Haiwei's son's birthday and a bit more late KTV

Again, I wasn't feeling good enough to go gym due to ladu. Haiwai pinged me to eat tea at his family's house at midday so that was the evening meal sorted. I only had three xiaolongbao for lunch then played with Tan Shiyun before Jiuma unexpectedly said they were going back to Baise and that was that. I may well not see them again for a year or so.

Tan Shiyun looking like she'd half-inched a pint glass from the local

So at 6pm I left to picked up a watermelon on the way to Haiwei's err...mum's? I'm not really sure. I was going to pick up the biggest one and asked the vendor on the side of the road if it was ripe but he said "no" and started slapping various ones until he found one that sounded ripe enough. I've seen buyers do this before but not vendors. He decided on one for 27.8 kuai and it was the first time I've ever spent a fraction of a kuai on WeiXin.

It was a much better than average meal, with large "black tiger" prawns, or at least that's what they translate to, plus roast chicken etc. Haiwai was saying that this meal would have cost 1000 kuai in a restaurant, but cooking at home made it less than half price. Both his sons were there, the elder with two of his best mates, and the younger playing on his phone and barely putting two words of English together. After the customary 15 minutes of eating, Haiwei opened a bottle of red for himself and beers for elder son and one of his mates and me. I asked the elder son if he was driving tonight and he pointed to the mate next to him. Ah good...they were responsible enough to have a designated driver.

Lovely birthday meal for Haiwei's elder son in the blue

Then, after we'd had a couple of beers the elder son, I've got to remember his name, said it was his birthday today. I chastised Haiwei for not telling me and he laughed and said to ganbei of course. The ganbeis continued as we moved on to caima, during which I beat his son several times in a row and he got quite red-faced. In the end Haiwei finished his bottle of wine and we finished the beer. The lady of the house was about to open my watermelon but we said not to as we were full and we didn't want it to go off (I guess it was too big to put in the fridge). So it was the end of an excellent and jolly meal during which I did manage to speak a reasonable amount of English with the elder son, despite him being with his two mates who didn't understand a word.

Me doing rather well against Haiwei's elder son at caima

Elder son's mate, elder son's other mate (dd), Haiwei's elder sister's daughter, elder son, me, younger son

A bit later I went for a walk to the guangchang and bumped into Tan and Xixi eating bbq at where other than Tianyang Po's. They were just finishing but had loads left, and as I'd just turned up I was to pay and take the rest home. Great timing. But I continued to the guangchang and met who I think is called Ranran but I don't know. She was with a friend and her kid so I managed to offload a little bit of bbq to him, before going home to chill. Then Xiao Nong pinged to go to KTV asked if I had friends to go with, as it would be me inviting I suppose. I thought about asking a couple of people but it was already late and I knew they'd be working tomorrow so I told her and said we could meet for a drink instead, but heard nothing back. Then, in true Pingguo style, at midnight Ranran pinged me to say she'd been dragged to a KTV to celebrate a friend's birthday. Knowing my 1am curfew I said I could make it but only for 40 minutes.

So I got to the "Party" KTV place, which is in the same car park area as "Miss You" KTV and "Calorie" KTV, and she came down to get me. Why they wait till midnight to invite me I don't know. Do they have to reach a certain level of inebriation to do this (to be fair Xiao Nong had pinged me at 9.30pm)? Is not like it's daring or anything. I hadn't had time to grab another beer before leaving so was happy to do a few ganbeis with people who had clearly been doing that for some hours. It looked like the beer was running out so Ranran poured me a rather unwelcome glass of gongbaowen and I sipped on that for the next few minutes as we played caima.

I said hello to the birthday girl who was clearly sozzled, then went to another room. Blimey, they weren't messing about there. A very portly bloke stood up, took the empty glass out of my hand, and picked up two (probably 330ml) cans of beers and shoved one in my hands before opening and chugging his. I managed it, but rather slower. Then it was back to glasses to ganbei a couple of the ladies, before the same bloke reached down for two more cans of beer. I bet he could put away a fair few, but as I was getting mine down me I realised it was 12.55am and I felt a bit like Central Europe Cinderella (an hour ahead, no it doesn't make sense, and anyway I'm in China). I didn't have time for goodbyes, so walked to the door without looking back and beat a quick exit, getting home just a couple of minutes after 1am. Of course I had a missed call from Ranran, and I got back to her apologising, but saying next time let me know a bit earlier please!

小猪佩奇 and more Zhang Hua bbq

After a lunch of mantou and yoghurt it was again too hot to do anything meaningful outside so I stayed with Tan Shiyun and we ended up watching Peppa Pig (小猪佩奇) which was quite fun in Mandarin and I could probably understand a bit more than half. Peppa Pig turned into Paw Patrol which was a bit tougher, so I left her watching it while I put the washing on. Then, a few minutes later the electricity went. Jiuma asked me if I'd paid the bill and the honest answer would have been "no" as Tan had, but to the best of my knowledge it had been paid. I was halfway through writing a message to Ling Ming to check if we needed to top up when I thought I'd check the fuse box. Yep, one of the switches had tripped. There had been three A/C units on in the house and I guess the washing machine was the last straw.

小猪佩奇

Annoyingly, that meant after resetting the switch Jiuma didn't want to start the A/C again, and I had to restart washing clothes. Could have been a lot worse though. By the time it was clothes drying time it was also mouth wetting time due to the heat and a beer was the only option. Well not literally, but the only fizzy one.

I might have had another one before teatime, but I wasn't really hungry enough to eat. Tan then took Xixi to a western-style eating place and I said I'd meet them there after a shower, and an hour later I turned up as Xixi was on her tiramisu. I managed to finish off Tan's Thai rice and that was more than enough for me. The girls then went shopping, so I went home to chill for a while. Zhang Hua had sent a message asking how 嫂子 (sister in law/Tan) had liked the bbq. I had answered that she was very positive about it, and that I may well come back for some more tonight. Well it was now tonight, and I asked what people wanted and it would be the usual, except no chilli for Tan Shiyun's sweetcorn.

Half an hour later I was back with the bbq but Tan Shiyun had already gone to bed. I dumped it on the table then went back to Zhang Hua's to have a couple more beers and a chat. Of course they wouldn't let me pay after yesterday. Then it was back before the 1am curfew.

Back at Zhang Hua's for succulent bbq

Finally getting on with Tan Shiyun followed by bbq with Zhang Hua

I was up at 7am but not for long and 4 hours later I was up again waking up to Sean Carroll's Mindscape podcast as you do. Lunch was once again yesterday's bbq and I really intended to go to the gym but instead chilled for a while as it's become really hot again after a week of rain. So at 3pm I caved in and had a refreshing beer, followed by another but they lasted till 4.30pm and I didn't have any more till after tea.

