Finally Going Back from Hong Kong

I hadn’t had much sleep but I didn’t forget to pick up Tan’s suitcase of clothes and various dried medicines. It was mid-morning and my flight to Europe was leaving soon after midday.

This time I was told I had access to some special lounge so went there and gosh it really was a special experience. Normally just having nice drinks and good wifi is all you can experience from a lounge but this one was streets ahead.

I’d brought spare undies, which was a good thing as I went for a magical shower (after a 9h30 flight any shower is magical) and despite my lack of sleep from Melbourne, felt great. I had a couple of nice decaf coffees, but felt it rude not to partake of a G&T before I left, but made sure it was after opening hours somewhere. But that was all I took.

I was in the top deck of what I think was an Airbus A380, and was for the second time in my life treated to an experience I didn’t really want to waste by sleeping. But after hardly noticing taking off, having a lovely meal, and watching some ok Brazilian film to a cognac or two I dozed off….

It was bliss to wake up with under four hours to go. The Dutch bloke closest to me who’d also slept woke up and ordered vodka and apple juice about three times. I felt superior and had but orange juice. Actually I think I may have had one more G&T for good measure.

And then we were in Amsterdam. Boring. And I didn’t even care for more drinks in the lounge as I waited for my short haul to Heathrow. A decision I instantly regretted as soon as in the air. But hey I was still “business” so got a white wine before landing close to home. And it hit me I’d been both privileged, yet polarised from family. Going to Pingguo was both the highlight and the lowlight this year, and I don’t want to go alone again. But I’m missing it already….

Blooming Australia

So much for Australia. I found my way to the office around midday but found nothing to eat. I  had a quick meeting with some woman who was on such another wavelength I didn’t even bother with. Then she was gone, and the only people left were drinking beers and as much as I’d like to have joined them I felt as far away as if I were back home. And that was what I was hankering for. But my flight wasn’t till midnight and I had heavy luggage with me.

So I stayed at the office till it was too late to get out and I had to ask a cleaner to get my to the lifts (or probably they call them elevators here). I thought I’d treat myself to a decent meal and found the most expensive place within walking distance. Great. I turned up and it was filled with rich and happy people 10 years younger than me, but I thought “sod it” and went in and asked for a table for one. I would have been a lot happier in a corner but I was thrust into the middle of the bustling place, for all to see I was a loner. At least if I had been David Mitchell I could have written a great three-minute soap box piece on this but I just didn’t have the talent or energy.

So I geeked. The female servers were lovely to be fair - as if they could sense my situation and so called me “darling” (or is that just Australian). But I read stories and comments from fark.com on Opera Mini browser (in order to save some data). I would have swapped my $40 Steak for a $3 hamburger and some company though, or even lack of, given where I was. After the meal I asked for a decaffeinated Irish coffee and the young lady was embarrassed to say they were out of decaf. Instead she brought me a compensatory armagnac of proportion to get me to the airport.

And so I got the cab, went to the airport, got there and maybe had a glass or deux of rouge, and had a thankfully boring flight back to Hong Kong.

Ok Flight to Shenzhen, Bad Flight from HK.

Luckily I wasn’t back at stupid’o’clock last night, and because I’d cleaned up there wasn’t too much to do in the morning. I left the clean fridge door open (unlike last year) and just accepted the fact that the dust would return before us.

I did pop into the local supermarket and get just a little bottle of the local “Finnish” v and poured some into carryons for the journey ahead. A Wu came in time and I suppose due to the fact that I’d not been here for a couple of months with the family, it didn’t seem that hard to leave. But it did nevertheless conjure up some sad emotions to be leaving what many may consider a nondescript apartment in a smallish rural town that almost no-one has heard of. But it has been around 15% of my life in the last 12 years so that was the significance.

The drive to Nanning was more dangerous than the flight as you can see

Statistically the drive to Nanning was more dangerous than the flight to Shenzhen but my warped brain didn’t make it feel so. A Wu’s and my goodbyes were as brotherly as any, and I think we were both genuinely rather sad. But a few pictures later I was in the lounge and he was gone, but for a couple of phone calls later on.

Saying goodbye to AWu outside the lounge

I didn’t feel too guilty adding some carryon v to the sugary shui bi (7-Up) even though it was not quite the afternoon. I tried to reason that it was another time in Europe but in fact it was 5am so didn’t really excuse the booze.

The flight to Shenzhen, possibly because of the medication, was fine. Meeting Ma Si’s mates in the car park afterwards was also ok thanks to mobile phones. But that’s where it became quite Chinese. I could have easily got a bus to Hong Kong from the airport, and indeed have done with the family a couple of times, but the two blokes I met and their lovely new white BMW decided they knew a better way.

To cut a much longer story than I wanted short, they eventually found a place where there were Hong Kong taxis to drive you to the airport at much more expense than my original boat would have been. Plus we were with other mainland Chinese, each of whom was interrogated by the border police. In the end I did get to Hong Kong airport but with only a couple of hours before my Australia flight - two hours later than had I taken the boat by myself.

Two hours before a flight would normally be a good thing, but after I’d put all the ginseng and various clothes away in the stored luggage (I was only due to be in Australia for a day and a half) it was close to boarding time. I went to check in to be told I needed a bloody visa. British people going to Australia need a visa? Well yes apparently so, not that anyone had told me, so I rushed to another part of the airport and was luckily able to buy one for 40 quid, after which they let me check in.

