Pingguo via Chengdu and Nanning

Bloody trip.com were a complete arse regarding the original cancelled flight from Chengdu to Nanning, and I'd spent several hours on the phone to them refusing to accept alternative flights with Air China that included stupid eight hour layovers and the such. I'd told them there were alternative non-Air China flights that evening but they insisted it was against policy to put us on them. I did say that they would only cost about £153 and that the time they had already spent on my case was worth more than that but it didn't seem to resonate. So finally I'd called Air China myself, to be told that they should be able to put me on a China Southern flight, but to call back after 2am in Chinese business hours. So I'd spent the best part of an hour on the phone to China and they had no issue putting us on the slightly later China Southern flight at 20:05. Why trip.com couldn't just have done that in the first place is beyond me but I'm certainly going to follow up with a complaint.

But hey, we were in China, past immigration, and had got to T2 and were just doing security after having checked our bags in again (and yes putting on the tag and getting it removed again). I mentioned that we had four bottles of duty-free and we found ourselves immediately in a China moment. No, we couldn't take them past security even though I'd done this not five months previously in Shanghai. Luckily I'd insisted that we take a bit more hand luggage than Xixi was happy with, but it came in very handy as we were able to rearrange our stuff so the four bottles fitted in the hard pink case that hitherto had Leilei's stuff in. I had to leave the kids who had already done security, and left with a security guard to go back to the luggage place where I could go straight to point 15 where the same bloke was there. He'd been very complimentary about my Mandarin and seemed happy to see me again. I explained the situation and he understood, but said he'd need Xixi's boarding pass as she was the only one who hadn't checked in any luggage. Wow, so it was pretty lucky we'd only had two pieces on hold luggage between the three of us. But I didn't have her boarding pass. Luckily I'd managed to get my phone online, and so had she, so I explained what we needed and luckily some bloke at security had spoken to her and handed me both the kids' passports and boarding passes, and a few minutes later the third suitcase was checked in. It was the easiest security in the world after that as I only had three passports and a mobile phone to scan, and finally we were in the lounge that I'd booked at 6pm. Blimey with all that palaver we'd probably have missed the original flight at 6.30pm. Well we'd certainly have missed the lounge. And for a change, for a domestic terminal it was very good.

Thanks to my "status" with trip.com we got two of us free access to the lounge with Xixi only £8.60 extra...well worth it for the changed flight

Well the food and drink were good (you had to ask for wine from behind a counter but they were more than willing to serve me two glasses at a time). The only problem was that Leilei's and my SIM cards refused to work. That was really annoying as Li Kun had assured me they would, and indeed mine had worked the last three times in China. But somehow Xixi's from last summer was fine, so I was able to send a code to her mobile to get my laptop online. But Leilei's phone wasn't playing ball and he was really pissed off about it and decided to pull up another chair and went for a nap.

After six glasses or so 7.30pm rolled around and we saw that we were boarding so sauntered towards the gate only to see the signs say it was now final boarding. In Europe this means you have plenty of time but from experience in China it can really mean that. I was no longer sauntering but the kids were, and a bloke came running up to me asking "Nanning? Nanning?". I answered in the positive and he said to rush to the plane. I explained that the kids were coming (but were nowhere to be seen) then told him a little white lie that my daughter had "women's issues", which was why she had to spend time in the toilet. Than bought me some sympathy if not time, and I hurried on to show my boarding pass and used the same excuse again, waiting on the bridge as the kids finally emerged.

Yes we were the last on of course. But we didn't leave late and it was another uneventful flight, thankfully. And at Nanning we got all three pieces of luggage without ado and went up to the departure floor to find our driver. Two hours and 300 kuai lighter we were back again. 12 months for Leilei, 11 for Xixi, four for me. I hadn't even changed from my jeans to my light trousers in Chengdu but did once home.

I pinged A Wu as it was about midnight and I had enough energy for a quick one, and he said to go to Boss Zhou's, so I bagged a bottle of Smirnoff Blue label and no more than a minute outside our place it pinged into a bollard and bloody smashed in its bag. I should have dumped it there and then but I wanted to justify having bought it so brought a dripping bag to his place where he was with a load of bosses eating. Well I'd rather meet some people I knew better and I found A Wu might not be coming so when Li Kun pinged me to go to Xiao Bai de Tian I made my excuses and said there would be plenty of time to come back and have a drink with Boss Zhou.

I walked over to Xiao Bai de Tian, as of course no-one had charged the dian dong che, and 10 minutes later I was greeted, well hardly like someone who hasn't been there for a year as it had only been four months, but like a good friend no less. Both Xiao Bai and her husband were there and drinking, as was Li Kun and a couple of others. It must have been gone 1am but somehow I managed to converse, and at gone 3am left with Li Kun. I only know that as at 3.55am I confirmed to him that I'd got home ok.

Ok as in one piece, but the A/C didn't seem to work but at bloody 4am I wasn't going to do anything about it. After a bit of faff the three of us had managed to get to Pingguo successfully, having a bit of fun and lounge on the way, and we have the prospect of two months of it ahead of us.

On way back again...last time for a while?

I felt a little bad for Xixi as it was the day of her last exam but I'd booked the evening of the 18th a couple of months ago when the exam dates came out. The flight was due at 10pm and our kindly neighbour gave us a lift to the station and we made the 16:28 with seconds to spare. Xixi didn't want to get such an early train but it was well justified as when the Elizabeth line dropped us off at T2/3 there was an hour long queue to do baggage drop off. So much for checking in at the machines and putting on our own baggage tags. This has worked well in the past but as soon as we got to the counter the lady told us to rip them off and started anew. Whatever. Somehow the kids had managed to pack all their stuff into a single suitcase whereas I could have used two for my stuff, which to be fair was half Tan's.

It meant we only got to the lounge a bit before 8pm, but at least there were no queues. I thought it was £20 for an extra guest but they wanted to charge £35 with Amex. So I asked about Priority Pass and that was fine so it should only be £20. Well worth it as we all had a hot meal and as much to drink as we wanted, including taking some cans for the flight. And it was the smoothest take-off I can remember. Really annoyingly I hadn't been able to find any Phenergan in three chemists or in the airport, but I'd found some medicine Tan had brought back to the UK from China and bang, after the meal and one glass of white wine I was knocked out and other than being told off by the kids for snoring, I woke up with 1h40m to go, had my breakfast, then found myself nodding off again until 10 minutes to go. Although I still had some G&L in a bottle and it was gone 3pm local time, I didn't imbibe for the landing. I'm growing up a little in that sense.