Then for some reason A Heng's daughter, 谭诗韵, (Tán Shīyùn, The Beauty of Poems), who's been here for a few days with Jiuma, decided for the first time she wanted to play with me instead of being scared of me, and then we sat next to each other eating sunflower seeds for a while and chatting. She's been very spoilt but today just seemed good-natured and very cute, and when I asked if she wanted to come with me to buy xiaolongbao and jiaozi she said yes. Tan didn't want her to go as she would wet herself, but she got her shoes on and held my hand so we walked downstairs. The normal place was already closed but we found a place next door that had exactly what we wanted.

My travelling companion is three years old, she is the child of my wife's 2nd sister's son

She didn't wet herself, and when we got back she had half a portion of jiaozi instead of the food Jiuma had got for her. I had a couple of xiaolongbao before Tan asked me to get some more dragon fruit from the supermarket as last time I'd accidentally got the ones with the white flesh inside instead of red. As I got my shoes on Tan Shiyun said she wanted to come to, and after a trip to the toilet she was allowed. Well it took twice as long as usual but it was quite good fun and we got a lot of smiles from older ladies. I checked the dragon fruit were 红心火龙果 and we picked up some sweet iced red tea and a couple more beers and sunflower seeds. By the time we got back all the xiaolongbao and jiaozi were gone and although Tan hadn't asked me to get any for her I'm guessing she finished them off.

Zhang Liangwen had pinged me to go for a walk this morning but I hadn't got up in time, so he'd invited me for this evening instead. I said I'd pop over after the shopping and was a bit longer than expected due to my little companion, but met him at getting on for 7.30pm by his place and we walked north by the guangchang to meet a woman I think I'd met before. We then walked 2.6km north while most of the time they were talking and I was listening. And then we walked back again. So all in all not far off 7km from front door, but on the way back we came across the area with Zhang Hua's new bbq place and I said I'd pop in and see him as it was getting on for 9pm and I was peckish after only two xiaolongbao and one jiaozi for tea.

His wife was cooking and he was sitting by himself at a table smoking. So I gave him a friendly pat on the back and sat down with him. Within a minute his wife served us a nice mix of bbq as if they'd been waiting for me. I noticed that Li Kun had pinged me to go for a drink at his studio but I was now sitting down with Zhang Hua and it would be rude to leave so soon. So I asked Tan if she wanted some bbq at around 10pm but she didn't get back to me till 11.15pm to say she did, so I got 10 beef, 10 pork, and 10 duck stomachs as they didn't have any more sweetcorn left. They tried not to let me pay but I wasn't having any of it, so they said 15 kuai! No! Ok, 30 kuai. No! I'd been there over two hours eating and drinking anyway so I forced 200 kuai on them.

Unexpected beers and bbq with Zhang Hua

To be fair, their portions are a bit smaller than most, which meant they were ready quicker too, so I brought them home at 11.30 and left them while I went to Li Kun's for an hour or so after checking they were still there. Of course they were; him, Ma Yong, another bloke and a woman. I stayed till nearly 1am, then, back home, at 2am had a chat with Mat and Awl as you do.

Back to Li Kun's for a nightcap

More Sounds of Silence at Xiao Bai de Tian's

Quite an uneventful day in the context of things became a fairly uneventful evening until I went to get some bbq then popped down to Li Kun's. He was just about to take his kids home and said he'd just been called to go to Xiao Bai de Tian's and to meet him there in a few minutes.

Oh, fair enough, it was getting on for 11pm so why not? I thought about dumping the bbq at home but left it in the dian dong che. I would have brought it in but they do bbq themselves there so thought it may be a bit rude. There were a couple of blokes I recognised at a table and the owner came over to eat and drink with us before Li Kun turned up.

A woman from another table caught my eye so I had to table-hop over there to do a few ganbeis, before doing the same at the other occupied table, where an old bloke made me drink some nuomijiu and it actually tasted quite fruity. Back to the beer for ganbeis with the ladies then back to the original table where Xiao Bai asked me to sing a song. I acted bashfully partly on purpose and partly because I really was, and said I'd have a couple more drinks first. Then she asked again, and said one of the tables was about to leave, then started slow-clapping, and everyone joined in.

So I had no choice, and a rendition of Sound of Silence. It's not the audience of maybe 25 people so much as the three or so of them filming me. I'd have no control over where it would be shared and with how many other people. Anyway, it went ok and all three occupied tables pretty much left at the same time afterwards at getting on for 1am.

Another rendition at Xiao Bai de Tian's

Ma Daxia promotional video and late meal with army majors

Despite the pills and beer I was up by 10am and as I knew no-one else would arise for a while I just read the Olympics news and grabbed a shower as I thought we'd have to be out by midday. But midday arrived and I'd barely spoken to biaodi, who'd showered last night as most Chinese do. A Wu pinged me to ask if I'd eaten as he was at his Ma Daxia, then said he'd be back in a bit, so at 1pm he was there to tell biaodi to take me to a beef noodle place 100 metres away. So that was lunch and/or breakfast even if I couldn't finish it. A Wu then told me to change my train to a later time and I realised it would be a good idea as it was getting on already and we hadn't really done anything today. So I managed to book the 6.21pm train but annoyingly the app wouldn't let me cancel the one I'd already booked, despite giving me the option. When it came to it I had to choose my name from my saved travellers, but only Tan's name came up, presumably because she has a Chinese ID. Slightly annoying as it had been the only ticket available and was business class costing 80 kuai. Whatever, the time spent here should be worth more than that.

My Chinese is good enough now that I knew these were the wrong translations without looking at the bottles...沐浴露is shower gel and 洗发水is shampoo. Result (thanks to the conversation with Li Kun the other week)

小心地滑means careful floor slippy, but I can see how it could be thus mistranslated

The beef noodles were a good lunch with some added lajiao and spring onions

When we got back to the hotel the card wouldn't open the door and I suggested it was because it was gone midday, but biaodi said it should work till 2pm. In the end the cross-off time was 1.30pm apparently but he was going to stay another night or three so got reception to sort it. A Wu grabbed his shower and after a long time waiting around the two of us drove back to Ma Daxia. He said we were going to do some filming at his place and I guessed I would be doing a promotional video. Fair enough, I'd had enough to eat and drink at his expense.

Indeed when we got there there was some bloke with some sort of bright light. I only had to say what I was saying yesterday evening: "Ma Daxia lao you huoguo feichang bang!", but the first four times I screwed up on "lao you" by reversing the words. It's horrible how knowing you're being recorded can fry your brain like that. Eventually on the fifth go I managed to get it right, then had to do it again with my giving a thumbs up afterwards. Oh jeez I hope it doesn't go onto Douyin and Tan sees it.

