Another meal at the modern garden place

Woke up before 8am feeling a bit crap and coughing. In general I don't like to stay in bed so went for an hour's walk to see if that would help, but other than mentally it didn't seem to and the cough was getting worse. I remembered that yesterday Haiwei had called me to say we were to go for a meal this evening so I set upon an early lunch and aimed for a siesta, after giving in to a couple of small cans of beer I got from the supermarket (9.90 kuai for a pack of 6 x 330ml not bad).

I passed by a once vibrant disco/KTV that's now a ghost-hall

Sometimes you Zhuang hua pinyin - hopefully I'll find a dictionary but it won't be to English

A bit of sleep came by at getting on for 4pm and I was up at 5.30, 15 mins before Haiwei told me he'd be there 6pm, so I grabbed a shower and of course took a little longer and ignored his call at 6.08pm to meet him 3 minutes later. We drove to some place to leave the car as we'd be drinking (surprise surprise), not that I was really in the mood. We picked up his son Zixuan and booked a didi che that took a couple of minutes to come and charged 6.50 kuai for the near 10 minute journey to our destination. I thought I recognised the road under the rail tracks but when we got out of the car just saw a few standard houses, and I guess we'd be going there. Haiwei had explained that his younger sister's new boyfriend had invited some people so I guessed they lived here.

But no, just next to the houses was the entrance to the same new eatery we went with Teacher Ling last week, which was our favourite meal. Well I'd left the boys sleeping or whatever they were up to so the three of us walked in and found a white pod with some people in that looked like they were just finishing their meal. Zixuan helped to introduce some of them to me; Haiwei's big sister, his biao ge etc., and I was offered a new set of bowls but I was interested where the little sister and boyfriend were. Then a couple of minutes later everyone got up and picked up the valueable leftovers and set off. We walked around the place for a couple of minutes before being pointed to somewhere at the far end of the carpark. Indeed it was a rather large private room with at least 30 people already inside. Nothing had been touched, and when I sat down with Haiwei I found he only knew a handful of the people too, and hadn't met his sister's boyfriend. But we guessed it was the guy in the red top, but still had to end up waiting a good 15 minutes before Haiwei and I poured a glass of beer and cracked open the seal of the meeting.

One of the interesting outside pods

Another massive meal

And as soon as someone had managed the first morsel of food everyone jumped it. It didn't take long after that for the boyfriend to start making his rounds with his baiju. He came to us and we found he was from Henan, working in Guangxi, and thanked us heartily for coming. So for the next 90 minutes we had some lovely food that didn't stop coming. And neither did the beer, though I went very easy on it for the first hour at least. Boyfriend kept doing the rounds and by the time he was on this third his face was getting on for the colour of his shirt. His mate, presumably from the same area, was a bit more sober and told me he worked in France shortly about 15 years ago, so we had a very brief and basic conversation in French, for only my third time in this country. Finally I learnt that Haiwei's little sister was not in fact his blood relative at all despite having talked about relationships so much of the night. I'll never get this properly.

Presently, boyfriend fell asleep in his chair, he tried to fight it by lighting a fag but he was gone, so Haiwei's little "sister" saw to him. I had found out that the meal was to celebrate their "ding qin" (engagement) so at least I learnt a new word. I was quite ready to go as most people had, but we were told to stay by little sister, and indeed she cai ma'd with me (with water) and I ended up doing this more than I really wanted. My guts had exploded 20 minutes into the meal (of course there was only a squatter), and I still had a dicky tummy not to mention the coughing. Finally, at 9.30pm Haiwei had called his older son to go for a bite but he would not be available till 10.30pm. So we did something unusual but pleasant - we started walking back. Given it had rained a lot recently it was relatively cool and we got 10 minutes of the journey before the rain started again, so for Haiwei's and my first time we scanned two of those electric bikes and took them back to the centre.

So much for not drinking and driving, but it seems such electric bikes are "safe". Mine would only go up to 23kph anyway so maybe there's some truth in that. Haiwei was all smiles and was telling me he was really enjoying it, and I told him maybe he understood why I like to take my bike when I can. Suddenly the rain came down a lot heavier and we stopped for some cover. It didn't look like it would let up for a while so we cancelled the bikes and hopped around the pavements taking as much cover as we could from the overhanging houses above the shops. Then he declared that he would go on foot to pick up the car, so he dashed off and turned up a few minutes later...so much for not drink-driving. Anyway, as it was raining he said there wouldn't be any police around....

A minute later we were at the market place, and the rain had stopped, so tables had come out again. The owner of an oyster/bbq place said he'd give us some oysters for free and promptly plonked them down, but they were a bit boring so we asked him to add some chilli. Older brother and a couple of mates turned up shortly afterwards and Haiwei said he'd order some bbq and let me choose as I said Leilei and Nezha would pop over. Which they did 20 minutes later as the bbq came but Haiwei announced we were going somewhere else and gave the bbq and oysters to Leilei and Nezha to take back. But not before the boss asked permission to take some photos with us in front of the main cooking area, and permission was duly granted. It was a bit strange leaving so soon as normally Haiwei would have liked to have his sons speak a bit more English, but we all jumped into his car at getting on for midnight and drove to a place not far from A Wu's office. So much for not drink-driving.

My cough was not getting better, and I was flagging, so wasn't particularly happy to find a loud table of drunk men sitting around a metal dish of baked fish. I decided I would make and effort and stay till no later than 1am. And the beer was shit as well. Li Quan Blue Goblin...the first Li Quan I've had that I didn't like. I managed a couple of gan beis and cai ma but found it difficult to pretend I was having fun, so at 12.55 I made my excuses with a last gan bei and they allowed me to walk home. I just hope Haiwei got home ok. I bought a couple of bottles of "medicine alcohol" from the local complex shop when I got back, as the shopkeeper said it would be good for my headache, and although tired, I spent the next 90 minutes slowly getting through one tiny bottle till gone 3am.

Fixing hong chun

Woke up at 7am for the first time in weeks and found the boys chatting in Leilei's room. Evidently they had been up all night (again). I didn't have the energy to argue and anyway what could I do? I was definitely under the weather and coughing so tried to go back to bed listening to conversations about bioelectricity with some bloke called Michael Levin. Wow, it genuinely feels that they are discovering some fascinating information about how we grow. DNA is not everything it seems...ion channels between cells enable them to communicate and somehow grow. Some animals are able to regenerate limbs and other body parts but others are not (apparently humans can regenerate the tips of their fingers up to the age of 11 sometimes). Frogs cannot regenerate limbs "naturally" but they cut off a frog's leg then covered the stub with some solution with potassium ions and other stuff for 24 hours, and months later it actually grew back the leg. It wasn't perfect, but it had the five fingers and reacted to touch. This is potentially massive...imagine if we could translate this to mammals...and the possible implications for cancer too. I'm definitely going to learn more about this space while I have the time.

But after a boiled egg and a yoghurt I eventually managed to doze off to a similar video...justifying paying for three VPN services. But it was a rather late doze from 3.30 for only 90 minutes or so so I made myself a rare caffeinated coffee followed by a couple of colas before realising I should eat and we didn't have plans. Well I was half expecting Liu ge to get in contact but perhaps that would be later for bbq, so I stuck to wedding nuts and sweets in order not to be stuffed for later, then popped to Guanmart to get some yoghurt and other provisions. I noticed the bike had done 59km since its first actual charge, which is pretty positive, and I can pretty much count on a 25km radius now.

