First KTV of 2017 and big storm

Up at 7am - although I could have slept longer had I decided it would not be regrettable if I went jogging but when I checked my phone I saw there was some urgent work to be done which kept me busy till 2pm. And then as I was about to fall asleep for a nice siesta another email came through that required my attention and I had to accept that there would be no sleeping this afternoon. In the end it took me till gone 10pm to finish off work so a good 15 hours.

During the afternoon Leilei came to me whining that his iphone was locked and wouldn't accept his passcode. Doing some searching it seems others have had this problem where the phone refuses to accept the correct code and the only option is to reset the phone. But in order to do that I needed itunes and basically it was going to be a real palaver and as I had work to do I put it off till tomorrow. I'm not a great Apple fan.

We had a whale of a storm during the afternoon too - I'd experience the rain before but the wind was unprecedented in my experience. Apparently trees had been uprooted in this typhoon but I didn't believe it till I saw it.

The kids were eager to go to the guangchang so I took them there after a trip to play ping pong but to their dismay the bouncy castles were not up probably due to the recent rain. Xixi was desperate to do something so I let her do some stained-plastic painting even though the average age of the other kids doing stuff was much lower. They did want to come here so much but are clearly growing out of it - they're getting to the age where the actual stuff to do here will be much less interesting and they really need some friends of their own ages to engage with. The problem is they don't know anyone and aren't really the most social people in the town to go out and meet people.

In the evening it was nice to be invited to karaoke by some friends I'd met last year. I could only make it for 11pm and I didn't intend to stay up till 3am...most of the people had been there for long before me and I had no intention of catching up on their state of inebriation but I did manage to do a couple of songs that seemed to be appreciated muchly.

Back on our dian dong che

Bloody woke up at 7am after three hours' sleep. I fought against wakefulness and lost, but did manage to watch the last 20 minutes of City v Spurs in a pre-season friendly we won 3-0 so that was quite nice. Knowing I would likely be able to snooze later I did 90 minutes of ping pong at the old people's leisure centre where I was soundly whipped but in an enjoyable way...most of them know me by name now and I barely get a minute off-table so I'm hoping it's good exercise. However it's a bit disheartening to see many rather portly bellies attached to the blokes who are so good and play for hours...I'm hoping it's because they eat too much at night. My Xiao Mi band doesn't understand the difference between table tennis and stepping though so I had a barely justifiable 8000 steps by the time I got home.

I stopped off at Lu Wen's on the way back from ping pong but didn't partake of the beef fen

I sorted breakfast for the lazy kids and then took them to Waipo's. I was determined to sort out our own dian dong che so finally found the place that fixes them and brought the bloke over to see it. He did explain what was wrong and I understood the cause was its lack of use but it wasn't just the batteries that needed changing but the dianping. I still am none the wiser as to what that means, but he said I could pick it up after tea and it would cost about 550 kuai. I like the way they time things by meals here.

I then went back home to wait for a bloke to fix the living room curtains. Gratefully he came by midday, which meant I could get to bed by 12.45 and set my alarm for 4pm. Except I'd forgotten to put my phone on silent and Haiwei called me to say he'd pick me up at 3pm for table tennis. 3pm? He'd said 8pm last night. Oh well ok I responded, just wanting an excuse to sleep - let's speak at 3pm. I did sleep but at 2.37pm the phone rang again and Haiwei was telling me to get ready. I'd blooming told him I was having a siesta but hey...I said I'd be ready by 3pm which was the original agreement, and grabbed another 15 minutes shuteye. As I was getting ready a thunderclap from hades let itself be known in the immediate vicinity and within 30 seconds raindrops the size of peach stones were hurtling down. This meant I had to bring in all the clothes and close all the windows, which led to another call asking where I was. At least I had a genuine excuse for being a few minutes late.

