Nanning and back again with Leilei

Although I did wake up at times throughout the night, and thought at 5.40am I'd be up for the day, I did manage to slumber on until 9am when our room was filled with the noise of not just bangers, but screamers too. I waited a good five minutes before getting up to close the windows, and was glad I did as it went on for a good five minutes more. It was only 50 yards away, across the road by the corner of the guang chang, but I really felt sorry for the people on about the eighth floor, who were about 15' away from where the fireworks were banging in the air. At least we had spent an August night without the A/C. It seems that just before I got back it had started raining again, which brings a much needed reduction in temperature.

Checking timetables, it appeared that getting the 11am coach to Nanning would give us a better chance of being home for tea than the 12.50 train. I rang Chuan Chuan and it took some time for her to answer in a sleepy voice, but I asked her to get Leilei ready and I'd pick him up in "shi ji" minutes, which is a handy way of saying "between 11 and 19 minutes". I was actually there more than half an hour later at 10.30, and was glad to see that he was at least dressed. Brushed teeth later, we found a san lun che just outside Waipo's house and I asked the driver to take us to the bus station. Three minutes later we found ourselves in the centre of town, where various blokes were shouting out to us "Nanning! Nanning!". I realised the driver had taken us to the old bus station area, which was now used by cab drivers as their pick-up and drop-off point. They are the only people I've seen aggressively touting their wares in Pingguo. I explained that I actually meant the bus station, as opposed to what used to be the bus station. I don't know what I should have said to get there in the first place.

The new bus station (maybe that's what I should have said) was well outside town, and it took about 10 minutes to get there, by which time it was 10.54. There wasn't too much of a queue for tickets and we managed to get ours for 65 kuai together, and get on the coach with two minutes to spare. At 10.59 I asked Leilei if he'd had any breakfast and of course he hadn't so I asked the driver if I had time to get a bite to eat. Apparently I had so I nipped out and got a six-pack of mini Swiss rolls that would at least give him some calories, if not many vitamins.

We took the opportunity of time together to talk about things Leilei was interested in, like planets and some other sciency things. I was as pleased as punch when he said he wanted to be an engineer when he grew up, but held it in as I didn't want this to dissuade him in any way. The A/C was slightly on the cold side, and Leilei said he wanted to sleep, so I looked around and luckily found some spare seat covers on the other front seats. I pulled off three of them and wrapped them round him and he leant against me and rather quickly fell asleep, as the Chinese are apt to do. In fact, they are the best nappers I've ever known. I've become better at doing it in the last couple of years, but never had this ability to seemingly nap at will. I'll have to practise. For the next 45 minutes or so I practised Chinese instead, by translating the China Unicom advert on the head rest cover in front of me. I wish I could remember the phrase I learnt - something like "not worrying about time". Very nice, and apt for a mobile phone advert.

Leilei wrapped up in three seat covers

...and a few moments later

We arrived at a coach station I'd never seen before, on the west side of Nanning. We were still some way away from the train station so we got the 804 bus. It took nearly as long as the ride from Pingguo, partly because of the road works due to the building of an underground network. Even a taxi wouldn't have been much quicker. The driver didn't even charge us our 1 kuai fare. When we finally got to the train station area I realised we only had a couple of hours till the 4.20 train to Pingguo. I asked a cab driver if it would be possible to take us to and from the airport in time to catch that train, and he said it would but we'd better hurry up and buy our tickets.

So Leilei and I rushed to the station. We had to queue up to get in and show our ID (not that they checked), and eventually we found the ticket hall and a queue that after a minute we knew would take 45 to get to the end. So we gave up hope of getting the train and realised we'd have to get another coach. It took longer than expected to get out because there were more bloody security gates, at least two requiring IDs, which I didn't even bother showing. Then, once we were out, on crossing a small entrance road some bloke on a dian dong che drove into me. I was blooming annoyed but managed not to fall over. Even other crossers of the road shouted at him. But I had other fish to fry at that time.

We found the taxi driver we'd spoken to, or rather he found us, and I asked him the price of going to and from the airport. He pointed inside and said something I eventually understood to be that he was obliged to use the meter so we couldn't even negotiate a price. In some ways this was a relief, but I was going to offer 200 kuai and asked him to give me an idea at least. He reckoned around 200 so that was good enough for me. We bought some dried fish, some chilli biscuits, and some pistachios and set off.

The journey was fine, but the pistachios and chilli biscuits were soft. However, all went as it was 2.30pm and neither of us had had a proper breakfast or lunch. My suitcase was waiting for me so we were no more than two minutes in the airport, and on the way back I asked the driver to take us to the Bei da ke yun bus station. He said that had now moved, and had a new name, and he would take us there instead. I had to go on trust. It wasn't what I had found on the Internet but looking at the timetable he had there was a bus to Pingguo at 4.10. And he was adamant that buses from there went to Pingguo.

Thanks to the GPS and map on my N8 I found out we were bypassing the centre of the city and went towards the west. It finally dawned on me that we were going to the same place we'd arrived at a bit earlier. Interesting how the buses now no longer go into the centre of this city, that has become so chock-a-block with cars as to be ridiculous now. I can't wait for the underground to open. The 4.10 coach turned out to be the 4pm, and as we asked the woman she told us to hurry up to catch it (this time 60 kuai rather than 65), and we made it by one minute.

We sat, once again, in the front-right seats, and the driver told me my son was a handsome boy. I mentioned it was because his mama was from Pingguo and it wasn't long before he asked if her surname was Tan. Apparently her name is known as her brother drives in Guangxi for a living so news about us has spread in the driving community. I reflected on the day so far. It hadn't gone exactly as planned. 15 minutes in a san lun che - 15 kuai, 90 minutes in a coach - 65 kuai, 80 minutes in a bus - free, 100 minutes in a cab - 265 kuai, 90 minutes in a coach again - 60 kuai, most of the day to spend with your son - priceless.

Napping on the way back

After a cheaper 12 kuai san lun che home, Tan was there to inspect what I'd brought back and all was present and correct. Except I found I'd forgotten my razor. We went to Waipo's for tea but for the first time there was none; she'd not expected us but I thought there was always food there as there are always people. No matter, Tan, Chuan Chuan, the kids and I took the three boxes of Lego Star Wars miniature fighters to the huo guo place opposite and had a great time making them before the food was served. Then, predictably, the kids went out with Chuan Chuan. I'd invited Tan to go for a massage and she wanted to, but had eaten so much at the huo guo place she could only lie down at home. I waited a while but was falling asleep so got on the dian dong che and went there alone. It was a lovely hour, with some pain to boot, but I explained that I'd spent 30 hours travelling recently so maybe she was being kinder than usual.

Boys and their toys (actually Xixi had hers just to the left) - huo guo in foreground

As A Wu had said, when at this massage place just mention his name, so I did, and I signed my Chinese name on the receipt that showed me it would have been 98 kuai. For an hour not bad at all but prices are creeping up. I got back at 11pm, and fell into a deep sleep not a great deal later.

Back again, mostly

After work, rather than spending the evening packing, I went for a pint with Awl, then got home and made a salad and cooked steak. It was a nice way to say goodbye to him and dad, but it wasn't a good way to pack my bag, which I did at a stupid time of nearly midnight, but think I remembered all the stuff I'd promised friends back in Pingguo.

