Simon and Garfunkel at Lao Tong Fried Chicken place

Somehow got up at 10.45am after six hours’ sleep. The kids were up too. It wasn’t raining for a change so soon after breakfast I took them out for lunch at the jiao zi place. Then we drove to yi xiao to get more fake Lego before I dropped them off at A Xia’s shop as Tan had requested. I got home but 45 minutes later got a call to pick them up as Tan was going to her dance class. When I asked yesterday when her dance class was she said Monday and Tuesday 8pm-9.30pm. What she didn’t mention was that on Wednesday and Thursday she had classes from 3pm-4.30pm…. I won’t even try to get an explanation…. As I’d left the dian dong che charging I prepared to walk down by spraying some suntan lotion on myself for almost the first time in Pingguo, thinking the sun would make up for its lack of effort yesterday. However, after a couple of minutes the clouds took over again and I realised it was a bit of a waste.

Xixi in the foreground and Leilei in the background enjoying some jiao zi for lunch

It took a bit of an argument but I persuaded the kids not to take a san lun che for the three minute journey home, but walk instead. It nearly didn’t work out as it started to rain again, but we were near a supermarket and I needed a toothbrush so we went in and came out with a bit more than just a toothbrush; one thing I’ve still not worked out is the difference between shampoo, conditioner, washing liquid, and fabric conditioner, and I’m ashamed to admit I go by the brands that I recognise. So this time it was Dove shampoo (unless they do other stuff).

I’d promised the kids lasers as one does and re-justified not taking the san lun che by stopping off at the shenme dou you shop by our house where they were duly bought, along with a swimming costume for Xixi. I was very tempted to get a Chinese globe for 99 kuai but realised it wouldn’t fit in my suitcase.

Rain was promised for the afternoon and you could see it coming. That meant no going out for a while, so Tan ordered some takeaway duck which arrived 20 mins later and everyone ate decent portions. It’s the first time in years we’ve actually sat as four people around the dining table and actually dined.

After dinner Tan took the kids to see Waipo and I stayed at home as I remembered Li Kun said we were going to the guitar bar again at 8pm, but I wondered if that was really true. 8pm came around and he hadn’t contacted me so I thought I was let off the hook and grabbed a shower after a miserly 20 press-ups. But at 8.20 he messaged me to say he was coming to pick me up so that was that. I had a little practice of The Boxer as I had an inkling I might be asked to play later.

Indeed it was the same bar as late last night, and Li Kun’s wife and daughter and a friend were there. They offered me the stage and I told them to bugger off and “maybe later” and did a gan bei, realising that 2.8% was not going to offer much Dutch courage in half an hour or so. Li Kun’s mate then got up and tuned the guitar on the stage, before performing a pretty rendition of some Chinese ballad. I was offered the stage again but just pointed to my beer glass. So Li Kun got up and drummed his way through four songs very well. But I still hadn’t drummed up enough courage, so the original bloke got back up and did another Chinese ballad.

Li Kun's wife and charming daughter, Ava (as I named her a few years ago)

Ok, why should I need to have a bellyful of beer for knocking out a couple of tunes to an audience of no more than 15, half of whom were playing cai ma in the back table? I got up and grabbed the guitar gently. I noticed that without the capo it was slightly out of tune so spent a few seconds getting it up to scratch. I hadn’t got a plan, only I wanted to finish with Sound of Silence, as Paul Simon had done just the other week in his farewell concert in Hyde Park I had the great pleasure of attending. So I started with The Boxer...it’s quite well liked internationally I think due to the Lie la lie chorus.

Then I realised I was really getting into it...despite a bit of a shaky left knee, I was starting to enjoy being the focal point for most in the room and having four people filming me at the same time. I banged out my favourite Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard, followed by Mrs Robinson, before, a bit emotionally, finishing with Sound of Silence, and got a nice round of applause. The beer tasted much better afterwards than beforehand.

I was home at a relatively early 1am and it didn’t take long to get to sleep after that.

Drinks with the water man and a visit to the guitar bar

Somehow I awoke at 12.40, meaning I must have had 10 hours sleep and therefore that it was jetlag and nothing else that caused it. Man it rained stair rods all day, unlike it used to back in the day. I mean it used to piss down for 15 minutes and that was it. But maybe I’m remembering when we used to be here after summer.

Sadly, and it was really sad, I had to do my expenses. Nearly £6k of them that I absolutely needed to after the last trip to Toronto and the recent booking for a few days’ time. It bloody took me all day as there is a new system. It’s supposed to be “intelligent” as you take a picture of the receipt with your phone and it works out what it was you were paying for. Somehow it took 2018 for 2008 and underestimated one receipt by shedloads, and I realised what a load of bollocks having separate currencies per country is. Luckily I noticed this one and updated it by 10 years and saw how much more the Canadian dollar was now worth against the UK pound. And that’s another thing...for an “intelligent” application, how come after scanning umpteen CAD receipts it still “intelligently” thinks you're scanning USD? The whole palaver took until evening meal time….

The kids didn’t fancy going with me to get food and I didn’t blame them as it was still peeing down, so I took the umbrella and walked to the jiaozi place. Tan could have ordered some takeaway to be delivered for 70 kuai but there is always far too much and it gets chucked away and costs four times what we want. So I got the usual three portions of jiao zi for 15 kuai and the kids happily ate them up for what was around £1.70 all in.

While I was getting the jiao zi I met the water man next door, who said we should meet up at 9pm as you do. By 7.30pm I’d done what expenses I could be bothered to do and texted him to say I’d be up for it (partly as due to the rain I couldn’t really go much further). He said cool, we could meet up when I was ready at 9pm. So for a rare occasion I did a personal “7”, which consisted of 20 pressups, 1 min plank, 10 pressups, 20 squats, 10 pressups, 30 second plank, 10 pressups, then finally 20 squats. It actually takes it out of you in this climate and I was glad I finished it. That was the only reason I was 20 mins late. That and maybe pouring a quick drink before the last set of squats.

I was really glad to see the water man as some of his mates were there too who I recognised from last year. I felt a bit bad not bringing something but it wasn’t noticed. They were more interested in catching up with me. We don’t even speak that much about the difference between our cultures...it’s more men’s bollocksy chat that sometimes after a day’s work you just need.

The water man on the left, and four other mates I should really know the names of (as I should the water man)

I tried to get them all to say "Hello Andrew" so I could send him the video but it turned into Chinese Whispers....well Chinese Shouting anyway

As I was ready to go, Li Kun contacted me to go to a bar to play guitar. Well, what could I do? Well I could certainly say I wasn’t going to play the guitar, but after making my excuses with the water man and friends I rode over there anyway. Most of the people there were a little the worse for wear, but it was great fun to catch up with Li Kun and play some cai ma. The woman who seemed to run the place was in good spirits and despite the “No Smoking” signs in her establishment flagrantly ignored them, as did almost literally everyone else who was male at least. She also played cai ma with me, which I was a little uncomfortable with, as the sexist inside me doesn’t like beating women. Unbeknownst to me my sexist had to hide behind a gallstone as despite her apparent inebriatedness, she metaphorically swept the floor with me, and had I spent a few more rounds it might not have been metaphorically.

Being the sensible soul I sometimes can be, I realised when enough was enough, and performed another round of gan beis, which was effectively my leaving do for tonight. Lord knows I’m still jetlagged but when I got home after 3am it didn’t take much for me to realise that my promises of coming tomorrow to play the guitar were not going to get much practise before sleep set in. Shit. Did I really promise I’d come back tomorrow to perform??