Delivering hongbaos, and late walk with kids, and a later drink with friends at Yang Ming park

Well after last night's vomit session I decided to take it easy food-wise, and just made some pao mian to keep it carby and simple, before deciding to take A Wu's kids' hongbaos to them. Tan had said that you only give hongbaos on New Year's Day, but I'd seen for myself that that wasn't necessarily the case. I needed the exercise so decided to walk the 20 minutes or so north to his qu, and thought I remembered which block he lived in but when I got to the 25th floor and knocked on what I thought was his door, it was eventually opened by some bloke who looked rather nonplussed to see me standing there. I apologised profusely and he was then perfectly ok about it, probably more in shock of seeing a foreigner outside his front door. Finally A Wu had got back to me to say he was in block 2, not block 1, so a few minutes later I was in his place.

I hadn't given his kids their hongbaos the other day as there were other kids around and I didn't want them to feel bad, so I handed his younger son and daughter one each, to big thank yous, before A Wu's wife's sister's daughter entered the living room from one of the bedrooms. Oh no! The one thing I came here to avoid! I felt bad and told her I'd bring hers next time. She was fine and I gave her a little hug and kissed her on the forehead for some reason. She walked to the table to get herself a biscuit but instead of opening it (nearly everything's wrapped here), she just gave it to me. What a sweet thing to do when her two cousins had just received a red envelope. Then I realised I still had 300 kuai in my pocket so asked A Wu if he had a spare red envelope and after a couple of minutes searching he found one, as most Chinese houses have a few lying around, although like Sellotape (one of the few brand names I use instead of the proper term which as anyone who's ever seen Blue Peter will know, is "sticky tape"), they can be hard to find sometimes.

A Wu said to go to A Zhou's place again tonight for a bite to eat, and he'd ping me a bit later, so I made use of some spare time to go for a little walk. In fact I'd included the walk to A Wu's in my Strava recording and managed 7.4km in 1h26m of moving. And not that long after I was called to go to eat. I sort of knew most of the people there and once again I was nearly the only person not on the baijiu. We then started to play mo pai and I sort of did ok for someone who has not worked out 20% of the rules yet.

Yet another family meal

I left before it got too raucous saying I had a "matter" to attend to, which was true as I needed to transfer some money before the mortgage was taken out. That took longer than it ought to have and by 10.30pm A Wu was saying to meet up at the guangchang to go for a walk with the kids. Why not? So just before 11pm I met up with him and his wife and wife's sister and husband and the three kids but they told me to get in a car as we were driving to Yang Ming park on the south of the river. Fair enough. It ended up being an excuse for taking lots of photos and was pretty fun as it wasn't cold.

The dried up river isn't a patch on Valencia's but it actually does turn into a wet river when it gets warmer

And I heard "Peng Duoming!" being shouted out and I noticed some friends drinking by the side of the road. I would quite like to have joined them but it would have been rude so I said I'd ping them a bit later if it wasn't too late. Then around midnight we moved on to a place near A Xia's old shop and ordered deep-fried bananas and chips, with mango juice to wash them down with. A Wu said it wasn't good to eat meat all the time and he'd gone for the healthy option. I agreed with him about not eating so much meat but didn't tell him I didn't think he'd chosen the healthiest alternative.

Deep fried bananas and fries, with mango juice...no calories there then

Finally they dropped me back at the guangchang to pick up my bike around 1.30am as the kids were getting tired. I pinged the friends to see if they were there and indeed they were, so 10 minutes later I was catching up on the beers after a break of about 5 hours. Apparently one of the women was the daughter of the owner of the set of buildings we were eating outside of, including a discotheque that I was invited to attend another day, not that I think I can do that anymore, thanks all the same. But it was a good laugh and we managed to stay up till 3am before there were signs of flakiness. All in all another full day, and no being sick this time.

"Friends" at Yang Ming park at 3am

Trip to Bangxu and maybe bad oysters

For the first time here this year (which isn't really that long) I managed to wake up at 8.30am and pinged Nong. Surprisingly for a Guangxi person she got back to me a bit later to confirm she'd pick me up at 10am. So I managed to get myself to my flat. At least that was my intention. I was waiting at the last red light and all of a sudden I found myself 10' further forwards. It took me a few seconds to realise some idiotic bloke had rammed right into the back of me. "Mei shi mei shi!" he shouted from the floor...one hand clutching a cigarette and another his mobile phone. He was literally saying "no problem" while writhing on the road next to his stricken bike and I wasn't in the mood to argue as he looked physically ok and so did my bike. It's very uncommon to say something rude to someone here but I told him to use his eyes in the future before getting on and riding the 200 or so yards to my place.

I grabbed a wash and indeed Nong pinged at 9.45am to say she'd be there in 10 minutes. I had my coat, my charger, my tissues, and my phone, and reckoned that was all I'd need till 7pm when she'd said we'd be back in Pingguo. so at 9.55am I was in her car and we went to pick up her mum and an aunt, and spent the next hour driving up to Bangxu. It was quite enjoyable as we had a sensible conversation about all the languages people speak here, as I'd heard three of them in the last few minutes. Finally I think I understand: putonghua is Mandarin, which just about everyone speaks; Guiliuhua is a relative of Mandarin, but with different tones and and some vastly different pronunciations, which people of my age tend to speak with locals, and Zhuang hua is the local lingo which seems barely related and is spoken by the elder/older. On top of this many people also speak Bai hua, or Yue yu, or Guangdong hua (all basically Cantonese). So now I can finally more-or-less compartmentalise which language someone is speaking.