It turned out to be a semi-official competition between Pingguo and Bama, a town a couple of hours drive away. Each team had four players that all played each other in a first-to-three game. I practised in the background with a couple of blokes for an hour or so and then went for a rest behind the main table where they were playing. I spied a cushion on a hard wooden bench and tried lying down on it and resting my head. I did the old counting in German trick and almost immediately I started having weirdish visions and I realised I had not caught up enough on sleep. I never thought I'd actually do any genuine sleeping on a hard bench but I must have as when I got up it was 6.30pm. No-one had batted an eyelid, such is the normalness of doing such spot-sleeping here, but for me it was a first and I almost felt proud.

Flexi-table tennis ball holders for practising top spin

Of course after the competition (which we won) we were to go for a meal with the Bama team, which was fine by me as I was refreshed. And of course it was great and involved beer and cai ma, and the Bama blokes were pretty impressed with my ability. I just hope that one day they'll be impressed by my table tennis. I could have stayed longer but needed to find the kids, which gave me an excuse for a break. Then I realised it was already getting on for 10pm and I'd intended to pick up the dian dong che hours ago. So I walked over from Waip's to find the family who own the shop gorging themselves in watermelon. As soon as they saw me they invited me over to share with them, which I did willingly. The cost was indeed 550 kuai but at least we have the dian dong che back and the kids will fit on more easily now. I noted there were 1200km on the clock, so will see how long the battery lasts.

Well I took the kids back home on our trusty steed but Haiwei had called to say that some of the blokes had moved on to a bar and his son was there and he wanted me to talk English to him, so after making sure the kids were getting ready for bed I went over and spent a couple of hours with them, as Haiwei fell asleep on his chair (as is his wont) and his son told me that that makes him angry. While in the loo, a bloke started talking to me in English and insisted on adding me to his WeChat. I didn't mind but then went to his table to say hi to his friends, who were rather drunk. Another time it may have been fun but I was tired and did my best to just do a couple of ganbeis.

I said I needed to go at 1am, and woke up Haiwei. His son had been taken home by Haiwei's wife, whose name I never remember, so it was up to me to take him back on the dian dong che. Luckily he didn't fall asleep on the back and I got him, then myself home a few minutes later, but still didn't sleep till 2am.

Going swimming

We all were up pretty late but even so didn't manage much in the way of breakfast; some youtiao and pancakes from the dou jiang place we usually go to. Then Tan said Lin Hong was taking us swimming after lunch. By "us" she meant the kids and me as she would stay with Waipo. I rang Lin Hong so that she'd have my new number and she said she'd be downstairs in 5 minutes which gave me that much time to get everything packed, including the factor 50 spray-on suncream. We needed to wait for Tan to bring something even though we were being told to hurry up. Then I noticed I'd forgotten Xixi's bag so I had to scurry back to get it for fear of having hell to pay. By the time I got back I realised it was lunchtime and the kids had hardly eaten...ah I guess we will eat there...

It turned out there were four cars in an entourage going to this place. When I asked how far it was I got the typically generic "not far" response I should have expected, and I knew better than to ask how many minutes as it would have been "not long". As it was it was under half an hour so pretty much not far or long. It was brimming with heat though so we sought the cover of shelter which turned out to be just about the only air-conditioned room. But all the people, around 20 with the median age around 50, just started eating fruit and talking. Leilei and Xixi, being the only kids, were not too interested in this and wanted to go swimming. "Too hot!" was the unanimous response.

But the alternative to swimming was staying in this room where they'd just brought in an electronic majiang table so I said despite the heat I'd take them out. They probably thought the equivalent of mad dogs and Englishmen but Lin Hong and Tian Tian allowed us to change into our swimming gear and I spent 5 minutes spraying the kids and myself all over with factor 50 before venturing into the intense heat of the outside. We weren't the only ones by the pool but it was by no means full. Shockingly, the water was really cold and it took Leilei and I a good 5 minutes just to submerge to the level of our balls whereas Xixi seemed impervious to the temperature. Finally I managed to get fully into the water but mainly because I didn't want to look like a wuss in front of the kids (or the other people - as I'm aware I'm a slight ambassador for the West). We managed nearly an hour before I'd had enough, and the kids decided to get out with me. There was no need for towels and when we got back to the room and changed we realised nothing had changed...all the people were either watching majiang or eating fruit. So we did the latter, and because the kids hadn't had lunch they gorged themselves on baby mangoes and yellowskin fruit as it was already gone 3pm.