At 7.30pm I went to Lao Ma's salon to get a haircut...about the only place that's barely changed since we first came here in 2003 and stayed at her house. She even has the same CRT tv, and only the sign above the shop has changed in 20 years. She allowed me to pay 30 kuai which included a wash as well and I asked her where I could change the red band of my jade pig necklace. This is normally one of the first things I do when I get here but the main jade place in the centre has closed down now and I worried it would break apart. Of course there was a place a few doors up and Lao Ma walked up with me without locking her doors, and we spent 10 minutes and 10 kuai chatting with the shopkeeper who did a good job of replacing what I now know is called "hong chun".

Lao Ma at the jade place fixing my hong chun

By 9.30pm Liu ge still hadn't got in contact, which seemed a bit strange so I sent him a message saying no problem if not convenient but I got no reply. So I was about to go and find something to eat myself when I received an emoji of two beer glasses chinking from that friend from the bbq after the football, which I took as a convenient invitation for a beer, but before I could A Wu called me to go over to the place we were the other night with the drunk bosses. So I responded to the beer request saying maybe a bit later as I thought at least I'd grab a bite to eat with A Wu first, and the boys had already gone to Li Kun's to make music. Li Kun had also pinged me to say the boys could come over and he'd already sent the password to them to get in as he was out for a while.

As I'd had a few bills to pay I was down to 50 kuai so for the third time sent 2000 kuai to Li Kun's Weixin using Wise. It's fairly simple after you've set up a payee for the first time and I trust him implicitly to send it straight to me. Normally I get it within a minute or so but I guess he really was busy as I was at A Wu's when I received it and I wondered if I'd hit some limit or something. It would certainly be more convenient if I could just send it to myself but the receiver needs to be a Chinese citizen for some reason and I'm quite some way from being there.

Boss Huang and others were in good spirits at the meal, which had clearly started hours ago. I'm not sure why they didn't invite me earlier as they cheered as I walked in. And so I caught up somewhat on food and cai ma, and every half an hour or so a new, drunk boss would amble in and continue drinking, then challenge me a cai ma. Li Kun was pinging me to come round to his and I said I'd be a few minutes (it was a good excuse for a pause with the beer), but then one of the women from the farm meal the other day walked in and it would have been rude to leave so soon, so I stayed for another 20 minutes to be polite. Apparently she is the boss of a red wine place, but I don't really place her in the same category as she wasn't obviously drunk and didn't challenge me to cai ma.

At getting on for midnight I answered Li Kun to say I was on my way and yes I'd get some bbq but I had no plans on picking it up on the way as it would have taken 20 minutes or so, so got to his office and asked him to sort it and I'd pay for it. The boys were indeed there with their headphones on but left shortly afterwards saying they weren't hungry, and Leilei asked Li Kun if they could leave their stuff there till the next time. It may seem pretty minor but I see it as a big step Leilei not asking me to ask Li Kun, and going directly to him. I've seen him communicate a few times this year in Mandarin, but normally in response to a question, not actually being the questioner. Progress of a kind.

I was a bit lazy getting another bloke to order the bbq on his phone, but at least was able to pay Li Kun 168 kuai from mine. I don't know what would have turned up had I tried to order by myself. But five of us shared a few beers and the inevitable cai ma, and I hoped in vain for the rain to let up but it was having none of it. At getting on for 2am I was getting on for exhausted so we called it a night, and Li Kun made sure I pinged him when I got home as it's not that easy holding an umbrella on a dian dong che.

Return of Running Dog

Somehow got up at 10.15am and did some boring chores like washing clothes before it got too hot to bother. Lunch was the familiar boiled egg and yoghurt, with maybe a few nuts from the wedding last week. I was trying hard to get a siesta and almost dozing when Ling Ming pinged me to let me know we were nearly out of electricity. So the last 200 kuai must have lasted only 10 days or so. Not dreadful when you consider that's three A/Cs on around 18 hours a day (or more when the boys forget to turn them off), but still not that cheap either. So I sent a red packet of 200 kuai again and within seconds he'd topped us up.

Then, half an hour later he called me to let me know someone would deliver my tea table shortly and it would be 50-60 kuai delivery fee, which for here felt a bit steep but whatever. Hang on, Tan just told me on Sunday that the tea table would be delivered on Tuesday...oh of course why would I take anything at face value? Lucky I didn't have any plans for today I suppose...but who plans anything anyway? I noticed my voice had become deeper and I'd started coughing so feared I caught something. I certainly hadn't caught a siesta, and now wouldn't for sure.

Ling Ming pinged me to tell me the bloke would be here in 5 minutes, and indeed he was bang on just as I'd put on a top. He just told me in a matter-of-fact that it was bloody heavy (I don't think we really have a word for "bloody" here but we should do). He'd also brought the wooden stool I'd nearly forgotten about, plus a small metal box containing a few sachets of tea that had been gifted me 10+ years ago, which seemed rather unnecessary. I'm so glad we're on the first floor, which is the lowest living quarter, but it still took a few minutes to get the heavy bastard up the stairs and into the living room. It had suffered a little, and had a couple of scars, but it was generally good to go. I scanned the bloke's Weixin QR code and eventually it worked and I paid the 60 kuai. It was great to be reunited but the reality of what to do with it was starting to dawn on me.

Return of Running Dog

Yesterday I'd pinged a mate I'd met in November 2019. Well not exactly a mate but he is a friend of Si Si, and I'd been out with him for one meal back then and we'd sort of maintained contact. I'd pinged him because I'd promised I would, and would be happy to have a bite to eat with him if he wanted but of course yesterday was not going to happen due to the football. So of course he said to meet up today instead. But it was getting on for 6pm and I'd heard nothing. Again, this was a totally Pingguo experience; I should never have expected to meet up until I'd heard the name of the place we were going to. I was hungry so started pecking at a few wedding nuts but A Wu called a few minutes later to say he had just been exercising and we were to go to Boss Zhou's place to eat. Interestingly, he said we wouldn't be drinking as we have been doing too much of that recently. I totally agreed and was happy to have somewhere to eat and not drink.

Well I did have the last naughty beer in the fridge as it's basically a soft drink here, and was cold and fizzy. Then drove there and met him as he was trying to call me to ask where I was. Indeed the meal was beer-free, and very nice too with a mixture of wives and kids. I particularly liked the grasshoppers and can't wait till they become part of a western staple diet. But then, almost 30 minutes into the meal, three boxes of beer were delivered, and Boss Zhou brought out a "special" bottle of baijiu and poured glasses for himself, A Wu, and me. It's literally the worst tasting drink in the world after milk, but I do like Boss Zhou so did my best to down a tiny mouthful. I nearly heaved and immediately had to wash it down with a glass of 2.8% "Struggle" beer. I struggled with the baijiu much more than the beer, but Boss Zhou saw that and poured the rest of my glass into a small jug they would use for the rest of the evening.

I learnt a new word: 蚱蜢

Struggle beer?

