Pissed police mate and boss meal

Up at 5am for some annoying reason but at least I'd had nearly four hours' sleep. Ling Ming had given us a couple of tubes to fix the washing machine. I didn't know it was broken but found it was the water escape tube as it was split from old age and weather and did leak a bit on the balcony. Of course the tube was the wrong type, and now that I had the washing machine on its side I knew I'd need to find a new one before we'd have clean clothes again.

This was a mini mission that the kids and I looked forward to. First stop was to the place run by one of Tan's "aunties". I didn't expect to get the replacement part there but because I had the old one with me and a photo of the appliance, they were able to supply my with a phone number of a place that should be able to sort me out. The next hour was spent finding the place they had alluded to. I didn't call it as I knew none of the street names. The only clue I had was that it was "beyond the traffic lights" and a finger to point me to which traffic lights. It ended up being a bit like a treasure hunt, except instead of pieces of paper with further clues we'd stop at some shop and ask how close we were to this road. It took about five stops but we finally made it to the Haier shop and the lady popped upstairs and came down a minute later with a replacement tube for 15 kuai. Mission accomplished. Well I still had to install it. Back home it was actually quite straightforward and now we have a non-leaking washing machine and the kids had some fun.

Then, as if on cue, Ma Laoban rang to tell us to come to eat. I dumped the kids at Waipo's as I knew they'd be bored and Waipo really appreciates them being around even if it isn't 100% mutual. I arrived at Ma Laoban's Lenovo computer shop and there was a police mate there too who would join us. We took Ma Laoban's Landcruiser with curtained rear side windows and went to a place just a couple of blocks away from where we ate last year. It seemed to take rather a while sitting down at the ground floor with the pretty waitress ordering food for the private room that would be on the second floor, but in this instance it didn't really matter. It seemed every third item we ordered she came back apologetically to say they were out of it. But they had my favourite brown translucent boiled eggs (liang dan pi dan) so that was ok.

Ma Laoban's wife, me, police mate, and Ma Laoban at the meal

But my choice of beer wasn't ok. It wasn't that they didn't have Li Quan, rather that police mate was insistent on me drinking their strong bai jiu (white alcohol, but really it's transparent and it's from rice and it's horrible). He was utterly insistent on this, so much so that the only compromise I could make was to drink the brown "medicine alcohol" instead, and he ordered two small 100ml bottles. The food was good but I didn't like the drink, so had smaller sips than police mate. But he noticed this and told me to drink bigger sips as it wouldn't taste so strong. What utter tosh. After another bottle police mate had turned a shade of aubergine but was still insistent that we enjoy the drink. By this stage I didn't care quite so much and we managed a third bottle. Finally he ordered two more but I had to protest and he accepted and pushed the bottles away a few inches. Then a minute later his conscience got the better of him or something and he opened them both before I could counter him. He was instantly a classic drunk and staggered down the stairs a bit later and into the car where he held his head in his hands. I felt quite ok on the other hand and noticed that there were a couple of photos of people eating on the wall, and one of them looked like Jeremy Corbyn worryingly looking at some pig trotters. I ended up getting home at 3.30 and slept solidly till 6.30.

Had Jeremy Corbyn been here before, and what was he looking at?

A Wu I think it was woke me up to tell me to hurry up, we were going to see some friends at the karaoke place near where we lived for three months in 2008. Well the kids were out so I thought "why not?" and grabbed a shower and went to the KTV - probably slightly over the limit still. But when I got to the dest at the KTV and asked for A Wu, they told me he was in a different building, and took me out through the rear exit, across the road to a place where a load of blokes were eating on the ground floor. My entry was met with some drunken cheers and I was immediatley placed into gan bei mode for the next five minutes. There wasn't an amazing amount of food left but it didn't matter - the atmosphere was good and I did remember some of the blokes at least. I remembered I'd bought two packs of 200 fags at duty free for 90 quid and thought this might be an appropriate time to give them out, so excused myself saying I'd be back in 10 minutes.

Boss Zhou standing

I went back via the rear entrance of the KTV and then through the front door but was immediately accosted by a quite pretty woman who spoke to me in English "Hi! Where are you from?" Politely I told her, and she said I was very handsome, which was rather unnecessary, and proceeded to introduce herself to me, then, as a second thought, said "this is my husband", pointing to the bloke on her right. The husband looked at her with a long face and said "if you say so dear". I nearly felt awkward, but any such feeling was quickly quashed when police mate made an appearance. I recognised him from this afternoon and realised he'd probably somehow not slept off the afternoon booze, as he looked quite the worse for wear. Then Ma Laoban's wife turned up too and I realised they were wearing the same tops. Ah, it was some reunion, which was why police mate was in town.