Ma Daxia promotional video

At 4pm we sat down to eat. I explained I'd eaten after 1pm but it wasn't accepted as an excuse not to eat again so I joined them for a while. As it was a Saturday there were a few customers eating even at this late/early hour. I noticed I had oil on the lower part of my trousers from last night, but these are my favourite pair, and I was able to remove the lower 10 inches or so and wash them off. I went outside to let them dry on the wall but the promotional lady brought me upstairs and said it would be quicker to use the electronic hand dryer. Yes of course it would. Why didn't I think of that?

Everyone should have a pair of trousers where the bottoms zip off, if only for the occasional clean

By now it was nearly 5pm so A Wu and I walked to his car to pick up my bag. He said he needed to buy something and that he'd be in Pingguo next week to invite the family for a meal, and that the underground station was over there. And that was it. Well sort of. I got to the station no problem, got someone to help me buy a token, took the tube the one stop to Nanning Railway Station (which Google still says is permanently closed), then queued up for security and this time had to take a sip of my lemonade and jing jiu that I'd concocted last night. Then at second security for passport the lady stopped me as I went through, looked at the screen for a while, then said I could go.

I went upstairs to the air-conditioned waiting area where there was not a single seat. Then I saw that there was no train for 6.21pm so I checked my e-ticket. Bugger, I'd bought it to leave from Nanning East. I went back downstairs to the woman who'd stopped me earlier and she said it was ok, the train would pass through Nanning and I could board it there. Phew! I had visions of a mad rush to Nanning East where I would probably miss it. Then it dawned on me I still had nearly an hour, so looked to see if I could get an earlier train but alas it was sold out. So bugger, I found a seat in the non air-conditioned area and sat there for 20 minutes before going to stand in the cooler area. Blimey I'd forgotten how bad queueing here is. I only have the option to go where there is a human to scan my passport so it's annoying that so many locals use the same queue to scan their ID cards when they could use one of the umpteen other ones.

I shouldn't have worried too much; of course as the other queues died down a lot of people moved to those. What annoyed me the most was a woman with a Vietnamese passport one place ahead of me. She hadn't opened it up at the appropriate page and the bloke spent nearly a minute looking for the ID page as she had a number of visas with her photo on that looked like ID pages. Jeez you could have spent three seconds preparing your passport but instead your lack of care or forethought or whatever meant the few of us left in the queue were in real fear of missing our train. Yes it's probably just a mix of culture and lack of pre-frontal cortex, but blimey would you like it if you were the person behind in the queue?

But anyway I got to the platform in good time and happily let everyone rush on first. The trip back was non-eventful and the jing jiu-infused lemonade was still cool enough to taste ok. I did ping Nong but she was looking after her kids at her elder brother's wife's place, and may be around later. So after pleasantly refusing the taxi drivers' requests I found a san lun che for the only time this summer, and maybe the last time ever and got back home before 8pm to find Tan and the kids sprawling on the beds as usual, but at least Tan asked me how Nanning was.

She then asked me to go and fix her glasses as a screw had come out. Apparently she'd got the prescription lenses in Pingguo but the frames in the UK, and the previous place she went to put in a screw that was too small and fell out. She also asked me to get bbq for her and the kids so these were my tasks for the next 45 minutes. So I went to Tianyang Po's for the duck stomach and duck tongue, then her "uncle's" for the beef and sweetcorn for the kids. While waiting I found the optician's, but the lady couldn't find the right size screw, so pointed me to another optician's just across the road that was apparently part of the same branch. Why they'd have a sister shop so close I didn't ask. But success! The lady there found the right-sized screw and wouldn't accept any payment for such a trivial task.

Finding the right tools and screw for the task

Tan wasn't so impressed that I'd come back with lots of bbq and a fixed pair of glasses, and asked me to get some dragon fruit so that was an excuse to go to Guanmart and pick up a couple more beers too. Some bloke called me, who'd pinged me weeks ago to go out singing then never got back to me. He was at home with family drinking and Tan had a go at me for knowing people like him, as they would invite me to their families' funerals and I'd have to pay. Well, in 20+ years I've known enough people and only been to funerals of close family and close friends. But whatever. I wasn't asked to join them luckily.

Meeting the kids on the way back home...too cool for baba

Then at 10.45pm I got a call from Chen to go down to Yu Dao Hao Men to meet some blokes from the army, as you do. Well, why not. It was a bit late but that is the way it is here. Luckily the dian dong che still had some dian and when I got there I found Chen with a couple of blokes and their wives. One of the blokes was particularly the worse for wear and his wife poured him a glass of red tea to drink with me instead of beer. He didn't seem to notice and stumbled over to me to ganbei, and found his glass wasn't completely full so topped it up with beer. He didn't even seem to notice as he downed it, and didn't complain too much when his wife pulled him in the direction of home.

A couple of drunken army majors

The other bloke was some army major, and managed a bit longer, but they'd clearly been there a while. If they wanted my company they could have pinged me an hour or two ago but hey. The woman from next door popped over for a drink then the boss of this place did for a while, grateful for my company not that I was really doing much. Then it became 12.30am so I had to use my excuse of curfew to get home, but it wasn't too difficult. The boss forced 10 chuan of beef bbq on me and said it was for the kids. Then I was home by 1am and remembered to put the bike on charge before another relatively early night.

Trip to Nanning to Ma Daxia lao you huoguo

I'd only bought a single ticket to Nanning, with a vague intention of coming back, but thinking it more likely A Wu would want me to stay a night to packed accordingly, only to find as I was brushing my teeth that my toothbrush was running out of battery. No matter how many times I travel for a night or two there's always something to forget to do, and that can't be done last minute. But I had 20 minutes so at least it should be charged for a brush or two should the need arise. It's just a question of a simple list, but with a column for timing things that need to be charged or dried. I even packed an extra pair of shorts and boxers just in case the trip needed to be extended.

In typical fashion I got a video-call from Nong which I couldn't receive for fear of being late, so said I'd call her back in 5 minutes. But I wouldn't leave the house for another 10 as I'd forgotten to prepare a drink for the journey and had to check medicine and supplements. I made sure Leilei had the second set of dian dong che keys as I knew I wouldn't be able to get a didi che and didn't want to annoy Tan to do it.

20 minutes later after simple security (because I'd taken out my power bank and drinks bottle from my bag), I called back Nong to find she was in a KTV bar with her kids and inviting me over. As much as it would have been quite fun to go over, I explained I was about to go to Nanning, but maybe tonight when I was back. Again, it's so typical this sort of thing. Not an ounce of planning. But she said she'd see what she could arrange with friends for tonight and I said cool but didn't mentioned I actually probably wouldn't be back.