I do admit to slightly hustling to the lounge for the 7pmish flight in order to liquidate the effects of any turbulence. I quaffed probably the quickest four smallish Skols I had ever done before before hustling to the gate that had been called during my second. Despite my wee near the gate by the time I got on the plane I needed to go again but as I was about the last one on board I didn’t have time. It would have been less rushed if I'd been allowed to take something on with me to imbibe but I found out in Duty Free that Australia has special rules; they wouldn't let me buy a half bottle when I showed them my boarding pass and as annoyed as I was, I found out why when actually boarding - they have their own security just before you get on board, including checking for liquids. Why they couldn't just seal up the bag like they do for other flights? I don't know but you don't argue these things.

Gosh it does seem sometimes that the blooming seat belt light takes an age to go out, but as soon as it did I didn’t complain about my near back-of-the-aircraft seat as I was able to get to the loo without a queue. Ahhh. Then I started to relax...the flight was calm, I was sitting next to an elderly Chinese woman with whom I was having a gentle conversation, and I ordered a nice red wine. I was contemplating sleep.

The the captain talked on the tannoy: some of you may have noticed that we are travelling at 20,000 feet. This is because one of our engines is experiencing a lack of oil pressure. I’m sorry to have to tell you we will need to go back to Hong Kong to change planes.

Bugger, I didn’t need this. I went for a last wee, and on the way back asked if I could have a red wine refill. I was told no as they were preparing for landing. Thankfully my elderly Chinese co-traveller had ordered a red wine she no longer had any interested in, and was happy for me to appropriate it, which I did obligingly.

It did not help to be told that the landing would take longer than usual to stop, due basically to one of the engines not working. But I managed a sense of calm dictated mainly by the fact I knew there was nothing I could do (and to the glass of rouge from my co-traveller). In the end we landed in a manner I couldn’t differentiate from any other, for which I was rather grateful.

It was a five hour delay in the end. Normally this would not be a big deal but in this case it was as I was involved literally in a big deal. But it was out of my hands, so I found myself back in a different lounge which was pretty busy. I didn’t mind that you had to pay for anything above beer, and served myself some pretty decent food. But after my second beer I found myself nodding off in a way that wasn’t sleep-inducing, and realised I’d been up for 20+ hours with a not great flying experience in between.

We finally left some time after midnight and I was awake enough to have a meal, but also tired enough to get some sleep on the 9h30 flight. When I arrived, for my first time in Australia, I was singled out to be searched. Thankfully all the dried tea and ginseng and stuff from A Xia I’d left in Hong Kong airport, but still the bloke rifled through everything I had. Fair enough, he was just doing his job. We talked about football but during this the Aussie sales guys were trying to call me to ask where the f**k I was as the meeting was starting...WTF could I do about it? After being given the all-clear I went to the bogs to change into business attire, then grabbed a taxi and got to the sales meeting 20 minutes late. But I got the job done. Then, to my surprise, my colleagues got their taxis to the airport to go home to Sydney, leaving me to spend a night in Melbourne as I’d been told I’d be needed for two days.

So there was me, stood outside a prospect’s office, abandoned by my colleagues, freezing in just a shirt in the Australian winter, waiting for a cab that eventually arrived where I found out I was half an hour from the hotel I was told was crap anyway.

And it was. But with the lack of sleep I was grateful for a hot meal and a glass of rouge. I even opened the full bottle in the room and managed a couple of glasses before the arms of Morpheus strangled my Pommy body and dragged me to the land of nod. At least for a couple of hours. I’d been told I should go to the Melbourne office tomorrow but given the fact I’d been abandoned yesterday afternoon I thought “screw you” and in my awakeness had another glass of rouge as I had no-one to talk to and just wanted to get home. I managed to sleep again not so long after.

Last Night in Pingguo for the Twelfth Time or so...

I had originally planned to go to Nanning tonight in order to be close to the airport for my 12.40 flight on 2nd September, based on recent stressful experiences with And and Awl not knowing when we’d get through the Nanning traffic as we were always picking up/dropping off someone else. But it seemed too much of a waste of Pingguo time, and I’d been offered a lift by A Wu and Lin Hong for tomorrow anyway so I thought I’d take the risk and have an extra night here.

For some reason “breakfast” was with A Wu and some people from China Mobile, in a building not far from the university. It consisted of no food or drink but A Wu had declared it breakfast so that it must have been.

We invited these people for lunch but none turned up, rather a couple of colleagues did, but no beer did which I could have done with, it being my last day and all. After lunch A Wu and I went back to his office but I said I had a matter to attend to, which I’ve learnt after many years is the standard way of excusing yourself.

As I left A Wu’s office Lin Hong called me to say she would sort out the water in the house but I said not to bother. But then she said she was already at our house. As I was across the road I went to meet her but too late she’d already paid for the water and whatever else. Anyway I went and finished tidying up the place after which it finally felt like a proper home again. It felt quite cathartic despite the fact it was my last full day here.

