Piao liu and funeral

Well I got up at 10.30am but needed a little more time as my tummy wasn't ready by 11.30 and of course that was fine. The boys had already gone to the cat cafe and five minutes after I got to the hotel foyer I saw them coming back with Chuan Chuan and Xiao He. Apparently they had paid to eat but the food hadn't turned up after 45 minutes so Chuan Chuan had ordered a refund...so I suppose they got the best of both worlds - playing with the cats and not paying anything. Which was good as Chuan Chuan announced that instead of eating at the white water place we would eat here as there wasn't food there, unlike what she'd planned yesterday. As much as I doubted this I didn't want to argue and we ended up having a lovely brunch at midday and of course we had to da bao a fair bit of it. Someone had mentioned their dian dong che batteries getting stolen and then it dawned on me why the bloke had to use an axle grinder to remove my old ones; they were there simply to keep them from being stolen and now I was able to worry about how easy they would be to steal now...oh well it's out of my hands.

Cute cat at the cat cafe

It got to 12.45pm so we found the car and left for the hour's journey to Dawanglin through the windy roads of northern Baise county, hardly noticing the mountains anymore. About 15 minutes from our destination Leilei announced that he really needed to go to the loo. In fact one minute earlier I had felt rumblings from my nether regions and feared I wouldn't be able to hold on either so his request saved my embarrassment of asking the same thing. They asked if he could hold on but he couldn't so Xiao He found a short driveway off the main road and we went to look for a suitable bush on the other side of the road but Chuan Chuan walked straight up to the first house where the front door was wide open of course and shouted for the houseowner who duly turned up, where she explained the need and of course there was no problem. In fact Nezha wanted to go too so while we waited for them we chatted to the grandparents, the mother, and the little girl on douyin on the sofa. They could have been long lost friends for all the smiles they showed, and seemed genuinely happy that we'd come to use their loo. I suppose seeing 2.5 foreigners turn up unannounced is not an everyday occurrence. For the eighth or so time this year I managed a squat and was happier to do it in such a residence than a public one. But you had to really lower your head to get to the toilet and the door was barely 5' high, I'm not sure if by design. We said our thank yous and goodbyes to more smiles after a very successful pitstop (or should it be piss-stop?), and indeed arrived 15 minutes later.

Poky little entrance to the loo

Some slightly surprised inhabitants of the place we stopped off at for the loo

Indeed I'd forgotten to bring a pair of shorts but no worries I could buy a pair there for 30 kuai, although when I went to pay the woman said 40 kuai for some reason but Chuan Chuan came over and refused to let me pay anything. I went into the small building by the shop and they pulled the shutters down allowing me to change. I naughtily whipped out the other small bottle of medicine alcohol and necked it during the three minutes I was changing as I knew from experience that this rafting can be scary, very scary. But in fact it should have been Leilei who was scared as he'd had literally the fright of his life almost 11 years ago and I thought he'd never get in a boat again. However, Nezha was really looking forward to doing this and Leilei showed no signs of wanting to go back at all. I wonder if it would have been the same had Nezha not been there.

By now it was gone 2pm and we were ready and being told to "kuai yi dian" so we left our effects with Xiao He who apparently didn't want to go but probably was kindly looking after our stuff instead to allow the four of us to take two boats. Chuan Chuan explained she had got tickets from the place I got my shorts, which wasn't technically part of the rafting place, so she got them for 100 kuai each instead of 150. A Similar thing happened 10 years ago in Dali where A Wu somehow got our tickets for cheaper for this reason. Again, I had my doubts but thought better than to enquire more lest it sound rude. We went to a shaded waiting area and indeed waited 10 minutes for a bus to arrive. It duly did but we weren't on the list of numbers they called out so had to wait a few more minutes for the next one. I started talking to the lady next to me and found out she was a local. I was interested in the transparent, waterproof phone holdall she had around her neck and asked how much it was - 20 kuai - at which Chuan Chuan interrupted to say she could have got it for 10 kuai at the place I got my shorts.

Eventually we got in the bus and took the shortish 10 minute journey to where we were to start. There were about 100 people milling about choosing 救生衣，船桨，头盔 (life jackets, paddles, helmets) so we did the same and after finding a quiet place to take a leak without everyone seeing me we went to find our boats. We started on a still pond with numerous boats ahead of us queueing to start the white water where there's a person-made boat-sized gap ensuring you can only go one at a time down a steep slope to start you off with a big adrenalin buzz. I wanted to be behind the boys but somehow Chuan Chuan and I got ahead of them. I made her sit facing the same way so we could see where we were going and when it was our time the bloke with a pole pulled us forward and for about five seconds it was like one of those log flumes and we nearly leapt into the air when we eventually landed at the pool at the bottom. Well I think I justified the quick nip I'd had 20 minutes previously and forgot about the boys for a bit but when I looked back they were there with big grins on their faces having survived the initial "fall".

The next couple of minutes would be the smoothest for the best part of the next hour. This one really was more aggressive than the Pingguo or Dali ones I'd done before. After a short while I realised all we had to do was sit face-to-face, put the paddles in the boat, and just grip the handles making sure nothing was protruding out of the boat. Blimey it really was white water almost all the three or so kilometres, constantly being buffeted rather viciously by the rocks and going at quite some speed at times. It was at least four times more bumpy than any bumper car, with the added dimensions of going up and down and being splashed to high heaven. Every 50 yards or so there was a sign saying "big fall" and I hoped Leilei was ok. Eventually I managed to see them, stupidly with paddles out as if they could control anything. You need to respect the water and I could easily see a rock smashing a paddle into a face so gestured at them to put them away and hold on. Obviously my gesturing had no effect (it's difficult to gesture that when you're trying to hold on for dear life) but I think they got the message soon after they'd experienced nearly capsizing again.

The boys having a whale of a time!

Chuan Chuan and me descending a person-made fall for the second time

Genuine smiles towards the end

2.2km to go, 2.1km to go, every 100 yards or so there were blokes dotted about so they must experience capsizing from time to time but I didn't witness any luckily. There was a sign saying if you capsize just abandon the boat and walk down the path created by the side of the river. Very different from 11 years ago where we were made to get straight back on the boat again. Finally we arrived after about 50 minutes of almost pure adrenalin, and the boys were stoked too. This is definitely something I'd like to do again, and I hope Tan takes Xixi here while they are about. Nezha said he really wanted to go swimming in a lake but it was clear there was no swimming allowed here, so I said I'd organise something for tomorrow in Pingguo as I'd been to a reservoir there a few times, and assumed it would still be there.

So we'd ticked off one of the very few boxes we'd created for ourselves and were very satisfied with it. We'd all forgotten to bring towels but luckily Chuan Chuan had three so the boys shared one and I took one for myself and we all changed in the same small shop building, before getting in the car back to Baise, where the boys promptly fell asleep. I would have liked to too but find this almost impossible in a Chinese car. Xiao He was a very safe driver in the posh Lexus, but it's about the other drivers and for some reason I feel the need to keep alert.

Sleeping after rafting

I noticed a message on Weixin - Uncle Yellow had IM'd me to say Boss Zhou's father had died recently, and that they were at the funeral and I was to come. I explained that I was in Baise and wouldn't be around till 9pm and would that be too late? No, they'd still be there apparently. This would be a first time for me, although Waipo's should have been had we been able to get back for it.

We arrived safely back at Baise around 4ish and had a slow walk through the shopping area before finding a nice looking restaurant in the inside area and were told we'd need to wait five minutes before we could enter, which was ample time for another quick wander. The place specialised in Guangxi delicacies and was one of the top two meals we had, with roast duck accompanied by tiny glasses of hawthorn juice to counter the oil of the duck apparently, mini pork ribs, omelette, beans, skewers of succulent port, and gorgeous octopus. This time there was nothing to da bao, and Nezha kept asking for more of the crisps which were meant to be just a snack before the meal and accompanied cold radish, so we had to keep eating the radish lest it be wasted. The four of them ordered huge plastic glasses of various mango-tea and other stuff to be delivered to the restaurant and I just kept to the supplied tea and tiny hawthorn glasses, making it one of the few evening meals I'd managed to avoid beer.

Another perfect Guangxi meal

I mentioned the funeral to Chuan Chuan and wanted to know as much information as possible in order to avoid offending anyone. She said I'd probably need 200 kuai, or up to 500 kuai if he is a good friend. I had no idea what type of friend I would be classed as - I mean I give him a hug when I see him, but generally see him a handful of times a year...oh well no doubt I'll find out somehow. I also said I would change out of my pink top and she said most definitely I would not wear colourful clothes - white or black would do. Yes, white is a colour associated with death here, so a bright white top would be fine, but I planned to play it safe with black. Also, I would need to find a white hong bao (a white red envelope?) to put the money in. I IM'd Tan to corroborate this and she said yes it would be 100-200 kuai but it didn't matter what colour I wore. I think I'll stick with Chuan Chuan on this one.