Three and a half hours' sleep should not be enough but I had reckoned on roughly waking up in Chinese time at 4am (11am there) so as to get into the swing of things. Dad got up to see me off and I managed a shower and a cinnamon ring I'd bought from Sainsbury's a few hours previously. Then at the last minute I realised I'd forgotten to pack a few things so stuffed them in my lovely new Samsonite extra-large suitcase that had been delivered from John Lewis to my local offy yesterday afternoon. It was 185 quid but in my experience if you travel fairly frequently it's absolutely necessary to get quality; we've done TK Maxx and other stuff before and nearly always been bitten. If only to avoid the worry of being bitten it's worth it to get something of quality. My old, heavy, hard Samsonite from 2003 has withstood well over 20 long haul flights with only the loss of the faceplate of the address thingy. It's just a case (no pun no pun) of brand being worth it. The extras that came with the case also justified its expense; a thing to hold the elastic straps until you've packed, a spare bag for dirty clothes, a suit bag, a waterproof area for toiletries etc. Seldom have I ever been so excited to open an empty suitcase.

And the wheels were nice too. That with the four-wheeled hand luggage size case meant the train to Charing Cross at 5.05am, and the subsequent tubes to Terminal 4 were reasonable. It did take nearly two hours though, and by the time I was mostly through the long queue for Air France, some woman did call out for Paris passengers, and I was allowed to skip part of the queue in order that I not be delayed. I don't think it was necessary but I gladly accepted and was happy my luggage was bang-on 20kg. Security was a breeze, and I found what I needed in duty free for Lin Hong (some Estee Lauder facial cleaner for 20 quid).

I can't complain about the flight to Paris. I was a bit annoyed at the lack of lounge there though. London and Paris, and not a lounge for me to rest in. So much for Priority Pass. I grabbed a small glass of blanc before the long haul flight to Guangzhou. This flight was ok too. I realised I'd seen the film "I Legend" before but only at the end - I must have been getting tired. Then I think I slept for some time. I hoped I'd slept for five hours as I checked my phone and it said 11pm, which if was Europe time would have been 5am Chinese time, 55 minutes before landing. Then breakfast was served so I felt as refreshed as if I had had five hours' sleep. I wolfed down the omelette and asked for two coffees before I went to look at the sky map, expecting to see us approaching Guangzhou.

Words can't express how angry I was to find we were not much more than half way through the flight, and there were four hours to go out of 11. Grrr. Why did they turn the lights on and serve breakfast the gits? I tried to get some more sleep but the coffee and thought of arriving didn't let me so I did a bit more work for an hour or so. I then started watching a Ricky Gervais film called something like "The Invention of Lying", thinking it would take me until roughly landing time. It was quite enjoyable, but I found "telling the truth" to be different to "not lying", as in sometimes we don't say what we think - and that to me is not a lie. Anyway it got a laugh from me during a tad of turbulence and I was downright annoyed when the flight attendant took my headset away with 16 minutes to go, as I'd timed it to coincide with the landing and now I had to watch outside to make sure the pilot was doing his job.

As is usual he did his job well and we landed safely. At Guangzhou I asked three China Southern employees, including a women whose job was to advise about luggage, as to whether I needed to fetch my luggage. Everyone told me not to - my luggage ticket was checked and it was clear it was to go to Nanning. I was glad of that but still waited ages in the security queue but at least this time had no problems with the two bottles of duty free.

After security there were no signs for which gate so I asked a the driver of a golf cart thing where I should go and he asked me where I was going. I said Nanning and he said he reckoned it would be terminal B. I was about to get on when I realised the only spare seat was the driver's and I had been talking to a passenger. I apologised in an English way and luckily another golf cart turned up immediately. This time I realised it was left-hand drive and asked the driver before he got out. Actually he didn't get out. He just rested his head on the steering wheel and I apologetically tapped him on the shoulder to ask if I was going to the right place. He said everyone needed to go to terminal B so I thanked him (would have been easier with signs). Then I offered to do the driving as he was obviously tired, and that seemed to make him perk up a little, but I don't think he realised I was joking so I told him I wasn't being serious. When we were full up he did seem to drive rather fast but we got there in one piece.

It took a couple of minutes to find the gate, and knew I had a good three hours. I found the lounge too, and after a slightly difficult conversation with the maid, got in. I was so tired but had to do some more work. I made sure I had healthy breakfast of two apples, an egg, and orange juice. I started feeling like I was on a boat and found it hard to balance, but as soon as there was an announcement about the plane that sorted me out as I had a short-term goal. This made me think about the importance of such goals in order to keep you focused. They are actually very necessary. I think of this in project management, and would always aim to set short-term goals for people, rather than the end of the project. At least I would if I was a project manager. I walked for a few minutes towards gate B202 and went past the other lounge that the ladies were probably telling me I'd be better off going to. Actually I was glad I didn't go there as we were there last time and it didn't have cold drinks unless you asked specially for them.

I nearly dozed off during the flight as I was counting to 100 in French after German didn't quite do it, but it started getting a bit turbulent. I'm normally worse, but I've found fatigue is better than alcohol at shrugging it off - I was more annoyed than scared.

A nice landing was my arrival in Nanning, but after 20 minutes it was clear that that was something my hold luggage hadn't had. Along with two couples I went to the "Baggage Inquiry" place. Much to my chagrin they said I should have taken my suitcase from Guangzhou and checked it in again. Despite my clear protestations that at least three China Southern employees (including that at Heathrow) had told me I was to pick it up at Nanning there was nothing they could do. I was livid, but understood their position. I was achingly tired too, so I let them scan my passport, and entered my name and address and didn't even swear when they told me I (or someone with the receipt) would have to come back to claim the suitcase later.

After calling Tan to let her know I'd arrived, I called A Wu to say hello too. He was in Nanning but busy and asked me to call him later. I also pinged Vincent, the bloke I'd met in Pingguo last month with A Wu, who wanted to meet me again as he'd spent six years in the UK before. Vincent wanted to meet me for a bite to eat, and said he'd come to meet me at the train station where the airport bus would take me to for 20 kuai. I called him a few minutes before I was due to arrive and told him where I was. When I arrived five minutes later I called him again and he said it would take him much longer than the original 15 minutes to get there due to the traffic. Blimey, despite six years of education in the UK he was as aware of the time as a statue. So it ended up me taking a taxi to meet him, losing any chance of my 2.30pm coach, and I thought I should never have bothered pinging him.

I met him at Wu Jiang square and we went straight for a bite to eat. I noticed he only ordered for me and when I asked he said he'd already eaten. We ordered by asking what was the fastest thing to make, and then he added a portion of fruit to that. It was already 2.30 and he said he had a meeting at 3pm so we'd have to leave at 2.50. If he'd just told me that before we could have arranged to make it another day. I wolfed down what I could of the pig liver and greens, and we put the lovely sculptured fruit into a couple of boxes to take away. I got a lift until I spotted a taxi where I got out and said goodbye until next time.

It was another 26 kuai journey back to the train station, where I thought it would be best to get the 4.20 to Pingguo in an hour's time. But the airport rang as I was trying to pay the driver and get my luggage out at the same time, while rushing as we were in a queue. I understood that they had found my suitcase in Guangzhou and it should be in Nanning later today. I was struggling with my hand luggage and the fruit nearly tipped over the duty free so I handed it to the driver as a little present and he was genuinely appreciative of it.

I called A Wu to say I may now stay a bit longer and to see where he was. He was in the direction of the airport so rather than buy a train ticket I took another cab to where he was and called the airport from there to find any further information. Actually I'd just checked the flight times and the earliest possible one would have arrived at 9.30pm, with the latest at around midnight. A Wu didn't want to wait so long and I couldn't do so, so we agreed to go back together in his car. He appears to have his licence back as he drove himself. I complained about his driving on more than one occasion. Many vehicles here stick stubbornly to the overtaking lane on the motorways, and A Wu was no exception except when it came to overtaking. He'd nip into closing gaps between a lorry and approaching car and overtake both, and when I admonished him he said "BMW" as if that made it ok. I said it wasn't the car but the driver and he laughed, but not that much. Despite that I half-dozed a lot of the way - it was better not looking where we were going. We did make it home by 6pm, about the same time as I would have done in the train, but not half as safely.