Off again, this time Air China

Yet another last day in Pingguo...sad

Somehow I got up at 8am and by 8.30am realised it was probably a good idea to get out of bed despite only four hours' sleep, or maybe because of it. I'd put some clothes to dry in the dryer and completely forgotten to turn it off last night so hoped Jiuma hadn't witnessed this as she'd had a go last time I used it. The clothes were bone dry so at least I could use them for today. As per last time I was leaving more clothes than I came with as I had to bring back 10 zongzi that weighed 7kg, not to mention two pairs of leggings for Tan and an electric hairbrush that I won't even ask about.

But I was pretty much ready, so went for a last drive around Pingguo for a bit and to my chagrin found that my two favourite eateries were still closed for the New Year. So I got home at 11am and pinged Li Kun to see if he could make it for lunch. Indeed he could, when he finished work at 11.30am, so soon after that we went to the Ping lu International hotel where on the ground floor was a fantastic restaurant that served you food in a metal tray in 30 seconds flat. Two portions of meat, a portion of rice, a portion of greens, and some soup. For 21 kuai each.

Cracking last meal with Li Kun that lasted all of 10 minutes

We spent no more than 10 minutes eating as I knew I needed to get a didi che to the station by 12.45pm, which Li Kun would arrange. So I got home to take a last dump and took my luggage downstairs, not having enough time to be as sad as I normally would be. It was baking outside. Now nudging 31 degrees. Strange to think only three weeks ago it plunged to 3 degrees. As usual, the didi che turned up and Li Kun and I shook hands and had a bit of a hug. I told him it meant a lot to spend time with his family again, and I think he understood.

This time when I went through security at the station they said I had liquid in my carry-on. Yes of course I did. It was for pre-airport. But for the first time in years they made me drink from it to prove it wasn't explosive I suppose. Well it was nearly 1pm so I didn't care too much that it had a bit of V in it. That seemed to satisfy them, at least after tasting two of the three bottles. It was a mere 5 minute wait before it was time to queue and when at the platform I had the wherewithal to ask the attendant where would be the best place to wait as I didn't have a seat or coach number. They said to go near the front at coach 15, and to be fair it was probably the best choice. I managed to have enough space for my luggage, though there were other people pretty close by, and it was one of those areas where the smokers come as they're not allowed to smoke in the seated area.

But most importantly, I got to Nanning at 2.40pm and after a slight scare waiting for the lift (the bloody women on the stairs wouldn't let me take them due to my luggage...why?), I got to the waiting place with a few minutes to go before my next train to the airport. 16 minutes was just enough time to log on to expertflyer.com to check the seat allocation and find that there were no longer any empty seats next to me, but row 73 still had some. This can be invaluable information. At the airport I appreciated that these days you don't always have a specific area for a specific airline, but wanted to check that with the bloke in front of me. He confirmed, then broke into conversation with me which was challenging but rewarding at the same time.

Once again, the queue lasted all of 5 minutes, and I engaged with the check-in guy in 100% Mandarin again. He overlooked the fact my suitcase was 1kg overweight and didn't ask to look at my hand luggage, which was clearly many kg over the 5kg they stated. So I went to my landside lounge to indulge in the drinks I brought with me before doing security. But it seemed things had changed. The bloke gave me a receipt and told me to turn left after security to go to the lounge. So I told him I still had some liquids to finish and could I do that in what used to be the landside lounge, which still appeared to exist, albeit without much in the way to eat of drink. Of course I could. So I spent the next 40 minutes there.

Security would have been a breeze, had I not made the schoolboy error of forgetting to take my laptop out (despite taking everything else out including my e-reader). But maybe because it was lounge security they were really cool about it and and just took it out and rescanned. Had it been Gatwick I'd have had to wait in a queue to be checked before doing that. That's about the only advantage of this lounge though. Once through security I went to the crappy official lounge for just long enough to take two cans of soda water and one of sweet lemonade, and poured myself a couple of carry-ons for the flight to Shanghai.

The flight was nicely uneventful and on time for a change. At Shanghai, immigration was also fine and quick. But I had four hours to go till the London flight. I went to a lounge but they said I needed to take a shuttle to my flight's part of the terminal. I said fine, but I didn't need to go any time soon so I'd chill here if that was ok with them. Well it was, and I enjoyed a first G&T for five weeks. Well, more than one. A couple of hours later I said goodbye to the team and took the shuttle to close to my gate, but I still had at least an hour till boarding, so found the other lounge and and a decent bite to eat. Hmmm...it was getting late and mine was the last flight of the day at 1.50am, so I found myself to be the only one in the lounge. It was a bit sneaky but I poured some gin into my carry-on bottles as who knows when it could come in handy?

Temptation in the lounge at Shanghai

Well of course I was one of the last people on the A330 to London, and was slightly peeved that there was not a single empty seat. At least I was in the aisle of a row of three seats rather than four which was most of the rest of them. Thanks to the booze and the Phen and the mel, and the fact it was gone 2am by the time we took off, I barely remember eating (if I did) and woke up with little more than three hours to go of an 11h40 flight. We arrived shortly after 6am, 20 minutes early, and I remember not being scared of the landing this time. Maybe I've learnt something. Probably not.

But I've been so lucky and privileged to have had yet another few weeks in Pingguo. The only negative thing is that I know I'm going to have withdrawal symptoms, and if it's like December last year for a few days they will be severe. I suppose with all the dopamine hits I've been getting, not to mention the relief after having played the guitar in front of so many people, being back in my UK home is going to hit hard. It will be lovely to see the family of course, but there will be a China hangover for sure. It would be wrong if there wasn't. But regardless I will still be looking for my next excuse to go back...preferably with one or both of the kids.

Last night in Pingguo for the 20th time at least...

It's become a bit of a pattern here that as my last days arrive I seem to get invited out less and less, although this time has been a bit of an exception. But yesterday I resolved to be the inviter, and had checked with racist Huang that he'd be back today and I could invite my mates. So I'd sent them all the invitations, but late morning I received a message from Huang that he wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be opening today. Oh. I wished him a speedy recovery, and went for a drive to decide what to do. This was Pingguo after all, so I would be able to find somewhere else for sure.

At 1.30pm I decided to see if Ma Laoban was in as I haven't seen him this year. He's been busy with family over New Year which is fair enough. As I arrived at his office he was just getting out of his car and recognised me and of course the first thing he said was 吃饭了没有？Well I hadn't, so we immediately went to the fen place next to his office and ordered two portions of flaccid penis. It's really nice but I just couldn't finish mine, but it didn't matter, it was back to his office for tea. I'm so glad I managed to meet up with him this time, and we chatted together with a couple of mates for a good hour before I realised I needed to sort out an alternative venue for tonight.

18 years of friendship

So a hug later, I was driving down the side of the guangchang past Xiao Bai de Tian, and decided to look at the youcha place I've been to a couple of times. Yes, this would do. I came across a table with three women, one of whom knew Tan (at least her husband and younger sister did). We chatted for a while and I had some youcha with them, then they called over the boss to discuss tonight. I explained I'd have 8-10 mates and he said that would be no problem, but they didn't specialise in doing lots of food. I knew that wouldn't be an issue as we could get stuff delivered. So that was tonight sorted. I pinged each of my mates about the change in plan and every one got back to say that would be fine. Except A Wu, who was in Nanning today.

