A Wu's birthday

A Wu called me at 9.43am to go shopping. Fair enough he'd warned me yesterday and I said I'd be up for it, so said I'd be ready in about 20 minutes. He picked me up in the BMW and Boss Huang was already there. What followed was quite a fun trip through the main market and surrounding stalls to pick up a load of food for what would be A Wu's birthday celebration this evening. Indeed three chickens and three ducks, copious ribs, and more vegetables than you could shake a stick at. Not to mention picking up 10 stools and a load of bowls and plates. A Wu paid for everything, though let me carry a lot of it.

I noticed how the bosses mostly speak among themselves in the local "tu hua" (local language), or "Zhuang hua" (Zhuang language as in the local "race" here) as they sometimes call it. Yes I may be able to speak a few basic sentences but I don't understand 1% of what they are actually saying, but Boss Huang was trying to teach me as we went along. I'm going to go with it and try to speak more. Literally every word they spoke in the market and surrounding stores was in tu hua, and it's what Tan speaks to her family. I guess in a generation or so it could easily die out, and my speaking a few phrases won't change that, but I'm hoping if I can get to learn some it might raise my Mandarin. Like when you get off the motorway and have to drive at 40mph it feels so slow, similarly I'm hoping if I've been trying to speak tu hua then coming "down" to Mandarin may make it seem easier. It's got to be worth a try.

Pingguo market in full swing

A Wu pointed at some sort of white vegetable and said he wanted some. Boss Huang pointed at it and shouted something like "shum chut" and I realised he was telling me what it was in tu hua. But I didn't know what it was in English, let alone Mandarin. Maybe learning tu hua is not going to be such a good idea after all. But by way of an explanation A Wu said it was "liang shu", a relative of "hong shu". Ok, so hong shu is sweet potato, so I knew the "shu" bit, but "liang?" this wasn't coming up in my dictionary so I'll have to remain ignorant for a while. Anyway it's a root vegetable that you can eat raw apparently.

Boss Zhou joined us during this time and we then went back to A Wu's around 1pm. The bosses set upon cooking lunch and I tried the Chinese trick of dozing. I asked his daughter for a pillow then, despite the bright light and loud cartoons coming from the tv, laid down on my back and started counting in German. It worked in a weird way...it wasn't like I was asleep but I could barely get past 10 numbers in a row, and I'd start picturing things in a dream-like manner. This went on for an hour or so so I guess I can class it as in the family of power-naps.

Lunch was a relatively simple affair of chicken innards, or "nei zang" as I now know. I couldn't eat the zhou so A Wu heated up a couple of zongzi which were a decent alternative, and filled me up. Now it was 2.30pm and I was told to invite the boys to eat at 5ish. Well I tried but neither would answer my call or IM. I think they've gone nocturnal.

All afternoon was spent preparing and cooking the food for the evening. There were never fewer than four bosses in the kitchen at any one time and more came and went, bringing more and more food. I asked if I could help and finally was allowed to prepare the greens, by tearing them in half then slicing the main stork lengthways to allow for better cooking. I'd received a phone call from China Mobile while in the lift taking the rubbish out, but not answered for fear of it being an automated message I wouldn't understand, or worse - maybe they were going to warn me about VPN usage. But back in the house I got the call from 10086 again and this time I thought I'd better answer. It started with some music for a couple of seconds so I pretty much confirmed that it was automated, but then there was a pause. I said "ni hao" and then the lady spoke to me again and I realised it was a real person, but with the background noise, and the formalness of how she was speaking I couldn't work out what she was saying, so handed the phone to Boss Zhou who was cooking at the time. After a few sentences he turned to ask me if I was using wifi and I nodded, then he asked if I was having any problems and I shook my head. He asked me some more stuff but I had no idea what he was talking about and after another minute or so he hung up. It's times like this I really wish I knew what was going on.

Then Tan sent a couple of screenshots from Douyin or Tiktok or Weixin, showing a couple of trolling comments under the video of me eating mango. They were probably just a joke (generic negative stuff against the English rather than anything against me) but she told me to be careful. But there's not much I can do...I got invited to go out and see a mango farm and had a great educational experience and of course some bits of it were filmed and it was totally innocent. Of course a snippet of 14 seconds found its way online and for a few brief minutes went slightly viral and attracted some comments, 95% of which were probably positive. The only way I could avoid this is literally not to go out at all.

"UK is the enemy"

At 5pm families started turning up with children, and by 5.30 some women and children had started to eat, though there was still a lot of cooking going on in the kitchen. Finally, soon after 6pm the blokes sat down to eat and indeed for a full 10 minutes no drinks were served. But at 6.22pm the beers were cracked open and the predictable ganbeis ensued.

Always at least 4 bosses cooking

I had to table hop to meet some new people and straight away spilt some beer on the shoulder of some bloke who almost took it as a compliment. He was drinking red tea but I ganbei'd him anyway. He went away and came back with some nuo mi jiu after saying he wouldn't drink beer as it made him fat. Well I agreed with him in principle but can't bring myself to drink that rice alcohol still...maybe one day. Well it was a pretty raucous evening with kids running all over the place and adult males becoming less adult-like by the minute, so I was a little surprised when A Wu said we would go to sing song. Boss Zhou was already asleep on the sofa and Boss Wei looked like he wasn't far behind.

Great meal!

But I walked to the KTV 5 minutes away with some other bloke who'd been ganbei'ing me and we got to room 999 where there were already a couple of blokes singing. And A Wu, Boss Zhou, Boss Wei and others turned up and I felt intensely sober, so managed a few ganbeis as I knew I'd be forced up to sing "Pengyou" shortly. Yang Haiwei arrived as the bloke who walked me knew that I knew him, so at least I had someone relatively sober to talk to, but yes, while I was in the loo I could hear the first bars of "Pengyou", and while I fished out the words on my phone I could even hear them restarting it so I wouldn't miss any of it. How considerate.

No under 18s of course

Haiwei motioned for us to go elsewhere due to the drunkenness of the others but then the birthday cake came in, and as is customary I dipped two fingers in and wiped it over A Wu's face. I had to do one more rendition of Pengyou, this time with A Wu, and to be honest it was quite fun. But Haiwei and I stepped out while every other bloke seemed oblivious, and had a refreshing walk to Tan's auntie's bbq place near the guangchang.

A Wu's birthday cake, not that he remembered

Of course one of the reasons I was there was to speak English to his sons, and younger son obediently turned up on his bike about midnight, with the elder one half an hour later with a mate, saying they had just been drinking whisky in a bar. He proceeded to demolish me at cai ma which was a bit annoying, but we had some English conversation, and managed to leave not too long after 1am. And I managed to pay 213 kuai without Haiwei causing a fuss for the first time in a while.