As we had time, we went for a walk after Chuan Chuan had paid another 300+ kuai, well the boys went off on their own and us three walked by the new stadium for a bit before realising it was far too hot to be doing so. But we did manage to have a decent conversation about Baise and the differences with Pingguo. Here, the football team is pretty weak and literally not in the same league as Pingguo. But I guess if someone with money decides it will happen then it will. The subject of the conversation wasn't so important, but it flowed nicely and that alone gave me a bit of a boost. I'm very slowly climbing the second wall of language acquisition despite having slipped a few times. I'll almost definitely never be bilingual but I can at least aim for it, and attain a higher degree of fluency than I'm currently capable of. It's really a question of vocabulary from a speaking and writing perspective now, and I'm realising that just socialising has some limitations. Even for Weixin I'm not translating messages most of the time now but if I were to pick up a newspaper I'd still be lost, knowing around a third of the characters. So it's going to have to be putting my head down now, and choosing more challenging topics for conversation than I'm likely to find at a boss meal.

It was gone 6.30pm so we headed back to the shopping centre to find that the boys had gone to an iced tea place and were just being served, so back to the car and we were at the station soon after 7pm, well in time for the train. But I found I still had a can of beer and I was worried that security wouldn't let it through, so what would any self-respecting Englishman do with a can of Guangxi room temperature Li Quan? It wasn't that refreshing but somehow I had the confidence to pick one from a fridge in the shop nearby and ask the woman if I could take it on the train with me. She had the honesty to say she didn't know (how could she not know?) and I so appreciated that that I paid the 6 kuai for it and put it in my bag determined to find out.

Ha, it went through security with no problems and when we sat down to wait I found the empty medicine alcohol bottle that also hadn't been found. Maybe the machines in Pingguo are more sensitive. I considered going back out and getting another can but I wasn't that desperate. We were in the same carriage but different rows so I didn't feel guilty cracking it open once on our way and made it last nearly all the 45 minutes or so to Pingguo, hiding it under my tray when security walked past just in case. I decided to double check with Tan about the colour of clothes to wear, and after having said it didn't matter she changed it to "wear a black top" - ha. Back at Pingguo we decided to take a san lun che again for what may be the last time in a long time, or ever if they end up being killed by didi ches.

After a quick shower at home I IM'd Uncle Yellow to check they were still there and indeed they were and he sent me a weizhi for where to go, plus he told me to bring 200 kuai - phew I found out last minute. I picked up my bank card and hopped on the appropriately coloured black dian dong che to find a bank. Memory didn't serve me very well but I eventually happened upon one as Uncle Yellow was calling to ask where I was - I told him exactly what I was doing and should be 5 minutes but of course the bank didn't accept my card. Unfortunately, looking for another bank, I came across a police road block where they were only allowing one vehicle at a time, and stopping many cars. Of course I'd forgotten to put on my helmet and feared I'd be stopped, as I saw other dian dong ches stopping before the road block presumably for fear of something similar. But I'd also seen police further back on the road and guessed they would be catching those people who had stopped as it would be easy pickings for whatever they were guilty of. So instead of stopping I just drove through and if I got a fine then fine. But it was fine and no-one stopped me so I gratefully moved on. The next bank's ATMs were out of order so I searched for the nearest other bank and went out of my way to find one that normally is ok, but this time remembering to put on the helmet. 

At the third bank there was a bloke already in there and seemingly not finished after his first withdrawal. This is not that unusual as there are limits on how much you can take out and if you need more than that you simply start the progress again like it would be back home I suppose. But unlike back home I was dripping with sweat, partly worried about being so late to the funeral and partly just annoyed about this bloke taking so long. I asked how much longer and of course he said "zhun bei" which could mean anything, but meant one minute and after another call from Uncle Yellow was finally able to withdraw some cash.

At least Uncle Yellow had told me they had white red envelopes there so that was one less thing to slow me down and I eventually got there around half past nine. Wow, there were probably well over 100 people there on various tables strewn about the street, which had been probably blocked off all day for the festivities. Tan's loud classmate shrieked when she saw me and bade me to sit down but I said I'd first have a gan bei with Uncle Yellow as he was the one who invited me here and was my actual friend, so we did, and then he said I should sit down with A Qiu (I'd totally forgotten her name) which I was not exactly in the mood for as she can drink most men under the table. But it was fine as I hadn't been drinking all day unlike everyone else. For a funeral most people were in fine spirits although the pissed gentleman to my right kept leaning on me and spouting random crap most of which I couldn't understand and what I did understand I didn't care about. So I nodded and gan bei'd him once, after which A Qiu told him to shut up and stop leaning on me, and I think he got the message for 5 minutes at least.

After a few more gan bei's Uncle Yellow lead me to the stripey tent that had been erected outside presumably Boss Zhou's dad's house. But first I went to pay my dues and indeed we put the 200 kuai into a white envelope, and he made me write 彭多明 in my best handwriting on it, so it would be registered. With whom, I had no idea, but it was fine, I was officially in attendance, and received a small red envelope in return. I was then led into the house where there was a table with a dead, boiled chicken and duck, and half a lamb's head. There was incense burning and five small glasses. Then I saw Boss Zhou wearing a white robe with a sort of pointed top that had a slight KKK look about it but I knew it was properly holy. He gave me a big smile and said "sup see lo!" as if we'd just met in a bar, but I didn't have the heart to reply "ham sup lo!" as it just didn't feel like the right place or time, not to mention there were a few rows of similarly clad people sitting in rows at the rear of the room, who I guessed were family. I nearly had the instinct to take some photos but again this wasn't the time or place, or at least I wasn't going to take the risk.

Uncle Yellow lit a few incense sticks and gave one to me and a couple of other blokes. Someone put a bright green towelette on each of our right shoulders, then we all bowed towards the table three times together, before sticking the incense sticks in the pots. Next I had to use a spoon to take some white alcohol from a pot and pour a little into each of the five glasses. I had to do this three times according to tradition, before we stepped back again and gave three more bows to the alter. The whole experience was over in a few minutes but was quite emotional too. I'd actually participated in something that was almost in no way related to my ethnicity or Tan's family, just the funeral of one of my oldest and best friends here. Would I have met him had I not been a foreigner? I can't say for certain but I knew him through Uncle Yellow about 15 or so years ago, and I knew Uncle Yellow through Tan from around 19 years ago if that means anything.

The tent with the magic men outside the house that had the alter where we bowed

Haiwei had also called me to go for a drink but I explained the funeral came first, which he sort of accepted, but said I just needed to go and give the white envelope then leave. But there was no way I was doing that with all these people here, especially two of my best friends, so when he called to ask where I was I said I'd be here for a short while. Uncle Yellow had evidently been there all day and came round to my table to apologise that he was going as he was so tired, and I told him I totally understood and had been in that situation multiple times before. The meal went on but I could barely eat anything, still stuffed from Baise but did a few gan beis here and there. I managed another 45 minutes or so chatting with various ex-colleagues of Tan's and other people who said they knew her. I guess she should really have come too, but was as usual at A Hua's place with the ladies chatting.

A Qiu front left with some ex-colleagues

Finally I made what I thought would be my final gan bei to the table to take my leave, but as soon as I made my first steps towards the dian dong che the next table ordered me to sit down and have a drink. I told them I needed to go so compromised by standing up and doing a gan bei with them, before moving on to the sounds of them telling me to take another. The same fate befell me at the next table too but this time the two blokes almost physically pulled me onto the stool where I managed two more gan beis before apologising and saying I needed to leave at 10.30.

I checked that Haiwei was still about and indeed he was, and sent a weizhi that was exactly the same place as A Wu's office. Hmmm...then his elder son sent the same weizhi and told me to call him when I arrived, and indeed when I did it was the same building. And we took the lift to the 4th floor where indeed A Wu was there in a not too sober state, as was his wife, while his kids were playing on their phones in the other room. There had evidently been a meal and I realised it was for A Wu's wife's father, with whom I had to gan bei twice. And then again with the few blokes who were left from the meal. I was slightly confused as it was Haiwei who had invited me but he was nowhere to be seen, but the mystery was solved a minute later when A Wu told me to take the lift one floor down to the third, where I found Haiwei, a couple of other blokes, and four ladies around a table with the remnants of a meal there.

It didn't take long to be stuck in cai ma and the young lady to my right absolutely smashed me something like 10-1. We continued like this for a while and I managed a morsel to eat, but the bosses were drunk and teetering on the lecherous, which the ladies and I were aware of so unfortunately they left soon after, leaving the blokes to cai ma till I said I was just too tired, which was semi-true. So soon after midnight I was taking Haiwei very slowly on the dian dong che back to wherever it was he was sleeping, and slowly continued home from there for a relatively early night.

Trip to Baise

I nearly got up when I woke up at 7am but thought better of it and dozed till 9am when I realised it would be a good idea to get up if we were going to Baise soon. Tan pinged me to say Chuan Chuan couldn't get tickets for us due to ID issues again. I really don't understand the issue and neither do they if they are honest. But Tan did show me a picture of Leilei's passport showing that he was born in 2004! What? He's had the passport for like three years and it's never been an issue? Well I suppose he's not been to China since he's had this passport, or even abroad at all I think. But still, the Chinese visa place surely would have caught this. And could this have implications for going back? Apparently Tan had sent that picture to Chuan Chuan which may explain the ID problems for booking the ticket....

As silly as it is fake

So I looked at booking tickets myself as I'd done for us getting here from Guangzhou. I double-checked Leilei's passport and to my relief it did say 2005 as the year of birth. I checked with Tan and found out he'd been showing off that he could alter the picture of his passport to make him look older. Stupider more like as he could have caused us not to be able to go, not to mention doing something like that is probably illegal. Having thought that would I definitely not have done something similar had I had the tools at that age?