The majiang game that was the focal point for much of the afternoon

Leilei got through loads of baby mangoes

Xixi trying to make a real unicorn

But they were getting fractious so I took them out to amuse them. We found a massive spiderweb suspended between two trees that was easily as tall as Leilei, but had no occupant other than a couple of leaves, and I explain how things in general grew bigger in hotter climes. Then Leilei used his laser to fox some puppies much to our amusement as he put it on the bone one of them was gnawing which caused a mini fight among them.

This was meant to be a pic of the spiderweb but it didn't come out - at least part of the swimming pool is in view

Finally, soon after 4pm, some servers started bringing food to the table. I wasn't sure if this was a late lunch or an early tea, but it turned out to be the latter as it took half an hour before the tables were full of food. Then other people started turning up too. I should have guessed "swimming" was more of an excuse for a meal. Even when the meal was set people continued watching majiang until Tian Tian and her friends were too hungry to continue and just started. That caused more people to start and we all sat down together to eat a fine meal. Only after the meal did a handful of the ladies go to the swimming pool but the kids were now bored and Lin Hong told A Zheng to take us home as the others would be chatting for a while. I was dropping off by the time we got there but it was too early to sleep so grabbed a coffee.

The hungry girls got the meal started 

On the way back the spider came out but the web wasn't picked up by the camera

View from car on way back

At 11pm I called Yang Haiwei to arrange to meet up some time and he said he was one hour away from Pingguo and that we'd meet up as soon as he was back. Maybe I shouldn't have called so late but sod it I'd make the effort. It wasn't till well after 12.30 that we met - just his family and his eldest son's mate, all awake after the drive back from Beihai. I spent most of the time communicating with the eldest son in English on his father's behest (to him, not me) and I didn't mind as I guess it's a sort of pay-back for all the stuff Haiwei has done for me if you want to see it in those terms. He (the eldest, now 16) was drinking beer and his mate too, and said sometimes he drank beer when he was nervous. I told him that was very wrong...it's ok to enjoy a couple with mates but you should face your fears, and I made sure he moved to water after his couple. Not sure how long that will work long term though. I don't know how all of them including the four year old, let alone me, made it to 3am but on the hour I told them I had to go and bade farewell, and somehow only fell asleep at 4am.

Door and catching up

Got up at around 10.30 to a missed message from Uncle Yellow and was told to take the kids to A Ni's place opposite for lunch. Except now Lu Wen was working there and instead of a steak place it's now a "normal" place that sells noodles with beef and nothing else. I'm not sure if it's his full time job but he was there with his wife and new daughter (they now have two). The kids weren't massively keen but I got them to eat some of the noodles at least, but the two portions I bought were nowhere near finished even by the time I'd had mine.

We went to Waipo's for a bit and found Chuan Chuan there - we expected her to be in Baise but she'd come down to see the kids. Waipo was looking fairly similar to last year if a bit thinner. It was the usual sit around for a bit with the tv on and chatting and then I remembered the dian dong che and asked if we could use it. Apparently it wasn't charged, and couldn't be charged, and I'd need to get it fixed from somewhere. I was a bit annoyed but fair enough if the batteries are dead. At least I could use Jiuma's little orange one for the time being to get some stuff from the supermarket. However the kids have grown so much it was tricky to fit us all on, so after a little ride together I left them at Waip's and went to cut a couple of new keys as stupidly I'd forgotten to bring my set.

