Pingguo, but Solitary

Roll on 12 days. I don’t particularly want to remember the long hours in the Kowloon office, despite some quite nice cheap eateries and the triggering of memories of a particularly bonding experience with Xixi in 2009 due to chickenpox.

I should not complain but the HK lounges only allow free beer so after a quadruple I knew I’d need the loo, which I did a couple of times before the flight, which was delayed half an hour. However, luck dictates that you will need to go as soon as you fasten your seatbelt, and indeed I did. Luckily the two ladies to my left (yes I’d taken a window seat) were fine about my asking for a wee just before leaving and ushered me to the aisle just before the stewardesses were to close the loos for takeoff. What a relief it was!

The two ladies were mother and daughter, living in Nanning, and seemed to be quite delighted to talk to me. I did mention that my wife was also from Nanning, the sort of thing that back in the day would let down any potential suitors, but now merely confirms my ineligibility as if…. I did mention to them that their accents didn’t seem very Guangxi and they seemed quite impressed that I guessed that they were from the North. Where, I hadn’t a clue, but when you say “narrrrrrrrrrr” instead of “nali” it sounds quite obvious even to me.

I admit to supplementing my cola from the lounge with a head of whisky from the shop, but only because there was no option other than water with Hong Kong Airlines. It sort of did the trick as the typical turbulence arrived but thankfully it lasted no more than a handful of minutes and my hands weren’t too full of sweat as they normally are. Unfortunately while pouring the said whisky into the cola not all of it went into the can. A fair amount went straight into my pocket. I could have lived with looking like I'd pissed myself while having an erection to the right, but the smell was quite pungent. Oh well, once the cola was finished I had a couple of little swigs from the 20cl bottle as we got closer to our destination. The ladies didn't speak to me much for the rest of the flight - I guess they were tired.

We only arrived 20 minutes late, but it was at the flashy new terminal at Nanning. I do like this airport because it was built with the airforce in mind, and has a much longer runway than is necessary for normal planes. But you know, just in case. I’d filled in my landing card but couldn’t remember how to write our address in Pingguo in Chinese, so left it blank and IM’d Chuan Chuan to send it when we landed. Interestingly enough I got to passport control before I had the time to write the address, and mentioned this to the chap checking my passport. He took a look at me and said “mei wenti” (no problem) and let me through. A stark contrast from eight years ago or so with small kids and they insisted I add my middle name to the entry card.

A Wu had arranged to pick me up and true to his word he was there. Big bro hugs were had and it was genuinely nice to see a familiar family face after the last 12 days. We got to his BMW X6 and started the journey back with a woman who was also there for the ride. This is very common. There is nearly always someone else there for the ride.

Filling up just outside Nanning, she's nice but thirsty...

I semi-dozed after an hour, using my counting-in-German approach. I in no way slept, but in some way avoided 100% awakeness for a 20 minute period. That helped for what was to come.

We arrived in Pingguo soon after 8.30pm and went straight to A Wu’s house to see his new one-month-old son. He was indeed very cute, and there was A Ni’s younger sister there looking after him, allowing A Ni to eat, and generally be a human again. As it was “guo jie”, an important family festival, I ate some nice duck at their place before getting in contact with Chuan Chuan and arranging to meet up at the “sing song” place where she would give me my new SIM card as once again my one from last year no longer worked.

Aaahh...baby A Wu number 2

We went to the nice central KTV that I have been to on countful occasions before, with a couple of lovely locals adorning the stairs of the entrance. This time though we had the big room on the bottom floor (or the 1st floor as they insist here).

Chuan Chuan came quite soon after and I met her outside. I gave her a big hug and now she is quite used to it from her uncle. She is still very slight for her age but a very bright young lady - sort of like a young Tan both physically and mentally.

Chuan Chuan looking more like Tan every year

Chuan Chuan stayed for a bit, while Li Mingda (A Wu’s son) came with some school friends. He’s now 14 and looking more like an adult and it is hard to remember it wasn't long ago he and Leilei were good mates. One of his friends was a pretty girl and I wondered if she was his girlfriend, though I didn’t want to embarrass him by asking.

Well Chuan Chuan and the youngsters went, and adults came and came, and I was plied with many many thimblefuls of weak beer. So much so that eventually I said I needed to go home. A Wu seemed ok with this, as presumably it gave him a chance for a break too.