Tan told me not to book too early as it would be too hot. As Nezha was up I asked what time he'd like to go and he said someone was picking them up at 11am. What? I knocked on Leilei's door and he said something to the affinitive even though 11am was only 45 minutes away and he was still in bed unpacked. Tan knew nothing about this and neither did Chuan Chuan so I said I'd book a train for around 5ish if I could. Then Tan asked why I was so preoccupied with the time. I said I didn't really care what time but you told me to book for the evening as it would be too hot before, and anyway I had to choose a time before I could book and find out if it would work anyway. I mean how could Chuan Chuan say there was a problem with the booking if she hadn't chosen a time. I might be wrong but what else was I supposed to do? So we finally settled on 3.13pm as it would give us time to eat, and I was still accused of being anal about the time...sometimes I have to bite my lip so hard it really hurts.

Five minutes later I had safely booked the tickets with no issue at all except I had to pay a £6 booking fee on trip.com but at least it was done. It was getting on for midday so I thought I'd pick up some jiaozi for the kids and some toilet bleach Tan had been asking me to get for days now (er I'm not the only one with legs here...). Then I thought I may get an hour's shuteye before we left. I came back with the requisite toilet bleach (洁厕灵 - another word that will no doubt be very useful in the future) and the jiaozi, and a six pack of 3.3% beers for 9.90 kuai - bargain! I had a couple of the beers with some baozi as they only had two portions of jiaozi, then waited in vain for sleep to come. So much for that idea. Tan had a dentist's appointment at 3pm so said she could order us a didi che before hers, and indeed it was ready one minute after it was ordered. Chuan Chuan had told us to bring a change of clothes for after the rafting which meant we each needed two changes for the overnight stay, and I just managed to get my stuff (including my laptop) into my laptop bag. I should be good at travelling light by now but when it's going to be 36 degrees you can never really have enough tops.

Blimey it was only 6 kuai to take the didi che all the way to the station. No wonder san lun ches are becoming extinct. We were there half an hour early which was about right as my luggage got stopped as I had a glass bottle in it plus a battery pack, as did the boys'. I can hardly describe the journey through the lush countryside as nondescript but for everyone else it was. Living within mountains here is a bit like living in London with all the aeroplanes - you just get used to them and they're nothing special. Anyway Chuan Chuan called us to tell us to wait outside the station for one minute as she and her boyfriend Xiao He were just a minute away. Indeed she just needed to tell us the colour of the car and part of the numberplate and a couple of minutes later we were in. She said we were going to "play", which can mean anything, so I asked where and she said "some place". So I expected a 5-10 minute ride but 20 minutes later I noticed we were outside of Baise heading north. In fact it transpired we were to drive for an hour to some scenic place where we could take a boat on the lake.

Well the lake was there ok, and it started really lashing it down by the time we got there. We went for a walk and found some shelter and Nezha said he wanted to swim, but apparently that was not allowed, so we said we could take the boats out but then he said he was starving and needed to eat first. We thought we could just get him a snack but he really wanted a hot meal so we found a place that served egg fried rice and that did the trick as we ate some watermelon they gave us and drank the complimentary tea. The boss asked if she could take a few photos with us and some kids and of course we complied, and I guess justified the watermelon. Then as we left Chuan Chuan announce in a matter-of-fact way that the boating place had closed at 4.30pm, an hour or so before we'd even arrived, so that was out of the question.

Leilei and Nezha with a moody backdrop after the rain

One of the very few western style public toilets I'll see here

So after walking about for a bit now that the rain had subsided, we were to drive back to Baise to eat a proper meal. At least Xiao He is a pretty safe driver as I had no Dutch courage for such a drive, and we arrived safely before 8pm before going to our hotel to check in. I didn't quite understand what the problem was but apparently there was one which meant that our rooms got upgraded. The boys had a huge room with a pull-out second bed, and I had a more than substantial one that I would never have chosen myself as we'd only be using it for sleeping. I don't really get why people choose such posh rooms if they're only going to be used for sleeping and washing. If you're with a lover sure, get something special for a special night, but as with travelling for work all I require is something comfortable, safe, and quiet (and with wifi).

Chuan Chuan and Xiao He went back to their place and we said we'd meet in 20 minutes downstairs. So I had a sneaky medicine alcohol while I waited for her message and it was a good half an hour later, during which time the boys had gone out and found a cat cafe as you do. Oh I do miss Ami, especially since Anzhe sent a short video of her yesterday. Apparently the place Chuan Chuan had ordered from was already running out of food as it was getting on for 9pm, so we went to another "bbq" place instead, which ended up being fantastic. We had a hotplate in the middle of the table, and used tongs to place various slices of meat and vegetables on and wait for it to cook before either eating it just like that or putting it, plus some other stuff, into a lettuce leaf and stuffing it in our mouths. It was another fantastic meal and Nezha asked for two extra portions of beef and nothing was wasted. I also ordered a couple of cans of beer but Xiao He wouldn't join me as he needed to move the car a bit later - very sensible. Unfortunately the beer wasn't cold so they remedied this by adding a load of ice cubes to the large glass. Very Chinese and very practical actually.

Then we were to move on to bar Swag 2.0, so Xiao He took the car back and a few minutes later we actually walked the whole 15 minutes to the bar. It was pretty small, and being a Saturday night pretty busy with youths, but we had a table booked and pretty soon it would be full of "Budweiser". I didn't massively want the boys to get pissed so Chuan Chuan booked a 3 litre keg-like thing of fairly sweet orange-flavoured drink that I was told was 2% alcohol and could believe it. Luckily, Leilei preferred that to the beer and Nezha mixed them.

We're too cool for Swag 2.0

Xiao He came out of his shell a bit after a few beers and then I decided I wanted to play the dice game. So we started a game and I learnt a new variant which meant the one was a wildcard and really changed the tactics. I also learnt if you had four of the same that counted as five, and five of the same counted as seven. I guess it was a regional variant, but we had some pretty fun games, including having 10 threes due to having lots of ones. But even the boys got a bit bored soon after midnight and went for a walk, so we finished the last four beers and made our way back soon after.

It was a refreshing walk and the boys had made their way back to the hotel so we parted at 1amish and agreed to meet up at 11.30am tomorrow. I nearly got to the hotel but decided to go for a quick walk and ended up finding only one place open that sold me a couple of beers and medicine alcohol just in case I'd need it tomorrow. But I ended up drinking three beers in the hotel while chatting to western friends. I also managed to book three tickets for the last train to Pingguo tomorrow at 7.42pm.

Ma Laoban

Up at a reasonable 10am considering it was nearly 4am by the time I got to sleep. But it didn't take long before it turned to 12.30pm as I'd put on another documentary about space and it spaced me out. Before I could think about grabbing a little more shuteye I suddenly remembered that I'd agreed to meet Ma Laoban for lunch, so splashed a little water on my face and had a quick brush before driving over to his new office just before 1pm. I thought I got to the wrong place as all I saw was a load of photocopying machines, but I asked for Ma Laoban and the bloke pointed me in the direction of an office, and sure enough there he was sitting behind his desk with a load a tea figurines in front of him.

He greeted me like a long lost friend, and indeed we've known each other for 17 years or so, and I've been sort of lost to China for nearly four years, so it was a well reciprocated hug. We sat down to chat and drink tea and just catch up in general, and I gave him his tiny present of three tins of tea I won at our street party for the coronation. Some bloke came in for a bit, then another, and they drank tea and watched douyin on their phones. Then Ma Laoban chastised me for getting there so late as it was gone lunchtime and we'd go for an evening meal instead. Ok that was fine by me, so he offered me a bar of beef jerky which actually hit the spot, together with some nuts that looked to me like Macademia nuts but I couldn't find the translation for that. He just called them "jian guo" which didn't help as it literally means "nut".

Meeting up with Ma Laoban after four years

After an hour or so I reasoned that we had plenty of time and said I'd go home to grab a shower. Of course he said I didn't need to but I said I did, and when I got on the bike he rushed out with a big red box of tea as a present plus a pack of sachets of local honey from a friend who works at such a factory. Apparently this would be good to ease Leilei's cough.

It ended up being well over an hour as I ended up having a chat with Awl and maybe a can of something cold, but I got back before 4pm to find one of the blokes still there douyinning as you do, and we picked up the conversation from there, before his wife came along with their two sons, the younger of whom I'd not seen before as he'd just been born the last time I met Ma Laoban. Both the parents complained about the two kids constantly arguing and all I could say is that it's very normal. I suppose it's a relatively new generation of parents with more than one child now and many have not had to put up with that before. Well the older one was screaming about something that was the younger's fault and just wouldn't stop until he seemed physically unable to scream any more, and I wasn't really able to intervene and discharge the situation.

The bloke with the phone then decided to get up and lie down on the couch as you do, and Ma Laoban called a restaurant to order tonight's food, then some mates to make sure there would be company. I decided I had to know what the nuts were, and that just "nuts" wouldn't do, so specifically told Ma Laoban I needed to know, so he said they were from "Xiaweiyi" which meant little to me, but after a bit of help writing it out in Chinese I found out it meant Hawaii. So doing a quick search for "Hawaii nuts" the first result was indeed MacadAmia nuts and not MacadEmia as I'd looked for before. Oh well I was armed with a little more knowledge, but also knew it was unlikely to come in useful in the future.