Indeed, A Wu pinged me to ask if I'd arrived despite me telling him yesterday that I was arriving at 3.30pm, and to say he'd arrange a hotel room for me. I told him not to bother (so I would still have an option) but when he called a few minutes later he said he'd already booked it. Oh well, the alternative would have been to find a late-night shared taxi that would have taken an age to get back. I don't know why the trains don't run much later than 7pm here; they're nearly always full and apparently they've stopped the coach service this year because everyone takes trains. Could it be because it gets dark? Of course not. And I doubt it's a question of economics as there is obviously high demand. I will find out. And anyway despite most people saying the coach service has stopped, some people say it hasn't. Blimey, it's got to be pretty much binary...either it has or it hasn't, and surely can't be that difficult to know what the situation is. I will find this out too.

For some reason the security bloke didn't scan my passport out of the exit, and after a couple of phone calls with A Wu I crossed over the road and waiting for him to pick my up in his now slightly aging BMW. We stopped off a few minutes later to pick up a big metal sink-like thing but before putting it in the car. Except it was too sharp so the bloke had to spend the next 10 minutes grinding down the edges before it was deemed smooth enough.

Next we stopped off at the market to get presumably food for this evening, so I got the opportunity to walk around and chat to some of the stallholders. No, they didn't have kong xin cai seeds, yes there would be bee larvae but not at this market, at least not at this time. Though I saw some on sale by the side of the road yesterday so I'm not giving up hope. Half an hour later it was back into the car and we parked on some road a 5 minute walk from Ma Da Xia, A Wu's restaurant he opened a couple of months ago. Interestingly, Ma Da appears to be what I think is called a "loanword" from English, meaning "Martha", so I let the family know. I don't like the term "loanword" though. It sounds like you're going to give it back. Isn't that the definition of "loan"? Surely there is a better term, a bit like homonym but expressing the origin of the word too. "Homotextual term"? Or maybe the term "译音" (transliteration) does the job more appropriately. Oh, ok I've just looked it up, so it seems the term has descriptive flaws: "nothing is taken away from the donor language and there is no expectation of returning anything (i.e., the loanword)". Thanks Wikipedia. So it does seem that "loanword" is the appropriate term.

I helped bring in the food to the kitchen and then helped out with the young ladies at the front door advertising the huoguo wares by means of discount vouchers. Well it was already 6pm so very much time to eat, so I called out "老友火锅！", which sort of means "old friends' hotpot" which is the second part of the name of the restaurant. We, or rather they, managed to get a few punters in. It's not a bad place for a restaurant for although the main entrance is on a fairly narrow pathway, it's full of tourists coming and going in both directions in a central area that's been recently built up in the old traditional style. And I didn't see any foreigners.

A Wu's new huoguo place Ma Da Xia

The one of the blokes who works there, and takes care of A Wu's car, decided to take me on a walk around this part of town, and gave me effectively a guided tour. This was much appreciated, but there was just a bit too much new vocabulary to take on in that half an hour. But one of the places we passed was apparently somewhere where Deng Xiaoping's wife lived for a while, and there were some old ladies in army uniforms taking photos there. We went to a small booth where they sold a traditional style of spring roll and deep fried leaves, and he ordered three of the former. It was one of the more popular booths and we had to wait for them to be cooked after some leaves, and I told the bloke I was with that this was a good sign and he agreed. Slightly annoyingly, without asking, the cook poured a load of sweet chilli oil over the otherwise delicious spring rolls (well I only had one in order not to spoil my appetite).

Tan had been texting to ask with whom I was to eat, and not to do any business with A Wu or his boss friends as they were all millions in debt. I take this with a small pinch of salt, but I'm sure there are some dodgy goings on going on. But as if I was actually going to do any business with them! I would be his friend of 20+ years, and the "uncle" or "older brother" to most of the rest of his friends and their families. And indeed it was all friends and families that turned up around 6.30pm, although A Wu was nowhere to be seen.

It's delightful to be greeted by a six year-old who remembers you as "英国叔叔" and takes you by the hand to see her other friends. I'd met a couple of the friends and their parents before, and they wasted no time taking copious photos of us. After the photos by the entrance I noticed the little brother of one of the girls with what I thought was a box of condoms but, for better or worse, turned out to be a box of matches. I naturally thought I should take them away from him, but instead his older sister did. And then started lighting them and throwing them to the floor. I did try to tell them it was dangerous, but was it really? I found it as fun as they did and at least it wasn't bangers. Probably shouldn't have thrown them onto the red carpet though.

One of the daughters who grabbed my hand and started comparing it with hers

A Wu sent me this one of us

Playing with fire is fun whatever adults say

We went for a walk in the old-style newly built up pedestrian zone and despite the fact we were about to eat, the wives ordered some street food from the same place I'd been to half an hour ago. But this time I had one of the deep-fried leaves and it was pretty good. It was explained that a long time ago this was a poor region so they didn't want to waste anything. I keep saying I really appreciate this, especially in terms of what they don't waste when it comes to meat. Then one of the wives got me a white drink and my heart dropped a little when they told me it was 椰子. I've felt almost allergic to coconut all my life except for once in Kenya when I drank some milk straight from a fresh one. But I didn't want to be rude, and figured it would probably be full of sugar, and anyway I was really thirsty, and the six year-old with her own glass was telling me it was delicious. So I tried it and yes it was rather sweet, and managed a few sips but would have much preferred water as already I was feeling slightly sick.

It doesn't take much to amuse me

Deep-fried leaf, apparently called 甲篓, or Armor but I don't think that's a translation, rather it sounds a bit like Jiǎ lǒu

A Wu and a couple of dads eventually turned up and we went to a private room to eat, and it was very much a family affair, but would have been more so had Tan and the kids accepted my offer for them to join me here (not that I really expected them to). Almost all the meat was either fish or pork innards except for the brain which I suppose technically is not an innard (it doesn't appear that word is allowable in the singular but hey). I was feeling decidedly sick now and went to help myself to a water from the fridge and downed half of it there and then. The only thing I could bring myself to eat was a bit of fried tofu cooked in the huoguo. Mum had asked why the place was named after Martha so I did ask A Wu about this. Oh, I'd got it wrong (at least Pleco had), Ma was just a surname (horse) and Daxia was the second word, which means "swordsman", or "knight", or maybe it just means "Horse swordsman". Oh well, I hope Martha isn't annoyed. Oh, and to attempt to avoid another lady being annoyed I pinged Nong to say that I was booked to stay tonight (which is typical Guangxi style really) and she said she'd see if she could sort out something for tomorrow, which I somehow doubt will come to fruition as would imply planning.

