Too much KTV

Went to eat at A Wu's in the evening. During the meal got a call from Uncle Yellow to go and "sing song". Well I was supposed to go for a massage tonight as my back's been playing up, but I probably won't see much more of him this year so I accepted, and A Wu was invited too. Normally I do quite enjoy these evenings, but tonight I was absolutely knackered, having woken up at 11.30am after two hours' sleep. I don't know why I couldn't sleep last night. When we got to the karaoke room it was full of mostly drunk men, one of whom insisted I sit between him and some woman I didn't know (his wife, concubine?). I wasn't in the mood for drinking and reluctantly downed a number of thimble-sized glasses. We then room-hopped to a place that had some teachers from A Wu's old school, then a room with a friend who was celebrating his birthday. At each room I had to down more beers and sing songs. Actually room-hopping was far more enjoyable than the original room with the drunk men leching over the three women. Eventually at 11pm Uncle Yellow decided to leave and I went with him. He said there were too many undesirables that came into his room and spoilt it a little. I agreed with him and said it is one thing to enjoy a drink, and another to enjoy it while making others not enjoy it. I think he understood what I meant. As I was walking into my apartment complex A Wu was gesturing for me to come back and go to another karaoke room where some other friends were. But I'd had enough and had no qualms about losing face by telling him so.

At least I managed to enjoy a game of ping pong

The price of things...

Despite being on leave I dialled into a meeting as it was quite important. However, as I was enjoying being alone and geeking on the internet I got a call from A Wu asking me to go out and "drink tea". Needless to say no tea was drunk, but beer was. This time I hardly got drunk as I was too full from the bbq fish and fried sweetcorn.

I reckon things in China are on average 4.5 times cheaper than in UK. Some things, like labour are 10 times cheaper, whereas actual things (commodities?) can be three times more expensive. A bottle of beer from a shop is 30p, in a restaurant it is 35p, which doesn't reflect the 300% mark up we get in the UK. But a bus ticket for the 90 minute ride to Nanning is 3.50GBP, which would probably get you from London to Birmingham in the UK (if you really wanted to go there).

A haircut is one quid max. A laptop stand, complete with underneath fan to prevent overheating is just a fiver, but a half decent laptop will set you back 600 quid where in the UK you would get it for half that plus a valid version of windows. Queer.

Either way, when a 50 minute massage and head wash costs 1.50 you can't complain.

Staying up till 6am to see City lose...

No work tomorrow, but Tan and the kids went to Nanning today so that Tan can help sort out her 2nd sister's pension.

I took the opportunity to go out with A Wu and some friends to "drink tea" where nothing tea-like was imbibed and instead there was copious amounts of weak beer. There was a wedding celebration at the place we were drinking and the men there "forced" me to down a couple of glasses with them.

I eventually got home at about 2am, after being given a 9-pack of beers, only two of which I would be able to drink later. Later being staying up till 6am to see Man City lose dreadfully to Racing Santander in our last group match of the UEFA cup. I know we'd already qualified, but this was a crap performance and makes me wonder how long Mark Hughes deserves to stay in charge. I hate the fact that we appear to be able to not give an effort until the January transfer window arrives. We have a better team on paper than this time last year when we were in the top three yet we are not in the bottom three due to goal difference alone. Being a Man City supporter hasn't changed yet...


Playing cai ma with the lads

White Rabbit

Xixi isn't walking yet but she can do if you hold her hands. And she can get up on her own. Personally I don't rank walking half as important as being able to shit in the toilet. She's still not perfect at that by any means but one of my biggest highlights this time in China has been holding her over the keyhole shaped shithole and seeing her offload a pile of babydung.

Xixi standing - I didn't have the heart to show her over the toilet

Today, in a rather Alice-esque episode, a white rabbit turned up outside our window. Ok, it didn't say it was in a rush, but as we are on the 2nd floor I though it rather weird how it got there. It turns out it belongs to a neighbour who lets it run out on the roofs. At least it isn't a lemming. I asked the owner (a kid) what its name was and he said it didn't have one. That is a bit of a strange thing here. Pets don't have names.