5.30pm eventually rolled around and I said I'd follow Ma Laoban on the bike but he said I'd be drinking beer so it was best to leave the bike at home. I couldn't argue with that so he followed me back to Yu Jing Hua Ting where I dumped it and got in his 4x4 to go to a place I hadn't been before near the new hotel, where of course we had a private room waiting for us. Being the inviters we were the first of course and it wasn't until 6pm that the others had all turned up. First were two rather red-faced plump blokes who looked like they'd been drinking all afternoon and were in good spirits. Then Huang Laoban turned up, who I hadn't seen for years and had meant to. He was in good spirits too and sat next to me. Then a bloke I'm sure I've met before turned up with his 18 year-old son who was nearly as skinny as Leilei (I'd asked the kids to come but no answer), then Ma Laoban's wife and other kid turned up so there was a full complement of 10 people just fitting round the table. Interestingly the two large blokes weren't drinking so moved down to let the dad sit next to Huang Laoban, who set about pouring three glasses of beer before we even started eating.

Ma had specifically said we were to eat yu sheng (raw fish) but a whole load of other stuff was already on the table, most of which I really like especially the deep fried pork ribs. I'd only had some beef jerky and MacadAmia nuts all day but still wasn't able to gorge myself on the fantastic food. But I did make space for the raw fish even though Ma had done a typically Chinese thing and dumped a duck leg in my bowl even though I said I preferred the breast. Ma's wife tried to teach me some local terms for food, and said she'd make me some "em go" which is a bit like a flat zongzi and due to start in August.

Ma Laoban's wife, me, elder son, Ma Laoban, younger son

Huang Laoban, friend, friend's son, me, Ma Laoban

All in all it was another cracking meal, culminating in cai ma at Ma's request even though he doesn't drink. Fine...Huang Laoban was up for it and beat me badly for the first few minutes to Ma's delight. And I realised in some way I was providing entertainment and therefore paying for my meal in a real way, though I'd like to think that with Ma Laoban it was more down to genuine friendship.

I do sometimes think my meals, and indeed other times here in Guangxi, are sort of walled gardens. A meal will have great food, great company, A/C, gan beis, and cai ma. But that is pretty much it. I wonder if it is a self-enforced walled garden due to my lack of Chinese, or lack of various local languages, and doubtless it is to some extent. Ok sometimes we might play mo pai or dice but in a way the only things that change are the company and the conversation. And that fact that it still feels a bit foreign is why I still like it so much. What would happen if I actually did live here for a year or two? Would I get bored? There's only so much cai ma you can play, but I get it that it's the conversation that counts. In a pub in the UK it's not like we do anything other than drink beer and talk...with the occasional pub quiz. So maybe I'm looking into things too much again. But it is an incentive to improve my Chinese in various ways even if Tan doesn't think I should be learning the local language.

Towards the end of the meal A Wu rang for me to go and drink with some bosses which would be less cultural than the meal I just had but told him I'd be around in half an hour after Ma Laoban dropped me off, which he did 15 minutes later. So as there was no-one in the house I went over to the place near A Wu's house and indeed there were about six blokes in various states of inebriatedness, all at least twice as much as me as I'd been fairly sensible after losing cai ma to Huang Laoban and got my own back on him later. A Wu poured me a glass of beer from a 1 litre can of what definitely wasn't Chinese 2.8% beer. He pointed to some Chinese and even I knew from experience that 比利时 meant Belgium. I suppose I should be grateful that it was only 4.8% and not 8.4%, as I still had to gan bei the first glass.

Most of the bosses were drinking baijiu of course and I was invited (forced) to play cai ma. Well I enforced a rule that losing with this beer was 1/3 of the glass and not 1/2, which they just about accepted. Then, as is almost expected, a rather attractive woman dressed in an immaculate white dress walked in and sat down and started eating. It was in complete contrast to all the bosses with sweat-stained clothes and rolled up teeshirts revealing...well I just know I'll never be Chinese enough to do that, and hopefully won't have a belly capable of keeping such a teeshirt from falling down. The bloke to my right was pretty pissed and said years ago he could speak English but now it had all gone. Except it hadn't really and he insisted in spurting out whatever random words came into his head. Then he pointed at the woman who was sitting to my left and said out loud that she had big, beautiful balls. I gathered he was referring to her breasts and told him in no uncertain terms he was not to say such things, but he just laughed and repeated himself. I have no idea if the woman understood what he was saying but the fact he was pointing as well meant she probably did. Sadly, I guess she's used to it and who knows maybe puts up with it for free food and drink?

Soon after 10pm A Wu said we'd go to "sing song", for which I was quite grateful and half an hour later indeed we left the bosses' place with the woman and the pissed bloke. I followed the woman on the dian dong che and instead of going to the closest one as we normally do, we went to the one by the side of the guangchang. A Wu called to complain that I hadn't picked him up but when I left the bosses I saw him going to a dian dong che too so assumed he had his own. Well he turned up on foot which at least was a little bit of exercise for him as he's put on weight since I last saw him.

The KTV was almost worse than the bosses' place we'd just been to. A sausagefest of drunks and no amount of gan bei'ing the "Budweiser" would bring me anywhere close to their level, not that I wanted that at all. I kept it fairly short and polite and didn't sing anything, preferring to come home by midnight where I had a brief chat with Mat and Andge and Awl where they were in my back garden in London. It was 1am and I told myself I should go out for a walk and maybe get invited for a bite to eat, but Tan had told me that I was to take the boys to Baise tomorrow to see Chuan Chuan and go rafting the next day, so I took the sensible option of getting a relatively early night.

Another double date but Xixi is registered

Up early but had a morning siesta again after I had a missed call from an unrecognised number. Well I tried to answer but there was no sound on the other end then they just hung up. I realised later it could have been the police registering place telling me Xixi's deng ji biao was ready so I tried to call back but it was the same...no sound then hang up. Then I noticed a new friend request in Weixin that had been there since 9am and I'd missed. No sooner had I accepted the request when I got a message saying indeed the deng ji biao was ready, so I thanked her and said I'd be there at 5pm.

A slightly scary sight if not expecting, but far from the KKK this is simply a way to keep the sun off one's skin (I hope)

Then Tan sent me a message (in Chinese for a change) to say we were going to eat at A Hua's again. That was great, but a friend had pinged me to invite them for a bite to eat this evening as well. Ok I've managed that before, I said 6.30pm would be better than 6pm and realised I didn't have much time now to sort stuff. So I grabbed a shower and got to the police place shortly after 5pm where indeed Xixi's passport and register form were waiting for me. When I got back Tan and the kids were waiting for a didi che to take them to A Hua's and I said I'd meet them later. Indeed I even found time for a quick cold Li Quan and a chat with Awl before leaving for A Hua's at 6pm. And I'm glad I didn't leave earlier as I found the kids all sitting on the sofa bored, but two minutes later it was time to eat. I made sure I stuck to the sweetcorn and other cai, and only had a few slices of the lovely crispy pork, before making my excuses and telling the truth that I'd been invited (well I was the inviter) to another meal. Of course no offence was taken and I wasn't even the first to leave.

Another delightful meal at A Hua's I wasn't able to enjoy too much but at least the kids did

So it was a case of popping home then I should have walked the 50 yards or so to the beef restaurant but I didn't want to turn up sweaty, so took the dian dong che for 30 seconds. The meal consisted of a large frying pan-like thing in the middle of the table (in a private room of course) with a load of raw meat from various parts of the cow. Then you just turn on the heat and a few minutes later it's cooked. But it was a little spicy for the friend's daughter so we ordered a non-spicy dish and a huge one turned up shortly after. I said I thought they'd screwed up the order, and indeed after we'd already made a start on it someone came and swapped it for a smaller dish. We had homemade berry alcohol at first which was a little sweet for my liking, then plum alcohol which was quite a bit nicer. During the meal Ma Laoban got in contact again to ask whether I'd like to meet him for lunch or dinner tomorrow so I said the former would work and he sent me a weizhi so I'd know where to go. Wow, something planned more than 12 hours in advance.

I was glad that nothing to eat was wasted, but then we (they) decided to go to south of the river to follow up with something called you cha which is basically like soup but with lots of bits you can put in like nuts. I wasn't at all hungry and could barely have the soup without other bits in it but the others somehow managed to finish it over the 2.5 hours or so, and I gathered it was to sober you up as there was not a drop of alcohol and I certainly didn't complain.

Finally they've developed south of the bridge and it looks very tasteful...will have to come back

Back home I wasn't that tired so tried to watch the next Black Mirror episode but despite the British VPN this time it wasn't available so I ended up watching a sci-fi film that I got bored with before the end and it will join an ever-growing list of films that I'll never see the end of.

Yumi tang and Mole crickets

Oh woe is me it's happening, next Thursday we'll be on the train to Guangzhou. Maybe because it's been the first time in over three years or maybe because the kids are becoming adults, I just want to hang on to this time. I've loved not having to work for a while yet still been super-busy with socialising. But it's going to end soon. I wonder how the boys feel...I guess similar but who knows? Nezha has a six year-old sister he misses and Leilei will have to face the reality of A-level results.

