RHD car smuggling

I remember the other day asking Tan why there were a few right-hand drive cars around. She told me they were all smuggled in from abroad (Japan and Hong Kong I guess – they are all Japanese cars, and not new). I thought this rather odd. I mean if you’re going to smuggle a car in, it’s going to be quite obvious that it’s smuggled if the steering wheel is on the other side, even with blacked out windows. However, a taxi driver corroborated her explanation.

I think China won’t allow imported vehicles as they want to promote their home-made cars. And Japan has strict environment laws for cars, so they have to get rid of the older ones to somewhere.

Apparently, you can only smuggle in cars if you know someone in the police. And of course if you know someone in the police you aren’t going to get in trouble with the law for having a smuggled vehicle. Oh yes. Why didn’t I get it in the first place? In fact, you can see that it’s downright advantageous to have a right-hand drive car here – who’s going to touch you if it’s evident you know someone in the police?

Anyway, had a nice evening watching Premier League footy on the tv with a couple of beers.

Getting caned at badminton

Xiao Li and I went to play badminton again, where I met a local English teacher, whose English was quite good. I practised against him and was clearly worse, and when he said he couldn’t play badminton because he was too short it didn’t make me feel better.

Later, while Xiao Li was playing the pretty girl who works there, the English teacher suggested I play with one of his friends, which I did. I lost 15-3 after being 3-0 up and was effectively caned. I came off the court dripping – I had long taken off my top but my shorts were totally wet (from sweat). The English teacher said “ah…I see you are a beginner…your wrist is weak…cannot reach back of court…it’s ok…friendship first”. Oh, thanks, that’s just the encouragement I need…I used to think I was half decent in the UK. One reprieve though, I managed to break two racquets just from hitting the shuttlecock!

New table tennis place and snake blood and bile

Happy Birthday Andrew!

Xiao Li and I went to play table tennis at a new place – indoors. I think it’s a military related place but I can’t be sure. Anyway, they have four tables, although last time we came here there was no electricity so we couldn’t see a thing. This time though we were prepared. We had bought the most expensive bats in the sports shop. At 185 kuai each this was more than I would have paid in a UK shop (about £12), but Xiao Li said it was a present for me, and we walked out without paying (after I protested that it is protocol to pay for things you take in a shop he told me he knew the owner and that he would pay him the next day – with a discount of course).

I suddenly realised what a difference a decent bat makes. I played a fat bloke who was already there and the first few shots flew off my bat at various angles, rarely landing closer than a few feet from the table. Gradually, I began to tame the bat, and managed to start using the grip to my advantage – at least at serving. The fat bloke beat me soundly over the half hour we played. Then I played Xiao Li, who I managed to defeat comfortably mostly due to the fact he’d been practising with a woman who wasn’t that good. What pissed me off, was that as soon as he’d finished beating me, the fat man sat down and chain-smoked 4 cigarettes waiting for his next turn at the table.

Me losing at table tennis (the ball is behind the bench).

In the evening some of Xiao Li’s friends came around and we ate snake and various other goodies. During the meal the snake’s bile duct was put into a bowl of white alcohol (I think it was the bile duct – they explained it as being the thing the green stuff comes from when you’ve vomited so much that there’s nothing left in your stomach). A couple of hours later we were playing cai ma again – each person challenging everyone else in turn to a best of three match. It had the desired effect and most of them were pretty pissed by 9pm.

Then I was told we (the men) were going out to “drink alcohol”. Well at least they don’t mince their words. To my disappointment we drove to the same nightclub we took Leilei to a couple of weeks previously – and this time we didn’t have a private room. We sat in the thumping disco room with three Geishas/whores (still don’t know exactly) at our table encouraging us to play drinking games with them and giving us food and sparklers. I recognised two of them from the last time I was here. Needless to say I was a perfect gentleman made polite conversation and avoided drinking with them.

I don’t know how when I got home I had about 20 sparklers sticking out of the top of my trousers (they were unlit) – maybe the beer was a bit stronger there. Anyway – I was the one constantly looking at his watch asking to go back so I could watch the England match at 1am (at Croatia).