It was great to see the kids again at Waipo's and Xixi gave me a big hug. Leilei was a bit more absorbed in the iped than I would have liked but we had seen each other many times in my physical absence, in many ways thanks to the aforementioned iped. I took Tan home while the kids went to play badminton with Chuan Chuan, and it was very nice to be back. I could easily have fallen asleep at 8pm but I forced myself to stay up so I wouldn't wake at 3am. One thing that helped was Tan saying that the photos were ready, so I walked down to the place we had them done with, for some reason, three receipts. By golly I hadn't realised the large, framed photo would be quite so...large, it must have been 4' x 3' and not a chance of fitting in any normal suitcase, even my extra-large one that was somewhere between Guangzhou and Nanning. I told the girl it was ok I'd take out the photo and roll it up, and she looked at me like I'd just told her I was going to roll her up and put her in a suitcase. "But it's already been framed...", she protested. Little did she know that I would be able to unframe and do the necessary, but I didn't have time to explain. I also had a rather nice glass-framed book of photos from the shoot, many of which looked really rather ok, and I now have a better appreciation of why women spend so much time putting on their faces. Plus I had a DVD of a number of photos Tan had chosen and probably paid about 10p each for, plus finally two wallet-sized photos they threw in.

For some reason the woman insisted on helping me find a san lun che to take it all back. Even though it would have been a five minute walk. But so it was, and I got back 4 kuai lighter as that seems to be the minimum price now (no wonder people are buying cars).

I don't think it is going to fit - and the other suitcase ain't much bigger

Tan was out but that was expected as I'd said I'd need an early night. It was touching 10pm so I thought I'd get the laptop out and read a bit of news but as I did I slipped into a world where I was about 50' above and could see what looked like a swimming race with my physical tiredness in first place, mental tiredness in second place, plus five other factors of my tiredness. It was rather disconcerting and ironically helping me to sleep, despite wanting to stay up to see who came last.

Shortly after 11pm I was well asleep, until that is someone got back and went to the bathroom. I somehow awoke and somehow knew I was in China and shouted at the person "Who are you?". Of course it was Tan and it was 12.45 and I had no more energy than to fall back to sleep safe in the knowledge that I would not be disturbed again.

Unrude awakening, too many flights, too little sleep

I awoke to banging on my door that felt like banging on my head. I shouted something at the noise and heard the response "I'mma don't speak Chinese!". It took me a full 20 seconds to realise where I was and that this was the Italian bloke Stefano waking me up. And not a moment too soon. It was 9.20am and I had said we'd take the 9am shuttle. Well sod that. I told him I'd be 20 minutes and grabbed a shower and did a quick pack. I stopped to breathe and realised that although I thought he was pretty dim, I did owe him a favour for waking me up after four hours sleep. I dread to think what would have happened otherwise.

I grabbed a few glasses of water from the bar, but no breakfast, as I checked out, and we got the 10am shuttle for our 12.15pm flight. Apparently he was on the same flight but had a connection to Rome instead of London. As soon as I had checked in my suitcase I went through security and found a lounge, and felt a little rude not waiting for him. It was busy in the lounge but I grabbed some stuff to recompense for no breakfast, before going to the gate, as usual one of the last people.

I was right at the back, which I don't like as it exacerbates turbulence to my mind. But after a glass or two I did manage a couple of hours shuteye, thanks mainly to the awful film "Insurgent". After that I managed to stay awake for the infinitely better film "American Hustle", and nearly managed to get back to sleep after that except I started to have a hangover from last night's whisky episode that will not be repeated.

I contacted Mat from Frankfurt, or Hamburg, wherever I was, and arranged to meet somewhere in London in a bit. Luckily the flight left and arrived early, though I had little interest in boozing now. But that didn't apply to Mat. I took the underground rather than Heathrow Express as in my experience it's actually quicker. No waiting for a train from T4 to Ts 1,2,3, only to wait another 15 mins for a train that takes 15 mins to get to Paddington, from where it takes another 20 mins to get to Charing Cross. I got to meet Mat at Charing Cross soon after 10pm and we managed to get the 22.22 to Lee.

I didn't think I'd make it to Lee such was my fatigue, but knew I couldn't let down Mat. Plus, during the journey Awl changed his mind and decided to come around. So we got vodka and whisky, but I managed only two cans of Carlsberg 3.8% in four hours, almost China style, before falling upstairs to bed at 2.30am after a good chat, leaving Mat and Awl for heaven knows how much longer. Shattered.

Sweat, School, and Shanghai

I woke up, drenched with sweat, in Xixi's bed. I noticed the air conditioning was off, and yesterday had apparently been the hottest day of the year with temperatures at 40 plus. I went to the loo and when I came back I realised there was cool air coming from Leilei's room, and the light was on. I peered inside and found my laptop on the bed, plus my phones. I realised I must have gone to sleep there, woken up and gone to the loo before going back to sleep in Xixi's room out of habit. I felt stupid and relieved at the same time, and fell back to sleep in a cooler room.

I wasn't feeling great when I awoke again, and as I lifted my phone to see the time I just managed to read 10.20 when it started ringing and I noticed Mr Lu's name. I just put it face down, which I think hung it up. Before waiting to hear it ring again I managed to put it on silent mode and went back to sleep.

My guilt didn't let me sleep much beyond 11am, and I guiltily checked my phone to see seven missed calls from Mr Lu. I rang back to find it was busy, no doubt number eight. I tried again and he answered. He didn't seem let down in any way that I'd not answered for the last hour and told me to come around straight away as the children were all waiting for me. I felt bad so I said I'd be there in five minutes. I got up and put on some shorts and a top, only for Tan to announce that Lin Hong had sorted out a car to take me to Nanning "shortly". Jeez, literally no-one plans stuff here. I said I was going to see some kids in a school and showed the letter he had written. Tan told me the school was opposite "Zui ai", the place we'd had the photos taken yesterday.

I was literally sweating bullets, such was the humid heat outside, and partly the beer from last night. I got to the school and didn't see Mr Lu, who said he'd be waiting for me. So I called him and he said he was at the school just opposite our place. Ok, lucky I had the dian dong che, a minute later and I was there to see his excited face, as he called "Mr Peng!" across the busy road so all would know me. I said I only had a few minutes, so he got on his little moped and sure enough it wouldn't start. I was about to offer to take him when it sparked into life and I followed him to his small school around a couple of corners.

It was 11.45 and there were about 20 kids in the class from about 6-13 years old, and they burst into applause when I arrived. Gosh, how could I have considered not turning up? Sorry Mr Lu for even considering not coming, sorry. I introduced myself and asked and answered questions in the heat, hoping I didn't smell too much, not that the smiles betrayed any such thing. I think Mr Lu was very happy, and took plenty of photos. Then, as I held up my phone to do the same, just before I got the chance to take it Lin Hong called me, preventing me actually taking it (something that never used to happen before cameras had phones). She said the car would arrive in half an hour. Fine, it would give me an excuse to get back and have a shower. Ah, but I should have packed last night instead of bbq'ing.

I would have got a better pic had Lin Hong not called during my first attempt - lovely kids though, so glad I made the effort

It happened to be the time the kids were going home for lunch, so after a few more photoshoots, and having a slice of watermelon forced upon me I drove to Waipo's house to pick up the kids first, then home for a shower. Lin Hong rang again to say the car would be there at 1pm, so I had half an hour's grace.