It was another daytime of avoiding going outside, and Tan ordered three chicken burgers to be delivered. She called me to go downstairs to get them from the driver but no-one was there, so she called the driver and he came back to the house to show he'd hung the stuff on our front door. She apologised to the driver and then then had a go at me! Who was the one to say to go *down*stairs to pick it up? Well no-one was up and I was a little peckish so had half a burger and it was pretty much the worst thing I've eaten here this year. I gave the other half to Xixi who was awake but still in bed, and the boys were nowhere to be seen.

Jiuma had popped back for some reason, and had lit some joss sticks and stuck them in the place to remember those in the family that have died. Tan told me that Xixi had already done this and that I had to do it to as was family. I was more than happy to join in with this and actually felt a bit emotional as I lit them and poured some baijiu from a little pot into three little glasses. I didn't want to ask too much about why there were three joss sticks and three glasses but I guess one was for Waipo and one for Tan's dad. It's sad and yet happy to be recognised as one of the family here and not a tourist.

The end of the corridor reserved for respecting those who are no longer with us

I realised I was late with registering Xixi again so went to the police registering place on the other side of town and managed to remember exactly where it was, mainly from remembering the strategy of avoiding red lights and taking pedestrianised areas when I could. Annoyingly the lady said the person who does the deng ji wai guo ren had already finished for the day, but I could leave the passport and my phone number and she could sort it tomorrow. Fair enough I also left my Weixin ID in case that was useful.

By the time I was back it was teatime and Xixi and I went to the yumi tang place for the first time this year. The place was mostly full of delivery drivers, which I suppose says something positive about the the food. But it wasn't the same woman as last time and they'd run out of sweetcorn soup so we settled on rib soup instead. Then for my omelette I couldn't describe what exactly I wanted as last time the woman would pretty much say "the usual?", so I explained about fried eggs with greens and I thought she understood but we ended up with a plate of rice with some fried egg and tomatoes on it. Well it wasn't exactly what I wanted but I wasn't going to complain and this single portion was more than enough for both of us and came to 30 kuai for pretty much a full evening meal for two.

I'd promised Lu zong I'd meet up with him tonight at 9pm. A few minutes before I pinged him to check we were to meet at his shop, and he said he was already there and then to hurry up! But when I got there I found the shop was closed, so pinged him again and he said he was in that private room in the place on Jiang Bin Lu. Ah, I'd used 点 instead of 店 which had completely changed the meaning of the sentence. I'd been hasty while IM'ing and now was experiencing the "less speed" of the proverb. Not that proverbs are to be relied on in any way. Too many cooks spoil the broth but many hands make light work. Take care of the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves, but penny wise, pound foolish. In fact for the latter I definitely agree with the second one; focusing on trivial things is quite easy and then you may lose focus on the much more important things.

So, having maybe learnt a small lesson I drove on down to Jiang Bin Lu and found his place without too much bother. I was only the third person to turn up but thankfully over the night more mates turned up, some of whom I recognised from before. I wasn't massively in the mood for such an evening but after a couple of gan beis I started to enjoy it a lot more. The main attraction in terms of food was the plate of gryllotalpidae...yes of course that's the official translation from the Chinese but I later found out they are known as mole crickets, and they burrow in the ground so don't have wings, or least usually not very functional ones. But they are generally considered to be pests so it was a win-win to be eating them and getting some decent protein at the same time.

A mole cricket

Various bbq goodies including more pig penises upper middle

Footy in the street and horrid disco

Yet another dozy morning...I really should have taken up Zhangwen's invitation to go swimming between 9-10am but just wasn't up for it. So at lunchtime I heated up the cha siu we took back from A Hua's yesterday plus some jiaozi that Leilei hadn't eaten last night, and that was more than sufficient for the ladies and me, as the boys had already left to go to Li Kun's again.

I'm so aware that there's little more than a week to go. I tried ringing BA last night to see what options I might have about changing flights but they rudely said they were busy and didn't even put me in a queue. So at 1pm I called again as I knew they opened at 6am UK time. I'd even put some credit in Skype for the first time in years as wasn't sure of a better way of calling a UK number from here. Well it took getting on for half an hour before the bloke said he'd have to call back office and they'd email me with a quote. It wasn't his fault; I guess because I booked via BA but it was a China Southern flight we weren't able to do this online. But anyway I'd already booked the train tickets, Nezha would not be able to change his flight, and we'd been here for six weeks already. I suppose in some way it was getting time to leave.

I chilled in the house most of the day, and the girls went out shopping soon after 3pm again. I needed to get out so left around 4.30pm and happened upon Huang's Beihai place and found him eating tea - I guess you need to eat so early when you'll be cooking all evening. We sat outside for a few minutes and he told me to come back for a beer later in the evening, and I made my excuses to go, which really just meant it was too hot. On the walk back I noticed the road that Boss Zhou's restaurant used to be on and it brought back nice memories. It was a dead end road and as I walked up I heard "wai guo ren!" from some five year-old kid on the street who ran into his house and came out with two other kids and a football. They were all smiles of course and asked me where I was from, so we had a little conversation. It was that age where they haven't yet learnt to be shy and were just curious. I told one of them to kick me the ball and we spent a cool five minutes kicking it about in the street and it could have been anywhere. Except it was Pingguo in the late afternoon and I'd broken into a sweat after managing not to up to now by walking at a Pingguo pace. Oh well I'd not showered yet, and this was more fun than I thought it would be.

Playing footy in the street with some local kids

I managed a quick chat with Awl on Zoom as I picked up some more 0% sugar soft drinks, and noticed there was a lighting shop next door. As the bulbs in Leilei's room and the front room have both gone I got home and removed one and took it to the lighting shop, where the lady explained that these were very old bulbs and hard to find these days as people were using LEDs. Of course, it made perfect sense, as we'd done 10 years ago in our flat. But I'd need to change the housing for the bulb and as it was getting on for teatime didn't feel like doing it just then.

My mail from BA hadn't arrived within the two hours they said, but at getting on for 5pm I finally saw something in my inbox. £690 to change dates! Ha, I was entertaining the thought of staying another 10 days if it was going to be maximum £100 more but for £690 I could practically get a return flight again. So now we're definitely leaving Pingguo next Thursday. In a way days like today are good as it wasn't action-packed and as I don't have a study anymore I can't really do much productive stuff during the day. But I'll miss here awfully, and if it's possible to sort Leilei's university application/clearing later in August I might well see if I can sneak back here before I search for work.

Xixi pinged me to say they'd be eating at A Hua's again, and I thought it was a bit far to walk, but as the boys had taken my black dian dong che and Jiuma's one I thought I'd risk taking the large red one with the crappy batteries. Well it got me there at 20kph max and we had another delightfully family meal with lots of raw fish. Even Xixi had two bowls of rice before we were both full. I asked Tan if she planned to chat for the foreseeably future and she said "dui" so I dared take Xixi back on the bike. She was a little embarrassed as it would almost have been faster to walk, but at least it wasn't sweaty and we just made it back to be put on charge for probably only a couple of hours.

At 8.45pm Huang pinged me to say they had "started", so I told him I'd grab a shower and got there 25 minutes later to find him with just a couple of blokes who also work there. Normally I don't mind, but tonight I was sober and could have done with more company. I managed a few beers till 11pm when I said I'd promised to be with my daughter as indeed I'd said I'd help her learn to drive the dian dong che. He let me go but the boys hadn't got back so there wasn't much I could teach her. Not wanting to waste the night too much I went for a wander and picked up a couple of cold beers for the evening.

Then, unexpectedly, at 1am I got a text to go to a bar. My "why not?" reaction didn't arise though and I thought logically that it would not be a good idea. But a few more texts provoked "why not?" and as Leilei said there was still some dian in the dian dong che I went the rather long route to the south of town. Bar my arse, it was a full-blown disco with music so loud I hadn't felt since student days. And the amount of young women dressed so skimpily made me feel uncomfortable to be there, and at least a generation out of place. But I obligingly engaged in some gan beis that tasted like weak Ribena (and were the usual 2.8%). After a short while bright yellow covers were brought out to cover the tables with the glasses before a load of confetti came from the ceiling. This happened on more than one occasion. 

Our table had its own server who ensured glasses were filled and accompanied me when I went to the loo, and even pulled tissues for me to dry my hands. I'd only gone to the loo to get away from the music for a while, but he asked me for 200 kuai - something to do with women or lap dancers or something similar. I told him I had no interest in such a thing and was married etc., so somehow we "settled" on 100 kuai. In terms of "entertainment" and drinks I suppose it was fair in a way but had I known what sort of place this was I'd never have come in the first place.

I didn't really care if I was being rude and made my excuses and left very soon after. For once I was really worried about whether the bike would get me back as it was a good 5-6 kilometres from home, but it just made it and I realised it was getting on for 4am yet again. Sleep beckoned but I'd realised I'd forgotten to put the bike on charge. It took a lot of logicking to get me out of bed to go down and put it on but I knew I wouldn't regret it.