Ladies at the youcha place - the one on the right knows Tan (at least her husband and younger sister do)

Once again, Lin Hong had called me to eat with them at the milk shop. Well this was perfect, as I wasn't sure I could wait till 9pm to eat, so had a very enjoyable meal with mostly the same people, except this time there were a couple of blokes to drink beer with me.

A Zhong was asking how I'd get to Nanning airport tomorrow. This was a fair question. A couple of days ago Li Kun's wife had said there were no coaches and I already knew there were no trains. I'd discussed it with Ma Laoban and he agreed. He said he'd recently got a taxi back home from the airport for 320 kuai, which made sense as I'd paid 300 back in 2019. I didn't really want to do that, and learnt that for 60-80 kuai I should be able to share a didi che to Nanning train station, from where I could get the airport bus for 20 kuai. So I decided I'd do that. But I thought I'd take another check on the Trip app just to see if there were any other train options. Strangely, I found a slow train leaving at 1.22 tomorrow with one standing space only. I booked it straightaway even if the booking fee was more expensive than the ticket itself. There's not much worse than driving into Nanning, not knowing how bad the traffic will be, and I've done it more times than is healthy.

I then double-checked that there were no trains from Nanning to Wuxu. Indeed there weren't, but hang on, it seemed that Wuxu Airport was also an option. Blimey yes there were loads, and I thought that this route didn't exist anymore. I could probably have got this when I arrived had I known the difference between Wuxu and Wuxu Airport. So I booked one of the few remaining seats on the 3.17pm train to the airport which would get there 16 minutes later for a 5.50pm flight. My Pingguo train should arrive after 1h18s at 2.40pm giving me 37 minutes for my connection. Surely enough?

I made my excuses soon after 7pm, explaining I'd invited people for soon after 8pm, and got home to prepare. Prepare what? There was nothing to do. I'd had my shower, so got to the place around 8.10pm knowing that I probably wouldn't see anyone for half an hour.

Indeed, 30 minutes later Huang Lei turned up with his son and A Ning. This was good as I hadn't seen A Ning yet this year yet I guess I've known him for coming up to 15 years now. Gradually more people turned up and by 9pm we had some food on the table, not to mention beers, that they'd only thought to put in the freezer when I asked for cold ones at 8.30pm. Advertising friend Nong turned up and ordered a load of bbq, which really helped. Li Kun, A Hok, and Zhuang Hua also turned up so it was quite a nice gathering. Unfortunately Haiwei, although saying he'd be there at 10pm, couldn't make it due to work.

We ended up staying there till 2am despite me telling people I'd have to leave around midnight as I was leaving tomorrow. I was embarrassed that I wasn't able to pay thanks to Wise not having moved my money to Li Kun's account despite saying it would be done hours ago. It's been a pretty decent service of late but not tonight. Li Kun told me not to worry at all and took the bill...I don't know how much for but for five hours of 8-10 people I guess it won't be cheap.

Last supper in Pingguo, this time at the youcha place

I got hit by a really severe tinge of sadness, realising I really did have to be home soon, and this was my last night in Pingguo for who knows how long? I gave Li Kun a lift home then when back myself my sadness wouldn't allow me to sleep so I did as much packing as I could but I remember it being 3.45am and still just feeling grim.

Another meal with Lin Hong then with Haiwei's mates

Up at 11am but managed another hour's sleep-in, well it had been another getting-on-for 5am sleep last night. I managed to force some rice and sausage into myself. A bit later in the afternoon Lin Hong kindly invited me to eat with them again at the shop that sells milk. It's becoming a semi-regular thing and I do enjoy the company, even if I'm on the younger side. So I grabbed my typical late shower and walked over again as I still hadn't picked up my dian dong che from Xiao Nong's. At least they don't wait for me to arrive before starting. Lin Hong asked if I wanted a beer and I answered in my usual "I'm not drinking alone", which is a total lie as I'd had two before leaving the house. But she said she'd accompany me, and anyway then the bloke who had cooked got out a bottle of baijiu so that was that.

I thought I'd get another couple of keys cut for Tan before she goes back later in the year...only 6 kuai

Comfortable meal with Lin Hong, A Zhong, and friends, even though I couldn't understand a word of what they were saying

It was a comfortable meal, but I was really conscious that other than when they were talking with me they only spoke the local lingo. I take absolutely no offence whatsoever, but it made we wonder had Tan come from a "normal" place, i.e. they only spoke Mandarin, would my Mandarin be better? It probably would, but I wouldn't trade that for the experiences I've had in Guangxi. Not for a minute. I just wish I could pick up this local tu hua, like I have Mandarin. They all say I can speak it as I have a vocabulary of I'm guessing 27 words. But that is only enough for a party trick really. And Tan says she won't teach me until I've finished learning Mandarin, like that's going to happen.

Haiwei was pinging me to go over to where he was eating and drinking but I had to pick up my dian dong che from Xiao Nong's first. I pinged to see if she was in but she was at a friend's kid's birthday party and invited me over. I said I wouldn't be able to make it for an hour or so though rather would have preferred to go there than wherever Haiwei was where he sounded already quite pissed. But I drove the 15 minutes and found him with a couple of families and I joined in for a while caimaiing with one of the ladies who'd had a bit too much. It was too late to go to where Xiao Nong was (fair enough it was a kiddy's party) so I stayed for an hour or so until the meal came to an end. There was a 16 year-old boy there who spoke pretty good English so I had to spend much of the evening conversing with him.

I just managed to get Haiwei home on the dian dong che, which was really struggling. He invited me in for a couple of beers but I said that honestly I needed to sort out finances at home, and he seemed to understand. It was actually quite serious; Leilei had asked me to send him £75 he had in cash to his Revolut account, and while I'd been going for a walk earlier I'd tried but it had failed. Even with the VPN it didn't work, and when I tried again the bloody app logged me out and needed a passcode to get back in. I've used my fingerprint for years...how was I supposed to remember a passcode? So when I got back that evening I faffed for over an hour requesting a reset of passcode, only to receive an email (after connecting to VPN for gmail), only for the link not to work, or to work but the app then asked me for the passcode again. I was quite livid and wanted to talk to support but apparently you can only do that via the app. I tried to log in to the web app but as I didn't know the passcode it directed me to use the app again. Eventually I managed to get to a screen to take a selfie but after an age while the app decided my face was in the oval, it refused to upload, VPN or not. All in all a bloody frustrating experience.

So I ended up borrowing a grand from Andge in order to pay Xixi's tutor for the 2 weeks I'd missed. And now I face the prospect of having to convert some crypto to fiat again but I'll try to sort that tomorrow.... Needless to say I had a couple of beers during the experience.