It was a bloody rush packing my stuff after the school run though. I hope I haven't forgotten too much. The car that picked me up only had to wait an extra 10 minutes as I got my stuff downstairs and said farewell to the wife and kids. It was almost a Chinese goodbye, without too much emotion, partly because we were in China, and partly because it was so bloody hot we had to get out of being outside. Of course I wasn't the only reason the car was going to Nanning. There was another bloke already inside, and we stopped off to pick up a letter that I can only presume would be quicker to deliver via car than the postal service.

Bye bye babies

Thankfully, unlike And and Awl's trips to the airport last year, we didn't go via Nanning centre and I actually got there four hours before my 6.20pm flight. Normally that is no problem due to lounge access, but this time the electricity went off in the whole terminal every few minutes or so during the course of an hour. It's strange how quickly the lack of air conditioning wreaks havoc, compounded by the darkness and lack of internet connection. I could almost argue that this was not a first world problem, but it sort of wasn't. I did, however, manage a couple of self brought Gs with the freebie Sprite from the fridge, which was the only place that retained its temperature during the blackouts.

Luckily the flight to Shanghai was relatively free from turbulence, as was probably helped by a couple of Qing daos en route. While waiting for my luggage in the presence of a few foreigners I felt the need to show off my Chinese and rang A Wu to have a chat and a laugh. As soon as I got off the phone some shortish western bloke came up to me and asked me in an Italian accent if I knew a hotel to stay at. He said he'd heard me speaking Chinese so asked if I could help him. Ok fair enough, I called the hotel that I'd booked a couple of days ago only to find that it would be 650 kuai, but they were honest enough to say it would be less than half that if I booked online.

So I told Stefano and he couldn't sort out the 650 kuai so I told him I'd try to do it online, but first I wanted to find the shuttle stop. As luck would have it (and it hasn't before), the bus was waiting to go so I got on and told Stefano to too. During the 10 minute journey, try as I might, my Nokia N8 just wasn't up to the job of modern mobile web sites, so I told him I'd check in first and then try to get him in. It was a bit of a gamble but after checking in and paying 200 deposit, I did manage to book his room via my laptop and wifi five minutes later, and indeed it was 350 kuai cheaper than had it not been done online.

He was grateful but I was tired and didn't fancy going for a beer with him. I mean, what sort of person flies to Shanghai with the intention of staying the night and not does book a room in advance? To make it worse, I found he had been teaching film studies in Nanning for six years yet barely spoke a word of Mandarin. Needless to say I was less than impressed.

In my room I did something I rarely do - drink a bit of whisky. I just happened to have some and I fancied a night cap. But for some reason I got a taste for it, mixed with a little water. I stupidly stayed up chatting to Awl on Skype till something like 4am, needing to get the 8.30am shuttle a bit later. I even remember going for a walk to find a shop just be able to speak Chinese for the last time for a bit, and coming back with a bottle of beer I didn't want, and dried squid I didn't need. I'm never doing whisky again.

Photoshoot

A relatively early 8.30am start to get everyone washed and ready for the photoshoot. I went out to get the kids' breakfast from the dou jiang place before Tan decided she wanted to eat something different and took Xixi out to the place across the road. I decided to carry, rather than wear my suit, partly due to the heat and partly due to the fact that I'd look like a complete wally, especially on the dian dong che. I probably still looked half a wally with it hanging on my left hand fingers while Leilei sat in front of me and I used my right hand to accelerate and steer. It was the scorchioest day so far where you broke into a sweat just using your brain, so I tried to turn mine off. I supposed it worked as I totally forgot to take my smart shoes with me.

Although looking forward to it I was crestfallen when Tan said it would take five hours to complete. Five hours meant starting work late, finishing late, and no chance of a siesta. I turned my brain back on and realised these were once again first world problems. It did get a bit hotter though.

Tan sat down to be made up and, somewhat to my chagrin, so did Xixi. But it's a special moment I suppose and women like to be made up. What I hadn't realised that it was then my turn. I have never ever had foundation applied in my life, and wasn't ready for the effect it had. At first I looked literally like a corpse with my shirt and suit and even paler face, but the woman somehow managed to blend it in a bit more and bring some life to my face, at the expense of a couple of spots. At least my suit got a free clean after four years of hanging in our cupboard in the vain hope of being used for business reasons here.

Tan then made an entrance resplendent in a western wedding dress. Xixi had her fancy dress, and Leilei had far too short trousers and high boots in order to hide the fact that his shins would otherwise be showing. I was given a bow tie and slip on shoes with no back - a good idea as even my smallish 8.5 feet would not have fitted otherwise.

The photographer then came and made us take all kind of unnatural poses but I'm sure some of them must have been ok. The kids were pretty good really and didn't need Tan trying to translate most of what the photographer was saying. He referred to me as "shuai ge" which means "handsome boy", which coming from a woman is ok but not from a bloke. We changed to non-wedding "formal" gear, then our own informal gear. Thankfully it was 90 minutes shorter than five hours but it was pretty tiring. When the kids started to flake I made jokes about "scissor spoons", and how you shouldn't use them to eat Shredded Wheat. It kept them smiling for a good half an hour before it started to wane. I then had to straddle the chair and stick my non-thumb fingers out of the bottom and call out "eight willies". That really got them going again despite Tan's disapproval. The photographer was blissfully ignorant of our silliness, and luckily didn't catch me doing rabbit ears on him when he was taking pictures of the kids. I hope the smiles are worth it. Chuan Chuan was there most of the time and took a couple of photos so we should have an idea of what the final versions will look like.

Wedding attire (not sure about the kids)

Xixi and flower - the pose as fake as the flower but still....

Tan in evening wear

Mr Eight Willies

She took the kids afterwards and Tan and I went home to remove makeup and clothes. Although I hadn't expected it we both fell into a siesta for an hour or two, which was nice. Tea was at Waipo's as is pretty usual now, but I came back soon after to work.

Tan called to say A Heng couldn't get a car to drive to Nanning, so we would share a taxi instead. What? Why not the train I wanted to take in the first place, or at least a coach? Because taxis are faster. Oh yeah by how much? And do trains get stuck in traffic jams? Nanning has become blocked up with traffic in the recent years and it's a real pain to drive there now. But for 100+ kuai we could sit in an old small car driven by someone who just wants to get there as fast as possible with little regard for safety. Oh, but apparently there would be somebody at the taxi rank to take me to the airport. Yeah, probably another taxi. Being left to one's own devices, even for a middle-aged man, does not seem to compute here.

My nemesis, Mr Lu the teacher, had left a note with the security to call him. He must have seen me some time. Funny, as I somehow avoided him last year. As he had written a note I thought I'd better call him, so I did and wished I hadn't. His manner was as cheerful as it was desperate, and his English hadn't improved. I tried to get a word in about leaving tomorrow for London but he didn't seem to understand, and insisted that I come to his school by 11am the next day. "You come my school tomorrow, ok? Good! 11 o'clock my school.", "I have to leave for London tomorrow", "11 o'clock ok! Tomorrow morning call me", "Ok I'll call you". I didn't have the heart to say no in Chinese as it would have been a double blow to him. Soon after I found out Awl had booked flights to Toulouse from London for Wednesday so I'll be taking that day off work and going to le Pago. Well, that made up for my call with Mr Lu.

At 11pm I called Chuan Chuan to see where kids were and told them I'd go for bbq and could pick them up. But it turned out the kids were too tired so slept with her instead. So with a bit of freedom on my last full night for a while I rang Haiwei to come around, also Li Kun as Lu Hai couldn't make it. We ate and drank till nearly 1am, making 24 cans in total, plus about three portions of bbq for a few people including women. It came to a total of 240 kuai and I was allowed to pay again as I had invited people. Good memories that I hope will serve me till I get back.