At about 8pm the mate who said he'd invite me for a meal this evening got in touch to ask me to go for bbq. Damn, I should know his name really. It's not 天上白云 as is his Weixin but I'd better find out soon. So I said I could meet him some time after 9pm on the dian dong che but he said not to use that and he'd come and pick me up as there were traffic police. I've heard this so many times, and still half the people on bikes don't wear helmets. I bet the boys don't either even though I've repeated there's a 50 kuai fine if you get caught. A very big "if". Then he asked me if I wanted to invite Si Si and Zhang Hongping (aka Wu Ge), and I said sure, but he said I should ask them to come along. So I pinged Si Si and she said she'd just been invited out already. No problem, maybe later, sure. But at least she'd told me how she refers to him: 刘哥 (Liu ge). I told Liu ge I'd drop off the dian dong che at home then he could pick me up which would be a reasonable compromise, but he then suggested meeting up tomorrow when Si Si was available. I was totally fine with that, and suspect maybe he fancies her...well I won't try too hard to be a matchmaker but if I can help why not?

Raw fish with oil and red onion - a delight!

I'd already told A Wu I'd have to leave soon after 9pm, and by then I'd been cai ma'd out by many people plus the young chap that calls me by 您, the equivalent of "vous" in French. I've told him in no uncertain terms he should call me 你 ("tu") but he doesn't want to. He's almost the only person here who does that and I really don't like it. Even in French "vous" is becoming less prevalent in my experience. Didn't we used to use "thou" in English for "tu" before we effectively got rid of it except for prayers?

So I left at 9.30pm and decided I should go to the supermarket to stock up on eggs (something that's not so expected anymore in the UK), and passed by Huang's seafood place. I thought he hadn't seen me but a minute later I got a video call from him chastising me for not stopping off.... I explained I needed to do some shopping before they closed, which was true, and said I'd be back in a few minutes. Indeed, after dumping the shopping (with more quail eggs), I necked a quick cola and popped down the 100 yards or so to his place. He was in fine fettle of course but not wankered at least so I spent a good hour with him and some mates chatting and doing the occasional cai ma. It was another genuinely good evening, with Huang again stretching my Chinese, and me commenting positively on China and his wife hulahooping. As random as it was fun, the other blokes had to leave around 11.30pm and I was flagging so left too and actually got to bed before 1am.

Guangchang singing and more football

Somehow I got up at 8ish. It was a bit late for table tennis but I've been neglecting exercise recently so went for a walk in the guangchang. It's been a while and I'd forgotten how many people not that much older than me go out and sing in the morning sun. It's not like they have much of an audience so I suppose it's a form of mental exercise. I can barely get the confidence to sing in a private room after a couple of beers let alone be in a public square with a loud speaker.

Guangchang by morning

Singin' in the guangchang

I had a portion of jiaozi at the usual place and got one to take away for Leilei as Nezha was already up and out. Apparently he'd slept from 6pm yesterday to 6am this morning. Here's hoping he's adjusting to the time here finally. I also bought my first watermelon juice this year to take home to put in the door of the fridge, and of course as soon as I opened it again it fell out and painted the floor pink. Damn. 

Watching the water deliverers while waiting for my jiaozi

I will miss my portions of jiaozi and lajiao for 6 kuai

So annoying to have to clean this up in the heat

Then Tan pinged me to say the new owner of the flat would be back in Pingguo on Tuesday and would send my tea table "Running Dog" and that I would need to be home to pay the deliverer. Ok, this is something quite important. It's sad we no longer have the flat, and that we weren't even able to choose what to keep. But the three most important things we do have: the guitars, the Wii, and soon Running Dog. What the hell I'll be able to do with a tea table here I really don't know though. I guess it can stay here for a while, but I did make an enquiry on allcargoexpress.com to ask how much it would be to send to the UK. I somehow doubt it will be worth it and doubt much more that Tan would appreciate it in the house but it is unique and I'd love to have it there so not yet giving up all hope.

Running Dog 13 years ago with two exins barely recognisable now - justifies getting it back

Today was to be the second and final home football match for our stay, so we'd managed to get tickets by buying clothes yesterday. I went and got a couple more tops for friends from the same place in the afternoon before getting to the stadium by around 6.30pm. As usual it was very busy and fun to be there. I double-checked with security that we were not allowed to bring in our own drinks and the bloke confirmed. I then saw that Leilei and Nezha had just purchased litre bottles of water each. Typical. I let them queue up first and get past security before handing them their bottles as they walked up the stairs just like the other week, before doing security myself. It doesn't seem the most strict security really but hey.

Do you need to look that angry Nezha?

The match was a pretty boring affair, and I sat down quite a lot more than the first one. I moved to sit with a friend for the second half in order to speak more Chinese and give them their football tops, and was glad to hear the final whistle confirming the 0-0 bore draw. Afterwards I was meant to see Lu zong but I didn't hear from him, and instead got a weizhi from another friend that I'd met after the meal with Teacher Ling so thought "why not?" and drove on down to the same bbq place as that night.

There were quite a few people dressed in football colours and I was greeted by more cheers than I deserved. The food was good and the company was too, and it didn't take too long to descend into cai ma and I did fairly well again. Somehow 10.15pm turned into well after 2am by which time I was flagging so carefully took Jiuma's dian dong che back home to be asleep by 3am.

Meal at Zhang Hongping's and more football shirts

A bit of a normal day, though even normal days here don't feel normal yet. More normal in the sense I don't feel the need to take photos all the time, but still a very much heightened sense of awareness that makes me so much more sensitive to "normal" things like going to shop in the supermarket. But even that is starting to become normal and it's surely a good thing. I can and I can't imagine living here full time. Knowing that you'll be leaving in a few weeks or a couple of months puts a perspective on things that doesn't exist when you're properly living somewhere. Yes, I pay bills and do shopping and in many ways mirror life in London, but in London I know I'll likely be in London for years, and don't treasure the time there in the same way. I treasure the ever less time I'll spend with my kids of course but that is almost independent of the country I'm in. Having said that I can't wait for Xixi to arrive and hope she will spend some time with me as Leilei is pretty much out with Nezha all the time now.

Apparently I got to sleep at 12.23am according to my app but I was texting Tan at 1.30am so it can't be that accurate. And up at a reasonable 10ish in the morning and tried to doze for a while but in the end thought better of it and would be better to get an early night later. Lunch ended up being one of the boxes we brought back from the wedding the other day which comprised (of?) monkey nuts and seeds and some biscuits that weren't healthy but hell it was more of a light snack anyway as Zhang Hongping had pinged me to go to his place for an evening meal and I'd finally got in contact with A Wu just to confirm that we hadn't planned anything for this evening. In fact he said we were to go to a place to slaughter two pigs and eat them but when I mentioned I'd been invited he seemed to think that was ok. I mean I've been out with him about 3/4 of the evenings so far anyway.

So at 3pm I woke up Leilei to let him know we'd be going for 6pm and at least he acknowledged me. So a few minutes before 6pm I got the call from Hongping and told him we'd be a few minutes. Nezha was not to be seen and I dread to think what time zone he's in now. So as we now had my dian dong che Leilei was able to be my passenger for the first time in four years. It actually felt like having a boy-son rather than an adult-son for a few minutes until we found Hongping's house fairly easily. I'm getting a lot more used to the characters here and was able to ask the security guard where his apartment was and got found it without having to make any phone calls.