I still hankered after a tinkle on a piano so went out in the mid-afternoon scorch to look for a place. I finally managed to find one I’d frequented last year only to find it was supposed to open at 3pm and it was already 3.30pm and I didn’t think waiting under the beating sun would help speed things up. So I thought “sod it” and went to A Xia’s where I knew I needed to pick up a year’s supply of ginseng and something else. It thoughtfully started to rain just as I called A Xia, but I went there anyway as I didn’t have much choice. 1100 kuai poorer and 4kg heavier in luggage terms I had Tan’s stuff. Well that’s buggered the packing. What will have to go? Tan’s ginseng, Tan’s clothes, or something of mine? Well I didn’t need so many clothes anyway - who needs more than two shirts?

I had to go to the bank to pay A Xia, and thought I’d also need to pay for red envelopes for A Wu’s and Ling Ming’s new babies. That would set me back a fair whack so I took out 3000 and hoped it would be the last time for a long time. But tradition is tradition and I’m quite glad I was able to give the red envelopes in Tan’s absence.

Back at Waipo’s house she was asking me about the microwave. Apparently it was broken but I had no time or inclination to fix it. I suggested I could bring the one from our house but remembered someone had appropriated it already in our absence (not that we ever really used it). So I offered to buy one but she would not hear of it and I was secretly glad, not because of the expense, but more the time and effort getting it around.

I had asked my mates to come to the Beihai seafood place for my traditional last supper, and as usual nearly all said they could come. Now I had three hours to kill so I could relax. Until suddenly I remembered Tan’s red trousers that I’d left at the market to be adjusted. Shit - it was 6.15pm and they’d be closed! I hurried off on the dian dong che and arrived to a half closed door but with no-one in. Some little kid came scraping around and I asked where his mum was and he pointed to another closed shop a few yards away where a few women were eating outside on tiny stools. One of them was the owner and she went to get the trousers - phew.

Then, before I could do anything else Haiwei called demanding my presence at a meal as it was someone’s birthday. Well actually I could make it so I thought “why not?”, a thought that hasn’t always produced the best results but doing nothing for an hour or so on one’s last night was not really forgivable. I arrived at the place at the other end of town, near where A Wu used to live a few years ago, and climbed up to the third floor where I found Haiwei and his wife and sons, together with a rather redly inebriated Lou Lan. That’s what people call Nong Kaicheng’s dad anyway, but actually it means something like “alcohol addict” literally, though I suppose in a humorous way. There were a couple of other blokes too and by the number of empty cans I got a good idea of the situation.

We had a good time actually and I allowed myself to eat and drink a little and of course cai ma. But at about 8pm I got a call from Ma Si, the bloke with the BMW X6 and the land outside Pingguo with the wonderful tea. I’d invited him tonight but didn’t expect it when he said he was already at the Beihai seafood place.

I made my excuses to Haiwei and said I would see him soon, as I didn’t want to keep one of the richest people I knew waiting. Actually I shouldn’t have minded so much but thought maybe I’d told him 8pm instead of 9. I rushed as fast as the electrons would carry me and arrived at the seafood place under 10 minutes later. Ma Si was standing outside his X6 with a piece of paper in his hand. I apologised about the time and he really didn’t give a monkey’s. In fact the only reason he’d come was to give me the number of a couple of mates in Shenzhen, who would come and meet me at the airport to take me to Hong Kong in their car.

Well this was very kind of him, so I asked if he would sit down and have a beer or a bite but he said he couldn’t as he had a matter to attend to. Fair enough - someone in his position probably does. I was actually quite looking forward to sorting my journey to HK tomorrow but sod it - it will give me some company.

Well I was there now - at the Beihai food place nearly an hour before I expected others, but at least my friend, the Japanese-hating-but-otherwise-nice-bloke who owns the place, and he joined me for a beer. I sent out some messages to let people know I was already here and it wasn’t long before they started arriving.

A Ni and a female colleague of hers at our meal - yes ladies were allowed!

Saying goodbye to one of my favourite Pingguo pals - Jiefu (A Wu's eldest daughter's husband)

And it never fails to be a great evening. Food was ordered, beer was a-flowing, and more importantly the company was there...Li Kun, Uncle Yellow, A Wu and Haiwei, Jiefu and more...only Ling Ming couldn’t make it due to baby commitments. When I finally settled the bill at gone midnight it was only 900 kuai, peanuts for feeding and oiling so many of us.

That was it - I went back to our lonely house after a last ride around Pingguo. But at least it was clean.

Leeches, Expensive Flower Tea, and a bit of TT

I woke up at 7am with pain and a hangover. Waipo caught me going to the loo and noted I was up early but I told her I needed some more kip and went back to bed. Until 8am when Ma Laoban pinged me to see if I was up. I said honestly that I was, but that we’d meet up later if ok, which it was.

So a shower (phew) later I took the bike to where I thought his shop was but obviously got it wrong when I didn’t recognise anyone inside. They were friendly enough to wave me along down the road to where Ma Laoban’s shop was, where he met me laughing.

I got in his 4x4 Toyota and three other blokes went with us to a place near the massage place. The meal was fine of course, then two of the blokes left to go and sleep, leaving the other one, Ma Si. We had no chance of finishing the food so left, but went with Ma Si to his home village a few kms outside Pingguo.