Family meal with Li Kun's elder brother plus two more

Up at not long before lunchtime and although I didn't feel like eating anything I forced down a couple of biscuits and didn't feel like forcing down any beer. By 5pm I decided to invite Li Kun to eat but he said to come over with him as he was going to his elder brother's place, so fair enough, rather than taking up his invitation to pick me up I said I'd go to his place, which meant I could pick up some longyan fruit on the way as I was walking as my dian dong che was still at Xiao Nong's.

We all got in his 4x4 and drove to well beyond the train station to his brother's house. I'm so glad that over the years the percentage of boss meals has gone from 80 to about 20 and the family meals from 20 to 80. This was another fun one with at least three generations. I was reasonably slow on the beer too, without any caima. At 6.30pm Lu zong pinged me to ask me out to his bar at 9pm so as I had nothing else on I agreed. We finished the very pleasant meal and Li Kun wisely let his wife drive us back. Well, back being going to Jiang Bin Lu as I'd asked Lu zong if I could bring a mate and of course I could.

Li Kun's second daughter at the family meal but I don't know where the others have gone

But when we got out of the car instead of heading straight to the bar we went to a music shop where a bloke was sitting outside playing guitar and singing. Now I've had quite enough of that over the last month or so but for once I wasn't asked to perform. He finished his piece then we all went inside. It was a new place for teaching music and seemed pretty well equipped, except for pianos that is. We ended up chatting for a few minutes as one does, before finally going to Lu zong's place.

As per usual there were a few blokes there and maybe one woman. Lu zong had ordered plenty of bbq which even after the last meal was delicious. It's not like I'll have much more chance to eat this. The chopped pig penis was particularly nice and had a good texture. Li Kun was well-received by all and was laughing a lot so that must have been a good thing. A couple of the blokes who turned up later were software developers apparently, also working with Java, so we had something technical to talk about which is a rare occurrence here, but appreciated. I wonder if there really could be an opportunity to work in an environment with a Chinese technical team.

Ye xiao at Lu zong's bar in Jiang Bin Lu

Some tofu and chopped pig penis as you do

At 11pm Fen called me to go for a drink with her and some friends at a mate's house. As it was nearly my last night I was tempted but it would have been rude to leave Lu zong's at this time so I told her I tried to make it later. But she said she was nearly drunk (a Chinese term for "nearly very drunk") and left some shouty voice messages to hurry up! Finally, after copious ganbeis nearly an hour later I left the place with Li Kun after giving a mighty hug to Lu zong. I asked Li Kun to sort out a didi che to where Fen was and realised it was literally miles away. I was tempted to invite him but at around midnight thought he'd better get back to family.

Indeed it took a good 10 minutes to get there, and it was a typical residence place with multiple tower blocks. I knew I was looking for number 9 but I couldn't find it so Fen came to look for me on her dian dong che. It took much longer than it should have done, possibly because we'd both had a couple. But eventually she turned up and we were both just outside the correct block. So up to the 12th floor or whatever to find 6 other people around a table drinking sweet red alcohol. Not exactly what I needed, but as there were 3 women I didn't have to caima at all. I recognised one of her friends, and they were all a friendly bunch.

Third meal of the night...

I stayed over an hour till well after 1.15am, after which it was determined the evening would end, and I realised I was still miles from home. But luckily Fen had her dian dong che with her. I said I would drive but she said I wouldn't and I didn't have much of an argument. It did take a good 15 minutes but it was warm...no coats any more. I breathed in the late Pingguo air for what will be nearly the last time this sojourn. She dropped me off but as much as I should have got some sleep that didn't have till well after 4am yet again.

Meal with Lin Hong and then with Pingguo's number 2 apparently

Somehow woke up at 11.30am to find I'd done my trick of pouring a glass of beer when I got home earlier this morning and not drinking it. It wasn't too hard to fall back to sleep till 1.30pm. I did feel a bit crap so forced down a couple of glasses of the hair of the dog and it sort of did the trick.

A Zhong called to say to go and eat with them a bit later which meant my evening meal was sorted, and nearer the time both him and Lin Hong sent me the location of where I'd eaten with them in November, so I grabbed a shower and walked on over as I'd left my dian dong che at Xiao Nong's last night. It was a lovely friendly meal as usual and I managed a few beers with some of the blokes before A Wu asked if I'd eaten and I answered in the positive but it still meant I was invited. At 7.15pm I said I'd go over but it was opposite the new Li Jia He Xian hotel well north of the guangchang and it was gone 8pm by the time I'd walked there. I'd have taken a san lun che if I'd seen one but it was good to have a break from the beer.

Someone came to fetch me and we went to the second floor of a new alcohol shop. I really couldn't eat much more but chicken breast was put into my bowl of course. It seemed to be some sort of business-related meal and I played my part as A Wu's foreign friend which was fine. Boss Zhou was there for a while but then disappeared. Then a lady in her 50s turned up in rather more formal attire than I am used to here. We all stood up to gan bei her and A Wu whispered to me that she was Pingguo's number 2 person. I take that with a pinch of salt, and a glass of beer as everyone else was drinking red wine and baijiu. Interestingly, she smoked those thin cigarettes.

A Wu offering a light to Pingguo's no. 2

The evening descended into some cai ma where I did rather well until Fen pinged me to meet up which I used as an excuse to go. But with that everyone decided it was time to go too.... So met up with Fen for a while until I realised I'd not had much sleep in the last few days and made sure I got some.

Second day of Bangxu festival

Jeez, at 6.30am Lin Hong called me and it was all I could do to pick up. Apparently I had to go over to hers shortly to be picked up for Bangxu. I somehow managed a shower and then A Zhong called me to ask where I was and I said I was on my way, and to be fair I got there just as he turned up with Lin Hong and the other friend who was one of the main comperes.

Well if yesterday was a full day this was in some ways fuller. But when we got to Bangxu it was the same old game of waiting around. I've done this so much in France but never in the UK. We're probably too efficient. Maybe we got there early so we could park the car. Fair enough. I did another tour of the village and there was even more cooking going on. It was getting on for 9am so A Zhong took me to the same place as yesterday for breakfast and this time I had a soupy fen rather than the flaccid penis-like one.

Dajie top left and Erjie 3rd on bottom having a photo opportunity...and yes I was grabbed to be in the next few...