Of course Leilei didn't want to be there but I've already explained part of being an adult is doing things you don't really want to do, but trying at least to make the most of them. So he ate and he spoke enough to make the others happy and I let him go 45 minutes later at 7pm. It was actually nice to eat in a friend's house, and more people came as the evening wore on. Except for one woman everyone else was was drinking 22% white alcohol and one woman on 53% stuff, and of course this had its effect. I was totally sober and made my excuses to go and pick up our football kits and tickets at 8.30pm, on the promise that I'd return within half an hour.

Lu, Hong ge, me, Hongping

Ah it was a nice break from the boring beer and increasingly boring company, so I walked the 5 minutes home and picked up the dian dong che and 5 minutes later I was at the shop and of course the shopkeeper chastised me for not bringing my son and a foreigner. She still made me take a photo in my sweating body and I changed in front of her and a pretty girl as I think that's pretty much ok now for men at least. A couple of photos were taken and I said I'd try to bring the boys back tomorrow to do another shoot. But now I had the clothes and the tickets so we should be sorted for tomorrow. I just needed to withstand another hour or so at Zhang Hongping's.

I duly got back and of course they were more inebriated than before, and the father of the child that was here before was now trying to get off with a rather plump lady who'd been on the 53% white alcohol. I didn't want to see the results and made my excuses at 10pm as Leilei wanted me to get hair oil from the supermarket. I don't even know what hair oil is other than the literal translation but after a couple more ganbeis they let me go at 10.07pm and 5 minutes later I was at what has become my favourite supermarket. I was slightly ashamed to pick up a bit of gin as I'm still scared they may want to interview me tomorrow at the match, and picked up more boiled eggs as they have become my staple lunchtime diet if I'm not going out. At home I remembered to take a melatonin for the first time in many days and had a relatively early night.

Early KTV

I lingered in bed till 11am all the time expecting A Wu to call to say we were going to this place half an hour away. He did finally call at midday but it was about the football tickets; apparently the woman who sold me the clothes yesterday had managed to get three tickets and I was to go there asap to pick them up. But I've been told too many things too many times so I took my time and grabbed a shower and got there an hour later. No, she didn't have the tickets but would have them tomorrow, and yes, we'd have to buy a top each in order to buy the tickets. I smelt a rat but I much prefer this top to the other one we got for the previous match so I'm not that annoyed. And this time the top is 70 kuai plus 30 kuai for the ticket so a bit cheaper than the first match.

So, empty handed I came home via the jiaozi place and picked up the last three portions that were there for the boys. A Wu called while I was there to say he was having a hair cut and would go to the duck fen soup place we went to a couple of weeks ago, which suited me fine as the boys would get through the three portions of jiaozi without my help. As we ate our soup A Wu said we didn't go to the place north of Pingguo this morning because it was "too hot". Yes, the temperature has barely changed for a fortnight so why did you even plan to go in the first place? "Plan", haha of course that's too strong a term..."suggestion" more like...anyway instead of that we were to go for a meal tonight with the people who had invited us to go this afternoon. Oh, whatever, no problem I'd be picked up around 6pm.

The dian dong che seemed to be working fine now, since yesterday's scare after the wash, so I'm really hoping it was just excess water. But it was kicking a little bit and I hoped it was because the batteries were running out. It had just passed 50km after putting in the new batteries, so I was ok with that. I took it round the block to try to use up the rest of the juice before putting it to charge for the first time. I know the boys will probably be using it more than me at least at night so they should really learn how to charge it now.

At 5.30pm A Wu rang to say he had arrived to pick me up. I told him he should have called me when he was setting off rather than when he arrived and said I'd need 3 minutes to clothe myself. As I was doing so he called again to say it was already 6 minutes since I told him 3 minutes. I explained that these were English minutes and he saw the funny side. He needs to learn people are not at his beck and call all the time, although maybe I'm one of the few exceptions. Anyway I said I was on my way and indeed was a couple of minutes later. I needn't have rushed as we drove to the market and spent 20 minutes picking up some yumi powder and peanuts and finally he decided he wanted some mini-pears, before we went to pick up his wife and daughter, who also were not ready so we ended up sitting in the car for 10 minutes waiting for them. All this time I could have been doing useful stuff in the house but hey-ho that's life here.

The boys weren't interested in going, preferring to go to the guangchang to work out. I hope that was the case, though at 6.30pm it was far too hot. We ended up parking on the street by A Xia's old place and walking in to a nice restaurant near the cinema. These days you need to pay to park, but there are no machines; instead someone will come and print out a ticket and stick it in your door handle, and you have to scan it and pay it or get a fine. Anyway, this time instead of sitting at one of the tables we walked straight through to a private KTV room. It felt a bit odd being in such a place before 7pm but I was hungry and there was food. One woman delighted in finding me duck ack and I delighted in eating it, followed by some quail eggs and snails...another relatively high-protein meal that was "balanced" by the copious beers I had to take.

A Wu ganbei'ing the woman on the right who'd just given us a nice rendition of a famous song

Sing for your supper

Eventually the usual cai ma started and I held my own pretty well, but I didn't mind losing a bit as I was told I'd need to sing Pengyou again, this time with A Wu actually remembering it. Boss Wei saw me looking at my phone reading the Cantonese pin yin, and snatched it away from me in jest. I managed a couple of lines but reading traditional Chinese and interpreting it as Cantonese is just beyond me currently...though I should have memorised it by now. We stayed till gone 10pm before getting a san lun che to Boss Zhou's place behind the other KTV. At least A Wu was sensible enough not to drive. Obviously more ganbei's were done there and I ended up walking back not long before midnight and it didn't take much to get to sleep shortly after.

Trial English lesson but clean bike stops working

I awoke to a message from Haiwei's older son at 10am inviting me to go to a trial English lesson he is giving, but was too tired and dozed off till Haiwei called me to come and pick me up at 11am. Of course I couldn't not do this so I told him 15 minutes and grabbed a shower and shave. I had no idea how many people there would be so put on a decent shirt just in case. Haiwei picked me up bang on 11.15am and a few minutes later we were at the school. We walked upstairs into a room where I saw the older son (I really should know his name after 15 years) standing up in front of the younger son (Zixuan) and two other 13 year-olds.

Trial English lesson

My job was to be English and try to engage the guys in some sort of conversation. After a while they came out of their shells when I got them to talk about what they wanted to talk about rather than teaching them about King Charles III. One of them wanted to talk about Japanese sports cars and the other about sports. Then one of them asked how old I was, and as usual I told them to guess. One said 40, another said 30, and Zixuan said 66! But I was shocked when I asked Zixuan what his name was and he replied with the N word. Jeez, for all the "development" the country has gone through, some aspects have been left behind. It's quite shocking that this is still used in daily parlance, but maybe it's now restricted to relatively uneducated places. I told them in no uncertain terms never to use that word again.

Well, as if to prove to their parents what a good class this was, Haiwei filmed almost all of the 45 minutes or so that I was there engaging with the kids. His older son said he wanted to break down the barrier between the teacher and the pupils but as good as that sounded he spent most of the time standing up by the whiteboard while I sat down with them. At about 12.30pm Haiwei and his kids and me went to eat at the goose place we used to frequent, and had a welcome meal of, well, goose. 105 kuai for all four of us seemed reasonable. One nice thing about this year is that I don't think I've had a single lunch with beer, not that I could have justified one having got up only 90 minutes previously.