Judging by his nice, black BMW X6, he was rather well-to-do, though came across as a thoroughly down-to-earth bloke. He moaned about the running costs of the car, how services were 4000 kuai and had to be done multiple times a year due to his high mileage. Not to mention the various speeding fines he seems to routinely get.

We drove for some 20 minutes to the outer reaches of Pingguo, and finally stopped at a seemingly nondescript mud track off the tiny road. Ma Si must have thought my Chinese was better than I did as he talked to me quickly and in vocabulary that would stretch a local (I hoped). We walked down the muddy path, umbrellas in hand as the clouds were leaking an almost English-like moisture without it pelting down. Then we stopped at a pond. This was a special pond I found out a minute later when Ma Laoban dipped a stick in and a moment later brought it out with a couple of leeches clinging on to it. He rather clumsily managed to put one in his water bottle so I could examine the way it mostly used its suckers on the front and rear to move about and generally show it was angry.

A leech from the pond

Ma Si's X6 and the background

It took quite a lot of time but eventually I learnt that because exporting these valuable leeches would be too troublesome (I don’t doubt it as they could have blood in them), they were interested in drying them and exporting the crushed remains as some sort of medicine that was very good for the blood! But I didn’t have time to dwell on this as soon we were off again to somewhere else.

Next we ended up at a rather lovely house, overlooking a deep valley of green. I understood it was Ma Si’s house. He started talking about some amazing tea that only grew here, and was very expensive. Then he explained that he owned just about all the land that this specific tea grew in. As I walked under the rain to get a good view of my surroundings, and I did rather like it, a senior woman walked in, and Ma Si announced her as his mum.

Well after a perfunctory shake of hands I didn’t see her again, but that was the cue to sit down at a table and have some of this special tea. I was told more than once that a small bag of 200 grammes of this would set you back 500kuai. So it was of little surprise he brought out a fresh bag of it to let us drink.

It was actually really really nice. Slightly fruity, slightly sweet. I explained that the first time I’d drunk pu er cha I didn’t sleep till 5am and he said he had the same thing, and that he only drank this tea. So after 20 mins of this I was as pleased as punch that he put a few fistfulls of the said brew into a bag and gave one to me and one to Ma Laoban. Apparently 50 quids worth in each. I highly doubt it, but look forward to bringing it back to blighty for a unique taste.

We then moved on to see his farm…. Well I got a good tour of chickens, pigs, ducks, and the like, and smelled various stenches. In fact Ma Si bade me smell the difference between two different types of pigs, and told me one lot stank and the others didn’t. I couldn’t really tell but really did try and said I thought there was some difference. Apparently one lot (the non-smelly) were worth a lot more than the others. I wondered if washing the others would increase their worth but at this point, as I was rather tired, I decided not to ask.

But it was a genuinely fascinating tour of the farm and I learnt more about this business in Guangxi than I have ever done in the previous 12 years. The tour culminated in Ma Si presenting me a gift that is traditional in his part of the world - something that will protect you on your return journey - two live chickens. I was very appreciative (again, genuinely), and received them honourably, though I had no idea what to do with them.

Me and Ma Laoban at Ma Si's house

Some non-smelly pigs

Ma Si, Ma Laoban, and me

Well, it wasn’t that hard really. We eventually started on the way back to central Pingguo after our rural excursions, a bit too late though for a siesta. As Ma Si dropped us off at Ma Laoban’s shop not much before 5pm, and we bade our thanks and farewells, I mentioned to Ma Laoban that I hadn’t expected that. He answered that he hadn’t either, and had rather hoped for a siesta himself. It was good to know that I was not the only one, but better to have had the experience I did this afternoon.

Ma Laoban gave me a lift to Waipo’s where she asked me to eat tea but I had to explain I’d been invited to eat by Chen. I knew I’d disappointed her a little but she seemed to perk up when I had the good idea of offering her the two chickens from Ma Si, though she did ask why I didn’t want to take them back to the UK.

As I’d managed to get out of tea at Waipo’s and had 90 minutes to kill before Chen’s, I took the dian dong che to the massage place as my back was still playing up. I admit to having a wee beer accompany me on the way, and maybe one as I had a shower before. Oh but the massage was great, and made me feel less guilty about anything I may have been normally feeling guilty about at the time. Despite the advice of A Wu to put his name down for any massages there I once again paid up front as it was well and truly worth it.

I even felt more invigorated as I skimmed to Chen’s, only a little late at 6.30ish. It was at his apartment with his wife and son. As soon as I entered his son of about 10 years old was overcome by excitement and wanted to do anything to interact with me in a way that might have been considered strange outside of the context. I was happy to shake hands with the boy and play with his toys and talk to him for quite a few minutes until the parents insisted I come to table with them and the blokes. Ah yes...the blokes from the karaoke the other night, together with the one with the Christmas Tree company. But tonight they were different. No, they were just not drunk. Really nice blokes in fact, and the whole meal was tremendously enjoyable as a family/friends thing. And yes we drank beer. But it seems that in such surrounding blokes don’t get stupidly pissed and that I appreciated. Apparently the wife knew Tan as she used to have a clothes shop in the same road as Lao Ma, and apparently I’d been there in 2014 when she adjusted some of Tan’s clothes. Well silly me for not remembering.