A procession of hundreds of Bangxu ladies in traditional garb. I think there were literally more people in the procession than watching

I knew that today I wouldn't be one of the hosts; they wanted to let the young people do most of that. But I did have to sing The Boxer as one of the later events. So I was willing to have a couple of beers with lunch but today nothing turned up. We ate around one of the many outdoor tables that would be used for the main "evening" meal at 4pm in 3h30. Then I went to have tea at the same place as yesterday but some bloke said we'd go to a "proper" place to drink. This ended up being at the back of a general store, where the boss had a proper tea table and we enjoyed some pu er cha as you do. It was a slightly difficult conversation as I didn't know the bloke but pleasant all the same. I asked him if the tea had caffeine in it and unlike other people, he said nearly all tea had caffeine in it. I was quite grateful as was starting to flake, and went to excuse myself but he insisted on giving me a box of tea and a disk of sheng pu er cha.

I walked over to Waipo's old house and sat in the most comfortable chair I could find. I wanted to grab 40 winks but Erjie and friends were chatting, and the woman sitting on the bench behind me had her phone on quite high volume watching douyin videos. Despite this I tried my Spanish counting method and got up to 85 but just got stuck there. I knew I wasn't asleep but a moment later heard myself let out a loud snore. Is it possible to snore if you're conscious? Maybe I had dropped off for just a few seconds...I wish it had been minutes. But any chance of any more snoring vanished when A Zhong called me to eat tea. What? It wasn't yet 3.30pm but I knew better than to argue.

Some of the preparation for the feeding of the 2000

There were streets of huge frying pans like these...like they've done this before?

Indeed, many people were already at table, some eating. But I decided to go for a walk first and bumped into a few people I now knew. I got invited to sit with Erjie but I knew A Zhong wanted me at his table and anyway it would be possible, no encouraged, to table-hop later. So I found A Zhong's table and ate with some more people I didn't know which was sort of the point. Of course they knew Tan or Erjie though. I was offered beer but I said I wouldn't drink alone. It's one of my few rules here (except for the occasions at home maybe before going out or pre-siesta). So a couple of minutes later a bloke arrived with a six pack of beer and I had no excuse not to partake any more.

Lin Hong said there were at least 2000 people...I didn't attempt to count but if there were 200 tables then it could be true

Presently, another bloke turned up with more beer and I realised I needed to be a little careful. It was soon after 4pm and I reckoned I'd be on stage around 9pm. But then the table-hopping started in earnest for an hour or so during which I couldn't really avoid drinking. Then some of the Bangxu ladies across the road on a long table started singing and I noticed that Lin Hong was one of them. She caught my eye and beckoned me over, and I thought that would be a good idea as I wouldn't have to drink. How wrong I was. She beckoned to me to bring not just my glass but a can too. The ladies sang another Bangxu song and ended with a "woo!" as you do, followed by us all ganbeiing.

Scissors paper stone Bangxu style!

Then I was told to go to the side of the table that Lin Hong was on, which meant walking up around 30 metres to the end of where the tables had been set up and then back again. This time a bloke came with a pack of cans of Li Quan beer and one was thrust in my hand. There was more singing and drinking, and then they some sort of singing version of caima. Except after two rounds (of losing) I realised it was actually scissors, paper, stone. Regardless, I still lost, although with so many people playing I guess around two thirds of the people lose each round. Well it was great fun, and I realised people were filming so Tan would no doubt chastise me later. At least Lin Hong being there legitimised it somewhat.

A particularly drunk bloke then took me to tables to caima but I knew better than to get too involved. I may have had a couple of rounds, and nearly sat down at the table A Qiu was at, but was pulled away. Finally, it was getting towards the time of the second evening of entertainment at the wu tai. Not being a host, I didn't need to be backstage all the time, but I felt obliged to be there nonetheless. Indeed the order of acts had changed from what I had, and I was the second-to-last. So I sent some pictures of the day's happenings to Tan and she described them as "boring". What? This is the first ever such celebration in Bangxu and it was anything but!

I do admit to having a mild jing jiu and cola when it was getting closer to my time to perform, as my last beer had been over two hours ago. So with that it was back to the stage for The Boxer, for the umpteenth time this year. Although I'd had the foresight to detune the guitar by a semitone last night to make it a bit safer for the higher notes. I felt a bit bad at getting more applause than the excellent groups of dancers who had obviously been practising for months, but was also relieved to have finished.

A few minutes later and that was it for the inaugural Bangxu New Year festival. In my opinion a great success, though I was told there were currently no plans for another one. If there are, I'll do my best to be there unless Tan wants to be there instead. And with that a few minutes later we were back in the car heading home to Pingguo.

We got back around 10.30pm, I'd pinged Xiao Nong and she said to go to hers for a bite which I did until everyone had left around 1am. Then she said friends were at the loud disco place and against my better judgement I ended up going there with her and somehow didn't end up home till 5am. I am just too old for this!

First day of Bangxu festival

Bollocks, I woke up at 6.30am and couldn't get back to sleep again. I knew I'd have to go to Lin Hong's soon so I forced a shower but she didn't call me till gone 8.30am. I was proper nervous and still couldn't remember my new lines. I drove over to hers soon after 9am and we went and picked up an ex-colleague of Tan who was also involved in the festival. She was quite small but full of personality and insisted on doing a video message for Tan as apparently they were good friends.

We arrived at Bangxu soon after 10am and it was chock-a-block with cars. I got out for a walk and after a bit recognised I was at the road I'd arrived at in late 2003 where I got out and hugged an old woman who I thought was my future mother-in-law but actually wasn't. I walked down the streets and had really bittersweet memories. The first time I was here she was just my girlfriend and I couldn't speak any Chinese. 20+ years later a lot had changed but Bangxu didn't seem to have. Rather like our Bangxu wedding in 2005 there were quite a few people cooking stuff in massive pans outside, except that instead of 100+ people there were 1500+ people expected to eat.

I'm sure I recognise these stairs from somewhere

Nice changfen for lunch

A Zhong had found a place to park and called me and after a nice walk around the market I managed to find my way back to what was apparently Lin Hong's house. The next hour or so was simply waiting around and chatting, and I took advantage by going for more walks around the market as it was really bustling. Then I heard a shout from someone and it was Lao Pan across the road, and she was calling me to drink tea...fair enough I'd not seen her or her husband Lao Ling for about 6 years but it was like we'd never been apart. Tea was poured and we chatted about stuff as one does.

Then I got a call to eat as it was midday. Fair enough, I went to what I was told was Waipo's old house, where I'd spent a few weeks a long time ago. If it was the same house it had changed massively, but the bloke said they'd made some structural changes. Lao Lin joined me with a few other blokes and we had a simple meal but when Lao Lin opened the beers I explained that I had to be a compere so I wouldn't indulge. That ended up meaning I would only have 3 glasses which is fair enough I suppose.

Preparing food for 1000+ people

Next, the woman we gave a lift to told us to go to the wu tai, which is the place we were to perform in the evening. We went there to practise. There was an oldish bloke but all the rest of the comperes were young people in their 20s. I was the only one who'd printed out the lines, and after 20 minutes or so practising, that woman (I really should know her name) decided that the rest of them should have printouts too, so set about sorting that. Of course things had changed again since I made my printout yesterday but it was more the order than the actual text. I started to get a bit nervous and sent my words to Tan and she said she didn't even understand all of it.