Nice family meal at Ma Daxia lao you huoguo

It took the best part of an hour before I started feeling a little better and managed a couple of 3% beers with a couple of the blokes. Then I felt brave enough to partake in some pig brain and it was actually rather nice, if a little soft. A couple of glasses later I managed a few rounds of ganbei and my nausea had mostly gone. I even managed some fatty beef and a small amount of skinny chicken (as in it had a lot of skin). I told A Wu it may be that my stomach wasn't used to the coconut water but he pointed to my half-drunk glass and said it was certainly the fault of the drink and not me. There was no point in arguing that I might be allergic.

Yep, I managed to eat a whole pig brain after joking that I shouldn't as I was a pig. According to Chinese tradition it should help me be more intelligent...

Then, around 9.30pm it was decided that we would stop and go for a walk again. Ok, fair enough, we just left our newly-poured beer glasses on the table and did exactly that, after A Wu made me video talk to some bloke who was apparently going to pop round later. And indeed we did drop everything and go for my third walk of the day, around the same places. A Wu told me that the building I thought was where Deng Xiaoping's wife stayed was in fact where the wife of some famous military leader stayed, and called the other bloke an idiot. I have no idea, and probably never will. We went into a "Huawei" store which, while selling phones, also had three electric cars on display which we had to check out. The first one was nice but A Wu's wife correctly pointed out that the front was rather low, and wouldn't cope with the roads of the more rural parts of Guangxi.

We didn't end up buying any cars, and eventually went back to the private room in A Wu's huoguo place except this time the kids stayed out with the wives and there were other blokes in their places. The table was cleared of everything except the drinks and the huoguo, and new bowls etc. were brought. We'd just started ganbeiing again when suddenly the lights went out. But no-one seemed to batter an eyelid (not that I'd have seen). A Wu put on his phone torch but it wasn't enough to caima. I asked if this was a planned outage and indeed it was as some bloke was working on the fusebox upstairs, and it didn't affect downstairs at all.

Well it may have been planned, but it wasn't planned to be more than 10 minutes so then we started taking all the stuff to a table downstairs and a few minutes later we continued as blokes here tend to do. The bloke to my right was asking about chat apps in the west and I confirmed we use WhatsApp and Telegram more. He showed me he had both, plus Instagram and YouTube etc. So I asked him which VPN he used and he showed me eVPN, which seemed to work perfectly. Note to self: download while Mullvad is still working. He talked to me about doing business with Ghana for mining gold and I showed some sort of interest without being committal lest he think he could use me for something. But I did move the subject onto digital gold and he seemed to know something about it.

I've had pig eyes as bbq before but couldn't bring myself to have them huoguo style, despite them being technically part of the brain right?

Earlier one of the young women who worked there had given me a tiny bottle of sour plum wine, so A Wu brought it and we finished it off, then after a couple more beers it was decided that the night had ended at 12.45am. I had tried to scan a QR code for a battery pack as I'd left mine in A Wu's car earlier. But it required face ID so one of the young ladies who worked on the door had done it for me. I'd gone up from 30% to 90% in a couple of hours so well worth it just in case the night had gone on longer. So when I replaced the battery pack I made sure I paid her back the 6 kuai. Then we walked slowly to A Wu's car and said our goodbyes to a couple of the other blokes. The kids were still wide awake and running about.

When we got to the "Bless" hotel I asked A Wu's wife if I'd need my passport. "No!", A Wu's sorted everything. A minute later they asked for my passport of course. When I'd told Tan A Wu had booked the hotel she said I'd need my passport, as if I'd not brought it. I reminded her I wouldn't have been able to take the train if I'd not got it, and she didn't respond. I noted that there was a small shop by the foyer, then went up in the lift with A Wu's biaodi (little brother but not literally). My heart sank a little while in the lift. I had a card for my room but he didn't appear to. Surely we weren't going to share were we? Oh yes we were, and the beds were so close it wasn't that far off from being a mega-king bed. Shit, we'd had a few beers but I wasn't anything close to drunk really. Luckily I had Tan's sleeping pills and then I made an honest statement that I would pop downstairs to get more water than the two bottles on offer.

I would much rather have had a room to myself...it was ok thanks to sleeping pills and a couple of beers

I did buy two bottles of water, and two cans of beer, and a small bottle of jing jiu. When I got back to the room at 1.30am I made no attempt to hide the beers (I did hide the jing jiu) and said despite having stayed in hotels a lot I found trouble sleeping in new places so I would have a beer and would he like to have one with me. No he was fine, and fine with me having both of them (well I also a little bit of the jing jiu in the toilet first). I hope I didn't snore too much, but the extra beer and pills did their trick and I was asleep well before 3am.

Another long walk and another Zhang Hua birthday meal

It looks like suan tang rou mou and mantou are becoming the staple lunch items now for Tan and the kids respectively. I didn't really fancy the carbs though so stuck to sugar-free fizzy grape juice that for some reason tasted like it had alcohol in it. I hoped it hadn't, but after a couple of glasses I felt as if I was tipsy. Could this be the phantom drunkenness you apparently can feel when you believe you're drinking alcohol even if you aren't? Wouldn't it be great if you could fool yourself into feeling a little bit drunk? But I guess that would be the equivalent of getting the placebo effect even when you know you're just taking a sugar pill. In fact I've heard that this really is a thing, feeling better when you know you're not taking medicine but still putting down a pill with some water as if you were. Somehow I think the alcohol business would collapse if we worked out how to do it with booze.

But there could be a sort of halfway house. Literally. Imagine buying 12 bottles of identical fizzy grape juice (zero sugar), and putting some V in half of them and then mixing them all up (you'd have to take the tops off non-V ones too though). Then picking one at random. I guess if there was no change in taste and you couldn't perceive the slightly less fizziness there would be a chance you could fool yourself to feeling a little drunk. But that could be neutralised by knowing your next bottle might have no alcohol and you might get the opposite effect of zero effect even though you consumed a double's worth. I'm possibly over-analysing though, and anyway despite V being supposedly odourless you would almost definitely be able to tell by the taste if it had a decent amount in.

But I didn't want a potential afternoon binge so a bit later I set upon another walk, this time to the south, over the bridge and around the river and back via the road bridge, this time managing 8.71km and it didn't rain too heavily. I picked up four duck legs and was back in time for tea and Tan actually appreciated them and didn't even moan about there not being any rice. One leg is usually enough for me but I had an unusual craving for carbs so grabbed the leftover mantou from lunch. Fair enough after walking nearly 9km on a fairly empty stomach and possibly tipsy at the time.