We got to Bangxu and Nong thought about stopping off at "jie shang", which is Tan's part of Bangxu, but we reasoned that it might not look good if people took pics of me there if we weren't staying there...what would Tan think? So we drove on another 10 minutes to Nong's cun (village), and then on to her mum's tun (group of houses within a village).

Wow, it was pretty pretty, and I realised I'd been taking in these green landscapes for granted for too long. Nong had mentioned that all the trees were green and it was January and then I learnt the words for deciduous and evergreen that I will definitely forget very soon. As it was nearly midday, and neither Nong nor I had eaten, some aunties cooked some soup for us for "breakfast" which was actually really nice, and then we went to drink tea in front of the mountains. Yet again, I realised I shouldn't take this for granted...how many opportunities does a Londoner get to drink tea in front of mountains?

Then Nong suggested going to go for a walk in a cave. Well I was up for this; I've done it a couple of times and it can be fun, if scary. So we ended up driving 10 minutes away with a couple of aunties till we came upon a place which was clearly touristy. Oh, it reminded me of the Bangxu caves we once went to 21 years ago which were raw and lovely, and then a couple of years later when they'd been touristified and were ridden with colourful lights and denied their natural beauty. But anyway Nong paid 320 kuai for the four of us and we entered and took a couple of photos at the designated photo place as you have to do, before going for a walk as it would be 20 minutes before the next scheduled "walk" through the caves.

Not destroying the rabbits while waiting...

Well it took a couple of hours and we were with about 20 other people. It was "fun" in the sense that it was different but I argued with Nong that I saw other animals in the forms of the stalactites and stalagmites than the tour operator was telling us to see. At least I thought that meant I had imagination but she had a bit of a go at me for not agreeing...at least she saw the humour about it. The last hour comprised a boat trip going back during which I nearly capsized the thing as I was the last of nine to get on and thought it was stable. It was anything but. But I gingerly stepped into the only free seat which thankfully was in the middle and sat there the whole time just hoping not to drop into the freezing water with my phone and clothes in that order.

The hour took two in my mind, and wasn't so relaxing as it could have been had we not nearly capsized...but it was a great new experience in the end. Once back at Nong's hometown I insisted on paying the 320 kuai but she refused, saying it wasn't that often she could invite me anywhere...well that's not true but I appreciated the sentiment.

During the boat ride back through the caves...would have been cool if I wasn't worried about tipping over

By now many people were preparing food. I wanted to help but knew I'd just get in the way, so found a couple of young boys lighting bangers. Oh, this is something dear to my heart...it reminds me of France in the 80s when that was a thing. They were dangerously lighting them and putting them in tin cans and the like and no parent was scolding them as though it wasn't dangerous. That meant it couldn't be dangerous for me right? Of course not! As soon as I walked over to them to join in one of them leapt into the house and brought back a few packs of bangers and mini Catherine wheels. I do declare for the next hour I had one of my favourite experiences (non-sexual) in China letting off scores of bangers and other fireworks until we were told to be quiet as some kids were sleeping. No worries, we just walked 50 yards down the lane and dropped the big bangers into the ditch that had water and watched them fire up. I was literally in my element (not in the classic sense of "literal" which I'm still angry about).

This has to be up with one of my top experiences...how can you go wrong with bangers?

And mentally probably the youngest kid chucking one into the water

Finally we were called to eat at gone 5pm, and there was a massive spread. I'd already met many of the people in the tun, and I knew some were pissed. But I wasn't ready for how much drinking was to come in the next hour or so. I had to explain to many people that I was a Bangxu guye, and that Nong wasn't my wife, but it was pretty cool and I managed to eat for a good hour until I was really full. Unfortunately it looked like we wouldn't be leaving at 6pm, or 7pm, but I finally agreed with Nong to leave around 7.30pm as I'd arranged to meet up with Xiao Nong. However, it proved difficult to leave, having to ganbei with literally everyone there for the umpteenth time. Not that I was unhappy about it!

Cracking meal at Nong's hometown

Well I was a bit, as Xiao Nong had had to go to pick up her kids, so I instead I got in contact with A Wu, who told me to meet up at the place I'd been to a couple of times in the past. A Zhu's? Anyway I got there and there were quite a few people, so I sat down and joined in as you do. This is the way life should be. So I said goodnight to her and drove the 6 minutes to where A Wu and his family were and ended up playing mo pai for a while even though I still don't really understand the rules.

Playing mo pai with A Wu and family/friends

Li Kun pinged me a bit later to say he was going for a drink at 3000° and I said I'd meet him in a bit. A "bit" for once met like an English "bit"; he was there by himself when I got there a few minutes later. This is almost unheard of here; I've never turned up to find only the host by themselves. But we had a couple of bottles and I mentioned I'd been to Nong's hometown so we contacted her and a few minutes later she turned up, along with a load of oysters that hadn't been eaten earlier in the day. No problem, she gave the bag to the pretty boss (I've known her for years) and asked her to cook them). 15 minutes later we had a stack of oysters on our table. The boss joined us for a couple of drinks, and I told her I was sorry if I was a bit drunk in August 2023 (which I was) to which she just waved it off and made me ganbei as you do.