Starting to get stage fright

To be fair there were quite a few people

But it was getting on for 3.30pm and the evening meal was nearly ready...there were something like 100 tables, each with 10 people, and as much as I would have liked some Dutch courage I knew I needed to be sensible. Tan had recorded herself saying my words and maybe it would have helped a little if I'd had the time to listen and practise but nay, soon after the meal us comperes had to meet up to practise again. It was great that they were all talking to me in Mandarin (as if there was another option) and I made sure I understood what they were talking about...apparently the old bloke would pick three kids from the audience and do the following:

1 - ask one to guess where I was from and if they got it right they'd get a red envelope

2 - ask why I was in Bangxu (and yes I had to answer in the local language - góu dāo lán yǎ dāi)

3 - ask if I could caima, and then of course caima with me

Part to the video of Bangxu people who couldn't make it...Xixi not really making an effort at all

Well, what could go wrong? Eventually at 7.25pm the event started and the six of us got on stage. I managed to follow the words but when we all had to join in saying Happy New Year I totally forgot to use my microphone. But I realised my mistake and a minute later when I had to do my first solo statements it seemed to go ok, if slower than the native speakers. I think the fact that the floodlights were blaring into my eyes so I couldn't see the crowd helped.

When it got to my time to do the local lingo thing I was already somewhat in my stride. I knew I wasn't speaking fluently but I'd lost the initial stage fright. The main bloke invited a young kid to come up to the stage and ask me where I was from. She was fairly young and embarrassed so when he said "Meiguo, Yingguo, Deguo" she simply answered with the first one - "American" I felt so bad telling her she was wrong and that I was English simply because she would have got a hong bao had she got it right. The bloke even showed her the red envelope she would have won!

Next, he wanted to know why I was in Bangxu, as per above, and this time he got another kid on stage to ask me this question. As per my practice, I answered "góu dāo lán yǎ dāi" as Tan had helped me with earlier. I'd hoped this would garner a response but it appeared no-one understood. The other bloke repeated my words but got the same response. It was as if most of the crowd were too young to understand the local tu hua. At least when he translated to Mandarin we got a few laughs!

Finally he got another kid to come on stage to ask me to caima. This was another embarrassing moment for a kid as he was about 13 and clearly didn't know how to play. I was about to offer scissors paper stone but the other host said he'd caima with me instead. Well why not? I've caima'd in front of 20+ people before...what more would another 2000 make? I beat him in two hands and that was it. I only had one more speech to make before my song.

The next hour went past pretty quickly until it was my time to perform. Normally I'd have had a couple of drinks by now but being a compere meant I didn't want to. I hope I got away with my rendition of Sound of Silence, as the penultimate act. At least I got a decent round of applause. And with that the first day was over, and before long we were in A Zhong's car heading back to Pingguo and I was home at midnight after being told we would leave earlier tomorrow.

False start to Bangxu festival and much relief

I woke up in the morning worrying about the Bangxu concert later today. I went for a walk to practise my lines, all two of them, but kept fluffing them. Literally a dozen characters or so but for some reason they wouldn't stick in my head. I went to the closest supermarket to pick up some jing jiu and cola again, should I need it later, then went home still saying my lines out loud.

It was strange that Lin Hong hadn't pinged me to go as it was late morning already so I pinged her to ask if we were going and she said no (not yet?). Then at 12.30 I'd still not heard from her and then Jiuma got back to tell me it was tomorrow but I wasn't sure. I really hoped it was though. Then I checked the Bangxu group I was part of and found there was an updated document so downloaded it and opened it in Google docs and found to my horror that I was now presenting a few of the acts on the first day, not to mention being one of them.

I reckoned by 1pm Jiuma was right and then saw that the days of the festival were Chu si and Chu wu, being the fourth and fifth day of the lunar New Year. Phew! What a massive relief! Ok, I translated my words from characters to pinyin as many of them were unknown to me. I also sent them to Tan and even she said she didn't understand some of it as it was written in a very poetic manner. So once translated I downloaded the doc as a pdf and stuck it on my USB drive and walked to the place where I'd printed off my music a few days ago. So now I had a printout with my bits highlighted, and I did my best to pronounce them as a bit of practice. I picked up a lovely glass of mango juice on the way back and realised I was really lucky to be in tee-shirt weather when it was pretty grim weather in the UK.

A seemingly random poster about network security I passed on my walk - I guess it's good to make people aware

Lin Hong then sent me a message to say tomorrow 8am. I asked whether that meant 8am at her house or what but got no reply. Ok so I'd need another early night. I decided I'd better have a haircut so set off to walk to Lao Ma's but almost immediately bumped into Lin Hong on the street who was of course talking on her phone. But she asked where I was going and invited me to eat tonight at her place so I said I'd be there when I'd had my haircut. I walked on down to Lao Ma's where I'd been earlier in the day but she had been cooking. She scolded me for not telling her I'd be there at 5.30pm as she was just about to go out shopping, but did my haircut anyway and said it would be 68 kuai as it was New Year, and not the usual 30 kuai. Well, I wasn't going to complain and as soon as I'd paid I had Lin Hong on the phone again asking where I was so I said I'd be shi ji minutes.

I did stop off home to pick up the dian dong che and maybe have a little nip of jing jiu before getting to her place to eat with her and A Zhong and an aunty and niece or something like that. They had gorgeous big red prawns that would not be so nice tomorrow so I had to finish them off that evening and it wasn't that difficult. The home made la chang was also fantastic and I had my fill of that and couldn't take any rice. Lin Hong once again insisted that A Zhong's mum would make me zongzi so I sent a message to Tan to make sure Erjie wouldn't waste money buying them. Tan sent back a voice message in the local language so I let Lin Hong listen to it as I literally couldn't make out a word.

Lin Hong said she'd call me at about 8am tomorrow so I made my excuses and left for my early night. I was actually quite tired but awake enough that I decided to go to Tian Yang Po's for a little bbq at 11pm. She was actually quite busy so I left my order and said I'd be shi ji minutes, meaning I'd probably be longer and got home and had a chat with Mat before getting back to Tian Yang Po over half an hour later and she scolded me for being longer than shi ji minutes! But it was worth it and by 12.30am I was asleep for the earliest time in weeks.

Unexpected trip to A Wu's wife's hometown Huangtai Tun

At least I got up in the morning and went for a walk as there's not much time left now. I pinged A Wu to see if he wanted to go for a bite to eat but he said he wouldn't be back in Pingguo till the afternoon. Then he sent a message to say he would send someone to pick me up and I would go to his wife's hometown village at 2.30pm to eat. Well I had no plans so why not? He called me before I had time to finish the message to say exactly the same thing so I went home with a vague idea to get some sleep first.