I took the long way home on the dian dong che, partly to get a big breath of Pingguo, and partly to cool down a tad. At home I managed to chat with Mat about meeting up on Saturday. It may be possible as I'm due to arrive at Heathrow at 9pm. What I'm feeling like at that time I have no idea. My last night ended up at gone 4am in the end due to contact with the UK. This time in Leilei's room as both the kids were out.

Glad about Gladiolus

Got up rather late, only half an hour before A Wu called me at 11.30 to eat lunch. Fair enough, I went round to the place near my tea table place to find him sitting alone with a large bowl of soup and about two dozen empty plates, smaller than tea saucers. He barked at the server to bring mine and I got the same large soup bowl with water-looking soup, and loads of tiny plates with bits of meat, veg, leaves, and one with four raw eggs about the size of quail eggs. He helped me put everything in, plus a bowl of noodles. The noodles were unnecessary as the rest was more than enough. I wondered why they didn't just serve the soup with all the stuff already in, but didn't ask as I found it more fun doing it myself, having some sort of control.

My soup with all its additions

Of course we didn't have any beer with the meal but I did remember to pick up a six pack when I got near home. I was really disappointed when the woman charged me 30 kuai as I know they're normally 18-21 kuai, and being ripped off just doesn't happen here. Maybe she wasn't from Pingguo, but she's lost a customer. Of course I didn't question the price.

After some work I needed a break so took the therapeutic option of going to a piano place to practise. I went to the one I hadn't been to before as the normal one was closed. The door was slightly ajar but it didn't look open either. Then I noticed it was to re-open at 3pm and it was just 2.45pm, so I caught the woman's eye and asked if I could have a tinkle. Of course I could, so I plonked myself down and had a really good hour of proper practice despite a couple of stuck keys and the fact that more people came to play after 3pm. Unfortunately the fan kept blowing the music off its holder so I couldn't learn the last part of Gladiolus Rag, but that was probably a blessing in disguise as I can't really play any of it properly so it made me focus on the bits I could at least remember the music for.

Apparently my idea to take the train to Nanning to fly to London was not ok by Tan or anyone else I'd spoken to. It seemed great to me; I'd arrive in time for lunch and I'd call Vincent, who was keen to meet me in Nanning and we'd go for a bite and a beer before I set off to the airport. But oh no, Tan rang A Heng to take me in a car, as he wanted to go to Nanning too. Or was it they wanted to know where I was at every minute, because that's what it often feels like here? That was the main reason us lads went to Beihai last year, just to avoid being under the microscope of people who knew us. It's hard to explain to people as it sounds rude, but I did explain to A Wu a few years ago and I think he understood.

Before tea Tan asked me to get a portion of chilli snails as she was not going to eat because she wanted to be hungry before going out with her mates to eat at the big company. 6 kuai seemed very reasonable and they were blooming hot in both senses that don't mean good looking.

After tea we decided to go to a professional photo place to ask how much it would be to get some done as a sort of 10 year anniversary thing. After baulking at the options of 3498 and 2988 kuai, we settled on a more reasonable 988 kuai that would give us four framed photos, one of which would be too big for any non-business class suitcase. As luck would have it they had a session available tomorrow at 10.30am. So, a 200 kuai deposit later and we were booked in. I cast a few glances at the various wearing options they had on offer and asked the woman helpfully if it would be a good idea for me to bring my own suit. She looked me up and down a bit and smiled and said that would be a good idea.

As I hadn't spent that much of the day at work I did so until 10.30, at which time I succumbed to a call from A Wu and A Ni to go and have a bite to eat opposite Waipo's house, before picking up the kids and bringing them home about midnight. Tan was asking why the kids were up so late. I think they're up at this time most nights. Anyway I'm working till quite late most nights so I think it's ok to be with them later if they're not tired. Unfortunately I wasn't that tired either and didn't get to sleep till well after 2am.

What came first, the egg, the caterpillar, or the...cocoon? What about the butterfly?

Up at a reasonable 10am despite only five hours sleep. I worked, slept a little, then went to Waipo's for tea and saw Tan for the first time all day. After tea Xixi was talking about butterflies, caterpillars, and cocoons, and where they came from. She asked me what came first, the egg or the butterfly. I was stumped. If she'd asked me from a chicken perspective I would have had the answer. But when there is an intermediary, like a cocoon or caterpillar, does that still apply? Did the egg come first in every case? I said probably the egg, but we'd better check.

As it was likely I'd not see the kids later tonight I decided to find them at around 10pm. Of course they were with Chuan Chuan and her friends, but this time at a slightly different place. As usual they were the centre of attention among friends in their early 20s. I stayed for only 10 minutes and had only a couple of gan bei's, before sadly going home to finish work.

The kids having fun with their older friends

Back to work and mangosteens

Back to work. Got up but slept in as I knew I'd be up late. I was quite good and had no breakfast and only fruit for lunch. The fruit was something I'd picked up from Ling Ming's clothes shop earlier in the week that I think his mum had sent up from the Vietnamese border. I'd never before seen such a fruit - a dark purple hardish outer shell that you pierce with your nail and score around so you can pull it apart to reveal fleshy white pips inside that are really sweet. The name is Shan Zhu, which translates to "mountain bamboo", but boringly someone has decided to call them mangosteen. Well they were deliciousteen.

Apparently they're called "mangosteens" - very nice though

After Waipo's for tea I worked till 11pm, but didn't really need to work much later as had no meetings and I'd started well before Europe anyway. I rang Lu Hai at 10pm to ask if he was about to go for a little bbq, which he was, and called Li Kun for good measure. Haiwei's phone was off, which normally means he is asleep.

As soon as I got to the bbq place some drunk bloke started talking to me. Apparently I knew him and had cai ma'd with him before with Haiwei. He sat at my table and then Lu Hai and Li Kun and his wife and daughter turned up. I don't know if these people knew each other before, but they certainly talked like they did. Lu Hai gave me a present of 12 little bottles of what looked like medicine alcohol, but I was actually quite relieved to find they were apple vinegar. Here it is a kind of health drink.

Kids and Eva enjoying a bit of bbq late at night

Haiwei then called and popped round and we ended performing the usual ritual of cai ma and gan beis, which was quite therapeutic after a day's working.

Last night without work

Up at an indecent 10.30 as kids slept at Waipo's. It was my last day before work so I thought I had better make the most of it but somehow I felt rough and just read some news until Tan went out. She said she was going with A Hua as her friend had a birthday so they were going to the aluminium company place. She gave A Ni a call but A Ni didn't answer. According to Tan this was because they had fallen out. But when Tan was in the shower A Ni called back, and I said Tan was in the shower, which was the same reason A Ni hadn't answered a few minutes' before.

I went out to get myself a portion of dumplings before midday and had half of them, preferring the large cup of watermelon juice I'd also bought. So when A Wu called me to eat I thought "why not?" and drove down to the place I'd been to see him with Xixi before, except now I knew where it was. I found that Tan and A Ni were also there. I ventured to ask what happened to going to eat with A Hua but was met with a dismissive "it's not happening" sort of gesture and I knew better than to ask more. The chicken soup did seem to sort me out though, as it had A Wu, who had just got up before the meal.