Late bite with Li Kun and Nong...to be regurgitated later

All in all it was a very pleasant evening and we left around 2am. But once home, despite not opening a beer, I had a weird feeling in my stomach. Two minutes later I was retching in the toilet and all of those oysters came up. I'd like to think it was just the oysters but quite honestly it could be a combination of that plus beers for the last x weeks.

Slightly dull New Year's Day but nice chat with a family

Well it was New Year's Day today and I had no plans. But that changed when Haiwei called me at 11am to go to his mum's for lunch, which was very nice of him. I probably could have called any number of people and invited myself as I guess it's quite an auspicious day. But anyway, 1h40m later I was being called again asking where I was. Well I'd stopped off to buy some cherries for 88 kuai which was the least I could do.

Lunch was great and for the first time in a long time we actually had a few beers with it. But that was it and afterwards I went back to Lin Hong's. I maybe could have slept after the couple of beers but instead decided to go for walk and pick up some cola as I'd noticed that the larger supermarkets were open, even if the majority of other shops were not. It wasn't even cold so I ended up sitting on a bench at the guangchang approving the sunset with no plans whatsoever.

Not the most interesting of sunsets but it made me warm inside

So I just walked back to Lin Hong's but just as I got to the main gate I heard a "hello!" from the shop opposite. There was a family sitting down outside it and they bade me sit down with them and speak some English with the son. Well how could I refuse? I ended up staying the best part of two hours and ingratiating them a little with what English the son understood. His elder sister didn't speak any but explained that she made her living making films, mainly for douyin, and politely asked if she could film me, but promised she wouldn't use it for commercial purposes. Yes of course, so I was filmed picking up some duck and saying it was delicious in the local language. I guess I'll check douyin in a while....

Great chat with a family outside Lin Hong's place

Then as I was about to contemplate an early night, Nong pinged me to go to her hometown in Bangxu tomorrow, and as I'd not had a siesta I told her I'd probably be able to make it. You can't really turn these things down.

New Year's Eve and monkey alcohol

Well today it was New Year's Eve (Chu Xi), and although I'd been invited out by a friend, Ling Ming had pinged me to eat with them and as it is traditional to eat with family I said I would. So they came to pick me up at 5ish as I was at Lin Hong's place. Of course it wasn't that simple and they said to meet by the large bins outside but I couldn't find them. Finally I just sent a picture of where I was and his wife Nong turned up in her car and we drove to her parents' place.

Most houses have these huge incense sticks outside to remember the dead

Family meal with Ling Ming and his wife Nong

I was a bit worried about drinking arrangements as Ling Ming had told me in December that his wife didn't let him drink alcohol, but there was a pack of six cans of 1998 luckily, and even better, he was allowed to drink a few glasses, together with some other bloke. But during the whole meal the three of us only had those six beers. Until an uncle brought out a large bottle and said it contained monkey-alcohol. I genuinely thought he was joking for a bit but no, they put the body of a monkey into a vat of booze for a couple of years or so and then drink it. Of course I tried a little...it wasn't dreadful but I wouldn't have said it tasted of monkey...not that I would have known.

Monkey alcohol of course

Li Kun had pinged me to go to drink with him and as I was pretty sober I made my excuses and got a lift home a bit later, from where I took the dian dong che the long 10 minute drive to his elder brother's place I'd visited a year or so ago. It was much more of a fun affair sinking the 2.8%ers and playing with the kids. I'd had the presence of mind to withdraw some cash and also bought some red envelopes, and even though there was no countdown to midnight when we went out to watch the fireworks I handed three red envelopes to each of Li Kun's kids, and got big kisses from his youngest son. Li Kun then berated me for putting 100 kuai in each envelope as apparently now it is only appropriate to put in 20 kuai, otherwise other people giving red envelopes might feel bad. Whatever, I told him I don't see his kids that often but in fact I've seen them more than Andrew's kids in the last couple of years.

Cooking bbq at Li Kun's elder brother's house as you do on New Year's Eve

Around 1am we went to his studio where the kids were still wide awake, and quaffed a few more beers until I noticed that Nong had pinged me to wish me a Happy New Year. She was out of course and presently at 2am I asked if she still was, and this being Pingguo, yes she was, at the youcha place by Xiao Bai de Tian's so of course I drove over as Li Kun was taking the kids home. It was a cool 90 minutes with her and a mate and the boss...not too much ganbeiing and eventually we called it a night at getting on for 3.30am. I think I went back to Lin Hong's place after that but can't be sure.

Final destination - eating a late snack with Nong

Me and the boss of the place

Early Xiao Nong and late sausagefests

Blooming Xiao Nong called me at 8.58am to say she was coming over for breakfast. Oh, fair enough, but I was at Lin Hong's place so was glad I'd had the presence of mind to charge up the dian dong che last night as I made my way over to my place 15 minutes later. She arrived 10 minutes later and indeed we ate dumplings as you do. A bit later I got some sleep as hadn't had enough and it was catching up on me. At least this time I was in my own place.

