sure enough, while on the phone a bloke came up the stairs and I shouted at the top of my voice so he'd know where we were. I immediately apologised to the woman on the other end of the phone who'd just been deafened by this, and explained it looked like help was at hand, so not to worry. The bloke was able to open the external door of the bottom half of the lift, but there was not so much space to get out there, so I bade him come up to the top half as we saw it. My only concern that the lift would surge into life and slice whoever was getting out of it at the time, so I went for the option that I thought would make for the quickest exit. As the top door opened I told the bloke to move out of the way and shoved Leilei as quick as I could out of the door, before being helped out myself.

What you might see when trapped in a lift - one third of the door of the 11th floor by your knees...

...and what you might see as you escape through the half-12th floor door

What a bloody relief after such a harrowing experience, but the bloke didn't look like much had happened...I guess it wasn't the first time, but how bad would it have been for an elderly woman of Waipo's frailty? They could have died! But it gave me an idea for something that should be mandatory - backup batteries on each lift with just enough power to get to the next floor and open the doors when something like this happens. Blackouts are not that uncommon here....

On the drive back to Waip's we found that only the traffic lights were also out; the other shops nearby all seemed to have electricity. Indeed when I came back to check half an hour later the electricity was back but Leilei understandably didn't want to go up yet. I thought about forcing him to to confront his new fear but let it go as Liangwen was calling me. Apparently instead of going to ping pong at 7.30 we were to go for a couple of drinks first with some mates. Leilei wanted to go back to Waipo's so I dropped him off and went back home to get the table tennis stuff, and actually felt my heart racing a little more as I got in the same lift that 40 minutes previously had trapped us in. In the house I called Liangwen to find out where to go but I didn't get through. I realised suddenly that I'd run out of credit...gosh so lucky that didn't happen an hour ago or we'd have been trapped considerably longer. Then in the lift down Haiwei called me to go out or something but he cut out and I tried to shout to call me back as I had no credit.

Liangwen had told me the name of the place but I only half remembered it, and without internet on the phone it was a bit random to try to find it, asking people who hadn't heard, so I had to wait for him to call me again asking where I was, and then keep him talking until I found a stranger to give the phone to. In the end it was just on the other side of the guangchang and we went to a restaurant room with about six rather drunk looking men, one especially so that when he spoke the others could barely understand either. I didn't know what to make of it really but I joined in a couple of glasses and we left within 20 minutes to ping pong. Haiwei called again to tell me to play ping pong in a different place, and sent me a link which I got as I was connected to the wifi. But I'd already decided to go with Liangwen, and picked up the kids on the way. We only stayed 45 minutes at the 6th floor ping pong place as I felt I should really see Haiwei, so said goodbye, and got back on the dian dong che. It only had four bars of electricity when not moving, and zero when you accelerated so I took it carefully as I got to the guangchang, but it started going seriously slowly and I realised we wouldn't make it, and I couldn't even tell Haiwei. We managed to limp back to the house at 8...7...6 kph, barely enough to balance on two wheels before totally giving up just as we arrived. 53 km we'd managed since we got the bike back...not bad...just got to remember to charge up at four bars next time.

Uncle Yellow had invited me to "drink beer" this evening and had called me a couple of times since table tennis. As it was just around the corner from Waipo's I left the kids there as Tan was out. It was his wife's friend's birthday but it seemed to be mostly blokes and bbq. They seemed a nice bunch, and there was the usual gan bei'ing and picture taking going on. But there was cake too, and although I didn't fancy it it was enough to entice the kids to come out for a bit. But it didn't last long as there wasn't that much to keep them interested so I dumped them off at Waip's again as the people here wanted to have a sing-song. In this case it actually meant that; one of them had a guitar and I finally noticed that the shop we were sitting outside of on the pavement (doing our own bbq) was a music shop. Some bloke did a nice rendition of Knocking on Heaven's Door, before a girl plucked up enough courage to do a song or two in Chinese. It was pleasant but I knew it was well gone 11 and I needed to take the kids back, so after a last gan bei I said goodbye and sure enough as I was taking the kids back I got the call from Tan berating me for being out so late with them...it's not as if they've ever been to bed before midnight so far!

Singing song at Uncle Yellow's wife's friend's birthday bbq

First squat of 2017

Despite the usual 2am going to bed I woke at 5.45 so decided to do a leisurely run of 5.5km. Having a VPN this year on the phone and laptop has made a lot of difference; for the run I could actually track where I went on the map. Breakfast was the usual eggs and you tiao and pancake from the dou jiang place, and then it was work till lunch, siesta, then work again from 3pm. The good thing about the work I'm doing at the moment is that it doesn't require any client intervention, so no-one's waiting on me. This meant that when Li Kun called me to go for a meal I was able to say "ok" and grab the kids and get picked up by him half an hour later.