When I got home I found last night's clothes hanging over a chair by the dining table. They were very wet and I realised I must have walked home in the pouring rain last night. Ho hum. I tried to sleep in the afternoon but to no avail. While trying, the Wenzhou bloke with whom I've eaten a couple of times with Uncle Yellow IM'd me on WeChat to say we were going to eat beef at 5.30pm. As I had nothing else on I acquiesced and soon after 5pm I had a call from Uncle Yellow who was downstairs waiting to pick me up. I insisted on stopping at Waipo's first in order to give 800 kuai to Chuan Chuan, who has been looking after the kids so much and spending money on them. Then I had to once again apologise to Waipo for not staying to eat, then once again on Tan's behalf as she was out with friends too.

There was a new bloke at the private table at the beef place; apparently he had come to Pingguo to "know work". I really wanted to know what that meant, but being English I had already nodded to show I understood what that meant, so spent the rest of the night guessing. I don't think it meant looking for work, but rather checking over how his work was progressing. I'll have to find out.

Well the new bloke opened up after a few beers and I challenged him to cai ma and he won by a whisker. But that opened the floodgates to more challenges. I did make more excuses than were necessary to go to the loo, and come back 10 minutes later after having checked the Test Match and German GP updates. England were trying but not really doing too much, but Lewis Hamilton was doing rather well after starting 20th.

Uncle Yellow in the foreground - I was sitting next to some bloke I beat too much at cai ma

By 8.30pm I used the kids excuse to leave, and very sober too. Uncle Yellow brought me back home. I rang Chuan Chuan and picked up the kids and got them to bed myself. Tan was out so I wasn't even tempted to go out to do bbq - my body probably needed the rest.

Massage, Internet, and Beer

Got up at a reasonably late 10.30 and was moping around until A Wu called at 11.30 to remind me we were going to see A Da at his army camp this morning. I suddenly remembered and told him to wait 10 mins so I could get a shower. There was no rush, despite the "kuai dian"s; when I got outside our block he was waiting in his car and A Ni in hers - there were two more people who turned up five minutes later.

It was pouring with rain and continued till we got to the place at the foot of Horse Head mountain. The security guard let us in without any security check other than A Wu saying he was going to see his son. Once in the compound A Wu and I swapped places for some reason and I parked the car in a basketball court. We got out and saw a litter of puppies and one or two mother dogs, as if that was the most normal thing in the world to have in a military camp. Some bloke in a uniform came running to us with an umbrella, and A Wu told me not to take photos as it was a military place. Then A Da appeared in his military garb too, and A Wu proceeded to take photos of him and me and A Ni etc. We donated a present of 12 boxes of grapes, then had a few hugs with A Da, then drove off to have lunch of lamb on the bone.

Some dogs and a running soldier with an umbrella

Me, A Da, and A Wu

After lunch A Wu took me to a new massage place he'd been talking about, in an area of town that was barely developed this time last year. It was nice. A lady escorted me from the car with an umbrella as it was still raining stair rods and we went to the second floor. Except A Wu took an exception to the exceptionally clean room and we ended up going to the third floor instead. We changed into massage pyjamas and were told to lay down by the slightly burly ladies who would look after us.

In my massage threads pretending to be the same height as A Wu

I explained to mine about my back problem and she seemed to understand well. What ensued were some of the most painful moments I remember and some of the most comfortable. She pulled down my pyjama trousers so far that half my crack was showing, and I was glad I'd showered just a couple of hours previously. She used various oils that I don't know too much about except that they felt good when she wasn't applying too much pressure. She said I had "little stones" in my shoulders, and it was probably due to driving or using the computer too much, and she said she was kneading them out. I don't know why, they didn't seem to be doing me any harm.

When I turned over she then gave me a stomach massage. The other week the "doctor" had pushed my stomach a bit as part of his treatment and told me I had a healthy stomach. I was quite happy to hear that until he said it was because it was soft. I said it would be better to be firm but he disagreed. Oh well. Well this woman was not so much pushing as properly massaging, and getting rather close down below, and it felt quite nice. So it was quite a relief to open my eyes and quell any stirrings that might have been forthcoming had she been more becoming.

After the hour was up A Wu had stirred from his slumbers and wanted another half an hour. I was in no mood to protest so got a head, arm and leg massage for this bonus time. It's things like this I must take more advantage of while here.

Chuan Chuan then called to let me know the internet had been turned on at Waipo's house, so I said I'd go and get a wifi router and sort them out. I'd been looking at using an old Netgear router as such a device, and plugging it in to a basic modem, but after faffing about for more time that was worth it I decided I'd just pay whatever it took for a modern one that would just work. A Wu took me to Ma Laoban's place, and although he was away on business I found the router I wanted, and asked how much, expecting it to be 450 kuai but the woman said 120. Then A Wu came to the counter and told her he bought the same model recently for 80 kuai. I didn't bother trying to quibble - it's a decent bit of kit and gets through four thick walls in our flat with ease, something that wouldn't work in the UK.

A Wu dropped me off at Waipo's and I installed the router with surprisingly little fuss, plus cleaned up A Heng's laptop that was running like a dog. And that was it, everyone was back online again with the same SSID as for the last couple of years "meiguihua". My phone even remembered it and got back online. It felt like quite a relief. I felt a bit sad telling Waipo I couldn't stay for tea as I had to meet up with A Wu. By default we eat here at teatime but the majority of the time we're elsewhere.

A Wu had said he'd be drinking tea just outside Waipo's but when I rang him he told me to take a san lun che to the People's Hospital. Fair enough. I got there a few minutes later and called him and found out he was a couple of hundred yards away buying grapes. We were to go to a boss's house for a meal of course. It was only just gone 5pm so they had just started preparing the food. The owner of the house brought in a big fish hanging from a red cord, and held it down in the sink while about to bash it on the head with the blunt end of a cleaver. But his wife intervened, as he didn't look like he knew what he was doing too well. I wished she hadn't when I saw her use her hands to yank apart the gills and pull out some red stuff from within the fish, and then leave it there leaping in the sink. A quick bang to the head would have been cleaner wouldn't it?

I sat with a couple of the blokes drinking some red tea and engaging in difficult conversation when A Wu said he was going for "poo poo". An hour later we were getting ready to eat and he still wasn't around. I discovered that my phone had run out of money when I tried to call him. It was nearly 7pm by the time we started eating and we didn't wait for A Wu. He turned up about 20 minutes later though, at about the time the beer did - two crates of cold, and one of room temperature. I prefer cold but others prefer room, or a mix of both as they can drink it faster.

We had quite an interesting conversation about how some words were different here down south, like we say "fan qie" for tomato but up north it's "xi hong si", and more importantly we say "dong" when meaning cold, as in "cold beer", but up north it's the more normal "bing". The strange one, but most useful, was that here we frequently say "bu dong" to mean "don't know", whereas elsewhere "bu dong" means "don't understand" - this is quite a different meaning and I'm glad I know about it now to avoid looking foolish in the future (although there are plenty of other ways to look foolish).

We were served a pack of six cans of beer each, and told they were ours to finish, before we could even start cai ma. There were times when someone would try to pour some of their can into mine, but I quickly cottoned on, and tried the same trick to others. It was a game in itself and kept you looking at your glass. Unfortunately the glasses were huge by local standards - a full half a can filled one up - so I was starting to feel the 3.1% effect but also so was my bladder so I got up to excuse myself.

After the wee I didn't fancy sitting down to more beer just yet, so I went downstairs and popped my head out of the front door to see if there were any shops nearby to charge up my phone's account. It was as if I'd done it on purpose, but the door blew shut behind me and I was locked out in the street with no means of electronic communication.

I could easily have rung the doorbell but thought I'd explore just a few minutes to find a China Mobile place. It took over 10 minutes in the end but I found one and stuck in 100 kuai. It had been a nice, peaceful 10 minutes not being called by A Wu or Tan or anyone else, and perhaps because they'd tried, and found my phone was off the network they hadn't continued trying as my walk back was just as peaceful. I noticed that it had stopped raining for the first time today too. My too-brief sojourn over, I called A Wu from the front door and he came down to open it, and when I got back to the table all the blokes feigned indignation over my disappearance, so I jokingly said A Wu took 90 minutes to do a poo, and they all, including A Wu, saw the funny side and we gan bei'd yet again.