A Wu called to say he would pick me up to look for football tickets, and indeed as Haiwei dropped me off I car-hopped into the BMW to go to some clothes shop that had a model with a replica kit in the window. Inside there was a woman and a little tot, and dozens of replica tops, unlike my top from the previous match which was not like what the players wear. At 70 kuai I couldn't resist and asked if they were genuine. Of course not, if I wanted that I'd have to go to the stadium where it would be 300+ kuai. So I tried on a 3XL and it fitted fine, so took that. She didn't have tickets but said she'd try to get some for tomorrow.

Pingguo Haliao replica kit

A Wu reminded me that we were to go to a town 30 minutes north of Pingguo tomorrow morning, and it was quite important for some reason. So I said fair enough but not too early please. We were also to go for a meal tonight with some bosses, and he would pick me up at 5ish. He said it was a consequence of society and I sort of got what he meant. He's put on weight in the last four years, as I no doubt have in the last four weeks. It's not been easy to find much time to exercise other than a few bouts of table tennis.

Back home I went through old photos of the dian dong che's odometer and worked out we used to get around 40km per charge, so I'm hoping for a bit more than that with the new batteries, and we'd done 30km already. I took it for a wash about 5pm and indeed it was pretty thorough, with pressurised water in every crevice. But it looked mint afterwards and 10 kuai was a steal after sitting through three Pingguo summers without being used. But halfway through the way back, while crossing the main road, it just stopped. It could be the battery but it was more likely water getting in the system. I walked it the next 50 metres and then it burst into life again to get home.

Good as new

I'm sure it's the end part of Magnetic Rag by Scott Joplin

But at home the boys were about to go out so I gave the keys to Leilei, and it promptly didn't work again. So I explained it was probably the water and they shrugged and went off walking instead. But an hour later A Wu still hadn't turned up and I checked the bike again but still nothing...oh I so hope the wash hasn't broken it. Finally at 6.30 A Wu turned up and I hopped in to go for a longer drive than expected north of the city, and even he got lost finding the place. It seemed to be some sort of farm, with two tables of mostly naked blokes sitting around them.

Blokey meal

But when we got out we were motioned to go to another table under a roof (not that it was raining or sunny) and eat with some other people a couple of whom I recognised from previous meals. They were already in fine spirits, and the usual ganbeis ensued. As is quite normal, there were a couple of young ladies at our table, drinking non alcoholic drinks. To take a "break" I took my glass and can to one of the outside tables and had a group ganbei with the blokes there, or two ganbeis as is apparently the custom when ganbeing a tableful. Then it was the same for the neighbouring table. So much for a break. Then a handful of young ladies turned up and sat at another table under the roof, and withing 20 minutes I was sitting there too being introduced to them all. At least I am introduced as Bangxu guye so they know my marital status.

Well we ate and drank till well after 9pm, when Haiwei rang to remind me I was going to meet him soon. So someone sorted out a didi che and I went out to meet it. But nothing came, so I wandered about and came across a family making aeroplane headsets as you do. But after a phone call it seemed the didi che had been cancelled so I went back to the table where I was to wait for Haiwei who turned up a few minutes later. We went to some bar with his two sons, but I was pretty tired and a bit the worse for wear, so I did my work of conversing in English for a while but I think Haiwei could see my state and let me go earlier than would normally have been the case. I walked home and nearly made it before I recognised a bloke sitting with a mate on the pavement drinking red wine. So I joined them for a solitary glass before making my excuses yet again and going home for a relatively early night. I noticed that our dian dong che was not there so pinged Leilei to ask if it had come back to life. Indeed it had, so I could sleep easier with that knowledge.

Industrial tour and meal with Teacher Ling

As I was about to get lunch, Tan's secondary school teacher, Ling, called me to confirm tonight's meal at 6pm, and to take me out to "zhuan yi zhuan", meaning to look around I think. So he turned up in his 4x4. After buying a few bottles of baijiu we drove to his stone factory in the north of the city and he was explaining about his work, talking about how the board of directors selected the CEO etc. It was a lot of new vocab for me but this time may actually be useful. I mentioned I had a friend who was also a boss of a stone factory and gave A Wu's whole name, Li Junwu, and Ling said he thought he knew him. So I called A Wu and explained who I was with then handed the phone to Ling and they spoke for a minute or so in the local lingo before he put the phone down and apologised for speaking tu hua and said yes, he knew him, but no more info.

One of Ling's mountains

We then drove down south to around the aluminium place where Ling was pointing out this factory and that factory, before driving into one where they were making industrial bags. He motioned to a bloke to close a large door, then told me that bloke was deaf, and I realised he was also the boss of this place. We then drove on to the electricity generation plant, where they use gas to generate electricity just for this industrial area. I was told that this was the "heavy industry" place and where we'd just been was the "light industry" place.

He continued to talk like this, giving me information all the while for about 2 hours, which by the end was quite tiring but satisfying too to be learning not just more Chinese, but stuff about the place I call my second home now. I sometimes get this level of information from Yang Haiwei but not for so long. On the way back we passed Haiwei's new work place and of course Ling knew about it too. Then back in town we stopped off to drink some tea at an alcohol shop for about 40 minutes before he said he needed to prepare something before our meal in 2 hours.

So 2 hours to chill in an air conditioned bedroom as the daylight heat hasn't let up since it stopped raining 2 weeks ago. Well, at least for a few minutes as I'd promised I'd go and find some sun cream for the boys since Jiuma has appropriated what we brought with us. And it was a bit of an excuse to get on the dian dong che again. £4 for a tiny bottle was a bit steep but if it does the job I suppose it's worth it. Strangely, by 6pm Ling hadn't yet rung, as most of my other friends would have, but 7 minutes later he said he was waiting outside. He drove the three of us to an interesting place by the river that I'd never seen before, with a lush garden and outside dining. We walked in and to my surprise they had fresh beer on tap, including Goose IPA and Hoegaarden.

Nice selection of beers

We were told we could have whatever we wanted so the boys chose an ice lolly each and I said I'd stick with the local Li Quan for the meal. The meal was of course in a private room, and comprised some fabulous dishes including the softest baked chicken I've ever had in Pingguo and delicious thin slices of pork that was gone in minutes. Nezha noted the way they leave the head of the chicken on the plate, something I would have probably noticed during my first time in China too but is one of those things that has just become normal now. He asked me to tell Ling that this was the best meal he'd had so far in China, which I did and agreed with him.

Best meal so far

For drink, I was the only one on beer as Ling, his son, and other men of his son's age were all on the baijiu. I know it's a cultural and a business thing but it's one step beyond where I'm willing to go in this context. The boys asked for Coke and for some reason, despite all the foreign beer, there was no Coke in the place so they had to settle for lemonade, so hopefully they don't really have a taste for beer. A few minutes after a customary toast, I was the first person to stand up, then walk over to Ling's son and offer him a one-to-one toast, which was gladly accepted. This triggered other people to do the same and after a good half an hour I was starting to feel quite full.