We went to a new place that is more of a swimming pool than a restaurant, but we took it for the latter and had a lovely al fresco meal without too much in the way of beer. Unfortunately, though, I received my first taste of la du this year. It had taken a good three days for my poo to take on its usual Pingguo texture reflecting a fairly high protein diet, but I could feel the liquid version burgeoning up whether or not that's a verb. Had we been within a few minutes from home and I'd had the dian dong che I'd have grabbed it and managed to hold it but that was not an option. Oh no, it was to be my first squat of 2017. Last year working with a couple of Chinese blokes in Holland I'd heard stories of how their Westernised Chinese friends had managed on a squat toilet. One had taken to removing a single leg of his trousers and tying it around his neck to avoid contact with the floor. I didn't have time to make such a cunning plan, but I had the advantage of shorts. I took my right leg out then put my heel in my shoe, leaving enough space to perch my phone and did the deed just in time. Oh sweet relief but I knew it wouldn't be the last time. How Andge managed a whole level of Angry Birds in 2009 I'll never know. Perhaps it was something to do with the loo not being a public one.

When I got back to the meal there were nods of "we know where you've been", but it wasn't in any way mocking. And when I grabbed another set of tissues it was "we know where you're going" but I didn't give a monkey's cuss. Thankfully that was all for the evening, at least from a squatting perspective.

Meal with Li Kun, pool in background

It would have been nice to go for a swim, but we'll leave that for next time. When we were taken back I took the kids to the guangchang again but it started raining and the bouncy castles were coming down. Yang Haiwei called me to go for a beer but I had to say the kids came first, so couldn't meet him. We ended up going for another magical mystery tour and ending up doing exercises by the stadium as we've done a couple of times before. Not massively interesting in terms of doing new things but enjoyable and bonding.

Late night exercising

Back home while getting the kids ready for bed I got a message to go to KTV from the same friends as the other day and as Tan came home at 11pm I said I'd manage to come for a bit. I was glad I did - friendly people and no forced beer made for a pleasant evening and I was more than ready for sleep when I got back at 1ish.

Normal

Zhang Liangwen had invited me to go jogging at 6.30am but that didn't happen after a well-past 3am sleep last night, but I still got up before the kids and while Leilei went with Tan I took Xixi out to find somewhere different to eat. We happened upon a place with its doors shut which meant air con was on, and as it's been blisteringly hot for the last couple of days we took refuge there. The couple of women working there had hats on and I realised they were probably from a muslim part of China, so I made sure not to order pork. In the end Xixi and I both ordered beef dishes which were really good and I was surprised Xixi ate a fair amount of hers as it was pretty spicy.

Spicy beef noodles for brunch

I've realised it's just normal being here now - I hardly ever feel like taking pictures and the only reason I did of the food was just to put a message on WeChat so that the rest of my Chinese friends would know I'm back in the country. The only aspect of holiday about being here is the relative lack of work at the moment, otherwise it's been mainly catching up with old friends and enjoying the extreme weather, whether hot or raining or both. Ah yes, and managing siestas - those saviours of sanity.

The iphone palaver continued...in order to reset it I needed itunes so installed that on the work laptop but the bloody thing wouldn't connect. Then the same thing happened on my laptop so I had to put it in factory reset mode. Finally it got recognised but when I tried to reset it another error happened. That had taken the best part of an hour so I put this mini project aside as I wanted to get some ping pong in with the kids. After that we went to the guangchang, and unlike yesterday the bouncy castles were up so I let them slide into five-year-old mode and spend half an hour getting drenched there before showering early.

As it was only 10.30pm, I took the kids out on another magical mystery tour on the dian dong che. Nothing magical other than it's something we can't do in the UK and you generally get to learn something new. Today we just went on a new road and found a flashing light that turned out to be some sort of firefly. If nothing else it got me the chance to talk about how this was chemicals reacting in the fly's bum but Xixi told me off for being too sciency.

First KTV of 2017 and big storm

Up at 7am - although I could have slept longer had I decided it would not be regrettable if I went jogging but when I checked my phone I saw there was some urgent work to be done which kept me busy till 2pm. And then as I was about to fall asleep for a nice siesta another email came through that required my attention and I had to accept that there would be no sleeping this afternoon. In the end it took me till gone 10pm to finish off work so a good 15 hours.

During the afternoon Leilei came to me whining that his iphone was locked and wouldn't accept his passcode. Doing some searching it seems others have had this problem where the phone refuses to accept the correct code and the only option is to reset the phone. But in order to do that I needed itunes and basically it was going to be a real palaver and as I had work to do I put it off till tomorrow. I'm not a great Apple fan.

We had a whale of a storm during the afternoon too - I'd experience the rain before but the wind was unprecedented in my experience. Apparently trees had been uprooted in this typhoon but I didn't believe it till I saw it.

The kids were eager to go to the guangchang so I took them there after a trip to play ping pong but to their dismay the bouncy castles were not up probably due to the recent rain. Xixi was desperate to do something so I let her do some stained-plastic painting even though the average age of the other kids doing stuff was much lower. They did want to come here so much but are clearly growing out of it - they're getting to the age where the actual stuff to do here will be much less interesting and they really need some friends of their own ages to engage with. The problem is they don't know anyone and aren't really the most social people in the town to go out and meet people.

In the evening it was nice to be invited to karaoke by some friends I'd met last year. I could only make it for 11pm and I didn't intend to stay up till 3am...most of the people had been there for long before me and I had no intention of catching up on their state of inebriation but I did manage to do a couple of songs that seemed to be appreciated muchly.