But of course at 3pm A Wu called to go to eat lamb in the place I'd been to before, and I found it was only a couple of minutes walk from my place. Not that I had much to eat though. Apparently we were to go to have a meal with a load of blokes shortly afterwards as you do. It was another sausagefest but this time outdoors and had clearly started before 5pm. Huang Lei was there too at least. I managed some ganbeis and caima but felt something wrong in my tummy and as I wasn't too far from Lin Hong's place thought it better to go "home" to take a dump.

"Lunch" at the lamb place near my place with A Wu and daughter

Another sausagefest, this time outside

While this was a reasonable idea, I found myself lying down on the bed two and a half hours later so pinged Huang Lei to ask if he was still there but heard nothing so rode over to find that they were finishing. But fear not, he was there, and said we were to go to another place for drinks, and we ended up riding to Zhang Hua's bbq place where we met up with a load of his ex-colleagues who were all blokes. Someone had brought a bottle of brandy, but this was poured into a large jug together with two large bottles of red tea. Needless to say I stuck to the beer. It was quite a good laugh as I was wide awake after my nap, and of course it was good to catch up with Zhang Hua. Huang Lei was plastered though, so left a bit earlier than me, and I think I got back to Lin Hong's around 1am.

Mixing brandy with red tea as you do

North-eastern dumplings and actually spending a night where I'm supposed to be

I think I spent the night at my place and after getting up too late for breakfast decided to go to Liang ge's Dongbei jiaozi place I'd been to a few days ago with Li Kun and his wife. And for once I actually managed a whole portion and some of the side salad, and he even let me pay 13 kuai for it.

Being the only customer at Liang ge's place

A bit later at getting on for 6pm A Wu pinged me to go for a drink at some garage from what it looked like, but I'd fallen asleep and only awoke at gone 7pm so asked if he was still about and yes he was but we were to go to a different place. In the end we ended up at A Zhu's place, which at least is pretty central, and where the womenfolk were cooking bbq and chatting as you do, and the menfolk were playing cards and drinking alcohol as you do. I managed to do ok in mopai, despite still not really understanding the rules 100%, something I intend to fix by the end of my stay here this time. Finally at gone midnight I went to Lin Hong's place to stay the night for what may be the first time since I technically moved in.

Bbq at A Zhu's place

Paying electricity and meal for Huang Lei's wife's younger brother's daughter's first birthday

I awoke to a message from a woman who wasn't the person who helped me get my flat, but was somehow affiliated with it, and to whom I'd paid 231 kuai the other day for "service upkeep" or something similar. It is 77 kuai a month and obviously wasn't mentioned when I signed the contract. But this morning she wrote to say that I had run out of money for electricity, and that I should sort it out via Weixin. This is rather a big deal, so I got out of bed and followed her instructions and somehow after 20 minutes I'd managed not only to top-up 100 kuai, but also somehow set it to auto-top-up, which I'm not really sure is a good idea.

I managed to pay the electricity bill almost on my own

By now it was a bit late for breakfast as usual but I managed to get a portion of xiaolongbao for lunch after Huang Lei pinged me to go to eat with his family tonight to celebrate the first birthday of his wife's son's daughter as you do. He'd actually told me last night to pick up a present for her, and to bring some fruit. So of course when I pinged him to confirm who the meal was for he said not to bring anything. Well I wasn't buying that, and went to the supermarket to pick up some booze and a teddy for 30 kuai. Of course it wasn't as simple as that; the lady at the till made me register my phone number so I would have discounts for future visits that I would probably never make.

Bear and booze...

Of course I got a phone call at 5pm to come over an hour early but I insisted on getting a box of cherries for about 15 quid. And when I did turn up the cherries and the teddy weren't even looked at, instead put away to the side, so it probably wasn't really worth getting them. We ended up standing around for about half an hour but it was cool and I got to speak to people I wouldn't normally have done. The kids were really cute and seemed to enjoy speaking to "foreign uncle" until eventually more people turned up and we started to eat well after 6pm.

Delightful company before the meal...

...and not quite so delightful company at the meal

Of course it was a great meal, and caima ensued as it does, until 9pm or so when the heavens opened just when I thought it would be a good idea to go back. So I ended up staying longer than I'd planned until it died down and I can't remember when or where I went after that.

Lin Hong sorting out "my" flat and another bloke meal

I slept at my place and awoke to the sound of an incoming Weixin call from Lin Hong that I didn't answer. Then she sent a PDF of the concert to take place on the 12th February that I was supposed to be involved in yet again. But I got back to her to say my flight was due on the morning of the 12th so I wouldn't be able to make it. So she changed the subject and asked if I was at home. Hmm...she meant her home of course, not mine, so I sort of lied and said I wasn't currently there, and that I was getting something to eat, and that I'd be there in a bit. She said she was going to change the key. What? Or was it that she had the key and was going to change something? No online translation service made much sense of 我有锁匙我去换了 so I figured I'd better get there to see what she was doing.