Typically I took an instant liking to their tops, and I was asked if I wanted one. Why of course I did, and within 30 seconds I was given one. Remembering my mission to get fags, I excused myself for a second time in as many minutes and said I'd be back very soon, slinging the top on my shoulder.

Jeez while I was riding back there was a nasty whiff of BO and I felt embarrassed as I sniffed both armpits, but in fact they were fine (I had used a 72hour deoderant before going out so should be ok). I tried to find the source of the smell when it dawned on me that the reunion shirt I'd been given probably wasn't out-of-the-box, but rather off-the-back of someone else. Yuck. At home I grabbed the fags, then, as I was committed to wearing the stinking top, turned it inside out and used half a can of Gillette deoderant on it and then did the outside for good measure. Also, it was size M, but being Chinese that's pretty much an S so it was tight it a way I wouldn't have minded if I had rippling biceps, and short I wouldn't have minded if I had a six-pack.

Class 44 - "we are the best"

This time when I got back I went straight to the blokes' eating place, so the KTV crowd wouldn't see me. Boss Zhou, the main boss there, was very happy to accept 10 packs of Marlboro Red, and thankfully shared them around the others. I asked if he would mind if I took one for a mate in the KTV and of course it was ok. I said I'd be back again in a few minutes. As I did have the new top on I knew I had to see the reunion people even if I only knew two of them. Of course as I walked in I was plied with thimble-sized glasses of weak beer and gan bei'd with many of them. I gave the pack of Marlboro to police mate, but a couple of minutes later the pretty girl with the no-so-happy husband came over to me with them in hand. Apparently she'd never seen a hinge top pack before and had opened them like a soft pack, and was asking what to do. I didn't really have much of an idea so pulled on out and gave it to her. That seemed to work. Then I made my excuses and went back to the bosses across the road.

I used the kids as excuses to leave the meal a little later, but I was then given big bags of dragonfire fruit and star fruit even though if I only ate fruit for the next month I'd have more than enough. Yang Haiwei then called me after I'd picked up the kids to ask me over to drink "tea". So I dumped the kids off at A Ni's and went to see him and a couple of mates at the Lang Fu tea place. Of course tea meant beer, but I only stayeed an hour as once again the kids became my excuse to leave at 11.30 so picked them up to shower and sleep for another post-midnight night.

First massage and red wine faux pas

Damnation to my 4-5am window. Getting to sleep at 2am I thought I'd at least last longer than 5am but it wasn't to be. So at 6am I got up and found some shorts and by 6.15 I was at the guangchang with nothing but phone and keys in hand. My only target was to do more than the three laps I'd managed last time but rather than try four I walked the first half lap so would only be attempting 3.5 laps. It would be easier to beat the record of three laps that way. But on the second lap I wasn't feeling up to it, just no motivatation although beating last time should have been enough. Then I came across Zhang, who was jogging with a female. He noticed me and made the Chinese sound of recognition between males: "ah", and bade me jog with them.

It transpired that he and his pretty (for her age) friend had been jogging partners for 15 years. I had already noted that last week when I went with him to play ping pong he was wearing a top that mentioned the Nanning marathon. I hadn't been aware of such a thing but he'd done it. Luckily they weren't running any faster than a tired me so I stayed with them for a bit. They were doing longer laps than me and normally did four of them. The conversation and just company did for me more than I could have expected and I jogged a lap and a half, after which they (the woman is called Huang, I just learned) said I should relax as I'd started earlier. But I wanted to prove something to them so started a new lap even though I'd already well beaten my previous record here. It was slower, and my average speed per mile came down to 10m25s but I managed it, even with a sprint finish and was happy to see I'd done a 5.24 mile rather hot jog.

At home, just to make it better I forced myself to do a 7-minute workout, during which I sweated more than is decent. But the shower felt good. The kids and I walked to the dou jiang place on way to Waipo's with Tan, then after having a bite of brunch, left her as she was going to Baise a bit later for a few days for a primary school friends' reunion.

We went to the jade place where I had my annual change of necklace string for my jade pig. This year it was 10 kuai, as opposed to 6 kuai last year, but it had been more in the past. Pretty random but I'm not going to complain. After, the kids and I went to look for something new but even the bridge that had been built some seven years ago still didn't have a road on the south side. I tried to explain to the kids why this may be but could only muster that it was a project gone wrong, something I don't wholeheartedly believe in this place.