Back on our dian dong che

Bloody woke up at 7am after three hours' sleep. I fought against wakefulness and lost, but did manage to watch the last 20 minutes of City v Spurs in a pre-season friendly we won 3-0 so that was quite nice. Knowing I would likely be able to snooze later I did 90 minutes of ping pong at the old people's leisure centre where I was soundly whipped but in an enjoyable way...most of them know me by name now and I barely get a minute off-table so I'm hoping it's good exercise. However it's a bit disheartening to see many rather portly bellies attached to the blokes who are so good and play for hours...I'm hoping it's because they eat too much at night. My Xiao Mi band doesn't understand the difference between table tennis and stepping though so I had a barely justifiable 8000 steps by the time I got home.

I stopped off at Lu Wen's on the way back from ping pong but didn't partake of the beef fen

I sorted breakfast for the lazy kids and then took them to Waipo's. I was determined to sort out our own dian dong che so finally found the place that fixes them and brought the bloke over to see it. He did explain what was wrong and I understood the cause was its lack of use but it wasn't just the batteries that needed changing but the dianping. I still am none the wiser as to what that means, but he said I could pick it up after tea and it would cost about 550 kuai. I like the way they time things by meals here.

I then went back home to wait for a bloke to fix the living room curtains. Gratefully he came by midday, which meant I could get to bed by 12.45 and set my alarm for 4pm. Except I'd forgotten to put my phone on silent and Haiwei called me to say he'd pick me up at 3pm for table tennis. 3pm? He'd said 8pm last night. Oh well ok I responded, just wanting an excuse to sleep - let's speak at 3pm. I did sleep but at 2.37pm the phone rang again and Haiwei was telling me to get ready. I'd blooming told him I was having a siesta but hey...I said I'd be ready by 3pm which was the original agreement, and grabbed another 15 minutes shuteye. As I was getting ready a thunderclap from hades let itself be known in the immediate vicinity and within 30 seconds raindrops the size of peach stones were hurtling down. This meant I had to bring in all the clothes and close all the windows, which led to another call asking where I was. At least I had a genuine excuse for being a few minutes late.

It turned out to be a semi-official competition between Pingguo and Bama, a town a couple of hours drive away. Each team had four players that all played each other in a first-to-three game. I practised in the background with a couple of blokes for an hour or so and then went for a rest behind the main table where they were playing. I spied a cushion on a hard wooden bench and tried lying down on it and resting my head. I did the old counting in German trick and almost immediately I started having weirdish visions and I realised I had not caught up enough on sleep. I never thought I'd actually do any genuine sleeping on a hard bench but I must have as when I got up it was 6.30pm. No-one had batted an eyelid, such is the normalness of doing such spot-sleeping here, but for me it was a first and I almost felt proud.

Flexi-table tennis ball holders for practising top spin

Of course after the competition (which we won) we were to go for a meal with the Bama team, which was fine by me as I was refreshed. And of course it was great and involved beer and cai ma, and the Bama blokes were pretty impressed with my ability. I just hope that one day they'll be impressed by my table tennis. I could have stayed longer but needed to find the kids, which gave me an excuse for a break. Then I realised it was already getting on for 10pm and I'd intended to pick up the dian dong che hours ago. So I walked over from Waip's to find the family who own the shop gorging themselves in watermelon. As soon as they saw me they invited me over to share with them, which I did willingly. The cost was indeed 550 kuai but at least we have the dian dong che back and the kids will fit on more easily now. I noted there were 1200km on the clock, so will see how long the battery lasts.

Well I took the kids back home on our trusty steed but Haiwei had called to say that some of the blokes had moved on to a bar and his son was there and he wanted me to talk English to him, so after making sure the kids were getting ready for bed I went over and spent a couple of hours with them, as Haiwei fell asleep on his chair (as is his wont) and his son told me that that makes him angry. While in the loo, a bloke started talking to me in English and insisted on adding me to his WeChat. I didn't mind but then went to his table to say hi to his friends, who were rather drunk. Another time it may have been fun but I was tired and did my best to just do a couple of ganbeis.

I said I needed to go at 1am, and woke up Haiwei. His son had been taken home by Haiwei's wife, whose name I never remember, so it was up to me to take him back on the dian dong che. Luckily he didn't fall asleep on the back and I got him, then myself home a few minutes later, but still didn't sleep till 2am.

Going swimming

We all were up pretty late but even so didn't manage much in the way of breakfast; some youtiao and pancakes from the dou jiang place we usually go to. Then Tan said Lin Hong was taking us swimming after lunch. By "us" she meant the kids and me as she would stay with Waipo. I rang Lin Hong so that she'd have my new number and she said she'd be downstairs in 5 minutes which gave me that much time to get everything packed, including the factor 50 spray-on suncream. We needed to wait for Tan to bring something even though we were being told to hurry up. Then I noticed I'd forgotten Xixi's bag so I had to scurry back to get it for fear of having hell to pay. By the time I got back I realised it was lunchtime and the kids had hardly eaten...ah I guess we will eat there...

It turned out there were four cars in an entourage going to this place. When I asked how far it was I got the typically generic "not far" response I should have expected, and I knew better than to ask how many minutes as it would have been "not long". As it was it was under half an hour so pretty much not far or long. It was brimming with heat though so we sought the cover of shelter which turned out to be just about the only air-conditioned room. But all the people, around 20 with the median age around 50, just started eating fruit and talking. Leilei and Xixi, being the only kids, were not too interested in this and wanted to go swimming. "Too hot!" was the unanimous response.