The only other person older than early thirties was Ling's friend Lu, who was also a boss of course. He asked which bosses I knew in Pingguo and of course he knew A Wu and Yang Haiwei and showed me them in his phone, then called A Wu as if to confirm. A bit later we descended into cai ma and a few of the blokes converted to drinking beer as it's more practical for such silliness. Unlike seven years ago, Ling didn't fall asleep after drinking his baijiu, maybe because he has diabetes he doesn't drink so much now. But he was sensible enough to order a driver to come on an electric scooter to drive us home. Except the younger chaps and myself would go to a bbq place just across the road from our complex.

Well I thought I was full, but the beautiful fried fish just kept beckoning me. We played mo pai for a short while and I started to get the hang of the game a little but I still need to find official rules. Although it's quite possible this is a regional variation. Well I managed not to drink for a while, then, as is quite normal, four young ladies turned up, three of them smokers, and continued to mo pai with us and I started to lose and have to drink again. Then someone mentioned "shaizi" - ah yes that dice game I played with Chen Mei many years ago. I'd be happy to play that again. It took a couple of minutes for my brain to recall the rules but after a couple of rounds I was having quite the laugh, bluffing and counter-bluffing.

That went on till midnight when we decided to call it a night. Except one of them didn't and sent me their location on the other side of town near the river. I had another "why not?" moment as I now had a vehicle I was confident would get me there and back, and ended up having yet another bbq treat till nearly 2am.

Xiu le dian dong che!!

Back to the routine of getting four portions of jiaozi at 1pm. This time she only had two ready but said she'd have more in 5 or 6 minutes. Yeah why not wait? I took the opportunity to visit the second hand dian dong che shop I picked up the new charger from last week. I asked if they fixed bikes and of course they did, so I left my number and name and wrote "御景华庭" to show them it was close by.

I got a call in the afternoon from the bike place and they said they were busy at the moment but would come later today. I said fine but please call before you get here in case I'm away. So at 4.30pm I got a call from them saying they had arrived. Well I was home so no problem I clothed myself and met the guy at our main door after he had arrived at the other one and I'd corrected him.

The day we arrived Jiuma had told us my dian dong che was "hui le" (broken) and would require 1000 kuai to fix and that it wasn't worth it as we were only here for a few weeks. I wanted to challenge her but thought better of it as we had two other dian dong ches. But till today they have both been pretty shit in terms of range and speed, so I wanted to at least investigate the possibility of renewing my trusty black steed.

As soon as the bloke arrived in his electric car he said we only needed new batteries. I countered by saying I'd been told it was "broken" but realised Jiuma may not have known what she was talking about. He said it had not been used for years which was quite probably true even though I'd told the family they were free to use it when we were not around. It seems they may not have done and it could have been sitting there taking up space for the last 3.5 years. Anyway after half an hour he'd got an axle grinder and removed the welded-in metal bars that were keeping the old batteries in place (dian ping, not dian che apparently). But it was quite a fun moment; I had to charge the plug as if I was charging a bike but as soon as he let go of the power it stopped running, and I had to restart the charging. Long story short he managed to keep the grinder going until he had liberated the batteries.

He found this in the battery compartment and said we need to keep it safe - I didn't realise it was so long ago (July 2015 I got it)

I asked if would like some glasses and he looked at me as if I'd offered him a dead goldfish

He had brought five batteries, which thankfully was exactly what we needed, and when he'd changed them tried the the throttle and the back wheel moved, which was cool, but the gears didn't seem to move. But it was enough to get back to the shop to continue the fixing. It was horrible driving with flat tyres but I made it ok, to be told that the rear tyre was well and truly screwed, and they'd need to order a new one. In fact they needed to order a tool to remove the old tyre, but both arrived in a few minutes after a couple of phone calls.

Er shou dian dong che xing - almost literally "second hand electric bike store" with our one in the foreground getting fixed

I went for a walk as the bloke set upon fixing the rear tyre and a few doors down came upon a bloke's shop whose job was fixing tyres. I'd gone to his place a few years ago to fix a wheel and pump up my front tyre and had I known I'd probably have gone here to fix my wheel as he seemed to have loads in stock. When I got back the bloke was still toiling over the back wheel, and A Wu had pinged me to go and eat with him, but I showed him what I was up to and said I'd come over when I could.

I wondered what this bloke was doing the other week...

...now I see he was renaming (or correcting) the road ahead's (?) name

Finally the wheel was fixed, and I had a new battery charger. The total cost was 450 for the batteries + 140 for the rear tyre + 55 for the charger = 645 kuai and of course no labour cost. I really couldn't complain except for thinking I should have done this as soon as I'd got here instead of listening to Jiuma. Aargh...it's almost like living in opposite-ville. But hey I had "xiu le" (repaired) the dian dong che and had increased my freedom-radius almost literally by an order of magnitude and that was well worth the cost.

I happily drove home and it felt so like the last time I was here. I grabbed a quick shower then followed A Wu's directions to where they were about to eat. I thought I'd be late but I needn't have worried. As usual we were in a private room but this time there were three women joining us who weren't locals. They were all quite loud, and one of them quite likely inebriated already. Boss Wei was there along with two other blokes I didn't know.

The meal was a lovely spicy affair, from Wunan apparently. I had little idea about the purpose and don't really ask any more. The large woman came straight out and asked me to find her an English boyfriend. Then she came over to me and showed me pictures of her daughter who was studying in Japan, and definitely stood too close to me. She then walked out with one of the other women who was leaving and I hoped that was that but 20 minutes later she was back with a purpose...and that purpose was to drink. As she was rather large she could put it away, but the other woman wasn't drinking so she just ganbei'd us blokes till it got boring. She tried to get me to drink nuo mi jiu but I refused anything more than a mouthful. She tried to force the glass into my mouth but I told her I'd be sick over her if she did. It was a bit more aggressive than I'm used to and never had a bloke be so forceful before. But I kept polite and poured a glass of beer and ganbei'd her with that.

I talked a little to the sober lady, and gathered they had come from Guiyang on "business" but I knew better than to ask in great detail. She also asked me to find her an English boyfriend but he had to be no taller than 180cm. The drunk woman said she'd take over 180cm so I made some sort of joke about it that they found funnier than I did. Eventually Boss Wei and A Wu were clearly clearer headed than the woman and we made our excuses and left them to whatever they were to get up to.

Interestingly, A Wu and Boss Wei got on a pink dian dong che rather than the brown BMW I would have expected. I followed them on my near-fully charged one to the place we had a boss meal last week, one the ground floor of some place near the guangchang. But the six or so people that were there were already rather the worse for wear and I tediously tried speaking to one of them in English as he kept saying "do you understand?". But after a bit of cai ma A Wu said we'd go to "drink tea". I had my doubts but followed them around the corner when he stopped and said that the others were too drunk and they'd just go home. That was absolutely fine with me.

So I had some time to soak in Pingguo by night on the dian dong che and did just that until I arrived at the stadium. I pinged Leilei to see if he had eaten and he said they were going for bbq at the stadium. Then he said he was in a bar with Li Kun, so I asked if it was the one we went to on the first night and he answered "yeah". I happened to be right outside it so I walked in and saw Si Si at a table with friends but no son of mine. I was invited to sit down and ganbei so of course how could I refuse? But first I called Leilei to see where he was and it transpired he was at a different stadium bar around the corner that was much bigger than this one. How you could confuse the two is beyond me, but I'm no longer 18 and maybe I made such mistakes when I was.