Still on the bike, we noticed we were getting battered by the soon-to-be-midday sun, so took a turn to Ma Laoban's place where we hugged as it had been nearly a year since we last met. We shared a couple of cups of tea then he said we'd call me to eat with him tomorrow lunchtime. I had semi-hoped we might go for a bite with him there and then, so instead we all went to A Ni's. There, the bloke with the same surname as Tan, Tan invited us to eat with him upstairs. It transpired he had some extended family for a meal, so that was quite good timing. Tan ordered steak for me and I asked for boring chips for the kids. A bottle of red wine was ordered for some reason, and some poured for all the adults. We all got up to cheers and I followed the Chinese tradition of gan beiing my glass only to find that everyone else just took a communion-sized sip from their glass. I felt rather sheepish as I was poured another - I wouldn't have downed it if I didn't think everyone else would.

Lin Hong called and came to take the kids to play, so I went home but decided it would be better to go for a massage as I haven't done that yet. It seemed that, without the kids, and with the whole afternoon and a sleep to come, not pouring a nice G&T would be bordering on criminal, so I kept on the right side of the law and had a wee glass and one for the journey. Five minutes later I was at A Wu's favouring massage place and was told to get upstairs. So much for a relaxing massage I could fall asleep during. This woman had it in for me. She kept telling me this place and that area were "ying" (hard) so applied more and more pressure. As tired as I was sleep would not happen in the next 70 minutes. But as soon as she was over, the soothing calmness of not having your muscled pulled and pushed to unnatural places brought me to a slumber that lasted another 70 minutes. I only woke up as the air-con was set at its lowest, and pushed it to 26 before resting again. Thankfully this place never seems that busy so sleeping after is quite the norm.

Not a good idea to take a selfie while taking the dian dong che back from the massage place but hey

It was already 4.30 and not long after A Wu called to invite me to eat steak at A Ni's again. It's more than I really want but it's company. There were a couple of other blokes too and beer was taken, but not more than a couple. The kids came back to then A Ni took them out to Yi Xiao to spoil them, and they came back with new shoes, clothes, and toys. Then it was my turn and I took them to the guangchang where once again they got absolutely soaking wet on the jumping castle. As it was pay day, and I'd thankfully got a bonus, I was able to withdraw 5000 kuai to give to Ling Ming for helping sort out the house. 5000 was a lot (especially with the rotten exchange rate since Brexit), but fair enough he had sent a breakdown of the costs (which I'm yet to translate). Ling Ming, his wife Xiao Nong, and their now 18 month old son came to meet us at the guangchang, then we went to A Ni's to see her son and to exchange the cash.

Then I saw Leilei was doubled over in pain. He wouldn't eat or drink so I got them both back home where he just lay down. I guessed it was the jumping and drinking of water too quickly and that seemed to be it for a few minutes later he seemed ok again. But it meant we were no longer to go out tonight and have a relatively pre-midnight bed.

Rain and piano

Although I did rise at 11am, I went back to sleep till half past midday after the kids went out with Tan. I felt not great but better for the sleep. I decided to go to the local jiao zi place to eat as it was pouring outside and had been from before I got up. Often these showers last around 30 minutes and deposit enough water to keep the fruit happy, but this was more of a Pingguo-style drizzle.

Pingguo drizzle

As it has been well over a week since the last time, I had a hankering for getting some piano practice in, so I went down to the place by the river I went to a couple of days ago where they told me they were open every day till 4pm. It was about 2.30pm so I was slightly disappointed to see they were closed, or at least the shutter was 3/4 down. Last year I had looked without much joy for a similar place to what I'd found in 2014, but I went on the lookout again. It took a couple of rides down one of the streets near our local market before I noticed such a piano place, probably because it was on the opposite side of the road from where I remembered it. The usual comments about the rain were made (like how could you come on a dian dong che in this weather?) but I waved them off and asked if I could stay for a while. Of course I could, and I spent a happy 45 minutes or so torturing Scott Joplin's ghost yet again.

But it's funny that although it's not a massively physical exercise, playing the piano, or any instrument I suppose, can really take it out of you. It's a bit physical and quite emotional and the combination actually requires a bit of constitution that I realised in my semi-hungover state I was getting to the end of. So instead of learning any more of Magnetic Rag, I folded the cover down and offered to pay (they would have none of it) and went back home in the still pouring rain.