But the alternative to swimming was staying in this room where they'd just brought in an electronic majiang table so I said despite the heat I'd take them out. They probably thought the equivalent of mad dogs and Englishmen but Lin Hong and Tian Tian allowed us to change into our swimming gear and I spent 5 minutes spraying the kids and myself all over with factor 50 before venturing into the intense heat of the outside. We weren't the only ones by the pool but it was by no means full. Shockingly, the water was really cold and it took Leilei and I a good 5 minutes just to submerge to the level of our balls whereas Xixi seemed impervious to the temperature. Finally I managed to get fully into the water but mainly because I didn't want to look like a wuss in front of the kids (or the other people - as I'm aware I'm a slight ambassador for the West). We managed nearly an hour before I'd had enough, and the kids decided to get out with me. There was no need for towels and when we got back to the room and changed we realised nothing had changed...all the people were either watching majiang or eating fruit. So we did the latter, and because the kids hadn't had lunch they gorged themselves on baby mangoes and yellowskin fruit as it was already gone 3pm.

The majiang game that was the focal point for much of the afternoon

Leilei got through loads of baby mangoes

Xixi trying to make a real unicorn

But they were getting fractious so I took them out to amuse them. We found a massive spiderweb suspended between two trees that was easily as tall as Leilei, but had no occupant other than a couple of leaves, and I explain how things in general grew bigger in hotter climes. Then Leilei used his laser to fox some puppies much to our amusement as he put it on the bone one of them was gnawing which caused a mini fight among them.

This was meant to be a pic of the spiderweb but it didn't come out - at least part of the swimming pool is in view

Finally, soon after 4pm, some servers started bringing food to the table. I wasn't sure if this was a late lunch or an early tea, but it turned out to be the latter as it took half an hour before the tables were full of food. Then other people started turning up too. I should have guessed "swimming" was more of an excuse for a meal. Even when the meal was set people continued watching majiang until Tian Tian and her friends were too hungry to continue and just started. That caused more people to start and we all sat down together to eat a fine meal. Only after the meal did a handful of the ladies go to the swimming pool but the kids were now bored and Lin Hong told A Zheng to take us home as the others would be chatting for a while. I was dropping off by the time we got there but it was too early to sleep so grabbed a coffee.

The hungry girls got the meal started 

On the way back the spider came out but the web wasn't picked up by the camera

View from car on way back

At 11pm I called Yang Haiwei to arrange to meet up some time and he said he was one hour away from Pingguo and that we'd meet up as soon as he was back. Maybe I shouldn't have called so late but sod it I'd make the effort. It wasn't till well after 12.30 that we met - just his family and his eldest son's mate, all awake after the drive back from Beihai. I spent most of the time communicating with the eldest son in English on his father's behest (to him, not me) and I didn't mind as I guess it's a sort of pay-back for all the stuff Haiwei has done for me if you want to see it in those terms. He (the eldest, now 16) was drinking beer and his mate too, and said sometimes he drank beer when he was nervous. I told him that was very wrong...it's ok to enjoy a couple with mates but you should face your fears, and I made sure he moved to water after his couple. Not sure how long that will work long term though. I don't know how all of them including the four year old, let alone me, made it to 3am but on the hour I told them I had to go and bade farewell, and somehow only fell asleep at 4am.

Door and catching up

Got up at around 10.30 to a missed message from Uncle Yellow and was told to take the kids to A Ni's place opposite for lunch. Except now Lu Wen was working there and instead of a steak place it's now a "normal" place that sells noodles with beef and nothing else. I'm not sure if it's his full time job but he was there with his wife and new daughter (they now have two). The kids weren't massively keen but I got them to eat some of the noodles at least, but the two portions I bought were nowhere near finished even by the time I'd had mine.

We went to Waipo's for a bit and found Chuan Chuan there - we expected her to be in Baise but she'd come down to see the kids. Waipo was looking fairly similar to last year if a bit thinner. It was the usual sit around for a bit with the tv on and chatting and then I remembered the dian dong che and asked if we could use it. Apparently it wasn't charged, and couldn't be charged, and I'd need to get it fixed from somewhere. I was a bit annoyed but fair enough if the batteries are dead. At least I could use Jiuma's little orange one for the time being to get some stuff from the supermarket. However the kids have grown so much it was tricky to fit us all on, so after a little ride together I left them at Waip's and went to cut a couple of new keys as stupidly I'd forgotten to bring my set.

The two keys cost 8 kuai, probably a 20th of what it would have cost in the UK, but then it was done by a bloke on the side of the road who presumably has little in the way of running costs. I got two done as I guessed one probably wouldn't work, and went home to test them. The first was fine so that should have been fine but of course it was right to test the second. Except when I locked the door again (from the outside) it only half locked, and none of the three keys would move at all. Try as I might, using as much force as I dared, nothing would budge. So I went to tell Tan the news at Lao Ma's hair salon where she was getting permed as she generally does the first week back.