A rather pretty flower during my walk

Zhang Hua pinged me to go over to his to eat, which was convenient, but said it would be "later" as he was busy. I knew better than to ask what time, knowing it could be from 8-11pm, so thought I'd go for a piano practice. But I also needed more provisions from Guanmart and as that was for more than just me it took priority, which was fair enough as when I got back Zhuang Hua pinged me to come over at 9.50pm as I was cracking one open. Come over or go over? From my perspective I was going, and from his I was coming. But when he pinged for me to move from where I was to where he was is that coming or going? I guess coming as the message came from him so it was his perspective.

Luckily Leilei had just come back so I took the dian dong che and as I pulled in I heard a "Peng Duoming!" from above me and with no idea who it was said I'd come over in a minute for a drink. I met Zhuang Hua, whom I hoped would be with those people eating, but had in fact just plonked six beers on an empty table and we sat down for a chat. As I'd only had that single beer before, I decided to go over to the other table for the inevitable ganbeis that would get me up to speed, and told Zhang Hua I'd be back momentarily.

We tried to do a publicity photo for Zhang Hua's new bbq place but it wasn't easy to see the faces...we'll retry in the daylight one day

I didn't recognise anyone at the table but I was welcomed for the inevitable until a bloke in a Pingguo Haliao shirt shouted at me and I sort of recognised him so went over for a few more ganbeis before making my excuses and going back to Zhuang Hua who was now downstairs helping out in the kitchen. I don't think I've ever brought Zhuang Hua a present from the UK before, and as I still had an un-given bottle of Portuguese rouge I'd remembered to bring that to give to him. He suggested opening it up there and then but I sort of wanted him to keep it as it has a really pretty label, so told him no, we'd stick to beer.

A couple of blokes turned up, then four women, then a few more blokes and we started arranging three tables together. One of the women had brought a cake and said “生日快乐” to Zhang Hua. Of course, I should have remembered it was his birthday, and he'd certainly not reminded me. Instantly I wished him a happy birthday too and was so glad I'd given him the bottle of wine, if not accompanied with a "生日快乐" so he definitely knew I'd forgotten. A few more people turned up and by 11.30pm it was in full swing with ganbeis left, right, and centre. Of course Tan pinged to remind me of my curfew at 12.40am but I tried to explain I was at a birthday do, as if I'd chastise her for being out with friends. But as it was I had had quite a few and wanted to get up relatively early tomorrow as early I'd bought an afternoon train ticket to go and meet A Wu in Nanning.

Lovely unexpected meal for Zhang Hua's birthday

Wet walk and photos for watermelon place

I got up at lunchtime and went to get Tan's sour soup noodles and some baozi for the kids. They didn't have the normal ones so I got a couple of portions of small ones and had a couple when I got back as I realised I too was hungry. The next thing I knew everything was gone. At least nothing went to waste.

I wasn't in the mood enough to go to the gym, so instead compromised by going on a walk. I first spent some time finding old pictures of the kids in the watermelon place and putting them on a micro-SD card in order to print out. And indeed I found my normal print-out place and not only did he print them out but he also embossed them if that's the right term. Maybe laminated. And I got him to do one almost A4 size. So six laminated photos for 20 kuai later I was walking towards the watermelon place and found it 15 minutes later. The girls' mum was there are loved the photos from 2011. Unfortunately her daughter wasn't there as she was working, but she sent a photo of the photos to her anyway and wouldn't let me pay for my watermelon juice.

Trying to work out what had changed from 13 years ago

I headed north and did a round of the basketball and football stadiums before heading on to Deng Xiaoping Hill where I had my juice. Just to be able to have the time and ability to go for a walk in the afternoon in my favourite place in the world I certainly didn't take for granted. I recognise I'm quite privileged and lucky to be here, even if I'm just walking around. Slightly annoyingly I only remembered to record the walk in Strava as I passed the bins 50 yards away from our door, and by the time I got back 1h31 later it had recorded 6.99km. Bugger. And it pissed down for the last 15 minutes of my journey just to rub it in.

Slightly low stairs at the football stadium

Anti-drugs stuff

Finally drank my lovely watermelon juice at Deng Xiaoping hill

I realised that three tiny baozi at midday washed down with a Li Quan wasn't enough sustenance for a grown man who'd just walked 7km, but there wasn't much in to eat so I sadly had a few crisps. That kept me going for another hour or so but I ended up going to see racist Huang and ended up helping him and his wife and a couple of mates finish off their meal.

Unexpected meal with A Hoc and friends

I thought I was up at 10am but suddenly it was 11.30 after I closed my eyes for a bit. So at midday I went out and got two portions of jiaozi and the same baozi for the kids as yesterday. Of course the kids already had crappy snacks so didn't touch the jiaozi, but at 6 kuai I was hardly moaning.

In the afternoon it took me a great effort but I managed to get through a session of dumbbells for the arms until 4pm, when I succumbed to a cold beer, but again it was a very justifiable one. At 6.30pm I noticed there was still a portion of jiaozi so I didn't waste it and had an identical tea to my lunch, except this time I was actually really hungry.

Then, after a shower, I noticed that A Hoc had tried to call me and had left a dingwei where he was eating with some mates. It was only a few doors away so I said I'd come over. If only he'd let me know an hour ago I wouldn't have had the jiaozi.... Anyway he's a good mate so I walked over just as the heavens started to open and just made it before getting soaked. Slightly annoyingly there were only three blokes there, but hey, there was beer. Of course a bit later other people turned up. One I should have remembered was a woman who sang to me outside A Hoc's place in 2018. Well I didn't remember her puffy red face, but I remembered the singing. And this was clearly not her first port of call this evening.

Crunch crabs you eat whole

A Hoc and the boss and the rest of the food...wish I was hungrier

A bit of a traditional drinking song

And so, after pouring some suan guo alcohol for everyone including me, after a peng bei she broke out into song again. It was another of those times where your smile starts to hurt your face a little, but not as embarrassing as the previous time as we were in a private room in the second floor rather than outside. Huang Lei also turned up, pretty pissed, and a couple of other women, so after all it was a pretty fun evening. I left at a decent 12am so as not to get trouble from the trouble, but didn't get to sleep till 3am due to following the Olympics.

Meal with Huang Lei and the kids and unfortunate leakage afterwards at bbq by the river

Yes, I finally managed to get up soon after 8am, after waking up at 4am for the loo. I managed a coffee and forced myself to the gym at 10.30am and did more leg exercises and finally managed what the elliptical said was 10km in 33 minutes. I totally doubt that but I took a picture anyway for Strava. Maybe I should have had some breakfast before as my legs were rather wobbly and I needed to sit down for a while and finish off my water until I felt strong enough to walk down the stairs to the outside to stumble home.