A white rabbit

Work till 3am interleaved with KTV

I was supposed to be on leave today but something turned up at work, plus two people were sick, which meant I volunteered to work. Having said that I was invited to "sing song" at about 7.30 by A Wu. I couldn't make it due to work but ended up turning up at about 10pm when there were few people left. Not few enough, as friends from a nearby karaoke room turned up and drank beer with me till I was in a suitable mood to sing song.

I managed a couple of renditions of "Peng you" ("Friend") - a popular Hong Kong song in Cantonese. Eventually A Wu's wife turned up with a friend and I was given a break from singing. Someone had used my phone to video me doing karaoke, but as soon as I'd seen (worse, heard) I immediately deleted it. Wow - that was bad. "Spirit in the Sky" and "No Matter What" are best left to the professionals.

Back home I worked till 3am and when I got to bed Tan was asking why so late. It's an occupational hazard when you are working eight hours ahead of your colleagues. I wouldn't be in China without this though so she shouldn't complain.

A Wu's relative at the karaoke. I think the other bloke is her husband or something.

Leilei haircut for Mario Kart DS

I think I had a nice meal with friends today. Can't quite remember but it is a reasonable guess. Anyway, afterwards Tan was out so I took Leilei to have his hair cut as now literally everybody who doesn't know him thinks he's a girl. Literally everyone. I took him to Lao Ma's salon, who was Tan's good friend five years ago but now appears not to be. I'm not sure how the haircut turned out but at least people think he's a he again... At least he didn't complain and shave of all my arm hair this time - I'd promised him a game of Mario Kart DS if he didn't complain and he kept his word. Leilei's new haircut

Another wedding

We had to go to another wedding meal today. In fact it was a celebration of the "newly"weds' marriage and 30 days since birth of their kid. I got to meet more of Tan's extended family. I'm starting to think that nobody in this town is not related. It was a great meal and I only had about one pint of beer.

Some of Tan's dad's relatives

All related

Not buying an apartment

Sau zi came today and told me I wasn't to buy a flat in the apartment we had viewed because it was too expensive and too noisy. She had a strange explanation for why it was too expensive. Apparently when the materials were bought to build the apartment complex they were very expensive. Now, the materials are cheaper so the houses being built at the moment will be cheaper. Ok. So no-one will buy the houses bought when concrete was more expensive and they will be left empty? Something tells me even China's economy is not immune to the value of potential buyers' pockets. If the newly built houses are 25% cheaper are they going to keep asking 25% more for those just completed?

Xixi is looking cute though.

A smiling Xixi and mama

Lads' night out

Oh man, two weeks till Christmas and I saw my first Christmas tree today, outside a present shop. I must say it is rather a relief not to have Davidoff adverts rammed down your throat for three months before Christmas. I was on leave today and will be tomorrow too. Every day I get phone calls from friends asking me to go out and "drink alcohol" or "sing song" or whatnot and I've been turning them all down due to work. So recently I've been telling people "On Thursday I'll have time for fun ok?". Xixi was supposed to come back on Saturday but in fact, to our pleasant surprise, she came back today. This was absolutely great but it meant Tan, who'd arranged to go for a massage, had to back down as I'd already arranged this evening off for some time. Strangely, today no-one rang me to ask me to go out. So I got on the electric bike and went for a little ride before calling A Wu who'd promised to take me to "sing song" today. Well, it turns out he'd fallen asleep as he had to drink beer with some friends earlier in the day. So I made him come down to the bbq place, and once we were there I rang a few friends to come and join in. Without exception, everyone I rang turned up within about 15 minutes, which was nice. Everything was on me and we had enough beer and bbq to keep eight men happy for three hours. When I went to pay, I realised I'd grossly underestimated the cost of bbq these days. The total came to 350 kuai (35 quid) and I only had 200 on me so I had to drive back home to get the rest of the money (and deliver some bbq to Tan, who by now had woken up with a hungry tummy), then go back again. No worries, it was a good night and I caught up with a few friends I hadn't seen in a while. With some friends on a lads' night out