At the nightclub...I am doing my best to look indignant. All the women in the photo are Geisha.

What a piss poor match. I mean, at home against Macedonia we looked plain, but at Croatia we lacked any creativity and attack…and there was clearly no leader. Beckham has to come back if we are to have any hope in qualifying for Euro 2008.

A new-born and lots of babies with drips in their heads

Tan and I took Leilei to our cousins’ house where Tan’s mum is staying. A while later we got a call from one of Tan’s friends saying a cousin had given birth the day before to a daughter. So we left Leilei to buy a present and went to the hospital to see them. The mother looked fine and not as though she had been in labour 24 hours previously. The father looked fine too, although he hadn’t held the baby as of then.

The happy couple with their new-born

What shocked me was as we were entering the hospital there must have been 30 or more babies outside the entrance with drips attached to their heads. I even saw nurses putting the needles into them – a process that the babies didn’t seem to enjoy. Later I asked Tan why so many kids of all ages were on drips (it’s not just hospitals – there are plenty of clinics on the high streets full of young children on the drip). She said it was the quickest way of administering medicine. Simple as that. Why wait for tablets to be digested when you can put the stuff into the blood stream straight away. Fair enough I suppose. Oh yes, and the babies with the needles in the heads? Well the veins in the wrist are too small at that age…. Stands to reason really.

Fun on the rides in the guang chang

In the evening we went to the town square again where Leilei enjoyed himself on the rides, again. And again and again....

Leilei and Dada having fun on the rides

The Bees and the Birds

Leilei and I both got up at 11am and I went out to lunch at a place round the corner while Tan’s mum looked after Leilei. We ate with Xiao Li’s business partner, who then invited me to go to the iron ore place again. I said I had to look after Leilei, but as Tan’s mum already was I went anyway. We went all the way up the mountain to where the iron ore comes from and there was a great view from there.

Eerie house we stopped off at on way to iron ore place

Me with a couple of mates at the iron ore place

   

Back in town, we went to buy bee larvae as I had told them I was partial to it. They are actual living grubs when you buy them in the market. A slice of honeycomb-like thing sits on the table and they pluck out the larvae and put them into bags for you. From time to time, a bee hatches from one of the holes and starts walking around getting its wings ready for flying. As soon as this happens, they get a pair of tweezers and pick it up and put it in a bottle. For what purpose I have yet to fathom, but I imagine it’s something to do with food or drink.

Xiao Li also bought some wild birds, about the size of starlings, and cooked a great evening meal that wouldn’t be approved of by some people I can think of.

Some bee larvae in their homes. You can pull of the white fluffy bits and see the things wriggling inside. Occasionally one pops out as a fully fledged bee!

We bought a couple of bags of these...they are still moving at this stage!

Tasty birds...the funny part is when you hold the beak and bite off the whole head...it's quite creamy. The beak and the claws are about the only parts you don't eat (although the women didn't eat the heads for some reason)

After the meal Tan and Xiao Wei went for a hair wash while Xiao Li went for a hair cut. I took Leilei to the square where we had a good time in the fun house bouncing on the trampoline and throwing balls around, before going to the supermarket to buy nappies and milk powder. Chinese supermarkets have far too many workers than is necessary. While it is sometimes hard to find anyone to help you find the aisle with Marmite in Sainsburys, there is someone there in every aisle in a Chinese supermarket. You are always being watched. And if you look like buying something they will often come and advise you – more often than not suggesting you buy the cheaper brands because they’re better quality. Another weird thing is that when you buy something a little expensive, like milk powder for £5, you can’t just put it into your basket. A woman comes and writes something on a slip of paper, which you then take to the till where you pay. Then you come back and give the woman your receipt and she will give you the milk powder and you can carry on shopping. Of course when you get to the till to pay for the things you have to find the receipt you got for the milk powder in the first place to show you’ve already paid.