The two keys cost 8 kuai, probably a 20th of what it would have cost in the UK, but then it was done by a bloke on the side of the road who presumably has little in the way of running costs. I got two done as I guessed one probably wouldn't work, and went home to test them. The first was fine so that should have been fine but of course it was right to test the second. Except when I locked the door again (from the outside) it only half locked, and none of the three keys would move at all. Try as I might, using as much force as I dared, nothing would budge. So I went to tell Tan the news at Lao Ma's hair salon where she was getting permed as she generally does the first week back.

Well at least it wasn't obviously my fault, but she called Ling Ming and he also thought the locked had not been fully locked (as if that was a reason for it not being unlockable) and I feared the worst; we'd have to knock down the strong door (which was a replacement from the original in 2010) and reinstall another at great expense. Back at the house I tried to unlock the door again to no avail and called Ling Ming who then called a locksmith and called me back to say they were on their way. Although I was grateful I asked what he meant by "on their way" as I was standing in the hot corridor waiting and could be somewhere more comfortable if it was going to be long. "10-15 minutes", he said, which often means something else, but he gave me the locksmith's number to check. Downstairs, where it was a tad cooler, I called the number and just a couple of minutes later the bloke turned up. Upstairs again he had exactly the same success as me. He had a rather strange accent that I couldn't quite grasp but I understood he was going to get something from his san lun che downstairs. He came back presently with two "C" shaped iron 8mm wide wire/bar things where the "C" was about 18" in diameter. He then proceeded to hammer the viewing hole outlet thing until it became a bit loose, then started unscrewing it until it came out, leaving a hole and inch and a half in diameter in the door. He then fed through one of the "C" bars and I suddenly saw what he was trying to do - literally open the door from the inside. But it didn't work, so he tried the second and lo and behold it worked - just like that within a couple of minutes he showed how totally insecure these doors are.

Showing how ridiculously easy it is to open a front door from the other side

But I was relieved really. He now got to work on the problem and noticed a number of issues - the lock was too "short", there was too much play in the bottom bit that goes in the ground. It sounded expensive and it took him close to an hour to have fixed everything from start to finish including changing some pieces, but in the end it only cost 30 kuai and the barrel wasn't changed so my new keys still worked. An hour previously I was lamenting not only losing our vehicle but also potentially our house but now it was looking much rosier.

Now that I had my own set of keys I went back to Lao Ma's salon and gave her back her own and took Leilei off to the police station to register ourselves for this year. It's never straightforward and this year was no exception. The women remembered me from last year and were in good spirits, but the woman who did us last year wasn't there so they had to call her to come. Lord knows what she was doing but it took her 45 minutes to get there by which time it was dangerously close to tea time at Waipo's. After a great kerfuffle she ended up taking pictures of the various passports and visas and said we could pick them documents up early next week. The main woman said it was a special day today for the police and they were having a big meal and I was invited. I said thanks I might do so with no real intention as Tan was already calling to say they were waiting for us to eat.

After food at Waipo's the kids were taken out and I found myself with some time on my hands. Time that might have been used more appropriately sorting stuff out but I recalled the policewoman's invitation so thought it would be nice to pay them a visit as it was only 7pm. Funnily they were actually expecting me and there was a loud cheer from the (mostly) blokes as I walked in; evidentally they had been on the beer for some time and wanted me to catch up. One of them was pretty clear that I should have 10 (small) glasses before I cai ma. I was more bloated than anything else 20 minutes later after having ganbei'd just about everyone there, and finally turned to cai ma to slow things down.

Uncle Yellow called around 8pm to invite me for a bite at 9ish, which gave me an excuse to leave relatively soon after. But it was pretty good fun with the police, and maybe a good thing in another way to get to know them at this level. Uncle Yellow was in the same place I'd met him with Xixi about this time last year, with a couple of mates I knew, so it was good to catch up again. In typical style the people eating in the room next door also knew me somehow so I was beckoned in as I came back from a loo visit and sat down and given a bowl etc. A couple of ganbeis later Uncle Yellow entered and scolded me for leaving him (in a not totally serious way) so I excused myself and went back to his room to eat some quite lovely grubs. I've no idea what they actually were but I daresay they are high in protein.