I left at 9pm to meet Yang Haiwei for some table tennis at the new, more professional place, but not before going for a refreshing watermelon juice at a place near A Wu’s old office. It was great to catch up with the young girls there who I remembered from when they were toddlers a few years ago! There was a new girl at the table tennis place, too young for the old people’s leisure centre by about 40 years no doubt and I had to play her. I let her win 12-10 12-10. At least that’s what I believed.

The young ladies (two of them ex-toddlers) at the juice place

From July 2011 - I think left and right are the same but not middle

Yang Haiwei in good form at the new table tennis place

 
Then finally, as I was really flaking, I went to meet A Wu in some coffee place by the river. I remember waiting for some time before he came to pick me up. But I was so tired I barely remember playing caima. Probably the first time I got to bed before midnight.

Double date for evening meal

I woke up at 7am, then 8, so took a co-codemol and managed to sleep till 11.30am. A shower was in order but oh! No water! Oh Lin Hong did you really pay the bill?

I had told Waipo yesterday that I’d come for lunch, but even though I turned up at 12.30 they had already eaten. Waipo wanted me to go and bring back some noodles to eat at her house but I said I’d sort myself out.

I went out looking for a piano to tinkle but still I had no luck, so happily satisfied myself with a portion of jiao zi and bao zi from our local place. I’d forgotten my money and said I’d come back in 5 mins but this was the place I’ve been coming with the kids for a few years now and I suppose the boss now trusts me as she told me I could come back when I wanted. I ate at home for probably the only time this year, and then my good friend Yang Haiwei called me and we agreed to meet in a bit.

It was typical that as he called to say he was nearly there, I guessed he was 10 mins away, as is my usual experience. So I went down to pay the jiao zi woman for my food. As it was, Yang Haiwei had already arrived. I told him I’d be a few seconds and then when got to the front of our building, Jun Lin Tian Xia, I nearly opened the door of what I presumed was his Toyota Landcruiser...but the silhouette of the man in the driving seat didn’t seem to be recognisable. Thankfully I got a hoot from an aged 90s VolksWagen, and it was indeed Haiwei.

I learnt a new word: Po Chang - bankrupt. Apparently Haiwei’s business had become so last year and the bank had taken away his house and cars, so he was left with this clapped out banger. He showed no remorse; it was just a matter of fact. I sort of felt sorry but he didn’t seem to at all. He now worked at a mortar factory and took me there. His job didn’t seem to have changed at all; he sat down and made tea that we drank for a good hour while now and again young chaps came in and he told them to get something.

Drinking tea at Haiwei's new office

Yang Haiwei and me

After the tea, Haiwei invited me to a meal this evening which I duly accepted, though hoped he wouldn't be spending too much on it. I then had to take a number of Tan’s clothes (all of which I’d photo’d and sent to her) to the tailor to be resized. I had no intention of doing this mammoth task alone, and being blamed for any imperfections. I blooming well got Chuan Chuan to come with me, and called Tan on WeiXin to clarify what was needed. I let Chuan Chuan do most of the talking.

Chuan Chuan explaining what Tan wanted doing with the clothes

Then I got a call from Uncle Yellow, telling me he’d just bought food for our meal tonight. Oh shit! I’ve just accepted a meal with Haiwei! It’s ok, it’s Pingguo, I’ll sort this somehow.

I went to meet Haiwei at the allotted time, and just honestly told him I’d already arranged to have another meal with Uncle Yellow, and that I’d have to leave at 7pm to go there. I think they really appreciate this sort of honesty. Haiwei was not miffed in the least, but insisted that we get cracking on the food and beer! We had some of that lovely raw fish that you “finish” in vinegar, before adding some peanuts and other stuff...a dish I’ve known for 10+ years now and never tire of. I sent a pic of it to Tan, who immediately replied with a warning that I should not eat raw fish due to polluted rivers etc. I took no heed, and marvelled at the fact that now Li Quan was available in large cans!

Uncle Yellow used WeiXin to show me exactly where he was. It seems there is a new bbq area not far from the university area, but it is quite far away. Luckily my dian dong che was still pretty charged up and I clicked on the thumbnail he’d sent me. This fired up Google Maps, and although it doesn’t really work in China, somehow I had enough info to get to the place, although probably spent a load on data.

It was great to catch up with Uncle Yellow and his wife Xiao Chong, along with the cook who used to work at the Cool Cave, and a few others. I actually got a little pissed with them on the beers, and what with the bbq and the meal I’d just had with Haiwei, reflected on how it is possible to have a good time now and again despite the absence of family.

Nice bbq with Uncle Yellow (arm around) and two mates

The daughter of the owner (who spoke quite good English), a mate, Uncle Yellow, Xiao Chong

Xiao Chong took this pic of me and blurred the background before sending it to all her mates on WeiXin

I’m glad to say we stayed a fair while, and when I went to leave I decided to stay at Waipo’s; Chuan Chuan had left for Baise, and I needed somewhere with water and internet. I already had Waipo’s keys so let myself in and managed to watch the second half of Swansea v Man Utd where they beat them 2-1. Good end to a good day!