I managed a couple of midday beers but for some reason sleep didn't follow, so I grabbed a cup of coffee and at 2.20pm received an SMS from someone saying he was waiting outside in a red car. Yes, typical, but I'd had my shower so 15 minutes later walked out with a bottle of cola and something and met the bloke, and we drove about 30 minutes south of Pingguo till we reached the hamlet called Huangtai Tun.

It was great to see A Wu's kids and they ran to hug me. I was wearing far too much as it was around 20 degrees so I shed my think coat and hoodie and took the kids for a walk around the place. I love these little hamlets; almost no-one has seen a westerner before so it's a bit like being in Bangxu in 2003 again. I held hands with A Wu's daughter and the daughter of his wife's wife as you do, and we ventured down some thin winding paths to find houses where of course people knew us via other people. It was another of those money-can't-buy moments, despite it being £535 air fare. But the other costs have been time getting used to the lingo that really made this trip possible.

Yi yen, A Wu's wife's sister's daughter, A Wu's daughter

We were called to eat soon after 4pm and I knew by now this was a loose term. People would come and go for the whole evening and I only wondered when I'd get back. But I wasn't concerned. As the beers started flowing and we descended into cai ma I was in my element but slightly worried I wouldn't last that long. Not to worry, I lay on a bench and pretended to sleep for half an hour. Maybe I even did have 40 winks.

Lovely village meal

I got up and more people were there but after a bit I couldn't handle any more fizz so went for a walk around the village. Some bloke told me to follow him to have a game of pool. So I did and had a good laugh not really understanding Chinese rules. Then I decided to see a bit more of the village and it was really worth it. I happened upon various families, all of whom invited me in to eat even though I was full. But at one place a woman was doing bbq and I sat down with who I guess is her husband and a couple of kids and managed to eat a sausage and some squid. The young girl, who I guessed was about 11 said she was 19. I know my Chinese isn't that great but I asked her twice more how old she was and she confirmed 19. Jeez, it's nice to looker younger than you are (I love people guessing I'm in my 30s) but that difference is almost a deformity. She was lovely to talk to though, as was everyone in the village with no exception.

Playing pool in the local shop as you do

I happened upon a woman doing bbq and had some

I realised I was having one of the times of my life after only having been invited a few hours ago. It was a mix of being accepted as a speaker of the language yet being an outsider who joins in. It'd days like this I will cherish. On the way back I got lost and found myself at another house where the lady bade me to come in and took a picture of me. Not two minutes later I received a call from one of A Wu's wife's relatives saying he knew where I was and was coming to pick me up.

So back at the main house we had a few more drinks and cai ma and finally at gone 11pm it was determined that we would go back to Pingguo. A Wu had been drinking but said he'd drive carefully and I suppose he did, stopping only for both of us to have a wee. He dropped me off at the bottom of my road and I'm glad he did as I popped in to the local convenience store to pick up some jing jiu to help with confidence as I'm due to perform in Bangxu tomorrow. Back home I ended up having a chat with the lads and they tried to instil some confidence into me about playing the guitar and singing in front of 2000 people. It didn't really work.

New Year's day and a nice present from Mr Calligrapher

I once again forced down a couple of boiled eggs for lunch as didn't have much of an appetite again. Fen pinged me just after 1pm to meet up and as I didn't have any other plans I said I could do so we spent a couple of hours together from 3.30pm, but I knew I was expected at Lin Hong's husband's father's house again, and of course she pinged me at 5pm to go over.

So around 5.30pm I got there and it was another lovely family meal. And just like yesterday I needed to go for a second meal soon after so made my excuses to go to the calligrapher's place that Haiwei had sent me the location of. Except it wasn't exact and I thought it was in A Wu's complex. It took 20 minutes of location sharing and phone calls before I realised it was in a neighbouring complex but I eventually got there not too long after 7pm. Evidently they had waited for me to start, which was slightly embarrassing, and I would have really enjoyed the meal if I'd still been hungry.

The bloke who sat next to me shared a few beers with me. His wife sat opposite me and was apparently an English teacher, but she barely spoke any English, explaining that she only taught young kids and the English was very basic. I did make an effort to speak with her in English but fair enough she could barely string two sentences together.

I'd hoped to watch the City - Everton match at 8.30pm, but it was already gone 8pm and we were to go downstairs to the calligrapher's shop. Fair enough. When there he made me a really nice wall frieze with the words "friends forever", which was really appreciated. But we had to wait for the ink to dry, so of course we went to drink tea. For the next half an hour without exception each of us was stuck in our phones, me trying unsuccessfully to find a stream of the match.

Haiwei's second son, me, Haiwei, posing in the calligrapher's shop

The calligrapher and me with my lovely frieze

Eventually the calligrapher left and came back with my rolled up parchment, which I thanked him profusely for as it's a pretty unique present. Then we left to go and Haiwei and his son took a didi bike and I found my dian dong che and got back just before the second half started. Yes! Haaland struck twice after 70 minutes and we got a well-deserved win.

But Li Kun had got in contact and I'd promised to go and meet him. I told him 20 minutes when the match was 70 minutes old but due to 10 minutes of injury time and some faffing it was nearly double that. But I made it and it was again cool to be playing with his kids. More beer was partaken and I got back at a respectfully late 1.30am for a brief chat with the lads.

First New Year's Eve in 20 years

Managed to sleep in till gone 1pm and when I got up Jiuma was about and told me to eat. I couldn't really disagree so asked her when as at 1.30pm it was a bit late for lunch and a bit early for tea. Her answer was the typical 等一下 so I still didn't know, but I'm used to that sort of response now.

Food being offered to Tan's parents, may they Rest In Peace

At 3pm she knocked on my door to eat. Well that's a first for me at this time. As it was New Year's Eve I expected a family meal but in fact she'd cooked for me only. A whole chicken breast and some beef with a large bowl of rice. Ah, that was so kind of her and had I known I'd never have let her spend all that time cooking for just one person. And of course I couldn't finish it, so when she wasn't there I had to chuck half the rice, but I put the rest of the meat in the fridge. I knew I was invited to Haiwei's again this evening and would need an appetite.

I somehow found this printout of how they are going to introduce me in the Bangxu festival: The next moment that is refreshing for everyone has arrived. Are you looking forward to it? Where is the expected applause? Next, I invited a partner from the UK to bring us an English song "Sounds of Silence". Everyone gave us the warmest applause and invited our Mr. Peng Duoming to give us a wonderful singing performance. !