I pinged Li Kun to see what was going on and he told me Nezha had had a bit too much to drink, and this really worried me, especially as they like to take the bikes out. So I said I'd be over in a minute and explained to Si Si and crew that I had to go and would hopefully see them soon. But then Li Kun told me the boys had left to go home - I guess they didn't want me to cramp their style but I told Leilei not to let Nezha drink any more and let me know when home. It's a fine line to balance on being the father of someone who is technically an adult but on other levels clearly not. You have to let them go while somehow hanging on. I got to the bar and found Li Kun and a few friends and managed a few ganbeis but wasn't really in the spirit of things until Leilei told me they were home fine. Then I could relax.

No way you'd get me on that stage

But within half an hour we left and took the dian dong ches to a snail noodle place, as in they specialised in noodles with snails in them. I guess Li Kun and the other bloke had been out drinking longer than I had as I couldn't face so much carbohydrate at getting on for 2am, but I did manage the snail, and some conversation with another bloke who turned up to eat with us.

Tan pinged me to ask my friends if anyone had a violin she could borrow. I pinged the music teacher I'd met yesterday at A Wu's place but he said they didn't have violins. But he sent me a picture that had been shared to him of Nezha and Leilei with some music shop person and said to contact him. Well I had no means of doing that so will look into it tomorrow. I didn't finish my noodles and got home after 3am but hey.

Basketball and birthday seconds

Managed to get up soon after 11am, which was going to be hours before the boys would emerge. So lunch was a simple affair of a boiled egg and some yoghurt, before A Wu called to invite me for an evening meal, which I guessed would be the leftovers from yesterday's affair. Of course he told me to be there at 4.30pm. Then Haiwei pinged me to ask if the boys could play basketball. Oh shit, he'd invited us to go and play this evening at his workplace. I answered that they could, but they were not very good, just before he called me to confirm we would be eating tea then playing basketball. He followed that up with a message saying he would be here at 5.15pm to pick us up.

It was nearly half past four but at least I'd managed to get the boys up. I had no intention of playing basketball so grabbed a shower and of course when I was getting out at 5.09pm I had a call from Haiwei to say he was waiting outside. Well he'd have to wait a few minutes longer...I'm so used to the "kuai dian!" it barely registers any more. We got ready and met him at 5.19pm, then we stopped at a hotel where his sons were with a couple of mates and told them to get into a white car. Why we had to go there to tell them that is beyond me in this age of remote communication. We drove the 8 km to Haiwei's impressive new work complex and parked by the basketball courts, and when we got out knew there was no way anyone would be able to play in this heat.

So we went into a large hall that was so much more comfortable heat-wise, even without A/C. As an evening meal we had what was probably the simplest meal I'll ever have in Guangxi outside of where we're living. It was the workers' eating place, and as such you pick up a metal bowl, plonk some rice on it, then, like a school canteen you hand it to the lady who spoons some tofu, duck, and greens on it and that's it. I think each person cost 6.5 kuai but we didn't pay ourselves. And the food was fine, and possibly the first beer-less evening meal since we got here, which was refreshing in its own right.

Workers' canteen

Simple meal

After the meal Haiwei took me for a tour of the complex while the boys decided to try to play basketball. I asked what they produced and apparently it is just a single product: tea alcohol. I tried to understand in depth what that exactly meant but although he tried to explain, the vocabulary needed was beyond me and I didn't want to be looking up literally every fourth word. I do intend to find out though in time as its these details that make our trips here much more a living experience than just a holiday. The complex wasn't yet officially open, and we toured some fancy meeting rooms before walking around the outside, where it looked like they hadn't spared much expense.

Haiwei was pointing out various trees and telling me how expensive each one was...30k kuai for this one, 80k kuai for that one. They looked fairly fancy but I have no idea how to value trees so just nodded as though I did. There were various large pots around that would eventually be filled with the alcohol liquid and stored for three years before being sold for 100k kuai each. So around £90k per pot. I should have asked how many litres each contained so I could make an estimate of how much a bottle could cost but it doesn't look to be cheap. After feeding some fish (reared as food for the workers) we got back to the basketball area but it was still far too hot to play so we went inside to fetch more water.

Tan's secondary school teacher called to confirm he had invited us for a meal on Wednesday evening, but also invited me to go to Nanning with him tomorrow for a drink and to stay the night. While somewhat tempted, I said I thought we were already invited out tomorrow, which was true but in fact that was when I had basketball in mind instead of today. Then he said he was in Pingguo this evening and could also see me, but he was taking medicine so wouldn't drink. I said I was busy this evening too but would ping him if I had time.

Haiwei in the hall of the new complex

The rather lush gardens and expensive trees

Eventually, as the sun started setting, two teams of five were organised, one including Leilei and Nezha, and a game started. I know very little about basketball but I do know that a normal shot in the basket is worth 2 and from outside that semicircle it's 3, so when the first shot went in I flipped over the scoreboard to reflect it in jest. But in fact that ended up being my task for the next 20 minutes. Leilei and Nezha were clearly outclassed by the other guys who play every week, and are very physical. They were both voluntarily subbed two or three times during the game and I felt bad for them, though at least Leilei made a couple of good blocks that got recognition. I hadn't realised the level of who they were playing with and thought it would just be two against two mates playing like he does in London. Still, I hope it was a decent experience for them.

A Wu called to ask me to come over. To be fair I had IM'd him to say I'd already said I'd go with Haiwei, and that I'd come over when I could. So I told him I should be able to leave after this game. Well the game continued after a few minutes' break and it was decided it would end at 40 fen. Now fen can mean "point" or it can mean "minute" and in this context it could mean either. So I double checked and indeed it was the first to 40 points, and by now it was 26-13 to the team without any foreigners. Well they duly won 40-32, so that was it, at least I hoped. 10 minutes later they were preparing for another game and this time one of them took a whistle and became a referee. I stayed on as the scorekeeper, and had to pay attention as the ref was taking it really seriously and making sure I put a 3 when necessary.

Basketball by sunset

A Wu called again and it was a bit tough to talk and keep score at the same time but I told him I'd come when I can, and then he put me on to some drunken mate I couldn't understand so I just said the same thing. I let some other bloke take over the scoring, and then went over to practise some free throws on the other court. Blimey it's harder than I remember in school. Finally the whistle blew and they came off the court but it was only half time, and something like 60-40. The scorer bloke said they'd play till those in front got 80 or those behind got 60. Fair enough. And halfway through the second half some bloke turned up with a couple of crates of cold beer. Now this could mean simply have a beer or, more usually it signifies the beginning of a session. But I'd told A Wu that we'd go there and the boys were also really keen to go as they were as tired as they were outclassed and probably not feeling great about being there anymore. So I had a single beer with some of the guys then Haiwei took us back in his car, earlier than he wanted no doubt, but A Wu had spoken to him so not unexpected.