Looking at houses

Yesterday I went to an estate agency to enquire about houses. I like the idea of getting some thing reasonably central, but Tan is keen on getting somewhere near the Guangchang (town square - the one 20x the size of Trafalgar). Today Tan and I both went to view an apartment in the block opposite where we live. In typical Chinese style, this was little more than a shell; when you buy a new house you are responsible for putting a floor in, painting the walls etc... We viewed a four-bedroomed apartment on the 8th floor. It looked ok, and costs 30k which is rather pricey for here. I think four bedrooms is best though as if I were to spend time here I would need my own study. Plus the kids won't always want to sleep in the same room. Plus we always seem to have Waipo or some other relative staying so we'd need a spare room.

Anyway, for 30k we'd need a deposit of 9k so that isn't going to happen just yet. But I'm in the house buying mood. Apparently we (Tan) could get a 10-year mortgage that would cost 250 quid a month. In the UK we'd probably need to spend that long saving up for a deposit.


A plan of the house we looked at (yes, they seem to reckon on four televisions) - sorry about the flash


The living room, and entrance to the apartment


One of the bedrooms


View from the 8th floor


A map of Pingguo (for future reference) - sorry about the flash

Clothes in China

Went to exchange my jumper for the largest one in stock, and it almost fits me. If I ever lived in China, clothes would be one of my biggest problems (the other would be dentists - they are like shops and you walk past watching people having fillings done - awful!). Having said that, it's similar for Tan in UK as there isn't a lot in her size (she says).

Got the 5.20pm bus back to Pingguo (leaving Tan to stay one more night) and remembered I'd promised Xiao Lu to "drink alcohol" with him when I met him last week. He is the ex-husband of one of Tan's ex-good friends, who I met the very first time I came to Pingguo over five years ago. He is a hairdresser. I called up A Wu and we met Xiao Lu at a bbq place near my house where we bumped into a table load of friends none of which I knew. Needless to say, beer was consumed and we played "cai ma".


Friends and beer

Mah Jiang in Nanning

Went to Nanning in the morning to see Xixi. We went in Tan's ex-best friend's husband's car as they needed to get their car serviced after its first 5000k. It is a very nice Toyota Camry, extremely quiet and comfortable. Xixi is currently a daddy's girl and gives me a big smile even if I haven't seen her for nearly a week. Leilei went to play with the neighbours downstairs and Tan went to buy clothes. Later that night she came back with a jumper for me with sleeves that just covered my elbows. It's called spatial awareness, darling.

At the neighbours' downstairs, they spend an inordinate amount of time playing Mah Jiang (I think it means the game of four winds). It's basically rummy with plastic tiles instead of cards as far as I can make out, but they take it pretty seriously as it's also a betting game. I was amazed at the bespoke tables they use for this game, designed to maximise playing time and minimise the time inbetween.


The automated Mah Jiang table

Meal with Brandy and an American English teacher

Brandy's friend, I only know him as that, rang me to invite me to eat at a place near the Pingguo aluminium factory. This is quite a common thing to do as there are many good places to eat there. Tan and A Ni and A Wu came too, and there was a handful of other friends there waiting for us. Although we were eating outside, the "huo guo"s warmed things up a bit. Part way through the meal, Brandy's friend rang someone up and invited him to come to the meal. The fact that he spoke English suggested there was another foreigner in town.

It was Steven the English teacher. A nice bloke, retired, with a deep Alabama accent that must be interesting for his students. He can sink beers pretty well too, and seems to manage here ok despite only being able to say "drunk!" and "too expensive!". Funny enough they were some of my first words too.


From left to right, a drunk friend with a car, Brandy the hotel manager, Steven, me, a friend of a friend, Brandy's friend who probably does have a name, A Wu.