I'd love to trust the 10km but I only really trust the 33 minutes

I went out to eat jiaozi then when back Tan asked me to get some noodles from the place "opposite". "Opposite what?" was a question I wanted to ask but would have somehow ended up in an argument for a reason that is Chinese, and I was just supposed to know. "Opposite" would to me have meant opposite the main gate. But it could also mean on the other side of Chenglong Road, so I tried that first as I could see a couple of places that were open. But I needed to get "酸汤肉末" and the place I went to didn't have that. So I went to the other opposite place and nothing was open. So I crossed to where I saw stuff open and found a place that sold it. All she needed to have said was "diagonally opposite" and it would have been fine. Then she texted me to get "肉末玉米包、肉末粉丝包" for the kids at the bun place by our house. But that place was sold out of everything as they were a breakfast place, but then Tan told me to go to "爱上包" which is just two doors away from where I got her noodles. It would have been so much easier to be clear in the first place, but hey, at least I got the right stuff in the end.

After lunch was boring clothes drying time, made less boring by listening to "I, Partridge" on Youtube and partaking in a single guiltless beer, justified by wanting something fizzy and not sweet. And it didn't result in another one, at least not for a couple of hours. I realised I hadn't seen Huang Lei for nearly three weeks so pinged him to see what he was up to. He had time this evening so we arranged to meet up. He said he'd go out and buy some food first, but I responded that it was me who had been in contact with him so I should pay. Of course he refused, saying I could do it "next time".

So I popped to Guanmart to get more dragon fruit for Tan and shampoo for Xixi (which cost 69 kuai) and more tissues as you can never have too many tissues. Tan said her body was still aching from yesterday so wouldn't go, but the kids agreed to go for a bit at least. So at gone 6pm we left on the bikes to Huang Lei's friend's place about 8 minutes away, to find them still cooking, but within 15 minutes the food was being served. Xiao Chong and younger son were there too, followed later but elder son and a mate. Leilei ate a bowl of rice and some chicken and beef, whereas Xixi ate only a bowl of rice and made little effort to converse, so I let them go soon after 7pm. At least they'd turned up.

I thought this was an alcohol shop too before realising we were on the first floor and this wasn't an ideal place to be showing your wares. It turned out that the owner just liked collecting bottles of booze and he certainly had an impressive display. He had gone to open a large box of wine bottles but Huang Lei was drinking baijiu and knew I'd be on beer so he told him not to open any wine. But the owner said he only had about 12 cans of beer in the fridge. I said that would be more than enough and I would go downstairs and find more, but of course they wouldn't let me.

At least a couple of the other blokes joined me in beer instead of baijiu and after a can or so each the owner brought a bottle of 11° Li Quan (or 4% in English), and I said thanks, we'd finish this bottle then go back to the 8° (2.5%) stuff. He agreed but then went on to open another 11° Li Quan. What's worse was that the caima had already started. Then he brought over a couple of German imported wheat (or maybe white) beer at 5.5%. I believed it was imported not because it said so on the can but because there was no mention of ° on the can, but he said it was 15° and I was in no mind to disagree. But I let him open it as I understood he wanted to show off a little and it's not like I wouldn't have done the same. But after sharing two cans of the stuff and not doing brilliantly at caima I was quite happy to move back to the 8° stuff.

Then, as is so normal here, a bloke turned up and delivered five cases of beer. They don't do things by halves here I know, but they don't do things by ones either; they do things but 2.5s to 3s by my reckoning. I told the owner I hoped he didn't expect us to drink all that tonight and he gave the rather obvious answer that it would last "a number" of days. That's a fair, non-committal answer I appreciated.

I'd brought an unwanted bottle of 公文包 with me, but of course they had their own and I asked how strong it was. Of course it was 22°. After over 20 years I've still not got to the bottom of this. Why is it ok to call beer 8° when it's 2.5-2.8% instead of using %, when you say 22° for 22% baijiu (or 53° for 53% baijiu)? What about wine? Ah...that'll get them. Most of the wine is imported and unlikely to have ° so they'll probably say 13° to mean 13%...in that case I'll pull out a strong beer that they say is 15° and ask them which is the stronger one. That ought to make them see the error of their ways. Or they won't care, as they instinctively know which version of ° they're using and maybe I'm just being a bit anal about it. I'll ask Li Kun as he'll give me the closest thing to a logical answer here.

As we were in a private house it was ok for Huang Lei to indulge in caima too, and of course I had to do this with everyone. A Hoc turned up with a "girlfriend of a friend"...hmmm...whereas I might ask detailed questions about ° I wasn't going to ask too much about why you'd turn up with someone else's girlfriend without the someone else on tow. Maybe it was totally innocent, and she seemed in good spirits. Well both did as they'd been drinking, and the woman then engaged in caima with me for a longer time than was necessary, but I gave as good as I got.

A Hoc, a friend's girlfriend, some bloke and a great meal

Huang Lei's youngest got really fractious and wouldn't eat, preferring to scream, so eventually Xiao Chong took him back, and then around 10pm we called it a night as Huang Lei had to get his eldest back in a didi che. So I pinged a friend whose name I've either forgotten or never knew and they sent me a dingwei for a bbq place down by the river where I'd been before.

So 10 minutes later I was at a table with them chatting and drinking and then playing mopai. I somehow managed to win most of the time which meant I didn't get much more tipsy, and had a good time until I realised my tummy was complaining about something. I calculated that it would be too risky to attempt the 8 minute drive home for a proper toilet and made a beeline to the disgusting effort they had here. The bag of tissues only had three of them left in it but I calculated I didn't even have time to go outside to find some more, so would have to be very efficient in the rear-wiping department. Well although that department worked out ok (I barely needed the third), the front department was the victim of a bit of a mis-shoot, as I'd been focusing on the rear and hadn't had the time to remove my trousers completely as I normally do.

Well this could be embarrassing. At least my trousers were light beige linen, but they wouldn't dry while I was in the toilet. There was nothing for it. I ensured my pink shirt was covering as much as possible and skulked back to the table outside hoping nobody had noticed. I'm not sure whether they would have said anything had they noticed. I mean they're quite frank here, and will let you know if you've got fatter or thinner or are not as good-looking as last time (I've had the first two but thankfully not the latter). In fact this year most people I've seen have said I haven't changed in years, and I'm not talking about clothes (although to be honest some clothes here in China I have had for years so in theory they could mean that to some extent).

I didn't want to go to the loo again and risk people seeing my significant patch, so not that much later at midnight I said I'd better leave, and no-one tried too hard to make me stay, other than a couple of ganbeis. Gosh, I so hope no-one noticed as I quickly turned around and headed downstairs to get the dian dong che back.

Annoyingly there was nowhere to charge up, but in terms of priorities I needed to remove my clothes first, and thankfully I was back before Tan so she was none the wiser when she got back an hour later (yes I think post 1am) and woke me up to offer me bbq. I said thank you but later, and promptly went back to sleep.