The boys had been invited to A Wu's a few times but this was the first time they'd actually gone, and only because they were hungry after exercise and not having had too much to eat at the workplace. There were still quite a few people there (eating yesterday's leftovers), and there were minor shrieks as we walked in, and the usual photos taken over the next few minutes as the boys attempted to eat. They managed to stay half an hour and clearly wanted to go so using the excuse of needing showers they did their final ganbeis and were off, and I stayed the next 90 minutes or so feeding the ganbei machine and doing rather well until eventually there were only five of us left so we called it a relatively early night around 11pm, and Boss Mong decided he was sober enough to give me a lift home. Tan's teacher had left a message and a location earlier and I had pinged him to see if he was still there but indeed he'd gone back after taking his medicine. I contemplated going out again when home but decided I'd been relatively good today, and made an effort to keep it that way, although was still up till well gone 2am.

A Wu's birthday

A Wu called me at 9.43am to go shopping. Fair enough he'd warned me yesterday and I said I'd be up for it, so said I'd be ready in about 20 minutes. He picked me up in the BMW and Boss Huang was already there. What followed was quite a fun trip through the main market and surrounding stalls to pick up a load of food for what would be A Wu's birthday celebration this evening. Indeed three chickens and three ducks, copious ribs, and more vegetables than you could shake a stick at. Not to mention picking up 10 stools and a load of bowls and plates. A Wu paid for everything, though let me carry a lot of it.

I noticed how the bosses mostly speak among themselves in the local "tu hua" (local language), or "Zhuang hua" (Zhuang language as in the local "race" here) as they sometimes call it. Yes I may be able to speak a few basic sentences but I don't understand 1% of what they are actually saying, but Boss Huang was trying to teach me as we went along. I'm going to go with it and try to speak more. Literally every word they spoke in the market and surrounding stores was in tu hua, and it's what Tan speaks to her family. I guess in a generation or so it could easily die out, and my speaking a few phrases won't change that, but I'm hoping if I can get to learn some it might raise my Mandarin. Like when you get off the motorway and have to drive at 40mph it feels so slow, similarly I'm hoping if I've been trying to speak tu hua then coming "down" to Mandarin may make it seem easier. It's got to be worth a try.

Pingguo market in full swing

A Wu pointed at some sort of white vegetable and said he wanted some. Boss Huang pointed at it and shouted something like "shum chut" and I realised he was telling me what it was in tu hua. But I didn't know what it was in English, let alone Mandarin. Maybe learning tu hua is not going to be such a good idea after all. But by way of an explanation A Wu said it was "liang shu", a relative of "hong shu". Ok, so hong shu is sweet potato, so I knew the "shu" bit, but "liang?" this wasn't coming up in my dictionary so I'll have to remain ignorant for a while. Anyway it's a root vegetable that you can eat raw apparently.

Boss Zhou joined us during this time and we then went back to A Wu's around 1pm. The bosses set upon cooking lunch and I tried the Chinese trick of dozing. I asked his daughter for a pillow then, despite the bright light and loud cartoons coming from the tv, laid down on my back and started counting in German. It worked in a weird way...it wasn't like I was asleep but I could barely get past 10 numbers in a row, and I'd start picturing things in a dream-like manner. This went on for an hour or so so I guess I can class it as in the family of power-naps.

Lunch was a relatively simple affair of chicken innards, or "nei zang" as I now know. I couldn't eat the zhou so A Wu heated up a couple of zongzi which were a decent alternative, and filled me up. Now it was 2.30pm and I was told to invite the boys to eat at 5ish. Well I tried but neither would answer my call or IM. I think they've gone nocturnal.

All afternoon was spent preparing and cooking the food for the evening. There were never fewer than four bosses in the kitchen at any one time and more came and went, bringing more and more food. I asked if I could help and finally was allowed to prepare the greens, by tearing them in half then slicing the main stork lengthways to allow for better cooking. I'd received a phone call from China Mobile while in the lift taking the rubbish out, but not answered for fear of it being an automated message I wouldn't understand, or worse - maybe they were going to warn me about VPN usage. But back in the house I got the call from 10086 again and this time I thought I'd better answer. It started with some music for a couple of seconds so I pretty much confirmed that it was automated, but then there was a pause. I said "ni hao" and then the lady spoke to me again and I realised it was a real person, but with the background noise, and the formalness of how she was speaking I couldn't work out what she was saying, so handed the phone to Boss Zhou who was cooking at the time. After a few sentences he turned to ask me if I was using wifi and I nodded, then he asked if I was having any problems and I shook my head. He asked me some more stuff but I had no idea what he was talking about and after another minute or so he hung up. It's times like this I really wish I knew what was going on.

Then Tan sent a couple of screenshots from Douyin or Tiktok or Weixin, showing a couple of trolling comments under the video of me eating mango. They were probably just a joke (generic negative stuff against the English rather than anything against me) but she told me to be careful. But there's not much I can do...I got invited to go out and see a mango farm and had a great educational experience and of course some bits of it were filmed and it was totally innocent. Of course a snippet of 14 seconds found its way online and for a few brief minutes went slightly viral and attracted some comments, 95% of which were probably positive. The only way I could avoid this is literally not to go out at all.

"UK is the enemy"

At 5pm families started turning up with children, and by 5.30 some women and children had started to eat, though there was still a lot of cooking going on in the kitchen. Finally, soon after 6pm the blokes sat down to eat and indeed for a full 10 minutes no drinks were served. But at 6.22pm the beers were cracked open and the predictable ganbeis ensued.

Always at least 4 bosses cooking

I had to table hop to meet some new people and straight away spilt some beer on the shoulder of some bloke who almost took it as a compliment. He was drinking red tea but I ganbei'd him anyway. He went away and came back with some nuo mi jiu after saying he wouldn't drink beer as it made him fat. Well I agreed with him in principle but can't bring myself to drink that rice alcohol still...maybe one day. Well it was a pretty raucous evening with kids running all over the place and adult males becoming less adult-like by the minute, so I was a little surprised when A Wu said we would go to sing song. Boss Zhou was already asleep on the sofa and Boss Wei looked like he wasn't far behind.

Great meal!

But I walked to the KTV 5 minutes away with some other bloke who'd been ganbei'ing me and we got to room 999 where there were already a couple of blokes singing. And A Wu, Boss Zhou, Boss Wei and others turned up and I felt intensely sober, so managed a few ganbeis as I knew I'd be forced up to sing "Pengyou" shortly. Yang Haiwei arrived as the bloke who walked me knew that I knew him, so at least I had someone relatively sober to talk to, but yes, while I was in the loo I could hear the first bars of "Pengyou", and while I fished out the words on my phone I could even hear them restarting it so I wouldn't miss any of it. How considerate.

No under 18s of course

Haiwei motioned for us to go elsewhere due to the drunkenness of the others but then the birthday cake came in, and as is customary I dipped two fingers in and wiped it over A Wu's face. I had to do one more rendition of Pengyou, this time with A Wu, and to be honest it was quite fun. But Haiwei and I stepped out while every other bloke seemed oblivious, and had a refreshing walk to Tan's auntie's bbq place near the guangchang.

A Wu's birthday cake, not that he remembered

Of course one of the reasons I was there was to speak English to his sons, and younger son obediently turned up on his bike about midnight, with the elder one half an hour later with a mate, saying they had just been drinking whisky in a bar. He proceeded to demolish me at cai ma which was a bit annoying, but we had some English conversation, and managed to leave not too long after 1am. And I managed to pay 213 kuai without Haiwei causing a fuss for the first time in a while.