A Ni arrived to find some drunken men with big glasses

A Ni and a friend or two turned up but by that time we'd gone passed the six cans and were on to cai ma. Eventually the meal ended and I went with A Wu to "sing song". I don't know quite how but somehow we ended up at a crossroads where a minor accident had occurred and both cars were still sitting there in the middle. It seemed as though we knew one of the owners of the cars and we stood at the side under the shelter of a shop (for it had started raining again) and just talked. I got a bit bored so wandered off no more than 20' before being invited into another shop where some young blokes were eating and drinking beer, with a solitary lady at the table. So of course I sat down with them and did a couple of gan bei's and cai ma and had a laugh for five minutes until A Wu came to say we were off.

The policeman took about 50 pictures from all angles but at least he had an umbrella

I made some new friends while waiting for A Wu

We went to the new KTV by the new cinema near A Xia's shop. I didn't know many of the people there so had to do a few more gan bei's and had more than enough Dutch courage to sing the usual three songs I do, at less than on-key. I realised that staying in the room would mean more drinking so I used my toilet excuse and left for a wander. I wandered up and down and somehow into another room where there were a couple of blokes and women and it wasn't quite as smoky as the others. More gan bei's ensued and I felt I was out of the frying pan, but into a slightly smaller frying pan that had more oil in it. I managed to leave and find my original room with A Wu and they greeted me like a long lost friend which meant more gan bei's so my plan sort of backfired.

Lord knows what time we left but we found ourselves in some covered eatery later with some other blokes, ordering cooked, chilli oysters, as I'd had at Luwen's place for the World Cup final. Tan says I shouldn't eat seafood and drink beer as it gives you la du but she wasn't there and I had some. Somehow I had the self-awareness to make my excuses and leave the table and walk home and A Wu didn't even try to drag me back to drive me as I was quite insistent I was tired. Xixi's bed awaited me again.

Tian Yang Po bbq x2

For some reason I was up at a rather late 10.30. I offered to get Tan breakfast but she said she was goint to do pilates and fast for three days on nothing more than fruit. Fair enough, I'm not going to argue.

I went to see the kids at Waipo's place but then needed to go to the market to get three cucumbers, some buffalo tomatoes, and grapes, as that was what Tan would be eating from now on.

I had talked about sorting out Waipo's house with the internet so Chuan Chuan and everyone else except Waipo could use it. I arranged with Chuan Chuan to go to the bottom of our block to arrange this but it needed someone with a China Mobile phone, and hers was China Unicom as that has fast internet (China Mobile choosing to implement the protocol incorrectly, apparently). As mine wouldn't do because my number wasn't "named", A Heng had to come along. Apparently they would take the monthly charge from his credit, but I had to pay some stuff in advance. I finally found out why my number didn't work; apparently they had changed the rules this year and if you don't have a named card, and you don't make a call within three months, your number is lost. I did ask to "name" my card but was given looks of nonplussed-ness and I thought it better than to argue at this time. In any case, although the wiring was already there, and they had had internet within the year, they said it would not be before Monday that they would get a connection.

Back home after a bite to eat at Waipo's, Tan declared she was hungry and wanted five portions of duck tongues, five of duck intestines, and two chicken claws from Tian Yang Po's bbq place. So at 9pm I took the kids to get it. So much for fasting. It took over half an hour to get it ready so we went for a ride and found some women playing volleyball. It looked so inviting and had my back been better I'd have tried to join in. As it was we had to be content with the stretching exercises by the side. We finally got the bbq to mama at 10pm after having a bit ourselves.

Good for stretching the back

I then took the kids to the guang chang as I'd promised them. It was well gone 10pm but they enjoyed a stint on the bumper cars and then some painting that you then bake to make it hard. But it was well gone 10.30 by the time they'd finished, despite my attempts to help.

Bumping at the guang chang

A Wu called for me to go to bbq with him so I met him at his office then dropped the kids off at Waipo's with Chuan Chuan, and went to Tian Yang Po's bbq for the second time that night. Haiwei called, and we bade him come down, and we all had a nice night with some of A Ni's colleagues, not drinking too much. Until that was, Tan called me at 12.40 to say I'd be sleeping in Xixi's room tonight as she didn't want to be disturbed. Blimey I was just on my way home luv.

So in Xixi's room I tried to book tickets back to the UK. The stupid Skyscanner site I've used before sent me to Ctrip to book the best tickets, but every single ticket on Ctrip was sold out. So why were they available in the first place? I was just to tired to continue so didn't get tickets in the end as it was already 3am.

Two Yellows and bad karaoke

Finally, after nearly two weeks it seems there is becoming a semblance of normality to my sleeping patterns, as I was up around 9am again. So was Xixi - she came into our room thinking it was night time as Leilei had started to use her pillow. Later in the morning we went out to get some lunch for Tan and ask where we might buy goldfish from. As it was raining we went walking with umbrellas so we first came home to drop off lunch then, as it had stopped raining, we went to the place that Leilei had remembered from some time ago as selling fish and indeed he was right.

Xixi decided to help taking in the dry clothes first - nice!

We had to spend a few minutes doing a photo-shoot with the shop keeper and her son plus some other customer and her daughter, but finally got around to choosing a fish each for the kids; Leilei a blue one and Xixi a red one. Apparently they would fight if put together so we got them a small bowl each and bits and bobs to make it look less boring. 35 kuai for the lot seemed pretty good, and as is usual she gave us various discounts, none of which we asked for.

A photoshoot - a rather common occurrence here

On the way back we had our lunch in the bao zi place before filling up the bowls and freeing up the fish from their prison-like bags. They didn't seem that impressed with their new-found freedom but did seem interested in each other when we put the bowls together.

Red and Blue - no official names yet

I took the kids to stay at Waipo's for a bit with their fish, then went home when A Dong came around fix the electricity. It was only a change of three fuses and I was more interested in the root cause that caused them to blow in the first place but didn't want to sound ungrateful as now everything was working.

So Tan and I had a relaxing afternoon just chilling out for once, before going to Waipo's for tea later, after which Chuan Chuan took them swimming. I came back home as I needed to sort out tickets but stopped off on the way to have a cup of tea at our local tea shop, as I'd promised a couple of weeks ago I would when I had time. I didn't feel I ought to, but I did buy a thing for boiling tea in and it was only 35 kuai - I'd better not break it this time. The bloke then stuffed as many sachets of different teas as he could into the bag for good measure.

While we drank tea, his wife bagged it

I spent about an hour by myself at home, which was nice, but I thought I should be taking more advantage of my penultimate day of holiday. I realised I hadn't seen the Beihai seafood boss yet, so got on the dian dong che and drove down to see if he was around. Before I even managed to get off the bike he was shouting at me and looking very excited. By the number of beer bottles I could see that his party was somewhat the worse for wear, and very happy.

We shook hands heartily, and then he remembered his horrible trick of bending his middle finger so it stuck into your palm while shaking you. The food on the table was nearly finished but he insisted on ordering three new dishes. Around the table were a bloke and his wife, some other bloke, and a bloke from Guangzhou who apparently knew Tan, and was a friend of her friend Huang Chun. Well actually we had a really good time catching up. His hatred of the Japanese was as strong as ever, and I did yet again suggest that it was some time ago now, and other countries had patched up differences. It's something about booze that brings out this deep-rooted hatred of other races. It's basically the truth about how they feel and I know I won't change it. But his daughter probably won't feel the same, and I think it's a sort of acceptable reduction of racism by attrition. It's not like he's going to be doing anything other than spouting vitriol about the Japanese, as if any will hear him.