Wedding and street food

Oh bollocks. I woke up to see an email telling me the train tickets had been cancelled. No explanation, just a curt sentence from trip.com saying if any money had been taken it would be refunded in up to 10 working days. Working days. What a load of bollocks in this connected age. Like I can buy a train ticket on a Sunday but I can't get refunded on a Sunday? Crypto can't come quickly enough. So I let Tan know but she wouldn't be awake for hours.

Lunch was quail eggs again, which were actually pretty nice and made up for a lack of breakfast. I didn't eat too much as going to a wedding meal later. A Heng called to say he would pick us up at 4.30pm. He arrived at 4pm but apparently we didn't have to leave till 5pm. 

Well it seemed the train tickets would be a real PITA, so I hit upon a Plan B. I checked flights and there was one from Guangzhou to Nanning at 9.30pm on the evening they were due to arrive at 5.05pm. £70 each but the train would have been £51 each and there would be no need of a £40 hotel so pretty much obvious when you factor in the extra day they would have too. So I called Tan to tell her but she didn't get it and wanted to go ahead with the train and asked me to go to the train station to book in person as you needed to show them the ID in person apparently. Well I didn't have Xixi's passport obviously, but I knew better than to argue too much. Then she called again to say A Xia would arrange the tickets, so I sent a copy of Xixi's passport to her, only to hear a few minutes later that that wasn't going to work. So they'd have to turn up at the train station on the day of the train and show ID in person in order to get the ticket. Tan even said that the foreign football players have to queue in person but I somehow doubted that as we managed to get e-tickets no problem. But I know from experience these tickets sell out well in advance, and even though I'd purchased ours over two weeks before the date of travel the direct trains to Pingguo were all sold out hence the change in Nanning East.

So it was to be my Plan B after all, and quite frankly had it been an option for us back in June I'd have chosen it in order to get an extra day in Pingguo. I'll probably never understand why getting a train ticket online required such a strict check of ID, but getting a flight, although putting in passport details as per normal, was a piece of cake. 5 minutes later Tan had the confirmation of flights, and as it was China Southern, the same company taking them to Guangzhou, I told her to tell them this a bag drop and ask if they could send the luggage through to Nanning rather than them having to find it and drop it off again. I reckon there must be a 50% chance of that working.

We went to the new Li Jia He hotel for the wedding and were among the first to arrive, having already paid our entry fee. Nezha hadn't come as he was "tired" and Leilei was a bit annoyed at the waiting around while some of the elders chatted. To be fair it was rather boring and we could easily have turned up 30 minutes later and still have been early, but no amount of arguing or complaining would change anything and we did at least have our phones, which every person under 60 was buried in.

The meal was fine, with much more than enough for everyone, and once the compere had done his compering, and the bride and groom had said a few words, and we'd clapped enough, the copious red plastic doggy bags were out and being filled. I'd let Leilei go early after making him stay for the "show" but little did I realise most other people were leaving now too. I guess the stayers-on were those expecting to drink through the evening, but we were going home so I called Leilei and he came back to the carpark to get a lift.

Jiuma dressed up for the wedding with some other a yis

A Heng maybe not taking the wedding stuff too seriously

Seen on a tea house next to the posh hotel: "Flush after defecation" - good advice! But from a tea house?

As I said I would, I called A Wu to let him know we were out of the wedding, and he said he'd send someone to pick me up to go for a drink. 5 minutes later I got a call from someone who couldn't hear me and I guessed they had arrived, so went to the main entrance but there was no-one. So I called A Wu and he said yes someone was coming.... I called the number that had called me earlier and this time he heard me and said he was coming but would be some time, whatever that meant. Sod it, I turned on the Wii and decided to patch the Mario Kart ISO so I could attempt to play online. It took a bit of geeking to do but finally after three attempts I was in an online race with seven other geeks across the world. I wondered if I was the only person in China playing Mario Kart Wii online at the time. I like to think so at least. But before the first race the nunchuck disconnected and it thought I was playing with a single Wiimote "wheel" style. I can't do that, and by the time I realised I was already a lap down. It was all I could do not to be lapped again, and I came last and lost 100 points dropping me to under 6000. Boo.

Then Jiuma came back with A Heng's daughter. When he and his wife left for Baise I had assumed they'd take her with them. But I guess she is a grandma now and delights in taking care of her. In fact, for the first time in my life I have been called "ye ye" by this cute thing. Grandpa! I'm being called grandpa! Just please don't let it happen in English life for at least a decade.... Jiuma said the kid was tired but when she saw me on Mario Kart she most certainly wasn't. She grabbed the Switch control and rolled over laughing when I played as Diddy Kong and kept shouting "hou zi", and we spent the best part of an hour playing the balloon game (at least I did).

During this time there were more messages posted on the Weixin channel for us mango people. Apparently the video they'd uploaded yesterday had had 470,000 views. I felt quite embarrassed and then a bit later I heard it was 570k. In terms of the population of China this was pretty tiny but it dwarfed the 200k views of my "Strange hand massage" I'd uploaded to YouTube in 2006.

57 万 views (570k)...hopefully not too embarrassing

Then I realised I hadn't heard from A Wu and called him, to find out that we were no longer going to the place that had been planned as they had been drinking too much, and we'd just meet up with him and A Da for a bbq across the road. That was more than ok for me, but it still took the best part of an hour before I called him again to see if he was asleep but no, they'd be there in a few minutes.

The boys are getting up later and later and it's getting a bit annoying. But they were up for a bbq so we went and found A Wu and A Da to order some. I haven't seen A Da for years. I remember him as quite an aggressive teen, who probably didn't get enough time with either of his parents. But now he seemed really mature and kind, and just a nice person to be around. He chatted with Leilei and although it was a million miles away from when they used to play Mario Kart Wii together, it still reminded me of seeing Leilei really engaging in Mandarin with non-family for the first time 13 years ago or so.

Leilei and Nezha contemplating pig penises

Nezha ordered some meat bbq and for the sake of it we ordered pig penis and pig eye balls. Alone, the boys wouldn't have tried it but as they were both there they were up for it but the penis was tough, and not amenable to Leilei's braces, whereas Nezha bit into the pig eyeball too early and the boiling aqueous humour spurted out and burnt his face. He was belatedly told he should have waited for it to cool down then put the whole thing in his mouth before bursting it. Oh well, at least they both tried two new dishes, but they mopped up the pork and before before we had duck tongues, sweetcorn, and two chicken wings for Nezha.

A Wu was tiring, so soon after midnight I suggested we call it a night, but Haiwei pinged me to come down to Jiang Bing Lu for a bite. So I left the boys to go home, bade good night to A Wu and A Da, and got on the dian dong che to hope it would get me all the way to the river. It did, slowly, and I had my doubts for the way back, but I met up with Haiwei and a few friends at an outside table, and immediately had a glass and bowl thrust at me as though I'd not had a bite to eat all day. Of course cai ma ensued and it was a good laugh. We ended up table-hopping as you do towards the end and finally left at gone 2am while it was still really busy.