Xixi hair do and bbq with Liu ge

Waking up at 10am didn't seem to agree so I slept-podcasted till midday when Tan asked me to take her to meet A Xia at a hair place as she couldn't get a didi che. Fair enough so we drove in the scorching heat and I did my best to keep to the shady parts of the road. Once dropped off I could feel my tummy wanting to play up again so quicky got home to relieve myself on the western toilet. Again and again...until Tan called to get me to bring money for the hair stuff as she'd already spent the maximum she could this morning on Weixin and Xixi was getting a perm. Also I needed to get panty liners. Man that's hard enough in the UK...that should be fun here.

I still hadn't grabbed a shower when she rang again to say the same thing. Repetition is a big deal here. I mean we have the same for sure but here it seems more baked into the culture. Most adjectives can just be doubled up to give more effect. In the UK I'm used to adverbs being doubled up a lot more..."I really really want that..." but not so much "the old old car" whereas here I'd feel quite normal saying that. Anyway I donned my cool black Man City away kit from a few years ago and went to Guanmart expecting a difficult visit but as I was looking at the liners a woman came up to me and asked me what I was looking for. I explained, rather than translated and we had a very "matter of fact" conversation about the rate of discharge and how this one was better for the evening and this one was better for the last couple of days. Absolutely no embarrassment about it at all and that's exactly as it should be. I walked out with three separate packets and when I got to the hair salon Tan didn't even complain though she surreptitiously moved them to another bag. A Xia spied my lovely Valencian market shopping bag and wanted it. Fair enough, it's lovely, and at least I'd have a better chance of replacing it. I still have my Sainsbury one here for this purpose.

Xixi's new hair do

Well I ended up not needing to go to the bank as the total for both the girls came to 381 kuai for apparently five hours work, and I just had enough to pay with Weixin. Then we were told we were to eat with A Hua which would be nice as I've not seen her this year, but Xixi wasn't too keen, so we compromised by saying I'd take her home and we'd pop back later for a bit. And indeed we did when Xixi deemed her face was good enough...jeez it's not like we were going to the Ritz. Anyway I shouldn't moan...we hopped on the bike and in a few hot minutes we were at the place we'd lived in for three months nearly 15 years ago, and not much had changed. We got the lift up the two whole floors and knocked on what used to be our front door.

Yes we hadn't screwed up and indeed A Hua was there with A Xia and Chen Mei. I actually had to ask Tan in English who that was to my right and she answered in Mandarin as if to chastise me for not knowing it was Chen Mei. Then I had to ask who the young man was next to A Xia and of course it was her son Su Liyi. Blimey some things change after four years. But it was a lovely meal and Xixi and I da bao'd the rest of the cha xiao after saying our goodbyes. We (I) decided we would pick up a couple of cups of watermelon juice from the place we'd frequented some years ago with the young ladies we'd known since they were babies. It took us a bit longer than it should have as I couldn't remember the road but it was fun anyway, and we eventually found the mini guangchang and the juice bar. But the girls were no longer there as apparently they were now of the age where they were away at school. No bother, the mum made us our juice and I specifically asked for mine without added sugar.

Four of the ladies at A Hua's for tea

Our favourite watermelon place

At that time Liu ge pinged me to let me know he was on his way back from Nanning and should be back between 8.30-9pm, and that we'd go for some bbq. Fair enough, I'd already met Lu zong who had chastised me for not turning up the other week after the footy, and he'd said he'd try to arrange something for tonight but apparently all his mates were busy, so it seemed I was free. Back home, Xixi and I drank our lovely juice and I realised it was actually my first one as the one I'd previously bought had found its way onto the kitchen floor. So while I was enjoying it I continued to update CTGP on the Wii...28 updates to go...I thought downloading it all to the SD card Xixi had brought would have avoided all that...very much 1st world problems.

9pm arrived at the same time as a message from Liu ge, who was about to arrive in Pingguo and asked for our address. I duly obliged and a few minutes later went outside to meet him. Indeed he was the bloke I remembered luckily, and wasn't driving luckily. Instead there was a woman from Henan in the driver's seat and a "daughter" of hers in the back with me. We drove carefully to the Pingguo Lu place to find what was apparently one of the best bbqs in town. Well to be fair it was very very good, and I'd go back there again. Vocabulary-wise it was pretty tough as Liu ge was talking about his work, and I was really trying to follow. It seemed that he was in the import/export business, and I was trying to gather what it was exactly that he was importing. Then it dawned on me that it didn't matter...whatever a country wanted he would arrange it. Well despite the recent economic problems everyone moans about in China, he seems to be doing pretty well as the Mercedes the woman was driving was apparently a gift from him.

Then the woman's son arrived. This time apparently it was her actual genetic son, but the "daughter" was her big brother's daughter. Real big brother? I don't bother asking any more. Apparently the son was in the 2nd year at university studying IoT, but when I pushed for more information it seemed to be more on the chip side than software. He'd just started learning English so we used that as an excuse to have a slow conversation, as he and his mum smoked during the evening. Liu ge had ordered Li Quan beer as apparently earlier that day in Nanning he'd drunk half a bottle of baijiu. Err...fair enough...still his sips of beer were generally 3/4 of the glass, and after two hours I could see the effects, so we decided to dao ba the rest of the bbq and he went with the son on a dian dong che while the Henan woman drove me back with her "daughter". CTGP had finally finished downloading so I enjoyed a quick GP before testing online and it worked well...12 people playing online Mario Kart Wii in mid 2023!

The Wiimote is a classic design icon IMO, and maybe part inspiration for the Sharp tv remote

Li Kun family meal

Well although I woke up at 9ish I had no intention of following it through to proper wakefulness and I'd had the forethought to make myself two half litres of water should the need arise. It didn't, but the need for sleep quickly arose and after putting on another podcast about the beginnings of the universe I slipped well into it. If only hypnopaedia was a thing I'd be so intelligent by now. But I managed some weird dreams and nice sleep till 1pm when I heard voices in the living room.

I put on a top just in case and found Chuan Chuan and her boyfriend and Tan chatting in the living room. So after a wee I basically joined them and really enjoyed a family chat...yes Tan chastised me now and again for not knowing certain stuff...but I'd like to think she really appreciates how much I've come along in the last few years...as if! Chuan Chuan and bloke left a bit later and I realised I hadn't had lunch so looked in the fridge and the only thing I felt I could stomach was the last huge cup of passionfruit tea that Tan had bought yesterday. In fact, with all the fruit, and just the volume alone it pretty much filled my stomach, and bonus points to Tan as she hadn't added any sugar so it wasn't sickly sweet. So I chilled away the afternoon sitting by Running Dog on the laptop catching up, while the boys did their music at Li Kun's. In fact apparently they had been there since 10am. What had happened? Normally they don't get up till teatime...I'm guessing they pulled an all-nighter. Well they would have to stay up a bit later as Li Kun had invited us for a meal at the nice restaurant by the cinema this evening at 6.30pm.

6.15pm came about quicker than expected so I checked the ladies and Tan was doing her face and said she'd be 5 minutes, then I was to take her and come back for Xixi and the boys would make their own way. Yet another justification for fixing the dian dong che. And being of a suitable size (the bike, not Tan, well yes Tan too actually), it comfortably accommodated us both, but wouldn't have taken Xixi too. 5 minutes later I dropped Tan off by the restaurant and she ordered me to get three red envelopes for each of Li Kun's kids. Yes he has a new son now. So him and A Wu both have one more kid than us but who's counting?

I went to pick up Xixi and nearly forgot about the envelopes. "En"velopes or "um"velopes? It shouldn't bother me but I looked it up on forvo and it seems to be 50/50. Other searches suggested it should be "um" or "on" as it comes from the French. But if that's the case economics should always begin with an "eck" sound but "eek" seems reasonable. Well I'm not going to um and ah about it too much and will stick to eekonomics and ennvelope until I stand corrected. But yes I spotted a small shop that looked like it would sell the said red sheaths and indeed when we went it the shopkeeper asked us what was the occasion. Fair enough, some were specifically for weddings or other special occasions and I didn't want to be doing the equivalent of giving an Xmas card for a birthday. So we got our three red items and a bottle of orange juice for Xixi and filled them each with a 100 kuai note.

We ended up getting to the restaurant as the boys were turning up, a few minutes after 7pm, and were shown to a private room of course. Li Kun's wife and at least one kid were there, along with his mum and his friend and that friend's wife, so it made for a nice full table. The kids were all happy with Li Kun's choices of baked chicken and lamb and beef ribs. Yet again I forewent any rice, and gorged on the juicy meat. I know (at least believe) eating meat from dead animals will become like smoking soon, for good reasons, but to be polite I totally enjoyed these dead animals.

The boys asked to leave after 30 minutes and I told them again that part of being an adult was standing on ceremony, allowing your host to appreciate that you appreciate being invited, and told them to wait 15 minutes. And Tan backed me up 100%. I think they understood, and when Li Kun's mum left "to attend a matter" that was their cue to be able to do the same a couple of minutes later - presumably to go back to Li Kun's office to continue music-making. To be fair they'd again not indulged in any beer that Li Kun had ordered a good 30 minutes into the meal. I even told him we could have soft drinks (within Tan's earshot) but he insisted, but his mate to his left had brought his own bottle of baijiu as is many people's wont here.