I picked up the kids when the rain subsided enough to do so and we went to do the important job of getting stickers for the dian dong che. We found a place by a small guangchang and the old woman apologised that they didn't have much in the way of stickers but we found a couple we liked. The problem was they were ancient and once we'd put them on the protective transparent covering hardly came off and it looked a bit messy. Oh well, it's not that bad and at least now we can tell our dian dong che from the plethora of others parked outside the supermarket.

A Hua rang to say Nong Kaicheng wanted to play with Leilei - fine - they came over to the little guangchang I let Leilei go off with them and Xixi and I did a little exercise before grabbing a bite to eat and going to the proper guangchang. She has now had four weeks without her plastercast and can finally go on the jumping castle, but first we went to do some art, as I knew it would be shower time after bouncing. Just as Xixi finished her painting that would be heated and turned into something like rubbery stained glass, Leilei and Nong Kaicheng appeared. Leilei really wanted to go on the bouncy castle too, but Kaicheng didn't. It's really that Kaicheng is now 16 and well on the way to being an adult and Leilei is clearly not there yet. Kaicheng said he'd go and play, and I said we'd call him later, which was really a sign to say we probably wouldn't. It's a pity as 2-3 years ago they were a lot more like peers. Bloody puberty.

Xixi artwork at the guangchang

The kids spent the best part of an hour getting sweaty-soaked jumping about, so after getting them some water I got them out at about 9.30pm. I decided to ring Yang Haiwei to meet for a bit of bbq. He said great, and I said we'd meet in "shi ji" minutes, which is a great way of saying between 11-19 minutes. I assumed he would be some time after that so was surprised to receive a call from him while I was showering the kids. To be fair it had been nearly half an hour since I called, and he'd turned up already. I apologised and said we'd be there in five. It was great to meet up with another old friend, and his wife and younger son were there too. Of course I'd forgotten I needed to pick up Tan's ID card from A Ni's, so took the dian dong che there, and no sooner was I back when the kids wanted their stuff from Waipo's (fair enough - phone and charger). Unfortunately Waipo and anyone else in the house was asleep or didn't hear the doorbell, but getting back I was glad that the kids wouldn't be glued to screens, and they actually got up and played with a couple of other kids in the street.

Who doesn't like bbq duck tongues?

We didn't spend too long or drink much beer, but at least the kids had a fair amount of bbq, including duck tongues. Haiwei was explaining that he had a new job in Tian Yang, and he generally only came back for the weekend, but happened to be here today as his car was getting fixed. He explained that Pingguo bbq was very good, but Tian Yang had the best bbq in Guangxi. So it was decided that next week we would go to visit him there and spend a night there.

After saying goodbye at gone 11pm, we took the dian dong che for a little more of a ride to use up the electricity as we were going to charge it. We popped down to the Beihai seafood place and saw Boss Huang there again. This time though, he was much soberer and we had a nicer conversation and no gnarled hand shakes. As it was late we only spent 15 minutes, as I'd promised I'd bring the kids. We were home at midnight, and in no need of further showering.

No sleep and A Wu's second son's first birthday

Literally no sleep. Gave up at 5am and got up at 6.30 to go for another jog. At least I had a target - three laps, which I just managed but the last one was hard. I did it in just under half an hour so room for improvement. Of course no-one was up when I got back so I thought I'd take the dian dong che for a little ride. Before 10am it can be quite quiet here, but I happened upon a nice soup place that I'd been to before so decided to stop for a sweetcorn soup and a fried egg. For some reason the fried egg request required a bit of conversation to properly imbue what I wanted but that was ok. I had my light breakfast but not before Englishly apologising for not ordering very much as I wasn't really that hungry.

Hardly a full English

Tan took the kids out and I managed to stay up till A Wu called me soon after midday to eat "steak soup". Ok let's do this. We drove a whole minute away from our place to this place that served soup with some beef in it and it was fine. But I was starting to flake. Problem was we needed to go to the boss's place to drink tea for a bit. Well it was ok, I didn't talk too much under the excuse of being tired and A Wu was actually true to his word that we'd leave at 1.30. So I got to sleep soon after 2pm but for some reason I woke up at 4.30.

Not a massive lunch either

I would have liked at least another hour, but Tan called to say we were going to A Wu's son's birthday dinner at 6pm. Well yesterday A Ni had said it was at 6.30, and at this moment the extra 30 minutes would have meant a lot more rest in terms of percentage at least. So I grabbed a coffee, which is about the only thing I can make for myself in our house, and then grabbed another.