I had my doubts about the dian dong che going by myself, but I had to take a tiring Haiwei back with me too, so we trundled along at 18kph until he needed to get off, and only just made it home again. But to my annoyance all the electric plugs were taken so no chance to charge overnight.

Mango fever!

With no funeral to attend, or rather with a funeral not to attend, I got up at 11am and heard a Weixin message from A Hua asking if Tan was back yet (no) and would we like to go to a mango farm (yes for me, no for the boys). I asked when and she said "from 2 to 3pm". For some stupid reason I thought it meant we were to go there for an hour.

At 1.50pm I got a message saying she had arrived at our complex's main entrance, but I was prepared for such earliness and went out to meet her telling the boys to sort themselves out. But she wasn't there, and it dawned on me maybe she was at the other entrance so I called her and indeed she was. But she knew where we were staying surely? And why did she ask me to send a location? Anyway a minute later a car came round and I heard a shouting of "Xiao Peng!" and saw a face I half-recognised from the rear window. I climbed in the front and found there were four women already there (including the driver), not one of which was A Hua to the best of my knowledge unless she had dramatically lost weight and had a face job.

Well we drove and we talked. And talked and talked. And when we arrived at the green traffic light where they sell dian dong ches the driver stopped. I politely asked her if in China it was customary to stop at a green light and she laughed and said they were so busy chatting she hadn't noticed it was green. I wasn't annoyed in the slightest, just slightly concerned for the rest of the journey.

We then continued to drive, very safely, for the next 45 minutes or so and it looked like we were going to Tian Dong but that would have meant taking the motorway. Instead we took the local road, and experienced being overtaken on the left hand side and right hand side at the same time on more than one occasion. Normally by lorries on the left. But the driver, Pan, kept going at a reasonable speed and I was enormously grateful. From experience, driving on Chinese roads outside of Pingguo is literally the most dangerous time in this country, as in closest to death. For this reason I'd brought a bottle of cola laced with something naughty, but had no need to imbibe any Dutchness for this journey.

We turned off the road at Silin Zhen and took a tiny road for a few more minutes before stopping at a tiny village called Luyang. It was getting on for 3pm and the hottest part of another scorcher so we walked across a dike to a farmhouse outside of which were buckets and buckets of mangoes of varying ripeness. We met the mango boss bloke, and then I came to understand that the driver was the one who sold the mangoes to the rest of China, while this bloke was responsible for growing them. So it seemed this trip was a bit of a business inspection, and the other three ladies? I'm not really sure but at least one of them knew Tan and me. I guess they were along for the ride.

Stepping over the dyke to the mango farm

I had to taste a couple of mangoes and by golly they were good. So sweet with a great texture. The first type I tried apparently only grows in Guangxi, and they told me about the other types but it was really stretching my vocabulary. To makes things worse/better, they started talking to me in the local language as I can say a few sentences now. And of course filmed everything, so Tan would know where I was before I would.

Mango "dei gun!"

Before we set off to where the mangoes grow we were told we would be eating tea there and would that be ok? Well, yeah why not? So mango boss went and picked up a jacket for me to wear that looked far too hot for an afternoon nudging 40°, but in typical ingenuous Chinese style it had two fans built in to the back of it, attached to a portable battery in the inside pocket. It felt unintuitive, but was actually very effective at keeping at least my back from sweating.

Ingenious fan embedded into jacket

Well the walk was interesting and despite the steep inclines the three women who were around my age showed no signs of consternation and happily hopped up to where the mango trees were. We were given some explanations about the types of mangoes but I don't really recall what they were, only that when we went for a taste they were always delightful. Except for an interesting one; they peeled what was basically (from what I could tell) an unripe mango, then poured some orange powder onto it and took a bite. Well I didn't want any mysterious orange powder but I accepted such a mango passed to me. It was as bitter as could be expected, but after I was told it would be better with the "la jiao yan" (chilli salt) I said I'd better try then and by golly it was actually really nice. I mean so nice I ate half a mango's worth in a couple of minutes. I read the side of the bottle and it actually said it was to go with fruit. Another positive experience chalked up, as if the whole day so far wasn't.

Raw mango and chilli salt

After around 90 minutes we finally started our descent and it was harder than getting up there, but as I saw five women do it before me I built up my courage and almost didn't have to use my hands to get down to the dirt track we'd used to get up here.

Some sort of advert for this place

Nice view of the mango mountains

We got back to the farmhouse just in time to see a chicken (hen) being slaughtered which is something until now I'd managed to avoid in China. But it's a daily thing here so I shouldn't complain. While they gutted it I met what I thought was a wild cat but she was the mother of four gorgeous kittens and probably only semi-feral. What a distant relative to our lovely A Mi (not that she misses us). Then I saw the main bloke slicing up toads, so I went to take a picture but he said "bu de"; apparently you can't do that. I didn't ask exactly why but put it down to some sort of local superstition.

Semi-feral I think, but friendly at the same time

Two of four gorgeous kittens

Two of four gorgeous kittens

And then I realised my full bottle of cola + a bit of V was not around. I went to the bloke I left it with while he was cooking, and he just said he'd forgotten where he put it. Fair enough but there was a bottle of Coke on the table which the kids were drinking and I worried they would start on mine if they found it. When he told me I could take some of the full-sugar version I told him I couldn't take sugar hence buying the sugar-free version, which was true to a small percent, actually zero percent, like the Coke. I walked the length and breadth of where we had come back from and couldn't find the bag with my Coke, and thought I may have to admit to its contents, lest it fall into the arms of a young'un.

Poor hen about to meet her maker

But food was called and we had a lovely meal during which I was called to cai ma a fair bit and duly accepted. The main bloke didn't drink as he was going to follow us back to Pingguo after the meal to deliver a load of mangoes. But he really praised my cai ma and said I had a quick brain. There were some comments about me using chopsticks with my left hand (it can get in the way at a round table where everyone else uses their right), and I explained that although I'm right-handed when I was in my teens I just couldn't work out how to use chopsticks, and not wanting to miss out I decided to start from scratch using my other hand as years of writing had probably given me a bad habit that was getting in the way of using them. That was my logic at the time at least, I guess if it had much merit then many more right-handers would have chosen this route. Then the mango boss said I was half Chinese, and that it must be my left side! Ha, we had a laugh but in a way there may be a little bit of sense here. I definitely feel in a different mode when speaking Mandarin, like it could be using a different part of my brain or something. Like how the left side of the brain controls the right and is the more logical side, and the right side controls the left and is more artistic or something. But that would mean I'm less logical here and I'm not sure that's the case. And anyway, surely the logical side controlling the right would be better for cai ma but again I tend to use my left for that. I'm thinking too much about these sort of things....