A rather drunk friend drove A Wu and I back later on (the girls had already taken Leilei back). In fact he was much more than rather drunk. The drive to Pingguo Aluminium company normally takes under 10 minutes, but this bloke didn't want to drive over 20kph (about 6mph) and we had to stop to take a slash so the whole journey home took half an hour. At least we got there in one piece. Drunk driving is commonly accepted, it seems, inside the towns. To do this on the motorways though would be considered a serious offence; they even belt up there. It made me think of Xiao Liao, after a particularly boisterous "sing song" a few Sundays ago followed by a trip to a local night club, throwing up all over the dashboard of his shiny new Volkswagen Touran. I wasn't there to see this, but the thought of him getting into his car early the next morning to go to work (unaware of the previous night's excesses) and finding a stomach-load of vomit covering most of the inside brought a smile to my face.

Self portrait

Leilei has been having fun using my camera. Most of the shots are rubbish but this self-portrait is ok.

That terrapin was dead and not hibernating right?

One of Tan's friends, A Hua, who gave Leilei the two terrapins he didn't ask for, told me today not to worry about terrapins not eating. Apparently at this time of year they hibernate. Suddenly I had a very bad feeling about the 'dead' terrapin I threw in the dustbin when I got back from Hong Kong the other week. I'm consoling myself with the assurance that the dead one had his head and flippers hanging out and the hibernating one is all tucked in. Also I did check the dead one an hour after I put in the bin to make sure he really was a stiff.

I'm 99% sure he was dead.

Getting cold in the morning

Despite most of the locals getting into panic mode about the cold, it only seems to be really cold early in the morning around 7.30am. At that time it is really beastly taking Leilei to school on our electric moped. However, I shouldn't complain as it is a 5 minute ride and I can be back in bed soon after.


Leilei looking like a rapper dressing up for school

Dog meal

The last week has been particularly busy with work and not much sleep or fun.

I had been invited out by Uncle Yellow for lunch somewhere "outside Pingguo". As I had already arranged to go for a meal with Tan's friends at 5pm I had clarified with him that I'd have to leave at 4.30pm.

Uncle Yellow turned up with a friend at around 1pm and took me to the main Pingguo market to buy some greens and a dog. Unfortunately I had to leave them to get the dog for themselves as I had to let A Wu into our house for...I can't remember what...but we are brothers so it is ok - my house is his house apparently.

I was expecting a long drive outside the town but in fact we only drove across the river to a quiet spot. In fact this was a beautifully serene location that I had forgotten existed a mere 5 minutes away from the hubbub of central Pingguo. I even got the opportunity to take myself on a walk for the best part of an hour across the railway to an unknown village where I was offered the cutest puppies for 10 quid.

Our lunch (a dead dog so click to see - don't want to frighten anyone)


Cute puppies asleep


Pleasant countryside

When I got back there were a few more blokes; two who I'd met fishing on my walk, and 6 others who'd turned up for the meal and beer. It turned out to be a very nice meal consisting of mostly dog meat and chillies. I learnt a hard lesson there: don't eat neat chillies then drink non-diet Coca Cola to cool your mouth. I had to keep cold beer in my mouth for ten minutes afterwards and could barely speak.


Eating dog meat and drinking beer

We ate dog and drank beer from 3pm (it was a late lunch) till 4.30pm when I got a call from Tan reminding me I had to come back to go for a meal with her friends. I hadn't forgotten, and was already preparing to go. Anyway, we had another sumptuous meal with her friends and some of their husbands, and some kids. Noisy, but fun and extremely good nosh. The bill came to over 70 quid and I wanted to pay but they were having none of it. Ok, there were 15-20 people but that is still a lot of money compared to wages here. I still can't understand the prices of things here; why you can't get a decent jumper for less than 40 quid but you can get an hour's massage for 1.50. I will look into it.

Tan and the girls at yet another wonderful meal

Reunion meal among others...

Tan's girlfriends had organised a meal together, as is their wont. However, Tan couldn't go as she had to go to a school reunion meal. She didn't want me to go there as she was worried her ex-colleagues would force me to drink tReuoo much. I told her it would be rude not to go, and that they would want me to be there but she was having none of it. Although Tan's friends didn't cancel the meal, they arranged another one for tomorrow as well as it wouldn't be the same without us apparently.