Lovely grub

Mates

Eventually we said our goodbyes, but for good measure as it was close and near where I was, I passed by Huang's seafood place where he was very glad to see me. I was sat down with some mates and poured beer but I realised I had nearly used up my allotted wake-time straight away. I managed a little bit of conversation but felt myself dropping off too. I think Huang realised and didn't put up too much of a fight when I told him I'd better go home and come back when the jet lag had gone.

Truly Back in Pingguo

We were at Heathrow Terminal 4 an hour before baggage drop-off opened, and we would have been checked-in online if China Southern had allowed me to check in Xixi after having allowed me to check in the rest of us.... But it was ok and the kids were happy to spend a couple of hours in the lounge, which actually had very decent food. Of course Xixi spilt hot chocolate over her jeans so after Tan washed them I was tasked with drying them. A hithertothen unused perk of the lounge, at least on a journey's departure, was the shower suite, where I was given a room with a hair dryer and spent the next 10 minutes with it inflating Xixi's right trouser leg. When it was dry enough in my eyes I brought it up only to find it wasn't dry enough (things feel drier when they're warm) and there was also a sleeve of her hoodie to dry. This time I got Xixi to help out plus a glass of refreshment....

Either the flight was nondescript or I've pretty much got over any concern over flying I might have had before. I tried to watch Logan, but just couldn't get into the genre or the bad acting. Then I managed 3/4 of a film supposedly about Mars but more about the first person born there and how he coped on earth. I had really hoped for some decent sci-fi but again all I saw was bad acting and a boring romance. Not to mention he was chatting with her in real time even though it would have taken seconds if not minutes for each message to be relayed. So I ended up watching the Bourne Legacy again and fell asleep half an hour into it. Magically I awoke with only three of the 11 hours to go meaning I'd slept for around five hours. There was no queue at immigration, no need to take and re-check-in baggage, no problem at security and not long after we were in the Bayun lounge at Guangzhou airport with a good two hours before the next flight, during which I caught up on some work, and managed a couple of cold beers as it was now well after 6pm. I even nodded off on the 1h15m flight to Nanning, where we were met by Er Jie and A Heng, and our luggage just a few minutes later.

Xixi doing the same joke as last year in Arrivals (ok it was my idea)

Last year was closer to being funny

I went with the kids in Er Jie's boss's 4x4 while Tan went with A Heng in a white BMW. We arrived in Pingguo shortly before 1.30am but went straight to Tian Yang Po's bbq place around the corner from ours. As she was firing up new charcoal I went for a wander and found that my friend Huang from the Bei Hai Seafood place had already shut up shop, but as I walked back I was beckoned over to a table of blokes and a woman and had a beer forced in my face and duly ganbei'd. I was truly back in Pingguo. I managed to get away after a couple more and having myself added to someone else's WeChat, before I was beckoned over again by four more blokes just 50 yards from our table. I managed a couple more ganbeis before Xixi walked over to tell me to come over to eat. What a pretty excuse to leave that I couldn't have bettered by any words.

Well of course the bbq was good, and Er Jie's boss got a six pack of 500ml beers, which I checked and they were 2.9% so ok. Xixi was given a second-hand iPhone 5 - the first time I've ever seen something second-hand given as a gift here. There were a few more people now but we left well before 3am to get to the house. They are rebuilding the road on the door-side of the building and there was a drop of about 9" which unfortunately the BMW went down, causing some noise and scratching. Eventually in the house with all the luggage I thought the kids would sleep but no chance...a shower seemed to wake them up. I noticed although the flat was nice and clean, there was no water, so I ventured out to buy five bottles and managed not to get caught up in any more ganbei'ing before getting back and having my own shower. Bed was some time between 5 and 6am.