Beihai seafood boss's daughter and wife, surrounded by drunk bloke on right and understanding wife on left (wish she understood how to drive)

Uncle Yellow called me at about 10.30 to ask me to join him in the pub "where we watched the football". I thought this might be a good excuse. Huang Chun's friend was two gan bei's short of a pancake and the other bloke who was with his wife couldn't cai ma for toffee. His wife looked not at all unimpressed with him, in a way Tan could never do. They decided it was time to leave and walked over to their car and I was almost not surprised to see him, rather than her, get into the driver's seat.

So after another couple of gan bei's and various painful hand shakes with middle finger knuckles, I finally made my way at about 11 sir. I drove down to Jiang Bing Lu, and found the pub where we'd watched Germany - France until the satellite went down the other week, but Uncle Yellow was nowhere to be seen. I called him again so see where he was. As is customary when he answered I called him a disgusting pervert. Unfortunately I had called the Beihai seafood boss by mistake, as his surname is also Huang (Yellow). I had a slightly embarrassing time explaining why I called him a disgusting pervert and why I wasn't home in bed as I said I was going to do. Luckily he sounded so pissed and tired I don't think he computed what I said. I then called the proper Uncle Yellow and he said he was at the pub by the guang chang that he had been to in the past to watch football, not that I had gone to. As if I would have known that.

So five minutes later I got there and as soon as I walked in he and his mates saw me and accosted me and gan bei'd me. Luckily it was too loud to cai ma, but Uncle Yellow insisted on me singing a song - from the way he tried to sing it I guessed it was "No Matter What", by Boyzone. I don't mind it in a private room but this was a pub with a good 50 people in it, most of whom I guessed I'd never seen before. I didn't want to let him down, so said I'd need a couple more gan bei's, and he said no problem, I would sing it from our table, NOT from the dance floor.

And of course what happens? A minute later the music to "Scarborough Fair" starts, the microphone is thrust into my hands, and I am pushered onto the middle of the dance floor. What's worse is that the monitor is only showing the words in Chinese, and although I can read some of them it's clearly not what should be sung, so I have to remember the verses. I did what I could. "Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Parsley Sage Rosemary and flipping Thyme". It's not exactly a pub song, but at least I got a fair few whoops from the ladies.

About the only amusing thing in the pub tonight

Back at the table Uncle Yellow was genuinely apologetic, for the wrong song and the fact I'd been put on stage. He thought he'd put this right by getting me to write "No Matter What" on his phone, and then going to the manager to rectify things. Ok so they found the bloody song, but at least this time although the words were still in characters and I couldn't remember beyond the second verse, I was allowed to stay at our table. And of course Tan called me half way through. As people were listening I cancelled the call but she tried again. I stuffed the mic in Uncle Yellow's hand before the end and went outside to answer lest she suspect I was in a pub. Not that it did much good. I suspect she just wanted to vent her spleen that I was out beyond midnight, and that she did well. I explained that I was (truthfully) going to be back in 10 minutes, and I had no objections from the blokes when I told them.

I still slept in Xixi's room though.

Plants

Although I woke up at 4.30am, I was reasonably happy to extrude a small stool of non-liquidity for the first time in a couple of days, then fall back to sleep till around 9am. And the kids were up a tad before then. We breakfasted on the cereal bars, which are just a bit too convenient, and then we did some homework in bed. Xixi was doing maths alone, and Leilei was reading some science and I was testing him. We were revising photosynthesis and other plant life stuff, when it struck me it would be a good idea to get some plants of our own to make the homework more practical. One of the practical tests was to have three similar plants, and not water one, put one in the dark, and leave one in the light with water and observe the results in a few days.

So down we went, onto the dian dong che, and started looking for a garden centre. We could have asked but it's a little more fun to not know where you're going if you're not pushed for time. Slightly annoyingly, we found such a place not two minutes' away from our house. We asked where the small plants were and straight away Leilei found some cacti that he liked and Xixi had her mind set on some other small leafy plant. Well, it wasn't quite the experiment I was hoping for but houses are always the better for a few plants, of which we have none currently.

I then found some cheap-looking nondescript plants that looked suitable for our purposes, and each of us chose a suitable pot. The total for all five plants and pots did come to 90 kuai but all the plants were lovingly repotted, pots cleaned etc. The pots were rather handily attached to their saucer so there was no worry about them falling over when being picked up from beneath too. Back home the kids put their plants in Leilei's room and then decided whose would be what for the experiment. Of course mine is living in the dark in a wardrobe (Leilei's won't be watered). At least I promised we wouldn't let them die.

Leilei's (no water), Xixi's' (no problem), and mine (soon-to-be no light)

Leilei's cacti and Xixi's leaf-thing

We all went out for lunch; Tan with A Xia, I took the kids to Waipo's, and then I went to the supermarket to get some white rice vinegar. Talk about choice - there were literally dozens to choose from, which meant dozens of potential wrong choices. If I'd rung her up to ask it would have been showing some sort of failure. So I grabbed one that definitely had the character for "white" on it (百) and hoped for the best. Such is the plight of man.

This is what she looked like when telling me to get some soap from the Body Shop when back in the UK - you don't want to get her the wrong white rice vinegar!

I was actually hungry so called A Wu. He was in his office so I popped in. Surprisingly simply, they were having home-cooked noodles with a bit of pork. I think it was so simple because it was for the workers too. I joined in and had a little bowl, which made a change to some of the stuff I've been having recently. Then A Wu announced he needed to buy a pair of trousers. That was our cue to get in the BMW X6 and drive a whole minute to where the expensive clothes shops are. After a bit of flirting with the assistants (which I suspect is the main reason for going there) he decided against getting some, and instead would get a pair from Nanning as he was going there now. It may also have had something to do with the fact they were 2000 kuai.

I stayed in during the afternoon as I was expecting A Xia's husband A Dong to come to fix the electrics so we could heat up the water, but he never came as he was busy. I was due to go to Waipo's at 5pm as we'd arranged to go to the meal with the bloke who invited us yesterday - even Waipo was going to go. As I didn't want to be late, but was still working on my time sheet, I called Tan to check what time we had to be there. Everything had changed. Suddenly Tan didn't want to go as we'd have to give an expensive red envelope plus a woman was there that Tan didn't like. Apparently Waipo was ok with this too. I was happy to go but I thought it would be a little awkward just me on my own or with the kids so I acquiesced. Apparently they had given an excuse of going to a wedding meal anyway.

So it was back to the usual tea at Waipo's. I brought over the pack of duty-free Marlboros for A Heng, plus some full strength ibuprofen for A Xia, had our meal, then went straight back to wait for A Dong again. Haiwei called me on the way to ask me to eat at the same place as last time and I explained I might be some time but would come later. Later arrived but A Dong didn't. I tried to call then decided to go out anyway. I composed a text message to this effect but Haiwei called me anyway to come so I joined mostly the same blokes as yesterday help them finish off some squirrel and some dog, washed down with plenty of cai ma losses. For some reason I wasn't on form. Maybe it was the la du, which had come back with a vengeance since giving me a false dawn at dawn earlier today.

I called Chuan Chuan and she brought over the kids and after they had some bbq we said good night to the blokes and went home for a shower and relatively early night. In bed thought, Leilei had received a nice response to his email to his class at home, where they had plenty of questions for him to answer. And of course Xixi wanted to write an email to her class. Once again it wasn't long before midnight before they were asleep.