By now it was getting on for 11.30am so the roads were packed with people travelling to lunch, and I noticed a missed call from Lin Hong, so I called her back to see what was going on and apparently she was waiting for me so I told her I'd be 3 minutes and indeed was, and indeed she was waiting for me outside the flat. So much for having a key. I appeared to be the only one with one and let her in. It ended up being the curtains that she wanted to change; apparently the existing ones were too light and let in the light. I immediately felt bad as I hadn't yet spent a night here. She got to work putting on the new hooks and within 15 minutes had changed the curtains and indeed they were far darker and I resolved to spend at least a few nghts there. She had also bought a red New Year thing to stick on the front door but there was no tape to stick it up so I said I'd sort it soon.

Lin Hong fixing darker curtains

The living room is not exactly pristine

Then she heard me cough and said I must have a cold. That's the way it is here. One cough and they're all telling you how you shouldn't be outside etc. when in fact this annoying cough has been dragging on and off since December when I caught it here. But of course it meant the duvet wasn't thick enough and I couldn't argue, so I ended up following her to her house to pick up another one. We ended up spending 10 minutes trying to put the blanket in the cover and fold it up but eventually sorted it out. Then she got most of a crate of water bottles and we went downstairs where finally she let me go back alone. So back "home" I added the second duvet and now had pretty much all I needed were I to be living here. I'd brought over the stuff I'd need for washing so that was about it; there was hot water, electricity, but somehow it really didn't feel like "home", even when I'd picked up some red Sellotape to stick up the New Year thing on the front door.

Lunch ended up being jiaozi, which is my favourite default, before going to the gym for another personal session. I don't really like my personal trainer; he smells a bit of smoke. But at least I'm not alone in the gym.

Later on at 6.30pm A Wu pinged me to "eat pig" as one does. I told him I'd grab a shower and he said to "hurry up" so nothing has changed in 21 years. Oh blimey, I met him and we got a didi che to the same place we'd gone to last year...almost all blokes and too much alcohol. I wasn't massively in the mood but at least I'd been to the gym. Of course they'd been drinking for an hour or two before I got there so I was forced to ganbei multiple times.

Well I had to table-hop multiple times and play caima with many people but I mostly managed it before coming back to the original table I'd started at. At least there was woman there, so I thought it would be safe, but she appeared to have drunk more than the blokes. But at least her husband was there and she proved it by giving him a kiss on the lips, something that is so rare here. Then she caima'd with me and lost quite a bit and I worried she might be too drunk (a rarity on 2.5% beer but you never know). Then she went round to the other side of the table and announced she was three months pregnant, showing her rather rotund tummy as if proof. Then she came back and sat next to me and lit a cigarette. Jeez I really don't know if "pregnant" just meant "fat", and I really hope it does, or did in this context.

Is she really preggars? I hope not

Eventually enough of us decided it was time to go back, and a didi che was ordered, and we ended up going to the "Chamber of Commerce", which basically means "blokes' drinking place" but I couldn't stand the bloat for that long so around midnight decided to walk it back "home" to Waipo's instead of Lin Hong's. But I wasn't sleepy so went for a bit of a walk and ended up getting called to a table to drink with some folk(s) for half an hour or so. Blimey it was really fun, much more so than the sausagefest earlier. I ended up sleeping at my house rather than Lin Hong's place but didn't feel too guilty.

No nearing...as if I would

Meeting random strangers as you do

Tea with Teacher Yan and night at Xiao Bai de Tian's

I woke up not really knowing where I was but it was my place; I'd streamed the match last night while tethering my phone as of course there's no wifi here despite trying to connect to neighbouring SSIDs with the usual 888888888 password to no effect. But now it was lunchtime so I boringly made use of one of the new bowls and made myself some pao mian. It filled a hole at least.

A bit later in the afternoon I popped in to see Li Kun and drink some tea (and this time it was only tea) before I made the decision to go and practise the piano for the first time in over two weeks. It was a bit of a relief not to be sweating, until of course I started as ragtime is apt to make you. Oh why hadn't I done this before? Of course it's because I get up too late in the morning, sometimes have gym in the afternoon, and am almost always out in the evening. It felt better than a gym session though. But unfortunately they are closing tomorrow afternoon for the New Year so it may be a while before I get the next chance.

But it wasn't long before Li Kun asked if I'd finished practising, and could I come for a meal with music teacher Yan? Well of course. So I got back to his place and we decided to walk to the pig stomach and chicken hotpot place as you do. Or as you don't, as I rarely walk more than 5 minutes with anyone, and this was at least 15. Of course it was a cracking meal...I didn't truthfully remember Yan Laoshi but apparently I'd eaten with him 6 or 7 years ago. Li Laoshi turned up, and Mong was there so at least there were some people I knew. Some other bloke seemed to be in charge and bade us drink some beer but he only had a sip as apparently he had to be somewhere soon to do something.

Some of us at Yan Laoshi's meal

The only thing to disturb my evening was a horrid tummy problem that would only be fixed by a good shit. As we'd walked here in 15 minutes I reckoned I wouldn't have time to go home to Waipo's place to the porcelain princess, so I manly decided I would have to do the deed at the restaurant. Thankfully, from experience, I always check the tissue situation first, and indeed the first loo didn't have any. The second did, but the bloody toilet/keyhole was annoyingly right next to the wall. But I didn't have any more time to negotiate a better deal. There were tissues and that was what counted (yes I had a few in my back pocket but maybe not enough). And with some leaning to my left I managed to perch over the hole and do the deed without too much mess, and got back without people asking why I'd been so long. It felt like a victory.