We drove back to my building at well gone 1am and entered together with another bloke who was there for some reason or another. When the lift got us to the 14th floor and we got out we saw a metal gate barring our way to my front door. Needless to say we were a little peeved, and tried my front door keys to open it in some way, but it didn’t budge. There was nothing for it, I had to call Chuan Chuan. She answered and said there was no such gate. Rather than argue with her I mentioned this to A Wu and colleague and we thought we’d better check. We took the lift down to the ground floor and collapsed in laughter when we realised we’d entered the 2nd door instead of the 3rd door. What utter idiots.

Going to the correct door we had no such problems with mysterious gates and got into our flat quite easily with the new key Chuan Chuan had given me. A Wu and mate bade farewell and I was left in our place for the first time in a year with every inkling to explore but no energy to do so. I found our cover and a pillow or two and opened the can of Skol I’d grabbed from Hong Kong. But I barely had a sip before I turned on the air-con at 26 degrees and fell into a well-predicted sleep.

Sort of Back to China But on My Own

It's been a blur. But I was good on the first flight from London City to Amsterdam; I didn't take an alcoholic drink that was offered before take-off although others did. Even though it was my first experience in business class. However, the smallish plane hanging from its wings did wobble a bit too much for my liking and as soon as the on-board services arrived I did have a small white wine (it was by now after midday).

Well business class did not get me into the KLM lounge, but I was able to go to the Priority Pass one, not before having spent EUR150 on fags and perfume for my niece-in-law Chuan Chuan, though fair enough, she spent so much time with Leilei and Xixi last year, and she is gutted they aren’t coming this year.

I got to the gate earlier than necessary but needn’t have worried as I was ushered on, hanging my jacket and placing my hand luggage in a wardrobe right in the nose of the 747/400. It was a semi-double-decker, with the pilot above and behind us. I suppose if we were to crash into a mountain we’d be the first to die, but then that mightn’t be a concern. It certainly wasn’t a concern when I was offered a glass of champagne, and it really was a glass! (I didn’t care if the champagne was real).

I don’t want to recall the luxuries too much, as I’ll possibly not have the chance again, but the noise-cancelling headphones, being plied with drinks, the food, were just the precursor to the most important thing when you know you’re going to be in meetings 18 hours after you take off...fully reclining seats at the touch of a button. I normally like to watch a film or two before trying to sleep but I barely got through the second half of The Imitation Game before the nice lady came and asked me if I would like anything. “Er, may I have a cognac please?” was my reaction, and before I’d finished my sentence I had one waiting for me. I felt a little bit like Mr Benn, except my costume was my drink, or my drink was my costume. Either way I remember starting to watch something mildly intellectual about Steven Hawking and the last thing I knew I woke up to a turned off screen. Normally at this time I check the time and realise there are still seven hours to go and curse my lack of sleep. But I noticed on the screen off the chap next to me that there were under two hours of the 11+hour journey to go. Result! I’d slept the best part of seven hours on an aeroplane. Oh please let this happen again.

At Hong Kong I changed my clothes in the loo and felt quite refreshed as I got the train and tube to near my hotel. I was nearly lost but asked the old man in the reception of some building how to get to my hotel. He looked at me quizzically for half a second while I asked him if he spoke Mandarin, then broke out into a lovely smile as he explained I needed to go down the escalator then cross the road. It almost seemed to have made his day to be able to speak to someone to break the monotony of his job.

At the hotel I dumped my stuff off and met my client. He said he'd not found anywhere that sells a pint of beer but somehow I'd sniffed one out on the way to the hotel. We went there for a couple of pints and a bite to eat before I realised the sleep in the plane was not enough to be ready for tomorrow, so I went for a quick siesta. On waking, it seemed the thought of being away from the family for two weeks suddenly hit me and I video-chatted them via WeChat. It felt a lot better knowing you can do that. Tan also sent me a nice picture that will become my phone's new background for a couple of weeks at least.

Will miss these exins!

One of the best things about this hotel is the free smartphone they give you for the duration of your stay. Not only is it free to call nine countries around the world (including mobiles in the UK), but you can use it as a hotspot therefore meaning you can use your own phone/laptop online for free, unlimited. They have a potential returning customer here (Dorsett Mongkok Hotel, Kowloon).

I feared being up till 4am but a couple more beers and a travel sickness tablet later and I just made it to the end of a particularly thrilling match where we beat Chelsea 3-0 at home! It could have been more. I'm hoping being a City fan this year will be better than last - so far it certainly is!