Very quick round of cai ma with mango boss

Not too long later the meal was completed and we were about to get in the cars again. I had a last long look for my Coke but couldn't see it anywhere so gave up hope but as the ladies put their stuff in the boot I recognised a bag and saw my sweet bottle about 45° but there and not in the hands of a kid and thanked whoever I should thank. I do admit to partaking a little on the journey back after holding it up against the A/C for the first 20 minutes or so. Indeed during the first 20 minutes it felt a bit strange in the car...it was of course an automatic but it would struggle with high revs for a few seconds before moving up a gear for a few more, then high revs again, despite being on a road where we should be doing around 60kph. I tried not to think too much about it but after a while one of the ladies in the back thought to disengage the handbrake and suddenly everything worked a lot more smoothly for the rest of the journey!

Before long we were home in Pingguo and went to the mango-seller's place. We seemed mostly to drink fruit tea until the mango farmer turned up and then they started moving the mangoes from the crates to the floor of the shop. Of course I offered to help and thankfully they let me for 20 minutes and for once a felt a bit useful other than just being part of the pictures they took. But I was sweating quite a bit in the top I'd had on all day so I made an excuse to go back home as it was 2 minutes away and they didn't complain but made sure I took their dian dong che to go there.

Some of the mangoes I helped unpack before changing my top

It was nice to change into a new top but I was back as soon as I could be as promised and a few minutes later we walked across the road to a bbq place where we all sat inside. For the first time in two hours beer was poured again, this time accompanying some decent bbq. Mango man seemed really keen on me playing cai ma, so I indulged with him and another mate, before we settled into two teams of three, with a couple of the ladies playing scissor, paper, stone instead of cai ma. Lord knows who won, but it was a laugh. One of the ladies started a Weixin group with us and shared all the videos and photos of the day. It looked like we were actually doing some advertising for the mango place. Of course Tan pinged me to say that Chuan Chuan had had a problem booking their train tickets from Guangzhou to Pingguo. Something to do with an ID? No problem, I would sort it when I got home. But I checked with someone and they said the tickets wouldn't go on sale until tomorrow, which given it was gone midnight meant Sunday now. Having said that I wasn't too sure as if they weren't on sale how come Chuan Chuan was able to attempt to buy them. It all felt a little Chinese so I planned to check later. After a bit of cai ma'ing with the next table we finally left and I went home to consume my plan.

The simple pleasures in life...

Back at home, A Heng, his wife, and their daughter were back, and the young thing didn't look like she wanted to go to bed any time soon. But I had an objective and after cooing over the little thing for an appropriate time I went to trip.com and booked the tickets for Tan and Xixi. It took all of 5 minutes. I let Tan know and maybe had a celebratory can of 2.8% Li Quan before bed.

Cute kid

Wii!

Finally slept before 3am, at 2.59am, but as though Morpheus was teasing me I woke up 24 minutes later. But with the help of a long podcast I managed to drop off till 7am when I thought about getting up until it was 10am. As is usual, the routine is stepping in of me going to get four portions of jiaozi and the boys getting up later to eat it. Except this time Nezha was awake. He'd asked me for some melatonin last night and it seems to have done the trick.

They had no particular plans but I wanted to see if I could get our old Wii working again, one of the few things salvaged from our old house. It and its accoutrements were dirtier and yellower than ever, and I had severe doubts. I started by cleaning the main box, which had had its folding flaps lost many moons ago. I dared clean it and the power cable just to see if the red light would come on. Thankfully I'd left an adapter on the power cable so I put it in its stand and plugged it in an lo and behold the red light did indeed come on. But that was the first of many things that could go wrong; I had to fix the broken component cable (as I hadn't brought the HDMI adapter - silly me), then see if it would actually connect to the tv, then attach the sensor, clean and set up the Wiimotes with nunchucks etc., then hope that the old external HDD would spin up and work. If any of these went wrong it wouldn't work. But one by one I set it up. It was a real pain trying to plug in the component cables but at least the tv had this connection. But it was a real faff trying to get to them after taking a photo with my phone to see the order of the colours. But when I eventually coaxed the remote control to change input to component I saw to my satisfaction the old Wii interface, with Youtube and iPlayer etc. that would never work again. It even had the correct date and was only a couple of hours out so the internal battery must have been working.

My beloved first Wii still going strong

Next was to set up a Wiimote. I was ok to buy batteries but didn't want to venture into the searing heat so looked about and was not surprised to see a couple of random AA batteries in different places. Yes! The Wiimote came to life and I connected it to its mother station and I appeared to have a functioning Wii! Next was to see if the HDD was working so went to the Homebrew channel to try but unfortunately it didn't pick it up. But I tried the suggested "unplug and replug" and this time the titles turned up on the screen (all owned of course). I dared choose Mario Kart Wii (I even brought the disk with me) and it fired up! Ah nostalgia...even the kids now can share this with me with the Wii and recently have been playing on it at home. To my chagrin I came 8th in Luigi Circuit in the Mushroom Cup, and then in Moo Moo Meadows I was doing ok until the controller jammed turning left. I unplugged and replugged it in eventually but by now I was half a lap from 11th nearing the end of the first lap. Thanks partly to skill and partly to MK Wii's simple AI I managed to catch up within a lap and coast to victory as Daisy on the Mach bike. I got through Mushroom Gorge and Toad's Factory mostly unscathed for another victory. Simple pleasures.

Not my best win but felt better

Well there was to be no siesta; I'd got up relatively early in order to get an early night as I had no idea what time we'd be going to the funeral tomorrow. I'd asked Jiuma on Weixin but she hadn't got back to me. Anyway it was 5.30pm so I asked Leilei if he was hungry. He was eating sunflower seeds which meant he was, so I said we'd go out for a bite in half an hour. Nezha had apparently gone out by himself an hour ago and managed to order a huge bowl of rice and thank the owner and say it was "hao chi" which is pretty good progress. He said he wasn't hungry but joined us as we went across the road to Tan's aunty's place, which happened to be closed so we picked one nearby and asked if they did chao fen. Yep, plus some jiu gui yumi (drunken sweetcorn) and a pork dish, plus a large bottle of full-sugar Coke. The boys both wolfed down the fen and were nearly full by the time the yumi came, over which Nezha was asking if I believed we really put a man on the moon. I said I had no real reason to disbelieve it. Then we got on to politics and whether I thought capitalism was right...ah a tricky one. I just explained that I don't like being polarised and that both sides have their virtues.

I'd like to have had a longer conversation but Leilei had spilt Coke over the table and himself and wasn't too happy. I said I'd go to play ping pong and they were both interested in coming which surprised me in a positive way. But they wanted to go to the Guanmart supermarket first and I needed to get my raquet and theirs.