Third day in Pingguo and Massage

Up around 8am and festered until nearly 10 when I used my counting in German trick to claw another 10 mins of sleep. My back was not good, so I resolved to go for a massage after my 11am breakfast. A Wu had just called to say he’d business in Nanning and wouldn't be back till the evening, so I seemed to have a potentially free day ahead of me. But although she wasn't there, I could feel the pain Tan would have felt in the presence of such dust and dirt in a flat that had been left unlived-in for more months than amount to more than half a year. In fact last night I had looked at the kids’ rooms but didn’t have the heart to start cleaning them up.

Our fridge before...

...and after I'd given it the once over

But now I got to work in the sweaty heat. I was in Leilei’s room and after wiping away the thin layer of dust from his side-table drawer thing, I opened the lower drawer and straightaway saw his and Xixi’s photo from a few years back in school. It has only been a couple of weeks or so away from them but seeing that hit me hard. It was probably a thousandth of a percent of parents who must have been in far worse situations, but I just couldn’t tidy up the room after that. It’s the best excuse I’ve ever had for not tidying up a room, and one I hope never to have again.

When I opened the drawer to this I just couldn't continue...I miss them so much...

I couldn’t call the kids as it was around 4am their time, so mustered up my energy to wash the floors of the rest of the house. It took bloody ages and I sweated so much I justified myself a weak drink by 1pm. Actually, it was more of an excuse to use my soda machine again, that I’d bought last year. In fact I’d left water in it from last year in the fridge and it still appeared to be fizzy, in that when I pulled the trigger some came out. But I wasn’t going to trust that. I emptied last year’s apparent fizz, and filled up with new water. Unfortunately, I had no cold water so had to make do with the recently-delivered stuff at room temperature. This is not how you’re supposed to do it but to hell with that. I filled the 70s style syphon, added the mini canister, pierced it and heard the bubbles go through. I then shook it for good measure. The water I’d put in the ice cube trays earlier that morning had still not solidified, but I used the fairly cold water for them as a base for my drink, then added a smidgen of sodastream bitter lemon concentrate and a nice nip of gin. I then poured the gushing soda water from the bottle and admired what was probably the first gin and bitter lemon to be prepared in Pingguo since about this time last year.

I sat down in my office, full of anticipation, raised the glass to my lips, justifying it in the absence of my family, then downed a generous mouthful. Of warm and almost totally flat lemony crap. I had totally failed, but because last year it had worked I realised I had to be more patient and wait for cold water and proper ice. The problem was I couldn’t at this moment as I wanted a massage, so in the spirit of things I downed it, poured a marginally less room-temperature follow-up, and took the newly charged dian dong che to the massage place.

I remembered the way to the massage place pretty well, and while not taking the most efficient route, I had a fully-charged dian dong che and I didn’t care too much. As I entered the massage place it stirred the people who were drinking tea on the ground floor. Within seconds a young lady swept down the stairs to usher me to the second floor “VIP” room. I didn’t argue. She left me to shower and get into the massage garb that I had done last year and maybe the year before, but this time strangely alone.

Somehow she knew when my shower was finished and entered the room with impeccable timing and some sweet tea and slices of watermelon. The next hour was blissful, not just because of the fact of the massage, but because I was able to orient her in the direction of where my back pain was most severe. I'm not ignorant enough to expect her to have cured anything, but golly, it did feel better. When she finished I semi dropped-off for 15 minutes or so but had a dangling reminder in my head that I’d promised to go to Waipo’s again for tea.

I could have signed A Wu’s name for the massage - and I'm sure he would have wanted me to - but I paid the 108 kuai very happily. I'm only here for a few days so the odd luxury won’t kill anyone.

I ended up bringing my work to Waipo’s as not only did I feel a bit lonely in our flat, we (I) had no Internet access there. It was a 2 minute trip with the laptops and after tea I managed to sort out a couple of emails, and annoyingly, book flights to Australia and back from Hong Kong as my boss really needed me to go there for a couple of days. Apparently it is winter there and I only have summer clothes...oh well...first world problems….

I did go and try to find a place to practise the piano again, but to no avail. But I was just somewhat happy to be in Pingguo when a few weeks ago I had not expected it. I had nowhere to go, nothing to. I would like to say I was dappled and drowsy too but Pingguo doesn't easily lend itself to Simon and Garfunkel songs, though I dare say there is one here (not the Sound of Silence).

I came back to Waipo’s in the evening as I wanted to watch the footy. We managed a hard-fought 2-0 home win against Watford, but perhaps more interestingly Chelsea lost at home to Palace! Interesting….

I was tired, but happy, and decided to go for a spin and see my mate Huang - the owner of the Beihai Seafood place. It was well past midnight but he was there and not expecting me, and happily forced me to sit at a table and eat and drink with some friends. It was totally cool. I chatted with him and chatted with the guys at the table as they took several selfies with me.

I did manage to say I was tired an hour later, and this was accepted. But I’d made the point of meeting a good friend in this short sojourn, and I hope it won’t be the last time before I leave.

Waking Up Alone in Pingguo

I woke up to a headache and a ⅘ full glass of Skol beer at around 8am. I lingered for a bit dropping in and out of sleep. It wasn't like normal when you have jet lag after a long journey. Rather it was just empty without family.

Ling Ming’s wife, Xiao Nong, messaged me around 10am to invite me to theirs for dinner tonight, and once I accepted told me not to stand them up. Well that was the early evening meal sorted, and important as I wanted to see Ling Ming and their six month old son.