There were more adults and fewer children than I expected for a baby's first birthday, and soon discovered it was more an excuse for a get-together as the beers came out. Every five minutes or so another plate or two of steak was served. It was quite amusing watching the locals go at it with knives and forks, and when I had a go they all looked quite surprised at how able I was to cut chopstickable-sized portions with ease. Then it was my job to do all the cutting as the steaks arrived on their plates, as we weren't going to be having a plate each as per Western style - there was already a lot of local food on the table and no space for them.

Oh why do they still chill red wine?

About as successful as most westerners are at using chopsticks

Lads and beer

As other such evenings have worn on, this one saw the kids leave first, then the ladies, leaving the blokes with their beer. I couldn't very well not join in but I was trying to be good and not over-imbibe. Cai ma was followed by a new drinking game which is actually rather fun and simple. The blokes stand around a table (preferably wooden and varnished) and one has to slide a half glass of beer to the bloke at the other end. If it gets beyond a certain point (I never did ascertain exactly where the point was) the bloke you're facing has to drink the beer. If it doesn't go far enough or goes off the end, then guess who has to drink. Needless to say on my first go and slid the glass straight off the table. It reminded me of that school game where you have three goes to nudge a 50p to leave it hanging over the end of the table then you flick it up and try to catch it.

Really poor shot from me but not as bad as the camerawork

Some time later instead of going home as I had hoped, we went to one of the boss's office where there was more beer, and tea if anyone wanted. I didn't want either, so as an excuse to stop drinking I went downstairs and found a foot massage place. My word, it hurt it was so hot, and I don't have the most insensitive of feet either. But my plan worked - for 40 kuai I had not just a foot but a body massage (which are always better when slightly tipsy), and an hour off the booze. Of course I was made to catch up back in the office and somehow we found ourselves in a KTV place later.

Painful foot massage that was worth it

Problems trying to register and problems down below

Blimmin' well woke up at 4.30am and fought against wakefullness without success. Well sleep's loss would be counterbalanced by fitness's gain, as at 6.30 I resolved to do a couple of laps of the guangchang. I downed an open can of sugary Vit C lemon drink that had lost its fizz and took just the dian dong che keys, the house keys, and my phone. Outside the building I couldn't see the dian dong che. Had I parked it by the wrong front door? I walked up and down the back of the building clicking the unlock button on the fob in vain hoping to hear the "wee wee" sound of it unlocking the alarm. Finally I accepted that it had probably been stolen - I've often been told to make sure I lock it by putting a metal thing throug the wheel but I've never bothered so it's only my own fault. What would I tell the kids? As I went back up the lift to put the keys away I traced my movements from yesterday...but I hardly moved yesterday...A Ni's place opposite, then a lift with Zhang to and from the table tennis place.

Runkeeper uses Google Maps so it doesn't look like anything, but one lap of the guangchang is almost exactly one mile

But then I had a spark of hope. How did I get the 50 yards from our door to A Ni's place across the road? I wouldn't have driven would I? As I approached the entrance I could see some cars parked outside her restaurant and had to walk for an agonizingly long time until I saw what I thought might be a wing mirror between the cars...oh yes it was my trusty steed and my relief was audible.

I found that the perimeter of the guangchang, or at least the perimeter that I jogged, was exactly one mile, and managed two of them, the second being considerably slower and hotter than the first due to the rising sun. A quick trip home to eat a cereal bar and pick up my bat, then went for an hour's ping pong at the old people's leisure centre to finish off and I felt I'd done a decent morning's workout, and one I can improve on.

I went for a quick trip on the dian dong che and knew one of the things I absolutely had to do was to register us with the local police. For once it only took me about 10 minutes to find the place as I knew the vicinity roughly. The bloke in the first office I went to told me to go to another office upstairs, where the girl told me I needed to go to a downstairs office. As I walked in this one I found myself behind the counter of a public office, but on the side with all the police people and the general public on the other side. I embarrassedly excused myself and found my way to the street entrance where I waited my turn and explained to the stern looking woman what I needed to do. She then told me to come to the back entrance again and then took my upstairs to the first place I'd been told to go to.