So I changed clothes and turned up and so did they. It was busier than usual but some ladies let us get on their table. Soon it was Nezha and Leilei against them and they found out the hard way (as I did many years ago) that they were shit. But to be fair it didn't stop them trying and Nezha did improve a bit. I motioned to go at 9.15pm but Leilei said he wanted to play me and I would never let him down in such a situation (we first did this when he was 5). We had a great session where I was clearly better but he won some great rallies and I was proud of him!

Boys vs girls

I left the two of them playing as I wanted to shower and get to the supermarket before it closed. Indeed I got there at 10:10 and managed to pick up the shower gel I forgot the other day. I really wanted some boiled eggs so asked a fu wu yuan. She really wanted to help and was lovely but said the only cooked eggs were quail eggs. She took me to where they were and I duly spooned a few into a bag then got it weighed. Then, with 10 minutes before closing, I asked for "wash body soap" and was told to go upstairs, which I did and found the soap but also the boiled eggs I'd been looking for. Oh poor lady she probably didn't know what wasn't on her floor.

It should have been an early night but I ended up chatting with Mat and Awl till the early hours. But only because Jiuma had finally got back to me to say not to go to the funeral tomorrow as it would be too hot. As if that would be a good reason....

Impromptu meet with Zhang Hua and Li Kun again

Still maintaining the habit of sleeping late, this time an improved 3.39am till 10.18am. I knew I was due to eat lunch with Ma Laoban so didn't eat, and instead dozed a little until at 1.20pm he pinged me to say sorry he was still busy. No problem but would have been good to know an hour ago.

So lunch became the default jiao zi from the local lady. Tan's brother was back in the house. I didn't need to see him as I could already smell the wreak of cigarettes he chain smokes. I ate my jiao zi in the bedroom because of this, and got Leilei from his slumbers to have a portion.

Tan called to confirm we are going to Jiuma's mum's funeral on the 7th and to some relative's wedding on the 8th. They will cost 200 and 300 kuai respectively which I'm not complaining about. The problem is I'll have to go to the funeral by car in the morning of the 7th and I've not yet got my sleeping patterns in toe. I guess I'll just have to get up early tomorrow and deal with the consequences. I can't see the boys going.

I pinged Zhang Hua to send me a pic of me with him and his wife from yesterday and he duly did then asked if I'd eaten and if not to come round to where he was for a bite. Well I didn't look this gift horse in the mouth and said I'd leave in 10 after a quick shower. These are some of the evenings I like best; not expected, simple, and mates coming and going over the course of a couple of hours. They were in fine fettle drinking sweet potato leaf alcohol, and I even tried half a glass and it was ok, but moved to the beer after that. More blokes came, one with a wife and kid and he ordered more food to be delivered and a new table was brought out to be put alongside the first one. They all took delight in teaching me drinking terms such as "gou rou!" (I challenge you!) and "zhang li li!" (something like "this is good!").

The fact that we were eating outside, and that there was a breeze thanks to being between two large apartment buildings made it cool in both senses, and I recognised one of the blokes from the KTV last night and it was nice to see the sober side of him, though still in high spirits...

Me with Zhang Hua's son and Zhang Hua

Relaxed meal

During the meal I got an IM from Li Kun asking if I had time tonight. I did so he said to come round at 9.30pm. This gave me the excuse to leave the meal after not too many drinks, and pick up the bottle of lemon Gin from home that I'd been meaning to give him since we got here. I turned up at 9.40pm and was the first there but a few minutes later a couple of other blokes turned up and we ended up staying over 3 hours with various bbq and other stuff delivered, as we discussed politics (to a limited extent) and I gave my opinions about the last few UK PMs. But I wanted to keep to my lower limits regarding beer so made my excuses at 1am to aim for a relatively early night.

Meeting Zhang Hua at unexpected KTV

After managing to avoid a late night out last night I had some hopes for today. Though I did ping Ma Laoban and we agreed to meet tomorrow lunchtime as he was in Tian Dong at the moment. So I ventured out in the late morning scorch but I was on a charged-up dian dong che so it wasn't so bad. I just picked up some boiled eggs and yogurt in Guanmart and didn't even think about booze as I'm looking forward to another day or two off (at least reduced).

I was annoyed to see that both the bread and bbq I'd brought back yesterday were gone and thought maybe Tan's brother had appropriated them as he came back yesterday and delivered some grapes. But late morning I knocked on Leilei's door and it transpired he had taken the bread and Nezha the bbq. So much for any breakfast for me, but at least it didn't go to waste.

So as I'd been up since not long after 9am I made myself a lunch of the leftover dofu from yesterday and two boiled eggs at 11.50. I contemplated a beer to help with a siesta but decided against it, given the last 10 days or so. I managed a 36 minute snooze according to my app and I didn't try any more as wanted a reasonably early night.

It was the first evening I hadn't been invited out and decided to take advantage by going to play table tennis at 7.45pm. I will never regret this but blimey it was so sweat-inducing and after an hour and a few minutes I explained I had to go back and shower. "There's still an hour to go" opined the probably 68-year-old who'd summoned my sweat for the last hour but I just had to tell her and the others that I needed to acclimatise and would be back soon.

But after I'd peeled off my top and managed a shower I decided to ping Zhang Hua whom I've known for about 15 years on and off and should really contact. He said he'd get back to me with where to meet up shortly, and after a short chat with Mat and Awl I took the bigger dian dong che to go and meet him. Or rather him and his wife at the equivalent of a lemonade stand on the street, except this was more lemon tea.

We waited a few minutes while his wife sorted out one for me and although I'm not a great fan of sugar or caffeine my lack of sleep and food made me take a few gulps before Zhang Hua jumped on the dian dong che and a couple of minutes later we were at a KTV place. I'd really expected to have a couple of beers together on the side of a road but when we got in we saw a raucous place just get more raucous at my appearance and I was plied with food first (thankfully in this case) then weak "Budweiser" beers which was also fine as I hadn't drunk anything all day.

Zhang Hua, me (didn't manage to open eyes properly), and his wife

But blimey the state of the other people (mostly blokes) was a sight to behold. But I'd behelden it before and went with the flow. I'd been worried Zhang Hua had organised this for me but a bit of logic meant this had clearly been in full flow since a lot earlier this evening. I was asked, but not forced, to sing some English songs, and refused saying I didn't know how. Eventually we descended into cai ma which gave all and sundry lots to be amused about.

Some of the blokes were pretty excited

Finally at close to 1am  most of the pissed blokes had left and Zhang Hua and I were just playing a couple of girls at cai ma to finish off the opened beer. Zhang Hua looked a bit the worse for wear and accepted a lift back to his place which was luckily mostly on the way back to ours. Apparently the boys are out again...