The oddly-orientated toilet I was forced to use (tissues in the holder)

Eventually after a few more people arrived, Li Kun and I made our excuses and left after ganbeiing with Yan Laoshi who was a bit sad we couldn't stay much longer. But I needed the walk and we went back to Li Kun's studio for a bit of tea before he got a message from Xiao Bai's husband to come over to their bar for a drink. Well I hadn't done so so far this year so was up for it, and took the dian dong che I'd left at Li Kun's earlier. But for some reason, despite having been there numerous times before, I couldn't see where it was. I stopped off where I felt it should be and saw a tiny light from inside. I wandered in and found I was correct, it was just that they had no electricity and only had some battery-powered night-lights to light the two tables that were populated.

Xiao Bai de Tian's by electric-light

Well, that wasn't a problem of course; there was beer and stuff to eat. Xiao Bai and I had a joke about being non-locals and after that she insisted on calling me "bendi ren" (local person) as she thinks I'm more local than her, which I hope is true in a way. Anyway, it was a great time to wind down another great evening

Hanging up toilet tissues and staying up far too late to see us lose again...happy days

Haha it's not that important but it was for me. I'd nicked a pack of toilet tissues for my apartment from Waipo's house but they were the ones that needed to be hung up so that gravity enabled you to take the lowest one. Until now it hadn't been a problem but the packet was effectively upside-down, and by now I'd used it enough that it was difficult to finger-down to pick up a tissue. But no problem! I'd bought a couple of hooks (at the same time as buying a couple of large noodle bowls) and now finally had the tissues using gravity to their effect. And lord knows how much I hate a keyhole toilet but I'm going to have to get more used to it and crowned it while alone in the flat.

Quite satisfying to have a white rabbit to hang toilet tissues on

Haiwei had kindly invited me to his mum's place to eat tonight at 6.30pm, and my personal trainer had suggested this afternoon at 3pm, so after lunch of jiaozi I had a fairly-well planned rest of day. Well as planned as it gets here. Then at 5.23pm Li Kun pinged me to ask where I was eating tonight. I told him I had plans to go to Haiwei's mum's place and he explained that today was 小年, which is effectively the beginning of the New Year period as I recalled from last year. He had only pinged me as he didn't want me to be alone on such an important date. I told him I really appreciated his thinking of me. Really a best friend sort of thing to do.

At 6.30pm I set off on the 3 minute journey to Haiwei's mum's place and by the time I got 100 yards of course he was on the blower to me asking where I was. I didn't get the chance to buy any fruit but it was of no matter as I'm pretty much accepted as family here. I good deal of the family were there, as well as 80s looking calligraphy man who probably has a name, and of course it was a fun family affair, during which I did my best to speak English to Haiwei's two sons.

Cracking evening meal at Haiwei's mum's house

I don't recall how long the meal went on for but I was fully sated of course. A bit later when home, Lin Hong pinged me to ask if I was free for a concert on the 24th. Err...hadn't you just said the other day that it was the 25th? Well yes, but it had changed...ha...so what? Yeah, in for a penny and all that. So I pinged Li Kun to ask if I may be able to borrow the wireless things I used at the concert nearly four weeks ago and of course I could, but then he asked me to come over for a drink at Yang Ming park, the place of the previous concert. Well, "why not?" seems to be the order of the day for most days here, so I ask "now?" and he said yes, so 10 minutes later I was at Feng ge's place for a late bite. So much for my plan of sleeping for 5 hours at 11pm in order to get up for the Paris St Germain match at 4am.

Late night bites at Feng ge's new place near Yang Ming park

But of course it was a great evening, better than sleeping, although I didn't really appreciate the massive lamb bone that was thrust into my bowl that didn't even have any meat on it...as if I was to gnaw on that! Finally home at 2am I somehow managed to stay up to see us put on a pretty crap display with a couple of goals we barely deserved before PSG steam-rollered us...I fell asleep at 3-2 knowing it would end worse.

Short trip to Nanning then a couple of late meals

I admit to sleeping in my own place rather than Lin Hong's last night...I've bloody paid for it so thought I'd better justify it. I got up too late for breakfast and not sure I'd had any lunch too before Xiao Nong pinged me to say she was having her hair done and we were to go to Nanning in a bit. Oh, fair enough, so something planned was actually going to happen. I barely had time to shower before she announced she'd arrived downstairs. Sure enough she shouted at me from a car as I walked to my bike to get my charger.

I really wish more people would take the train to Nanning rather than a bloody car. Not only is it cheaper, but so much faster, given we were going to the centre. But no, it was a car, and just the two of us so probably over £20 but hey. We got there, we walked around, and it was bloody warm with most people in tee-shirts. We walked past A Wu's hotpot place and I suggested getting food a bit later but as luck would have it she got a message to say there was no-one to look after her kids so we would have to go back in a bit...pretty typical I suppose but no complaining. It was a question of booking a didi che to some other place in Nanning to be picked up a few minutes later by another car that was going back to Pingguo and already had a mother and daughter inside.