All in all it was a really lovely family meal...good food and good company. Tan was happily chatting with everyone and Xixi was stuck in her phone. She did remind me that we were supposed to go to Guanmart at 7.30 for the draw but there was no way we'd be leaving here to do that. The only negative thing was around that time I could feel all was not well with my belly. I contemplated going home to a nice western toilet but didn't think I had time. I was right. I grabbed a load of tissues just in case, but the en suite keyhole at least had a full roll. And for probably the fifth time this year managed a squat and was a good 10 minutes. Not that anyone batted an eyelid or came knocking for me. At least my VPN was connected and I got to read the news (and saw that it was unlikely there would be any cricket today so Australia would win the ashes).

Family meal

Li Kun family meal

When we finally finished around 8.45pm Tan went to see A Xia and I took Xixi to go home. Except we decided to go via a scenic route for old times' sake, and headed north of Pingguo until we came upon what looked like a police checkpoint. I'd forgotten to put on my helmet so stopped and did so, but we thought better of going through, and did a U-turn then took a weird left turn and became lost in some dirt track-like roads near some construction. It was so Pingguo though and after a few minutes managed to get back to a normal road and found our way back. But we'd scratched an itch to explore a little and justified fixing the dian dong che a bit more.

The bbq friend had been texting me to go to some place to drink wine. I wasn't really sure what it was about but it was at the place I'd drunk tea with Teacher Ling the other week. So after dropping off Xixi I popped round to the tea place almost next door to our complex, and indeed there were about 15 people upstairs drinking various colours of wine. I didn't see bbq friend but I was welcomed as an old friend and made to sit with the bossman. For the first time ever in Pingguo I was poured a small glass of German white wine. For the umpteenth time in Pingguo I had to gan bei it of course with the boss but it was fine.

Interestingly there was a woman there who looked totally different from the rest. When I finally got to gan bei with her I found out she was from Xinjiang province. Being aware of any potential political issues I didn't mention anything that could be considered dangerous, but asked if she was Muslim (no), then what she was doing in Pingguo. "Business!" of course was the answer (in English) and then we managed a short conversation in English and she was actually pretty good. Photos were taken of course - hey if I can help with advertising her business why not? The bbq friend said they were going for bbq at the same place by the river again, and would I join? Well it didn't take too long to make a decision and a few minutes later I was there again, but at a relatively subdued rate until some other people turned up and we hopped tables until getting on for 2am when I called it a night and carefully took the bike home.

Sampling the wine with Xinjiang boss

Family meal

Up at a stupid 7.30am after only getting to sleep at 4am due to the late return of the ladies, but after a yoghurt managed to put some clothes in the wash using up the last of the washing liquid. Dozed a little till 10.30 before I fell into a deeper sleep while listening to a discussion on the origins of life with Nick Lane. Somehow I must have been awake enough to restart it after 90 minutes and fell asleep again to the repeat before it turned 1pm, and I'd finally had 7h30 of sleep in total. Xixi was up and Jiuma, Erjie, Qiqi gege, and A Heng, his wife and child had come around to visit.

So it was a loud half an hour of people who hadn't seen each other for four years with many a photo taken. Xixi was getting a little tired of this but played along until I came up with the genuine excuse of needing to get two more towels from the supermarket. So I said I'd take her, and Tan, who was with A Xia, told me to take her to A Xia's shop after to try on some clothes. Xixi evidently thought that would be worse than coming home so we set off to Guanmart with A Heng's wife (I now know she is called Xiao Jun) and their baby following us on their dian dong che. We got a trolley and the ladies filled it with various sweet things to eat and drink, and I dutifully got two cheap towels and some more (mint) shower gel as now both bathrooms are in use. There was no question of anyone else paying not that I would have allowed that, and when I'd scanned my card and got my receipt they told me I'd won some eggs or rice. And indeed when we showed the receipt I needed to write my (Chinese) name and number on three separate slips of paper and hand them to them. But in fact these three slips were to get me into the draw tomorrow evening for...well Xixi seemed to understand but I didn't have much of a clue. We'll aim to be here at 7.30pm tomorrow though. And they gave us our choice of four fresh eggs instead of the rice.

Family photo with Nezha

We came straight back home where it seemed it was even busier with relatives. It was an hour before the England v Haiti match and I asked Qiqi if it would be on tv. He had a search and apparently it would be for 19.9 kuai. I said not to bother as we'd probably only watch a little anyway. But he then found the last 10 minutes of the Zambia v Japan game and didn't have to pay for it. V or vs? V vs vs? Ok it looks like I'll stick with v. It was determined that we'd be eating at home, which was by far the right decision despite the lack of table space. 5.30pm rolled around and Qiqi found the England match and indeed didn't have to pay anything. It wasn't the most interesting match and we could easily have drawn/lost. At least at dinnertime some of us were able to take our own bowls and eat from the sofa watching the match while some food was plonked on Running Dog. Jiuma said to leave the tea table here as it would be no problem, so I said I was grateful and had asked for a quote to take it back to the UK but A Heng laughed as he said at 300 jin it would be far too heavy to be worth it and I'm 90% sure he's right.

The drinking water had run out, and the 5 litres I'd bought last night wasn't going to last any time with the amount of people there, so Tan told me that there was a place in the complex we could go to that would dispense water and we only needed to scan a card. This sounded deceptively simple but I grabbed the 15 litre bottle and was about to go when A Heng said he'd accompany me. Secretly I was a little ok with that as had no idea where to go despite them saying it was "close". Well it was only 50 yards away and simple as piss to put the bottle in and wait for it to fill up 7.5 litres while listening to The Blue Danube, but it felt very much like being on the set of Squid Games with that music and being in an Asian setting. Well that lasted all of two minutes before for some reason we walked the long way back home and when asked of course told A Heng I wasn't tired. When we arrived I was sweating enough to change my top.

Filling up water was cool but felt a bit Squid game with the music

Some of a family meal

Xixi and I had forgotten to get washing liquid for the clothes so went to the supermarket by the guangchang to make up for it and picked up some fresh boiled quail eggs again, before going to look for The Sun Shop where Xixi wanted to get some presents for friends. Well it was still there but had hopped across to the other side of the road. It was empty of people but open so we walked in and Xixi found some pairs of "Nike" socks for 17 kuai each. I told her they were fake but she said no-one would notice.... The cash register registered 97 kuai, but the shopkeeper insisted on totting it up on his calculator...I told Xixi he'd be working out a discount but in fact he told us it would be 98.5 kuai. I didn't argue.

At The Sun Shop

Xixi getting along with A Heng's daughter

A Wu had already sent me a video of Boss Zhou's place where they were watching China play Denmark, so I dropped Xixi off with Tan at A Xia's place where they have their own KTV room, and made my way over to Boss Zhou's as you do. Well it wasn't China that were playing but another team in their yellow away kit - Pingguo were up 1-0 at Jiangxi Beidamen which was good. But it only lasted another 5 minutes as the second half of the arguably more important world cup started. A Wu wasn't there due to taking the children home, so I watched an even half at the end of which Denmark scored a slightly lucky goal and China so nearly equalised in extra time. Boss Zhou seemed to appreciate my appreciation of the game and knew when to applaud. Luckily we went fairly easy on the beer, and there was enough food to fill me up as I hadn't had more than a couple of mouthfuls at home. The crayfish were particularly nice despite the tiny amount of meat you (I) actually can get out of them. A Wu then turned up after having performed his kidly duties so we had a couple more drinks and a few games of mo pai, which I'm slowly getting used to.

Soon after 10pm I went to pick up Xixi from A Xia's and before going home I remembered we needed to cut the ladies some keys. I thought we'd check by the market place but all the fruit places and key cutting places were closed. Except there was a bit of light coming from one of them. We walked over and indeed one of the key places was not shut up, but there was no-one there either. I found a phone number on the side and decided to call it, and should not have been surprised to get an answer. I asked if he was the key bloke and it transpired he was and he would be over in 6 minutes or 7 minutes. Which he was. No question of any of his wares being taken which is so refreshing. 5 minutes later we had two fresh keys and he would only take 6 kuai. I tried to argue that 2 x 4 equals 8 but he said two keys were 6 kuai and I gave up arguing any more. I was just grateful to have found a locksmith so late.

Key cutting at 10.30pm

Back home around midnight I was looking for an excuse to burn off the last few km of the dian dong che before putting it to charge when I got a timely message from a bbq friend saying they were at some "club" bar a couple of km away. Not looking a gift horse in the mouth I went over there for an hour or so and again kept it fairly easy on the beers other than a little cai ma. Back home at 2ish there were no empty slots to charge the bike at the normal place or at our area, so I managed to find one at the neighbouring building. But try as I might the bloody thing wouldn't charge. I thought it might be as I had no data left, so took a picture of the faded QR code and walked home to try again. Five times I tried before nearly giving up and going to bed, but I knew to be without my steed tomorrow would be grim, so mustered up enough energy to go back outside wearing only some shorts and flipflops and plugged it in to the next plug, and lo and behold 30 seconds later the red light came on and the charger confirmed the batteries were nearly empty. Back home I still couldn't sleep so turned my VPN to the UK and tried Netflix. Yes! It let me log in and I watched the first two episodes of the new Black Mirror series and remembered it turning 6am before I finally got some shuteye.

Return of the ladies and feeling a bit better

Night blended into day with sleep nothing more than the odd doze, but at least the hallucinations had somewhat died down, though I was still achy everywhere. I managed the contents of the last wedding box of nuts and sweet biscuits I'd never normally touch but reckoned I needed the sugar energy, and a yoghurt for the same reason. I checked the flight and saw they were nearly half way through and interestingly going the "normal" route we always used to go over Russia. I guess relations between the countries are still ok, despite the departure airport.