More cai ma and picking up dian dong ches

Despite tiredness for some reason I didn't sleep till 5am but got up before midday to get some jiaozi for the three of us. It was a rather quiet day for a change until A Wu called at 4pm to ask if I could come to his office to eat at 6pm. Yeah, sure, but the boys probably won't come. Then got a message from him on Weixin to be there at 6.30pm. So at 6.15pm, as I was getting ready he called to ask why I wasn't there and that the food was on the table...ha!

Well I got there at 6.40pm and yes there was some food on the table, but the rest was still being cooked so I mulled around talking to some of the kids until two blokes and a woman arrived at 7pm. Ah - these guests were the reason for the meal and soon after we sat down to eat. For no more than five minutes until the nuo mi jiu was brought out. I had no intention of drinking any more than I had to and managed a few 2.5% beer ganbeis as Huang (one of the new people) got more and more red-faced, seeming speeding up the rate of ganbeis.

Then A Wu suggested playing cai ma and the other bloke leapt up as he is apparently one of the best around. So much for staying sober but at least A Wu and I held our own against the other two and by the end of the meal Huang was sleeping with his head in his hands. The other bloke was very complimentary on my cai ma and said something about going to another place to play sometime.

A couple of rounds of cai ma

I got a lift back with the lady and the other bloke and she drove at 5mph due to her bad eyesight (her admission). It would almost have been quicker to walk but the car's A/C kept me seated till we got to our complex. But I now had missions to pick up the two dian dong ches.

It was good to talk to Mat for 25 minutes or so during the walk up to the hotel where I'd had a meal with friends two days ago and I was very greatly relieved to find it all by itself in the carpark instead of where it should have been with the other bikes. It had enough dian to get back, and indeed I stopped off to get some badly needed bog roll from a modern convenience store I'd not seen the likes of before (and maybe a couple of cold ones). Then it was a walk to the stadium to see what I could do with the bike with the dead battery. I passed by the bbq area and got a shout from what turned out to by one of Tan's "uncles", except I had a feeling he actually is related. They've moved from their pitch around the corner for some reason and I said I'd be back soon if not tonight.

15 minutes later I found the second dian dong che and there were a couple of kids on similar bikes saying "hello" to me. I asked them where I could charge it up and they said I could just go into complexes around here. What an obvious idea. All I'd have to do would be to scan a QR code. So I got on it just to see how far it would take me and managed to get up to 15kph very slowly. I thought I'd chance it, and had some uncomfortable moments crossing roads when the lights changed but just made it back home to put on charge. Phew. It was getting on for 1am but thought I might as well get some bbq as the boys may want some too.

For once I didn't get pulled over by any hellos, more like responded similarly with a wave. And I waited for my 5 duck tongues, 5 beef, and 5 pork for 20 mins having another chat to Mat that lasted till I got back and had one of each by which time I was full and put them in the fridge. The boys were already back but not hungry apparently, so I brushed and went for an early bed, which didn't happen till well after 4am yet again.

Massive birthday meal

Oof woke up at midday regretting last night's excesses. Luckily I had no arranged luncheon, so made do at home. The main plan we had was Wei Laoban's son's birthday meal at a hotel at 5.30pm. Or so I thought. I'd asked the boys to come along as it may be an important event, and they were actually quite impressed when A Wu turned up in the brown BMW X6 to pick us up. We drove to his office to pick up five 5 litre bottles of nuo mi jiu first, and apparently a large moustached fish that we left in the end. Then indeed we drove to a hotel and put the bottles in one of the eating rooms with food already laid but no-one sitting there.

Being picked up in style

Then A Wu said he was going to pick up his wife and left us there with a few bosses trying to work out how to boil water using the machine at the tea table. Nezha asked how long it would be till we start and I said I honestly didn't know but could easily be up to half an hour. They clearly didn't want to wait around that long and I didn't blame them. And apparently they'd had little sleep so wanted a coffee. Where we were didn't look like there would be any Starbucks-like places but surely some cola would fill the caffeine gap? So all three of us went for a walk before the bosses could complain.

Sitting and waiting

20 minutes later we were still waiting. Then the son who's birthday it was ran up to me and jumped into my arms. He's a little chubby and I was taken aback, not to mention my back wasn't ready for this, but I managed to hold steady and slowly lower him down only to find him holding my hand and beckoning me to one of the other rooms. All three of us walked in with him to find it full of families around the largest spinning table I think I've seen. It was nice to see lots of women and children, but I was still worried about the number of men I might potentially have to ganbei with. But the son's mum came in apparently to tell us to go back to the first room, so we politely wished them bon appetit and gratefully left.

Eventually we did settle to eat at our table for the statutory 5 minutes before the booze was poured. I had promised myself to drink modestly this evening and for the most part I was good, only ganbei'ing when requested and after 45 minutes or so had maybe got through two cans. Then, we were each handed a can, or jug of nuo mi jiu, and we left to go to the room opposite. This was a suitable time for the boys to leave the meal.

Now the ganbei'ing was unavoidable; we'd bunch up into little groups of four or five people and ganbei at least once, and in general if it was the first time meeting someone you had to ganbei with them too, but as I knew virtually no-one I kept to the group ganbeis. It took 15 minutes or so to get round the table, and I was handed a new can of beer, but when we left, instead of going back to our original room we just moved on to the next room, of similar size and of similar occupants (mostly blokes). And the same thing happened for the next 20 mins. I was due to meet a friend at 8pm and it was already getting on for that, but I understood this was a pretty important event.

And then, I suppose predictably, we moved on the the huge room Wei's son had taken me to previously that must have sat 40 humans. Despite having a healthier percentage of ladies this didn't mean they wouldn't join in the ganbei'ing, and so another half an hour was spent moving very slowly clockwise getting through another can or two. At least after than we finally got back to the first room. The ganbei'ing continued and I made a final one with Boss Wei, before giving my apologies and finally leaving.

Table seating around 40 people

The "friend" I was supposed to meet at 8pm, which would now be 9pm, was more of an excuse not to stay any longer as I just need a break from the beer, and was true to my word until 1am when I ended up having a chat with Mat, Andge, and Awl for an hour or so. But at least it was a good four hour break from it.

Another double date

After a relatively calm late morning I got a call in the afternoon to eat at A Wu's office again at 5.30pm, which I happily accepted, but let him know I'd have to leave at 6.30pm as I had yet another meal to attend to at another hotel. The boys didn't want to go, which was ok, and meant I could take the one dian dong che I'd managed to charge, which would be useful for a quick exit later.

But of course even at 6pm the meal wasn't ready, which was fine by me but A Wu insisted that I stay till 7pm as it is in their culture to be late for an invited meal. Fair enough, I get the concept of being fashionably late, but it's a bit hypocritical when you call me 15 minutes before I'm due to arrive to ask me where I am!