Apparently there was a new system in place, so now the girl from upstairs accompanied the stern uniformed woman and me back downstairs to the original place I'd stumbled upon on the police side of the counter. It would have been a bit unfair expecting them to know how to use a new system for something that happens pretty rarely in Pingguo. The girl used a horrifyingly easy username/password combination to log in (the same single letter for each), but couldn't see the screens she was after. She took a couple of photos of the screen with her phone and sent them to a colleague via WeChat. Eventually it transpired they were using the wrong credentials to log in (phew). Then she logged in with the number of the uniformed woman who by now appeared to be warming to me. We got as far as inputting most of my details before it became clear there was something wrong. It seemed that this login also had some issues - it was apparently associated with a different area or something.

Taking the practical screenshot option and sending over WeChat

The previously stern uniformed woman was now smiling about me being a Bangxu something-in-law and offered me grapes, which I took so as not to offend and because I was a little hungry now. I was careful not to eat the skin but not as skilled as the locals are at doing it and got juice down my hands.

Eventually the third login (still the same password) seemed to work and we put in all our details. I thought we were finished but they couldn't print it out because the system didn't understand the multiple entry visa (which is the only version these days anyway). But somehow, thankfully, this was resolved and finally I had three print-outs that I had to sign and date. I was actually quite glad they asked me to sign in Chinese, but have doubts as to its legal authenticity.

I wonder how official the signature is

On the way back home I picked up some more soda water at a different supermarket. I also spent longer than I would have in the UK searching for fabric conditioner after having realised that the "White Cat" branded one I bought a couple of days ago was actually detergent (I'm surprised Tan hasn't found that out yet). Why they hid it with the dishwashing stuff a couple of aisles away from the detergent aisle is beyond me but I'm guessing not that many people use the stuff so it doesn't really matter where it is.

Lunch was jiao zi again, but to take away. The woman didn't want me to pay as apparently I'd paid too much yesterday (I may have mistaken 4 for 10), but I insisted, and picked up a cold pack of Li Quan 3.1%ers as I thought one or two of those would hasten my descent into the sleep I now really required. And indeed two did, before 1.30 I was gone and only resurfaced at 3.30 for a minute before the next I knew it was 4.30. At this time I got myself up and drank two coffees and got on with a little work until teatime. At least today we seem to have had leccy all day.

I ended up going to A Ni's again for tea as the kids weren't here and if I rang up a friend it would probably involve alcohol and I didn't really want to imbibe as I had work to do. A Ni was working on pronouncing English translations of food - mostly what she sold in her place and I helped her as I ate my beef morsels wrapped in little leaves and deep fried. I specifically told her I wasn't going to drink beer and wanted to be healthy so she said she'd get the girls to make me some niuyouguozhi. Great, I was rather embarrassed to ask what it meant but it was healthy and it was juice, though internally I translated it as beef-oil-fruit-juice. Then the girl pulled out an avocado and the reality of the situation set in. I've never had one in my life so I should have said no I'd rather have watermelon juice instead, but I'd already said yes and some bloody British gene in me refused to let the words surface to my mouth. Or maybe it was my sense of adventure...trying something new. Maybe it would improve my ping pong skills.

I've only not tried avocado before as mum says she's allergic and therefore I may have inherited it. Plus it's one of those "false" fruits that I would re-classify as a vegetable as it's not sweet. Apparently peppers are fruits too - utter tosh. Tomatoes I can nearly understand, but not peppers. And avocados are only classed as fruits as someone deemed to call them "pears" because they're pear-shaped. By that logic an onion's a fruit as it's apple-shaped - that's bananas. Anyway, I forced myself to finish the "pear" juice after the nice wrapped beef, but it was not great - neither sweet nor savoury, neither liquid nor solid. I did make a point of telling A Ni that avocado in Chinese should be "e li", as that's what I knew it as (it's another word for it that Tan uses). If she'd said that in the first place I would have gracefully not accepted it.

I choose to blame the avocado for what happened when I got back, though it could of course have been the beef. Suffice to say that when A Wu rang me to go out to "drink red wine" my excuse wasn't that I was going to play ping pong (as was my plan) but rather that I couldn't move more than a few yards away from a toilet. He seemed to think this was very funny and to be fair if the pants were on another bum I'd probably have felt the same. But I'd succumbed to my first diarrhoea attack of the year and was staying put.

At least I managed to get my appraisal completed. I also got in contact with a Chinese colleague who was very keen for me to go to Beijing for my work week and help out the sales guys there. Something which is very unlikely unless they pay for it all. Bed was a reasonably early 12:30 but sleep certainly wasn't.