Rubbish England vs Macedonia and rubbish beer

Up at 9am to do Leilei. Stayed in the house for most of the day before going to play table tennis in the evening. Met a bloke there who wanted to play me. We practised for a bit and I realised I was actually not as good as I thought. He could spin in all directions, smash and return smashes with ease. We then started a game and I won the first seven points as I managed to tame some of his spins. But then he scored a point, and then another…I feared losing 11-7 but boringly enough I beat him 11-3, probably because his eyes hadn’t adjusted to the light. He later beat me twice. We got his number and agreed to go and play inside some time where he would teach us how to play properly.

Leilei in a san lun che

After table tennis we met the wives and kids and went for a bbq of duck intestines, duck tongues and chicken legs. We got home at 11pm so I cracked open a couple of bottles of beer in preparation for the football at midnight (England vs Macedonia). Xiao Li had bought some “special” Blue Ribbon American beer but had forgotten to put it in the fridge, so we stuck to the cold Li Quan instead. After an abysmal game which echoed of lame Ericsson friendlies against poor opposition (we drew 0-0) I opened a now cold Blue Ribbon beer and it tasted weird, like really watered down whisky, but I had a couple of bottles with the bloke who lives downstairs anyway….

A selection of hitherto uncooked bbq

Mid-Autumn festival meals and cai ma

Today was the mid-Autumn festival in China – it’s the 2^nd biggest festival after New Year and occurs on the full moon. It involves families getting together and eating and drinking. Until recently train prices doubled at this time of year to take advantage of all those needing to travel to visit relatives, but the government mandated that train prices must remain the same through this time – something that is unimaginable in our privatised train companies.

In the morning Xiao Li and I went to play table tennis. After being used to playing in the dark, it was a great liberation to play in daylight, despite the heat. Then his wife’s mother called him to do the cooking for the evening meal. He is actually a very good cook. At 4pm we went to Xiao Wei’s parents’ house to get ready for the evening meal. Tan and Xiao Wei had forgone breakfast and lunch in order to be hungry enough to eat loads. At 5pm we started the meal which was excellent of course and would have been better if Xiao Li hadn’t put a massive chunk of extremely hot chilli tofu in my rice.

Having a nice family meal at Xiao Wei's parents' house

After a bit, I was challenged to cai ma again, and duly obliged. I did pretty well and succeeded in getting a couple of the blokes quite drunk!

Xiao Li beating one of the blokes at cai ma.

Me beating the same bloke a bit later on the roof.

We returned to Xiao Li’s house to prepare for the late evening meal. He cooked some crabs and I prepared a nice load of Pimms with an assortment of melon, kiwi, orange and mint, which was appreciated by all. I made it quite strong (not too much lemonade) and I think it had the desired effect. About 12 of us ate on the roof, accompanied by candles and incense sticks, with fireworks going off around us, and a huge moon in the sky.

On the roof of Xiao Li's house drinking Pimms and eating crabs and barbequed duck intestines

Then we started playing cai ma again and I lost enough to not remember what time I went to bed….

October Auld Lang Syne karaoke

In the evening Xiao Li and I went to play table tennis again. There were two other blokes there but we persuaded them to let us join in in winner stays on. The deal is if you lose the first three points you go, otherwise it’s the first to five. I did ok with my spins but I was later told that the others were letting me win….

From right to left: me, Leilei, A Da, Tian Tian, and two other friends

At 10.15pm Xiao Li got a phone call and then told me we were going to “sing song”. So we got a three-wheeled cab to drop off the bats at home (although not change clothes) and then turned up at a local KTV (karaoke TV) bar where one of his mafia mates was with a few juvenile friends. It wasn’t the most interesting of evenings and they made me sing a few songs…. Bizarrely out of the awful selection of English language songs (many of which are Chinese covers), they wanted me to sing Auld Lang Syne. Twice. Luckily the words were on the screen. They obviously didn’t have the video, so the words were superimposed over a five minute clip from an old English war film. Very appropriate – especially for early October. The karaoke computer gives you a rating for how well you sang when the song is over, and I got 100%! Xiao Li got 98% for his first song and I said that the computer must be broken, which made everyone laugh more than they should. However, even if you don’t sing the computer still gives a rating of 98% - I only got 94% for the Boyzone song Whatever – I only sang it because it was one of the few I knew…honest.

Got back home at midnightish and had two bottles and a relatively early night.