Indeed I stayed till a little past 7pm and tried to eat as little as was politely possible but I couldn't avoid a few ganbeis. But when I saw the location of the next restaurant I found it wasn't the place I was expecting just 1 minute away but in fact well north of the guangchang. Thankfully the dian dong che had enough dian to get there relatively slowly and indeed I was fashionably late, but not as late as Boss Zhou, who evidently had also had a prior engagement. Instead of beer, we got through a litre of some sort of berry alcohol that I was told was 22%.

Afterwards, we were to go to some school to celebrate two birthdays. But after the berry alcohol I felt a little tiddly and someone helped me book a didi che to get there. Of course there was more booze there and afterwards I ended up going to the 3000° till later than is reasonable.

Pingguo Friend Day

Today is Pingguo friend day. I've tried to find the origin of this festival but when A Wu explained that 1000 years ago three friends who ran neigbouring countries got together and somehow China ended up as the main one I had to wonder why that was related to Pingguo. I have a suspicion it's a more modern excuse to go out and eat and drink, though here you could call that any day of the week.

I needed to get some random things like a coffee mug and some house slippers that actually fit my size 43 feet, so went to the supermarket by the market on the bike. At the top of the escalator in the cool A/C I noticed things had changed...there were market-like stalls to greet me. So I walked on a bit further looking for the entrance of the supermarket, before realising it was basically no longer there, and the whole place had become an indoor market. No big deal, and probably a good thing for local traders, and at least I found a pair of size 42/43 slippers for 28 kuai.

We had our evening arranged; Yang Haiwei had invited us to his friend's house to eat, then we were to go to see Li Kun perform in his band in a bar at the stadium. Sounds simple. We were still without dian dong ches so the three of us walked to Haiwei's friend's which was about 15 minutes away. He'd sent a di zhi - basically a location, but it seemed to be in the middle of an apartment complex, so I gave him a call and he said he'd send his son down. We'd met him already this year so sort of knew what he looked like and indeed five minutes later we saw what looked like him appear outside the main gate. He wasn't looking at us though, so I walked over to about 6' away from him, swearing it must be him but not trusting my western eyesight 100%. I tried calling his phone twice but it wouldn't connect, and by now the boys were with me saying it must be him. Just as I was about to ask him and risk embarrassment he just told us to follow him into the complex. It was a really surreal experience. Or maybe the culture is that you wait for your elder to greet you first but surely we were the ones sticking out like sore thumbs?

The meal was like the other day with Haiwei except this house was new and had a tv the size of a minibus. Of course Haiwei was still cooking but there were a few people to talk to for the next 20 minutes until it was served. As is their wont the boys made their excuses after a decent time during which Leilei had at least communicated with some people. He didn't have any beer and Nezha only had a couple out of politeness. And later at 8.30 there was no problem with me leaving after a few ganbeis as it's quite expected to have double dates on such an occasion.

Friend day meal at Haiwei's friend's

I showed the boys where to meet and they turned up before me but even when I got there there was no music. Li Kun said they'd wait till more people turned up. So we had a little food and drink with the people on our table and the boys did their disappearing act again. Then Xiao Nong and Ling Ming got in contact separately as they were both in the area. Ling Ming asked me to come upstairs to have a drink with him and some friends, so I was happy to do so while waiting for the music.

Wondering how strong the beer is

But upstairs in the stadium I could see nothing that looked like a bar. Not wishing to give up I started walking round the stadium and asked if it was the north or south door and they said the former which was annoying as I'd started there. So I did the tour of the stadium first floor and when I came back to the stairs I'd still seen nothing. But I heard voices behind some nondescript white door and bothered to open it to see a room the size of a janitor's office if that, full with a single table and seven men and Xiao Nong, and an empty chair for Ling Ming who had gone out to look for me. Despite the relatively lowly surroundings we spent a fun best part of an hour there just chatting. Ling Ming and Xiao Nong I'm sure have been told to keep an eye on me but they were putting them back much quicker than me. And when I decided I'd better go back downstairs to where I'd been invited, Xiao Nong decided to come with me (presumably to check on me again) and continued to down the beers making me look slow.

Sharing a couple of beers with the guys in the janitor room

Cock balls upstairs...

...and cock balls downstairs

Well we stayed for a decent while and though I didn't know any of the songs they were pretty good. Poor Li Kun had just had an extraction so apparently couldn't drink anything more than tea but that didn't seem to dampen his spirits. I left around 11.30pm and the dian dong che was clearly on its last electric wheels.

Li Kun in the corner with the drums

But I got a ping from toast friend at gone 12.30am who said if I couldn't sleep come to join some friends in the bar we met Li Kun on the first night, so as I'm not going to be here forever I thought "why not?" for the umpteenth time already this month. I decided to trust the dian dong che and to my relief it just made it, the last 100 yards at barely walking pace. And yes I ended up there till 3am but I certainly did accept the offer of a didi che home then, and would have had the bike been fully charged.

First head wash and a friendly sing-song

Up at a leisurely 2pmish for a change. A Wu called to go for head wash so I thought why not? It's been four years since the last time. I got there a bit late to see him already having a haircut and I was told to go to the shampoo room. And yes it was a very decadent hour or so of massage and facial, much of the time with hot steamed Chinese medicine blown over my face.

Not uncomfortable when you get used to the heat

Not sure what the face mask was made of

We left at 5 to pick up his daughter from school. Then dropped her off at house using face id to get in. We then picked up his brown BMW X6 for some reason and drove a couple of minutes to a boss meal at the bottom of a house. I got bloated due to drinking beer too quickly and losing at cai ma. So after a while I went for a walk and found we were close to the guangchang.

My advertising friend pinged me to invite me to a meal she was in and I saw she was quite close. So I made my excuses to the bosses, did a last ganbei, and left around 9pm. I found her in a private room with a load of other people. They were joking about a guitar but they actually had one and I ended up having it thrust in my hands and playing The Boxer.

They were all drinking Corona beer which is stronger than I'm accustomed too, so next I played Me and Julio. Then an actual guitarist turned up and two of them start singing songs with two guitars. Finally they gave one to me again and we did Sound of Silence as a sort of finale, with the actual guitarist providing some sort of accompaniment.

Unexpected music at second meal of the evening

Then Haiwei called and I saw he was also pretty close so walked to meet him with a mate which was much less fun than the previous hour, but at least some raw fish turned up. To keep the evening going I went home via racist Huang's seafood place and he was actually there and in good spirits, so had a bit of a catch-up chat. I left shortly afterwards but before I got home to top off the night a couple of random people drinking at a table on the pavement called me over for a quick drink it was literally about three ganbeis as I didn't have space in my belly for any more of the fizzy stuff.

Football "cheerleading"

Jeepers up at 3am again but this time with the help of some philosophical podcasts (well scientifically-based) I managed to drowse on-and-off till 2pm, by which time when I roused and found the boys had already gone out. I ate a couple of boiled eggs I got from the supermarket yesterday then realised we were supposed to meet at the football stadium in under 3 hours. This turned into under 2 hours, when I remembered I still hadn't registered us. And now that the lovely drizzle had left for annoying heat, I was glad to see that one of our dian dong ches had apparently charged from 12.13 to 10.30. This was a big deal as yesterday it had stopped charging after 2 hours for some reason. I wish I knew the reason though as the other bike apparently stopped charging after 5 minutes which is well annoying.