Yuck...the golden arches in Nanning

A Wu was pinging me to go and eat with some friends on the way back but we first stopped off at mine and grabbed a needed bite to eat, and only at getting on for 9pm did I check with A Wu that he was still there and indeed he was so I left by myself and got there 10 minutes later. At least I got to where he'd sent the dingwei, it even had the name of the hotel. I walked into the hotel and confirmed this with the woman at the desk. But of course this wasn't correct, and it took a 5 minute video call with A Wu for him to finally locate me. Couldn't he have just sent a more accurate dingwei in the first place?

Well it was fine, and we walked around the back of the hotel until finally arriving at some rural looking shack that was apparently Boss Wei's place. As usual there were a couple of women accompanying about 10 pissed blokes, and as I was about 3 hours late it was slightly messy. I managed a few ganbeis with them before realising Tan had tried to call me 10 times this evening but I'd missed them all. So I called her back and explained I'd been busy (true) and now was with A Wu and Boss Wei. "Boss who?", oh, she didn't know him so I explained I'd known him since the summer of 2023 and the boys had eaten with him too. I even let her speak to him on the phone but I think she still didn't trust that he was safe. That's just the way it is.

First meal of the evening with Wei Laoban

Anyway we only stayed there for half an hour before A Wu announced we were going somewhere else, just the two of us. I was grateful that for once he decided it would be a good idea to walk there, I just didn't expect it to take over 20 minutes but he'd been drinking since 6pm and I hadn't really. But it ended up being a pretty fun meal outside some rural house except for the fact that I needed to relieve my bowels which wasn't much fun. But bloody hell I've done it enough times here now and I should be used to it. At least now I don't have to remove my trousers and boxer shorts.

And the final meal where I made some friends and played caima again as you do

Of course there was a lot of caima, and I finally felt a bit drunk, so eventually A Wu and I left and this time after 5 minutes on foot he scanned a couple of public electric bikes and we took those back to where I'd left my bike earlier. Li Kun had pinged me to go and have a drink with him but as it was already getting one for 1am he said he was on his way home. Fair enough. I'd had another wonderful day and evening in Pingguo and I think got back to my place relatively early to sleep, wherever that was.

"Moving" to Lin Hong's dad's place and late bite with Li Kun and friends

Lin Hong had sorted out her dad's place so I thought I'd better go over and bring my stuff there. I couldn't tell her about the place I'd already sorted out so took over minimal clothes and toiletries to echo the ones I have in my place, and resolved to stay there at least some of the time as she's made such an effort for me. Not just for this place but the last 21 years.

Unrelated but slightly amusing jing jiu...I hope it wasn't really from the deer

My new bedroom...could be worse though those curtains bleed light

Lunch and tea were both leftover duck leg, which was fine by me, and separated by a good 2-3 hour siesta. I'd been invited to eat with someone this evening but that was two days ago so I figured it wouldn't happen and I was right. I've been here long enough to know that things generally only go ahead if planned under 24 hours in advance. Indeed a bit later in the evening Xiao Nong pinged me to go to Nanning to "play". In all these years I've not found a better translation. It literally means "play" but also means "relax", or "walk about", I guess anything that isn't necessary or work. So of course I said I could, but knew there would only be a 50/50 chance of it happening.

So I bit later I popped in to see Li Kun for a cuppa but he was about to leave for a few minutes for some reason to do with music. I ended up chatting with a woman I'd seen before and had quite a "normal" chat for this neck of the woods. She didn't have children and I was almost surprised she didn't ask me to find her an English boyfriend as so many others have done. Presently Li Kun came back at about 11pm as did more people and we ate and chatted till the early hours as you do...

Having one of the few "normal" conversations in Pingguo

A bit more lively when Li Kun and friends got back a bit later

Big sausagefest

Woke up to find it wasn't that far from lunchtime so pinged A Wu to see if he wanted to go for a bite. Indeed he said he did and pinged a dingwei and said to meet him very soon of course. Blimey I was expecting to go and eat duck soup but we ended up at Shang hui. I've asked Tan about this. It literally means "chamber of commerce" and I've told her it clearly isn't and she agrees. But A Wu swears it's genuine.

Preparing food for later this afternoon

Well they were definitely gearing up for some big feast later in the day but A Wu and I just had a bowl of noodles and some meat and soup, and then I was allowed to leave but told to come back by 5pm which sounded suspiciously early. I went home to grab a shower and indeed by 4.30pm A Wu was already calling me to come over, so I left around 5pm got stuck in the worst Pingguo traffic jam I've ever encountered. Fair enough, 5.15pm is about the busiest time you can get, with people going home to eat, but even the dian dong ches were stuck.

Of course I received more calls but I got there around 5.30pm and it looked like people had been drinking for two hours or more. I was really not in the mood but had to do three cans' worth of ganbeiing till I had to explain "肚子胀了" (my tummy is bloated) and said I'd be back in 10 minutes as I needed a walk. Needed a break from the booze more like. It ended up being a half hour walk with just my City top on as it was still warmish. Back in Shang hui I managed a couple more ganbeis but still couldn't get into it. It was about four tables all with blokes around them save for a couple of token ladies.