Well at least it wasn't obviously my fault, but she called Ling Ming and he also thought the locked had not been fully locked (as if that was a reason for it not being unlockable) and I feared the worst; we'd have to knock down the strong door (which was a replacement from the original in 2010) and reinstall another at great expense. Back at the house I tried to unlock the door again to no avail and called Ling Ming who then called a locksmith and called me back to say they were on their way. Although I was grateful I asked what he meant by "on their way" as I was standing in the hot corridor waiting and could be somewhere more comfortable if it was going to be long. "10-15 minutes", he said, which often means something else, but he gave me the locksmith's number to check. Downstairs, where it was a tad cooler, I called the number and just a couple of minutes later the bloke turned up. Upstairs again he had exactly the same success as me. He had a rather strange accent that I couldn't quite grasp but I understood he was going to get something from his san lun che downstairs. He came back presently with two "C" shaped iron 8mm wide wire/bar things where the "C" was about 18" in diameter. He then proceeded to hammer the viewing hole outlet thing until it became a bit loose, then started unscrewing it until it came out, leaving a hole and inch and a half in diameter in the door. He then fed through one of the "C" bars and I suddenly saw what he was trying to do - literally open the door from the inside. But it didn't work, so he tried the second and lo and behold it worked - just like that within a couple of minutes he showed how totally insecure these doors are.

Showing how ridiculously easy it is to open a front door from the other side

But I was relieved really. He now got to work on the problem and noticed a number of issues - the lock was too "short", there was too much play in the bottom bit that goes in the ground. It sounded expensive and it took him close to an hour to have fixed everything from start to finish including changing some pieces, but in the end it only cost 30 kuai and the barrel wasn't changed so my new keys still worked. An hour previously I was lamenting not only losing our vehicle but also potentially our house but now it was looking much rosier.

Now that I had my own set of keys I went back to Lao Ma's salon and gave her back her own and took Leilei off to the police station to register ourselves for this year. It's never straightforward and this year was no exception. The women remembered me from last year and were in good spirits, but the woman who did us last year wasn't there so they had to call her to come. Lord knows what she was doing but it took her 45 minutes to get there by which time it was dangerously close to tea time at Waipo's. After a great kerfuffle she ended up taking pictures of the various passports and visas and said we could pick them documents up early next week. The main woman said it was a special day today for the police and they were having a big meal and I was invited. I said thanks I might do so with no real intention as Tan was already calling to say they were waiting for us to eat.

After food at Waipo's the kids were taken out and I found myself with some time on my hands. Time that might have been used more appropriately sorting stuff out but I recalled the policewoman's invitation so thought it would be nice to pay them a visit as it was only 7pm. Funnily they were actually expecting me and there was a loud cheer from the (mostly) blokes as I walked in; evidentally they had been on the beer for some time and wanted me to catch up. One of them was pretty clear that I should have 10 (small) glasses before I cai ma. I was more bloated than anything else 20 minutes later after having ganbei'd just about everyone there, and finally turned to cai ma to slow things down.

Uncle Yellow called around 8pm to invite me for a bite at 9ish, which gave me an excuse to leave relatively soon after. But it was pretty good fun with the police, and maybe a good thing in another way to get to know them at this level. Uncle Yellow was in the same place I'd met him with Xixi about this time last year, with a couple of mates I knew, so it was good to catch up again. In typical style the people eating in the room next door also knew me somehow so I was beckoned in as I came back from a loo visit and sat down and given a bowl etc. A couple of ganbeis later Uncle Yellow entered and scolded me for leaving him (in a not totally serious way) so I excused myself and went back to his room to eat some quite lovely grubs. I've no idea what they actually were but I daresay they are high in protein.

Lovely grub

Mates

Eventually we said our goodbyes, but for good measure as it was close and near where I was, I passed by Huang's seafood place where he was very glad to see me. I was sat down with some mates and poured beer but I realised I had nearly used up my allotted wake-time straight away. I managed a little bit of conversation but felt myself dropping off too. I think Huang realised and didn't put up too much of a fight when I told him I'd better go home and come back when the jet lag had gone.

Truly Back in Pingguo

We were at Heathrow Terminal 4 an hour before baggage drop-off opened, and we would have been checked-in online if China Southern had allowed me to check in Xixi after having allowed me to check in the rest of us.... But it was ok and the kids were happy to spend a couple of hours in the lounge, which actually had very decent food. Of course Xixi spilt hot chocolate over her jeans so after Tan washed them I was tasked with drying them. A hithertothen unused perk of the lounge, at least on a journey's departure, was the shower suite, where I was given a room with a hair dryer and spent the next 10 minutes with it inflating Xixi's right trouser leg. When it was dry enough in my eyes I brought it up only to find it wasn't dry enough (things feel drier when they're warm) and there was also a sleeve of her hoodie to dry. This time I got Xixi to help out plus a glass of refreshment....

Either the flight was nondescript or I've pretty much got over any concern over flying I might have had before. I tried to watch Logan, but just couldn't get into the genre or the bad acting. Then I managed 3/4 of a film supposedly about Mars but more about the first person born there and how he coped on earth. I had really hoped for some decent sci-fi but again all I saw was bad acting and a boring romance. Not to mention he was chatting with her in real time even though it would have taken seconds if not minutes for each message to be relayed. So I ended up watching the Bourne Legacy again and fell asleep half an hour into it. Magically I awoke with only three of the 11 hours to go meaning I'd slept for around five hours. There was no queue at immigration, no need to take and re-check-in baggage, no problem at security and not long after we were in the Bayun lounge at Guangzhou airport with a good two hours before the next flight, during which I caught up on some work, and managed a couple of cold beers as it was now well after 6pm. I even nodded off on the 1h15m flight to Nanning, where we were met by Er Jie and A Heng, and our luggage just a few minutes later.