I worked out how to use the washing machine (I think) and finally went to get some jiao zi after 3pm. The boys managed 1 1/2 portions each then we went to get a new key cut for 4 kuai and I left them to get some frozen coffee while I went home to get the passports to prepare my third attempt at registering ourselves. Well I found the moved police place without too much asking but when arrived was told that the registering place was now at a different office on the other side of town. But I had a dian dong che with dian and was happy to go there.

Yes it was the typical hour or so of fuss as the person didn't know what she was doing and to be fair I had to explain the difference between surname and first/middle name in English, and the address and phone number. But an hour later we were finally officially registered as living here.

The local football team Guangxi Pingguo Haliao has only been around for 3-4 seasons, moving from another Guangxi town to Pingguo a couple of years ago. I'd seen a couple of matches live on YouTube before and wasn't massively impressed. But this year they are back to playing in front of crowds again, and boy they certainly had a crowd. According to who you talk to you have to queue up at 3am or 5am to get tickets if you weren't quick enough to snap them up online. However, if you get a kit you can go in for free as a "cheerleader".

I'd checked this with Ling Ming before leaving for China and he confirmed this and got his wife Xiao Nong to order three of them in the biggest size, and he'd delivered them a couple of days ago. But somehow it just didn't add up. Wouldn't many people just buy a kit for 120 kuai rather than queue up in the early hours for a 30 kuai ticket? Moreover, apparently having the kit can get you in to all the games too.

But the problem was I just found out a couple of days from Tan that I would have to do an interview for the local tv. She'd even written a speech for me! The news about the interview was confirmed by Xiao Nong and I'd been practising the speech while doing the registering, but I still couldn't remember it. I decided I'd try to wing it and maybe have a little Dutch courage beforehand.

Well I got home in time to pick up my kit and the lads and I were fortunate enough to find a san lun che to make the journey more bearable. I was not wearing my top but when we got there it was a sea of red, with most people milling about in replica kits. We were a little disappointed to see that our kits were not replicas, although they were the right colour, and guessed they must be the "cheerleader" variety. Then something happened that hasn't happened for quite a while here - loads of people came over to us to have their photos taken with us (especially the boys). They were wallowing in the attention and giving the peace signs etc.

Pre-match build up

It was 5.45pm and we'd been told to be there by 5.30pm and to "hurry up!". So after watching the lion dance and more supporters chanting I video-called Ling Ming and he was still on his dian dong che on the way over. So much for "hurry up!" but no surprise either. When we met I was told that we'd queue up and that there would be no ticket, and that if we wanted at half time we could leave the stadium to get something to drink and then come back. So we started queueing but the boys were thirsty so I went to get a couple of bottles and of course Weixin stopped working for payments. So I used a 20 kuai note as backup but they didn't have the 12 kuai change but thought to scan me so they could send it to me and this time it randomly worked.

But by now the boys were past security (luckily handing the flick knives they'd bought earlier in the day to Ling Ming just before) so I handed the bottles over the wall and went to queue myself. As I had a mostly finished bottle of doctored lemonade I was asked to chuck the bottle away so I took a last swig and realised that handing the water to the boys a few minutes ago was probably a bit naughty.

There was over an hour to go till kick-off but almost all the "cheerleaders" were already in their two allocated sections in the stadium, with almost no-one else sitting there at all. In the end we clearly had been given tickets with seat numbers on but it seemed that these didn't need to be honoured. A friend I recognised came to us and found us three seats near the front, then a moment later told us as we were tall we'd sit higher up. With so much time to go I fancied a beer but it didn't look like they sold anything like that here. But the "cheerleaders" were in fine fettle, as if they'd been imbibing the whole afternoon. Huge flags were being waved but it did feel a little manufactured, something akin to the "ultras" in Italian football. One of the drapes had "Welcome to hell" written on it in English.

Two tall cheerleaders

It was a full house

In full swing

I then I realised I'd had no interview, nor anything close to one. What was going to happen? Something after the (dry) match? Whatever, pretty much bang on the start whistle the clouds that had been threatening dumped 10 minutes of Guangxi juice on us, and barely anyone had an umbrella. I used my non-Guangxi top to shield some of it and it didn't dampen the spirits of us cheerleaders as we followed a couple of main guys with loudspeakers. They were screaming non-stop till half-time, and we barely sat for any of it. The second half was the same and although we won 2-1 it wasn't a great performance. It was the first time this year that I've seen westerners in Pingguo though (on the pitch).

Thankfully, no interview materialised after the match either, so Ling Ming took me to A Wu's Boss Zhou's place leaving the boys to find stuff for themselves. Eventually there was a late meal served, with extra beer to make up for lack of any at the match, and for some reason Boss Zhou ordered a takeaway portion of snails for me as he thought I wasn't eating enough.

Another boss meal

No credit and no charge

Up at 3am for a few hours but meandered through sleep till lunchtime. I received an SMS at 4.53am saying my account was underfunded by 129.39 kuai. What? Ok, the first time yesterday I could understand but this was just 12 hours later! I forwarded the text to Li Kun as I thought there must be some issue. But he just confirmed it was underfunded and that I needed to top-up. Well I wasn't going to spending 250 kuai a day. Li Kun said maybe someone had been calling abroad...but surely the boys wouldn't have been that stupid with all the messaging apps and VPN? I found out later Leilei had been calling abroad...bloody 18 year-olds...how can you not be aware of foreign phone calls? Probably because they've never really had the concept of paying for electronic communication, and don't consider the difference between using mobile data and an actual voice call.

I had my doubts about the dian dong ches and had them confirmed when Leilei had paid me back 200 kuai and I'd put it on our mobile account and had mobile data again. I tried driving one of the ches and it barely moved, meaning no overnight charging. I tried more attempts using Weixin but was going round in circles. Eventually I "followed" the company that does the charging and after a convoluted sweat-inducing few minutes I managed to get the charging light to change from green to red which I was reasonably confident it meant was charging now. Finally!

But by now it was raining again and without wheels it wasn't practical to go to the police place to register us. Tan said they were now getting very strict about being registered when you arrive in the country. If that was the case why were they closed for Dragon Boat day?

At least they still have a fairly decent selection at the supermarket by the guangchang

As it was getting on for 6pm I was aware we'd been invited out to a meal at A Wu's new office, so set about getting home to pick up the boys to walk over there. To be fair they have been ok about turning up for such meals for a while at least, but they were already out eating DFC, so I just went by myself and to be fair it was one of those boss meals they would have been fairly bored at.