A sausagefest

Then at 8.20pm Ma Yong pinged me to go over to his little shop to have a few drinks. Finally I was getting into the swing of things at Shang hui so said I should be able to make it a bit later. And indeed around 9.30pm I made my excuses to the red-faced gentlemen and drove over to Ma Yong's place. Apparently it was A Ning's son's birthday and they were having a party for him. Well, the kids were - in a different room - and I was given a slice of birthday cake which I actually ate because I couldn't eat most of the stuff at the previous meal.

Nicer late meal with mates

It ended up being a much nicer meal, with wives in tow as well and in general friendly faces. Much more enjoyable than the previous sausagefest. And because it was a kid's birthday party we didn't stay much beyond midnight so I had a relatively early night.

Late night, another performance, and wildcat

Jeez...a drunken Xiao Nong called me at 3.30am to take her "home" and of course I bloody agreed as that is what you do here. But it meant getting to sleep at nearly 5am and I had to be up at 9.30am for the dress rehearsal. And they bloody meant it. Lin Hong told me to go and fetch my guitar as I didn't think they'd need me to do such a practice (last year they didn't anyway) so I had the excuse to leave for a short while. It was rather surreal...four hours' sleep and having to play the guitar on stage in the late morning...but hey. I'd taken a Tramadol and was ok with it. I came back before midday and did my stint on the stage, but the guitar was not loud enough it seemed; the microphone was not close enough to it or something, and they didn't have a 10 metre cable to plug me in. So I said I'd try to find one.

I met Tan's ex-boss at the dress rehearsal

Of course that wasn't to be a big problem, and I should have worded the problem not as it was worded to me, i.e. "try to find a 10 metre guitar (3.5mm) cable". The problem was more "how can we connect the guitar to the sound system?". Because when I pinged Li Kun about the problem he proposed a wireless solution. Of course. So I let Lin Hong know I had a solution and Li Kun told me to pop around when I had time and he would charge them up.

I'd not had much sleep so after a meal of jiaozi at my local place went back for a small siesta and then practised 有没有人告诉你 with Xiao Nong and she said she had confidence in me, which helped quite a bit. Then it was already gone 6pm so I left with my guitar in tow and stopped off at Li Kun's to pick up the wireless transmitter and receiver. We had a quick test run and it seemed to work ok so I had high hopes for the actual stage.

Ah...a guitar and a laptop make a house a home...

Li Kun's excellent solution for the guitar issue

At 6.45pm I got a message from one of us presenters to hurry up to take my place so I told them I was on my way and 10 minutes later I turned up to see there were about 200 people already in the audience. I had the presence of mind to mention the wireless solution to the sound engineer and we did a quick test which meant me getting up on stage to ensure that the connection would work over the 8 metres or so between him and me. Even that was a little nerve-wracking but at least it bloody worked and I didn't have to sing anything. But next it was time to do the presenting....

Presenting all of the eight characters I had to say...

I knew I only had eight characters to say though and this time didn't need to translate them to pinyin. I also knew I was 24th out of 25 acts so I might have time a bit later for a bit of Dutch courage. Except when I saw the printout of the performances they'd "promoted" me to 5th on the list! Bloody hell. That would be about 15 minutes into the show and we were about to go on stage for the opening presentation. Well we had a couple of minutes to prepare and I was to be the first on stage, but wouldn't have to talk till for a minute or so. I guess having done this before in Bangxu made me a bit less jinzhang (nervous) but this was Pingguo so I felt a little bit of pressure. But the opening passed fine and I didn't screw up at least. Then I saw the semi-professional dancers and wondered what the hell I was doing here...they'd been practising for months and I learnt my song in a few days.

Luckily, I'd had the forethought to buy some jingjiu and happily admit to downing a little of it neat before I was due. It was not the most-prepared set in the world as they had to find a stool for me to sit on and set up the microphone at the right height. But I didn't rush. I introduced myself as husband of Bangxu woman who comes from the UK (me, not her), and said I would sing a Chinese song. And just bloody did it. It's not the easiest of songs and I tuned down the highest notes, but it got a better reception than the other acts and I realise of course it's because of my ethnicity rather than my talent. And afterwards I thanked everyone, said I loved Pingguo (true), and especially Bangxu (sort of true), which got another round of applause. And I walked off a very relieved man. I believe relief, or whatever the neurotransmitter is that it triggers, is the best drug, and I daresay related to whatever it is that is transmitted during an orgasm.

有没有人告诉你？

Lu zong had already invited me to go to his bar at 7pm tonight but I'd told him I mightn't be able to make it till a lot later, but at 9pm I noticed one of the presenters had left already, so I asked A Ge permission to leave and he said I could. So 10 minutes later I was in his bar in Jiangbin Lu again and this time I was happy to indulge in a few ganbeis as I'd been relatively good up till then. I didn't know too many of the people there be got on like a house on fire. What a strange expression.

Another great meal with Lu zong and mates

Anyway, it turned out that what I was eating was wildcat. I had to doublecheck that it wasn't doublespeech for something else but no, apparently it really was. I guess I felt like people who have eaten dog for the first time without realising it. Oh well, c'est la vie (except not for the wildcat). Lu zong got a bit drunk and was taken home soon after midnight and I think I followed pretty soon after. All-in-all a quite exhausting day but in a very nice way.

Wildcat meat...