Time with Xixi and cats

Nearly got up at 8.30 but ended up being 10am. Lunch of quail eggs and yoghurt again but at least in the afternoon Xixi agreed to go out with me and we found our favourite watermelon place and drank it over a chat where the ant tree used to be, spending a lovely hour or two together chatting about which would be the best countries to live in etc. She still wants to study in Sweden at least but we'll see how long that lasts.

Xixi looking lovely

On the way back we were talking about pets so I stopped off at the cat shop I'd seen before but not entered. Oh there were some of the cutest cats we've ever seen and made us miss Ami a lot. There is nothing cuter than one-month-old kittens. The owners gave us toys to play with them and some snacks and we ended up spending about 45 minutes there.

Cutest kittens

Back home a bit later I took advantage of the relatively cool weather (it definitely wasn't the 29 degrees it said it was) and filled up one of the 15 litre water bottles again, before Leilei took Xixi out to "central" as they now call the centre of Pingguo. So I heated up the last of their horrible takeaway chicken for tea and ended up just watching the cricket and grand prix like last weekend. I was invited out to sing song at nearly 11pm but for once decided against it as really must get into a routine now for the last three weeks. So I watched some of the Serbia v USA basketball game while Haiwei's son was explaining some of the rules to me and how they differ from the NBA (e.g. the 3 point line is closer to the net).

Hitchless trip back from Baise and meal with Haiwei and friends and 公文包

Neither Leilei nor I got up before 11am, but I needed to as unlike him I haven't adopted the Chinese habit of showering before bed rather than in the morning. In addition to the morning, fair enough, but once a day I've generally turned into a "just before you go out for evening stuff" shower guy. Thinking about it though, if you are going to shower just once in a day, just before bed seems more logical (especially if you're sharing a bed with someone - we weren't). I mean much of the sweat and grime you can pick up during the day will just get moved to pyjamas and bed clothes if you don't. Having said that, if you've had a rather heavy night out, and are not sharing a bed, then a shower in the morning makes a lot of sense. Other than using up a lot of water though, the best policy should be both last thing at night and morning and/or early evening. Or of course just after the gym, which could an issue to your shower rhythm if you don't have a fixed time of going to the gym. And the last Zoe podcast I listened to (while in the gym), said you should really exercise at the same time of day. Something to do with circadian rhythms.

So I was ready and packed by 11.30am, and still had the drinks and crisps I bought from yesterday in a separate bag. I didn't want Tan to see the leftover beer though, so at 11.41am I thoughtfully chugged it (330ml of 3.3% isn't going to get you tiddly, whatever time of the day).

We checked out soon after midday and walked to find a noodle place. I managed maybe half of mine, as did Leilei with his chao fen. The ladies did a little better. Still, a whole lunch for four of us for under £4 can't be sniffed at. We then planned to walk around the corner to Er jie's house. Tan couldn't contact her as she's blocked her on Weixin and has done for months if not years. They seem to get on much better in person than digitally, and were sitting next to each other last night. But it meant as I had Er jie as a contact I needed to call her to find out her address. She answered and I asked her address and of course the words she used were not in my vocabulary so I handed the phone to Tan who got the relevant details and indeed it was only a three minute walk away.

So up to the 24th floor it was. Apparently the kids had stayed here before in the past when in Baise, but I don't think I had. But it looked like any other modern apartment, and the huge tv was showing highlights of last night's opening ceremony of the Olympics, so we drank tea and watched that till 2.30pm when Er jie's bloke took us downstairs to his car and we all piled in to go to the station and got there 15 minutes later.

I was sweating not just because of the weather but I knew any mistake in my online ordering of tickets would have resulted in a commotion like yesterday's, if not worse, but we were all beeped through successfully and I mini-fist-pumped.

It was an uneventful journey with the kids on their phones and me on my laptop, and Pingguo was the first stop 40 minutes later. Interestingly (for me) there were a couple of policemen after the exit (where we had to scan our passports to exit), who needed to check our passports. Not for ID as such but for visas. This is the first time it's ever happened to us outside of an international airport. But I guess as now there are free three-day visas for some of the big cities here they need to check that people are not leaving those cities for other places. Anyway, a casual glance at the visas was more than enough proof we were legit.

As we were in person at the station, Tan decided to go to the ticket office to sort out once and for all what the problem was with her booking tickets for Xixi. I followed the conversation as much as I could, and it transpired Tan needed to download a separate app for the railways, that wasn't in Weixin. I wasn't going to wait in this heat for that so stood by the open doors of the station where the A/C wafted out keeping me cool. It took another 20 minutes before she'd downloaded the 1.7GB app that has 1.6 stars out of five on average, and is apparently really crap to use. Whether she'll be able to use it in the future to book tickets for Xixi we don't know. But I can so it will probably be my job in the future.

I didn't worry about meeting Haiwei for 5pm, that is early even for China, and got there after 5.30pm as his son was arriving, to find him cooking and no table set. It gave me the opportunity to go out and get 24 cans of Li Quan beer though. Around 6pm we finally sat down to eat the lovely roast duck they'd ordered and the rest of the stuff they'd cooked. After 15 minutes the drinks were poured and I was the only one on the beer I'd brought. Haiwei, on the other hand got through a nearly full bottle of rouge before opening another one and getting through that too, with the help of some caima.

I'd had some forced conversations with his sons, so had done my job, and the younger one told me he was bored and I completely understood, so he booked a didi che himself to go and find his friends, and elder son left a bit later on his dian dong che to play games. Haiwei started on the beer but his girlfriend made him drink some water first. 

A mate I hadn't seen for some time, Haiwei's girlfriend Li Baoli, Haiwei and his rouge

Some woman had come to deliver 公文包 as you do, and seemed to have delivered a whole box of the plastic bottles, then sat down with us to eat as you do again. I was looking at the box of bottles and a bloke thrust two of them into my hands. I genuinely didn't want them and it must have looked fake as I couldn't get away with not taking them, so hopefully they'll come in useful as a gift to someone.

I am now the proud owner of two 1.25l bottles of 22% 公文包

By 11pm Haiwei was pissed enough that we decided to call it a night. I don't know why his girlfriend didn't give him a lift back so it was left to me to bring him to the same place he's been staying for the last year or so.

As it was only 11.20pm I pinged Li Kun who said to come round to his office where there were a few people drinking. I managed an hour and played with his kids for a while until his son tried to jump on my back and fell off and collapsed into tears so he had to be taken back home with middle sister. I realise I'd probably had enough too so called it a night soon after midnight and managed to get another reasonably early night falling asleep to the Olympics.