But soon after 4pm Lin Hong called me to eat with them. As she is genuine family she took precedence over Haiwei so after I got a message from him to come over I let him know my plans and that I'd be there later and he was of course fine with that. Lin Hong had said to come over in 10 minutes. I know from experience this was not necessary and told her I'd need to shower and be over in 十几分钟 which I still don't understand exactly. It literally means 10 minutes plus some, but I don't know if the "some" is between 1-9 or something else. Maybe it's the equivalent of "umpteen" but Google boringly translates it as "ten minutes", which is definitely not true. I guess I'll think of it as 10+ minutes where the "+" is indefinite. I was watching a fascinating video about linguistics the other day and there was a bit about the Piraha Amazonian tribe that literally does not have the concept of numbers. Wow, it's almost unimaginable. Apparently if they watch sports they can't conceive of the "score" but just enjoy it. It's almost too extreme to believe.

Well anyway I grabbed my shower and of course with tooth brushing and moisturising it was closer to half an hour by the time I left, and then I received a message from Lin Hong to come in 10 minutes. But I was only 2 minutes away, and she had said to come in 10 minutes 30 minutes ago. I know she is not a member of the Piraha but I wonder if she is some distant relation. Anyway I said I'd be a couple of minutes as her house is opposite our old house by the guangchang, and she said she'd send her husband A Zheng down to meet me.

But when I turned up, after stopping off at one of the few open shops to pick up some longyan fruit, he wasn't there. I got a phone call from an unknown number and unlike in the UK I answered it and it was him asking where I was. I said I was at the main entrance by the guangchang as would be expected. He said ok he'd come to meet me, and I expected that he'd come from another entrance, but in fact nearly 10 minutes later he turned up on a dian dong che. Oh, apparently we were going to eat at his father's house. Blimey, Lin Hong! Couldn't you have just communicated that slightly important piece of information when we talked on the phone just 40 minutes ago? I really really like Lin Hong. I feel she's genuinely like an aunty to me (and I think she genuinely is as her and Tan's grandfathers are literal brothers). But for want of a handful of words I was in the wrong place and her husband had to spend minutes of his time coming to meet me. Moreover, when we got to his dad's place Lin Hong wasn't there as her father is seriously ill and she had to help him have a drip.

Well it really didn't matter. I'm here in Guangxi and this sort of thing is to be expected. I followed A Zheng on my dian dong che and got to his dad's house around 5.30pm. His dad is very aged, and was sitting in a comfy chair around some burning wood, although today it's been a pleasant 17 degrees and I could remove my coat inside for the first time in days. I was slightly bored sitting indoors, with everyone, including the aged dad, on their phones, so I went for a walk but of course A Zheng accompanied me.

I noticed some young kids playing with bangers and fireworks and my youth instantly beckoned me to go over to them. I so miss playing with fireworks and it was great fun as they ripped the sticks off mini rockets and put them in little tubes to fire up, except one nearly flew into a house and A Zheng scolded them a bit and told them to aim it better. I could have stayed to join in but eventually Lin Hong came back with her daughter driving the dian dong che. Funny to think I remember her mostly as a 7 or 8 year old taking out my kids to play but now she's 24 and driving her mum around.

The meal was fine despite the constant contradictions of being told to relax and being told to eat more all the time! Literally every 2 minutes I was being told to eat more chicken! But fair enough, apparently it had been raised upstairs on the 5th floor as is normal here. Despite my 3pm lunch I managed to eat a slice of zongzi and four pieces of chicken and some greens before I made my excuses after some other people had. That was fine, and I was told to come back tomorrow at 5pm and I really appreciated it. This time of year is for families after all.

Lin Hong on the right and her daughter Tian Tian in the middle

Lin Hong has been really busy helping to organise the Bangxu festival I'm due to take part in on the 12th and 13th. But this morning I found out I'm also due to be one of the presenters. I've been given a document with the words I need to say and thankfully it's not too much and hopefully I'll be able to commit it to memory: 在新的一年里，祝大家财运亨通，事业有成，幸福美满，万事如意! (In the new year, I wish everyone good fortune, success in career, happiness and all the best!). I was getting worried as Tan had said that there would be thousands of people but she is one to exaggerate, so I asked Lin Hong how many people there would be there. She said 200, and then without even looking like she was joking followed it up with "tables". Then A Zheng did the math and confirmed that meant there would be 2000 people! Shit! I then asked the obvious question as to when it would start and Lin Hong said eating and drinking would start at 4pm and the show itself would start at 7pm. I will absolutely need some Dutch courage if it's true about 2000 people as it's literally 20 times more than I've ever performed in front of before.

Next it was back to Haiwei's mum's place for a second meal. This time I had the forethought to get some longyan and 12 cans of Li Quan weak beer. And it was worth it as they still only had Hoegaarden from yesterday. Again, I couldn't really stomach much, but the bloke sitting next to me with an 80s Hong Kong hairstyle kept putting stuff in my bowl anyway. Apparently he is a calligrapher, which is a pretty important job here. Well I did have one thimbleful of Haiwei's tealeaf alcohol and it wasn't half as bad as most baijiu is here, but it was still baijiu so I moved on to the beer afterwards, as did Haiwei. During the meal Haiwei's second son told me that there was an English girl in his school. Damn, that would mean there were at least three more foreigners here as I assume her parents are also here. Also, she spoke very good Mandarin which is fair enough I suppose but at least I've not yet seen another white person this year.

My one and only glass of tealeaf alcohol

The calligrapher bloke noticed me using my left hand for chopsticks and started using his too. I tried to show off that I could use my right hand too but I'm still rubbish, like the correct muscles never developed and I can barely get enough pressure to pick up a single noodle. But he said he was ambidextrous and could use either hand for chopsticks or for writing. I know that in general the Chinese think this is a sign of intelligence so I praised him for it but he said no it wasn't a sign of intelligence at all. Oh well, at least I tried. Anyway, I was invited to his house to eat tomorrow which was nice of him.

I left around 8.30pm and got home and realised I was really alone. I couldn't just go out for a walk and get randomly invited to eat with people as no-one was out and about. Almost literally. I've never known Pingguo to be so quiet. At around 10pm I pinged Fen, who got back to me to say she was drinking with friends at a location near to A Wu's office, and to come over. So that was my New Year's Eve sorted.

I turned up and found a load of blokes eating at tables outside and was immediately invited to sit down with them and ganbei. Fair enough! Much mirth was had in the ensuing 15 minutes or so while Fen came down from the 3rd floor to fetch me, but she also got held up having to ganbei some of the blokes. Eventually we went upstairs in a neighbouring house where there were a few women and just two blokes, and I was poured a large glass of what looked like tea but was obviously fairly strong fruit alcohol. Well, it was New Year and I wasn't going to stand on ceremony, so joined in and enjoyed the experience, with all the bangers and fireworks going on in the background.

New Year's Eve was not alone at least

As midnight arrived there was no counting down or anything. We just continued chatting and drinking and I can't remember what time I got back home, but I managed it safely and had had my first Chinese Chinese New Year in 20 years.