But I also needed to see Waipo, so IM’d Chuan Chuan to see if it was ok to come around for lunch. Of course it was, and I was to come round for midday. So I had nearly two hours. I looked around and found the two glasses of water I’d made by boiling tap water in the kettle in the hope that they’d become potable (as I do in hotels). Judging by the slight film on top they were not as potable as I would have liked. Had I been drinking Stella or wine or something else last night I’d be gagging for a pint of water now but as it had been 3.1% Li Quans I was quite ok except for a slight headache, so took an ibuprofen washed down with what was left from the water bottle from Hong Kong Airlines, NOT the undrunken Skol.

Outside it was raining cats and dogs, and I barely needed the air-con so turned it off. Unfortunately even though I’d remembered to turn the hot water on, none came out of the taps. It seems there was a blockage. I was in dire need of a shower, not having taken one for 24 hours, so bravely put it to as low power as I could muster and had a semi shower that I would call cold but some may call room temperature. Well I got the soap out of my hair and body but that was all I could manage. It was horrible and I suppose I just have to accept I am sensitive to non-warm water.

Chuan Chuan called at 11.30 to say I should come now as the food was already ready. Actually, due to my short shower I was pretty much ready, so found some boxer shorts from last year and some other clean clothes and walked over to Waipo’s. I didn’t feel like I was in a foreign country. It reminded me of driving into France after having driven through most of Western Europe with Mat in the late 90s. I’ve been here so many times it just did feel like home. Possibly the most home-feeling part about it was not thinking about taking pictures all the time.

And when I arrived at Waipo’s it was similar. She seemed to be accepting of my hug of her bony body, and talked to me about normal stuff during the meal, saying she was so sad Leilei and Xixi weren’t here, and asking how they were doing. I could only explain that I was just here because I happened to be in Hong Kong on business, but couldn't not visit as I was so close.

I was keen to get back on our dian dong che to feel the freedom of Pingguo, and Chuan Chuan gave me its keys. Then she explained that it was a completely different vehicle as the last one broke down and had to be replaced (as it was within one year of purchase date). She (or someone) had chosen the new one, which was black, and quite a bit bigger than the last. I would rather have been consulted about this, but I have to admit the new beast is quite nice. It needs some stickers to make it more personalised though - I’ll leave that to Leilei and Xixi next time.

Our new dian dong che

Two of the things I need to do as soon as I get to Pingguo are replace the necklace of my jade pig and report myself to the police, and not in that order. As we’d finished lunch by midday, and I had the dian dong che’s keys in my hand, I thought I’d take it out and search for the police place to declare myself. Well the dian dong che told me it had six bars of battery, and it looked like a limit of 45 km to go. Better than the last one!

But try as I might I couldn’t find the bloody police place. I knew it wasn’t by the river, like two years ago, or by the guang chang, like four years ago. It was somewhere I went with Uncle Yellow in his car last year. So I rang him and he told me the address, which meant as much as saying it in Russian as I still don’t know where any roads are here except for our own and the one that has the bbq. But he did text it at least so I could ask others.

I ended up going to the police station at the guang chang as I couldn’t find the new place. But it was closed till 2.30 so I called Li Kun to arrange to meet to drink tea. But as soon as I’d done that A Xia called me to go to pick up a load of clothes for Tan. As I wasn’t sure how long A Xia would be there, I first went to hers to get the clothes and as soon as I arrived it  started raining. I stayed for a bit with her and her son and drank some hot water and ginger. It was really hot and strong, and felt good, so asked for a second cup. Then A Xia brought out Tan’s clothes. Oh no! How would I fit that many into my luggage?

A Xia's son is growing up...

I’d let Li Kun know I’d be delayed due to wife’s clothes and rain that would potentially ruin them, and make me wet. But I eventually got there and we had a laugh about stuff and looked at a video of the Renault Zoe that I hope to be getting soon. It’s funny that while electric bikes are all the rage here, there doesn’t appear to be a single electric car. I suppose this is because the infrastructural changes are significant, whereas you can plug a bike into a normal domestic plug overnight and it is completely charged by the morning.

After copious cups of tea at Li Kun’s I decided it was time to report myself to the police, and thus become a legal resident for all of the six days I would be here. Uncle Yellow had told me where the police station was and Li Kun found it on the map for me so it should have been very easy to find. It took ages in the end and I even asked the doctor who does Tan’s and A Xia’s backs the way. All of them pointed in the same direction, which was fruitless so I went back to the guangchang police place again, and a woman there told me quite simply how to go there. I found it 5 mins later.

Typically they didn’t know what to do until they called someone. That someone happened to be someone I met last night but I didn’t have very clear recollections of him until I asked him to add me to WeChat and he told me he did that last night with me. Whoops. I then remembered there was only one person who added me last night (I think) so it must have been him. Then we found the woman who registered us last year and began the folly that is re-registering with last year’s details to help. At least my name hasn’t changed, but visa expiry dates and phone numbers had, and she had to print out three times before it was correct.

Finally being a legal temporary resident, I set off to look for a place to practise the piano. It was at this point I noticed that the number of kilometres remaining on the bike had grown from its original 45, and I grimly realised it wasn't an estimate of km left, but simply an odometer, and the battery fullness indicator had reduced to three bars, which I had no idea how to translate into km left.