So I went with Tan's friends to a rather nice restaurant. At this time of year "huo guo" is very popular; it is basically a large pot of soup in the centre of a large table that you add stuff to to cook, like raw meat, mushrooms, tofu, greens etc. It's a great way of having a social eating event. We have had a couple of these in the UK and all English friends have also really appreciated this way of eating.

Predictably, about half an hour into this meal I received a call from Tan saying her ex-colleagues wanted me to come to their meal, so I didn't say "I told you so" as I know too well, and explained and left the meal. However I'd forgotten I said I would meet our landlady's husband and A Wu for a meal. I got a call from A Wu as I was leaving the meal with Tan's friends and had to pop in to the meal with a now drunk landlady's husband together with six or seven other drunk men intent on getting me into their state. I did my best compromise by playing a few rounds of "cai ma" and generally winning, sending them into fits of laughter and higher states of drunkeness, then made my excuses and explained I had to attend the wife's reunion.

Eventually got to the restaurant where Tan was. They had ordered one of those voluptuous rooms where the chairs have dresses and the tablecloth is really clean. Apart from Tan there was only one other woman (except for someone's mum); she has a bit of a reputation...a very well-known and scarlet reputation - apparently every single man (and some not-single) "know" her if you know what I mean. I think she is the reason no other women were there. She could drink for China, mainly prefering a mixture of half red wine/half lemonade (a good choice with most Chinese red wine).

The men, with one exception, were in a greater state of inebriation that the group I had just left, and really did try to force me to drink large glasses of beer (by the glassfull). I was literally so full I could not drink even though I wasn't drunk, so I hit upon the great idea of challenging them to "cai ma". Now, normally, when playing cai ma, you should be able to beat people who are very drunk. However, this time they must been lucky as I lost badly and had to drink more than was comfortable.

Anyway, I came out of it unscathed; I used Leilei as an excuse to leave early and take him home for a shower while the rest of them staggered off to karaoke from which Tan returned at nearly midnight with scathing stories of the scarlet woman. Apparently she offered to sleep with the only non-drinker of the male contingent if he had a drink. Now that's a sobering thought.


Some of Tan's school mates from primary and secondary school at their reunion (I don't need to point out the scarlet woman)

KTV with Brandy

At about 9pm, while enjoying a relaxing head massage/wash I received a call from Brandy the hotel manager to "sing song" at my local karaoke bar. I wasn't really in the mood but I said I'd be around later after I'd had a bite to eat. So I went to have a quick bite to eat at the bbq place but kept receiving texts from Brandy like: "Friend: can't smile without you..." which was a bit weird as I'd only known him for a month.

I turned up with A Wu to be greeted by him and an entourage of female teachers who were staying at his hotel for some convention. There was also an old couple, one of whom was the headmaster and friend of Brandy's from their hometown in Guangdong. Brandy likes to drink Budweiser beer from the bottle, and likes others to too. He was quite drunk and got everyone up dancing (except for me). I suddenly then had the microphone slung in front of me and was told to "sing English song". The people here seem to think that I know every song that's been written in English, and had chosen "Say you, say me" by Lionel Ritchie. Now I know that song insofar as like everyone I know the chorus. I don't have a bloody idea how the rest of it goes though, even if the words are up in front of me. So it was not a great performance, despite Brandy's best drink-fuelled efforts to sing the verses in slurred broken English. I ended up doing my party piece "Ni shi wo de mei gui hua" which is becoming a bit of a cliché now, but the Chinese seem to appreciate it. Note to self: learn a new Chinese song (in not too high a key).


A rather amusing video to a popular Cantonese song


Dancing at karaoke (not me)

Leilei's lady friend

Apart from work, the only thing I remember about today is meeting Leilei's lady friend at school. Apparently he told Tan that she's the prettiest girl in the class. Glad to see he has good taste.

Leilei and lady friend