We've pretty much run out of food and I didn't fancy going out in case I got taken short. The boys weren't up and any normal person here would simply order something online. But the risk vector for something going wrong was just to high with the Chinese characters, finding the right app on Weixin, inputting the address in the right format etc. I'd need to do this with a local first of all before I'd be confident enough to do myself. So I took the calculated risk of getting on the dian dong che and picking up a couple of portions of jiaozi as Nezha had told me he had already eaten. Back home I wolfed mine down with another yoghurt, then had a few more trips to the loo and finally while I was watching Computerphile on YT I fell asleep for an hour, feeling significantly better afterwards.

Just as well as I watched the ladies' plane touch down thanks to flightradar24, although it wasn't as accurate as it appears in the UK - something to do with the Chinese government insisting on obfuscating exact coordinates as I learnt from a previous employment. Well it appeared that on the flight they were told they didn't need landing cards, unlike us, and that the QR code to say they were covid-free would be fine, but when they arrived they were told the QR code was out of date. I was not going to argue, and they luckily could redo the covid-free QR code and manually write the landing cards, and it just took longer than it otherwise would have. I told Tan they had plenty of time which was true, and they ended up at the gate 90 minutes before it was due to go.... I said why not take advantage of the lounge but may as well have told them to levitate.

Feeling better after a proper hour's sleep I agreed to meet Zhang Yangwen, whom I'd been in contact with recently but couldn't meet in Tian Dong due to my illness, and nearly didn't go due to an umpteenth bout of la du near the time. But I ventured out and we went for a couple of rounds of walking round the tennis courts as we'd done in previous years, before going to the new ping pong place near the stadium. We had a short practice then he said we'd start a game. I knew he was not playing at his best, on purpose annoyingly, and I only lost 6-2 or so in games, but it was good to sweat stuff out after being bed-bound for nearly 48 hours. Haiwei was also around and told me to meet him for a couple of beers afterwards. Well beer was the one thing I'd avoided in the last 48 hours or so (maybe 40), but I said I'd contact him later.

But before I got home Li Kun said he fancied bbq and I should invite him. I didn't mind this in the least, and said I'd go after a shower. He sent a weizhi and half an hour later I turned up to the shout of "Peng Duoming!". But it was one of his mates, and the shop evidently his and his wife's. They got out a bbq and set it up with some coal and I realised it would be a homely affair. I told Li Kun I was already there and while the wife went to tend to something I sat at the bbq and did some turning as if to feel as though I was doing something useful.

I've watched them do this but never had the chance to do a bit myself

The music teacher and his wife turned up shortly after Li Kun, plus some other guitarist, and we had a very pleasant meal of bbq, smelly tofu, and of course weak beer, without any need for cai ma. Haiwei had sent me a weizhi and rang me and I said I'd be "more than half an hour", which seemed acceptable. Then I pinged A Xia to see how she was getting on picking up the ladies, and she said she was waiting. Thanks to flightradar24 I could see that they'd touched down at 10.56pm, so let her know. Which meant I'd better go and see Haiwei and his ping pong friends before getting home to tidy up the house a bit.

So excuses were made, and I happily paid 220 kuai for the bbq that had fed seven people and still had a bit left, and drove on down to the guangchang to meet Haiwei and the people he'd been playing with that night. It was a nice evening with some people I didn't know until we saw two men leave the neighbouring bbq place, one much the worse for wear. It was classic drunkenness but while that might be funny on YouTube when he's trying to walk past you you worry about him falling on the table or something. He avoided our table but did one of those drunken circles where he managed to face the front all the time but do a semicircle backwards before one forwards then plunging between two dian dong ches narrowly avoiding domino'ing then all over. Somehow he got up and staggered a few more feet, before disappearing into a housing complex next door. One of the ladies at our table rushed to the bbq place to fetch his mate, who was also rather the worse for wear but at least able to walk, and he seemed to say someone was coming for him. I don't know how true that was but he did then talk to someone who looked like a delivery driver, and I hoped he would somehow be the person responsible for getting him home.

That would have been a reasonable end to the night but the drunk's less drunken mate then came to sit with us and said he knew I knew A Wu...well I wasn't going to deny that. But he wanted to call him and as it was midnight I suggested he didn't. He spent the best part of 10 minutes trying to find him in his phone by scribbling characters in his contacts page but coming up with nothing. But he was duly poured a beer and downed it when we had a third. You realise how much of a bore such drunks can be when they take over the conversation and also make you worried they may fall over or do some other unpredictable thing. A drink later he'd managed to find A Wu and rang him and passed the phone to me. I just hung up and said it was too late. Did he twig? A minute later he waited till A Wu had answered then handed the phone to me and an equally drunken A Wu confirmed the fact that he was and I said to talk another time and hung up again.

It took another 10 minutes and a couple of glasses of beer but we all agreed it was the end of the night and thankfully set off home. I didn't forget to get some water for the ladies and as soon as I'd mopped the floor of the kitchen I got a call from Tan on A Xia's phone to say they'd be arriving in a few minutes. Well it was nice to have the both of them back, and despite Tan criticising the state of the flat (what can you do?) they didn't look as tired as they might have done. Ultimately doing the complete journey in 18+ hours door-to-door can't be complained about. Showers were had, but not before Xixi had wifi sorted and and old VPN client appeared to work so she was able to ping a couple of friends.

While they sorted themselves I grabbed a beer then tried the massage chair. Wow, 15 minutes of slight pain but mostly pretty comfortable stuff. It won't sort out my back I guess but I'm going to give it a go. I had meant to catch the end of the cricket in the massage chair, but didn't even manage a sip of beer as it was too engrossing. Well anyway, one of those days where a few things could have gone wrong but the girls were back safely and that was the main thing.

Fever and headache and girls on way

Not much more than an hour later at 4.30am I woke with a dreadful fever and headache. I managed to get some water and ibuprofen but it knew it was going to take more than that to survive the next few hours.

At 5.40am Tan pinged me as she couldn't log in to reserve seats. Luckily for her I was up if not very compos mentis. I knew you couldn't check-in online as apparently Heathrow doesn't support that (I highly doubt it), but I'd managed to reserve seats for us before. It's bloody frustrating when you've put in all the correct details to be told the flight number is incorrect - "304" is not something you're going to easily get wrong. So I tried "0304" to know avail and even adding the "CZ" prefix even though it was already there. Then I tried the e-ticket number instead of the passport, but the same error. I was about to give up when I tried the reservation number instead and it finally worked..."flight number incorrect my arse". How can they release such software? Luckily it would not be China Southern writing the software to manage the plane as they'd be falling out of the skies left, right, and centre. I booked the last two seats I could find together near the back of the plane, and told Tan that when at bag drop to ask if they could find any better ones. Also, based on our experience it should be area F at the airport.

Sleep wouldn't arrive, but hallucinations did. I didn't know whether to leave a podcast on or nothing, and opted for the former as it would at least pin me to some sort of reality. I listened to one on body regeneration again but my brain was struggling with some of the bio-electricity concepts of gap channels etc. Then it moved on to a quantum physics episode and the interviewee kept jumping between different subjects such as string theory etc. Each time he mentioned one of those I felt like I was picking up a white towel with the subject written on in and putting it on the pillow by my side, as if registering it, and the fact that some were repeated made me annoyed as I didn't want copies. I was really struggling and by 8am I took a couple more ibuprofen and I think they eased the headache a little but I was still hot so turned the A/C down from 26 to 25, and within minutes noticed the difference. I must have dozed off a few times from 8am-2pm with a few annoying trips to the toilet to remind me maybe I shouldn't have had the oysters last night, and lunch was a couple of yoghurts when my tummy was rumbling.

But by 4pm my watch hadn't registered any sleep other than the hour at 3.15am, and rather than become nocturnal like the boys, made the effort to get up by 5pm and grab a pot noodle. I'd had no calls inviting me out, and certainly wouldn't be accepting any should they come. Leilei did knock and ask for ibuprofen a bit later and I found I'd finished them so gave him aspirin instead...he hadn't had any oysters last night so I hoped he wouldn't suffer like me. At 9.45pm Haiwei pinged me to asked where I was and I told him where and that I had no intention of going out today and that I'd get back when feeling up to it.

I'd been in contact with Xixi to bring a last minute SD card, and when they were on their way I just double-checked they had their passports. Tan's attempt at humour by replying "oh no!" was not received well by me who could hardly think properly, and then she had a go at me for forgetting mine before (once, and I remembered 5 minutes after leaving home, and after having done so many more flights...). They got to the airport early and I told Xixi to try going to zone F as they might do baggage drop early. Indeed they did and by 6pm they were past security on their way to the lounge. Annoyingly, very annoyingly, they said they couldn't put the hold luggage all the way to Nanning so they'd have to pick it up in Guangzhou and check it in again, like we've had to do so many times before even when buying a ticket straight to Nanning. Well at least they seemed to have a decent bite to eat in the lounge and I dozed until gone 5am when I was able to track flight CZ304 take off 20 minutes late, then dozed off a little more to a podcast background.

My baby waiting to come back

I don't miss western food but this is Indian and looks ok