Xixi doing the same joke as last year in Arrivals (ok it was my idea)

Last year was closer to being funny

I went with the kids in Er Jie's boss's 4x4 while Tan went with A Heng in a white BMW. We arrived in Pingguo shortly before 1.30am but went straight to Tian Yang Po's bbq place around the corner from ours. As she was firing up new charcoal I went for a wander and found that my friend Huang from the Bei Hai Seafood place had already shut up shop, but as I walked back I was beckoned over to a table of blokes and a woman and had a beer forced in my face and duly ganbei'd. I was truly back in Pingguo. I managed to get away after a couple more and having myself added to someone else's WeChat, before I was beckoned over again by four more blokes just 50 yards from our table. I managed a couple more ganbeis before Xixi walked over to tell me to come over to eat. What a pretty excuse to leave that I couldn't have bettered by any words.

Well of course the bbq was good, and Er Jie's boss got a six pack of 500ml beers, which I checked and they were 2.9% so ok. Xixi was given a second-hand iPhone 5 - the first time I've ever seen something second-hand given as a gift here. There were a few more people now but we left well before 3am to get to the house. They are rebuilding the road on the door-side of the building and there was a drop of about 9" which unfortunately the BMW went down, causing some noise and scratching. Eventually in the house with all the luggage I thought the kids would sleep but no chance...a shower seemed to wake them up. I noticed although the flat was nice and clean, there was no water, so I ventured out to buy five bottles and managed not to get caught up in any more ganbei'ing before getting back and having my own shower. Bed was some time between 5 and 6am.

Return 2016

Well I managed just over a couple of hours of sleep, timed by how long I was able to watch uninspirational films for. I ended up rewatching Fargo, which was much more entertaining than the latest tosh. Although we’d left a little late we’d caught up during the fairly unturbulent flight to Frankfurt, and landed 90 minutes before our next flight was due. But we still had to queue for security which caused us to arrive only just in time for the short hop to London.

Fatigue from the journey was taking its toll, but the kids were alright about it, and it made the fact that we arrived at London City that much more worthwhile. However the bloody queues were a pain - I had partly sold the journey to City on the fact that the queues were a breeze, but as one of us was not an EU citizen (maybe all four of us next time) we were told to go to the special queue where it seems we joined just about everyone else from about three flights that had recently landed with non-EU passengers. Finally 45 minutes later the woman said we needn’t have taken this queue as three of us were EU’ers. These people need to talk to each other and be consistent.

But an awkward wait for an Uber XL later in the streets of Woolwich after an easy DLR ride, and the 20 minute ride home later that was it. Nothing had really changed. It was like waking up after a particularly long and vivid recurring dream, and I look forward to bedtime.

Definitely last time in Pingguo 2016

Tan had said that A Heng was coming at 8am to pick us up so I judiciously got up at 7am in order to be prepared. As I got out of the shower at 7.20 I was told that the two cars would be there at 7.30 and we had to have everything ready. Blooming heck, at least tell me to expect 7.30, but that would be asking rather too much. Well I was mostly ready, having spent a good hour sorting stuff out after coming home well before midnight last night.

I let everyone go downstairs and helped take the luggage as they went to Waipo’s to say goodbye. I had the genuine excuse of needing to take the dian dong che there a few minutes later. So I was afforded the time to do a last minute tour of the flat. It’s always sad. I reflected on the 3am storms I’d witnessed, the paper aeroplanes Leilei and I had made and flown, the arguments with the kids for playing on their devices too much, the sumptuous siestas, the Wii Fit, and sweating so much when doing exercise. Simple, non-special activities, that take on a special meaning for me at least when I’m here. Having one’s own place really makes this place. But the kids are growing up quickly now. They had fun this year but I don’t know if that fun that I also share in will continue for them.

I remembered to turn the fridge off and leave the door open, then put my shoes on and left for another final time. I called the lift and as soon as it came I had to run back to the house to pick up a few things I’d left in my study like scales for luggage and rechargeable batteries from the Wii remotes. Maybe they weren’t that important but that last look at the house justified my forgetfulness.

The dian dong che just had enough dian to get to Waipo’s, and I warned them they’d need to charge it to get anywhere. Waipo was not showing it but was effectively in tears and hugged Leilei and Xixi in a way she’d never done before. Before it was words, but today it was feelings, and we knew as we drove away she’d be crying.

The journey to the airport couldn’t be over quickly enough, but it took two hours. Due to regulations now we had to say goodbye where A Heng dropped us off so the chances for photos were diminished. The queues looked quite bad for security but I remembered we had the Priority Pass - not only was there a lounge on “landside” (meaning before security), this lounge had its own security so no queues. Although there were lounges “airside” (after security) I suggested to Tan that we stay here as the ladies told me the wifi wasn’t working in the other lounges.

I was maybe a little naughty but I don’t like flying and had brought a little snifter of the last bottle of gin I’d bought in Guanmart the other day, and dreadfully mixed it with cola. I did try to drink it in the loo but ended up flushing it down as it tasted rough and even the thought of drinking it made me feel like an alcoholic and I knew I was better than that. I did have a little bit of neat G left though which I made useful with a rather sugary 7-up, and made me slightly less worrisome about the impending flight.