I did find the piano place, the one with the pretty, tall teacher who didn’t want to charge for me to practise, but it was closed till 3pm, and as it was already 3.45 I didn’t hang around to find out how much longer it would be closed for. So I headed towards the other place not far from A Hua’s house. This one was closed too, and I guessed it must be because of the school summer holidays. I hoped to find the third place I’d been to last year but as the battery was now on one bar I decided to leave it for another day.

Instead I went to the supermarket by the market to stock up on provisions. I got on the up-escalator, and was thinking how I’d had so few calls due to my new phone number when I heard “Peng Duoming!” and I noticed it was the Doctor, the table tennis guru, at the top. I shook hands with him and he asked me why I’d not been playing table tennis recently (well I hadn't been in the country for a year) - I just said just I’d only got in last night and had a bad back. He retorted that I had a bad back because I hadn't been playing table tennis. I was about to explain how it actually happened two years ago because of table tennis but thought better of it. Then I realised my back was actually quite ok at the moment. Could it actually be due to stress or lack thereof? I’d only had one ibuprofen in the morning…

Well I had no time to dwell as I heard “Peng Duoming!” again, and this time recognised a bloke in the queue for the tills. I didn’t recognise him enough to remember his name but he certainly remembered me and invited me for a meal that night. I just recalled he wasn't Pingguo born and bred, but was married to a native, so it gave us something in common. I said I was booked but to add me on WeiXin and we’d sort something out.

Finally inside the supermarket, to my horror they had no Cola Zero. A step backwards from the last seven years I think - I hope my more local supermarket does. I ended up just picking up something for breakfast and a little medicine alcohol just in case.

Outside I picked up some grapes from the Bangxu stallholders and noticed them playing cards with about four decks each. I wanted to ask why four decks but for once my cat-like curiosity took a turn for the dog, and I just fancied getting home.

The dian dong che started dying on me but just managed to get me back to our apartment building at what would be a walking pace in the UK. The bloke then charged me 5 kuai to charge up! Last year and every other year it had been 1 kuai! Inflation of the astronomical kind!

It was now 4.45 and I remembered to call for water to be delivered with the number that was still in my phone after all these years. There was no answer but when they called back I tried to explain our 14/15 floor address problem but it was apparently solved when I said I was the English bloke and they remembered me. That didn’t stop the woman calling from outside the building as she couldn't work out which number on the pad to push, and few people ever can - I still don't know. 14 being unlucky is just a self-fulfilling prophecy. For some reason she recalled that last year we’d bought a second dispenser bottle and she asked if we still had it. Indeed we did, so I left her carrying two large empties back with her. She must have been thinking about that for nearly a year.

I was ready by 5pm for the meal with Ling Ming and family, when got a text from him saying he would pick me up at 6. I judged it an appropriate time to nip a tiny whisky. The meal at Ling Ming’s, with his wife, kid, and extended family was very nice, punctuated with various phone calls, mainly from Li Kun and the bloke I met in the supermarket earlier. Finally I agreed something with Li Kun. But then shit started to happen.

The bloke from the supermarket was adamant we’d arranged something for tonight, but I had arranged something with Li Kun. To make matters worse, A Wu was coming to pick me up from Ling Ming’s in a bit. While in A Wu’s car I received another call from the supermarket bloke and just handed over the phone to A Wu. A Wu took the call then we went to the new KTV near A Xia’s place. He said I should meet these blokes for a bit then call him. I guessed it was something about not losing face, so got out of car just as the bloke from the supermarket and his cohorts were crossing the road in my direction.

They looked as drunk as the devil himself after several mouthfuls of medicine alcohol followed by rice wine; their faces were as red as the horned man from hell, and they walked like they wore cloven boots. All told there were six of us. A Wu had left and I was alone with them. Supermarket bloke was actually Chen, who I remembered a bit more from last year, and actually wasn't a quarter as drunk as his mates. But he seemed just as excited about getting me to join them in KTV merriment.

Even before the weak beer was served, the other blokes started singing in dreadful tones that even I couldn't emit. They reminded me of comic book characters, some of them in army garb. One of them evidently had a business in Christmas trees, and made me look through his wares of plastic white trees on his phone while others screeched away in drunken non-tones. I was having a really bad time.

I was aware Li Kun had invited me out, and I also knew that these five blokes really wanted my company in the KTV place, so at some stage I had to be completely blunt with Chen and say I had to be somewhere else. It required a couple of gan beis with each of the blokes, but it was easier than it might have been to get away, considering it was nearly midnight, except for being made to sit through about 48 more pictures of white Xmas trees..

Thankful to be out of the room, I thought I would find the lift by myself, but no such luck. They all considered I would be incapable of doing so, so accompanied me down the two whole stories to the street below, where I thankfully hailed a san lun che. I hadn't banked on the price to the new bbq place, a whole 10 kuai. I would have thought he had done me if it hadn't taken so long. But finally I found Li Kun and mates, and felt bad that they had been kept waiting so long.

But I wasn't pissed really so was able to join them in a few beers. Some old friends were there and that made it an infinitely better section of the evening than I had hitherto spent. A Wu was also there, and took me home at 1ish. Another night where home was merely a bed.