But it wasn’t that bad, and we arrived in Shanghai eight hours ahead of our next scheduled flight. Of course this was five hours before we could check our luggage as it was one of those you had to retrieve your luggage between flights in but that was that - apparently there were no seats on the later flights to Shanghai so we’d just have to sort ourselves out without any lounge decadence for a while. Well we bought some snacks and then went for a meal and it made me realise how worthwhile lounge access can be, but when you’re stuck with check-in luggage you just have to wait till you can check it in. I went for a walk with Leilei, then with Xixi. We both noticed a particularly large and splendid preying mantis on the outside of one window. We talked about how they catch their prey, and I realised that at any time, unbeknownst to us, you have an opportunity to educate not only your child but yourself too.

Then at 7pm, an hour and 15 minutes before check-in opened, I noticed there was already a queue. I did something sensible. I bought a beer for 8 kuai (actually my second of the afternoon but don’t tell anyone) and took my laptop and myself away and found a quiet corner on the first floor away from most people. In order to get online I used Chuan Chuan’s phone number and asked her on WeChat to send me the code, which she did half a minute later and I just managed to enter it to get online before the minute period ran out.

With that online time I managed to check-in, something that I hadn’t been able to do from Nanning because it was too soon. I was also able to change our seats to similar to what we did coming over here. By the time I got back the queue was enormous and there was still well over half an hour before check-in gates would open. So I told Tan and Xixi that Leilei and I would go and manlyly stand in the queue. We were so far back the queue had doubled back on itself and people coming out of the lift were having trouble getting past it. In fact the queue was becoming a health and safety liability in my opinion. But thankfully, 15 minutes before advertised, they started letting people in. I thought we’d be at least 30 minutes in the queue but it actually moved pretty quickly. Then I found that those who had checked in online were put into a much faster queue, so I called Tan to tell her and Xixi to hurry up and join us. Gosh that 15 minutes with a beer and a laptop had saved us closer to an hour and we dropped off the without a problem and got through security in a breeze a few minutes later.

And the lounge was delightful. Had we known we might have gone hungry for the food was rather good, and Tan had a portion of noodles even though she’d had one an hour previously. The kids were happy as they had a good choice of food and drinks and baba was happy because he had his first genuine tonic (plus gin) in a month and a half. Two plus hours was comfortably spent here, and definitely helped justify the Platinum Amex for a third year.

We even managed to get priority boarding thanks to our “young” kids. Tan managed this on the way over here and I managed it on the way back simply by asking. This has got to be the last time we ever manage to do this. Although it wasn’t an A380, the Boeing 747 took off ok and I can’t make any complaints. After the meal as most were falling asleep I asked for a last glass of rouge and the flight attendant (male) got up and poured me two. The sort of treatment that might make me choose Lufthansa again.

Properly last night in Pingguo

Hmm. I got up earlyish to the sound of my own coughing and pain of abs. It should be good sit up exercise. Oh this was our last day...so although I thought 90% of packing was done it wasn't and Tan was cleaning everything in sight. The washing machine was on non-stop with bedding.

Finally took kids to Waip's and left them after having a yuebing. I wanted some time to myself to do some last minute checks that I can't do with Tan around, but she was still there when I got back around 2pm eating the leftovers from yesterday's bbq. We weren't due to leave till 5pm so there was no massive hurry, so I did my equivalent of packing till she left at 3pm. First I double-checked the hotel I didn't remember booking. Google had been clever it seems, and automatically put an entry in my calendar for the hotel stay. It struck me that it had the name "Capital" in it, and my heart sank as I found the hotel for tonight was the "Beijing Capital Airport Hotel". We were flying to Shanghai. Oh had I mistakenly booked a Beijing hotel because that's where we first hit China nearly six weeks ago?

But then I noticed something worse. It's only because I was on the work VPN that I was able to access the google services, and when I opened up the link to the hotel it brought up the whole itinerary. It was quite cool that Google had put all the flights in the calendar and even made a timeline of the travel arrangements but what was that for tonight's flight? "Cancelled". Shit, really? I had to check but Air China's website was absolutely crap and the only way I had an idea was that I was not able to purchase tickets for tonight's flight. So I tried to ring them but I chose the English option and was kept on hold for over 20 minutes before I gave up...every minute you have to press "1" to continue to hold.

My first thought was to check tomorrow's flights. I had to make some positives out of this and and if there was a cost then at least it could be put against an extra evening in Pingguo. But the cost was looking like well over 3000 kuai for the three of us. I had to get through to Air China, but I checked the tickets and it said you should check flights at least 72 hours before departure and it was only 10 hours - would they rearrange at such short notice? We didn't have much time and I nearly went and bought the tickets for tomorrow as we can't miss tomorrow's late flight to Europe. To be honest I was more concerned about Tan's reaction when I was to tell her. Somehow it would be my fault and in this case it quite probably was.

I had formed a plan for what to say. I called her and asked if she'd like to stay one more night in Pingguo. I knew she would but her response of course was "why?", so I mentioned the cancellation and to my relief it didn't appear to be my fault for not checking three days earlier. To be fair I'd tried to check-in online last night but the website didn't understand the e-ticket. So not being my fault, Tan set about calling Air China as really they should rearrange things for us. It ended up being a round of several phone calls to different departments until one said to call Lufthansa as the second and third flights back were with them. Finally someone gave us an email address team.shaxr@dlh.de where we had to send proof of the cancellation. The Google message wouldn't suffice, but this time on the Air China website I managed to find the status of tonight's non-flight of "cancel" and took a screenshot and circled it in red.

It took some time but a subsequent phone call to them meant they had the confirmation they needed (as if they couldn't find it themselves) and after a nervous few minutes they said they could get us on the midday flight tomorrow. Ok, lucky I didn't purchase unnecessarily. Things were looking pretty good; we had an extra evening in Pingguo and no hotel to arrive at with knackered kids at 2am and being turfed out at midday with 12 hours till the flight. Yes, I'd have preferred the 5.30pm flight, but six hours in Shanghai airport after a decent night's sleep was very very good. Tan mentioned that we could spend the time in the lounge but I saw that there was a two-hour time limit. But I also saw there appeared to be three lounges so if necessary we may be able to lounge-hop. As an extra bonus I told Tan I'd cancelled the Shanghai hotel (she didn't know it was actually Beijing - and never will), but really it just meant not booking one for tonight at great expense. Hurray!

Back at home again after having sorted out the travel arrangements with Tan at Waip's I went to cancel the Beijing hotel as I would have had to do anyway. But try as I might I couldn't find any confirmation email. After a long time it finally dawned on me that Google had made a false positive - it must be that. The link from the Calendar item Google had created went to the travel itinerary, which only had flights. Somehow Google must have inferred a hotel booking. Moreover it wasn't for tonight but tomorrow. Ah and I thought I'd tipsily mis-booked - I should trust myself more.

Even though we had two cars prepared to leave soon, changing to tomorrow morning was no problem, and I even found the flight was 12.55, not midday, giving us an extra hour in bed. I let A Wu know the news and he said we'd meet up later. Waipo had told us they'd cooked a chicken so I went to hers to eat and pick up the kids. With an unplanned evening ahead I called Zhang Yangwen as I'd promised to a couple of nights ago and not been as good as my word. He picked the phone up before I heard it ring and said yes we'd meet up for a beer. He said he'd pick me up from our house after I'd dropped off the kids but when I called him he didn't turn up. 15 minutes later I asked where he was and he was waiting outside A Wu's old office. 13 years and I still make the same mistakes on phone conversations.

I followed him on his motorbike and we went to a place close to Beihai Haixian. He put the menu in front of me and told me to choose what I wanted to eat. Man I'd just called him and managed to misunderstand where to meet up and he thought I could read a menu in blurred Chinese characters? But actually I understood more than I thought; I ordered fried sweetcorn with pork mince, fried (rather than bbq'd) duck tongues, and horse meat.

He called a mate who couldn't make it, which is rather unlike here. I thought about calling a mate but I didn't know anyone who'd really fit in with Yangwen - he's not a local and is rather a professional it seems, as he's worked in engineering in some Arab states and Pakistan. But anyway sometimes you don't need many people and the two of us enjoyed the excellent food washed down with a couple beers at a much slower rate than I'm used to here.

Then he said he needed to make a phone call and spent a whole half hour on the phone. At first it seemed quite heated but then it turned more jovial and laughs emanated. Strangely, I could understand nearly everything he said, though still couldn't get the context. I suppose he speaks a more standard Mandarin than most people here, well he actually speaks Mandarin on the phone which is fairly strange in its own right. While he was speaking I watched a documentary on the tv about onions. The presenter was a Russian woman who spoke brilliant Mandarin, and it made me jealous, though I suppose it's not my job to interview people in China. Not that I wouldn't mind though - at least she was getting clear answers from people.

When he finished his call he apologised and said it was a work matter. I knew what he meant...sometimes we carry our work stuff with us and as inconvenient as it might appear to be it can actually enable us to have freedom we otherwise would only have dreamed of 20 years ago as we were stuck in an office.

By 10pm I thanked Zhang Yangwen for the food and company and made my way to meet A Wu at the boss’s place behind the KTV where I’ve been a couple of times with the kids this year. I’d been warned not to stay up late gallivanting and had no intention of doing so. When I got there I saw a ping pong table set out and boss Zhou in sporting attire. I Jokingly asked him for a match but he said yes. So there was me in long trousers and an admittedly short sleeved shirt, but a cotton shirt nonetheless facing my adversary. Well actually I did the UK proud mostly. I hadn’t had too much beer with Zhang Yangwen and was able to smash the ball around from left to right enough to really impress boss Zhou. People even helped us collect the balls. I was enjoying this more than I should be but realised I was holding up proceedings. Proceedings being eating and drinking.

We finally laid down our racquets (yes apparently table tennis bats are officially racquets, but lord knows how I’d explain that in Chinese) and sat down to eat a meal that I had no appetite to eat and beer I had no interest in drinking. But that’s not an excuse here, and while the air con plastered my soaking shirt to my back giving me goose pimples I endured a few gan beis not sad because I knew I shouldn’t be, but a little sad because I knew this would definitely be the last time this year. I made my excuses and left before 11pm for the first time this year.

I remembered to take a quick pic of the clothes I'm leaving behind in case I get to come back

More clothes that quite frankly could be chucked but who knows?